Prof. Gurit Birnbaum works at Reichman University (IDC, Herzliya), Israel. She has published dozens of articles and book chapters focusing on the convoluted role played by sexuality in the broader context of close relationships that have been cited in leading media outlets, including The New York Times, Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, The Times, and Time magazine. She served/serves as a member of the editorial boards of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the European Journal of Social Psychology, and the Archives of Sexual Behavior, and was an associate editor of Personal Relationships. Prof. Birnbaum runs a blog in Psychology Today with more than 2,000,000 readers, and her TED talk on why people make sex so complicated has received more than 145,000 views.
Power in non-romantic contexts makes people confident in their ability to attract potential partn... more Power in non-romantic contexts makes people confident in their ability to attract potential partners, increasing their mating motivation and the likelihood of acting on this motivation. Four studies investigated whether perceptions of power within romantic relationships would also activate mating goals, intensifying desires for alternative partners. In Studies 1 and 2, participants underwent power manipulation and then described a sexual fantasy or evaluated photos of attractive strangers. Studies 3 and 4 used face-to-face interaction and daily experiences methods to examine the mechanisms underlying the link between power and extradyadic desires. Overall, high perceived relationship power was associated with increased interest in alternatives. Perceived relative mate value explained this association, suggesting that what determines whether power elicits extradyadic interest is not power perceptions alone but rather the feeling of having a higher mate value than one's partner that accompanies elevated power and affects whether high-power individuals will prioritize their own needs in ways that may hurt their partners.
When searching for a partner, people often rely on social cues to determine partners' suitability... more When searching for a partner, people often rely on social cues to determine partners' suitability, finding those who attract attention from others particularly appealing. While people continue to evaluate their partners beyond relationship initiation, existing research has predominantly concentrated on the effects of observing others' choices during the stage of partner selection, neglecting to consider whether viewing others' attention toward current partners yields similar effects or instead elicits defensive devaluation. In three experiments, we exposed Israeli participants to situations where their partners received unsolicited flirtatious advances, utilizing visualization, virtual reality, and recall techniques. Participants then rated their desire for their partner and mate retention efforts. Results indicated that attention to partners led to decreased desire for them, subsequently predicting reduced relationship investment. These findings suggest that witnessing current partners receiving attention holds a different meaning than observing potential partners in a similar situation, making salient the risk of losing the partner.
Partners’ behaviors outside the bedroom may spill over into the bedroom. One such behavior is res... more Partners’ behaviors outside the bedroom may spill over into the bedroom. One such behavior is responsiveness, as it creates a relationship ambiance conducive to the development of intimacy. In this article, I review research demonstrating how perceiving partners as responsive outside the bedroom affects the quality of sexual interactions, highlighting changes in the contextual meaning of partner responsiveness across individuals and relationship stages. I then provide an overview of the costs and benefits of responsiveness within the bedroom. I conclude by suggesting directions for future research on the potential of partner responsiveness for fostering a relationship environment that inoculates against alternative partners as well as for designing social robots and virtual mates for those in need of a surrogate partner.
Current Research in Ecological and Social Psychology, 2022
Virtual encounters are becoming increasingly frequent. These encounters have the dual potential f... more Virtual encounters are becoming increasingly frequent. These encounters have the dual potential for either posing a threat to existing relationships or promoting relationship stability. Three studies investigated whether interacting with a flirtatious virtual human would inoculate individuals against the allure of real alternative partners. In all studies, partnered participants conversed with a virtual bartender of the other gender who behaved either seductively or neutrally. Then, participants interacted with a real other-gender human being and rated their perceptions of both targets. In Study 1, an attractive confederate interviewed participants. In Study 2, a confederate sought participants' help and recorded their helping behavior. In Study 3, participants interacted with their current partner. Results indicated that following the flirtatious virtual encounter, participants devalued the interviewer's attractiveness, invested less time in helping the confederate, and desired their partner more. This research is the first to show that interacting with a virtual agent promotes real-world relationships.
People commit to monogamous relationships with the intent of maintaining sexual exclusivity but o... more People commit to monogamous relationships with the intent of maintaining sexual exclusivity but often fail to do so. Existing research has focused on individual and relationship characteristics that render relationships more vulnerable to infidelity, paying less attention to strategies that decrease the likelihood of straying. Three experiments investigated the impact of one strategy that might encourage people to enact relationship-protective responses toward alternative partners, perspective-taking. In all studies, participants either adopted the perspective of their partner or not and then evaluated, encountered, or thought about attractive strangers, in Studies 1-3, respectively. Participants' pro-relationship orientation and reactions during these experiences (interest in alternative and current partners, commitment to current relationships, and fantasmatic themes) were recorded. Results showed that perspective-taking decreased sexual and romantic interest in alternatives, while increasing commitment and desire for current partners. These findings suggest that partner perspective-taking discourages engagement in behaviors that may hurt partners and damage the relationship with them.
