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 8 BOOKS IN 1

PYTHOh
PROGRAMMING
FOR BEGINNERS

CHAD KNOWLES
PYTHON PROGRAMMING FOR
BEGINNERS

8 in 1

The Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide to Create Your

Business Projects Immediately

by

CHAD KNOWLES
 © Copyright 2022 - All rights reserved.
The content contained within this book may not be reproduced, duplicated or
transmitted without direct written permission from the author or the
publisher. Under no circumstances will any blame or legal responsibility be
held against the publisher, or author, for any damages, reparation, or
monetary loss due to the information contained within this book. Either
directly or indirectly.
Legal Notice: This book is copyright protected. This book is only for
personal use. You cannot amend, distribute, sell, use, quote or paraphrase any
part, or the content within this book, without the consent of the author or
publisher.
Disclaimer Notice: Please note the information contained within this
document is for educational and entertainment purposes only. All effort has
been executed to present accurate, up to date, and reliable, complete
information. No warranties of any kind are declared or implied. Readers
acknowledge that the author is not engaging in the rendering of legal,
financial, medical or professional advice. The content within this book has
been derived from various sources. Please consult a licensed professional
before attempting any techniques outlined in this book.
By reading this document, the reader agrees that under no circumstances is
the author responsible for any losses, direct or indirect, which are incurred as
a result of the use of information contained within this document, including,
but not limited to, errors, omissions, or inaccuracies.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
BOOK 1 - PYTHON
PROGRAMMING
lIMVd
 Introduction

Although Python is more known as a programming language, it has become a

consistently popular tool for data analytics. In recent years, several libraries
have reached maturity thereby permitting Stata and R users to take advantage
of the flexibility, performance, and beauty of Python without having to
sacrifice the functionalities gathered by the older programs over the years.
In this book, we will take a look at introducing the social science and data
analysis applications of Python. This book is particularly tailored for those
users that have little or no programming experience of note. It will be
especially useful for these programmers who wish to get things done and
have a lot of experience in programs such as Stata and R.
The greatest reason for learning Python also happens to be the hardest to
explain to someone who is just beginning his work in Python. Python is
superbly designed in terms of structure and syntax; it is intuitive; however,
very powerful general-purpose programming language.
Python's main advantage lies in how easy it is. For these kinds of things, you
need an easy language. A harder one will generally take quite a large toll on
your ability to program and analyze data.
Because of this, taking a difficult language will show off your programming
skills, but not your data analytics skills. In the end, there's a reason many of
the top companies in the world use Python as their main programming
language. It lets the coders focus on what's important instead of looking up
syntax every 20 minutes.
The programming language was explicitly designed; therefore, the code
written in the language is simple for humans to read and reduces the amount
of time needed for writing the code. Its ease of use is the main reason why
most of the top CS programs in the US use Python to introduce computer
science in their classes according to a recent study.
Having said all that, Python is very real and is a general-purpose
programming language. You will find major companies such as Dropbox and
Google using Python for their core applications. This sets the programming
language apart from other domain-specific languages such as R which are
highly tuned to cater to a specific purpose such as statistics and they work for
specific audiences. R was created by John Chambers with the target of
making a language that even the non-programmers can learn to use quickly,
and it could also be utilized by the power users. He succeeded in his endeavor
to a large degree as can be seen from the uptake of R. However, in the
process of making the programming language more accessible to the non­
programmers, some compromises had to be made in the language. R just
serves one purpose, and that is statistical analysis, and its syntax contains all
kinds of peculiarities and moles that come with the original bargain.
Python, on the other hand, needs some training to get started, although not a
great deal more. However, there are no limits to what you can do by using
Python; when you are learning Python, you are learning a full programming
language. It means if you have to work in another programming language
such as C or Java for some reason or have to understand pieces of code
written by somebody else or in some cases have to deal with programming
problems, this learning background in programming will provide a solid
conceptual foundation for anything you will come across. This is the reason
why all the top CS programs teach Python.
There are many reasons for choosing Python as your tool, but we have not
touched on the most compelling reason for them all. Python will set you up
for understanding and operating in the broad programming world. In case you
are interested in performing computational social science and building
general programming skills, Python gives you more flexibility. If you are
looking to run just the regressions R is great or if you are doing things that fit
the mold perfectly because someone has created the molds by using R
functions. However, social scientists will find new data sources such as text
and find newer ways of analyzing it. So the better you are at a general
programming language, the more prepared you are for stealing the tools from
other disciplines and write newer tools by yourself.
Most experienced programmers will find the idea of using a single
programming language extremely appealing; it allows you to unify your
workflow. For everyone, one of the best things about Python is that you can
pretty much do anything you wish by using this programming language.
However, everyone doesn’t feel that way. There are a lot of people who use
Python with other tools such as R and move back and forth depending on the
application at hand. However, even in case you are planning to do this mix
and match, the great thing about Python is that due to its generality several
people have suggested that becoming better at Python has turned them into
better programmers. Not only in Python but also on Stata and R.
Performance is not a criterion that comes into play for the majority of social
science applications. Therefore, it is not the top reason for selecting Python.
But in case you find yourself in a situation where performance does matter,
Python has some significant advantages over all the other high-level
languages including R and Mat lab, both in terms of memory use and
computation speeds. R is notorious for being a memory hog. More
significantly, there are new tools available in Python which make it possible
for writing Python code which runs at the same speed as that of FORTRAN
or C. Sometimes even faster than native Python or R. Although this is a
lower-level consideration in most cases, it is an example of the advantages of
using Python giving you options which will hold no matter what the future
will bring.
 Chapter 1:

Understanding Python: A Detailed

Background

What Is Python
There are many different coding languages you can work with. The option
you choose often depends on the amount of experience you have, along with
what you are trying to do within the code you want to make good. Some
coding languages will be a bit more advanced, some will work best with
some websites, and some will work best with some operating system. Each of
these coding languages offers you some advantages, and choosing a
language for beginners seems like a big challenge for a beginner.
Even though there are a lot of options that come with coding languages, you
will find that Python is one of the best options whether you are a beginner or
more advanced in coding. You will find that the Python language is easy to
use, while you can still really work on some high-quality encodings, without
posing all the challenges for a beginner. In fact, this coding language is often
a language recommended to those who are new to coding and who have
never been able to work with any kind of coding in the past.
There are many things to love about this type of language. It is easy to work
and learn, even with all the power that comes with it. You can write codes in
no time and the wording is in English, unlike some of the other options you
can choose there, making it a little easier to work with in general. And the
other tools, like having some good libraries, help from many other people in
the coding world, free open source programming, and more make it the
perfect option when you first get started with this kind of language.
You will notice that the Python language offers many advantages. The first
benefit we'll look at is the supporting libraries. You will notice that just by
opening the Python language, there are many options available in the library.
And you can view third-party libraries and extensions that can be easily
added to this coding language.
There are many different benefits that will help you see real results with the
Python code. You will first enjoy that it becomes a great option because of all
the options that work in the library. The library will have many useful codes
and options that you can work with, making it easier for the beginner to get
started.
Python is technically an interpreted programming language that came into
existence almost 3 decades ago. This wasn’t even the first language to come
out, as there had been many others in existence and in use by a large number
of computer and software experts. There were C, C++, Java, and so many
other major names which are still considered as all-time greats. However,
writing codes using these languages often caused more problems, especially
for people like us who had no idea about programming language.
Imagine receiving the entire project to learn from and analyze. Coded by
another programmer, it would pose quite a lot of challenges for you to read,
let alone understand what the programmer had tried to achieve using this
gigantic code.
This was becoming more than your ordinary issue to deal with. More and
more computer enthusiasts would spend days, weeks, and even months just to
come to terms with what the programmer had done. Similarly, one person, a
Dutch programmer named Guido Van Rossum, felt the need to have another
language that could simplify things for everyone and make writing code a
little more efficient. Little did he know that he would soon go on to become a
living legend.
With code readability in mind, Mr. Rossum set out on a quest to come up
with a programming language that would act as an interpreter between other
popular languages in existence back then. With little tools available at his
disposal in the 80s, he conceived the idea of Python and started working on
it. After much trial and error, the first implementation of Python came into
existence in 1989 and thus Python was born. Two years later, the language
was released for the masses and continues to this day to be one of the leading
languages every young aspirant wishes to learn and master.
The efforts were made to make the reading coded language easier, and that is
exactly what Python achieved. No longer did programmers have to spend
such vast spans of time. Now the code seemed much easier to read. Python
also became the pinnacle of the “Clean Code” practice.
Mr. Rossum soon had a huge following for his work on Python and was
crowned by the community as the “Benevolent Dictator for Life (BDFL).” It
was just in 2018 that he took a “permanent vacation” from his position and
allowed other members to share the responsibility of leading Python into the
future. A “Steering Council” was formed, where he was one of the five
members to lead the project and continues to do so.
As of 2019, Python stands as one of the most sought after programming
languages on earth. It is well on its way to surpassing both Java and C to
become the most popular programming language of all time. There should be
no surprise if that happens anytime soon owing to the ease and the super­
efficient nature of the language.
Many young programmers are drawn towards Python for its user-friendliness,
which provides all beginners a perfect environment to learn and master.
Using a text editor, such as Py Charm by Jet brains, you can write codes with
ease and in ways that anyone can understand.

