—WRITING ACTUAL ACT NOW (DO NOT ADD BELOW)---

COUNCIL ACT ENDS.

Chandu (Pushpit) enters with chai ka pateela.

Chandu: Oye hoye hoye, inne saare log, lekin koi host hai nahi? Aaj audi rent pe nahi
diya kya is college ne? Khair, Koi baat nahi. Aaj mehfil hum sajayenge: Swagat hai aap
sabhi ka, dusre aur aakhri COMEDY NIGHTS WITH JZAA MEIN

Rajesh Arora enters from the exit gate next to the stage.

Rajesh: Bete… (looks at audience, and gives a flying kiss) bete, muh tumhara pateela
jaisa hai, mehfil tum bas kitchen mein sajao, mujhe tumhari shakal bilkul pasand ni
aayi- aa thu

Chandu: tum kaun sa vidya balan ho. Aur mehfil sajani hai to jaldi aaya karo

Rajesh: Dekho mere tajurbe ne ye sikhaya hai ki don’t come soon. Baaki to ye saare
khud samajhdaar hai

Chandu: main to nahi samjha

Rajesh: Tu virgin gharane ki bewakoof aulaad, tujhe to waise bhi samajh mein nahi
aana kuch.

Chandu: Aye, tameez se. Tameez-

Rajesh: tameez tujhe tere maa baap ne nahi sikhaya main- maine ye pateela leke sar
pe baja deni hai. Badtameez.

Chandu: Main badtameez? Yaha aane se pehle aina dekha tha aapne? Bhai is
manhus insaan ko kisne bulaya?

Rajesh: accha main yaha baithe darshak ko batana chahta hun ki main kuch kaam
bina soche samjhe hi kar deta hun. For example, Why MBA? Aap sabko MBA ka full
form pata hai?

Chandu: Master of Business-

Rajesh: Mujhe tera jawaab bilkul pasand nahi aaya, aa thu. According to Dr. Mashoor
Sethi, MBA matlab Main Bhi Aaya. Sab MBA college mein aa rahe the, main bhi chala
aaya.

Chandu: To galat jagah aaye na aap…

Rajesh: Sadi hui daaru jaisi shakal teri. Shuddh hindi mein gaaliyan deni hai maine-
Besharam, behaya, badtameez, behen ki-

Chandu: CHUP! Bilkul chup. Main ab aur bardaasht nahi karunga ye- main ja raha hun

Rajesh: Arey oo, chai to pila ke ja.

Chandu: Poojappa se le le. (says while exiting)

Rajesh: To pateele mein kya tha?? Aur Poojappa se kyu lena chai? Main mazaak nahi
kar raha, us insaan mein pata ni kis baat ka attitude hai. Dukaan itna sa, dukandaar
itna saara! Khair… (pause) abhi the end nahi hua, picture baaki hai. Abhi hum lenge
chota sa break. Sponsor ki video chalegi, enjoy karo aur milte hai break ke baad.

Rajesh exits.

SPONSOR 1- GUTKA MUKESH AD

SPONSOR 2- BAMUL AD

The Kapil Sharma show's music begins. Curtains open. Mrinal enters, takes the stage.

Mrinal: Swagat hai aap sabhi ka, once again comedy nights with jzaa, powered by
Bamul, Duddhu Desh ka! Stage aur drama to mujhe hamesha se pasand tha. Apne ice
breakers ke time bhi i got the chance to take the stage, thanks to ADCOM for that.
Stage mila, mic mila, mauka mila aur maine mauke pe chauka bhi maar diya. Although,
did not make it to ADCOM, fir bhi from June 2023 to March 2025 it has been one of the
best times of my life. Aur wahi celebrate karne ke liye hum sab yaha pe hai so a big
round of applause for the batch of 23-25 please!

Now, tradition ko aage badhate hue let’s bring on stage the guests of the evening.
First, let’s welcome on stage, _____________, Saurav Bagri!
(Entry Music for Bagri)

So, Mr. Saurav Bagri, why don’t you introduce the next guest of the evening?

(Bagri calls Aabhas on stage. Aabhas entry music plays)

Aabhas and Bagri take the seat.

Mrinal: So, Aabhas Singla and Saurav Bagri, swagat hai aapka hamare show par
aur shukriya aapne invite accept kiya.

