22 TUNNEL LIGHTS

WRITTEN AND ILLUSTRATED BY

SHOROUQ ARAFA
Copyright © 2021 Shorouq Arafa
All rights reserved.
To those who believe, with all their hearts,
In dreams they can’t see with their eyes
Yet
Every day, rise
Envision it in their mind
And continue to grind
 Contents

01 02 03 04 05
In the
Mental Objects Are Closer Roads
Mama Blue
Meal Plans Than They Appear & Rides

06 07 08 09 10 11
While Hopes & Math & Living,
Love Advice
You Wait Dreams Science Inanimate Me

12 13 14 15 16
Habits Animals Plants Seasons Home

17 18 19 20 21 22
Lockdown Mail To
Music Privacy Birthdays Chill Pills
Social Club Male
 Praise be to God
For giving me the will
 Because you
1. Mama Always put me first
 MOTHERS & PLASTIC BOTTLES

I was made from high-density polyethylene

And I was made from a similar gene
We both were made to carry, like a pot for a bean

I was filled with your clean water and caffeine

And I was filled with your consummation, daily routine
We both carry your goods, visible or unseen

I open to give you the nutrition you yearn

And I open to give you the angelic newborn
We both provide what your Lord has sworn

I come in all colors, shapes, and sizes

And I can shape myself, exercises for manly prizes
We both know how our form hypnotizes

I get used, re-used then in the sea tossed

And I get old, bald and my value is lost
We both with time continue to decline in cost

I float in the sea and become waste of lands

And I get called names by my offspring’s favorite bands
We both get mistreated by the ones
We’ve nourished with our bare hands

I have effects lasting more than 450 years

And I have raised complex, ambitious breeds
We both obliquely alter your personal needs
I am a plastic bottle, spin me around for a game
But I am a mother with a face, life, aim and name
We should not be the same

/ To the mothers who fall unnoticed /

 MY INCREDIBLE YOU

Curled up in your warm womb

Broke your water too soon
Mama, I want to see the world
In your body, I don’t want to be furled

Go ahead, my dear child

I’ll show you around
Some seasons get wild
But I’ll be here for you all year round

I read about the far mountains

The oceans and the fountains
Mama, I want to see the world
To this city, I don’t want to be whorled

Go ahead, my dear child

For you have outgrown this place
No matter how many miles between us are piled
Know that my home always has for you space

I met a beautiful soul

With them, I felt whole
Mama, I want to see the world
While in their love submerged
 Go ahead, my dear child
But you must know
Alone, you’re already complete
From your beautiful mind
All the way to your flat feet

I have travelled, learned and loved

Never found someone more beloved
Mama, I want to see my world too
Mama, I want to see you

Come to me, my dearest child

My arms for you always open wide
For what sane parent would I be
If I only expect you to follow me
Do what it is you love to do
Believe that I will love so deeply
Any version I meet of my incredible you
 ABORT MISSION

Sam and I
Rode the midnight train
A young woman passed by
She seemed to be in pain

Hopping off the train

Like a rabbit being chased
I noticed a stain
On the jacket hanging off her waist

The car was empty

No one in sight
My ears suddenly occupied aplenty
With terrifying cries in the night

I ran, tracing the source

Afraid, what’s happening in this place?
When I saw it, it was worse
Than someone spraying spice on my face

My eyes dripping with soup

Freshly cooked in my limbic system
Served warm
Just like this baby
Now felt in my arms
“Just leave it where it is.”
“Sam, I want to be able to sleep at night.”
“Then you keep it, none of my biz.”
“Sam, I said I want to be able to sleep at night.”

I wandered how its mother

Made it through these hours
When a stranger like me would now discover
Letting go required a stoic’s superpowers

Should she have let go before it entered the world?

Only she would suffer, the memory today
But she let the game of chance play
I could be holding the next star in ballet
Or the next lost child
Drugged out, passed away

To our station we were approaching

An ultimatum, choose one
For such a decision I had no coaching
The most important ones have none

Although, my mama once told me

About this universal law
Which most saw as a flaw
“Be human and
Whatever will be, will be”
So I, kept her baby.

/ Everyone should be able to do what’s right for them /

 COFFEE CUP

Mama woke me up
Poured green tea into my coffee cup
It was weird
I asked her what was up
She smiled and said,
“Nothing, buttercup.”

She went to fill the tub

Bath time, rub-a-dub-dub
It was weird
From it, she never woke up
Every night, the sight kept me up

Maybe that’s why

She didn’t pour coffee
Into my coffee cup
 JASMINE TREE

Sam bought me
A birthday gift
It looked small
She was quite thrift

The wrapper I tore

Revealed what it bore
A bottle of perfume
Its scent watered a memory
And it bloomed

I remembered when mama gave me a seed

Whenever I did a good deed
She would say, “Plant and watch it grow.”
“Good things take time.”
“Worthy things come slow.”

Over the years

I’d pick the fallen
Jasmine flowers and leaves
Bring them back to her
Place of rest
May it be in peace

Sam bought me
A birthday gift
It looked small
But truly it was
The greatest of them all
 With connotations so vast,
2. In the Blue This is to my second
Favorite color
 SEA TURTLES

Little sea turtles

Swimming in circles
The seaweed wrapped around them
Trapping their feet
Trying to flee
In the deep, blue sea
No way out
Could they ever see
But they forgot
They could eat all the weed they got
Biting away to swim higher
Consume it all when they tire.

It’s all about how you see,

Make your mentality your home country

/ Our minds, like the oceans, with depths yet to be explored /

 MORNING SKIES

When you wake up in the dark from your sleep

Find me staring at you like a creep
You’re not afraid, in fact, you blush
Into a warm, red sunrise
While the world is still calm and hush

I wish I could lay on my back all day

Spend my time staring into the skies
Or maybe even grow
An extra pair of eyes
On the top of my head
Instead of watching people’s lives
I’d look up to you, for inspirational lines
Written by your spongy clouds that absorb my attention
And rain back thoughts into the palm of my hand
Which I disperse in the soils of this land
Trying to prove my theory
That only from high above can one start to see
What’s really happening down here, more clearly

/ To the biggest bulb in Earth’s blue ceiling, always reminding us to lighten up /

 BLUE WAIL SYNDROME

Some people suffer from

What I like to call the
Blue Wail Syndrome

They never fail to take up

All the space in a room
And have the loudest wail
There could be on land
Most of the time
They don’t really need a hand
They just like wasting
Other people’s time

I could never understand

The reason they demand
So much attention
Causing all this pointless tension
I hope they understand
Avoiding them isn’t personal
It’s just a form of life extension

/ Don’t let the disturbed, disturb your peace /

 BLUEBERRIES

The taste of blueberries, I wanted to try

So I went to a food store
Had some berries to buy
There were only strawberries
Some red cherries, black raspberries
But no blueberries for me to try

I asked where the blueberries were

They said they weren’t available
No one ate them on this side of the world
And they asked if instead, I’d like some cherries

But cherries are not what I asked for

So I thanked them and walked out the door
Went to look for blueberry seed
To grow with my own hands
The things that I need

After lots of patience, consistency, and care

The tree grew its blueberries
And with me, it shared
Its flavorsome fruits
Thanking me for what it bared
I thought to myself as I feed
Nothing feels better than to succeed
In getting out of life
Exactly what you
Really need

/ Focus on your wants. Focus on your needs. /

 BLUE SAPPHIRE

Solid as a rock
Composition of a
Complicated life
I was quite tough
But so was life

One day it gave me a blow

I never saw it coming, though
Broke me in two
Revealing a precious stone at my core
The blue sapphire

I used to allow life to change me

Into someone I’d hate to meet
I had to be that person, only temporarily
But when the pain was over
It was over for that person, permanently

All of it made me see

That it was time to let go of who
Life forced me to be
Allow my inner beauty
To feel safe, and shine in a new community

Worked
For a new life
For what seemed like my entire life
Now I could, finally, just be myself
 BLUE MIRRORS

In the reflections, I’d see

Such a crooked me
These stranger suits
Hanging in my wardrobe
Looking back at me
Which one shall I wear today?
Today, who shall I be?

One day I decided to

Remove the strangers from my room
Removed all the mirrors from my walls
And took down my walls for you
Found myself in your big blue eyes
Lost in this land, they were my skies
Blowing winds that pick me up to rise
As nothing but myself, and finding myself
Was my ultimate prize

/ To my soul finder. Finders, keepers. /

 BLUE FLAMES

Orange, were the flames

Lighting the scented candles
You walked in my life holding,
Illuminating the way
To a safe place for us to stay

Blue, were the flames

Of my dying dreams,
Stronger, they were lit
Way before you
Appeared in my life

Jealousy filled your heart,

Undivided attention
From me, you’d always want,
I have goals, too
My bad, if I forgot to mention,
I wouldn’t need to
If you were paying attention
To who I am in reality,
Not who you created mentally

Your violent orange flames

Burnt down our safe place,
Paired with my blue flames
Lit my way to another place
Where safety was not what I felt,
But comfort zones are not where
The good cards are dealt

/ Follow the fire in you /

 THE SHIP

Tossing and turning, I could not rest

Lost him, I thought he was the best
Rowing, trying to save the boat
After the vibrations that left his throat
Made up the bullets, only instability it would promote
With more holes in our boat, I had to let go to float

Even after I let go

Results of conflict showed
Where the human balance mechanism resides
Still suffering from seasickness, in my loins it overflows
From our pernicious sailings and boat rides

Stretching my arms to swim through the salty waves

Ignoring how my heart behaves
I know its tired, but it made me tired too
Now, my heart, pump blood in silence
The way you were primarily meant to

Kicking my legs through the vicious tides

Sharks swimming on both my sides
They smelt my wounds and want my organs as sides
Jokes on the sharks, they don’t know what in me hides
I used to be a whole meal, until the sea trips rusted my insides
Arriving at the strange shores, lost child
Sitting still for hours, thoughts running wild
Telling myself that as the clock ticks
Symptoms will reduce to mild
I’ll get used to the emptiness and silence
I’ll get used to being my own man and sole guidance
 OUT OF THE BLUE

I was blue
Didn’t want to do
Anything at all
Curled in a ball
Waiting for something
To fall
On my blue skin
Color it in
Happier ink
Yellow, maybe even pink

It came on four legs

Hoped into my bed
But did not color me
With colors I didn’t choose
Instead, with its feline tongue
Licked the blue off my skin
Made me lose
The sadness that grew within

And just like that

Out of the blue
My furball friend
Helped me
Out of the blue

/ To the fur babies who end up saving us /

3. Mental The mind weighs
Just three pounds, yet:
Meal "Three produced all things"
Plans - Lao Tzu
 SOPHROSYNE SATURDAY

On
Off
Saturdays
I spend my time
Balancing internal contradictions
On my libra scales

Voluntary self-restrictions,
Reasonable constrictions.
I still enjoy some ice cream,
Without getting a brain freeze.
I still work hard for my money bag,
Without letting it break my back.
I still love with all my heart,
Without letting the small things hurt.
I still open up,
Only letting a moderate amount out.
I still touch my beloved, without
Wearing them out.