Features Of The Python

Python has the following features:
Large library: It works with other programming projects like searching texts,
connecting to the web servers, and exchanging files.
Interactive: Using the Python is very easy as you can easily test out codes to
determine if they are working.
It is a free software; thus you can download it from the internet at any time
using your computer.
Python programing language can be extended into other modules such as
C++ and C.
Has elegant syntax making it easy for the beginners to read and use.
Has a variety of basic data types to choose from.

Who Uses Python?

To quite a few, this list would surely sound surprising, as many of these
involve great sites and social media platforms we may be using in our daily
lives. This just goes to show the scope of Python and how much potential this
language has to offer for those who are willing to learn it. Let us look at some
of these applications and websites to get a good idea of the popularity of
Python.
• Quora - A widely famous social website where you can literally ask any
question and experts will help you out with answers from across the globe.
Quora is one of the finest examples on the Internet that relies heavily on
Python to deliver the kind of experience we all have grown accustomed to
and love.
• Reddit - Another fine example where millions of users from around the
world have signed up to create one of the most active online communities of
recent times. With hundreds of thousands of posts being published every day,
this site and its app are kept running with the help of Python. Initially, Reddit
was written in another language called the Common Lisp. Later, for more
development and accessibility, Python was used to rewrite and recreate what
we see and use today.
• Pinterest - This social platform needs no introduction. Simple, crisp, and
elegant, all thanks to Python.
• Mozilla - One of the most popular names when it comes to Internet
browsers. While they have further widened the use of Python for data
sciences, what we should understand here is that Python allowed Mozilla to
become what it is today.
• Instagram - Yes! Even Instagram uses Python. Imagine how lucrative it
would be for a programmer to learn Python and become a part of something
as big as Instagram or even create something unique from scratch. Python can
get that job done for you.
• YouTube - Arguably the busiest website on earth. Hosting hundreds of
millions of videos from billions of users throughout the world-wide-web, this
website uses Python to understand user browsing experience, gather valuable
data, and provide analysis to which it concerns. The rich experience we have
as users is all made possible by Python.
• Yelp - If you are someone from the US, you are likely to be familiar with
this name. This is where reviews can make or break a business. Keeping
everything in check and in order is Python, which is constantly working in
the background to enhance our experience as users on the website.
• Google - Yet another jewel in the crown. Google used Python to develop
its first ever search engine and wrote the entire stack with the help of Python.
If Google relies on something, it most definitely is important.
• Netflix - The popular streaming service that has taken the world by
storm. Netflix uses Python to deliver its iconic services to consumers.
• Spotify - This giant music streaming platform uses Python for data
analysis and other back end services.
• Dropbox - It is perhaps one of the most popular cloud storage services in
existence today. The engineers behind Dropbox use Python for their desktop
client. Even Mr. Rossum himself joined Dropbox as an engineer. That is
quite a statement.
Apart from these famous, larger than life companies, there are individuals
who are looking forward to using Python for their day to day work.
Python, apart from being a language that is easy to read and write, is also a
language that carves a path out for automation. This is where things get quite
interesting. Imagine you have to gather data from various sources and
compile them into a file, located on your desktop. You need to get the work
done fast and you only have a limited time to get this done. If you know
Python, you can write yourself some codes and let your program do all the
work for you. By the time you are back, the document will be ready for your
review. This is just the icing on the cake. The real world applications go far
beyond just data collection and compiling.
Another Random Scribd Document
with Unrelated Content
The climate is too hot for the growth of apples, pears, gooseberries,
currants, or raspberries. Oranges are very abundant, but are not
palatable when gathered from the tree, as they are all of the Seville
or bitter kind, and are used for making marmalade, which is highly
valued in the sultry months when butter is unattainable.
Although this interesting and impregnable possession is so generally
termed the Rock of Gibraltar, there is a considerable portion of its
surface highly capable of cultivation. The most prevalent weeds are
the nasturtium, snapdragon, and convolvulus; and there is an
indigenous pea, the blossom of which is exquisitely beautiful in
appearance, but completely scentless. At the termination of the rainy
season, a plant springs up in great profusion in the ravines and
watercourses. It is about a foot in height, and the blossoms are very
pretty, some of the plants bearing white flowers, some red, and
others blue. The Spaniards call it "Don Pedro," and the English have
named it "Four o'clock." The petals open about that hour in the
afternoon, and the blossoms continue expanded, and diffusing a
delightful fragrance until daybreak, when they invariably close up.
The Spanish name is derived from a fable, which describes Don
Pedro to have been a confirmed rake, who slept all the day and
spent the night in revelling, until an indignant fairy transformed him
into a plant, which retains his habit.
The east side of Gibraltar is washed by the Mediterranean, and there
are very few guns mounted along that line, of which four-fifths are
totally inaccessible. The signal station is at the summit of the
mountain, and from the parapet wall, beside the flagstaff, a pebble
can be dropped into the water with a direct fall of fourteen hundred
and ninety-four feet. The rock formation on the entire territory is
exclusively limestone, and I broke off some of it at the station, and
found it a complete mass of concrete shells, whereby it is manifestly
proved that the mountain must have been originally in a submarine
position. The strait between it and Barbary is more than fourteen
miles in breadth, and I was informed that the depth of water
midway was three thousand six hundred feet.
Snakes and lizards are frequently seen in the Alameda, in private
enclosures, and in the cemeteries. I was assured, however, that
none of the former were of a venomous character, and I caught
several with the utmost impunity. The lizards are almost all of a
bright green color, and do not exceed a foot in length. The shape is
precisely the same as that of an alligator. Monkeys were formerly
rather numerous, but they have become almost extinct. Some of the
oldest residents told me that they had never seen one. During my
sojourn, the place was twice visited by flights of quail from Africa,
suddenly coming in myriads, and as suddenly departing.
There is a cemetery just outside the city at a place called the
"Ragged Staff." I could not ascertain how that name originated, but
the cemetery is remarkable for a considerable number of tombstones
placed over the remains of persons who died at Gibraltar from the
effects of wounds received at Trafalgar. Each inscription commences
with "Sacred to the memory of ——," and it proceeds to enumerate
the virtues, personal merits, and intrepid deeds of the deceased. I
remarked one stone placed upon the grave of James Dudley, by the
direction and at the expense of his shipmates, who valued him
highly for his kind and generous disposition, and for his undaunted
courage in the closest and fiercest conflicts, as he always evinced
great skill and deep penetration. It then states that he died of
wounds received in the battle off Cape Trafalgar, where he acted as
master gunner of His Majesty's ship, Colossus. I thought on reading
this inscription, that "deep penetration" was a very natural attribute
for the gunner of a line-of-battle ship.
In the beginning of July, 1861, a brig from America, bound for
Gibraltar, and laden with ice, got ashore in a fog near Cape Spartell,
on the Barbary coast, and just at the entrance of the straits. A
Moorish boat brought speedy news of this disaster, and the Redpole
steamer was ordered to proceed to the assistance of the stranded
vessel. I requested the naval superintendent, the late Admiral
Warden, to allow me to go over to the place in the "Redpole," to
enjoy the novelty of the trip, and see the intended operations. He
most kindly complied, and the officer in command provided me with
a comfortable berth, and treated me with great hospitality. We found
the brig aground, but uninjured; and when a few tons of her cargo
were removed she floated, and was towed by the steamer to her
destination. Several Moors came on board, and assisted in lightening
the vessel for a trifling remuneration; and they afforded very great
amusement by their gestures and exclamations, their expressions
being interpreted by a Tangierine lad, who was employed in the
steamer. They had never seen ice previously, and were inclined to
believe it a supernatural or magical production. They were
astonished at the coldness and hardness of the glassy blocks, and at
their rapid dissolution when exposed to the rays of a Mauritanian
sun; but they were very soon reconciled to the magical material, and
seemed to appreciate highly the introduction of it to some sherbet
and lemonade with which they were regaled, steadfastly declining
any stronger potations.
During my visit to Gibraltar, I went to see bull-fights at Algesiras,
San Roque, and Malaga. They are certainly national institutions,
which I firmly believe could not be abolished or avowedly
discouraged in Spain by any government, although their tendency is
most undeniably debasing and brutalising. At the time to which my
narrative refers, the bulls throughout nearly the whole province of
Andalusia were procured from the domains of a very wealthy widow,
whose name has escaped my memory. She generally attended the
exhibitions in which the wild ferocity of her animals was considered a
most desirable quality, and always received an enthusiastic welcome,
even the most exalted and fairest of her own sex joining in the
exclamation of "Viva la Viuda." (Long live the widow.)
At Algesiras I saw a bull in the Circo that evinced no fierceness or
combative inclination. The poor brute tried to avoid his assailants,
and to push back the door through which he had entered. His
quietude excited the utmost indignation, and even the females
joined in the cry of "Fuego!" (Fire.) Accordingly, darts were thrown
at the animal, in each of which, close to the barbed point, there was
a charge of gunpowder, connected in the interior of the weapon with
a lighted fuse. When some of these charges exploded in his flesh, he
became completely maddened, to the great gratification of the
spectators, by whom, I have no doubt, the death of even a human
victim occasionally, would be regarded as an exciting and interesting
addition to their amusement.
The attire of the mounted combatants at the bull-fights appeared to
me to be far more gaudy than graceful. Their limbs, below the hips,
were so thickly padded as to look as large as the upper portions of
their persons; and in their encounters they did not ride rapidly
forward, but merely opposed the lance to the onset of the bull. In
each of eighteen collisions which I witnessed, the horse was
frightfully gored and destroyed, his rider being saved by the
matadores throwing their scarlet cloaks over the eyes of the bull,
and plunging their swords to the hilt in his neck, so as to reach the
spine. I am now tempted to quote a few lines from the first canto of
"Childe Harold's Pilgrimage," to which I shall subjoin an observation,
from which it will appear that what I saw differed vastly in one
respect from the glowing description extracted from Byron's
romantic production—

