EXPERIENCES OF FEMINIST FEMALE FACULTY IN MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPY PROGRAMS: A PHENOMENOLOGY by NEETU USHA ARORA, B.A., M.A., M.S. A DISSERTATION IN MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPY Submitted to the Graduate Faculty of Texas Tech University in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY Approved David C. Ivey, Ph.D Chairperson of the Committee Thomas G. Kimball, Ph.D Richard S. Wampler, Ph.D Duane W. Crawford, Ph.D Accepted John Borrelli, Ph.D. August, 2007 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Copyright 2007, Neetu Usha Arora Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS This dissertation is a shared effort of all those who impacted my life, through direct efforts toward this dissertation or indirect support toward my growth as a woman and as a researcher. In the following passages, I acknowledge some of those who inspired me … To dream the impossible dream, to fight the unbeatable foe To bear with unbearable sorrow, to run where the brave dare not go To right the unrightable wrong, to love pure and chaste from afar To try when [your] arms are too weary, to reach the unreachable star … To fight for the right without question or pause, To be willing to march into Hell for a Heavenly cause - Joe Darion I heard once that every child must have one person in life who is crazy about her. For me that person is my father. Papa, you never judged me, supported my crazy ideas when I was young, and believed in my potential to reach the stars. You have been, and will continue to be, the wind beneath my wings. You are always armed with curiosity and wonder, and you pass that trait on to me. I am a proud daughter to have you and mom for my parents. You both sacrificed so many things for my education; I can never pay you back in this lifetime. There is a reason why my friends envy the support I receive from you. I am deeply blessed by the goodness and love you bring in my life and truly hope I make you proud parents. Mom, by far, you stand to be my best mentor. You are there whenever I need spiritual guidance and a humble soul to talk to. I never thought that you would become one of my closest friends. Your humility, simplicity and faith helped me many a times when my own faith dwindled. I don’t know how you manage to be so strong and yet so humble. I dedicate the title, “Dr. Arora,” to my parents. My sister, Beenu, is the best gift as a sister I could ever ask for. Beenu, you were my special baby toy I could play with, whom I could teach everything I knew. You did learn all the lessons I learned, and then some. From being my little sister, you have grown up to be a fine young woman who is loved and liked by all. You are now one of my closest friends too, and you listen like no one else does! Thanks for the odd-hour chats on yahoo, for trusting me for advice and for looking up to me. Although you have helped me out so much by validating my feelings and thoughts, it means the world to me that you would think of me as ‘the best therapist’! To my beloved Collin, you saw this dissertation right from start to the finish. You brought Faust into my life and you are my favorite star ;) I love you dearly and thank you for giving me your companionship and affections and, most importantly, a sense of a ‘home’ while I wrote this dissertation. You supported my time away from you, even when you knew the completion of this research could mean us getting drawn apart. You let me teach you how to love, ii Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 be kind, and to listen patiently. Your sunshiny disposition and positive attitude toward life inspire me to keep it light and real. To my dear friend Kirti, how could I have done this without you? I miss you since you left Lubbock; I miss our talks, science fiction ideas, laughs and ‘readings’! You are my spiritual sister and helped me through many difficult times in the years of our friendship. I owe you for being there for me in 2004. To my dear friend Arti, you are my ‘can do’ friend and family (we agreed upon that last year!). Even though our journeys are different, they really have been quite similar. I know that, as we were both getting hazed that day in 1995, I found a lifetime friend in you. To Druhin, you offered me a warm and safe haven with your acceptance of me, when I left an abusive relationship over a decade ago. In addition, you nurtured the crazy and wild part of me and taught me many important life lessons. You offered your friendship then, and you still do. To Liz Wieling, for being in my life when I arrived in the US and for walking a little ways with me; I hope our paths will cross again one day. To Maria Bermudez, you encourage me to be confident, honor my voice of humility, and own my power as a woman. I look up to you. I want you to know that your (feminist) voice in my dissertation was greatly missed! To David Ivey, for re-turning into my life as my advisor. To Dana Taylor, you are a big reason why this project ever got rolling! To Richard Wampler, thank you for reading every page of this dissertation and for the editing suggestions! I continue to be amazed by your knowledge and wisdom, and have always found your advice and criticism to be priceless. Despite the mixed feelings you evoke in me, I take great comfort in knowing that, deep down, you really care a lot. To Hansel Burley, you are in my life for a reason. I thank you for creating opportunities for professional growth for me and for mentoring me toward the completion of this dissertation. Your commitment, to help students, combined with your passion for research inspires me. Duane Crawford and Thomas Kimball, thank you for joining my dissertation committee. Tom, your genuine interest and methodological consultancy was what I needed to get to the finishing line. I also acknowledge my close friendships with Joann, Deepali, Deepak, Gayatri, Mamta, Mrigaya, Prashant, Rajinder, Tiffany, Kevin, Lou and others like Eric Strong and Pam Brown who were a part of my life at TTU and made living in Lubbock so much enjoyable. Finally, I express sincere gratitude to the women participants in this research. I was deeply humbled to have you take time and effort to share parts of your life. Many of you believed in my vision for this project and cheered me along the way to pursue this dissertation and publish it! By following some of your foot-steps, I hope to achieve the success and wisdom you have. With the family, friends and mentors that I have, I know that anything in life is possible. iii Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 TABLE OF CONTENTS ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ii ABSTRACT viii I. II. INTRODUCTION 1 Rationale for Current Research 2 Political Backdrop 11 Self-of the Researcher 13 Why This Topic? 16 Feminist Research 28 LITERATURE REVIEW 29 Introduction 29 Conceptual Frameworks for this Research 29 Feminist Perspective 29 Postmodernism 31 Review of Existing Literature 33 Gender Differences: Why Research Women’s Lives? 33 Conflict between Work and Family 34 Importance of Work-Family Balance for Therapists 35 Feminism and Marriage 39 Feminist Family Therapy 42 Issues Facing Women Academics 45 Glass Ceiling and Chilly Climate 47 Gender and Sex Discrimination 49 Women Faculty in MFT Programs 50 Relationships of Women in Academia 51 iv Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 III. METHODOLOGY 53 Overview of the Design 53 Researcher Embedded in this Research 53 Why Qualitative Research? 54 Phenomenology 56 Sampling 59 Selection and Characteristics 59 Procedures 61 Pilot Testing 61 Data Collection Methods 62 Questionnaire and interview protocol 63 Research Questions 65 Data Management 68 Data Within (Individual Respondent) 69 Data Across (Different Respondents) 70 Data Analysis 71 Step One: Meaning Units 72 Step Two: Themes and Central Themes 73 Step Three: General Theme and Domains 73 Theoretical Sampling 76 Issues of Trustworthiness…………………… 77 Participant Verification and Feedback 77 External and Internal Auditor 78 Researcher’s bias: Reflexivity 79 Confidentiality and Privacy Issues 81 IV. FINDINGS 83 Data Presentation 83 Detours taken during Data-analysis 84 Executive Decisions about Data-analysis and Findings 86 Study Participants 87 v Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Summary of Demographic Information 88 Narrative Introduction of Participants 89 Qualitative Findings 104 DOMAIN I: ACADEMIC CAREER IN MFT General Theme I: Pursuing a Career in MFT Academia 104 Central Theme I: Attraction to MFT Academic Career 104 Central Theme II: Help Along the Way 108 Central Theme III: Hurdles and Stressors along the Way 111 General Theme II: Now that I am Here: My Experiences 116 Central Theme I: Areas of Successes and Achievements 116 Central Theme II: Gender and Sex Discrimination 120 DOMAIN II. BEING A FEMINIST WOMAN IN ACADEMIA General Theme I: Feminism and Impact on Life 130 Central Theme I: Meaning and Introduction to Feminism 130 Central Theme II: Impact of Feminism on Academic Work 138 Central Theme III: The Balancing Act: Family and Work 145 Central Theme IV: Experience with Professional Organizations 149 Central Theme V: Challenges of Feminist Academicians 153 Central Theme VI: Looking Forward: Suggestions? 160 Table IV.1. (Domains and Central Themes) 164 IV. DISCUSSION 167 Brief Summary of Research 167 Contributions and Strengths of the Study 170 Significant Findings: Ties to Existing Literature 170 Feminism 170 Dualities 171 Scholarship Considered less Rigorous 171 The Good Old Boys’ System 172 Intersections of Social Locations 173 Being a Female in Academia 175 vi Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Balancing work-family: walking the tight rope? 175 Double Standards for men and women 180 Gender Socialization - Perceptions of Others 183 Importance of Mentors 184 Being a Feminist in Academia 186 Academic work environment for feminists 186 The ‘F’ word: Still a bad word? 187 Implications of Research Findings 188 Limitations of the Research 191 Suggestions for Future Directions: More Questions 192 Looking Back: Personal Reflections 197 Maintaining Confidentiality 197 Neutral as a Researcher? 197 What Would I do Differently? 200 Feminist Research with an All-male Committee? 201 Impact on me as a Woman and Researcher 202 Final Conclusions 204 REFERENCES 207 APPENDICES 218 A: Letter of Invitation (electronic-mail) 219 B: IRB Approval Form 221 C: Informed Consent Form 223 D: Online Survey and Interview Guide 225 E. Selected Journal Entries 228 F. Demographic Table for Work Hours per Week 231 G. Sample of an Interview Transcript: 1 233 H. Sample of an Interview Transcript: 2 235 vii Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 ABSTRACT The growing body of feminist-informed literature in family therapy has not been accompanied by growing research in the area. Feminist women in the field of Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) academia stand in minority within the social sciences, yet contribute significantly to knowledge and practice of family therapy. Feminists examine and challenge sexist practices in the larger society and in their professional and personal lives. They have to counter negative images of feminists, and experience intrinsic conflicts in their intimate relationships with men and in institutions that are symbols of societal sexism. It is well documented that women in academia are subject to gender biases, arbitrary (often negative) evaluations, and discrimination. However, it is yet to be researched how feminist women academicians apply feminist ideals in their professional and personal lives. Given the minimal scholarly attention given to women’s subjective experiences in general and the large number of women in MFT, it is very important that we explore their relationships and experiences. In an attempt to enhance self-reflection within MFT, in this qualitative research, I explored the personal and professional life experiences of feminist women academicians in MFT to understand successes and challenges in upholding feminist ideals in their lives. Sixteen heterosexual women faculty in MFT programs, who self-identified as feminists, responded to open-ended questions via web-based surveys, telephone interviews, and follow-up dialogue through email. Their responses regarding feminism, professional and family lives were analyzed using descriptive phenomenological methods. Findings are presented in the form of two domains. Domain 1 focused on their challenges and successes in academic careers, and Domain 2 focused on practical application of their viii Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 feminism to their professional lives. Together, these two domains are divided into the following central themes: 1) Attraction to MFT Academic Career, 2) Help Along the Way, 3) Hurdles and Stressors Along the Way, 4) Areas of Success and Achievements, 5) Gender and Sex Discrimination, 6) Understanding of Feminism and General Impact on Life, 7) Impact of Feminism on Academic Work, 8) The Balancing Act: Family and Work, 9) Experience with Professional Organizations (e.g. AAMFT), 10) Challenges of Feminist Women Academicians, 11) Looking Forward: What Can be Done Differently? The design and discussion for this study were based on a feminist framework. Special emphasis is placed on the intersection of the participants’ feminist ideology with different parts of their academic work. Findings, presented as emergent themes and subthemes, highlight the interconnections between multiple roles these women participants play, as they juggle and sometimes struggle to honor their identities as feminist women who are partners, parents, and educators and scholars. Although most participants experienced challenges and biases in their MFT academic environments, they also received support, success and confirmation from within those same environments. Recommendations based on the findings of this study can be informative for scholars and practitioners, and can be taken into account to a) develop a more supportive atmosphere for women in MFT training programs and in academia in general, and b) to promote more open dialogue regarding gender biases that women (students and faculty) continue to face. ix Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 CHAPTER I INTRODUCTION The interest in women in the academe is as recent as the feminist movement, during which it was pointed out that academic institutions were just as likely as other workplaces to oppress and discriminate against women. There has been an incline in percentages of women in academia from what they used to be in the 1970s. However, unlike what one might believe, academic institutions are not immune to gender influences that operate in the larger society. Women in academia continue to experience inequities in pay, gender discrimination, harassment, and are subject to arbitrary evaluations. They are also promoted more slowly and hold fewer leadership positions. For example, male assistant professors are 23 percent more likely to earn tenure than females and, for each year after tenure, male professors are 35 percent more likely to become full professors (Williams, 2003). While the increasing numbers of women in academia offers some promise, one must not ignore the considerable numbers of women dropping out from different points “along the academic pipeline” (Williams, Alon, & Borstein, 2006). The primary reasons for these inequities are the gender biases that operate in both subtle and explicit ways in the academia, often putting women faculty at disadvantages. Within the field of family therapy, the last few decades have been marked with increasing inclusion of feminist ideas and increasing acknowledgement of gendersensitive practices. As a result of the feminist critique, in 1988 the COAMFTE (Commission on Accreditation for Marriage and Family Therapy Education) began to require training on gender and cultural issues in accredited programs. However, in terms of the application of feminist ideology into clinical practice, Haddock, Zimmerman, and 1 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 MacPhee (2000) stated that students in MFT face the most difficulty with enacting rather than assimilating feminist theory, and many training programs do not offer sufficient assistance. This difficulty was also highlighted by Leslie and Clossick (1996) who demonstrated that even those therapists who are fairly knowledgeable about feminist theory and are committed to its application to therapy often find it difficult to translate their theoretical understanding into the practice of therapy. I was unable to obtain any source of data regarding the number of women who identify themselves as feminist within MFT training programs, either as students or educators. Feminist women actively pursue goals of equality, equity and reciprocity in their relationships, both at work and home, and, in addition to facing barriers due to their sex, also face the additional challenge to counter negative stereotypes of feminists. This study is an exploratory examination of how female academicians in MFT programs, who self identify as feminists, understand their feminism as it relates primarily to their academic experiences. The two primary questions addressed in this study are, (a) What are the academic experiences of feminist women in MFT academia?, and (b) How do they understand and apply feminism to different aspects of their academic lives? This chapter is organized into two main sections addressing: (a) Rationale for this research, and (b) Self of the researcher. Rationale for Current Research The social construction of the family in Asian and Western cultures prescribes gender-specific roles to men and women, with men traditionally seen as the breadwinners and heads of the family and women assigned to caretaking tasks for the home and children. In recent times, as a result of the widespread impact of the feminist movement 2 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 and compelling economic and ideological changes, women are now active participants in the workforce. The gender norms about the roles that men and women perform have changed drastically such that the relevance of the traditional marriage has been called into question, and marital equality is seen as an important value that both traditional and non-traditional couples pursue. Though most people still do get married, marriage as an institution is undergoing evolutionary changes (Baber & Allen, 1992) and dual-career marriages are the dominant family form now. This change has not only occurred in the spheres of academic or professional communities, but within the public at large as well. The feminist influences have also permeated workplaces. This has led to changes in the workplace environments where gender equality is not only a stated goal but one that is actively pursued by some. Workplaces are governed by laws that are in place to ensure equal pay for men and women and to combat gender discriminatory practices. Despite these changes in the work and family spheres, one of the biggest obstacles to gender equality has been the failure of workplaces and social institutions (including academia) to keep pace with changing labor market trends. Women's entry into the workforce, for example, has not been matched by the reciprocal entry of males into domestic and nurturing roles. Women continue to bear the main responsibilities for child care and household work, even in majority of the Western nations which have achieved high rates of female participation in the labor force. Hochschild (1997) and others suggest that professional women experience an unpaid second shift of housework and childcare. In terms of academic employment, women tend to be clustered in the so-called ‘soft sciences’ such as social sciences, nursing, education, and the humanities (Blackburn & Lawrence, 1995; Stephan & Kassis, 1997). Despite the rising figures of their entry into 3 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 these professions, they continue to experience gender bias and discrimination. Clearly, even though it might appear that academic institutions are sensitive to diversity and gender issues, they are not immune to gender influences from the society at large. In fact, academia mirrors some of the same biases that operate in other work settings. Female academicians, similar to women in other professional fields, face a number of unique stressors. Research shows that women in general, and feminist women in particular, face many hurdles and negative expectations in professional environments. In academia, they do not rise up as fast as their male counterparts, receiver lower salaries, are subjected to stereotypical role expectations (often caught in double binds), and have to work harder to achieve same evaluations as men. In particular, we know that the academic climate is chilly for women. The chilly climate metaphor is an umbrella term used for the biases and limitations that women experience. Research done on glass ceiling and chilly climate posits several reasons why women do not advance at the same rate as their male counterparts. Women are reported to experience the Catch-22 (also referred to as the competency penalty) in workplaces in general and in academia regarding standards of ‘competence’. They have to work harder to establish that they are competent, and yet they may be penalized for being “too” competent if they break the mold of stereotypical behaviors that women must adopt (Williams, 2003). Another aspect of the Catch-22 is that if a woman does play nurturing roles, then she may be assigned disproportionate amounts of ‘service work’ such as student advising and committee work. They may also experience attribution biases where their successes might be attributed to “just getting lucky”. Another factor that has been reported is the maternal wall bias, a pattern of 4 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 gender biases and stereotypes that women may encounter during pregnancy or before or after maternity leave (Williams, 2005). Research also shows that women have to work harder than their male counterparts to obtain tenure and promotion and higher student ratings. These challenges, and the unpaid ‘second shift’ of housework and childcare (Hochschild, 1997) create multiple stressors for women. Stress, for women, has been linked to many adverse outcomes, including chronic illness and disease (Arber, Gilbert, & Dale, 1985; Powers, 1984) and increased psychological distress (Barnett & Brennan, 1997). In the last few decades, there has been a growing recognition of feminist agenda in literature and research in the social sciences. Within the particular field of marriage and family therapy (MFT), feminist family therapists have challenged the normative expectations regarding sexist and gendered stereotypes about family roles and functioning that dominated traditional systems theory (Goodrich, Rampage, Ellman, & Halsead, 1988). Practicing from a gender-informed perspective essentially means paying close attention to the power differentials between clients, and making efforts to facilitate shared power and equality in relationships. For example, feminist therapy might focus on facilitating fair division of labor and the placement of equal value on each partner's life goals and work, as well as on encouraging couples to share decision making, and emotional responsibility for the well-being of the relationship (Haddock, Zimmerman, & MacPhee, 2000). MFT training programs are known to promote student interns’ self-exploration and understanding and there has been a push in the recent past to explore the self-of-the therapist issues, such as anxiety, growth experiences, stressors, turning points, family-of- 5 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 origin issues, etc. Sori, Wetchler, Ray, and Niedner (1996) examined the stressors and enhancers associated with being in MFT graduate programs for students and their families. When they analyzed their data to determine if the sex of the trainee or spouse played a role in the stressor or enhancers scores reported, results indicated that female spouses reported a significantly higher total enhancer score than did male spouses. The scores imply that male spouses of trainees reported less enhancement in their lives than did female spouses. They also found that female spouses of trainees were also significantly less stressed than male spouses. They explained that these differences may be related to traditional gender roles. Traditionally, women have been socialized to be in more subordinate roles in their marriages, and traditional roles for women do not support their independence and pursuit of (professional) goals outside their marriages and families. Also, men are not socialized to place their wives’ developing professional interests and needs before their own. This might explain why male spouses were significantly more stressed than female spouses and reported overall lower enhancer scores than did female spouses. No research study has directly addressed the stressors and enhancers for women academicians in MFT programs. However, Viers-Yaun (2003) conducted a quantitative study focusing on career and relationship satisfaction of female faculty in MFT programs. Though the feminist agenda has permeated well into academic institutions, for women who actively challenge these traditions, it can act as a potential source of conflict. MFT women academicians, who typically have graduate (mostly doctoral) level of clinical training, and receive varying levels of exposure to issues of gender imbalances and power dynamics. This implies that, as a group, they are likely to observe and take 6 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 note of those imbalances in their own family and marital relationships and work environments. One can also conclude that, this might make them more prone to question the viability of relationships in both personal and professional contexts if they asses that their needs are not adequately met or addressed. Research supports the argument that womens’ paid work, and the satisfaction and self-worth they attain from their work is critical for the success of their marriages as well (Baruch et al., 1983; Vanoy-Hiller & Philliber, 1989). The goal of attainment of higher self-worth and satisfaction can be achieved by their male partners’ acknowledgement of their feminist goals and respect for their professional status. To date, no research study has directly addressed whether feminist women MFTs find support and affirmation of their feminist goals in their marriages (or relationships) or not. Currently, women who seek equality diligently and do not recoil from expecting reciprocal caring from men, experience realistic negative consequences such as emotional isolation and divorce (Blaisure & Allen, 1995). For feminist women MFTs, who are in heterosexual relationships, the abovementioned research has additional implications. Feminists believe that personal is political. It follows from this statement that those who subscribe to the feminist thought actively live feminism in their personal and professional lives. In doing so, they must reconcile the traditional norms with newer and contemporary ideas of marriages, and bring equality, fairness and egalitarianism in their marriages and workplaces as a part of their commitment to their feminism. This task can be quite difficult, however. For instance, Hagan (1991) described the struggles of feminist women who live with men as trying to grow orchids in the Arctic. Feminist women who are married report struggles and difficulties within their marriages (McBride, 1976). Married feminists often feel that 7 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 there exists a contradiction between their feminist beliefs and their desire to achieve intimacy with men. Couples, both of whom follow contemporary gender norms are also likely to struggle with the direct or indirect influence of feminism on their lives. The demands and pressures are even higher for those who actively adopt feminist goals. As stated earlier, for feminist women, this challenge is intensified since they are aware of sexist practices in their society, profession and personal lives. In the face of ever increasing demands on contemporary individuals to strive for equality in their marriages and professional relationships, social scientists have an important task of carrying out feminist analysis of their successes and challenges. As such, it is the responsibility of social scientists to bring to scrutiny their own personal and professional lives as well. In light of the above mentioned issues, we, as social scientists must make it a priority to continue paying attention to the contemporary professional environments where several forms of –isms continue to be at play. As feminists point out, we have an important obligation to bring our lives as scholars and researchers to scrutiny. We must also attempt to understand how some women negotiate their feminist ideals and their gender roles in the traditional institution of marriage and in workplaces that were historically organized around the male breadwinner model of the family. Two noteworthy research studies that address some of these issues in the field of MFT on academics are by Matheson (2002) and Viers-Yaun (2003). Notably these are both women. Their studies suggest that being married or being in a significant relationship contributes to more home stress for female faculty. Male MFT faculty reported greater satisfaction than females regarding the balance of their work and personal life and female MFT faculty generally felt they had a poor balance or mixed 8 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 good and poor balance between their career and home life (Matheson, 2002). In another study done with 82 AAFMT clinical members, Haddock and Bowling (2001) found that despite the reported high percentage of clinical cases concerning conflict between work and family roles that the respondents encountered, nearly one-half reported having only limited understanding of the dynamics of conflicts between work and family roles. It is interesting that past research on primarily male samples indicated that married male faculty report better career satisfaction (Kurt & Mills, 1968) or that there is no relationship between marital status and career satisfaction (Wood, 1973). However, research focused on female faculty samples has found a negative correlation between marital status and career satisfaction. For instance, Simeone (1987) found that, while male academician viewed their marriage as an asset to their life and reported greater career satisfaction, female academics expressed the opposite. Married faculty women had less stable marriages, reported reduced career satisfaction, and tended to feel less successful in their paid work than married male faculty. This finding was possibly a reflection of the discrimination and second shift of housework and childcare faced by faculty women. In terms of application of feminist ideology to clinical practice, Haddock et al. (2000) stated that students face the most difficulty with enacting rather than assimilating feminist theory, and many training programs do not offer sufficient assistance. This difficulty, as stated earlier, was also highlighted by Leslie and Clossick (1996) who demonstrated that even those therapists who are fairly knowledgeable about feminist theory and are committed to its application to therapy often find it difficult to translate their theoretical understanding into the practice of therapy. It seems logical that, if they 9 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 find it difficult to apply their feminist training/knowledge into their clinical work, that they might find it difficult to translate their personal feminist philosophy into their own family and work environments as well. For therapist-trainees in graduate programs, who go on to take teaching positions in academic programs in MFT, they might also struggle to apply their feminist knowledge to their teaching, research, clinical training and supervision. For this very reason, I included questions addressing academic experiences of the participants, and how their feminist ideology impacts these areas of their lives. In light of the aforementioned summary of research findings, several questions arose in my mind as I thought of feminist womens’ lives and relationships and work. 1) Are expectations of equality and egalitarianism met in feminist women’s marriages?, 2) Do feminist women in academia find support for their feminist ideals in their work environments?, 3) Do feminist women in professional academic spheres experience negative consequences due to their feminist ideas? 