Persistent prudence
Only comes from practice.
I am eternally a life student,
Learning how to control oneself,
Which would entail
Accepting every detail
The designer of this universe
Has drawn me to carry.
It’s recorded in His
Guiding journal
For life on Earth,
Stating how equilibrium
Is the state of every great
Mind that ever existed.

Let’s try it
You, and I.
We have the endurance
To practice temperance,
Now it’s a matter of preference
Of how you’d like yourself to be.
σωφροσύνη
 STOIC SUNDAY

I live to see another Sunday

Sun’s up, and with it I rise up
And to God I pray:
May He give me a clear mind
To be rational, yet still be kind.
May nothing external kill
The fire that I carry within.

I read his words, He says He will

Protect and guide me, He said He already did,
When He gave me the power of will.
“It’s what I plant in all my human creation
I leave it in you, as my temporary farewell will.
When the storms blow,
It’ll help only the ones of you who know
Stand their ground, calm and still.
Reach the aim you were made for,
And I will see you again,
But not before then.”

He made the world and knows

What in everything he pours.
I believed in me, after I believed in His words,
Knowing your roots always makes
Life a little less dim,
In information, there is light.
Nothing other than that is worth a fight.
Why gather material, when I shall lose
Everything,
Even this meat vessel in which the Earth I cruise.
My mind and soul
Are free from anything out of my control.
 MARX MONDAY

Whether at work or in class

Mondays are a pain in the ass
Usually just for the lower
And middle class
Thanks to the Enclosure
Acts of rebellion can only be
Through proper education
Nothing new under the sun
But we prefer just to live the one
Life we got and have fun
We can’t keep looking behind
We can’t always worry about everyone
In society, we are lucky we have a home
A good husband or wife
A healthy daughter or son

We are aware of the complications

We know about the exploitations
All for their profit accumulation
But we also know that
The power of the nation
Lies below our fatigued feet
It’s destiny between
Our worn out fingers
And it’s voice
In our dried out throats
The moment we stop accepting simple
Take control of the spindle
Their world will stop spinning
The way it used to
While they were winning
And we were losing
Our right to equality
To a better life quality

Turned slaves to our fantasy

Of financial freedom
Not because we’re dumb
We just don’t trust
Everyone to run
When they hear
The starting gun
Of the revolution
 TAO TUESDAY

On Tuesdays we link
Become one with Tao
Feel and think
About nothing but now
Yesterday is buried
Tomorrow, whatever it carried
Is not for us to expect
Everything that comes to us
With open mind we accept
Our eyes watch the world
Yet see our inner vision
We have no specific mission
Hence always succeeding
We are only seeking what
Is unnamable
In darkness, it glows
The everlasting flow
Of The Way
 WORLD RIDDLES WEDNESDAY

On Wednesday mornings we wake

To awake
The truth
Read ideas
With mono
Chromatic beliefs

Nothing is separate
No hindrance can rise
From delusions some generate
Into our busy lives while they
Devour their lunches comprised of bate
Putting us in a position to compromise
Modern science’s fate

Have you not seen

How much we’ve evolved?
Are you not keen
On being involved
In eradicating
What’s left of the
World riddles?
 THROWNESS THURSDAY

On Thursdays we choose
Everything for ourselves,
Trying to compensate
Being thrown into life ourselves,
Either a lost life lead by fools,
Or a golden life
Embellished with expensive jewels,
We didn’t choose
Which one we get,
Not even if we wanted one
In the first place,
But when we set
Off to chase
A life we would like to lead,
We are tortured for being resistant
To your rules and lead.
How could you know what we really need,
If you continue to read
Through our older versions
That pointlessly remain on the dusty shelves
Of your outdated mind?

We are what we choose to be,

Not what we were born into, unwillingly.
This is to being free
Of every kind of toxicity
We fell into mistakenly,
As we, from the throw, land
Into our unchosen lives.
 FEMINISM FRIDAY

On Fridays we celebrate
Two important things:
The end of a work week,
And that we are women.

An important reminder, every week

That we are not a weak
Gender, proven by our superior
Performance, we are not inferior,
Despite being confined into a few inches,
Which a very few of us are granted since birth.
Most of us must fight for our little space on Earth.
Hey, we never asked to take theirs,
There’s enough space for both, us and them,
In fact, this is the whole point of this place.
They’re one half, and we’re the other,
We are complete alone, but we share this life together.
Let us speak more in their language and tone:
We don’t see this as a competition between genders,
We see this as an edition of a world where
Society’s progress is enhanced by all its members.
The mothers, sisters, daughters, and wives
Reach their full potential and thrive,
Instead of spending their lives trying to survive,
Squeeze and shuffle our way through the few inches.
Even after we become a superhero
They Wonder how it’s a Woman,
They don’t realize they came from one,
Whatever double meaning that carries.
Demanding to be treated equally,
While we carry equal burdens,
Shouldn’t make them shift
In their seats so uneasily.
Maybe it’s the ego, uncomfortable,
Lacking the ability to accept more flexibility
In the controlled lab they prefer living in.

Our response will be

Simply refusing the right
To anyone over our bodies and minds.
After being treated this way,
We should be given our rights
Right away,
Making things right.

But this is where it always turns into a fight.

We don’t expect it to be handed to us
By a handsome white knight.
Fairy tales, right?

Hence, on Friday, we talk and plan all night,

Making sure each of us next week
Will do her best to take her rights.
 As you chase
The four causes,
4. Objects Are Closer Be careful not to ignore
Than They Appear Answers that approach you
On their own.
 THE CON CAVE

Living in a cave
Decorated with silence
Everyone external
Would watch and crave
Just a bit of it to
Rest their noisy minds

Alluring them with your mystery

Hiding away your dark history
And once they’re inside
Close enough to see
Your truth on the walls, inscribed
They were no longer free
Too late, now circumscribed
Trapped
Fooled into your con cave
No one could now save
Them from you
But themselves
 KILOMETERS NEXT DOOR

Far away, my lover lay

To this day, I hope and pray
Time lets it be, please don’t betray
In life’s game I take part and play
But without you, I’ll go astray
Burn out, left behind in someone’s ashtray
I ask God if I may
Meet my Wednesday’s child who’s born in May
By the shore, beach or bay
Build our sandcastles like we do now with clay
Looking for a way to you, is like looking for a needle in hay
Till I find it, I shall stay
For losing you, the price to pay
Would be a heart broken down, looking at the world
With nothing left to say
To this day, I hope and pray
While my lover lay, far away

/ One day /
 MIRAGE

You’re vast, like a desert,

Larger than life
Without any effort,
I get so lost in your
Perfectly designed dunes,
I could lay on them forever,
Blow winds together,
Singing soothing tunes

Tracing your sand ripples,

Such marvelous marks of
Self-organization,
Triggering my
Eternal fascination

Hotter than the Sahara,

Sizzling all my senses,
I don’t ever want that feeling to end,
So I keep you at the far end,
And when you’re far away from me,
That’s the only time I’ll let you see
The mirage in me
 JAVA SHOP

It was raining
So I ran into a
Java shop
To take shelter from
The rain drops
Trying to ruin my hair

I also bumped into you

Holding a cup
Of my favorite tea
That ended up all over your tee
Shirt

The barista
Surprised as to why
You were so tender to me
After I ruined your tee,
He doesn’t know
Who you are in my memory

It made me happy,
It’s always good to see
People I once knew
This unexpectedly

/ To the old days we shared /

 LIFE EXPECTANCY

People look for

Life expectancy in
Graphs or charts

The true last day of living

Is the day you stop enjoying and giving
Back to the world of love and art

/ Quality over quantity /

 IT’S HERE

Before I live it,

I am already living in it
In my imagination.
Every day, I see it.
Every aspect of it.
Where I want to go,
Things I want to do,
The people
I’d accompany, too.

My dreams,
I will work for you
Until you’re here.
Until you come true.

/ Manifest, no matter how impossible it seems /

 "The fifth thing
is a mystery.
It is the reason; it is the goal.
It will be a deep sacrifice
and a perfect victory.
Only you can find it,
5. Roads & Rides and if you do,
it will set you free." - Wise Man
Snyder, Z.(Director). (2011).
Sucker Punch [Film].
Cruel and Unusual Films.
 TRANSMISSION GEARS

The only thing

I regret abandoning
Are my childhood dreams.

Through walls I’ve built, she still screams,

The locked away child in me who seems
To keep trying to wake my still dreams,
Her thoughts in my mind flowing like streams.

When I explained to her how they had unrealistic themes,

Down her face rolled disappointed tears,
Whispered: “In your heart they planted fears.”
Fears: Friction to the human system’s transmission gears.

/ Lubricate the mind and soul with faith. Drive fearlessly to your destiny. /
 HUMAN RACE

Interlace
Shoelace,
Run race,
I’m in second place,
And Sam is still
In first place.

Sam so close,
Faster pace,
I cross a line
With motives malign,
To be first
At finish line.

At finish line
My speed declines,
Sam down,
Broken spine,
To win life
I took thine.

Medics cover
Sam’s face,
Like mine was
Covered in disgrace,
End of
Human race.
 SOLO JOURNEY TO YOU

Loner in the night

Just me, myself, and I
No one else in sight
I don’t have to hide my face to cry

I used to look for a time to be alone

I used to lose hope in finding a home,
I used to ache right through my bone
And wish that I turn into stone,
So I can stop feeling this low

Sliding off my bed in the morning

Only then did I understand
Why it sounded like mourning,
It reminds you, you have another day
It reminds you, that you don’t have a say
In how fast the world turns, or slow
When someone dear, decides to go

Why should you be a reason

I must plan something new?
You should have been the reason
I do what I do
To maybe one day
Get to you.