"Hush'd is the din of tongues—on gallant steeds,

With milk-white crest, gold spurs, and light-poised lance,
Four cavaliers prepare for venturous deeds,
And lowly bending, to the lists advance;
Rich are their scarfs, their chargers featly prance;
If in the dangerous game they shine to-day,
The crowd's loud shout and ladies' lovely glance,
Best prize of better acts, they bear away,
And all that kings or chiefs e'er gain their toils repay."

Of the eighteen "gallant steeds" which I saw at the bull-fights, there

was not one to which I would attach the value of five pounds. None
of them essayed to "prance," and unquestionably if a horse equal to
the best of them appeared on the streets of Dublin between the
shafts of a hackney vehicle, his owner would incur the suspension of
his license for plying a horse totally unfit for public accommodation.
The most picturesque assemblage that I ever beheld was the public
market at Gibraltar on Sunday morning. Persons of the lower class in
the parts of Spain which I visited, are, during the week-days, as
poorly attired as any that can be found in a corresponding position in
the towns of Ireland, but they are invariably provided with a suit
specially reserved for Sundays and two or three festivals. The men
have conical hats, round which rows of showy ribbons are twined;
and their coats, waistcoats, and small clothes, of whatever colors
they fancy, are profusely furnished with globular little buttons of
bright metal. Sandals, shoes, or buskins display gilt or silvered
fastenings. Gay neckties, and a brooch or chain, complete the
holiday costume. I am not competent to describe the female attire,
but it comprises a head-dress of lace, fastened with glittering clasps
or buckles; boots or shoes gaily ornamented; and a gown of rich
material, almost invariably encircled at the waist by a girdle of
metallic tissue. Ornaments of gold and jewels, or their semblance,
appear in abundance. From a thousand to fifteen hundred such
persons may be seen at the market on Sundays, between five and
six o'clock in the morning. Females of various ranks, wives or
daughters of persons in the garrison, appear arrayed in their best
attire. Boats from Tangier and Oran land their produce, to be
disposed of by dealers wearing Moorish or Arabic costumes. Sailors
from the ships of war and artillerymen mingle their blue uniforms
amongst the scarlet-clad regimental soldiers. A similar scene cannot
be exhibited in any part of the United Kingdom; and the diversity of
attire is fully equalled by the diversity of language which is there to
be heard.
Towards the end of May, 1861, the assizes for the city and territory
of Gibraltar were held, and at their conclusion, the judge, Sir James
Cochrane, asked leave of absence for two months, and I was
appointed as his locum tenens for that time. I received several
official documents incident to the position, and amongst them was
the commission of a Justice of the Peace, which was not a
temporary authority, and it is still in my possession. I am, perhaps,
the only person in Ireland whose designation of J.P. is unconnected
with any locality in the United Kingdom. My judicial duties consisted
in hearing a few petitions from insolvents seeking discharges from
imprisonment, and granting two or three fiats under an Admiralty
jurisdiction, in reference to alleged collisions between vessels in the
bay. Although my authority was of very brief duration, it imparted,
during its continuance, rank next to that of the Governor. It devolved
on me, accompanied by his Excellency's principal aide-de-camp, to
wait on the present Empress of Austria, who arrived at Gibraltar in
the royal yacht, "Victoria and Albert," on her way home from
Madeira, where she had been staying for some time to renovate her
health. I never beheld a woman of more prepossessing appearance,
and I considered her deportment perfectly dignified, but also
extremely courteous. She accepted the Governor's invitation to a
dejeuner at the convent, but premised, that as she was returning to
her family, happily free from any indisposition, she was desirous of
first visiting the Catholic cathedral, to return thanks to the Almighty
for the merciful manifestation which she had experienced.
Accordingly, the streets were lined by the troops, and royal salutes
from the principal batteries greeted her landing, and attended her
return to the steamer, after the coaling and other preparations for
continuing the voyage to Trieste had been accomplished.
On one of many occasions that I had the honor and pleasure of
enjoying the hospitality of the Governor, Sir William Coddrington, I
sat next to the officer who commanded a Portuguese frigate, "The
Braganza," that anchored for a few days at the New Mole. He was
one of the Royal family of Portugal, and bore the title of Duke of
Oporto. His Royal Highness spoke English tolerably well; and having
heard me mention Dublin as my native place, asked me numerous
questions respecting Ireland and the Irish. I suggested to him that
he might induce his Government to let him have a cruise to our
shores, that some of our bays were very beautiful, and that a run
from Cork to Killarney would not require much time to accomplish,
whilst it would assuredly afford him great gratification. At the close
of our conversation, he said, "Sir, if you should at any time visit
Lisbon, if I shall be there, I hope that you will call on me: I shall be
happy to see you, and to endeavour to make the place agreeable to
you." I expressed my warm thanks for his courteous expression, but
I have not availed myself of his kindness, nor have I any intention to
do so. He is now King of Portugal; but at the time when I had the
honor of sitting beside him, there were, I believe, three members of
his family whose respective claims to the throne were prior to his.
On a Saturday afternoon, in the beginning of July, 1861, I was
passing through the hall at the Governor's residence, on my way to
the garden, to which I was allowed the fullest access. The windows
were all open; and groups of persons, including the Governor and
some members of his family, were sitting beneath the trees, but
within hearing of any expressions uttered in an ordinary tone in the
hall. A naval captain, in full uniform, hastily entered from the street,
and said to the servants in attendance, "Let the Governor be
immediately informed that Captain Jones has brought The Scourge
for him." On hearing this announcement, I exclaimed, "Good
heavens! What has he done to deserve that?" This occasioned some
laughter, in which, I believe, his Excellency participated. The Scourge
was not unexpected, and its arrival was very satisfactory. On the
25th of the previous month, the late Sultan of the Ottoman Empire
had commenced his reign; and Sir William Coddrington, having been
the Commander-in-chief of our army at the conclusion of the
Crimean war, was very judiciously selected to proceed in "The
Scourge" steamer to Constantinople, for the purpose of presenting
Queen Victoria's letter of congratulation on his accession, to the
Turkish monarch. His Excellency left Gibraltar on his mission in two
or three hours after Captain Jones' arrival, and a Lieutenant-
Governor, Colonel Stehelin, of the Engineers, was sworn into office
by me on the following Wednesday; but in the interim, my position,
as acting judge, gave me precedence of all other functionaries, civil
or military, in the territory. If I had been told, before leaving home,
that such an elevation, even for a few hours, would occur, I should
have deemed it incredible.
About the beginning of August, 1861, two vessels of the Russian
Imperial navy, a frigate and a corvette, both steamers, came into
Gibraltar, and anchored for the purpose of coaling. A considerable
portion of their crews were indulged by their commanding officers
with leave to come ashore; and certainly they could not have landed
at any place more likely to excite surprise and gratify curiosity during
a ramble of a few hours through it. However, they did not evince any
anxiety for a close inspection of the fortress, or how its natural
formation and elaborate constructions imparted unrivalled strength.
Potency of a far different description engrossed their attention. They
proceeded to some taverns or public-houses near to the boat-wharf,
and only a few entered the premises, whilst the others remained in
groups under trees or shaded by the walls. In less than an hour they
were all drunk, and many of them were lying on the thoroughfare in
the most helpless state of complete intoxication. The scene of their
unrestrained indulgence was about one hundred yards from the
residence of my friend, and the windows of his drawing-room, from
which I had a full view of them, were all open. If I had been only
half as far from them, without having them in sight, I should never
have noticed their total lapse from sobriety, for there was no
shouting, or singing, or quarrelling; in fact, their intoxication was a
silent enjoyment, and formed a most thorough contrast to that of
every liquor-loving group that ever came under my observation on
any other occasion. They were taken down to their boats by parties
of their shipmates who were on duty, and consequently constrained
to keep sober.
I believe that the population of Gibraltar, in 1861, was about 16,000
persons, exclusive of the officials and military. The Christian portion
consisted of Roman Catholics, Protestants, and Presbyterians. There
was a considerable number of Jews, amongst whom several were
reputed to be extremely wealthy, and there were some resident
Mahometans. It might be supposed that in such a mixed community,
