Copyright Page

This book was automatically created by FLAG on December 21st, 2011, based
on content retrieved from http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6131815/.

The content in this book is copyrighted by wandb or their authorised agent(s).

All rights are reserved except where explicitly stated otherwise.

This story was first published on July 11th, 2010, and was last updated on
January 12th, 2011.

Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated - please email any bugs, problems,
feature requests etc. to flag@erayd.net.
 Table of Contents

Summary
1. Chapter 1 Breaking Point
2. Chapter 2 Escape
3. Chapter 3 Caught
4. Chapter 4 Inside
5. Chapter 5 Saving Grace
6. Chapter 6 Confused
7. Chapter 7 El Fandango
8. Chapter 8 James
9. Chapter 9 Floating
10. Chapter 10 Storm
11. Chapter 11 Gone
12. Chapter 12 Distance
13. Chapter 13 Coming Home
14. Chapter 14 Reality
15. Chapter 15 Distance
16. Chapter 16 New York
17. Chapter 17 Victoria
18. Chapter 18 Together
19. Chapter 19 Recognition
20. Chapter 20 Preparation
21. Chapter 21 Exodus
22. Chapter 22 Patient
23. Chapter 23 Dr Swan
24. Chapter 24 Cracks
25. Chapter 25 History Repeating
26. Chapter 26 Full Circle
27. Chapter 27 Guatemala
28. Chapter 28 Release

-3-
 Summary

Extreme circumstances force Bella and Edward into an intense relationship

amidst devastation, but will their foundation be enough to survive reality? AH. B/E.
Rated M.

-4-
 Chapter 1 Breaking Point

A/N: Hi everyone! It's time to embark on a new journey! I hope you enjoy
this.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 1: Breaking Point

"Please don't do this," I begged, but he just wouldn't let it go. I hated this. I hated
the look of contempt on his face. Gone were the sweet and endearing looks of the
past. They had been replaced by scorn, anger and hurt.

"What did you expect?" he asked firmly. "Did you think that I'd be okay being a
widower to your job? That I'd be okay being your occasional sidekick for parties, but
then ignored every other minute? You know, I have needs, too."

"Please don't…it's been unusually busy. It won't always be this way, I promise. I'm
doing the best I can. I'm doing this for us!" I sobbed, reaching out for him, but he
pulled away from my touch.

"No, you're not. If I meant anything to you, you'd have met me halfway. There
were plenty of opportunities and yet nothing has changed." He briefly made eye
contact, and then looked down at the floor. He was never one for being open about
his feelings.

"How can you say that? How can you question my feelings? You know how much
you mean to me."

"No, Bella. I don't," he deadpanned.

How had it come to this between us? We'd been through so much together. I was
so hurt and confused.

"I wasn't good enough for you?" I didn't want him to answer because I had the
distinct feeling that I already knew what he was going to say.

"I loved you once and I'm sorry that it's come down to this, but I don't think we
-5-
can go back from here. I wouldn't even know where to start. It's just been too long
and so much has changed between us. I think once you calm down and think about
it, you'll see that this is for the best."

"Don't say that. I don't want you to leave. Please don't leave me. How can you
walk out on me after everything we've been through?" The words were barely
comprehensible as I sobbed.

"I'm sorry. I have to go."

He turned on his heels, grabbed his bag and left. The door echoed as it slammed
in our now empty house, reminding me of my solitude.

I sank to the floor, bringing my knees up to my chest as I laid my head down on

them in despair.

I couldn't imagine a future without him. I drove him away. My obsession with my
career had driven a wedge between us and that was the last thing I wanted. I did
this. I didn't mean to do it, but I had all the same and that thought haunted me.

How had I not seen the distance growing between us? What kind of person was I
when I didn't even know that he was so miserable that he had to leave just to feel
alive?

I had no sense of time as I sat in the foyer, crying. My life as I knew it was over. I
feared that even if he had stayed and talked that I'd never be able to get him back,
yet I still clung to that hope.

A knock on the door jolted me. For the briefest of moments, I thought it might be
him, telling me that he'd made a mistake. I hoped that he'd come around and
realized that he did love me and that we could work through this together.

My hopes were dashed as I flung open the door to see a police officer on my
porch. I wiped my eyes, trying to compose myself, despite my shock and disheveled
state.

"Can I help you?" I asked, through my sniffles.

"Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry about the late hour, but I'm afraid I have some bad news."
He had a hint of a southern accent and his demeanor was calm and professional.

I felt the hair on my neck stand on end as his words sunk in.
-6-
 Bad news.

"Please come in," I said, standing to the side to allow the officer to pass.

He nodded and walked into the dimly lit foyer, removing his hat politely.

"I'm afraid there's been an accident," he started. My heart sank as he said his next
words. "Your husband was driving on Pacific Coast Hwy and was hit by a drunk
driver. He was taken to the hospital and they did everything they could to revive
him, but his injuries were just too great. I'm very sorry to say that he died."

The air flew from my lungs and it felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I
was stunned; praying silently that this was a mistake.

Maybe they have the wrong house. This can't be right.

"No…it's not possible…he was just here…he was fine." The officer gave me a
sympathetic look and handed me a card. He explained again about the details of the
crash and checked my ID, confirming my identity.

There was no mistake. It was really him.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. This is my contact information if you need anything at all. But
for now, I do need to ask you to come with me to identify the body," he said. "I know
it's hard, but we need your help, and of course, your permission to release the
body."

The body? This was my husband!

I didn't bother to argue with the officer. I was too numb.

"Is there someone you want to call? To be with you?"

"No. There's no one."

The reality of that statement hit me hard and a new wave of tears fell from my
eyes.

We arrived at the station and I was shuffled to the morgue through a crowd of
criminals and officers. It was all a big blur; fuzzy like it wasn't really happening. I
felt like I was watching someone else go through this instead of living it myself.
Everything around me was like white noise, it was there in the background but I
-7-
didn't notice anything, couldn't decipher it, and couldn't feel anything.

The morgue attendant briefly conferred with the officers while I wrapped my arms
around my middle in an attempt to crawl into myself and hide from reality.

Together we walked over to a small, elevated, refrigerator-looking door, and the

attendant opened it, revealing a sheet-covered body. I gasped, knowing what I was
about to see. I'd been around death before, but this was excruciating.

I can't do this.

He pulled back the sheet to reveal my husband's face. He was badly bruised and
cut, but there was no mistaking him. His once lively features were still. His face,
which only earlier this evening held so much contempt and emotion, was stoic,
unfeeling. His skin was ashen, the life it contained no longer there.

I let out a loud wail and rested my cheek on his cold chest.

"I'm so sorry." It was all I could say. "For everything."

He was gone. There would be no chance for reconciliation, as I hoped for earlier.
He died harboring horrible thoughts about me. He died because I wasn't a good
enough wife to keep him happy. This was my fault and I would never forget that his
life ended because of me.

I was so angry. Angry with him for leaving. Angry with the doctors for not saving
him. Angry that they hadn't contacted me sooner. Angry with myself for not being
able to stop it.

One minute I thought I had it all, and the next everything was gone. That night
showed me just how deep my failures ran. In spite of all my planning, all my hard
work, everything I thought I knew was a lie. I was helpless to the hands of fate.

A/N: So, what did you think? That would be a tough thing to get over,
wouldn't it?

Leave me review to let me know your thoughts. I write for you guys, so it's
nice to know if it's resonating.

As usual for me, I'll be giving teasers for reviews!

-8-
 I can't say enough about all the help I got from my betas. This story has
already gone through multiple iterations, and I'm only on the first chapter.
So, scsquared and TwiHeart, THANK YOU for talking me down off the ledge
and putting up with my neurotic behavior. I love you guys!

Also, thanks to my pre-readers, Sunfeathers, jermak99 and ellierk for

making me feel not so nervous!

-9-
 Chapter 2 Escape

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 2: Escape

Edward

My life had gotten crazy in the past few years, to the point that I no longer
recognized it; like I was living someone else's life. I was constantly shuttled from
event to event, having my ass kissed by everyone I met and having to kiss my fair
share as well.

As a writer, I always preferred solitude to most social situations. I'd thought about
teaching or pursing my PhD but decided to take some time off to pursue my passion.
When I wrote, I was inspired. I could escape into my mind and let my words have
meaning, instead of the useless tripe being spouted everywhere I went. I published
my first book last year and since then, everything I loved about writing had gone
away. In its place was a nonstop barrage of book signings and publicity tours. I
barely had time to think much less do what I loved.

It wasn't that I was anti-social but I much preferred small groups to large crowds.
Unfortunately, it seemed that lately, I'd had more than my share of large crowds and
huge parties. The conversations were insincere most of the time and I felt like I was
going through the motions instead of actually forming relationships.

The success of the book definitely had perks. I could support myself doing what I
loved. I could share my passion with people and I was always amazed at hearing
readers' stories about how I entertained them, or touched their lives in some way.

Unfortunately, there was also a downside to celebrity that was much more difficult
than I'd imagined. People recognized me from my book cover and talk shows. They
took my picture no matter where I was or what I was doing. I had no privacy.
Nothing was mine anymore. My life felt completely fake much of the time and I had
to endure it alone.

I would have loved to date more and find someone I could be close with, but even
if I had the time, it seemed like everyone I met had an agenda and some
- 10 -
preconceived idea about me. Women threw themselves at me, having never spoken a
word to me.

The book tour and publicity commitments were winding down, but my publisher
was pressuring me to start another book so we could keep up the momentum from
the first book's success. I didn't like the pressure and I didn't want to become a
machine. I wanted to write when I felt inspired, not when my demanding publisher
dictated it. Victoria meant well, but her pushy nature had begun to rub me the
wrong way.

I scheduled a trip to visit my brother and parents in Washington State. I needed to

put my life into perspective. Being at home was the only time and place where I felt
normal, happy. They didn't treat me differently and I never realized just how much I
needed that.

"Dude, you look like shit," Jasper said when he picked me up from the airport.

"Thanks, asshole," I answered with a smile. It was good to be home.

He pulled me into a one-armed guy hug and I reciprocated.

We grabbed my bag and headed toward his car.

"So, you gonna tell me why you're here?" he asked once we were on the road to
his house.

"What? I'm not allowed to visit you?" I asked, knowing I wasn't being entirely
honest.

"You never come to visit anymore. Come on, what's going on?" he asked, seeing
through me.

"I just needed to get away," I sighed as I ran my hands through my hair, a nervous
habit I found myself doing when frustrated and something I'd been doing a lot lately.
"Victoria's got me running all over the fucking place and I just wanted a break."

He nodded and fidgeted with his fingers on the steering wheel. "Well, whatever it
is, it's good to see you."

We spent the remainder of the car ride catching up with each other. Jasper was
two years younger than me and we'd always been close. He lived in Seattle, a
relatively short drive from where we grew up. My parents still lived there, in a town
- 11 -
called Forks. It was really small and had an odd mix of people who called it home.
My parents loved it, but Jasper and I couldn't wait to get out, so we both moved
upon graduation. It was ironic that I was so anxious back then to get out and see the
world, and now I was living in New York, longing for the quiet and peace of home.

That night, Jasper and I went out for a while to play pool. It was nice to be able to
talk to someone and do normal things. Even though I could see people taking
pictures of me with their phones, my brother was there and that made me feel
normal.

"Are you Edward Cullen?" a woman asked, just as I was lining up the balls.

"Uh…yeah…" I replied, setting down the cue stick, not able to complete my shot.

She started screaming at the top of her lungs and motioning towards her friends.
People were staring, wondering what caused the commotion. The noise was piercing
and I became extremely embarrassed. I had just wanted a nice night out away from
all of this.

"Ohmiodohmigodohmigod! I knew it was you, but my girlfriend insisted that you

lived in New York. I just knew it," she babbled, pulling out her phone to take
pictures of me.

Meanwhile, her friends joined her and I began to feel like an animal at the zoo, on
display for all to see. I fucking hated this. I really wanted to just hang out with
Jasper and feel normal. Other authors didn't have to deal with this. Part of me
blamed Victoria, as she had my face plastered on every street corner and mode of
mass transportation for publicity.

Jasper just chuckled and watched me getting practically molested by these drunk
girls. I managed to extricate myself from their clutches without offending anyone, or
telling them I was gay, so I could get back to the game. This was a special talent I
had mastered over the last year. I always felt a little bit drained after this type of
encounter.

"So, tell me what else is going on with you? You seeing anyone? Making any
friends?" Jasper asked as he waited for me to finally take my shot.

I laughed as I took a swig of my beer. "Are you kidding me? I haven't got time to
even think about dating. Besides, I wouldn't know who the hell to ask out."

"Edward, you're famous. You have hot chicks throwing themselves at you all the
- 12 -
time. That cute blond girl seemed to be pretty in to you," Jasper said with a hint of
jealousy in his voice, nodding towards where the women were still giggling across
the bar.

I chuckled. "Yeah, but her friend made my ears bleed. It's not all it's cracked up to
be. The opportunity is definitely there, but those girls aren't interested in me. Not
really. They're interested in me to the extent that they've seen my face on a book
jacket or on a television show, not me as a person."

"I know you've never been the type to sleep around, but you should at least have
some fun. New York is huge. There's got to be some nice girls out there."

"Ah, who the hell cares? I don't have time to date, anyway."

Jasper set his cue stick down and gazed at me, his expression serious. "This is
your life we're talking about. You don't have to live that way."

"No offense, but it's hard for you to understand. People like you for you, not what
you can do for them. You have your privacy. I don't."

He shook his head and sighed. "Look, don't patronize me. I know you better than
anyone and I've never seen you so unhappy. If your celebrity status is making you
miserable, then take a break. Go somewhere where people don't know you. Do
something for you for a change."

"Oh yeah, right. I'm just supposed to up and leave? Where would I go?"

"I don't know. Go on a trip. Do something fun. You've mentioned those relief
organizations that work abroad before. Why not do something like that? You'd get
the break you need and help people at the same time. It'd be rewarding. You might
actually enjoy yourself. All I know is that what you're doing now isn't working and
life's too short to be miserable."

He knew me so well and could obviously see that I was a stone's throw away from
losing it. I was a ticking time bomb. This trip was a last ditch effort to find some
peace in my life. But Jasper had planted an interesting seed in my mind. I'd felt so
trapped, but he was right. This was my life. Maybe I could make a change.

For the next month after I got back from Washington, I researched aid
organizations and made some contacts. I had always wanted to help people, but
never knew how and as a result was easily overwhelmed by all the options. Still, my
parents raised me to be charitable and I knew how fortunate I was to be living in the
- 13 -
United States and enjoy the privileges I'd had growing up and that fame provided.
The idea of going abroad began to make a lot of sense to me.

I found an organization out of San Francisco called the World Food Program or
WFP for short, which worked with third world countries. They provided a multitude
of services ranging from medical care to water treatment to crisis preparation. I
read testimonials and talked to several people who had volunteered and finally
decided to make the leap and sign up.

It felt good to be doing something outside of my crazy, over-scheduled life. My

parents always taught me that there was no greater sense of satisfaction than that
from helping others. I finally understood what that meant.

I'd chosen Central America, because I'd heard it was beautiful and the people
were among the most malnourished in the world. It broke my heart to think about
people literally starving while I had so much excess around me. I hoped that I could
make a difference. The fact that I spoke a little Spanish was also a plus.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Victoria said, seething into the phone.
"Guatemala? Are you going through some sort of early mid-life crisis or some such
bullshit?"

"I don't expect you to understand," I said, exasperated. "This is something I need
to do for me. Do you know when the last time I did something for me was?"

"All right, Edward," she acquiesced, "I'll play along. When?"

"When I wrote my book. That's the last time I can remember being happy. Look,
I'm not talking about forever, but I just need a break. I want to do something bigger
than all of this. Can you understand that?"

"You will come back, though, right? I'm not going to have to fetch you down in
Central America, am I? You won't go all Dances with Wolves on me now and join up
with some native clan, will you?"

"I promise I'll be back," I reassured her.

So, that was how I came to be on this particular boat on some isolated river in
Guatemala. I'd never felt so hot in my life. It was almost unbearable. There was no
breeze at all, and the air was thick with humidity. The bugs nipped at my neck and I
struggled to keep them at bay. The scenery was green and lush from the excessive
rains. I looked around nervously at the faces of the others on the boat and realized
- 14 -
just how far I'd come.

This was certainly a far cry from the bustling streets of New York, and if I was
being honest, I already felt more relaxed.

The boat docked and I climbed out onto a dock, which was suspended just inches
above the muddy river's edge. I was greeted by smiles from the locals, and I
nervously smiled back. I had no idea where to go.

I was told that a representative from WFP would meet me, but as I looked around,
all I saw were the adorable faces of the local children and their mothers. A few men
worked the docks, but there didn't appear to be anyone interested in me. It was
strange not to be recognized and even though I was lost, I loved it.

"Are you Edward?" a man's voice called from my left.

I turned and nodded. "Yeah."

He stuck out his hand to shake mine. "¡Hola amigo! Bienvenido. I'm Carlisle. I'm
the local administrator for the WFP."

Carlisle was in his late 30's or early 40's and had a strong presence. He wore
cargo shorts, a t-shirt and Tevo sandals, as anything more would be unbearable in
the heat. He wasn't physically much taller than I was, but there was an air about
him that demanded respect. I liked him immediately.

"We've been anxious for your arrival here. We had two people go home last week,
so we're short of help. There's plenty of work to go around." He ushered me into an
old, open Jeep and we made our way through the small town.

"The biggest issue we face here is the lack of proper facilities, clean water being
the biggest challenge. WFP has been instrumental in helping these people obtain
water, but it's expensive and the income here is far below the poverty level. To add
insult to injury, this area is prone to a lot of natural disasters and so whatever
resources they do have often get destroyed by floods."

He continued to explain more about what we were doing and how the team was
set up. Apparently, there were about twenty volunteers and employees who lived in
a camp-like facility on the outskirts of a small rural town about an hour's drive away.
They had been pounded by natural disasters. A recent tropical storm and
subsequent mud slides had caused considerable destruction and injuries in the small
village and surrounding areas. Lives had been lost, and livelihoods destroyed from
- 15 -
the devastation and reduction in tourism. Carlisle's team was doing everything they
could to help those severely impacted.

Some of his team were retired professionals, but most of them were like me;
people who wanted to help and looked at this as an adventure. Some were here for
only a few weeks, while others stayed for months, or even years. It was the first
worthwhile thing I'd done in a long time.

The road was unpaved in many places and quite bumpy, but the breeze from the
open Jeep was a refreshing reprieve from the oppressing heat. The buildings were
dilapidated and painted bright colors. People lined the street, selling whatever
goods they had. Poverty was rampant. It was heartbreaking.

We pulled into the camp and I realized that Carlisle hadn't been exaggerating
about the conditions. The buildings we stayed in were run down shacks, built from
cinder blocks with wooden flat roofs.

There were a few people wandering around, but other than that, it was pretty
desolate. Apparently, at this time of day, most of the volunteers were out in the field.

"Why don't you get settled and I'll meet up with you later to give you the tour. If I
come back in an hour, will that give you enough time? Most of the volunteers will be
back by then," Carlisle said, looking his watch.

"Sure. An hour sounds great."

The volunteer bunks were all situated in a row at the far end of camp. Each of us
had our own room that looked very much like a dorm room. The walls were sturdy,
but the roofs looked like they could fall at any moment. Each room had a tandem
bathroom that was shared with the neighboring room. Although small, my room had
a cozy feeling to it. I sat down on the lumpy cot that would serve as my bed and
couldn't help the smile that overtook my face. I unpacked my things with an
overwhelming sense of satisfaction. Despite the miserable conditions, I hadn't felt
this alive in years.

Carlisle was punctual and an hour later I was walking through the camp being
introduced.

I met Emmett, who apparently worked in construction and helped with rebuilding
efforts. He was tall and muscular, and had a very pleasant disposition. He worked
with another volunteer named James, who wasn't as openly friendly as Emmett, and
seemed much more intense. Apparently if you gave either of them a hammer and
- 16 -
nails, they could build or fix anything. Not being very handy myself, I appreciated
the skill set. I could definitely see how their skills would be useful here. Everything
I'd seen today had been in a complete state of disrepair.

"You two will be working together," Carlisle said. "With all that's happened here,
they could really use the help."

Me? With tools? Not good.

"Uh, I don't have any construction skills," I said lamely. Aside from a wood shop
class I'd taken as a kid, I knew nothing about construction.

"Emmett will show the ropes, don't worry," Carlisle reassured me. "Plus, just
having you here will help a lot. You'll see."

I wasn't so sure.

"Don't worry, man," Emmett chimed in. "We've got plenty to do. There are entire
neighborhoods that are isolated because of road damage. People have been stuck in
their homes for a week. Trust me; there are plenty of ways to help."

I nodded lamely, not having witnessed what he was talking about to put his
comments into perspective. I found myself looking forward to spending more time
on the "front line".

Next, we walked into the food prep area. It not only fed the volunteers but also
served as a place to prepare food to take to the locals. It had an industrial-sized
kitchen, but by U.S. standards, it was run down and looked barely functional. There
were large bags of cornmeal on the counters and huge pots situated on the stovetop.
There was a tent area adjacent to the kitchen that served as a cafeteria, with long,
wooden tables and benches.

I was introduced to Riley, a young guy who worked in the food operations, which
looked like a huge undertaking. There were others who helped him, including
Carlisle who oversaw everything.

We walked past a small room that was set up as a classroom. There were no
children present at that time, but I could see the alphabet written on an old
chalkboard in the front and children's artwork taped to the walls. Apparently, a
woman named Heidi was the local teacher, but she wasn't around. It amazed me
that this was where children learned, as the conditions were so appalling. These
children not only had to worry about learning, but surviving. I couldn't imagine it.
- 17 -
 The deplorable conditions, although described to me in great detail before, were
still so shocking and unbelievable to witness firsthand. It was definitely one of those
experiences that you couldn't fully comprehend until you lived it.

So far, no one recognized me and I was so happy that I could just be myself
without worrying about anything other than how I could help. This was real, not the
plastic world in which I normally lived.

"I want you to meet Dr. Swan," Carlisle said as we walked away from the
classroom toward a building with a red cross next to the door.

He smiled. "She's the best of the best. She works hand in hand with Emmett and
his team and has been instrumental in getting basic medical care to those affected
by the storm and the subsequent flooding."

"Dr. Swan?" Carlisle said to a woman as we walked in. She had her back to us, so
all I could see was the back of her dress and a brown ponytail that hung down her
back. Her long, shapely legs emerged from the bottom of her skirt and I couldn't
help but stare.

I didn't know why, but I wasn't expecting a woman to be the head doctor, let alone
a young woman. I shook my head, disappointingly. I was never much for
stereotyping, yet I caught myself doing exactly that.

She turned upon hearing Carlisle's voice and smiled sweetly. A blush crept onto
her cheeks and she seemed shy. She was absolutely beautiful, probably in her early
thirties. She had fair skin and deep brown eyes that lit up with her smile. She was
very petite and looked as if a strong wind would blow her over.

"I'd like you to meet Edward," Carlisle said, motioning toward me. "He's been
assigned to Emmett's team and I know you'll help him get settled. Edward, this is
Dr. Bella Swan."

I stuck out my hand and she reciprocated. Her soft, delicate hand slipped into
mine as she looked earnestly into my eyes. Her grip was firm and I was beginning to
think my earlier assessment of her being fragile was incorrect. Her eyes bored into
my mind and I felt as if she could see my thoughts by a simple look. There was
strength to this woman and I found myself curious and intrigued.

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Swan," I said. "You've got quite an operation here."

"Well, we're proud of what we've accomplished, but I can't take the credit. The
- 18 -
staff here is amazing. And there's still so much to be done."

Hmm, she's humble too.

"Okay then, I'm going to leave you two to get acquainted," Carlisle said, pulling
me from my daze. "Dr. Swan will show you around the clinic. I'll see you tonight at
dinner."

Carlisle left and Dr. Swan motioned for me to follow her.

"So, what brought you to Guatemala and to WFP?" she asked casually as she
showed me around the clinic.

"My life was pretty chaotic, so I thought I could use a change." I was honest, yet
intentionally vague. I didn't want to say anything that might make her recognize me.
I was enjoying the anonymity.

"I can certainly understand that," she said sweetly. "We all need a break
sometime."

"What about you?" I asked. "What brought you here?"

Her expression fell and I could tell that I'd made her instantly uncomfortable.

"Oh…uh… you know…the usual… I just…I wanted to help people." Her voice was
uneven and strained, not soft like before.

Why is she so nervous?

"You've certainly done that, Dr. Swan," I said, trying to put her back at ease. "I'm
very impressed. I'm sure the local population is extremely grateful for your help."

She looked down at the floor and the blush returned to her cheeks. "Thank you.
And please call me Bella."

Bella. Beautiful.

"Bella, it is." I said with a smile.

I had a feeling that I was going to like working with Bella. A lot.

"Edward, we're always glad for the help here, but you should know that I've had
- 19 -
quite a bit of frustration with Emmett and his team. People in the village need care
and to get it, I have to be able to get to them. I know he's working hard, but it's
frustrating to have the ability to help and not be able to reach them. I hope that you
can help them make the process more successful."

I wasn't expecting her to be that candid. What the hell could I do to help? It was
my first day and I had no construction skills to speak of. But, the way she spoke to
me made me want to try that much harder. Hell, I'd become a master craftsman if it
meant I'd see her smile again.

That night at dinner, I stealthily sought out Bella, trying not to appear too eager.
She was sitting with Carlisle and Emmett at the far end of the cafeteria. It had
started to rain heavily and the sounds of the raindrops on the tent created a
constant hum.

"Glad you made it," Bella said brightly when she saw me. "It's raining awfully hard
and I thought you might have gotten swept away."

Is she flirting with me? God, I hope so.

She scooted over on the bench to make room for me with a devious smirk on her
face. I happily slid in next to her.

Bella continued what seemed to be a conversation already in progress. "Emmett,

it's been a week. I need the road cleared. People down there are dying," Bella said,
the mood suddenly turning serious.

"Hey now, he's doing all he can," Carlisle interjected. "It's not an ideal situation,
but we're working with what we have."

She sighed and stabbed her food. "I know. I'm not blaming him, it's just I hear
stories everyday about children being orphaned or people being trapped and it's
frustrating as hell. Sorry, Emmett."

"No worries, Doc," Emmett said with his mouth full. "I know how you think and I
respect it. We'll get you there. Now that Edward's here, we'll move much quicker."

What?

How the fuck was I supposed to help with my complete lack of construction skills?
I felt like I'd let her down and I hadn't even started.

- 20 -
 The conversation over dinner was enlightening. I learned a lot about how the
efforts were going, which also made me nervous. These people had skills that I
didn't possess. They were talented and caring and I felt like a complete asshole.
What did I bring to the table? Maybe I could write the starving, dying kids a fairy
tale?

Carlisle had been here the longest and said he felt that the WFP was making
major strides in helping the local people. It seemed like there was so much that
needed to be done. It was almost overwhelming, but Carlisle took it one day at a
time and celebrated small victories. I wished I could apply his sense of optimism to
my own life. I liked his laid back style and I couldn't help but think he'd be great in a
crisis situation- calm and collected. This was definitely where he belonged.

Throughout dinner, I was inexplicably drawn to Bella. I felt like a hormonal

teenager around her- awkward and nervous. I realized that I had grossly
underestimated her. She wasn't the shy woman I'd thought she was, nor was she
fragile. She had an undeniable allure and strength. People were drawn to her. It
wasn't just me; everyone reacted positively to her. She was smart and radiated
confidence, possessing the ability to make anyone around her feel special. I couldn't
wait to see her with her patients, as I was sure she'd be incredible.

My life as a writer in New York felt a million miles away. I realized that I'd lived
my life up to that point in a bubble. Everything had been about me. I had been so
wrapped up in my own issues. It felt good to be here, where no one knew me, and no
one cared. There were no screaming fans, no publicity events, and no nagging
publishers. I was finally able to just be me and do something worthwhile and
meaningful for a change.

I had explained to Victoria that I would be completely unavailable for weeks.

There were phone lines, only a Satellite phone that I could use at pre-arranged
times. With no cell towers and no internet connection, I was completely untethered
to the outside world. It was freeing.

I sat down that night and wrote a letter to Jasper. I hadn't written a letter by hand
in years. I explained the natural beauty and how green everything was here. I wrote
about the heavy rains and the conditions of the camp and the town. I told him about
the new friends I'd made and what I'd be doing. I smiled as I wrote about Bella,
trying to make it sound like there was only a professional interest in her, even
though I knew otherwise. Meeting someone like her had been unexpected. I didn't
know how to describe it, but there was something exceptional about her. Finally, I
thanked Jasper for caring enough about me to force me to make a change; one that I
was sure would be lasting.
- 21 -
 It was only the first day, and already it had been worth it.

A/N: So, Edward and Bella meet. How long will Edward's anonymity last?
What's Bella hiding?

Thanks for all the reviews, alert adds and favorites. There were some great
theories thrown around. It made my day to get such a great response to
chapter 1. Please let me know what you think of this chapter as well! I'm
thinking that Tuesdays and/or Wednesdays will be my regular updating days.
That seems to work for me.

Reviews=Teasers

Thanks again to my peeps, who worked tirelessly through this with me. I'm
a major stress case at times, as they can no doubt confirm. Thanks so much!

- 22 -
 Chapter 3 Caught

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 3: Caught

Bella

Usually camp was a veritable revolving door of volunteers. With the exception of
Carlisle and a few select friends, who I loved more than anything, I didn't really get
to know the other volunteers. I wasn't trying to be rude, but what was the point of
getting to know people, only to have them leave shortly thereafter. In recent weeks,
though, Emmett and James had both made considerable efforts to get to know me,
and they both seemed like nice enough guys. So we became friends.

Carlisle warned me that James had a crush on me, but I knew I could handle it. I
went to medical school with plenty of forward and competitive men so I was more
than accustomed to fending off guys, not that I was exceptionally pretty and always
being hit on. While I didn't think I was ugly, I wasn't someone to put a huge effort
into my appearance. I just always seemed to find myself outnumbered by men, and
therefore, a commodity. As long as my parts were anatomically female, I would have
been hit on.

I really didn't have any interest in dating here when there was so much work to be
done. Even before coming to Guatemala, I hadn't been intimate with a guy in a long
time. Part of it was that I was simply too busy to date seriously, and the other part of
it was intentional. It would be completely unfair of me to ask any guy to willingly
step into my bullshit.

I had failed at the one thing that I valued most in life. After it all went down, I
threw myself into my work, needing to remedy my failures. But nothing made the
pain go away. Nothing took away the sadness of knowing the pain I had caused.

Thankfully my best friend, Kate, talked me into coming here and it had really
helped me get a new sense of direction. I was removed from the daily reminders of
my shortcomings with nothing haunting me.

I had been here for five months. My parents thought I had finally lost it and had
- 23 -
spent the first month or so trying to talk me out of staying. Even Rosalie, my sister
who was usually very adventurous, thought I was insane. But I had found purpose
here. I had found a way to cope because people needed me here. There was no time
to wallow in self-pity.

I spent most of my days at the clinic. There was so much to be done and we were
woefully understaffed. I felt like if I could just help one more person, save one more
life, I could redeem myself. It was busy, but very rewarding. My patients, most of
whom were very spiritual, would cling to me and tell me that I was sent from God,
and it made me so happy that I could be there to help. Many of them lacked even the
basic medical care that Americans took for granted. It was humbling.

What little free time I had was spent reading or hiking. There wasn't much else to
do around here, as we were completely cut off from the modern conveniences I had
become accustomed to. My friend Alice, whom I met here and also volunteered,
dragged me out on hikes several times a week to stay in shape. If not for her, I'd be
a total homebody.

The scenery in Guatemala was captivating. The rain forests were dense and filled
with wildlife I was used to only seeing in zoos. The sounds of the animals were all
around on our hikes and I tried to take as many pictures as possible. It was a once in
a lifetime experience.

The day Edward came strolling into the clinic with Carlisle, looking every bit the
part of a hunky, confident stud I was definitely interested in making an exception to
my usual standoffish demeanor. He smiled at me and I swore my whole body tingled,
especially the anatomically female parts. I imagined he had a wife, or at the very
least, a supermodel girlfriend, back at home. There was no way this guy was single.

After several days, I found that I really looked forward to his company. I was
surprised by how comfortable I felt around him in such a short time. My body
reacted to his company in a completely different way and there were moments I
wanted nothing more than to throw him down on my exam table and have my way
with him.

Edward had been an unexpected distraction. I had to admit it was quite pleasant
being around him, but he was a distraction nonetheless. In this situation people
were counting on me, and I had to keep my head straight. So I was doing my best
not to ogle him too much and keep things professional. I was dedicated and serious
about my work but I wasn't blind.

I saw him walking towards the clinic, and I quickly tried to make myself look as
- 24 -
presentable as possible. It was difficult given the intense heat and humidity, which
made my hair fall out of my ever-present bun and the constant flush of my skin that
only intensified in his presence. I probably looked like a frizzy-headed tomato.

"Good morning, Bella," he said cheerfully as he walked in.

Damn him.

He looked like walking sex, wearing a pair of khaki cargo shorts and a white
T-shirt. The well-defined muscles of his arms were showcased with every movement
he made and I swore he was put on this earth just to torture me. I was thankful for
his shirt, because if what was underneath it was anywhere near as nice as his arms,
it would be damn near impossible not to openly stare at him.

"Morning, Edward," I said, trying to pull myself out of my Edward daze. "I can't
believe you can drink coffee in this heat. Doesn't it make you hot?"

He smiled and took a sip of his steaming drink. "It's an unfortunate trade off. I
sweat my ass off, but at least I'm awake."

I pictured him shirtless with a layer of sweat covering his firm chest and was
immediately distracted again.

"So, I was talking to Emmett. A group of us are taking off for the lake for a quick
camping trip. You interested?"

"I thought we already were camping," I said jokingly.

"Touché. I guess the lake is really gorgeous and there's a ton of hiking and some
ruins. I think it sounds fun. We've been working hard, it'd be nice to have a break for
some sightseeing," he replied.

Sightseeing? Does staring at Edward count?

"I've been there and it's pretty up there. I'll think about it," I said, as I grabbed my
clipboard from the wall.

He walked a little closer to me and said in a velvety smooth voice, "It'll be more
fun if you go."

Okay, camping it is.

- 25 -
 How had I gotten talked into this? My idea of camping is pulling up to a campsite
in my car, unloading the well-stocked cooler, and sitting my ass down in front of a
raging campfire. Instead, I had a heavy backpack on my back as I trudged up a
makeshift hiking trail into the dense rainforest with five of my fellow volunteers.

The trail was flanked by dense rainforest on either side. On the way to the lake,
we were going to stop off at some Mayan ruins. They were pyramids that arose out
of the rainforest in small clusters, eroded and dilapidated from the passage of time.
It was definitely humbling to see what the Mayans had put together so many years
ago. I complained about not having all the equipment needed to do my job, but the
Mayans ran an entire civilization and built incredible structures with next to
nothing. They were inventive and highly resourceful. One look at the ruins and I
instantly felt small.

"A little out of your element, Bella?" Edward asked with a playful grin on his face
as he waited on the side of the trail for me to catch up.

Not wanting to be perceived as a weakling, I smiled and threw a sarcastic remark

right back at him. "Hey, I hike all the time, just not with fifty pounds of crap on my
back. Don't worry about me. You're the one who looks like you're going to topple
over backwards. Good thing you have a doctor with you."

The truth was, he looked amazing, and I was much more likely to topple over
backwards, but if I was lucky, it would be into Edward's strong arms.

We began to walk again, and I knew that my pace was too slow for Edward, but he
stayed with me anyway, which I appreciated.

"So, tell me about yourself," he said. "Where are you from?"

"Originally, I'm from Laguna Beach, California. You know the 'Real OC'?" I said,
making air quotes with my fingers. "Now I live just north of there in Newport
Beach."

He laughed. "I've been to Laguna Beach and Newport. It's nice there. It must have
been a fun place to grow up. I have to say, though, that you don't strike me as the
type of girl who would fit in that environment, with all its pretense."

I'd heard that so many times before. Fucking Hollywood ruins everything.

"You know, it was never like that. Newport can be a bit over the top, but Laguna's
really mellow. It's a small town and everyone knows each other. No one in my school
- 26 -
wore only designer clothes, and even if they did, no one cared. I never felt like it was
pretentious at all. In fact, being a beach town, it's incredibly laid back."

"Like you?" he asked. "You seem pretty laid back."

"Oh hell no," I said, laughing. "I used to think I was laid back, but as I've gotten
older I've realized that I'm a total control freak."

"About what?"

"About everything. It's why I became a doctor. I wanted to be in control."

He extended his hand to help me through a steep part in the trail. "You can't
control everything, Bella. Shit happens."

Don't I know it?

"Maybe not, but I can try. When I was sixteen, my aunt Chelsea and I were
shopping. She thought it'd be fun to have a girl's day together. She seemed fine in
the morning, happy and laughing. But after lunch, all of the sudden she fell to the
ground, clutching her chest and gasping for air. I just stood there, dumbstruck. I
couldn't move. I had no idea what to do to help her. I didn't want to leave her to get
help, so I grabbed my phone and dialed 911. It was awful. She was on the ground,
flopping around in pain, her eyes rolling into the back of her head, while I watched,
frozen. Anyway, they took her to the hospital and she died about an hour later. I've
never really forgiven myself for that."

Edward stopped walking and put his hand on my arm, his expression empathetic.
"There was nothing you could have done. It wasn't your fault she died."

I nodded and pursed my lips. "I might not have been able to save her, but I could
have helped her, instead of standing there like a statue. She was my aunt, and I did
nothing. That was the moment I decided to become a doctor. I didn't want to feel
that helpless ever again."

"You are far from helpless, Bella," Edward said, shaking his head.

I liked talking to Edward, more than I should. Aside from the fact that he was
insanely gorgeous, he was kind and engaging. He had a way about him that made
me want to tell him my deepest, darkest secrets. He was definitely a charmer.
Despite my insane attraction to him, I tried to keep things professional between us.

- 27 -
 We finally arrived at a clearing and the lake came into. This was one of my
favorite places to visit and I hadn't gotten out here enough. I was looking forward to
Edward's reaction. It was lush and green and the air was crisp and clear. There
were looming rock formations which, if climbed, would make you feel like you were
on top of the world. Birds circled overhead and the sounds of nature were all around
us. I was briefly worried about the rain, but it didn't look like it was going to be a
problem so I moved to set up camp.

Backpacking gear was considerably different than my camping gear of the past. It
was easily packed, but that meant it was simpler, smaller. My tent was barely bigger
than my sleeping bag, not the condo version I had at home and instead of a
comfortable air mattress, I was sleeping on a mat that gave me little protection from
the ground.

Once we were all settled, the guys gathered wood for the campfire, while Alice,
Heidi and I gathered rocks to contain it.

"So, you're awfully cozy with Edward," Alice said as the guys got out of earshot. "I
saw you two on the trail."

I shot her a death glare. "No, it's not like that."

"Why not?" Heidi chimed in. "He's hot."

A pang of jealousy ran through me. It was one thing that I noticed him, but I didn't
like the idea of others sharing in my appreciation. It was unfair, but I couldn't help
it.

"I can't get involved with anyone here. Who knows how long we'll all be here and
it would just complicate things. Plus, it's unprofessional." Of course, I was the only
one who knew that my reasoning was only partially true. I did want to get to know
Edward better and if I was being honest, the thought of anyone else having him
made my blood boil.

"That's too bad," Alice said, glancing over her shoulder at Edward, who was across
the way picking out firewood. "I think you guys would be cute together."

Alice was probably my closest friend here, with the exception of Carlisle, who was
more like my dad than a friend. Alice was bright and energetic and seemed far more
mature than her twenty-five years. Whereas I could be intense and sarcastic, she
was sweet and demure. No one would ever describe me as sweet and demure, so I
often marveled at Alice and her charm.
- 28 -
 With surprising efficiency, the guys got the fire going and soon we were all
huddled around. Guatemala was hot, but in the mountains at night, the temperature
dropped quite a bit.

"You're such a wuss, Doc," Emmett said to me. "It's not even that cold."

"I know. I admit it. I've been in Guatemala so long that anything below seventy
degrees is freezing to me. Plus, I'm from Southern California. Being a wuss about
weather is in my blood."

Everyone laughed. I was the only one from a warm climate who was there. They
were all used to cold temperatures and James even bragged that back where he was
from in Chicago, people would be laying out in their bathing suits in weather a lot
colder than we were currently in.

"Hey, just because you've got crazies in Chicago who think that 50 degrees is
beach weather, doesn't make it so."

Edward scooted closer to me and leaned in, whispering in my ear, "If you're cold,
you can share my blanket."

Um, yes please. What are you doing, Bella? Stop flirting.

I would have refused him, knowing that this kind of flirting would only lead to
disaster, but I just couldn't. It was like the part of my brain with any common sense
was completely overridden by the part of me that wanted Edward with everything I
had.

"If you're sure you don't mind," I said, giving him one last chance to take back his
offer.

He shook his head and smiled that sexy smile. "I don't mind."

He spread the blanket across both of our legs and I could feel the heat radiating
off of him. I wanted to crawl into his lap and run my hands up and down his thighs.
Instead, I wrapped my arms around my knees, which I had pulled up to my chest in
an effort to stay warm. It was delicious torture being that close to Edward, and I
could barely trust myself.

There were several joints passed around, given that we had no way of
transporting any alcohol. Everyone was sufficiently stoned except me. I had smoked
pot a few times in college but I was so stupid when I was stoned that I could barely
- 29 -
function. It went against my 'being in control' personality. I marveled at my friends
who could actually go out to a bar and act somewhat normal while stoned. All I
could do was sit and stare and occasionally make a three-course meal before I went
to bed. I was absolutely worthless.

Everyone was laughing their asses off. Even sober, I thought the conversation was
pretty funny. Edward's eyes were barely open and I couldn't help but laugh as he
cracked up at the slightest thing. I realized that I hadn't seen him really laugh
before, like a real belly laugh. I loved seeing him that happy. He was cute when he
was stoned.

"Will you come keep me warm in my tent tonight, Bella?" he whispered in my ear,
as everyone was getting ready to hit the sack.

What the fuck?

I mean, the thought had crossed my mind many, many times and I certainly had
my fair share of fantasies involving Edward and me together, but I was mildly
insulted that the first time he'd mention anything about us being together was when
we were going to bed and he was stoned. It wasn't exactly how I'd pictured it
happening.

Why are you even contemplating this? Keep it professional; you'll only hurt him.

I put my hand on his chest to push him away from me gently. If he were too close,
I'd lose my resolve.

"I don't think so, Senor Suave," I said. "I think you'll be plenty warm on your own."

"Senor Suave?" he asked, stepping even closer, despite my efforts. "Is that what
you think I am?"

Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"You just focus on getting yourself to bed and don't worry about what I think."

He gave me a hurt look and rested his hand on my arm, gently rubbing circles
with his thumb. The expression on his face made me feel bad for thinking negatively
about him and his intentions. After a brief moment, he turned toward his tent, his
tentative smile and sad eyes still lingering. "Goodnight, Bella."

I wanted to follow after him, but I made my way to my tent instead. I slid into my
- 30 -
sleeping bag, which was all that my tent allowed. I briefly thought about how nice it
would feel to have Edward's body against mine, keeping me warm, but I quickly
dismissed that thought.

I eventually drifted off to sleep as the sounds of the night came into full play.

Something was tickling my nose. It was loud and wet.

Wet.

My eyes flew open to see my tent thrashing wildly in the rain, which had started at
some point in the night. I became acutely aware of my surroundings and realized
that I could hear the frustrated rumblings of my friends outside, apparently equally
plagued by the rain.

I frantically exited my tent and rolled everything up as quickly as possible. I must

have looked like a crazy woman, scrambling around. This was a disaster.
Guatemalan rain was nothing if not torrential.

"Bella," Edward called from nearby. "There's a rock cave right over the ridge. We
can take cover there."

I furiously tried to get my stuff together and threw on my pack, following Edward
as fast as I could toward the cave. The others in the camp scrambled nearby, trying
to find a dry place as well.

We found a small cave, which was really just an overhanging rock, but it provided
a break from the rain. Having been in Guatemala for a while, I knew that the rain,
although heavy, didn't last long. We'd just have to wait it out.

Edward and I sat right next to one another, completely soaked, and he pulled me
in tightly to avoid getting even wetter than we already were. We huddled together,
and I had to admit that it felt nice to be in his arms. I took full advantage of the
excuse the rain gave me to stay there without feeling like I was being inappropriate.

I could feel his gaze, his eyes watching me closely, making my insides tingle with
nerves.

How does he do that to me?

"Gotta love the unpredictable rain, don't you?" I said lamely, trying to break the
silence.
- 31 -
 "Actually, right now, I do like the rain. Very much."

Me too. Shit. Damn him.

His hand rubbed up and down my arm, creating friction to keep us warm, not that
I needed it. Just sitting this close to him was making my body heat rise to almost
unbearable levels and I felt like I could spontaneously combust at any moment.

"So…uh…sorry if I embarrassed you earlier," Edward said after a short silence,

staring down at his shoes.

"Embarrassed me? When?" I turned and looked into his eyes and could see the
regret in them.

"You know, when we were getting ready for bed. I shouldn't have invited you back
into my tent like that. I'm sorry." It was obviously difficult for Edward to admit that.
He looked like he was going to puke.

But, I was still kind of irritated about it. I knew that people did things they didn't
mean when they were wasted, but is that really what he thought of me? As some
booty call?

I realized that I was being completely hypocritical as I'd almost jumped him on
several occasions, but it stung a little when it came from him. I didn't want to be his
fuck buddy. At least I didn't think I did. Hell, I didn't know what I wanted.

"Yeah, about that," I finally replied. "Was that just the pot talking or what?"

He fidgeted with the strap on his backpack as he thought about his response.

"You think I only said it because I was stoned?" He looked taken aback.

"Well, if not, then I'm not sure what to think. I'm not exactly the bed-warming
type, you know?"

How's that for being vague? Way to go, Bella.

His jaw clenched and unclenched, as if he wanted to say something but didn't. "I
didn't think you were. I'm sorry if that's how it came across."

"It's okay. I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it."

- 32 -
 He must have seen the confusion I was trying to mask.

"C'mere."

I found myself pulled into his arms again and I relaxed into his side, deciding to
stop questioning his intentions.

I still didn't understand if he was sorry that he suggested it or if it just came out
wrong. Did he want more or not? Did I really want to know? I was toying with
disaster. It was completely unfair of me to flirt with him as if I wanted more and
then pull back. It was sending the wrong messages. No wonder the guy was
confused. He'd need a roadmap to navigate my fucked up emotions.

"Bella." Edward's voice was soft and sweet, pulling me from my sleep with a
gentle nudge.

I opened my eyes and realized that I'd fallen asleep in his arms.

No wonder I was so peaceful.

I looked around in a daze. It was still dark out, but the rain had stopped. I heard
the voices of our friends in the distance, trying to assess the damage to our
campsite.

"How long was I out?" I asked Edward, who still had his arms around me.

"Not long. About an hour." He smiled warmly at me and I felt like nuzzling up into
him, but instead I pulled away to peer out of the cave.

"Looks clear now," I said, feeling cold from the loss of contact. "We should go find
the others."

He stood and helped me up as we put our packs on our backs and started walking
the short distance to camp.

"Thanks for being my pillow," I said, staring at the ground as I walked.

"Anytime."

The rain had soaked everything through to the core, so all we could do was restart
the fire and wait out the night until morning. Thankfully Emmett was thinking and
put the firewood next to the rock formation, where it was relatively sheltered from
- 33 -
the rain. It still smoked a lot, but at least we got it lit. We could have started our
hike back, but it was dark and the trail wasn't marked that well, so we were afraid
we'd get lost in the thick foliage. All of us were exhausted, as we stared at the
flames. Edward numbly pushed the wood around to maximize the red-hot embers.
No one spoke.

All I could think about was Edward's arms around me, calming me to sleep. Could
we have more? Would he want more? I craved it so badly. Edward was so unlike
anyone I'd met. But, he was probably only here for a short time and then what would
happen? I didn't even really know that much about him. Would it be worth risking
my heart?

My eyes blurred with the haze of the fire. Deep down, despite my successes here
and in my career, there was a part of me that was deeply wounded. Even if Edward
and I did get together, would I be enough for him? What if he saw through me? I
didn't know if I could face that kind of rejection again.

The sun rose, bringing with it the heat that we'd all missed. We stood and shook
out our limbs and slowly made our way back down the trail to head home.

I was as confused as ever, but I couldn't bring myself to regret it. Any of it.

A/N: Hmmm…waiting out the rain in Edward's arms? Not so bad, huh?

Don't forget to leave me a review and let me know what you thought. I love
hearing your opinions! Really, they make my day.

Reviews=Teasers

Thanks to scsquared and TwiHeart for all your help with beta work this
chapter. I've been a bit manic these first few chapters, so I appreciate all the
help. Also, thanks for jermak99 and Sunfeathers for pre-reading!

- 34 -
 Chapter 4 Inside

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 4: Inside

Edward

It had been a little over two weeks and no one had recognized me as an author. I
hadn't talked on the phone at all. I'd even managed a vacation from my vacation
with our brief camping trip. I couldn't explain how freeing that was. I was able to be
me without the pressures and bullshit of my life in New York.

The work was very rewarding. The people here desperately needed our help. I was
getting more skilled at construction, with Emmett's guidance, but I still felt like an
idiot. Despite my ineptitude, it felt good to be completely out of my element and
learning something new. Being outside, using my hands and working up a sweat
from a hard day's labor was very rewarding.

The local people were amazing and incredibly thankful for our help. They were
among the most genuine people I'd ever encountered. They had an overwhelming
sense of family and community, and despite all their hardships, they managed to be
happy. They lived each day to the fullest. They had next to nothing yet most of them
managed to find contentment; something that all my excesses couldn't provide for
me.

I finally felt like I was making real friends; people who knew nothing about my
public persona, but liked me anyway. It was incredibly refreshing. I worked so hard
back home, first focused on school and then my job, which was spent mostly in
solitude. The many social situations I found myself in were about networking and
public appearances, not being with friends.

I could be myself with Emmett and Carlisle, who I hung out with most of the time.
We slipped into an easy friendship; one that felt like we'd known each other for
years, instead of just a couple of weeks.

Emmett was full of life and his vocation being in construction made perfect sense
to me. He could pound away his excess energy all day and still have plenty left over.
He was a flirt with the women around camp and they couldn't help but respond to

- 35 -
his charm. I appreciated his directness. He never let me feel bad about not helping
enough and instead made light of my fuck-ups and inspired me to want to work
harder. I couldn't help but think he'd make a great teacher or a coach. He had a
natural way with people.

Carlisle was more the strong, silent type. Everyone around camp had tremendous
respect for him and his authority was unchallenged. I liked him because he kept me
grounded in reality and helped me see even my smallest successes for what they
were. Successes. He was incredibly supportive, which went a long way in these
harsh conditions with such limited resources. If left to my own devices, it would be
easy to feel deflated, like we were spinning our wheels here. People were suffering
all around us, and even though we were doing our best to help, we were barely
scratching the surface of what needed to be done. Carlisle helped me believe that
we were making a difference.

What a whirlwind this journey had been. The camp was bustling with activity.
Emmett's team had recently fixed a bridge on the outskirts of the village that
allowed us access to people who had been stranded by the storms for days. The
clinic was full of patients and every night, there were new families showing up. One
of the hardest parts was watching frantic parents come into the clinic looking for
their lost or missing children. They clung to the hope that they'd find them in our
camp, and when they couldn't, everyone felt the despair.

As for Bella, she worked like a champion. She never faltered or got frustrated. Her
professionalism and the confidence she had were remarkable, but it was her bedside
manner that captivated me. The same allure that I had noticed on my first day was
ever-present with her patients. She soothed their worried minds as well as healed
their ailments. They trusted her and she earned that trust.

My attraction to her hadn't diminished at all. In fact, the more I was around her,
the more I liked her. I sensed that she was interested in me, too, but there was
something holding her back. Each time I felt like we were about to cross the line
from friendship to something more, I felt her hesitation.

The camping trip had been especially confusing. James kept trying to talk and flirt
with Bella and I found myself insanely jealous. She didn't seem to be interested in
him, and was just being polite, at least that was what I had hoped. He didn't back off
though, and I felt like I was in some sort of competition for her affection.

I slowed to walk with her as we hiked, and we spent the rest of the hike joking
around. Even as we sat by the campfire, there were glances and touches that clearly
revealed the attraction was mutual, making James and his advances seem
- 36 -
unimportant.

As we shared a blanket, I could feel the heat radiating off of her, sending warmth
coursing through my body. She was so close the entire day. Then her tent was right
next to mine and when we went to bed for the night it took all of my strength not to
crawl over and be closer to her. I wanted to hold her so badly that I could almost
feel her soft skin against me.

Then when we were in a cave waiting out the storm, I wanted to kiss her with
every fiber of my being. Each time she looked at me, I felt my stomach drop. My
nerves got the best of me, though, and I never made a move. When she casually
dismissed my earlier invitation to have her join me in my tent, I felt deflated, like
maybe there wasn't more between us as I had previously thought. It was the most
forward comment I had made toward her and she blew it off, thinking it was just me
being stoned and overly forward. Admittedly, I was being bolder than usual and
probably could have handled it better. I hadn't meant to make her feel cheap and I
felt bad about that, but my invitation had certainly been sincere. She had me
confounded. I didn't know whether to step up my game or back off.

A knock at my door pulled me from my thoughts. It was fairly late at night and the
rain was pounding outside, so the last thing I expected was a visitor.

I pulled the door open and Bella stood there, soaking wet as the rain dripped over
her body in sheets.

"Bella, you're soaked! What are you doing here?" I asked, shuffling her inside as I
scurried to grab a towel.

"I'm sorry, but the storm was pounding down so loud that it freaked me out and I
didn't want to be alone. Were you sleeping?" she asked, pulling the towel tightly
around her.

"No, I was reading," I said. "It's fine.

She came to hang out with me?

"So…welcome to Casa Cullen," I said cheerfully. I held my hands out as if she'd be

impressed and she laughed.

"I love what you've done with the place," she joked, and then sat on the bed. None
of our rooms were nice, but they were warm and dry and that was more than most
people had around here.
- 37 -
 The lights in the room were low, only one light above my bed illuminated to help
me read. Bella glowed, the light making her face soft and delicate.

"Are you sure it's okay that I'm here?" she asked, a tinge of worry in her voice.

Uh…yeah I'm sure.

"You worry too much, you know that?" I asked as I joined her on the bed. "I'm
happy you're here."

And I really was happy. Having Bella in my room reminded me of all my fantasies
about her and I liked it. A lot.

Her smile lit up her face, which was still speckled with raindrops as she rubbed
the towel through her damp curls. She pulled her legs up to get comfortable. She
looked so sweet and bright and smelled like rain and Bella.

Delicious.

"So, what are you reading?" she asked brightly, pulling me from my high.

"Actually, it's something that I wrote a while ago. It's a short story, but I'm
thinking about making it into a full-length novel. I haven't read it in a while, so I'm
trying to see if it has potential."

Her jaw dropped as the look of surprise took over her face. "You're an author?"

I nodded and smiled nervously. I didn't know why I just told her that or why her
knowing this about me made me uneasy. On the one hand, she was so easy to talk
to. On the other hand it almost felt like if she knew, then my safe haven here would
be gone. I'd be the same guy I was in New York.

Her hand reached across, landing on my thigh, comforting me. "That's amazing. I
had no idea that you were so creative. Have you published anything before?"

I loved that she didn't know anything about me from the articles and talk shows.
This was the first time in a while that I could share this part of my life with someone
firsthand.

"Uh, yeah. Last year, I published a novel called

Aiding and Abetting

- 38 -
 . It's kind of a thriller." I picked at the blanket, unsure why I suddenly felt so
exposed. My novel was a New York Times bestseller, yet Bella's approval meant so
much more to me in that instant.

Her hands flew to her mouth, which was gaping open. "You're THAT Edward?
You're Edward Cullen?"

I nodded again and she burst out into laughter. "I read your book three times. I
couldn't put it down. You're amazing! I can't believe I'm sitting here with you like
this. Oh my God. No one will believe me when I tell them."

And just like that, I was that guy back in New York; fodder and gossip for people's
dinner table conversations.

Sensing my discomfort, Bella grew serious. "What's wrong? Was it something I

said?"

I put my hand on top of hers, which was now close to mine on the bed. "I'm glad
that you liked the book. I really am. But, I came down here to get away from that
life. It was nice to be here and not be 'infamous author Edward' for a while and just
be 'Edward'. I want you to know the real me. All the fame and stuff isn't real. I don't
know…"

I couldn't explain it to her. I didn't want her to feel bad about paying me a
compliment, but I also didn't want to become a novelty to her. She was the first
woman I'd met since the fame took over who I could actually see myself with and I
didn't want to be her conversation piece at parties.

"Hey," she said softly, "look at me."

I looked up and was immediately lost in her big, brown eyes. She looked at me
with so much compassion that I wanted to pull her into a hug and never let her go.

"I'm sorry if I upset you. I think you're incredibly talented. You've been so humble
about it since you got here, and I was just surprised by who you are. But, please
know that I do want to know the real you. I want you to be comfortable with me."
Her voice was comforting to me and in a way, I was glad that she knew the truth
about me. I never wanted to lie to her.

"Thank you," I said. "That means more than you know."

I felt better instantly and perked up. "You know, right before you got here, I was
- 39 -
reading this story that I wrote years ago to see if it would make for a good novel.
But, now that I'm thinking about it, it would be fun to write something about being
here. Something to tell the world about what's going on here; to make it more real
for others."

"You could do that. Just don't make it about selling books. It would cheapen
everything that's going on down here; taking advantage of these people's pain and
suffering for your own gain. You know?" Her voice had a noticeable bite to it. I knew
she was passionate about what we were doing, but I found her protectiveness
inspiring.

"I think it's important to educate people about what's going on. People tend to live
in their own little bubble and have no idea what's happening elsewhere. Besides, no
one does anything for purely selfless reasons. I bet everyone here has some selfish
reason for being here. It's great that we can help, but there's got to be some other
motivation too."

Bella winced. Apparently I hit a nerve. "So, what's your motivation?" she asked.

"Anonymity," I said bluntly. "What's yours?"

"Freedom."

Interesting.

Finally drying off somewhat, Bella pulled the towel off her shoulders, leaving her
in a fitted, partially see-through t-shirt, still damp from the rain. It hugged her body
and I couldn't quite make out her nipples through her lacy bra. Whatever emotions
were lingering from our previous conversation were immediately replaced by a wave
of lust.

She smirked as she caught me staring, but thankfully saved me from total
embarrassment. "Tell me more," she said.

I told her about growing up in Washington with my brother and how we used to
fight all the time, yet we'd always been close. She listened intently as I told her
countless stories of the messes we'd gotten into and how my parents spent much of
my childhood talking me out of trouble or nursing my wounds.

"You're a great storyteller, Edward. You have a real flair for it." Her voice was
playful and interested.

- 40 -
 Her compliments made my heart pound in my chest, but the way she looked at me
and watched me while I spoke set my body on fire. This woman was driving me
crazy.

"Thanks, I hope I didn't bore you. It's just that living so far away, in New York, I
really miss my family. It's fun to tell the stories that bring me such fond memories." I
wanted her to know everything about me. I'd never felt like I could be so open with
someone.

"Why do you live there if you miss Washington so much?" she asked. "I mean,
can't you live anywhere you want?"

"Not exactly," I said, shaking my head. "I have a lot of events that I have to attend,
so I need to be close, otherwise the travel would be prohibitive. It can still be bad,
even living in New York, but it could be a lot worse."

"That must be tough on you. It must be hard on your personal relationships.

So…uh…do you have a girlfriend back home?"

I was completely thrown off guard. I didn't want to talk to Bella about potential
girlfriends.

Maybe she really does just see us as friends.

"That would be a big 'no'. It just doesn't work right now," I said, wincing and
chuckling a little. "God, I sound pathetic."

She looked shocked. "No, you don't sound pathetic. But, you must be kidding
about not having a girlfriend. Why not? You're gorgeous and successful. Who
wouldn't be interested?"

She thinks I'm gorgeous?

"It's complicated and boring," I said, brushing off this uncomfortable conversation.
I really didn't like talking about myself.

"Try me."

She clearly wasn't going to give up on this.

"I've been promoting the book. I get noticed a lot because of it. Actually, noticed is
an understatement." I ran my hands through my hair nervously. "Harassed is
- 41 -
probably a better word. I have very little privacy, so it's hard to form real
relationships."

She nodded in understanding. "When I was little, I always wanted to be a famous

singer. I'd dance around the room, singing into any pretend microphone I could find.
I thought being famous would be so glamorous. I can see how the reality of it is far
from that. But you shouldn't feel like you can't have real relationships, though. I'm
sure you'll make someone very happy someday."

Ugh, more friend talk.

"Can I ask you a question, Bella?"

She looked concerned at the abrupt change of subject, but nodded.

"When I first met you, I asked you why you came here to Guatemala, and you
seemed nervous about it. Why?"

I had a few questions of my own.

Her face stiffened and she sighed as she looked down at the bed. I didn't say
anything else, waiting for her to respond, watching her intently. I bent my head
down to try and get her to look me in the eyes, but she was avoiding it.

Finally, she looked up and the look on her face broke my heart. She had so much
emotion there, a combination of sadness and anxiety. "Before I came here, I worked
in Orange County, at the children's hospital there. I spent years studying to become
a Pediatric Oncologist and I finally had my dream job. Things were busy, but good. I
was happy. But then, everything sort of fell apart."

"What happened?" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me. I rested my hand
on her knee to let her know I was there for her. She looked so upset.

"I…don't…really like…talking about it. I know you're just being nice, but I just
can't," she said, trying to keep her emotions in check. "Despite everything else,
coming here was the best thing I've ever done. I've met some amazing people and
we're really helping the local people."

Bella's demeanor changed. She was back to being guarded and professional,
almost clinical. It was obvious that something had hurt her very much, so I dropped
it, even though I really wanted to know what it was. Her choice of words with
'freedom' earlier threw me for a loop. How had she felt trapped in her life in the
- 42 -
states? What was she running from? She looked so pained and I wondered what
could have made her hurt like that.

I pulled her into a hug, needing to provide her with some comfort. "You're
amazing, you know that?"

She sank into my arms and I sighed in contentment as I gently rubbed her back
through her still damp t-shirt. I never wanted to let her go. The rain outside was still
pounding down relentlessly, creating a barrier from the outside and it felt like we
were the only two people in the world.

"I should go," Bella said after a few moments, pulling away from my arms. "I've
bothered you long enough."

Bothered me? Is she joking?

"Not at all. In fact, I've really enjoyed this," I confessed. "Maybe we should make
this a habit?"

She smiled widely. "I've enjoyed it too. You're different than I first thought you
were. It's been fun talking to you."

"Different how?" I asked curiously.

"You're much better."

My heart soared.

She stood and put on her shoes, which she had kicked off at some point during our
conversation.

"Bella, it's pouring outside," I said. "You can't go out in that. You'll drown. You
should just stay here."

For a brief second I thought I saw a smile come onto her face, but she quickly
composed herself. "Oh no, I couldn't do that. It's okay. I'll be fine."

Did she want to stay? Hmm…

She opened up the door and the rain came down in a wall of water. I gave her the
towel I had used to dry her off and she held it over her head and ran out into the
rain.
- 43 -
 "Night, Edward!" she called out as she ran. Her room was not far off and I
watched her dancing through the puddles until she reached her door. She slipped
inside and the only sound left was the sound of the rain.

"Night, Bella."

I lay in my bed for several hours after that. Something had changed between us
tonight. Our friendship had been easy since I met her, but there was an
undercurrent of need now that hadn't existed before. I didn't know where things
were headed with Bella, but I did know that wanted her in my life. I needed her and
just the fact that she showed up here proved to me that she saw something special
there too. Her presence was intoxicating, like a drug. Once I got a taste, I was
hooked.

Yet, I was incredibly confused by her. Tonight had done nothing to alleviate the
confusion I felt about her, which stemmed from our camping trip. Normally, I could
read people well, but with her, I had no idea how she felt. Were we friends? Was
there more? I'd take whatever I could get, but I hoped that she felt the same
attraction for me as I did for her.

I drifted off, still smelling her delicious scent in my bed. My dreams were hot and
seductive. I pictured her here in her damp t-shirt, on my bed. I could make out the
shape of her breasts and reached out to caress them. Instead of just talking like we
had done earlier, I pulled her into a passionate kiss, which she reciprocated with
voracity. I wove my hands into her hair as I pulled her against me. We were a
tangled mess of limbs as we frantically pulled each other's clothes off, needing the
closeness of skin on skin.

I pressed her back onto the bed and thrust into her, her deep moans letting me
know I made her feel good. We moved together in a passionate dance until we
couldn't hold off any longer. My orgasm ripped through me just as she screamed my
name in her own release.

