S

E
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F ESTEEM

Self-Esteem… What is it?

Self-esteem is an individual's subjective evaluation of their own

worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself (for
example, "I am unloved", "I am worthy") as well as emotional
states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame. "The self-
concept is what we think about the self; self-esteem is the positive or negative evaluations of the
self, as in how we feel about it."Self-esteem is an attractive psychological construct because it
predicts certain outcomes, such as academic achievement, happiness, satisfaction in marriage and
relationships, and criminal behavior. Self-esteem can apply to a specific attribute (for example,
"I believe I am a good writer and I feel happy about that") or globally (for example, "I believe I
am a bad person, and I feel bad about myself in general"). Psychologists usually regard self-
esteem as an enduring personality characteristic (trait self-esteem), though normal, short-term
variations (state self-esteem) also exist. Synonyms or near-synonyms of self-esteem include
many things: self-worth, self-regard, self-respect, and self-integrity. “We all know that self-
esteem comes from what you think of you, not what other people think of you”. -Gloria Gaynor

In psychology, the term self-esteem is used to describe a person's overall sense of self-worth or
personal value. In other words, how much you appreciate and like yourself. Self-esteem is often
seen as a personality trait, which means that it tends to be stable and enduring. It can involve a
variety of beliefs about yourself, such as the appraisal of your own appearance, beliefs, emotions,
and behaviors. In simple words, how much you appreciate and like yourself.

Why Self-Esteem Is Important

Self-esteem can play a significant role in your motivation and success throughout your life. Low
self-esteem may hold you back from succeeding at school or work because you don't believe
yourself to be capable of success. By contrast, having a healthy self-esteem can help you achieve
because you navigate life with a positive, assertive attitude and believe you can accomplish your
goals.

Where Do We Get Self-esteem?

Your self-esteem is made up of all the personal experiences and interpersonal relationships
you’ve had in your life.

1.Personal Experiences
There are different experiences that influence our self-esteem, e.g.;

1. Experiences that contribute to healthy self-esteem

 2. Experiences that may lead to low self-esteem
Experiences that contribute to healthy self-esteem
These include;

− Being listened to
− Being spoken to respectfully
− Getting appropriate attention and affection
− Having accomplishments be recognized and mistakes or
failures be acknowledged and accepted

Experiences that may lead to low self-esteem

These include;

− Being harshly criticized

− Being physically, sexually, or emotionally abused
− Being ignored, ridiculed, or teased
− Being expected to be perfect all the time. People with low self-esteem were often given
messages—from parents, teachers, peers, or others—that failed experiences (losing a
game, getting a poor grade, etc.) were failures of their whole self

2. Interpersonal Relationships

Messages given in various relationships influence our self-esteem, e.g;

1. Parental Messages
2. Cultural/Societal Messages

1. Parental Messages
• Healthy messages include saying, “it’s okay to make mistakes……dad/mom loves you
always.”
• Unhealthy parents use weapons such as isolation, abuse, deny, and shame to get their
children to obey and then withdraw their love until they do obey.
2. Cultural/Societal Messages
• “Don’t be different”
• “Don’t talk or do this”
• “You’re not like us”
• “You are flawed”
• “You are inferior”
• “You are an animal”
• “You are fat”

Low Self Esteem

People who have low self-esteem are the opposite of those with high self-esteem. They do not
value themselves, they have very little trust in themselves, they undervalue themselves, and they
have such a great fear of messing up.

So, this is Poor Self Esteem.

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

You may need to work on how you perceive yourself if you exhibit any of these signs of poor
self-esteem:

− Negative outlook
− Lack of confidence
− Inability to express your needs
− Focus on your weaknesses
− Excessive feelings of shame, depression, or anxiety
− Belief that others are better than you
− Trouble accepting positive feedback
− Intense fear of failure
The Effects of High Self-Esteem

 People with a healthy level of self-esteem:

 Firmly believe in certain values and principles, and are ready to defend them even when
finding opposition, feeling secure enough to modify them in light of experience.
 Are able to act according to what they think to be the best choice, trusting their own
judgment, and not feeling guilty when others do not like their choice.
 Do not lose time worrying excessively about what happened in the past, nor about what
could happen in the future. They learn from the past and plan for the future, but live in
the present intensely.
 Fully trust in their capacity to solve problems, not hesitating after failures and difficulties.
They ask others for help when they need it.
 Consider themselves equal in dignity to others, rather than inferior or superior, while
accepting differences in certain talents, personal prestige or financial standing.
 Understand how they are an interesting and valuable person for others, at least for those
with whom they have a friendship.
 Resist manipulation, collaborate with others only if it seems appropriate and convenient.
 Admit and accept different internal feelings and drives, either positive or negative,
revealing those drives to others only when they choose.
The Effects of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem can result from various factors,

including genetic factors, physical appearance or weight,
mental health issues, socioeconomic status, significant
emotional experiences, peer pressure or bullying.

A person with low self-esteem may show some of the

following characteristics:

 Heavy self-criticism and dissatisfaction.

