Introduction

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Q Marriage constitutes a territory of war and peace.
> When this does not happen, it is because, in some
way, one of the spouses has been annulled by the
other.
> War has to give rise to peace, reconciliation
 Goals
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1. Know the most common weapons used in "marriage
war."
2. Discover the steps taken in generating anger in marriage.
3. Find the most viable ways to restore communication in
the couple.
4. Meditate on the importance of asking for and offering
forgiveness.
5. Reinforce the basic ways to maintain communication
between spouses.
 THE "WEAPONS" OF THE
MARRIAGE WAR
1. The (05
a. wrath
Tensions grow because; of misunderstandings, deliberate or
unintentional.
b. We forget the proverb: "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a
harsh word stirs up fury" (Pr 15:13).
c. Hurtful words and thoughts appear.
d. It is about recognizing that both have been at fault, asking and
offering forgiveness.
e. Calmly deal with the problem as mature Christians.
(Ephesians 4:26 Be angry, but do not sin; do not let the sun
go down on your anger, nor give place to the devil.)
2. The silence:
a. Most couples have used it at one time or another.
b. Why do we use this type of punishment?
i. We don't know what to say, and it's better not to say anything.
ii. It is used as a weapon for revenge and anger.
c. When it is prolonged, it reveals an inability or lack of desire
to solve the problem.
3. The tears:
a. It is a weapon used more by wives than by husbands.
b. Tears are a legitimate emotional expression of the human
being.
c. When you start using it consciously or
unconsciously as a defense mechanism, then there are
serious problems.
d. Becomes:
i. escape from reality.
ii. refusal to face the problem.
iii. Very effective manipulation, but destructive of
the home.
4. The strong words:
a. They are one of the easiest weapons to use.
b. They do not have to include vulgar words
or blasphemous, although they sometimes
occur.
a. They reveal one's own weaknesses that explode
in the moment of anger.
b. Reference is made to the past of one of the spouses or their
relatives.
c. Many things are mentioned that cannot be controlled or
changed (such as emotional or physical problems, obesity,
inability to conceive children, or other similar things.)
d. Many times these strong words are accompanied by "never"
and/or "always" in a negative context. (Ephesians
4:25,29,31,32)
5. Contemptuous attitudes:
a. They are subtle and some people have brought them to a
singular degree of perfection.
b. They can arise in private or in public and arise as an out-of-
place comment or an indirect claim.
c. Sometimes the weapon is used without the "attacked" spouse
knowing.
d. If it is in private, God sees it and if it is in public, not only
God but other people realize that there are problems in the
marriage.
6. Faking illnesses:
a. The excuse of a chronic illness requires professional help to
establish the causes and solution therapy.
b. It indicates very deep causes, many of which return to the
infancy, childhood and youth of the user.
c. When the person realizes what they are doing there is hope
to change, face problems, solve tensions.
 7. The permanent opposition:
It reveals a lack of maturity, that by not being able to get his way in
his marriage, he takes it out that way.
to It is related to the upbringing that his parents gave him and
. the way in which they educated him and disciplined, or did
not, their children.
Through Christian advice and a good book that addresses
the topic, one can continue toward Christian
c. maturity.
8. The sexual weapon:
a. Due to its private nature, it is the least shared, and most used
in marriage.
b. It was a problem in Corinth because of the concept that some
married people had about marriage and sex.
i. They affirmed that everything spiritual was good and everything
material was related to sin.
ii. In search of “holiness,” some spouses had stopped having sexual
relations.
iii. Paul counseled the Corinthian church with direct words. 1
Corinthians 7:1-5
c. Today it appears as a very effective punishment for the spouse
who has committed a mistake.
d. It is a dangerous weapon because it can lead the person who is
denied to seek satisfaction elsewhere.
9. The abandonment:
a. It emerges as the last nightly weapon in many marital fights.
b. The husband is the one who can use this weapon the most,
because it is easier for him to leave the house and find
another place to be (perhaps his mother's house).
c. A reflex leak:
i. Weakness of character.
ii. Inability to face the causes of the problem.
iii. Lack of control over the anger that arises. Let us remember
Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother
and be united to his wife, and they will become one
flesh.”
10. Physical abuse:
a. It is the most drastic thing, and it is regrettable that it also
happens in homes that call themselves Christian.
b. Uncontrolled anger that leads to blows is the extreme of a
believer without self-control.
c. The family will likely need professional and spiritual therapy
to regain respect and the marital relationship.
"But I am sure of you, my brothers, that you yourselves are
full of goodness, full of all knowledge, so that you can
admonish one another" (Rom 15:14).
 How to Restore
communication
1. Ask for God's help You need to Pray for:
V Be sure that the topic is worth discussing.
{ Know how to start the conversation and what points to focus
on and what words to use. Maintain serenity. Know how to
{ wait.

a
2. Find the right moment:
V There are times when you should avoid addressing serious
topics of this type. For example:
❖ When leaving home to go to church.
❖ In moments before dinner.
❖ At times when there are visitors or in the presence of the
children.
V It is recommended that the conversation be when:
❖ The boys are lying down.
❖ In a private setting.
3. Present your topic and your point of view:
V With simple language, with a logical and clear argument, and
with serenity.
V Speak slowly, being sure that you are faithfully communicating
your ideas and that the listener understands you.
V Make sure they have enough time available to express their
point of view and also to listen to the answers.
4. Do not get mad:
V It usually happens when you notice visible reactions on your
face or frequent interruptions.
V Control your emotions and try to prevail with logic and reason.
V Allow the entire case to be explained and after having
understood in detail, answer.
V The answer may include an explanation of “why,” which helps
both of you to better understanding and satisfaction.
5. Ask and offer forgiveness:
V Despite being Christians, we do not like to ask for
forgiveness.
V There is no reconciliation without mutual forgiveness.
V Why it is difficult for us to ask for forgiveness:
• It forces us to recognize that we have made a mistake.
❖ It exposes us to our spouse, because we have sinned.
V Why it is difficult for us to forgive:
❖ Does not show vulnerability to the other person.
❖ We are hurt and cannot forgive at the moment.
❖ We have power over the person, and we do not want to give in
our superior position.
6. Give the Problem to the Lord:
V So that He shows the solution.
V So that He heals the wounds that remain from the conflict.
V So that He changes what hurts the other.
V To help us forgive each other.
V To strengthen our marriage.
V ° Peter 5:7 “casting all your anxiety on him, because he cares
for you.”
Philippians 4:6 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by
prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be
made known to God.”
 Tips for maintaining
long live communication
^
1. Share your spiritual life together:
V Encourage each other to a life of spiritual unity and prayer
together.
2. Learn to tell the truth:
V Learn to tell the truth from the days when you are friends, then
boyfriends, and then spouses.
3. Cultivate the practice of praising each other:
V Develop the ability to honestly congratulate yourself about
things that please you (Read Proverbs 31.10-31)
4. Share your lives:
V Take time each day to share what you have done, thought,
and read.
V Also share your dreams, your aspirations, your thoughts.
5. Overlook limitations and secondary defects:
V The apostle Peter said that “above all, have fervent love among
yourselves; because love will cover a multitude of sins. (1
Peter 4:8)
6. Eliminate the use of words such as “never” or “always”:
V These two words used in a NEGATIVE context ALWAYS
hurt and NEVER serve for good.
7. Don't let the sun set on your outstanding negative
accounts:
V The principle of keeping “the bills short” has to be learned
early in courtship and marriage.
Ephesians 4.26,27
 Conclusion
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Make it a goal to grow together in your relationship.

The challenge is enormous, but with the grace of the Lord,