/ Embrace necessary changes in plans. You’re stronger than you know. /

 TAXI FARE

At the destination, I wept

Remembering promises that weren’t kept
All this time I spent,
All this distance I’ve leapt

For you and I

To see eye to eye
For you and I
To rise up high

Instead,
I ended up with a fee calculation,
The inevitable cost of our relation
Was a very unfair
Paid-solely taxi fare

/ Every lesson has a price tag. Be ready to pay and learn. /

 EXOTIC CARS

Laying on my back
Trying to hit the rack,
Felt like I was having a heart attack,
Kept us alive by containing my emotional stack
And we died when you couldn’t contain yours,
All you did was attack

Then God decided to give me a star,

This time I didn’t have to lower the bar,
All the past stink was like hot tar,
Spread on a road to my heart
For him to drive in like an exotic car,
He’s still driving from afar,
Our journey with our lives is like a spar,
I don’t care how hard it hits, I’ll be back,
Not having him would leave the biggest scar

Whenever I fall, I get back on track,

I now have something my future cannot lack,
There’s no time for me to slack,
Without him the clear window
I built to see
A beautiful new world through
Would crack,
I’ll be gone, to never return back
 TRAFFIC JAM

Jams are sweet,

That’s not the case
With traffic on this street,
But it’s easier to face
Knowing it’s you
I’m driving to
 THE END

I look back from

The ending I now reach
And wish I’d enjoyed
What the road had to teach
Me as I travelled before the

*Screen bleach*
 I intend to stitch love
Onto everything I touch
6. Love No matter how
Many days it takes
Until I cover this universe
Created in six days
 THE SELF

My body woke me up
Throat whispering to me:
“Of water, please, may I have a cup?”
Felt shame that I didn’t remember
The last time I gave it some
Looked at my hands
They were pale and numb
The lines on them
Slowly twirled, linking into letters and words
As if writing me a letter, in which it would say:
“Do you only care for me when it’s for them?
How do you expect them to love me, when you don’t?”

Oh, but body

My buddy, I do.

“I hear your words, but you never actually do.

You stand in front of the mirror and say I love you
Because they told you to, in a book or a video
But you lie to me.
Now I never feel good
Because of all the toxic things you do.
We should be going to the places we wanted to.
But if you ignore my needs, I’ll slowly ignore yours too.”
Buddy, from today I shall take me and you
Seriously, never for granted
I’ll learn to love the body that I was handed
Perfect, yet I abandoned
My duties to you as they cast their spell
On me with their drugs that put us through hell
Now I see, it’s either them or you

Body, my buddy, I decide to love you

Meaning every day, starting from today
Through thick and thin
I am choosing to care for you
In the ways you need
Not in the ways I thought might,
Without consequence,
Give our sour life some sweeter sense.
 LOVE LANGUAGE

I do, think you’re brilliant

Watched you tolerate your life’s pain
Without the need to complain
Taking control of your brain, resilient

I guess that’s what made me look

Longer at you, an open book
Written in a language I can’t read
But understanding you felt like a need

I learned how you spoke

How you saw things and how you wrote
And thanks to your magical pen strokes
I rose in a place far away from my past
Awoke

Everything that we share

Grows to have a larger sum
Together, let us dare to become
The best we could be, as one
 PRICELESS

Weak, my knees
When it’s you I see
Something dissolves in me
Like the sugar in my tea
That I no longer need since
My eyes now drip into it
Honey
The tears of joy
That heal my wounds
I guess this is what they meant
When they said there were some things
You can’t buy with money
 HOW DID IT SOUND?

Did you hear that sound?

I think it happened around
The time you came around
I guess after the random chats we had
While we walked aimlessly around

That sound, for me

I think it went “click”
To you, I wonder
How did it sound?
 WINTER KNIGHT

I see you and I

Become so shy
Because my smile gets too wide
That I want to hide
My face with my hands
Which you hold
In this winter night
Fighting away the cold
Winds and thoughts

I feel so warm
With my heart’s knight
How could this
Not be right?
 CHILI NIGHTS

Chilly
The weather was,
Hot
Was the way you paused,
To look at me,
Your eyes covering me,
Softly coating me

I no longer felt
Chilly
 WALK WITH ME

Down this road of pain

Would you walk with me
As my lover, but also as
My friend?

They say at the end

If you’re genuine, no pretend
Life showers you with joy rain.

Walk with me
Keep me through this journey sane
And I promise to be for you the same.
 COTTON CANDY

You like to appear

Huge and puffy
Own the room, so bossy
You said you never thought
You’d be thankful for a virus
It was I that you caught
To your inner guard I was a crisis
With me you turn into
Someone sweet and fluffy

It’s OK to be soft, baby

Can’t you see
What a delight it is, for you and me,
When you’re my cotton candy
 MOONLIGHT

It was night, but his eyes were gleaming

And when I told him they were beautiful, he said:

“My eyes are like the moon

Any light beam they lay on you, my world,
Is nothing but a reflection of the sun, which is also you
In fact you’re my whole universe, not just these two
Your soul shines on me, making my life so bright
Nothing else I know or do, feels this right.”
 FAULTY EYES

“It’s such a weakness,”

Says the masses
That one can’t see well
Without a pair of glasses

Yet they let a stranger

Blindfold them
With love, soft as satin
Willingly put their hearts in danger
And say: “It’s the best thing that could happen
To me, I’ll let it be.
I’ll let it happen to me”

So I wonder
Why do they make fun
Of my faulty eyes?
 A LITTLE BIT

Simple
Life is simple
When you smile
And I see your dimples

Complicated
Life is complicated
When you do not
And I don’t know
What is it that you want

Easy
Life is easy
When we communicate
But it always ended up
Feeling like a debate

Ended
Life has ended
The way I knew it
Since you left me
With nothing left in me
Not even a little bit

/ Always reserve a part of you, for you /

 Watch
Who you listen
7. Advice To before drawing a life
Map out of their words
 THINGS THAT STAY
I don’t know where to begin
Should I start with the deed or the sin?
Should I speak about what crawled on my skin,
Or about what I felt die within?
Should I tell them where I’ve been?
The things I did just to win
While my world continued to spin
Unstable, I got dizzy and fell on my chin
Tried to forget it all while I smoked my slim
Why am I so different from my twin?
He was a polished vase, and I was a rubbish bin
I waited until my patience grew so thin
To look for a place where I could actually fit in

After the wait was over

What I wanted to do came closer
I was alone and free, unlike last October
Allowed myself to get more exposure
Being careful to limit movement disclosure
Controlled my face like I was playing poker
“Life’s a game,” the old man told her
This does not devalue humanity
Just makes me less prone to insanity
Knowing that I have another chance
That this failure was not the last dance
I can choose to replay
Wake up, it’s a new day
Wake up, there is another way
Wake up, they’ve all gone away
Wake up, do the work and pray
Because these are the things that will stay
 THE MESSAGE

You continue to
Ignore the universe
Every time it sends you
A direct message

But you were too precious

For it to let you continue
Walking on poisonous paths
Following wrong plans

So it started using its forces

To snatch everything and everyone
You thought was good for you
Away from your eyes
You were lost because
You were falsely guided
They kept you blinded
With their soft words
Soothing your battle burns
Which they inflicted on you
Now comfortable, you easily sided
With them, against you
But why
Do you only ask why
When it hurts?
Only think hard
When it frightens you?
Only worry
When it’s late
But it’s never too late
To see straight

Illiterate he is,
Who cannot read
The messages sent
To save him
Even after he bleeds
Through his eyes
That were forcefully cut open
By the universe’s blades

/ Keep your eyes wide open. The earlier you see the signs, the less you lose. /
 CARDS

I met an old woman in the empty yard

She told me life was hard
It made her heart happy for a day, for the rest it was scarred
Even when she acted cold and had up her guard
It drove her crazy, and they called her evil names
She ignored everything and for what she believed, she sparred
To expectations, rules and faces she had no regard
She held them all in her hands but chose to play that one card.

/ Believe in your goals, and shoot /

 UNSOLICITED FABLE

It’s not because it’s a bore

Or because we don’t want to learn
I think we’d appreciate it more
If our older guiders first got familiar with
The kind of hardships this generation
Has to go through every day
Before reciting any
Unsolicited fable
With solutions from the past
That only worked in the past

If we played it that way

We wouldn’t last a day
It’s a different world
New rules created everyday
All we could really do is
Adjust accordingly
As life unfolds
 UNSTABLE TABLE

There will be ones

Built stronger than you
But that doesn’t mean
They can carry more than their own weight
Be careful when you lean on a table
You’re expecting to hold you up
They could be unstable
And instead of the bloom and blossom
You daydreamed you’d achieve through their support
You end up dropping to rock bottom.
It’s always better to sort
Out the bases of your life on your own
For your own
Sake
Through this lonely journey you will take
The right ones will come
They are few, but some
Is better than too much or none
Know them, embrace them
And grow stronger, together
 MOLECULES

I know how small

We can feel in this world
But science has shown
Us how massive particles
Can be moved by
Fast-moving molecules

You don’t have to

Do this life alone
It’s okay to let
Yourself find both
Power and peace
With your loved ones

/ A trustworthy circle is crucial for your soul’s strength, and mind’s health /
 HEALTHY ESCAPE

Better days don’t come

While we’re focused on
Constantly trying to
Erase and escape
Our past and present

Stop thinking that

You need to
Get out of here

Try thinking
How you could
Get out there

/ The right mentality is your rope /

 TIME

Calendars
Can fool you
Neatly organizing for you
Years, months, and days

One should track and

Count time
In the measure
They’re most fine
Losing it in

If you knew just how

Expensive time can be
You’d have no second
Thoughts on using seconds
To ensure tasks were done timely

/ Handle your time, or the clock handle will handle you /

 THE RUN

Born with a soul of a sprinter

I always liked running fast
Towards what I want

But life’s a marathon

And I was shocked
When I lost my breath
Before I even started
Running on the tough roads

To my fellow sprinters:
Please learn how to keep
Your flames lit for longer
Avoid the brief fireworks
Not long enough to
Light your entire life up
8. While You Wait …
 SUBWAY STUDENT

“She’s life’s stripper,” the old man mumbled

Before he swallowed all his disguised liquor.
By his awkwardness I was humbled
Into staying silent, hoping my station was close
Wondering why this one, out of all trains, I chose.
The answer came a little after
The old man finished his hysterical laughter
He proceeded to cry out:
“She took away my youth, she took away my heart,
She took away my time, she took away my sense of art,
She took away my shine, health
And everything that was really mine
She’s life’s stripper, she’s that damn dime.
She’ll seduce you into a life you can’t wait
To change, get rid of its crushing weight
She’ll wrap her legs around your neck
Force you to choke your thoughts out for a cheque
She swore to make me happy
But happiness was never in anyone else’s hands
Do not fall in love with that chick
Find what really deserves your love, chase it
They’ll say you can’t, you have to stop, stop you must!
Or you’ll grow old, useless covered with rust.
Oh, Ma! But oh…Mama! I don’t want to be dust!
Even dust lasts longer on the shelves
Than we do in ourselves
If we continue to other’s needs adjust.
Run after your dreams,
Do not for that dime lust
For she’s never really anyone’s
To me, she’s as fake as her bust.”