 Hypersensitivity to criticism with resentment against critics and feelings of being
attacked.
 Chronic indecision and an exaggerated fear of mistakes.
 Excessive will to please and unwillingness to displease any petitioner.
 Perfectionism, which can lead to frustration when perfection is not achieved.
 Pessimism and a general negative outlook
 12 Positive Self Esteem Examples
I would like to share with you 12 positive self-esteem examples to help you to become aware
where you are standing right now.

I. You are capable of acting more assertive without any guilt. Communication with other
people is easy and natural.
II. You don’t spend too much time dwelling on the past. You live in the present moment
doing the best you can. The past is gone, and you know that you cannot do anything
about it.
III. You are equal to everyone. You know that nobody is better or worst than you. You pose
the ability to recognize the difference in others, like particular talents.
IV. You do not allow others to manipulate you. Because you know how to be assertive you
can easily handle this situation with a different attitude.
V. You recognize and accept a variety of feelings, positive or negatives, and you share them
with another person if you think it is healthy for the relationship.
VI. You enjoy different activities like work, play, walk, relax, etc. Balance is necessary.
VII. Building positive relationships, certain people tend to bring you down, try to spend less
time with them, or tell them how you feel about their words or actions. Seek out
relationships with people who are positive and who appreciate you.
VIII. You accept challenges and take risks to grow. Because you accept yourself as you are,
you are aware that you are not perfect. Is something goes wrong you learn from it. If you
believe you’re not capable of something, then the only way to prove yourself wrong is by
doing it. People with healthy self-esteem experience doubt and fear like everyone else –
but they still try new things and leave their comfort zone.
IX. You handle criticism easily without taking it personally. You know that you are learning
and growing and are mostly independent of the good and bad opinions of others. Because
of this, you can discern when criticism is a feedback that is going to help you or is going
to draw you down.
X. Be assertive and practice clear communication. Not voicing and acknowledging your
needs or setting limits with others means that you are putting up with more stuff than you
 need to for your own well-being. By learning how to say NO you are sending the
message that you value yourself and that you deserve to be treated with respect.
XI. You value yourself, and you communicate better with other people. You are not afraid to
express your feelings, likes, and dislikes.
XII. You value and accept other people as they are, meaning that you don’t try to change
them.

12 Steps to High Self-Esteem

Here are 11 steps you can take today.

1. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself.

Do you have any idea how many negative thoughts go through your mind every day about
yourself? Probably not. Even if it’s just something simple like, “My hair looks terrible today,”
you need to monitor and control your thoughts. So get a notebook and write down every negative
thought that you say to yourself, about yourself. After about a week, take a look. Then write
down why each negative thought is NOT true.

2. Don’t compare yourself to others. But if you do, compare yourself to people who are
not as lucky as you are.

If you constantly compare how you look to Angelina Jolie or your bank account to your
millionaire cousin, you will definitely feel bad about yourself. So here’s an idea‒don’t do it!!
Instead, focus on how lucky you are. If you have a roof over your head and food on the table,
you are among the luckiest people in the world. Be grateful for what you have. Don’t complain
about what you lack.

3. Don’t dwell in the past.

Maybe you did something in the past that you are ashamed of, like cheating on your significant
other. Well, you can’t undo it. All you can do is forgive yourself, decide to do better, and move
on. Replaying it and beating yourself up doesn’t work. Or maybe your past was “The Good Ol’
Days.” Don’t dwell there either. We all age, and we all have the opportunity to make today and
tomorrow the best we can. Move onward and upwards. Not backwards.

4. Find a “self-esteem buddy” and support each other.

Anyone who has tried to change their habits knows it’s difficult. And your self-esteem is also a
“habit”–it’s a habitual way of thinking about yourself. So it helps to have someone point out
when we are being negative and help us steer in the right direction. Sometimes we don’t even
recognize when we are being down on ourselves because we do it so much. Your buddy will help
you, and you can help them.

5. Figure out what triggers your feelings of low self-esteem.

Perhaps your older sister was the “perfect” one, so when you’re around her and your family, you
feel worse about yourself. Or maybe you were chubby as a child and still carry that image of
yourself to this day. We all have certain areas where we feel bad about ourselves. So try to
identify what situations or topics trigger your negative thoughts.
 6. Separate your feelings from facts.

You might think you are overweight, but you might not be. For example, perhaps you are
average weight, but you grew up with two older sisters who are naturally skinny. If you
constantly compared yourself to them growing up, you might have labeled yourself as “fat.”
However, those are only your feelings. That’s not overweight. Facts and feelings are different.

7. Treat yourself as if you are a friend and you’re trying to help boost their (your) self-
esteem.

We are all harder on ourselves than our friends are. While we tear ourselves down, our good
friends try to lift us up. Well, try to act like those friends! Be your own friend. Be kind to
yourself. Give yourself compliments and positive affirmations. You don’t need to rely on others
to do that. You can do it for yourself, too.

8. Believe people when they complement you.

Some people have difficult time receiving compliments. While this might sounds strange, it’s
true. The reason they have a hard time is because they don’t believe the person’s kind words.
They come up with reasons inside their heads about why they’re wrong or why it’s not true. Stop
doing that! When someone says something nice about you, believe them! Say “thank you,” and
move on with a smile on your face!