Research exploring the determinants of infidelity has mainly focused on individual and relationsh... more Research exploring the determinants of infidelity has mainly focused on individual and relationship characteristics that render relationships vulnerable, paying less attention to the external circumstances that increase the likelihood of straying. The present research examined whether online exposure to norms of adultery would affect expressions of desire for alternative mates. In three studies, romantically involved participants were exposed to others' cheating behavior and then thought of or encountered attractive strangers. Their relationship perceptions and reactions during these experiences (fantasmatic themes, expressed interest in alternative partners, and overt flirtation with them in Studies 1-3, respectively) were recorded. Results showed that following exposure to others' cheating behavior, participants were less likely to devalue the attractiveness of alternative partners and to be committed to their relationship. These findings suggest that exposure to adultery norms decreases the awareness of long-term priorities of relationship maintenance, lessening the resistance to the temptation of attractive alternatives.
Committed individuals cope with the threat of alternative partners by using strategies that under... more Committed individuals cope with the threat of alternative partners by using strategies that undermine their allure. However, in an era, in which alternative mates lurk around every corner, these strategies may lose their effectiveness. Two studies investigated this possibility, examining how being the target of online mate poaching influenced perceptions of current and alternatives partners. In both studies, partnered undergraduate students chatted online with a confederate of the other gender who behaved either flirtatiously or neutrally. Then, participants completed a measure of implicit perception of their partner (Study 1) or described a sexual fantasy (Study 2). The fantasies were coded for expressions of desire for current and alternative partners. Results showed that receiving mate poaching attempts decreased the appeal of current partners while increasing the desirability of alternatives. These findings demonstrate the circumstances that weaken resistance to temptations, pointing to a route by which online interactions may impair relationship functioning.
The Oxford handbook of human mating , Dec 18, 2023
Sexual urges and affectional bonding are not always interrelated. And yet, within romantic relati... more Sexual urges and affectional bonding are not always interrelated. And yet, within romantic relationships, intimates typically serve as both attachment figures and sexual partners, such that the attachment and sexual systems may influence each other. In this chapter, I review the reciprocal associations between these two systems. I first introduce a model delineating the Attachment and Human Mating Strategies 1 functional significance of sex in relationship development and the circumstances under which this function is more prominent. Then, I consider the reverse causal direction, providing an overview of the contribution of attachment processes to the construal of sexual encounters, including the kinds of desires that people wish to satisfy and what they view as desirable in partners. I conclude by suggesting future directions for studying the dual potential of sex for either deepening attachment to a current valued partner or promoting a new relationship when the existing relationship is no longer perceived to be worth retaining.
Although sexual desire for one's partner is theorized to serve as a gut-level indicator of partne... more Although sexual desire for one's partner is theorized to serve as a gut-level indicator of partner mate value that motivates investment in valued partners, there is scant empirical evidence to support this hypothesis. Five studies addressed this possibility, examining whether experiencing sexual desire encouraged the enactment of relationship-promoting behaviors and whether perceptions of partner mate value motivated this proposed process. In a pilot study and Study 1, participants relived an activity they experienced with their partner, which was either sexual or non-sexual. Then, participants rated their desire to engage in sex and other non-sexual relationship-promoting activities with their partner (pilot study) and their partner's responsiveness to personal disclosures. Participants’ enacted responsiveness was also evaluated by judges (Study 1). Results showed that experiences of desire enhanced relationship-promoting tendencies. Using experimental, daily experiences, and longitudinal methods, Studies 2-4 extended these findings, indicating that both manipulated and perceived partner mate value predicted desire, which, in turn, was associated with engagement in relationship-promoting behaviors. These findings demonstrate that sexual desire functions as a mechanism encouraging investment in partners who are perceived to be worth pursuing and retaining.
Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2020
Recent studies have indicated that activation of the sexual system fosters relationship initiatio... more Recent studies have indicated that activation of the sexual system fosters relationship initiation. In three studies, we expand on this work to investigate whether sexual activation encourages initiating relationship with prospective partners by biasing the way they are perceived. In all studies, participants encountered a potential partner and rated this partner’s attractiveness and romantic interest following sexual activation. Participants’ interest in the partner was self-reported or evaluated by raters. Study 1 revealed that sexual activation led participants to perceive potential partners as more attractive and interested in oneself. Study 2 added to these findings, providing a test of sexual priming rather than more general closeness priming. Mediational analyses in Study 3 indicated that heightened romantic interest mediated the link between sexual activation and perceiving potential partners as more interested in oneself. These findings suggest that sexual activation facilitates relationship initiation by motivating projection of one’s desires onto prospective partners.