-​ Aabhas and Bagri speak

Mrinal: Accha, to pehla sawaal mera aap dono se hai- ab tak ka safar bataiye,
june 2023 se lekar ab tak.

-​ Aabhas and Bagri Speak

Mrinal: Mr. Bagri, ek sawaal mera aapse hai. Apne ice breakers ke time, isi stage
pe, aapne kaha tha “hamare seniors ‘acche’ hai”. Kya aap acche senior hai?
Kyuki

-​ Bagri explains

Mrinal: Agla sawaal, Mr. Aabhas Singla se- to aapka ek quote bohot famous hai.
Aapne kaha tha ki ‘exams to aate jaate rahenge, jacket ek hi baar banega’. Can
you explain that? (VIDEO SHOWN)

-​ Aabhas explains

Mrinal: to itna to aaj jaahir ho gaya hai- i am not the only hypocrite! Ye insaan
aise statement deta hai, exams se ek din pehle padhta hai aur fir overall CGPA
aati hai 7-

-​ Gap for intervention

Side Character entry; Chandu. Song: Give me a paper lets play holi
Pushpit - Chandu, brings thandai, eager to play Holi.
Chandu: Arey meenu, sunnnn
Mrinal: Oye? Abey kya hua
Chandu: Aaja yaar- holi khele, choli mein chup ke
Mrinal: dikh nahi raha interview le raha hun bakwaas band kar holi gayi kabki
Chandu: accha? Chali gayi…?
Mrinal: Kisne kaha tha itni bhaang khane ko
Chandu: Ho gayi thodi little little si- aap bhi lo na (Gives thandai bottle to bagri)
Mrinal: Chandu, ye kya kar raha hai
Chandu: Silence! Yaar bagri saab, ye batao- aapne holi khelni kyu band kardi, i am so
uspet with you
Mrinal: Upset hota hai wo
Chandu: Ek bhand insaan ko grammar sikha raha hai bekawoof. Haa to bagri saab,
kyu band kardi holi?
-​ Bagri explains
Chandu: Aakhri baar aapne holi nahi kheli thi, holi ne aapke saath khela
Mrinal: Chal hatt yaha se, dafa ho ja. Pata nahi kaha se aate hai…hutiye saare

Chandu: (from backstage) chutiya hota hai, chutiye

Mrinal: Accha is show ka ek khaas segment hai jise hum kehte hai chitra
vishleshan. Screen pe hogi ek photo, sawaal hamare jawaab aapke, maze sabke.
Shall we move ahead?

Photo 1: Aabhas showing size with his thumb and index finger; Aabhas explains.
Options-
a.​ Agle vodka shot ka size
b.​ 2 saal mein aapne jo padha hai
c.​ Is college ka ROI

Photo 2: Bagri doing the bandar wala dance. Bagri explains.

Photo 3: Aabhas being scared of water sports. Main MC hun jo yaha pe aaya meme
showed at side. Sigma male turned Pookie. Blend this with next question

Mrinal: Jab pookies ki baat chal hi rahi hai to mera ek aur sawaal hai. We all
know MBA is a transformational journey. Lekin jab se tere naina…unke naino se
laage re- aap bhi transform ho gaye hai- ye main nahi mere sources keh rahe
hai.

-​ Bagri explains.

Side Character Entry

Baibhab Dutta as MRP Award Executive (Most Respected Person) Song:

Baibhab: Namaste, Namaste. Sab theek? Chai? (drink gesture) matlab chai paani
done?
Mrinal: arey Kaun hai aap? Kya aise kahi bhi chale aaye…
Baibhab: Aise kahi bhi matlab kya? 1st Merit list pe aaya hun.
Mrinal: Arey yaar inko leke jao bhai Kaun hai ye-
Baibhab: Excuse me, hello? I am from MRP. Most Respected Person Award.
Mrinal: Oye hello, kya Kar rahe hai aap. Let me inform you my guests here do not
drink. Aapko ye sharabi dikhte hai?
Baibhab: Aap khud sharabi hai
Mrinal: Likewise!
Baibhab: Inhe ignore karte hai, hamare guest pe aate hai.
Mrinal: Mujhe ignore karte hai? I am the host. You go through me!
Baibhab: (Gives a look at Mrinal, doesn’t say anything) Haa to ignoring him, mera
sawaal hai aapse ki is there a difference between laughing and smiling?

