Kindness: A Celestial Touchstone

K. Richard Young

I  am blessed to work and serve in the David

O. McKay School of Education. President
McKay was a great prophet and educator—the
It is a responsibility divinely laid upon us to
bear one another’s burdens, to strengthen one
another, to encourage one another, to lift one
beloved prophet of my youth. He spoke often another, to look for the good in one another, and to
about the importance of noble character. A emphasize that good. [“Let Not Your Heart Be
summary of his teachings would be that the Troubled” (29 October 1974), in Speeches of the
highest purpose of education is not just to Year, 1974 (Provo: Brigham Young University
teach facts, however important they may be, Press, 1975), 272]
but to train the mind, to make good citizens,
and to develop character. President McKay spoke of kindness as a
My message today is really quite simple but, temple covenant in his remarks prior to the
I believe, very important. My focus is primar- first session of the dedicatory services for the
ily on one specific virtue of a noble character: Oakland Temple. He taught:
constantly acting with kindness. President Ezra
Taft Benson defined kindness as follows: There are certain obligations taken by those who
make covenants at the altar and those obligations
One who is kind is sympathetic and gentle with must be manifest after they go out of the Temple.
others. He is considerate of others’ feelings and One is Kindness. There should be no unkind-
courteous in his behavior. He has a helpful nature. ness manifest in the homes occupied by couples
Kindness pardons others’ weaknesses and faults. who leave the House of God. [In Jeanette McKay
Kindness is extended to all. [CR, October 1986, 62; Morrell, Highlights in the Life of President David
“Godly Characteristics of the Master,” Ensign, O. McKay (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1966),
November 1986, 47] 275; emphasis in original]

In the context of the gospel, acts of kind-

ness are not optional. They are a responsibil-
ity, even a covenant. In a BYU devotional K. Richard Young was dean of the David O. McKay
President Gordon B. Hinckley emphasized School of Education at BYU when this devotional
­this responsibility: address was given on 1 November 2005.

© BrighaM young univErSiTy speeches.byu.edu 

   Brigham Young University 2005–2006 Speeches

I think of the peace we feel in the temple. 34). The Lord’s touchstone for us—our per-
How many of us would love to have that feel- sonal, celestial touchstone—is how we love
ing with us constantly? Why does this feeling and serve Christ and Heavenly Father, and
often leave as we go back to our daily routines? our treatment of Them is measured by how we
Obviously there are many ­reasons, but if we treat our brothers and sisters. The Savior said,
would prolong those feelings, perhaps one key “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the
would be to increase the ­constancy of kindness least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto
in our lives. me” (Matthew 25:40). Thus kindness is a test
In the incident recorded in Luke 10:25–28, of the quality or genuineness of our character.
the Savior emphasized the importance of how Each act of kindness leaves a yellow or positive
we treat one another. mark on our personal touchstone.
A lawyer approached Jesus and asked, My grandmother, Vera Allen, created such
“Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” a mark on her celestial touchstone. During
Jesus replied with a counterquestion: “What the Great Depression she lived in a rural area
is written in the law? how readest thou?” outside of Dallas, Texas. Homeless and unem-
The man replied: “Thou shalt love the Lord ployed men looking for work (referred to as
thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy “hoboes” in those days) frequently stopped at
soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy her home, asking if she had a job they could
mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.” do or if she could give them a bite to eat. She
The Master responded, “This do, and thou always managed to find something for them.
shalt live.” On one occasion she asked one such desti-
To a large degree Jesus measures our com- tute man why so many stopped at her home
mitment to Him by how we love and serve and not others. The man replied with a ques-
each other—by how kindly we behave. tion: “You really don’t know?”
Anciently, one test of the purity of gold was After she convinced him she did not know,
performed with a hard, smooth, black stone he led her to the corner of her property and
referred to as a “touchstone.” Rubbing a metal showed her a mark on a tree, put there many
object across the touchstone left a colored months before by a weary traveler. The
mark. The color of the mark was then matched mark signaled travelers who followed that
to a goldsmith’s chart of graded colors. The this was the home of a kind, good-hearted
amount of red in the mark indicated the degree woman who would provide assistance. I know
of imperfection in the metal. As the percentage Grandmother had many yellow marks on her
of gold increased, the color of the mark became touchstone, but to our family the mark on the
more yellow. This quick test demonstrated tree was a special, well-earned honor.
the purity of gold with sufficient accuracy for I was fortunate, like many of you, to be
most purposes. raised by parents who practiced kindness
Today the word touchstone is used to refer both within and outside our home throughout
to a standard by which something is judged or their lives. These acts of kindness provided a
that tests the genuineness or quality of some secure and comfortable home where I knew
act. President Howard W. Hunter used this I was loved. I remember Mother’s comfort
metaphor in speaking of the quality of our and the times when she listened, understood,
discipleship. He said, “The Lord has prepared expressed confidence, and gave counsel. I
a touchstone for you and me, an outward remember my father’s patience as he taught
measurement of inward discipleship” (“The his sons to work and how after long hours of
Lord’s Touchstone,” Ensign, November 1986, work providing for us, Father frequently spent
 K. Richard Young   