Playing hard-to-get is a common strategy used to attract mates. Past research has been unclear a... more Playing hard-to-get is a common strategy used to attract mates. Past research has been unclear about whether and why this strategy facilitates mate pursuit. In three studies, we examined whether perceiving potential partners as hard-to-get instigated sexual desire and whether perceived partner mate value explained this effect. In doing so, we focused on tactics that give the impression that potential partners are hard-to-get and may genuinely signal their mate value (being selective in choosing mates, efforts invested in their pursuit). In all studies, participants interacted with an opposite-sex confederate and rated their perceptions of the confederate. In Study 1, participants interacted with confederates whose profile indicated that they were either hard-to-get or easy-to-attract. In Study 2, participants exerted (or not) real efforts to attract the confederate. In Study 3, interactions unfolded spontaneously and were coded for efforts made to see the confederate again. Results indicated that the perception of whether a confederate was hard-to-get was associated with their mate value, which, in turn, predicted greater desire and efforts to see the confederate again, suggesting that being hard-to-get is an effective strategy that heightens perceptions of partners’ mate value.
Recent studies have shown that activation of the sexual system encourages enactment of relationsh... more Recent studies have shown that activation of the sexual system encourages enactment of relationship-initiating behaviors (Birnbaum et al., 2017). In four studies, we expand on this work to explore whether people are more inclined to lie to impress a potential partner following sexual priming. In all studies, participants were exposed to sexual stimuli (versus non-sexual stimuli) and then interacted with an opposite-sex stranger. In Study 1, unacquainted participants resolved a dilemma while each represented opposing positions. In Study 2, participants rated their preferences, and after viewing a confederate's preferences, re-rated them in a profile shown to the confederate. In Studies 3 and 4, participants reported their number of lifetime sexual partners in anonymous questionnaires and during a chat (Study 3) or while completing an online profile (Study 4). Results indicated that following sexual priming, participants were more likely to conform to the stranger's views (Studies 1 and 2) and reported fewer sexual partners during actual and potential online interactions than in the questionnaires (Study 3). Although the results of Study 4 did not replicate the findings of Study 3, they were directionally consistent with them. Overall, the findings suggest that sexual priming motivates impression management even when it involves lying.
Proceedings of the 19th ACM International Conference on Intelligent Virtual Agents (IVA, 2019), 2019
Interactions with virtual agents may have psychological and behavioral implications, even if the ... more Interactions with virtual agents may have psychological and behavioral implications, even if the participants know that they are interacting with a virtual entity. As virtual agents are gradually becoming part of human society, it is important to understand the extent to which virtual encounters can affect our daily lives, and whether engaging in a specific behavior with virtual humans affects the way that individuals perceive and asses real humans in their surroundings. We examined the effect that seductive interplays might have on individuals in committed relationships and their way of managing a virtual threat to their relationship. One hundred and thirty heterosexual participants conversed with an opposite-sex virtual human in a virtual reality (VR) setup in either a seductive or neutral way. Shortly after, participants were interviewed by an attractive opposite-sex confederate. Results revealed that participants in the seductive condition felt increased feelings of guilt, and that participants in the seductive condition were more prone to devaluate the sexual and intellectual attractiveness of the confederate than participants in the neutral condition. This study thus demonstrates, for the first time, that flirting with a virtual human may influence real-life attitudes towards real people.
People might not be able or willing to accurately report how much they sexually desire their roma... more People might not be able or willing to accurately report how much they sexually desire their romantic partners due to concerns over the well-being of one’s relationship or impression management. This research assessed the predictive validity of a sexual desire implicit association task. First, a pilot study determined the psychometrically optimal length for the task. Study 1, using a dyadic weekly diary method, found that people with higher implicit desire experienced more intimacy during sex, were more responsive to their partner during sex, and perceived that their partners felt more desire, arousal, and intimacy during sex. In Study 2, higher implicit desire predicted quicker attentional disengagement from attractive alternatives for women; however, among men, higher implicit desire predicted slower attentional disengagement from attractive alternatives. Implications for understanding sexual desire in romantic relationships are discussed.
Hormonal contraceptives change women's natural mate preferences, leading them to prefer nurturing... more Hormonal contraceptives change women's natural mate preferences, leading them to prefer nurturing but less genetically-compatible men. Cessation of contraceptives reverses these preferences, decreasing women's attraction to current partners. Two studies examined whether women who had used contraceptive pills at relationship formation and stopped doing so were more vulnerable to desire attractive alternatives, primarily around ovulation, as compared to women who had not used pills at relationship formation or had used pills then but didn't stop using them. In Study 1, participants watched videos of attractive and average-looking men and described imaginary dates with them, which were coded for desire expressions. In Study 2, we measured attention adhesion to attractive and average-looking men. Results showed that women who stopped using pills and were currently in high-fertility phase were especially likely to attend to, and express desire for, attractive alternatives, suggesting that cessation of contraceptives motivates the pursuit of more suitable mates.