I was brought back to reality from my fantasy by the sticky mess I'd created with
my hand.

How I wished my fantasy had been real.

This woman is killing me.

- 44 -
 A/N: So, they're getting closer and things are heating up, at least for
Edward. Bella's coming around, though. Who'd be able to resist Edward?

Thanks for the reviews, adds and favorites this week. I loved all your
comments. I've been in a bit of a funk lately (just ask my betas) and your
reviews make me want to sit down and write more!

Reviews=Teaser

The biggest compliment you can give me if you are enjoying the story is to
rec it to friends. It's hard getting the word out and word of mouth is very
powerful.

I'm also posting teasers on The Fictionators each week that are different
than the ones I send out in my review replies, so go check them out!

Thanks to my peeps for the beta and pre-reading help on this chapter. I've
totally bombarded my betas, and they haven't complained at all. I heart
them.

- 45 -
 Chapter 5 Saving Grace

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 5: Saving grace

Edward

After several weeks, I was getting to know more about the people of Guatemala
who lived in disparity of modern cities and harsh countryside. The indigenous
people, the Mayans, took great pride in their ancestry. The descendants of those
who built the pyramids at Tikal and worshipped and sacrificed over 1,000 years ago
were now living in some of the most humble conditions.

Despite their struggles, they had practically embraced archeological exploration

of their monuments and the underground caves in which the Mayans lived and
worshipped. They invited the interest and even wanted to harness the tourist trade
for themselves. I couldn't help but admire their resourcefulness and welcoming
nature. It seemed such a contrast to their exclusive, ritualistic and violent past.

The people nearby trusted the aid we provided and the health and social services
available from our organization. We had been exceptionally busy since the bridge
had been cleared. People streamed into the camp. They were hungry and destitute
and just needed a helping hand. We all pitched in where we could, but the
atmosphere was stressful knowing that there was more needed than we could ever
provide.

Bella and I often met in my room or hers when we had down time, usually three to
four times a week. We had very little to do in camp for entertainment, so we passed
our time together. We played cards and talked, and it was really nice. Sometimes we
just hung out and read, but no matter what we did, I'd looked forward to our time
alone. I wanted to take things to the next level with her, but I hadn't found the right
moment and I was worried that it would ruin the friendship we had if she didn't
reciprocate my feelings.

Bella grew up in Southern California, at the beach, in the middle of the action. She
was popular and outspoken, and had a dry sense of humor, which I appreciated very
much.
- 46 -
 I came from a small town in Washington, and even though my parents were the
wealthiest family in town, it was nothing compared to the wealth of Southern
California. I tended to be on the shy side when people first met me, but I learned to
hide it well. With Bella I didn't have to fake it. I was always comfortable with her.

We were really compatible. Despite our different upbringings, we had a lot in

common.

"Tell me about your first time," Bella said one night as we played cards. We were
lying on my bed facing one another, using the space between us for discards.

I was suddenly embarrassed for some reason. "No."

She nudged me a little, egging me on. "Come on, I'll tell you my secrets."

I couldn't resist her puppy dog eyes. "Well, I was sixteen and 'in love' with this girl
Charlotte Hansen," I said, making air quotes when I said 'in love."

"Ooh, this is getting good. Was she pretty?" Bella asked.

"Hey, are you going to let me tell this or not?" I chided and she closed her mouth
like a scolded child.

"Anyway, Charlotte Hansen was the prettiest girl in school and all the guys had it
bad for her. I wanted to ask her to prom and finally got up the nerve. Miraculously,
she said 'yes'. So that was it. Charlotte Hanson, after my junior prom, in one of my
friend's bedrooms who threw the afterparty. Pretty standard stuff, huh?"

"Was she your first love?" Bella asked innocently.

I smiled, thinking about it. It had been so long ago and seemed so innocent.

"No, she was just a crush. My first love was Emily, but alas," I said throwing the
back of my hand against my forehead in mock drama, "she left me for Sam Uley. Oh,
the heartache!"

Bella laughed. "I'm sure you weren't quite so cavalier about it back then."

I shrugged. "No, I wasn't. I was pissed off. But, looking back on it, I realize that I
didn't really know what love was. Not really."

"And you do now?" Bella asked coyly.

- 47 -
 I decided that two could play at that game and answered with a smirk.
"Absolutely."

"So, what about you Ms. Swan?" I continued. "Tell me about your scandalous
exploits."

Do I really want to know?

"Well, you know me and how manic I can be," she said with a smile as she threw a
card on the stack in between us.

I laughed because she could be quite unpredictable, and I liked that about her.

She continued after flashing me a sly glance. "Anyway, I was constantly in and out
of love when I was young. I'd have an insane crush on someone one minute and
follow him around like a puppy, only to completely change my mind the next day and
be in love with the next guy."

"Ouch. Heartbreaker! So, you're fickle."

"I prefer analytical, or selective."

"So who finally tamed you?" I asked curiously. "There must have been someone
special."

I really wanted to know more about her, but my stomach twisted up with jealousy.

"Yeah, there was. Hmmmm…" She gazed off, unfocused, as if she was searching
for memories and then repositioned herself, looking at me intently to tell her story.

"His name was Mike Newton. He was a senior when I was a junior. Unlike your
Charlotte, he was shy and fell off the radar, at least to most people. I hung out with
the popular group of kids, but the guys were always so cocky that I was never
interested. Mike was in my Calculus class and we became friends. We eventually
dated. He was different from my other friends and my girlfriends gave me a ton of
shit about it. They thought he was a total nerd. But, I could see past all that petty
crap and see him for who he really was. Meeting him taught me to be more
open-minded and that what you see isn't always what you get. High school is such a
weird time and everyone is so self-absorbed. He changed that for me. So, he was my
first time."

This conversation was a mistake.

- 48 -
 "So, you loved him?" I asked, my voice betraying me, revealing my jealousy of a
boy who would always hold a special place in Bella's mind, if not her heart.

Obviously I'm a glutton for punishment.

"I loved him in that high school, young love way, you know? I was so dramatic and
over the top back then."

I felt better, but I was still agitated. Mike Fucking Newton knew her in a way I
didn't, but desperately wanted to. I didn't even know him but I hated that fucker.

"Can I ask you a question?" she asked out of the blue, looking apprehensive as she
changed the subject.

"What is it?" I propped myself up on my wrist, beginning to get concerned.

"Don't take this the wrong way," she said, using her hand in front of her in a 'stop'
fashion for emphasis. "But I've been wondering something about you. You're an
author, not a rock star. So how is it that you have so much media and paparazzi
attention? I mean, I knew your name, but I wouldn't have recognized your face if I
fell over you. And I consider myself a big fan of yours."

She's a big fan.

I didn't know how to answer her question without sounding like a complete
douche. Everything I said would sound like I was a pompous ass.

My publisher thinks my face sells books.

Girls like the way I look, so if they think I'm accessible, it'll keep them interested
in what I write.

I'm a complete sell-out and let my publisher talk me into conjuring up a 'public
persona' to create intrigue about me.

It all sounded bad, yet it was all true. Victoria used my looks to create a buzz
about me. At first, I was so thrilled just to have the opportunity to publish anything
that I didn't realize how manipulative the industry was. I thought that everyone did
the whole 'publicity' thing. I was mistaken and my personal life had paid for it
severely.

"It's hard to explain," I said lamely, still trying desperately to come up with
- 49 -
something that didn't sound self-aggrandizing. "My publisher had this idea that my
readers might identify with me more if they could place the name with a face."

She nodded in understanding, a sly smirk on her face. "Ah, I see. And not just any
face, I suspect. But your face."

I could feel my cheeks heat up. "Something like that."

"Well, you are gorgeous. I suppose if I was in the PR business, I'd make sure your
face was all over, too."

A million people a day could tell me I was good-looking. My face could be

plastered all over the western world, but Bella saying it went straight to my heart,
causing my blood pressure to rise significantly. I wanted her to be as attracted to me
as I was to her.

"It's weird because most of the time, I feel like I'm famous just because I'm
famous. Like Paris Hilton. No one knows why they're famous, and no one cares. Half
the time I meet people, they don't even know that I'm an author; they just know my
face and my name. It was supposed to be about my book."

"Does it bother you?" Bella asked sincerely.

"Yeah, sometimes." Thankfully she dropped the subject. It had been a sore spot
between Victoria and me for some time and I didn't want to think about it anymore.

The next day was calm, almost too calm. We'd been so busy lately that none of us
had much time to relax. I walked into the food tent for lunch and saw Bella sitting
with James and a surge of anger went through me. I wasn't usually the jealous type,
but James had been quite open about the fact that he thought Bella was hot. I felt
extremely protective of her.

One night, about a week before, the talk around the poker table with the guys had
turned ugly. It was typical guy banter, but when it was about Bella, it changed
things. I couldn't sit around and listen to him talking about how if he ever got the
chance, he'd 'bend her over her exam table and make her beg for mercy'. His talk
about 'playing doctor' with her made me sick. I'd heard my fair share of those types
of conversations, but this was not something I could tolerate, not from him and
definitely not about her.

Carlisle, sensing me reaching maximum capacity, gently tapped my shoulder in a

'let it go, it's not worth it' kind of way. He knew how close Bella and I had become
- 50 -
and how I felt about her. He also knew that there was no point arguing with James.
He wasn't going to change. Despite knowing that Carlisle was right, and that James
wasn't worth it, I was still seething.

So seeing her sitting next to him in the food tent, while knowing that he harbored
all these thoughts about her, really bothered me. I wanted to protect her from that.

Or maybe I just wanted her to myself.

I reluctantly sat down and joined James and Bella, trying to be cheerful even
though I was highly agitated. Alice ran in the tent after a few awkward minutes,
looking frantically around until she saw us. I didn't think much of it, as she and Bella
were good friends, until she came closer and I could see the concern on her face.

"Bella, thank God I found you!" she said anxiously. "Marisol's in labor!"

Marisol was Bella's favorite patient. She was young, probably only about nineteen,
but sweet and beautiful. She'd been under Bella's care for about a month, as she'd
had some complications with her pregnancy and was on bed rest. She had nothing,
came from nothing, and yet was pregnant and remarkably hopeful. She was kind to
all the staff and everyone loved her dearly. The father of the baby was not in her life
and no amount of prodding would get Marisol to tell us anything about him. She had
nothing to speak of, but she did have her pride.

Bella wiped her mouth, finished chewing and then walked briskly to the clinic.
James and I followed her, giving each other nasty glances when Bella wasn't looking.

We walked in and saw Marisol on the bed as Alice and several other nurses
worked around her. Bella immediately knelt beside her.

"¿Cómo estás, hija?" Bella asked, brushing the hair out of her face. "¿Estás lista
para conocer a tu bebé?"

Was she ready to meet her baby? She was nineteen and alone. How could she
possibly be ready?

Marisol nodded, wincing through her pain, and grabbed Bella's hand. "¡Claro!"

Bella took control and I could see Marisol's face calm in her presence. Bella
ordered us to wash up and gather some supplies. Then both James and I sat back
and watched her work. I at least tried to be helpful by asking if I could do
something, despite being internally panicked.
- 51 -
 "Thanks Edward, I'll let you know," Bella answered, then returned her focus to her
work.

James just sat there staring at her like the dumb fucking Neanderthal that he was.
I was really beginning to dislike him.

Bella was the picture of calm and collected. I felt more stress than she seemed to
and I wasn't doing shit. I didn't even know why I was there, but it was like a train
wreck and I couldn't look away. Bella coached Marisol along, encouraging her and
giving her hope. I had never been able to have that effect on anyone. Sure, my
writing may have moved people, or so I was told, but Bella was true inspiration and
strength. I had never seen her in that capacity before. Not like this. She commanded
the room and demanded respect, for she was without a doubt the authority.

"Marisol, your baby is stuck in your pelvis," she said calmly, stroking Marisol's
forehead. "¿Me entiendes?"

Marisol nodded her understanding.

"I'm going to do what I can to dislodge him, but I need you to remain calm, okay?"
Her Spanish was flawless and once again, Bella was in charge.

Marisol's expression told me that she placed 100% confidence in Bella. She knew
her life, and the life of her baby was out of her hands.

"Okay Marisol," Bella called after she'd finished her exam. "Push."

Marisol pushed for about an hour, but nothing was working. She was exhausted
and despite Bella's encouragement, was ready to give up.

"Don't give up Marisol!" Bella yelled in Spanish. "The baby's almost here!"

Marisol smiled, but the exhaustion made it seem insincere.

All of the sudden, Marisol's eyes rolled into the back of her head. Her body was
wracked with spasms and she looked like she was in a struggle for her life.

It turned out she was. I felt completely helpless and in the way no matter what I
did.

"Edward, go find Alice and tell her that I need her. I told her I'd let her know when
the baby is here so she can help tend to it." Bella ordered.
- 52 -
 "Is it almost here?" I didn't understand what was happening.

"Go, please hurry. I need her now," Bella said matter-of-factly.

I ran through the clinic, trying to stay calm, until I found Alice in the stock room,
gathering supplies. The situation had gone from a joyous occasion to a very
dangerous one, and I didn't understand how Bella could stay so focused.

"Alice," I said breathlessly. "Bella needs you."

Alice could sense the stress in my face and quickly made her way to Marisol's
bedside with me on her heels.

"Edward," Bella said as she saw us approach, "you and James need to leave now."

"But…don't you need help?" I stammered.

"We've got a trained staff here and I need to focus. Please. I'll see you later,
okay?"

I nodded and she immediately went back to her work, intensely focused on the
task at hand.

I was mentally and physically exhausted and more than a little freaked out. I had
no medical training and what I had just witnessed proved to me that I couldn't have
handled it. I was in awe of Bella and her grace and calm under such tremendous
pressure.

I spent the afternoon attempting to write, which was something I hadn't done in a
while. It was nothing special, just something small I'd been working on, but it felt
great to put the pen to the paper again, no matter how distracted I was.

I must have fallen asleep because the sound of knocking on my door jolted me
awake and I was momentarily disoriented. I shook it off and got up, walking the
short distance to the door.

I was worried about Bella given the situation I'd left her in this afternoon.

The sight before me when I pulled open the door was worse than I was expecting.
Bella was in her scrubs, which were bloodied and wrinkled. She was crying
profusely and she looked a complete mess.

- 53 -
 I ushered her inside quickly and pulled her into my arms.

"What happened with Marisol? Is there something wrong with the baby?"

She sobbed against me and clung to my shirt, which was now stained with blood.

"Marisol's gone," Bella whispered.

I pulled her back, holding her arms as I gazed into her face. "Gone? What do you
mean?"

Removing herself from my grasp, she walked over to my bed, sitting down with a
whoosh as she rested her head in her hands.

I quickly sat down next to her. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

She pulled her knee into her chest, wrapping one of her arms around her legs, and
wiped her eyes with the other.

"We tried everything we could, but she just kept crashing."

I grabbed Bella's hands in mine and we both glanced down at our intertwined
fingers as I gently rubbed them with my thumbs.

Bella looked like she wanted to say more, so I waited while she composed herself.
"I don't know what happened. I thought if I got the baby out quickly, I could save
Marisol, but her body just quit. I couldn't revive her…I couldn't stop the bleeding…I
just couldn't…save her."

"And the baby? Is the baby okay?" I asked softly.

"Yeah. It's a girl," she said quietly with a slight smile through her river of tears.
"Marisol wanted a girl so badly."

I admit that I knew next to nothing about childbirth. Today was the closest I'd ever
come to witnessing it. I'd heard stories about it being dangerous but had never
actually known anyone who had major complications that could be considered
life-threatening. I felt like we were back in the 1700's when childbirth was
considered a much more dangerous thing.

She started sobbing again and I pulled her into my chest, gently caressing her
hair. "Bella, I know you did all you could."
- 54 -
 "I did what I was trained to do. It's just that she was so young, Edward," Bella
sighed. "Why her? Wasn't it enough that she fought to keep her child alive, alone at
nineteen?"

"I know you loved her. That's one of the most amazing things about you, how
much you love your patients. You were amazing today. God, I was so freaked out. I
wanted to help, but I had no idea what to do."

"This, right here, is what I need from you. This is how you can help me. Just being
here. Besides, you shouldn't feel bad. I've trained for a long time, Edward. It's not
easy for me either, but I'm used to it. You aren't."

"Typical Bella, comforting me when I should be comforting you. I'll be here for you
in whatever way you need."

She sighed lightly. "I need this. I need you. I know this is part of my job, but it still
hurts to lose one of my patients."

"You saved her baby's life."

"It wasn't enough. It's never enough."

There was a knock on the door and I looked at Bella to see if she was okay with
me answering it. She nodded toward the door and I stood, squeezing her hand
before I left her.

Alice stood, looking exhausted, on the other side of the door.

"How's she doing?" she asked, her voice laced with concern.

"About as well as you might expect."

Alice nodded and looked at the ground. "Tell her that baby Grace is doing fine,
will you? She's stable and is being fed as we speak."

"I'll let her know, Alice. Thanks for stopping by." I moved to close the door, but
Alice chimed in before I could.

"She was incredible today. You should have seen her after you left."

"I'm sure she was."

- 55 -
 "Don't let her beat herself up, okay? She tends to do that. Take care of her?" Alice
looked at me intensely and I nodded.

I said goodnight and closed the door, returning to Bella's side. She collapsed into
me and tried to compose herself.

"Thanks for listening to me," Bella said, still clinging to me. "I'll be fine tomorrow.
I told you last night how emotional I can be. I'm sorry you had to see me like this."

Is she kidding me right now?

"It's completely understandable for you to feel like this," I said, rubbing the
outside of her arm. "You're passionate about what you do."

"I've been through so much in the last year. There's a lot of stuff that you don't
know about me and one day, maybe I'll be able to tell you. I came here to get away
and make a difference, to do something bigger than my problems back home. I've
spent all these months pulling myself together and I finally feel like I'm healing. I
feel like I'm living again, and you're a large part of that. But when I have days like
these, it's so hard. I know I haven't known you long, but I'm so grateful for you. It
scares me how much I rely on you at times."

"I'm glad you rely on me," I replied. "I want to be someone you can trust."

She wiped her nose with the sleeve of her shirt.

"You're staying here tonight," I said boldly. "I don't want any arguments, either."

She looked like she briefly considered a fight, but then backed down. She didn't
have it in her to argue. Not tonight.

She lay down on the bed, after she'd changed into a t-shirt and boxers of mine.
She looked so sad as she ran her hands through her hair and wiped her eyes.

"I can't believe she's gone," Bella said softly. "It's so unfair."

I sat next to her on the bed, once again grabbing her hand in mine.

"You take on so much responsibility, Bella," I said, brushing the hair out of her
face with my free hand. "I know it's what you think you need to do, being a doctor,
but you're only human. No one expects you to be perfect."

- 56 -
 "Yes, they do," she said, avoiding eye contact with me. "That's exactly what they
expect."

I put my finger on her chin, turning her face so she'd look at me. "No, they don't.
You were incredible today. If you hadn't been there, both of them would have died.
Baby Grace is alive because of you."

She sighed. "Some life she's going to have."

"I've never met anyone who's as hard on themselves as you are. It's hard for me to
imagine that you feel that way, because I think you're one of the most remarkable
people I've ever known."

"You don't have to do this, Edward."

She really has no idea.

"I want to do this. You aren't good at letting people take care of you, are you?" I
asked, raising my eyebrows.

She chuckled through her tears. "How'd you guess?"

"Let me do this for you? I feel like I've been helpless all day. It's the least I can
do."

She sat up and leaned into me and I wrapped my arms around her tightly.

"I don't know where you came from, but thank God you're here," she mumbled.

"Washington," I said jokingly to lighten the mood. She laughed and sniffled,
appreciating the reprieve from the burden of her heavy heart.

I laid Bella down again and she fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the
pillow. I prepared a spot on the floor and slipped under the blanket. The evening
downpour had started and I'd been so wrapped up in Bella that I hadn't even
noticed. The sound of the rain was a soothing backdrop for sleep.

I laid there in thought for a few minutes. Bella said something earlier that piqued
my curiosity. When she told me what happened, she had said that what she did was
never enough. It was strange to me to hear her say that.

She wasn't insecure. She was confident and capable, but something had obviously
- 57 -
happened to her to make her doubt herself. She was her own worst enemy. At a time
when she had truly been in her element and saved a life, she berated herself. She
definitely didn't see herself as others saw her, as I saw her.

I could relate in part to how she felt, even if her feelings were unfounded.
Sometimes it's hard to see your own worth, no matter how many times you're told. I
had people kissing my ass all the time for things I knew I didn't deserve. Hell, I had
people kissing my ass for doing nothing. But I knew it was all bullshit. It wasn't like I
thought my work was bad. On the contrary, I was quite proud of it, but the amount
of ass-kissing I got was not commensurate with my contribution. The unfortunate
thing was that she did deserve it and she needed to see her contribution for what it
was- amazing.

"Morning," Bella said as I cracked open my eyes to see that the sun was already
streaming into the room. It felt like I had just closed my eyes.

I rolled onto my side and looked up at her as she rested her head on her arms at
the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry you had to sleep on the floor," she said sincerely. "It couldn't have been
comfortable."

"It was fine," I said, sitting up, wincing as I stretched. "Well, maybe not."

She laughed but then turned serious. "Well, I appreciate it very much. Thanks for
taking care of me last night."

"No problem. That's what friends are for."

I want a lot more than your friendship.

"So, I guess that means you're feeling better?" I continued.

"Much better, thanks." She smiled brightly and I felt my heart swell. "I'm still sad,
but you made me feel a lot better."

"Happy to help."

As horrible as yesterday had been, I was happy to have this moment. I wanted to
be this for Bella.

- 58 -
 A/N: So, we have progress. What did you think about seeing Bella in
action? She's definitely not as weak as she feels.

Thanks for the alert adds and reviews! It makes my day to see them in my
Inbox!

Reviews=Teasers

Also, thanks to Cullen sister rec'ing my story. I appreciate it so much. If

you see my story rec'd somewhere, please let me know so I know who to
thank. I really do appreciate the support.

Next up, we'll see what happens when they let loose a little and go out!

- 59 -
 Chapter 6 Confused

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 6: Confused

Bella

Losing Marisol had rocked me to the core. She was young and sweet and put her
trust in me and I had failed her. I had lost patients before, and although it was never
easy, I was always able to separate myself and maintain professionalism.

This was different.

Perhaps it was how many odds she'd already overcome. Her parents had disowned
her when they found out she was pregnant out of wedlock. Being devout Catholics,
they couldn't condone such wanton behavior. Women, especially young, uneducated
women, had very few options on their own here. There were no jobs for them. There
was no way for them to survive without the help of a husband or family.

Her strength and commitment to her child astonished me. How she could be so
positive in the face of complete destitution was inspirational. It made my problems
pale in comparison and really helped me put my own life into perspective.

So when she died at my hand, I felt like it was nature's way of slapping me in the
face. I felt like she was being punished for her unbridled optimism and I was the one
who brought her down.

Edward had been amazing that night. Everything was such a blur for me, being so
emotionally drained, but he took care of me. He comforted me in a way that only he
could. I had no idea when he'd become so important to me. One minute, we were
strangers, and the next, he was my rock.

At first, I was embarrassed and self-conscious that he'd seen me in such an

emotional state. I was used to being in control, not only of myself, but of any
situation. But I quickly forgot all of that when he held me in his arms. He was truly a
great friend to me.

- 60 -
 Later that week, during our nightly hang-out sessions, I decided to broach a tough
subject with him; one that I had been dreading since we became close.

"Edward?" I asked nervously. I peeked my face out from my behind my book as I

lounged in the chair by his nightstand, while he lay on his side facing me on his bed,
reading.

He set down his book and gazed up at me. "Yeah?"

"How long are you here for?"

He sighed and contemplated for a moment before speaking. "I don't really know. I
was so anxious to get here, that I figured I'd play it by ear. I'm thinking I'll stay
through the summer at least."

It was late June, so that meant that he'd hopefully be here until September. I felt a
wave of relief, as I wasn't ready to face him leaving.

"Good," I said, unable to stop the smile from taking over my face. "I'm not ready
for you to leave yet."

He reciprocated my smile, making me feel like a twelve-year old with a crush, and
said, "I'm not ready to leave you either."

I couldn't stop the blush on my cheeks. I felt hot and tingly at his words. What did
he think of me? How did he think of me?

"What about you?" he asked, breaking the silence in the room, thankfully.

"My original plan was to spend a year here. I got here in January, so probably
sometime at the end of the year."

He nodded, but didn't look away.

"You've been here a while. Are you anxious to go back?"

How much should I tell him?

"Yes and no," I said honestly. "I miss the conveniences of home. I miss my family.
But, I feel like I'm making a difference here. The work is so rewarding and I can't
imagine leaving."

- 61 -
 "Is it just the work that keeps you here?" Edward asked. I couldn't help but notice
the change in his tone. He wasn't just asking as a curiosity.

"Well…no. Of course not. I've met some incredible people here. Carlisle is like a
dad to me. And I don't know what I'd do without Alice, Emmett, James. It would be
hard to leave them, you know?"

"Of course. Carlisle, Alice, Emmett and James. Of course you'd miss them," he
replied, clenching his jaw.

I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me, but I wasn't sure if he'd misread
my intentions. As attracted to him as I was, I wasn't ready to take things further, if
that was even his intention. I respected him and I didn't want to lead him on. I knew
that with all my issues, things would inevitably end badly if we pushed things too
far.

He looked so hurt. I couldn't let him think I didn't care; I just had to tread lightly.

"I think I'd miss you the most, though," I said softly.

His face lit up again and the tingly feeling inside me returned.

"I know how you feel," he finally said and then returned to his book, the smile
remaining.

It was always easy with him.

I walked into the food tent the next day, hoping to have some time to hang out
with Edward. He was rarely in camp during the day, so I wanted to take advantage
of it. Carlisle stopped me and was talking to me about the status of several of my
patients but I was distracted. I could see Edward over Carlisle's shoulder. He was
sitting with his back to me and Heidi was seated at his side.

She knew that we were close, but she also knew that nothing had happened
between us and took that as a sign that he was fair game. I knew it was unfair of me
to expect him to be celibate, but I hated seeing her hit on him. She had her hand on
the back of the bench, right behind his ass and was leaning in talking to him. He had
a fork in one hand and his other arm on the table. He didn't look particularly
interested in her, despite her Oscar-worthy efforts, but it bugged me all the same.
He was a red-blooded man who had needs and one day, someone was going to be
there at the right time to capitalize on that. Heidi was jockeying for position.

- 62 -
 I quickly finished talking to Carlisle, not wanting Heidi to have any more alone
time with Edward than necessary. I walked up behind them slowly and could faintly
hear what she was saying to him.

"We should hang out more, Edward," she cooed in her sickeningly sweet voice. "I
see you with Bella all the time, but you know how cold she can be and a little crazy.
You need to be around someone normal for a change."

Edward looked at her for the first time since I'd been watching, his face hard.
"She's not cold to me, or crazy. I'm quite happy, but thanks for looking out for my
welfare," he said with a sarcastic bite.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Heidi said smugly. I wanted to punch her. She acted
nice to my face and I never knew that she had an issue with me.

I walked around the table and slid into the bench opposite them.

"Oh, sorry. Did I interrupt something?" I said flatly.

Heidi rolled her eyes as she stood up. "No, I was just leaving."

She glanced at Edward and said goodbye, but he was looking at me.

Sorry, Heidi, he's not interested.

I felt smug as I set my tray down, knowing that I'd cut Heidi's time short. I
couldn't explain my possessive behavior. It was wrong, but I didn't care. Edward
knew me better in the short time we'd had together than most people who had
known me my whole life. He and I spent a lot of time together, so I hoped that he
wouldn't place too much stock in what Heidi said.

I had come so far but I knew I needed to be careful about who I trusted, even here
where we were all fighting the same fight. When I first got to Guatemala, I was in a
bad place in my life. It wasn't hard to see. Heidi and several others in the group
knew that I had a difficult past. I was open about why I was here, to a point. I never
told anyone the full story, but they could see that I was hurting.

One of the previous male volunteers had been quite vocal about wanting to date
me, but I wasn't interested. At all. Not only was I in no shape to date again, but I felt
nothing toward him. Before I had gotten close to Alice, Heidi and I talked a lot about
it and I thought she could identify with me. I thought she understood, but she
apparently took my disinterest to be some sort of coldness. I didn't realize that not
- 63 -
being ready to date made me frigid. I couldn't believe that Heidi would use what I
had told her in confidence against me just to get Edward into her bed. I felt a little
hurt and betrayed by her.

"Did you know that Heidi and I were really close before Alice got here?" I asked as
I scooped some food onto my fork.

"No, I didn't. But you guys seem friendly enough around camp."

"Well, as friendly as someone who is as cold and crazy as I am can be," I snapped.

The color left his face as he realized that I'd heard what she'd said and he set
down his fork and rubbed his hands together nervously.

"You know I don't believe that," he said sweetly.

"I know, I heard you. Thanks for sticking up for me. Still, she and I were friends,
you know? I trusted her." I didn't like how stupid I felt. I was irritated with Heidi for
taking the fun out of my time with Edward.

"I'm sorry. But, if it makes you feel better, I'm glad that you guys aren't that close
anymore."

I was confused. "Why?"

"More time for me." He smiled and just like that all was forgotten.

"Hey, I have an idea," I said, changing the subject.

"What's that?"

"Let's go into town tonight. There's a little bar that has this funny old guitar player
who sings folk music."

"Folk music?" Edward said skeptically.

I reached over and smacked his hand lightly. "Hey, it's fun. Come on, live a little.
Just think of it as research for your book. Plus, they serve cold beer."

I gave him my puppy dog eyes and he caved. I needed a night out and spending it
with him would make it perfect.

- 64 -
 I knocked on his bunk door later that evening and he emerged looking
mouth-wateringly beautiful. He was just wearing shorts and a t-shirt, but he had just
showered and his hair was a perfectly disheveled mess. I wanted to run my fingers
through it. I almost leaned in so I could smell him, but I resisted the urge.

"Let's go!" I said excitedly as I grabbed his hand and pulled him outside with me.

We took the bus into town, which was a harrowing experience on its own. First of
all, the rain started pouring down not five minutes after we got on, so the air inside
became thick and stuffy. The bus was full of people who were crammed into every
crevice of available space. We stood and held onto the bar overhead, clinging for our
lives. The driver appeared to be completely fearless as he passed people on blind
curves and drove considerably faster than could be considered safe. No matter how
many times I rode the bus here, I would never get used to it. It always felt like my
life was on the line.

I flew into Edward after the bus lurched into a pothole that must have been big
enough to nearly swallow the bus whole. He wrapped his free arm around me and
pulled me into him and I wanted to stay there forever. I felt no fear in his arms. He
felt so good against me. And to add to the feeling, he smelled so good, which was a
welcome reprieve from the thick air of the bus.

He looked down at me and laughed. "Do these bus rides ever get easier?"

"No, if you're lucky, you'll be drunk on the way home and won't notice that we're
all about to die."

"Well then, let's go get drunk."

That sounded like an excellent plan to me. I spent so much of my time being
serious and professional. I wanted to let loose and have fun.

We exited the bus in one piece, miraculously, and I quickly pointed out where the
bar was located. We ran under eaves to stay dry, but it was no use. I'd been here
long enough that the rain and being wet was just par for the course.

We walked into the bar, which was no bigger than a typical classroom back home.
It had a long wooden bar in the back and several round tables around the bar. The
front window was just shutters, which were drawn open. There was an overhang
which prevented the rain from coming inside. The table by the window was open so
we sat and watched the villagers running by trying to stay dry. It was nice to watch
the rain, not having to be actually in it. It provided a nice backdrop and I was used
- 65 -
to the peaceful sounds, having been here for so long.

"We're soaked," Edward said, wiping the water off his arms.

"You're from Washington, aren't you? And you're scared of the rain?" I asked in a
playful voice.

"What can I say? I'm not crazy about being wet," he said with a smile. I loved that
smile.

Edward wet. Yum.

Edward stood and walked to the bar, grabbing two bottles from the old bartender,
who looked like a permanent fixture.

As he walked across the small room, I couldn't help but stare as his shirt clung to
his firm chest. He looked so good that I couldn't stop my ogling.

"What were you thinking about?" he said as he sat and handed me one of the cold
beers, a wide smile upon his face. "You were staring at me with intention."

"Don't flatter yourself, Cullen," I joked. "I'm thirsty. I was staring at the beer."

He laughed and held his bottle up for a toast. "Well then, let's not waste any time.
Cheers!"

We clinked the bottles together and I took a large swig, never breaking eye
contact with Edward.

"So, when does the folk music start?" he asked in mock enthusiasm, slamming his
fists down onto the table.

"Not for a while. You've got plenty of time to drink before the torture begins."

This is going to be a long night.

And a long night it was.

I was startled awake some time later with a pounding headache and insatiable
thirst. I looked around in a panic. I was in my room, fully dressed in damp clothes,
with my shoes off, underneath the covers. I felt absolutely horrible.

- 66 -
 I sat up quickly in shock, but the room spun so I lay back down and tried to
remember anything I could about the night before.

We had drunk several beers and laughed and joked around. We listened to the
music and danced. That much I remembered. We flirted and talked, completely
carefree, as if we were transported to another place and time.

At some point, the old bartender brought over liqueur of some kind in a funky
bottle that looked like a fat, female Buddha with a big, round belly. I remembered
that it was served warm and was drunk through some sort of glass pipe. What the
fuck was it?

I wracked my brain to think of any other details. How had we gotten home? Then I
remembered something else.

We kissed.

Holy fuck.

I cursed the alcohol for making me forget what happened. How could I have been
so stupid? Oh God, what did Edward think? I began to panic and knew I needed to
find Alice. I grabbed my watch from the nightstand and it was well past ten o'clock,
so I knew that Alice would be up.

I scrambled out of bed, trying my best to push through my pounding headache and
upset stomach. I was so mad at myself. I knew better than to drink some strange
alcohol and apparently in mass quantity no less. I was never this careless. I hated
being so out of control. It went against my nature.

I ran over to Alice's bunk, trying to avoid running into anyone who might want
some conversation. Thankfully she was there.

"I need to talk," I said sternly when she opened the door. She was cheery, as
usual, which just annoyed me even more.

"Well, looks like someone's got a case of the Mondays," Alice said, completely
unfazed by my rudeness.

I sat on the bed and buried my face in my hands as I sighed loudly.

"I went out to El Fandango with Edward last night," I said, the frustration clear in
my voice. "Things were going fine…I just…I don't know what happened. I mean…we
- 67 -
were having fun…and drinking beers…and…the fat lady drink…"

"Bella, what did you do?" Alice said, cutting to the chase. "At the rate you're
going, I still won't have heard the story by lunchtime."

"I don't remember shit, Alice," I whined.

"Well, you wouldn't be in a panic if that were entirely true. Come on, out with it."
She stood in the middle of her room with her hands on her hips, waiting for my
answer. I shot her a nasty look, but it didn't faze her at all.

I had to hand it to her; she was good at cutting though bullshit.

"I think I kissed him," I said with a sigh, burying my face again.

"You think?" she asked.

I winced and nodded. "I've tried to remember everything I could about last night,
but it's all just flashes of memories. We were flirting, but I just figured it was the
alcohol. I shouldn't have done something so stupid."

"Stupid? Bella, are you high? Anyone who comes anywhere near you can see that
you two are crazy about each other. What's the big deal?"

I couldn't stop the tears at this point. "Alice, I've dealt with more bullshit in my
thirty-something years than most people do in a lifetime. It would be unfair to ask
Edward to deal with it just because I'm hopelessly attracted to him. How selfish
could I be? Not that I wouldn't love to be with him, but I'd be a shitty girlfriend right
now. God, and work? I'm supposed to be here being professional, helping people.
Not getting hammered and laid. Plus, he's leaving at the end of summer and I'd be
crushed. I can't deal with it right now."

"You know, you shouldn't make assumptions about what he is or isn't willing to
deal with. How the hell do you know what he wants unless you ask him? Have you
two talked about it?"

"Other than the insightful conversation from last night that I can't remember at
all, no. What am I supposed to say? 'Gee Edward, how'd you like to date me even
though everyone who's ever done so thinks I'm an emotionally unavailable
workaholic?' Or maybe I could say, 'Why don't we just fuck until you leave in
September and move three thousand miles away from where I live?'"

- 68 -
 Alice sat down next to me and put her hand on my shoulder. "Sooner or later,
you're going to have to move past this. To put yourself out there again. You know
that, right? How long has it been? A year? You're too hard on yourself. You deserve
happiness, even if you don't think you do."

"I'm not hiding behind what happened," I huffed.

"Bella, you can fool yourself but not me. You're denying yourself happiness. You
have to stop beating yourself up and harboring all this responsibility and guilt for
things that are out of your control."

I thought about what she was saying. Between Heidi calling me crazy and Alice
talking about me intentionally denying myself happiness, I was forced to
self-evaluate. Was I sabotaging myself?

Not wanting to deal with it all, my thoughts returned to last night and I knew I
needed to do some damage control. Whatever ended up happening with Edward, I
knew it shouldn't have happened like it did. I just wished I could remember more.

I hugged Alice goodbye and walked reluctantly towards Edward's bunk. I had no
idea what the hell I was even going to say to him. I finally knocked after chickening
out several times. He didn't answer.

Fuck, he's in the field already.

I grabbed some food and decided to try and take my mind off everything and work
in the clinic. My patients always made me feel better and the irony of that was not
lost on me. I was supposed to be helping them, but they always inspired me to
persevere and not feel sorry for myself. I wished I had an ounce of their spirit and
optimism.

I made my rounds of the regular patients, checking in on Grace, the name I'd
given Marisol's baby. She was gaining weight, and I knew it was only a matter of
time before I had to relinquish her to the local orphanage. I couldn't bear the
thought, so I fought to keep her here for as long as I could. I sat in the chair next to
her bassinet and held her in my arms. She was so little, so helpless, yet already a
fighter. I sang softly to her as I rocked back and forth. I was lost in her tiny features.

"Hey, Bella." Edward's smooth voice startled me, but the panic soon followed as I
looked up and saw his gorgeous face standing in the doorway with his hands in his
pockets.

- 69 -
 "Uh…hi," I said lamely, setting Grace down in her bassinet. I had no idea what to
say to him and the air between us was thick with tension.

"How're you feeling today?" he asked.

I looked down at the floor, feeling like a complete idiot."I'm okay. I've had a
headache all morning, but otherwise, I'm fine," I muttered, tracing patterns on the
floor with my shoe; anything to avoid looking at him.

I could feel him walk closer to me and my heart was nearly pounding out of my
chest.

Oh God, what's he doing?

He reached out and lifted my chin with his thumb and forefinger until our eyes
met. He looked upset and concerned.

What the fuck happened?

"I was worried about you," he finally said. "I wanted to come by this morning and
check on you, but I had to meet Emmett."

"I'm so sorry that things got so out of control last night," I said, trying
unsuccessfully to avert his gaze. "Speaking of which, what exactly happened?"

This time, he broke our gaze and lowered his hand. "What do you remember?" he
asked.

"I remember drinking beers with you, watching the rain. I remember the
bartender and the fat lady liqueur. But that's really it, only snippets from there. The
kiss…"

"Yeah…so…about that…" he started, shifting his weight from side to side

nervously. "I'm kinda glad you don't remember much. Let's just chalk it up to a
drunken mistake, okay?"

I wished I could remember more about it. Did I initiate it? Did he? What happened
after that? How did it feel? I hated that I'd spent weeks wondering what it would be
like and when it finally did happen, I couldn't remember anything except fleeting
images. I was incredibly disappointed in myself for a whole host of reasons.

He was obviously regretful, calling it a 'drunken mistake', so he clearly didn't want

- 70 -
more than friendship anyway. The only positive thing about my not remembering
much was that I didn't have to recall the rejection. I could live blissfully unaware of
his rebuff.

"So..uh…are we okay?" he asked, motioning between us with his hand.

I nodded and faked a smile. "Yeah, we're okay. Of course we're okay."

He nodded in return and turned to leave. "So, tomorrow night at my place? We

still on?"

"Yeah, I'll see you then. I'll bring the cards."

He patted the doorjamb and left, never looking back.

I stood there in the clinic and finally let his rejection sink in. All my worrying
about what I wanted was for nothing. He saw us as friends. Even though it made my
agonizing decision about what to do a little less agonizing, I still felt sad.

Maybe Alice was right. Maybe I pushed away happiness thinking myself
undeserving. I'd harbored my mountain of guilt for so long, that I'd forgotten what it
felt like to live without it. I didn't want to live like that anymore. I wanted peace
from the torment of my mind.

There were others here who wanted to date me, most notably James. Maybe I just
needed to try? Maybe my attraction to Edward was my unconscious way of denying
myself companionship- wanting what I knew I couldn't have. Edward was out of
reach and nothing I did would change that.

If he didn't want more, I'd settle for being friends. But that didn't mean I couldn't
pursue happiness elsewhere.

It had been over a year. It was time to move on.

A/N: Thanks for all the love this week! I appreciate it so much. Please
don't forget to leave me a review. I know I sound like a broken record, but I
crave the feedback!

Reviews=Teasers

- 71 -
 There's a thread over on Twilighted if you are interested in chatting about
the story. I'll be sure to check in and possibly post some additional teasers!

Special thanks to MrsEdwardCullenP for rec'ing STR in her story. Also to

SabsLuvsLogan for the shout out on E'Ville. If you see STR rec'd somewhere,
please let me know!

Thanks to my betas, sqsquared and Twiheart, who have helped me so

much. Also, hugs to my pre-readers, ellierk and Sunfeathers, whose reaction
to this chapter made me smile!

- 72 -
 Chapter 7 El Fandango

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 7: El Fandango

Edward

"Thanks, Edward," Bella slurred. "I'm so sorry. I don't deserve you. Don't be mad,
please? You're the best."

I slid off her shoes and helped her under the covers. I wanted to help her out of
her wet clothes, but under the circumstances, I didn't think it would be appropriate.

She was a mess, totally hammered.

I left her room feeling completely dejected. I had high hopes earlier about things
between us, but tonight had definitely not gone as I wanted.

I lay down on my bed, but my mind was reeling. There was no way I could sleep as
the events of tonight played in my head over and over again.

We got to El Fandango and it was every bit as kitschy as Bella described. The
bartender was this funny old guy, who spoke not a word of English. We had a great
table by the window and where we enjoyed our cold beers together. It was really fun
to see Bella let loose so much. We encouraged each other to drink and have fun.
Things were so serious around camp so much of the time that when she suggested a
night out to forget about things, I jumped on it. I hoped that Bella would open up to
me more if she was a little liquored up. If she wouldn't do it sober, perhaps once she
got a little 'liquid courage' into her, she'd tell me more about herself.

The folk singer showed up after a while, looking the part, with his floppy hat and
sandals. I had no idea what to expect but the music was very lyrical and easy to
enjoy.

"Dance with me," I said, pulling Bella to stand as she giggled.

"Oh God, I'm a terrible dancer." She pulled back on my hand, resisting me.
- 73 -
 "Well, I'm not, so come on."

With that, she relented and together we walked to the middle of the room. I swung
her around and pulled her close to me as I wrapped my arm around her waist. It felt
incredible being this close to her. I could feel the swell of her breasts against my
chest and her breath against my neck. All I wanted to do in that moment was kiss
her and take her back to my place to have my way with her. Instead, I led us around
the small room, maneuvering carefully around the tables, even managing a few
twirls. Bella laughed and let herself go, giving in to the fun of it all and I vowed to do
whatever it took to see her this carefree again as often as I could.

The song ended and we stopped dancing, much to my chagrin. Bella pulled me to
the table and sat down, grabbing her drink and taking a long swig.

"You've got some nice moves," Bella said, setting down her beer. "I'm impressed."

"Yeah, you can thank my mom for that. She insisted that Jasper and I take
ballroom dancing lessons. Something about us being gentlemen." I shrugged my
shoulders, silently thanking my mom for forcing me to go to lessons all those years
ago. It certainly seemed like my limited dancing skills were coming in handy, yet my
thoughts were far from gentlemanly.

Bella got flirtier in direct proportion to the number of drinks she had. She was fun
and playful and I liked it. Her hand slid to my thigh as she laughed at something I
said, and I could feel my body tense up. Instead of removing it when she was done
laughing, she left it there and I covered it with my hand, slowly interlacing our
fingers together. I didn't want to take a chance that she'd move her hand back and
leave me without her touch. My fingers touched hers, slowly slipping past them,
eventually caressing the back of her hand as our fingers became fully entwined. It
was so minor, holding her hand, but it felt so sensual and intimate.

The bartender came over after a while with a bottle of a golden liqueur, which we
lovingly dubbed "the fat lady". It was sweet and thick as we sipped it through a long,
glass pipe. It rolled over my tongue and down my throat with ease. It wasn't bitter or
harsh as so many liqueurs can be.

Bella's lips curled against the pipe and I could feel my pants tighten, envisioning
her lips wrapped around me, sucking. The liqueur slowly rose in the pipe until it hit
her lips. She sipped it, swallowing gently and looking so fucking sexy.

I hadn't realized how much alcohol she drank, as I was too fixated on how she
drank it to pay much attention. She seemed fine, but I should have known that the
- 74 -
cocktails would catch up to her.

She smiled seductively at me, and I couldn't hold off any more. I wanted to kiss
her so fucking badly. I'd been waiting all night for an opportunity, but it never
seemed to be the right time.

"You are so beautiful, Bella," I said, moving my hand to her cheek as I leaned in to
close the distance between us. "I'm sure you get told that all the time, but it's true.
You're amazing. I've never met anyone like you."

She looked at me in shock as she leaned into my hand.

"God, why can't things be different?" she asked, closing her eyes as my thumb
traced small circles on her cheek.

I inched a little closer, pulling her head slowly toward mine, never taking my eyes
off her lips.

"Why can't they be?" I whispered.

"I want that. So much…but…"

"What are you afraid of, Bella?" We were just inches apart at this point, her breath
tickling my face.

"It's just…he's gone…and it's my fault." She was starting to open up and I wanted
to know more. I should have pulled away to allow her to talk, but I didn't want the
space between us. Even though she was pretty drunk, I liked that she was letting me
this close to her and I selfishly wanted more.

I brought my other hand to her face, cradling her head in my hands.

"Who's gone?" I brought my lips to her forehead, pressing them gently against it.
Bella whimpered softly and my previously hard cock got even harder.

"Fuck…I shouldn't be doing this." Her slurred words of denial didn't match her
actions and she looked as if she was battling with herself over whether or not we
should continue. I moved my lips to the space right beneath her ear along her jaw
line, one hand slipping to the base of her neck as the other moved down to her back.
I inhaled deeply, taking in her scent and gently kissed the soft skin of her neck. She
tilted her head to allow me better access and I took full advantage.

- 75 -
 I didn't want to give her the opportunity to change her mind. Never leaving the
softness of her skin, I moved my lips slowly across her cheek, my breath heavy with
need, until I met her lips. She moaned as our lips touched, urging me on. Our
movements were slow and deliberate, but contained passion like I'd never felt
before. I'd never had a kiss be so sensual. Never before had I desired someone like I
desired Bella and all we'd done was hold hands.

"So soft," I muttered as I pulled back slightly before moving in again.

As our lips met, I opened my mouth slightly and she followed along, slipping her
smooth tongue past my lips. It was me who moaned this time as I let my tongue
move with hers. My hand fisted into her hair, holding her to me, never wanting to let
her go. I could faintly hear the sound of the rain in the background, but all I could
focus on was the feeling of Bella's lips on mine.

"I've wanted to do that for so long," I said softly as I kissed her ear.

Suddenly, her demeanor changed. She stiffened under my touch and pressed her
hand against my chest, moving me away.

"We can't do this," she said emphatically as she hid her face in her hands. "We just
can't."

I pulled her hands away. "Look at me, Bella."

She looked up and had tears streaming down her face.

"Why are you crying? I'm sorry if I did something to upset you. I guess I thought
that you were okay with things…" I stammered.

I had no idea what I had done that could have incited this kind of reaction from
her. I knew she was hesitant, but her body language told me she was comfortable
with me.

"It's not you, it's me. I know that's horribly cliché, but you have no idea how true it
is in my case." She looked away from me as she wiped her tears.

"Do you not want me?" I asked feebly. I didn't know if I wanted to hear the answer
to my question or not.

She let out a sigh and a sob. "It's not that at all. Trust me, I want you. It's
just…this can't happen."
- 76 -
 "Why not? Talk to me, please!" I sounded desperate, but I didn't care. Why was
she pushing me away?

"Can't we just be friends? Please? I don't want that to get fucked up." She looked
up at me with a pleading look and I wanted to pull her into a hug and make
whatever it was that plagued her go away.

"Is that what you want? To be friends?"

She shook her head, but her words had finality to them, despite the slur. "No, but
it's all I can give you. Please don't push me on this. It's better this way. You have to
believe me."

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "I don't understand why, Bella?"

She stood up, planting her feet firmly as if making a stand, her eyes red and
swollen from crying. "Because we'll both just end up hurt. Can't you just take what I
can give? Fuck, Edward…" Her voice trailed off as she grabbed her beer, taking a
long swig even though she'd already had way too much to drink. It wasn't apparent
to me until that moment when she stood just how drunk she was. She was swaying
and looked like she might fall over.

Just as I stood to help her, she slammed the beer down onto the table and stormed
out of the bar into the rain.

What the fuck?

I chased after her along the dark streets until I found her leaning face down
against a waist-high cobblestone wall, sobbing.

I ran over to her and pulled her into my arms, the rain pouring down on us. She
was struggling to stand and it seemed like everything was coming down on her at
once. I desperately wanted to understand what set her off, but there was no way I
was going to push it tonight.

"Take me home," she said, clutching my t-shirt in her fists as she shivered in my
arms. "Please, just take me home."

"Okay. It's okay, Bella. I'll take care of you."

I had no idea how things had gotten so fucked up. One minute we were flirting
and having a great time and the next she was a sobbing mess in my arms.
- 77 -
 What was she scared of with me? If I thought she wasn't interested in me as
anything more than a friend, that would be one thing, but I felt passion in her kiss.
There was something there. Maybe I was kidding myself, projecting my feelings onto
her, but I didn't think so. It seemed like she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

But I could see the fire in her eyes as she pushed me away. Whatever demons she
struggled with had a strong hold on her. My curiosity was piqued as I held onto her
shivering body, wondering how she got so upset over something like a kiss. I never
wanted her to feel violated or disrespected, so if all she could handle was being
friends, then I'd honor that. As hard as it would be for me, I'd do it.

For her.

The next morning, I had to leave early to meet Emmett offsite. I wanted to check
on Bella, but I knew she'd need her sleep. Plus, I didn't know what to say to her and
I needed time to process everything that had happened.

"Hey, you made it. I was worried when I heard you and Bella went into town last
night," Emmett said cheerfully as I walked up. He was perched on the frame of a
house we were building.

"I wish I could've slept in," I said honestly, climbing up the scaffolding to join
Emmett. "I didn't sleep for shit."

Emmett laughed, obviously thinking something had happened between Bella and
me. "Well, check you out, Casanova! It was that good, huh? I knew Doc liked you."

I shook my head emphatically, grabbing a nail and pounding it into the wood. It
felt good to hit something.

"Hell, I wish it was like that. Instead, it was a complete train wreck."

He set down his hammer, clearly curious. "What happened?"

I explained how the night had gone, from our dancing and having fun to our kiss
and her subsequent fleeing. It was still so confusing.

"Go easy on her, Edward," Emmett said. "She's had it rough."

"Can you tell me what happened? I feel like I'm the only person not in on a private
joke or something. What the fuck?" My frustration was reaching a peak. Everyone
seemed to know what was going on except me. All those times that Bella and I had
- 78 -
talked and hung out and she'd never mentioned anything to me. Yet, Emmett
seemed to know all about it.

"I don't know much. She's really only talked to Carlisle." He paused as he grabbed
a nail and positioned it on the beam. "But, I do know this- the woman she is today
when she's with you is not the same one who came here. She's different and a lot
better. She was a mess back then but she's trying with you, I can tell. Just don't push
her."

"I'm trying not to push. I just like her. When we're alone I feel like she likes me
too. She flirts with me all the time and acts like she's interested. But then other
times she pulls away. I can't read her at all and it's frustrating as hell." It felt really
good to be able to talk to someone about it. I was used to having Jasper around and
this situation was driving me crazy.

"Oh, she likes you. There's no question about that. Anyone can see that. The
question is whether or not she'll allow it to go further. Give her time. She'll come
around."

Time was the one thing I didn't have. I didn't know what I was hoping would
happen once we were done here, but I definitely realized our time was limited. I also
knew that I wanted her in my life beyond that. I didn't have the logistics worked out,
but I would make sure that it happened, in whatever capacity she wanted.

When work was finished, we got back to camp and I was as frustrated as when I
left this morning.

I thought a lot about what Emmett said and what I knew about her past. She must
have been left by someone she loved and she obviously felt responsible for his
leaving. It was confusing though, because everyone's been dumped at some point.
Sure, it hurts, but most people move on and find that it was for the best. There had
to be something different about her situation that I didn't know. It occurred to me
that maybe she still harbored feelings for this guy and that made me rage with
jealousy. It seemed to fit her actions and seemed logical, but that only made it
harder. Maybe being with me reminded her of him. When she was kissing me, was
she picturing his face? Was that why she pulled away? Because she wanted it to be
him and not me?

As pissed and jealous as I was, I was worried about Bella. Things had gone so
wrong last night and I knew that I needed to talk to her about it. I hoped she
wouldn't be upset with me.

- 79 -
 I reluctantly made me way across camp to the clinic, where I knew Bella would be.
She wasn't in the front room and one of the nurses pointed me to the back room,
where Grace and the other small children were kept. Bella didn't hear me walk up so
I watched her for a few moments, holding Grace. I was struck by how nurturing she
was. I knew this baby meant the world to her and I could see the love in her
expression as she gazed at tiny Grace.

"Hey, Bella," I said after a minute or so. She looked up, startled and gave me a
nervous smile. I was nervous too, not knowing where we stood.

She looked uncomfortable as she shifted around and set Grace in her bed.

"Uh…hi," she said, avoiding eye contact.

I didn't want things to be like this for us. I didn't like the tension.

I broke the ice by asking how she felt, even though I could tell by looking at her
that she was hung over. I closed the distance between us, hoping she'd know how
much I cared and that I didn't mean to overstep my boundaries.

I lifted her chin and could practically feel her shaking beneath my touch. I felt like
such an asshole for being the cause of her anxiety. I apologized for not coming by
and checking on her, but she kept avoiding my eyes.

What's she scared of?

Her behavior was baffling to me. It wasn't like we slept together. It was a kiss. It
was the best kiss I'd ever had, but a kiss nonetheless. It wasn't until she admitted
that she didn't remember anything that I understood why she was acting the way
she was. If I felt like an asshole before, I felt like a really big one now. While I had
been thinking nonstop about the best kiss of my life, she didn't even remember it. I
felt like some sort of molester, taking advantage of a drunk woman. My mother
would be horrified.

Then it occurred to me that if she didn't remember anything because she was so
drunk, maybe what she told me wasn't how she really felt. If I just chalked up the
kiss to a mistake, maybe we could go back to how we were. Hopefully things could
move forward in time like I wanted, and I hoped that deep down she wanted that, as
well.

So, I told her that it was just a mistake, even though I didn't believe it. I just didn't
bother to clarify that the mistake was only in kissing her while she was too drunk
- 80 -
and that I waited so long to do it.

Her face fell a little, but she recovered herself.

"So...uh…are we okay?" I asked, breaking the awkward silence.

She nodded and smiled, still obviously uncomfortable. "Yeah, we're okay. Of
course we're okay."

"So, tomorrow night at my place? We still on?"

"Yeah, I'll see you then. I'll bring the cards."

I would make things better tomorrow. We could be ourselves again. I was really
looking forward to seeing her.

All day the next day, I couldn't stop thinking about Bella and hanging out with her.
I missed her, even though I'd just seen her the day before. She had become so
important to me and I was anxious to put the whole drunken kissing fiasco behind
us.

The only good thing about being away from her was that I was really busy with
work. We were working on a house for a family who had lost everything in a flood.
They had three young children and lost everything. Seeing their appreciative and
smiling faces was incredibly rewarding. I had so many memories of what we were
doing here that I would cherish forever. It had been the best decision I'd ever made.

I'd actually gotten quite good at construction in the short period of time I'd been
here. I wasn't reading schematics or blueprints, but I could piece together a pretty
good structure once Emmett or James showed me what to do.

I enjoyed working with Emmett a lot and he and I talked quite a bit. I could easily
see myself being friends with him long after this experience was over. James, on the
other hand, was as annoying to me as he was the first time I met him. It was well
known that he had a thing for Bella, and I had to listen to him day after day talk
about her nice ass or her long legs. He was so derogatory in his comments about her
and I knew she'd be mortified if she ever found out the things he said. All his talk did
was piss me off and make me miss her even more than I already did.

I showered when I got home and felt like I was getting ready for a date. I sifted
through my clothes and made sure my hair was in place. Tonight would be a good
thing for us. We needed to lighten things up.
- 81 -
 "Come in!" I yelled with my mouth full of toothpaste as I heard a knock on the
door.

I heard the door open and close as I finished up and when I walked into the room
from the bathroom, Bella was already lying on my bed, getting the cards out of the
box.

She looked absolutely beautiful, wearing a deep red tank top and short jean
shorts. Her legs looked like they were a mile long and connected to a pair of flip
flops, which dangled over the bed as they hung from her toes.

"Hi," I said, shoving my hands in my pockets like a teenager. I was just so happy
to have us back to being us.

"Hey there," she said, smiling brightly at me.

That's the smile I love.

"You ready to get your ass kicked at cards tonight?" she asked cockily. I had to
hand it to her, she was good at cards. I'd never seen her as an especially competitive
person, but cards brought it out in her and it was adorable. She gloated when she
won and had the cutest pout when she lost.

"So, I was thinking," I said as I rearranged the cards in my hand. "There's that
pyramid at the other end of town."

"Uh huh," she acknowledged.

"You know the one I mean? The one at the top of the hill with the winding trail
that goes up the side?" She nodded. "Anyway, I was thinking we should go up there
on Friday. It's supposed to be really pretty at sunset."

Her face fell and she looked uncomfortable. I hoped that I hadn't overstepped
again.

"It was just an idea," I said, feeling ridiculous and stupid for asking. "We don't
have to go."

She rested her hand on my forearm, which was resting on the bed. "No, it's not
that. I'd love to do that hike. Alice has been talking about it for weeks, too."

Alice? What the fuck?

- 82 -
 "But, I can't on Friday," she said, looking at her cards. "I have plans."

"With Alice?"

"No…uh…with James." She didn't look up at me and I could see the blush on her
cheeks.

This wasn't a friendly outing with a buddy she was talking about. The look on her
face betrayed her. She had a date. With James.

"Bella, I know he likes you. That much is obvious. But, I don't think he's right for
you. I mean…is this about the other night?"

"No, it's not about other night. Look, I appreciate your concern, but I'm a good
judge of character and I can handle myself."

I could barely control myself. I was so hurt and angry. She turned me down,
telling me that she needed space and time. She told me all she had to give me was
friendship. She even fed me the "it's not you, it's me" bullshit. Only to give it up for
James? He was who she wanted?

Fucking cocksucker.

I had completely misread her intentions. All along, I thought that this was about
her past and not being able to move forward. In reality, she just didn't feel the same
way about me as I did about her.

That realization fucking sucked.

I held it together until she left and as I watched her run back to her room, the
reality of the situation finally sank in. I'd never felt like this before. I was so jealous
of James that I wanted to run over to his bunk and beat the living shit out of him.

Fucking James.

James, who talked about Bella like she was a piece of meat, was doing what I
wanted to do. He was going to take her out and show her a good time, while I sat at
home and whacked off. He would probably get to kiss the lips that I wanted to kiss
so badly it hurt. He didn't care about her. Not really. The way he talked about her
was so disrespectful, yet he was the one she chose.

I wanted to punch something. I tried to remind myself that I cared for this woman
- 83 -
and if he was what she wanted, I had to respect that.

No, fuck that.

A/N: OK, so I know you're pissed at them right now, but hang in there with
me. It's all part of my master plan.

This chapter and the last one were my favorites to write because they
accomplished two things: Bella's perceived rejection by Edward made her
realize that she wants more out of life, and Edward realized that he has to
fight for her.

Please leave me a review, even if you're pissed at me! LOL. They make my
day and remind me that there's an audience out there. Plus, don't you want
a teaser? There's also a teaser over on the Twilighted thread, so come chat!

Thanks to my betas, scsquared and TwiHeart, for helping me with this. I'm
still so nervous with each chapter that I write. I need to chill out and not
stress so much and they help me with that. Also, thanks to ellierk and
Sunfeathers for pre-reading.

Next up, we'll see what happens on Bella's date with James…and what
Edward does about it.

- 84 -
 Chapter 8 James

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 8: James

Bella

Today was going to be the day that I turned my life around. My attraction to
Edward, albeit unrequited, had ignited a spark inside of me. I felt something beside
numbness for the first time in over a year. I realized how much I needed that in my
life, having lived without it for so long.

After Edward left me at the clinic the day after the El Fandango fiasco, I thought a
lot about what I wanted. My relationship with Edward was so easy in a lot of ways
and so complex in others. We flirted a lot, which felt nice after so long. I genuinely
enjoyed his company. But I was beginning to think that he was just a flirty guy and
not that it was directed so much at me. I didn't know anything about how he was
back home, but I had to assume if he was famous, especially for his good looks, that
he knew how to handle the ladies. He could certainly play me like a fiddle.

I could be happy with him as a friend, if that was all he wanted. It was my fault
anyway, as I'd spent the entire time since I met him telling myself that it was wrong
if we got together. I'd kept him at arm's length, and the irony of it all was so typical
of my life. The minute I decided that maybe I could handle dating again, he declared
us friends.

Of course, it would be hard when he did start to date, but I could deal with it. At
least I hoped I could. All of this assumed that he'd even want to continue our
friendship once we were no longer here. I sensed that he would because we'd spent
a lot of time together and even though he didn't return my feelings, I knew he cared
about me. We really were good friends. If I meant half as much to him as he did to
me, then we'd most certainly be friends for a long time to come.

As I left the clinic for the day, I decided that my first step in the Bella
transformation needed to start now. I took a deep breath in and headed for the
bunks.

- 85 -
 I knocked on the door, feeling incredibly nervous. I hadn't done anything this bold
in a long time. I almost ran away but the door opened before I got the chance.

"Bella?" James stood in the doorway, looking like he'd just woken up.

"Uh…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have just dropped by like this," I stammered, turning
around like I was going to leave.

He grabbed my arm to stop me and smiled. "It's okay, it's not like you could have
called first. Besides, I was just resting. Come on in."

I reciprocated his smile, feeling a little better about things.

Taking a long, cleansing breath, I found my courage. "I was just wondering if
you'd like to go into town with me on Friday. There's a Mercado that day, and I've
wanted to check it out for a while, but keep missing it."

He looked down at the ground, the smile growing wider on his face. "You mean,
like a date?"

Now I know how guys feel. This shit is hard.

"Yeah, like a date," I answered, standing tall.

"I'd love to go. Thanks for asking." He had a nice smile that I'd never noticed
before. He seemed genuinely excited about me asking him out, about spending time
with me. That felt nice. I found myself looking forward to our date.

At least until I saw Edward the next day.

I was hoping not to have to tell him. I didn't know why it should matter, but I felt
like it was wrong to tell him. I couldn't explain it. The look on his face when he
realized what was going on was difficult to decipher. I couldn't tell if he was hurt or
mad or both. His face was red, so the news affected him in some way, I just didn't
know how. I knew that Edward didn't really care for James. It was no secret around
camp, so I assumed that my going on a date with him probably got under Edward's
skin. The rest of the night was strained between us. I tried to keep it light, but he
kept looking at me as though he was about to tell me something, but never did. If I
didn't know better, I would've said he was jealous. But I did know better.

As close as Edward and I were, I felt like I deserved this chance at happiness. I
understood about Edward being upset since he didn't like James. I just hoped he'd
- 86 -
realize that my happiness was at stake and go easy on him for my sake.

I didn't see Edward after that night and soon it was Friday, the day of my date. I
was looking forward to seeing if there was any chemistry between James and me.

He swung by my bunk and picked me up, which I thought was sweet. He looked
good. His blond hair was cut short and he wore cargo shorts and a fitted t-shirt.
Most noticeably, he wore a constant smile on his face like he had just won a prize at
the fair.

"You ready?" he asked as he grabbed my hand.

I nodded and we started walking to the bus station, idly making small talk. As if it
was scripted, Edward walked around the corner just at that moment. I instinctively
dropped James' hand, but I knew Edward saw me. My heart pounded in my chest,
hoping that he wouldn't make a scene. He ground his teeth together as he
approached us.

Please don't stop and talk.

"Hey, Edward," James said smugly, giving Edward a "fuck off" type of look.
Obviously the feelings were mutual between these two.