a­ dditional hours in Church and community President McKay considered kindness to

service. And I cannot forget a father-in-law be essential to the happiness of every human
who continually took produce and other soul. As a young missionary I witnessed such
much-needed items to relatives, neighbors, an example in the conduct of President Harold
and friends, including a certain young married B. Lee. I had the privilege of traveling through
couple struggling to get through college. my mission with Elder Lee, who at the time
Today, in a world filled with trials, youth was a member of the Quorum of the Twelve.
and adults alike need refuge from the storms During the trip he was suffering with stomach
of life. Let us fill our homes with acts of kind- pain from what was thought to be an ulcer.
ness, which will strengthen our families and Some individuals might be unpleasant travel-
help prevent Satan’s influences from pulling ing companions with such discomfort, perhaps
us apart. feeling irritable or complaining, but Elder Lee
We are blessed by examples of latter-day was not the least bit unpleasant.
prophets who are kind and gentle leaders. One evening, after driving several hours,
In 1965 evangelist Norman Vincent Peale we stopped for dinner, and a young waitress
described then 91-year-old David O. McKay came to take our orders. Elder Lee, feeling the
as “a man with a secret,” because he radiated painful effects of his condition, asked only for
so much happiness. Dr. Peale wrote: a bowl of “milk toast.” The young lady replied
that he could not have milk toast because it
What a wonderful thing it would be if there were was not on the menu. Elder Lee, in a kindly
such a secret, and all of us could discover and use manner, simply requested two slices of toast
it to make our lives the joyous walk with God that and a glass of milk. He then asked if it would
his has been. [Norman Vincent Peale, “David O. be too much trouble to warm the milk. When
McKay: A Man with a Secret,” Instructor, April his meal was served, he politely asked if he
1965, 138; reprinted from Guideposts, March might please have an empty bowl. After he
1965, 12] received the bowl, he thanked the waitress and
proceeded to break the bread into the bowl
Dr. Peale searched for President McKay’s and pour the warm milk over it. He did not
secret through many interviews with those get upset or impatient; he just kindly resolved
who knew him and through hours of read- the situation. I have always been grateful to
ing the prophet’s words. Near the end of his have observed this mark as it was added to
article, Dr. Peale remarked: President Lee’s touchstone.
The greatest example of all is the kindness
And then one day . . . I found the answer displayed by our Heavenly Father and our
to my question: four lines of a poem by Edwin Savior, Jesus Christ. Whenever I ponder Their
Markham that President McKay long ago goodness, I envision kind, caring, and nurtur-
­committed to ­memory as a guide for everyday ing parents. I believe our Father constantly
­living. acts with love. Constancy is a characteristic
of Deity. Man is variable; Father is constant.
There is a destiny, which makes us brothers; Could we have faith in our Heavenly Father
None lives to self alone; if He responded to our needs according to a
All that we send into the lives of others mood? What if our blessings were contingent
Comes back into our own. not on our behavior or on our Father’s wisdom
[Peale, “Man with a Secret,” 139] but on whether He was having a good or bad
day? It would be impossible to develop strong,
   Brigham Young University 2005–2006 Speeches