Sexual desire is typically high during early relationship stages and decreases gradually over tim... more Sexual desire is typically high during early relationship stages and decreases gradually over time. In the present research, we adopted an attachment-theoretical perspective to investigate why sexual desire for romantic partners erodes more rapidly for some people than others. We employed two samples of developing relationships (dating couples, N = 62; and newlyweds, N = 175) and examined the effects of attachment insecurities on sexual desire in prospective longitudinal designs. Results showed that attachment anxiety moderated the trajectory of men's sexual desire, such that over time, highly anxious men declined in desiring their partner, whereas less anxious men's desire did not drop. Attachment avoidance also predicted lower levels of initial desire in both sexes. These findings suggest that avoidance generally interferes with relationship initiation for both sexes, whereas anxiety in men interferes with the maintenance of desire over time, possibly because of sensitivity to increasing interdependence.
Sexual desire has long been theorized to serve a relationship-initiation function by bringing par... more Sexual desire has long been theorized to serve a relationship-initiation function by bringing partners together. Four studies addressed this possibility, examining whether activation of the sexual system encouraged the enactment of non-sexual behaviors that signal warmth and contact-readiness. In Study 1, participants mimed together with an opposite-sex confederate to pre-recorded music. Participant's desire for confederate was associated with coded immediacy behaviors toward the confederate (e.g., proximity-seeking, eye contact, synchronization). Study 2 extended these findings, showing that participants, who slow danced with a confederate perceived to be more desirable, were more synchronized with the confederate. Synchronization, in turn, was associated with greater interest in future interactions with the confederate. Studies 3 and 4 established a causal connection between sexual activation and engagement in relationship-promoting behaviors (provision of responsiveness and help, respectively). These findings suggest that intense desire, which attracts new partners to each other, elicits behaviors that support the attachment-bonding process.
Although coordination between partners has been considered in the clinical literature as an indic... more Although coordination between partners has been considered in the clinical literature as an indication of intimate relationships, the influence of simple motor synchrony on the experience of intimacy has not been established yet. Four studies examined whether synchrony, temporal alignment of simple motor periodic behaviors between partners, instilled a sense of intimacy. In Study 1, same-sex strangers discussed positive or neutral events while their motion synchrony and experiences of intimacy were measured. In Study 2, same-sex strangers pedaled bicycles in either synchronous or asynchronous rhythms while discussing personal events, and then rated how intimate they felt. Studies 3-4 examined whether the effect of synchronization would generalize to perceptions of intimacy and desire among romantically involved heterosexual participants. Results showed that key aspects of intimacy were associated with synchrony or were higher following synchronized versus unsynchronized interactions, suggesting that synchrony serves as a non-verbal mechanism that promotes closeness in intimate situations.
Long-term romantic commitments may offer many benefits. It is thus unsurprising that people empl... more Long-term romantic commitments may offer many benefits. It is thus unsurprising that people employ strategies that help protect their relationships against the allure of alternative partners. The present research focused on the circumstances under which these strategies are less effective. Specifically, four studies examined the effect of internal relationship threat on expressions of desire for alternative mates. In Study 1, participants reported perceptions of relationship threat, their desire for their partner, and expressions of attraction to alternative mates. In Studies 2-4, participants underwent a threat manipulation and then encountered attractive strangers. Their reactions during these encounters (expressed interest, provision of help, and overt flirtation in Studies 2, 3, and 4, respectively) were recorded. Results showed that experiencing threat led to increased expressions of desire for alternatives. As indicated in Studies 1 and 2, decreased desire for current partners partially explained this effect, suggesting that desire functions as a gauge of romantic compatibility, ensuring that only valued relationships are maintained.
Research addressing the underlying functions of sexual fantasies has mainly focused on variables ... more Research addressing the underlying functions of sexual fantasies has mainly focused on variables associated with frequency and content of fantasies. Relatively less is known about how sexual fantasizing affects the relationship. Four studies examined the contribution of fantasizing about one’s partner (“dyadic fantasies”) to relationship outcomes. In Studies 1 and 2, participants fantasized either about their partner or about someone else and rated their desire to engage in sex and other nonsexual relationship-promoting activities with their partner. In Studies 3 and 4, romantic partners recorded their fantasies and relationship interactions each evening for a period of 21 and 42 days, respectively. In Study 4, partners also provided daily reports on relationship perceptions. Overall, dyadic fantasizing was associated with heightened desire and increased engagement in relationship-promoting behaviors. Relationship perceptions explained the link between dyadic fantasies and relationship-promoting behaviors, suggesting that such fantasies benefit the relationship by enhancing partner and relationship appeal.
Power in non-romantic contexts makes people confident in their ability to attract potential partn... more Power in non-romantic contexts makes people confident in their ability to attract potential partners, increasing their mating motivation and the likelihood of acting on this motivation. Four studies investigated whether perceptions of power within romantic relationships would also activate mating goals, intensifying desires for alternative partners. In Studies 1 and 2, participants underwent power manipulation and then described a sexual fantasy or evaluated photos of attractive strangers. Studies 3 and 4 used face-to-face interaction and daily experiences methods to examine the mechanisms underlying the link between power and extradyadic desires. Overall, high perceived relationship power was associated with increased interest in alternatives. Perceived relative mate value explained this association, suggesting that what determines whether power elicits extradyadic interest is not power perceptions alone but rather the feeling of having a higher mate value than one's partner that accompanies elevated power and affects whether high-power individuals will prioritize their own needs in ways that may hurt their partners.