"Hey." Edward didn't look at me and shoved his hands into his pockets, slowing
his gait only slightly as he said with a bite, "Have fun on your date."

I didn't know why hearing it spoken by him bugged me so much, but I was highly
agitated. He wanted me to know that he knew it was a date and not just casual.
Edward continued his walk past us, occasionally looking back over his shoulder at us
as I did the same. I had no idea how to interpret his response, except to say that he
looked exactly like I felt- awkward and uncomfortable. I just wanted to get the hell
out of there.

I tried to shake it off as we made our way to the Mercado in town. It was filled
with local vendors selling whatever they could. There were textiles, accessories,
flowers and food. It was crowded as we slowly walked from booth to booth.

James was being nice, even buying me flowers at one of the booths, but there
didn't seem to be any spark between us. I found myself doing most of the talking just
to keep it interesting. Intelligence and wit were qualities that I always found
incredibly sexy in men, but I noticed as the day wore on that James seemed to be
sorely lacking those qualities.
- 87 -
 My mind kept wandering back to Edward and what he was doing. I hoped he
wasn't angry at me. Still, to be fair to James, I did my best to focus on the two of us
to see if there was any potential there.

As the sun began to set, we made our way to a local food stand. They made their
own tortillas, among other things, and the food was delicious. The stand, although in
the same state of disrepair as the rest of the town, was known for having the best
food around. It didn't disappoint tonight, even though James and I had to take our
food outside and sit on the curb to eat it. I was really trying to like him. I wanted to
feel the way I felt around Edward, but I just didn't and the longer we were together,
the more obvious it became that nothing could happen between us.

"I think we should get going," I said, wiping off my shorts as I stood from the curb.
"I've got a busy day tomorrow."

He stood as well and reached down to grab my hand. I smiled meekly, but inside I
was cringing. I didn't like him touching me. It didn't feel right. It felt like I was
cheating on Edward and I hated it. Why did he have this hold over me?

James walked me to my door once we got back to camp and I fumbled around in
my pack to avoid that awkward moment saying goodnight.

"I had a really nice time tonight, Bella," he whispered, moving closer to me with a
dangerous look in his eye.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Yeah…thanks for coming with me," I replied nervously.

He tilted his head and moved in for a kiss before I could stop him. His lips were
chapped and felt rough on mine. All I could think about was how badly I wanted
Edward's lips on mine and not James'.

"Stop. Please. I'm sorry." I pushed him back gently and pulled the back of my hand
to my mouth, holding it there.

"What's wrong, Bella?" he asked, obviously feeling jilted. "I thought you wanted
this?"

How could he think that? Couldn't he read my body language at all?

"Listen, today was really great and I'm sorry if I sent you the wrong signals, but I
- 88 -
don't think this is going to happen for us."

He stood back and his expression rapidly turned angry. "I knew you were a
fucking tease!" he spat.

"What?" I couldn't even process what he was saying.

"Oh, like you don't know? You flirt when it's convenient, but no one's ever going to
get anywhere with you. Shit, every guy here knows it, even your precious Cullen."
His voice was vitriolic and harsh, but all I heard was Edward's name.

Did he really think that about me? Were he and the guys sitting around discussing
me over poker like I was damaged goods?

"You know what, James? I'm glad we did this tonight. I'm glad I got to see your
true colors before I wasted even one more second on you. I'll see you around." I
turned and walked into my bunk before he could even respond. I didn't care what
James thought about me, as he had proven himself to be someone I could never be
interested in, but his words stung me deeply.

I didn't know which emotion was more overpowering at this point- anger or hurt. I
was so confused and upset. All I knew was that I had to talk to Edward.

Wiping the tears, which were now falling from my cheeks in abundance, I walked
the short distance to Edward's bunk. I hoped he'd at least be awake and willing to
talk to me. After the look he gave me today, as James and I left, I wasn't sure.

I stood at his door for a few minutes, trying to compose myself before I got the
courage to knock.

Edward

Knowing that Bella had a date was one thing. I could keep it in the back of my
mind and not let it consume me. But seeing her on her date, hand in hand with
James, was more than I could deal with.

I knew it was scheduled for today, but when I came around the corner on my way
home and ran into them holding hands as they left, I felt like vomiting. I couldn't
even look at Bella, and James, being the smug mother-fucker that he was, rubbed it
in my face. He knew I had feelings for her, as I was sure most of the guys did, but to

- 89 -
him it was a competition that he'd just won. I wanted to slap the satisfied smirk right
off his face.

I couldn't eat dinner, so I stayed in my room the rest of the night. I pulled out my
book and attempted to read, but ended up reading the same paragraph over and
over. I wondered what they were doing on their date and if they were having fun. It
pained me to think of him kissing her the way I had. Unfortunately, I couldn't think
of anything else, which made me irritable and unable to relax.

I decided to write a letter to Jasper just to get it all on paper. Maybe that would
help.

Jasper,

I'm still here in Guatemala, as you no doubt can figure out by the postmark on this
letter. The work we're doing is great and I'm grateful to you for talking me into this.
You can't believe how much it means to the locals to have help. They need it so
much and are so grateful. It's been very therapeutic and rewarding. Well, mostly.

I've made some great friends here, most of whom I probably mentioned in my last
letter. You wouldn't even recognize me now, as I'm getting pretty handy with a
hammer and nails. Emmett, the big guy I told you about, has been really helpful,
teaching me the tricks of the trade. I had no idea construction was so complicated
and I have a new found respect for people who do this. I like what I'm doing very
much, mostly because of the people I'm with. I'm sure I'll keep in touch with many of
them once I come home.

I'm a bit lost when it comes to Bella, though. I've gotten to know her a lot more
lately. She's amazing, Jasper. She's smart and beautiful and has the biggest heart of
anyone I've ever known. I feel like a kid asking out the popular girl when I'm around
her. We've become really close, but some shit happened the other night and now
everything is all fucked up. As I write this, she's on a date with another guy in camp,
and I want to pull my hair out strand by strand in frustration.

I've fallen for her hard and there's nothing I can do about it. The last time I tried,
she pushed me away and told me she wanted to be 'friends'. I thought she just
needed time, but I was wrong. It's so fucked up. I can't be around her and not want
to kiss her, but I can't give her up entirely either. It's like my own personal torture.

I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. If you were here, you'd probably have
some good advice for me before telling me how whipped I sound, but instead I'm
here alone in my room going slowly fucking insane. I wish it didn't take weeks for
- 90 -
mail to reach me. I could use your left-brained logic right now.

Maybe I won't mail this. You might think I've finally lost my shit if I do. At this
point, I'd be inclined to believe it.

Say hi to Mom and Dad for me. Thanks for letting me complain, even if you had no
choice.

Edward.

It didn't help. I was still miserable.

As I was about to go to bed and try to get some sleep, there was a knock on my
door. I had no idea who it could be since no one ever came over except Bella, and
she was on her date.

I opened the door reluctantly to see Bella standing there, crying.

I didn't even take the time to process why she was here; I just instinctively
reached for her and pulled her into a hug. "Oh my God, what happened?"

"Can I come in?" she asked, sniffling.

"Of course!" I stood aside so she could walk in and shut the door behind her.

She had her arms wrapped around herself and looked so incredibly sad as she
turned to face me.

"Did something happen with James?" I asked, the mere sound of his name
irritating me.

She nodded and I could feel my face heat up.

"Did he hurt you?" I asked more sharply than I intended, as I grabbed onto her
arms. "Tell me."

She shook her head and I felt a wave of relief. James would not have lived to see
the morning if he'd laid a hand on Bella. I wouldn't have put it past him at all.

Dumb fucking Neanderthal.

I motioned for us to sit on the bed and wrapped my arm around her, as she rested
- 91 -
her head against my shoulder.

"Obviously, it didn't go well," she said as I did a mental fist pump. "I was trying to
be polite, but when I wouldn't give him what he wanted, he said I was a tease."

"I'm sure he was just upset that things weren't working out for him. He'll get over
it. It's nothing you need to worry about. He was just being the asshole that he is."

She looked up at me, her eyes wet and red-rimmed. "He is an asshole, huh?"

I nodded and squeezed her shoulder.

"You tried to warn me, but I didn't listen," she mumbled through her tears.

"I hoped he'd be different with you. I didn't want you to get hurt." I hated talking
about James.

"I don't care what he thinks, but he said you think I'm a tease, too, that all the
guys do."

If I hated James before, I really hated him now. How fucking dare he bring me into
this. I would never have said that about Bella.

I grabbed her hands in mine and looked intently into her eyes. "James is just
making shit up. I can tell you that no one has said anything like that."

Of course, now was not the time to tell Bella how derogatory James had been
about her. All it would do was hurt her further and for no reason. She obviously saw
through James' facade, and that was good enough for me.

She rested on my shoulder again and we sat quiet for a few minutes while she
composed herself.

"Were you angry at me for going out with him, even after you warned me about
him?" she asked out of the blue.

I had no idea how to answer her. Yes, I was angry. I was angry that she chose to
be with that douche instead of me. I was angry that I got to be her friend, while
someone else had the potential for more than that.

"Angry isn't the best way to describe it," I finally replied, being as honest as the
situation would allow. "Disappointed is more like it. Like I said, I didn't want you to
- 92 -
get hurt."

"I thought it would be good for me to feel alive again. It's been such an awful year.
I just wanted to find some happiness, you know?" she said, shaking her head. "You
have no idea how long it's been for me."

"I'm sorry it didn't work out," I lied. I was curious about her comments, but I
didn't press it further.

"I'm sorry I disappointed you. It seems to follow me wherever I go."

"Don't say that. I was just hurt and jealous," I said, running my hands through my
hair in frustration.

"I'm so glad I met you. Thank you for being such a good friend," she said, but even
as she spoke the words, I knew they didn't do us justice.

"We've never been just friends, Bella," I said, my voice deep and raspy. "We've
always been more."

"I know." Her voice was almost a whisper as she gazed up at me through her teary
eyes.

"Listen, I have to talk to you about something. It's been bothering me and I know
that this may not be the best time, but I'm just so confused by you. One minute,
you're pushing me away at El Fandango, telling me all you can handle is being
friends, then you go out with James instead, and now you're here with me. I know
what I want, but I don't understand what you want from me."

I didn't intend to have this conversation now, but she was sending me mixed
signals and I needed to clear the air. I didn't want to give up on her. I wanted her to
want me the way I wanted her. I had such strong feelings for her and most of the
time, it seemed like they were reciprocated, but she wouldn't act on them and I
couldn't figure out why.

"What do you mean I pushed you away? You were the one who called the kiss a
'drunken mistake'." She looked honestly confused and I knew it was time to tell her
what happened.

"Bella," I said, lowering my head to hide my wounded pride. "When I kissed you
that night, there was a spark there. It hit me like an explosion and I was sure that
you felt it too. Our kiss was passionate and perfect, but then you broke it off without
- 93 -
any explanation other than not being able to handle being more than a friend. When
I called it a 'drunken mistake', it was only because I realized too late that you were
too intoxicated to even remember the best kiss of my life and I was embarrassed
about it. It wasn't that I regretted it."

My cards were all out on the table and it felt good to get that off my chest. I
wanted to put myself out there and if she rejected me again, then I'd know it was
real.

She hung her head as she processed what I had told her and then a smile came to
her face. "I didn't think you wanted me like that. When I asked James out, I was just
trying to feel the way I feel when I'm with you."

I moved my hands to her tear-filled cheeks and held them in my hands, trying to
find the words. "Are you saying that you do have feelings for me beyond friendship?"

She moved her hand up my chest and let it rest on the side of my neck casually,
our eyes never breaking their intense stare. I wiped the tears from her cheek and
eventually moved my hand to the back of her neck as I slowly leaned in toward her.

Holy crap. This is really happening again.

She inhaled sharply in anticipation of my kiss, which fueled my desire.

My lips met hers with a whisper of a touch. It was as if we were moving through
water, slow and deliberate. She reached forward with her chin and that was all the
urging I needed. Our lips met again, only this time with intention. Using my hand,
which was still at the base of her neck, I tilted her face and pulled her into me. My
tongue slipped over her lips and into her mouth where it explored and danced in a
heated rhythm.

She leaned back onto the bed, pulling me with her. Her arms clung to my back,
tightening our embrace. I loved this passionate side of her. I slipped off to the side
of her slightly, not wanting to crush her underneath my body. A low moan escaped
her mouth as I pressed my hips into her, the effect our kiss was having on me plainly
obvious against her. I felt like I was melting into her.

The kiss ended and I gently kissed her nose and her cheek, never breaking our
close embrace, before my forehead came to rest on hers. My heart felt like it was
going to leap out of my chest. I had never had a kiss like that before in my life. I had
never felt so much emotion in one touch.

- 94 -
 "The second time's a charm," I said with a smirk. "But you never answered my
question."

"You're right about something, Edward. We've always been more than friends. I
was just scared to admit it," she replied, slipping her fingers into my hair, pulling
gently. "And if I'd have known that's what I was missing out on, I'd have kissed you
every day."

"Why didn't you?" I asked.

"After the whole mess at El Fandango, I thought you didn't want me and just
figured it was too late."

I laughed and lowered my eyes. "I know you don't remember much, but can you
tell me why you rejected me that night? I mean, if you had feelings for me, I guess I
don't understand."

"I've been struggling with my attraction to you for a while. I thought that I could
will it away. I thought that if I was focused and in control, that my feelings would go
away and neither of us would get hurt. I didn't want to get hurt and I definitely
didn't want to hurt you. Given my horrible track record, I thought that getting hurt
was inevitable. I figured if we were just friends, I could avoid all that. Plus, I didn't
want to be perceived as being unprofessional. It sounds stupid, I know, but I didn't
want a relationship to take away from all the good things that we've been doing
here."

"What happened that made you so scared? You talk about your horrible track
record and allude to some past relationship, but you never talk to me about it."

"It's complicated, Edward," she sighed as she shook her head. "I don't want to get
into it."

"Then why confess all this now? What changed?"

"Because I knew that if I didn't, you'd never know how I felt. In a way, that night
at El Fandango and the next day when you told me that it was a mistake made me
realize that I wanted more out of life, and I haven't felt that way in a long time. I
never wanted James, but I did want to feel happy again," she answered softly.

I brought my hand to her chin. "Look at me, Bella."

She raised her eyes to meet mine as I spoke. I needed some answers. "What are
- 95 -
you afraid of with me?"

"This. Everything. Feeling this way and having you leave. This isn't the real world,
but my feelings are very real. What happens when we leave here?"

"We'll figure something out." I was elated that she had actually thought about us
being together beyond Guatemala. This night had gone completely different than I
had expected.

"I hope you're right." She looked sad and I could tell that she was exhausted.

"Stay here tonight," I blurted out. "It's been a long day. Let me take care of you."

She nodded as I slowly removed her wet shoes. I gave her a pair of boxers to wear
and she went to change in the bathroom. My heart was pounding as I realized that
she'd chosen me. I had no idea what the future held, but tonight she was mine.

She emerged, looking every bit as tired as I had expected after her emotionally
draining night. The sight of her in my boxers excited me, but I knew now was not the
time for that. I'd have to settle for her kisses. I didn't want the memories of our first
time together to be filled with anything except love and she couldn't give me that
tonight. I pulled back the blankets and she slipped underneath. I wanted to crawl in
next to her and hold her, but I didn't want to push my luck. Instead, I grabbed a
pillow and stood to make a bed on the floor like I had the last time she was here.

"Edward?" she asked as she propped herself up on her elbow.

I turned and sat on the bed again, my hand moving to her cheek, rubbing small
circles with my thumb. "Do you need something?"

"Stay here with me?" she asked, patting the bed next to her.

I glanced at her hand and back up to her face, trying to come up with an
appropriate response. Of course I wanted that. I'd thought about having her in my
bed with me so many times.

She looked at me with her puppy dog eyes and all I wanted to do was take her
pain away, so I acquiesced with a nod. I reached down and slowly removed my socks
and then pulled my legs up under the covers as she held the sheet up for me.

She grabbed my hand and pulled it around her as she moved to lie on her side, her
back facing me. I felt her gently rub the back of my hand as she held it in hers. I
- 96 -
scooted up behind her, feeling the heat from her body as our legs rubbed up against
each other. She ran her feet up and down my calf and I was worried that she'd feel
how inappropriately hard I was. The feeling of her lying next to me, our bodies
entwined, was so perfect. We were flush against one another and Bella let out a
small moan as I pulled her in close and kissed her temple. It was almost my undoing
as I fantasized about hearing that moan fall from her mouth for entirely different
reasons.

Gaining control of myself, I whispered in her ear. "Sleep, Bella. We'll figure it out
in the morning."

"Thank you for waiting for me even when I hurt you," she said softly.

"You don't have to thank me, Bella. You really don't."

I woke up several times that night, thinking it all a dream. I felt panicked as I
wondered if Bella was really here, that maybe things had gone well with James and
that instead of being wrapped around Bella in my warm bed, I was actually alone.

For once in my life, the reality was better than the dream.

A/N: So, are you guys better now? Forgive me?

I love my readers so much, but I know there are a lot of you who never
leave me a review. I know you're out there with my hit count. Why not drop
me a line to let me know what you think? My imagination runs wild, so I'll
just imagine the worst if I don't hear from you!

Reviews=Teasers

One of the biggest compliments you can give me if you're enjoying the
story is to rec it to your friends. It's hard to get the word out, so it's much
appreciated. Also, if you see this story rec'd somewhere, please let me know.
I want to be sure and thank people.

Thanks to my betas, scsquared and TwiHart, who helped me get the timing
right on this one. Also, hugs to ellierk and Sunfeathers for pre-reading.

Next up, they'll have a little fun.

- 97 -
 I rarely rec stuff, but I can't help it. These stories own me. They're in my
favorites.

Fic recs:

Ethan Church by Dryler- this story is dark and complex and keeps you on
the edge of your seat the entire time.

Love Between Sexes by EFC- I don't read a lot of slash, but this story is
just so good. The characters are so well developed. Loved it.

Coming Through the Rye by Mac214- This is the one I drop everything to
read.

Enjoy!

- 98 -
 Chapter 9 Floating

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended. Chapter 9: Floating

Edward

"Wake up, sleepy head," I said, gently kissing Bella's ear. "Today's a busy day."

She swung her arm to fend me off, but I held on to her tightly, finally earning a
smile from her. "What time is it?" she grumbled.

"It's just past eight o'clock, but if we're going to make it to the lake by noon, we
should get going."

She moaned and pressed her back against me as my arms held her close to my
chest.

"Can't we just stay here?" she asked jokingly as she rested her hands on top of
mine on her stomach.

"The lake was your idea." I replied, giving her a tickle. She laughed and sat up,
running her hands through her hair and stretching.

"All right, all right. I'm up. I'll go back to my place and clean up, but I should be
ready to go in about 45 minutes. Should I just meet you back here?"

This time it was me who wanted to stay in bed. She looked entirely too tempting
standing there in a camisole and a pair of my boxers, which were quickly becoming
her regular pajamas.

We agreed to meet back at my place and then start our trek up to the lake. We
were staying at a cabin along the shoreline for the night. It was bare bones, nothing
fancy, but I was really looking forward to some quality time with Bella.

Since the night of Bella's date with James, we'd spent every night together. It was
exceedingly hard not to rip off her clothes and ravage her, but we were taking
things slowly. Neither of us knew what the future held and we didn't want to
complicate things any more than they already were. That wasn't to say that the
- 99 -
desire wasn't there, though. Sometimes it was me who pulled back, knowing the
limits of my own self-control. Other times it was Bella. The one thing that was
uncomplicated and crystal clear in our relationship was that there was plenty of
chemistry.

James tried to apologize to Bella the next day, but she blew him off. If I had my
way he'd never get near her again, but I think Bella made it clear that she wanted
nothing to do with him.

I couldn't help but gloat when I saw him at the construction site after that. He'd
been a thorn in my side and the way he treated Bella was inexcusable. I wanted to
kick his ass, but Bella made me promise to leave him alone; that it wouldn't look
right to have volunteers beating each other up. Out of respect for Bella and trying to
maintain professionalism, I just made sure he knew that Bella and I were happy
together and that he could keep his thoughts and hands to himself or he would have
to deal with me, and most likely Emmett. James was smarmy but I didn't think he'd
be stupid enough to bother her anymore.

Bella arrived at my place as planned and we set off for the lake. It was a long hike,
one that we'd done before when we went camping. The cabin we were staying in
was just on the other side of the lake from where we camped.

We came upon the ruins, and decided it would be a good place for a break. We
grabbed a snack and some water from our packs and sat on the steps of the ancient
pyramid.

"Tell me more about New York," Bella asked as she took a bite of an apple.

"Let's see," I said, trying to find a place to start. "I have an apartment on the
Upper West Side. Do you know New York at all?"

She shook her head.

"The Upper West Side is my favorite part of Manhattan. I just like the vibe there.
It's not pretentious, but it's nice. Still, living in a city that big takes some getting
used to."

"What's your favorite part about it?"

One of the things that I loved about Bella was how engaged she was. She was
always interested in my life and what was important to me.

- 100 -
 "I like the restaurants, even though I rarely get to eat out. The food in New York is
incredibly diverse. It's a far cry from the diners in Forks."

"Are you a closet foodie?" she joked.

"Why do you think I learned to cook?" I laughed as I wiped my face. "Going out to
restaurants, while it's always been one of my favorite things to do, is difficult for me
with all the paparazzi. I love good food too much to quit, so I had to learn to cook."

"It must be really hard for you, having to avoid doing what you love like that."

Bella rested her head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around her.

"It is, but I do what I have to do." I hated thinking about all the cameras and the
crowds.

"Will you cook for me sometime?" Bella asked, looking up at me with a smile that
melted me.

I kissed her gently. "Absolutely. It's a date."

I stood and pulled her up with me and we gathered our packs to continue our trek
to the lake. I thought a lot about my comment to her about cooking. I really wanted
that with her. I wanted to be with her when we got back, whenever that was. I could
see her in my life. I just didn't know how we were going to make it work.

The air was thick and hot as we hiked and I felt grimy and dirty. Bugs were
nipping at my exposed skin and, in general, I was pretty miserable. All I could think
about was the cool water of the lake and how good it would feel against my
overheated skin.

We finally arrived and it was even more picturesque than I had been told. The
cabin was one of many located all in a row along the shoreline. The water lapped
onto the small stretch of beach, creating a soothing backdrop of sound. To the far
right, there was a dock with an old pontoon boat that took locals and visitors fishing.

"Ooohhh, I want to go on the boat!" Bella said excitedly as we walked up.

"Definitely. But for now, we should get settled and then I want to jump in the
water."

The cabin was pretty much what I expected: four walls, two windows, a table, a
- 101 -
bed and a chair. There was no bathroom in the cabin, only a shared one with the
other guests, which was located in the middle of the row of cabins. The room was
rustic, but perfect. The view from the front door made me instantly forget the lack of
modern facilities.

I changed into my trunks, happy to take off my grungy hiking clothes, while Bella
changed into her bathing suit, which was a very small, red, string bikini. I was trying
to keep my eyes to myself…sort of.

I ran out the front door, over the sand and threw myself into the water. It was
cool, but not freezing and felt incredibly refreshing. I swam under the water, letting
it brush past my face and through my hair. It was heaven.

Bella tip-toed in, sucking in her breath at the coolness of the water in contrast
with the heat of the air.

"Just dive under!" I called. "It'll be easier that way."

She had her arms up and was hopping up and down as each small ripple of a wave
passed by her. I ducked under the water and swam toward her. She saw me coming
and tried to climb to the water's edge, but I grabbed her before she could get away,
pulling her underneath with me.

When we came to the surface, she gasped, brushing her hair out of her face.

"That was so mean, Edward," she said, still catching her breath.

I pulled her into me and she wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms
around my neck.

"You looked like you were being tortured," I said, leaning in for a kiss. "I needed
to put an end to your misery. Forgive me?"

Bella smirked and tilted her head as her finger ran through my hair. "Hmm, I
guess this isn't so bad."

I slid my hands to her lower back and then down to her ass, pulling her into me. I
knew she could feel what she was doing to me, but I didn't care. I had to feel her
body against mine. She closed the distance between us and her lips crashed onto
mine. I moaned as her tongue grazed past my lips, causing me to open my mouth
and let the exploration begin. Our breathing became shallow as our lips moved in
sync with each other.
- 102 -
 "Bella…your kisses…I swear…" I muttered briefly between kisses.

She threw her head back, letting her hair fall into the water and exposing her
throat and neck to me. I took full advantage and began to kiss my way down her
body, past her ear, her jaw, her long neck, finally settling on the hollow in her
collarbone.

"Your skin is so soft," I said, never letting my lips leave her body.

She pulled her head out of the water and her hair fell slick against her back as she
wrapped her arms around my neck, light bouncing off her wet skin. Like this,
completely natural, she looked gorgeous. We were alone in the water. There were no
other tourists or people around us and it felt like our own little world. I bounced and
floated around, enjoying our time together.

Wanting more, I reached up to her back with one hand and slowly untied the
string holding her bathing suit top in place. She was still flush against me, but sat
back slightly as her top floated in the water. My body was on fire. I could feel every
spot where we touched with heightened sensitivity. My senses were on overload.

I slid my hand around her body, never breaking eye contact, until my fingers
grazed her nipple and I cupped her breast, gently rolling it in my palm. A small
moan inadvertently escaped my throat, as I had thought about being with her like
this so many times in my fantasies.

When she uttered a whisper-like moan and leaned her head back again, I brought
my lips to her nipple and sucked it into my mouth. It hardened as I let my tongue
move over the tip and caressed the rest of her breast. Her hands were fisted into my
hair, pulling and gripping in sync with the flicks of my tongue.

"Mmm, that feels so good," she sighed as she ground her hips into me. I almost
came right then.

"We'd better get out of this water, or I can't be held responsible for what I do," I
murmured, knowing that I was reaching the limit of my self-control. I really wanted
to strip her down and make her mine, but not here, not now.

She hopped off of me and slipped under the water, her hands coming around her
back to retie her bathing suit and then returned to give me a kiss.

"I tend to get carried away when I'm with you," she said before she began to climb
into the shallow sand, and out of the water.
- 103 -
 I watched her hips shake as she walked, squeezing the water out of her long locks.
I was impossibly hard and adjusted myself so it would hopefully not be quite so
obvious when I got out. If she noticed my raging hard on, she didn't say anything,
and for that I was grateful.

We lounged along the shore for the remainder of the afternoon. Every now and
then, my desire would get the best of me and I'd pull Bella on top of me and we'd
make out like teenagers. It felt so incredible to be so free with her, when I'd been
fighting my attraction for so long.

"So, what's the plan for tonight?" she asked as we walked hand in hand the ten
steps to our cabin.

"I think that pontoon boat goes out at sunset. We could do that." I smiled at Bella
and her eyes lit up, swinging our hands between us.

"Let's do it! The sunset from the boat has got to be amazing."

Once we walked to the communal bathroom and had a quick, and cold, shower,
Bella put on a blue top that tied around her neck and short jean shorts. Her skin was
golden and tan from all her time outside, and her hair was loosely pulled back into a
ponytail. She took my breath away.

I wore simple shorts and a green t-shirt. Bella had told me once that she liked me
in green, so I wore it whenever I got the chance. I wanted her to think I looked good.

The boat captain, Rico, was a funny guy who had an obvious way with customers.
He gave us a brief rundown of where we were going and handed us each a cold
beer. I liked him immediately. There were four other people, besides Rico, who
joined us. We took the spot in the front of the boat and Bella sat between my legs
with her knees pulled up. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her neck, as we
pushed away from the shore.

The cool air blowing on us was a welcome reprieve from the heat. I knew, though,
having been camping here before that the temperature would drop once the sun
went down and I was looking very forward to keeping Bella warm tonight. The boat
bounced over the water and both Bella and I had smiles on our faces as we enjoyed
the view.

Rico stopped the boat as we approached a cove, which was even more secluded
than the place we'd just left, if that was possible. There were green reeds shooting
up from the shallow water at the edge. There was no beach, only lush greenery and
- 104 -
the most incredible view of the mountain and its reflection into the water. Light,
fluffy clouds whisked around the mountain top. On one side of the cove, there was a
long dock, which seemingly led to nothing. It was picturesque.

"This is beautiful, isn't it?" Bella asked, turning to look at me.

I put my hand on her cheek and kissed her gently. "This is amazing."

The boat pulled into the dock just as the temperature started to drop. After
changing into warmer clothes, we made our way to the beach again and sat together
watching the light of the moon dance off the lake.

Bella sat between my legs and I held her close against me, snuggling under the
blanket we had brought down from the cabin.

"Tell me something I don't know about you," Bella said, breaking the silence.

I chuckled and gave her a squeeze. "A secret, huh?"

"Not necessarily a secret, but something that you haven't told me yet."

"I wanted to be an actor when I was younger, but I've got no acting skills so I had
to put that aside. It's funny, I actually wanted to be famous, and now that I have
that, I want to be anonymous again."

"What's the worst thing that's happened to you because of your fame?" Bella
turned to sit facing me.

I ran my hand through my hair. "Physically? One time I was leaving a party and
got so mobbed that I couldn't get in my car. I was literally being tossed around. I
ended up with a broken toe and a black eye. But, I can handle that stuff so much
easier than the relationship part."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just so fake. I have no idea why people are so interested in me. I see shit in
the tabloids that is so hurtful and just flat out lies, and I don't understand the point
of it all. I feel like I can't trust anyone."

Bella rested her hand on my arm to comfort me. "You can trust me."

I put my hand on top of hers and smiled widely. "I know I can and you don't know
- 105 -
how much that means to me."

"I think I do. It's not exactly easy for me to trust people either. Not for the same
reasons as you, but it's still hard."

I wanted her to open up to me. We'd danced around the topic many times. I knew
she had a dark past, but I had no idea what happened. "You can trust me, too. You
know that, right?"

"I know. You're kinda perfect, you know that?"

I laughed out loud at that. If she only knew. "Hardly. But I'm glad you think so."

"What about you? Tell me something I don't know."

She ran her hands up my leg and took a moment to think.

"Most people who meet me always want to know why I wanted to work with sick
and dying kids. People assume I'm closed off or strange. But when I did my
pediatrics rotation during my residency, I just knew that's what I was meant to do.
The kids, many of whom are terminal, are so optimistic. They exude life and hope. I
thought it would be depressing, but it's the opposite. My patients remind me on a
daily basis that there is always a reason to hope. They help me keep my life in
perspective. Just like Marisol, you know? I miss the kids. It gave me such a sense of
satisfaction when I could help them heal."

"I have a confession. I was in complete awe of you when you were helping Marisol.
I was so proud of how capable you were, and even though she died, her baby lived
because of you. I've never done anything that meaningful in my life. You really make
a difference, Bella."

She squeezed me tightly. "You're sweet. It's nice to hear. That's why I became a
doctor. But it's not without its price."

"What do you mean?"

"I've had to make a lot of sacrifices to get where I am. It hasn't always been easy."

"Nothing worth having ever is." I kissed her neck gently and she hummed in
appreciation.

After a while, we were getting tired so we shook out our blankets and headed up
- 106 -
to the cabin. There was no electricity, only a lantern that produced a glow in the
room.

We set the blankets down and I pulled her into my arms. The light made her skin
appear to glow and her eyes sparkle. I brushed the hair away from her face and
kissed her, my hands sliding around her neck. Our tongues met as the kiss
deepened. My body instinctively reacted and I pressed myself against her, moving
us toward the bed.

She lay down on the bed and her hair splayed out around her. I climbed on the
bed, my knee coming to rest between her legs as I moved up her body until I was
kissing her again. Our hands were everywhere. She clutched my back and moaned
into my mouth, causing my dick to get even harder than it already was.

I let my hand wander between her legs and cupped her over her pants, heat
radiating off of her in waves. She spread her legs wider and pressed into my hand as
she deepened our kiss.

Feeling overwhelmed by my need for her, I pulled my hand back to the top of her
yoga pants and slipped my fingers underneath the fabric.

"Is this okay?" I asked tentatively, watching her closely.

She nodded and I continued moving lower. My fingers pushed underneath her
panties, finally feeling the slickness and heat that I desired. I rubbed the length of
her slowly before dipping my middle finger inside her. I could have come right then.
She was so hot, and tight, and wet.

"Oh God," she cried as she arched her back and pressed her hips into my hand.
My breathing picked up almost as quickly as hers did as I began a steady rhythm,
moving in and out of her, careful to pay attention to her clit with my thumb. I
slipped another finger inside, loving how her body squeezed and contracted against
them. I wanted to be inside her so fucking bad.

She pulled me into a frantic kiss, our tongues thrusting in time with my fingers.
Her breathing became shallow and small whimpers escaped from her mouth, in a
delightful chorus as I continued to move in her.

"Oh…I'm gonna come…just like that…" she screamed as I felt her walls contract in
waves. I slowed my movement as her orgasm ripped through her, finally pulling my
fingers from her body. I brought them to my mouth and sucked off the juices, while
she watched me.
- 107 -
 The sweet taste of her on my lips, in my mouth, made me want to dive in head first
but it felt like it was too soon for that. It would definitely be happening, though. That
much I knew.

I ran my thumb across her cheek as we gazed at one another. Her cheeks were
flush with a post-orgasm glow and I vowed to see that look over and over. She was
stunning.

"That was…wow…" she mumbled as she played with the hair on the back of my
neck. I couldn't help but smile, knowing that I'd given her such intense pleasure.

I leaned in and kissed her nose and smirked. "No words?"

"Just thinking about how I can repay you." This time she smirked and my dick
twitched just thinking about it.

I rolled off of her and lay on my back, putting my hands behind my head cockily. "I
can think of a few ways." I let my eyes drift down my body.

She chuckled and snuggled up to my side, kissing me as one of her hands slid
down my stomach to the waistband of my sweats.

"Mind if I take these off?" she asked, grabbing the hem and lowering it slightly.

Fuck no, I don't mind!

I lifted my hips and Bella pulled my sweats down to my knees and then used her
foot to take them off completely. Her hand rested on the side of my neck as she
kissed me passionately. Slowly, her hand moved lower, over my chest and stomach,
my hip, my thigh. I was so hard I thought my dick might explode.

I shivered when her hand wrapped around my cock, the sensation so powerful.
Sliding her thumb over my tip, she spread the moisture that had accumulated there
and began to move her hand up and down my length.

"How's this?" she whispered in my ear as I closed my eyes and threw my head
back. I was trying not to come, but the urge was so strong. Bella did things to me
that I couldn't control. I felt like a hormonal teenager, unable to control myself.

"That feels so fucking good," I said through gritted teeth. "Fuck."

She continued pumping up and down my entire length, faster and harder. I
- 108 -
imagined being inside her, feeling her heat. I could practically see her body
bouncing on top of me while she rode me hard. I was going to lose it.

"Oh God…Oh God…" I could barely control myself as I forcefully thrust my hips
into her hand. My body jerked violently and I came hard, groaning loudly as the
spasms wracked my body.

Bella cleaned us both up and rested her head on my chest, which was heaving
from exertion. I wrapped my arms around her back.

"Um, wow."

She put her chin on my chest and looked up at me with a smile. "I'm glad I'm not
the only one who was rendered speechless."

I pulled her up my body and kissed her tenderly. She had no idea the effect she
had on me. I never wanted to leave the comfort of her arms.

"Do you really think things will be okay once we leave here?" Bella asked after a
few minutes, breaking the silence.

"Bella, I want you in my life. I can't imagine going back and not seeing you."

She laid her head back against my chest and sighed. "Me either. This has all been
quite unexpected."

We didn't say anything else, but I knew the topic weighed heavily on both of us.
This was our safe haven and I had no idea how to be us once we left here.

I just knew that I'd never give Bella up. Whether or not she realized it, she was a
part of me now.

A/N: Finally, some happy times! This chapter was a last minute addition. I
just wanted them to have a little fun! Please be sure to leave me a review
and let me know your thoughts. I love hearing from you. Also, don't forget to
tell me if you see StR rec'd anywhere. I want to be sure to thank people.

Reviews=Teasers

I've got an entry in the Love Lost Contest. It's an anonymous contest, but

- 109 -
come by and check it out. Can you guess which one's mine? Link is in my
profile.

Thanks to my peeps this week for all the help, especially since I threw in
this chapter at the last minute. Mt poor beta, Twiheart, beta'd this while her
whole family was throwing up, including her. I hope everyone's feeling
better, bb. I'd also like to welcome Dana1779 as one of my new pre-readers!

- 110 -
 Chapter 10 Storm

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Sorry for the delay, guys. The holiday messed me up and I needed quite a
bit of hand holding from my betas and pre-readers!

Chapter 10: Storm

Bella

Today was going to be tough, as baby Grace was being given over to the local
orphanage. I knew it was inevitable, but it still left me feeling hollow inside. She was
still so tiny. Edward insisted that I stay at his place since I was very sad about
letting her go.

I felt the bed next to me move as Edward stretched. I rolled over to face him and
pulled him into me and kissed him until we both couldn't breathe. He was beautiful
in the morning. There was something about seeing him just as he woke up that made
me feel like I was privy to something no one else knew about him. No matter how
much other women wanted him, I was the one who woke up with him, at least for
now.

Our relationship was passionate and loving, but I was still reluctant to take it to
the next level. Not that I didn't want to. We both wanted more, but I knew that once
Edward and I made love, my heart would belong to him.

Our volunteer time was limited. I worried about keeping our relationship going
when we went home. We agreed to see where things went when we got back to the
states before taking things to the next level. We had so much time together here and
had a deep connection and common interest in making a difference. I was afraid that
things would shift once we were home, that we'd fall back into our normal lives and
routines and I'd become a distant memory for him.

I knew without a doubt that I wanted him, and I wanted to find a way to be with
him more than ever. At times, it was nearly impossible to resist him. I wanted
nothing more than to throw myself at him and never leave our bunk. I knew that
would be a mistake, though, so we waited.
- 111 -
 "Hey," he said groggily as he reached over and rubbed my arm gently. "Did you
sleep okay?"

"I tossed and turned a little, but I eventually fell asleep." I propped myself up on
my elbow. "I hope I didn't keep you up."

"Nah, I slept great. Are you worried about today?"

He always knew me and how to cut to the chase.

I nodded and my head fell only to have Edward lift my chin with his fingers.

"She's going to be fine. Carlisle wouldn't release her otherwise," he said softly.

I knew he was right. Carlisle was extremely diligent and would never let Grace go
to a place that didn't provide quality care. Still, Grace was all that Marisol had in
this world and I felt like I owed it to her to see Grace well cared for.

"Let's get this over with," I said, flipping back the sheets as I climbed out of bed. I
quickly dressed and grabbed my bag as I headed for the door.

"Meet me in an hour?" I said to Edward as I stepped into the sunlight, blinded

momentarily.

"I'll be there." He shut the door behind me and I started on the short walk back to
my place.

I ran into Emmett and Alice talking in the courtyard on the way back to my bunk.
They didn't think twice about me spending the night at Edward's place anymore. We
were inseparable and it was expected. Alice assumed that we had consummated our
relationship and I was keeping it a secret. She cited the adoring glances and shared
sleeping arrangements but I told her it was just casual. She laughed hysterically at
that, calling me dense and telling me that I needed to open my eyes and see things
the way they really were.

She could be really annoying at times, but I loved her anyway.

I met up with Carlisle and Edward at the clinic after I took a quick shower and
changed my clothes. My hair had gone from sopping wet to almost completely dry in
a matter of minutes in the intense heat.

The drive to San Pedro, where the orphanage was located, was a quiet one. I
- 112 -
gazed at Grace and tried to memorize all her tiny features. It amazed me how
helpless she was and yet so strong. I couldn't stop the tears from falling as we got
nearer and nearer to town. I hated goodbyes, especially permanent ones.

Carlisle handled most of the paperwork and the logistics once we got there. I held
Grace in my arms and bounced her, making sure she knew she was loved.

I reluctantly handed her over to a sweet, young-looking nurse as Carlisle rested

his hand on my shoulder for support. He knew how hard this was for me and wanted
me to know that things would be okay. I appreciated his presence immensely.

Edward stood on my other side, waiting back from me a little as I said goodbye. I
kissed her tiny forehead, whispering my goodbye and walked directly into Edward's
open embrace.

"Are you okay?" he asked without loosening his grip.

"Surprisingly, yeah. I'll miss her, but I know she'll be in good hands."

"Let's go," Carlisle said. Edward nodded as he pulled me to his side, keeping his
arm around my body. The three of us walked the short distance to the jeep.

I poured myself into my work to take my mind off things. Knowing that Grace
would be well cared for made me feel like I'd done right by Marisol. I could finally
let go of the guilt I felt over her death. It was something being here had taught me
to do. That Edward helped me see. I couldn't be perfect. I could only do my best.
And that would have to be enough.

I lay on my bed, reading as I waited out the storm. Edward sat in the chair next to
me with his feet propped up doing the same.

The weather in Guatemala could be quite volatile- beautiful and sunny one minute
and stormy the next. It had been raining torrentially for several days straight and it
finally felt like it might be winding down.

Normally, I didn't mind the rain. It was part of life here, but this storm was the
remnant of a powerful hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico, which had left a swath of
devastation behind it and people were worried. The windy, rainy conditions made
working impossible, so all we could do was stay inside. I'd spent a few hours in the
clinic, but other than the usual rounds, there wasn't much activity. Most people

- 113 -
were hunkered down somewhere trying to stay dry.

When it rained this hard, I often worried that our dilapidated shacks would
collapse. It felt like the walls bent and struggled to stay upright with each gust. As it
was, there was a small leak in the roof, which dripped noisily into a bucket. I hoped
it wouldn't get larger before the storm ceased. The humidity in the room was
unbearable due to the lack of fresh air and my body felt sticky.

Edward tickled me with his toes every now and then and I swatted his foot away,
loving his playfulness

I was pulled from my thoughts by the very loud sound of knocking on my door.
Given the torrential rain, I was surprised that anyone ventured outside at all.

I shrugged at Edward, who was obviously just as curious, as I padded over to the
door.

"Bella," a very wet Carlisle said sharply, "Is Edward with you?"

Edward stood and came to my side as I ushered Carlisle inside.

"What's up, Carlisle?" I asked, handing him a throw blanket. "I can't believe you
ventured out in this rain."

"There've been reports of mudslides and massive flooding all over. Panabaj,
Santiago, and San Pedro have all reported massive damage and the death toll is
rising. We've got to help."

I gasped and brought my hand to my mouth in shock. San Pedro! I'd been to all of
those villages many times, most recently to San Pedro to surrender Grace. Was she
okay? Had she survived? I'd seen all the people there struggle for survival and now
this. Hadn't they lived through enough?

"Of course," Edward said, his voice calm and composed. "What can we do?"

"I'm gathering the team and we'll assemble in the food commons to assign
responsibilities. Meet me there."

Carlisle ran out into the rain while Edward and I scrambled to get dressed.

Mudslides were common here, as was flooding, but never had I seen three villages
report damage at the same time. I knew that this storm was massive, but I didn't
- 114 -
understand just how dangerous it really was.

"Oh God, Edward," I said, frantically trying to lace up my boots. "Grace. If she was
there…what if the orphanage falls…"

"Shhh," he said reassuringly. "Don't jump to conclusions."

He rubbed my back gently and we both took off for the food tent. I was absolutely
panicked thinking about the village and what I knew of it. I hoped that the children
in the orphanage were safe.

The wind was whipping and it was impossible to stay dry, despite the rain gear we
wore. We ran as fast as we could, splashing through the puddles until we reached
the commons.

I lowered my hood and shook out my legs as we approached the small gathering of
people already present. Alice was there, as were Riley and Heidi and several others.
Alice explained what she knew. The reports were all over the board. Some were
saying that the death toll was in the hundreds. Others were saying it wasn't so
severe. There was no way of knowing. Some of the surviving victims were being
brought here for triage and medical care, while others were being sent to a clinic
about an hour away. I knew we'd be filled to capacity.

Carlisle arrived a few minutes later with Emmett, James and the remaining
volunteers, about 20 of us in total. He stood on one of the benches so he could
address our group.

"Listen up, people," he called out loudly, clapping his hands as we all turned to
face him and stopped talking.

"Here's what I know. There are reports of flooding and mudslides throughout the
country, especially the highlands. We're one of many organizations that are present
and equipped to help. I'm going to be sending half of you out to help locate and
assist the victims while the other half of you will stay behind and help those people
being brought here. We need to move quickly and efficiently. Once the rain lets up,
we'll move out. The local authorities are already responding."

He began calling names and organizing us into teams. Edward, Alice, Emmett and
myself were part of the team being sent into the field, to San Pedro. Heidi and Riley
were going to be responsible for organizing back here, including logging victims and
setting up work stations.

- 115 -
 Normally, I'd have wanted to stay back, my need to organize and control the
situation taking over. But this time, I was happy that Carlisle put me on the front
line. People needed medical care immediately and I felt like I needed to be there. I
also had to find out if Grace was alive.

"People are being stranded everywhere. The roads are blocked or destroyed so
just do what you can," Carlisle said, briefing us on what we could expect. "You'll all
have walkie-talkies and each team has a sat phone, so stay connected."

After a few hours preparing and gathering supplies, the four of us walked to one
of the jeeps, while the others got into another. Thankfully, the rain had lightened to
a drizzle, making the surroundings seem hazy and mysterious.

As we drove, there were massive amounts of debris everywhere. The road was
covered with mud in many places and we had to use four-wheel drive just to get
through. It was almost unrecognizable. As we approached the outskirts of the
village, I was struck by the overwhelming devastation. I'd never seen anything like
it. The town was buried in mud. People were crying as they shoveled and dug to try
and find their loved ones.

We parked the car and walked the short distance to the village square, which had
been set up as a makeshift command post. The buildings were mostly destroyed, but
at least the church still stood. Even though my first instinct was to run and find
Grace, I knew I was needed elsewhere. There were a lot of volunteers here, and I
was hopeful that she'd be taken care of.

We checked in with one of the volunteers who seemed to have a handle on the
situation, and he was grateful for our help. Emmett and Alice were sent to try and
help with the water situation. There was no drinking water and a shipment of it was
set to arrive anytime via an aid truck. Alice and Emmett were needed to help
distribute and ration it. Alice also promised me that she'd try and find out any
information on the orphanage and I trusted her.

Edward and I were sent to the far end of town, where a triage center was being
set up for the more critical survivors; those who could not survive a car ride to our
camp or others like it. There were ambulances, but they were few and far between.

As we ran through what was left of the streets, I was stunned that all this
devastation and death had occurred so close to where we lived. How had we been
casually reading and flirting only hours before while all this suffering was
happening? I thought back to the cabin that Edward and I had shared at the lake
and was saddened thinking that it had likely been destroyed along with several
- 116 -
other lakeside villages. If the mudslide hadn't done it, the flooding surely would
have.

I felt sick to my stomach. The smell of rain, dirt and death permeated the air. The
church in the middle of the town served as a meeting place, where people were
gathered, looking for their loved ones. It was heartbreaking.

We arrived at the triage site, which was nothing more than a few military issue
tents, cots, and several tables. The police tried to keep order, but it was difficult
given the pandemonium that surrounded us.

As we walked through the tent, trying to decide where we were most needed, I felt
completely overwhelmed. People grabbed at my legs as they lay writhing in pain on
the ground, hoping for anything to ease their suffering. The smell of blood
permeated my senses and I couldn't find a place to start.

"Oh thank God, you're here! I understand one of you is a doctor?" asked a
rugged-looking gentleman who approached us hastily. "I'm Garrett. I'm heading up
this effort. It's a fucking mess!"

He stuck out his hand and we both shook it quickly, feeling the need to jump right
in.

"You," he said, pointing at Edward. "Can you tend to those patients over on that
side? They haven't been seen yet. Do what you can. Whatever supplies we've got are
over there."

Garrett was pointing and directing people even as he spoke to us. Clearly, there
was no time for in-depth training. Edward looked at me and shrugged, but before we
could respond, Garrett started talking again. "And you,"- this time he was pointing at
me- "I need you to help get these people prioritized. See that guy over there? He can
help you assess, if you can't. We're sending the non-critical patients to the outlying
clinics."

He was confused. "I'm the doctor," I said, raising my eyebrows.

"Well shit," he said loudly. "Sorry about that."

I grabbed my pack and began to assess patients as Garrett had instructed. Garrett
led Edward off to another volunteer, who was trying to organize the masses.

I swallowed a lump in my throat as I looked around me. Death was imminent and I
- 117 -
knew that even though I'd give it my all, many of these people would not make it
through the hour.

I scrambled to get some basic supplies and got to work. Mostly I tried to stop
bleeding and set badly broken bones. I couldn't operate, so those who had internal
injuries would have to be shipped to a nearby hospital, which was basically a death
sentence. There was no way to transport them, and even if there were, the hospitals
would likely be overrun. All working ambulances were being utilized to their fullest
extent. It was frustrating to know that had I been in a different place and time, these
people wouldn't have to die.

I glanced up at Edward as I walked to the next patient, and he was helping with
the crowds, getting people organized and lined up. I didn't envy him; it was utter
chaos.

I knelt beside a woman who had a badly broken leg. She was covered in mud and
clutched on to me, praying and crying.

Upon further examination, I discovered that she also had a broken rib and several
broken fingers on her right hand. Her eyes held so much fear, and I could barely
hear her as she whispered to me in Spanish. "My babies? Where are my babies?"

I sighed, knowing that if her children were out there in that chaos, there was little
anyone could do. Half the town was literally buried. People shoveled it away, but it
just fell back into place. The town was a gravesite. Those who were lucky enough to
live, only did so by a sheer miracle. I tried to comfort her, but she was inconsolable.
I wasn't a mother, but I could empathize as I thought about little Grace. I could only
hope that she was among the living.

I couldn't dwell on things that were out of my control. There were too many
people who needed my help. For hours, I tended to patients, trying to ease their pain
and calm their fears. I lost over twenty patients in that first hour. The tent was
humid and reeked of blood. Flies circulated, landing on bodies that were too tired
and weak to swat them away. I'd never been around such widespread devastation.

How could this village ever recover?

We worked tirelessly through the night until I was so exhausted I couldn't stand
anymore. Alice and Emmett wandered up to the tent, looking every bit as exhausted.

"Alice," I sighed, giving her a hug. "Is there any news of Grace? Of the children?"

- 118 -
 She rubbed my back and whispered. "They were evacuated at some point. There
were some casualties, but no names have been released. It's too soon to know."

Casualties. Children casualties. Horrible.

"Where's Edward?" Emmett asked as I pulled back from Alice.

"He's over there," I said, pointing to the edge of the tent. "There are so many
people, Emmett. He's had to turn them away."

I couldn't imagine having Edward's job today, having to tell people that we
couldn't help them. He must have been exhausted.

"Yeah, we had to turn people away, too." Emmett's eyes told the same story that
I'd witnessed all day.

Emmett walked through the crowded tent and put his hand on Edward's shoulder.
They talked for a few minutes and the two of them joined us.

"We've got to get some sleep," Emmett said. "I've talked to Eleazar, whose
heading up the UNICEF efforts, and they've got a slew of volunteers coming in. We
can come back tomorrow. We're no good to anyone this tired."

"I can't leave, Emmett," I sighed. "I can't do it knowing she could still be out
there."

Edward pulled me into his arms and I fought back the first tears I'd felt all day.

"They'll find her," he said, reassuringly.

I tightened my fists on his back and allowed myself to take in the enormity of the
situation. The latest death toll in this village alone was over a thousand people.
Those who weren't dead were homeless. Crops were destroyed. Their lives were
ruined. Thousands more were injured. Nature's fury had unleashed and these poor
people were in her path, never to recover.

I leaned on Edward's shoulder as he led me through the street back to our jeep.
People were still wandering around with flashlights, trying to help in whatever way
they could. There was still so much to be done and I felt guilty for leaving. Where
would these people sleep tonight while I was safe in my bed?

The four of us piled into the jeep and fell in a heap into the seats. I was
- 119 -
emotionally and physically drained. My heart ached for these people and the
destruction of their lives in one fell swoop. Edward held me close the entire trip
back to the camp. None of us talked. There were no words.

When we got back to camp, there was still plenty of activity. They had a triage
area similar to the one I'd been working all day set up in the common food tent.
People walked aimlessly nursing their wounds, looking for a dry place to rest. As I
looked at the tent, it occurred to me that I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast.

Carlisle approached us as we got out of the jeep.

"What can you tell me?" he asked.

The weary and overwhelmed looks on our faces told the story for us, but I
responded anyway. "There was so much death and destruction, Carlisle. I'd like to
think we helped some, but we were just scratching the surface. People are buried.
The entire town is buried. It's unbelievable."

He pulled me into a hug and we didn't need to say anything. There was no
consoling. He just let me hold him as he comforted me. I loved him for that.

"We should get to bed," Edward said softly, tugging gently on my sleeve.

I nodded and pulled away from Carlisle. "Can you do me a favor?"

Carlisle shifted and put his hands in his pockets. "Anything."

"Grace? Can you see what you can find out about Grace? The orphanage was
evacuated, but there's no news yet about survivors."

He nodded in understanding and put his hand on my shoulder.

"We'll be ready to go again in the morning," I said with conviction, even though
my body was already shutting down.

"I know you will," he said with a small smile.

Edward and I said a teary goodnight to Emmett and Alice and walked toward the
bunks.

"My place or yours?" Edward asked.

- 120 -
 I was so grateful to have him. I needed him tonight more than ever.

"Yours."

After cleaning up and changing out of my blood-soaked, wet and filthy clothes, I
fell onto Edward's bed like a limp noodle. My body was numb from exhaustion.
Edward joined me a few moments later and together we lay in silence, spooning.

"Have you ever seen anything like that?" I asked, gently rubbing the hair on his
arm.

I could feel his head shake behind me. "I've never even seen a car accident. I felt
completely helpless. Those people…they lost everything."

I rolled over and faced him on my side and as I did, his hand came up to my cheek.

"Do you really think she's okay?"

He sighed. "I don't know, baby. But Carlisle will find out. All we can do is hope."

I glanced down as the tears began to fall again. "I lost so many patients today."

He leaned in and kissed my forehead with his eyes closed. For the first time since
I'd met him, he looked like he might cry.

"I know and I'm so sorry. But you did the best you could," he whispered and then
pulled me into a hug.

"Being a part of all of this makes me so thankful…for you…for everything."

He rubbed my back and kissed my ear softly. I could feel his breath on my neck.
"I'm here for you, Bella. I always will be."

Oh, how I wanted that to be true.

"I didn't think I could become so attached to someone so quickly. It scares me. I
mean, like really scares me. In my work, I'm supposed to be able to shut my
emotions down and focus but I can't always do that. And after a day like today, I'm
not sure I want to."

It was as honest I as had ever been. I had no idea if he felt the same way, but he
was my rock and I feared that without him, I might come crumbling down.
- 121 -
 "Edward, there are things I want to tell you…things you should know…"

"Shhh, Bella," he interrupted. "It's been a long and emotional day. We don't have
to do this now."

In a way, I was relieved that I didn't have to talk about it. I didn't want anything to
taint our time together.

Our legs intertwined as we embraced from head to toe. I wanted to be cocooned

by him. I wanted his embrace to make me forget about the horrors I'd witnessed
that would forever be burned in my brain. I wanted his arms to keep me safe.

I finally managed to sleep, though I had no idea how. My brain was in overdrive,
replaying the visions of death and devastation, but my body couldn't keep up. Every
muscle had been pushed to its limits. I didn't move the entire night. I was frozen,
numb, paralyzed.

The next morning the sound of the birds woke me up. They sang a happy song, as
if all was well and lives weren't ruined. I envied them that, the ability to be blissfully
unaware of the tragedy and pain that surrounded me and would forever shape all of
our lives.

I got dressed quickly, as did Edward. We were eager to get back to San Pedro and
begin the daunting task of healing a broken place. I was desperate for news of
Grace, but Carlisle had none. I clung to the hope that today would bring good news.

I choked a small breakfast down, feeling guilty that I had food and water while so
many others didn't. The four of us once again made the trek to the neighboring
village, or what was left of it.

I was amazed that some progress had been made overnight. The roads were clear,
and even in town and people seemed to be working together in an organized
fashion. It was very different from the chaos and mayhem of yesterday. Today was
about working together toward a common goal.

We quickly found Eleazar, and once again, I was assigned to the medical tent on
the other side of town.

In the course of the night, over a hundred more people had been discovered dead,
buried by the sheer force of the mud. The hospital was still full of people, many of
the same faces from the night before fighting for their lives.

- 122 -
 By noon, the sun was beating down and the humidity made the conditions stifling.

Edward, who was working in the main square with Eleazar and his team,
approached me with two bag lunches.

"Take a break?" he said, handing me one of the bags.

I nodded toward the back of the tent and we walked outside to a picnic table that
had been set up in the shade of a nearby building. Shade was in short supply in
these parts, so there were several other volunteers seated there when we walked up
and sat down.

"Have you talked to Carlisle this morning?" he asked.

I shook my head. I had heard him call on the radio, but I'd been swamped.

"I think you should call him."

"Yeah, I should. He tried to call me earlier but I was with a patient." I set down my
food and pulled my radio from the holster on my belt.

"Carlisle, you there? Over?" I let my finger lift off the button.

"Bella, is that you? Over?" was the response.

"Yeah, we're making progress. Over." I waited.

"Bella, I found Grace. Over. "

I felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest.

"Is she…alive? Over?" I swallowed a lump in my throat as I waited for his

response.

"She fine. Over."

I looked up at Edward who had a huge smile on his face. He reached across the
table and grabbed my hands, squeezing tightly.

She's alive.

Perhaps there's justice after all.

- 123 -
 A/N: Wow, long chapter with lots of stuff happening, huh? This chapter
was a last minute addition, just like the last one, and gave me serious
heartfail. As much fun as Bella and Edward are having together, they are in
a hostile environment, which is unpredictable, and I wanted to bring that to
light. I hope you enjoyed the intensity.

I based this on an actual event. Thousands of people died in an instant.

I'm posting some of the unbelievable pictures I found in my research on the
Twilighted thread. It's so sad.

Come check out the People Fandom Awards. I've already nominated many
of my amazing readers! These awards are different and I hope you'll take a
look! www (dot) twificpimps (dot) com / fandompplawards / nominations

Many thanks to my team this week. I've really needed your guidance and
support since I've been such a basket case, and everyone went far above and
beyond! Thanks so much!

Also to scsquared, my awesome beta and friend, my thoughts are with you
and your family!

Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought!

- 124 -
 Chapter 11 Gone

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 11: Gone

Bella

It was early August and the heat was unbearable. Thankfully, things had calmed
down significantly for us. We spent weeks helping out after the mudslides and things
were finally getting back to normal. I was touched by the masses of volunteers who
came from all over the world to help. It restored my faith in the kindness and
generosity of strangers.

The residents of the destroyed villages had a long, uphill battle ahead but we
continued to offer our services and they were grateful for our help. I was blown
away by their attitudes and unwavering faith, even in the worst circumstances. They
were inspirational. There hadn't been any major catastrophes since then and all of
us kept our fingers crossed that there wouldn't be.

Thanks to Carlisle's efforts, Grace had been located and returned to another
orphanage nearby. Sadly, orphans were not uncommon here. It broke my heart to
see her go again, but I was so happy that she was safe and being cared for. I briefly
thought about keeping her, but that wasn't the right thing to do, at least not right
now. The adoption laws in Guatemala were difficult to navigate and I didn't know
what my future held. It wouldn't be fair to bring a child into the mess that was my
life.

Edward and I had gone into town early in the morning to the Mercado. The best
stuff was almost always gone by noon. After shopping, we stopped for a break at El
Fandango. Edward had been quiet all morning, but wouldn't tell me what was
bothering him, insisting he was just tired from getting up early.

The same old man was tending bar at El Fandango and this time I had enough
sense not to accept any of the fat lady liqueur. Neither of us were drinking since we
had to work later, but it was a great place to people watch. It was sunny outside and
the townspeople were out and about on the streets. We sat at the same table as
before, watching the people walking by. After about an hour, I glanced and my
- 125 -
watch and knew we should be getting back.

"I have a surprise for you," he said as he climbed onto the bus to head back to
camp.

I looked at him suspiciously. I generally didn't like surprises. "What is it?"

"I'm taking you someplace today. So when we get home, go get your hiking boots
and meet me back at my place."

"But, I have to work today," I replied indignantly.

He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. "Not today, you don't. I already
arranged it with Carlisle."

"But, I can't…"

"Bella, it's just a day. Carlisle was fine with it. There are plenty of others who can
cover for you. You've earned it." I knew there was no point in arguing with him. He'd
get his way eventually.

"Well then, I'd say you have a date," I said happily to Edward, whose smile
beamed across his face.

We survived the harrowing bus ride back to camp. I quickly changed and walked
excitedly over to Edward's place. I was thrilled to have some quality time with
Edward hiking. It was unexpected and just what I needed.

"So, where are we going?" I asked as I plopped down on Edward's bed, waiting for
him to finish putting on his shoes.

He set his foot down and stood, grabbing a water bottle and shoving a few things
into his pocket.

"Do you remember when I wanted to take you to that pyramid on top of the hill on
the other side of town?"

I nodded. I had wanted to check out this particular hike, but hadn't been able to
put it together. It was supposed to be amazing at sunset, with a beautiful view of the
town and surrounding hills and valleys.

"That's where we're going?" I asked. "Thanks so much for arranging for me to
- 126 -
have the day off. I can't wait to see this place with you."

Really, we could have been doing anything; I just wanted to be with Edward.

"I figured you'd need a day off, and I've been trying to drag you to this spot since I
got here," he said with a smile.

We once again rode the bus across town in another white-knuckled adventure and
it dropped us at the foot of the hill, the hike and subsequent pyramid looming large
above us.

"It looks like a pretty daunting hike from here," I said skeptically.

"You'll do great. It's not as bad as it looks," Edward reassured me as he set out
walking toward the trail.

We walked on relatively flat ground until we were surrounded heavily by thick

rainforest. The air was thick with moisture and it was difficult to breathe. We both
stopped several times to drink out of our water bottles. The vertical climb was
harder than I expected. There were slippery rocks to traverse and even ladders in
some places. It was narrow and sketchy, but Edward always put my safety first and
it was adorable. He held my hand to keep me steady and held the ladder as I
climbed. We fit perfectly, and I was so happy to be with him.

We reached the top as the afternoon was coming to a close. Everything that had
been said about this place was true. The town looked peaceful and quaint from up
here, the poverty and suffering below disappeared. The mountains were green and
gold as the sun shone down in rays between the thick clouds. It was magical.

I ran up the steps of the pyramid, taking them two at a time until I reached the
top. There were only a few other hikers here, so we had the place almost to
ourselves. I felt Edward quick on my heels, and he quickly came and sat beside me
on the top step.

"Did you ever think you'd be here?" I asked him as we checked out the
awe-inspiring view. "I mean, look at this place. It's so beautiful."

"Not in a million years. If you had told me last year at this time that I'd be sitting
with someone like you in a place like this, I'd have laughed at the cruel joke. My life
was total chaos back then, but this…this is what it's like to really live. I've seen and
done some incredible things here." He smiled, but there was something he wasn't
telling me, and it had me concerned. He wasn't as talkative on the way up as he
- 127 -
usually is and his brow crinkled up, telltales sign that something bothering him.
He'd been this was all day.

"Okay, Edward," I said, turning to face him. "You might as well just tell me what's
bugging you. Otherwise, I'll just imagine the worst."

He smiled meekly, but it didn't last long. "You really do know me well, don't you?"

I raised my eyebrows at him and waited.

"I don't even know how to tell you this." He looked away, a concerned look on his
face. "I got a call on the sat phone last night."

"And?" This wasn't good. I could tell by his stressed demeanor.

"And I have to leave." He looked up, and I could see the anguish in his eyes.

I felt the sigh that escaped my chest as much as I heard it. All the air in my lungs
left my body, leaving me feeling hollow. The tears began to well up in my eyes
before I could even get all my questions put together in my head.

"Why?" It was the first thing that came to mind.

"My aunt passed away, and I have to leave for her funeral."

I felt so selfish worrying about only myself, when he'd lost a family member.

"I'm so sorry," I said, bringing one hand to my mouth and the other to his
shoulder. "Are you okay?"

He grabbed my hand from his shoulder and held it. "I will be. I'm just worried
about my mom. She and my aunt were really close, and I don't know how she's going
to handle this. My aunt's been sick with cancer for a while and has been living with
my parents, but apparently the last month or so she's been in really bad shape. I
think my mom was hoping for a miracle, but the rest of us knew it was only a matter
of time. She was suffering."

"That's horrible. How old was she? Were you guys close?"

"She was sixty-two. There's no history of cancer in my family, so it was pretty

shocking for everyone. She was my favorite aunt growing up. She was the one who'd
buy us ice cream when she knew my parents would disapprove. It's weird that she's
- 128 -
gone."

"I don't know what to say," I said lamely. "I'm so sorry for your loss, and for your
family."

"I don't want to leave, Bella. I know that I have to go, and I want to be there for
my mom, but I can't stand the thought of leaving."

