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Attraction

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Attraction: Liking Others

Introduction
- Need to Belong
The need to belong is the idea that humans have an inherent drive to form and maintain
close, stable, positive relationships with others. This fundamental need is central to many as-
pects of social psychology, influencing everything from how we form friendships to how we
behave in groups and societies.
Evolutionary basis:
Human beings are social animals, and throughout history, survival was often depen-
dent on forming close bonds with others—whether for cooperation in hunting and
gathering, protection from predators, or raising children. In this sense, our desire for
connection with others is not just a social or psychological need but may have been
crucial for our ancestors' survival.
Social belonging and Wellbeing:
Having strong social bonds is correlated with increased well-being. Myers points to
research showing that individuals who feel they belong to social groups, whether
through family, friendships, or other communities, are generally happier, healthier,
and more resilient.
- Pain of Rejection
This topic discusses how deeply rejection is felt, both in terms of emotional pain and its po-
tential impact on behavior. The experience of being rejected is tied to fundamental human
needs, such as the need to belong, which makes the pain of rejection a powerful force in
shaping people's social interactions and self-esteem.

Research that shows how the brain responds to social rejection. Studies have shown that the
neural mechanisms activated by social rejection are similar to those involved in processing
physical pain. This connection is so strong that the same areas of the brain (such as the ante-
rior cingulate cortex) are activated when someone experiences social exclusion as when they
are physically hurt.

Social rejection can lead to several behavioral changes, including changes in cognitive pro-
cesses, emotional regulation, and social interactions.

What Leads to Friendship and Attraction?


- Proximity
Proximity (or physical closeness) is explored as one of the most powerful predictors of at-
traction and relationship formation. Myers discusses the role of proximity in shaping inter-
personal attraction through several key concepts and research findings. The idea is that the
closer people are to each other in terms of physical distance, the more likely they are to in-
teract, form relationships, and develop attractions to one another.
Mere-exposure effect
The mere-exposure effect refers to the psychological phenomenon where people tend to de-
velop a preference for things they are exposed to repeatedly. The more often we encounter a
stimulus (whether it’s a person, object, or idea), the more likely we are to develop positive
feelings toward it, simply due to increased familiarity.

Myers emphasizes that repeated exposure increases familiarity, and as we become more fa-
miliar with something, it often becomes less threatening or anxiety-inducing. The greater
comfort and ease that come with familiarity generally lead to more favorable evaluations of
that stimulus.
A classic study by psychologist Robert Zajonc demonstrated the mere-exposure effect by
showing participants photographs of people (either familiar or unfamiliar) multiple times.
Afterward, participants rated the people they had seen more often as more attractive, even
though they had no prior interactions with them.

Zajonc’s research also showed that the mere-exposure effect occurs even when the exposure
is unconscious or subtle. For example, people are more likely to rate a song or an advertise-
ment favorably the more they hear it, even if they initially did not like it.

Implicit egotism - Liking things associated with oneself

Implicit egotism is the idea that people have a subconscious preference for things that re-
semble themselves. This includes things like choosing partners with similar initials, living in
cities whose names are similar to their own, or gravitating toward professions that share
similarities with their names or birthdays. These preferences are driven by the positive feel-
ings people have about themselves and their identities, even though they are often unaware
of the influence.

For example, People named Alicia might be more likely to partner with someone whose
name is Alan or Alexander because of the similarity in initials. This preference occurs even
though individuals are not consciously aware of it.

- Physical Attractiveness
It refers to how people tend to make judgments about others based on physical appearance
and how those judgments influence social interactions, relationships, and even the formation
of friendships and romantic partnerships.

Matching phenomenon
Matching phenomenon or hypothesis suggests that people tend to form relationships with
others who are about as attractive as they are. While people may initially seek out highly at-
tractive partners, they are more likely to end up with someone who is a similar level of at-
tractiveness. This is partly because highly attractive individuals tend to be more selective in
choosing partners, and people who are moderately attractive may prefer someone within
their own “league."

Physical-attractiveness stereotype
It refers to the tendency to assume that people who are physically attractive also possess
other positive qualities, such as being socially skilled, intelligent, kind, and competent. This
stereotype operates through the halo effect, a cognitive bias where our overall impression of
someone is influenced by one particular characteristic—in this case, physical appearance.

Evolution and attraction


The patterns of attraction we observe today may have roots in our evolutionary past, as
they may have contributed to reproductive success and the survival of our species.
Physical attractiveness signals traits like health, fertility, and genetic fitness. Traits such as
symmetry, youth, and waist-to-hip ratio are often considered attractive because they signal
reproductive health.

Social Comparison
Individuals often evaluate their own attractiveness, desirability, and worth in relation to oth-
ers, using others as a standard or reference point. This process is part of the broader idea of
social comparison theory. The theory suggests that people assess themselves in comparison
to others, especially when there are no objective standards of measurement. This tendency
also influences how we perceive potential romantic partners and how we assess our own at-
tractiveness.

- Similarity Vs Complementarity
Beyond physical attractiveness, people are also drawn to those with similar interests, values,
and personality traits. Myers explains that people often feel a stronger bond with others who
share similar beliefs and attitudes.