When searching for a partner, people often rely on social cues to determine partners' suitability... more When searching for a partner, people often rely on social cues to determine partners' suitability, finding those who attract attention from others particularly appealing. While people continue to evaluate their partners beyond relationship initiation, existing research has predominantly concentrated on the effects of observing others' choices during the stage of partner selection, neglecting to consider whether viewing others' attention toward current partners yields similar effects or instead elicits defensive devaluation. In three experiments, we exposed Israeli participants to situations where their partners received unsolicited flirtatious advances, utilizing visualization, virtual reality, and recall techniques. Participants then rated their desire for their partner and mate retention efforts. Results indicated that attention to partners led to decreased desire for them, subsequently predicting reduced relationship investment. These findings suggest that witnessing current partners receiving attention holds a different meaning than observing potential partners in a similar situation, making salient the risk of losing the partner.
Partners’ behaviors outside the bedroom may spill over into the bedroom. One such behavior is res... more Partners’ behaviors outside the bedroom may spill over into the bedroom. One such behavior is responsiveness, as it creates a relationship ambiance conducive to the development of intimacy. In this article, I review research demonstrating how perceiving partners as responsive outside the bedroom affects the quality of sexual interactions, highlighting changes in the contextual meaning of partner responsiveness across individuals and relationship stages. I then provide an overview of the costs and benefits of responsiveness within the bedroom. I conclude by suggesting directions for future research on the potential of partner responsiveness for fostering a relationship environment that inoculates against alternative partners as well as for designing social robots and virtual mates for those in need of a surrogate partner.
Current Research in Ecological and Social Psychology, 2022
Virtual encounters are becoming increasingly frequent. These encounters have the dual potential f... more Virtual encounters are becoming increasingly frequent. These encounters have the dual potential for either posing a threat to existing relationships or promoting relationship stability. Three studies investigated whether interacting with a flirtatious virtual human would inoculate individuals against the allure of real alternative partners. In all studies, partnered participants conversed with a virtual bartender of the other gender who behaved either seductively or neutrally. Then, participants interacted with a real other-gender human being and rated their perceptions of both targets. In Study 1, an attractive confederate interviewed participants. In Study 2, a confederate sought participants' help and recorded their helping behavior. In Study 3, participants interacted with their current partner. Results indicated that following the flirtatious virtual encounter, participants devalued the interviewer's attractiveness, invested less time in helping the confederate, and desired their partner more. This research is the first to show that interacting with a virtual agent promotes real-world relationships.
People commit to monogamous relationships with the intent of maintaining sexual exclusivity but o... more People commit to monogamous relationships with the intent of maintaining sexual exclusivity but often fail to do so. Existing research has focused on individual and relationship characteristics that render relationships more vulnerable to infidelity, paying less attention to strategies that decrease the likelihood of straying. Three experiments investigated the impact of one strategy that might encourage people to enact relationship-protective responses toward alternative partners, perspective-taking. In all studies, participants either adopted the perspective of their partner or not and then evaluated, encountered, or thought about attractive strangers, in Studies 1-3, respectively. Participants' pro-relationship orientation and reactions during these experiences (interest in alternative and current partners, commitment to current relationships, and fantasmatic themes) were recorded. Results showed that perspective-taking decreased sexual and romantic interest in alternatives, while increasing commitment and desire for current partners. These findings suggest that partner perspective-taking discourages engagement in behaviors that may hurt partners and damage the relationship with them.
Research exploring the determinants of infidelity has mainly focused on individual and relationsh... more Research exploring the determinants of infidelity has mainly focused on individual and relationship characteristics that render relationships vulnerable, paying less attention to the external circumstances that increase the likelihood of straying. The present research examined whether online exposure to norms of adultery would affect expressions of desire for alternative mates. In three studies, romantically involved participants were exposed to others' cheating behavior and then thought of or encountered attractive strangers. Their relationship perceptions and reactions during these experiences (fantasmatic themes, expressed interest in alternative partners, and overt flirtation with them in Studies 1-3, respectively) were recorded. Results showed that following exposure to others' cheating behavior, participants were less likely to devalue the attractiveness of alternative partners and to be committed to their relationship. These findings suggest that exposure to adultery norms decreases the awareness of long-term priorities of relationship maintenance, lessening the resistance to the temptation of attractive alternatives.