4) Much like other male-dominated institutions, do they have to negotiate around experiences of sexism?, 5) Do women faculty feel supported in academic environments in MFT programs, and if so, what kinds of support do they receive?, 6) Are academic environments in MFT programs supportive of feminist ideals, or do they recreate structures of patriarchy where women in general and feminist women, in particular, are marginalized? These very questions lie at the heart of my research project. With the twofold objective - to understand a) the academic experiences, and b) impact of feminism on those academic experiences - the findings from this research can inform research scholars and practitioners about the well-being of feminist MFT academics, and their successes and challenges in trying to honor their identities as 10 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 feminists, academicians, partners and therapists. Anecdotal descriptions obtained using phenomenological methods will provide valuable descriptive data that can be utilized to design future research. Brief Political Backdrop for This Research This dissertation will be incomplete without providing a reference point for the political climate that I experienced during the time of writing this dissertation. As a researcher, I have had the privilege and opportunity to get my training as an MFT doctoral student during the beginning of a millennium that has witnessed many world events. I share the ones that have informed part of the feminist agenda for this study. In part, they have also shaped my development as a feminist researcher as I have conducted this dissertation over the last two years. The backdrop of my dissertation writing is composed of several layers informed by events that occurred in this new millennium, both around and within me. It has a layer of the political environment where a community of western nations invaded Iraq four years ago, under George W. Bush’s leadership in the United States. This was couched as an attempt, originally, to disarm Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction (a term we have repeatedly heard on the television over the last three years). Lately, the continued war has been justified as an attempt to democratize the Iraqi people. Since 911, the United States government is perpetually struggling to negotiate and reconstruct its foreign policies (such as immigration, etc) in the face of the terroristic threat that it perceives from other religions and nations. This past year, the United States has been getting ready for upcoming elections. This change is rather important because, as one of the largest democracies in the world, 11 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 the United States has not once elected a woman or a minority to its highest office. There are several others who are running for the presidential office. Two noteworthy frontrunner others are: 1) Hillary Clinton, a law graduate from Yale, a first First Lady of the United States to have a professional career independent of her husband, and the first ever First Lady to be elected to a public office; and 2) Barack Obama, a Harvard graduate and the fifth African-American to be elected as a Senator in the US Senate. Mine is a dissertation about womens’ experiences and so I’d like to mention some first women who have covered this country’s landscape in the last few years during which my identity as a woman professional has taken shape. Until earlier this year, there had not been a woman Speaker of the United States House of Representatives in over two centuries. Nancy Pelosi was elected to preside over the House, bringing her the closest any woman has ever been in line to the U.S. presidency, also making her the highest ranking woman in the history of the U.S. Government. Last year, another noted woman, Denice Denton, an MIT graduate, former dean of the College of Engineering at the University of Washington and later appointed as the Chancellor in University of California system, jumped to her death. She was recognized by some as the first woman in the United States to lead an engineering college of a major research university and noted to be the first openly lesbian woman to hold such an influential position in the University of California system. Two years ago, then president of Harvard University, Lawrence Summers made a comment explaining why women are underrepresented in sciences and engineering professions. He suggested that women are innately less gifted in science professions and are unwilling (or less willing) to sacrifice as much time for their careers as men. 12 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Unfortunately, to me, his comments represented more than the voice of a male president of Harvard University, who later apologized for his “informal observations”. His’ was a voice of domination, his beliefs and attitudes coming from an institution of higher education and far beyond. Needless to say, his comments received an intense reaction from the feminist community and affirmative action advocates. Summers has since resigned, and earlier this year, Drew Faust succeeded him as the 28th president of Harvard University, becoming the 1st ever woman to lead the oldest (over 350 years) institution of higher learning in the United States. I recall reading an anecdotal article which said that in the last two decades, the percentage of women [University] presidents has also risen from 10 percent to 23 percent. Women in academia, however, still continue to have lower salaries than male counterparts, advance more slowly to tenured ranks, and continue to experience gender discrimination in both subtle and overt ways. Self of the Researcher Family therapy researchers recognize that researchers are not separate from the subjects they study (Boss, Dahl, & Kaplan, 1996). As researchers, we influence the choice of area of inquiry, methods, instruments and data analysis and finally knowledge production in any research. Feminist scholarship includes the experiences of the researcher as an integral part of the research process (Allen & Piercy, 2005). According to Harding (1987), “the class, race, culture, and gender assumptions, beliefs, and behaviors of the researcher her/himself must to be placed within the frame of the picture that she/he attempts to paint (p. 9). Feminist writing, often confessional in nature, has been criticized for being self-indulgent. However, I believe that the identity of the researcher is central to the research and therefore must be brought under scrutiny. The 13 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 following sections highlight my social and cultural background, and resultant philosophical and theoretical influences that inform my decision to pursue this research. I identify myself as a feminist and a postmodernist, and have received doctoral training in marriage and family therapy. I understand that feminism and postmodernism do not always run parallel, and often are at odds with each other. While a feminist position (as a broad stance, not taking into account many different kinds of feminisms) encourages one to take an activist stance and to overtly address and challenge inequalities in power due to gendered nature of relationships, postmodernists advocate the relativity and multiplicity of truths and experiences. I find that both perspectives have value and can co-exist. While a feminist stance encourages one to challenge how we ‘know’ and privilege certain ways of doing therapy, and what essentially constitutes knowledge in the field of marital and family therapy, taking a postmodern stance means that we must acknowledge the fact that multiple perspectives exist and respect alternate forms of knowledge without assigning undue importance to one or the other. In a research article by Miller and Wieling (2002), the author commented upon the disconnections and connections between feminism and postmodernism. In my personal life, I particularly strive to highlight and celebrate the interconnections between the private and public lives of women, and ultimately hope to advance change for feminists and women within MFT programs. In any good qualitative research, the relation between the researcher and the researched (topic and participants) must be brought into question. To remain true to the feminist methodology that I proposed for this research, in the following sections, I present a commentary about the process of how I arrived at the material that I finally chose to include in that section, and 14 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 about the struggles and dilemmas I faced during the process. This will help the reader see the path that I followed before and as I designed and carried out this research project - as a researcher, as a woman, and as a feminist in the field of MFT. Good Enough or Not? According to Husserl (1962), human science is a personal quest. My dissertation project is no different. It is essentially my personal philosophical affair. I see my dissertation in two ways. Firstly, on a personal level, it represents a journey into an area of inquiry that will feed the curiosity of my soul. Secondly, it represents a part of socialization process that promises a legitimized entry into the scholarly community within my field of study. As I struggled to believe that my area of research interest (informed by my personal experiences) was a legitimate area of inquiry upon which I could base a dissertation project, I struggled with many other epistemological questions. Coming in with the knowledge that research by women and research about women is often trivialized, I doubted whether this will count as ‘good enough’ research and make me ‘saleable’ as a professional in the academic world. I wondered how I will contribute to ‘scientific knowledge’ and whether my qualitative findings will acquire legitimacy as reliable knowledge. As I sat down to write about the self-of-the-researcher, I felt fearful knowing that my colleagues and professors will gain access to intimate parts of me. I debated how transparent I should be here about myself as a researcher. I worried that I might be harshly ‘judged’ or seen as ‘vulnerable’ if I shared too much. Two things helped me resolve this doubt. One, I was reminded of my experience as a therapist where my clients trust me routinely with heartfelt pain and intimate details of their lives they have never 15 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 shared with anyone before. Second, I had hoped to have honest (at times, intimate) details of their thoughts, feelings and opinions from my potential research participants when I began this research. I decided to take the risk my clients take with me and which I hope all researchers in social sciences will ultimately take, and became willing to make a offer similar (if not the same) level of transparency that I had hoped from my research participants. In the following paragraphs, as I lay bare - my biases and my ‘self’ as a researcher for the scrutiny of the reader, I hope to put myself on a somewhat even critical plane as that of my participants who entrusted me with intimate details of their lives (Harding, 1987). Some of those details I later share in this dissertation, many others I carry in my life forward. Why This Topic? I was very certain from the very start that I wanted to do research on a topic that will help eliminate or address sexism, or androcentrism or address issues of marginalization for women or other minorities in one form or another. Areas of inquiry that bring womens’ experiences of marginalization and their resilience to the forefront, hold personal meaning for me and therefore have fascinated me in my scholarly pursuits as well. My scholarly and research interests center around experiences of abuse for women in their intimate relationships, mental illness (particularly depression) and gender, personal-professional balance for women professionals, experiences of spouses of drugalcohol abusers, power imbalance between men and women in romantic relationships, experiences of immigrants, spirituality in therapy, etc. There are many reasons that led me to choose this topic for my dissertation. In all honesty, it will not be too big a stretch if I said that this topic chose me instead. Since I 16 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 proposed to conduct this research with feminist and qualitative research tradition at its heart, an autobiographical context for the chosen topic will clarify why I chose this topic. I share how my research is tied to my life and acknowledge my “self-of-the-researcher.’ As a researcher, I situate myself on hinges of many identity-grounds, the primary ones being that of a woman, that of a ‘brown-skinned woman’, that of a feminist, that of a heterosexual feminist, that of a post-modern theorist and therapist, and that of an international therapist born and raised in India (an Asian country). I do therapy from a primarily post-modern collaborative, feminist stance. I enjoy greatly working with mothers, women in relationships, couples and individuals dealing with substance abuse or recovery from abuse or existential issues. Mostly, my interests are centered around working with individuals whose experiences are marginalized. I strongly believe that ‘personal is political’ and that as a therapist, I constantly engage in subtle acts of social and political activism, every time I engage in a conversations where I challenge my clients. Having been in therapy for a few sessions myself, I realize that, in an hour’s worth of therapy, I sometimes impact lives and thinking of people in deep and unimaginable ways. Therefore I strive very hard to be ethical and responsible in educating myself continually in best practices, especially when working with marginalized individuals. Family Heritage In terms of my family background, I was born and raised by my mother and father in a middle-class Hindu family in New Delhi, the capital of India. Both sides of my grandparents had a history of being refugees. They had been forced to evacuate that part of India which became Pakistan after the partition. My father and mother both grew up in 17 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 large families with very modest living style. They both got a bachelor’s degree. My father had a dream to become an engineer, but his family could not afford to send him to college. He started working straight out of high school and went to college in the evenings and got his degree. My parents lived a very modest and humble life and saved their resources so they could educate both of their daughters. They wanted to ensure that we became independent. My cousins on mother’s side of the family all lived in nuclear families, and we dreamed of becoming doctors and engineers. I did exceptionally well all throughout junior and high school and therefore was obviously going to choose the profession that the smartest kids in class chose – engineering or medical school. And I started to… I obtained most of my education and schooling in New Delhi, including a bachelor’s and master’s degree in Clinical Psychology, following which I came to Texas Tech University in the United States of America to get a PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy. It all appeared very Grand at the time! It was the fall of 2000. Life has drastically changed since that fall and I am not nearly the same person who came to this country determined to start a new life, with a guitar, two large suitcases full of books, music cassettes and clothing. I didn’t realize that my destiny was to take newer and unknown turns when I entered this country – the country with abundance. I had not yet associated ‘loss’ with this nation that promises ‘gains’. Loss ended up being a large part of what I experienced after I came here. Soon after I arrived, I realized that I was expected to swiftly ‘unlearn’ things about my culture that did not ‘fit’ the American way. I also had to re-learn rules about communicating with people, understanding humor and 18 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 learning new rules about what is appropriate and what is not. As all immigrants who come to America eventually do, I started to roll my R’s and tried to blend in. I swam from one shore to the other, swimming between the dialectic of the collective and the individualistic. I struggled about which parts of my self to leave behind and which new parts to adopt. I learned, unfortunately, that in order to show competence as a therapist one had to learn to ‘hide’ the face of vulnerability. I know, now, that this notion supports the patriarchal model where being highly vocal and assertive is equated with confidence whereas humility and taking a one-down stance is equated with a lack thereof. At the same time, being in a profession which advocates exploring ‘self-of-thetherapist’, it was expected that I learn to ‘express’ my vulnerabilities and ask for help when that is what was expected. This was very contradictory for me, because I experienced informal consequences and negative evaluations when I did become vulnerable to some people in this new culture. Maintaining dual-faces (private and public) was a norm rather than exception. The more I talked with close friends in the program, the more I discovered that I wasn’t alone in feeling alienated as a minority from another country in the program and others shared similar experiences. Though it was disheartening, there was some comfort in knowing that I wasn’t the ‘only one’. Immigration to the Western World Immigrating to this new country brought many rewards and losses for me. The analogy of ‘melting pot or not’ made a lot of sense to my experience. Majority of the literature on immigrant experience has focused on the economic hardships. Relatively less attention has been paid to the complex interplay between assimilation and preservation. I had the experience of being the ‘other’ as I grew up because of the way I 19 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 saw the world, but I have never been cast as a formal ‘other’ until I came to the United States. The experience of being a brown-skinned woman and of being a minority (the formal word for referring to anyone who is not White and male?) came at the forefront of my experience. My identity as an Asian Indian became very salient. As I got assigned this new label, I also experienced many emotions of loss and joy and gratitude and hopelessness. This list of experiences only makes up part of my experience as an immigrant the loneliness of having immigrated alone to a foreign country, leaving family and friends behind, feeling very alone and isolated, often feeling misunderstood by people in this new environment who appeared to not care about my cultural background or what was going on in my family, being frustrated about explaining myself and learning new things all the time, starting a social life from ground-up, going through financial difficulties and limited sources of making ends meet, loss of treasured friendships and family companionship in my home country, feeling disappointed in professors who I thought would be there and envying some of my classmates who received the mentoring I felt I did not, beginning to accumulate treasured friendships and relationships that kept me richer despite never having enough money, finding help, love and support from unexpected quarters and strangers, experiences with clients I have worked with who privileged me with trust, pain, and deepest secrets and above all showing faith and gratitude when all that I felt I did was ‘just be there and listen’. All these and many unmentioned experiences have changed who I am, and who I will ever be. I learned some valuable lessons amidst all the struggles. I learned that there were some people who were willing to let me in their lives, in their offices, and even in their 20 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 hearts when I dared to show my face of vulnerability. Slowly, my vulnerabilities reemerged and I began to own them in safer contexts. My relationships with some people transcended boundaries of color, language and culture, and contributed to a renewed sense of self amidst all the loss and confusion. Classes I took with different professors and therapy with clients taught me more about myself and my strengths. I formed some deep and lasting friendships with people, mostly outside my academic program, that recreated a sense of family and belonging in this new country. Live supervision, was intimidating and intrusive at first, but ended up being one of the most helpful parts of my training as a therapist. Above all, I learned that my spirit was incredibly resilient and that I survived and only grew stronger as a result of all the hardships. My Feminism In terms of my development as a feminist family therapist, I gained exposure to post-positivist paradigms and postmodernism during my master’s and doctoral degree training and developed critical thinking about labeling biases (‘enmeshed,’ ‘codependent,’ etc.) and how therapy itself can become an agent of patriarchy. Conducting this research from a feminist perspective, I see my responsibility to clarify my personal epistemology vis-à-vis this particular research topic. This dissertation represents only an extension of my continued quest for documenting life experiences of marginalized individuals, and women in particular. For me, it is also a scholarly outlet for celebrating womanhood. Growing up, I was keenly aware of micro-interactions I observed in my family of origin. I noticed that fathers (at times, my own) were the primary decision makers in families. They were often content ‘letting’ our mothers raise us. I recall that my parents’ 21 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 disagreements with each other usually centered around my mother wanting my father to participate in family functions and my father seemed content not to make very much effort to connect. My awareness about gender and feminism didn’t become heightened until I got romantically involved with a man when I was 17 years old and when I got married to him 2 years later. It was an abusive relationship that took its toll on me and my family’s emotional resources. I experienced depression for the first time as a young woman, trying to make sense of the abuse in a love relationship on one hand, and fighting hard to reclaim my ambition of becoming a doctor and being a strong-minded and highachieving young woman on the other hand. Despite the love and unconditional support they had for me, my family grew desperate witnessing my emotional and academic decline. I found support from a young female doctor who inspired me to pursue my dream and encouraged me to go back to taking medical school entrance examinations. That helped me get through the crises one-day-at-a-time. With the help of family and a female friend, I started to recover…parts of me. Other influences appeared in my life that taught me about power and gender issues hands-on. I changed my career plans from medical school and began majoring in psychology. I also joined a womens’ organization and learned about what had been going on in the relationship context for me. My immediate family continued to extend unconditional support and love. I also started helping other women and sharing about myself to those I came in contact with. The healing had already begun, but my life had changed forever as I left that relationship broken-spirited and unable to feel like I could ever feel ‘whole’ again. I recognize now (and have for a few years) that my spirit was stronger than I ever gave it credit for and that my sense of ‘self’ and ‘wholeness’ has 22 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 taken new meanings and has grown exponentially, due to the fact that I had that experience. I excelled in my undergraduate program despite the emotional upheaval I was experiencing in recovering from the trauma from abuse. This made me more determined to bank upon my academic ability to open up more life choices ahead of me. I got a master’s degree in psychology determined to continue on. I had an amazing time and my master’s program exposed me to newer ways of thinking. During that period, I gained exposure to feminist treatises out of personal interest, in a course on qualitative research with a teacher (named Honey Oberoi) and in conversations with like-thinking friends. As a result of all those experiences, I have developed an intimate sensitivity and understanding about oppression, abuse, and depression. Even as I am left with physical and emotional scars, I have a deep sense of gratitude for the path and direction I found in my ability to be close ‘in experience’ to those who suffer pain and loss. From then on, every life experience seemed to have in some way or the other heightened my gender consciousness and knowledge about feminism. The challenges I have faced have only strengthened my conviction in feminist and social justice ideals. I have been in a few intimate relationships since then, and am convinced more and more that the roots of patriarchy run much deeper than we see at the behavioral or attitudinal level of individuals we love and share our lives with. I have personal and scholarly passion for issues of gender and power, and continue to examine my life and life of those around through the lens of feminism. “A feminist family therapist’s work is never done!” (Goodrich, 2003). 23 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Feminist Women in Academia? This topic of inquiry for my dissertation reflects, in part, my own personal and professional experiences and how they have influenced one another in a recursive manner. The two sections that follow provide some more context regarding the primary questions posed in my dissertation. My feminism and my relationships. My experiences as a clinician, as a researcher and therapist have sometimes conflicted with my experiences as a woman in family/love relationships. Dorothy Smith (1987) wrote of the “fault line” between women sociologists’ experience as sociologists and as women. I have been married once and divorced, and am currently involved in a heterosexual romantic relationship. Although, my intimate relationships have afforded me many joys and satisfaction, I have noted that my male partners have not fully understood or appreciated my feminist beliefs. I feel that my feminist ideals are trivialized and reduced to being seen as ‘a necessity’ - a way of reclaiming my identity after (recovering from) abuse that I experienced in a marriage a decade ago. I feel misunderstood and unheard many a time and consequently experience a disconnect in my identity, on one hand as a strong feminist who voices her opinions without fear in most professional settings, and on the other hand as a woman who experiences a different reality in a more intimate personal context - a woman who often feels powerless in making herself feel understood. Also, I have ended up doing more emotional work in my intimate relationships, picking up the slack for my partners. Sadly, though, my experience finds some resonance in experiences of other women friends who are highly educated and professionally successful and are in love relationships with men. Even though these are women who strive to achieve equality and 24 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 equity and support feminist ideals on a cognitive level, they are unable to fully apply it to their emotional lives. Some talk about feeling that their emotionality and vulnerability as women is not appreciated and that they end up ‘somehow’ being the emotional caretakers of their relationships with their male partners. In order to maintain harmony and peace, do they ‘silence’ their voices and learn to ‘accommodate?’ Research studies show that women are often responsible for maintaining and sustaining intimate relationships based on gender norms. Feminist literature demonstrates that women maintain behaviors that support silencing of their voices. According to DeMarco, Miller, Patsdaughter, and Chisholm (1998), the critical issue is whether the silencing experience is (a) a destructive process of burying feelings and needs, or (b) a protective strategy to preserve personal and professional relationships which they value. I was very interested in understanding whether feminist women are making their voices heard, or are they maintaining silence around issues they confront. Women’s sense of self is understood to be primarily built around relatedness and emotional connection in their professional and domestic lives (Nolen-Hoeksema, 2000). I became interested in hearing more about the experiences of women in my own academic field. In particular, I became curious to learn about how women make sense of the dialectical tensions they experience in their professional and personal lives, especially in the face of their feminist ideals. I began reading extensively about feminism, marriage, gender and depression, womens’ discontent with intimacy in their heterosexual relationships and got even more interested in the experiences of feminist women, MFT women in particular. I found very limited research or literature that accurately captured and represented the experiences of feminist women, and 25 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 even less so on the lives of feminist MFT academic women. I set out therefore to design and carry out this research project. Link between personal and professional. Because of my training in systemic thinking, I understand that my clinical skills leak back into my personal life (in my relationships with friends, family and lovers), and vice versa. The same is true of my research and clinical work. I sometimes experience conflicts in different roles, for example, when I unsuccessfully tried to be a therapist with a family member or friends, or expressed my feminism with my non-feminist intimate partners and friends. With practice and experience, I have learned to successfully maintain the balance between my professional and personal worlds. My personal and professional worlds often intersect but they do not interfere with each other as they used to when I started out doing therapy over five years ago. Parts of my identities as a feminist, as a marriage and family therapist, as a woman, as a family member, and as a lover complement each other in different ways to complete my personhood. This change took time, experience, introspection, supervision conversations and confusion. The reward has been that the quality of my life has been enhanced in innumerable ways due to my feminism and my training as a marriage and family therapist. I am better able to integrate my experiences from my family of origin, cultural context and limitations into my professional identity. My relationships, clinical work and research not only inform my feminism, they also are informed by my feminism. My skills in relating with people, clinically and in personal relationships, have enhanced qualitatively due to my feminist ideas and vice-versa. My worldview has essentially changed. My identity as a feminist has taken on increased prominence in my personal, 26 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 spiritual and professional life and as a result my experience of being a minority (cultural, color, gender, experience, nationality, therapist characteristics, etc.) has also come to the forefront of my experience, both as a woman and as a therapist. As I experienced these multiplicities in my work and my life, it fueled my interest in hearing about the feminism of other academicians in MFT and how they apply it to different aspects of their lives. As a woman in academia. Having been in academic environments, now for almost a decade, I have been pleased to meet many men and women committed to making equal rights and opportunities available for people from all backgrounds. However, I also am deeply troubled by the manner in which women continue to be objectified (myself included) and are subject to gender biases and discrimination that reflect the attitudes of a patriarchal system. A large part of this research was dedicated to explore the support and obstacles that women in academia experience, in MFT academic programs in particular. My experience as a woman (student) in academia led me to wonder what the challenges, rewards and successes for other women in the field were. I have not only read and heard about the experiences of gender biases and discrimination but also have experienced them myself. I know that the concept of glass ceiling is not just a matter of intellectual debate. Close as this issue has been to my heart, as I got closer to getting my doctoral degree, I became keen on developing a research topic that would explore the intersection of different aspects of women’s lives – their feminist ideas, relationships and academic work. I wanted to understand what challenges are faced by other women and what their successes are, as they try to apply their feminist ideology toward commitment to their family and profession. 27 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Feminist Research Crawford and Kimmel (1999, p. 3-5) identify three important themes that characterize feminist research. I have tried to incorporate these in my research. 1. Reflexivity. Reflexivity is characterized by an awareness of the personhood and involvement of the researcher. It is a kind of "disciplined self-reflection" (Wilkinson, 1988) on who we are, how our identities - as individuals in a cultural society, members of particular ethnic or religious groups, gendered beings, and feminists - influence our work and, in turn, how our work influences these aspects of self. 2. Methods That Serve-Not Drive-the Inquiry. This is characterized by the use of multiple methods and transgression of disciplinary boundaries. 3. Social Change Orientation. Feminist researchers do not just "collect data," they create knowledge, make social judgments about the applicability of that knowledge, and advocate for social change to benefit girls and women. They produce work that is basic and applied, theoretical and practical. Always, the ultimate aim is to contribute to a transformation of gender relations and the gender system. To that end, the articles in this volume pay close attention to the voices and lives of girls and women, and recognize the diversity of their experience. In the next chapter on review of literature, I present in-depth review and relevance of the overarching conceptual frameworks upon which I have based this study Feminism and Postmodernism. Following that, I discuss findings from the existing literature that are relevant to my research topic. 28 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 CHAPTER II REVIEW OF THE EXISITING LITERATURE Introduction The review of the literature that I present in the following sections is intended to show the readers how I arrived at formulating the research questions that acted as stepping stones for the data collection. I begin by reviewing the frameworks that inform my conceptualization of the current research topic and help me situate this study within a broader context of the field of marriage and family therapy and social sciences in general. Following that, I review past research in related areas that I deemed were worthy of mention in the context of the current research. I have utilized the literature and findings from these studies to formulate the broad as well as the topical questions to conduct the web-survey and interview and later to discuss my findings. Conceptual Framework for this Research Feminist Perspective My life experiences have led me to my feminism, and I use it through which to look at my own life and that of those around me. Feminism is a liberationist project that emerged most recently from the civil rights movement for American Blacks in the 1950s and 1960s. The seeds of the feminist movement were planted during the latter portion of the 19th century. The first organized movement seems to be dated to the first women’s rights convention at Seneca Falls, New York, in 1848, often referred to as the birthplace of the feminist movement. In both the World Wars, manpower shortages brought women into traditionally male occupations that ranged from munitions manufacturing and mechanical work to a female baseball league. By demonstrating that women could do 29 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 “men’s work,” and highlighting society’s dependence on their labor, attention was called to encourage women to strive toward equality (Brownmiller, 1999). Feminism does not mandate a specific methodology; however, it provides a lens from which to analyze and view power dynamics in contexts. It is not a set of techniques or conclusions, but rather a lens through which one views and understands realities. Allen (2001) defines feminism as a way of being in the world (ontology), a way of investigating and analyzing the world (methodology), and a theory or model of how we know what we know about the world (epistemology). It is “a process that begins with the recognition of the inferior status of women, proceeds to an analysis of the specific forms and causes of that inequality, makes recommendations for strategies of change, and eventually leads to a recognition and validation of women’s realities, women’s interpretations, and women’s contributions” (Wheeler, 1985, p. 55). Feminist theory has been applied to understand women’s lives, their roles in marriages and families, the role of marriages in their lives, their friendships, violence in domestic arenas, and several other areas that are of importance to women. Feminists seek to make individuals aware of the oppressiveness of traditional and stereotypical roles while promoting experiences that promote self-definition and choice behaviors (Hare-Mustin, 1978). They pose questions related to the centrality of gender in the shaping of lives and experiences of individuals. Feminist scholars and practitioners critique unquestioned ways of being, doing, and knowing, because these ways dismiss women and those classified as “the other” (Allen & Piercy, 2005). In the last two decades, the field of marriage and family therapy has increasingly begun to reflect upon itself and the “new epistemology” has questioned the basic tenets of 30 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 family therapy, such as individual responsibility, objectivity, independence of the researcher and the ‘researched’. In particular, there has been feminist critique of unsatisfactory practices of therapy informed by a systems perspective, such as inadvertent blaming of victims of gendered violence or sexual abuse due to the notion that all systems members contribute equally to maintaining a problem to falsely conclude that all members have equal responsibility (Hare-Mustin, 1978). Goodrich al. (1988) comment that the “intended blamelessness” of the constructs of circularity, complementarity, and neutrality masks a bias against women and inherently disadvantages them. They suggest that concepts like fusion, enmeshment, and boundaries indicate that healthy adult relationships are those where there is emotional distance and not connection. According to Goodrich et al. (1988), “feminist family therapy examines how gender roles and stereotyping affect (1) each individual in the family, (2) relationships between individuals in the family, (3) relationships between the family and the society, and (4) relationships between family and the therapist.” (p. 12). Postmodernism Postmodernism is philosophical positioning where one is invited to adopt the view that “privileged positions” of observation do not exist, and that writings reflect the personal perspective and the philosophy of authors (Doherty, 1999). It is the deconstruction of what one believes to be true to make way for multiple realities (Fruggeri, 1992). Postmodernism proposes tentative and local knowledge, subjectivity of experiences, plurality of voices (Gergen, 1991), and “contextual and relational understandings” (Flaskas, 2002; p. 2). Postmodernists question authority, challenge the status quo, and reject the notion of absolute universal truths. In North America, 31 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 postmodernism as an intellectual enterprise drew inspiration primarily from the work of French postmodernist theorists, some of the influential ones being Foucault, Lacan, and Jacques Derrida. Postmodern Feminism Feminism has been critiqued by some as falsely taking the White feminist ideals to misrepresent and exclude Black feminist womens’ experiences. Postmodern feminism challenges the foundations of group membership that are rooted in notions of 'sameness', when it is believed that people who belong to a group have shared values and experiences. In reality, these groups might be comprised of individuals and subgroups with many differing experiences and perspectives. According to Hill (2006), “Power dynamics that render certain differences invisible help create the illusion of unity and sameness. 'Woman' is an illusion, a social construction, a myth about who we are, and what we want.” Deconstruction and construction are fundamental concepts of postmodernism and offer useful tools for feminists who aim to obtain a deeper and broader understanding of womens’ experiences and lives. According to Baber and Allen (1992), the deconstruction process can highlight the plurality of women’s beliefs and experiences in arenas like sexuality, loving, and caring and offer rich and complex pictures of these aspects of women’s lives and challenge the notions that unitary and homogenous knowledge about women’s experiences and power-relations exists. In the field of family therapy, greater attention has been paid to postmodern thinking through the work of social constructionists and narrative therapists. Evolution of postmodern ideas within family therapy has been attributed to the changes in American societal ideas about the definition of family (Mills & Sprenkle, 1995). For instance, two- 32 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 parent families are no longer seen as the “normal” or the dominant family form. Therapists are therefore called upon to recognize multiple perspectives within the contemporary families as they evolve and change to incorporate gay and lesbians, cohabitating families, and biracial couples (Mills & Sprenkle, 1995). Regarding a postmodern analysis of women’s experiences in families, Baber and Allen (1992), say this, “A postmodern feminist analysis demands a critical reconsideration of marriage as a context for women’s social health and well-being. Traditional marriage has served the interests of women, but often not well, and there have been significant costs – some hidden, some obvious and deeply felt. What is the current status of marriage in women’s lives? How viable is marriage as a life choice for women? What types of marriages have women and their partners constructed? How are women changing their marriages to enhance their lives and maximize the likelihood of achieving greater intimacy and mutuality?” (p. 25). In my research, I apply this scrutiny to academic institutions. Review of Existing Literature Gender Differences: Why Research Women’s Lives? Due to the entry of women into the workforce, the statistics for marriage and family have changed drastically in the last few decades. For example, the US Census Bureau data (2000) showed that from the year 1970 to 2000, the median age at first marriage for women has changed from 20.8 to 25; the proportion of 20-24 year old women who had never married has nearly tripled from 6% to 22%; the number of women living alone has doubled. However, these figures give but a small peek into the manner in which lives and choices of women have changed dramatically. Even though women have 33 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 taken on increased roles in professional spheres, they continue to fulfill ‘caretaker’ expectations in their home and family lives, doing most of the parenting and household work in addition to their new responsibilities outside of their homes. Hochschild (1997) and others have suggested that any working woman experiences an unpaid second shift of housework and childcare. Conflict between Work and Family: Challenge for MFTs As more and more couples become involved in our multi-tasking culture, couple and family therapists are increasingly called upon to provide clinical intervention and psychological support to couples and families experiencing work and family inter-role conflict (Haddock, Zimmerman, Ziemba, & Current, 2001). The percentages of cases involving work and family conflict is likely to rise due to the growing numbers of dualearner families (Haddock et al.), making this an issue of ever-growing importance to mental health professionals who provide services to couples and families. There is a great deal of research in the social sciences that exclusively focuses on meaningful work, work-life balance, women in careers, etc. A random sample of 82 American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) clinical members indicated that approximately 30% of their cases with couples and families involved conflicts between work and family roles (Haddock & Bowling, 2001). Despite the high percentage of clinical cases concerning conflict between work and family roles, nearly one-half of the aforementioned 82 MFTs reported limited understanding of the dynamics of conflicts between work and family roles. 34 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Importance of Work-Family Balance for Therapists and Self-of-the-Therapist Therapists spend their professional lives attending to clients' development, and it seems appropriate for them to attend to their own development (Ford, 1963). Therapists are often known to enter the field hoping to enhance and obtain better understanding of their own family lives. Although a great many of us are attracted to the profession of MFT because we wish to grow personally (Markowitz, 1999), the topic of self-of-thetherapist is often ignored in graduate programs and is almost nonexistent in research studies on experienced therapists (Simon, 1992). According to Winter and Aponte (1987), examining the therapeutic system can impact and enhance therapists' personal and clinical lives. Simply put, in order for us to best serve our clients, we must understand ourselves. However, it has not been until recently that MFT training programs have begun appreciating the significance of addressing the personal growth of trainee-therapists, in addition to the traditional and almost exclusive focus on skill-development. In the general field of psychotherapy, there has been more research in the last few decades on such topics as therapist burn-out, impact of psychotherapy practice on the lives of therapists, and transference. However the field of marriage and family therapy (MFT) has been slow to do an ‘introspective study’ that examines the experiences and the quality of marital/family life of the therapists themselves. Historical data on marriage and family therapists’ personal lives is scarce. Over two decades ago, in a quantitative study, Wetchler and Piercy (1986) studied the ‘enhancers’ and ‘stressors’ in the marriages of a group of MFTs. 35 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 MFTs engaging in clinical practice face several challenges as they strive to provide competent services, maintain work-family balance, and survive financially. There is some research in psychotherapy that clearly suggests that faculty and students report balancing their personal and work lives as problematic (Matheson, 2002; Moyer, Salovey, & Casey-Cannon, 1999; Polson & Piercy, 1993; Polson & Nida, 1998). The stressors of clinical or psychotherapeutic work have been addressed in some research. During graduate training in MFT (and other psychotherapy fields) individuals are often forced to confront problems in their own marriages and/or family-of-origin during the course of their training (Guldner, 1978). There is definite need to focus on how the stress of clinical practice and training impacts the marital/family life of clinicians and how stress from their family in turn influences their clinical work. The ‘self-of-the-therapist’ is increasingly becoming a topic of interest in the recent MFT literature. Several MFT program curricula, though not directly, incorporate self-of-the-therapist issues as routine matters of discussion in their coursework and supervision with therapists-in-training. Personal growth is possibly understood as an implicit goal of graduate training programs in MFT, even though it is not listed explicitly as a goal of the training. The demands and challenges associated with the personal and intimate nature of psychotherapeutic work that often involves intense and emotional therapeutic relationships with clients are very unique. Of particular interest and concern is the impact of these stressors of emotional work on the personal well-being, and the level and quality of marital/family involvement and satisfaction with spouses (or spouseequivalents) for marriage and family therapists. 36 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 It is obvious that psychotherapists (MFTs, psychologists, counselors, etc.) learn a great deal in their skills-training educational degree programs about effectively communicating, relating, listening, conflict-resolution, and factors that enhance marital quality (through both clinical training and experience). Learning systems concepts and beginning to apply them to one’s personal and family life can be simultaneously growthproducing and challenging. Insight into human behavior often leads to increased selfawareness, which can facilitate personal growth and maturation (Farber, 1983; Guy, 1987). It only makes sense that when one learns to help others with their marital problems, that knowledge gets added to one’s personal knowledge-base about relationships as well. Logically then, it derives, that marriage and family therapists should ideally be very well equipped to utilize those skills in their lives. However, to date, it is yet to be empirically tested in the field of MFT (or psychology) whether clinical knowledge translated into actual application in one’s own marital and professional lives. Although there is abundant scholarly research and literature dedicated to the field of psychotherapy and even MFT, relatively m little literature has focused on the effects of therapists’ practice on their personal lives (Murstein & Mink, 2004). In recent decades, some of that imbalance has been rectified in that a number of studies have been done on burn-out and effects of doing clinical work on clinicians in the mental health field. However, research that specifically addresses the impacts of clinical work and training on MFTs is nonexistent. There is some research done in fields of counseling and clinical psychology that I briefly review below. In a survey of 284 therapists, Deutsch (1985) reported that 82% reported relationship difficulties and 47% had sought therapy. Very few researchers have sought 37 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 to examine factors that act as stressors and enhancers in therapists’ own marital and family functioning. Literature search revealed 2 studies that directly addressed that topic in the general field of psychotherapy and only one in the field of MFT. In a study with 157 female and 129 male therapists by Stevanovic and Rupert (2004), the results indicated that highest-rated career sustaining behaviors (CSBs) was spending time with partner or family and maintaining balance between personal and professional life. CSBs are defined by Kramer-Kahn and Hansen (1998) as referring to activities or strategies to “enhance, prolong, or make more comfortable one’s work experience” (p.130). These two were not only top-rated strategies for the entire sample, but they were also endorsed more strongly by the higher-satisfied group than the lower satisfied group respondents. The other top-rated CSBs (in that order) were maintaining sense of humor, self-awareness and professional identity, and engage in quiet leisure activity (all four of these being self-reflective/internally focused). In another research study, Coster and Schwebel (1997) found that self-awareness /self-monitoring was most highly rated item relating to well-functioning. Kramer-Kahn and Hansen (1998) found that maintaining a sense of humor was the most highly rated CSB in general. Coster and Schwebel (1997) asked a random sample of psychologists from New Jersey to rate 29 strategies in terms of extent to which each contributed to their “wellfunctioning”. Coster and Schwebel (1997) defined “well-functioning” as “enduring quality in one’s professional functioning over time and in the face of professional and personal stressors” (p. 5). Most highly rated strategies were self-awareness, selfmonitoring, personal values, preserving a balance between personal and professional lives, relationships with spouse/partner/family, personal therapy and vacations. Among 38 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 the 29 strategies that contributed to “well-functioning”, personal and professional balance and relationship with spouse or partner received top ranking/rating. This indicates how important maintenance of personal life is to one’s effectiveness as a professional. In another study by Sori, Wetchler, Ray, and Niedner (1996) examining the stressors and enhancers associated with being in MFT graduate programs for students and their families, results were similar to those of Wetchler and Piercy (1986). They used a modification of the questionnaire used by Wetchler and Piercy (1986) and found that the items ranked most stressful by both trainees and spouses were “Little time left for own marriage/family”, “Little energy left for own marriage/family”, and “Personal development of trainee beyond that of spouse”. The aspects of the program that were reported to be most enhancing for trainees were “Awareness of normal life cycle problems,” “Accepts own part in marital/family problems,” and “Greater awareness of own humanness.” Feminism and Marriage In the traditional marriages, men and women balanced work-family interaction by gender segregated roles that were clearly defined. In recent times, compelling economic and ideological reasons and changes in the social roles that men and women have played, have propelled women into the work place. However, this has been accompanied by the distinctly slower entry of men into domestic and nurturing roles. This imbalance has led to social scientists trying to reformulate the meaning of marriages for traditional and contemporary couples. As couples attempt to create a marriage, they often have to resolve multiple issues which were indirectly outlined by the socio-cultural norms and economic situation in the past. In the current times, however, they receive contradictory 39 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 messages about their ability to construct a marriage where egalitarianism is socially valued as an ideal they can pursue. Couples must construct their relationships in an environment where equality seems to be a desirable goal whereas they still have traditional gender role expectations and unequal power and resources which make the actual achievement of that goal impossible or difficult at best (Knudson-Martin & Mahoney, 1998). Though most wives are now active participants in the workforce, the vast majority of marriage contracts are still based on traditional belief systems. The marital quid pro quo has lagged behind actual social changes in that women have added on employment outside the home while retaining their traditional charge and responsibilities in the home (Walsch, 1989). Walsch addressed the issue of serious structural imbalances in contemporary marriages whereby childcare responsibilities are still largely viewed as a “woman’s issue” by the dominant culture. Even though marital equality is considered a goal worth pursuing by contemporary couples, actual practice of equality in marriages is more ‘in theory’ than in practice. Some researchers have pointed out the ‘myth’ of equality. There is conflicting data on whether relationships between men and women are becoming more or less egalitarian. For instance, according to Gillem, Sehgal, and Forcet, (2000), between 1977 and 1995, there was an increasing trend of both men and women developing more egalitarian attitudes toward women. Whether these egalitarian attitudes really get translated into actual practice is, however, a more complex question. For instance, couples tend to revert to more traditionally gendered modes of interacting when under stress (Woollett & Marshall, 2001) or following the arrival of children (Gottman & Natarius, 2002). It is however, clear, that gender differences do exist and impact family 40 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 relationships significantly and are practiced in marriages between men and women, regardless of whether those relationships are based on traditional or more egalitarian models. Feminist scholars attempt to understand women’s experiences and perspectives and challenge existing paradigms and assumptions. They have demonstrated the problematic nature of marital/family life for women (Glenn, 1987). Barnett and his associates (Barnett, Brennan, Raudenbush, & Marshall, 1994; Barnett & Shen, 1997) suggested that career and household demands often contribute to decreased martial satisfaction levels and increased psychological distress for women. Women continue to be the marital partners responsible for a family’s emotional intimacy, for monitoring the relationship and resolving conflict from a subordinate position, for being as independent as possible without threatening their husbands’ status (Fishman, 1983; Thompson & Walter, 1989). These factors put women at a disadvantage, at least emotionally. Marriage overall, therefore, has failed to provide women an upgrade for their mental/emotional well-being, though physically and financially, marriages can provide rewarding experiences for women. Although, marriages and families do tend to create oppressive experiences for women, there are supportive aspects of families for women as