unshakable faith in such a being. But God is individuals living in faraway places but often
constant. We can go to our Heavenly Father in members of our own communities and neigh-
prayer, trusting that He loves us and that He borhoods or those living in our own homes.
truly understands our needs far better than we There are thousands every day in need of an
do. We know that He will tutor us, guide us, act of kindness. Sometimes even a simple word
and bless us in His kindly manner according of praise will fulfill this need. In a talk given to
to His knowledge and wisdom. If we desire to the BYU Marriott School of Management, Elder
guide our children, bless the life of a spouse, or Neal A. Maxwell said:
be worthy of a friend’s confidence, we need to
display more constant kindness. Then others Whether in the work place, around the fireplace,
may have trust in us, similar to the trust and or in community service—we can all do something
faith we have in our Heavenly Father. else which is simple but powerful. Isaiah spoke of
There is much kindness in the world; every providing the “garment of praise.” (Isaiah 61:3.) Of
day many kind acts leave their marks on per- course, there are times in rendering humanitarian
sonal touchstones. Still, we know that one of service when we need to give an actual, physical
our challenges here on earth is to develop god- cloak, but, most often, those with whom most of us
like constancy in kindness. We must learn to work need material clothing less than the “garment
respond consistently to life’s ups and downs, of praise.” [In fireside given on 21 June 1996,
acting with love and kindness regardless of in The Neal A. Maxwell Quote Book, ed. Cory H.
challenges that lie in our path. Maxwell (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1997), 258]
Perhaps total, complete constancy will not
be achieved by anyone in this life. We all have Although we strive to constantly act with
moments when we are impatient and may act kindness, our individual touchstones will still
unkindly toward a spouse, a child, a co-worker, include red marks reflecting bad decisions,
a friend, or a stranger—days when the red thoughtless remarks, or hasty reactions to
marks on our touchstones reveal imperfections. both intended and unintended offense. But
Constant kindness does require considerable as we love and nurture each other with kind-
effort. President McKay often quoted James ness, many more yellow marks will appear.
Allen: As time passes, hopefully the yellow marks
of kindness will crowd out the red marks of
A noble and Godlike character is not a thing of favor ­thoughtlessness.
or chance, but is the natural result of continued To develop a habit of kindness, we need to
effort in right thinking, the effect of long-cherished seize every opportunity available. In his book
association with God-like thoughts. [James Allen, The Promise of Discipleship, Elder Maxwell wrote
As a Man Thinketh (Mount Vernon, New York: of times when we encounter others who at that
Peter Pauper Press, 1957), 9] very moment are in need of an act of kind-
ness—times when the need for help, whether
There never will be too much kindness in small or large, is urgent. These moments are
the world. People daily experience physical character-building opportunities. As Elder
pain, poverty, neglect, illness, crime, natural Maxwell explained:
disasters, conflicts, and struggles of many
kinds. And many individuals are suffering Such individualized opportunities may be
from mental and emotional agony, loneli- deflected or rejected by us, of course. Or they may
ness, depression, discouragement, and other simply go unrecognized. Nevertheless, the moments
less noticeable infirmities. These are not just were there, and they could have been seized “for
 K. Richard Young   