Committed individuals cope with the threat of alternative partners by using strategies that under... more Committed individuals cope with the threat of alternative partners by using strategies that undermine their allure. However, in an era, in which alternative mates lurk around every corner, these strategies may lose their effectiveness. Two studies investigated this possibility, examining how being the target of online mate poaching influenced perceptions of current and alternatives partners. In both studies, partnered undergraduate students chatted online with a confederate of the other gender who behaved either flirtatiously or neutrally. Then, participants completed a measure of implicit perception of their partner (Study 1) or described a sexual fantasy (Study 2). The fantasies were coded for expressions of desire for current and alternative partners. Results showed that receiving mate poaching attempts decreased the appeal of current partners while increasing the desirability of alternatives. These findings demonstrate the circumstances that weaken resistance to temptations, pointing to a route by which online interactions may impair relationship functioning.
The Oxford handbook of human mating , Dec 18, 2023
Sexual urges and affectional bonding are not always interrelated. And yet, within romantic relati... more Sexual urges and affectional bonding are not always interrelated. And yet, within romantic relationships, intimates typically serve as both attachment figures and sexual partners, such that the attachment and sexual systems may influence each other. In this chapter, I review the reciprocal associations between these two systems. I first introduce a model delineating the Attachment and Human Mating Strategies 1 functional significance of sex in relationship development and the circumstances under which this function is more prominent. Then, I consider the reverse causal direction, providing an overview of the contribution of attachment processes to the construal of sexual encounters, including the kinds of desires that people wish to satisfy and what they view as desirable in partners. I conclude by suggesting future directions for studying the dual potential of sex for either deepening attachment to a current valued partner or promoting a new relationship when the existing relationship is no longer perceived to be worth retaining.
Although sexual desire for one's partner is theorized to serve as a gut-level indicator of partne... more Although sexual desire for one's partner is theorized to serve as a gut-level indicator of partner mate value that motivates investment in valued partners, there is scant empirical evidence to support this hypothesis. Five studies addressed this possibility, examining whether experiencing sexual desire encouraged the enactment of relationship-promoting behaviors and whether perceptions of partner mate value motivated this proposed process. In a pilot study and Study 1, participants relived an activity they experienced with their partner, which was either sexual or non-sexual. Then, participants rated their desire to engage in sex and other non-sexual relationship-promoting activities with their partner (pilot study) and their partner's responsiveness to personal disclosures. Participants’ enacted responsiveness was also evaluated by judges (Study 1). Results showed that experiences of desire enhanced relationship-promoting tendencies. Using experimental, daily experiences, and longitudinal methods, Studies 2-4 extended these findings, indicating that both manipulated and perceived partner mate value predicted desire, which, in turn, was associated with engagement in relationship-promoting behaviors. These findings demonstrate that sexual desire functions as a mechanism encouraging investment in partners who are perceived to be worth pursuing and retaining.
Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2020
Recent studies have indicated that activation of the sexual system fosters relationship initiatio... more Recent studies have indicated that activation of the sexual system fosters relationship initiation. In three studies, we expand on this work to investigate whether sexual activation encourages initiating relationship with prospective partners by biasing the way they are perceived. In all studies, participants encountered a potential partner and rated this partner’s attractiveness and romantic interest following sexual activation. Participants’ interest in the partner was self-reported or evaluated by raters. Study 1 revealed that sexual activation led participants to perceive potential partners as more attractive and interested in oneself. Study 2 added to these findings, providing a test of sexual priming rather than more general closeness priming. Mediational analyses in Study 3 indicated that heightened romantic interest mediated the link between sexual activation and perceiving potential partners as more interested in oneself. These findings suggest that sexual activation facilitates relationship initiation by motivating projection of one’s desires onto prospective partners.
Playing hard-to-get is a common strategy used to attract mates. Past research has been unclear a... more Playing hard-to-get is a common strategy used to attract mates. Past research has been unclear about whether and why this strategy facilitates mate pursuit. In three studies, we examined whether perceiving potential partners as hard-to-get instigated sexual desire and whether perceived partner mate value explained this effect. In doing so, we focused on tactics that give the impression that potential partners are hard-to-get and may genuinely signal their mate value (being selective in choosing mates, efforts invested in their pursuit). In all studies, participants interacted with an opposite-sex confederate and rated their perceptions of the confederate. In Study 1, participants interacted with confederates whose profile indicated that they were either hard-to-get or easy-to-attract. In Study 2, participants exerted (or not) real efforts to attract the confederate. In Study 3, interactions unfolded spontaneously and were coded for efforts made to see the confederate again. Results indicated that the perception of whether a confederate was hard-to-get was associated with their mate value, which, in turn, predicted greater desire and efforts to see the confederate again, suggesting that being hard-to-get is an effective strategy that heightens perceptions of partners’ mate value.