I ran my hands through his hair, and he closed his eyes in appreciation. This was
the news I'd been dreading since we'd gotten together. I thought that if I could keep
him at a distance, I'd protect my heart and yet it was breaking wide open.

"I don't want you to go, either. When do you leave?"

There was no answer that could assuage my sadness over the situation. However
long we had would never be enough.

"I'll leave in two days. It was the soonest I could arrange a flight and still have
enough time to wrap things up here."

Two days? Oh my God.

I tried to hide my true emotions, knowing that this was hard on him too, but I was
dying inside. I sat up and took a deep breath. "Hey, it's not like we'll never see each
other again, right?"

We'd actually never discussed what was going to happen with us once we left. At
least not in detail. It was always "we'll figure it out" or "we'll visit each other". We
couldn't be vague any longer; reality was upon us.

We were in our own little bubble here; a place where we were safe and things
were easy. We didn't have the typical worries of our lives back home tainting things
for us. We could just be us. But now, we'd have to face all those things. I didn't want
to be here without him, yet I'd committed to Carlisle for at least another month. And
even if I hadn't, it wasn't like he'd asked me to join him back in the states. I had no
idea what any of it meant.

"Will I see you when you get back?" he asked, bringing me out of my frenzied
thoughts. "Can we be like we are here once we're home?"

I shook my head. "No, it won't be like it is here, but it'll be okay. I have to believe
that."
- 129 -
 We talked as we watched the sun go down, and all I could think about what the
fact that we only had two more days left. Two more sunsets and then he'd be gone
and I'd be alone again. He'd go back to his life and live as if none of this existed and
I'd be miserable.

The hike back down was a bit more treacherous as the sun had gone down,
leaving shadows in its wake. Edward helped me, but we didn't talk much. I think we
were both trying to process everything.

"Will you spend them with me?" he asked out of the blue.

"What?" I felt like I'd come in during the middle of a conversation, not
understanding the context.

He stopped on the trail and turned to face me. "Will you spend the next two days
with me? Can you take some more time off work?"

I wanted to run away with him, somewhere the real world couldn't find us, but I
knew I couldn't.

"I can't take much time off. We're pretty short-staffed, so I'll probably have to
work a few hours a day, but I promise that I'll spend my free time with you. You
probably need to wrap things up with Emmett anyway, right?"

"That'll work," he said as he turned and began to walk again.

The next two days are going to be brutal.

As promised, I worked my shifts in the mornings, while Edward finished up his

responsibilities with Emmett. Everyone was shocked and saddened by the fact that
he was leaving, especially Emmett. He and Edward were like brothers and even
though, he tried to act tough, I could he was going to miss him.

I tried to put it out of my head. I pretended that we were just spending time
together like we always did. We played cards and I stayed with him at night. I
couldn't bear to allow myself to think about him actually being gone.

It wasn't until his last night, when everything in his room was cleared out and
packed, that the reality sunk in for me. I tried to be strong so he wouldn't feel bad
about leaving, especially under such sad circumstances. The last thing he needed
was to feel like he let any of us down.

- 130 -
 He held me closely against him as we slipped into his bed to sleep that night. I
kissed and touched him, trying to keep him with me, even though I knew I couldn't. I
wanted him so badly, and I could tell he felt the same way. I thought about caving in
and forcing him to make love to me all night, but I knew it would just leave me even
more hollow than I knew was already going to feel.

We didn't need to talk, as everything had already been said. Our bubble was
bursting and we were just going to have to figure out how to move forward from
here.

The next morning we woke up casually, but the tension was thick. We moved
methodically to get dressed, but I wasn't prepared for this day at all.

I was driving Edward to the docks, where he would be taking a long ferry ride to
the city. From there, he'd have a three-hour bus trip to the airport. It was going to
be a long day for him. Our moods were solemn as we gathered his things, eating a
quick breakfast on the way out. We loaded his stuff into the jeep, and I hopped into
the driver's seat as Edward said goodbye to our friends. Carlisle looked like he was
going to cry, but he held it together. Emmett promised they'd get together when he
got back, not letting his emotions get the best of him. Heidi lingered a little too long
in her hug, but I couldn't bring myself to care about her. Alice was sobbing like a
baby and her sobbing almost made me cry, something I vowed I wasn't going to do.

Finally, Edward climbed in and closed the door and I hit the gas. He waved as we
drove off and then reached over and grabbed my hand. We didn't talk on the way
into town. I couldn't find words at that point. He just held my hand in both of his,
gently rubbing it with his fingers. It was such a small gesture, but it held so much
emotion.

I glanced over at him and smiled, even though the sadness was clearly present on
both of our faces.

As we neared the docks, my heart began to race. I didn't think I could do this. I
hadn't felt this panicked in over a year. How could I let him walk away? I needed
him. He was my best friend and so much more.

We exited the jeep and he came around to the driver's side, grabbing his pack out
of the back seat and setting it down on the ground. I leaned against the jeep, my
arms crossed as I stared at the dirt in the road. I couldn't look at him or else I'd cry.

His hands came up and rested on the roll bars, effectively pinning me against the
car. His body was hard as he leaned into me. He was so close that I could feel his
- 131 -
breath, which was heavy and thick. His serious expression bore a hole right through
me as he closed the distance between us. My heart was racing as my breasts
brushed against his chest.

I lifted my hand to his chest, clutching his shirt in a futile attempt at holding him
here and my eyes lifted slowly to meet his intense gaze.

"I wish we could stay here together," I said, barely able to get the words out.
"What if you change your mind about me when you get back?"

He shook his head and chuckled. "You really don't get it, do you? I'm not going to
change my mind."

I moved my hand up his chest and let it rest on the side of his neck, playing with
the hair there. He lowered his hand from the roll bar to my cheek and eventually
down to my neck as he leaned in to kiss me.

We'd shared many kisses, but none of them held the raw emotion that this one
had- love, attraction, sadness and frustration. I'd never felt so many conflicting
emotions at the same time. He slipped his foot between my legs, pressing his thigh
against my heat and his body flush against mine. I could feel every hard curve of
him. He pulled my face to his, kissing me with abandon, as if we were the only two
people on Earth. I was completely lost in him.

"I'll be waiting for you in the states, okay?" His face turned serious. "This isn't
goodbye."

I nodded and the tears were back. I had wanted to hear this from him so badly. I
needed to hear this from him. I'd spent the last few days worried about how we'd
manage to be in each other's lives, wondering if it meant as much to him as it did to
me. I needed this confirmation.

"Promise me it's not goodbye," I said, as I kissed his neck.

"I promise. I'll be waiting for you."

We kissed again, but I knew he had to leave, so I gently pushed him off of me. He
reached down and grabbed his pack and together we walked to the end of the dock
where his boat was moored.

His hand came to my cheek and wiped the tears that were now falling freely.

- 132 -
 "I promise," he said as he kissed my forehead.

I closed my eyes and committed the feel of his touch to memory until he pulled
away and boarded the boat.

I waved meekly as the boat left the dock, taking a piece of my heart with it.

He promised he'd wait. Now I just had to find my way back to him.

I walked up the dock, the boards creaking underneath my feet as I let myself cry. I
let go of all the baggage I'd been carrying around with me for a year, knowing that it
had kept me apart from Edward. We'd wasted so much time because of my fear. I'd
pushed him away, when in reality, he was what I needed. We both knew that there
was something special between us. The last month together had been amazing. The
precious memories of his touch would have to sustain me until I saw him again.

The logistics were terrible for us. He lived in New York and I lived in California. I
was here and he would soon be in the states. But at that moment, none of that
mattered. The moment that he sailed away from me, I knew that I was hopelessly in
love with him. I'd made mistakes in the past, but I'd paid for them and then some.

I had to find a way to make it work.

A/N: Aww…he had to leave. The "real world" is knocking on their door. I
wonder how they'll handle it?

Thanks so much for the support! I read and respond to every review, and
even give teasers, so please let me know what you think. It's the only
feedback I get, and I'm open to constructive criticism. Of course, if you like
the story, that makes me happy, too!

Voting is now open for the Love Lost Contest. The link is in my profile. I
have an entry, so please take a few minutes to read some of the awesome
stories and make sure to vote. Can you guess which story is mine?

Thanks to my peeps this week. TwiHeart is a Godsend! She keeps me sane

and the poor woman has so much going on IRL and STILL makes time for
me. Also, much love to my pre-readers- Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779.

Next up we'll see how Edward does back home in NY.

- 133 -
 Chapter 12 Distance

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 12: Distance

Edward

The minute I got the news that I had to leave, I began to dread saying goodbye.
Guatemala, the people I had met, and especially Bella owned my heart. My feelings
for her continued to grow, and although I pretended we were just casual, I couldn't
deny that there seemed to be so much more between us.

The night before I had to leave, I wanted so badly to show her how much I cared
about her. I wanted to make love to her, and it took all my strength to not cross our
precarious boundaries. I knew something was holding her back and she wanted to
take it slow. I respected that as much I was aching to understand and know what it
was that was between us.

The morning of my flight, I was a wreck. I didn't want to leave her, and I was
running out of time. As I said goodbye to my good friends, I felt like I was leaving
the only place where I'd felt free and happy in a long time. I would have to go back
to my life, knowing that my heart wasn't in it. My heart was here, in what we were
doing, and who I was with.

Leaving sucked, and I didn't want to go.

I tried to reassure Bella that I was in this with her and that I would be waiting for
her, but I could see the concern in her eyes. Knowing that her feelings for me were
as strong as mine were for her made our goodbye impossibly difficult.

I climbed onto the boat after our amazing kiss and felt so completely alone. I had
to be a fool to leave her behind, yet I knew I had little choice. I briefly considered
coming right back down to Guatemala after the funeral, but it would just be delaying
the inevitable. Bella would be leaving soon and we'd have to deal with our
separation then.

The boat pulled away, and I felt like punching something, my heart pounding as I
- 134 -
fought the swell of emotions that overwhelmed me. I watched Bella get smaller and
smaller the further away we got, and I almost begged the driver to turn around so I
could beg her to come with me.

The rest of the journey home was exhausting both physically and emotionally. I
counted each mile that took me further and further away from my haven, my safety.

I landed in La Guardia, the familiar, yet foreign sounds and smells assaulting me. I
felt like a tourist instead of feeling like I was coming home. I started wondering if
any paparazzi would take pictures of me leaving the airport and quickly planned the
fastest escape route. Even though I had been off their radar for months, it wasn't
likely I could stay that way. Not if Victoria had her way. I felt sick about it. I didn't
want to come back to this. This wasn't real.

The cab dropped me off at my building, and I numbly unloaded my pack from the
trunk. I trudged upstairs, unlocking the door, and finally felt like I could let
everything that had happened sink in.

I turned on all the lights and made sure everything was as I left it before making
my way to the kitchen to grab a beer. If ever I needed a drink, now was the time.
The sounds of the city bombarded my senses, and I longed for the peaceful sound of
the rain. I ached for it. I ached for Bella.

Knowing that the mail was slow, I decided to write her while everything was still
fresh in my mind.

I sat down at my desk and began.

Bella,

I've just arrived back in New York and it's surreal to be here. Everything feels so
foreign and meaningless, like I'm watching it unfold on a movie screen instead of
living it. My apartment feels cold and empty, almost cavernous. I see the excesses of
my former life everywhere, and it makes me feel almost ashamed given all the
suffering that I've seen.

I'm not the same man who lived here before. These walls are closing me in. I don't
think I'll ever be the same again. The experiences that I had, that we had, have
made me into someone I feel like I can be proud of.

It's hard to believe that I'm really gone; that Guatemala and everything there is in
my past. I'm so glad I got to share it all with you.
- 135 -
 I'll never forget the first day I met you. You were in the clinic, and I was
dumbstruck by how beautiful you were. Then I saw that you were every bit as
beautiful on the inside as on the outside. I had no idea that you would come to be so
important to me.

At times I wanted to kiss you and be with you so badly that it hurt. But when we
finally did kiss in my bunk, it was so worth the wait. I'll remember it always. Thank
you for allowing me that.

I was so jealous of James when you went out that I could hardly see straight. I
wanted that with you. I wanted to take you on a date. You have to know how much I
still do want that with you. I told you I would wait for you, and I meant it. Do you
still want that? I'm almost scared of your response, but I have to know.

I leave on Tuesday for my aunt's funeral. The thought of more travel is painful, but
I couldn't go straight to Washington. My family needs me to be strong, and I wasn't
sure I was up for the role so soon after getting back.

Anyway, it's been a long day, but you're in my thoughts, and will remain there
until I see you again. I hope you're well and that I hear from you soon.

Love,

Edward.

I made my way into my room, changed clothes, and fell onto my bed. Thoughts of
Bella flooded my mind. I recalled her soft, warm body in my bed and how it molded
with mine when she slept. Bella's sighs and mutterings as she slept were so
endearing. I thought about her smile and how it lit up any room she was in. I
thought about how smart and funny she was and how she always challenged me. I
could practically hear the sound of the Guatemalan rain in my head and the
comforting smell of my bunk with Bella in my arms.

I fucking missed her.

Sleep must have eventually come, because I woke up to sunlight streaming in my

room. I felt like I could sleep for another two days, the events of the last week finally
taking their toll on my body. I didn't shower. I had no food in my house, so I ordered
take-out. I tried to watch television, but nothing held my interest. This went on until
Tuesday, when I had to leave. I was a mess.

As much as the thought of more travel pained me, I looked forward to seeing my
- 136 -
family. Jasper was always the voice of reason, and I really needed his advice. He was
probably the only person besides Bella who could knock me out of my funk.

"Edward!" Jasper said, waving from his SUV at the curb of the arrivals terminal at
Sea-Tac airport.

I couldn't help the smile that flew to my face at the sight of my brother. He got out
of the driver's seat, gave me a quick hug and helped me get my bag into the back.
The Washington air and the lush green landscape reminded me of Guatemala,
despite the vast difference in temperature.

"You look good, man," Jasper said as he pulled away from the curb.

"Do I?" I asked incredulously. "I feel like shit. It's been a long week."

"I bet it has. I want to hear all about your trip. Do you have pictures?"

"Yeah, I'll show you when we get to your house. It's really beautiful down there."

"I got your letters," Jasper said with a smirk. "Sounds like you've got it bad for this
girl. Bella, is it?"

That didn't take long.

I knew that Jasper would bring this up. Bella was a constant theme in my letters.

"I'm so fucked, Jasper," I said, shaking my head. "You have no idea."

"I don't think I've ever seen you like this." He looked truly shocked.

I told him how I had become close to Bella. I told him about our camping trip and
how she'd come over and stayed with me. I told him about that night at El Fandango
and what happened afterwards.

"So, how'd you leave things?" he asked.

"We'll see what happens when she gets back to the states. I swear, Jasper, I
fucking love her and if she doesn't want me when she gets back, I don't know what
I'm going to do."

Jasper raised his eyebrow and gave me a smirk. He had definitely noticed my slip
of the tongue.
- 137 -
 "Just don't over think this," he finally said. "If you're as close as you say, I'm sure
she'll want to give it a go. She said as much, didn't she?"

I nodded, but didn't entirely share his optimism. There were a lot of moving parts
with this situation, and I was guarded about it because I knew that she had the
capacity to ruin me.

My family was excited to see me once we got to my parents' house. My mom was
especially happy and hugged me as though we'd been apart for years. I could see
the sadness in her eyes, the last week having taken its toll on her as well. She
looked exhausted.

The next couple of days were a blur. The funeral was very nice, yet somber and
depressing. I had always been close to my aunt, and I was sad knowing she was
gone. My mom was a wreck and my dad did all he could to comfort her. For the most
part, Jasper and I just went along for the ride, providing whatever support we could
to my mom.

The night before I was supposed to leave to go back to New York, I spent the night
at Jasper's house. We barbecued steaks and sat outside, enjoying the nice weather,
which was a rarity in that area.

"So, what's next on the agenda for you?" Jasper asked, taking a swig of his beer.

"I've got a meeting with Victoria when I get back, and I'm dreading it," I lamented.
"While I was down in Guatemala, I put together an outline for a story about the
Mayan culture that has potential. I can't explain it, but after living there and
spending so much time with the locals, I feel compelled to shed some light on the
situation."

"Is that going to fly with her?"

That was the question of the hour and the reason I was dreading my conversation
with Victoria. She was pushing me to finish a sequel to my first novel. She'd been
talking about it since the original release. I wasn't opposed to the idea, but now I felt
like I wanted to write something more meaningful to me. She wasn't going to be
happy.

I said goodbye to Jasper, feeling sad to leave Seattle behind. I needed my family
more than ever, and the last thing I wanted to do was go back to my ostentatious,
yet sterile life in New York City.

- 138 -
 I felt slightly better once I got back to my apartment. For the first time in a long
time, I sat down with my guitar and just played. My fingers moved of their own
volition, and I let the melodies soothe my mind. The harsh ringing of my cell phone
ruined my peaceful moment as I reluctantly answered it.

Victoria, of course.

"Hi Victoria."

"Well, if it isn't Edward, back from obscurity," she said sarcastically. "Have you
gotten the dirt from the rainforest off you yet? Ready to get back to work?"

It pissed me off that she spoke about Guatemala was such disdain in her voice, as
if it was so dirty and poor that she couldn't be bothered. I felt like she was taking a
dig at my family or something. "I see some things haven't changed. I set up a
meeting with you for tomorrow through your assistant last week when I got back.
And, yes, I had an amazing trip, thanks for asking."

"Oh relax, Edward," she said, blowing me off. "Don't be so uptight. Listen, that's
not why I called."

"And why did you call?"

"There's a function on Friday night at the Met. There will be a lot of industry
people there, and I think it'd be important for you to be there, especially given your
hiatus."

And so it begins.

"Do I have any say in the matter?" I asked, knowing the answer was a resounding
'no'.

"Of course," Victoria chided. "You can pick your date."

Date. There was only one person I wanted as my date, and she was thousands of
miles away.

"Fine, just give me the specifics at our meeting and I'll be there."

I hung up, knowing that there was no point in arguing with her. I tried to pull
myself together and see the positive. The Met was a really incredible museum and
the events held there were usually top notch. The old Edward would have gone and
- 139 -
been a dutiful PR soldier, but I wanted more now that I'd gotten back. I wanted to
live. So, I decided that I'd go into this with a positive attitude. If Bella couldn't be
with me, then at least I could try and find some happiness until she got back.

Friday night came, and I had decided to go stag to the event, much to Victoria's
dismay. She liked it when I showed up with eye candy on my arm, saying that it just
brought me more attention. But tonight was going to be about me and what I
wanted, so I didn't invite anyone. It would feel like I was cheating on Bella, and I
didn't want that.

I hadn't worn a tuxedo in so long, that I almost forgot what it was like. I enjoyed
getting dressed up, but tonight I wished more than anything that Bella were here
with me, donning a cocktail dress so I could show her off.

The usual industry executives and celebrities were at the function, and I made the
requisite small talk. There was a small group of people gathered at the bar, writers
apparently, and they were very interesting. I was enjoying myself which, under the
circumstances, was completely unexpected. The drinks were going down like water
as I commiserated with the other authors and shared our funny stories. I hadn't
been this carefree since my nights with Bella, which seemed a world away.

"Hey there, stranger," a familiar voice cooed in my ear, as a pair of hands

slithered around my waist.

I turned, startled, to see Tanya standing there with a devious smirk on her face.
She leaned in, pressing her cheek against mine making a kissing sound, and then
moved to the other cheek in a faux-European greeting. "It's been so long, Edward."

Tanya and I had dated off and on for several months. In fact, I think that my
dating her contributed more to my fame than my book did. She was a famous
actress, and I appreciated that she understood how to navigate the media. She was
a convenient date, but there was never anything real between us. She was always
more concerned with the idea of us rather than the reality. The last time I saw her,
she was my date to an awards dinner. We'd fooled around afterwards, but we both
knew that it meant little more than that.

"Hello, Tanya," I said coolly, removing her hands from me. "What brings you out
tonight?"

"I'm trying to schmooze Aro Volturi so he'll help get me cast when his next book is
made into a movie."

- 140 -
 Aro Volturi was a well-known author who had the reputation of being a shark.
Schmoozing went a long way with him, and it was rumored that those who slept with
him miraculously ended up bettering their careers. I hoped that Tanya wouldn't do
anything stupid, but that was just business as usual for some.

She looked at me with a strange expression on her face. Trying to break the
uncomfortable silence, I made small talk. "So, how are you doing, Tanya? It's been a
while."

"To be honest, I've been better," she said, rolling her eyes as she downed her
drink in one swallow. Her words were beginning to slur. "I called you, but you never
returned my calls, and I haven't seen you around much. What the hell happened to
you?"

"I've been in Guatemala," I said, not really wanting to explain myself to her. "I
worked with an aid organization down there."

She laughed, tapping the bar and pointing at her empty glass so the bartender
would refill it. "You were always so idealistic. Never living in the real world."

"Let me guess…this…" I said, making a sweeping gesture around the ballroom, "is
the real world?" I was getting pissed at her condescending tone as if there was
something wrong with what I'd been doing.

She inched closer to me, the smell of alcohol oozing out of her, as she whispered
into my ear. "Do you ever think about me?"

She intended this to be sexy, but it came out sloppy and drunk. I pushed her off
me gently and she huffed like a petulant child.

"Tanya, I think you've had a bit too much to drink," I said, steadying her.

She slammed a shot and missed the bar completely when she set the glass down,
causing it to shatter on the floor, making a huge mess and attracting a lot of
attention.

"Would you like some help home?" I asked, trying to help her gain control of
herself.

I was embarrassed for her. Even though there was nothing there between us, I
didn't want to see her make a fool out of herself or put herself in a dangerous
position, being so drunk.
- 141 -
 Obviously getting the wrong idea, her eyebrows raised and she smiled in delight.
"You're going to take me home, Eddie?"

"Take it easy, Tanya. I just think it's best if you get home safely."

I put my arm around her waist and pulled her into my side, so it didn't look like
she was stumbling as badly as she was. We made our way down the steps in front as
paparazzi snapped pictures in our face. We both got into a waiting cab and drove
off. I sighed, knowing the media blitz was over. I really hated that.

I helped Tanya into her house, taking off her shoes and laying her on her bed. I
wasn't going to attempt to get her changed, as I knew she'd get the wrong idea. She
had been eyeing me with a 'come fuck me' look since we'd gotten in the cab, but I'd
ignored it. She was hammered, and I was just trying to be nice.

"Come here, Eddie," she slurred, grabbing the lapel of my jacket, causing me to
lose my balance and fall on top of her. She pulled my head towards her and tried to
kiss me. I scrambled away and stood up, straightening my jacket and running my
hand through my hair.

I suddenly felt guilty. I didn't want to be here, and I certainly didn't want to fool
around with Tanya, drunk or sober.

"Good night, Tanya," I said, turning toward the door.

"You know you want me," she said with a bite. "We've got something special
together."

"No Tanya, we don't. I'll see you around." I hated being so abrupt, but I didn't
want there to be any misunderstanding between us.

So much for trying to be nice.

The doorman handed me a stack of mail as I walked through the lobby of my

building. Apparently, he'd held it for me while I was gone in Washington and just
hadn't seen me to give it to me. I was exhausted as I leaned against the wall of the
elevator, both from the alcohol and the lateness of the hour. I pulled off my tie and
jacket as soon as I got home. Despite seeing Tanya, I actually had a decent time
tonight. I missed Bella terribly, though. The quiet of my apartment amplified my
solitude.

I slumped down in the chair in my living room and flipped through the mail,
- 142 -
paying little attention to the envelopes as I scanned them. Most of them were bills or
junk mail, until I got to one with a postmark from Guatemala. It had been nearly two
weeks since I left and not being able to talk to Bella was making me crazy. I threw
the stack down on the table and furiously opened the letter.

Edward,

I watched you sail away from me today and I feel like a part of me went with you. I
wanted so badly to beg you to stay, but I know your family needs you right now. I
can completely understand the sentiment- I need you, too.

When I got back to camp, it felt wrong. Everything was wrong. You weren't here
and that realization has left me feeling numb. I'm sitting here at my desk in my bunk
feeling a loneliness that I never knew existed, not even in my horrible past.

I wish I had known how you felt about me earlier. I have mountains of regret over
how things went between us. I wish I could do everything over again. I pushed you
away so many times in the beginning. I know I did. Part of it was intentional as
you're so amazing, and I worried that I'd get hurt or that I'd hurt you. I never want
to hurt you. I'm so sorry if my actions made you feel like I didn't want you. So much
wasted time. The last month being with you has meant so much to me. I've loved all
our time together; I just wish we could have had more.

I talked to Carlisle, and he agreed to transition me out of my position over the

next month. I know I was planning on staying through the end of the year, but things
have changed. I'm not the same. I'm too far away from you. I'll call you when I have
the specific date of my flight.

I have no idea where we go from her, but I do know that I want you in my life. I
need you in my life. I hope you will keep your promise. I hope that this thing
between us wasn't just here in Guatemala.

I miss you and hope you're doing well. I can't wait to see you.

Love,

Bella

I clutched her letter, reading it and re-reading it several times. The entire time I
was in Guatemala, all I had wanted was to hear her say the words that she said in
this letter. She wanted me. She needed me. I felt optimistic about us. I didn't know
how we were going to manage, but for the first time, I allowed myself to hope.
- 143 -
 And that scared the shit out of me.

I slipped into my large bed, which felt even emptier than it usually did. Reading
Bella's letter had given me a second wind, so I lay there tossing and turning, unable
to sleep, yet knowing that I needed the rest.

I closed my eyes and saw Bella's face. I felt the heat of her body next to me. I felt
the slickness of her tongue in my mouth and the softness of her lips on mine.

And now I'm hard.

I reached down and pulled down my boxers, gripping my hard dick tightly. I
needed a release.

Maybe I could take a quick shower?

Deciding that would only wake me up even more, I began to stroke myself slowly.
I pictured Bella kissing me. I imagined that I was watching her take me deep into
her hot mouth, the heat and slickness creating a delicious friction. She sucked and
licked with her tongue until I was ready to explode. She gently caressed my balls as
she picked up her pace, paying special attention to the tip. God, I wanted her. She
continued to lick and suck until I couldn't hold back anymore and came forcefully
against the back of her throat as she swallowed all that I gave her.

It was so fucking hot.

I've got to make that fantasy come true. Jesus Christ.

Still shivering from my release, I lay on my pillow with my dick in my hand,

missing her. I wondered what she was doing and if I had the same effect on her. I
wondered what it would be like to see her again and to be able to show her how
much I wanted her.

It made me fucking ecstatic to know that she was coming home early for me.

I wasn't going to waste another minute. We both had regrets about how things
had gone with us, but I vowed not to let that happen again.

A/N: Don't worry, I won't let this get cliché. Promise.

- 144 -
 Thanks so much for all the awesome reviews last chapter! They make my
day and make me feel like I'm writing for an audience. It's very motivating.

As always, if you see StR rec'd somewhere, please let me know. Thanks to
all of you who tweet, blog or tell your friends about my story. It's so hard
getting the word out and word of mouth is very powerful.

Thanks to my betas and pre-readers this week. I appreciate the feedback

more than you know!

Next up, we'll see what happens when Bella comes home. Want a teaser?
You know what to do!

- 145 -
 Chapter 13 Coming Home

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 13: Coming Home

Bella

My things were packed, and I was running around furiously trying to tie up loose
ends at the clinic. Alice was on the verge of tears all day, but was trying to keep it
together for my sake. Carlisle was quiet and seeing him sad was breaking my heart.

Truthfully, I was sad too. I'd been here in Guatemala for nine months. I was vastly
different than when I first came here. I had satisfaction and fulfillment in my work
and knew that we were making a difference. Every time a patient of mine looked at
me in appreciation, I knew I was doing the right thing. The smiles and well-being of
my patients was all the reward I could want.

The most profound change that had happened to me here was hidden from most. I
was able to heal and put my life into perspective. I learned to love myself again and
give myself to others. Edward had been such an unexpected influence in my life and
the last month without him had been excruciating. I received three letters from him,
each one promising me that his feelings were still the same. I held on to the hope
that we could find a way to make it work once we were together back in the states.

My experience in Guatemala was incredibly rewarding, but I knew it couldn't last.

I wanted to be with Edward to start living again. I was ready to face the demons that
awaited me in Newport Beach.

Part of me worried about going back, knowing that the last time I'd been there
was such a dark time in my life. I wondered if it would dredge up old feelings of
inadequacy and pain. Regardless, it was time to put the past behind me and look to
the future. And an even bigger part of me was ready to move on.

I'd written Edward with the specifics of my flight and told him that I'd call him as
soon as I got in. Given the difficulty in communicating from here, that was about as
specific as we were able to get. We both agreed that we'd make plans once I was
home.
- 146 -
 "You'd better keep in touch," Alice said, sobbing uncontrollably as she hugged me
goodbye.

"I will, Alice," the tears welling up in my eyes. "Don't forget about me."

I made my way down the line of my friends, who had gathered to see me off,
hugging and crying into their shoulders. Emmett gave me a huge hug and spun me
around, making me promise to hang out with him in LA when he got back the
following month. Our little gang was disbanding and it felt sad.

The hardest goodbye for me by far was Carlisle. He had been like a surrogate
father to me. He'd listened to me and given me more brilliant advice than I could
ever thank him enough for.

From the boat, I watched the village buildings get smaller and felt suddenly alone.
I thought about what was waiting for me at home and my little cottage that I loved. I
missed the smell of the ocean, and I was really looking forward to getting back to it.

After an entire day's travel, I could see the city of Los Angeles outside the window
of the plane, the freeways and ocean familiar and comforting.

Home.

It felt like an eternity since I'd been here.

I waited while all the other passengers disembarked, feeling cramped and stiff
from the long flight. Carrying my backpack, I made my way mindlessly down to the
baggage claim area to grab my full size travel backpack and began to walk the short
distance to the airport shuttles that would bring me home.

That was when I saw him. He was leaning against a wall, with his arms crossed
coolly, as if this was nothing out of the ordinary. He had on a baseball hat that was
pulled low over his face, but I would recognize him anywhere. I thought briefly that
my mind was playing tricks on me.

Edward? In Los Angeles?

His eyes met mine, and I couldn't help the feeling of elation that came over me. I
ran to him, dropped my bag and flew into his arms.

"Oh my God," I said, as I kissed his neck and shoulders. "You're really here."

- 147 -
 His arms squeezed me tightly, and I pulled back to look at him. "You came."

"Of course I came. I promised, remember?"

I heard the click of cameras, causing him to wince slightly, worried that we'd been
discovered.

"I really want to kiss you but I'm hanging on to that low profile as long as possible.
I promise, I'll get to that later, okay?" he whispered in my ear. "Unless you'd like to
be on the cover of a tabloid tomorrow."

I chuckled and couldn't stop the perma-grin on my face. Edward was here for me.
He came to L.A. to see me. I didn't care about anything else right now.

He grabbed my pack and my hand and led us to the baggage claim where a man
dressed in a sharp black suit waited. Edward greeted him while I stood, confused.
We got my bags from the carousel, and the man in the black suit carried them
outside where a long black limousine was waiting. He opened the trunk for us as I
stood and gawked.

He got us a limousine?

"What's this?" I asked Edward as the driver opened the door and motioned for me
to get inside.

"I didn't want the hassle of driving. I have other plans," Edward replied, a devious
smirk on his face. My body responded, and I seriously hoped he had the same
thoughts running through his head as I did in mine. It had been too long since I'd
been with him.

I gave the driver my address and Edward closed the window separating us,
allowing us full privacy. My house was about an hour away, barring traffic, and I
intended to make the most of it. I swung my leg over him, straddling his lap, while
his hands came around to my ass and pulled me against him.

"How about that kiss now?" I asked as my hands flew to him, around his neck,
rubbing the back of his hair.

I took off his hat, throwing it on the seat next to us so I could run my fingers
through his thick, soft, hair. His hand moved up my back, coming to rest behind my
head as he pulled my face toward his. Our lips touched and all the pent up need
boiled to the surface. His lips moved with mine and series of moans escaped from
- 148 -
both of us.

"Fuck, I missed you so much," he said breathlessly between kisses.

My hips instinctively ground against him in a slow and steady rhythm and his
hands were back on my ass, pulling me against his obvious erection. We had been
this way many times before in Guatemala, but there was always a need to hold back.
We wanted each other, but I was so uncertain about our future that it never seemed
right. There I was always tentative, but I didn't want to hold back from him any
longer. The distance we'd endured had solidified my feelings, and I was ready to
share more with him.

I threw my head back and Edward wasted no time, kissing my neck and collarbone
while his hands moved to the hem of my shirt. I felt a little gross after traveling all
day, but I wouldn't allow myself to care. He'd seen me much worse. I let all my
inhibitions go as his touch set me on fire.

I reached down, crossing my arms as I grabbed my shirt and lifted it over my

head. Before I'd even gotten it off, Edward's hands were behind my back, unclasping
my bra and sliding his hands around to cup my breasts. Once my shirt and bra were
gone, I went back to running my hands in his hair, as he kissed his way down my
chest and took one of my nipples into his mouth.

"So perfect," he muttered as he moved to the other side, his mouth never leaving
my body.

He kissed and licked his way up my body again and our lips met in a frenzied kiss
as our tongues explored each other. The throb between my legs was reaching almost
painful levels, and I pressed harder into him causing him to groan loudly at the
increased contact.

"I can't wait to get you home," he murmured.

I slid off his lap and knelt on the floor of the limo, my hands moving to the hem of
his shirt and lifting it as our gaze stayed intensely fixed on one another. He raised
his arms in submission, and I carefully pulled it off. I slid my hands down his bare
chest, noticing each muscle and curve of him. He was so beautiful.

I lowered my mouth to his chest as he slid his hips forward and rested his head
back on the seat, obviously enjoying my touch. It made me want to please him even
more.

- 149 -
 I dipped my fingers below the waistline of his shorts and he gasped and pulled in
his stomach, as though my fingers were burning him. His eyes opened as he
watched me slowly unbutton his shorts and slide them down, freeing his prominent
erection. His gaze was intense and deep, like he could see right through me. He
never broke eye contact as my hands moved back up his legs and wrapped around
the base of his cock, slowly pumping up and down.

I lowered my mouth and gently licked the tip of him, tasting him. He jerked back
in response and hissed, but never broke his stare.

I licked my lips and in one quick motion I took him into my mouth. He thrust his
hips up into me and moaned so loud I thought the driver would surely hear.

"Holy shit," he managed to say between pants as I slowly moved up and down his
length. He was so hard, yet the skin was so soft. I loved how much I affected him. I
felt beautiful and invincible. He had waited for me for months, and I couldn't wait a
minute longer to make him feel good. I established a rhythm and his hands rested on
the back of my head, gently guiding me. It was the sexiest thing I had ever done and
I fucking loved it.

His body began to tighten after a while, and I could tell that he was close so I
pulled him in even deeper into my mouth, sucking and licking him with my tongue,
while I stroked the base of him with my hand.

"Fuck…I'm gonna come…Bella…move…" he hissed, jerking wildly beneath me. He

tapped my shoulder, but I wanted to feel him come in my mouth to taste all of him,
so I continued with my licking and sucking, humming in appreciation of his amazing
body.

"Oh God…fuck…oh fuck…uhhh…" With one final thrust into my mouth, he

exploded, sending spurts of his warmth down my throat. His body was stiff as he
came down from his release. I slid my lips off him and he moaned at the loss.

I straddled him once again as his body went limp, his head thrown back against
the headrest. His arm was draped over his eyes and his breathing was deep.

"I can't move," he said with a smile, still keeping his arm over his eyes. "That was
so fucking intense."

I leaned in and kissed him, and his arms came around me as he deepened the kiss.

"Let me return the favor?" he whispered into my ear as his hand slid lower down
- 150 -
my body.

I knew what I wanted, and it was time that Edward knew as well.

"As tempting as that sounds," I sighed as he kissed my neck, "the next time I have
an orgasm, I want you to be inside of me."

"Now I really can't wait to get you home," he said with a growl.

I climbed off of him, looking around for my clothes, which had been carelessly
thrown aside. He pulled up his pants, while I found our shirts and my bra. He
poured us a glass of champagne, which was conveniently chilling on the bar next to
us.

"Welcome home, Bella," he said as we toasted.

Welcome home, indeed.

Edward

Jesus Fucking Christ.

I expected Bella to be happy to see me, but that was some fantastic welcome. I
thought about stopping her once I realized what she was doing, but she was so
intent and amazing and in control. Getting a mind-blowing blow job from Bella in the
back of a limousine would definitely be one of my top fantasies.

I decided the minute I got her letter with the flight information that I'd meet her
there. Victoria gave me shit about missing some function, but I didn't care. I needed
to see Bella, even if I could only stay a few days.

She looked so tired getting off the plane, but still just as beautiful as the day I met
her. I tried to stay off to the side so none of the paparazzi that stalk LAX would see
me and ruin our reunion.

When she finally did see me, it was as if she didn't believe it was me. I loved
watching her expression change from one of disbelief to one of joy. It made me so
fucking happy to know that she was just as excited about seeing me as I was about
her.

- 151 -
 We sipped the champagne for the rest of the ride to her place and talked. It would
have been easy for us to keep making out like teenagers. Even with that mind
blowing orgasm, I was having trouble keeping my hands off of her. But it was so
easy for us to jump right back into the easy friendship that we had. Although there
was an undeniable chemistry and intense connection between us, above everything
else we were friends. It was so easy and comfortable for us.

I rubbed her feet, while she told me all about what had gone on since I left.
Apparently, Emmett finished the house we were working on and the family was so
excited that the little 4'10" grandmother kissed him on the lips. I would have loved
to have seen that.

Carlisle was actively recruiting for a new replacement for Bella and was in the
final stages of getting the necessary paperwork filed. According to Bella, quite a few
of our friends were starting to disband and come home, many of them having been
away for many months. We were a tight group, so I was sure that I'd see them again,
especially Carlisle and Emmett.

At some point the driver let us know we were getting close to her place, and we
got presentable. Bella cuddled up next to me, tucking her legs underneath her as
she wrapped her arms around one of mine.

"I'm so happy to see you," she said, resting her head on my shoulder. "I never
expected that you'd come for me."

"Well if I get that kind of welcome every time, I'll be here every weekend and I'll
definitely be coming for you."

Bella punched me lightly in the arm, feigning annoyance. "I'm serious."

I lifted her chin with my free hand so she'd look at me. "I didn't want you to be
home for one minute without me. I meant what I said in Guatemala. We'll work this
out."

The limousine came to a stop and the driver opened up the door. It was sunny and
warm outside, and I could smell the salt off the ocean in the air.

"So this is your place, huh?"

She smiled and nodded as we made our way up the front walk, her bags in tow.

The house was small, like a typical beach cottage. It had light hardwood floors and
- 152 -
white walls, with furniture and art in shades of light blues and greens. It was very
tastefully done. I was impressed. Bella had explained that she had her neighbor
taking care of it while she was gone, so it was in good shape, closed up and a little
stuffy, but clean and comfortable.

"So, this is the living room," Bella said, opening her arms as she gave me a quick
tour. "The bedrooms are down the hall and the kitchen is just through that arch. It's
no palace, but it suits me."

I pulled her into me. "It's perfect."

She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me. My hands slid down her back to
her ass as I squeezed her tightly against me.

"Where did you say the bedroom was?" I whispered into her ear.

We had waited long enough.

She grabbed my hand and led me down the hallway to the bedroom. The bed was
king-sized and had crisp white linens on it with a shit load of pillows.

Once inside the room, I turned her to face me, as she pulled her lip between her
teeth. I reached down to the hem of her shirt and slowly lifted it over her head, and
she shook her hair free once it was removed. My dick was straining in my shorts.
She was so fucking sexy.

Her hands moved to her shorts, taking her time with the button and the zipper,
knowing the effect it was having on me. I'd fantasized about Bella so many times,
but I couldn't tear my eyes away from her now that it was a reality. I adjusted my
pants, as I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, a move which caught Bella's
eye and brought forth a devious smile on her face.

She shimmied her hips, lowering the shorts as she went, leaving her in only a
skimpy pair of white cotton underwear. I wanted to reach out and grab her, but I
was frozen in my spot, mesmerized. Her hands reached behind her back to unclasp
her bra, effectively thrusting her chest at me as the bra dropped to the floor

"You're so beautiful," I said, closing the distance between us.

She reached out and lifted my shirt slightly. I took over for her, removing it
completely. Her hands went to my shorts, and I watched as she carefully lowered
them, my boxers included. I stepped out of them and once again returned my
- 153 -
attention to Bella, pulling her against me, feeling her skin naked on mine for the
first time.

"You don't know how much I've wanted this, Bella," I said, skimming the soft skin
of her shoulders with my lips.

She moaned and threw her head back as her arms came up around my neck.

I walked us forward until she fell onto the bed, naked and ready for me.

I threw the myriad of pillows off the bed and pulled the comforter and sheets
down as she positioned herself in the middle of the bed. I climbed on, our eyes fixed
on each other as I crawled up the bed to her. I kissed her hip, then her firm
stomach, then her breast until I came to rest on top of her.

My hand slid down between her legs, underneath her panties feeling the slickness
and heat there.

"Fuck…" I muttered as she spread her legs further, granting me unlimited access.
I pulled on her underwear. "These are cute, but they have to go."

She reached down, grabbing them by the sides and lifted her hips, sliding them
down. I waited patiently to continue my exploration.

Once she was completely naked, I positioned my knee between her legs, resting
my weight on her. She reached up and wrapped her fingers into my hair as she
pulled me into her for a kiss. At first, it was slow and sensual, our mouths moving
like the ebb and flow of a wave, giving a little, taking a little. But soon enough, my
hands roamed her body, making their way down her back and eventually to her ass,
pressing her heat into my thigh, and the intensity grew.

I reluctantly broke from her to find my shorts. I fumbled with my wallet until I
found the condom I had placed there, returning to her in a flash. I tore the small
package open with my teeth and then rolled the condom down my length. I loved
that she watched me with lust in her eyes. It emboldened me to think that she
wanted this as much as I did.

"So you knew this would happen, did you? You're certainly prepared," she said
jokingly.

"Well, I had high hopes."

- 154 -
 I positioned myself fully between her legs, as she spread them wide for me. The
sight of her beneath me in this way almost made me come undone. She was so soft
and beautiful.

I leaned down and kissed her, putting all that I had into it. Our bodies were flush
against each other. I could feel every inch of her and my cock was right there. If I
moved at all, I would be inside her.

I wanted her to know that this was about so much more than the physical act of
sex. It was about trust and intimacy, and even though I hadn't worked up the nerve
to tell her, it was about love.

I brushed her hair from her face and kissed her cheek and her ear, finally pushing
forward and sliding into her.

She arched her back into me and moaned loudly as she clutched my back.

I pulled out almost all the way and pressed forward again, this time getting much
deeper than before. She wrapped her legs around me and gripped me tight.

"Oh my God, Bella," I said breathlessly. "I'm inside you."

She sighed heavily as I set up a slow, but deliberate pace. "You feel so incredible.
I've wanted this for so long, Edward."

Her voice was raspy and filled with lust.

It had been a while for me, but this was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I
was so wrapped up in her. I wanted to make her feel good. I wanted to get closer,
though I knew it'd never be close enough.

Our bodies slid against each other, slick with sweat as we pushed and pulled,
always needing more.

She pushed up on my chest, and I sat back slightly so I could see her. "Is
everything okay?" I asked.

She nodded and smiled. "Yeah, I just want to be on top."

I loved that she took control, so I pulled out and lay down beside her, pulling her
to straddle me. I reached down between us to position myself again, but was
interrupted.
- 155 -
 "Let me do it," she said softly.

Yes ma'am.

She reached down and grabbed my cock with one hand, while the other rested on
my chest. Slowly, she lifted herself up, positioning me, before she lowered back
down, taking me all the way inside her. The different angle created a new sensation
and we both moaned loudly. I was so deep.

"Oh fuck," I cried as she began to ride me, slowly at first, then faster and harder.
My fingers gripped her hips, guiding her movements. She threw her head back and
with each movement she made a new sound. Beautiful pants, and gasps, and moans
driving me insane.

Her eyes were closed and her hands were on my chest, giving her the leverage
she needed. I couldn't hold back any longer.

I flipped her over onto her back, needing to be in control. I spread her legs and
thrust into her powerfully. She dug her nails into my back as I moved deliberately
within her until I could feel myself losing it.

"I'm gonna come," I managed to say between pants. "So close."

She reached between us and began to rub herself, moaning as I continued to move
in and out of her. It was the fucking sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

Her body began to tighten below me, and I could tell she was close. We grunted
and moaned as our orgasms approached. I held off as long as I could until she
screamed out my name in ecstasy. She looked so beautiful when she came that I
couldn't last, and I spilled into her in waves.

I crashed on top of her as we both panted and tried to catch our breath. I wrapped
my arms around her and held her, not moving, not wanting the moment to be over.

"There are no words," I whispered, kissing her forehead. "No words."

She rested her chin on my chest and gazed at me lovingly. "Perfect, it was
perfect."

I wrapped my hands around the base of her neck, fisting her hair, as she turned
her head and rested her cheek onto my chest.

- 156 -
 "I can hear your heart beating," she said softly. "It's so strong and soothing."

We cleaned up and lay together for what felt like an hour, gently caressing one
another before Bella finally sat up.

"As much as I'd like to lie here all night with you, I need a shower."

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood, looking over her shoulder.
"Care to join me?"

She chuckled and shook her sexy ass as she walked into the bathroom and I
couldn't help but follow. I'd waited so long to be with her, and I couldn't resist the
temptation.

As the water rolled over our shoulders, I pulled her into me, holding her like I'd
wanted to do so many times before. I'd dreamt about feeling her like this, and I
wasn't ready for the moment to end.

After we dried off, I threw on my boxers and went to the kitchen to grab a glass of
water while she finished getting ready. On my way back, I began to look around,
noticing small details that I hadn't seen before. The windows along the back of the
house where the dining room was opened up to a small and well maintained garden,
complete with a fountain and Adirondack chairs. It looked very comforting.

I meandered through the dining room, noticing the décor and style. Bella clearly
had very good taste. The living room was equally tasteful, with an entire wall of
bookshelves and display shelves. I perused the titles, skimming them with my thumb
until I stumbled upon a picture and froze.

It was Bella. In a wedding dress. With another man.

I wanted to believe that perhaps it was just old, that maybe there was a reason
she hadn't told me about this, but deep down I knew that wasn't it. She had been
hiding something from me in Guatemala, and now I knew what it was. I frantically
scanned the room, and began to see signs that a man lived here. Or at least had
lived here. There was a brown, leather recliner in the corner that looked oddly out of
place, and on the side table was another picture of the man from the wedding photo.

My heart was racing as I walked back into Bella's room. I could hear the hair
dryer going as my hand grasped the closet door, pulling it open.

There were men's clothes.

- 157 -
 What the fuck?

I felt like throwing up. How could she have omitted something so huge? How
could she let me make love to her in some other man's bed? He obviously wasn't
here, but then where was he? Were they divorced? Separated? Why were his clothes
still here?

I walked back into the living room and slumped into the recliner, clutching the
wedding photo in my hands.

Bella emerged a few minutes later in a white bathrobe, brushing her hair. "I'll be
ready in fifteen minutes," she said brightly until she saw me sitting.

Her face fell when she realized what I was holding.

That's right. I know now.

She sucked in her breath and brought her hand to her mouth in shock.

I needed answers, so I didn't hold back. "Bella, where's your husband?"

A/N: Deep breath in- deep breath out.

Sorry for the cliffie, guys, but this was a logical time to cut this one off.
It's going to take a little more time than I had for this one to be worked out.

I know I sound like a broken record, but please leave me a review. I'm not
asking to stroke my ego, but I'm honestly looking for feedback. I view
writing fanfiction as a way to improve my writing, and your comments go a
long way with me.

Thanks to my peeps this week. They always help out no matter what
they've got going on. They're like soldiers. I'd also like to extend thanks to
Littlestar300 for the additional help. I appreciate it so much.

Thanks to dazzled_eyes and KatHat for the recs this week. It makes me
warm and fuzzy inside.

Finally, in case you don't have me on author alert, I posted a one shot
called Loving and Hating Jacob Black that was my entry for the Love Lost

- 158 -
contest. It's a fun little story, so I hope you'll take a look.

- 159 -
 Chapter 14 Reality

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 14: Reality

Bella

I spaced out as I blew dry my hair, my mind occupied with the perfection of what
Edward and I had just done. He was wonderful and attentive and so unbelievably
sexy. I'd never had an experience like that. My emotions overpowered me as we
made love, and I could tell that he felt the same way. It made me realize just how
different this relationship was than any other.

Our relationship had started under intense circumstances, forming a lasting

friendship. I realized it would serve as the foundation for so much more. I truly
didn't want to hold anything back from him anymore, and the fact that he had come
to Los Angeles strengthened my hope that we could make a relationship work.

I couldn't help the goofy smile that appeared on my face as I slipped on some
panties and tied my robe. I was so happy. I knew that we needed to talk about what
this all meant and how we would make this work but I wanted a chance to enjoy
being with him in our little bubble for a while longer.

When I walked into the living room and saw Edward sitting there with my
wedding picture in his hand, I gasped. It had been so long since I'd been here that I
had forgotten that I even had those pictures around the house. I was still in such a
bad place when I left that I hadn't bothered putting any of his stuff away.

In an instant, a million thoughts flooded through my mind- things I should have

said before I got wrapped up in all things Edward. I couldn't believe how stupid I'd
been.

The look on Edward's face when he asked me about my husband was a cross
between anger and hurt. We had just shared something so amazing, and I knew I
needed to fix this. Immediately.

"Come sit with me," I said quietly, motioning to the couch.

- 160 -
 "Bella, it's not a tough question. Where. Is. Your. Husband?" he ground out.

"Please, just let me explain." I held out my hand to him, but he didn't take it.

He stood, bringing the picture with him, setting it up on the coffee table. I glanced
at it quickly, thinking how different my life was when it was taken. I wasn't the same
person back then. I ran my finger over the photo as I contemplated what to say.
Edward mistook the gesture for some sort of longing or affection.

"You know what? I gotta go. I want answers, but I think we should have this
conversation another time.," Edward said, standing. He looked so angry. I'd only
seen that look on his face one time, and that was after I went out with James.

I reached up and grabbed his arm to stop him. "No, it's not what you think. Please
stay."

"Were you ever going to tell me that you were married? I think that's a fairly
significant piece of information, don't you?"

He still wasn't sitting, and I knew he was torn between leaving and staying.
"Please, Edward…It's not…"

"This is bullshit, Bella. How could you do this?"

"He's dead," I sighed, looking at my hands, which were in my lap playing

nervously with the tie of my bathrobe.

"Dead?" Edward sat then, looking stunned. I couldn't bring myself to maintain eye
contact or continue looking at his expression. I looked down and slowly nodded. He
reached over and lifted my chin, and I saw so much compassion and some fear.

I should have told Edward when we were in Guatemala but I was trying to get out
from under the cloud that had hung over me. Guatemala was my escape, and I didn't
want to taint that world. I knew I would have to tell him once we were back in the
states; once we settled back into our lives and it was clear we could make this work.
I just thought I would have time. I never thought he'd find out this way.

The tears started forming in my eyes when I saw the pained expression on
Edward's face. There was still a chance that I could fix this, and I had to try.

"His name was Jacob," I began, wiping the tears from my eyes. "We were young
and naïve when we met. We should never have been married. Things were fine at
- 161 -
first, but then the stresses of my schooling and residency began to wear on him. We
had a big fight one night, and he told me he was leaving me. It was horrible. He left,
and a little while later a cop showed up at my house telling me he'd died in a car
accident. I had to identify his body." I was trying to hold it together. This discussion
was painful, but I also felt like a weight was being lifted. Like a burden lifted and the
wall between us began to crumble.

"I'm so sorry. That must have been awful," he said, grabbing my hand and giving it
a squeeze. "But why didn't you ever tell me? You had so many opportunities. This is
big. It explains a lot, and you kept it from me."

"I wanted to tell you, so many times, but I was so humiliated about it. It was my
fault. I could see how resentful Jacob was every time he looked at me. I drove him
away. Jacob's dead because I was a shitty wife, and I didn't want you to think badly
of me.

"Guatemala felt like a different world. Once we started spending so much time
together, I came to need you so much. It seems selfish now, I know. I held so much
back, but I wanted to be certain that I was ready for this. I didn't want us to end
before we even had a chance to make it work in the real world."

I still couldn't look at him. I knew the shame was all over my face.

"Bella, it doesn't change the way I feel about you. I don't think you should blame
yourself for his death, and it upsets me that you do. I'm sorry that you still feel guilty
about it, but you should have told me."

"I know. I wanted to and almost did so many times. I was definitely going to tell
you once we were back. I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me?"

He didn't say anything for a minute or so. "I knew there were things you weren't
telling me, and I never pushed you because I wanted to wait until you were ready.
Are you sure you're okay to talk about this now? Can you tell me when this
happened?" he asked, leaning down to catch my eyes so I'd look at him.

"September of last year. Shortly after that, I signed up with WFP. I couldn't stand
being here. As you can see, I didn't even get rid of his stuff. I wasn't coping all that
well."

"So that's why you pushed me away for so long?" He pursed his lips and nodded,
running his hands through his hair. "You were still mourning your loss. You were
thinking about him."
- 162 -
 "I was devastated when he told me it was over. It's not in my nature to fail. The
writing had been on the wall. I see that now. Jacob and I were too young and there
were too many things that didn't work with us. The last words that we spoke to each
other were filled with vitriol. The look in his eyes will forever be burned into my
memory- the resentment, the hurt, the contempt. It took me a long time to get over
that, and I will always feel responsible for his death. Always."

I was still having a hard time looking him in the eye and seeing the pained
expression, so I waited for him to fill the silence.

"I remembered thinking, maybe the reason you were so upset when I kissed you
that night at El Fandango was because you were hoping I was someone else. I
wondered if you closed your eyes and pictured someone else's face; that I wasn't the
person you really wanted. I didn't want to believe it then, but now I'm sort of
thinking that was true."

I didn't want Edward doubting the sincerity of my feelings for him. He wasn't
some sort of rebound or distraction.

I reached out to touch him, but he flinched, so I pulled my hands back. "No, it
wasn't like that. When I met you, I felt like there was a real chance at happiness and
it scared the shit out of me. What if you didn't feel the same way? What if we left
Guatemala and you didn't want me? And then there was the whole work issue.
Edward, my work was all I had. I had been stripped of everything meaningful,
except that. I didn't want to seem unprofessional. I didn't want to lose the one thing
I could still be proud of. I was so scared of getting hurt again. I was so scared of
losing you and rejection. I didn't think I could bear it. Can you understand?"

"I suppose I can. I knew when I came here that we would need to talk. I'm not
naïve. I knew that we'd have a lot to work through. I came here because I needed to
see if this is still something you want. We need to discuss some issues around our
distance, among other things, but I need to know if there is anything else you're
keeping from me. I have to trust you to be honest with me."

I hated that he doubted me, but I knew that I had betrayed his trust, so it was
hard for me to blame him. I needed him to understand that I was being truthful and
that I'd be truthful with him going forward.

"I'm not keeping anything from you. I understand why you might not believe me
but it's the truth. I know I should have told you. Believe me, I wanted to. So badly. I
didn't think that we were in the right place to begin a relationship, but then we
became friends and grew closer. I was ashamed of my past. But I knew if we were
- 163 -
going to try and have a relationship that you needed to know everything. I planned
to tell you once we were back. I wanted us to work."

He cupped my face in his hands and looked at me intensely, carefully

contemplating his words. "I need to ask you something, and I want you to be a
hundred percent honest with me."

I nodded and put my hands over his on my cheeks. "I promise."

"Are we gonna work? Is this real? Is this what you want? Because I'm really
invested and if this is just a way for you to get over your husband, I need to know.
Please, if you ever cared about me, be honest with me now."

I wanted to beg him to stay with me and never leave. I wanted to tell him that I
was hopelessly in love with him but I couldn't. Not right after just found out about
Jacob. He might not believe me even if I did. I wanted him to know that I was
committed to this and how much he meant to me.

"Meeting you has been the best thing that's ever happened to me." I pulled his
hands down and clutched them in my lap, imploring him with my eyes to believe me.
"I'm with you because of you, not what happened to Jacob. I did a lot of healing
while I was in Guatemala, before and after I met you, and I'm ready for this if you
are."

He pulled me into the tightest hug and sighed loudly. "That's all I needed to hear.
I'm not going to pretend that this hasn't hurt me, but I'm sorry I jumped to
conclusions."

"No, this was my fault. I'm so sorry. I should have told you back in Guatemala. Can
you forgive me?"

"Yes, I can. I do wish you would have told me before, but I can forgive you. I
believe in us, Bella and I'll do whatever it takes to make you believe in me."

"I do believe in you, Edward. I trust you, and I believe that we can work
everything out," I told him.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that because being with me isn't going to be easy. We're on
different coasts. I travel a lot for work. If I'm doing promotions, I'll barely have time
to breathe. I've never had much success with relationships before and a big reason
for that is my crazy lifestyle. But I'll do whatever I can to be here for you. And I want
you to come to New York as soon as possible so you can see my life there. I feel like
- 164 -
you know me better than anyone, but I want you to know all of me."

"I'd like that," I responded and smiled at him warmly.

"I hate the attention that goes along with fame and it's something I constantly
have to consider if I want to maintain my privacy. There's a good chance you'll get
unwanted attention, too, from dating me. In some ways it's selfish for me to even ask
you to wait for me, but I can't stand the thought of being without you, Bella. You are
my life now."

My heart skipped. Hearing Edward say he could forgive me and would do

whatever it takes to make this work was all that I needed to hear in that moment.

"I feel the same way. I've missed you so much. I know I'm going to go crazy
without you. But what we have isn't something you find every day. It's worth fighting
for," I assured him.

He kissed my temple, then my cheeks and my mouth sweetly and wrapped me in

his strong arms. We rocked together for a few minutes before he finally stood.

"Come on, let's get you dressed so we can get you some dinner," he said as he
held his hand out to me. I stood, tightening my robe and walked into the bedroom,
with Edward on my heels. With the conversation I had dreaded since I'd met him
behind me, I finally felt like we could just concentrate on us.

We got dressed and made the bed. It felt so domestic and completely surreal. I
thought back to the horrible mudslides and the deplorable conditions in San Pedro. I
remembered how dirty and tired we were those few weeks. Yet here we were, in the
safety of my home, fluffing pillows together. It was an incredible departure from
where and how we met.

"So, what should we do for dinner?" he asked, replacing the newly fluffed throw
pillows as I did the same from the other side of the bed.

Just then my stomach growled. I had been so wrapped up in Edward that I hadn't
even thought about food but I needed to eat. Obviously, I had nothing in the house.

"Well, you've kept me quite occupied since I got home," I said with a smirk,
recalling our fantastic time together. "I haven't had a chance to think about it. Do
you want to go out? There's a great Mexican place not too far from here."

He scowled and I immediately chimed in. "We don't have to go if you don't want
- 165 -
to. There are plenty of other places."

"It's not that," he said with a sigh. "I just don't want to deal with photographers or
gossip. Not tonight. Unfortunately, that's the norm when you spend time with me,
and these are my usual considerations- especially around L.A."

I hadn't even thought about that. It was weird to think of him as someone famous.
He was just my Edward in Guatemala. I walked around the bed, throwing my arms
around his neck. "Then how about we stay in, and you can show off your culinary
skills? You've got a reputation to uphold, you know?"

His demeanor relaxed, and a sweet smile graced his face. "You're on."

Edward made a few calls and within the hour, a car was dropped off for us.

"Wow, that's service," I said, peeking out the window at the guy parking the car.
"Do you always get what you want?"

He came up behind me and slid his arms around my waist as he kissed my neck.
"Yep, it's one of the perks."

I laughed as his hair tickled me. Perks, indeed.

We strolled through the grocery store, picking out staples for my house as well as
items for our meal. I could tell he was self-conscious as people noticed him.
Thankfully, no one approached us but there were whispers and stares as people
tried to figure out how they knew him. I noticed someone taking a picture with their
phone. It was strange that people recognized him. He took it in stride, even though I
knew he hated the attention.

Edward was going to make me pork tenderloin with potatoes and sautéed
vegetables. I had to admit, the fact that he could cook was a huge turn-on. Was
there anything he couldn't do?

We got in line behind an older woman as the checker meticulously scanned each
of her seemingly endless coupons. I always seemed to get in the longest line, and my
impatience was kicking in.

"Hey, I forgot to get butter. I keep forgetting that you don't even have the basics
at your place. I'll be right back," Edward said as he finished unloading the food from
the cart.

- 166 -
 I shrugged my shoulders innocently. I'd been gone a year, but even before that, I
was rarely home to cook and had no one to cook for. It was depressing.

My eyes scanned the magazines like I always did when I was waiting in line.
Usually I went for the Time magazine or Sunset, but my eyes were drawn to a
tabloid.

I grabbed it from the rack in disbelief, gaping as Edward's face stared back at me.
It couldn't be him, could it?

But it was him and the longer I looked, the more upset I got.

Edward looked so handsome dressed in a tuxedo and had his arm around a blond
woman, descending some stairs. The caption read "Edward Cullen and Tanya Denali-
On Again?"

Tanya Denali? The actress?

I flipped through the pages and found the story. It wasn't long, just a few
snapshots, but it was enough. In one picture he had his arm around her waist, and
she had her arms around his neck. They looked like they were talking and having
fun. I couldn't see her face because it was taken at night, but I knew that she was
very beautiful.

Of course she's beautiful. She's a famous actress.

What was even more concerning to me was the date of the pictures. According to
the caption, they were leaving a fundraiser at the Met on August 15. I read and
re-read the caption several times. Was he hooking up with her while I was still in
Guatemala?

I fought back tears as I saw Edward approach. He smiled at me, until he saw what
I was holding.

His eyes glanced down at the pages as the tears welled up in my eyes. I closed the
magazine, and tried to replace it in the rack, but Edward grabbed it before I could
get it completely in. He looked at the cover and shook his head, then flipped to the
page with the story.

I wiped the tear that had fallen from my eye as I turned away from him. I didn't
want him to see the humiliation on my face, especially not in the middle of the
grocery store.
- 167 -
 "Bella," he sighed, "this isn't what it looks like."

I nodded my head and sniffled. "I'm sure it isn't."

But I didn't believe it. They looked pretty happy to me.

"We'll talk once we're done here, okay?" he asked quietly, obviously wanting to
avoid a scene just as much as I did.

While we checked out, Edward gave me apologetic glances, but I couldn't look at
him.

I scurried out to the car, pushing the cart and trying to stay busy. I thought I knew
what it meant to be with him. I thought I had prepared myself for the fact that
things would be different for us here. But I had no idea how hard it would actually
be. I knew his life was crazy, but seeing him on the cover of a magazine with
someone else, wasn't something I had prepared myself for. My naiveté was glaring.

Once the groceries were loaded and we were both seated in the car, Edward
turned to face me.

"She was drunk, Bella," he said, the worry evident in his voice. "I was helping her
home. That's it."

I finally willed myself to look at him, and he seemed sincere.

"But you guys dated. The magazine said that you guys were cozied up at the bar
all night and left together."

He ran his hands through his hair and sighed audibly. "The tabloids print
whatever the fuck they want, whether or not it's true. Let me tell you what really
happened. I was at the bar with colleagues when she came up to me. I didn't even
want to go to the damn party, but Victoria insisted that I be there. Tanya and I have
somewhat of a history, and she thought that there might still be something there.
She was wasted…"

"So, she hit on you," I interrupted. "That's just great. Tanya Fucking Denali hit on
you."

I felt horribly insecure, and I hated it. It brought out all the ugliness in me. I
trusted Edward. I did. But I was half a world away at the time, and he was here
looking all dashing in his tuxedo while bombshell actresses propositioned him. I had
- 168 -
no real way of knowing what actually happened, and how could I possibly compete
with Tanya Denali?

"Bella, look at me," Edward said, lifting my chin with his thumb. "I turned her
down. I don't want her. I don't want anyone but you. All I've thought about since I
got back was you. She was stumbling and grabby, though, and I was concerned
about her making a scene. I didn't want any part of that, so I offered to help her get
home. I swear, all I did was see that she got home. That's it. I didn't want to be an
asshole."

I grabbed his hand and played with his fingers, not wanting him to see my
insecurity and petty jealousy coming to the surface, even though it was a bit too late
for that. It was so like Edward to put his own feelings aside to help other people. His
explanation didn't sound far-fetched.

I sucked up my insecurities and went with my gut. "I trust you. I'm sorry I flipped
out; I'm just not used to all this."

"Hey, I'm barely used to it myself. I wish we didn't have to deal with any of it."

"How do you handle it? Does it bug you that they print that crap?"

"I don't have a choice anymore. I have to shake it off. Like I said earlier, I'm more
worried about how this will affect you. It won't be the last time you come across a
story like that, Bella. I mean, anytime I'm seen in public with someone, man or
woman, it's a risk that someone will print that we're dating. That's why I didn't want
to go out tonight. It's not that I don't want everyone to know we're together, but I'm
not sure you're ready for the attention that comes along with dating someone like
me."