/ Don’t confuse money, with freedom /

 DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENT

Two to go before
It’s my turn to go in
I think I read that leaflet before
I’m bored, let me read it again
Someone else already went for it
Now I’m forced to count the tiles
Judge the furniture styles
And maybe think about
Some things in my life

One to go before
It’s my turn to go in
Contemplating my image
In the glass table
Attempting to find the reason
I’m sitting in this crypton
Chair in the first place
Root causing as the
Plant in the corner
Stared back at me
To the gym I no longer go
It just took too long for results to show
With my office work, I rarely feel the sun glow
On my skin, isn’t that why my vitamins are low?
No, I’m sure I get them from my meals
Don’t you just love
Those fast-food delivery deals?
I couldn’t be patient
In taking good care of myself
Now I’m being forced
To do that while somebody else
Checked over my progress
As their patient

It’s my turn to go in
But I already knew
My health sin
So I left, vowing to the plant that
From this day I’ll begin
Fixing myself from within
 WHY DON’T HE WRITE?

Walking across the desert,

I came across a skeleton
Soul was gone, now just bone
Lying next to it was a phone
Someone out there must be
Waiting for a text
Wondering why he don’t write
Evaluating if they treated them right

Sometimes people just

Need to be freed
From a version of who they were
To become who they really are
They can’t be looked at the same way
By the people they used to play
Including themselves
We must accept that
This version of them passed away
 BUS STATIONS

Endless miles and unfamiliar faces

Surrounded by people in wrongly occupied spaces
Thinking we were aliens in our worlds
Before we found our own planet through words

I used to grow stronger physically at a gym

But with every passing day, my life grew dim
The walls of my heart crumbled and were thin
But you made it feel warmer
Than anyone who could touch my skin

We both sit alone with a crowded mind

Looking for the best path we could find
That leads us to our new home
In each other’s arms, we’ll never be alone

Do you remember the days right before we met?

If I hadn’t met you
We would have lost our minds, I bet
Let us be remedies to each other’s illness
Let us fill our world’s emptiness
I think of you as my savior
From all my reckless behavior
Take me as your gift from God
Even if, to you, it seems odd

If you don’t believe in anything, consider us

I’ll be waiting for you to ride through life
Even if I’d miss a million buses
I’d rather ride the last one as your wife
 END OF MONTH

Trying to still fit

In your blue jeans
Miserably munching
On your cucumber
Picking up the calendar
And crossing out another number
Calculating the number
Of days until the next paycheck
Perform a quick mental bill check
Realize you’ll be OK for the month
If you didn’t buy that turtleneck
You said you’d buy last month
Rewarding yourself for all the hard work
Also, if you walked and took the bus
Instead of dealing with fuel prices and all the fuss
And maybe cut out the coffee runs
Save that money for later
Later, you realize the numbers you crossed
Had a much more expensive long-term cost
Memorized life, customized greetings
Pressurized feelings, endless meetings
If you really loved doing it
You wouldn’t be counting the days

Don’t settle for mediocre

Don’t settle for fine
It’s alright to put yourself on the line
For what makes you feel alive
If you’re afraid to die
We all end up there
That’s the only truth of life
But now you’re only doing it without
Living it in the first place

If you’re afraid of being poor

You should notice how
All the things you own now
Actually, own you
Controlling everything you do

With your true purpose

The universe shall align
Just give it a sign
That you’re ready to shine
 Floating on cloud nine
9. Hopes & Dreams
I dream
 RESISTANCE

I had to listen to their sounds

As I tried to fall asleep
Trying to tolerate the
Tongues oscillating
In mouths
Disrespectfully debating
Over nonsense
My brain was aching for a cleanse
From all the past tense
I was wasting my present
Hearing about

Soon I grew tired

Of the crowds
Their noise
Crowding my mind
All it did was
Make it harder for me to find
Some rest, some sleep
But my heart would keep
Beating like drums
Trying to win my full attention
With its rhythmic songs
Blocking out the distractions
So I could fall asleep
To finally focus
On my dreams
 BOTTLENECK

My tired legs
Dangled from the
Collar of a bottle

Stretching across its base

Was the land of my dreams
But I had a lot of baggage
Failing to fit through the bottleneck

I had to lose some weight

So I starved myself of things
I thought I couldn’t live without
Or get rid of
The moment I let them go
I started to slide
Through the bottleneck
A new chance at life

When my feet touched the land

My tired legs would stand
For hours, getting used to
My new lightness
Then proceeded to explore
The land of my dreams

/ Shed the weight, and move on /

 FUTURE FLAGS

My past
Undocumented
Covered in dark green
And above the sword
You could read
White letters spelling
Their religion’s creed

My future,
Green is just a third
The white, next to the
Red, that’s my blood
Rushing through my veins
Filling me with hope
When I hear its name

/ Grateful for the past, that made me who I am.

Passion for the future, and the adventure of executing my plan. /
 WHAT I WANT

If my reality
Is not how I want it to be
I won’t wait for it to
Change things in me
Kill dreams slowly
So I can be happy
In the land of forget about it
Next stop is usually
I regret I ever doubted
Myself

I know what I want

To be happy
I’ll bring out from within
What’s necessary
Introduce it to reality
Shake hands, make plans
Ignore the virtual cultural bans

Change my reality

/ Fight for it /
 INFINITE

They create my universe

Every day I live, I learn
Something new about them
Infinite and great
Never-ending

They are
my dreams
 THEY CHANGE

I used to say,
“When I grow up, I want to be an architect,
Build big buildings
For people who can’t afford rent.”

When I went to school

My hands couldn’t draw
What my mind could imagine

So I started to say,
“When I grow up, I want to be a doctor,
Save people’s lives
And help humans so they don’t suffer.”

When I went to college

I lost my home in a fire
From it, my father fell ill
And I dropped out to work and pay his medical bill
For my future, I then had a different desire

The world didn’t wait for me

While I tried to help myself be
Something that could help humanity
It took too long for me to see
Humanity was always me

Now I just say

What I want first
Is to be ok
 TABLE TALE

My hands were cuffed

To a table with keys
That didn’t unlock
Anything but the desk
Top, I was from the top
Performing, but my head would stop
Performing when my heart started crying
For me to wake up and quit,
Living life to satisfy others that
Have no place in a future I daydream
About as I sit
On this table, handcuffed

/ The key to freedom is buried in the soil from which your brain stems /
 DREAMING OF YOU

Made me fall for you so deep

All my senses wanted to ride you like a Jeep
Joy is now part of my life, I no longer weep
Darkness has left my heart, and now in it you sleep

Man of my dreams
Also matches my love for extremes
Jazz plays and thoughts of you in my head steams
Deviating with you is the only right way there seems

Moon in the sky but it’s you who shines

Around your eyes when you smile, I love those lines
Just seeing you explodes
My downstairs water system, like mines
Dripping down my thighs till you see the signs

Magic is what I can describe what you do to me

A statue I was and here I’m dancing, from worries we flee
Join me in this journey they call a living
Dance with me, the birds for us are singing

My beginning and end will always have you throughout

Ask me why and I’ll say it’s love for you I can never doubt
I’ll support you through any problem that may sprout
Dream big baby, that’s what life’s about

That is why, I dream of you tonight

 A look
Through my lens
10. Math & Science As I searched for the X
They keep asking us to find
 ME PRIME

I refuse to be a composite
Of their toxic behaviors
No matter how close to me
They actually are or should be
I decide, I am prime

/ Only after you connect the (prime) dots, you shall see /
 BROMATE

When you stepped out of my life

I had to clean my soul up
From the pieces of shattered glass
That fell from your broken promises

I peeled off all my hard layers

Reaching deep down to where you laid
Let the water flow in, wash away
But now I was exposed
To the sun rays

The water, I intended to intensely clean

Anything bad that might have been
I poured in it all I had of chlorine
Little did I know, too much of anything can kill

Once the sunshine struck my floating heart

Formation of toxic bromate would start
I felt it in every inch of my soul
Pain, unbalance, and the loss of whole

I drained it all
Here is where we learn
To let go of things we yearn
Ask, before you act
Think, before you choose
Minimize the things in you
You might lose
I went out to buy some shade balls
To help protect my healing walls
Although my soul was wet and cold
From all the sunshine, it must withhold

Sometimes your soul craves an experience, a feeling

That would require years of healing
To return from the lost state
Can’t see clearly or think straight

With trial through life, you’ll grow the sense

Of the right time to use your psychological self-defense
Keep your guard up high, sky-scraping
Ensure no risk of anything external invading

After you heal, feel whole and fine

Maybe you can peak out for some sunshine
But always expect to be burned again
The cycle is blind to the past of all men

/ Shade balls prevent treated water in reservoirs

from reacting with sunlight and creating bromate, a carcinogen /
 VACUUM ROOM

You made me blue

So I locked you
In a vacuum room
A chamber in my heart
Where your vibes can’t travel through
Any part
Of my body that you once drew
And called God’s most beautiful work of art
 ROCKS ON SATURN

I watched it shine
But I felt nothing
Maybe it was a sign
I was from Saturn
Where diamonds weren’t rare
For them, creatures wouldn’t care
Instead, at soft hearts I stare
Among the rock hearts I dare
Climb through, looking for my heart pair
I just wish I don’t,
On my way, fall into despair

/ In these times, kind hearts are rarer than diamonds /

 BELIEVE, AND LET BELIEVE

I don’t believe Drove me to a pinnacle

In anything but facts
Nothing of the shows From there I saw what
Nor the songs or the acts Helped me
Hold onto life
I don’t believe And not just flee
In love or any such game From this world that we
One’s life falls apart Contaminated
And it’s the heart break Both you, and me
They blame Up there I heard a song:
“I belong to all of you
I don’t believe But to none of you
In the promises you make I shall belong.”
For life can cause you to
Break And that
I’ll know then, it’s not your That was what made me
Mistake Strong
If you cheat on me I don’t have to flee
Because from everything
I don’t believe I am already free
I was born this cynical
But I do believe
Everything that happened
 Replicate one
11. Living, Self into two
The second one
Inanimate
Present in everything
Me Around me
 GRAPES

Sometimes I feel I’m ever changing,

Faster than anyone with whom
I’ve been exchanging
Thoughts and ideas,
In fixed limits, their minds ranging,
I can’t seem to stick to liking
Or trying one thing at a time,
They call it being unfocused,
They call it being confused, wasting my prime

Efforts get wasted on new areas I explore,

And I never master any of them,
My passions come through as violently
As the tides crash on the beach,
And fade as quick as stars have
In the polluted city sky,
If only I had the ability to feel comfort
While walking on a single path,
Instead of itching to explore others,
If only I had my vision hugged in place
With shields like horse blinders,
Instead of having extraordinary peripheral vision

I can be so sweet, like jam

I could go bad, like sour wine
I could hide away in places
Grow old and wrinkle, like raisins

But I am a grape
and I don’t think
It’s a mistake
 PIZZA

Round, with crusts

Hot at the core and
Topped with objects of
Different tastes and shapes,
Each owning unique
Names and shades,
The world
Is just one big,
Delicious pizza.

Now,
I know how
Some are served.
You know, the one with
Pineapples on top.