Recent studies have shown that activation of the sexual system encourages enactment of relationsh... more Recent studies have shown that activation of the sexual system encourages enactment of relationship-initiating behaviors (Birnbaum et al., 2017). In four studies, we expand on this work to explore whether people are more inclined to lie to impress a potential partner following sexual priming. In all studies, participants were exposed to sexual stimuli (versus non-sexual stimuli) and then interacted with an opposite-sex stranger. In Study 1, unacquainted participants resolved a dilemma while each represented opposing positions. In Study 2, participants rated their preferences, and after viewing a confederate's preferences, re-rated them in a profile shown to the confederate. In Studies 3 and 4, participants reported their number of lifetime sexual partners in anonymous questionnaires and during a chat (Study 3) or while completing an online profile (Study 4). Results indicated that following sexual priming, participants were more likely to conform to the stranger's views (Studies 1 and 2) and reported fewer sexual partners during actual and potential online interactions than in the questionnaires (Study 3). Although the results of Study 4 did not replicate the findings of Study 3, they were directionally consistent with them. Overall, the findings suggest that sexual priming motivates impression management even when it involves lying.
Proceedings of the 19th ACM International Conference on Intelligent Virtual Agents (IVA, 2019), 2019
Interactions with virtual agents may have psychological and behavioral implications, even if the ... more Interactions with virtual agents may have psychological and behavioral implications, even if the participants know that they are interacting with a virtual entity. As virtual agents are gradually becoming part of human society, it is important to understand the extent to which virtual encounters can affect our daily lives, and whether engaging in a specific behavior with virtual humans affects the way that individuals perceive and asses real humans in their surroundings. We examined the effect that seductive interplays might have on individuals in committed relationships and their way of managing a virtual threat to their relationship. One hundred and thirty heterosexual participants conversed with an opposite-sex virtual human in a virtual reality (VR) setup in either a seductive or neutral way. Shortly after, participants were interviewed by an attractive opposite-sex confederate. Results revealed that participants in the seductive condition felt increased feelings of guilt, and that participants in the seductive condition were more prone to devaluate the sexual and intellectual attractiveness of the confederate than participants in the neutral condition. This study thus demonstrates, for the first time, that flirting with a virtual human may influence real-life attitudes towards real people.
People might not be able or willing to accurately report how much they sexually desire their roma... more People might not be able or willing to accurately report how much they sexually desire their romantic partners due to concerns over the well-being of one’s relationship or impression management. This research assessed the predictive validity of a sexual desire implicit association task. First, a pilot study determined the psychometrically optimal length for the task. Study 1, using a dyadic weekly diary method, found that people with higher implicit desire experienced more intimacy during sex, were more responsive to their partner during sex, and perceived that their partners felt more desire, arousal, and intimacy during sex. In Study 2, higher implicit desire predicted quicker attentional disengagement from attractive alternatives for women; however, among men, higher implicit desire predicted slower attentional disengagement from attractive alternatives. Implications for understanding sexual desire in romantic relationships are discussed.
Hormonal contraceptives change women's natural mate preferences, leading them to prefer nurturing... more Hormonal contraceptives change women's natural mate preferences, leading them to prefer nurturing but less genetically-compatible men. Cessation of contraceptives reverses these preferences, decreasing women's attraction to current partners. Two studies examined whether women who had used contraceptive pills at relationship formation and stopped doing so were more vulnerable to desire attractive alternatives, primarily around ovulation, as compared to women who had not used pills at relationship formation or had used pills then but didn't stop using them. In Study 1, participants watched videos of attractive and average-looking men and described imaginary dates with them, which were coded for desire expressions. In Study 2, we measured attention adhesion to attractive and average-looking men. Results showed that women who stopped using pills and were currently in high-fertility phase were especially likely to attend to, and express desire for, attractive alternatives, suggesting that cessation of contraceptives motivates the pursuit of more suitable mates.
Sexual desire is typically high during early relationship stages and decreases gradually over tim... more Sexual desire is typically high during early relationship stages and decreases gradually over time. In the present research, we adopted an attachment-theoretical perspective to investigate why sexual desire for romantic partners erodes more rapidly for some people than others. We employed two samples of developing relationships (dating couples, N = 62; and newlyweds, N = 175) and examined the effects of attachment insecurities on sexual desire in prospective longitudinal designs. Results showed that attachment anxiety moderated the trajectory of men's sexual desire, such that over time, highly anxious men declined in desiring their partner, whereas less anxious men's desire did not drop. Attachment avoidance also predicted lower levels of initial desire in both sexes. These findings suggest that avoidance generally interferes with relationship initiation for both sexes, whereas anxiety in men interferes with the maintenance of desire over time, possibly because of sensitivity to increasing interdependence.
Sexual desire has long been theorized to serve a relationship-initiation function by bringing par... more Sexual desire has long been theorized to serve a relationship-initiation function by bringing partners together. Four studies addressed this possibility, examining whether activation of the sexual system encouraged the enactment of non-sexual behaviors that signal warmth and contact-readiness. In Study 1, participants mimed together with an opposite-sex confederate to pre-recorded music. Participant's desire for confederate was associated with coded immediacy behaviors toward the confederate (e.g., proximity-seeking, eye contact, synchronization). Study 2 extended these findings, showing that participants, who slow danced with a confederate perceived to be more desirable, were more synchronized with the confederate. Synchronization, in turn, was associated with greater interest in future interactions with the confederate. Studies 3 and 4 established a causal connection between sexual activation and engagement in relationship-promoting behaviors (provision of responsiveness and help, respectively). These findings suggest that intense desire, which attracts new partners to each other, elicits behaviors that support the attachment-bonding process.