Likeness begets Liking


This principle refers to the idea that people tend to be attracted to others who are similar to
themselves in terms of attitudes, interests, values, and backgrounds. This principle is based
on the idea that similarity fosters mutual understanding and comfort, which in turn promotes
liking and positive feelings toward one another. This phenomenon is supported by a substan-
tial body of research in social psychology, which suggests that similarity is a key factor in
interpersonal attraction.

• Attitude Similarity: In one experiment, researchers found that participants who were
paired with someone who shared similar attitudes on various topics (e.g., political views, so-
cial issues) rated those individuals as more likable. This pattern held true even when partici-
pants did not explicitly know the other person's views but were merely led to believe they
shared similar attitudes.
• Personality Similarity: Other studies have shown that people are more likely to form ro-
mantic relationships with individuals who share similar personality traits. For instance, ex-
troverts tend to be attracted to other extroverts, and introverts to other introverts, as they
have similar social needs and behaviors.
• Behavioral Similarity: People who engage in similar social behaviors—such as shared
communication styles, interests, and behaviors—tend to form stronger relationships. These
types of behavioral similarities increase compatibility and ease of interaction.

Dissimilarity breeds dislike


The principle that "dissimilarity breeds dislike" builds on the concept of likeness begets lik-
ing, but focuses on how differences between individuals—especially in terms of attitudes,
values, and behaviors—can lead to negative reactions and interpersonal conflict. This princi-
ple suggests that when individuals perceive others as too dissimilar to themselves, it can
lead to discomfort, mistrust, or dislike, rather than attraction. The underlying idea is that
similarity fosters positive feelings and ease of interaction, while dissimilarity creates fric-
tion, misunderstandings, or even outright conflict.

Psychological mechanisms that explain why dissimilarity leads to dislike:

• Cognitive Dissonance: One explanation is based on the concept of cognitive dissonance.


When two people hold incompatible beliefs or values, this creates discomfort because it
challenges their existing worldviews. To reduce this dissonance, people may feel com-
pelled to dislike or reject those who hold opposing views in order to maintain their own
sense of consistency and coherence in thinking.
• Social Categorization: Humans have a natural tendency to categorize people into in-
groups (groups we identify with) and out-groups (groups we perceive as different from
ourselves). People are more likely to feel positively toward those in their in-group (who
share similar characteristics or views) and negatively toward those in the out-group. The
more dissimilar someone is perceived to be, the more they may be seen as part of the out-
group, leading to disliking or even prejudice.
• Reduced Familiarity and Trust: When two people are different in terms of their atti-
tudes, behaviors, or beliefs, it can reduce the familiarity between them. Myers notes that
familiarity tends to breed liking, so when individuals are unfamiliar or distant in their val-
ues or interests, they may become uncomfortable or suspicious of one another.

Do opposites attracts?
While the notion of opposites attracting may seem appealing or intuitively true in some in-
stances, similarity is generally a stronger predictor of attraction than complementarity (the
idea that opposites attract). In fact, research in social psychology suggests that similarity
tends to be a much more reliable factor in the formation of relationships and the develop-
ment of liking or attraction.
- Liking those who like us
One of the most important factors in the development of liking or affection in relationships
is the mutual liking between individuals. When we perceive that someone likes us, we are
more likely to feel positive toward them and to develop a liking for them in return. This
principle is based on reciprocity—the idea that people tend to like those who express affec-
tion or approval toward them.

The similarity-attraction hypothesis suggests that the more we perceive someone as simi-
lar to us, the more likely we are to feel drawn to them and reciprocate their affection.

• Shared Interests and Values: When we perceive that someone who likes us shares our
interests, attitudes, and beliefs, we are more likely to feel positive toward them. Similarity
provides common ground for conversation and interaction, which increases the likelihood
of developing a liking for that person.
• Perceived Similarity: Even when the actual degree of similarity is modest, the perception
of similarity can still lead to greater liking. People are often drawn to those who they be-
lieve share their worldview or lifestyle, and this perception encourages a feeling of con-
nection and attraction.

Ingratiation
Ingratiation refers to a social influence strategy in which people attempt to gain favor or in-
crease their likability with others through flattery, compliments, and other forms of self-pre-
sentation. Essentially, ingratiation is about appeasing or praising someone in order to make
them more likely to like you or view you favorably. Myers explores how ingratiation works,
its effectiveness, and its potential downsides.

- Relationship Rewards
Relationships, whether romantic, familial, or friendly, are influenced by the rewards and
costs associated with them. The rewards in a relationship refer to the positive outcomes,
benefits, and satisfactions that individuals experience from the relationship, while the costs
are the negative aspects, such as sacrifices, effort, or emotional distress.

Reward theory of attraction


Rewards theory is based on one of the key frameworks for understanding relationship re-
wards, social exchange theory. This theory posits that people evaluate relationships based on
a cost-benefit analysis, weighing the rewards they gain from the relationship against the
costs or efforts required.
• Rewards: These are the positive outcomes or gratifications that individuals receive in a
relationship. Rewards might include emotional support, companionship, affection, valida-
tion, financial support, or even more practical benefits like help with daily tasks.
• Costs: These are the negative aspects of the relationship, such as emotional stress, time
investment, disagreements, or sacrifices made for the other person. Costs can also include
things like jealousy, loss of personal freedom, or compromises that one has to make.

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