religious bickering and polemical acerbity would be sometimes
manifested, but my own observation, and the deliberate statements
of all those with whom I associated or communicated, enable me to
express my decided conviction that the place was as free from
religious animosity or controversial skirmishing as Ireland is from
toads or snakes. I have seen the funerals of persons belonging
respectively to the various religious denominations; and although the
covering of the hearse or bier, the presence of priestly functionaries
in sacerdotal costume, or the direction in which the procession was
moving, indicated the religion which the deceased had professed, all
those who met it on the way to the cemetery, stood with uncovered
heads as the corpse passed them, and offered to those engaged in
the mournful ceremony a courteous but tacit mark of sympathy and
respect.
Although Gibraltar has been deliberately recognised and
acknowledged to be British territory by the Spanish Government,
prominent members of political parties have repeatedly advocated a
demand for its restoration to Spain, and there have been some
Englishmen who expressed opinions of a similar tendency. Alfonso,
who has recently been elevated to regal dignity in Madrid,
introduced the subject in his address on assuming the sovereignty;
and we may expect, if his realm becomes completely subject to his
rule, and ceases to be the theatre of sanguinary intestine
encounters, that a claim will be addressed to the British government
for the cession of a fortress which was tremendously strong when it
was captured, and has been, by consummate skill, and a profuse
expenditure, rendered completely impregnable. A prompt and direct
refusal will, I have no doubt, be the reply to all demands or requests
for the transfer of this important possession; but I feel perfectly
convinced that a British minister might safely refer the application to
the decision of the inhabitants, the great majority of whom have
been born in the place, and are, to all intents and purposes, British
subjects. I do not think it possible for a population to be more
attached to any government than they are to our rule; and if
Spanish agents were permitted to canvass them, and proceeded to
solicit their adhesion, they would find their mission replete with
danger. In 1861, being one day in the shop of a bootmaker, named
Finochio, I amused myself by pretending to argue with my friend, Dr.
Williams, in the presence of some native residents, that the territory
was really Spanish, and that it should be relinquished by England. I
was greatly surprised, and in some degree alarmed, at the effect
produced by my observations on the hearers. Finochio rushed
impetuously to the door of his shop, which commanded a view of
the signal-station, on which the British flag was displayed, and
pointing to it he exclaimed, "I would rather endure to be bombarded
or famished—I would rather see the whole town burned to ashes,
than have that flag changed for any other. Let me tell you, sir, that if
you talk to the people here about England giving them up to Spain,
some of them will lose temper and insult you." The others approved
fully of Finochio's observations. However, it is not difficult to
ascertain the grounds and reasons for such attachment on the part
of the native population. Their tenements are almost entirely held
directly from the Crown; and although the leases are not in general
granted for a longer period than twenty-one years, the rents are
very seldom raised, or a renewal refused at the expiration of the
term, if the tenant has been punctual and improving. Taverns and
hotels are subjected to considerable licence duties, and there is
some charge incident to the importation of spirits. These are the
only taxes which, I believe, are levied in the territory. Wine, tea,
sugar, coffee, tobacco, wearing apparel, and furniture, or materials
for the two latter are freely admitted. The streets and roads are
constructed by the military, and cleansed by convict labor. The
places of worship are exempt from rents to the Crown, and the legal
institutions are highly appreciated by the people, who regard the
administration of justice, and especially the trial by jury, according to
the laws of England, as forming a most favorable contrast to the
proceedings before the Spanish tribunals in the cities and towns of
Andalusia. I may add, that in 1861 there was a very extensive trade
in English manufactures and many other productions, especially
tobacco, carried on by smuggling vessels conveying contraband
cargoes to Spain, Portugal, Italy, and the Balearic Islands. I believe,
that in no part of the world are there more devoted, although not
disinterested, supporters of English authority than were to be found
navigating their picturesque latteen craft, laden with articles derived
from the factories of Manchester, Leeds, Nottingham, or Sheffield.
I have already mentioned several Spanish towns which I visited for
the purpose of seeing bull-fights. I was also at some fairs; and
although there are some points in the Spanish character and
habitudes which I am far from admiring, I must, in justice to the
people who came under my observations, state that I never saw one
of them intoxicated, although wine and spirits are, in their country,
to be had for less than half what they cost here. Some gentlemen at
Gibraltar, who had travelled through Spain, told me that they
believed there was more drunkenness in our small possession than
in the entire kingdom. I never saw a Spanish person of respectable
appearance, drink a glass of undiluted sherry. The addition of cold
water in equal quantity seemed indispensable. I have seen
muleteers setting out on a journey requiring an entire day for its
completion, and they carried no animal food. Each man had a bottle
containing a little more than a pint of red wine called Priorato, a
couple of onions, and a large roll of bread made of two-thirds of
maize, ground fine, and one-third of wheaten flour. They consider
onions and bread, sliced and eaten together, as very nutritive diet,
and their strong and healthful appearance justifies their opinion. The
Priorato wine has a taste somewhat resembling Port, but I was
forbidden by medical authority to take it at all, and I was told that
the berries of the elder tree were plentifully added to the grapes in
its manufacture.
Spaniards of the humbler class and of either sex, who bring edible
commodities for sale in Gibraltar, demand a much higher price from
any person whom they believe to have just arrived, and not to have
acquired a knowledge of the marketable value of the articles, than
they ask of those whose faces are familiar, or with whom they have
had previous dealings. Nevertheless, they do not manifest any
surprise or indignation at being offered, or any laxity in accepting, a
mere fractional portion of the sum first mentioned. A milkman
demanded two shillings and two pence for about three pints of
goat's milk, which he left with me on being offered sixpence. A
woman sold me muscatel grapes for a shilling, after having named
eight shillings and eight pence for them. I had an opportunity of
sending home to Dublin some Murcian melons, and proposed to
purchase six which had been brought to market in a limber kind of
basket or net-work neatly made of rushes. The vendor did not speak
English, and I reciprocated his ignorance of my language by being
equally unacquainted with his vernacular. He managed, mostly by
signs, to apprise me that he required six dollars for his fruit. I
regarded this demand, amounting to twenty-six shillings, as utterly
unreasonable, and relinquished all expectation of acquiring a
gratifying treat for my people, when Dr. Williams happened to
approach, and on being informed of my disappointment, became an
interpreter and negotiator between the Spaniard and me. His
interference eventuated in rendering me the owner of the fruit and
the basket, in which the melons could be very conveniently
transmitted, at the very reasonable price of seven shillings. He told
me that he had expostulated with the seller on his attempt to obtain
from a purchaser more than three-fold the fair value of the articles;
but the Spaniard considered himself fully justified in the course he
had adopted previous to my friend's arrival, inasmuch as he believed
me to be a complete stranger, ignorant of the language, and of the
usual prices demanded for fruits, but that in any future dealings with
me I should not be overcharged, although he was quite convinced
that, like all other English gentlemen, I was very rich and well able
to pay.
The mention of my friend's name reminds me that in Gibraltar there
is no scarcity of surgeons and physicians possessing high
professional qualifications. The more respectable classes of society
avail themselves, in their ailments, of the aid which skill and
experience can fully impart. The lower classes seem insensible or
indifferent to the character or capability of those to whom they have
recourse, and there are in the territory some practitioners who
profess to repair human hurts or maladies, and also the injuries of
certain inanimate articles. There is an inscription on the front of a
small shop, that I venture to transcribe, even at the risk of mistaking
the exact spelling of the Spanish words, and I subjoin an English
translation:—
"Barbero, Sanguedor y Sacamuelas,
Se reparen abanicos paraguas y parasoles."
"Barber, bleeder, and Tooth-drawer,
Fans, umbrellas, and parasols repaired."
 CHAPTER XXIX.
GIBRALTAR (CONTINUED)—DEPARTURE FOR
HOME—CHARITY, REAL CHARITY—A DEATH
AND FUNERAL—THE BAY OF BISCAY AGAIN—
AT HOME: LEISURE NO PLEASURE—A REVIEW.