Although coordination between partners has been considered in the clinical literature as an indic... more Although coordination between partners has been considered in the clinical literature as an indication of intimate relationships, the influence of simple motor synchrony on the experience of intimacy has not been established yet. Four studies examined whether synchrony, temporal alignment of simple motor periodic behaviors between partners, instilled a sense of intimacy. In Study 1, same-sex strangers discussed positive or neutral events while their motion synchrony and experiences of intimacy were measured. In Study 2, same-sex strangers pedaled bicycles in either synchronous or asynchronous rhythms while discussing personal events, and then rated how intimate they felt. Studies 3-4 examined whether the effect of synchronization would generalize to perceptions of intimacy and desire among romantically involved heterosexual participants. Results showed that key aspects of intimacy were associated with synchrony or were higher following synchronized versus unsynchronized interactions, suggesting that synchrony serves as a non-verbal mechanism that promotes closeness in intimate situations.
Long-term romantic commitments may offer many benefits. It is thus unsurprising that people empl... more Long-term romantic commitments may offer many benefits. It is thus unsurprising that people employ strategies that help protect their relationships against the allure of alternative partners. The present research focused on the circumstances under which these strategies are less effective. Specifically, four studies examined the effect of internal relationship threat on expressions of desire for alternative mates. In Study 1, participants reported perceptions of relationship threat, their desire for their partner, and expressions of attraction to alternative mates. In Studies 2-4, participants underwent a threat manipulation and then encountered attractive strangers. Their reactions during these encounters (expressed interest, provision of help, and overt flirtation in Studies 2, 3, and 4, respectively) were recorded. Results showed that experiencing threat led to increased expressions of desire for alternatives. As indicated in Studies 1 and 2, decreased desire for current partners partially explained this effect, suggesting that desire functions as a gauge of romantic compatibility, ensuring that only valued relationships are maintained.
Research addressing the underlying functions of sexual fantasies has mainly focused on variables ... more Research addressing the underlying functions of sexual fantasies has mainly focused on variables associated with frequency and content of fantasies. Relatively less is known about how sexual fantasizing affects the relationship. Four studies examined the contribution of fantasizing about one’s partner (“dyadic fantasies”) to relationship outcomes. In Studies 1 and 2, participants fantasized either about their partner or about someone else and rated their desire to engage in sex and other nonsexual relationship-promoting activities with their partner. In Studies 3 and 4, romantic partners recorded their fantasies and relationship interactions each evening for a period of 21 and 42 days, respectively. In Study 4, partners also provided daily reports on relationship perceptions. Overall, dyadic fantasizing was associated with heightened desire and increased engagement in relationship-promoting behaviors. Relationship perceptions explained the link between dyadic fantasies and relationship-promoting behaviors, suggesting that such fantasies benefit the relationship by enhancing partner and relationship appeal.
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Papers by Gurit E . Birnbaum
content of fantasies. Relatively less is known about how sexual fantasizing affects the relationship. Four studies examined the
contribution of fantasizing about one’s partner (“dyadic fantasies”) to relationship outcomes. In Studies 1 and 2, participants
fantasized either about their partner or about someone else and rated their desire to engage in sex and other nonsexual
relationship-promoting activities with their partner. In Studies 3 and 4, romantic partners recorded their fantasies and
relationship interactions each evening for a period of 21 and 42 days, respectively. In Study 4, partners also provided
daily reports on relationship perceptions. Overall, dyadic fantasizing was associated with heightened desire and increased
engagement in relationship-promoting behaviors. Relationship perceptions explained the link between dyadic fantasies and
relationship-promoting behaviors, suggesting that such fantasies benefit the relationship by enhancing partner and relationship
appeal.
content of fantasies. Relatively less is known about how sexual fantasizing affects the relationship. Four studies examined the
contribution of fantasizing about one’s partner (“dyadic fantasies”) to relationship outcomes. In Studies 1 and 2, participants
fantasized either about their partner or about someone else and rated their desire to engage in sex and other nonsexual
relationship-promoting activities with their partner. In Studies 3 and 4, romantic partners recorded their fantasies and
relationship interactions each evening for a period of 21 and 42 days, respectively. In Study 4, partners also provided
daily reports on relationship perceptions. Overall, dyadic fantasizing was associated with heightened desire and increased
engagement in relationship-promoting behaviors. Relationship perceptions explained the link between dyadic fantasies and
relationship-promoting behaviors, suggesting that such fantasies benefit the relationship by enhancing partner and relationship
appeal.