well. Some of these include providing self-esteem and resources for minority and working class women (Ferree, 1990) and mutual nurturing between wives and husbands (Thompson, 1993). It is also documented that family relationships can be empowering for women (Baber & Allen, 1992), due to the fact that they provide interpersonal skills in emotional care-giving and self-disclosure. In their study with 300 women, Baruch et al. found that although married women expressed more satisfaction, optimism, and happiness than 41 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 single women (possibly due to higher family income and better conditions for satisfying sexual needs), married women did not have higher self-esteem or greater resistance to depression and anxiety in comparison to single women. In conclusion, marriages continue to oppress women in several ways and yet offer them many advantages over being single. Feminist Family Therapy Feminist family therapy is clearly a growing sub-field within MFT and women academicians in MFT are professionals, who train, teach or practice therapy. Hence, understanding their experiences is necessary to create a climate of “self-reflection” within the field. Particularly within the field, Avis and Turner (1996) reported that they were struck by how little research exists in family therapy on women, their experiences, and their perspectives – as therapists, clients, in supervisory and training relationships. The need to create space for women’s voices remains important and overdue. Specifically, little is understood and researched concerning ways in which feminist women are attempting to live out their feminist beliefs in their families and professions and whether there are costs they pay associated with that work. Likewise, there is hardly any research done on feminist women academicians in MFT and their life choices and experiences. Women tend to be clustered in social sciences, nursing, education, and humanities (Blackburn & Lawrence, 1995; Stephan & Kassis, 1997). In the last few decades, there has been a growing recognition of feminist agenda in literature and research in the social sciences. Within the particular field of marriage and family therapy (MFT), feminist family therapists have challenged the normative expectations regarding sexist and gendered stereotypes concepts about family roles and functioning that dominated 42 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 traditional systems theory (Goodrich, Rampage, Ellman & Halsead, 1988; Walter, Carter, Papp, & Silverstein, 1988). Influential works by Virginia Satir, Kenneth Gergen, Sheila McNamee, Judith Myers Avis, Lynn Hoffman and Jean Turner have provided the necessary impetus to awaken feminist concerns within the field in the last few decades. The last few decades have been marked with greater inclusion of feminist ideas in family therapy, and increased acknowledgement of gender-sensitive practices. Goodrich and associates (1988) described feminist family therapy as “a political and philosophical viewpoint that produces a therapeutic modality by informing the questions the therapist asks and understanding the therapist develops” (p. 21). According to Leslie and Clossick (1992), feminist-informed family therapy is not a distinctive model of therapy or set of techniques, but rather a philosophical and political perspective. Like systems theory, feminist theory is an alternate way of observing and understanding family interactions and relationships. Feminist family therapists reject the notion that men and women are equal participants in the relational dance. They challenge the notion that therapist neutrality is possible and suggest that claims of neutrality support the status quo of a pro-sexist position in therapy. Feminists in the MFT field agree that women are disadvantaged by the structure of the heterosexual marriage, though little has been done to address the disadvantage or specify how to redress gender inequities in marriages or other committed relationships (Rampage, 2002). They also demand that therapists see the family as more than an interactional unit and that marriage is a political institution that reflects the culture in which it is immersed. In terms of actual application of feminist ideology into clinical practice, Haddock et al. (2000) stated that students face the most difficulty with enacting rather than 43 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 assimilating feminist theory, and many training programs do not offer sufficient assistance. According to Killian and Hardy (1998) there is a sense that MFT as a profession and AAMFT (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy) as an organization are not culture/gender-friendly, and that the majority of members and officers are not interested in making the profession more equitable. There is evidence that those in Marriage and Family Therapy clinical practice and training institutions continue to discriminate against and subordinate women (Haddock, MacPhee, & Zimmerman, 2001; Haddock, Zimmerman, & MacPhee, 2000; Werner-Wilson, Price, Zimmerman, & Murphy, 1997). McGoldrick, Anderson, and Walsh (1989) offer the criticism that gender issues have been largely and unjustly ignored in MFT due to the following reasons: (a) focusing on needs of women is unscientific, (b) gender is unimportant as it is a content rather than process issue, (c) prominent therapists promote the idea of gender neutrality and therefore view concerns regarding incorporating gender as unnecessary, (d) families and children will suffer if women assert their needs, and (e) those who pay attention to male and female issues do so out of anger at men. In attempting to translate feminist critiques and methodology into actual procedural guides, Stewart (1994) suggested that researchers ought to study women’s lives and issues such as identities, sex roles, domestic violence, the way in which women struggle with their social devaluation and powerlessness within their families, and inquire into how a woman understands her gender. As a result of the feminist critique, in 1988 the COAMFTE began to require training on gender and cultural issues in accredited programs. Coinciding with this mandate, COAMFTE also started encouraging the diversification of faculty members in MFT programs. 44 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Just within the mental health fields, examination of literature and research revealed some gender differences. Wahl, Guy and Brown (1993) studied 153 married psychologists and found that male therapists were significantly more satisfied with their marriages than female therapists. A study by Coster and Schwebel (1997) revealed interesting gender differences: Women respondents gave higher ratings than men to 14 items, many of which were of an educational-relational nature involving supervision, mentoring, consultation, or peer support. Strategies that women endorsed as being more important to their well-functioning than men were relational or educational in nature. The findings were also consistent with general coping literature, which suggests that women are more likely to seek emotional support from others and to engage in coping strategies that involve verbal expression to self or others (Tamres, Janicki, & Helgeson, 2002). In terms of research studies addressing women feminist family therapists, only one study could be found. In a feminist, phenomenological research with women, Whipple (1996), developed a four-stage identity development model for feminist family therapists and suggested that the following stages were involved : “becoming a feminist, awareness of sexism in the family therapy field, integrating feminist values into family therapy theory and practice, and consolidating a sense of identity as a feminist family therapist, including being able to articulate specific themes and techniques congruent with that sense of identity” (p. 390). Issues Facing Women Academics Women began entering academia as the feminist movement took off, during which it was pointed out that academic institutions were just as likely as other workplaces to oppress and discriminate against women. However, in the last few decades, due to the 45 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 affirmative action programs and laws that govern discriminatory practices, there has been an upward trend for percentages of women faculty in academia. In terms of statistics, this past year, women earned more than half of all graduate degrees in the United States (U.S. Department of Education, Digest of Education Statistics 2005, Table 246). Yet they made up 43% of all faculty (Digest of Education Statistics, Table 223) and these figures drop to 24% for tenured and full professors (Digest of Education Statistics, Table 227). The statistics show an incline in the percent of women faculty in academic institutions but present only half the picture, since women continue to experience inequities in pay, gender discrimination, harassment, and are subject to arbitrary evaluations. The structure and system of academic institutions does not consider interests of families such as childcare, maternity benefits etc. Due to these, women continue to be promoted more slowly and hold fewer leadership positions. According to Equal Rights Advocates’ Higher Education Legal Advocacy Project Roundtable Report (2003), women in academia continue to be clustered in the ranks of part-time, non-tenured faculty and staff positions and are underrepresented among the ranks of tenure-track, tenured and senior administrative level faculty. Basically, gender bias operates in subtle and explicit ways in the academia often putting women professors at disadvantages. Research studies also show that women have to work harder than their male counterparts to obtain tenure and promotion and student ratings. These challenges, in addition to the unpaid ‘second shift’ of housework and childcare (Hochschild, 1997) create multiple stressors for women. Stress, in women, has been linked to a number of adverse outcomes, including chronic illness and disease (Arber, Gilbert, & Dale, 1985; Powers, 1984) and increased psychological distress 46 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 (Barnett & Brennan, 1997). These statistics clearly indicate that academia is not immune to gender influences from the society at large. Female academicians, similar to women in other professional fields, face a number of unique stressors. They deal with pressures regarding balancing work and family life, personal and professional time constraints, financial concerns, a lack of supportive work environment, and managing household work. These pressures are often internal or situational and appear to be influenced by other’s expectations and socialization factors (Moyer et al., 1999). Glass Ceiling and Chilly Climate Research shows that women in general, and feminist women in particular, face gender biases and negative expectations in professional environments. Glass ceiling and chilly climate are informal terms to refer to biases and limitations women face in organizations, in particular, academia, and have found their way into formal literature on women and academe. The term glass ceiling refers to a popular manner to discuss the scarcity of women at higher levels in organizations. Ceiling represents a limitation that blocks upward advancement, and glass represents a limitation which is transparent and not immediately apparent. The term glass ceiling distinguishes formal barriers to advancement such as lack of education or experience, form the more subtle biases and discriminatory acts that limit the advancement of women in the hierarchies of organizations. One often hears of the academic climate as being chilly for women. The chilly climate metaphor is an umbrella term used for the biases and limitations that women experience. According to Freyd (2003), “Gender bias and discrimination against women in academia take many forms, from overt sexual harassment to the much more ubiquitous 47 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 and insidious problem of subtle and unconscious sexism impacting daily life, work distribution, student evaluations, and promotion and hiring decisions. This confluence of problems has been called the problem of the "chilly climate". On her website (http://dynamic.uoregon.edu/~jjf/chillyclimate.html), Freyd has compiled a list of several resources for information regarding chilly climate. According to Equal Rights Advocates’ Higher Education Legal Advocacy Project Roundtable Report (2003), “Women’s advancement is impeded when they are denied tenure as a result of availing themselves of “stop-the-tenure-clock” policies in order to have families. Institutions that fail to provide appropriate resources to accommodate family responsibilities and/or fail to protect women who take leaves from retaliation may be challenged under state and federal law.” Despite this, women in academia are known to experience what’s termed as the maternal wall bias or motherhood penalty. Maternal wall bias, is reported as a factor that prevents women from getting to the glass ceiling, which is why women do not advance at the same rate as their male counterparts. Maternal wall bias is pattern of gender biases and stereotypes that women may encounter during pregnancy or before or after maternity leave (Halpert & Burg, 1997; Williams, 2005). Women in academia often experience double-standards regarding such things as clothing, assertiveness, etc. that puts them in a lose-lose situation. Another factor that puts burden on women in academia is the expectation that women should be “restrained and endlessly supportive” of colleagues while picking up extra secretarial work and to be “softer” and more available to students than male colleagues. When women do not act according to these stereotypes, they may well trigger negative perceptions (Williams, Alon, & Bornstein, 2006). There are pervasive and unspoken biases that lead to subtle 48 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 punishments for women who are viewed as ‘too competent’ or ‘too assertive’. They may be labeled as bitchy or uncollegial (Williams, 2003). Research also shows that simply having policies in place does not necessarily solve the problem of families lacking support in academic institutions. For example, a survey done with assistant professors at Ohio State University (Bombardieri, 2003) reported that one out of three females and one out of five males were interested in reducing their working hours in order to “have more time for family and personal needs.” Yet only 23 out of 3,000 faculty had ever taken advantage of the part-time policy, on record since 1996. Gender and Sex Discrimination Gender discrimination refers to gender-based behaviors, policies, and actions that adversely affect work by leading to disparate treatment or creation of an intimidating environment (Lenhart & Evans, 1991). Sexual harassment covers a broad spectrum from generalized sexist remarks and behaviors to coercive sexual advances and from unconscious patronization and subtle innuendo to blatant sexual threats (Fitzgerald et al. 1988). In terms of sexual harassment in academia, Tilly (1980) defined it as "the use of authority to emphasize the sexuality or sexual identity of a student in a manner which prevents or impairs the student's full enjoyment of educational benefits, climate, or opportunities." He identified five types of sexual harassment: general sexual comments, inappropriate sexual advances occurring without sanction, sexual advances which have the promise of rewards, sexual advances which hold the threat of punishment, and, sexual assaults. When the definition of harassment is expanded to include sexist remarks and other forms of gender harassment, the incidence rate among undergraduate women is reported to be over 75 percent. Fitzgerald et al. (1988) reported approximately that 49 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 approximately 50 to 76 percent of women in two universities indicated that they had experienced some form of harassing behavior during their careers. Currently, sexual harassment is broadly understood to include pattern regarding how a professor asks questions, the standard reading material that is assigned, interpretations of classic works and many other seemingly benign behaviors. Women Faculty in MFT programs COAMFTE (Commission on Accreditation of Marriage and Family Therapy Education) as an organization has not placed the appropriate emphasis on gender and the experiences of women. This is particularly problematic as the profession is primarily female. According to Kaveny (2002), based on available data from program reports, it was estimated that in 1999, approximately 74% of graduate students and slightly over half (53%) of MFT faculty in COAMFTE accredited programs were female. As women make up such a large percentage of the faculty and students in MFT, they deserve to have their experiences be recognized and supported to the same extent as their male counterparts. Based on available literature on women in academia, it is clear that women face notable institutional and societal hurdles. This can create a hostile environment where not only are women’s experiences ignored, they are undermined by omission. Only by actively and systematically learning and documenting the experiences of women students and faculty members can we attempt to change the status quo. Regarding marital status of women in the academe (faculty), it appears that being married or in a significant relationship contributes to more home stress, with women taking on a disproportionate share of household responsibilities (Viers-Yaun, 2003). In a study on MFT the work-family balance in faculty in Marriage and Family Therapy 50 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 (MFT), Matheson (2002) found that males reported greater satisfaction than females regarding the balance of their work and personal life. Female MFT faculty generally felt they had a poor balance or mixed good and poor balance between their career and home life, and that it was related to chronic pressures at home and work that hindered these women from balancing these two spheres. Both male and female faculty in the study felt that males had an easier time balancing home and family due to the inequitable division of household labor between men and women. I did not find any studies regarding women faculty in MFT, but married, professional women are typically more likely to change their career plans or relocate for their partners’ career than married men (Astin & Milem, 1997; Bukley, Sanders, Shih, Kallar, & Hampton, 2000). Other studies (e.g. Simeone, 1987) suggest that while male faculty viewed their marriage as an asset to their life as an academician and reported greater career satisfaction, whereas women in academia expressed the opposite. These findings possibly reflect the discrimination and second shift of housework and childcare faced by faculty women. Relationships of Women in Academia The research conducted on the relationships of women in academia, indicates that relationships are important to the development of faculty women. Professional networks and work friends are known to provide faculty women career and personal benefits, increased visibility and information dissemination (Rose, 1985) and unconditional positive regard (Sack, 2001). Women faculty who reported having a mentor, or an established colleague who could provide career and psychosocial help, also reported enhanced career and individual outcomes and increased satisfaction (Brown, 1985). Finally, faculty women with greater levels of social support from their friends, family, 51 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 and significant others reported better physiological health and well being (Amatea & Fong, 1991). These results indicate that relationships can influence the career and life experiences of women faculty and therefore deserve further attention. 52 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 CHAPTER III METHODOLOGY Overview of the Design We know something about the struggles and successes of feminist women, and we know something about the struggles and successes of women in academia, but we know very little about how feminist women in academia experience their professional environments and their personal lives. This study is a first step in trying to add information and depth in understanding the successes and challenges of feminist faculty women in MFT programs. There is a growing awareness of the need to study women in their own right and through their own voices (Elder, 1993). Using a qualitative design can allow a descriptive picture to emerge regarding the life experiences of women. Since I am researching a topic that is relatively unexplored, descriptive phenomenology is the best suited framework. Sixteen women who met the selection criterion participated in this research where I used web-based surveys and telephone interviews to ask questions regarding their feminist ideology, their intimate relationships and their experiences in MFT academic programs. Their responses were analyzed using phenomenological methods and overarching clusters, themes and sub-themes were developed. Researcher Embedded in this Research It is important for a qualitative researcher to acknowledge his (her) biases and the value-laden nature of the study (Creswell, 1998). As a postmodern researcher, I attempted to continually put my voice at forefront so that my values as a researcher were not disguised or hidden from either my participants or the reader. In as much as possible, 53 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 I provide the reader a background of my own biases and limitations. As I became ready to prepare the methodology section for my research proposal, I was faced once again with the epistemological questions about what methods to employ in order to best answer the questions I was asking in the research. Were my methods going to be inductive (drawing general principles conclusions from the data or facts, or “ground up”), or deductive (drawing logical conclusions from general principles, reaching a conclusion that is guaranteed to follow, if the evidence provided is true; “all cows are white, if this is a cow then it must be white”), or abductive (explaining what is known, by making creative leaps)? I was faced with having to answer the questions, “How will my ideas bear on existing theories?” and conversely, “How are my ideas derived from existing theories?”. Essentially, I found that my epistemology guided what I chose as the most effective method to use for this research. It translated for me, into taking responsibility for the approach that I was going to employ and deal with the consequences, and justify it as the best method that suited the area of my interest. Why Qualitative Research? Rosenblatt and Fischer (1993), in summarizing the utility of qualitative methods said, "Qualitative family research will always be at the leading edge because people's verbal accounts of their own life couched in their own terms always takes us beyond our theories and because it is people's own accounts that speak best to many research questions and to most consumers of social science research." (p. 175). Given the primary aims of this research, the nature of the questions asked, and the theoretical orientation, I decided to employ a qualitative methodology to conduct this research. 54 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 The overarching framework for this study is feminist and postmodern. Langellier and Hall (1989) define feminist research as research which is done by a woman, which studies women, and whose purpose is to empower women. In this study, the researcher (myself) is a woman and the researched are women as well. The goals of the study are to understand, validate, and document the experiences of female feminist academicians in MFT programs, in the hope that this research will empower them. My intention in conducting this research was to discover and understand the commonality and uniqueness of their experiences in their own words. I was also hoping to develop some understanding regarding the systemic nature of different aspects of these womens’ lives. Qualitative methodology is consistent with the systems paradigm of MFTs who start out working with couples and families during intake interviews, developing an initial theory and continue to refine their theory as new information is discovered. In doing this research, I employed a postmodern perspective in that I let the participants decide and define their view of feminism, instead of imposing my own understanding of feminism onto them. I was not only looking for perspectives that were shared by these individual women, but also for perspectives that were shared uniquely by different groups of women. In fact, I was hoping to hear some differences in perspectives due to age and cohort differences and possibly other demographics. According to Creswell (1998), “a hallmark of qualitative research today is the deep involvement in issues of gender, culture, and marginalized groups.” (p.19). Women in academia who are feminists and teach in marriage and family therapy programs, are very much in minority and their experiences are marginalized not only due to their gender, but also due to their identification with feminist ideas. Qualitative research 55 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 designs are particularly relevant to the study of experiences because they invites participants to describe and explain their lives in their own words and to assess for themselves, to what extent their experiences are beneficial or detrimental (Fishman, 1983; Thompson, 1982). Qualitative methodologies also lend themselves better to areas of research that are relatively unexplored or under-explored. Since there is minimal research on experiences of feminist women faculty who are marriage and family therapists, this project is exploratory in nature. Due to this, employing qualitative methods seemed the most reasonable choice and resulted in rich contextual and experiential data. Phenomenology Phenomenology attempts to bring the researcher in closer contact with the reality of the participants. Phenomenology is essentially the study of lived experience or the life world (van Manen, 1997), the emphasis being on the world as lived by a person, not the world as something separate from the other (Valle, King, & Halling, 1989). As a research methodology, phenomenology developed out of a philosophical understanding recognizing the complexity and richness of human experience. In Europe, phenomenology has roots in the writings of Edmund Husserl (1859-1938), a German philosopher (trained in mathematics) who is often referred to as the father of phenomenology (Scruton, 1995). Husserl was a contemporary of Freud and departed from Descartes in that he did not accept that certitude could be achieved through the use of rationality and reason alone (McLeod, 2001). He sought to find a method of arriving at ultimate truth regarding experience and developed a method of inquiry to study consciousness (Husserl, 1913). Giorgi (1970) is considered to be the key figure in the 56 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 early development of the Duquesne school of phenomenology in the North American continent. The most widely adopted of the Duquesne method was the set of procedures described by Colaizzi (1978) and further elaborated by Moustakas (1994). Colaizzi and others contemporaries ‘operationalized’ their understanding of phenomenological research, in that they outlined a sort of a step-by-step guideline for conducting research that is consistent with the original philosophical arguments that led to the development of those methods. If one were to develop a rough continuum for different qualitative methodologies, one could say that Husserlian phenomenology leans toward describing and ‘back to the things themselves,’ whereas methodologies that follow the hermeneutic tradition lean more toward ‘applying a preexisting interpretive framework’ (McLeod, 2001). The other tradition within phenomenology explicated by Heidegger lies closer to the hermeneutic end of methodologies. Grounded theory methods lie closer to the hermeneutic end; in a preliminary manner one might refer to them as methodical hermeneutics. The differences between Husserlian phenomenology and hermeneutic phenomenology (explicated by Heidegger) are clearly beyond the scope of this dissertation document. The interested reader can find in-depth information elsewhere (Koch, 1995; Laverty, 2003; Lopez & Willis, 2004). According to McLeod (2001), qualitative research always involves a synthesis of phenomenological and hermeneutic “ways of knowing” (McLeod, 2001, pp. 143). This means that there is no such thing as a purely phenomenological study or pure grounded theory. Since I was more interested in description of the experiences of feminist women 57 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 faculty as opposed to interpreting the meanings of their descriptions, I chose to employ descriptive phenomenology. In this current project, my aim was to describe and understand the experiences of feminist MFT women in their academic environments rather than to explain processes related to their experience or generate a theory about it. The aim was also to have them describe the ways in which they integrate their feminism into their academic work. The feminist critique of social science has been that women's lives have been studied from a positivistic, patriarchal paradigm, which has no existential connection to the personal and the world of lived experiences (e.g. Stanley & Wise, 1993). There is a call for openness and the use of descriptive methods to explore women's experiences. The main reasons given in feminist critique arguing for descriptive methods is that they give women the opportunity to talk about their experiences in their own voices; they are understandingbased and not explanation-based. Hence for this research, phenomenology was deemed to be the most suitable method for this inquiry since it is concerned with discovering and understanding the meaning of individual and group lived-experiences of phenomena. Grounded theory, on the other hand, is concerned with explaining a socially constructed process by presenting a middle-range substantive theory or model (Creswell, 1998). The focus of a phenomenology is on understanding a concept or a phenomenon, whereas in grounded theory one generates a theory, an abstract analytical schema of a phenomenon that relates to a particular situation. 