Towards the conclusion of my visit to Gibraltar, a marriage was

solemnized between an officer commanding a frigate lying off the
New Mole and a young lady of very prepossessing appearance who
came from England, accompanied by her mother and some other
relatives. The ceremony was performed at the Protestant Church,
about eleven o'clock in the forenoon, and an arrangement had been
made that the wedding dejeuner should take place on board the
vessel, after which the happy couple were to proceed by boat to
Algesiras to spend the honeymoon. The frigate was directly in view
of Mr. Costello's residence, and with the help of a binocular glass I
could see persons on deck as plainly as if I stood amongst them. As
soon as the bridegroom came ashore to proceed to the church,
several boats came from the stairs at the Ragged Staff, conveying a
profuse supply of evergreens and flowers. These were quickly taken
aloft by the crew who swarmed up, and in a few minutes the masts,
yards, and rigging were festooned with floral decorations, amongst
which the peculiarly appropriate nuptial ornament, "a wreath of
orange blossoms," was conspicuously displayed on each bow and
quarter. The other ships were dressed in the usual manner, but the
frigate appeared pre-eminently beautiful. The reception of the bride
and bridegroom and their cortege was most enthusiastic. I was
assured by several naval officers that the display, which excited the
unqualified admiration of all who witnessed it, was a spontaneous
manifestation on the part of the crew of their respect and affection
for their captain. I regret that I do not recollect his name, but the
feeling evinced towards him was not the only instance that came
under my observation indicative of great attachment on the part of
British sailors for their commanders.
To the respectable residents of Gibraltar, whether official or
commercial, the place affords many advantages. The comforts
attainable in the cities of the United Kingdom can be there procured
on terms in many respects more moderate, and in none, as far as I
could learn, seriously greater, whilst many articles of domestic
requirement, are vastly cheaper, owing to their importation not being
subjected to Customs' duties. The prices of shoes, boots, and hats
appeared to me to be lower than those I should have to pay in
Dublin for a similar description and quality of goods. Woollen, linen,
and cotton fabrics are somewhat dearer than here, and tables,
chairs, and bedsteads, unless made of very old and well-seasoned
wood, shrink and shrivel in the sultry time, and require repairs
involving some outlay. The expenses incident to soft goods and
furniture are not much complained of, and do not appear to be
considered serious inconveniences.
Respectable residents or visitors can have, at a cost of twenty
shillings yearly, access to a library, from which useful information
and amusement may be extensively derived. The building is of
elegant structure, of extensive dimensions, and its furniture unites
beauty of appearance with utility and comfort. It is supplied with the
principal newspapers and periodical publications of the civilized
world, and its shelves contain about twenty thousand volumes, most
conveniently arranged, and comprising the choicest specimens of
ancient and modern literature. No person should visit Gibraltar, even
during the time required for coaling a steamer, without taking a
glance or two at the library and from its windows, for some of them
command a splendid view of the bay and of a considerable portion
of the fortress, whilst many others are immediately over parterres of
the choicest and most luxuriant floral productions.
Having enumerated almost every agreeable or advantageous
circumstance that I can recollect respecting the time I spent in
Gibraltar, I shall proceed to notice the only alloys to the varied
pleasures which I experienced there. From the middle of June to the
beginning of September the heat is extremely oppressive, and when
the wind is easterly, as it frequently was during my sojourn, its effect
is extremely debilitating to the body and depressing to the mind.
During the sultry months no rain ever falls, and, nevertheless, the
wind coming from the Levant is surcharged with moisture. Clothes
hung out to dry under a scorching sun continue as damp as when
first exposed, or perhaps become more so. Fish or flesh meat killed
in the morning will not be eatable in seven or eight hours. Wine
bottled, marmalade or jams made, turn acid very soon. The slightest
exertion becomes a labour, and persons are less censurable for
inattention to the comforts of others as they lapse into indifference
to their own requirements. A long continuance of an east wind
would probably prove disastrously unhealthy, but it seldom lasts
long, and generally, after a couple of days or a few hours, it is
succeeded by a westerly breeze from the broad Atlantic, cool, dry,
and invigorating.
This impregnable fortress, which may defy all human efforts for its
forcible reduction, is not proof against the invasion of countless
small but most sanguinary creatures that, if they could audibly
express their universal craving, would make an unvaried and
continuous demand of blood. The mosquitoes appear early in June,
and are a most persistent nuisance during the sultry months. It is no
slight advantage to Great Britain and Ireland to be free from their
annoyance. I suffered greatly from their envenomed bites, and
although sex or age appears to be utterly disregarded in their
insatiate and incessant attacks, they are reputed to accord a
preference to the blood of a stranger. The slightest aperture in the
curtains of my bed resulted in numerous punctures being made in
the skin of my face and hands. My friend Costello slept in an
uncurtained bed, and was not attacked by the mosquitoes. He told
me that, after he had resided in Gibraltar for a couple of years, they
ceased to annoy him. Dr. Williams described them as "the most
affectionate little creatures in the world, for if you killed one, some
hundreds would come to his funeral."
During the months of May and June in 1861, I heard more cannon
shots than ever reached my ears in the rest of my existence. The
artillery were practising daily for several hours at floating targets in
the bay, and the noise was certainly far from agreeable to me. In the
expression of a wish for more quietude, I met no sympathy from
those who had resided in Gibraltar for a year or two, and who had
become accustomed to the firing, and perhaps, if I spent a few
months more in the fortress my nerves would have become more
obtuse. The convict depot, outside the line wall, was very near to
the battery principally used for practice, and I have seen the
premises occupied by the superintendent completely clouded with
smoke, whilst his walls reverberated the repeated discharges of
heavy cannon. He directed my attention to the domestic fowl, of
which he had a considerable number, and to the poultry of various
kinds having become quite accustomed and apparently reconciled to
the appalling sounds, and to the fire and smoke copiously emitted in
their proximity.
I was told, in casual conversations with artillery officers, that one-
third of the ammunition contained in the magazines of Gibraltar was
expended yearly, and that the deficiency was supplied by an equal
quantity from home. I was informed that gunpowder becomes
deteriorated if kept beyond three years, and that the most
advantageous use of the old stock was to expend it in artillery
practice. Some of the floating targets were stated to be eight
hundred yards, and others six hundred, from the battery. I saw
shells used very frequently, and was informed that the practice was
not efficient or satisfactory if at least one-third of the shells did not
explode directly over the target. The bay is occasionally visited by
large shoals of porpoises, and in calm weather they frolic in great
numbers on the surface of the water. On a day in June, 1861, they
were extremely abundant, and no where more so than close to the
floating targets. Every shell discharged, killed or disabled some of
them without frightening the others or dissolving their "aggregate
meeting." Some tons of porpoises were collected after the firing
ceased, and subjected, I believe, to some process for the extraction
of oil. I was a spectator, for about two hours, of the scene I have
endeavoured to describe, and it impressed me with an awful
appreciation of our artillery as applicable to actual warfare.