9. Use affirmations and visualization.

Affirmations and visualizations are powerful tools to reprogram your thinking. The more you
repeat words or visualize something in your mind, the more your subconscious believes it. So
repeat positive statements to yourself such as, “I am a good person. I am healthy. I am strong. I
am lovable.” And then visualize you being and feeling that way.

10. Use hypnosis.

Speaking of reprogramming the subconscious, hypnosis is also a very powerful way to re-write
the negative beliefs in your head. There are many websites that sell positive hypnosis CDs or
mp3’s that you can listen to on a regular basis in order to help build your self-esteem. If you use
them consistently, you will make some giant leaps in feeling good about yourself.
 11. List your good qualities and past successes.

Sometimes we get too focused on our negatives, and we forget to notice our good qualities! So
take some time to sit down and write out why you are an awesome person. Are you a great mom?
Are you smart? Do you have a career you enjoy? Whatever it is, write it down. What have you
been successful doing in the past? Review these daily to remind yourself how you’re making a
difference in the world.

12. Take action!

While I appreciate you all reading this article, it will do you no good if you don’t actually take
my advice! Don’t just share this on your Facebook page and forget about it. Do something! Take
action! Nothing will change unless you do. It all starts with a decision. So just do it

Self actualization
Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a theory in psychology proposed by Abraham Maslow in his
1943

He explained about self-esteem that esteem needs are ego needs or status needs. People develop
a concern with getting recognition, status, importance, and respect from others. Most humans
have a need to feel respected; this includes the need to have self-esteem and self-respect. Esteem
presents the typical human desire to be accepted and valued by others. People often engage in a
profession or hobby to gain recognition. These activities give the person a sense of contribution
or value. Low self-esteem or an inferiority complex may result from imbalances during this level
in the hierarchy. People with low self-esteem often need respect from others; they may feel the
need to seek fame or glory. However, fame or glory will not help the person to build their self-
esteem until they accept who they are internally. Psychological imbalances such as depression
can distract the person from obtaining a higher level of self-esteem. Most people have a need for
stable self-respect and self-esteem. Maslow noted two versions of esteem needs: a "lower"
version and a "higher" version. The "lower" version of esteem is the need for respect from
others. This may include a need for status, recognition, fame, prestige, and attention. The
"higher" version manifests itself as the need for self-respect. For example, the person may have a
need for strength, competence, mastery, self-confidence, independence, and freedom. This
"higher" version takes guidelines, the "hierarchies are interrelated rather than sharply separated".
This means that esteem and the subsequent levels are not strictly separated; instead, the levels are
closely related.

Characteristics of Self-Actualized People

Self-Actualized People Have Peak Experiences
One characterization of self-actualization is having frequent peak experiences. According to
Maslow, a peak experience involves:” Feelings of limitless horizons opening up to the vision, the
feeling of being simultaneously more powerful and also more helpless than one ever was before,
the feeling of ecstasy and wonder and awe, the loss of placement in time and space with, finally,
the conviction that something extremely important and valuable had happened, so that the
subject was to some extent transformed and strengthened even in his daily life by such
experiences."
They Possess Self-Acceptance and a Democratic World View
Self-actualized people accept themselves and others as they are. They tend to lack inhibition and
are able to enjoy themselves and their lives free of guilt.

Not only do self-actualized people fully accept themselves, they also embrace other people for
who they are. Other individuals are treated the same regardless of background, current status, or
other socio-economic and cultural factors.

They Are Realistic

Another major characteristic of self-actualized people is a sense of realism. Rather than being
fearful of things that are different or unknown, the self-actualized individual is able to view life
as it unfolds both logically and rationally.

They Tend to Be Problem-Centered

Self-actualized individuals are often motivated by a strong sense of personal ethics and
responsibility. They enjoy applying their problem-solving skills to real-world situations and they
like helping other people improve their own lives.

The Self-Actualized Person Is Autonomous

Self-actualized people also tend to be very independent. They don't conform to other people's
ideas of happiness or contentment. This original perspective allows the individual to live in the
moment and appreciate the beauty of each experience.

They Enjoy Solitude and Privacy

Self-actualized individuals value their privacy and enjoy solitude. While they also love the
company of others, taking time to themselves is essential for their personal discovery and
cultivating their individual potential.

They Have a Philosophical Sense of Humor

Self-actualized individuals generally have a thoughtful sense of humor. They're able to enjoy the
humor in situations and laugh at themselves, but they don't ridicule or joke at the expense of
another person's feelings.

Self-Actualized People Are Spontaneous

Another characteristic of self-actualized people is a tendency to be open, unconventional, and
spontaneous. While these people are able to follow generally accepted social expectations, they
don't feel confined by these norms in their thoughts or behaviors.

They Fully Enjoy the Journey, Not Just the Destination

While self-actualized people have concrete goals, they don't see things as simply a means to an
end. The journey toward achieving a goal is just as important and enjoyable as actually
accomplishing the goal.