We drove home in relative silence. Even though I believed wholeheartedly that it

was innocent, the images wouldn't leave my mind. I felt sorry for him that he had to
endure this every day, that his life was dissected for all to see. I longed for the
seclusion of Guatemala; where we could just be us and all these other things didn't
matter, not only for my sake but also for his.

I didn't want strangers taking my pictures in the grocery store. I didn't want
women throwing themselves at the man I loved. I wanted my privacy. I recalled on
of our earliest conversations in Guatemala. He told me that he went there for
anonymity. At the time, it seemed strange that he would have to do something so
extreme, but I was starting to understand it now. Would it always be like this? Could
I handle it if it was?
- 169 -
 I didn't want to let that line of thinking continue, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to
be with Edward. I wanted things to work out for us. But was I just being blinded by
my feelings for him? This wasn't Guatemala; things were complicated here. I
seriously worried that loving him wouldn't be enough. Were our lives just too
different?

I felt his hand on my leg, and I pushed those thoughts from my mind.

"Are you okay, Bella?" he asked, his gaze moving between me and the road.

"I'm fine," I lied. "I was just surprised about the pictures. That's all."

"It won't be the last time my photo is taken or lies are printed. They're relentless,
I'm afraid."

"I'll be alright."

"Will you? Because what happened back there was my worst nightmare. I can't tell
you how much I've worried about it."

"It's okay, really. It'll take some getting used to, but I'll be fine."

We got home, and I pushed away all my negative thoughts. Edward surprised me
by coming to LA. He was in my home, cooking me dinner, and that made me
incredibly happy. I sat at the bar on the opposite side of the kitchen counter as
Edward prepared one of the best meals I'd ever had. And he did it just for me. He lit
candles, and we had wine. It was wonderful. I still couldn't get over the fact that he
was here, in my house.

After dinner, we sat outside on the patio and talked until I was exhausted. I didn't
want the night to end, but all the travel had worn me out.

I dragged him through the house to the bedroom. We both stripped down to our
underwear and climbed into bed. He pulled me into him and kissed me slowly but
passionately. Small, whisper-like moans escaped me as his hands moved on my
body.

Suddenly, I wasn't as tired as I previously thought.

"Let me make love to you," he whispered in my ear.

I melted.
- 170 -
 How does he do that?

And so I let him. With each touch and movement, I felt loved and cherished. His
kisses made my stomach flip as he moved with me, inside me, I forgot about
everything else. It was just us and, for this brief moment in time, that was enough. I
was home, and we were real.

A/N: I promised that I wouldn't let this get cliche. They talked like mature
adults. What a concept, huh? Now everything is out in the open. But wanting
things to work and making them work are two different things.

Thanks to my betas, scsquared and TwiHeart for all the help this chapter.
I was really nervous about this one, and they both listened to me and made
huge contributions! Also, my pre-readers- Sunfeathers, ellierk, and
Dana1779 constantly reassure me that all is OK. Thanks!

Don't forget to leave me a review! I read and respond to every one!

- 171 -
 Chapter 15 Distance

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 15: Distance

Edward

"Mmm, I wish you didn't have to go," Bella hummed as I kissed her shoulder.

"I know. This is too nice to leave." I continued to kiss up her shoulder to her neck.

We had spent the remainder of my visit laying low. We walked on the beach, made
dinner and just hung out. Aside from the pristine setting, it felt very much like it had
each night in Guatemala. There were no distractions. It was just the two of us and it
felt wonderful.

The reality of our lives, though, was hard to escape. She had a home here, and
was planning on getting her job back at the Children's Hospital. I lived in New York
and constantly had a job to do. New York was the hub of my publishing and
promotion work. I knew I wanted to be with her, but the logistics seemed daunting.

The pained look on her face when she saw the tabloid pictures of Tanya and me
spoke volumes. Unfortunately that was the way my life was, and I hoped that she'd
be confident enough in us to put up with it. I should have known that those pictures
would surface and bite me in the ass.

Damn drunk Tanya.

"Hey," Bella said, giving me a nudge. "Is something wrong?"

I shook my head, pulled from my thoughts. "No, just thinking about what's going
to happen after today."

She rolled over and faced me, and I pulled her into my body.

"I don't know, Edward. That's the truth. But, I do know that you're stuck with me."

- 172 -
 I kissed her gently. "Sounds perfect."

We rolled around for a few minutes, but it was getting late and I needed to get to
the airport. We reluctantly got dressed and headed out to my rental car.

The drive to the airport was somber. She held my hand and squeezed it gently,
talking about mundane details of the upcoming month, anything to avoid having to
face goodbye again.

"So, when are you going back to work?" I asked.

"I'm going to call my old boss tomorrow. He was very understanding when I left
and told me that it'd be no problem to get me a position when I came home. I'm
hoping that offer still stands. It's really hard to start over in my field and it really
helps to have an in."

I was happy for her and genuinely wanted her to be successful. I'd seen how
wonderful she was with her patients and it was truly her calling. Even though I
desperately wanted to ask her to come live with me in New York, I knew it wasn't
the right time. She hadn't even been back a week yet. We hadn't even established
what our relationship was. I didn't think either one of us was interested in seeing
anyone else, but nothing had been established beyond that.

In addition, based on her reaction to the tabloid pictures, I worried about how
she'd deal with the reality of my life. I didn't want her to be hassled like I was. I
wanted us to be like any other normal couple, but I knew that wasn't possible. For
now we'd have to settle for cross-country trips.

We arrived at the rental car return and the reality of our situation began to set in.
It nearly killed me to leave her on the docks in Guatemala, how would I do it again?

After taking the shuttle to the terminal and checking in, it was time for goodbye. I
pulled us to a row of seats off to the side in case any paparazzi were there. I didn't
want our last moments tainted by those cock roaches.

I dropped my backpack and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm so glad I got to see you, Bella," I said into her ear as I gave her a quick kiss.
"I'm glad you're home."

She squeezed me even tighter, and I knew she was crying by her breathing. "I
can't let you go, again," she whispered.
- 173 -
 "It's not goodbye, baby." I gripped her hair tightly, her words holding true for me
as well.

"I know, it's just…it's been so hard without you." She was looking at me now with
the saddest look on her face.

I reached over and wiped the tears from her eyes. "It was the same for me. But
you're home now, and we can talk all the time. I'll come out again really soon. I'll
clear my schedule. I promise, Bella, we'll make this work."

She nodded but didn't say anything. It broke my heart to see her sad. I held her as
she cried on my shoulder, clutching my shirt as though I might vanish into thin air.

"I'm going to miss you," she said softly, finally pulling back to look at me. "Call me
when you land?"

"Of course, baby," I replied, nodding as I ran my thumb over her cheek. I leaned in
and kissed her, slowly at first, then more desperate. I didn't care who saw us. I just
needed her to know how much I cared for her. I needed that kiss to say all the
things I wanted to say but couldn't.

"You'd better get going," she said, resting her forehead against mine. "The
security line is getting pretty long."

I glanced over to my right and noticed that the line had indeed gotten long. I had
to leave.

We both stood, and I gave her a tight squeeze and another kiss. "I'll call you as
soon as I land."

"Yeah."

Our hands were the last thing to break as I slowly walked to the security
screening. I looked over my shoulder as she walked away from me, her gaze looking
back as well.

The plane ride was miserable, and I drank far too many of those little liquor
bottles than I should have. I needed the numbness, though. I needed to forget that
I'd left Bella behind again.

As soon as we landed, I pulled out my phone and waited impatiently for it to turn
on. There was a text waiting for me and I smiled.
- 174 -
 At home now. It's empty without you. It's just not right. ~B

Just landed. Miss you already.~E

My phone beeped only a few minutes later.

Glad you made it ok. Call me once you're home? I want to hear your voice. ~B

It's a date. ~E

I understood what Bella meant about things not being right when I arrived back at
my place. My apartment seemed colder and emptier than it had only a few days
earlier. I wanted her here. She'd turn these cold, harsh walls into a warm and
inviting home.

My phone rang only a few minutes later. I got excited, thinking that maybe Bella
was calling, but a glance at the screen killed that hope.

"Hi Victoria," I said as I answered. Couldn't she at least give me a few minutes to
unpack?

"So, you made it back?" she asked, a hint of aggravation in her voice.

"Yeah, I'm back. Thanks for giving me time to get settled before you jumped all
over me."

"Oh, you wish I'd jump you," she said sarcastically.

I hated it when she pulled this flirty crap with me. It was unprofessional and she
knew damn well that I had no interest in her.

"Whatever, Victoria. To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?"

"I'm sending over your schedule for the next week. I need you to be in top form
and pretty as ever, so be sure to get plenty of rest."

I hate this shit.

"What am I? Ten? I feel like I'm being scolded by my mommy."

"I can be your mommy if you want, Edward."

- 175 -
 More flirting.

"Just stop, Victoria. I'll check my Inbox and call you if I have any questions, okay?"

"God, you're touchy," she huffed.

"I'll talk to you later, okay?"

The last thing I wanted to do was listen to Victoria flirt while bossing me around.

I grabbed a beer and went into my room, pulling off my clothes as I went. I didn't
care that I was making a mess. I found my pajama pants in my suitcase and slid into
bed. The sheets were cold and caused me to shiver. It felt sterile and cavernous.

My thoughts immediately went to Bella and how soft and warm she felt as she
slept next to me. It didn't seem possible that it was less than 24 hours ago.

I sipped my beer and slid down under the covers as I dialed Bella's number.

"Hello?" The sound of her voice made me feel close to her.

"Bella, it's me," I said with a sigh.

We talked into the night and it eased my anxiety about being so far away from her.
At least we had this. If I couldn't hold her and make love to her, at least I could hear
her voice. I almost fell asleep several times, but I wanted to stay awake. I wanted to
have her near me, and I knew that when I hung up, she'd be gone and I'd be alone
again.

I wasn't sure what time our conversation ended, but I was extremely tired the next
morning. I padded to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee while I scanned the
schedule Victoria had sent over the night before.

Is she crazy?

I had back to back appointments and interviews all week. I was happy that people
enjoyed my books, but many of the appointments weren't even about that. It was
about me, not the books and that annoyed me. People wanted to grill me about
Tanya Denali and if we were a couple. I'd become more famous just because I was
famous. Why the hell were people so interested anyway?

In between all the chaos of the next few days, I managed to talk to Bella every
- 176 -
day. She sent me texts to let me know the little things that I was missing, and we
talked each night before I went to bed. I wished I could be there instead of here. As
much as I loved hearing from her, it made me miss her even more.

I was exhausted from the ridiculous schedule Victoria had me keeping. Every
muscle in my body was fatigued. Tonight, I'd gone out to dinner with my publisher
and a few of his friends. During dinner a herd of young girls approached the table,
embarrassing me completely. Everyone at my table, and most of the neighboring
tables, watched while I took pictures with each girl and signed autographs. It wasn't
the fans so much, as they were usually nice people, it was the fact that they really
had no idea who I was and they didn't care. They wanted the public Edward Cullen,
and most days, I didn't even know who that was. I hadn't even wanted to come out
to dinner, so to be stared at and ogled made me feel like I was in a zoo on display.

I fell onto my couch with a thud, so thankful to be home at last, and almost fell
asleep right then. My feet ached, and I rubbed them as I took off my shoes. I made
my way to the bedroom and flopped onto my bed. What was the point of all this
when I didn't have Bella?

I pulled the phone out of my pocket and dialed her number, thankful for the three
hour time difference, which made it a reasonable time to call.

"Hi baby," I said, my voice sounding more than a little inebriated.

I heard her sigh into the phone. "Hi there."

I told her about the details of my day, while she recounted hers. Our routine was
comfortable, but I wanted more.

"So, I got my job back," she said after a while. "I start next week."

"That's great," I lied.

"Yeah, I'm excited. I worked with a great group of doctors- some of the best in the
country. Oh, and that's not all. I can't believe I almost forgot to tell you. Some of the
research my team did last year before I left is being recognized by the American
Pediatric Association. They're having an awards banquet to honor our work, among
other projects. It's a pretty big deal."

I was so proud of Bella. "That's fantastic!"

"I'm not just telling you to brag, although I'm pretty amazed and honored to be
- 177 -
recognized. I'd like you to be my date."

"Your date, huh?" I said playfully. "I guess I could swing it. You know, free dinner
and all that. When is it?"

"Next month. I'll forward you the invite with the details. I've invited the WFP
gang, too. It's be fun to see them."

"A whole month, huh?" I asked, wishing it was next week.

"I know. I wish it was sooner. I can't wait to see you in a tuxedo for real. You
know, without your last accessory, drunk Denali. So last season."

Her voice was sarcastic, and I was glad that we could laugh about the whole
situation now.

"And what will you be wearing?" I said seductively. I was picturing her in a sexy
dress and my body was reacting very well.

"Something slinky and sexy. Maybe something low cut. You'll just have to come
and see for yourself."

I loved this playful side of her and so did my dick.

"God, Bella," I said, my voice getting huskier by the minute. "Don't tempt me."

"But I like tempting you." Bella's voice lowered and took on a much more sultry
tone. We were no longer discussing cocktail parties. "How else can I keep you on
your toes?

I slid lower in my bed and made myself comfortable. I liked where this
conversation was headed.

"Tell me," I ordered.

"Tell you what?" she asked demurely.

"Tell me how you'd tempt me."

"Hmmm…let me see," she said softly. I could tell by the tone in her voice that she
was smiling. "If I were there with you? How would I tempt you?"

- 178 -
 She liked where this was headed, too. I loved how spontaneous she was being.

"Mmm…hmm." My hand slid down my body to the waistband of my pajamas. I felt

a little perverted doing this with her on the phone, but I couldn't help myself. My
body reacted to her, and I was powerless to stop it.

"Let's see. You'd be lying on the bed with one hand behind your head. We'd have
just come home from some fancy event so you'd loosen your tie, while I stood at the
end of the bed and kicked off my shoes."

"Go on."

"I'd turn so that my back faced you and slowly lower the zipper of my dress,
pulling it off my shoulders, and then down and over my hips. Of course, I'd be
wearing a lacy strapless bra and matching panties, just to make sure you stayed
interested. I'd casually look over my shoulder to make sure you were watching my
every move."

"Oh, I'd be watching. You're fucking sexy as hell, Bella." I reached over to my
nightstand, careful not to let the phone drop and grabbed some lotion from the top
drawer, squirting it into my hand. My hand moved over my abdomen again and
gripped my cock, which was now hard enough to cut glass.

She chuckled a little, and I could practically see her blush. "So anyway, I'd bend
over and kick out of the dress just to give you a little show. Then I'd turn around and
crawl slowly up the bed on all fours."

Oh fuck.

Hearing her talk like this was a huge fucking turn on, and I wanted her to feel
good.

"Bella?" I asked, still maintaining my movements up and down my cock.

"Yeah?"

"Are you touching yourself?" I had to know. God, how I hoped the answer was
'yes'.

"Mmm, I wish you were here. I'm so wet for you," she hummed. "Know how I
know?"

- 179 -
 "How?" I really liked where this was going.

"Because I'm naked on my bed and my fingers are doing the job that yours should
be doing."

Fuck me.

"Would you like me to tell you what I'd do to you if you were crawling up my bed
in your bra and panties?"

She sighed and I almost came right then. "Tell me," she said breathily. I could tell
that she was getting aroused and that just made me pump myself faster.

"I'd pull you to straddle me," I said with a small grunt. I could feel myself getting
close, but I wanted this to last. "I'd quickly get rid of your bra. Your tits are too
perfect to be hidden. They fit perfectly in my hands and I'd run my thumbs over your
nipples and watch with rapt attention as they perked up on command. God, your tits,
Bella. Fuck."

By this point, I could hear her shallow breaths on the other end of the line and
mine were equally strained.

"I want your hands on me, Edward," she moaned.

"I'd have to get rid of your panties, so I'd roll you over so you were underneath
me. I'd move my hand down your side, over your hip and slowly lower your panties
until you kicked them off. My fingers would seek out your warmth and slide
perfectly inside you. I can feel you, Bella. You're so warm and soft. I want to be
inside you."

Fuck, this was getting hard to hold off, but I wanted to make Bella come. She'd
put herself out there, and I wanted to finish the deal.

"I want that, too," she sighed as a small moan escaped her mouth.

Jesus Fucking Christ.

"I'd climb on top of you and you'd wrap your long legs around me as I pushed into
you, filling you. Oh fuck, Bella, you feel so good. There'd be nothing in between us.
No condom. Just you and me."

My hips were thrusting up into my hand, and I was trying to stave off my orgasm.
- 180 -
 "I'd be so deep as I thrust in you. I'd move my hips so that I hit that place inside
you that makes you scream as you come all over my cock, squeezing and pulsing. Oh
shit…"

"Oh God…I can feel…oh"

The sound of Bella coming pushed me over the edge, and I thrust violently up into
my hand, spilling onto my stomach in warm spurts.

We both sat on the phone panting for a few moments. My dick twitched as it
softened and my whole body went limp.

"Bella…"

"I don't…that was…I just…I can…" She was rambling in between pants. I fucking
loved the sound of it.

"I can feel you." It was the best way to describe what I was feeling.

There was a brief pause on the other end of the line. I grabbed a towel and
covered up as I listened to her collect herself on the other end of the line. At one
point, I thought our connection had failed, but I could faintly hear movement in the
background.

"Are you there, baby?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm here. Wow." It was all I could say.

We talked for a few more minutes, but between the lateness of the hour and the
physical exertion, I was fading fast.

All night, I couldn't stop thinking about our call and how sexy she was. She
constantly surprised me. The next morning, I was understandably exhausted. I
checked my watch repeatedly throughout the morning until it was a reasonable hour
to call Bella. I just wanted to hear her voice. It would help me get through the day.

I leaned on my kitchen counter and dialed her number. The phone rang a few
times until she answered, and I felt myself exhale. She calmed me.

"What are you up to?" I asked tentatively. It had only been a few hours since we'd
talked.

- 181 -
 "I'm just getting up. I had a hard time falling asleep. Someone gave me some
pretty good things to think about."

I smiled. "I've never done anything like that before," I confessed.

"Me either, but I'm glad it was with you." Her voice was soft and sweet, the
sincerity in it evident.

"I want to do everything with you."

"I love you," I heard her tiny voice say. It was spoken so softly that it sounded like
she might be crying.

I wanted to believe that she'd said it; that it wasn't just a figment of my
imagination.

"What was that, baby?" I wanted to hear it again.

"I love you, Edward. With everything I have."

That was it for me. That was all I ever needed. I'd loved her since Guatemala and
was too scared to tell her, but none of that mattered now. The fame and all the
bullshit that came with it didn't matter. All that mattered to me was that this
amazing woman loved me like I loved her. I silently thanked the Gods for giving me
such an incredible gift.

I was pulled from my high by the sound of her voice. "You don't have to say
anything. I just wanted you to know. I learned the hard way that keeping things
inside can lead to…dire consequences. I didn't tell you so that you you'd say it back.
I'm sorry…I shouldn't have told you like this…"

"Bella, may I say something?" I interrupted. She sounded so nervous and worried,
and I needed to put her mind at ease.

"Yeah?" Her voice was almost a squeak.

"I love you, too. I love you so much that it hurts at times. It scares the crap out of
me. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I know that I love you."

I could hear her voice hitch and a small sob on the other end of the phone.

I ran my hand through my hair and walked into the living room toward the
- 182 -
window, gazing out at the city. I needed her to understand exactly what I was
thinking. "Bella, I wasn't expecting to meet someone like you. My whole life is filled
with fake people. Most of the time I don't even feel like it's my life I'm living. But you
make everything worthwhile. I've never felt like this about anyone, and I know our
situation is difficult, but I have faith in us."

She sniffled and cleared her throat before speaking again. "Believe me, this is the
last thing I expected," she said with a small chuckle. "I keep thinking the other
shoe's gonna drop; that I'll wake up and it'll all have been a dream."

I rested my forehead against the window. "I feel the same way. All the time. Hell,
even back when we were in Guatemala I felt like that."

"Things were easier then. It was easy to be with you. Sometimes I wish we never
left, you know? This is so hard. I don't want to be skeptical, but you're so far away
and have such a different life. Can this really work or are we kidding ourselves?"

I felt the air leave my lungs in a panic. I couldn't stand the thought of not having
her in my life.

"Please don't say things like that, Bella. I love you and you said you love me, too…"

"I do love you," she interrupted.

"Just don't give up on us. Give me some time and, I promise, I'll work this out."

"I'm not giving up on us. I live just to hear your voice. I just didn't expect it to be
this hard. I want to feel your hands on me and wake up with you next to me. I don't
think I really thought it through. This house seems empty and cold."

Boy, could I relate. "I know what you mean. Mine feels the same way."

"Well, at least we'll see each other next month for the benefit, right?" I could hear
the fake enthusiasm in her voice.

"I'll be there. I wouldn't miss it. And I'm so proud of you, Bella."

"Thanks. That really means a lot."

"I should let you go so you can get up. I just wanted to hear your voice."

"Uh…thanks for…um…indulging me last night. I wish it was you for real, but that
- 183 -
was pretty nice, too. Who knew you had such an active imagination," she said,
sounding embarrassed by our activities of the night before.

"Yeah…that was…interesting." How else could I describe it?

"That was quite hot, I must say. You always surprise me, you know that?"

"I try."

"I should go, Edward, but will I talk to you later?"

"Of course."

"I love you. It feels good to be able to say that now."

"It feels good to hear it. And I love you, too. I'll call you later."

We said our goodbyes and despite my busy schedule, she was the only thing on my
mind.

She loved me.

She loved me and yet she was worried that things were too complicated.

What if love wasn't enough?

Fuck.

I had to figure this out.

A/N: This chapter was brutal for me to write. BRUTAL. I had writer's block
for two weeks straight. So, your reviews would go a long way to making me
feel better! I'm being totally serious, BTW.

So, they finally said ILY. Now, what will they do with that knowledge?

Thanks to my peeps- TwiHeart, scsquared, Sunfeathers, Dana1779, and

ellierk. I appreciate your help so much. Also, thanks to Littlestar300 for
calming my nerves.

- 184 -
 Exciting News: It looks like I'm going to be a Fictionator for the month, so
let me know if you've got some undiscovered gems just waiting to be
pimped. Also, come on by and check out the recs. I'll be writing some
reviews and there'll be some good stuff! Link is in my profile.

Finally, please vote for my awesome pre-reader Sunfeathers in the Fandom

Awards. She's been such a great reader and friend to me. You have no idea
how much she's helped me and pimped out my stuff. She's awesome and
deserves to win. The link is in my profile!

- 185 -
 Chapter 16 New York

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 16: New York

Bella

After my invigorating and somewhat ground-breaking phone call with Edward

ended, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of wine. I couldn't believe I'd
let my feelings slip on the phone like that. I hadn't meant to tell him, even though I'd
known without a doubt that I was in love with him since I watched him pull away on
the docks in Guatemala. It wasn't that I was trying to hide my feelings, it was just
that I felt like we were starting over in a way. We had enough on our plates without
trying to put too many definitions on the status of our relationship. But to hear him
say it back to me? I was on cloud nine.

Then there was the phone sex. Holy crap! I'd never done anything like that before,
and I quite enjoyed it. I had to hand it to Edward, he wasn't boring. The whole
conversation replayed over and over in my head, and I couldn't help the Cheshire
cat grin that covered my face.

I leaned against the counter as I took a sip and realized I was surrounded by
complete silence. I hadn't heard silence like that years. In Guatemala, there was the
sound of the bugs. Or Edward. I missed his sounds, even the snoring that kept me
awake. I missed his warmth and his smile. I was typically not a person who enjoyed
a lot of alone time, and the silence around me made me think- a little too much. It
was deafening and overpowering. I needed noise. I needed company. I needed
anything to take my mind off the fact that I was alone.

I grabbed my glass of wine and made my way into my bedroom. It was time to let
go of my past and move on, and that started with getting rid of Jake's things. Having
Edward find them was an absolute nightmare, and I could see why he was hurt by it.
I wanted them gone. I wanted to let go of my guilt and shame and concentrate on
my future with Edward.

Once everything was packed away, I walked outside onto the patio and sat in one
of the chairs. The crisp air was invigorating, but I still felt lonely. I wanted to call
- 186 -
Rosalie or Kate, but it was too late. The wine was not helping my mood, so I dumped
it in the sink and went back into my room. At least I had happy memories of
tonight's conversation with Edward to keep my mind occupied.

The sheets were cold, and I shivered when I got into bed. How quickly a bed could
go from hot to cold. I curled up and clutched my pillow, willing myself to fall asleep.

He loved me. I couldn't stop thinking about it.

It was hard for me to grasp that concept. In Guatemala, we were just Edward and
Bella. Whenever the urge struck us, we could go climb an ancient pyramid, or camp
on a picturesque lake. It didn't take planning. It was easy.

But now? He lived all the way across the country. Neither of us had brought up
the possibility of moving. It seemed too soon for that conversation, and yet in a lot of
ways we already felt like we'd been together forever. It was confusing. I did know
that I missed him and loved him very much. Everything else just muddied the
waters.

The next morning, I called Rosalie and Kate to see if they wanted to meet for
lunch. I was starting work in a week, and I knew once I went back, it would be hard
to have a leisurely girl's lunch, especially with the hours I worked.

I arrived at the restaurant, which overlooked the harbor, a few minutes early. I
was anxious to spend time with the girls. The day was beautiful, and the sun
warmed my face. It was my favorite time of year.

I heard Kate screaming before I even saw her. She and I hadn't seen each other
since I'd been back and it felt like it had been forever.

"Oh my God, Bella," she said as she pulled me into a hug. "I'm so happy you're
back."

"Me too," I said. It was really good to see her.

"Let's grab a table and then I want you to tell me everything! Oh, and happy
birthday. You didn't think I'd forget, did you?" I loved her enthusiasm, but I wasn't
really in the mood to celebrate another birthday.

Rosalie joined us a few minutes later, just as I was getting to the part about
Edward. I was a little nervous talking about it because both of them were there
when Jake died, and they knew what a mess I was when I left for Guatemala. I felt
- 187 -
weird talking about Edward here, with my girls. It seemed gossipy. I much preferred
having us in our own little bubble. Rosalie knew most of what happened, but I hadn't
said anything to Kate yet.

"You met a guy there?" Kate probed. "Do tell."

"Uh…yeah. It was sort of unexpected."

"I think it's great," Rosalie said enthusiastically. "You needed to move on from
everything. Isn't that why you went down there to begin with? To move on?"

I nodded and grabbed a piece of bread from the basket on the table.

"Leave it to me to finally meet a nice guy…in Guatemala…who lives in New York.

It's always got to be complicated, you know?"

"New York, huh?" Kate asked with a suggestive glance. "What does he do?
Knowing you, he's some hot shit banker, or something like that."

I'd always been attracted to people who were similar to me- perfectionist,
detail-oriented, self-motivated people. Edward was the first person I'd ever been
with who strayed from that. He was creative and artistic. Maybe that's why it was so
easy to be with him. He balanced out my tendency to over think things.

"Actually, Kate, you'll be happy to hear that he's a writer."

Kate looked at Rosalie and then back to me. Rosalie just smiled and shrugged.

"Wow, Bella, that's a first for you."

I guess I had been a little more predictable in the past than I thought.

"His name is Edward Cullen. You might have heard of him?" I raised my eyebrows
and waited for Kate to recognize the name. It didn't take long.

"No way," Kate said as she slammed her hands down onto the table, causing
people around us to stare. "You've been home how long and you haven't told me
this?"

"Give me a break, I've been gone a long time and this is the first time I've seen
you."

- 188 -
 Kate looked skeptical, but thankfully Rose chimed in.

"When I got your letter, I Googled him. He's gorgeous, but isn't he dating that
actress? Tanya Denali? That's what the article said."

I shook my head. "No, they're not dating anymore."

"So, where do you guys stand? Are you still seeing him?" Kate asked. Rosalie,
apparently just as interested in the answer, pulled herself closer to the table.

That was the question of the hour. I didn't really know how to answer it. "He told
me he loved me last night." I covered my face with my hands and sighed.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Rose said, pulling my hands from my face. "It's
a good thing, right?"

"Yeah…I mean, it makes me really happy. He's so amazing, you guys. I can't even
begin to tell you how sweet he is and how good he makes me feel. We were pretty
much inseparable in Guatemala." I felt like a teenager gushing about my popular
boyfriend.

"So, what's the problem?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. Maybe there isn't a problem. We just…he's in New York…and I'm
here."

"Bella, you're my sister, and I love you, but you've got to stop over-thinking this,"
Rosalie said as she took a sip of her drink.

"I'm not," I said defensively. "I'm trying to be realistic."

"Okay, let me ask you this. He said he loved you, right?"

I nodded.

"And you said it back?"

Another nod.

"And it's your birthday and you have no plans?"

Another nod.
- 189 -
 "Then why don't you go be with him? You don't start work for a week. What a
great way to celebrate, huh?"

I hadn't thought about that. Would he want me there? What if I was a distraction?
He'd never invited me out there.

"I can't just show up like that," I argued.

"Why not?" Kate asked. "I think it'd be cute. I bet he'd love it."

They had planted a dangerous seed in my head. It was the last thing anyone would
expect me to do, but the truth was I missed him terribly.

That night, I sat in front of my computer with the airline website pulled up. The
cursor blinked, waiting for me to input my information.

I waffled. I didn't want to assume anything where Edward was concerned, yet we
had both admitted our feelings for each other. He allowed me to lower my guard and
just be happy. When I was with him, I firmly believed that he saw us together. So,
what was my problem?

I huffed and began typing in my information, even though doing something like
this was completely out of character for me. The longer I thought about it, the more
I realized how sick I was of being predictable. I was tired of being cautious. I'd been
like that too many times in my life. I wanted Edward, and there wasn't a logical
reason I could think of why I couldn't be with him. Rosalie was right; I needed to
stop over-analyzing things and follow my heart, for once.

I didn't tell Edward about my plans when he called later that night. I internally
laughed in excitement at the fact that I'd be seeing him in less than 24 hours. I'm
usually terrible with secrets and it took all I had not to blurt it out, but the more I
thought about it, the more I wanted it to be a surprise.

I was fidgety and amped up the entire flight. I was scheduled to land at LaGuardia
at 4:00 pm, and I figured that with traffic and everything else, that would put me at
Edward's place at 6:00, just in time for dinner.

At least that was what I hoped would happen.

I'd only been to New York twice, both times when I was younger. The city was
vibrant and alive, and I could almost feel the electricity. I recalled how much I had
loved it the last time I visited.
- 190 -
 The cab stopped in front of a very nice building that had a deep green awning and
a doorman, who looked like a British Beefeater.

I paid the cabbie and grabbed my suitcase.

Am I crazy for doing this?

The doorman swung open the door, and I smiled meekly as I walked into the
spacious and richly decorated lobby.

"May I help you ma'am?" an uptight woman behind a desk asked.

I hadn't thought this through very well. Of course he'd have security.
"Uh…yeah…I'm here to see Edward Cullen." I fumbled through my purse, trying to
find the apartment information. "He's in apartment A-30."

She raised her eyebrows skeptically. "Umm…hmmm…and is Mr. Cullen expecting

you?"

I shook my head. The woman put her pencil on the desk and shot me with a snotty
look. "Well, Mr. Cullen only accepts registered visitors. I'll have to call and make
sure you're okay."

She picked up the phone and began dialing. "Good evening, Mr. Cullen, this is Ms.
Harris down at the lobby desk. I have a Miss…" She pulled the phone down away
from her mouth and looked at me. "What did you say your name was?"

"Bella Swan."

"Yes, I have a Miss Swan here to see you…okay…very well…I'll send her up. Thank
you, Mr. Cullen."

So much for my surprise.

She hung up and pointed to the elevator.

"You may go on up. Just please sign in here." I signed the visitor log and walked
over to the elevator. My heart was pounding in my chest. He was home and only a
quick elevator ride away from me.

I felt like jumping up and down in excitement as the elevator climbed the floors. I
was swooped up into a hug not a moment after the doors opened. I hadn't even had
- 191 -
a chance to get my bearings.

"Bella!" Edward said as he kissed my neck and ran his hands through my hair.
"You're here. You came to New York!"

I dropped my bag and wrapped my arms around him. His hands came to the sides
of my face and he leaned in to kiss me. I felt like I hadn't kissed him in a year. I
missed his touch, and I didn't care that we were in the middle of the hallway, I
wanted to devour him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked excitedly as he pulled away and reached for
my bag. "I mean, I love it that you came, but I'm surprised."

"Rosalie talked me into it. We were having lunch for my birthday, and I was telling
them how much I missed you…and yeah. I hope it's okay."

"Okay? Are you kidding me? I'm thrilled that you came. Come on, let's get inside."

He ushered me down the hallway to his front door. He was wearing dark jeans
that made his ass look amazing and a long sleeved t-shirt. I realized I hadn't really
seen him in warm clothes. He looked delicious.

I didn't know what I expected his place to be like, but I was completely blown
away by it.

It was a loft style apartment, with high ceilings and floor to ceiling windows. One
entire wall along the back of the spacious living room was covered in deep red
exposed brick. The dark hard wood floors were softened by a large plush area rug
and sleek, modern furniture. It was immaculate. The city lights were just coming on
and provided a sparkly backdrop. He had some Bob Marley playing, filling the room
with the relaxing beats.

"This place is so beautiful, Edward," I said reverently, still looking around the
room noticing the small details.

He smiled warmly. "I'm glad you like it. It's a lot better with you here."

I melted.

"Follow me," he said, as he walked toward a hallway just past the marble and
stainless steel clad kitchen.

- 192 -
 I couldn't stop staring. It was so Edward.

"And here's my room," he said, rubbing his neck nervously.

What does he have to be nervous about?

His bedroom was equally impressive. He had a king-sized bed. The bed itself was
deep chocolate brown leather with a headboard and no footboard. The suede-looking
comforter and pillows were a medium, taupy brown. The bed, and room in general,
was done in neutral colors with hints of bright colors. Above the bed was a large
piece of modern art that captivated me with the random brushstrokes and vibrant
colors.

I sat down on the bed with a thump, and let myself fall back. I couldn't believe I
had actually gone through with this.

Edward quickly lay down next to me and gently brushed the hair off my face. His
leg was on top of mine, effectively pinning me to the bed, not that I minded at all. I
put my arms around his neck, and he leaned in and kissed me softly.

"So, it's your birthday?" he asked, his lips still hovering over mine.

"It was," I hummed as I let my tongue slip out to lick his lips.

"Happy Birthday," he said with a smile.

I pulled him against me and he shifted his position until he was on top of me fully,
pressing his hips into me. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back as he kissed my
ear and neck. His hands were wrapped around my back and he let them fall to my
ass, lightly grazing where I wanted them most.

"God, I love your hands," I confessed without thought.

I felt him smile against my lips. "I haven't even gotten started."

I was so desperate to feel him. My hand moved to his jeans as I scrambled to take
off his pants. He pulled back and stood, pulling his shirt off and then lowering his
pants. I was surprised to see he was commando underneath. I shimmied out of my
jeans at the same time, never letting my eyes stray from him; he was too beautiful. I
pulled off my top and slid up to the top of the bed and waited.

Edward crawled up the bed, his eyes deep and hooded, eventually coming to rest
- 193 -
on top of me. He edged my knees open with his and lowered to kiss me. Small moans
escaped us both as our tongues moved in unison. I could feel every muscle in his
back as I ran my hands over each curve. He was sculpted perfection.

He leaned over to his nightstand to get a condom, but I stopped him. "Wait," I
said, pulling him back on top of me. "After you left, I got an IUD. I figured it'd be
easier. I know we're both clean, since we had to get tested by the WFP, so you don't
have to use a condom if you don't want to."

He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed my ear and neck, whispering, "I
love that you thought about being with me. I can't wait to feel you with nothing
between us."

He inched forward as he reached between us and guided himself into me. Slowly,
he pressed forward until he was fully inside me. He moved deliberately, never
letting our gaze break.

"You feel so good, baby," he said breathily. "Fuck."

"God, Edward." I was frantic with need. "Please."

He smiled as he pulled out and then thrust back into me.

I wrapped my legs around him and gripped his ass, pulling him into me deeper.
He moaned loudly, and I closed my eyes, reveling in the feeling of being completely
filled by him. It was so much better without the barrier of a condom between us. I
could feel him. All of him.

With each thrust, I felt my body tense as he moved me closer and closer to my
release. My hands were everywhere on his body, clutching and pulling him into me.
It would never be enough. I would always want more of him.

He sat back on his knees, spreading my legs wide and gripping my ankles. His
eyes looked to where we were joined, and he began to move inside me again.
Needing more, I reached down and began to rub myself gently.

"Mmm…it's so hot when you do that," he said, his voice deep and husky.

I arched my back and closed my eyes, while he thrust into me powerfully. His pace
quickened as did his breath. Both of us were getting close.

"Bella," he sighed and moaned loudly. "I want to make you come."
- 194 -
 "Just don't stop." I could barely get the words out with my labored breath.

I opened my eyes and watched him move. His gaze was fixed lower as he watched
himself disappear into my body. It was sexy as hell. With a powerful thrust, I
exploded and screamed loudly as wave after wave of ecstasy rolled through my
body.

"Oh fuck, Bella," he sighed as he threw back his head. "Oh fuck."

A moment later and Edward joined me in release, gasping for breath as he

clutched my ankles. He fell on top of me, panting, and I threw my arms around him.
Our bodies were warm and slick from exertion. I kissed his neck and could feel the
blood pumping just under the surface. I liked knowing that I was the cause of that.

After we both came down and our breathing returned to normal, Edward kissed
me deeply. I loved how he kissed me, putting so much emotion and passion into each
pass of his tongue. I loved the heat of his lips and the taste of him.

"I should surprise you more often. I get quite a reception," I said lightly.

"No," he said as he cradled my face in his hands, "you should just never leave."

He pulled out of me, and I instantly felt empty. He hopped up, walked the short
distance to the bathroom, and returned with a towel, handing it to me as he pulled
back on his jeans. He sat on the edge of the bed and gently rubbed my leg as I sat
and scooted next to him.

"I'll let you get cleaned up," he said. "Meet me in the other room?"

I kissed him sweetly and nodded. "Sounds perfect."

Edward had two wine glasses out on the bar when I came into the great room. It
was fully dark now and the apartment glowed with the city lights. It was
spectacular.

"Hello, gorgeous," he said as he handed me a glass of wine.

I readily accepted it, and he motioned for me to take a seat at the bar as he went
to the fridge and started pulling out various items of food.

"I was just going to make some dinner before your amazing surprise. Are you
interested?"
- 195 -
 I hadn't thought about food in hours, but when he mentioned it, I realized I was
actually quite hungry.

"Do you want to go out?" I asked. "I mean, I know it's hard at times, but I've heard
such great things about the restaurants in New York. I'd like to experience some of
that with you."

"Are you sure? I don't want to drag you into the whole paparazzi scene."

I reached out with my hands outstretched and he leaned on the counter and took
my hands, looking at me intensely, trying to read my expression.

"Edward, if that's what it takes to be with you, then I'm willing to try."

The smile that overtook his face was breathtaking. "Okay then, let me make some
calls. I have a few places in mind that I think you'll really like."

I spun and watched him walk over to the entry and grab his phone. He dialed and
walked to the window while he made plans for us. I was excited to get a chance to
be with him. Even though I knew he didn't care much for his life here in New York,
it was still his life, and I was anxious to learn as much as I could about it.

We took the next hour getting ready. I had to fight him off me when I went to
shower, and I had to admit that the idea of him ravaging me in his luxurious shower
was incredibly tempting.

Edward looked stunning in a black button down shirt with a black and white vest
on top and gray slacks. It highlighted the muscles in his shoulders and arms and was
dressy, but not uptight.

I packed a few dresses and nervously tried them all on in the bathroom. I wanted
to look like I belonged with Edward, but I knew that no matter what I wore, all eyes
would be on him.

I eventually decided on a red sleeveless dress. It fit me really well and showed off
my assets, while simultaneously hiding my flaws.

Everyone needs a dress like that.

I left my hair down in loose waves and did my best to create a smoky eye. I was no
makeup artist, but I was pleased with the results. I slipped on my black strappy
sandals and grabbed my coat. It was fall and the nights could be quite chilly.
- 196 -
 "You look amazing, Bella," Edward said when I walked nervously into the room. I
realized this was the first time either of us had seen each other dressed up, at least
in person.

He rested his hand on my lower back as he escorted me from his apartment. There
was a car waiting for us out front, which took us the short distance to the
restaurant.

I was so wrapped up in Edward that I hardly noticed the few camera flashes that
went off as we walked into the restaurant. We were quickly ushered to a private
table near the back, with a great view of the rest of the patrons. Edward, being the
perfect gentleman, pulled out my chair for me and then sat down opposite me.
People started to notice us, and I heard whispers and snickers at the tables around
us. He reached across the table and clasped my hands.

"Is this okay?" His voice was laced with concern.

"I'm fine, Edward," I said with a reassuring smile. "I'm just happy to be here with
you."

We talked over dinner and wine, and even though eyes were constantly on us, I
felt like it was just the two of us. It felt like one of the nights that we'd sit and talk
for hours in our bunks, completely cut off from the outside world. I focused on every
detail of his as he talked. I noticed the way his brow furrowed when the waiter
flirted with me, loving his jealous and protective side. I noticed the way my touch
made him light up, as if there was an electric current running through him. I noticed
the gleam in his eyes as I told him about the upcoming benefit and the work I'd
done. He was proud of me, and it felt really good. He made me feel worthy of it.

As much as I enjoyed the restaurant, I really wanted to get Edward home so we

could have some more quality time. I wasn't here that long, and I wanted to make
the most of our time together.

We were all smiles as we walked through the restaurant, his hand on my back
guiding me. As soon as we opened the door, I was blinded by flashes and people
screaming. Apparently our presence here had not gone unnoticed. We could hardly
walk through the crowds. People were screaming and thrusting cameras in our face.
They were yelling at Edward to look at them and tell them who I was. My heart was
in my throat. I felt attacked, and it was difficult to breathe. Our car pulled up, and
we quickly slid in the back seat.

I glanced in shock out the window as we pulled away from the curb and couldn't
- 197 -
stop the tears from falling from my eyes. It was overwhelming.

Edward pulled me into his arms. "Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.

I wiped my eyes, not wanting him to see me cry. I knew what it meant to be with
him. "I'm sorry, I just didn't expect that."

"It's not always like this, Bella. It comes in waves. The paparazzi have been
especially bad the last couple of weeks because I've been on a lot of publicity events
recently, and then the whole Tanya thing happened. This'll blow over, you'll see. The
hysteria will die down, and they'll hopefully find someone else to pester. I'm sorry
that we have to deal with this. It's the last thing I want for you."

"It's okay. Really."

I wondered how many times it would take to get used to this.

We rode in relative silence the rest of the way home. Once we got to his place, I
felt much more relaxed. We kicked off our shoes and relaxed onto the sofa. I tucked
my feet underneath me, and Edward came and sat at my side.

"Thanks for enduring all that for me, Bella."

"I'd do it everyday for you."

"That can be arranged."

A/N: OK, admit it, you all thought I was going to have Bella go to New
York and see something going wrong. Am I right?

Sorry, but these two have actual issues.

Special thanks to TwiHeart this week, who has been bombarded by me and
still loves me. (I hope)

Also thanks to Sunfeathers, ellierk, and dana1779 for keeping me calm.

There's a thread on Twilighted if you guys are interested in chatting. I'll

check in often if you guys want to get it going.

- 198 -
 Finally, thanks to KatHat for the idea to have her put away Jake's stuff.
See, I read all your reviews and get great ideas from them!

So, just click and leave me some love.

- 199 -
 Chapter 17 Victoria

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 17: Victoria

Bella

I woke up when the light streamed through the windows of Edward's room. In our
distracted state last night, we'd forgotten to close the blinds. I rolled over and
smiled when I saw Edward sleeping peacefully beside me. His bed was warm,
inviting and smelled of him. The sheets were the softest I'd ever felt. I could have
stayed there all day.

I got up as quietly as I could, trying not to wake Edward. I threw on one of his
t-shirts that had been draped over the chair and walked into the great room, still
groggy from sleep. I managed to find the coffee and filters in the kitchen cupboard
and lazily watched the coffee drip into the pot, the aroma that never failed to
awaken me wafting through the air. I would function much better after I'd had a
cup.

I was so tired and spaced out watching the hypnotizing drip I didn't even hear
Edward come up behind me. His arms crept around my waist as he kissed my neck.

"Morning, beautiful." His voice was smooth and deep, not the raspy voice I
possessed in the morning.

I reached back and slid my fingers into his hair and sighed. I loved it when he
kissed my neck. He pressed his body into mine and gripped my hips, and I was
tempted to crawl back in bed and have my way with him.

"Keep that up, Edward, and we'll never get out of here."

"You're right. As much as I'd like to ravage you, I actually have to get some stuff
done today." He pulled away from me and walked to the fridge, pulling out some
hazelnut creamer.

I felt only slightly guilty that I'd shown up in New York unannounced. In my haste,
- 200 -
I'd forgotten that he probably had work to do.

"You don't have to cancel your plans for me," I said, as I grabbed a coffee mug
from the cupboard. "There's a ton to do in New York. I'll be fine."

"Tell you what," Edward said coolly, "I have a couple of meetings this morning
that have already been rescheduled once, so I have to go. But after that, why don't
you meet me for lunch with Victoria, my agent, and then we can spend the afternoon
together? Will that work?"

I nodded, blowing on my coffee. "That's perfect. I need to do some shopping

anyway."

He kissed me lightly on the cheek and walked into his room to shower and get
dressed.

I made a slice of toast and sat down to read the paper. It was nice not having any
place to be or anything to do.

Edward emerged about thirty minutes later looking unbelievable. He had on black
slacks and a lightweight camel sweater.

He played with his phone and scribbled a quick note, sliding it across the counter
to where I was sitting at the bar.

"That's the address of the restaurant. Can you be there by noon?" he asked as he
stole a bite of my toast.

"You got it. Now get going before I change my mind about letting you go."

I finished reading the entire paper, something I hadn't done in years. I was always
so busy. I lazily got up and took a long, hot shower. I still couldn't believe that I was
actually here with Edward. It felt like I lived here, and that we were just a normal
couple, doing normal couple things for a change. I was really happy.

I spent the morning walking up and down the streets of New York finding
unbelievable deals. Guatemala had left my wardrobe in a sad state. It needed some
rejuvenation, and New York was just the place to accomplish that.

I was only a few minutes late to the restaurant, which was remarkable since I had
absolutely no idea where I was going. I saw Edward immediately. He was sitting
facing me with a woman with long, red hair. When she saw Edward looking at me,
- 201 -
she turned her head and gazed over her shoulder to see what Edward was looking
at, not smiling at all. Her look, in fact, was a little aloof.

What's her problem?

I tried to keep my face pleasant for Edward's sake. He was as polite as ever and
stood eagerly as I approached, grabbing shopping bags from my hands and kissing
my cheek.

Once my stuff was out of my hands, Edward spoke. "Bella, I'd like you to meet
Victoria Knight, my agent. Victoria, this is Bella Swan, my girlfriend."

I extended my hand, and she smiled weakly as she took it, limply shaking it.

"It's so good to finally meet you," she said in a sticky sweet voice, lacking any
sincerity. "Edward just goes on and on about you. It's Bella this and Bella that."

Her hand reached out and rubbed his arm while she looked back and forth
between us. The tension in the air was making me really uncomfortable. She finally
lowered her hand and grabbed her water glass, taking a sip. I noticed the way she
looked at Edward - like a carnivore eyeing a juicy steak. Edward was looking at me,
so he missed the furtive glances and longing clearly present in her face. I knew right
then Victoria had a thing for Edward. I had no idea if they'd ever been together, but
I was confident she would welcome it.

There was a lot of business talk, and I got the distinct impression Victoria liked
the fact that I was not in the know. It was something she had over me. Still, Edward
did his best to not dominate the conversation with shop talk. People around the
restaurant began to buzz when they recognized who Edward was. I was still getting
used to the glances and whispers that followed him everywhere.

"Excuse me, ladies," Edward said as he stood and put his napkin on the table. "I'm
going to hit the restroom. I'll be right back."

He squeezed my shoulder as he walked by, and I watched him weave in between

the tables, heading towards the front of the restaurant.

That just left Victoria and me. It was awkward as hell, and I almost wished I'd
taken the waiter's earlier suggestion of a noontime cocktail.

"So, Bella," Victoria said, propping her elbows up on the table. I felt a Spanish
Inquisition coming on. "I understand you're a doctor?"
- 202 -
 "Uh…yeah," I said nervously, annoyed that this woman was getting under my skin.
"Other than when I was in Guatemala, I work in Pediatrics."

"How nice. Of course it must be an incredibly demanding job. I've heard doctors
have the highest suicide rate in the country."

"Yes, I've heard that statistic as well." Where was she going with this? What little I
knew of this woman, I could tell that she had to have an agenda. Nothing was
accidental.

"It must be hard to maintain personal relationships. You know, all the long hours?"

My first thought was that Edward had told her about my past and she was using it
to hurt me for some reason. But I didn't think that he would betray my confidence
like that. I couldn't picture him sitting around with this woman gossiping about my
past. It just wasn't something that I thought he'd do.

"It can be difficult."

"The same is true for our business, mine and Edward's, that is. Poor Edward. All
these women literally throw themselves at him, and he barely has time to date."

And there it was. I didn't want to take the bait. I couldn't tell if she wanted me to
be jealous of the women who threw themselves at him or if she wanted me to know
he would be too busy to date me. Probably both.

I resented her so much, because I knew Edward's schedule was crazy, all because
of her. He'd told me countless stories about how he'd come home at night and just
collapsed from exhaustion. And here Victoria was not caring at all about his well
being.

"May I be frank with you, Bella?" she said bluntly.

Here it comes.

"By all means," I responded icily, motioning for her to continue.

"I've known Edward for a while now. Before he left for Panama…"

"Guatemala," I interrupted. She hadn't even bothered to find out more information
about something so important to Edward.

- 203 -
 She shot me a nasty, piercing stare. "Guatemala, whatever. Anyway, he was
committed and dedicated to writing a sequel to Aiding and Abetting. This is what
he's always wanted and worked for. I have no idea what spawned the sudden need
to save the world, but it was very out of character for him. And since he's been back,
things have been different for him - and not in a good way. I don't know what your
relationship is like, but I do know that if you distract him from getting what he really
wants, he'll resent you for it."

"I'm proud of Edward. I'd never do anything to get in the way of his success."

The nerve of this woman.

"Listen, I'm sure you wouldn't do it knowingly. All I know is he's spent an awful lot
of time trying to accommodate you instead of concentrating on his work."

I was seething, and it took all my strength to be cordial. But I held back, because
the last thing that Edward needed was for me to wreak havoc on his career. "Thank
you for your concern, but I've just returned from Guatemala. Edward and I are just
figuring things out. I'm sure things will settle down soon."

She sighed dramatically as If I'd just said something completely preposterous.

"You seem like a nice enough person, but I've worked very closely with Edward for a
while now. All of this confusion and mayhem isn't helping him. I'll speak to him
personally about it at a later time, but he should be focusing on what's important
right now, especially since he was on hiatus for so long."

Just then, Edward approached, and Victoria sat up straight and plastered a fake
smile on her face as though we'd just been discussing the weather. Edward glanced
at her and then at me, obviously catching on to the tension at the table.

"Did I miss something?" he asked as he scooted his chair up to the table and
pulled his napkin back into his lap.

"Not at all," Victoria chimed in before I could speak. "I was just telling Bella where
the hidden shopping spots are in the city since you'll be occupied for most of her
visit. How long did you say you are staying Bella?" Victoria's fangs flashed through
her blood red lipstick.

"I didn't," I said icily.

I could tell that Edward didn't buy that we were discussing shopping, but he was
gracious enough not to say anything. The rest of lunch was strained for me, but at
- 204 -
least Edward was there to run interference.

We said our goodbyes to Victoria, and I was finally felt like I could relax.

"So, where should we go?" Edward asked, pulling me into a hug.

"I'm easy. As long as we're together, I don't care."

He smirked, and I melted a little bit.

"Well whatever we do, we should go before the cameras show up. How about we
walk through Central Park and then maybe hit up a museum?" He raised his
eyebrows, waiting for my response.

"That sounds great." He let go of me and grabbed my hand, intertwining our

fingers together.

"Is this okay?" he asked, pulling our joined hands up in front of me.

"Yeah, more than okay." I was happy that, despite his public persona, he was
willing to be so outwardly affectionate with me.

We sat on a bench in Central Park and watched people go by. That particular
pastime was fantastic in the city. The colors of fall were beginning to dominate the
landscape, and the cool air was refreshing against my face. It was a beautiful time of
year.

"I have something for you," he said as he reached into his jacket pocket, pulling a
small box out.

Small box. Small blue box.

"Edward, I…" My eyes darted back and forth from the box to his face.

"It's for your birthday since I missed it. You should have told me."

I smiled. "I hate birthdays," I lied. I couldn't believe that with all our talks in
Guatemala, our birthdays had never come up.

"Well, we can't have that, can we?"

He handed me the small box and I pulled it open slowly, revealing a beautiful
- 205 -
white gold pendant. It was in the shape of a key and surrounded by small diamonds.

"Oh my God, Edward!" I put my hand over my mouth in shock. "This is too much!"

He leaned in and kissed me. "I wanted to do it. That's what you get for forgetting
to tell me about your birthday."

I smiled. There was no point in arguing. And it was a beautiful necklace. "Help me
put it on?"

I pulled up my hair as he took the pendant from the box and fixed it around my
neck.

"Thank you so much," I said, letting my fingers graze over his gift.

"You're welcome. But, there's something else I want to talk to you about."

I looked up at him, suddenly concerned. The tone of his voice was strangely
serious.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened with Victoria?" he asked.

"She doesn't like me." I didn't like being so vague with him, but it wasn't a lie.

He laughed. "She doesn't like anybody."

"Oh yeah, she does. She likes you."

"Look, I know she's a bit forward. She works in a pretty intense business. It's her
job to be pushy. But she's harmless. Really. And you know I'm not interested in
anyone else. Right?"

He only saw her in a professional capacity, so it wasn't surprising he'd doubt her
true motivation.

"I trust you, Edward. But Victoria clearly has doubts about me. She thinks I'm the
reason you aren't that interested in doing a sequel to Aiding and Abetting."

He shook his head and sighed. "She doesn't understand me at all. She doesn't
even try. Don't let her get to you, Bella."

I had been thinking a lot about what Victoria said. I didn't want to be a distraction
- 206 -
to him. She was right about something - if he didn't pursue his dreams because of
me, he'd come to resent me. I wanted to address it before it ate away at me.

"I know we haven't talked about our future much. Personally, I've avoided the
topic because I had no idea what to say. Everything has happened so fast, you
know?"

He turned on the bench, looking concerned. "I know. Things are kind of crazy. But
we're here together. Let's talk about it now. Are you concerned about us?"

I didn't know what I thought. I wanted to be with him more than anything. But we
couldn't just aimlessly wander through life, hoping to capitalize on stolen weekends
here and there. It just wasn't realistic.

"I want this with you, but what are we going to do?" I could feel the tears well up
in my eyes.

"I've been thinking about that a lot, too. I want to bring something up to you, and I
want you to know you aren't obligated to do anything you don't want to do."

I wiped the tear that had fallen from my eye and nodded for him to continue.

"Would you be opposed to me moving to California?"

I wasn't expecting that and had no idea how to respond. This was exactly what
Victoria was talking about. Would he be sacrificing to be with me? Could I live with
that?

"Edward…I"

He clutched my hand tightly. "Bella, listen to me. I love you. If you don't want me
to come, I won't. But…"

"No, of course I want you to come. But what about your life here? Don't you have
to be here?"

"Victoria seems to think so, but it's not like Los Angeles is a public relations
desert. There are a lot of ways I can do my job from there, and Los Angeles is only a
short drive from where you are. I don't want all of this bullshit to dictate my life and
affect my happiness. You make me happy, and I want to be with you."

I couldn't help but feel a bit conflicted. On one hand, I was elated he was willing
- 207 -
to move to be with me. The distance between us was difficult and made our
relationship that much harder. On the other hand, everything was happening so fast.
I'd barely gotten back and gotten Jake's stuff out of the house, and now Edward and
I were taking a very serious step together.

Could I deny I wanted him, though? The thought of waking up each day with
Edward next to me, just like when we were in Guatemala, was incredibly appealing
and eventually won out over my fear and apprehension.

"I'd love it if you were in California with me. I want you to promise me you aren't
putting your career at risk, though. Have you really thought this through? Because I
couldn't live with myself if you had to sacrifice such an important part of your life."

He rubbed the back of my hand and looked at me with such intensity that I had to
look away. "There's nothing I have here that is worth not being with you. So then, I
was thinking I'd try and wrap things up here in the next month or two and then
move out. What do you think?"

"Well, I think it's great. Are you…uh…are you thinking we'll live together?" I could
feel my face twitch with nervousness.

The only other man I'd ever lived with was Jacob. Things were happening so fast
with Edward that I couldn't keep up. I'd hardly had a chance to get used to being
home. I wanted this, but I just needed time to process everything. I was still in
complete shock.

Recognizing my panic, he chimed in. "Hey, look at me. I'd love to live with you, but
it's not necessary. Maybe I should plan on getting a place of my own for a few
months while we get used to things. Would that be better for you?"

I loved how he could read me so well, and I loved that he cared enough to be so
accommodating to my moods and fears.

"I think that'd be great." I threw my arms around him, and he held me close and
kissed me gently.

Edward was moving to California. For me. Unreal.

We left the park, strolling hand in hand. Clouds had rolled in and hidden the sun,
casting a cool blanket over us.

Edward showed me around New York, stopping at all the shops and food stands as
- 208 -
we walked. As we neared his house, people began to wave and greet us. Given that
New York was such a large city, it certainly had a sense of community to it. I knew
Edward wasn't very happy here, and hadn't been for some time, but I had a hard
time reconciling that with the Edward I saw today. He was all smiles as he showed
me around with a beaming sense of pride.

I wondered if he'd truly thought the move to California through. He'd never lived
in Southern California before. Would he like it? I took some comfort in knowing
Emmett was coming back from Guatemala and lived in Manhattan Beach, which was
not too far from Newport. At least Edward would have a friend close by.

That night, we decided to stay in. Last night's drama had worn us both out, and
we weren't ready to brave the masses again. Edward arranged for groceries to be
delivered to his apartment, so we didn't have to deal with it.

I decided to cook dinner, which, in and of itself, was shocking. A gourmet, I was
not. But I had learned a few dishes from my mom and wanted to do something nice
for Edward.

Edward poured the wine and sat attentively at the bar while I cooked. He had a
slightly amused look on his face as he watched me fumble around in his kitchen.

I leaned on the bar, just inches from his face, and smirked. "Are you laughing at
me, Cullen?"

He brought his hand to my chin and kissed me gently on the nose. "You're just too
cute when you're out of your element."

I huffed, but I knew he was right. Still, it was important for me to make the effort.
He had put so much thought into our future. He'd planned out when and how he
wanted the move to work. He'd thought about the logistics of getting his stuff out to
Newport, and how he'd make things work with his career. Had I done the same?
Had I given as much thought to the future of our relationship as he had?

The answer was a resounding 'no'.

It wasn't that I didn't think about a future with Edward, because I knew I wanted
him in my life. I couldn't imagine my life without him. It was just that, since Jacob
died, my approach to life had been to take things a day at a time. I didn't want to get
ahead of myself and get my hopes up. But I felt like I owed it to Edward to at least
try.

- 209 -
 I was worried about how things would be for us when he moved out to California
and lived in the same town. As confident as I was in what we had together, this
changed everything. It would be a completely new experience for us. I didn't know
how to be a girlfriend to him when we both had our lives to contend with. In
Guatemala it was easy. We had the same work. We had the same focus. In Newport,
though, we wouldn't. He'd have his life, his career, his issues, and I'd have mine. It
made me nervous because the last time I was in a serious relationship, my life got in
the way, and I failed miserably. I didn't want that to happen with Edward.

I let that thought leave my head as I dished up the Wild Mushroom Risotto I had
made, and we sat down to dinner. Edward had lit candles and dimmed the lights.
The city lights beamed in from the windows and cast a glow throughout the entire
room. It was incredibly romantic.

"To new a beginning for us," Edward said as he lifted his glass to toast.

I smiled and clinked my glass against his. "To a new beginning."

Edward was everything I could have ever hoped for. He loved me, and I loved him.
I convinced myself that this move would be a good thing for us. We needed to be
together. We needed this.

I just hoped I wouldn't fuck it up. I'd rather have Edward three thousand miles
away than no Edward at all.

Later that night as Edward held me in his bed after we'd made love, I couldn't
sleep. I worried. All my insecurities from when I was with Jacob came to the
forefront of my mind. I recalled how he'd told me how neglected I had made him
feel. I could still see the look of apathy on his face when he looked at me that final
time. Could I handle it if Edward looked at me with that same disdainful look?

After a very fitful night's sleep, morning came, and I was filled with sadness. I'd
only be here a few more days before I'd have to go back to reality. I didn't want to
leave him, and it'd be a month before I saw him again when he came out for the
benefit. It might as well have been a lifetime.

The rest of my stay in New York was amazing. Edward took a few days off, and we
had a lot of fun doing touristy things. He put up with the constant barrage of
photographers for my benefit, so I could see all the amazing things that New York
has to offer. I loved him even more for it.

When it came time for me to leave, Edward had a driver take us to the airport. We
- 210 -
sat in the back seat, with tinted windows, cuddling against each other as we crossed
the bridge to La Guardia, leaving the city behind.

He kissed my forehead as I leaned into him, clutching his shirt. The tears were
already falling, and we hadn't even arrived at the airport yet.

"It'll be okay, Bella," he soothed, running his hands through my hair, gently
massaging my scalp.

"I don't want to leave you," I said honestly. I had never felt so much of a pull
toward another person in my life.

"I don't want you to leave, either, but we're doing all we can right now. I'll be out
in California soon enough, and we won't have to deal with this back and forth stuff.
We just have to be a little patient."

And just like that, I felt better. He had a knack.

I kissed him goodbye in the car, not wanting him to have to deal with the
paparazzi. He held me and kissed me, reassuring me with each touch that we'd be
okay.

"I have to go," I said, glancing at my watch.

"I know," he sighed, giving me one last kiss. "Call me when you land?"

I nodded and opened the car door. The driver had already retrieved my bag from
the trunk and set it next to the car.

I leaned in the door, and Edward scooted over so he was right next to me.

"I love you so much, Edward." The ever-present tears were flowing.

"I love you too, baby. See you soon."

I smiled weakly and shut the door, my hands lingering too long on the window. I
could almost picture his sad face on the other side of the dark glass. This was hard
on both of us.

I clutched the necklace he had given me in my hand and right then I knew that
him moving to California was the right thing. I didn't know how many more
goodbyes like this I had left in me. I'd already said goodbye too many times in my
- 211 -
lifetime.

A/N: So, he's moving to Cali? Wonder how that's going to go over with
Victoria? What about Bella? How's she going to handle it?

I have exciting news! The very talented Viola Cornuta has signed on to be
my beta, with my existing beta TwiHart. I'm very happy to have her
assistance. Also, to my pre-readers, you guys make me feel so much better.

Also, in case you don't have me on Author Alert, come check out my entry
for the Cherry Exchange contest. It's a fun little piece that may or may not
be based on reality. (I'll never tell.) Link is in my profile. The name of the
piece is Hard Day, Hard Night.

Did you know that I'm a Fictionator for the month? Come on by and check
out my recs, as well as the other ladies there!

Thanks so much for the support! I appreciate all the love so much.

- 212 -
 Chapter 18 Together

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 18: Together

Edward

Saying goodbye to Bella was excruciating, and it seemed like it was becoming a
much more common thing. That had to change. I didn't want to watch her walk away
from me again.

The conversation about me moving to California went better than I expected. We

had been struggling with how we were going to manage to be together, but my
moving made the most sense. She was a specialist in a field with very high barriers
to enter, whereas I could really work anywhere. Victoria made it sound like New
York was the end all be all, but a lot New Yorkers felt that way. The truth was she
could represent me from here while I was in California. If that didn't work, I'd find a
west coast agent.

Moving across the country for a woman was a huge step. I'd hardly had serious
relationships, let alone ones that would cause me to up and move so far away. But
I'd never loved anyone like I loved Bella.

Since Guatemala, and the life-changing time I'd had there, I was more willing to
make changes in my life. That experience taught me not to take life for granted, and
I planned on living my life with that in mind. It was uncharted territory for me, and I
just hoped I made the right choices.