DEPARTURE FOR HOME.

Early in the month of September I mentioned, in a conversation with
the naval superintendent, my intention to leave Gibraltar for England
by the first homeward-bound steamer of the Peninsular and Oriental
Company that arrived. He observed that the "St. Jean d'Acre," the
flag-ship of Admiral Elliot, was to sail for Plymouth on the 8th or 9th,
and that if I chose to go in her he would ask the Admiral to give me
a passage. To this most friendly proposal I thankfully acceded, and
received, through Captain Warden, an invitation from the Admiral,
and an intimation that a cot should be slung up for me in his saloon.
At the appointed time, I went on board, and met with a most
gratifying reception from the Admiral and the other officers. I was
apprised that the ship was to call at Tangier, and also at Cadiz, which
might cause a delay of some hours at each place. We went very
quickly to Tangier, where a communication was received for the
British ambassador at Madrid, to be transmitted to him from Cadiz.
On arriving off the latter place, the Admiral landed and came back in
about an hour to have his personal luggage packed up, to put his
sailing captain in full command of the vessel, and then to proceed
himself to Madrid as speedily as possible, in accordance with a
telegraphic message from our ambassador. All requisite
arrangements were very quickly completed; but before he left the
ship he addressed the officers and crew, expressing briefly but
strongly his regret at parting from those who had evinced, whilst
under his command, the greatest efficiency in the discharge of their
duties, accompanied by numerous manifestations of respect and
attachment, of which he felt extremely proud, and should never be
forgetful. As soon as his barge pulled off, the crew, of their own
accord, rapidly manned the yards, and cheered him most
enthusiastically until he entered the port and was no longer in sight.
It was a most affectionate farewell, and must have been thoroughly
disinterested, for the ship was going home to be paid off, and,
consequently, her officers and crew would be dispersed amongst the
general body of the naval service. Immediately after we left Cadiz,
the midshipmen came into the saloon to receive lessons from the
naval instructor; and as each of them entered he saluted me with a
semblance of the utmost respect and humility, as "Admiral Porter."
When I disclaimed the rank and authority ascribed to me by the
middies, one of them replied, that when the admiral had gone away,
leaving me in full possession of his cabin, they had agreed to make
me an admiral, at all events until we reached Plymouth; and he
begged leave to suggest that the first exercise of my authority ought
to be an order to the instructor to give them a holiday or two. I
laughed heartily at the young scamp's suggestion, and the lessons
commenced. The instructor reprimanded one of his pupils for not
having previously studied some pages assigned to him to learn,
saying, "You will never attain rank in the navy if you continue so
ignorant of Navigation," The middy replied, pointing to me, "The
admiral who is sitting there is of very high rank, and I could safely
swear that I know as much about navigation as he does."

CHARITY; REAL CHARITY.

A woman and two children had been sent on board the "St. Jean
d'Acre" at Gibraltar to be taken to England. Her name was
Crompton, and she was the widow of a carpenter who had been
accidentally killed at the New Mole two or three months previous to
our departure. Of the children, both boys, one was still unweaned,
and the poor mother and her offspring appeared to be miserably
destitute. Their scanty clothing was squalid and ragged, and her
health had been seriously impaired. She said that her native place
was in Durham, and that on arriving at Plymouth she should apply to
be transmitted home by the parochial authorities. We were not forty-
eight hours at sea before she and her infants were comfortably and
neatly clad, the outer garments being made of blue serge, and the
others of checkered stuff. She and her elder boy were furnished with
hats and boots, fitting perfectly, the uppers of the latter being made
of canvas darkly varnished. I was greatly surprised at the skill
displayed in attiring the poor creatures, for the needlework was
faultless. The younger child was made the favorite plaything of the
crew, who seemed delighted to pet and nurse him. When our voyage
was completed, a subscription amongst the officers, seamen, and
marines provided her with twenty-two pounds, to which I added half
a sovereign. The boatswain was the principal collector for the poor
widow, whom he described in nautical phraseology, to be "at dead
low water."

A DEATH AND FUNERAL.