It can be weird but,

You should still
Learn to enjoy that
Pineapple pizza.

After all,
It’s the one and only
Pizza you’ll get.
 DOUGH

For what seemed to be

A very long time
Life kept beating me
Down over and over
Like a piece of dough
Stretching me across
Its granites and
Tossing me
Across its crowds
I was always a tired,
Stressed dough

But when it finally left

Me on the side
In warmth
To rest
I started to rise
Into something
I could use to
Make something
Out of myself

/ To the hard workers. Rest is not a reward.

It is a need. Give it to yourself, so you could grow. /
 PLASTIC PLATE
Feeble people, like plastic plates
Carrying all their worries
That are organized using dividers
Walking around with that heavy weight

As humans, we adapt and tolerate

But surely, day by day
We tolerate at a decreasing rate
If you keep loading your plate
With things you want, but don’t need
Claim you do it all to feed
Your families, but it’s the ego
You secretly sneak meals to

Eventually, you break

And your broken pieces

No longer hold
You together
Neither hold the worries
You had about the people who said
They’d stick around forever
The same ones who failed to mention
Such promises were only valid
For the version of you
That’s not under tension

You can’t be there

For everyone and everything
Through and through
When you’re not even there for you
 PENCIL CASE

I felt like I was

Your pencil case,
The way you always
Expected me to
Carry your endless worries
In my petite pockets,
Erase your miseries
With my smiley face
Eraser,
Rewrite the pages
In your journals,
Mark your failed phases,
Cut off people I liked
But you despised,
With words coming out my
Scissor-like lips,
Measure, and direct you
Like it’s me who should be the ruler,
Use my colored pencils
To bring happiness into your blank life,
Calculate the risks for you,
But you never listen
And do it anyway,
After that I’m expected to glue
The falling parts of your life
Back together again.

I was tired of being your tool,

That’s why I left you, my dear fool.
 WASTE

Something smelt wrong

When you walked into the room.
It must have been
The same reason
People continued to discard you
After a single use,
And you let them
Continue to misuse
You.

I didn’t want to
Act like I didn’t know the shit
You were up to,
So I had to flush away
Any feelings I had for you.

/ Don’t waste your time in the sewers /

 METAL SPOON

Gradually, life submerged me

Into a soup of tragedies
That led to my maladies

Watching from afar

You let it all simmer
Set a timer and
Told me you’d wait until
Everything cooled down
And walked out on me
When things got hot

I didn’t know
Whether I should
Laugh or cry
When you came back
Held me, wanted a taste
Of what I carry
Now I was too hot for you
And I burnt your lips
Like a metal spoon

My thick skin
Fell off from the heat
You left me alone in
Now I can’t tolerate
When you try to dominate
My world, doesn’t make sense
Now that I’m the stronger one

/ To those who leave, and take our weaknesses away with them /
 APPLES

Ever since
I knew you wanted
To become a doctor
I stopped eating apples
I didn’t want
To keep my doctor away

/ Sometimes, we let what we love kill us /

 DONUTS

They looked sweet

From the outside
But on the inside
They were empty

No one is perfectly complete

But I chose the center
To be a priority
And decided to wait
Patiently until
Life served me
A cream filled

/ Fall for their deepness, for the pain is worse from impact on shallow grounds /
 Habits could build you up
12. Habits Like Magnesium
Or break you down
Be your premium self
 STRESS SHOP

Occasional dark days, inevitable times

Where life only shows me its ill designs
But for ill to make me its habitat
Is a crime, no one should allow that

I take myself shopping for cotton words

Coat my mind with them, like bubble wrap
Protecting it from their evil vocal cords
Now I’m unmoved if I hear any of their crap

I may adopt, doesn’t have to be from stores

But I get myself a pup with velvet paws
To carry around with me so happily because
My upper limbs have worn out from
Trying to reach out for people’s hands
My calls no longer include
The embarrassing ‘save me’ demands

Next, I pick out rigid rules to which I submit

Choose ones which were to my needs a best fit
Wear them on my sleeve to commit
And never forget the reason I bought it
 NAIL BITE

You always
Bite your nails
When you’re stressed
They grow old, fragile
Weak and depressed
Then they break, fall off of you

I don’t know why

I expected you to be
Any different with me
When you do such things
With your own self and body

To withstand you inflicting pain on me

I thought I had to, I thought it was a must
Isn’t that how one gains your trust?
But I was just another
To bite the dust
 MORNING OWL

To fall for you was to fall for obsession

Slipping in love after a late-night confession
You’d wait for the world to fall asleep
So you could finally be yourself
Now we could be ourselves, together
Life with you at that time felt as light as a feather
Why should I sleep
When I already got what I’ve been dreaming of?
But things weren’t as simple as they seem

We did just like Randy

Our sweet world
Turned into sour candy

At first I liked it, with a little discomfort

Slowly grew to despise it, craved mental comfort
That nothing could give me, not even you
I was angry, I was impatient, I was so blue
Like the bruises that appeared on my skin
From fighting my natural needs within

I changed, you said

Well, you took away my bed
I let you, laid on you instead
But you couldn’t carry my heavy head
Left me wondering with it alone
With no rest, worked to the bone
Now I choose sunlight and peace
I choose to let you go
Though it isn’t with ease
Do not contact me again, please
Of you, I will have no memories
They, also, have chosen to be put to sleep

/ To Randy Gardner, for opening our eyes to the impacts of sleep deprivation /
 PROCRASTINATION & CINNAMON BUNS

I shall do the task today

I will do it now, enough delay

Let me just freshen up a bit

I’m just taking in some sunshine
While I’m at it
Let me quickly look at the timeline
LOL, this one tweets some funny stuff
Let me retweet, maybe also favorite it
Wait, what if Sam gets jealous that I did?
Hey, why didn’t Sam text me back yet?
Does Sam not like me anymore?
Yesterday I did feel like I was quite a bore
Is that my stomach singing?
Ugh, now I got to go to the store
Ran out of food yesterday while I was binge-eating
Thought it would help get going my thinking
Because I was trying to finish that task

Oh yes, the task

I’ll eat and then do it
Yes, put an end to it
Trip to the store, then eat
Then I’ll submit the whole sheet
Although after I eat, I feel so heavy
And the sheets look so heavenly
Let me just power nap
After that, it’ll be a snap
I know you’re saying I won’t
Man, whatever floats your boat
I’ll do the task
I trust myself to
Just at the last moment
Very quickly, I call it being efficient
I cram up the tasks
Into short periods of time
Life is short, and I like to have fun
Relax, I got this hun

I’d like to thank you before I run

You listened to me until I was done
On my way home
Maybe I’ll buy you a ‘thank you’ cinnamon bun
Share some of my store trip fun

Wait…would you like to come?

 OVERTHINK: WILL IT FLOAT OR SINK?

Before I climb aboard the love ship again

Let me first grab a paper and pen
The pros and cons I shall list
In relationships, one cannot just sail in

If I don’t try love, I know: But without it, I know:

I won’t get no I won’t get no

Overreaction Human affection
I won’t get no I won’t get no
Unhealthy obsession Soul satisfaction
I won’t get no I won’t get no
Forced confession Photo collection
I won’t get no I won’t get no
Heart demolition Emotional resurrection
I won’t get no I won’t get no
Distraction from profession Attitude correction

Seems like
I can’t get no
Life of perfection
 Unfortunately
We often imitate
13. Animals Unknowingly
Their irrational behaviors
 THE RAT & CHUBBY CAT

On Sunday
A chubby cat
Passed my way

It would roll and play

Until a rat
Passed its way

The chubby cat froze

I thoughts it would attack
Instead, it just sat
Carefully on its paws

On Monday
The same chubby cat
Passed my way

Its walk, more of a celebratory sway

Carried in its mouth
What seemed to be the tail
Of the rat from yesterday

From Tuesday until later on

No chubby cat
Came along
The city was filled
With rodent bait
Which the rat ate
The chubby cat, too
It eventually killed

The rate
At which chubby cat’s fate
Would change
Might seem strange

But the unguided, negligent of history

Always chose the easy way to eat
Disguised in victory
This was its defeat

/ The right way has no shortcuts /

 BARKING BIRD

I observed a closed, portable cage

From which came
Sounds of a dog’s rage,
Never have I owned one
So the sound scared me a ton,
I tried to leave it and ignore the bark
But no one else was in the park,
I stepped closer to the carrier’s gate,
Frowned in a confused state,
All this time what I heard
Was a little…barking bird?

Suddenly, the owner came rushing,

“It’s OK,” she said to the bird while blushing
Smiled and continued to explain to me
How the parrot was raised with a puppy,
I laughed and thought to myself
Why do I fear things before I
Know what they really are?
It’s me who scared me today,
It’s probably what I do every day,
Maybe starting from tomorrow,
Instead of asking for one from life,
I should give me a break.
 HONEYBEE

A honeybee
Landed on me
It didn’t bite
But I was not
Sure why

Is it because
It thought I was nice
Or because, if it did,
It would die?

/ Good actions are not so good if done with selfish intentions /

 CRAB MENTALITY

Did you see the

Deadly bumps that grew
Underneath the thick, beautiful
Long locks of my hair?
Did you feel how paralyzed
I was for months?
Because I was
Born abnormal, with a little extra
That they had to tear away
Causing me pain as I bleed away
Just so I could join your club: The “Normal”

I already have
My God-given,
But very well-hidden,
Weaknesses and flaws
That leave me stuck in bed
For weeks, losing my head
Asking why, why do they always get me
Just when I’m getting started?
So I wanted to make it
Easier for you to live
Without worrying about how much
I suffer before I get
Something you could not
Because I did
I did, suffer a lot
For absolutely anything I ever got

/ I always smile, but that doesn’t mean I won any of my personal wars. Yet. /
 CLAMS

A closed heart
Once, I assumed,
Was like a clam
And was determined
To pry it open,
Find my pearl.
But I was a naïve girl,
I just hurt my fingers
And learned that if I
Really wanted a pearl,
I had to buy it
With my hard-earned clams.
 CAT LIFE

I wish we were all cats

With nine lives
But we only have
One

Make sure
You make it count

/ This last one is meant to be simple

Because in the end, it proved to be the best way to live my one /
 Plants that grow
From seeds
14. Plants Watered with
Good deeds
Never die
In vain
 CACTUS

In the cycles of our lives

Excited fires in our hearts, burn out
From the cold breezes
Of useless degrees and negative energies

Mouths turn from U’s to dashes,

Bodies turn from youth to ashes,
I stand rooted in my land,
Lacking everything but the sand
That makes us, but alone, in it we cannot stand

I’ve grown splinters to protect me from evil and bad,

It’s making me lonely, but I try not to be sad
Not finding inspiration to ignite flames in my heart,
Neither water to keep me a soft piece of art

But when I find some water,

I store it in my deepest well,
For time changes things
And I might need it to get through my hell

I am the cactus that stores and scares,

That survives and bares,
Thirsts for life and its meaning,
Spend it thriving, not in cubicles
That are to humanity demeaning

I am a thirsty cactus,
But in these times
I can’t be thirsty,
Just isn’t right, right?
 CELL WALL

Who are you when you’re alone?