The next several weeks were agonizing without her. I tried to immerse myself in
work and my plans to move. If all went well, I would be able to move in November,
only a month away. There were loose ends to tie up, and I didn't see myself getting
out there before then. I needed to find a place to live and make a decision about my
representation. Victoria had me on a contract until the end of the year, but after that
I was free to look around. I hadn't made up my mind about which direction I was
going to go, so I'd just have to wait and see.

Victoria had been fairly disappointed with me lately. She was pissed I wanted to
- 213 -
write a human interest piece instead of a sequel to Aiding and Abetting. She thought
Bella was a distraction, and I was making irrational decisions that would come back
to bite me in the ass. Basically, she thought I was throwing my career away for some
fling, and it was somehow her job to 'stop the insanity'. I respected her opinion, but
she was acting way out of line. It was true she'd gotten me this far, of course she'd
also turned me into a human spectacle, but I ultimately think she was trying to help
me. I understood her concerns, and I supposed if I were in her shoes, looking at
things from her perspective, it might seem like I was acting irrationally. I hadn't
known Bella that long. But Victoria clearly didn't understand how profoundly
changed I was, and she significantly underestimated my feelings for Bella.

I knew this was the life I was supposed to lead. Jasper and I had talked about it at
length, and he agreed sooner or later, New York was going to beat me. I could
pretend to be happy all I wanted, but at the end of the day, when it was just me and
my thoughts, I knew better. Without Bella here I realized how alone I was.

The benefit for Bella was this weekend. As it turned out, Jasper had work in Santa
Barbara, which was only a few hours drive from Bella's place, so I'd get a chance to
introduce them. Bella was even gracious enough to get him an invitation to the
event. All of our friends from Guatemala were going to be there. I couldn't wait to
see them.

Emmett had gotten back to Los Angeles about the same time as Bella. They had
spoken on the phone quite a bit, but hadn't seen each other. He lived in Manhattan
Beach, only about an hour away. I felt better about moving there, knowing I'd have a
good friend so close by.

The plan was I was going to go out there on Wednesday night. While she finished
up work on Thursday and Friday, I'd go up to Santa Barbara and see Jasper. Bella
was hosting an informal get together for her closest friends on Friday night, and
Saturday was the benefit. On Sunday, Bella wanted to take me house hunting, and
then I'd leave on Monday. It'd be busy, but I was looking forward to it all.

The night before I left, I was so excited I could barely sleep. A month without Bella
was too long, and I couldn't wait to see her. Victoria tried to talk me out of it, but I
was adamant. I was not going to miss this.

I tried to sleep on the flight, but I was too anxious. At least I was in first class, so I
could get somewhat comfortable. Trying to read was futile as well. I just kept
reading the same line over and over.

When the plane landed and I got off, I heard a few murmurs from people who
- 214 -
recognized me, but thankfully the paparazzi weren't stalking. I knew it was only a
matter of time before they showed up, but I wanted to see Bella before the rest of
the bullshit kicked in.

I saw her before she saw me. She was on the other side of the security station.
Her eyes darted from passenger to passenger, hoping for a familiar face. She looked
so anxious; it was adorable. Her eyes lit up and a huge smile came across her face
when she saw me. She held up a cardboard sign as if she were a limo driver that
said "Mr. Perfect." I couldn't help but laugh when I saw it. She shrugged,
unapologetically.

I pulled her into a hug and kissed her once I was on the other side of the gate. I
didn't care who saw us. I just wanted to hold her.

"God, it's so good to see you," I said, still holding her tightly. "I swear you get
more gorgeous every time."

She rubbed my back and sighed. "Mr. Perfect."

We walked with our arms around each other to the baggage claim and then to her
car. I held her hand as she drove, and we talked a mile a minute, both of us reveling
in the reality that we were actually together.

"So, Jasper gets in tomorrow. I know you're busy, but if you can make it up to
Santa Barbara, that would be awesome."

"I'll try, Edward," she said, but I knew that it most likely wouldn't happen.

She'd only been back at her job for a few weeks, and she was trying to acclimate
herself back into it. I understood completely, but I just wanted to see her. I was only
here until Tuesday and then it'd be another month or so before I moved.

We barely got into her house before I pulled her into me again, kissing her
passionately and letting my hands feel the creamy skin I'd dreamt about.

Without breaking our kiss, we maneuvered down the hallway to her room, sighs
and moans escaping us both. I couldn't get close enough to her. I grabbed at her
clothes, and she was just as eager with mine.

We fell onto the bed, a tangled mess of limbs and clothes, and we both erupted
into laughter.

- 215 -
 "I swear, if you don't get those pants off…" She had a determined look on her face.

I fumbled with my shoes and pants while she worked on her clothes.

Once naked, I lay back down on top of her, and our bodies melded together like
two pieces of a puzzle. She moaned as I pushed into her, and I struggled to maintain
my composure. This woman made me feel things I never knew were possible.

I made love her to her, giving her a little more of myself with each movement. In
addition to the immense physical pleasure, making love to Bella made me feel whole.
I needed it like I needed air to breathe.

Once we both were completely sated, we lay on the bed, still not even underneath
the covers in our haste to be together. I ran my fingertips down the soft hair on her
arms. She curled into me and wrapped her legs around my body.

"I've been thinking about doing that everyday since I left New York," she said as
she rubbed my chest. "I'm so glad you're here."

I kissed the top of her head. "Just think, in another month or so, I'll be here for
good."

She gave me a squeeze. "I can't wait."

We finally got up and got cleaned up. I thoroughly enjoyed the shower with her,
making sure to pay homage to every inch of her skin.

"You must be starving," Bella said, as she walked into the bedroom, rubbing her
hair with a towel. "I went to the store today, so we should have plenty to eat."

"No, let's go out," I said, throwing caution to the wind. "I think I made it here
under the radar, so I might be able to pull off a quick bite."

She smiled and walked back into the bathroom, a huge smile on her face.

"Sounds great."

That night Bella took me to a hole in the wall Mexican food restaurant. It was
tacky and small, but I loved it. Unfortunately, we only made it for about fifteen
minutes before someone approached our table. I was so thrilled to be out with Bella
that I honestly didn't even care. I signed a few books and posed for a few pictures.
Bella was a great sport about the whole thing.
- 216 -
 "So, are you excited to see Jasper?" Bella asked as she sipped her margarita.

"Yeah, I've never been to Santa Barbara. It's supposed to be great." I wasn't lying.
I was excited to see Jasper, but I was disappointed that Bella might not be there.

"It is. You'll love it." Her eyes fell to the table. "I'm really going to try and come
up. You know that, right?"

I grabbed her hand across the table. I did know, but I couldn't hide my
disappointment. "I just really want Jasper to meet you. He's going to love you."

We finished our meal, and although it hadn't come up again, I knew most likely
Bella would not make it to Santa Barbara.

We kicked off our shoes once we got back to Bella's place. I was exhausted from
the three-hour time difference, but there was no way I could sleep. Bella and I
collapsed onto her couch and pulled a throw blanket over us. She lay at one end
with her feet toward the middle, facing me. I gently rubbed her feet as we talked
until we both fell asleep. I awoke at some point in the middle of the night and moved
us both into her bed. She stirred slightly, but never woke up. I felt her body curl up
next to me when I slid into her bed, and my arms naturally made their way around
her.

The next morning, I was awoken by a shrill alarm. I was disoriented and still
exhausted, trying to identify the source of the offending sound. Bella began to slap
at the nightstand and finally shut it off.

"I hate that alarm," she said with her face buried in her pillow.

"Yeah, I can't say I'm a fan either." I grabbed her waist and pulled her against me,
her ass coming to rest directly on top of my morning wood. I ground into her,
appreciating the feel of her body against mine.

She giggled like a teenager, embarrassed by my obvious display. "Well, good

morning to you, too."

I kissed her neck and unapologetically ground into her again.

"Oooohhh, Edward," she whined. "You know I'd love to, but I have to get to work."

She rolled over and faced me, slipping her knee between mine and hugging me
close. "I'll make it up to you, okay?"
- 217 -
 Before I could protest, she kissed me gently and climbed out of bed on her way to
the bathroom.

I threw on my pajama pants and went out into the kitchen to start some coffee,
willing away my erection. Looking around outside, I carefully ran down the walkway
to retrieve the morning paper and then ran back in.

Fuck, it's cold in the morning here.

I sat at the breakfast bar and drank my coffee, while reading the newspaper. It
was nice to have such a leisurely morning, as I was usually so busy.

Bella emerged in hospital green scrubs and a white medical coat about forty-five
minutes later. Her hair was pulled back, with just a few strands hanging down. Even
in scrubs, she looked adorable.

"Hey, Doc," I said, peering over the paper. "There's plenty of coffee left, and I
made you some toast. It's in the toaster oven staying warm."

She smiled, fetched the toast, and made her way around the bar to sit on my lap.
"Thanks for breakfast, baby."

"It's hardly gourmet."

"I appreciate it," she said as she hopped off my lap, poured herself a cup of coffee,
and gathered her things.

"So, I should know more about how my day's shaping up by mid-morning. I'll give
you a call then. If for some reason you haven't heard from me, call me. It can get a
little hectic and sometimes I lose track of time."

"Don't worry, I'll track you down."

Bella threw her purse over her shoulder, kissed me and left in a blur.

I took my time getting ready. I wasn't meeting Jasper until that afternoon, and it
was only a two-hour drive. I called and had a car delivered by nine thirty, so I'd be
ready to leave by ten.

I dialed Bella's number, even though I already knew the answer.

"Dr. Swan," Bella answered, her voice thick and professional.

- 218 -
 "Dr. Swan, it's Edward Cullen," I joked.

"Oh my God, Edward." Her voice lightened. "I didn't even look at the caller ID. I'm
so swamped. Sorry."

"I was just kidding with you. Anyway, I'm about to take off for Santa Barbara and
just wanted to check in."

"Yeah, about that," she sighed. I could hear the stress in her voice. "There's no
way I'll make it up there today. I'm so sorry, but Dr. Banner's got me running around
like a chicken with my head cut off. But Jasper's still coming to my house tomorrow
night, right? I'll get to meet him then?"

I hadn't expected Bella to make it to Santa Barbara with me, but I couldn't deny
there was a part of me that hoped she'd be able to get away. I flew all the way out
here, and even though I was moving for good very soon, I craved spending as much
time as I could with her. As nice as it would be to see Jasper again and as much as I
enjoyed his company, he didn't quite make me feel like Bella did.

"Yeah, Jasper's still coming here tomorrow for the party. I'll call you later tonight.
What time are you getting off?"

"Honestly? I have no idea. I should have my phone with me, though."

"Okay, well don't work too hard. I'll talk to you later."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, and I'm really sorry."

"I know, baby. I love you, too."

I hung up and threw the phone into my pocket. It was only a day. I'd see her
tomorrow.

I pulled into a gas station to grab some snacks and a soda for the road. As I
walked in, I glanced at the magazine rack to my right.

Mother Fucker.

- 219 -
 Right on the front page of one of the tabloids were several pictures of Bella and
me, as well as a few of me with Tanya. There was a shot of Bella and me in Central
Park when she'd come out last month, and one of us in an embrace. I recognized it
as the day I met Bella at LAX. The pictures were taken at a very unflattering angle,
and I knew Bella would be upset. The picture with Tanya was from a red carpet
event I'd escorted her to last year. Even more upsetting than the unflattering
pictures was the caption.

Edward Cullen's Messy Love Life.

As rumors abound, Cullen ditches Denali for mystery woman identified as Dr.
Bella Swan. From glitz and glam to scrubs?

Fuck.

This was the absolute last thing Bella and I needed right now. Things were hard
enough without this bullshit. Of course, the pictures made Tanya out to be this
impeccable beauty, while making Bella look frumpy. It was complete manipulation of
the truth.

I bought my snacks and slid into the car, pulling out my phone to text Bella. I
knew she was busy at work, but I didn't want her to be blindsided when she saw the
photos.

FYI- the tabloids got us. It's all bullshit. Just wanted you to know. ~E

I threw the phone in the center console and hopped on the freeway. Naturally, I
only had to drive less than a mile before I came to a complete stop in traffic. My
mind was racing as I sat in the gridlock.

What if Bella couldn't handle seeing herself on the cover of a tabloid?

What if the caption made her feel bad about herself?

I was seething when my phone beeped. I quickly pulled up Bella's text.

I figured it was only a matter of time. More Tanya? ~B

Among other things. Will you be okay? ~E

Thanks for the heads up. I'll be fine. Love you. ~B

- 220 -
 Love you, too. ~E

I really hoped Bella didn't freak out when she saw the photos. I knew it would
happen at some point, but I hoped I'd be with her to give it perspective. I needed to
make sure she was okay.

What should have been a two-hour drive turned into four. I was highly agitated,
both from the traffic and the tabloids by the time I arrived at the hotel.

The hotel was situated across the street from the beach. There was a long
boardwalk, and I watched joggers and bikers cruise by from the balcony of my room.
Jasper was due to arrive within the hour.

Deciding I needed to do something to take my mind off of things, I threw on some

exercise clothes and went for a run. The air was still warm, but there was a slight
crispness to it. Fall was in the air in the subtle Southern California way. It felt good
to run and just forget about everything for a while.

I called Jasper once I got back to the hotel. He'd checked in and was just finishing
up getting ready. After I finished showering, we met up in the lobby and headed to a
place called Brophy Brothers in the harbor for a quick bite and a drink. It was
hopping when we got there. It was obvious this was a local hangout.

After a short wait, we were seated at a table that overlooked the boats.

"You look good," Jasper said as he took a sip of his beer. "A hell of a lot better than
the last time I saw you."

I shook my head and smiled. Leave it to Jasper to tell it like it is. "Yeah, well things
are going well."

"I'm happy for you, man. I mean it, you've been through a lot, and it's nice to see
you happy."

"Thanks. I owe a lot of that to Bella. I'm sorry you won't get to meet her until
tomorrow."

"I thought she was going to come up here?" Jasper looked confused, and I realized
I'd forgotten to update him on her plans.

"Oh, she had to work, so she's just going to see us when we head back tomorrow."

- 221 -
 Jasper eyed me suspiciously. "Aren't you only here for a few days? She couldn't
get time off?"

I shrugged. "She just started back and doesn't want to ask for a bunch of favors
right off the bat. I understand; she's lost her seniority, being away in Central
America. It's not a big deal."

"If you say so." I was thankful Jasper dropped it. I was frustrated, and I really
didn't want to have to talk about it.

After dinner, we walked up State Street, which was bustling. I'd heard there were
a lot of fun little places to hang out. That didn't last long, as a group of screaming
girls found us in a dive bar playing pool.

As soon as I saw the young girls, I knew my cover was blown. Jasper gave me an
endless amount of shit, imitating a girl by batting his eyelashes and muttering things
in a fake falsetto like "O.M.G., it's Edward Cullen!" and "Do you think he'll talk to
me? He's so cute!" I had to admit Jasper was pretty funny and sadly, spot on.

But I definitely wasn't in the mood for swooning teens, so we went back to the
hotel. I sent a quick text to Bella, letting her know I was thinking of her, before
Jasper knocked on my door.

We hung out on my balcony, drinking beers and catching up for hours.

"I broke up with Maria," Jasper said abruptly.

"What? When?"

Jasper and Maria had been together off and on for years. To say they had a
volatile relationship was a huge understatement.

"Just after the funeral. I got sick of all the drama. I can't live like that, you know?"

"More than you know."

He laughed. "Yeah, I suppose you've had your fair share of drama."

"Are you okay? Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

He nodded. "You've had enough shit going one. I'm fine. It was my decision.
Things were bad for months. We both knew it was over."
- 222 -
 I held up my beer to toast. "Well then, here's to being drama-free."

The next day, I spent most of the morning by the pool while Jasper met with his
clients. He got back around noon, and we went and had a seafood lunch before we
checked out and headed south to Newport.

I turned in my rental car, as there was no point in us having two. It would make
the drive a lot more pleasant as well.

I found my brother's presence comforting. I could just be myself, and he never

judged me. We laughed and cranked music all the way down to Bella's.

She'd managed to get off around three o'clock on Friday to get ready for her
party. We arrived just before 4:00.

"Knock, knock," I said as I pushed her front door open. "Bella?"

"Hi babe," she yelled from the kitchen, "I'm in here."

I motioned to Jasper, and he followed me inside, taking in the house. He was very
observant and could read people and their surroundings well. I knew he was forming
his opinion of Bella already.

Bella had on an apron and was pulling food out of the oven when we came around
the corner. She smiled brightly when she saw me, wiped her hands and reached up
to pull me into a kiss.

"Hi," she said, licking her lips. "How was Santa Barbara?"

"It was good. I missed you, though." I kissed her one more time and put my arm
around her, facing Jasper.

"Bella, I'd like you to meet my brother, Jasper." I turned to Jasper. "Jasper, this is
Bella."

"It's so nice to finally meet you," Bella said sincerely. "Edward talks about you all
the time."

"Likewise," Jasper replied.

We made small talk for a few minutes and then Bella showed Jasper to the guest
bedroom.
- 223 -
 She's hot, he mouthed to me as we followed Bella down the hallway.

I know, I mouthed back.

The party was due to start in only two hours, so Bella had enlisted some help.
She'd had most of it catered, but being the perfectionist that she was, she wanted it
to have a personal touch as well.

"Anyone home?" I heard a woman's voice from the other room call.

"In here, Rose," Bella called as she looked at Jasper and me. "You guys okay in
here?"

We nodded, and Bella went into the other room to meet Rosalie. She'd told me a
lot about her sister. I knew they were close, and I suddenly became nervous to meet
her.

Jasper dropped his stuff, and we walked into the living room. Bella's sister looked
completely different than I expected. Whereas Bella had dark hair and eyes, Rosalie
was blonde with blue eyes. Their features were similar, though, and I could tell they
were sisters. Rosalie was the epitome of put together, with jeans carefully tucked
into boots and a green top that fell off one shoulder.

Bella introduced us, and I immediately felt better. Rosalie was outspoken but very
friendly. I liked her immediately.

We finished up the final preparations just as everyone was due to arrive. I was so
excited to see my friends from Guatemala. It seemed like it had been forever since
we'd been together. I couldn't wait to transport myself back to a simpler time, when
things made sense.

Carlisle and his date, Esme, were the first to show up. It was strange to see him so
out of his element. He was dressed in casual black slacks and a blue button down
shirt. He looked so formal compared to when we were together in Guatemala.

Shortly after Carlisle came, Emmett arrived, and I couldn't help the smile from
forming on my face. We jumped right back into our normal banter. It was really
good to see him.

"Oh my God, is that THE EDWARD CULLEN?" a high-pitched voice said from
behind me. I laughed knowing it could only have come from one person, and this
time it wasn't my shit-talking brother.
- 224 -
 I turned and smiled widely. "Alice!" I picked her up and swung her around before
setting her down. "It's great to see you. When did you get back? Where are you
living?"

"I just got back a week ago. I'm staying with my sister in Phoenix right now, but I
forgot how dry and hot it is there. The moisturizer I've used! I've got resumes in for
jobs in Seattle and Chicago, so we'll see."

"Seattle? My brother lives in Seattle." I looked around the room until I saw Jasper
talking to Emmett and pointed him out to Alice. "If you end up there, he'll show you
the town."

Her eyes followed mine and lit up when she saw Jasper. "Are there any Cullen
men who aren't gorgeous? Seattle is looking better and better."

Bella came around the corner and squealed when she saw Alice. She set down the
tray she was carrying and ran to give Alice a hug. The two women disappeared into
the kitchen, and it was almost twenty minutes before I saw them again.

Some things never changed.

"I think everyone's having fun," I said as I slid my hands around Bella's waist while
she was making herself a cocktail.

She turned so she was leaning against the counter, pinned by my arm, her eyes
reflected a sadness that surprised me. "It's so good to see everyone. It makes me
realize how much I enjoyed being in Guatemala. Even with all the horrible things we
saw, there was so much good. I miss it. I wish we could go back."

I brushed my fingers through her hair gently and kissed her forehead. "I know. I
miss it, too."

"I saw the tabloid shots of us," she said as she reached for her drink. "They really
made me look awful. I mean, who wouldn't choose Tanya after they saw that?"

Fuck.

I finally understood why she was preoccupied. "I'm sorry, baby. They're relentless.
You're beautiful, and I don't want anyone else."

She smiled and pulled me into a hug. "Thanks, babe. I'll be okay. It's silly vanity,
really, but no woman likes to see a bad picture of herself, especially on the cover of
- 225 -
a magazine. And wow, did they pick a bad one of me! I know it's all crap anyway. I
can't believe you have to deal with this BS all the time. It's got to get old. Don't you
ever wish you could just be that ordinary guy back in Guatemala again?"

"It has its allure, I can tell you that. But then you and I would still be playing
games pretending we didn't like each other. I might even get my kiss rejected again
while standing in the pouring rain. Sounds torturous."

I put my hand on my chest and pretended that I was falling in pain. I hoped my
joking would lighten the mood.

She leaned in when I stood and kissed my cheek, then whispered in my ear. "I'll
never reject your kiss again. What was I thinking?"

"That's more like it. Come on, let's go see what everyone's up to."

"Yeah, you're right," she sighed, pushing herself off the counter.

"Are you okay," I asked. "Are you upset about the photos?"

"No, it's just been a long day. I'm fine, really."

We walked back into the room together, and Bella was all smiles again. I could see
that she was genuinely delighted to see everyone, and it made me happy to see her
so carefree when she was in their company. Seeing our friends was bittersweet in
many ways. It was with them that we could truly be ourselves and be reminded of
the most profound experience any of us would ever have. But it was also a reminder
that the WFP chapter of our lives was over.

A/N: So, the gang's back together! Fun stuff.

I'd love to hear from you guys. Hang in there with me. We're in a
transition, but things will pick up quickly. I feel like I'm losing some of you.
Are you still enjoying the story? Want more of something? Less of
something? Talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind.

Thanks to my peeps this week, especially my betas TwiHart and Viola

Cornuta. I've been a little needy lately, and they always make me feel better!

- 226 -
 Have you read my O/S for the Cherry Exchange contest? Come take a look.
It's called Hard Day, Hard Night, and the link is in my profile.

Also, there's a thread over on Twilighted if you care to chat. I also post
pictures and teasers over there.

Next up - the gala. Finally Edward will get to meet some of Bella's
co-workers. That'll be something different!

- 227 -
 Chapter 19 Recognition

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 19: Recognition

Bella

I felt horrible about missing the Santa Barbara trip. Jasper must have thought I
was the worst girlfriend for his brother. But there was no way I could ask for time
off. Edward was moving here in a month, and we'd talked about me helping him get
settled once he got here, so I knew I'd need time off then. It couldn't be avoided.
Still, I felt horrible.

All day on Friday I was so excited about the party I was throwing. It was just a
small group, so we could all talk and hang out. I knew Saturday would be hectic, so
this was a much better way to spend some quality time with our friends.

Jasper was just as charming as Edward had made him sound. He and Edward had
a good relationship, which was evident in the way they interacted. Jasper didn't let
Edward get away with much; his wit and sarcasm kept Edward in his place. I liked
their brotherly banter and the way Edward lit up when they talked and laughed. It
must have been hard for Edward to live in New York and to have gone to Guatemala,
being so far away from his family.

When I heard Alice arrive, I felt like I could finally relax and have fun. She
shuffled me off toward the kitchen, and we began gossiping like middle-schoolers.

"Tell me everything," Alice insisted once we got to the kitchen as I went to the
counter to get her a drink.

"Well, I just started my job, and that's going well. I got a position in my old
department. My boss, Dr. Banner…"

She interrupted and hit my arm. "Yeah, yeah. What about Edward? What's been
happening?"

"Edward. That's been a little more complicated, but we've been making it work.
- 228 -
He's moving out here. So, that's something new."

She pulled me into a hug, practically spilling the cocktail I was trying to hand her.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so excited for you. You two deserve a little happiness."

"I'll tell you something, Alice," I said, grabbing a drink of my own. "The whole
fame thing has been so hard to adjust to. He has people literally assaulting him
when he goes out. He has to be careful everywhere he goes. The tabloids printed a
bunch of stuff about him and Tanya Denali, you know the actress? It was a big
mess."

"You mean this?" Alice pulled a tabloid from her bag and handed it to me. I'd
forgotten Edward had warned me about them. I rolled my eyes and glanced at the
cover.

It was the worst picture of me I'd ever seen. I looked fat and ugly, which was
apparently the angle the magazine was going with the article, given the headline.

It made my blood boil, but it was part of being with Edward, and I had to put on
my big girl panties and deal with it. It didn't make it any less upsetting, but I
couldn't let Edward see how much it bothered me.

"That's just great," I said to Alice as I threw the magazine on the counter.

"Edward loves you. You know he does. Everyone who matters knows how he
feels."

"I know. It's just been a difficult transition for us. He swears all this will die down
in a few weeks, but I'm not so sure. Regardless, it'll be a lot better once he's here for
good. At least I won't have to deal with it alone, you know?"

She smiled sympathetically. "I'm sure it will be better."

"What about you?" I asked, changing the subject. "Tell me what you're up to."

"Well, my sister was nice enough to let me stay with her when I got back, but ugh,
it's so hot in Phoenix. I had enough of that in Guatemala to last a lifetime. I have
some friends from nursing school in Chicago and Seattle, so I thought I'd start
looking for a job there. Speaking of which, have you seen Edward's brother? Holy
shit, he's hot. Now that's the kind of heat I could definitely handle."

- 229 -
 I loved Alice. I missed her so much. "Edward told me Jasper broke up with his
girlfriend, so you'll be happy to hear he's single. And he lives in Seattle. You could
ask him for house hunting tips."

Alice was positively giddy with that news, making no attempt at subtlety around
Jasper. The rest of the night was great. I loved catching up with everyone. It made
me a little sad that the last time we were all together was when life was so much
simpler. I hated fame. I hated the intrusion. I hated what Edward had to deal with
and consider just to live a normal life. And now it was something we would both
have to deal with. It was so phony and so not the real Edward. At least I knew the
real Edward.

Edward tried to comfort me when I told him about the pictures. I couldn't lie to
him about them, but I didn't let on how upset I really was. What was the point? What
could Edward do about it? It was always the same complaint, and I didn't want to
add to his stress. So it became my burden to bear.

The party wound down around midnight, and I was exhausted. When we finally
got to bed, it was close to one o'clock in the morning. We both wanted to have some
fun play time, but were too tired. Tomorrow was the gala, and I knew we'd be busy
all day, so we promised a rain check as we slid into bed and fell asleep.

I felt him behind me before I even opened my eyes. His erection was pressing into
me, and his hands were gently caressing my skin. He made little moans of
appreciation as he touched and caressed me. Being woken up by Edward this way
was something I could definitely get used to.

His hand slithered around my waist to my panties, dipping his fingers beneath the
waistband, teasing me. "Bella," he cooed. "It's time to get up."

I smiled and turned my head so I could see him. He had a shit-eating grin on his
face, and I knew my rain check was being cashed. I had no complaints, though, so I
pressed back against him, encouraging him to continue with his exploration.

He wasted no time slipping my panties off with ease, while his lips accosted my
neck. I reached around to find him already working on his boxers.

Wow, he can really multi-task.

He came up snug behind me again, this time completely naked. "This is much
better," he said.

- 230 -
 His hand slid along the outside of my hip, down my thigh, finally pulling my knee
back to hitch over his leg. I felt open and exposed, and I arched into him. His hand
slid back up between my legs, as he rubbed me. My eyes rolled back into my head.

"Mmm, you know just how to touch me." The words fell effortlessly from my lips as
I was driven to distraction.

Before I had a chance to think, he was pushing into me, filling me. This position
allowed me to feel every inch of him as he slid in and out of me. His pace was
controlled, yet forceful. Each thrust had intensity and meaning.

"So fucking good," he mumbled as he kissed my shoulder. "Mmm…Bella."

I loved it when he talked during sex. His words were so honest. He spoke without
a filter, and I loved that I could elicit such a response.

I reached down to feel where we were joined. I could feel him sliding in and out,
which was an incredible turn on. I began to rub myself, and Edward's hand joined
mine. Our fingers intertwined as we both began to rub in time with his powerful
thrusts.

Each time he filled me, he moaned and based on how he was moving, I could tell
he was close.

"Oh God, please don't stop," I cried as my orgasm began to overtake me.

"Fuck, Bella," he cried as I came hard around him. "I'm…fuck…"

With a loud grunt, he stilled and came inside me, and we both panted to catch our
breath.

"Oh shit," he said softly. "That's a very good way to wake up."

We took our time getting out of bed, cuddling and kissing in bed while we talked
about the upcoming day. After a little while, we decided it was time to shower and
face the day.

Alice, Rosalie and I were planning on hitting up the spa for a massage. It was a
gift from Rosalie, and I could hardly pass it up. I felt bad leaving Edward, but he was
excited about seeing Carlisle and Emmett again, not to mention Jasper. I knew he'd
be in good hands.

- 231 -
 The guys were getting ready at Carlisle's hotel and were going to pick up Alice,
Rosalie and I from my house. I'd put a lot of time and effort into my dress tonight. It
was the first time in a while I could socialize and network with my colleagues, but
mostly I wanted to look good for Edward. I wanted him to feel like he wasn't
slumming it to be with me.

My dress was red, silk chiffon that accentuated my curves made me feel like a
sexy, Grecian goddess. It had swaths of chiffon that gathered across the bustline,
crossed in front and then tied around my neck. The flowing fabric repeated a similar
pattern across my hips as it gathered into a low delicate twist in front, the fabric
cascading down to meet the rest of the long skirt.

I wore my hair down, with gentle waves. I knew Edward liked it like that. The
thought of us having a night out at a black tie event with all of our friends brought a
smile to my face. I'd seen Edward in a tux in pictures, but the man could stop traffic
in board shorts and a t-shirt. I couldn't imagine the effect he'd have in a tuxedo.

Alice and Rosalie both wore short dresses; Alice's was black and strapless with
tulle on bottom, perfectly befitting her spunky personality. Rosalie's white and fitted
with a plunging neckline. They both looked amazing.

Although neither would admit it to me, they both had developed crushes last
night, and I had to laugh at the extra effort we all were putting into looking good
tonight. Rosalie had cozied up to Emmett early, and I didn't see either of them alone
the rest of the night. At first when I saw them together, I thought it was a bit of an
odd match, but I wasn't sure why. They were both really outgoing and honest, and
they certainly seemed to get along.

Ever since Alice found out Jasper lived in Seattle, she was done with her
indecision about where she wanted to live. By the end of the night, they were
picking out neighborhoods for her to house hunt. Alice hadn't dated while we were
in Guatemala, and I knew she longed for companionship. If Jasper was anything like
Edward, I hoped nothing but the best for them. She deserved to be happy.

After several hours and a few glasses of champagne, the doorbell rang. There was
a large group of us, so we rented a limo bus. No one wanted to be driving tonight.

I pulled open the door, and Edward stood before me in his tuxedo. He did not
disappoint, and I seriously wondered how one person could look so gorgeous.

He slid his hand around my waist, pulling me into him as he kissed my cheek. "I've
never seen you look more beautiful. Absolutely stunning."
- 232 -
 That was exactly the response I had hoped for, and I could feel the blush creeping
up on my face. It wasn't everyday that someone as unworldly handsome as Edward
called me "absolutely stunning."

"Where are the paparazzi cameras now?" I joked, laughing at the irony that the
one time I actually looked like I could belong with someone like Edward, there were
no cameras to be found.

"No cameras, thank God. I want this memory for myself." He always knew the
right thing to say.

The girls and I grabbed our things and were off to the gala. The atmosphere in the
limo bus was lively, as we were all so thrilled to be together again. Alice was
chatting it up with Jasper, who didn't seem to mind a bit. She had the gift of making
everyone feel like they'd known her for years. From the look of it, Jasper was no
exception to her charms. Rosalie and Emmett were a bit more subdued, but in their
own little world nonetheless.

We pulled up to the Ritz Carlton, where the event was being held, and there were
already quite a few people arriving. The banquet was in a large ballroom that looked
like was set up for about two thousand people. The centerpieces were tall, gorgeous
white flowers, and the table settings were elegant, with hints of green and gold.

Once we found our table, Edward and Jasper left to get us drinks. I knew I had to
socialize with the other doctors in the room, but I was so excited to catch up with
Carlisle that I decided to wait until Edward got back with our drinks. I'd need a
drink to make my rounds. Doctors were notoriously conceited, and a cocktail made it
all bearable.

"You know what I'm going to ask you about, don't you? Or who, I should say?" I
asked Carlisle as soon as I sat down.

He smiled and nodded. "I do, and I saw her right before I left. She's growing and
doing well. No adoptive parents yet, but that's typical."

My heart warmed with news of little Grace. I'd thought about her so much since I
left. I hated leaving her there and constantly second guessed my decision.

"Thanks, Carlisle."

The guys returned with our drinks, and I stood while Jasper took a seat.

- 233 -
 Edward offered me my drink, which I took readily. "I really should make the
circuit. You know, be social and gracious and all that? Join me?"

He held out his elbow and we trotted off. I usually hated these types of events, but
I was incredibly proud of my group's accomplishments and happy our efforts were
being acknowledged. And being on Edward's arm didn't hurt either.

"Bella," called a voice off to my left. I turned and saw three of my co-workers
approaching me. I was excited to introduce them to Edward since we spent so much
time together.

Alec was the only one of the three who was on the team being recognized tonight.
The other two worked on my floor in another department. We were all about the
same age, which was nice. Alec was a smart ass, with a sharp tongue and a lot of
charm. He was witty and dry and always made everyone laugh. He was also
extremely good-looking. I gave him endless amounts of shit for being constantly hit
on by the nurses. They all wanted to be on his rotation, in more ways than one.

Carmen was the real brains of the group, having graduated from Harvard Medical
School. She was brilliant and articulate. She didn't mince her words and rarely
made mistakes. If I ever needed a dose of reality, she was the one to give it to me.

Marcus was guy who made nerdy cool. He was overly clinical at times, but he
knew his stuff. Despite making bad jokes and often laughing unnecessarily loud, he
was always a good friend to me, and I was honored he'd shown up to support us.

After they hugged and congratulated me, I turned toward Edward to make the
introduction. "Edward, I'd like you to meet my co-workers. This is Dr. Marcus
Aguirre, Dr. Alec Billings, and Dr. Carmen Lewis. Guys, this is my boyfriend, Edward
Cullen."

Edward smiled cordially and shook hands with each of them.

"You look familiar," Alec said with a confused tone in his voice.

Edward opened his mouth to speak, but Carmen hit Alec on the arm and cut
Edward off. "He's the author, Alec. That's how you know him."

Realization dawned on Alec, and he made a face that clearly said he was
unimpressed by Edward's celebrity status.

"Alec is on my team," I said to Edward, trying to give him perspective on who he

- 234 -
was meeting.

Edward slid his arm around my waist and smiled with his lips closed. "How
fantastic."

There was a bite to his tone. Dare I say that Edward Cullen was jealous? That was
a first.

"We'll talk after dinner, okay?" I said to them as I pulled Edward away, rolling my
eyes. "I've got to go find Dr. Banner."

They laughed and waved us off as we navigated around the well-appointed tables
to mingle some more.

"They seemed…nice," Edward said once we were out of earshot.

I tickled his side. "Are you jealous?"

He shook his head and winced. "No, it's just…I expected the people you worked
with to be a little older, that's all."

"A little uglier, you mean."

He smiled sexily and gave me a squeeze. "That, too."

I had to laugh. Edward Cullen was jealous - of someone I worked with. What had
the world come to? Had he looked in a mirror lately?

We met countless more doctors and specialists. Edward was kind and always
deflected the attention back to me whenever he was recognized. He didn't want to
steal my spotlight, and I loved that he was so considerate.

As we walked back to the table, I heard my name being called again and looked
around, confused. That was when I saw Mike. I hadn't seen him in years. He ran up
to me and gave me a solid hug.

"Oh my God, Bella. How are you? It's been forever since I've seen you. I had no
idea you were one of the ones being honored tonight until I saw my program. Holy
shit, that's awesome."

I couldn't help but smile like a fool. Mike and I were close for a long time. Even
when we broke up all those years ago, we were always friends. I hadn't seen him in
- 235 -
several years.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here as a favor to my boss. I work for a pharmaceutical company, and my

boss was supposed to be here to represent us, but had to bail out at the last minute.
Anyway, it was a free dinner, so you know?" He shrugged, and I laughed.

Mike Newton- after all these years.

"You look great, Bella," he said, waving his hand in front of my dress.

I looked down and smiled. "Thanks, so do you."

In my surprise, I had forgotten Edward was standing right there, and quickly
turned to introduce him to Mike.

I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him closer. "Edward, I want you to meet an
old friend of mine. This is Mike Newton. Mike, this is Edward Cullen."

If Mike knew who Edward was, he gave no indication of it. Edward was once again
polite, but there was a hint of the jealousy from earlier in his eyes.

Mike and I exchanged cards with promises to keep in touch, and Edward and I
walked off.

"Wow, I can't believe I ran into Mike," I said, still in shock over seeing my old
friend.

"It was the highlight of my night," Edward said sarcastically. He was trying to be
funny, but it wasn't working.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked, tugging on his hand.

"Was that THE Mike Newton? As in the first love of your life Mike Newton?"

Shit! I had forgotten I'd told Edward the story. Even though it was so many years
ago, I couldn't say I'd be happy to meet someone he'd been intimate with, either.
Still, Edward being jealous two times in one night was one for the record books.
Instead of being irritated I found it sexy as hell. Everything Edward did was sexy as
hell, which made me want to kiss his pouty lips. I thought better of displays of
affection at a black-tie event so instead said the first thing I thought of to reassure
- 236 -
him.

"He may have been the first, but you'll be the last," I said reassuringly.

His eyes widened. "The last, huh?"

It just tumbled out, and then I instantly regretted it. I smiled and played it off like
I hadn't just told Edward I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. What was I
thinking? That would scare anyone off after only being together for such a short
period of time - moving across the country to be together or not.

We arrived at the table just in time to change the subject. Everyone seemed to be
having fun, and I jumped right in to avoid total humiliation.

Dinner was delicious, and I was getting nervous about having to make my speech.
I was prepared, but public speaking was never my strong suit. We sat through
several awards over dessert, and my nerves were really getting the best of me.
Edward leaned over and kissed my cheek, obviously sensing my discomfort.

"Don't worry, baby. You'll do great."

I loved how well he could read me.

They called up our team after a lengthy and very flattering introduction, and we
made our way on stage. Thankfully, Dr. Banner was doing most of the speaking.
Each of us took our turn thanking those who had contributed and supported us. I
couldn't take my eyes off Edward, who was beaming from ear to ear. The way he
looked at me, like I had just solved world hunger, made me feel even more confident
and proud. He hadn't been around back when we worked on this project. We'd
worked our asses off on a study of leukemia in children, especially the occurrence
under the age of five. It was a massive undertaking, but one we all felt strongly
about and had made huge sacrifices to pull together. So to have the APA take notice
was a big deal.

"I'm so proud of you," Edward said, pulling me into a hug when I got off the stage.
"You were wonderful."

"Thanks, baby. I was nervous as hell."

"Well, it didn't show at all." He leaned in closer and whispered in my ear. "But if
that guy Alec checks out your ass again, I'm going to punch him."

- 237 -
 I felt his lips kiss my ear as I smiled. "Well, my ass does look great in this dress."

"Yes, it does," he continued, kissing me between words. "I plan on giving it a much
better inspection later."

"Promises, promises."

The whole evening felt like a fairy tale. I had my beautiful and supportive, and
even a little jealous, boyfriend there. I had a very prestigious award for my hard
work. It didn't get much better than that.

I took off my shoes the minute we got into the limo. We were dropping off the
Emmett and Carlisle at Carlisle's hotel, so I made myself comfortable, with my feet
in Edward's lap while Rosalie said goodbye to Emmett. Edward rubbed them,
getting rid of any remaining tension I had.

"Did I tell you that Carlisle saw Grace right before he left?" I asked.

He smiled and perked up. "Yeah? How's she doing?"

I sighed and let my head fall against the seat. "He said she's growing. I miss her.
She must be so big by now. You know how fast babies grow."

He leaned over and kissed me. "I'm sure she's doing great. Thanks to you, Bella,
she has a chance. I miss her, too."

When we arrived back at my place, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie went their separate
ways. It had been a long night, and we were all tired. I closed the door behind me as
Edward and I walked into my room.

"I'm so glad you're here, Edward," I said, throwing my shoes and my purse on a
chair. "This wouldn't have been the same without you."

He walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. "I told you I wouldn't miss this for
the world. I'm so proud of you, Bella."

"Thank you. I'm happy that you got to meet my coworkers. Since I've been back,
you're all I talk about."

"I'm sure that pisses Alex off to no end," he said with a bite.

"You mean Alec?" I shook my head. "It's not like that."

- 238 -
 "I love you, Bella, but you have to trust me on this one. I'm a guy. And believe me
when I say it- that guy wants you."

I couldn't help but smile. He was so cute. "You are jealous after all."

He pulled back and looked me in the eyes, suddenly serious. "I don't like other
men ogling what's mine."

I squeezed him tightly. "You got part of that right."

"Which part?"

"I am yours."

"Damn straight."

His thumb came up and grazed my cheek lightly. "I love you, Bella. So much."

"I love you, too. Always."

Before I could protest, as if that was even a consideration, my dress was being
removed. His clothes followed close behind. He was completely in charge as he
showed me with his lips and his hands and his body just how much I belonged to
him. I loved Edward when he was dominant and possessive.

As we lay there afterward, our bodies exhausted from the night's exertions, my
mind kept going back to the gala and my slip of the tongue. I wanted it to be true. I
wanted Edward to be the last person who would ever hold me and make love to me.
I wanted him to be next to me always. I thought I had felt that way about Jake so
many years ago, but I realized this was so much more. This was everything I never
knew I never had. My heart was in his hands, and I still wasn't sure how I felt about
being so vulnerable.

No matter what I did, Edward Cullen would always be a part of me. I wanted to let
go of my fears and my past, to just see where this could lead; where it was leading.
But buried deep inside of me, there was a part of me focused on self-preservation.
There was a part of me that still remembered identifying Jake's lifeless body; a part
that remembered just how badly I'd failed before and wouldn't let me forget. I clung
to the only element of control I had left as I let my eyes close, drawing the curtain
on one of the best days of my life.

- 239 -
 A/N: So, what did you guys think of Jealousward? I think he's adorable, but
that's just me.

Many thanks go out to my betas TwiHart and Viola Cornuta this week.
They make this story pretty. Also thanks to Sunfeathers, ellierk and
Dana1779 for pre-reading for me.

I'm still giving teasers for reviews, so please leave me your thoughts. They
remind me that I'm writing for an audience and just generally make my day.

Check my profile for all sorts of new pictures and inspiration for StR,
including their outfits for the gala.

Next up, my favorite chapter so far. House hunting.

See you next week.

- 240 -
 Chapter 20 Preparation

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 20: Preparation

Edward

The next morning I woke up with a pounding headache. I didn't think I drank that
much, but the intense pain between my eyes was telling me otherwise.

I rolled over to grab Bella and pull her into me, needing to feel her close to me,
but the bed was empty. I sat up, feeling dizzy, and looked around the room. The
bathroom door was closed, and I heard the shower running. I plopped back down on
the pillow in amazement.

How could she already be up?

My dick wanted to get up and join her. I loved the way she looked with her hair all
wet and how the water caressed her curves. It reminded me of Guatemala and how
natural she was. As much as I wanted to get up and spend some quality time in her
shower, my head demanded I sleep for a few more minutes, so I acquiesced.

I didn't even hear Bella come into the room. I must have fallen back asleep
because the next thing I knew Bella was smothering me with kisses. Her hair was
dry, and she was dressed, leaning over me to wake me up.

"Get up, sleepy head," she said, running her fingers through my hair. "Let's go
find you a place to live."

I swept my legs over the side of the bed and stood, kissing Bella on the cheek as I
walked by. "Okay, okay," I groaned playfully. "I'm up. Geez."

She shook her ass as she walked out of the room. "I'll be in the kitchen."

I got ready as quickly as my hungover body would move. My loose fitting jeans
and long-sleeved t-shirt were a welcome reprieve from the fitted tuxedo of last night.
I liked getting dressed up, but after an entire night I just wanted to feel comfortable
- 241 -
again.

After trying to scrub my hangover away with my toothbrush, I finally made my

way toward the kitchen. I could hear Bella talking on the phone as I approached.

"Aww…thanks Alec," Bella said in a sing songy voice. "You didn't have to do that."

I slowed my pace, wanting to hear a little more before I made my presence known.
Alec had been pretty fucking obvious about ogling Bella, even in front of me, so I
didn't trust the guy.

There was a brief pause. "Well, I appreciate it. That was really nice of you."

Bella held the phone against her ear to free up her hands as she walked around
the kitchen. She still hadn't seen me, so I hung back.

"You're kidding. Are you okay?"

She stopped what she was doing and put her hands on the counter to give Alec
her undivided attention.

"Do you want me to stop by tomorrow? I don't mind if you think it'll help."

Stop by?

The conversation sounded entirely too personal, not professional, and I would be
lying if I said it didn't irk me a little. It wasn't that I didn't trust her, because I did. I
just knew how guys thought, and I'd recognized the look on his face when he looked
at her. By tomorrow, I'd be gone back to New York and Bella would be here helping
Alec, who was no doubt thrilled about me leaving. I didn't like it at all.

Still, I put on my cheery face and walked into the kitchen. I'd heard enough of the
conversation to sufficiently annoy me. Bella held the phone down and kissed me
sweetly, pointing to the coffee maker.

"Okay, well let me know if you need me," she said into the phone again. "Listen,
I've got to run, but I'll call you later."

She hung up, and even as irritated as I was, I smiled as I poured myself a cup of
coffee. I was being at least partially unreasonable, but my leaving had me feeling
more edgy than normal.

- 242 -
 "So, where are we headed today?" I asked, changing the subject to something that
made me happy.

"Well, it's up to you. I want you to feel at home here. Based on how amazing your
place in New York is, I have a few ideas. Maybe something on the beach? With a
view?"

She raised her eyebrows and smiled, and I could tell she was excited about finding
me a place. I wished it was us looking together, but I understood she needed time.
And there was no way I was moving into the home she'd shared with Jacob. It was
bad enough sleeping here, knowing he'd done the same. I couldn't stay here
permanently, though.

We heard the door to Jasper's room open and turned to see Alice peeking her head
out. "Bella!" she whisper-yelled.

Bella almost started laughing and made her way down the hallway. Alice slipped
out of Jasper's room in the same dress she'd worn the night before, and both the
girls disappeared into Bella's room amidst a flurry of giggles. Jasper walked out a
few minutes later in jeans and a white undershirt, wearing a cat-that-ate-the-canary
grin.

I set my coffee cup down and leaned against the counter. "Well, it looks like a lot
happened after we went to bed."

He shrugged but couldn't contain the smile. "What can I say? Alice is pretty
great."

I coughed, trying to suppress the laughter. Jasper looked like a fucking mess.
"Yeah, she's great."

A few minutes later Alice walked into the room wearing clothes she'd obviously
borrowed from Bella, giving me a hug as though this whole thing was the most
normal situation in the world.

"Is there any more coffee?" she asked nonchalantly. Jasper and I looked at each
other and shrugged.

"Help yourself," I said, pointing to the cupboard with the mugs.

Alice poured herself a cup of coffee and sat on the barstool at the edge of the
counter. "Fun night last night, huh?"
- 243 -
 "More fun for some than others, I suspect," I said, waggling my eyebrows at her. I
loved messing with Alice. I had started to think of her like a little sister.

"Oh, don't act like you're Mr. Innocent. We heard you guys, too."

I chuckled. Nothing ever embarrassed Alice. I should have known better.

"Touché."

"So, I hear you're moving to Seattle now?" I nudged Alice in the shoulder with my
elbow.

She shrugged, but the corners of her mouth turned up into a smile. "I'm thinking
about it – very seriously."

She glanced at Jasper and back to me. I'd have been surprised if she wasn't up
there within the month. A part of me was envious their relationship was so easy
when they'd just met. Nothing seemed as simple with Bella and me.

Bella walked in shortly after that. "So, is everyone dressed now?" Alice rolled her
eyes and sipped her coffee, completely unfazed.

"Hey Jasper, what time is your flight?" I asked.

"At noon."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

He twitched his head in Alice's direction. "Nah, it's cool. Alice said she'd go with
me. I've got a rental car and all that, so it's fine."

Alice was going with him. Interesting.

Jasper and Alice retreated to the guest bedroom so he could pack.

"Well, that was a surprise," I said to Bella, pointing down the hallway.

"Really? You're surprised? They were joined at the hip from the first time they
met. I think it's sweet."

I grabbed Bella by the waist and pulled her close. "My brother and your best
friend? God help us."

- 244 -
 She giggled and tried to wriggle out of my arms, but I wouldn't let her go, kissing
her cheek and neck instead.

"You're incorrigible," she huffed.

"Yep." I continued kissing her, undeterred.

We said our goodbyes to Jasper and Alice, and Bella pulled up a chair at her
dining room table, opening her laptop to plan our day.

I had to admit, I was excited about looking for a place. Newport Beach and the
surrounding cities were beautiful, and if I found something I liked, I'd be that much
closer to moving and finally having everything I'd been missing before I left for
Guatemala.

I hopped into the passenger seat of Bella's car as she handed me a bunch of crap –
her purse, a file folder stuffed with papers, a coat. "Here, hold this."

"I see you travel light," I joked.

"Shut it, Cullen." She smacked me on the arm lightly and laughed. "I'm doing this
for you."

I grabbed her hand before she could pull it away and kissed it. "I know, and I love
you for it."

The first few places we saw were nice, but each of them had something I couldn't
get passed. The first one had an unobstructed view, but the rooms were really small
and kind of dark. I wanted something a little brighter and more open. The next two
were both upgraded and gorgeous, but one was on a busy street and the other had
no view. If I was going to live in such a pretty place and spend that kind of money, I
wanted to at least see the ocean.

We pulled up to a newer looking complex and turned off the car. It was small,
maybe four to six units, all very well maintained. Bella, wearing her real estate
agent hat for the day, pulled out her stack of papers and began giving me a
rundown.

"Okay, this place is three thousand square feet, with three bedrooms, and three
baths, upgraded throughout. The complex has a pool and a spa that overlook the
water. There's also a common area for parties.

- 245 -
 "Let's go check it out," I said, climbing out of the car. I had a good feeling about
this place. I could see myself living here.

We walked hand in hand up the walkway to the front door, which was open.
Apparently the agent beat us here. My first impression was it had to be bigger than
three thousand square feet. It was two stories, but the entire second story was open
to below, so the living area had at least twenty-foot ceilings. The view was
spectacular, and the floor to ceiling windows were filled with a gorgeous view of the
ocean. The walls were crisp white, a stark contrast to the blue of the sky and ocean.
The light maple hardwood floor warmed it up and matched the gold tone of the
sandy beach. It was bright and airy, and I could almost picture Bella and me
watching the sunset while curled up on my couch. I loved it. It felt right.

My phone rang in my pocket and Bella waved me off so I could answer it, walking
with the agent to see the rest of the house. I looked down at the screen on my phone
and noticed it was Victoria, so I stepped outside to the patio.

"Hi, Victoria."

"Edward, I'm so glad I got you. Listen, I know you're back in town tomorrow, so
I've set you up for an appearance at a fundraiser dinner tomorrow night. I think the
publicity will do you well, especially with those disastrous photos that showed up in
the tabs this week."

"It's been a long couple of days, Victoria. Plus, with the travel, I don't think I'll be
up for it."

"You can't hide out forever. We need to keep up the interest in you. You know, to
keep the momentum going. You want to have your fans eager and excited for your
next project."

"That's just it, Victoria," I said, needing to get a few things off my chest. "I don't
want all that momentum. This isn't even about my book. This is about me personally.
I put up with all the paparazzi and crap for a long time because I thought that's
what I needed to do, but I don't want that anymore."

"Is this because of her?"

"What? You've got some nerve. Leave Bella out of this."

"Just answer me. Is it about her? Because I can guarantee you if you give up
everything for some girl, I know you're going to regret it."
- 246 -
 "It's not about anyone but me. And she's not just some girl." I was getting
annoyed. I was able to put all of her faults aside before because I knew she had my
best interest at heart. When she was so hurtful to Bella when they met in New York,
I thought she just didn't understand the depth of my feelings. I tried to put myself in
her shoes. But more and more, I was seeing a side of her I didn't like.

"Edward, just hear me out. I'm sure you like this girl. She seemed nice enough,
and it's obvious your experiences abroad have brought you together. But unless I'm
mistaken, you haven't had a serious girlfriend in a long time. You were in a bad
place when you left for Panama…"

"For the last fucking time, it was Guatemala." I gritted my teeth.

"You're missing the point. I know you think you love this girl. But is this really
what you want? How well do you even know her? You've worked so hard for such a
long time, and to throw it all away because you supposedly fell in love in Central
America? Really, Edward?"

"Do you know where I am right now?" I asked, feeling strangely calmer than I had
since this conversation started.

"You're at some benefit thing in California."

"No, I mean right now."

"Make your point, Edward."

"I'm standing on a patio of the house I'm about to purchase looking out at the blue
Pacific Ocean."

"That's great. I think it's great that you want to get a vacation home. Fantastic
idea." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"It's not a vacation home, Victoria. I'm moving here."

"Moving there? Have you lost your fucking mind?"

"Yes, I'm moving here. You don't have to like it, but you do have to accept it.

"This has got to be the dumbest thing I've heard you say. I thought it was bad
when you wanted to take the summer off to go find yourself, but now this? I don't
believe what I'm hearing. This is NOT the Edward I knew."
- 247 -
 "You're right about that. I'm not the same person I was. I'm happy about it. Now,
you've been with me from the very beginning, and I don't want to lose you. But you
need to remember something. You work for me. It's not the other way around. I love
Bella, and I don't give a fuck if you like her or not, but you will respect her and our
relationship. When I tell you I don't want all the media and hype, I expect you to
fucking listen. I want a life."

"You have a life. You have a fantastic life – one that most people would kill for.
One that you've been working toward for years."

"What do you know about my life? I mean really? Do you know what it's like to
have every word you say analyzed to death? Do you know what it's like to have your
face splattered on every tabloid cover from here to Timbuktu? Do you have any idea
what it's like to see the face of the person you love fall when she sees a picture of
you with someone else? Do you? Because it fucking sucks, and that's NOT the life I
want."

"Well, you should have thought about that before now. Because I hate to break it
to you, but that's the life you've got. We've gone over this a million times, Edward.
It's all bullshit. You ignore it. You've got to take the good with the bad."

"I'm done selling out. I know I can't turn back time. I get that, but I want to do
what I can to stop the rumor mills and the bullshit. I want to get back to my writing,
and make that the focus. I don't want my personal life on display anymore. If you
can help me, great. If not, I'll find someone else once our contract is up at the end of
the year."

"Just hold on a second, Edward. Look, I get that you've been under stress lately.
Maybe I should have done more to help you with that sooner. But there's no reason
to act hastily. I only want what's best for you. I hope you know that. Let's talk when
you get back, okay?"

"Fine, I'll call you." I wasn't sure how the next conversation would go, but it could
wait. I didn't want anything else taking away from this time with Bella.

I clicked off the phone and ran my hand through my hair, trying to compose
myself. When I turned around, Bella was standing there, leaning against the door. I
wondered how much of that she'd heard.

"Are you okay?" she asked as she walked toward me.

I hugged her and kissed her forehead. "I am now."

- 248 -
 "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Another time, baby," I sighed. "Let's go see the rest of the house."

We walked arm in arm into the house. Bella showed me all the little details I'd
missed before. This place suited me. It suited us.

"Well, what do you think?" Bella asked, after we'd thoroughly inspected the place.

"I love it," I said, walking to the window. I rested my forearm against it and let my
head fall against the glass. "But, it's a big commitment."

She walked up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder. "And you're worried
you'll change your mind and want to move back?" Her voice was shaky, doubtful.

"No, it's not that." I couldn't make eye contact for some reason. This was harder
than I thought it would be.

"Then what is it?" She was beside me now, tilting her head so I'd look at her.

"It's just…when I think about all of this…us…the move…I picture us together."

"So do I."

"No, I mean living together. I know it was my idea to get my own place, but I want
to think we're in this together."

This time it was Bella who broke eye contact as she looked down at her shoes.

"I want that too, Edward."

"Do you like this place? Because if I buy it, I'm doing so with you in mind. I'm
signing the papers hoping you and I will live here together. Maybe not right away,
but that's what I want."

"It's beautiful. I love it here."

"I know this is a big deal for both of us. I don't want to push you, but I need you to
know where I stand. I want this with you. If you aren't here, then this place is just
four walls with a nice view. I want this to be a home. I want you to love it as much as
I do."

- 249 -
 "I do love it, Edward. I can definitely see us here together."

"So I should go for it? Is that what you're saying?"

She nodded sheepishly. "Yeah, that's what I'm saying."

I signed the necessary paperwork, feeling alive and excited. I finally felt like I was
getting closer to the life I wanted.

That night Bella cooked for me. I had to leave the next day, but we both tried not
to think about that. I'd be out here for good in just a short time. And now that I
officially had a home out here, I felt like it was all really happening. I just had a few
loose ends to tie up, and then I'd be done with New York for good.

We were quiet as we went to bed that night, with the next day's goodbye hanging
over us. It was hard to live in the moment and not dread the dawn. We'd said
goodbye so many times, and I knew the pain that came from watching her walk
away from me. I didn't want to go through it again. My mind told me it was just a
month; that I'd see her soon. But a month of being alone seemed like a lot longer
knowing what I'd be missing. A month of waking up without her warmth and
sweetness beside me. A month of knowing some other man would be trying to work
his way into Bella's life would be unbearable.

I cursed the sunlight that came through the window in the morning. Birds were
chirping annoyingly outside the window. At least they had something to sing about. I
smothered my head with my pillow in hopes I could wish it away. I wanted to stay
put, warm and comfortable in Bella's bed, but I knew I couldn't put it off any longer.
Bella groaned next to me, obviously coming to the same conclusion that I had. We
had to get up.

I felt her arms wrap around me, and I rolled over to face her, our limbs
intertwined. I ran my fingers through her hair as she closed her eyes and sighed.

"That feels so nice," she hummed, keeping her eyes closed. "I'm going to miss you
so much."

My lips touched her forehead and lingered there. "Me too, baby."

Bella had to work that day and since I had a rental car, we agreed it didn't make
sense for her to take me to the airport. I packed the trunk of my car with my stuff,
slamming it shut a little harder than necessary. That was the last thing I had to do
before I said goodbye, and I did it with extreme reluctance.
- 250 -
 The tears were already forming in her eyes when I turned around. She was
standing on her front doorstep, arms crossed, watching me.

I wrapped my arms around her, and she clung to the shirt on my back.

"Another goodbye," she murmured. "I really hate this."

"The last goodbye," I reminded her as I kissed the top of her head.

I cupped her face in my hands and rested my forehead against hers as I closed my
eyes.

"Be good, baby," I whispered. "I'll see you before you know it."

She nodded as the tears streamed down her face. "I know."

We kissed slowly and passionately, hoping it would sustain us for a month. I was
memorizing the feel of her lips on mine, locking the memories away for future use.

"I love you, Edward," she sighed and put her hands on my chest, resolved. "You
should get going. You don't want to be late."

I stepped back and reached out to grab her hand as I walked to my car, never
taking my eyes off her as our fingers slipped apart. She wiped the tears, but held
herself tall.

"I'll call you when I land." I slid into the driver's seat and fumbled with the
ignition. I didn't want to make this any harder than it already was.

As I pulled away, Bella waved with one hand while she wiped the tears with the
other. She looked beaten, defeated.

I was driving away from the woman I loved. What kind of fool was I? I wanted it all
to be fixed. No more goodbyes. I never wanted to see that look on Bella's face again.

With any luck, I wouldn't have to.

A/N: So, what did you think of Edward and Victoria's conversation? He's
finally getting closer to what he wants…or is he? This was my favorite
chapter thus far. What was yours?

- 251 -
 I am so blown away by you guys! Just when I was feeling down and in a
funk, you guys came through and totally made my day/week! The last
chapter got over 100 reviews! I can't even tell you how happy that made me!
And hello to my new readers! *waves*

If you are enjoying the story, the biggest compliment you can give me is to
rec it to your friends. With so many fics out there, it's very difficult as an
author to get the word out.

Voting for the Cherry Exchange contest is Dec 5th- 15th, and I'd
appreciate the support. My entry is called Hard Day, Hard Night and the link
is in my profile. Come check it out!

Thanks to my betas, TwiHart and Viola Cornuta for fixing all my mistakes
and keeping me on track. Also, big thanks to my pre-readers for the honest
feedback.

Next up? The big move. *squee*

- 252 -
 Chapter 21 Exodus

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 21: Exodus

Edward

The weather in New York reflected my mood – cold and shitty. I was still partially
buzzed from the mini-vodka bottles I'd had on the plane. They were the only things
that gave me any comfort, knowing that with each passing minute I was getting
farther and farther away from Bella.

I felt like that guy in When Harry Met Sally. Once I realized where my life was, I
wanted that life to start as soon as possible. Victoria had backed off since our little
chat, which was a good thing, but I knew we needed to talk more. I was stressed
enough about moving, and the last thing I needed was Victoria harping on me. There
were quite a few paparazzi at the airport, so that just added to my shitty day.

I turned on my phone, and as soon as it was lit I noticed a text from Bella.

Just a few more weeks, baby. Then no more goodbyes. ~B

I smiled. She missed me, too.

The slam of the front door echoed throughout my apartment, and I lazily dropped
all my stuff. My buzz from all the alcohol on the plane was wearing off, leaving me
tired and achy. I grabbed just what I needed and headed to my bedroom. It wasn't
that late yet, but I was dog tired. I hadn't slept much in the last twenty-four hours.

I quickly changed into my pajamas, shivering since it was fucking freezing in my

house. In one of life's cruel jokes, sleep evaded me when I needed it the most. My
mind alternated between thinking of all the things that needed to be done for my
move and Bella. There was no way I was getting to sleep.

The next day, despite feeling completely exhausted, I began to make

arrangements for my move. I needed to sublet my apartment, and get my stuff
shipped to California. I also had a few business problems that I needed to tie up
- 253 -
before I left. I estimated I could leave in about three weeks. Moving sucks, but I
didn't care about any of that. I just wanted to be out there, in my new home with
Bella. The image I'd conjured of us sitting on the couch watching the sunset kept me
motivated.

My phone buzzed, and I rolled my eyes when I realized it was Victoria. She
certainly didn't waste any time. I'd just barely gotten home. I answered and made
plans to meet her for lunch. I hated dealing with her on the phone.

The first call I made was to the movers to drop off some boxes. Although I could
easily have had them pack my entire place for me, I figured it would keep me busy
and help to pass the time. Plus, I wasn't crazy about having strange people in my
house. Given all the crazy paparazzi shit, I guarded my privacy fiercely.

I walked into the restaurant to meet Victoria, who was all smiles and hugs, acting
as if we hadn't had such a brutal conversation only the day before. I guess in her
profession, she had to have thick skin.

"Edward," she said as she kissed my cheek. "It's so nice to see you back in town.
How was your flight?"

"It was fine," I said flatly.

Victoria looked nervous as we were being seated. I wasn't surprised; she was
doing damage control. I knew I was one of her big clients, and she was going to do
what she could to keep me right where she wanted me.

"Edward, we have to talk about things," she started after we'd ordered our food.
"It's important."

"I know we do, but I'm not going to let you manipulate me."

"Manipulate? When have I ever tried to manipulate you?" she replied, her loud
voice now starting to attract attention.

"Look, I meant what I said yesterday. I appreciate all you've done for me. I really
do. But, all the media attention is too much. All of this was supposed to be about my
book, but it hasn't actually been like that for a while. I put up with it because it was
easy to just go with the flow, but it's not just about me anymore."

She reached across the table and put her hand on mine in what was surely meant
to be a comforting gesture, yet only caused me to wince. I pulled back quickly. The
- 254 -
last thing I needed was a magazine cover with Victoria and me holding hands.

"I'm sorry I got so upset about the move. It's just…it was so unexpected. I can't
pretend that I understand the motivation for your behavior, starting from the trip to
Central America. I'm just trying to prevent you from making a huge mistake and
ruining such a promising career. I care about you, Edward."

I really hated when she used that tone of voice. It was bordering on
unprofessional.

"Thank you. I appreciate that. But if you care about me as much as you say you do,
you'll let me make my own decisions. I'm a big boy, and I haven't needed a mommy
in a long time."

She laughed as if my comment was completely off base. I actually thought it was
quite an appropriate description of our relationship. For the past year, I'd barely
been able to go to the bathroom without running it by Victoria first. Perhaps it was
my naïveté about the business that enabled such a codependent relationship with
Victoria. I had no idea. What I did know was that going forward, it would not be that
way. It was my life she was fucking with, and I wanted it all to stop.

"I'm just going to say this one thing, and then I'll drop it." She raised an eyebrow,
waiting for my acceptance of her terms, so I nodded for her to continue. "When she
dumps you, and she will, don't say I didn't warn you."