58 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Sampling Selection and Characteristics Unlike quantitative studies where the power of sampling depends heavily on selection of random and representative samples in order that the results can be generalized to a larger population, qualitative studies rely on the power of carefully selecting information-rich participants for whom the topic is meaningful and relevant. The current study aims to explore the experience of a relatively homogenous sample of self-identified feminist women who teach in MFT academic programs. Since the primary goal was to understand their experiences in their academic environment, the participants were selected using purposive and convenience sampling and screened for participation based on the criteria discussed below. Participants was chosen using theoretical sampling (Glaser & Strauss, 1967), which means that the researcher chose participants based on their ability to contribute to knowledge regarding the phenomenon under investigation. I began collecting data and doing simultaneous data analysis, and as I noticed no new data or themes emerging, I decided to stop collecting data after 16 participants. In phenomenology, anyone who has experienced the phenomenon under investigation is considered a legitimate source of data. Participants in this study were women faculty in marriage and family therapy academic programs affiliated with a university, college or training institution, and who self-identified as feminists. Regardless of their current (or past) marital status, they were required to either have been married for five or more years or have been in a committed romantic heterosexual relationship for that period (either presently or some time in their past). I didn’t exclude women who were not currently married. I believe that those in long-term committed relationships or 59 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 marriages at some point in recent time would have equally important insights to offer about their relationships and their feminist ideology. Only women above 30 years of age were included for participation. Thiry was chosen as an arbitrary age, the rationale being that the development of feminism and the ability to articulate feminist ideology and its impact on their intimate relationship and academic experiences possibly develops with maturity. No upper age limit was designated for the participants. I did realize that assigning no upper age limit could mean that I would collect data from different cohorts of women who grew up in times that had different historical influences on their feminism, their academic influences and such. Since this research was exploratory in nature, I decided to not limit my participants to any one cohort or the other. I chose to include heterosexual women, since research has shown that “those in heterosexual relationships are more vulnerable to being less able (or unable) to make changes in power structure, role relationship, and relationship rules” (Green, Bettinger, & Zacks, 1996, p. 195). Lesbian and gay couples are known to exhibit much greater equality, gender-role flexibility and cohesion than heterosexual couples (Green et al., 1996). In my experience, the popular media portrays feminist women rather unflatteringly. The term ‘feminist’ evokes uncharacteristic images of angry women, male-hating bra-burning, militant, butch, masculine women. In my mind, this represents a dichotomy because I associate feminism with agendas that have little to do with clothing and haircuts, but mostly to do with a philosophy. Hence, in this research, I was hoping to address this issue by collecting data from feminist women and obtain their direct representations of who they are. Partly, my reason for selecting heterosexual women was the fact that I was hoping to dismantle the negative stereotypical images of feminist 60 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 women. I wanted to hear from feminist heterosexual women who are in love relationships, are passionate about their families, children, and students. So I selected women who, at least on face value, defy the conventional images of feminists, by being in intimate relationships or being married and teaching in mental health (caring) professions. Procedures Pilot testing Before I began the data collection and uploaded the questionnaire on the internet, I emailed the web link to two colleagues of mine (advanced doctoral students in my department) and a friend. I asked all three of them to fill out the questionnaire in order to obtain feedback about the order and wording of the questions and the time it took to write down answers to make sure that questions were easily understandable, and to receive their feedback about questions that seemed redundant or confusing. I also wanted to have their opinions about what could I do to improve the quality of my questionnaire and whether the instructions for taking the web-based survey were adequate and comprehensible. These individuals had very helpful suggestions that were incorporated (in conjunction with suggestions from my advisor) in the final questionnaire that was uploaded on the website for research participants. For instance, one colleague suggested clarifications in how I asked the question about hours spent per week in academic job, and another suggested that I ask question about race and ethnicity in separate questions instead of collapsing them into one. 61 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Data Collection Methods Upon obtaining approval (See Appendix B) from the Internal Review Board (IRB) at the Texas Tech University, data-collection for this research began. Data for this study were collected using two methods, primarily, over the Internet, and secondarily, through phone interviews. Interviews are more suited for in-depth information while surveys are better suited when additional descriptive information is desired. The use of mixed method research is promoted by many family researchers as a way to address different questions with different strategies (Sprenkle & Moon, 1996). I obtained different kind of data using internet survey, electronic email and telephone interviews. The web-surveys served to help me collect data on demographics and other descriptive questions. I refined questions after participants started filling the survey and narrowed down some topics and used those to guide the telephone interview. The email served me best to obtain follow-up information and more-in-depth answers. In that manner, I was able to maximize the benefits and minimize the limitations of each data-collection method. Internet as a qualitative research tool is gaining popularity (Mann & Stewart, 2000) and has many advantages such as low cost (Schaefer & Dillman, 1998), convenience, context of non-coercive and anti-hierarchical dialogue (Boshier, 1990) which lends itself to collaborate research. Additionally, data triangulation has many benefits (Strauss & Corbin, 1990). The different kinds of data collected compliment each other to provide more holistic and well-rounded picture of the phenomenon under study. They also add more confidence to the validity of the research findings. Understandably, findings from multiple sources of data are more valid than single-source findings. 62 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Questionnaire and interview protocol. The participants for this study were recruited mainly through the internet and the primary mode of first contact with potential participants was through electronic mailing. In the content of the invitation email that was sent out to the potential participants (see Appendix A), I included description of the research project, eligibility criteria, and a link to the website where eligible respondents could go to respond to the questionnaire http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=914182210283. They were also informed in the email that, upon filling the web-survey, their responses would remain saved on the web server and they could return to fill out responses at another time as long they logged onto the same computer. This would allow them to take the survey in more than one sitting, if they chose that. For the first wave of invitations, women were identified from the editorial board of Journal of Feminist Family Therapy (JFFT) and contacted via email. For the second wave of invitations, I contacted women faculty by searching the list of Accredited (masters and doctoral) graduate programs in MFT on the website www.aamft.org (http://www.aamft.org/cgi-shl/twserver.exe?run:COALIST). I searched on the programs websites and read profiles or listed research interests of women faculty, as and when available on their department websites. I tried to determine if there was any mention of the terms (or combination thereof) like “gender”, “feminist”, ‘social justice” etc. Since there was no certain way to confirm, I made subjective determination of whether the women faculty might consider themselves feminists. In cases where I was not sure, I sent them emails using their contact email addresses from those websites and asked them whether that was the case and if they were interested in participating. Telephonic 63 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 interview option was also offered to those who wanted to participate, but were unwilling or unable to fill the web-based survey. During follow-up contact through email, a few participants referred me to colleagues and shared contact information (e.g. email addresses) of other women faculty they knew, and believed might be interested in my study. Five participants were included in the study after being referred by others who had filled my web-based survey. Fourteen women started to fill out the web-based survey, however only twelve finished it fully. The other two filled a very short segment of the survey that was not sufficient for data analysis. Those who were interested and wanted to participate could click on the link provided in the email and go directly to the web-based questionnaire or alternately, copy the link and paste into their web browser in order to access the questionnaire on the website. Participants could proceed to take the survey after they read the ‘Consent Form’ (Refer to Appendix C) on the first webpage and clicked on “agreed to participate”. The informed consent addressed the following: The primary purpose of the research project, procedure to be used, their right to withdraw at any time without any penalty, detailed procedures about how their confidentiality would be protected, stating the possible risks and benefits anticipated with participating in the project. Participants had the option of going to the web-based survey at any time and take as much time as necessary to respond to the survey. Confidentiality of the participants was protected through the use of code numbers in place of real names on transcripts (which were pass-word protected on word processing documents), audiotapes, and hand-written memos. The telephone interviews were conducted with four women and lasted from 90 minutes to 4 hours. They were conducted by the researcher following a semi-structured 64 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 and open-ended format of questions. The general sequence of the questions followed that of the web-based survey. The interview schedule was very flexible to allow the women to introduce topics of interest and in order to flatten (as much as possible) the hierarchy between the researcher and the researched. As much as possible, I aimed so that we had conversations instead of following a question-answer format. Interviews were taperecorded and later transcribed verbatim. Due to limitations regarding how the survey could be created on the website, the research questions requiring descriptive answers allowed responses limited to only 250 words. In order to partly deal with that problem, at the end of each section, I created another question that gave the participants the option to write more details for the previous questions in that section in as many words as they chose. After reading the responses provided on the web-based survey, if I deduced that the respondent ended a sentence mid-way (abruptly due to lack of typing space), I asked them to clarify or elaborate upon that thought in my follow-up emails to them. Twelve participants responded to the web-based survey, and later through email to descriptive follow-up questions. Four participants requested to do telephone interviews instead of filing out the survey online. The telephone interviews gave me the opportunity to explore questions and answers in much greater depth. Research Questions The questionnaire included informed consent, and requested answers to demographic information and research questions. The demographics section of the questionnaire was developed by the author and included questions regarding age, race, ethnicity, religious preference, education, salary, hours of work, theoretical orientation, 65 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 etc. (See Appendix D). All participants were also asked to select a preferred pseudonym that they wanted me to use for writing my research findings or for later publication purposes. At the end of the demographics section, they were also asked if they wanted to share their email address or preferred form of contact and if they wanted to be available for follow-up questions or clarifications. All the participants shared their email addresses and agreed to be available for follow-up contact. The questions for the survey and interview were developed from personal experience, literature review, input from committee members, and suggestions obtained during pilot testing. For the main research questions, the participants were asked to write (or speak) descriptive responses to a set of questions that were divided into three primary sections (See Appendix D). These sections were regarding, a) their feminist ideology, b) their experiences in intimate relationships, and c) the impact of feminism on those experiences. There were three questions in the original web-based survey regarding their experiences in academia and its relationship to their feminist ideology. As participants began taking the web-based survey, and I began reading their responses, I modified and added or deleted questions based on the data that was emerging from the surveys. For example, in the initial survey I did not have questions about whether their feminist ideas impacted the manner in which they raised their children, or on their decision to (not) have children. After some respondents commented on that topic, I added that question in the web-based survey later. Some questions, such as the one about their opinion on professional organizations such as AAMFT, were not added till the very end, when most of the respondents had already filled out the web-based survey and two interviews had already been done. The question became salient after the third interview participant 66 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 commented on her experiences extensively and shared that she had many female friends in MFT academia who felt the same way about the AAMFT organization. I included this as a follow-up question in emails to participants after that, however at the time that I was finishing data-analyses, I only obtained responses from a few that were able to get back to me. The survey responses from my research participants, data from my telephone interviews, and research literature that I read during the time of data collection, altered the following data collection and follow-up questions. The telephone interviews were conducted toward the end of the study with four participants who requested for telephone interviews due to either lack of time, or preference for talking as opposed to typing. The interview questions followed the same format of questions as the web-based survey and also included some additional questions based on feedback from responses of participants who took the web-based survey. For all the respondents who took the web-based survey, I sent out a set of follow-up questions. Follow-up questions were derived from a) clarifications that I sought from their initial responses, b) suggestions or responses of other participants who took the web-based survey, and c) themes that became salient after doing the telephone interviews that obviously yielded more in-depth responses than the web-based surveys. For the first round of follow-up questions, I sent thirteen emails, and ten participants responded to the questions in-depth through email. For the second round, I received responses from six out of nine participants I sent emails to. The questions asked of the participants were divided into the following 4 sections (Appendix D). Demographic questions (e.g. questions about their religious preferences, 67 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 length of marriage, preferred theories used in clinical or supervision work, number of hours spent in teaching, what they liked or disliked about their academic jobs, etc.) 1. Questions about feminist ideology. 2. Questions about romantic relationship or marriage. 3. Questions about impact of feminism on their romantic relationship or marriage. The follow-up emails included questions about the impact of feminism on their academic teaching, students, and academic experience (including any experiences of discrimination), and suggestions they had about what could be changed in order for feminist women in academia to feel more validated or supported. Participants who responded to follow-up emails provided generous and usually lengthy responses through emails to those questions (ranging from 1 to 4 emails per respondent). Data Management Since there were two forms of data that were collected for this study, the strategies used to store the data initially were slightly different as well. As soon as I began receiving web-survey data, I started to save these data electronically on the hard drive of my personal computer. Participants were assigned numbers for identification and their responses were saved in password-protected Microsoft Word (.doc) format. MS Word was used to manage all the web-survey data and the reflexive journal entries. For the interviews, I recorded the telephone interviews onto audio tapes (which were labeled using numerals) and then transcribed data on to MS Word documents. Eventually, all the data was saved electronically. In qualitative research, although there are unique aspects to every study, there are aspects of data analyses that are common to all methodologies. “Whatever else they are 68 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 up to, all qualitative researchers, at some point in their research, apply the procedures originally identified by Husserl: bracketing-off, searching for the essence of the phenomenon” (McLeod, 2001; p. 50). As I began looking at the survey responses and the interview transcripts, it was mind boggling to imagine how every woman’s response was going to lend itself to organization of any kind. Soon, I discovered that I need to have multiple ways of organizing this amount of text data. An additional thing to keep in mind is that data collected in each qualitative research study is unique and every researcher has to make independent decisions as to how best to organize his/her data with relevance to the research question and the quality and amount of data that was obtained from the participants. The following sections are organized into two broad steps I took which represent two parallel lines of data analysis I followed. Data Within (Individual Respondent) The first step I took was to start to read each survey and interview transcript a few times, and take notes on side of each participant’s responses (hand-written). Using underlining with pens and colored highlighters at times, I flagged items in relationship to the general areas covered by my questionnaire and interviews, including the follow-up questions. This activity helped me get mentally aligned to the broad ideas that were recurring across different participants, as well as gave me ‘mental highlights’ about unique experiences and characteristics of each participant. The flagged items constituted a preliminary list for clustering into topics of significance. No attempt to decide the relative significance of topics was made at this stage. I also tried to exercise some discipline not to allow flagged units from one participant’s responses to influence selections of units from any other. Most of the items were flagged in the first stages of 69 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 reading, and few others were flagged later on, after more data was collected. This constituted the progressive development of data and the recursive nature of data collection and analysis, a characteristic of qualitative research. This activity led me to develop a scheme to prepare initial analyses of the significant themes from each participant’s responses, wherein I also incorporated what was unique about this participant’s experience. In the midst of preparing the initial analysis document about each participant, I was able to see some themes that were recurring across the participants, and I started making a separate chart where I began listing all the themes that were beginning to stand out, in my mind, as I read the responses again and again. Data Across (Different Respondents) As I read the web-surveys that participants started filling out, I realized that I had questions on too many areas and there was no way to make sense of the data until I had responses to common ideas in one document. Hence, I prepared three documents (MS Word) based on three primary sections in my survey. Originally, in my survey, these sections were demographics, feminism, romantic relationship (or marriage). A fourth section on academic experiences had become very salient by this time. I collected data on it mainly in the telephone interviews that were conducted at the end of the 1st round of data-collection and during the 2nd wave of collecting data. Interestingly, the data that I had obtained did not end up confirming the conceptualization that I had as I created the questionnaire for this study. I had anticipated the experiences in romantic relationships or marriages as being an important aspect of this study when I began collecting data. However, by the time I was analyzing the data, I had realized that this area was going to be tied to their feminism and could not be independently presented. 70 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 After I finalized on the 3 different topics (plus demographics), I began extracting (copying) the responses for each question and pasting it under sub-headings, such that every participant’s response for a question was in the same place. For example, I copied and pasted every participant’s response to the question “what has been the impact of your feminist ideas on your experience with students” in one document. I continued doing the same for every question. In doing so, I ended up with 42 pages of answers on Section 1 (Feminism), 72 pages of answers on Section 2 (Marriage/Romantic relationship), and 31 pages of answers on Section 3 (Academic experiences). I made executive decisions regarding some questions that could fall in more than one category. This gave me a way to look at the data in a more coherent manner. This also helped me develop intuitive schemes to organize it, the sheer volume of which was overwhelming me. After doing this, I found that it became easier to contain 3 sub data-sets to start some of the final analyses. At that early a stage in the analysis, this organization seemed necessary. In making it easier to manage my data, I wanted to make sure that I did not lose sight of understanding the data holistically. In order to chronicle the interconnections that were appearing between those three sections, I prepared an independent document and took notes regarding each section. Data Analysis Each data analysis step in qualitative research, essentially done by coding the data, is aimed to raise the level of abstraction and conceptual level of the data. To understand the process of data analysis, I created the metaphor of sifting through the data using a sieve. From a large dataset of thick descriptions and statements (text and transcribed data), the aim of the researcher is essentially to find some organization in the 71 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 seemingly disconnected data and raise the level of analysis to where the data begins to make sense. The data analysis in descriptive phenomenological research can proceed in many ways. There are concurrent steps I took in order to make my data more manageable and bring the information to a point where I could begin to draw preliminary conclusions and present the responses of my participants in an organized fashion. Some of the most frequently followed methods are that of Colazzi (1978), Van Kaam (1966), and Giorgi (1985). In learning how to conduct phenomenological analysis of the data I gathered, I also borrowed from the stages listed by Bednall (2006). However, the guidelines explicated by Ratner (2001) were most useful for me. He drew primarily upon the work of Giorgi (1975), and summarized data analysis in three steps. Adapting from these researchers’ recommendations, I followed three steps: Step One – Meaning Units In this first step, the researcher uses a sieve with very fine perforations so that a majority of the data is left remaining on the sieve and only a small fraction of the data is allowed to pass through the holes. This step is an interpretive activity, which requires the researcher to identify "meaning units" within the document. In simple terms, picking out meaning units is like carefully sifting through the raw text data and picking out significant pieces of data (composed of a word or many sentences) that have relevance to the research questions. Meaning units could be considered as the basic building blocks for further data analytic steps and “preserve the psychological integrity of the idea being expressed” (Ratner, 2001, para 1). The selection of meaning units also depends on the research topic, such that ideas not relevant to research question should not be highlighted as meaning units. 72 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Step Two – Themes and Central Themes After identifying the meaning units, the researcher paraphrases them in themes. In this second step, the researcher picks out a sieve with somewhat bigger perforations so that “the significant psychological elements expressed in the narrative” (Ratner, 2001) are allowed to remain and some more raw data is allowed to pass through the holes. A group of themes collectively make up "central themes." If the meaning unit is "I don’t get it" the researcher may construe this as "confusion." "Confusion" will then be the theme. Furthermore, themes that tie together due to similar psychological meaning (e.g. “confusion”, and “inability to hear the speaker”) could be clumped together into a central theme (e.g. “challenges”). Developing and then labeling themes and central themes is an interpretive activity, where the researcher makes inferences regarding the psychological significance of the meaning. Ratner stated that these inferences must be consistent with the body of statements because “it calls for a good deal of prior cultural knowledge” (para 13). For example, a meaning unit “I could not stop thinking about her” could be identified as “obsession” or “falling in love” depending on the background information that the researcher has. Although themes and central themes are constructions of the researcher that go beyond the participants’ literal words, they should be consistent with the context and preserve the intended meaning and significance of participants’ responses. In this sense, the central themes objectively summarize the psychological meanings that the participant does not explicitly state in his (her) narrative. Step Three – General Theme and Domains After identifying central themes, several related central themes are organized into the category of a "general theme." Creating general themes is like using a sieve with very 73 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 big perforations so that only the dominant psychological ideas present in all the data are retained. General themes are collected together to form a "general structure." I have preferred the use of the term “domain” over “general structure.” Domains reflect the broadest categories in which the qualitative data can be placed. Ratner (2001) used a diagram to pictorially depict the phenomenological procedure, based on which, I show an example of how I conducted the analysis. 74 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Question: What decisions of your life did your feminism impact? (Responses of 3 participants used in this chart to show an example of Initial stage of analysis) Meaning Unit / Significant Phrases or Statement “…The decision to only couple with a person who shared my feminist ideals. Feminism also impacted my decision not to have children and have a nontraditional relationship for many years…” “Feminism has definitely been part of how I think about the world, men and women, boys and girls, therapy, and teaching. I married my husband in part because we had similar ideas about equitability and respect and parenting and careers and so on….. It is part of who I am, not simply political ideology. “Everything, going back to work, going back to school, getting the separation from husband, ya, everything..” Sub-Themes and Themes Couple with a person Decision not have children Central Theme Mate-selection decision Decision to have children or not General Theme Domain: General Summary Family decision OR Personal life decisions Views about the world How I think about the world Worldview How I think about men and women, boys and girls. Views about gender How I think about therapy Views about therapy and teaching Professional decision “Part of me” Not just an ideology More than just an ideology, it is “Who I am”. Feminism and Impact on Life Hw I think about teaching Part of who I am Everything Not simply a political ideology Everything Adapted from Ratner (2001) 75 Impacts everything. Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Theoretical Sampling There is no cut-off point or formula about the sample size that helps a qualitative researcher determine when to stop collecting data. According to Strauss and Corbin (1998), it may be time to conclude data-collection if the researcher finds that no new information appears to be emerging during coding or if the researcher determines that the new information seems to only support the existing data without contributing in any significant ways to help create any newer categories. One has to remember that the term “new” is only a matter of degree, and some ‘new’ information will continue to emerge as long as new data are collected. It is the subjective decision of the researcher, whereby he/she determines when new information gathered, as a whole, ceases to help generate new categories or codes. For the current research, after having collected survey data from 12 participants and having interviewed 4 more, I began to notice that themes were clumping up more or less into central themes that had already been discovered. Therefore I decided that the data already collected would be adequate for this current research. Although, I continued to send follow-up emails to obtain more information from initial participants about some categories and themes that came up in later surveys and interviews, I decided to stop collecting new data. I closed the web-based questionnaire and saved the information from three other potential participants who were referred by others, for future reference. Issues of Trustworthiness While validity in quantitative research is typically evaluated by the truth value of tests used to measure phenomenon being studied and how well the threats to internal validity are managed, validity is a more elusive goal in qualitative research (Sandelowski, 76 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 1986). Qualitative studies are said to have truth value when other people who have experienced the same phenomenon recognize the description of the experience as being similar to their own, or when researchers recognize the experience from reading the descriptions (Sandelowski, 1986). Similarly, reliability is also viewed differently in qualitative studies. Auditability, rather than repeatability, is the criterion used to judge reliability. According to Sandelowski (1986), a study is ‘auditable’ when another reader or a researcher can independently arrive at comparable conclusions from the same data and can follow the ‘decision trail’ utilized by the investigator. In order to establish truthvalue and auditability in my research, I followed the procedures outlined below. Creswell (1998) recommends the use of a decision-trail. Participant Verification and Feedback Validity, as it is understood in traditional quantitative research, addresses the appropriateness of the research method to the research question. Validity also addresses the interpretations of the data. In order to increase validity in qualitative research, summaries of the reconstructions of the data (interpretations) can be given to a subsample of the respondents--selected based on typical case selection criteria (Yin, 1989) who can serve as member checkers (Lincoln & Guba, 1985; Yin, 1989). Participant verification and feedback, the most commonly used procedures, typically involve presenting the preliminary results to the original informants to determine if the results corroborate and describe their reported experience and to receive feedback on researcher interpretation (Leininger, 1994; Linclon & Guba, 1985). Since I intended to do this study keeping a feminist framework in mind, I saw it important not only to ask questions of my participants, but also seek their verification as a 77 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 way to include their voices in data-analysis and conclusions. I see this as a way to give the respondents ownership of what constitutes data and themes. For my research, I conducted member-checks with a sub-sample of my participants as a way to increase the validity of my analyses. I emailed them initial analyses documents of their responses and asked them to read those and give me feedback about whether my interpretations of their responses accurately reflected what they had intended to say. I asked them to freely edit my document and make corrections or changes if they felt that my comments or interpretations were inconsistent with their experience. Since many of the participants had expressed concern about their identities being kept confidential, I told them that they could delete sections or change my language, if they felt that any information in my document had the potential to identify them. The feedback that was sent by eight participants was incorporated fully into reporting my findings in the following sections. External and Internal Auditor Within conventional positivist research, reliability refers to the accuracy of the data, consistency of the methods, and the ability to replicate research results. Within the qualitative research tradition, the term reliability is interpreted differently, since the participants’ accounts are never unreliable. The issue of trustworthiness as such does not exist. Use of research team members to interpret and double-check the coding schemes is a way to enhance reliability in qualitative research. A commonly used means of establishing reliability is the use of multiple coders and the closely related technique of peer examiners (LeCompte & Preissle, 1993), which reduces potential bias in the analysis and reporting phase by using multiple perspectives to validate results (Kvale, 1996). 78 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 An internal auditor is commonly invited to read original transcripts, replicate some data analysis, and validate the themes that emerge. An internal auditor is usually a person who is closer to the data. In my case, the methodologist on my dissertation committee served as the internal auditor for me. According to Strauss and Corbin (1998), an internal auditor can serve to ensure that personal biases and hypotheses of the researcher are successfully being bracketed. In regular meetings with the internal auditor, I checked in and provided him transcripts and web-survey data. I incorporated his suggestions and included them in organizing my data and conducting subsequent data analysis. I also invited an external auditor to review the original data and transcripts with my notes and codes, the initial data analysis, original scheme of themes and central themes to ensure that the trail I was following was scrutinized by another expert methodologist. Including an external auditor increases the dependability of the study and the data being presented. An external auditor is usually someone who is not intimately familiar with the data and the research and is somewhat less biased. In my case, I invited a former graduate from the Human Development and Family Studies program at Texas Tech University who is currently working as a research methodologist with an esteemed organization. She readily agreed and offered feedback that was taken into account to conduct subsequent analysis and to write my results and discussion. Researcher’s Bias: Reflexivity In Husserlian phenomenology, one strives to describe the essence of everyday experience by one’s willingness to lay aside existing theories and beliefs. This is referred to as phenomenological reduction or epoche (Moran, 2000). Some researchers (Porter, 1993) maintain that it is impossible for the researcher to completely suspend his or her 79 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 subjectivity in data interpretation if the researcher has had the experience of the phenomenon under investigation. Myerhoff and Ruby (1992, in Ahern, 1999) prefer the term reflexivity whereby, rather than unsuccessfully trying to eliminate them, the researcher instead understands and makes the impact of personal experiences on data interpretation overt (Bednall, 2006). I found Bednall’s (2006) description of epoche and bracketing meaningful. According to him, epoche is as “an-ongoing analytic process” (p.408), which implies it should be dynamically integrated into the sequential progress of the whole research method from the very beginning of the study. “Acts of bracketing, on the other hand, would occur at those interpretative moments when a researcher holds each of the identified phenomena up for serious inspection. Epoche, accordingly, allows for empathy and connection, not elimination, replacement or substitution of perceived researcher bias. Bracketing advances that process by facilitating a recognition of the essence of meaning of the phenomenon under scrutiny.” (p. 408). I also maintained a reflexive journal (See Appendix E) throughout the process of conducting this research. In that journal, with my entries about my feelings, thoughts, impressions, values, and biases as a researcher, I was at the center of the phenomenological process. I took notes in this journal after the interviews, sometimes while reading the respondents’ questionnaires, or sometimes when I was struggling with some aspect of writing or data collection. For instance, at times. reading participants’ responses evoked strong reactions or poignant emotions in me (e.g., when their experience matched with what I had experienced). I journaled my reactions and shared them with my methodologist. The purpose of this journal was mainly to remind me of 80 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 where my judgments came in, with regard to the research process or the data shared by a participant. While acknowledging my biases in this manner may not eliminate undue influence from occurring, my hope is that it will allow for increased consciousness and intentionality in managing the biases that I bring to this research endeavor. Confidentiality and Privacy Issues Addressing issues of confidentiality and privacy of the participants in this study merits an independent section in this dissertation. In any qualitative research, it is important to accurately assess the potential for risks and sensitivities throughout the research process (Sieber, 1993). Maintaining confidentiality of data is additionally important where participants are revealing intimate or incriminating information (Renzetti & Lee, 1993). I attempted to keep this issue at the forefront at all times such that presentation of my data did not potentially identify any participant. Because the academic field of MFT is considered by some to be a familiar and rather small community, the readership of the findings from this dissertation could possibly consist of women who share some of the demographic characteristics with my participants. They might also be close colleagues, employers or even students of my participants. The reader needs to take note of two distinct issues. For me, the first issue was bearing in mind the vulnerability of each participant and her family members or colleagues who may be affected by the research, given the sensitive nature of some of the information that they shared with me about not only their own lives but of those related to them. Since the participant women had shared sensitive information about their spouses and their intimate relationships, I wanted to be very mindful of storing their data and presenting the data in a manner that would protect their privacy. 81 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 The second issue was regarding the confidentiality that may arise in all phases of the research process from theory to dissemination of results. This issue became particularly salient for me, given the fact that I was also in the academic job market at the same time that I was doing data analysis and that I might end up meeting some of these women in a professional context either during this dissertation or after the study was completed. In light of the above mentioned issues, I wanted to take extra precaution to protect the identity of my participants. I made the decision to not allow access to identifying information about the participants to my committee members since my committee members shared a common characteristic with my participants – they were faculty in an MFT academic program as well. I was also careful about sharing the transcribed interview data and web-survey data with the internal and external auditors. Before I shared data with them, I deleted any information that was likely to identify a participant. In the next chapter, I present my findings in the form of central themes, themes and sub-themes and quote participants in their words as much as possible to retain their voice. 82 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 CHAPTER IV FINDINGS The aim of this phenomenological study was to understand how feminist women faculty in MFT academic programs experience their academic world, primarily as it relates to their feminist ideology. Semi-structured format was used to survey and interview 16 women who were asked questions about their marriages, academic experiences and their feminist ideology. Twelve women responded to a web-based survey and follow-up emails and four women responded through a telephone interview. The raw data for the analysis were the meaning units (significant statements) extracted from the telephone interview transcriptions, web-based survey responses and follow-up emails. Data Presentation The findings from the data are presented in descriptive and tabular format (See Table IV.1). Here is a summary of how the data is presented in tabular forms. I use a top-tobottom approach to show the results here, unlike the bottom-to-top approach that I used in Chapter III to show how I analyzed the data and moved up from meaning units to themes to central themes and finally to general themes. The meaning units represent the lowest level of abstraction in my scheme of data presentation. They are sections from significant statements (usually respondents’ own words) that were formulated from significant statements by reading, rereading, and reflecting upon the significant statements in the transcribed and raw data to get the meaning of the participants in the original context. The meaning units cluster together to form sub-themes that cluster then into themes. The aggregate of themes was organized into clusters of central themes. Central themes represent several themes that emerged from and are common to majority 83 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 of the participants’ descriptions. Central themes were finally collapsed into two general themes (the highest level of abstraction). Detours Taken During Data-analysis One important thing worth noting occurred during this initial analyses that begun as I obtained responses from the first few respondents. In qualitative research, much like in constant comparison method is (Charmaz, 2000) data collection, data-analysis and categorizing are not done in a pre-defined order but recursively loop back to each other. In this research, for instance, data analysis was begun soon after participants filled the web-based survey, which informed subsequent data-collection. This led to more dataanalysis and emerging themes were noticed, and which led to changes in some questions that were asked of future respondents in the survey and the interviews. Basically, the questions and themes that were emerging in this research were continually refined such that the analysis from past data informed future data collection. In that regard, there was a small element of grounded theory in my study. This exemplifies the circular nature of qualitative research and the fact that it resembles life and narratives in that there is no linear path to it. I learned that, in every qualitative study, the researcher must keep the participants’ stories at the center, keeping the emphasis upon discovery, description and meaning. I understood from reading many other qualitative research papers that the researcher often has to go back and revise his/her initial impressions and chart new territories that were not a part of the original plan. I was naively hoping that my qualitative inquiry would somehow be linear and proceed as I intended when I designed the study. As any other researcher, I learned differently from personal experience. I briefly chronicle here that part of my journey. During the stage of data collection and data 84 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 analysis, I learned that topics that were tangentially important to me as a researcher initially became more salient as I progressed into the study. Also, areas that seemed more salient at the beginning ended up losing some significance later. Two things happened as I was simultaneously involved in reading the responses from the very first wave of websurvey that was coming in and as I was conducting the initial telephone interviews. First, even though I had not anticipated that the academic experiences of these women would end up being a theme that will require independent attention, it ended up becoming that way. I began noticing that the participants were often commenting on their academic experiences in more detail than I had expected. Since I conducted the telephone interviews toward the end of the first wave of data-collection, I had the opportunity to ask those participants more in-depth questions regarding their academic lives. Also, I included more follow-up question around this area in my second wave of data collection, which was conducted using electronic mailing with the participants. Secondly, I noticed that the questions about MFT training and its impact on their professional and personal worlds, were not only bringing me briefer responses than I had expected but also beginning to cloud the primary question for this research. After discussing this issue with a committee member, I decided that this was possibly because the impact of clinical training on their lives merited focus which was beyond the scope of the current research. Therefore, I decided to place my focus more intensively on their feminism, and its impact on their lives, which is what I was most interested in learning about to begin with. 85 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Executive Decisions about Data analysis and Findings There are some important decisions I took, in response to what I discussed in the previous section. In the initially proposed study, there were three segments of information I collected from my participants. I had intended to focus on the feminism and romantic and marital lives of the participants and the impact of MFT training and did not foresee the data that I was about to get would make me think differently about the data analysis and direction to take. Though I collected data on different aspects of the participants’ marriages as well, for the purpose of this dissertation I decided to include data regarding their feminism and academic experiences. In consultation with my methodologist, I decided to limit to focus on their academic experiences and their feminism for the data analyses and presentation. When I began this study, I hat not anticipated that I was going to be hearing about their academic lives in MFT in much detail. [I reviewed literature on on experiences of women in academia later during the study] Also, I realized that collecting data over the web-survey had its limitations, and for some of the questions about marriage, the participants’ answers were brief, lending themselves less to qualitative analysis (due to limitation on how many words they could use in each answer). Due to constraints regarding time and resources, I decided to not do follow-up clarification for every question. I also did not want to burden my respondents by asking too many questions over the email, on topics they had already touched upon in taking the web-based survey. In feminist research, the methods should serve, not drive, the inquiry (Crawford and Kimmel, 1999). Hence, I decided that it was best to be led by my findings. Focusing on the each of the three sections that I had collected data initially on, would not 86 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 be a wise idea, given the scope of this dissertation. I decided to limit the scope of this dissertation, and consequent data analysis and presentation of findings at that time. Another decision was made regarding the confidentiality of participants of this study, some of who expressed that they wanted me to be mindful not to include certain incidents in my final documents. I made a descriptive chart of the demographic information for the participants as I was writing this chapter, which had information on approximate ages, race, religious preference, number of children, number of years on academia, theoretical orientation, and some information about spouses (e.g., profession, years of marriage, etc.). During member checking with participants, some participants requested that since this is such a small academic field, I alter some demographic information to avoid the possibility that a combination of certain demographics could identify them. Hence, I decided that it was best to leave the demographic chart out of the final dissertation document. In a small paragraph, I provide a summary of my participants’ demographics, instead of individual participants’ demographics. Study Participants I conducted initial analyses of each participant’s responses based on my own understanding. In order to reduce the researcher’s bias, these initial analysis documents were sent to a sub-sample of the participants for member-checking via email and they were asked to send feedback regarding how accurately my initial analysis represented what they had intended to communicate. After incorporating the respondents’ suggestions and feedback, I prepared the final analysis documents for each participant. I present these in order that the reader can understand the context of each participant and her experiences. 87 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Summary of Demographic Information Sixteen women participated in this research study. All of them resided in the United States at the time and were teaching in universities in the US as well. As the reader will note, there are many unique qualities and characteristics each participant has, and there are also some characteristics that participants share with each other. All the participants met the screening criteria and identified themselves as feminists. Careful efforts were made to disguise the identity of the participants. All participants provided me pseudonyms in response to a question about a choice of a false name I could use for my research study. I have used these names in the pertinent narratives and in the remainder of this document. The majority of the respondents identified themselves as Caucasians, having heterosexual orientation, and were married at the time of participation. Nearly all of them reported that they had their doctoral degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy, and reported being highly satisfied with their academic responsibilities. Most of them reported that their spouses were in professions that were unrelated to MFT. The respondents differed substantially in terms of their ages (ranging from 30 to 58 years), number of years they had spent in higher education (ranging from 1.5 to 20 years), years they had been married (ranging from 2 to 38 years), their religious/spiritual orientation, and the primary theories they used in their clinical and supervision work. Their responses also varied widely with respect to the number of weekly hours spent in doing academic activities such as teaching and advising students, therapy, supervision, and research, etc. (Appendix F for weekly break-down of reported hours). In terms of responding to the question, “What do you enjoy the most about your 88 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 job as a faculty?,” most frequent answers were teaching, research/ scholarship and supervision. In response to the question, “What do you enjoy least about your job as a faculty”, the most frequent answers were meetings, committees, politics, and administrative/paper work. Narrative Introduction of Participant Women Shannon. Shannon is in her 30s, recently started teaching in what might be considered a “social justice program” and hence receives support from like-minded faculty and has not experienced discrimination herself. However, she has admittedly heard stories from other feminist women faculty who have had trouble with getting tenure. Shannon’s primary struggles in academia have been with some students who under value non-feminist thinking and she sometimes worries about being judged for not being “feminist enough”. Shannon has been married for over 5 years and shared being in a very egalitarian relationship where she and her husband put “equal amounts of emotional work”, and have “very good, open and frequent” communication. She shared that she struggled regarding her decision to get married because of her discomfort with the “stereotypes of wives in our society” and “to stand in solidarity with her lesbian and gay friends” who cannot marry legally. Now that she is married, she consistently works to alter her perception and has used getting married “as an opportunity to demonstrate a non-traditional feminist marriage.” Speaking of her marriage, she says that she feels “free to be who I am and am respected as a person regardless of my gender”. She also reported doing well in balancing work and family. She achieves that by strategizing and planning efficiently. 89 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 She commented that her feminism impacts all of what she does in research, her career, her decision to lead a non-traditional life, her relationship choice and her decision for not having children or pets. She said that her decisions in life and profession have been based on her personality and desires/interests rather than “societal or familial ideals for what a woman should do”. She was attracted to a career in MFT academics because of the multi-facetedness of this profession and for the rewards of seeing people becoming therapists. She credits her successful entry into academia to her partner’s support, financial assistantships and “amazing” mentors and “networking” outside of her department. In terms of her success in academia, she speaks of positive teaching evaluations, a steady stream of funding and good research opportunities. Hannah. Hannah is in her 40s, was divorced but has been remarried for almost a decade. She said that she fell into academia by chance, through a male mentor who helped her with it; however, she loved it. Regarding her academic position, she shared that having close female colleagues in her MFT program has been a great source of support and joy in her life. Regarding research, she shared, “I do a lot of collaborative work - and stay away from what I perceive as male dominated highly competitive and "cold" quantitative work.” She enjoys writing in a nontraditional manner and teaching and shared that her students love her and that she receives very positive teaching evaluations. Regarding her marriage, she noted that it is based more on traditional gender roles and that she puts in more emotional work and household work. However, she said that her husband values what she does for the family and hence she is happy to accommodate because her husband’s job is very demanding. 