The progress of the "St. Jean d'Acre" did not appear to me to be
very speedy after our departure from Cadiz until we arrived off Cape
St. Vincent. The vessel was propelled solely by the steam-screw. She
was large and heavy, and the weather was quite calm, so that sails
were useless. I did not regret the delay, for I could not be in more
agreeable society, and I never experienced any tendency whatever
to sea-sickness. However, just as we sighted St. Vincent, a strong
and very favorable breeze sprung up, and the sails were ordered to
be set. Whilst all hands were engaged aloft, I was sitting on the
quarter-deck, enjoying the novelty of the scene before me, and
admiring the celerity with which the work was accomplished. The
men were beginning to descend, when a poor fellow named Parkes
dropped from a great height. I think he fell from what is termed the
mizen-topsail-yard, and he came down very close to me. I instantly
took him under the armpits and drew him lengthways on his back.
He muttered, "Too much tobacco," and died instantly. It appeared
that he had been cautioned by the medical officers against the
excessive chewing of tobacco, but his neglect of the warning, and a
persistent indulgence in the unwholesome mastication, produced a
very fatal fall. In the evening of the following day, his body was
committed to the deep. It was sewn in his hammock, in which a
large cannon ball was also enclosed. The band played some
mournful music whilst the corpse was conveyed to a grating, on
which it was laid, covered with the British flag. The officers were in
full uniform, and all the men not actually engaged in navigating the
ship came on deck. The chaplain read the Burial Service of the
Church of England, substituting "the deep" for "the ground," and the
grating and flag were then released from their horizontal position,
and the body, slipping from between them, sank into the ocean. The
ceremony was extremely solemn and respectful; but as soon as it
concluded, the band went down between decks and commenced
playing very lively tunes, and the crew betook themselves to dancing
and other pastimes incident to an hour of merry "sky-larking." I
believe that in the navy and army it is deemed desirable to
discourage the continuance, after discharging the last duties to the
deceased sailor or soldier, of gloomy thoughts or dismal
recollections.

THE BAY OF BISCAY AGAIN.

When we arrived in the Bay of Biscay, it was in a state very unlike
that which I endeavoured to describe in reference to my passage
through it on my voyage to Gibraltar. It then fully realised the
Byronic line—

"And ocean slumber'd like an unwean'd child;"

but when I viewed it from the deck of the homeward-bound war-

steamer, its surface was free from foam, and perfectly glassy, but
the smooth, unbroken water exhibited stupendous undulations. We
had a steady breeze on our quarter, filling every sail, and directing
the roll of the sea completely with us, and our decks were quite dry.
From the summit of a mountain wave, we slided noiselessly down,
and were immediately raised again to a great but transient elevation.
In my former passage across the bay, I was charmed by its unusual
placidity, and on my return I was struck with admiration of its grand
appearance, and highly gratified by the safe and very quick run that
we accomplished.
We anchored in Plymouth harbour late in the evening of the 16th of
September, and I landed on the following morning, and remained at
a hotel for two days, awaiting the arrival of the steamer on her way
from London to Dublin. During my short stay, I was able to go
through Plymouth, Devonport, and their environs, which, whilst they
display natural beauties of no ordinary character, afford to a
stranger, in their public establishments, many objects which cannot
fail to excite admiration. Eventually, I reached Dublin on the 21st,
and received the affectionate congratulations of my family on my
return to them in perfect health. On the day after my arrival, my
youngest child designated me "the sweetest papa in the world." The
appellation was undoubtedly suggested by the circumstance, that I
had brought home 100 lbs. of orange marmalade, 70 lbs. of
preserved nectarines, 70 lbs. of apricot jam, and six large Murcian
melons. The excellence of my sweets was fully proved by the
rapidity of their consumption. I fetched from Gibraltar a snake and a
green lizard, which I sent to the Zoological Gardens; but I believe
they did not long survive their transportation from the South of
Spain to our cold and humid climate.

AT HOME—LEISURE NO PLEASURE.
After my return from Gibraltar, I found the tenor of my life in Dublin
forming the greatest contrast to the twenty years during which I had
been engaged in magisterial duties of a multifarious nature,
extending from the cognizance of lapses from sobriety or neglect of
sweeping a footway, to authorising a search for concealed pikes or
firearms, or taking informations and issuing warrants for treason-
felony. I regarded my release from any further attendance at the
place in Exchange-court, dignified by the appellation of the Head-
Office, as a most agreeable and healthful change; but I often
regretted the cessation of my functions at the branch-court in
Kingstown, where I enjoyed the ventilation of a pure atmosphere
through cleanly and elevated premises, whilst the bench which I
occupied commanded a view of almost the entire Bay of Dublin. I
also derived from my official position a free passage, by first-class
carriage, on the Dublin and Kingstown Railway, and occasionally
received passes on the Great Southern and Western Line, enabling
me to visit Cork or Killarney. All these advantages terminated on my
retirement. Persons sometimes came to my house, supposing that I
still had sufficient authority to take declarations or attest signatures;
and when informed that my functions had ceased, expressed their
disappointment at finding that I was "no longer of any use." My
next-door neighbour was a Rev. Dr. Browne; and a gentleman who
had some business with him, but did not exactly know his residence,
pointed out my door to a cabman, and desired him to "try there."
Cabby replied, "No, sir, that is where Porter, the decayed magistrate,
lives." I do not believe, however, that in the use of such an
expression any wilful disrespect was intended. I have often heard
owners and drivers of public vehicles declare that they regretted my
retirement.
The Italians have a very current phrase,[19] which attaches delight
to the total absence of employment. I never could appreciate
idleness as pleasurable; and I believe that numerous instances of
mental aberration have originated in the want of occupation. I am
disposed to insert in these pages a few productions of my first year
of unrelished leisure. If their perusal is pleasing to a reader, they
require no apology; and if they are considered unworthy of
attention, they may serve as a warning to others against being
induced to waste their time in similar attempts.

A REVIEW.
A gentleman of literary tendencies, and for whom I had a great
personal regard, mentioned to a small party of friends his intention
to publish a semi-monthly periodical in Dublin, under the title of
"The Irish Review." I stated that whilst wishing the utmost success
to his undertaking, my hopes were extremely slender, and adduced
what I considered cogent reasons for the opinion expressed. None of
the others coincided with me, and one of them jocularly remarked
that a penance should be imposed on me by requiring me to write
the preface. With this proposition the others fully agreed, and
although I steadfastly declined to comply with their requisition, I
expressed a willingness to attempt a contribution of a prefatory
nature, the topics and composition being completely left to my own
discretion, or perhaps I should say, indiscretion. The production was
sent and published, and although the periodical was not ultimately
successful, a better result may possibly attend the next attempt to
establish an enlightened and impartial organ of literary criticism in
the Irish metropolis. My contribution was headed—
AN IRISH REVIEW.
When Albion, proud Albion, heard threats of invasion,
Her spirit and energy met the occasion;
She call'd on her sons, and they readily back'd her,
And perhaps for that reason, no foes have attack'd her.

Of Ireland, it seems, there were doubtings and fears;

From us they declined to demand volunteers;
They thought that if bay'nets and muskets we got,
We'd exchange with each other a thrust or a shot.

They thought Tipperary could ne'er meet Tyrone,

And part in whole skin without any sore bone,
That lads from old Galway or Southern Tralee;
With Derry's apprentices might disagree.

We've no volunteers, and we'll not have a fight,

Our colors are peaceful, they're plain black and white;
But without volunteers in green, scarlet, or blue,
We're determined on having An Irish Review.

A review—where a mere moral force we demand,

A review—at which Intellect takes the command,
A review—where each Science delights to combine,
A review—where Wit's facings appear in the line.

A review—where a press procures willing recruits,

A review—where at Folly the satirist shoots;
At poor Private Folly no aim is directed,
But General Folly's the mark that's selected.

To Gen'ral Goodhumor the duty's assigned

Of keeping the ground, and the public shall find
He'll drive away Rancor and Prejudice, too,
Till Gen'ral Applause greets The Irish Review.
 LINES IN AN ALBUM.
I wrote at the request of my beloved and truly lamented son, Austin
Duggan Porter, the following lines in his Album:—

My youthful years have pass'd away,

My step hath lost its lightness,
And scanty locks, once brown, then gray,
Now show unvaried whiteness.
My failing eyes can see but few
Of early friends remaining,
Yet have I many reasons true
To keep me from complaining.