"Victoria…" I was getting pissed.

Before I could say more, she held up her hands to stop me. "That's all I wanted to
say. Now, let's just eat our lunch in peace so we can work out some details of your
week and your transition to Los Angeles."

"It's Newport Beach. Jesus, do you ever listen to a fucking thing I say?"

"Really, Edward?" She looked annoyed and exasperated. "We're really going to
argue about it?"

I dropped it. I didn't really care all that much about making my point. She
obviously didn't care either. It was only another couple of months before I could look
for new representation, and I could suck it up until then.

My shitty lunch with Victoria did nothing to improve my foul mood. I needed to
hear from Bella. I pulled out my phone and dialed.
- 255 -
 "Hi, this is Dr. Swan. Please leave a message…" I hung up, not wanting to leave a
message. Instead I typed a text.

I'm thinking about you. Wish I was there. ~E

I slid the phone back in my pocket as I made my way home. It didn't beep.

I started my packing with my bookshelves. I had no idea how I'd accumulated that
much crap, but I kept filling boxes and yet the shelves looked just as full as before.

Just as I was about to go to bed, my phone beeped. I sighed. Bella.

Sorry I missed you. In surgery all day. Talk tomorrow? I know it's late. ~B

My head fell back onto the pillow, and I closed my eyes.

My routine over the next few weeks was much the same. I worked during the day
and packed at night. Victoria wanted me to attend a few functions (well, actually she
wanted me to attend a shitload of functions), but I refused. I wasn't in the
celebrating mood, and I didn't want to pretend I was. My apartment was beginning
to look sparse and unlived in, making me feel closer and closer to my goal.

Finally it was the day of my move. The movers got to my place at some
ridiculously early hour, and I could barely function. They were extremely efficient
and had my things out of there within an hour, which was quite impressive. I'd
called ahead for a car to take me to the airport. I didn't have a car here in the city as
there was no point, so it would be easy to hop on a plane and say goodbye to this
town.

I felt a brief pang of sadness as I arrived at the airport. I hadn't even allowed
myself to become close enough with anyone here to have a ride to the airport.
Victoria offered, but it was more out of obligation, and I could tell she was relieved
when I declined. Tanya offered as well, calling me out of the blue when she heard I
was leaving town. News travelled fast in my social circle. I didn't want to give the
paparazzi any more fuel, so I knew Tanya taking me was out of the question. I had a
few other acquaintances, but no one who really meant much to me. It was almost as
if my entire time here had been for nothing. What was the point of all the bullshit
when I wasn't really living?

Once again I was reminded how my decision to go to Guatemala was the best
thing I'd ever done. I shuddered at the shell of my former self I'd become prior to
that trip, thankful I'd stood up and made a change.
- 256 -
 I eagerly waited in the security line and checked in at my gate, anxious to have
this travel behind me. Keeping my head low, I made my way into the gift shop to find
something to read. Of course, my eyes passed over the tabloids. As much as I hated
it, I wanted to at least know what was being printed about me.

This week, my face wasn't plastered all over the magazines, but there was a
sideline on one that had my face on it, so I decided to read it. The small caption read
"Edward Cullen's Love Life: No Aiding and Abetting Needed." I was already annoyed
when I flipped to the page, knowing that it was going to be something about either
Tanya or Bella.

There was a picture of Bella and m at the gala prominently featured on the
two-page spread. I hadn't even realized we were being photographed that night,
other than by the official photographers. The title on this page was "Edward Cullen's
Mystery Woman Revealed."

I rolled my eyes but kept reading. The article had Bella's entire life written out. It
even had her high school picture and a photo that had been printed in a local
newspaper when she'd won her scholarship. Worst of all, it showed a picture of her
ex-husband and had a full account of his death, even going so far as to make it seem
as if Bella had somehow been responsible. It was a complete invasion of her privacy,
not to mention irresponsible journalism, and I suddenly felt sick.

I crunched up the magazine, forcefully shoving it back into the rack, and promptly
left the gift shop. How many times could I ask Bella to put up with this shit? How
long before she decided having her life printed for all to see was too much of a
burden?

All my excitement from earlier was gone. I just needed to see Bella; to make sure
she was okay.

I pulled out my phone and texted her nervously.

Have you seen the latest tabloid? ~E

I waited impatiently, but it didn't take long for her to respond.

No. Am I having your alien baby? ~B

At least she could joke about it. That had to be a good sign.

I wish. It's from the benefit. A lot about your life. ~E

- 257 -
 I'll pick it up at the airport when I get there. We'll talk then. How bad can it be?
~B

I was glad she was taking it in stride, but I didn't know how she'd react when she
saw it. How bad could it be, she asked? It was bad; worse than any stories so far. I
wished I could be there with her when she read it, if only to diffuse her anger. I
wanted to be worth the hassle for her.

Needless to say, the entire plane ride I was anxious. I just needed to kiss her and
tell her I loved her so she'd forget about all the baggage that came from being with
me.

I exited the plane, but still had to walk the long corridor until we passed the
security checkpoint. My heart was pounding in my chest. Was she here? Was she
okay?

I didn't see her. Instead, I was recognized and semi-mobbed by fans, mostly girls.
It was amazing how little time it took to go from one screaming fan to what seemed
like five hundred. This was the absolute last thing I wanted to deal with.

Come on, Bella. Where are you?

I felt a hand grab my wrist, pulling my through the fans. I tripped but finally got
through enough that I could see Bella's face.

I threw my arms around her, ignoring the legions of fans pushing and pulling at
us. "Thanks for rescuing me," I said as I kissed her cheek.

"Let's get you out of here." She steeled her resolve and pulled me through the
crowd, practically running over a few fans. She was tough; there was no question
about it.

After being followed to the baggage claim and subsequently to the parking lot, we
were finally alone once we got into the car.

She pulled away hastily, wanting to lose the annoying chaos that was my life.

"I'm so sorry about that, Bella," I said, running my hands through my hair once we
got onto the freeway.

She reached over and pulled my hand out of my hair, intertwining our fingers
together.
- 258 -
 "It's not your fault. I'm just so happy to see you."

I kissed the back of her hand, my lips lingering there as my eyes closed, inhaling
her sweet scent.

"God, I missed you," I sighed. "It's so good to be here and know that it's
permanent this time."

The smile on her face was breathtaking. "I can't believe it, either."

I thought she was taking me to her house, but instead she took the turnoff to my
house.

My house. Surreal.

"What are we doing here?" I asked.

"Well, I thought you should spend your first night as a Californian in your own
home."

It was times like these when I realized how much she loved me, and vice versa.

"I love you so much. I don't think I've told you enough."

"You definitely haven't," she said with a smile. "I could hear it every day, and it
would never be enough."

She pulled into my driveway and clicked open the garage door. I'd given her the
keys and everything in case I needed her to let a contractor or mover in.

"Home Sweet Home." She turned off the car and popped the trunk.

With bags in hand, we walked into the cavernous space. When I'd seen it before,
there was furniture from the previous renter. It seemed to echo in silence now.

The late afternoon sun was coming through the window, casting a golden glow
across the floors and walls. I set my things down at the bar by the kitchen and
walked into the living room.

"Bella," I gasped as her arms came around my waist to hold me.

I was stunned by what I saw. On the floor in the middle of the room was an air
- 259 -
mattress covered with blankets and pillows. There were candles everywhere
throughout the room and the view was unobstructed. I recalled how I felt when I
signed the papers to buy this place, wanting to watch the sunset here with Bella.

I turned to face her, her arms never letting go of my waist. "You're amazing, you
know that?"

She rested her head on my chest, and I squeezed her as tightly as I could. I never
wanted to forget this moment. "Thank you for this."

"Like I said, I thought you should spend the night in your own house tonight. It's
no Ritz Carlton, but I'm sure we'll make due."

I picked her up hastily and threw her over my shoulder as I closed the short
distance to the air mattress. She hit my back in mock protest but couldn't stop her
laugh.

I set her down on the bed with a whoosh and climbed on top of her. Her legs
instantly wrapped around my back, and she pulled me down to her. Our lips met for
the first real time since I'd gotten here. We'd been so concerned with fleeing the
airport that I hadn't had a chance to give her a proper kiss.

Our tongues slid past each other's and mingled as I tilted my head to deepen the
kiss. My hips instinctively pressed into her, and she moaned.

"Have you ever made love on an air mattress at sunset?"

She smiled and shook her head. "Why? Am I about to?"

"Absolutely."

I curled into her, letting my arms slide behind her back, while she squeezed her
thighs around me. This was not going to take long.

Time seemed to stand still as we caressed and let our bodies do what we so
desperately needed, silently reassuring each other that this was real. By the time we
were done, both of us were exhausted. It was not lost on me how I'd spent the last
month weary and drained, and yet the exhaustion I felt tonight simply reminded me
that I was alive. In place of the sadness and depression was hope. It was a welcome
change.

The sun had set and the room was darkening quickly. The sky cast deep oranges
- 260 -
and pinks which turned the stark white walls of my house the same color.

"I think I like this place," I said, kissing her nose as I caressed her hair.

"Mmm, it definitely has potential."

Although the house had no electricity, it did have water. Apparently because it
was part of a complex, the water was always on. I was really thankful for that now.

I shivered and screamed as I took a cold shower by candlelight. I hated doing it

because the last thing I wanted after making love to Bella was to freeze my balls off
in some arctic shower, but I really wanted to be clean. Bella had the forethought to
bring soap and towels, which just made me love her even more.

Just as we were finishing getting cleaned up, there was a knock on the door.

Bella skipped off and answered it, grabbing bags and boxes from a delivery boy. I
walked up behind her, and she began handing off the food to me.

"Here's your receipt, ma'am. Thanks for calling Borelli's."

She shut the door and shuffled past me before I could even grasp what had just
happened.

"You ordered dinner, too?" I asked, astonished.

"Of course," she said raising her eyebrows as she looked over her shoulder at me.
"I knew we'd have worked up an appetite. Plus, it's not like you can cook, your
kitchen is empty."

"You amaze me." I walked up behind her and set the bags onto the bar. I had to
admit, the food smelled delicious. The room was quite dark by this point, but there
was sufficient candlelight to see by.

She pulled out the paper plates and plastic silverware she had packed and began
to dish up our plates. I watched her and couldn't help the smile that formed on my
face.

I was finally here. In my house. Eating Italian take-out with Bella in the dark. It
just didn't get much more perfect.

After dinner, we went outside in the back yard and sat on the grass. She sat in
- 261 -
front of me, with her body positioned between my legs. We both hovered under a
blanket as we watched the moon glisten off the ocean and listened to the soothing
sound of the waves. Her hands were wrapped around my calves, and she played with
the denim of my jeans. Every few minutes she'd kiss my forearm, which was
wrapped around her knees. I was exhausted from traveling, but I didn't want to
disrupt this moment.

Still, I knew we had to talk about the magazine. I figured the longer we waited the
bigger deal it would seem. I wanted to put it behind us.

"Did you see the tabloids?"

She looked down at my hands and nodded but didn't say anything.

"Look at me, Bella."

She turned over her shoulder, but I couldn't discern the look on her face. Was she
sad? Pissed? Hurt?

"Talk to me." I needed her reassurance.

"I saw the article." She shrugged and chuckled nervously. "At least it was a good
picture of me, unlike last time." She tried to make a joke of it, but I could tell there
was more under the surface.

"Are you okay?"

"No, but my not being okay won't change anything, will it? I can't make it stop. I'm
trying to focus on the things I can control, and I have no control over what people
print. Am I upset? Yeah. Do I fucking hate that my whole life is out there, including
my biggest mistakes and failures? Yeah. But what can I do about it?"

I leaned in and kissed her hair, holding her against me longer than necessary. This
was my fault, but I couldn't fix it any more than she could.

"I'm so sorry. Fuck, you have no idea how sorry I am."

"Hey, don't do that. I'm a big girl. I knew what I was getting into. Well, sort of. To
be honest, I didn't think it would be this bad, but we've talked about you making
changes, and maybe those changes will help. Maybe Tanya will find someone new to
obsess over, and the media will be all over him? Who knows what's going to happen?
All we can do is focus on what we have."
- 262 -
 My face was still buried in her hair as my breath got heavy with worry. She was
trying, but I'd been dealing with this shit for a while, and I knew it could wear down
even the strongest person.

"Please don't leave me, Bella, because of this. I'll do whatever I can to protect you
from the bullshit of my life, but it's my biggest fear that you'll leave. I don't think I
could bear it."

She turned in my lap and put her hand on my cheek. I leaned into it and looked
down at her pleading eyes.

"It bothers me, Edward. I'm not going to lie. They knew everything about me and
made me seem like a gold-digger who had already been responsible for one man's
death. You have no idea how hard Jacob's death has been for me to cope with,
because I do feel responsible. So yeah, seeing it printed out like that hurt me. A lot.
I've been trying to deal with the tabloid drama on my own, because I knew you'd be
worried, but I don't want to hide my feelings from you anymore."

"Is it too much? Oh God, Bella…" I felt my chest tighten with worry. I was such a
selfish fuck. I wanted her to choose to be with me, bullshit tabloids and all.

Her voice was calm and sweet. "It's been hard, but Edward, I'm not going to leave
you. I love you. I've never felt this way about anyone else, not even my former
husband."

I stifled a sob. I'd spent the entire flight stressed over this. Hell, I'd spent our
entire relationship stressed over this.

"Thank you for loving me despite all the crap that comes with me."

She gently rubbed my cheek. "Ever since we got back from Guatemala, I've
worried about things with us. I worried about not being good enough for you. I was
jealous of you being out and about with perfect movie stars. I've worried that I was
too fucked up from my past to be good for you. But the last month has given me
some clarity. I've missed you so much. We've said goodbye so many times."

"Too many times." This conversation was several months overdue. I was blown
away by her confession. How could she possibly think she wasn't good enough for
me? I was the lucky one here.

"Well, I don't want that anymore. I need to be honest with you. When I think about
my future, I see you in it. When I think about a family and having children, I picture
- 263 -
crazy bronze hair and piercing green eyes on tiny little bodies. As impossible as it
seems that we'd be here together, we are. We've come a long way."

I was completely overwhelmed. She thought about our future. She thought about
having a family with me.

My hands moved of their own volition along her cheeks and into her hair as I
pulled her face to mine for a kiss, hoping that it said all the things I wanted to
convey.

I'll love you forever.

I can't live without you.

Thank you for loving me.

"Bella," I sighed pulling back just slightly so I could look her in the eyes. "I want
all that, too."

Her eyes reflected the love we both felt in that moment, yet I wanted her to feel
reassured about us.

"I'll never leave you. I know he left you and hurt you, but I won't do that."

A tear slid down her face, and I wiped it with my thumb as she whispered, "Thank
you."

We stood and made our way inside. Between the travel and the enormity of
discussion tonight, I was wiped out. Never had an air mattress felt more comfortable
to me. Even though it was small and each toss and turn was amplified, it was
perfect. The sun lit up the room at some ungodly hour, and yet I was perfectly
content, having slept with Bella at my side.

It reminded me of the way I felt my first morning in Guatemala. I was scared and
nervous, but it just felt right. I knew then that my decision was the right choice, just
like I knew now that I'd made the right decision in moving out here.

There are some moments in life that stand out as profound; times when you have a
choice to take two different paths, both of which will lead to dramatically different
outcomes in life. I smiled to myself, knowing I'd taken the right path, with the right
woman.

- 264 -
 A/N: So, Bella came through for Edward and is opening up! Now here's
where real life become real. Let's see how they do.

I love your reviews and respond to every one, so please leave me a little
note. It's the only way I know you're reading.

Reviews=Teasers

Thanks to my betas TwiHart and Viola Cornuta for all the help. I know it's
a busy time of year, but you guys are awesome! Also, Sunfeathers, ellierk,
and Dana1779- thanks for your thoughts!

If you haven't checked out my profile lately, please do. I've posted pictures
of all things Surviving the Rain on there and will continue to do so.

Finally, please check out my O/S for the Cherry Exchange contest. It's
called Hard Day, Hard Night and it's in my profile. Voting starts Dec 5th,
and I'll need all the votes I can get.

Next up? A little fun for these guys!

- 265 -
 Chapter 22 Patient

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 22: Patient

Bella

"Are you still sleeping?" I asked, nudging Edward as the sun streamed into his
bedroom.

He groaned and rolled over, pulling his pillow over his head.

"Uh- uh," I joked, fighting against his strong arms to lift the pillow. "I know that
trick."

"What time is it?" he mumbled, not bothering to pull out his head.

I shook his chest so there was no way he could go back to sleep. "It's almost
nine-o'clock."

He began to move grudgingly, running his hand though his hair and rubbing his
eyes.

"You are cruel, Bella. I haven't slept in for ages." He looked adorable in the
morning, all squished and disheveled.

"How much longer were you going to sleep? Besides, I've got a surprise for you,
and I can't wait any longer." I lay on my side, with my elbow supporting my head.

He turned and faced me, mimicking my stance. "A surprise, huh?" His fingers
lightly traced my collar bone and down my chest, ghosting over my breast.

I smiled. He was very easily distracted.

"Focus, Edward," I said as I shook my head and grabbed his hand. Not that I
minded when he touched me like that at all, but I wanted to tell him my surprise,
and I knew if we got sidetracked, I'd never do it.
- 266 -
 "Sorry. You were saying," Edward straightened up, trying to put on his best Boy
Scout face.

"I made reservations for a getaway. Actually, I've been plotting it for several
weeks. You have no idea how hard it is for me to keep a secret from you, but I
wanted this to be fun.

He sat upright and gave me his undivided attention. "This sounds like my kind of
surprise. Go on."

"Well, since you're new to California, I thought we could take a trip up the coast to
Big Sur. It's beautiful up there. I found us a gorgeous hotel that came highly
recommended by Alec. It's supposedly got great views and the rooms are
immaculate."

He raised an eyebrow. "Alec knew about my vacation before I did? I'm not sure
how I feel about that."

I hit him lightly on the arm. "Focus."

Alec had been the source of more than one heated conversation between Edward
and me. He didn't seem to agree with me that Alec was completely harmless. In a
way, his little jealous tendencies were cute, but I wanted and needed him to trust
me. He couldn't keep me locked away from every gorgeous man in Southern
California - the odds were not in his favor.

"Sorry," he said apologetically, pulling me on top of him as he lay down flat. "So,
when's this trip to Big Sur?"

"Well, I'm kinda proud of myself. I've been working with Alice, whose been
working with Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, and we're all meeting up there next
weekend. I've been picking up double shifts lately to pull this off, so Dr. Banner was
fine with it.

That had been another source of heated discussion between Edward and me - my
hours. I was trying to maintain balance, but it was hard when the expectations were
so high of me. I felt like I was failing at both aspects of my life. I couldn't be with
Edward enough, and I couldn't work enough. I honestly didn't know what Edward
expected me to do. I couldn't quit, and I wasn't in a position to say no to my boss. It
was a futile discussion, and almost always involved make up sex of some kind, which
I actually quite liked; not enough to make the argument worthwhile, but it was nice
nonetheless.
- 267 -
 "You really got everyone together so soon?" Edward asked, surprised. Clearly he
didn't understand just how anal-retentive I was. I could organize the grains of sand
on the beach if given enough time.

"Well, Carlisle couldn't come. He's actually getting ready to ship out again soon.
Not to Guatemala, but to Haiti to help with relief efforts there. The man's a
machine."

Edward's hands were caressing my hair, making me lose my train of thought.

"That's too bad about Carlisle," Edward said, pulling me to him. His lips just
barely touched the skin of my cheek as he spoke.

"Uh huh," I mumbled, rendered incoherent by Edward's warm breath on my face.

"Thank you for planning it all. I would have helped, but I'm glad it was a surprise.
I think we need this."

"I agree. I think it'll be a good thing."

He rolled us both over so he was on top of me. "I don't know what Alice has been
doing to Jasper, but that boy is whipped," he said, wiggling to position himself
between my legs. As if acting on instinct, I wrapped my legs around him.

"You should hear her?" I retaliated. "She won't shut up about Jasper and his big…"

His hand was over my mouth before I could finish. "Please…he's my brother."

I raised my eyebrows in jest. I loved grossing him out. "What? You don't want to
hear that he's got a huge di…"

"That's it." Edward began tickling me, which he knew I hated, and I squirmed to
break free, unsuccessfully.

"Stop, Edward," I squeaked out. "I hate this."

"No more talking about Jasper's dick. Got it?"

I nodded as I kicked, and he eventually stopped.

"Truce?" I said, still huffing and puffing.

- 268 -
 He rolled off me and threw his legs over the side of the bed, looking over his
shoulder. "Truce."

As our trip approached, I began to get more and more excited. I really had been
working a lot, and it seemed like I didn't get to see Edward very much.

He had started writing again. He managed to convince Victoria that a departure

from Aiding and Abetting wouldn't be the career suicide she had tried to warn him
about. She wasn't happy, but I suspected Edward would look for West Coast
representation once his contract was up at the end of the year.

We hadn't really talked all that much about Victoria. She came out a couple of
weeks ago to meet with him, but I had managed to be working the entire time. The
less I saw of Victoria, the happier I was.

Edward was settling in to life in California. It was great that Emmett was so close
by. He and Edward went running and bike riding at least a couple times a week. I
was happy he had someone else besides me. There were also a few fellow authors he
had met at industry events over the past year whom he considered friends. I had
met a few of them, and they seemed nice enough. We hadn't really gone out with
any friends since he'd moved here, given that our time together was so coveted.

That was another reason I was excited about this trip. I missed my friends. I
missed being around couples both Edward and I liked equally.

Rosalie and Emmett had been secretly seeing each other since the gala. I didn't
understand Rose's need to keep it a secret since Emmett was hardly the secretive
type. Anyone who saw them together could tell what was going on. Nonetheless, I
played along with Rosalie in front of Kate and other friends. Anyone who had been in
the limo at the gala had been treated to the Rose and Emmett show, but apparently
Rosalie had forgotten about their drunken PDA.

This weekend was the first time they were going to officially "be out" together. It
was a big step for Rosalie, who played her cards very close to the vest. Edward and I
just rolled our eyes. They were obviously crazy about each other.

Edward and I packed up the car for the drive, which was about five to six hours,
depending on LA traffic. Getting caught in LA at the wrong time could add several
hours to any trip. As meticulous as I was, I planned on exactly the right departure
time to practically guarantee we'd have a traffic-free trip. So when we arrived at
Rosalie's place, and she wasn't finished packing, I became anxious.

- 269 -
 "Jesus, Rose," I yelled into her room from the living room. "You knew we were
coming."

She came out of her room with her roller bag in tow, looked at me and then at
Edward. "She needs to get laid more than anyone I know. You're slacking, Cullen."

He looked at the ground and chuckled, smartly avoiding eye contact with me. My
sister and I had always been on opposite sides of the on-time/late spectrum, and it
drove me fucking crazy. I hated being late.

"Are you finally ready?" I asked, faking a smile. "We wouldn't want to keep Mr.
Four Times in One Night waiting." It was low, I admit. She was very private and
surprisingly modest about Emmett, especially since Edward and Emmett were
friends. She had practically begged me not to tell Edward about their sex life. I had
no desire to gossip about my sister, but desperate times called for desperate
measures.

If looks could kill, I'd have been dead. I didn't care; it was better than sitting in LA
traffic.

After we picked up Emmett, Rosalie's mood lightened significantly, as did mine,

and the rest of the road trip was pleasant. How could it not be with Emmett in the
car?

Once we got onto the curving stretches of Hwy 101 that ran along the coast, we
all really felt like we were on vacation. The rugged cliffs contrasting with the
crashing waves and deep blue ocean were an instant mood lifter. It was impossible
not to be awestruck by the view.

The inn where we were staying was up in the hills of Big Sur, nestled into the tall
woods with a commanding view of the ocean in the background. It was every bit as
spectacular as Alec had said. The front receptionist told us that in the spring, the
hillsides were covered with wildflowers. What a beautiful place.

Alice and Jasper were about an hour or so behind us. She'd just recently started
working in Seattle and had been staying with Jasper for the last few weeks while she
found a place. There was no such thing as 'moving too fast' with the two of them. I'd
honestly never seen two people hit if off like the two of them had.

The room was rustic and had a cabin feeling to it, with rich wood paneling on the
walls and dark wood floors. The bed was a dark wood four-post bed, with crisp white
linens, drawing a stark contrast with the rich wood tones. Off to one side, there was
- 270 -
a stone fireplace with two leather chairs and a small table facing it. I could easily
get lost in the deep and comfortable chairs.

The bathroom, on the other hand was light and spa-like with cool travertine tiles
throughout. It had a huge soaker tub and a freestanding glass-enclosed shower. At
the end of the bathroom was a door that led onto the deck.

We made our way outside, still checking out the place and nearly gasped at the
sight of the balcony. The resort was nestled along a hillside, so our room was
perched among the treetops. The balcony had two Adirondack chairs, a hammock
and a sunken hot tub. Pots of lavender and sage lined the deck, and even in the late
fall gave off beautiful fragrances.

I put my hands on the railing and inhaled the cool breeze and sweet nature scent.

"I could get used to this place," I sighed, as Edward's hands came around my
waist.

He kissed my neck, and I tilted it to the side to encourage him. It had been a while
since we were someplace with nothing else to do but simply enjoy being together.
He was right; we had needed this.

"I plan on getting very used to this place later," Edward cooed in my ear.
"Especially the bed."

I turned in his arms, and his lips met mine in a passionate kiss. I felt the stress
leave my body, only feeling him. It was divine.

We eventually pulled apart and went back inside. We were meeting our friends at
4:00 for drinks on the patio outside the hotel restaurant.

We took our time showering and getting dressed. I didn't want to rush anything. If
I could have stopped time, I would have.

The sun was getting low in the sky by the time we met up with everyone. We could
not have picked a better spot; the views of the ocean and coastline were
spectacular.

It was comforting to see how all of us relaxed when we were together. It was as if
we had never been apart. We all just fit, and there was an ease about our friendships
that made me feel exceptionally happy. I hadn't realized until that moment just how
much I had missed this camaraderie.
- 271 -
 The same ease of conversation drifted into dinner. Although my meal was among
the best I'd had in my life, it was the company that made the meal memorable. Wine
flowed. Conversation sparked. And laughter could be heard tables away.

Edward and I were feeling a little tipsy as we walked along the pebble path back
to the main building that housed our room. We were hand in hand and still laughing
from the night's conversations. As we came to a set of stone stairs, Edward turned to
look at me, and just as he did his foot slipped from the stair, and he began to tumble.
It happened so fast. One minute we were walking fine and the next he was at the
bottom of the stairs.

I flew down the stairs, where he was on the floor rocking back and forth, wincing
in pain. I immediately went into doctor mode.

I shooed Edward's hands away and began palpating his leg from his knee down.

"Tell me where it hurts," I ordered, all business.

"Fuck…my ankle," he hissed, still rocking to cope with the pain.

I ran my hands down the side of his chin to his ankle. As soon as I reached it, he
pulled back quickly.

"Fuck, right there. Shit!" He swatted at my hand to get me to stop touching him.

"Let me help you, Edward."

He sighed, acquiescing reluctantly. He didn't like being out of control, especially

not in front of his girlfriend.

I moved his foot a few times to ascertain whether or not he had broken anything.
It was starting to swell, but based on the movement he still had, it appeared to be
just a sprain.

"Looks like that round at Pebble Beach will have to be cancelled," I said,
shrugging.

"Pebble Beach!" He sat up and practically yanked his foot away. "Fuck!"

"I'm just kidding with you, Edward," I said with a smile. It was rare that I could
catch him with any form of practical joke. "I was just trying to lighten the mood."

- 272 -
 "Bella, telling a man that a round of golf at Pebble Beach has to be cancelled
because he was too big of a klutz to stay upright does anything but lighten the
mood."

"It's more than likely just a sprain," I explained in my doctor voice. "But I want to
keep an eye on it tonight."

He pulled my hand, bringing my lips to meet him. "You're cute when you're being
all doctor-ish."

"Really? Have a lot of doctor/patient fantasies, do you?"

"Hey, it comes with the territory when you go out with one."

"Well, let's get you home first, and then we'll see what happens. How's that?"

I helped him to his feet, and he brushed himself off. He'd fallen a good five or six
steps. I was surprised that all that seemed to have happened was a sprain. If that
had been me, I'd have broken bones.

He threw his arm around my shoulder, and we hobbled back to the room. I started
a fire, changed clothes, washed my face and dimmed the lights all in the time it took
him to get his pants halfway off.

"Baby, I could have helped you," I said, watching him struggle with his sock.

"I can do it."

Such a man.

"Well, I'm going in the hot tub. At the rate you're going, I'll be done before you're
in your boxers. You sure you don't want some help?"

Assessing the situation, he agreed, and I helped finish getting him undressed. I
liked taking care of him. I liked that he needed me.

He could barely walk the short distance to the hot tub, so we hobbled together,
naked and wrapped in towels out onto the patio and slid into the warm water. Steam
wafted all around us as we moaned in appreciation. The jets swirled as we threw our
heads back in relaxation.

"Oh God, this is perfect," he sighed. "I'm all stiff from my fall. How embarrassing."
- 273 -
 I crawled over to him and straddled his lap. He was feeling stupid, and I could tell
he just needed a little reassurance that he was still as manly-man as ever.

His hands came to my ass and pulled me close, grinding his hips into me. Being
naked in a hot tub with Edward, injured or not, was very nice.

"Is this okay, doctor? Is this part of my treatment?"

I pulled back and shook my head. "Really? The doctor thing? So corny."

He laughed. "Sorry, can't help it."

He buried his face in my shoulder as he kissed my overheated skin, still rocking

his hips against me in a slow and steady rhythm.

His fingers gripped my hair at the back of my head, and our eyes met as he spoke.
"I've been thinking a lot about things since we got here and had a lot of plans for
tonight until my stupid fall. I wanted this to be special. I wanted to remind you why
we're so good together."

Gone was the joking tone from just moments before. Edward was genuinely
concerned. I had to fix this.

"I know how good we are. Was there ever any doubt in your mind?" I asked.

"No, baby," he confessed, his fingers still gripping my head, his gaze intense. "I
just love you so much."

I pulled his face to meet my lips. "I'm sorry if I've given you any doubts. I love you,
too."

"Well there is one way you can prove it to me," he said, smirking. I was glad the
mood had lightened.

I played along, happily. "Oh? And what's that?"

"Help me to the bed?"

"That's it? Just help you to the bed?"

"Well, no. But you're a very resourceful woman. I have every confidence you can
figure something out."
- 274 -
 "I'm sure I can." I stood and climbed out of the hot tub, feeling Edward's roaming
and appreciative eyes on me.

I wrapped myself in a towel and helped him out. He hated being so helpless.

I laid him on the bed and finished drying him off. He rolled his eyes. "I can dry
myself off, you know?"

"Yes, but can you do this by yourself?" I placed a kiss on his inner thigh, and he
jumped. "I thought not. Now, let me work."

Deciding being dried off and kissed by his girlfriend wasn't the end of the world,
Edward folded his hands behind his head and watched me.

I ran my hands up the length of his legs and pulled the towel out from underneath
him. "You won't need this anymore."

His hand reached out and rubbed my arm, but I pushed it away. "Uh uh…this is
about you right now."

"Just because I'm hurt doesn't mean I'm helpless."

"Shh…"

He pulled back and rejoined his hands behind his head, a devilish grin ever
present on his face.

I straddled him and began kissing from his neck down his body to his navel. The
intensity of his moans with each of my kisses increased as I got closer to his cock,
which had become quite hard.

My hand slid down his leg and slowly moved back up until I gripped his length,
causing him to buck up into my hand. Meanwhile, my mouth moved over his hip,
gently kissing his sensitive muscles.

"Bella…" By this time, his hands were clutching the sheets and his gaze was fixed
on my hand.

Watching him closely, I put my mouth around the tip and took him into my mouth.
Never breaking eye contact, I moved lower and slowly back up.

"Oh fuck…that's good."

- 275 -
 I began to move faster, encouraged by his shallow breaths and words of praise.
His body was tense, and his hips moved into me as I sucked and licked.

When I could see him straining, I pulled my lips from him and rose slightly. His
hands immediately went to my hips as he pulled me to straddle him.

"I want to be inside you," he said sternly, grabbing his cock to position it correctly.
I lifted myself up to help and then thrust down onto him. Even after all the times
we'd been together, I was still shocked at how completely he filled me. I never got
tired of the way his body moved to go deeper.

His hands moved to my hips and gripped me tightly as he encouraged me to move.

His eyes focused on where we were joined. He was still semi-sitting so he had a
good view.

Being on top allowed me to get just the right angle, and within minutes I was
exploding around him.

"So…good…ah…" I could barely speak.

His hands on my hips helped keep the pace he wanted as his jaw clenched with
the pent up tension.

"I love seeing you like this," he sighed. "I love making you feel good."

I put my hands on his shoulders to get leverage and began to ride him hard,
rocking my hips and thrusting down onto him. Each time I took him deep inside me,
we both grunted loudly. The pace was fast and hard, and I could feel the pressure
building up again.

"Oh God…oh God…"

His thrusts upward matched my downward ones as his arms moved around my
ribs, pressing my body down with each upward thrust.

I threw my head back as my orgasm overcame me, only vaguely hearing him
scream out as he came as well.

I fell forward on top of him and let his hands caress my back until we were both
recovered enough to speak.

"You were right."

- 276 -
 "About what?"

" You're definitely not helpless."

"Told you." His kissed my forehead, then my cheek, then my lips. The frenzy from
before was replaced by sweet and slow kisses.

I didn't even remember falling asleep. One minute I was in Edward's arms and the
next I was wrapped up in a fluffy blanket.

The next morning, the guys played a quick nine holes of golf, sadly NOT at Pebble
Beach. Much to Edward's dismay, he had been relegated to the golf cart due to his
injury.

Meanwhile, the girls and I went to the spa. I felt bad about Edward, but he
assured me the round would go quickly and that we should go "get our spa on." I
guessed he probably wanted some guy time, too.

After a much needed massage, the girls all met in the sauna.

"So, how was your night after you left?" Rosalie asked, raising her eyebrow at me.
"You guys looked awfully cozy."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Before or after Edward fell down the stairs and
sprained his ankle?"

"Yeah, he didn't look good this morning. I hope he's okay," Alice chimed in.

"He is," I said with a wink. "I made it up to him."

"I'm sure you did." I loved Alice. Nothing embarrassed her, and consequently
nothing embarrassed me in her presence.

"So, Emmett told me something very interesting last night," Rosalie said, feigning
nonchalance even though I could tell she was bursting at the seams.

"What's that? You look like the cat that just ate the canary. Spill it."

"I promised I wouldn't tell you, but Emmett should have known better. I can't keep
a secret like this from my own sister."

"Spill it." This time it was Alice who chimed in.

- 277 -
 "Well, it would seem a certain someone has been shopping lately."

"Uh huh…" I said, gesturing with my hands for her to be more forthcoming.

"He's going to ask you to marry him, Bella."

Holy crap!

A/N: So how do you think Bella is going to react to this news? Will she be
excited or scared shitless? Will she embrace it or run away? Let me hear
your theories! Check my profile for pics of the hotel and getaway spot.

Thanks as always to my betas, TwiHeart and Viola Cornuta, who helped me

with this over the holiday. Also, I love my pre-readers Sunfeathers, ellierk,
and Dana1779 so much!

If you haven't done so, please check out my O/S for the Cherry Exchange.
Public voting starts December 5th, and I could really use your support and
pimpage. The story is called Hard Day, Hard Night. It's a fun little read. The
link is in my profile.

Next up, Bella talks…but to whom? And about what?

- 278 -
 Chapter 23 Dr Swan

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 23: Dr. Swan

Bella

I spent the rest of the trip up north freaking out about Rosalie's unexpected
confession.

I watched Edward closely for any signs that what she said was true. According to
Rosalie, Edward had talked to Emmett about it.

I was so confused. I wanted it to be true. I mean, Edward had moved all the way
across the country for me, and when I thought about my future, he was always in it.
I honestly couldn't imagine not having him in my life.

But I was still getting used to having him here and all that went along with it. I
was trying to cope with the paparazzi and tabloids and the screaming fangirls, but it
wasn't always easy. It didn't seem like my life. It seemed like I was watching a movie
or something.

But then when Edward and I were alone together, or with our friends, it all made
sense.

I was so confused. Of course I would say yes to Edward. I loved him. But could I
really handle all of it?

Because I had taken the time off to go to Big Sur, I have to jump right back into
work when we got back. I was actually glad for the break from my over-analytical
thoughts.

I had spent the night at Edward's so I was rushing around in the morning to get to
work on time for my shift. Going on a vacation, no matter how short was always a
little bittersweet because it left me scrambling when I got back.

I stopped by Starbucks and sped to the hospital. I accidentally slammed my coat in

- 279 -
my car door and spilled my coffee when I got jerked back trying to walk away. Then
my heel caught on some uneven concrete, and my purse flew from my arms and
spewed the contents all over the parking lot.

"Fuck!" I yelled as I kneeled to grab my stuff.

What a morning this had been.

I was just getting my stuff back in my purse when I heard a bunch of footsteps and
chatter. I looked up just in time to see a herd of paparazzi coming toward me.

"Doctor Swan, is it true that you and Edward Cullen are engaged?"

They were all around me.

"Miss Swan, what does Edward think about Tanya Denali and her new role?"

I had to get out of this.

"Can you confirm that you and Edward Cullen are living together?"

Please, make this stop.

I pushed through the crowd, finally reaching the front door. Security wouldn't let
them follow me in, which was a blessing because as soon as I got inside, tears
started flowing down my face.

I wiped my eyes as I got into the elevator.

Calm down, Bella. It's over.

For now.

I took several deep breaths and steadied myself as the doors opened.

This was where things made sense for me. I could be me and not have to worry
about anything except doing what I did best.

"There you are, Bella," Alec said as he rounded the corner. "Banner's been looking
for you."

"I'm only" - I glanced down at my watch - "ten minutes late."

- 280 -
 He raised his eyebrow at me. "You know how he gets."

"I ran into some photographers outside."

He put his hand on my arm. "I saw them there this morning when I came in. Are
you okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, thanks. It's just a lot to deal with, you know?"

"Well, I'm here if you need to talk. In the meantime, you should find Banner."

I walked into my office and set down my stuff. I quickly straightened myself up
and tried to look presentable when I met with Dr. Banner. He was a wonderful man
but extremely demanding of his staff. He definitely wasn't someone I wanted to piss
off.

I knocked on the door, and he looked up from his computer screen. "Ah, Dr. Swan,
I see you finally arrived."

I internally rolled my eyes. He always did have a penchant for the overly dramatic.
It was only ten minutes.

I was feeling upset and bitchy from both the loss of my latte and being bombarded
at the door. I wasn't in the mood to be hassled about being ten minutes late like I
was a child.

"You wanted to see me?" I asked as I sat in the chair opposite his desk.

He folded his hands on his desk and gave me his most intimidating glare.

"There have been some changes I've noticed lately. Not all of them positive."

"I'm not sure I understand." There was no need for him to start being coy now.
Better he just come out with it.

"Dr. Swan, this hospital has always had a reputation of being the top of its kind.
It's not a circus."

"No, of course not."

"So naturally, when I come to work and get harassed by people with cameras who
have camped out by our front doors, asking about you, it's unsettling."
- 281 -
 Oh God, they harassed Dr. Banner, too?

"I'm not the only one. There have been several complaints to security. I know I
don't need to point this out, but it's unprofessional."

"Dr. Banner, I'm so sorry. I'm trying to figure out how to make it all go away. I
never wanted this to happen."

I was stumbling over my words, but there was nothing I could say. I couldn't make
them leave. I couldn't guarantee they wouldn't show up again.

"I know you didn't mean for this to happen. You've always been very professional.
However, lately I've noticed that your commitment seems to be wavering."

I sat up straight in my seat for emphasis. "No, Dr. Banner. I'm very committed to
my work - our work."

"I'd like to see you focus more, Dr. Swan. Now that you've had a few days off and
several last month as well, I think you should be well rested, don't you?"

I nodded. "Yes, I'll make more of an effort."

"Thank you, Dr. Swan. That'll be all."

He went right back to his work before I'd even gotten out of the chair. This
conversation had been the coldest I'd had with him, and I could feel his
disappointment in the air. I'd worked so hard to get where I was, and now it just felt
like I was letting everyone down.

I just wanted this day to be over. What else could go wrong? Maybe I would get
struck by lightening and make it a triple crown.

I shuffled through the papers and charts on my desk a little more roughly than
needed. I didn't know whether to scream or start crying.

A knock on my door pulled me from my thoughts.

"Hey," Alec said. "How'd it go with Banner?"

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "You don't want to know."

"That good, huh?"

- 282 -
 "If it's not one thing, it's another," I said, sitting down in my chair with a whoosh.

He sat in the chair opposite my desk.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm just frustrated. It seems like just when one aspect of my life is falling into
place, something else crashes. Things are finally going well with Edward, and he's
out here now. But then I come in today to have Banner tell me that I'm not doing
enough."

"Bella, you're an amazing doctor. Banner knows he's lucky to have you on his
staff. Don't let him get to you."

"Thanks. I'm trying not to, but I'm just one person. I can't be everything to
everyone."

Alec stood and came around the desk, pulling me to stand and giving me a hug.

"It'll all be fine. Just do what you do best, and it'll all work out."

Even though I knew Alec was just comforting me, it felt weird to be in his arms
like this, so I pulled away and wiped the tear that had fallen.

"Thanks for listening. I appreciate it."

"No problem. I'm going on my rounds now. I'll catch you later, okay?"

I smiled weakly as he turned to leave. I needed to get my shit together.

Edward texted me several times that morning, but I was so behind I didn't have
time to get back to him. It was staggering how much work had piled up in my
absence.

Ever since the news of me dating Edward had been made public and my pictures
kept showing up on tabloids, I had new people either trying to befriend me or
talking about me behind my back. Nurses would be extra nice to me; I guessed
hoping to get closer to Edward. I had no idea, but it was unnerving. I'd never been
paranoid about my friendships until now. It was amazing what fame did to people.
Everyone wanted a piece of Edward and, subsequently, me. It made me appreciate
the real friends I had immensely.

- 283 -
 My phone buzzed that afternoon, and I glanced down to see that it was from
Edward.

Miss you today. Be off in time for dinner? ~E

I looked down at my watch. 6:30? Already? Where the hell had the time gone?

There's no way. Eat without me. Should I come over when I get off? ~B

Yeah. You have the key. I'll wait up. ~E

I shoved down a granola bar I'd gotten from the vending machines and continued
working. I was mentally and physically drained. I poured over charts and met with
my colleagues and patients. Before I knew it, it was after midnight.

I dropped my purse on the table by the door. The moonlight shown in through
Edward's windows, casting a glow throughout the room. The lights were all off.

I tiptoed into the bedroom, not wanting the sound to wake Edward up. He'd
promised to wait up for me, probably assuming I'd be off at a reasonable hour. Just
as predicted, he was sleeping when I came into the bedroom. He looked so sweet
and peaceful, and my heart suddenly hurt because I'd missed him tonight. I'd only
seen him for the few minutes before I left this morning, and even then, I was
running around trying to get out of the house. Hardly the picture of domestic bliss.

After taking off my clothes and putting on some pajama pants and a camisole, I
made my way into the bathroom. There was a note taped to the mirror.

Stayed up as long as I could. Sorry you had to work late. See you in the morning.
~E

God, this man was so sweet.

I climbed into bed and felt his heat. It was comforting. I was glad I hadn't gone
home alone to my house.

The next morning, I woke up without the alarm, so worried that I'd oversleep.

I crawled over and straddled a sleeping Edward. His arms came around my body,
even though his eyes were still closed. I kissed his neck, and he sighed.

"Morning, baby," I said in between kisses. "Sorry I missed you last night."
- 284 -
 His eyes opened. "You must have been late. I didn't go to bed until midnight."

"I'll have to tell you all about it when I have more time. Banner was upset at me."

"Why?"

"There were paparazzi at the hospital, among other things."

"Shit, Bella. I'm so sorry. I never meant for…"

"Shhh…" I put my finger over his lips. "It's not your fault, so don' t you dare
apologize."

"I don't want that for you."

"I know." I knew he was being sincere, but there was nothing he could do about it,
either.

"What else happened with Dr. Banner?" he asked, still gently running his hands up
and down my back.

"We'll talk about it later. I've got to get to work."

I reluctantly climbed out of bed, the cool morning air hitting me like a freight
train, sending chills up my spine.

I quickly got dressed, gave Edward a kiss and ran off for another day. The next
few days went exactly the same, and began melding together.

I hadn't been home to my house except to shower and change clothes in over a
week. Things were piling up. I needed to go shopping. I needed to clean. I needed to
pay bills.

I had worked every day since we got back from Big Sur and was completely
exhausted.

You're mine tonight. No excuses. ~E

I needed a break, even if it meant working extra hours tomorrow. I missed

Edward. I needed Edward.

You're on. Dinner. My place 7:00. ~B

- 285 -
 I'll bring the groceries. You supply the wine. ~E

I still had two more hours of work before my self-imposed quitting time. Thinking
of a nice dinner and evening with Edward made the time pass quickly.

I rushed out to my car using the back door since I'd been warned there were
paparazzi out front. I still couldn't understand what the hell they wanted with me,
but as long as I avoided them, I felt better.

I stopped off at my favorite wine and cheese shop on the way home. The owner,
Angela, knew everything there was to know about wine and always had a great
selection.

I passed by a news and flower stand on the way in when a tabloid caught my eye.

Again?

There, on the cover of some piece of shit magazine was a picture of Edward and
Tanya at some red carpet event from the past. One of the pictures from the other
morning was inset into one of Edward and Tanya. I had my hand in front of my face
and an irritated look. The headline was especially unflattering.

Tanya Denali's Revenge. While Tanya stars in Aro Volturi's latest thriller, Edward
Cullen is clinging to a Plain Jane.

Another magazine right next to that had a picture of Edward and me at the gala
and right below that had an unflattering one where I looked pasty white and horrid.
That caption read:

Edward's Latest Fling with a Criminal Past?

A criminal? What the hell? I'd never been in any trouble with the law.

I snatched up the magazines and paid for them quickly. I didn't want to be late for
Edward, but I wanted to see what lies had been printed this week.

My mood was foul when I entered the wine shop. Angela, sensing my distress, put
me right at ease, doing all the talking about her latest shipments. I walked out of
there feeling much better and with two excellent bottles of Pinor Noir.

Thank you, Angela.

- 286 -
 Edward arrived a few minutes after I got home. My house was freezing and felt
unlived in. Of course, it had been unlived in since we spent almost all my limited
free time at Edward's place.

"I brought steaks," he said as he kissed me before setting down the bags.

"Perfect. I brought Pinot Noir."

He went into the living room to start a fire while I unpacked the groceries. I
wondered if he'd seen the headlines, or if he'd even care. He had to be numb to this
stuff by now. I wondered when I'd get to that point.

I didn't bring up the tabloids at dinner. I knew Edward would feel horrible about
them, and we'd had such little time together I didn't want to ruin it.

Dinner was fabulous, and afterwards we sat in front of the fire and talked - really
talked. It was comforting. I was reminded of my conversation with Rosalie and
thought briefly that being married to Edward, if we could just be like this, would be
wonderful.

Edward hadn't made a peep about marriage or even our relationship. I wished I
knew what his conversations with Emmett consisted of. I decided to probe him a
little bit.

"Edward?" I asked, playing with his sleeve as I lay next to him on the couch.

He turned to look at me. "What's up?"

"How do you like California?"

He sighed, as if he was composing his thoughts. "It's different than I thought it

would be. I expected a lot of fake people, but so far the ones I've met have been
really down to Earth."

"I think it's like everywhere. There are good people and not so good people. What
about everything else? How do like your house? How's writing coming?"

"I'm not crazy about the traffic, but I love my house. It's everything I wanted it to
be. I'm not going to lie, I still miss Washington, but if I can't live there, then I'm
happy where I am."

"Good, I'm glad."

- 287 -
 Edward didn't mention anything about us sharing his place, like he'd mentioned
when he first bought it. Even when I confessed that I saw him in my future, he
hadn't said anything about me moving in or taking our relationship to the next level.
If Rosalie hadn't mentioned anything, I'd have had no inclination as to his plans.

Maybe Emmett's mistaken?

I had worked it out with Dr. Banner to work a later shift the next day. I didn't
think he'd object since I'd put in so many hours lately, but he gave me a little stink
eye when I asked.

Edward fell asleep easily as it got later, the wine and heavy dinner knocking him
out. I was still curious and upset about the tabloids, so I snuck out of bed and went
into the kitchen to read them.

The first one was mostly about Tanya and how great she was. There were several
pictures of her with Edward, looking fabulous. The pictures of me were unflattering,
of course. Someone had obviously caught me coming out of the gym and there was
another one of me at the grocery store. Whatever. I was getting used to the kind of
manipulation that occurred.

The second one really bothered me, and I was very curious to read what crime I
had supposedly committed. I flipped through the pages and finally found the article.
There was a picture of Jake and my heart sank.

I read frantically.

Dr. Isabella Swan was considered a prime suspect in the supposed accidental
death of her husband, Jacob Black.

…the allegations were mysteriously dropped…

What? There was never a time when I was a suspect. It wasn't even murder. He
died accidentally!

I read on.

Sources close to the couple allege marital problems. Eva Knox, a former neighbor
of the Blacks tells us that there were often loud arguments coming from the
household and possibly even domestic abuse. According to Ms. Knox, on the night of
Mr. Black's death, an argument ensued, ending in Mr. Black peeling away out of the
driveway.
- 288 -
 What. The. Fuck. Eva had been my neighbor for five years. I knew her kids. I
borrowed sugar. Why would she betray me like this? Was everything in Hollywood
just about money and fame? Was there no discretion? Was there no loyalty at all?

I was embarrassed and humiliated. I hadn't realized that mine and Jacob's
problems were so transparent to others. This article did nothing but air my dirty
laundry.

I couldn't stop the tears. When would it stop? What else would they find out?
Would they interview my first boyfriend? Would they find out about me doing
experimental drugs in college and ruin my reputation at work? Would they track
down all my old friends? Honestly, why did anyone care about any of this? About
me?

"Hey." I jumped when I heard Edward's voice behind me.

"You scared the shit out of me, Edward," I said, clutching my chest and wiping my
tears. In my fright, I dropped the magazine and he bent down to pick it up, noticing
the headline.

"A little late night reading?"

"I didn't want to mention it earlier. You'd gone to such trouble. I saw it at the
Wine Vault and hadn't had a chance to read it."

He closed the distance between us and rubbed his hands on the outside of my
arms.

"How bad is it?"

I fell into him and felt his loving arms engulf me. "Oh God, Edward," I sobbed.
"They just won't stop. What are people going to think?"

"Everyone who knows you knows that this stuff is all bullshit."

"Do they? Do they really? I hear people chattering in the hall at work when I walk
by. You don't think I know what they're saying? And this…" - I grabbed the magazine
from his hands and slammed it on the counter - "flat out says that I was responsible
for Jacob's death. Fuck!"

Edward tried to pull me into a hug, but I was too angry now. It wasn't his fault,
but no amount of comforting could take away the fact that the worst moment in my
- 289 -
life was printed for all to see.

There was no one to lash out at. There was no one to fix it. I had to just suck it up
and deal with it, and that pissed me off. Here I was up in the middle of the night,
fretting and worrying about the lies in this piece of shit magazine. Meanwhile on the
other side of town, the author of this tripe and my former friend were sleeping
peacefully. It wasn't their life they'd splattered about, so why should they care?

"Bella," Edward started again. I turned and looked at him. I couldn't imagine him
having any words that would provide me any peace of mind, but I listened anyway. "I
know this hurts. I've been there, too. I know what it feels like to want to rip off
someone's head. But believe me when I say it will pass. People are fickle, and
tomorrow there will be new gossip. I'm doing everything I can to get us out of the
spotlight. You know that, right?"

"I know, baby," I sighed. He'd been great, and it wasn't fair to take all this out on
him. "I feel like a broken record, always complaining about the same thing. It's just,
each time I see something like this, I wonder what else they could possibly print to
make it worse. And each time, I'm surprised by how far they go. It's not your fault. I
just don't know how to deal with it."

He hugged me tightly, and this time I didn't stop him. "I understand. You can talk
to me, though. You don't have to sneak off in the middle of the night and deal with
this alone."

"I didn't want to ruin dinner," I confessed, sniffling.

"Hey," he said, tilting my face up with his finger on my chin. "You could never ruin
anything. Don't be afraid to talk to me, because I do understand."

"Thank you." I felt like we always had this same conversation. I hated it, mostly
because I knew it wouldn't be the last time. I shuddered to think what they'd find
out about me next and spin to their liking.

We both finally fell asleep, and I welcomed the rest. I'd been burning the candle at
both ends lately and was mentally and physically exhausted.

Thankfully, I woke up with a little more perspective than I'd had the night before.
What had seemed like a huge, looming burden didn't look so horrible with the light
of morning.

Edward and I decided to go to a little breakfast place called The Penguin Cafe not
- 290 -
too far from my house. It didn't matter what day of the week it was, there was
always a wait. The décor was tacky and cheap, but the food spoke for itself.

I drank my first cup of coffee down like water in the Sahara and began to finally
feel alive. The place was buzzing with activity, which also helped to wake me up. I
was really dreading going in to work later. I needed a day off.

"He can do so much better…Have you seen his ex?" The conversation from the
table a few down from ours was escalating and becoming a little loud.

"Why would you say that? Because she's not famous? I think she's pretty. And
she's obviously smart," a woman retorted.

"He's a fool. She's a fucking criminal, for Christ's sake. And he's Edward Cullen…"

Holy shit! They were talking about us. I felt the air escape my lungs as I ducked
my head and sank into the chair. I wanted the Earth to open up and swallow me
whole. Just when I was feeling okay.

Edward began fumbling with his wallet and flagging down the waitress. The
people having the conversation continued to laugh and talk as though it was
nothing. It was just a dumb little discussion over breakfast for them, but it was my
life.

I tried to hold back the tears. I looked around, trying to see if people had noticed
us. Other than a few stares at Edward and some whispers, people were generally
eating a casual breakfast. How I envied them.

Edward pulled me to stand when the bill finally came and ushered me out of the
restaurant and quickly into the car.

I buried my face in my hands and cried. I was so fucking sick of crying.

"Let's go home," Edward said, gently rubbing my back.

"And do what? Wallow in misery? Fuck that. I've got to be at work in a few hours
anyway. Just take me to the hospital."

"Bella, don't."

"Don't what? It's the only thing I have left that makes any fucking sense. And even
at work, all this bullshit is creeping in."
- 291 -
 "I don't know what to do," he said sadly. "I don't know what to say."

"Just take me to the hospital. Please?" I was trying like hell to keep the vitriol out
of my voice. Edward didn't need to feel responsible.

He put the car in drive and nodded. "Okay."

I climbed out of Edward's passenger seat at the back door to the hospital. God
forbid I use the front door, especially with Edward. What a gold mine that would be
for the paps.

I leaned in the open window to say goodbye. "I'll be okay. I just need to think
about things. I'll call you later, okay?"

Edward reached his hand out and grabbed mine. "I love you. I'll come pick you up
when you're done, okay?"

"You don't have to do that. I can get a ride."

"Just call me."

I smiled weakly and turned to walk in the door. I just needed to clear my head. I
needed to feel normal and useful again.

"Hey, you okay?" Alec asked when he saw me.

"Don't ask," I deadpanned.

"You got it."

This was normal. This was good. I could do this.

A/N: *ducks* Don't throw tomatoes! The proverbial shit has hit the fan, at
least for Bella. This has to be frustrating for her– not having anyone to
blame or any way to fix things. She wants Edward; she truly does. But is that
enough to make all the other shit okay? We'll see next chapter!

Thanks to my betas, TwiHeart and Viola Cornuta for holding my hand this
week. I needed it! Also, thanks to my pre-readers Sunfeathers, ellierk, and
Dana1779 for calming my frayed nerves.

- 292 -
 Don't forget to leave me a review!

The next chapter will most likely not get posted until Thursday the 16th.
I'm going on vacation starting Thursday and will have limited computer
access (read: my husband will divorce me if I'm writing on our family
vacation.) So, if you review later this week, I won't be able to respond until I
get back.

Finally, voting is open until the 15th for the Cherry exchange contest. My
entry is called Hard Day, Hard Night, and I'd really love your votes. Please
see my profile for a link to the voting! I'm up against some really well known
authors, so I'd totally appreciate any help getting the word out.

Until next week…

- 293 -
 Chapter 24 Cracks

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 24: Cracks

Edward

I pulled away from the hospital and wanted to fucking punch something, someone.
I got about three blocks away before I had to pull over the car and beat the shit out
of the steering wheel.

The look on Bella's face when she heard those people talking at the restaurant
was horror-stricken. She hated all of this and yet, she put up with it for me. It felt
like it was only a matter of time before it all broke her down and she left. I was
helpless to stop it.

I thought about my conversation with Emmett. I told him how I wanted to ask
Bella to marry me. He was excited for me and encouraged me. I'd even bought a
ring. But that all seemed like a million years ago.

Bella and I seemed to have cycles. We were happy with each other when it was
just us; that was easy enough to see. I'd never been happier. But the rest of the time
it was hit or miss. We'd be fine, and then she'd see a tabloid or the paparazzi and
lose it. Or fans would come up to me and interrupt us, and she'd get annoyed. There
wasn't really anything I could do except for reassure her that I was committed to
her, to us. Maybe I was hasty thinking she'd marry me, but I knew she was the right
person for me, and I was confident in her feelings for me. We just had to strike a
balance.

I wanted to call or text her, but I knew she needed time to sort everything out. I
just wished I was the person she came to when she needed comfort.

I kept myself busy that afternoon, trying not to think about things. We'd sort all of
this out when she got home tonight.

Four o'clock came and went.

- 294 -
 Five o'clock came and went.

I couldn't take it anymore, so I texted her.

Are you coming home for dinner? ~E

Can't. Eat without me. Will get a ride to your place later. ~B

Can't? Won't? Did it matter?

I heated up some leftover Chinese food I'd gotten the night before and turned on
the TV. After flipping through multiple channels of crap, I finally settled on Airplane.
If that movie couldn't cheer me up, or at least take my mind of everything, I didn't
know what could.

I must have dozed off at some point because I woke up to the sound of a car
pulling into my driveway. The clock on the DVR read 12:34. There was some
infomercial on the TV. Rubbing my eyes, I went to the front window and noticed a
black Mercedes idling there. The engine and lights turned off, but no one got out.
Finally, Bella got out of the passenger side and Alec got out of the driver's seat.

Great, Alec is here.

He leaned against the hood of the car, and she came around and sat next to him. I
wished I could hear what they were talking about. Her body language was easy to
read. She ran her fingers through her hair and wiped her eyes, looking down. She
was upset. He put his hand on her shoulder and rubbed it up and down her arm. My
blood began to boil. It was my job to do that. I hated that I was jealous and basically
intruding on her privacy by spying on her, but I couldn't help it.

Alec gave Bella a big hug, lingering a little too long and touching a little too much,
if you asked me. They exchanged a few words, and she moved toward the door as he
got back into his car.

Not wanting to be caught spying, I quickly ran into the other room and threw
myself onto the couch.

The door opened and shut, and I heard her footsteps coming into the living room.

"I didn't know you'd still be awake," she said as she tossed her coat and purse
onto a chair.

- 295 -
 "I fell asleep watching a movie."

She sat down next to me and sank into my arms like a wet noodle. "I'm so tired."

I stood and held out my hand to her, pulling her to stand. I wrapped my arms
around her and kissed her forehead. She pulled me close but didn't say anything.

"I'm so sorry, baby," I whispered into her hair.

"Let's go to bed." Her voice was flat, resigned.

The next morning, I was hoping Bella and I could talk. Last night was obviously
not a good time, but I wanted to know how Bella was coping with everything, not
that I couldn't already tell. More than anything, I just wanted her to tell me things
were okay with us.

I didn't get the chance. By the time I got up, Bella had already gone to work.
There was a small note in the bathroom.

You looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't want to wake you. Today's shift
should be done early. Call you later. I love you, Bella.

I crumpled up the note and threw it harshly in the trashcan. "Fuck."

I needed to let off some steam. Writing wasn't happening. I called Emmett to see if
he wanted to work out. As if he could sense my fragile state of mind, he agreed.

I was already on the treadmill when Emmett arrived at the gym. He climbed on
one next to me and began to run.

"Want to tell me what this is all about?" Emmett didn't bother with niceties.

"We always work out together, Emmett."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

He turned back and focused on his run. We ran in silence for a few minutes.

"It's Bella," I finally confessed.

"Uh- huh. I figured as much."

- 296 -
 I slowed the treadmill down to a walk, and he did the same.

"I don't fucking know what to do," I said.

"What happened? Did she turn you down when you asked her to marry you?"

"I never even asked. I never got the chance. I feel like I never see her. She's
always working. Then the latest tabloid came out, and she freaked out. She's
pushing me away."

He nodded in understanding. "Rose told me a little bit about that. She's just
getting used to all of this. She'll come around."

"There's more."

"What?" He stopped his treadmill and grabbed his towel, wiping his face.

"There's another guy," I said, stepping off and toweling off.

"No way. There's no way Bella's fucking another guy," Emmett said emphatically.

"Fuck, I don't know. This guy Alec seems awfully interested. You remember him
from Bella's gala? Anyway, instead of calling me for a ride home last night, he
fucking brings her. They looked awfully chummy. And shit, she's with him more than
she's with me."

"Look, according to Rose, Bella's really struggling. Don't go all caveman on her, or
you'll push her too far. It'll be okay. And don't worry about this douchebag."

"Right. Easier said than done."

We shuffled through the gym to the free weights. We didn't talk about Bella after
that. I was grateful; I needed a break from my thoughts.

I thought a lot about what Emmett had said. I knew Bella. I trusted Bella. I
honestly didn't think she was the type to cheat on me. But I couldn't get the image of
him comforting her out of my mind. I kept seeing his arms around her, knowing he
didn't come with all this bullshit. She could have a normal relationship with him;
something I couldn't give her.

The next few weeks were more of the same. Bella and I didn't see much of each
other. When we were together, we tried to make the best of it. I took whatever I
- 297 -
could get, and in those times, we were just us again. We were happy. But it wasn't
enough. We needed a change.

I wanted to do something special for Bella – something that would show her how
much she meant to me. We needed to get back to the way we were in Guatemala or
even Big Sur. We needed to be us so she could see it was worth fighting for.

Dinner. I'd make her a special dinner.

I pulled out my phone and sent her a text.

I'm making dinner. Be here at 7:00? ~E

I smiled when the return text came.

A romantic dinner with THE Edward Cullen? How could I say no?~B

Don't let it go to your head. LOL. Love you. See you tonight. ~E

Excited about our date, I went to the grocery store to buy all the necessary
ingredients. Then I stopped by a flower store to get her something. I hadn't bought
her flowers before and picked out a bouquet the saleslady assured me she'd love.

Everything was in place.

The smell of roast chicken permeated the air. It was a specialty of mine; I could
cook it to perfection. The potatoes were in the oven, and I was cutting up the green
beans.

I didn't start to worry until it was 7:15. Bella was never late. She abhorred being
late.

I checked my phone, but there were no messages. I began to get worried so I

texted her.

Everything okay? It's 7:20 and no word. ~E

Nothing.

I put the chicken and potatoes back in the oven to stay warm. I nervously sipped
my glass of red wine. Why hadn't she called? This wasn't like her.

- 298 -
 7:45.

Nothing.

Getting worried now. Please call. ~E

By 8:00 I realized she wasn't coming. I pulled the chicken out of the oven and
began to carve it, carefully putting the pieces in a Tupperware container. I dished
up a plate of potatoes and chicken, foregoing putting the green beans on to cook.
Why bother?

I sat in the candlelight, eating my romantic dinner alone.

Where was she?

I threw my dish into the sink and put away the food. Bella had stood me up with
no call. Nothing. My worry began to shift to anger.

I poured myself another glass of wine and went into my bedroom. I decided to
take a shower, hoping it would make me calm down, but it didn't work. I went for a
walk on the beach out front, freezing my ass off, but that didn't work either.

10:00.

Fucking 10:00, and I heard a key in the door. I stood up, trying to compose my
thoughts so I didn't go off the deep end. I was deeply hurt by her lack of
consideration, but a small part of me understood she was fragile too.

"Nice of you come home at all," I said harshly. So much for keeping my cool.

"Edward, I…"

"Don't. Just don't give me an excuse."

"It's not an excuse. I got pulled into surgery." She looked exhausted.

I nodded, pursing my lips. "Couldn't you have called?"

"I thought it would be quick. I thought we'd be done in time for me to make it
home." She sounded sincere, but I was still pissed.

"Well, there's food in the fridge if you want it. It was one of my better roast
- 299 -
chickens. Help yourself. I'm going to bed."

She walked over to me and tried to put her arms around me, but I pulled back.
"Don't be angry. Please," she said softly.