For the journey of life, who do you wish to recruit?
What is it that you really own?
To know well, always look for at your root.

What has been dumped onto your soil?

Did you need to absorb it all?
How much of your soul did it spoil?
Through life, humans develop their cell wall.
Human evolution comes in many forms,
Some alter the body, some the tradition and norms,
To help us survive the world as it transforms,
Stay alive through its downpours and strong storms,
Conjured up in our hearts from words like thorns,
Coming from the mouths of the ones
Our hearts through them also warms.

We do not choose in whose home we are born,

We do not choose our mothers, fathers, or homelands.
We do not choose how often our hearts are torn,
But we can choose where our soul stands.

/ Unnatural circumstances create unnatural beings.

But not if we are aware, and stand up for our true selves. /
 FIELD OF ROSES

I watched her sit in a field of roses

Plucking out the petals, confused
What would she do without her daily doses?
Pushing it away, she refused
Can life look different when she changes her poses?
She lifted herself up, bruised
What happens when the heart gate closes?
She swung her legs through the flowers, misused
Why does it have to be a default no when life proposes?
She chuckled at her life, sadly amused
It’s not so bad, she supposes
Ignorant to her ill-wishes, self-abused
Lists what defines acceptable, and opposes,
Of broken hearts she’s been accused
They forgot to mention hers
Was the first this statement encloses
But she was the only brave one to have it reused
 FLYING CARPETS

Tonight, I’ll be your princess Jasmine

Substitute flying carpets with mushy weed
That’ll take us as high as both of us need
To be from this land where we find it hard
To naturally withstand
Being controlled by all the abusive
“Security guards”

/ Escaping shortly can only prepare you for the real escape plan,
But it is not the solution. Make sure you know how to land back on reality land. /
 FLOWER PETALS

We all start off as similar seeds

Then grow into different types of flowers
After the growing stage proceeds,
Forming the corolla,
Petals hang down from the stem towers

Not everyone sees all our petals

They see just one
That looks like a crooked, out-of-place substance
Awed by what’s on top, forgetting they are dealing with nettles
This is how people see each other
Judgement fogged by the distance

When you live with someone for more than an hour

You discover the hidden petals
The unseen sepals
That draw this person into a beautiful, fully put-together flower

You finally see them as a corolla

Too bad in these times

Such a concept can easily be ruined
By some automation company
And we all know what we do with cars

Cancel the thought

They no longer want to be a corolla
15. Seasons Just like seasons
People change
 AUTUMN LEAVES

The ground
On it the leaves lay
With the winds, they twirl and sway
Across streets as the children play
Under the warm sun of a serene autumn day

To ground
Myself from changing
Like the leaves now
Turn from green to yellow,
To stop myself from ranging
Reaching the end of my cycles
Just to keep a favorite fellow

On what grounds
Should anyone stop nature’s procedure
For any kind of living creature
The past, alive and green it’ll always be
In my mind, thankful for every planted memory

But on this autumn day, I cannot stay

The same person I was yesterday,
Summer with you unveiled a side of me
That I cannot be blind to,
I cannot unsee
The things I could do or be,
And like the leaves do from a tree
This autumn, from my old self I flee
 / One fall, I decided to rise as someone new.
I just grew out of the person you once knew. /
 WINTER HUES

Snowflakes falling onto my warm skin

Awakening the coldness within
As I stretch my clothes for warm shelter
From the monster at my center

The breeze insists to remind me

Of the ways I could be
I turn around to it and say:
“Of that pain, not one more day.”

I leave it behind
Try to get it off my mind
Turn towards the path I now choose
Oh the things I do, not to lose

Questions in my head keep roaming

It’s from all the things I’ve been assuming
The rooms in my head I keep loaning
To ideas that only get me fuming

I see all the red flags ruffling

To the wind that carries your songs
I hear all the words, they teach me the rights and wrongs
But I lost touch of the world to which my soul belongs
They take me to theirs, and I always play along

/ Stand your ground /

 SPRING UP

Days looked the same

Long nights, heavy rain
Fell from my eyes
And helped me relief
Some of the pain

Until one day you walked

Down the roads that
I soaked with my tears,
Skipping through
Puddles like a child with no fears,
Monkey see, monkey do
Before I knew it,
I was skipping my worries too
You bought a bucket and
Carried the tears back
Into my eyes, watered
The dead flowers

Revived, they blossomed

I started to see life in color,
A need sprang up to uncover
The beauty of life I had yet to discover

/ In dark times, we need to help each other see life in color /

 SUMMER STAND

At all ages and times

Life kept throwing its limes
No one gave me a knife or a blender
No one cared that my hands were too tender
For a manual juicer
And I couldn’t afford to be a spender

They said I had to get tougher

My hands needed to be rougher
To make from life some lime lemonade
But I didn’t want to change how I was made
Won’t abide to society’s growing pride
In letting go of their softer side

Sam said I already had all I needed,

Just be patient
I stopped looking for external tools
And started looking within
Sam was right
For this one I had to wait
Until my nails grew long enough to begin
Slicing through the lime’s wrinkled skin
I dug until I found the goods within
Slow but steady, sold and money came in
You don’t have to sell your soul to win
 My heart, a prisoner to desires
Beating belligerently behind my ribs.
16. Home Beaten, staining my heart's cage
With my blood that carries your name.
Of you, these marks remind me
And you guide me
On how to set my soul free.
 THIRD PARENT

Hanging around my neck

Was a locket, with no face inside
Rather, a dead flower resides
Between the walls of my necklace’s pocket

Once it was growing in the soil

That held the flower tree up
My childhood home’s walls
The flower, a sibling of mine
That blossomed from the ground
Of my third parent, The Briga Compound

/ To pieces that carry precious memories of our past into the future /
 BRIGA

When your sunshine soothes my cold skin,

When your breeze gives me one more breath,
After the world and its cycles sucked me in
And my passions found no other path to walk but death

I owe you with my newly born burning desire,

Which you gifted me after months of despair,
You taught me how to survive
People who threw me in fire,
And for life and your memory, I would bare

Dwelling within your shelters,

You’re my immunity to the world’s distress,
Spending time with you makes me feel better
Than being in a party or wearing a pretty dress

Inhaling your air into my languid lungs,

Particles crowned
With the scent of your Jasmine tree,
As I stroll along your land, so peacefully,
Your starry skies looking down at me,
The stars, they were like electric eyes,
Electrified and killed the lost in me,
Isolated, I took a chance to imagine,
Only then did I start to see,
My world so beautifully
Saw your raging wind, hail and storm,
What creation could have but one form?
Remember me, for I will through this poem,
They took you away from me,
Briga, I can’t live in you anymore,
But you’ll forever live in me
The way you were when I was with you,
I am now nothing, but you in human form.

/ Every time it beats, my heart navigates back to your location /

 NO DRAIN FOR THE RAIN

One day your skies

Poured more water
Than you could bare
If I was alone with you
I swear
I would have never escaped
I would have stayed
By your side, drowned
Just to have the privilege
Of living with you
Until my last breath

/ Both letting go and staying can hurt, but the latter’s pain lasts longer.
Trust the process and let go. /
 HEART HOLES

Although there will

Always be a hole
Where you belong
In my heart
The memory of you
Helps me stay afloat
I live, so you can live
Through me

/ The scars show you’re healing. Be proud of them. /

 TERMINATION DATE

Passing through the terminal gate

On my residence termination date
Security finding it hard to identify
My face, from all the nights that I would cry
But crying never changed
Anything, just made me look more aged
At moments like these, appearances are deprioritized
From my identity, I was being estranged
Trying to grasp onto my inner child
As it pulled itself away into a corner, scared
Of all the things she thought she wasn’t prepared
To face in the lands exterior
Shaking, out of her home she felt inferior
But home taught her how to be aware
Of being in a hot mental state
I hugged her tight and told her I’d create
For us a world that was even more great
But we had to move for that to happen
For our flight, we’ll now be late
We can’t afford to carry with us all this weight
Stop crying, leave behind these heavy eye bags
 Let it go
Let it go so we can fly
Smile that we shared a good time, and say goodbye
Goodbye, to the apple of our eye
 TCK

They’re born and raised in one,

Belonging to another,
True citizens of none,
After a while, they’re done
Looking for validation
For their grief over goodbyes,
In the eyes
Of ones who never had to leave
Pieces of their heart behind
In places that they could never return,
Even if it was possible, they wouldn’t find
It the same way it used to be,
Now it’s just a memory,
Out of choices, they get no proper closure,
That’s why it can be
Difficult to get closer
To third culture kids,
Their mind forbids
Them from attaching,
But they’re the best at catching
Societal norms and dispatching
Emotions accordingly,
A skill to survive
Their international life,
But they truly only thrive
When they look inside to
Find their true self at the root,
A constant to follow
To their next stop.

/ To each version of a third culture kid that growing in different homes /

 HOME ADVANTAGE

After you
I became a permanent
Visitor to every land I set foot in,
When the locals woke up,
They chased their lifelong dreams
While I crawled from point zero,
Like a baby in this new world
Startled, filled with anxiety,
Reading signs in a language
I was weak in,
All of it made me feel
Very weak in
The end of the day.

Only I had the memory

Of how strong I used to be,
How fast I used to run,
How well I used to get things done
Back in
My hometown.

May the sounds of the

Records I broke back home,
Travel the boarders and wake up
The beast inside,
So I can make it in places outside
My hometown.