90 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Renita. Renita is in her late 40s and has been in her current marriage for over two decades. For her, feminism (among other things) means the ability to create one’s own identity by owning one’s voice and by rejecting old voices and stories that don not fit. She identifies herself as a ‘womanist’ and a ‘Black feminist’. Her feminist ideas have impacted how she raised her children, and the kinds of conversations she had with her husband over the years. In response to, whether she thought her marriage was based on traditional or egalitarian gender roles, she answered that it is (ideologically) based more on traditional roles, but in practice it is more egalitarian. She shared that, even going into her marriage, she was aware that she was not going to be “the little woman in the relationship” or “stay-at-home mom” or subordinate in the way that perhaps her mother was or how the Bible defines what a woman’s role should be. She also added that her marriage has continued to evolve over the last two decades, to a point where she has continued to have conversations with her husband regarding negotiations of their roles in areas such as decision-making, parenting, etc. She shares that her husband is a very nurturing man and credits him for often sharing a big part of the parenting work with their children were growing up. Regarding her academic work, she said that feminism gives her a lens from which to teach. She also shared that postmodern ideas have helped her in her marriage as well as with her students. She is able to be respectful of young men and women’s perspectives that might different from her own. However, she shared that she does find herself challenging less than feminist ideologies and rewarding those that are more feminist. She expressed that she tries to acknowledge her biases so that every one has a voice despite 91 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 their political or social views. With the keen awareness that she has been influenced by the sexist beliefs of her upbringing, she has attempted to raise her children with a “feminist sensibility.. in terms of their thinking about women and women’s needs.” When asked what she thought her successes in academia were, she shared that it centers around how she mentors and empowers young women students, and how she celebrates womanhood and femaleness. Jane. Jane is in her 30s and has been in her current marriage for over a decade. For her, feminism is about having choices and freedom for personal expression without consequences and about deconstructing people’s definitions of how they should be. She was introduced to feminist ideas informally by her mother, but the formal theory, concepts and writings were introduced to her during her MFT master’s training. She shared that feminism has impacted all of her life, including her self, worldview, and relationships. It also impacted her dissertation topic and continues to inform most of her current research. Although she feels supported in her department, she feels that she is a minority in terms of her feminist views in the area that she lives in. Regarding her feminist ideas and her teaching, she shared that since she is a relatively new teacher, she shared that she was still developing ways to introduce her feminist ideas to students. She said that she does not overtly talk of her feminist identity, and that her students struggle with her being a postmodern feminist. She enjoys an egalitarian relationship with her husband, and is very satisfied in her marriage. Her MFT training, she shared, helped her marriage a lot. During her training, as she was learning concepts like systems, she would share those with her husband and also started implementing them in her marriage. She expressed that it helped 92 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 improve communication in her marriage. Though her relationship started out where she took on traditional roles of cooking and cleaning etc., she later questioned and began letting go of control about how those things should be done and allowed him to do things in his way. In terms of child-care, her husband is the primary care-taker due to how their schedules work out and he stays at home with their child. Karen. Karen is in her late 50s, and has taught in MFT programs for about two decades. Her feminism permeates all her work, specially her worldview and her career roles as a therapist, educator and researcher. Karen shared very valuable insights regarding the existence of the ‘old-boys-school system’ in academia, androcentric and antiquated standards of scholarship and tenure/promotion. She also commented extensively on the status of gender disparities within the academia and how that disadvantages women with families and children. She commented that due to the fact that she lives in a religiously and politically conservative area where people adopt fundamentalism and strict ideas about gender roles, she feels discriminated against by the students in her program at times. All in all, she shared being quite pleased with her academic career. She has contributed at the local community and national level to the profession through governance, is also happy with her research and how the results have been received, and with the recognition she has received locally and nationally. Karen has been married for over three decades. She mentioned that she and her spouse shared most responsibilities equitably. She reported that her husband is also a trained MFT and hence she shares a common outlook with him, both professionally and regarding their children and communication. 93 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Linda. Linda is in her late 50s and has been in the current marriage for over three decades. She has spent around two decades in the academy. She defined feminism as being inclusive of equity across social locations of gender, race, nationality, sexual orientation, and health/abilities within the family and society. Feminism, she reported, has impacted many areas of her life including her leadership style, her scholarship and research approaches, her interactions with students and colleagues, the gender socialization of her children, and career decisions for herself within the context of her family. She identifies herself as a White woman “who is in a constant process of identity reconstruction” and carries her identity as a feminist with an anti-racist, anti-heterosexist agenda and “ongoing efforts to increase my social, cultural, and global awareness”. At this point, she feels that her marital relationship with her husband is egalitarian. However, she commented that it was not always that way in that it has evolved over the decades and she and her husband have renegotiated the relationship to a point where each of their needs and interests are taken into account. She shared that she was “assigned and accepted traditional female roles in the family, being primarily responsible for housework, organizing family activities and budgets, and raising children.” Over the years, she asserted herself at different points where she demanded equity and, with grown children, she had more leverage to become more independent. She did express her struggle with balancing desire to be an involved mother and have a career. Her feminism, she said, helped raise “social awareness to help me disembed from androcentric perspectives to own my voice and recognize my goals as equally important.. It clearly rocked the boat, but only in ways that made the journey safer in the long run.” 94 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Regarding the status of women in MFT, she commented that “AAMFT and academic institutions have done a better job of embracing White feminism than social equity in general .” She also commented that scholarship, academic work and advancement in the academia are defined in male-oriented terms, which make it harder for feminists to maintain their leadership styles and to have their research valued. Monica. Monica is in her 40s and has been teaching in MFT programs for about 5 years. She has been married in the last five years. For her, feminism primarily means questioning and challenging the status quo in all areas of her life. She shared about her journey from appearing as almost like a ‘genderless researcher’ when she wrote her dissertation, to evolving now into a researcher who brings to scrutiny her own cultural, gendered and embodied experience in her current scholarly writing. She spoke very expressively about paying attention to her voice as a minority woman in academia. She also spoke of her deep passion for research and writing and how her “educator” position allows her to do what she loves most. In terms of her growing sensitivity to global issues of consumerism, Monica shared that she adopts the attitude of continually questioning the big and the small decisions in her life. In particular, she talked about making conscious decisions regarding her role as a consumer, woman mentor, her being a minority, and being married to a white male. Regarding her marriage, Monica shared that she was very satisfied and even though she did not consider her spouse to be a feminist, she and her husband talked a lot about issues (especially regarding “global values”) that matter to them. She considers her marriage egalitarian in many ways, but commented that it took constant effort to keep it that way. She spoke 95 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 about being aware of how sensitive marriages were, and that she made an effort “to stay married every single day.” Regarding her experiences in academia, Monica shared about her achievements and expertise in research, writing and editorial arenas. She also shared about having faced discrimination and harassment from colleagues (often males). In particular, she brought to light her experiences where she felt discriminated against, due to her identification with social constructionist and postmodern ideas during her previous academic appointments where other faculty in her department did not espouse similar ideology. However, she has since accepted an academic position in a program where the other faculty members adopt postmodern and feminist ideas. All in all, Monica talked about having had positive experiences with students and having received good attention from female students who she has made effort to support and give opportunities to succeed. She also highlighted the importance of her own mentors during graduate school and about her own role as a mentor to women students now that she was a faculty herself. My telephone interview with Monica lasted over four hours and among other issues she shared about; she brought attention to lack of support for feminist and minority issues within the AAMFT. Georgia. Georgia is in her mid-30s and has been married for over a decade. She has been teaching at the college level for about five years. She wrote that her feminism impacted everything in her life. She commented on how her MFT training helped her learn to communicate more effectively with her husband, and that her feminism taught her to value her “own needs/desires’ and communicate them. She shared that she was introduced to feminism while she was married and initially, that was a difficult transition for both her and her husband. She enjoys 96 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 a fairly egalitarian marriage with her husband where they both adopt ‘"androgynous" gender roles in their marriage, though she puts in a little bit more emotional work than her husband does. Georgia shared that she enjoyed teaching very much. In her academic environment, she shared that, at times, her identification with feminism led to her ideas being taken less seriously and challenged by primarily male faculty in her program. She also commented that her feminist ideas were described by some (male) faculty as “solipsistic, and/or male-bashing.” Georgia commented, “The people who are most likely to be "successful" (in academia) tend to be married men who have supportive stay-at-home wives. I'm expected to meet that standard though I don't have the same support.” Stephanie. Stephanie is in her mid-30s and has been teaching in an MFT program for over almost a decade. She has been in a relationship with her husband for over five years. She noted being “very satisfied” with her academic position and enjoys the “non-administrative” part of her academic job the most. She was introduced to feminist ideas by her mother and her feminism impacts “every one” area of her life. She mentioned that she experienced discrimination in her department due to her feminist ideas by being offered “lower salaries, less resources, (and) less respect in decision making.” In sharing about her experience as a feminist woman in academia, she noted, “We are still pioneering and expected to do more with less.” Regarding her marriage, Stephanie shared that she is very satisfied with all aspects of it. Her marriage is based on egalitarian gender roles where they share decision-making, emotional work, household equitably. Meg. Meg is in her 40s and has been married for about 15 years. Her spouse is in a similar profession. She gives credit for the success of her marriage to them being MFTs. She considers her spouse to be a feminist and shares an egalitarian relationship with him. Although she said that she is in an egalitarian relationship, she commented that 97 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 initially she put in more emotional work in her marriage. She commented that not having children allows her to achieve more balance between her own needs, her career and her marriage. She also shared that her feminism has impacted all areas of her life, including her job choice, relationship choice and choice of free time, her perceptions of self and others and her interactions. Her teaching and research are also completely guided by her feminist ideology. She reported being fairly satisfied with her academic position, and enjoys interaction with her students and the excitement when a “new group of students starts thinking systemically and noticing social justice issues”. Meg commented on the double standards for men and women for clothing and competency in academia. Joy. Joy is in late 30s and has been divorced for the last few years. She has been in academia for almost a decade and enjoys teaching more than she does research. Her feminism impacts everything in her life (including marriage and profession). She shared having experienced some negative consequences because of her feminist beliefs and mentioned that she experienced repeated harassing behavior from a senior male colleague, which made for extremely stressful situation for her. She also spoke of experiencing some discrimination due to her gender in her department. She also talked about the difficulty in trying to dismantle some of the negative images of feminism (from sources such as media) in her interactions with students. By and large, she reported feeling very satisfied with her teaching responsibilities and relationship with students. Her marriage, lasting over 15 years, recently ended in a divorce, for reasons unrelated to her feminism or her academic position. She commented having been “incredibly happy” in her marriage, the most satisfying aspects of it being the emotional 98 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 support and sharing similar values. In hindsight she spoke that her marriage was perhaps more traditional and that her husband had more decision-making power than she thought at the time that she was married. According to her, her feminism helped them be more equal and independent than would have been otherwise. In her words, her marriage “was quite equal and intimate. But, I also think it wasn’t entirely equal”. Victoria. Victoria is in her late 40s, has been in MFT academia for over 15 years, and is in a very non-traditional and egalitarian marriage of over 15 yrs with her husband. Victoria shared that her feminism impacts nearly all of her life decisions. According to her, it surely impacted the ending of her first marriage (“timely death”) in which she was marginalized and her decision to seek a more egalitarian partner. From what she shared, she has a very intellectually and emotionally fulfilling relationship with her current spouse. She attributes the closeness and respect in her marriage to her husband being an MFT and a feminist. According to her, they share their ideologies, child-care work, emotional work, communication and household work equitably according to her and she is extremely pleased and fortunate for it. She and her spouse also do clinical and professional work together. Despite her husband sharing equal child-care work with her, she shared that achieving balance between her work and family life is an ongoing challenge for her. Victoria expressed her deep passion for teaching and advocated the importance of mentoring female students into embracing their own voices and interests. She said so in the context of her own voice that she struggles to make heard in her professional work, as she talks about women’s socialization. However, through teaching successfully, she was able to overcome her biggest obstacle – her insecurity. As her students began viewing her 99 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 as fun, competent and confident, she did too. She says it best as to how women often undermine their abilities and how she overcame that insecurity, “I think women are often acculturated to doubt (their) abilities and competencies, particularly in patriarchal and conservative communities, and I was certainly no exception. But to be able to challenge those doubts and see myself excel above any of my own expectations was just amazing.” Terri. Terri, in early 30s, has been in her current heterosexual relationship for about a decade, and started teaching a few years ago. She has not experienced discrimination in her academic program yet, but is worried about handling pregnancy with her academic job and fears that she might have to “give up everything” that she worked so hard for, i.e., her successful pursuits at the university. She expressed her desire to learn how women academics balance family and tenure. She feels (and has heard) that women who take care of children are punished, especially during the tenure process. She shares that she is in a marriage guided more by traditional roles, puts more emotional work than her husband, and does majority of the house-hold chores. However, she noted that her MFT training helps her to realize “how good she has it” compared to others. When asked what she would like to change about her feminism, if given the opportunity, she commented that she “would make it a point to learn about feminism earlier, apply it in other ways in my life” and “teach more about it to her students.” Commenting on the broad impact of feminism, she said that, for her, it is a philosophy about how one experiences and views one’s world. She commented on her dissatisfaction with the politics of academia and suggested that untenured faculty often have to deal with politics and unprofessional behavior without being able to hold people accountable for it. Terri talks about herself being the 100 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 “squeaky wheel that gets the grease”. As did some other participants, she brought attention to the fact that women in academia earn the title of being ‘bitchy’ if they are assertive, whereas men who are articulate and express their concerns are seen as normal. She emphasized the importance of having a support group within the field “rather than struggling alone in silence.” Overall, she reported enjoying her academic job and likes research, writing and the “creativity of students”. She noted that she takes pride in having developed an “extensive publication record” and in her research areas that she believes are on the cutting edge. She also feels satisfied about her even-tempered nature and her ability to stay untangled with academic politics. Amanda. Amanda is in her early 50s and has been a faculty member in the recent years. She was married for over 10 years and recently got divorced. She shared that her marriage was based on traditional gender norms, in which she did majority of the household and childcare work, and “was responsible for emotional upkeep for the marriage & the family”. Her husband, in turn, was the “primary breadwinner” and mostly exercised “’executive privilege’ to make decisions for both”. She noted that her MFT training helped her see the unhealthy nature of her relationship. She also shared that “exposure to feminist thought and education about unhealthy relationship patterns during training (opened her eyes) to suffering” that she had blamed on herself and had been unable to articulate in the past. She expressed her concern regarding the androcentric thinking in the MFT field that the current generation of MFT students view feminism as a historical issue “as though we have all dealt with the feminist issue and are ready to move on”. Overall, her experience with students has been “wonderful”. She greatly enjoys the flexibility that her 101 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 academic position affords her such that she can attend to her family and child and still be productive. She did speak of experiencing some gender discrimination during her academic employment years, both as a graduate student and as a professor. Amanda’s feminist ideology has impacted many areas of her life, including her worldview, marriage, raising her child and her clinical work and research. She reported being very satisfied with her academic job and enjoys it as it allows her to keep flexible hours of work and because it allows her engage equally in all activities she likes – teaching, research, supervision and clinical work. She also noted that she takes satisfaction in her ability to persevere in a research area that is very vulnerable to criticism from multiple directions, especially from members of the dominant culture. Michelle. Michelle is in her 50s and has taught in an MFT program for about two decades. Although, she accomplished much success in research, writing, editorial and administrative work and enjoys teaching and supervision, she reported being very dissatisfied due to high levels of stress and responsibility. She also shared of having challenged the “good old-boys system”, and of experiencing challenges working in a system which is still “dominated by men, ideas of power, competition, individuality, individual production, rather than collaboration, accommodation, focus on relationships”. She has been married for over 15 years and reported being extremely satisfied. She enjoys a marriage where she has excellent communication with a partner who shares household work, decision-making, emotional contribution and friendship with her. The comments of her son and daughter reflect upon the admirable quality of her marriage. For 102 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 example, she shared that her daughter has said that they “have the best marriage they know”, and her son (when he decided to marry) said that “he wants a marriage like ours.” Michelle noted that her feminism impacts all areas of her life, including her decisions about when and who to marry, her professional career and family life decisions. Her commitment to feminist ideas also permeates her research and scholarship and into how her students view her as a “professional role model” at times. Pam. Pam is in her 50s and has held an academic career for almost 15 years. Her feminism impacts every area of her life. In particular, she said that it fueled her drive to pursue her doctorate degree in her 40s because the feminist movement gave her permission to question and challenge her roles and take concrete actions to pursue and build her own career. Her understanding of feminism has evolved in the last 3 decades, from seeing it as meaning equal rights for women (in the 70s) – to now, including men and marginalized groups of people who get stuck in roles. She was married for over three decades and has been separated from her husband for the last few years. Speaking of her marriage, she recounted that her MFT training offered her a kind of a constructive channel for difficulties in her marriage, and gave her a sense of purpose and goal which ultimately benefited her, both individually and for her relationship. In her academic career, she is happy that she has done research in areas that are outside of the mainstream family therapy and feels gratified that her students see her as a “firm but fair professor”. She also believes that her children perceive her as a role model in that they are able to take on (gender) “role reversal” characteristics from her. 103 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Qualitative Findings In the following section, I present the final results of this study that have been organized into two Domains (Refer to Table IV.1, p. 168). Each domain has several general themes that are broken down into central themes which are further broken down into themes and sub-themes. Some themes stand alone while others are related and have overlap among each other. Wherever possible, I have quoted participants’ own words in order to convey what they intended to say. Often, their own words convey some themes and sub-themes best, better than my descriptions. In order to illuminate the quotes from the participants in the middle of text, I have italicized them. Also, I have used the terms said and spoke as generic terms for communicated or commented. Since twelve of my participants wrote their responses using the web-based survey and four participants talked over the telephone, I am using a common expression to indicate their communication. I present my impressions about the difference in the data collected electronically versus telephonically in Chapter V (Discussion). In all, I present the data in two sections, that I call Domains. Domain I has five Central themes; and Domain II has six central themes. DOMAIN I: PROFESSIONAL – ACADEMIC CAREER IN MFT General Theme I: Looking Back - Pursuing a Career in MFT Academia Central Theme I: Attraction to MFT Academic Career In response to the question about what propelled (or attracted) them to pursue a career in MFT academia, the majority of the respondents provided multiple reasons. Two themes emerged under this central theme: Not on my own – encouragement by a mentor, 104 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 and loved one or more aspects of it. The responses ranged from good idea financially to I found that I was born to do this. Some commented that they discovered their passion along the way, either while they were in graduate school or after they accepted a position in an MFT academic program. Few mentioned that they were teachers by nature or they knew right away in graduate school that a teaching career in MFT was the career for them, while others fell in love with one (or more) aspects of it after they began teaching. A majority of them had very positive comments to make about their decision. Pam said, “It was the best decision of my life.” Theme I: Not on my Own - Encouragement by a Mentor This theme had two sub-themes under it. Several participants suggested that an academic career in MFT was not something they made an active choice about. They either talked about getting introduced informally by a professor in graduate school who mentored them or “ended up with an academic career” (Michelle) or falling “into it by pure chance and found I loved it” (Hannah). Sub-Theme I: Didn’t see it in myself. Monica and others commented that they didn’t see themselves as teachers or educators and did not necessarily pick a career in MFT academia. It sounded more like the career in MFT academia picked them. Hannah “would never have considered academia for (herself).” Monica said, “I don’t know that I could have really done anything else…but it was the thing I was most qualified for.” Pam said, “I never thought I could be a professor, so it is fulfilling a fantasy.” Sub-Theme II: Encouraged by a professor or mentor. Seven participants recounted that they had a professor or mentor who informally introduced them to the academic career. They mentioned that they looked up to a mentor or a professor, or 105 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 wanted to be like one. Shannon said, “I have admired my professors since undergrad and I guess I always aspired to be like them.” Some of them also talked about receiving encouragement by a professor. Karen spoke of her mentors in graduate school, “All began urging me to continue through the master's into a PhD because they thought I would enjoy doing research and teaching.” Victoria commented, “I didn't see myself as a competent public speaker, but I had a faculty mentor who encouraged me to TA a class with her, and I found that I was born to do this. They were very encouraging or I probably wouldn't have even thought about it.” Monica also spoke of getting drawn into it after co-teaching a class with a professor. Theme II: Love One or More Aspects All participants mentioned that they absolutely loved or were passionate about one (or more) aspects of their job in MFT academia and that’s why they pursued it. They noted that they found different aspects of their job exciting and thrilling. Some, like Shannon, found their passion fuelled by realizing that supervision “brought out my passions in a way that few other things have”. Some others found their true calling in the act of being in front of a class and teaching, and yet others loved the research and writing aspect of their academic jobs. Sub-Theme I: Could have it all. Three participants commented on the versatile nature of different aspects of an academic career in MFT. Amanda sees different parts of an academic career in MFT interrelated, “I didn’t want a career that forced me to choose one of the areas of my training over the others. That is, I wanted to teach, do therapy, do supervision, and conduct research… doing one thing enhances and informs the way I do the others.” Shannon spoke of herself as being someone who needs a multi-faceted job, 106 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 “when I decided to become a therapist, I realized I could have it all!..and to me, an academic job in MFT has it all. I can be a therapist, supervisor, scholar, teacher, writer, researcher, grant writer, etc. I'll never get bored!” Sub-Theme II: Flexibility. Three participants mentioned that they enjoyed the flexibility and freedom that a teaching position in MFT afforded them. In speaking of why she preferred an academic position over a clinical position, Amanda said, “an academic schedule offered me more time flexibility that full-time clinical practice. I work just as many hours, but I frequently have the option of working at home, leaving the office to take someone to a doctor’s appointment, and so on.” Sub-Theme III: Research and writing. Monica primarily identified herself as a researcher and said that she loved writing and said that it is by teaching classes that she was able to write or do research. She commented on the importance of being able to reflect on her work as a clinician and as a teacher, “We spend so much time doing therapy, or teaching stuff and we don’t spend enough reflecting on what we’re doing. That’s how I think about research that is how can I design ways to reflect on what I am doing.” Terri mentioned that she loves research and writing and “wanted a job where that was "part" of the job and academia seemed to be the way to go.” Sub-Theme IV: Teaching. Joy mentioned that she knew that teaching was going to be her primary goal during a semester that she co-taught a class with a professor in her graduate school, she” loved being in front of the class, learning from the students, and creating a dynamic learning environment..” 107 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Sub-Theme V: Supervision. Shannon commented on her love of training therapists, “one of my favorite parts of grad school was watching people do therapy...I think it is one of the most exciting things to see, people learning to become therapists.” Sub-Theme VI: Intellectual challenge and growth. Joy found it to be a thrill to “be in a setting that challenged (her) intellectually and to find that (she) was more than capable of living up to that challenge.” Jane made a similar comment, “I like to learn and in this position you always have to learn (if you don’t want to be taken by the students). So I am always opening up to new things every single day..I always feel like I am growing.. I like to see people grow too, change, and learn and grow as writers, as researchers.. (pause)..So that’s what’s in it for me”. Renita’s comments were along the same lines, “I see this level of academic engagement as a platform for creating and igniting systemic and global changes in our society.” Sub-Theme VII: Financial. Two respondents commented on this aspect of their academic jobs. I was impressed with Amanda’s response. She had researched the ‘median incomes of MFTs in clinical practice and found them to be very similar to MFTs in academia. More specifically, I investigated my likely earning potential in private practice and found it to be nearly the same as a starting academic salary.” Central Theme II: Help Along the Way In this central theme, I write about advantages and resources the participants found along the way to pursuing an academic career in MFT. Majority of the participants noted that the support from mentors-professors, and family-friends was very important for them. An important aspect of support from family was support from the spouse. 