"I can't help it. We'll talk in the morning. Will you BE here in the morning, or will I
get another note?"

She ran her hand along the edge of the couch, looking as if she might cry. "I'll be
here."

I turned on my heel and walked into my room, saying goodnight over my shoulder
as I went.

I hated fighting, especially with Bella. I could see the conflict in her face tonight,
but I had conflict of my own.

I slipped under the covers of my bed, the cool sheets not providing any comfort. I
lay there awake and agitated, but with my eyes closed, until I heard her come into
the room some time later. She was quiet, thinking me asleep. She slid into bed, and I
was finally able to go to sleep, knowing she was right beside me.

It was a fitful sleep. I had so many things I wanted to say to her. I had made a
decision during my night alone; one that I worried would drive us even farther
apart.

The morning brought no new clarity, just the awareness of the deepening cavern
between Bella and me. She woke first, following her normal morning routine. We
spoke in polite formalities but said nothing else.

I smelled food cooking in the other room, and when I was done getting ready, I
made my way into the kitchen.

Bella had made a pot of coffee and toast, which she was eating while standing
reading the paper.

"Hey," I said, knowing we couldn't put this off any longer.

She looked up with a look I hadn't seen before. Stress, sadness, defeat.

"I'm so sorry about last night, Edward. I wanted to be here," she said, dropping
the toast and the paper.
- 300 -
 "It's not just about last night."

She looked down. This was obviously not a surprise to her. "I know."

"Look, I understand how hard it's for you to deal with the press and the fans and
all that. I get it. But I always thought that even though it was tough, it was still
worth it to you."

"Edward…"

"Please. Let me finish. I thought that if we were good together when we were
alone, it'd be enough to sustain us when things got rough. But lately, I'm not so sure
about that."

Her face turned sheet white, and she gripped the counter. "What are you saying?"

"I've hardly seen you. How can we have a relationship when I don't see you?"

She began to cry, which made me feel horrible. The last thing I wanted to do was
add to her pain, but I couldn't keep pretending that things were copacetic.

"I'm trying. Obviously I'm failing, but I am trying."

"I want to marry you, Bella. And all of this…just…fucking kills me."

"Are you asking me?" Her teary eyes bore into mine.

"No. Not like this."

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. I moved to her and pulled her into
my arms. I couldn't just let her cry and not comfort her, no matter how upset at her I
was.

"I hate this. You don't talk to me," I said. "I saw you that night you got a ride home
after the ordeal at The Penguin. I saw you with Alec.

Her eyes shot up and she pulled away, panic-stricken. "Nothing happened with
Alec."

"I believe you, Bella. But I also saw the way he looked at you. I've recognized it in
his eyes the times I've seen him since then. And I saw how he comforted you, which
is something you haven't let me do in a while. I'm not naïve, and I can see what he
- 301 -
wants. All I want is to be that person you come to, but you don't seem to want that."

"It's not like that."

"You know what sucks? There's a part of me that thinks you'd be right to want
him. He can give you a normal relationship, which I can't."

"Don't say that…please."

"I've decided to go up to Washington to see Jasper. I need to clear my head."

"You promised." Her voice was shaky.

"Promised what?"

"Promised you wouldn't leave me."

"Shhh…I just need a little time. I think you do, too."

She took a deep breath and sighed. "When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning." I tried to make eye contact with her, but she was avoiding
it.

"Will you call me?"

"Bella, please don't think I'm happy about this. I love you. I want us to be
together. Of course I'll call you."

She wiped her tears and tried to compose herself, picking up a glass of orange
juice and taking a sip. I just watched and waited for her reaction. She said nothing.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked, needing something to break the unbearable
silence.

"I don't have a choice, do I? Can I convince you to stay?"

I shook my head and looked at the floor.

"Then there it is." Her voice had a bite to it. This wasn't the hurt Bella from
moments ago. This was the 'you're the sonofabitch whose leaving me' Bella.

- 302 -
 I tried to comfort her again, but she backed off.

"Just go, Edward. If that's what you have to do, then go."

She set down the glass and quickly walked past me. I followed her into the
bedroom where she was gathering her things. I couldn't tell which emotion was
overpowering her more - grief, shock, anger or pain. She seemed like she'd crawled
back behind her carefully constructed wall I'd spent months breaking down.

I couldn't talk to her when she was like this. She needed time to think. Anything
she said right now would be out of anger and spite, and I didn't want that.

I just stood in the doorway watching her gather her things until she stormed past
me towards the front door.

"I'll call you later," I said as she pulled it open.

"Don't bother. I'm working tonight."

"Bella, please don't be like this. I love you."

"I'll talk to you later, Edward. Have a safe flight."

And then she left.

What just happened?

I went for a run, needing to think about anything except our fight. That definitely
could have gone better. I wasn't sure what I expected, but I did know I never wanted
to see Bella looking at me like that again. It tore right through me.

I went over to Emmett's in the afternoon just to get away. He didn't say much
about my leaving, which was surprising. He always had an opinion.

I felt like shit. I wanted to call Bella and tell her I would stay, but I knew I
couldn't. As much as I wanted her, I couldn't live like we'd been doing. I needed
more.

I barely slept that night. The moonlight streaming in my windows lit up my room
just enough so I could see. This house, that held so much promise, felt empty and
cavernous. The alarm the next morning was jarring and loud. It felt like I had just
barely closed my eyes. Like a robot, I went through the motions of getting myself to
- 303 -
the airport, using a driver to avoid parking problems. I checked my bags and went
through security. I thought the last time I was in an airport I'd never have to say
goodbye to Bella again. Now I was leaving her voluntarily. Granted, it wasn't
permanent, but our future was anything but certain to me.

I waved to Jasper once I got into Sea-Tac. His presence was comforting to me. He
grabbed my bag from me, and we walked the short distance to his car.

"So," he started once we were on the road. "As much as I love having you visit, I
get the feeling this is about more than that. You look like someone just beat the shit
out of you."

"I just needed to get away," I lied.

"From what? Work? Bella?"

I leaned my head back on the headrest and looked out the window. "From
everything."

He didn't bring it up again the entire ride home, which made me extremely
thankful. Jasper knew me well enough to know not to push me.

"Alice has been dying to see you, so I hope you don't mind but I invited her over
tonight."

I smiled as much as I could. "Sure, I'd love to see Alice."

"She wanted to make you dinner," he said, smiling.

They were obviously still really hitting it off, and it made me happy to see him in a
healthy relationship for a change. Alice was a sweetheart.

I was nervous about seeing her, though. She was one of Bella's best friends. I
wasn't looking forward to the Spanish Inquisition into my relationship. I sure as shit
didn't have any answers for her. I couldn't reassure her about anything. I just didn't
fucking know.

I finally filled Jasper in on what was going on with Bella and me. I wanted to get
his opinion. Since I moved out to California, I hadn't opened up much to him,
thinking that things would work themselves out with a little time. The truth was, the
more time that passed, the worse it got, and I could use the advice. Surprisingly, he
didn't offer me much. He told me to trust my instinct and it would all work out.
- 304 -
 I hoped he was right. I hoped my coming here hadn't been a mistake.

We arrived at Jasper's place, and he got me settled. Alice wasn't due for a few
hours, so I took the opportunity to get unpacked and check emails. Of course,
Victoria had sent me several 'urgent' emails, which I ignored. I'd deal with Victoria
later. I certainly didn't need to have my mood compromised any more than it already
was.

"Edward," I heard Alice yell from the other room. "Get your butt out here."

She always did know how to make an entrance.

I walked down the hallway and was engulfed in a hug. "Hi there, stranger," she
said. "I brought stuff for risotto. I hope you're hungry."

Watching Alice cook was a different experience. Unlike Bella, with her cleanliness
and meticulous measuring, Alice was a hurricane. By the time she was done, every
dish in the house was dirty.

We ate and laughed. It was nice to be among family and friends. I felt human,
happy even, at least as much as the situation allowed.

"So, when are you going to tell me what's going on?" Alice said, dropping her fork.

"I don't know what to say, Alice. I haven't really even seen Bella much, and when I
do, I'm never sure what's going to cause her to freak out. I've tried to be supportive,
but she just keeps pushing me away."

"She loves you." Alice didn't really even wait until I was done talking. "I've talked
to her a lot, and she's as confused and upset as I've ever seen her, except when it
comes to you."

"That's just it. You can say that to me. She can say that to me. But that's not what
I see. I see her confiding in everyone else except me. I see her throwing herself into
her work to avoid facing life with me. But then we have these moments of clarity,
when we're honest and all is good. It's making me crazy because I don't know how to
fix it."

"You can't fix it," Jasper said, finally offering his opinion. "This one is all on Bella."

"I agree," Alice said. "But I know Bella, and she won't let you go. Give her time."

- 305 -
 She reached over and patted my arm. I gripped it and said, "That's what I'm trying
to do."

We talked some more after dinner, but I was tired and really just wanted to go to
bed. I said goodbye to Alice whom, I had to admit, had given me a lot of food for
thought. It was good to get her take on things; Lord knows I couldn't figure all this
shit out.

The next morning I realized I hadn't called Victoria back and woke up to several
more emails and even a few texts.

I picked up the phone and called her.

"Did someone die or something, Victoria?" I said sarcastically into the phone.
"Why all the urgent messages?"

"I'm working on getting you an interview with the folks at Vanity Fair, but I think
it would be good to increase your face time with the media before then. That mess
with Bella helped, but we'll need more than that."

"Mess with Bella?" I asked, irritated.

"Yes. You may not like it, Edward, but having your face in the tabloids increases
your demand tenfold. It's important to time the stories to maintain consistent
exposure. That little bit about Bella was a PR windfall."

"Time the stories? PR windfall? That's my fucking life you're talking about. Please
tell me you didn't have anything to do with what was printed. I swear to fucking
God…" If Victoria had anything to do with that shitstorm, I was going to fucking kill
her.

"Don't you think you're being a little melodramatic? Quit acting like a child. You
wanted fame. You wanted money. Well honey, you got'em. Now don't start crying
about the side effects."

"Victoria, did you have anything to do with what was printed about Bella? I mean,
anything at all?"

"Don't get your panties in wad…"

"Victoria!"

- 306 -
 "Look, background checks are just part of my job. It's my job to know and
understand who exactly it is you're dating. It's all public information. Anyone could
have leaked it."

"But anyone didn't leak it, did they?"

"It was in your best interest, so what does it matter?"

I knew it right then - Victoria had violated our non-disclosure agreement. She'd
never admit to it, and I was sure she had an air-tight defense, but I knew the truth.

"I'm not doing any more interviews until further notice. Cancel my engagements. I
thought it was clear what I wanted, but you just keep on pushing. You'd better be
damned sure nothing more appears in the tabloids about Bella. It doesn't really
matter to you at all, does it? The fact that the stories are hurtful and untrue?"

"Everyone knows the tabloids use creative license with their stories. Don't worry
your pretty little face about it."

"Not a word gets printed, Victoria. I mean it."

"So touchy."

"I'm done with this conversation. Goodbye."

I hung up and paced the room. I thought of Bella and all she'd been through over
those articles. I thought of how much they had affected my ability to have a normal
relationship with Bella. Victoria had violated my trust and sacrificed my happiness
for personal gain. Whether or not she actually believed it was in my best interest
was still uncertain, but I wasn't about to let this go unchecked. I didn't trust Victoria
any farther than I could throw her.

I dialed Bella's number, hoping I could tell her what I found out. She didn't
answer, and I didn't leave a message. Instead, I texted her.

Please call me. It's important. ~E

Nothing. Fuck.

After making a few calls, including one to my lawyer, I went for a run, despite the
freezing cold rain. It woke my body up and was just the break I needed. When I got
back, I turned on the shower as hot as I could stand it and just let the water run
- 307 -
over me.

I thought about the sexy showers I'd had with Bella; how her body had melded
into mine, and how she felt in my arms. I recalled the look on her face when I told
her I loved her. The good things.

Needless to say, I stayed in the shower for longer than I intended. I could relish
my memories and pretend everything was okay.

I finally emerged to a steam filled bathroom. I quickly threw on some jeans and
started to comb my hair.

Jasper appeared in the doorway, leaning on the doorjamb.

"Hey Edward," he said. "There's someone here who wants to talk to you."

I looked up as he moved to the side to see her standing behind him in my room.
She looked like she'd been crying and her hair was wet from the rain.

"Bella?"

A/N: So, how are you feeling? Do you hate Bella? Hate Edward?
Understand them both? Hate me? LOL.

I've loved reading your reviews. Many of your reactions conflict with other
readers. Many of them surprise me and are totally not what I expected. It's
fun to see how different chapters evoke different emotional responses. Just
do me a favor and hang in there with me, no matter what you're feeling. I
have a plan!

You guys know by now that I can't do angst just for the sake of it, but this
needed to happen. Bella needed a slap in the face to make significant
changes in her life.

The next chapter will be up on Tuesday night since you had to wait for this
one.

Thanks to my betas Viola Cornuta and TwiHeart who make my words

pretty and hold my hand. Also to my pre-readers, Sunfeathers, ellierk, and
Dana1779, I appreciate your words of support so much!

- 308 -
Next up, we'll get inside Bella's head and see what led her to Washington.

Don't forget to hit that review button.

- 309 -
 Chapter 25 History Repeating

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended. Chapter 25: History Repeating

Bella

Being at work was a welcome distraction from the other shit going on in my life. I
felt like I was teetering on the edge of sanity, potentially snapping at any time. I was
never like this – moody and irritable. I just wanted to feel happy again.

My work made me feel important. I felt like I mattered. But most of all, I was
surrounded by people whose problems were infinitely bigger than my own, so I
could put things into perspective.

Alec had been really supportive, despite having had to cover for me on more than
one occasion because I was off crying. I was an emotional wreck, and so incredibly
tired. I wanted to talk to Edward, but he was too close to the situation. I needed
objectivity, reason.

I could feel myself pulling away from Edward, just like I'd done with Jacob, but I
couldn't help it. I honestly couldn't face him and see the hurt in his eyes. I couldn't
stand the thought that I was failing him, which I knew I was. Edward was getting
more and more restless, but I didn't know what to say to him to make it better. I felt
trapped between what I wanted and what I needed.

So when I got the text from Edward about making me a special dinner, I knew it
was an olive branch I had to take. He wanted to just be us again, and we both
needed it.

Unfortunately, Dr. Banner had other plans for me. The surgery he pulled me to
assist on was supposed to be quick – in and out. But we had complications, and
before I knew it, the clock read 8:00. I felt horrible about missing Edward's dinner,
but I knew he'd understand once I told him it was out of my control.

By the time we got out of post-op and was on my way home, it was almost 10:00. I
finally pulled out my phone and saw all his missed calls and texts.

Fuck.
- 310 -
 I drove as fast as I could to Edward's place, hoping I could do some damage
control. He was reasonable. He'd understand it was surgery. I scurried in the front
door and could still smell the remnants of something cooking, adding to my guilt.

Edward was not understanding at all. Far from it. He was angry and hurt, and, in
a way, I could see his point. I knew I'd have been worried if the shoe was on the
other foot, but it was out of my control. I thought he understood what my profession
entailed, but it was obvious he didn't. The look on his face when he left me to go to
bed broke my heart.

He was pissed. I'd fucked up. Typical.

I was supposed to be at the hospital early the next day, but I feared if I wasn't
around for our talk, Edward would be even more furious, so I called and pushed
back my shift.

I got up before Edward, unable to sleep due to my anxiety over our tense
situation. Edward was sleeping next to me, half exposed by the sheets. God, he was
beautiful. He looked so peaceful as he slept, but I knew once he awoke, his face
would look much different; his masculine features would furrow with anger. I sat on
the bed next to him and gently ran my fingers through his hair while he slept. I was
failing him, just like I had always expected.

I shook off those thoughts and got up to brush my teeth. Maybe the mundane
routine of getting dressed would ease the tension I felt. Of course, it didn't. There
was sadness in his eyes as we spoke casually, but I wasn't ready to face it.

I made my way into the kitchen to make some coffee and breakfast. I knew I was
running away from him, but I needed just a few more minutes to formulate a plan.
The look I'd seen in his eyes last night scared the shit out of me. It seemed like he
was going to break up with me, like he'd had enough. I just wanted a few more
minutes to know he was still mine.

He finally emerged from his bedroom, and it took all my strength not to throw
myself at him and beg, but I was frozen. The look was back. It was not good.

I just started babbling. "I'm so sorry about last night, Edward. I wanted to be
here."

His steely gaze met mine. "It's not just about last night."

"I know."
- 311 -
 And there it was. The shoe dropping. It wasn't about my surgery or my work. It
was more than that – something I couldn't fix.

He tried to talk to me, but I only heard every other word, as if I were underwater.
All I kept thinking was, "He's going to leave you."

I wanted to vomit. I wanted to run so I didn't have to hear the words come out of
his mouth.

My head snapped up when I heard him say, "I want to marry you, Bella. And all of
this…just…fucking kills me."

Was Rosalie right?

But then he confirmed that, no, she wasn't. He wasn't asking me. It was all a
hypothetical situation. He maybe wanted to marry the Bella he knew in Guatemala,
but not me, not this fucked up moody absentee girlfriend; a fact that was confirmed
when he immediately announced he was leaving.

I wanted to curl into myself to somehow protect my heart from what I knew was
happening. He was really leaving. He was really leaving because of me and how I'd
fucked up. Like I always did.

For all his talk of loving me and accepting me, he was going. I suddenly felt angry
and hurt. I pulled myself together and gathered my things to leave. If he wanted to
go, and I couldn't stop him, then he needed to get the fuck away from me, because I
honestly didn't know how much more I could take.

I looked up to the blue sky once I was outside and cursed. "Haven't I paid my
dues, God? Haven't I earned a little fucking happiness?"

I stormed off to my car and slammed it into reverse. I drove and drove, not even
caring where I ended up.

How had Edward and I gotten to this point? I loved him more than any man I'd
ever known, and I knew he felt the same way about me. Why wasn't it enough? Why
couldn't I just be happy with what I had and not fuck it up?

Alec called, no doubt wondering where I was, but I was in no mood to talk so I
switched off my phone.

I came to stop at a beautiful spot that overlooked the ocean. The water glistened
- 312 -
under the glare of the sun. It looked so serene from up here. I wished for that kind
of peace in my own life.

I grabbed my phone from the passenger seat and dialed Rosalie.

"Bella?" Rosalie asked, her voice gruff. "What the fuck? It's so early."

I looked at my watch and winced. Just because I woke up at the crack of dawn
didn't mean the rest of the world did.

"Sorry, Rose," I said, my voice obviously revealing the fact that I'd been crying. "I
shouldn't have called like this."

I heard shuffling on the other side of the phone. "Sorry, I had to go into the other
room. Are you okay?" Rose asked quietly.

The water works started in full. "Uh uh," I muttered, shaking my head as if she
could see me. "Edward…left."

"What? No, that's not possible. What happened?"

"I fucked up. Again." The reality of that statement made me feel like shit.

"Bella, tell me what's going on." Her voice was kind and empathetic.

"It's been bad for a few weeks. I'm trying so hard to be strong and not let all the
publicity and things get to me, but I'm only human. The tabloids have printed such
awful shit about me, and even though I know I shouldn't care, I do. And then
Edward's so sweet, but everywhere we go, there's someone wanting something from
him. And I can't live my life locked away just the two of us. Oh Rose…I don't know
what the fuck to do."

"Listen to me, Bella," she said, using her big sister voice. "You love each other.
You're great together. You can work this out."

I chuckled as I sobbed. If only that were true.

"But he's gone. And he promised…"

"Bella?" Rosalie interrupted.

"Yeah?"
- 313 -
 "He's not Jake."

"I know," I said, sniffling.

"No, I don't think you do."

"Rose…"

"I'm here for you, sweetie, you know that. But you've been carrying around that
mountain of guilt for long enough, don't you think? Are you really willing to lose
Edward over this? You're my sister, and I love you, but it's time to move on. Stop
pushing him away."

"I'm not…" What was she insinuating? That I'd intentionally driven him away?

"Just think about what I said, okay?"

We hung up with promises to talk later, even though I was hurt by her
accusations. I threw the phone on the passenger seat, let my head fall back against
the headrest and closed my eyes.

I looked at my watch and sighed. I was already late to work, and even though I
had no desire to be there, I didn't really have much choice.

I did my best to focus, but all I could think about was Edward and our fight. I was
a wreck. I was just about to leave the hospital after my shift when Alec walked up to
my office door. "You outta here?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm just shutting everything down."

"I'll walk with you."

We made our way into the parking structure, which was dimly lit. The only sound
to be heard was the wind in the trees and distant traffic. I appreciated his company
as I wasn't in the mood to be alone.

We got to my car first, and I popped the trunk to put my stuff inside. Alec leaned
against it when I shut it, so I sat next to him.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked.

"About what"
- 314 -
 He raised his eyebrow at me. "It's not hard to see you've been distracted today. Is
everything okay?"

"No, not really. Edward and I had a fight, and now he's leaving for Washington in
the morning. I don't know what to think."

Alec pulled me into a hug, and I hugged him back. The human contact felt good,
and I welcomed it.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered. "I don't know what he's thinking, leaving you."

"He…"

Before I could finish, Alec's lips were on mine. His tongue brushed up against my
bottom lip, and my mind was racing. This was wrong. He was my friend.

I pushed his chest and stepped back, wiping my mouth with my free hand.

"No, Alec. That was wrong." I shook my head and looked down at the ground,
ashamed I'd put myself into such a compromising situation.

He rested his hands on the trunk and dropped his head. "I don't get you, Bella.
You come to work crying all the time. You're always being hounded by
photographers and shit. You hate it. You seem to hate everything about your life
with him, and yet you won't do anything about it."

"You're right. I haven't done much about it, but that's going to change. You've
been really great, and I'm lucky to have a friend like you, but that's all there is."

I felt horrible. Had I done something to lead him on? Was I responsible for this?

"I don't understand why you want him so badly, when he's obviously not right for
you."

"Because it's always been about him."

Alec left, and I sat down in my car. As I spoke the words to him, I realized what I'd
said was true. It was always about Edward, and it was time to prove it.

I put the car in reverse and drove again, this time with purpose.

I pulled into a parking stall, turned off the car and sat for a few moments.
- 315 -
 You can do this, Bella.

Slowly, I climbed out of my seat and shut my door. The wind was blowing, causing
a chill to flow through my body. I wrapped my arms around myself to stay warm as I
walked along the pathway.

I came to his spot and kneeled. I hadn't been here since the funeral; just another
example of how I'd failed even in his death.

In my mind, I saw Jake's face when we got married, all smiles and nerves. I
remembered the feeling of wearing a veil in my hair and being happy. I recalled all
those late nights during my residency when I'd sneak in, and Jake would already be
asleep. And I saw his face when he left.

He didn't deserve to die. Not over me.

"Hi, Jake," I said, wiping the leaves from his tombstone.

I sat down on the grass next to him.

"I know I haven't been here in a while. I…didn't know what to say. But, I'm
just…so sorry."

That was the crux of it. Sorrow. Regret. So much regret.

"I'm with someone now; someone who treats me really well and makes me really
happy. Being back here in California, working and all of that, with him living here
has been hard. I can feel myself falling into my old habits, and then I think of you."

I ran my fingers through the grass. "As upset as I was when you left, I understand
it now. I blamed you and resented you for leaving for so long. I even resented you
for dying, but now I can see I needed that to make a change. I needed to see there
are some things worth fighting for.

"I used to think if you loved me enough, you'd accept me as I was. But that was
bullshit. I needed to do some accepting, too, and I never did. For that, I'm sorrier
than you'll ever know. I'm sorry that our last words were hateful. You were my best
friend, and even though we probably shouldn't have gotten married, you were my
rock. I'm just sorry I never let you see that.

"I don't know when I'll come back, Jake. I need to see if I can fix things with
Edward. I just wanted you to know it wasn't all for nothing – you leaving me, you
- 316 -
dying. I've learned, Jake. I finally understand what you were trying to tell me. I can
let you go now."

I stood and stared at the writing on the tombstone for a while. Jacob's window was
closed. His time to make amends and be happy was over, but mine wasn't.

I walked to the car, and before I drove off, I pulled out my phone and made a few
calls, solidifying my plans. I wanted to call Edward, but what I needed to say
couldn't be said on the phone.

I was nervous on the flight. I'd spoken to Alice, and she assured me he'd be okay
with this. I didn't want to intrude on his space, but I couldn't just let him leave
without a fight.

I was numb as I drove to Jasper's house, hoping I wasn't getting lost in the
process. I was never very good at driving in bad weather. All I could think about was
Edward and making things right again.

I chuckled to myself, thinking about my trip to New York and the obvious
similarity to this one. How many times I did I need to do this before we could finally
be happy?

I'd made a lot of decisions in the last day; ones I knew would be life changing. But
Rosalie was right; it was time to move on from my past. I'd inadvertently allowed
Jake's memory to alter my future. Edward saw it. Rosalie saw it. But I was too
wrapped up in my own pain to see the damage I was doing to my relationship.

I almost didn't knock on the door, scared of what lay on the other side. At least
until I faced him, I could think this would work. I could think he'd open the door and
be happy to see me. But once I knocked, my future was murky again.

Jasper answered after I mustered up some courage, and Alice was standing right
behind him. She squealed when she saw me.

"You came, Bella!" Alice's arms flew around me. "He's going to be so happy to see
you."

Still stunned from being attacked by Alice, I struggled to keep my footing. "I don't
know about that."

"I think he'll appreciate the gesture," Jasper said once Alice let go of me. "More
than you know."
- 317 -
 I valued Jasper's opinion very much, not only because he knew Edward so well,
but because he was very reasonable and commanded a certain respect. There was
definitely an air about him. When he talked, people listened.

According to Jasper, Edward was in the shower. I sat with Alice in the living room,
feeling like I was going to burst, until Jasper motioned for me to follow him. I played
with the hem of my shirt nervously as we made our way down the hallway to a
bedroom door, which was slightly ajar.

Jasper pushed it open and walked inside. I stayed behind, but he motioned for me
to follow him.

I heard Edward rustling in the bathroom as Jasper leaned against the door jamb.

Oh God. Oh God. The moment of truth.

"Hey Edward," he said. "There's someone here who wants to talk to you."

I stepped out from behind Jasper a little so Edward could see me.

He was wearing jeans, but no shirt, and my God did he look gorgeous, but I
couldn't be distracted from his face. His expression changed when he saw me to one
I couldn't read.

"Bella?"

I nodded, and Jasper turned and left, pulling the door closed behind him.

"Hi," I said lamely.

"I'm surprised to see you." He set the comb he was using on the counter and
turned to lean against it.

I wanted to run to him and hold him.

"Yeah…this was kind of a spur of the moment thing."

He looked down at his body and then back up at me. "Let me just finished getting
dressed and we can talk, okay?"

"Oh yeah…sure…" I motioned with my thumb over my shoulder "…um…I'll just be

out in the living room with Alice and Jasper."
- 318 -
 I shuffled out of his room, feeling my face heat up. He didn't seem happy to see
me. In fact, his face and body language were completely unreadable. I wasn't sure
what I'd hoped for, but I was now even more nervous than before.

"So?" Alice asked when I walked back into the living room.

"He's getting dressed, and then we're gonna 'talk'," I said, making air quotes as I
said 'talk'.

Alice came over and gave me a hug. "It'll be okay."

A few minutes later, Edward walked into the room, shoving his hands into his
pockets. He looked nervous, too, which made me feel slightly better.

"Alice," Jasper said, standing. "Let's go get some coffee."

I smiled meekly as they gathered their coats and left, thankful to have some alone
time with Edward.

"So," I said, rocking back and forth on my heels. This was harder than I thought it
would be.

He motioned for us to sit, so I obliged, thankful for the brief delay.

"I've been thinking about a lot of things, Edward," I said, sounding oddly bold and
confident as I faced him.

"Yeah, me too."

I still had no read on him.

"I'm not willing to lose you – not for my job, or because of my issues with Jake or
the damn paparazzi."

"Bella," he said, pulling his knee onto the couch as he turned toward me. "It's not
that simple. We've been here before."

"I know I must seem manic to you, but I've been trying to work through some
things in my head. When the stories about me came out, I wanted to run away and
hide. I'm still adjusting to life with a public figure, but I was never mad at you. I've
always loved you more than anything."

- 319 -
 He grabbed my hands and squeezed, but pulled them back quickly.

"I love you, too. So much. But all that stuff that comes with me isn't going to
change, and I don't know how to fix it. I'm not sure it can be fixed. One thing I did
find out, though, is Victoria was behind the stories about you, so hopefully once my
lawyers get involved, we can move on from that."

"Victoria did this?" I was furious. How could she have looked both Edward and me
in the face and told us her story about how it was all in Edward's best interest and
then go and do something that blatantly hurt him? What a bitch.

"Hey, she's gone. I was going to replace her anyway, but now I have motivation.
But I can't guarantee someone else won't print something ugly. And when they do, I
don't think I can handle it if you push me away again."

"That's not going to happen," I said, my voice sounding more desperate than I
wanted.

"Like I said, we've been here before. I thought things were going great, but then
one thing happened and everything changed between us. Are we really that fragile?"

"You were right," I said, making real eye contact for the first time.

"About what?"

"About everything. My job. Alec. All of it. I've had my priorities mixed up, but I'm
going to change."

"I don't want you to change, I just…"

"I quit my job. And I'm putting my house on the market."

"What? When? Bella…"

"Listen to me. I've thought about this a lot. Those things are part of my past. They
were a part of me before Guatemala – before us. But I'm not the same anymore, and
I can't go back to Newport Beach and act as if I am. What matters to me is being
with you. I can't even imagine not having you in my life. Those things? They're a
small price to pay."

"But you've worked so hard. Where will you live? What will you do?"

- 320 -
 "Well, I've thought about opening up my own practice. I've been in pediatrics in
some fashion my whole career, and I think it would be nice to go back to more of a
personal practice. I can still do what I love, but I can do it anywhere. I want to live
where you want to live. I want us to live together."

"What happens next time someone prints something unflattering?" He was visibly
upset.

"You know how hard it's been for me, but I think I've gone through our whole
relationship waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've been expecting failure, which
was becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. I won't let anything come between us again.
Those who don't understand history are bound to repeat it, and I won't repeat my
past. I've learned, Edward. I won't do that to you anymore."

"I'm…stunned," Edward stuttered. I'd never seen him speechless before.

"Stunned in a good way?" I said as I reached over and rubbed his cheek.

He nodded but didn't say anything for a few moments. "What made you change
your mind?"

I sighed and stood up, walking to the table where my purse was. Fishing inside, I
pulled out the tabloid with our picture from the gala on the cover. We were unaware
there were even any paparazzi there and looked really happy. He was looking
forward, while I was looking at him.

"I've been so upset about so many things for a long time. There was Jacob and the
photos, and it all just constantly upset me. Who can live like that? When this was
printed, I was so upset. But I picked it up the other day and really studied at it. All I
see when I look at this now is two happy people in love. I don't see any of the other
bullshit. I know I'll never look at anyone else the way I look at you. Just look. This is
real."

He looked at the photo and smiled. "You looked so beautiful that night."

"Can you forgive me?" I asked, my hands shaking a little.

"It was never a question of forgiveness, Bella. I just needed to know you felt the
same way as I did. As I do."

"I love you," I said as tears began to fall on my face. "I'll always love you. I'm so
sorry I didn't make it a point to show you each and every day, but I promise that'll
- 321 -
change. From now on, I don't want to make any decisions without you. There is no
me without you."

His lips were on mine in an instant, soft and warm, making my insides tingle, just
as they had during our first kiss in Guatemala. That time seemed so far away, but I
finally felt like the person I was down there was back. I wouldn't live in the past
anymore, because I had Edward beside me. And he was my future.

"Thank you," he said, suddenly breaking our kiss.

"For what?"

I should be the one thanking him.

"For not giving up. For believing in us enough to make such huge sacrifices."

"Hey," I said, lifting his chin to meet my gaze. "It's not a sacrifice. You are what I
want. It just took me a long time to realize the rest of the stuff is just filler."

He kissed me again, and this time, he didn't stop.

Never look back again, I thought.

A/N: Well, there it is. Do you understand Bella a little better now? She's
finally forgiven herself for Jake and can move on without guilt. Thanks to
reader83 for the idea of her going to talk to Jake.

I've had a shitty week, and my poor betas, Viola Cornuta and Twihart, have
had to bear the brunt of that. So thank you for holding my hand and
reassuring me when I really needed it. Also much love to my pre-readers
Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779.

Next up, we'll see where they go from here.

Don't forget to leave me a review. I really want to know what you think!

Have a very happy holiday, and I'll see you next week!

- 322 -
 Chapter 26 Full Circle

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 26: Full Circle

Edward

I walked out of our room, still groggy from sleep, and Bella was already up and
moving. She was showered and in her scrubs.

"Morning, baby," she said, walking over and giving me a quick kiss.

How was she so perky already?

"You off to work?" I asked, scratching my head.

"Yeah, Emily Thompson just had her baby on Tuesday, so I told her I'd stop by for
a newborn checkup on my way in."

"Tell her I said congratulations," I mumbled as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

The whirlwind that was Bella in the morning disappeared after a few minutes and
the house fell silent. I leaned against the counter and unfolded the paper to read it.
It was June, which meant it was overcast in the morning. I welcomed the reprieve
from the afternoon heat.

Bella had moved in shortly after my trip to Washington. Although I felt guilty
about her giving up both her home and her job, she assured me it was what she
wanted. If the past few months were any indication, I'd say she was right where she
needed to be.

After the sale of her house, we had a long talk about where we wanted to live.
Although Bella was willing to move to Washington if I wanted, I knew this was her
home. For someone from Southern California, a move to the rainiest place in the
country would be a severe adjustment. So, we decided to stay. As much as I wanted
to be near my brother, I really liked it here. Plus, we had Emmett and Rosalie
nearby, so we were among friends.
- 323 -
 Bella originally wanted to start her own practice, but after researching it, decided
to buy into an already established one. It couldn't have been further from the sterile
environment she had been working in previously. The primary doctor was retiring,
and she took his place. There were two other doctors in the practice, both of whom
got along with Bella very well. Most of all, the practice was personal. Bella knew her
patients, and they felt comfortable with her. When dealing with children, and their
worried parents, a personal touch was extremely important.

If I liked my house before Bella moved in, I loved it afterward. She brought a
woman's touch and warmth it didn't have before. I felt at ease here.

Not long after Bella came to Washington, a tabloid came out with pictures of Alec
kissing Bella. Bella was pissed off that they had invaded her privacy. Naturally, the
story was spun to be a much bigger deal than it was. She was understandably hurt
but took it in stride, and I was proud of the way she handled it.

I, on the other hand, was jealous as hell, and the irony of me being jealous over
pictures of Bella in the tabloids was not lost on me. I finally felt like I understood
how she must have felt back when we first got back from Guatemala. She had told
me what happened with Alec while we were still in Washington, and I believed her.
She was much more concerned with how I took it than anything else. I appreciated
her concern – it was not easy thinking about another man kissing her – but I trusted
her. She'd been honest about what happened, so it wasn't a huge deal. Alec,
however, was worthy of my hatred, and he had better hope I never run across him. I
also hoped he knew that preying on vulnerable women under the guise of friendship
was pathetic.

My writing had been going really well. I was writing the story about Guatemala,
which brought back incredible memories. I hadn't told her yet, but I had booked
Bella and me a trip to go back. I told myself it was for research, but I knew that was
only partially true. I missed it there and cherished my memories of our time there. It
had permanently changed me in a way I could never explain. I was whole now.
Better.

After I read the paper, I showered and got dressed. The later it got in the
morning, the more nervous I became.

I pulled open my sock drawer, behind the executive length dark socks I never
needed in California, and reached in the back to find the small velvet box that had
been hidden there. I'd purchased the diamond solitaire months ago. Looking back, I
could see that we weren't in a place back then to get engaged. I'd wanted to hold on
to Bella so badly I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought it would make us
- 324 -
stronger.

Now I realized it wasn't the engagement ring or an impending wedding that would
bring us closer. Bella needed closure, acceptance. She had to deal with a past that
haunted her. There was nothing I could have done to speed up her process of
healing. She had to let go of her former life all by herself.

I could completely relate to that. Being in Guatemala, in such extreme conditions

among such genuine and amazing people, put life into perspective. Both Bella and I
had spent our lives working toward success as we knew it to be defined – wealth, a
sense of accomplishment, material possessions, respect of our peers. But, I'd much
rather have the respect of Carlisle, or Marisol, or any one of the people we helped in
Guatemala, than almost anyone I knew before I joined the relief effort. I couldn't
explain it. The people there lived life as if each day could be their last, because it
could. Tragedy and disaster were a part of their lives. Yet amid all that was an
undeniable spirit of vitality, appreciation. They appreciated every gift life brought
them. I wanted to emulate that.

As I'd seen in the days of the horrible mudslides, life was fragile, precious. How
could Bella and I have come back from that unchanged? How had we honestly
expected to step back into our lives as if nothing was different?

I was glad I had waited to propose. We needed to find ourselves. We needed to

rediscover what we wanted out of life and how each other fit into those plans. We
were in a much better place now – happier and solid.

Bella was not the type to want a lavish proposal. I knew skywriting or a proposal
on a Jumbotron at a baseball game wouldn't work. I wanted it to be us.

Bella walked in the door at 5:30, which was normal now. I loved that she didn't
have such crazy hours anymore, and she made it a point never to miss dinner. I was
becoming quite the cook, and we enjoyed that time to decompress. It was a routine I
cherished.

After dinner, I suggested we go outside and have a bonfire on the beach. It was a
full moon, so everything glowed. We grabbed our chairs and lugged some firewood
down to the fire pit and lit it up. Bella even ran back to the house to get stuff for
s'mores. It was casual, but perfect.

The wood crackled, and we both were mesmerized by the fire.

"Bella, I have something for you," I said nervously.

- 325 -
 She looked up and her face lit up, causing my smile to instantly match hers. I
couldn't look at her like that and not smile. She made me infinitely happy.

I reached in my jacket pocket and pulled out the billfold and handed it to her.

She looked confused as she used the light of the fire to read what was inside.

"Plane tickets?" she asked, looking at me as though I was crazy. "Where are we
going?"

"Just look," I said, nodding my head to urge her to continue.

Her radiant smile was back as realization set in, and she leapt from her chair and
hugged me.

"I'm so excited! When are we going?" The enthusiasm in her voice was like a child
on Christmas Eve.

"Next month. It'll be the one year anniversary of when I got there."

She sat back in her chair. "One year. Is that all? God, it seems like so much
longer."

"I know. A lot has changed. It's funny. I remember meeting you. Carlisle was
introducing me to the staff and showing me around the camp. I was captivated by
you."

"Heidi thought you liked her. She was ready to pounce on you when we went
camping."

"Heidi thought that?" I asked, stunned. I'd never had any interest in anyone other
than Bella.

"Oh yeah. I may or may not have been a little jealous." She smirked at me, and I
laughed, pulling her chair closer to mine.

"I only wanted you," I confessed, kissing her softly.

"I'm so excited we're going back. I can't wait to see all our favorite places again."

I reached down and took a sip of my wine. The moisture in my mouth seemed to
have disappeared as my nerves assaulted me. Setting the plastic cup down in the
- 326 -
sand, I reached into my pocket once again and gripped the velvet box tightly.

I pulled it out and held it in my hand. It was pretty dark, despite the glow of the
moon, so Bella didn't really notice what I was holding.

"I'm glad you like my surprise. I've been thinking about Guatemala…and I just…I
wanted to go back." Bella looked at me, noticing my nervous stammering but not
understanding the reason behind it.

I continued, "I…uh…I thought we could get married there." I exhaled loudly

There, I said it. I slowly handed her the ring box.

She gasped and put one hand over her mouth while the other one reached out for
the box. "Edward!"

I rubbed my hands together nervously. This was fucking nerve-wracking.

After a few breaths, she turned her eyes down to the box and slowly pulled the lid
open, gasping once again when she saw the ring.

It was a simple ring, yet classic. A single diamond in the middle sparkled
brilliantly. Set into the platinum band were tiny diamonds that went all the way
around.

"I…I'm…oh my God…" Now it was Bella's turn to stammer.

"Will you marry me, Bella?"

She leaned over and kissed me sweetly, and I could feel the tears on her cheeks.

"Yes. A million times yes."

There were a few times since I'd known Bella when I thought my emotions might
get the best of me; when we'd first kissed, when we'd first made love, when she told
me she loved me, and now.

I didn't know I could feel this happy, this complete. I wanted to pull her inside of
me and hold her there. She was a part of me now, and I knew that would never
change.

"I love you so much. I promise, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make you
- 327 -
happy." I didn't take marriage lightly. Especially being famous and seeing so many
marriages built on material and shallow things. I wanted more. I wanted what my
parents had and what I knew was a rarity these days.

And I knew I could have it with Bella.

She looked at me and put her hand on the side of my face. "I never thought I could
feel like this. For so long, I didn't think I deserved this kind of happiness. But I'll
take it, and I promise I'll never look back."

A/N: Yay, they're going back to Guatemala! We only have the epilogue left
now. *sniff*

If you've been reading and haven't left me a review, please do! I want to
hear from you! What did you like? Dislike? Want more of? Less of? Seriously,
I'm trying to use FanFic as a way to improve my writing, and it can't be done
without feedback!

I have to send out some love to my betas, TwiHeart and Viola Cornuta. I
really value your feedback – more than you know! Thanks also to my
pre-readers – ellierk, Dana1779, and Sunfeathers.

The epilogue will be up next week. Shoot me a review for a teaser!

- 328 -
 Chapter 27 Guatemala

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 27: Guatemala

Bella

Our friends, once they heard about our engagement, were excited for us. All of
them at some point or another expressed to both me and Edward how much faith
they had in us, despite our trials, especially those who knew us in Guatemala and
had seen us in the early days of our relationship.

Emmett asked if he could officiate over our wedding, but I knew I only wanted one
person to do the honor – Carlisle. He had been my voice of reason. He kept me
strong when all I wanted to do was fall apart. He made me realize that there are
bigger things other than myself. He gave me back a sense of purpose when I
thought I'd lost it all.

Edward also had deep respect for him. Although Carlisle wasn't that much older
than us, he was wise beyond his years. He'd helped Edward find his wings down in
Guatemala at a time when Edward desperately needed to fit in and contribute.

Edward had long since given Victoria the boot, which was a huge relief for us. He
hadn't pressed charges but promised to pursue it if she didn't leave quietly. He
found new representation easily, and we were both very pleased with her.

The media obsession around Edward had peaked when it was discovered that
Tanya Denali had been sleeping with Aro Volturi and was now pregnant. Naturally,
Aro denied the rumors, but that brought Edward's relationship with her into the
spotlight again. Although the media never really went away, I learned to cope with
the intrusion better. Edward was real, and I learned that as long as he and I were
good, nothing else really mattered. It wasn't always easy, but I was through shutting
Edward out. He, better than anyone else, knew what it was like.

After the whole Tanya debacle, things slowed down as far as the paparazzi went.
Some poor celebrity always seemed to be getting into a fight or getting arrested,
and that kept Edward out of the spotlight. That didn't mean we weren't recognized -
- 329 -
we were - but it was cyclical. In addition, his new agent, Bree, really listened to him.
She was remarkably perceptive and had already made a huge impact on his career
and where he wanted to go.

Carlisle was already in the field elsewhere but agreed to take a short leave to
attend our wedding. The paperwork to get married in Guatemala was too much to
deal with so we opted to have our official ceremony on the beach in front of
Edward's house, with just a few guests, and the honeymoon in Guatemala. Carlisle
had agreed to officiate, and we were eternally grateful for his continued
self-sacrifice at our expense. Bree had led the media to believe we were planning an
elaborate wedding the following summer. We didn't want anything to hamper our
special day.

The sunset on the day of our wedding was spectacular - a collage of reds and
oranges. Edward looked radiant in khakis and a white Tommy Bahama shirt with
embroidered detail. It was casual, yet so him. The sun made his fair skin glow.

I was nervous, but the overpowering emotion I felt was happiness – pure,
unbridled happiness. I didn't want to make a huge fuss over the day; I'd been there,
done that. I didn't want to get lost in the planning and stress everyone out. Instead, I
wanted to keep the focus on what was important.

That didn't mean I wanted to look dumpy, though. I chose a simple, silk gown that
was soft, yet fit snugly against my body. It had a deep vee neckline with embroidery
right under the bust line. It was simple and elegant, but mostly I knew Edward
would love it.

I didn't embellish my hair or wear a veil. I just let the wind carry my hair, which
hung in loose curls as I walked up the small aisle to my awaiting groom.

When the ceremony was over, we celebrated over wine and appetizers at
Edward's house. Carlisle, Alice, Emmett and Kate were the only non-family members
invited. It was intimate and special.

The following day we left for Guatemala. We shed our fine clothes, and instead
opted for rough wearing shoes and cargo shorts.

"I'd completely forgotten how hot it is here," I said to Edward as I wiped my brow
upon exiting the plane. I felt like I was standing on the sun.

"I know. I'm sticky already."

- 330 -
 "Oooh, I like you sticky." I smirked at him and chuckled, but he was too hot and
distracted to pay much mind to my weak attempt at sexual innuendos.

The cabins we had stayed at on the lake so many months before had been rebuilt
after the devastating landslide. They didn't have the same rustic feel that they had
before, but, after all, when we were here last, there was so much sexual tension
between Edward and me that we hadn't paid much attention. One thing I did
recognize was the incredible beauty that surrounded us.

Despite the heat, the bugs, and the poverty, I felt at ease here. It was serene and
reminded me of the only other time in my life besides this moment when I was truly
happy.

Edward and I had seen and been through so much since then. We'd left here
strong and united, and it was only after we'd endured our lives back home that we'd
realized just how united we were; how strong our foundation was. Any number of
things could have caused us to come crashing down, falling apart, but they didn't.
We were as strong as ever, and I knew if we hadn't had all those obstacles, we
wouldn't have been ready to take the next step.

After we got settled in our room, we decided to go for a swim. The water was
warm, yet still provided a cool relief from the sweltering heat. I floated in Edward's
arms, with my legs wrapped around him as I let my head fall onto his shoulder.

"I'm really happy," I said softly.

"This is nice, isn't it?" His hands moved up my back as I gripped him tighter with
my legs.

"Do you remember the last time we were here?" I said, pulling back to rest my
forehead on his. By this time, the late afternoon sun cast sparkles onto the water,
reiterating the natural beauty and serenity of our surroundings.

His hand slid down my ass as his fingers slipped underneath my bathing suit. "I've
had fond dreams of that trip for a long time."

"Back then, it was taboo to touch you," I said, throwing my head back in the
water. Edward's lips followed, and he began to kiss my neck. "It's not taboo
anymore."

"No, it isn't, Mrs. Cullen. I can touch you whenever, however I want."

- 331 -
 I pulled my head out of the water and looked at him intensely. "I like it when you
say that."

"You're mine to touch as I please." His hand came around to my breast as his
thumb ran over my nipple.

"No, not that. Although, that's nice, too." It was hard to concentrate with his
fingers working their magic.

"What then?" he asked with a smirk.

"Mrs. Cullen."

"Ah, that. Just another slight difference from the last time we were here." He
loved playing with me, but all joking aside, I knew he liked saying my new name as
much as I liked hearing it.

"Just slightly." I leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I have an idea."

I began to wiggle my hips against him, and he smirked as understanding dawned

on him. "What kind of idea?"

"I want my husband to make love to me."

His lips were on mine in an instant and his hand fisted into my wet hair. "Nothing
would make your husband happier, let me assure you."

He carried me the short distance to our room. The smells and scents of our
surroundings were familiar and comforting as I let him posses me in a way I'd
wanted so much on our previous visit. I let him take me and make me his, feeling full
with the knowledge that this time when we left, it would be together – always.

I didn't want the night to end.

We hardly left the room or the water for several days. I was anxious to see the
WFP camp, even though most of our close friends were gone. It reminded me of
happy times. It was nostalgic to drive through the village. El Fandango was still
standing, and even though I had no real recollection of it, I smiled as we passed the
location of our first kiss. This place had so many firsts for us.

Near the end of our trip, we made the hike up the pyramid as we'd done right
before Edward left Guatemala. I half expected to be met with bad news as we sat
- 332 -
atop the majestic ruins. I recalled how I'd felt when he told me he was leaving, and
although it was unnecessary, I pulled him close against me. I wanted to remind
myself that he wasn't leaving me this time. I needed the reassurance that this wasn't
the same, even though the emotions I felt back then were all bubbling to the
surface.

"I have one more surprise for you," Edward said, kissing my forehead.

"If you say you're leaving, I'm going to kill you," I joked, giving him a small nudge.

"No, sorry," he said, laughing as he nudged me back. "You're stuck with me."

I grabbed his hand and led him over to a step to sit down. "You know how well I
handle surprises. You'd better just get it over with."

I tended to associate surprises with negative things, and so a sense of dread filled
me.

"Hey," he said in his sexy, soothing voice. "Look at me."

I obliged, and he gave me a sweet kiss.

"I found Grace."

I felt the air leave my lungs in a whoosh. "What? How? Did you…"

"Hey, hey, hey," Edward said, making a futile attempt to calm me down. "I talked
to Carlisle. He's kept tabs on her so he pulled some strings for me."

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed it as I squeezed him tightly. I hadn't
realized until he said her name just how badly I'd missed that little baby girl. She
had been through so much in her short life, and I couldn't stop the tears from
flowing.

"So, we get to see her?" I said, wiping my tears.

"Well, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I know how much you
love her, and I remember your promise to Marisol before she died. I know we've
never talked about it, but I was thinking that maybe we'd adopt her."

I was stunned silent. I literally couldn't speak. I just sat there, with my mouth
hanging open, trying to formulate a response. Of course, I'd thought about adopting
- 333 -
her. But when I left, my own life was in such a state of turmoil, I didn't think it fair
to her. Then, I was so busy I hadn't had time to even think about the logistics.

"Can we even do that? Isn't it hard to adopt from a foreign country?" I was stuck
in the details of how to do it, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I
realized I hadn't answered his question of should we do it. "Are you sure you want to
do that, Edward?"

"I saw you hold her. I saw the look in your eyes when you thought she was dead in
the mudslide. And I saw the look you had when you had to let her go. She's a special
little girl to both of us, and as long as you're comfortable with it, I think we should.
You know, for Marisol."

I smiled. It was so like Edward to say that. Sure, he wanted me to honor my

pledge to Marisol, but he'd forgotten that I'd seen his face when he thought she was
dead, too. He loved her as much as I did.

"Well then, for Marisol, we'll do it." The smile that came across his face made my
heart soar.

He immediately launched into the research he'd done, which, I was surprised to
find out, was extensive. What little I knew from my time here was that all foreign
adoptions had been basically suspended. Even if one was granted, the adoption laws
in Guatemala could be tricky to navigate, if not impossible. The fact that she was
orphaned helped. There would be no parental release necessary. Also, because we
had local connections through our work here, Edward was able to speak to some
people in powerful positions. All we had to do was stay longer than four days in the
country and have several blood tests run. It seemed impossible.

"How did you pull this all off? I mean, it's nearly impossible to adopt kids here." I
was astounded with the idea that we could be leaving with Grace in only a few short
days.

"Well, you've certainly seen the downside of my being a celebrity," he said with
raised eyebrows. "Let me show you the upside."

The entire climb down the pyramid, he told me all about the strings he'd pulled
and the work his lawyer had done to make this happen. I wanted to be annoyed that
he'd done all this without consulting me, but I couldn't. He knew nothing was set in
stone, but he also knew I'd never let that baby girl out of my arms if I held her again.
For that, I loved him more than ever.

- 334 -
 I found I could hardly control my nerves on the way to the orphanage. It had been
nine months since I'd seen her. She could be walking by now. She'd look and feel
different.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, gently rubbing my bouncing knee as we made the
drive to the neighboring town.

"Don't tease me," I said, smiling weakly as I squeezed the life out of his hand. "You
know I'm a mess."

He laughed out loud. "Yeah, I can see that, baby."

The orphanage was on the outskirts of town. It was run down, and I worried about
how well Grace had been cared for here. Carlisle had assured me she'd have nothing
but the best care available to her. Still, it was hard to see evidence of that from the
looks of the place. I should have known the orphanage, like everything else here,
was about so much more than appearances.

Inside, there were several women working and playing with the children. They
were laughing and giggling. Although primitive, there was a small place for the kids
to play outside.

An older woman approached us. Edward began speaking to her in Spanish. I was
preoccupied looking for Grace, so I didn't even listen to what they were saying. She
ushered us past several rooms and outside to a small patio. There were three or four
children playing there, but my eyes went straight for the tiny girl in the corner with
big, beautiful eyes.

It was her. I knew it was her.

Tears ran down my eyes. "Hija?" I said, never wanting the word daughter to ring
true more than I did at that moment.

I held my arms outstretched to her, but she didn't come. The woman explained
that Grace was a shy child, although sweet and mild mannered. She also wasn't
walking, although she was quite adept at getting around by other means. I could be
patient. I would be patient. This little girl had survived a hell of a lot, and I wouldn't
add to her trauma.

We sat there for the rest of the day playing with Grace. The doctor in me wanted
to give her a full exam, but I knew that would have to wait. For now, we were just
Edward and Bella getting to know our new daughter. She was an absolute delight.
- 335 -
Her smile looked so much like Marisol's had. I never knew the father, but Grace's
features were delicate and sweet and she definitely favored her mother. She was as
beautiful now as she had been when she was born.

We reluctantly left the orphanage that afternoon. I couldn't get little Grace out of
my mind.

Later that night, I rested my ear against Edward's chest as he lay on his back in
our bed. I could hear his heart beating, still faster than normal since we'd just made
love. He played with my hair, gently massaging my scalp as I relaxed into him.

"Are we really going to do this?" I asked as I rested my chin on the back of my

hand on his chest.

"You mean Grace?"

"Yeah."

His hands moved from my hair to my cheek. "We can pull the trigger tomorrow if
you want to. If you're asking me my opinion, then I'll tell you I've never seen you
happier than when you're with that little girl. It feels like it's the right time for us.
But I want you to be sure. I know I've done a lot of this legwork without including
you, and I don't want you to feel pressured or rushed. I only did it so we had options.
That's it."

I played with the hair on his chest, breaking our eye contact while I thought about
what he'd said. I knew he would never pressure me. I didn't feel pressured. I felt
relieved; because I knew I couldn't handle any more goodbyes in my life. There had
been too many – with Jake, with Edward, and with Grace. She would fit in our family
and have a happy life. Edward was right; it was the right time for us and for her.

"I want to take her home."

Edward pulled me up his body so I was laying flush against him. His arms
engulfed me as he hugged and kissed me sweetly.

"Well then, tomorrow we can go get our daughter."

Daughter. The word brought tears to my eyes.

"I love you so much. Not just for Grace, but for everything. You know me so well,
and I'll never be able to tell you how happy you make me."
- 336 -
 "The feeling is entirely mutual. Being here in Guatemala seems surreal. It's hard
to believe what a different place we were in when we were here last. I'm happy
about the difference, even if we had to go through some rough patches to get here."

"We're going to have a daughter." It sounded especially foreign coming from my

mouth.

"Yes, we are."

The next morning, I couldn't wait to get back to the orphanage and complete the
adoption. I had to hand it to Edward and his lawyer, they hadn't missed anything.

After we'd been at the orphanage for about an hour, the nurse from the day before
brought us a bag filled with Grace's limited possessions. The woman's smile was
kind as she gave Grace a final hug goodbye. She stood and squeezed my hands,
silently telling me she believed this precious child would have a good life with us. It
made me elated just thinking about it.

Surprisingly, Grace didn't cry much as we left. We'd built up a rapport the day
before and this morning, so she was comfortable with us. I knew she might relapse
into sadness once she realized she was really gone, but I was happy for her
resignation and acceptance now. She just stared out the window of the car until her
eyes grew droopy and eventually closed. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

I felt Edward's hand on my own and turned to look at him as he drove.

"It's real," I whispered.

He smiled and squeezed my hand, pulling it to his lips to kiss it. "It's real, baby."

The flight home was grueling. Grace did, in fact, have a meltdown once she
realized she was no longer in her familiar surroundings. We tried to calm her down,
but she was difficult to console. I stared down any passenger who gave me a stink
eye, surprised at my seemingly automatic mama bear response.

Edward finally got her to sleep on his lap. Her little fingers were wrapped around
his as she rested against his chest. I could understand the sentiment. I, too, was
often comforted in his arms. They both looked so happy.

I brushed a strand of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear.

You'd be proud, Marisol.

- 337 -
 I leaned over and brushed a kiss on Edward's cheek and then one on Grace's
cheek.

My family. It finally felt right.

A/N: *sniff* That's it, well almost! My pre-readers have asked for a future
shot to see how our new family is adjusting to life back in the states, so I'll
try and work on that for you guys! Check my profile for pics of their wedding
attire and adorable baby Grace!

Major love to my betas – Viola Cornuta and TwiHart. I can't imagine this
process without you! Thanks for everything!

To my pre-readers – ellierk, Dana1779, and Sunfeathers – a huge thank

you for your support and kind words throughout. I love you guys so much!

To my readers – you are what have made this worthwhile. I've loved your
comments and knowing I've touched you in some way. Thank you for
supporting me. I've so appreciated the pimps and the recs and the reviews!
A million thanks, and please don't forget to leave me your thoughts!

So, what's next? I am currently rewriting my first fic, What Happens Now.
That should start to post in about a week or so, maybe less.

I'm tossing around a couple of ideas for my next fic as well. Possibly a
sequel to StR? Or possibly something a little darker? Maybe vamp? Or
maybe something completely fluffy? I'm open to all plot bunnies, so if you've
got any ideas, let me know! Otherwise, please add me to author alert (not
just story alert.) This definitely isn't the last thing I'll be doing.

Also, I do Tweet about what I'm up to, so follow me to get updates. I'm at
wandb_ff.

Thanks for the fun ride. *muah*

- 338 -
 Chapter 28 Release

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright

infringement is intended.

Chapter 28: Release

Edward

I was a nervous wreck. Today was the day of my book release and signing, and
Bree had me running around all morning. I just wanted it to go according to plan.
Bella's meticulous nature had rubbed off on me.

I'd spent the last eighteen months writing, and my book was finally ready to be
released. It was an historical fiction about a young couple traveling through
Guatemala and Central America. I hoped it would open people's eyes to the realities
of life there and provide insight into the incredible struggles, yet enormous faith of
the people. I was very proud of my work, and it had truly been a labor of love.

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and texted Bella.

You guys going to make it on time? Remember it's at noon. ~E

She texted back immediately, and I had to laugh when I read it.

You're worse than me. Now I know where Oliver gets his impatience. See you at
noon. ~B

I was predictable, I guess, always worried about things being perfect. Oliver was
our six month old son, and he wasn't known for his patience. He certainly kept all of
us on our toes. Bella and I hadn't exactly been trying for a baby, but we weren't
preventing it either, so although we were happy, it was a bit of a surprise when
Bella found out she was pregnant. We'd expected to have to wait a lot longer.

Oliver Edward Cullen was born on October 3rd at 4:15 pm, much to the chagrin of
his older sister, Grace, who was none too eager to share the spotlight. Over the last
few months, though, she'd really come to love her little brother and was even quite
protective of him.

- 339 -
 Bella was still working in her practice, which she really enjoyed. The research
she'd done in her previous job had been widely recognized, and she'd been invited to
speak at several conferences on the subject of childhood cancer. It would always be
something near and dear to her heart, but her own practice was much more suited
to our life.

I watched the kids a few hours a day while Bella was at work, but it was
impossible to get anything done with them around, so we had a nanny come to the
house to help. Our daily life involved a lot of balancing of our schedules, but we'd
gotten into a pattern that worked for us.

Life with two kids was certainly hectic and kept us busy, but it was a good kind of
chaos. I found myself unable to remember what we did before they came along. I
became used to the near constant noise in our house. It made our house a home.

My book signing went exceedingly well with a huge turnout. It was exhausting,
but one of my favorite parts of my job to get to meet my readers. Afterwards, we had
a small reception for family and friends at our place so I could thank them for all
their love and support. Grace and Jane, Alice and Jasper's daughter, ran around on
the grass playing tag. They giggled and hid behind the adults, who tried to carry on
conversations amid the screams of laughter.

"Hey, I hear congratulations are in order," I said to Emmett as he approached. He

had just proposed to Rosalie this week, and I hadn't had a chance to congratulate
him yet.

He gave me a half hug and chuckled. "Yeah, I couldn't let you have all the fun."

He joked, but I knew he'd been thinking about asking Rosalie to marry him for a
while. The rest of us knew it was just a matter of time.

"We're happy for you," I said. "So, when's the big day?"

"Don't worry. You'll be the first to know. Bella and Rosalie have been busy as bees
with the planning. I told Rose just to tell me when to show up."

I laughed. Bella really was anal-retentive, and I recalled the precision with which
she planned our small, informal wedding. I could only imagine how she'd be
planning something more elaborate. Rosalie was the same way.

"Daddy," I heard a small voice say from behind my knees. "Uppy, uppy."

- 340 -
 I reached down instinctively and picked Grace up. She was growing like a weed,
and I wondered how much longer I'd be able to carry her like this without throwing
out my back.

"What's up, mija?" I asked, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Doggy," she said, grimacing as she pointed to the black ball of fur in front of me,
lifting her feet to protect herself.

I laughed. Jasmine was a medium-sized dog and completely harmless, but she
thought she was tough. "It's just Jasmine, sweetie. She won't bite."

Grace buried her little face in my neck and squeezed me tightly so I could protect
her from the imminent attack of our house pet. I hugged her back, loving the feel of
her little limbs encircling me. I hadn't known what to expect from parenting, but it
was the little moments like these when I realized how happy my family made me.

We made a point of speaking Spanish to Grace and talking to her about her
heritage. It was important to us to honor that, and we looked forward to taking her
back to Guatemala one day.

"Sweetie," Bella said as she passed me holding a tray of food. "Can you bring that
tray of cold cuts from the kitchen?"

I handed Gracie off to Emmett, who immediately threw her in the air, eliciting a
squeal of laughter, and I walked into the kitchen.

I felt Bella's arms come around my waist and leaned my head back against her
shoulder.

"You having a good day, baby?" she asked.

I nodded and turned around in her arms, pulling her into me. "I am. I can't believe
it's finally published."

She reached up and brushed a hair away from my face. "Well, you've worked
really hard. You deserve it."

I leaned in and kissed her sweetly. "Thank you for believing in me and for
throwing this party. I love it."

"How else could everyone show you how proud we are of you?"
- 341 -
 "Well, we'll see if the book sells," I said, shrugging.

"It doesn't matter if it sells one copy or a million. What's important is that it came
from the heart."

God, I loved this woman.

Just then, the monitor in Oliver's room came to life, indicating he was up from his
nap. Bella made a move to get him, but I stopped her.

"I'll get him," I said.

"But it's your party?"

"I don't mind."

She ran her hand along my cheek, smiling, and turned to grab the cold cut tray.
"Okay, I'll see you outside."

I climbed the stairs and opened the door to my son's room quietly. The room was
darkened, the shutters drawn closed, so my eyes took a moment to adjust.

I walked over to the crib and Oliver was beaming up at me, kicking and happy.

His dark brown eyes were just like Bella's, and his smile was just as captivating.

"Well look who's awake?" I returned his eager smile.

I felt a surge of pride flow through me. I had a wonderful wife and two beautiful
children. We were so fortunate, and each day I tried to forget the little things that
bothered me and focus on that.

I tried to remember that, even amid the devastation of Guatemala, the people
there felt undying devotion toward family and friends. I strived to emulate that
devotion with my own family.

In that moment, standing over Oliver's crib, while he smiled and kicked at me, just
waiting for me to pick him up and hold him, I knew it had all been worth it.
Everything I had been through had gotten me to this point. Had I made any different
decisions along the way, I might not have been standing here. I might not have been
so lucky in life.

- 342 -
 I was eternally thankful – for Guatemala and the adventures I'd had there, for
Bella, for Grace, for Oliver. For everything.

A/N: *sniff* So, that's it. I hope you enjoyed this story. It's been a fun ride
with you all. Thank you for your support. I appreciate it very much. Please
leave me a review with your parting thoughts!

This story is infinitely better because of my betas – TwiHart and Viola

Cornuta. I can't thank you guys enough. Thanks, as always, to my
pre-readers, who make me smile.

A couple of things:

Voting is open for the Pick a Pic Challenge until January 15th. My entry is
called Little Miss Sunshine. I'd very much appreciate your support. The link
for both the story and the voting is in my profile.

Please be sure to add me to author alert so you'll be notified when my next

fic posts. It's in the works right now, and I have to say, I'm pretty excited
about it! I can't wait to get it going. It should be up very soon.

My other fic, What Happens Now, is being re-written, and that will also be
posting very soon.

And with that, I click the "Complete" button. Thanks again for a fun ride,
and I hope you'll stick around for my new (and improved) stories.

- 343 -