/ Stranger in a strange land /

 HOME IMPROVEMENTS

Even after we got separated

You were still thinking of me
Where am I now?
Where do I sleep?
Made me promise you
Before I leave
That I wouldn’t allow
Anything to keep
Me in one place
For more years
Than I spent with you
Unless I found one
That inspired my soul just like you
My beloved hometown,
Every day would do

Only then you’d be

Happy for me
To move on
 THE LIVING DEAD

For a long time

Speaking about any
Of my real feelings
Was considered taboo
No surprise, I was raised in Tabuk
Don’t get me wrong
It was my first love
But everything I felt after that
I failed to express any of

“You always look calm, almost dead,”

They said
Relief, it meant I properly covered
The skin burns I got
From trying to hold in me this long rope
Made of secrets, entwined with
Hopes and dreams, for a time I could be
Free enough to say what’s truly happening
Inside of me
 BLACK CLOAKS

They made all of us wear

The same long, black cloaks
Dropping down to the ankles
Hiding away our precious gems
From the male folks
But that’s definitely not
What set me free in my story
Any human being should
Be able to feel the winds
On their sweating skins
Without needing to worry
If it triggered the kings
How can we healthily coexist
If I kept feeling sorry
For existing,
Because a man existed
Around me
I was just trying to be
True to myself, and myself is free
Of the ugly reality
Where I’m looked at as a property
To occupy for some needs.
The true poverty
Was never in their pockets
But in some mentalities
In reality,
I felt free in the cloaks because of
The peace I found when
Fellow females came around,
We all looked like one,
The comfort of knowing that
No other woman judged or misread
Who I really was,
None approached me with
Undeserved love or hatred
Just from how I dressed

/ One’s dress is for and about oneself, not anyone else /

 A portal through which
I visit the emotions and thoughts
17. Music Running through people's minds
As I run a mile or
Sit still
 SONG ISLAND

Traveled on a song to an island

Isolated from everything
Poisonous that wanted to
Attack my silent mind
And activate the self-confined
Cells that carry my evil memories

Instead, I listened to the bridge

Cracking beneath me as I walked through,
Dangling down to the waters was the hook
Where I fished for ideas that I took
Back home when the song was over.
 MEMORY OF A MELODY

A Melody
Has its own memory
I learned this when
One dropped into my ears
Reminding me of the times
I was filled with fears
About my future

Now I sit in the future

Smiling
Wondering if I heard it again
Would I also remember
This new memory
Of it pouring gratefulness into me
 SPEAK FOR ME

Sometimes strangers spoke for me

In lyrics of their songs, unknowingly

The moment I realized

They shared similar thoughts as me
My lips parted, unzipped
My heart, now well-equipped
With the courage I was missing
To go for what I really want
Which was never crazy,
My dreams were never weird
It was just far away
From what people think I need
To be happy

/ Getting lost in art is where I found myself /

 GHOSTWRITER

Those who are incapable

Of feeling inspired,
Or maybe just avoid
Feeling at all

Give their opinions on matters

They might not be high enough to reach,
Cursing those who allow themselves to feel.

Do we not notice how we’re running

On batteries assembled from
Sheets of music and literature,
Reels of film and ancient architecture?

Will we continue
To act
Like we don’t know
How many lives it has changed?
The number of lives it has saved
Or for how many souls it continues
To be the sole source of support

Art, in all its forms

Ghostwrites stories of our generation,
That’s why I strongly believe
It should receive more appreciation.

/ For the love of art /

 FREEDOM

The music played as my feet

Followed the rhythm of the beat
Taking my soul to a place it can feed
Grows so nourished and powerful that
It no longer recognized the feeling of defeat

My heart imitates
Each string that vibrates
Push the right keys
Unlock the right room
In my mind

Now my soul is strong enough

To fly high and away
Throws my limbs side to side
Trying to escape the skin it’s coated in
My soul no longer wants to hide
I see why some might call it a sin

Because the best chance

I ever get to feeling free
Is when I follow the music, just dance

But some don’t want you to be free

To which I say, so humbly,
“I don’t really care, for what you want
If it stands in the way of what I need.
Of your opinions, my world will be forever freed.”
 Kindly take a step back, please
18. Privacy Your nose keeps
Poking into my business
 BANKRUPTCY

You can be perplexing

Continuously talking about
The most vexing
Topics like a mad alcoholic
Addicted to society’s histrionics

It’s like you like

Wasting time on
What you dislike
More than putting
Effort into finding
What deserves your
Dedication and grinding

Start minding
your own business
Watch with whom
You keep company
Before this madness
Leads to your business’s
Bankruptcy

/ ““No bird in a cage has ever come to know what the mountain winds feel like, by
staring at the free flying birds, wishing that they would fall from the sky!”
― C. JoyBell C. /
 PERSONAL SPACE

After I’ve kindly translated

The rules for the world I’ve created
You shouldn’t take it personally
When I protect it mercilessly
To your identity, it’s unrelated
My personal space is just sacred

/ I am kind, I am soft. That doesn’t stop me from saying no when I need to. /
 LOWERING MY BRIGHTNESS

I worked so hard
To see the light again

Polished my doorknobs
From the fingerprints
Of everyone who mishandled me

Now the knobs shine

Attracting better things
Into my life

Don’t expect me
To lower my
Hard-earned brightness
And display false modesty
Just so I could have some privacy

I will shine bright

 CURIOSITY KILLED THE COMBAT

I once met
This charming man
Circumstances made it hard
For both of us to make it through
I wanted to try
Fighting for him
Until one day I decided to pry
Couldn’t believe my eyes
Speechless, all I could do was sigh
He didn’t have to lie
Now what we fought for must die

I was really fine with what I found

But a liar
Is not someone I would be proud
To call mine

/ The value of truth

Can buy you some time
After you’ve spent a while
Messing up /
 ARE YOU IN OR EX?

I tend to convert
Between being
An introvert
And an extrovert
Depending on whether
The person around me could prevent
Themselves from
Putting their noses in
Places they shouldn’t

My life
Is not a bed of roses,
Far off

That’s why I get surprised when

They continue to poke their noses in it
As if trying to smell the essence
Of everything I own or do
 RESPECT EACH OTHER’S VASES

The mind, is like a room

With many chairs,
Mine seems to only bloom
When you’re in the front row,
Everything then
Falls into place,
Nothing unusual
Can waste any of my space,
But when you get up for a walk
And leave the door open,
Creatures of strange nature
Try to take my seats,
I watch, in fear
I call for you, my room handler
Sometimes I’m too shy,
I let them wonder and never ask why,
But they started breaking my chairs,
And pushed our vase off the table,
Our vase, that held our secrets tied in lace,
I tried to kick them out, lock them in the base,
They only got more and more, after me they chased,
That is when I screamed for you
To never leave your place.
19. Lockdown To those we find
In our dark
Social Club Times
 CATCHING UP IN CAGES

News flash
Can’t leave the house yet,
Need to stay safe at home
Like my cat pet,
Who is currently fed up
Of me telling her how fed up
I currently am

So I sent a text to Sam,

Catching up, like we used to
At coffee shops or at the mall,
Sam’s little secrets
I knew them all,
But I didn’t
Not anymore

Our messages felt monotone,

Like a routine, a choir
An act of maintenance
For our friendship,
When things one day go back
To normal

I think we’ll always be abnormal

After being trapped human beings
With trapped emotions and needs
For so,
So long
 BRIEF ENCOUNTERS

Hey, how do you do?

I’m good, how are you?

Fine, thank you

ASL

I’m sorry, are you

not feeling well?
Yes. ASL, please do tell

Wasn’t that a misspell?

No, doesn’t ring a bell

Oh, well…
What time is it?

I’ll be going to bed in a bit

Well, that is unfit

I just woke to go to the gym

You seem very far away

I also don’t get you, by the way

Same here, I guess I should say

Goodnight and be on my way
Have a nice day :)
 GHOST TOWN

I thought
Maybe I should explore
This virtual socializing thing
Always wondered
What feelings it could bring

I said
What a weird place
Seemed so familiar
But had not even one
Recognizable face

I found
What seemed to me to be
A very charming lady
But I couldn’t take things easy

I feared
The difference in our land
And the possibility that
I might never hold her hand
I disappeared
From the familiar thing
But when I go to bed
Sometimes, I still hear her sing
Her words dancing through my head

I returned
To tell her I am an idiot
And that she was awesome
The most beautiful flower to blossom

She was gone

Our lives perpendicular
Only once will I ever meet
Someone so similar
 KIK OF GLORY

Each caught up in our past, sleepless

Halfway through our game and I was speechless
Kiking our flaws around like they weren’t weakness
You gave off vibes of both danger and genius

So cynical and sharp, I was afraid

You’d hurt me, yet I stayed
Saw myself in your words
They make my heart beat faster
When they come from your vocal cords
Oh, he can be my master

Before I joined the game

My life was so dark and gory
After it, I saw things differently in the light of our flame
Everything was clearer and life was flory
Stepped back from everything that was predatory
We’ll live new lives in our secret laboratory
This is just the beginning of a story
Filled with light, love, and glory

/ To the light of my life /

 COCO BUFFS

I sought refuge for my heart

Freedom for my thoughts
Safety for my body
In a place where I knew nobody

What the locals didn’t know

I spent years saying hellos
To people in my surrounding
Who never knew about the thoughts
In my head that kept pounding

But this morning was different

I had some breakfast, cereal
It tasted of sweet, dark material
While I watched a series
Of texts light up my phone
Lighting up my day

A smile all the way

Across my face was drawn
I saw it reflecting off the black screen
When I finally shut off my phone
The words you read and hear
Can either make you love life, or fear
Everything about life, steer
In wrong directions
Because you were afraid
Feelings might one day fade
But we’re adults so
Sit down and make a deal
With the other
Reasonable human being
Making everything clear

Simplicity, my dear,
Might not always excite you
But will always give you the peace
You didn’t know you needed

/ Communicate /
 My birth date is one
But for my soul and mind
Many are yet to come
20. Birthdays Several times, dead and revived
She survived
Brought me to existence
And life persisted
 THE BEGINNING

On a rainy day
Early morning of a Friday
Mother pushed me
Into this world
While the sun
Pushed itself up
Into the skies
Lighting them up
Like her eyes
Did the first time
She laid them on
My precious twin
Brother and I
 REBIRTH

Followed me to a land
Where you recognized the sand
Its heat coating your feet
Familiarity led to your defeat
Nothing stays the same
If you think so, you’re to blame
For any series of unfortunate events
Resulting from carelessness in who rents
A space in your clogged mind
Sometimes you shouldn’t be kind
When it comes to parts of you
No one can help renew
Once it’s done, it’s done
Lesson one, no one is the one
Watch the sand suck you in
It’s not the same as when it was
What once held you in place
Supported your pace
Knocks you out and drags you towards
Dark lands, evil spirits, and causality wards
Sits next to you and asks,
“Why are you failing to perform your tasks?”
As the bullet wounds seep of wasted years
Eyes filled with denial, regret and tears
Shortly after, everything disappears
Your love, hate, and fears

Slowly sew what was torn

Gently wipe away the stains
Nothing left from the pains
Self-reborn
 THE 19TH

Your life was moving like a machine

The cycle was addictive, your personal nicotine
A forced shut down, suddenly in quarantine
A blessing in disguise helped with a healthier routine

19 seemed impossible, like playing a game of cribbage

But I had my own stack of tarot cards
For 19, sun was the only image
I rise for you, with you so
Let’s leave behind all the damage

You looked for the recipe to make a good life

Even when loss of appetite was rife
It never tasted right, satisfying, or whole
It gets tiring: split, dump, stuff, lick, and roll
Try to calm down, breathe and heal
Don’t forget, the last step in all wounds is to seal

Just like the moon, I saw you reclaim your original

Position in your universe again
After 19 years, hard and long but gone
We talk 19 to the dozen every night, till dawn
Even when I sleep your smile in my mind is drawn
I know despite that the battles in your mind keep going on