[our] good” (D&C 122:7). Granted, such moments Jenkins appeared unexpectedly—in storms of
may be fleeting, but they can still be defining, winter or in heat of summer—and provided
depending upon our responses. . . . kind service. Brothers and sisters, I testify
. . . For instance, we can decide daily, or in that if we learn to be sensitive to the needs of
an instant, in seemingly little things, whether others and if we pray for a discerning spirit,
we respond with a smile instead of a scowl, or the Lord will lead us to those who need our
whether we give warm praise instead of exhibit- help, our love, and our acts of kindness. When
ing icy indifference. Each response matters in its the promptings come, will we hear? Will we
small moment. After all, moments are the molecules respond? Will additional yellow marks—sig-
that make up eternity, affecting not only ourselves nifying kind acts—continue to appear on our
but others, because our conduct even in seemingly touchstones?
small things can be contagious. [Neal A. Maxwell, When we act with kindness we radiate a
The Promise of Discipleship (Salt Lake City: special warmth and light that is godlike in its
Deseret Book, 2001), 71] origin and nature.
In October 1969, during general conference,
Our capacity to be kind will enlarge as we President David O. McKay taught:
learn to listen and respond to the promptings
of the Spirit. Several years ago, when I lived in There is one responsibility that no man can
North Logan, Utah, I had the wonderful oppor- evade. That is the responsibility of personal influ-
tunity of serving as a home teacher to a John ence. The effect of your words and acts is tremen-
and Ruth Jenkins, who at the time were well dous in this world. Every moment of life you are
into their retirement years. I learned far more changing to a degree the life of the whole world.
from this wonderful couple than they ever did Every man has an atmosphere or a radiation that
from me. is affecting every person in the world. You cannot
Sister Jenkins served faithfully for years escape it. Into the hands of every individual is given
after Brother Jenkins passed away. Because of a marvelous power for good or for evil. It is sim-
her self-reliance, an attentive family, and car- ply the constant radiation of what a man really is.
ing neighbors, she lived humbly and happily. Every man by his mere living is radiating positive
The time came when she was released from a or negative qualities. Life is a state of radiation. To
Church calling and not given a new calling. exist is to be the radiation of our feelings, natures,
She was somewhat distraught over “not hav- doubts, schemes, or to be the recipient of those
ing a way to serve.” She sought counsel from things from somebody else. You cannot escape it.
her son. He wisely advised her that she could Man cannot escape for one moment the radiation of
still provide important and much-needed ser- his character. You will select the qualities that you
vice to others by seeking the promptings of the will permit to be radiated. [CR, October 1969, 87]
Lord as to who, on any particular day, could
benefit from her visit. Mary Hill Peterson, a teacher of at-risk
Sister Jenkins followed her son’s counsel. students in an inner-city junior high school,
Each morning after rising, she studied her radiated such qualities. Mary, not a member of
scriptures and then knelt in prayer to seek the our faith, was a special colleague and friend.
inspiration of the Lord as to who might benefit I observed her classroom often. On each occa-
from her help that day. Promptings always sion I saw patient acts of kindness, genuine
came, and acts of kindness followed. Both at words of commendation, and sincere, honest
her funeral and during months that followed, praise expressed to every one of her students.
person after person bore witness of how Sister It was obvious to everyone in the school that
   Brigham Young University 2005–2006 Speeches

Mary was having a special effect on difficult burdens of those weighed down with life’s
students. One experience in particular illus- challenges? Do we brighten the day of those
trates this effect and her radiating qualities. who are discouraged, commend those who
Early in the school year Mary was are becoming stronger in their struggles, or
approached after class by one of her students. encourage those who have experienced fail-
He was a ninth-grade boy—unkempt in his ure and want to give up just short of success?
appearance, failing in school, frequently dis- Are we alert and sensitive enough to even
ciplined for his inappropriate behavior, and recognize these individuals when they cross
probably involved in a local gang. our paths? What color are the marks on our
He spoke to Mrs. Peterson in a rude, disre- ­touchstones?
spectful manner, saying (in more colorful lan- I have been the recipient of much kindness.
guage than I will use): “You’re a phony. No one This is a great blessing, which continues daily.
goes around praising others. People tell you I feel deep gratitude for the acts of kindness
how bad you are and that you do everything in my behalf. I must give special thanks to my
wrong. They don’t praise you.” wife, Janet, who has blessed me with constant
Mary paused for only a moment and then kindness for more than 30 years, including
simply responded, “I know that not everyone kind and helpful assistance in preparing this
compliments others, but a few years ago I devotional talk. In terms of kindness, I have a
decided that I didn’t care what others did. great debt to repay.
I want to be the kind of person who looks for Brothers and sisters, I close with a statement
the good in others, finds it, and then praises from President Howard W. Hunter:
them for it.”
The student muttered some inappropriate We need to extend the hand of friendship. We
remarks as he hurriedly left the room. need to be kinder, more gentle, more ­forgiving,
The significant part of the experience and slower to anger. We need to love one another
occurred several months later, in the spring. with the pure love of Christ. May this be our
Again approaching his teacher privately after course and our desire. [“A More Excellent
class, the student, this time very politely, Way,” Ensign, May 1992, 63]
remarked, “Mrs. Peterson, I just wanted to
tell you that I have decided that I want to be I pray that we may be more aware of our
like you.” actions and devote ourselves to achieving con-
I believe that Mary’s work with those stancy in kindness. If our personal touchstones
high‑risk students has produced thousands are more fully covered with the yellow marks
of positive marks on her touchstone. of kindness, the world will be a better place for
As we reflect on both our imperfections all. I testify that this is the will of our Father
and our acts of kindness, we might ask our- in Heaven. If we will say, “Thy will be done,”
selves: Are we sensitive enough to the needs then, as was spoken of President McKay, our
of others? Do we search, or even casually lives may be a “joyous walk with God.” In the
glance around, for opportunities to lighten the name of Jesus Christ, amen.