To be a blessing to mine age,

I see mine offspring striving;
And even in this little page
My boyhood seems reviving.
I feel that they who bear my name
My early tastes inherit,
And their pursuits are just the same
As pleased my youthful spirit.

FOOTNOTE:
[19] Dolce far niente.
 CHAPTER XXX.
A DUBLIN DENTIST.

Several friends have suggested that, even at the risk of being

considered discursive or irregular in the arrangement of my
Gleanings and Reminiscences, I should not conclude without
narrating a few of the incidents which my intimacy with the late
Patrick Brophy, of Dawson Street, the State Dentist, enabled me to
witness or to hear described by him.
He had commenced industrial avocations as an apprentice to a
jeweller in Skinner Row, and became singularly skilful in the
execution of articles in the precious metals, especially in the making
of necklaces or setting of gems. He subsequently obtained
employment from a German dentist who lived in Golden Lane; and
from him he acquired a practical knowledge of the operative means
necessary for the relief of personal suffering by stuffing or extracting
teeth. The German returned to his native country in 1815, and
Brophy immediately succeeded to his Dublin business. When I
became acquainted with him, he was living in Dawson Street, and
reputed to be in the most extensive practice of a profession for
which he had not received any special preliminary instruction. He
was extremely convivial, but far more willing to give than to receive
invitations; and although his table was most profusely supplied with
the choicest wines and spirits, I never perceived in him the slightest
indication of intemperance. Amongst his intimates the most intimate
was a gentleman who resided in the town of Galway, and whose
person was so very bulky as to obtain for him the soubriquet of "The
Great Western." He required no invitations to Brophy's table, for
whenever he visited Dublin, he became a daily dinner guest during
his stay; and certainly his host did not hesitate to make him the
subject of tricks or bantering. At one time, Brophy had just returned
from a Parisian trip, and brought home two or three shawl or scarf-
pins made of polished steel, and having large mother-of-pearl heads.
The "Great Western" was in town, and was in his usual place at
dinner time, on a day when I happened to be a guest. Pat had a
dark scarf on his neck, and it was fastened with one of the Parisian
pins which I afterwards heard had cost about tenpence. His bulky
friend had a finger ring, on which there was one diamond, and soon
after dinner, he took it off, and handed it to Brophy, saying—
"Pat, you are considered a very competent judge of diamonds; what
would you value that ring at?"
Brophy examined the article, and replied, "I think it is worth about
thirty pounds."
"Well," said the other, "I bought it this morning at West's in Capel
Street, for thirty guineas."
"I do not think you should be dissatisfied with your bargain. It is a
nice, clear stone, and has been very neatly set," was the observation
of our host; but the proprietor of the ring very soon observed that
Pat was sporting a beautiful pearl pin, and asked him where he had
procured it.
"This pin," said Brophy, taking it out of his scarf, and holding it up to
the view of his interrogator, "should be in some national museum or
institution where the relics of departed heroism and the memorials
of glorious achievements would excite the curiosity and admiration
of future generations. I have neither the time nor the ability
necessary to the description of its formation or value. I almost wish
that I never became its possessor."
The "Great Western" took the pin, and expressed his admiration at
the neatness of its formation, and the clearness and smoothness of
the beautiful pearl, of which he implored his dear friend Pat to
disclose the entire history. Pat consented, and proceeded as follows:
—
"I was for several years on terms of the closest intimacy with the
late Dr. Auchmuty, who had a dispensary at Rathfarnham. In his
latter years his teeth had completely decayed, and I made him a set,
with which he was highly pleased, and for which I declined to accept
of any remuneration. I kept them in order by occasional repairs and
cleaning, and frequently visited the old doctor, for whom I had the
highest esteem, and whose conversation was extremely interesting,
for he had been a naval surgeon, and served on board the "Victory"
at the battle of Trafalgar. At length he found his health declining very
rapidly, and felt that his end was approaching; and he said to me, a
short time before his death, that he wished to leave me a token of
his gratitude for my attentions, and begged me to accept this pin,
which he assured me was formed from a nail drawn from the
timbers of the 'Victory,' steeled and highly polished, and then
mounted with the pearl, which he had taken from Nelson's eye. Such
is the simple history of this extraordinary relic."
"Oh! what a treasure you obtained from your old friend!" exclaimed
the "Great Western," "exquisitely beautiful in appearance, and also
surpassingly interesting in reference to its materials and origin."
"Its intrinsic value," said Brophy, "is not half, or perhaps a quarter, of
what your ring cost."
"I would give two such rings for that pin," was the reply.
"Suppose I let you have it for one."
"I would close the bargain at once."
"Then close it," said Pat, handing the pin to the "Great Western,"
from whom he received in return the thirty-guinea ring.
Within forty-eight hours all the very numerous friends and
acquaintances of the dentist became fully informed respecting the
substitution of the Parisian shawl-pin for the pearl off Nelson's eye.
The former owner of the ring became the object of cajolery and
mock condolence wheresoever he appeared, and no one quizzed or
bantered him more than his friend Pat, who advised him to get up a
raffle for the pin, and offered to take three tickets, provided each
chance of obtaining the Trafalgar relic did not exceed fourpence. He
retained the ring; but, certainly, the "Great Western" could console
himself in the enjoyment of very frequent repasts, which he
appeared fully to appreciate.
When Prince Napoleon, some years since, went round Great Britain
and Ireland in the Imperial yacht, "La Reine Hortense," he was
detained at Galway by the weather becoming extremely boisterous.
Having landed and arranged to remain for a few days at the railway
hotel, he was waited on by the "Great Western," who then happened
to be the High Sheriff, and who, accompanied by some of the
principal gentry, welcomed the Prince, and expressed an anxiety to
give him a cordial reception and to render his sojourn agreeable.
The sheriff addressed him in French, but was immediately requested
to speak English, with which language the Prince stated that he was
perfectly acquainted. In a short time after, I was dining at Brophy's,
and the Galway functionary commenced a narration of the interview,
but was immediately interrupted by Pat, who told him that we knew
all about the affair already.
"How can you know anything about it?" said the sheriff; "there was
nothing published beyond the fact of our having called to pay our
respects."
"Oh!" replied Pat, "one of your companions was here very soon after,
and gave me the particulars fully, and I mentioned them to a great
many of my friends. He said that you told those who were going
with you that you would address Napoleon in French, and when you
and the others were admitted, you began to speak, but were
immediately stopped by the Prince, who said, 'Mr. Sheriff, you will
greatly oblige me by speaking English, for I assure you and the
other Galway gentlemen that I do not understand the Irish
language.'"
The laughter excited by Brophy's imaginative statement that the
sheriff's French had been mistaken for Irish was renewed and
increased by the earnest declaration of the latter that the Prince had
not uttered a word about the Irish language, nor imputed any
imperfection to his French. By his energetic denials of the fiction he
rendered it extremely amusing.
Along with great hospitality, Brophy afforded his guests frequent and
varied amusements. He had a considerable number of costumes,
which enabled him to impart a grotesque and motley appearance to
the occupants of his dinner-table, or to produce a tableau vivant in
his drawing-room. There was a young barrister whose stature
exceeded six feet, and he was generally wigged, robed, and placed
on an elevated seat, to be styled "The Lord High Chancellor." I was
usually equipped to personate a Lord Mayor; but whenever his
favorite tableau of the death of Nelson was produced, I was in the
garb of a sailor, and had to catch the falling hero as soon as one
who sang, with a splendid voice and great musical taste, the
recitative and air descriptive of the casualty, came to the lines
announcing—