Mrinal: Ye to sabko pata hai

Baibhab: Mujhe inse janna hai, inke kaafi karibi dost ne aisa claim kiya hai ki there is a
difference between laughing, and smiling.

-​ Aabhas/bagri speak

Baibhab: Accha sunne mein aaya tha ki aapke hostel pe hamla hua tha. Pattharon ka.
Mrinal: Hamla? Kaun sa?
Baibhab: Inke paas inka khud ka defense system maujud hai-
Baibhab: Accha aakhri sawaal, iska sahi jawaab denge to aapko milega MRP award.
Kya aap bata sakte hai Naleen Bhai sahab ka darwaza kyu toota? ​

Mrinal: Chaliye, aapka allotted time up ho chuka hai, aap tashreef dusri taraf le jaye
Baibhab: Haan haan ja raha hun, wo to bas MRP ke shop pe dekha hai inhe kayi baar
to milne chale aaya.
Baibhab Leaves.
Side Character Entry
Ringtone in background- bihari ji, apna phone uthaiye bihari ji. I take out my phone and
cut. then- Chulbul Pandey Entry music plays. Chulbul Pandey enters.

Chulbul Pandey (Neelu): Swagat nahi karoge hamara?

Mrinal: Arey Pandey ji aap.

Chulbul: Haan hum. Izzat se keh rahe hai baith jao, warna thappad maarke bhi bitha
sakte hai.

Mrinal sits.

Chulbul: accha thappad se yaad aaya, aap dono ke khilaaf ek FIR bhi hai. Complaint
likhwai hai ek parent ne, padh ke sunnana chahenge. Sunaye? Hum apne suputra ke
liye kamra dekhne aaye the, ched dikh gaya. Hum ulte paon, wapas aa gaye’
Abhi ek chedi singh ko nipta ke aaye hai. Lekin wo ek tha, yaha to aage piche upar
niche, ched hi ched hai- lift mein.

Chulbul: Yakeen nahi hota to koi baat nahi, hum police hain, saabut saath lekar aaye
hai. Ched ki photo lagayi jaye.

Photo shown, Aabhas and bagri explain.

Chandu: Pandey ji ka swaagat hai, chai aa gayi. Welcome to symbiosis college of

business!
Chulbul: Management bolna bhul gaye aap shayad…
Chandu: Management hai kaha? Sirf business hai yaha, no management.
Chulbul: Dikh raha hai, yaha mere alawa do aur log baithe hai, chai sirf mujhe di hai.

Mrinal: Yaha pe ek aur insaan hai- is show ka host! Is show ka main character main
hun.
Chulbul: Aap characterless hai.
Chandu: Pure batch ke saamne bezati! Hawwww
Mrinal: mere connections pata nahi aapko. Ye dono guest, inki pohoch bohot upar tak
hai.
Chulbul: Ek phone hum ghumayenge, aap jayenge 1st floor ke doctor ke paas.
Mrinal: Aap sab gunda log, sab pata hai mujhe. Pure din kaato challan, fir raat mein
munni badnaam!

Chandu: idhar do log baithe hai, aap inse vartalaap kyu nahi karte?
Mrinal: Aap apna muh band kyu ni karte?
Chulbul: Aap dono apne chaaro ched kyu nahi bharte?
Mrinal and Chandu both shout at Chulbul.

Song: kaisi bani from dabbang 2 starts playing

Chulbul starts swaying slowly. Chandu starts dancing too. Mrinal facepalms.

Mrinal: (stands and picks up chulbul’s phone) Arey comissioner vidyasagar ka phone
aa raha hai, uthana nahi hai kya
Chulbul: acha accha. Unhone phone kiya hai to karte hai, kuch marketing se related
cheez hogi. Aate hai.

Mrinal: Ji pranaam.

Mrinal: Due to paucity of time, and i know aapke aur bhi plans hai, hum is show ko yahi
rokte ha. A big round of applause for our guests. Thank you so much for coming to the
show. Ab jane se pehle bas ek aur kaam. Chandu, thaali leke aao.

Baabul ki duayein song plays. Chawal udate hue they leave stage.
Mrinal: To bas, isi tarah, haste rahiye, muskurate rahiye, aur…jude rahiye hamare
saath! Thank you all!

—---------------------THE END—------------------