I pray for my soul’s savior

May the Lord protect him from destructive behavior
Lies, hate, confusion and life losing flavor
Please God, just this one favor
He shines in my eyes like burning flames
He’s hot and ready when he accurately aims
I wish he’d ignore the new voice in his head
That tells him it’s himself he blames
Put it to bed
You heard what I said, wrote and read
It’s all in your head.
Take control and know which of the sides you have fed

Make space for a new way

It’s a new day, and every moment is
When you know the rules to the game and play
I won’t lay watch you fade
Your demons shape you like you’re clay
My monster is here to slay
Also, my angel is here to stay
With you, I want it black and white, no gray
My love for you cannot be put in enough
Words to say, to weigh the same way it does in my heart
I want to hear, see, and feel your art
My pedal to the metal baby once he starts
I know I must be patient with him
Just like this moment when he didn’t know
If I’m not, everything will blow
Love won’t flow
My life will no longer glow
I am here for your soul,
That grows another year on this day
Happy birthday.
 THE 20th

Maybe nineteen was a little mean

Aberrations were your new normal
Jaded from all the routine
You were too young to be that formal

Thinking about it, bittersweet

Unexpected encounters, loins heat
Rabbit went down the wrong hole, defeat
Not exactly, think of all the monsters you beat
Stronger and faster, next year you’ll get your treat

Taught you much about yourself

Winning comes after learning
Take only what you need off the shelf
Never stop dreaming and yearning
To become what you always dreamed
You shine like a star, even when your path is swirling

Happy birthday, my precious yearling

 THE 33RD

I whispered and you heard me from miles away

Embraced every idea and word I would say
Never thought a stranger could make my day
Life felt so hard, but now suddenly feels as soft as clay

Felt like I already knew your soul

Seemed to be my new black hole
My heart was burning for you like coal
But in some way, that made it whole

When I shared my secret empire

You helped me see through my desires
Been water to my internal, suffocating fires
Your energy just takes me higher

Thinking of a time where we will be

Together, oh so free
Walk and talk over tea
Happy thirty-three
 Yes, there is a reason
Why this mail reached
Second last place.
21. Mail To Male Hey, not all men. There, I said it.
Now, let the games begin.
 CHONDA-ZA

When life isn’t as beautiful

As you’d hoped for it to be
You close your eyes
Create worlds out of the demise
Of your hopes to find the savior angel in white
But now you can’t see what’s really
Happening to your reality
Losing rationality, losing sight
Blinded, you just needed to excite
Your ego, win the internal fight
Prove you’re man enough
You’re a fierce knight
That only succumbs to the powers of a pure angel
Frolicking on an island far away
In need to maintain your public image
Which you falsely portray
So you secretly receive their charming words
In letters flown to you by the free birds
They spin your heart around like a CD
Playing a perfectly tuned melody
Your mind, it sways to it in virtuality
Who actually wrote these letters?
You don’t really care, or even mind
If it’s not the woman-kind
It changed your wistful world
Reality, and your reality
Worlds apart
Whenever you start feeling
Like leaving
The life you chose
Step into a
Chonda-Za
The Island for instant relief
Endless make believe
And the greatest thief
Of anything you lived
To be or own

/ Donald Lowry’s mail fraud was just one of the beginnings to such a phenomenon /
 FAVORITE COLORS

Started the night with

Conversation appetizers
Asked him what was his favorite color
He said it was black
Explained how it suited every location
Every type of occasion,
While I stared, nodding back
Only thinking of how it beautifully
Contrasted his skin as a Caucasian
Guessing our future offspring’s complexion
As a colored member of the African nation

When he asked me about mine

I said it was yellow
With a smirk on his face, he replied:
“You must really like gold.”
Softly smiling back, I slowly told
Him how his concepts were too old
I’m not a digger for gold
To women like me
It’s better material, like platinum, that’s sold
We buy it with money hard-earned
Through our mental contributions to this world
Even while performing physically
The mind is how all things come to be
Everything your eyes can, or can’t see
To everything in my life
I am a giver
And will be grateful and gratified,
When life gifts me back
Its platinum, gold or silver
In any of its life forms
In rocks, human hearts
Scholarships, or even horns

He gazed at me
For what seemed like eternity
Then asked if I liked
The platinum-plated
Man sitting across of me

I think he missed
The message I wanted to send
Surprised, that I wasn’t surprised,
I knew most men on a date thought
Just about one thing in the end
So I laughed and said,
“Depends if you like eating
Chocolate before bed.”
 A MAN’S WORLD

Money is what I now can breed

My sweat reflecting my face off
The precious necklace’s beads
She deserves such a gift
I’m careful where I plant my seeds
I make sure they meet my needs
But my bones dissolve as she feeds
I got to be patient, I can’t sin
It’s all going to be for the good deeds
Thank Him on my plain prayer beads
This is the way they told me a man succeeds
I looked around to see where this route leads
One thinks, reads, fears, and disagrees
I shake it all off and smoke some weeds
No one gets paid as oneself bleeds
In stressed, materialistic lives my hair line recedes
In place, anxieties and pain supersedes
To the big, mean world my little heart concedes
 OPEN YOUR DOORS

On your doors I knock

When will you open up?
I think I saw you peaking from behind the curtains
To see who I am
“Does she look good enough?”
“Does she fit my plan?”

On your doors I knock

Again
Guess you’re not in there
Maybe there’s a roadblock
Or maybe you just don’t care

On your doors I knock

Do you know how long I waited
Last time I looked it was let-go O’clock
I didn’t notice how quick it faded
Then it took me a couple of months, in shock
How didn’t I leave until I was this degraded?

On your doors I knock

The sound of it, so outdated
Even I noticed, all this time wasted
But this time I didn’t ask for you, I only asked
For what’s really mine
To my heart you’re an outcast
From being your abused, I resign

/ You deserve the best, don’t settle for less /

 REALITY CHECK

There is no good reason

To judge a person
Based on their looks
But when all a man
Wants to see when he looks
At a woman is her appearance, disregarding
Her thoughts, the type of books
She likes to read
And on what her mind likes to feed
I like to do the man a favor
By performing a reality check

Let us first reflect on the size of your gut

Before you comment on the size of a woman’s butt
After that, kindly check how much you’ve got
In your bank account, while this woman you called a thot
Works her beautiful butt off for her mother’s pills
Pays her monthly bills, and does it all while serving looks
To feel good, not to attract you or any of the crooks
A man your age shouldn’t be too concerned
With letters A to G
You’re assigning them to women who already have a few
But it’s the kind you get from jobs, colleges and universities
Speaking about that, to which school have you been to?
Did it not get you a better job than judging women?
Bingo, it’s always the poor education
Of the meaning and roles of women in our population
Now you know why I felt an obligation
To open some wounds
Let the ignorance of any man bleed
Out, leaving space for something hopefully better
To, into reality, sprout
 There will be
Heart-stopping crushes,
Soul-crushing losses,
Crashes in your journey's crossings.
22. Chill Pills In the end, it's all a game.
Don't be someone who rushes
Through its levels, chill.
 THE GIRL

The Girl likes to

Take it easy
For others, life gets windy
The Girl enjoys it breezy

Sometimes
They try stealing the key
To her mind
Occupy it, rent free
She
Abides
Sometimes
They pull her into
their stories and
What they’ve been through

Sometimes
Her calmness enrages
Those of them who
See life as endless races

Sometimes
They ring her phone
And want to know all
The things that she’s known

But at all times

There’s only one way
She wants to do things and be
The Girl likes to
Just take it easy

/ Inspired by one of my all-time favorites, The Big Lebowski /

 MOVIE SETS

They talked to each other about

A person who I never met
She lives on several movie sets
Acting to allow
Expectations to be met
“That’s you!”
They said

But the real me, they never really see

In my private world I will continue
To be free of any referee
I don’t judge, and won’t allow
Your judgement of me
Change my energy
That’s why I let them talk about me
Like I’m the people I will never be

Talk about her all you want

While I sit back and enjoy
My delicious jam croissant
As I sip coffee
With my favorite boy
 DISTURBING DOTS

I notice something new

Out of the blue, it just grew
On my face,
A damn pimple,
Now I’ll have to walk with it
To every place,
Something so small and simple
Can annoy me the whole day,
But I choose not
To care for that tiny dot

Whenever I would spot

Any mistakenly painted
Little, annoying dot
On the beautiful canvas
Painting of my life,
I learned not to play with it,
Or it’ll leave scars,
Reminding me
That it once existed

So I give no attention to it,

Focus on the rest and omit
It, soon it’ll be gone
Leaving no trace,
And I’ll be back to my
Clear, smiling face

/ Do not fall into the mistake of giving attention to what bothers you.
You’re keeping it alive. /
 REJOICE IN FEAR

Fear,
A form of time travel,
Ignited by the violent mental rejection
Towards events that might occur.

From there, you travel back in time to the now,

Carrying virtual scars, marks of quitting
Commitments to your life goals,
And lusting over temporary comfort zones,
After feeling the pain, you start to train
All the skills you need to prevent
Every catastrophic future event.

Fearing
Only clarifies
The reasons you
Need to do better.

Fearing failure
Only amplifies
The need to work harder.

Fearing all forms of captivation

Only amplifies
The need to fight for freedom.
Fearing death
Only amplifies
The value of living.

Fearing loss of self

Only amplifies
The importance of self-care.

Fearing loss of people

Only amplifies
The need to care for them.

In fear, I wake from

The hypnotic states of
Mediocrity and ignorance.

Fear is the fuel to greatness,

And I rejoice at the propulsion of my mind,
Into a world of endless possibilities

/ 2:216 Fighting is enjoined upon you, while it is hard on you.

It could be that you dislike something, when it is good for you.
And it could be that you like something when it is bad for you. /
 DARK RELIEF

Why do we keep choosing to worry

Yes, choosing
When it never solved
In fact, made worse
Anything in our lives

To atheists, Godly deeds don’t matter

There’s really nothing thereafter
Sure, being a good person is unrelated
But they don’t do good because they were
Threatened or berated, in the name of
Ending up in a better place in the afterlife
It’s just the now, that’s all they have

To theists, they’re always on God’s radar

Angels monitoring deed-dependent factors
In this life you could fool as many as you want
But God knows the intentions of every actor
All you need to do, is be good to yourself and others
It’s unnecessary to think of what a believer would suffer
Just like everything else truly is
The judgement of anyone was never up to us
There is relief in discontinuity
No more pleasure, no more pain
Null state, death
Is where we’ll end up
So choose to let go of worry

One day it’ll all go away

But don’t let it leave
Knowing it had you fooled into
Taking it so seriously all the way.

/ Despite everything I’ve written in this book,

I am truly here to chill.
This is to the art of writing,
My personalized be-calm pill./