108 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Theme I: External Support Receiving support from others in their lives, whether faculty or family or friends, was a resource that majority of the respondents listed as being very crucial to their pursuit and success in the academic career in MFT. Two women reported having financial support in the form of assistantships and fellowships. Sub-Theme I: Family. Five women expressed that they received support from extended family, and their spouse and children. Monica made noteworthy mention of the support she received from her mother, brother and sisters. Three women mentioned the support they received from their spouses. In particular, they mentioned that their spouses were able and willing to relocate, and picked up the extra load of parenting, house-work and financial burden during busy times. Karen’s response, in speaking of her family’s support was, “My husband was incredibly supportive and was my partner in all of this.. My kids and husband attended my dissertation defense, which is an example of the support they all provided me”. Sub-Theme II: Mentors and faculty. It was clear that, for a lot of the women, their advisors and professors helped them in attaining their doctoral degrees and through pursuit of academic careers. Seven women mentioned the invaluable mentoring and support they received from their advisors or professors through graduate school and into their academic careers as well. Shannon wrote of having “amazing mentors who wrote excellent letters of recommendation” for her first job. Including Monica, three noted that they received support from a male mentor. Monica credited two of her mentors in graduate school. For her, “the support of faculty was huge, specially my chair who was incredible.. I just attribute him with greatness of all kinds. I wouldn’t be even (refers to 109 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 her scholarly work) if it hadn’t been for him. He really taught me discipline. And he was a model, a very kind and sensitive person.” She also contrasted the support she had from her male mentor versus her female mentor. “Lately she has become such a bigger figure than him. It’s because the kinds of things I am interested in are in line with perspective because she’s a woman. They are more meaningful to me now.” In speaking of her female mentor who impacted her development as a researcher, she said, “XXX is the person who taught me how to gather data..She’s the voice that was with me when I was in the field.” Sub-Theme III: Others. This included support from network of women friends and colleagues in their program. Monica spoke of how her support from former teachers and women friends has kept her going, despite the struggles she has experienced, “Now it’s even more important than the family and the ex- former teachers are friends, specially women. I would totally give it all up if I wasn’t hearing from other women.” Stephanie commented, “Having close female colleagues in my MFT program has been a great source of support and joy in my life.” Theme II: Self Five women mentioned that it was their sense of self, attitude, resourcefulness, hard work, or determination that contributed to their success in academia. Terri and Jane spoke of themselves as being very resourceful. Jane talked about her strong sense of self, “Knowing who I am and what I want. Knowing what I am willing to compromise on and what I am not willing to compromise on.” Terri wrote, “The squeaky/empowered wheel gets the grease. I made it a point to connect with my professors and use them as resources; networking with other women in academia and using them for role models.” 110 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 In speaking of her determination regarding finishing up her doctoral degree, Monica said, “I just was dogged about it.. I never second-guessed myself…I was very determined. It’s just the idea. I remember at 13, being somewhere in school at that age and making a decision that I was going to get my PhD..So much of it was just being self-driven.” Theme III: Other Contextual Locations Five respondents noted that their age, gender, race or relationship status worked in their favor. Being older at the time of getting hired, being White and American, being single, being a woman (“Timing - there was a huge need for female academicians”) and not having kids (“allows me more time for my career and it's easier to balance work and home life when home life is just the couple, the self, and the home”) were reported as being advantages some of them had. Central Theme III: Hurdles and Stressors along the Way In the following paragraphs, I present a composite of responses to two separate questions that I asked my participants. One question was about obstacles they experienced in graduate school and the other one was regarding obstacles experienced on the way to a pursuing an academic career in MFT. The majority of these responses appeared to conceptually fall under what I termed as the general theme of “Hurdles and Stressors along the Path”. Challenges in graduate school and in pursuit of an MFT academic career (related to being a female) were fairly similar, thus, having them under two separate sections would not be meaningful. The hurdles in this central theme were primarily related to expectations of others or due to the fact that they were women, and hence they were not mutually exclusive. Only two women responded that they did not experience any hurdles that they could think of. 111 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Theme I: “Being a female” Majority of the participants related that being a female, consequent treatment they received, and expectations of others around (e.g., family and faculty) acted as a hurdle or stressor them. According to them, their stressors and hurdles were because they were subjected to different (often lower) expectations in comparison to their male colleagues. In addition, they also struggled with gender socialization ideas of their own and hence tried to do too much. Amanda wrote about the fact that “being female (and a mother) definitely made getting through grad school more challenging.” She captures this theme best, “As is generally true, the women in our program maintained their domestic responsibilities in addition to their academic involvement. In other words, most of the women in the program had to go home after a long day and cook dinner, whereas a lot of the men went home to a hot meal. I (and other women) often had problems with childcare during our graduate studies, especially in the evenings when we had to see clients. At the same time, we generally held ourselves to the same standard of achievement as our male colleagues, and wanted to finish our program at the same rate, so we sometimes felt like failures if we had to slow down a bit to accommodate our families.” Renita had an interesting response to this. She commented that, overtly, she didn’t experience any major challenges due to her gender. But then as she started thinking some more, she shared that she had four or five female colleagues and all of them had had some major medical problem and that made her wonder. She said, “I wondered, just this morning, if it had something to do with being in this environment..and how womanfriendly this environment is. Even though we are not under any pressure to not be who are, we do what we want to do.” She wondered “if there is some kind of unspoken 112 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 expectation to live up to, some standard that we are not aware of. Because there can be pressure to live up to some standard and you know, it is a male-dominated world In my worldview, just because you don’t feel any direct pressure or stress doesn’t mean that you are not under any.” Sub-Theme I: Expectations and perceptions – Of self and others. Seven women talked about their struggles either due to “managing a busy home life with a busy grad school life” or due to the expectations that their families had of them. For them, the fact that they were getting their degrees and not attending to family obligations met with resistance from family and local community. Karen shared about the obstacles from her community and her congregation who did not approve of her time "off”. She was seen by some as a “neglectful wife and mom. It wasn't easy overcoming these ideas.” Victoria’s experience sums up this sub-theme very well. In talking about how her insecurities were tied to perceptions of others, she said, “Family expectations of me (to be submissive, to be a wife, to be taken care of) were limiting for me. It took me a long time to be able to walk away from these expectations and let those around me (both family and new colleagues/faculty) see me as a serious student who valued my studies and my career above traditional ideas of stability. There were many challenges, and perhaps one of the most difficult was my insecurity about others' perceptions, and my fears of losing too much if I challenged my family's views, and losing too much if I didn't.” She comments about why she thinks women struggle more. “Women are often acculturated to doubt (their) abilities and competencies, particularly in patriarchal and conservative communities and I was no exception to that” 113 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Sub-Theme II: Being too accommodating. This sub-theme is related to Sub-theme I. Three respondents alluded to the fact that the biggest hurdles in their way were due to the fact that they were socialized to be “overly helpful or overly accommodating”. Monica said, “Part of it was knowing what I didn’t need to do anymore (as an academic). I still have issues sometimes sending a student to do something that I could do [Researcher: Delegating?] Yeah. Yeah. And the office manager would be like, “Oh, leave that for so and so to do it or I’ll make this copy for you”. So I kind of attribute some of that to socializing too. You know, it seems to me that the men I see don’t seem to have that problem. I have and that’s an ongoing thing. That’s a hard one.” Sub-Theme III: Not taken seriously. Three respondents expressed that they were held to different standards or expectations than their male counterparts and sometimes not taken seriously due to that. Amanda mentioned, “the expectations for me, and for the women in my program, were probably lower than they were for the men..That’s the feeling I got.” Victoria was married at the time that she was pursuing her graduate degree. She said, “for a long time, colleagues and faculty did not take me seriously as I was seen as someone who might be pursuing a hobby rather than someone who was serious about scholarship and an academic career..The vast majority of my grad school colleagues were men, and it seemed that they didn't face such issues..They had all moved to this town to pursue doctoral work, so it was a given that they were serious. I think I had to prove it because people could assume that I would just depend on my husband to support me rather than taking the risks that they were taking. Luckily, that was not the outcome.” Recounting her experience with male faculty in graduate school, Hannah 114 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 noted, “Male professors either not wanting to work with female students or seeing them as potential dates or both - taking us less seriously.” Theme II: Minority Status Four participants referred to the fact that some of their struggles in their MFT career have been due to their minority status. Renita mentioned that she had to adjust to “being a woman of color in a very white profession.” Monica shared that an ongoing issue for her was to negotiate her cultural identity as a teacher. “You give them (the students) material, but how do you not lose your humanity. And part of my humanity is being a female academic, a female Latina.” Jane spoke of the fact that the culture in her department is not feminist and she feels like she is a minority in that regard. She said, “My beliefs are in minority. I live my life in minority. I do feel very oppressed often by non-feminist views, non-feminist laws, because I feel like people oppress you by the way they think you should live your life and do things and act and be.” Karen shared that she lives in a religiously and politically conservative area and was in minority in her department (faculty and students) due to her religion. She said, “I live in a culture of religion that espouses fundamentalism and strict ideas about gender roles.” Theme III: Other Challenges Monica discussed an issue about competitiveness and jealousy among women in her graduate class that “got in the way of the camaraderie that [they] didn’t have.” Terri talked about the fact that she was criticized due to the fact that she pursued her personal agenda in school as opposed to following the research that her faculty were doing. She said, “I believed that when I was in school, I was there for me and not for the professors. I was not one to do their research, but rather was driven and empowered to do my own. I 115 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 actually was criticized by a few of the other people in the program for this attitude.” In referring to the financial stress regarding working and going to school simultaneously, Monica talked about the fact that “it definitely took longer [to finish her doctoral degree program] trying to work and all that.” Shannon talked about the fact that she had to nearly re-do a clinical masters in MFT (since she came in with a master’s degree in a non-MFT area). She recounted, “that put me in greater financial debt and now I'm also three years older before I could get on with this second career.” Hannah mentioned that there was “lack of role-models” in her graduate program. Shannon mentioned once being assigned an unfairly greater teaching work load and less pay for a teaching assistantship as compared to a male colleague during her graduate work. General Theme II: Now that I am Here: My Experiences Central Theme I: Areas of Success and Achievements Under this central theme, I have grouped the responses to a question regarding what the participants believed had been some areas of success in their academic lives. Instead of asking them to make a formal assessment regarding what they had been told their successes were, I asked them to give me their own perception of what they had done well or accomplished. Three respondents’ comments began with “Hmm..I don’t know”, “I can’t think of any. No”, and “I’d have to think about it”, before they spent some more time thinking and came up with things they believed they had achieved success in. During the phone interviews, they started off being tentative about their responses. As a woman myself, I wondered if it had something to do with women not being socialized to talk confidently about their success and achievement. Women are not socialized to 116 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 advertise their strengths and confidence and talking about one’s success probably puts them in a bind where they have to break that mold. Theme I. Research, Scholarship and Public Presentations Ten participants mentioned that they felt successful regarding their publication and writing work. Six mentioned that they had successfully published in areas they were either passionate about or felt that they had expertise in. Meg commented, “I think I've felt successful when I've been able to publish ideas that I really felt energized about and with colleagues and student colleagues I had fun working with.” Amanda wrote about her success in research, “I think the success I most enjoy so far has just been the ability to keep going in a field of research that is very vulnerable to criticism from multiple directions (diversity research), especially as a member of the dominant culture. I take satisfaction in being able to continue despite the difficulties of doing diversity research.” Monica, who has successfully published in journals and books talked about her satisfaction in being able to “capture or in a way an experience feels true on paper.” She further comments on her success in writing autoethnographically, “And I am really good at that. I have a scholarly understanding of why writing that way is important that I didn’t have before.” She speaks very eloquently of how she has greater awareness of her voice as a researcher and has developed a great deal of expertise in assessing different audiences, “That comes from reviewing papers.. You just have to think laterally about so many different things and your supervision and you have to think isomorphically.. to get the lateral thinking going in terms of bodies of literature and people’s bodies of work and the body, the content of a particular journal over time. Like I know JMFT [Journal of Marital and Family Therapy] could really use something like this, but I don’t know that 117 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 the audience would be receptive to it. Family Process [title of another journal] would love it but they’ve probably heard it. So it’s like that kind of stuff, it’s fascinating to read, and sort of get a sense of that and go, ’Oh what do I want to do, with my voice’”. Theme II: Professional Networking and Administrative Success Five women talked about the fact that they had accomplished success in editorial roles for journals or administrative roles, either at the program, department, university or state (professional organization) level. Hannah mentioned that she directed her program's drive for accreditation by COAMFTE [Commission on Accreditation for Marriage and Family Therapy Education]. Michelle and Karen credited themselves for developing or directing MFT programs. Two respondents talked of serving as editors and on editorial boards for journals. Shannon said that she has networked well with people in her community (and state) which has helped her get recognized and has brought referrals for their clinic. Meg mentioned successfully working with her AAMFT [American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy] division that helped bring “membership together into a stronger MFT network”. Theme III: Teaching and Relationships with Students Receiving positive evaluations, having good relationship with the students, and having opportunities to mentor them were mentioned by six participants as some of the successes. Hannah said, “My students love me, I get great teaching evaluations, and that is just a joy in my life.” Joy wrote about her love of teaching in her area of interest and how that grew into her career passion. She has developed a graduate course and published a book in her area of expertise. In that regard, she said, “it has really been great to have my teaching informed by my research, clinical work, and publication.” Her 118 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 development as a teacher and consequent understanding of the students’ contexts is reflected by her comments, “I think I have over time developed a unique way to challenge students to go beyond their comfort level, but to do so with great respect and a sense of humor, so that always feel it's a safe place to do so. I value knowing students as people, and learning about their lives and their choices..I can understand where their fears and prejudices come from, and they make sense to me.” Two women mentioned their success in mentoring young students by inviting them into professional roles opportunities for success. In addition to commenting on her good clinical supervision skills, Joy wrote, “I have invited students into professional roles such that they have surprised themselves with their own successes and transformations.” Renita said that she tries to empower the young women she works with and tries to be a role model for them by “helping them to negotiate their relationships with each other.” Theme IV: Personal Successes Five women talked about having achieved success in their personal lives or in achieving something on a personal level. Terri and Karen commented on their ability to stay out of politics. Speaking of how she accomplished that, Karen said, “I have learned how to play the game by accommodating to the rules, subtly changing them, being more diplomatic and less in-your-face but still clear, and using humor. I have learned to value the respect I have from those who matter and not worry about the lack of respect from those who don't. I decided some years ago that I needed to do what I enjoyed and was good at and not worry so much about some of the stuff that seems to get others so activated.” Pam talked about her ability to speak up when she thought things were unfair or unjust. Renita mentioned that she has achieved success on a personal level in how she 119 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 engages with her students (both male and female). She further said, “On a relational level, I celebrate womanhood and I celebrate femaleness and so it’s kind of my own personal project”. Terri said that she liked the fact that she was “an even-tempered, happy person” and was “proud for treating everyone with professional respect”. Theme V: Enjoy Most, Enjoy Least In response to the question about what they liked doing best as a part of their academic position, twelve respondents listed more than one thing. Nine wrote that they liked teaching, and four wrote that they liked working (or interacting) with students. Four others mentioned that they enjoyed clinical supervision. Five respondents mentioned liking research and scholarship and (or) writing. One respondent said that she enjoyed running the clinic. The response to the question, “What part of your job as a faculty do you least enjoy?” was clearly unanimous. Thirteen of the respondents listed administrative duties under this. Nine mentioned that committee work, meetings and administrative work were the least enjoyable aspects of their academic job for them. Three mentioned that they disliked the politics (of a small university, and academic environment) and two others mentioned that they disliked the paperwork. One participant mentioned research. Central Theme II: Gender and Sex Discrimination Regarding experiences of gender discrimination, eleven women quoted specific incidents or examples during their current or past faculty appointments. These incidents ranged from covert insinuations to sexist behavior to sexual harassment (more explicit and offensive sexual remarks) and respondents feelings about such experiences ranged from very stressed, embarrassed, publicly invalidated or angry. In terms of the action they 120 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 took following these incidents, the responses ranged from confronting the person directly in private, or reporting to a supervisor, or not reporting for fear of retaliation or not wanting to cause conflict, to remaining silent. Pam, Hannah, and Jane mentioned not having had any such experience mentioned due to the fact that they had support from department chair(s) or due to the fact that their colleagues shared their commitment to feminist and social justice issues. Shannon, Renita and Jane suggested that although, they had not had any direct evidence of discrimination so far in their departments, they had heard of such stories from other colleagues, and had speculated regarding some issues they had had which could have been related to their gender. Jane said, “I think unless you really get the repercussions are in your face, you don’t see them till later. I haven’t gone up for tenure yet, so I guess (Laughs) when I go up for tenure, that’ll tell me more about that.” Two women talked about the punishment that women have to face regarding pregnancy, especially if they are on the tenure track. I have addressed that issue elsewhere in this document (Central Theme on balancing of work and family). Renita and Linda suggested that discrimination is more systemic than being gender-based and depends on multiple indicators of social locations. Linda commented, “When feminism is more broadly defined to include anti-racist and global equity agendas, then adherence to these ideals have created stressful dynamics in some situations.” Renita shared that since she is a woman of color, it is hard to speculate which –ism is at work. She said, “I think I had an experience on one or two occasions where one of my male colleagues had done may be the same thing, he’d get the same response probably. But that’s just speculation; I have no proof or no formal complaint.” 121 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Theme I: More or Less or Different Compared to Male Counterparts Eight participants shared different examples where the standards they were held to were different from the standards for males in their departments. Examples of such things included – getting assigned more service work, getting less compensation and fewer resources than males, less respect in decision making, different dress codes, etc. There are five sub-themes under this theme. Sub-Theme I: More work and less compensation. Five respondents talked about times they knew that were assigned more work than male professors at the same level for less compensation. Two respondents mentioned that they were asked to ‘cover’ for their male colleagues. Joy commented that she remembered being “assigned unfair amounts of service when compared to male colleagues and asked to ’protect’ male colleagues from service so that they could get tenure.” Karen talked about “not (being) given appropriate merit raise (and that her) junior colleague had been receiving more percentage of raise than I because ‘he has a family’." She also learned that “competitions for certain retention funds and other university opportunities have been offered to men before women.” Two others mentioned having received “lower salaries” and “less resources”. Sub-Theme II: How I appear. Three women commented on how they had felt judged regarding their appearance at one point or other. One participant made a comment to that effect, “my value to the dept. was publicly connected to my gender and appearance.” She gave an example of a time when a senior male colleague in her department made a comment suggesting that (he) equated her academic value to her appearance. Meg made a comment about the fact that she had one male faculty in her program who did not like outspoken females, and she was told that she was “too 122 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 masculine” and “needed to act more feminine”. One participant shared a time when she heard faculty make negative judgments about a female student’s worth and value based on her choice of clothes. She discussed how she had to become vigilant regarding what she wore and how she appeared. She said, “I think as a woman you have to think more about stupid things like what you wear.” “There was a time where I didn’t think about looking feminine or asexual, or didn’t think about what my body looked like (but) people look at how you’re dressed (and teaching especially) and draw conclusions based on that.. [Researcher: Draw sexist conclusions based on that?]. Yeah, yeah, very much so. Absolutely. Yeah, so many challenges.” Due to such experiences, she said that there were some clothes she wouldn’t consider wearing to work even though there was nothing inappropriate or unprofessional about them. Sub-Theme III: Must dress up or dress down. Five respondents commented about the different expectations for clothing that male and female faculty were held to. They commented on how women had to dress up for faculty meetings, whereas they noticed that male faculty wore casual clothing such as jeans and flip-flops. They suggested that they would lose credibility in faculty meetings if they wore jeans or casual clothes like males did. One respondent shared that she was criticized and reprimanded regarding her “clothing choices as not being dressy enough”. Regarding the males receiving preferential treatment, she commented that during the same year that she got negative comments in her review and by the same committee “the untenured male did not get a dress code reprimand in his review”. One participant referred to expectations of appearance for females and males were not only different but often contradictory. She suggested that women often have to 123 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 manage their appearance to accentuate some aspects while underplaying others. She made a very fascinating observation regarding how, as a female, she had to dress up her appearance to be noticed more and taken seriously. She said, “Lot of times I would wear a red lipstick for a faculty meeting (laughs) because I noticed that I got more.. People listened to me more.. (Researcher: what did you mean by that?)..People would look at me.. They wouldn’t be thinking about what they needed to say next.. May be I needed to do that as a way to feel like I was more powerful. Kind of like a neat metaphor - That you have to dress up your mouth. I don’t do it anymore.” The contradiction about deemphasizing and dressing down is captured in her comment, “depending on what you’re figure looks like.. like wear something that’s not going to accentuate anything.. (Researcher: make you look asexual?). Yeah, make you look asexual.” Sub-Theme IV: How I talk. One participant commented on how she had to be self conscious about how she talks, her tone of voice and manner of speaking. She suggested that in order to be taken more seriously, one has to adopt somewhat of a masculine manner of speaking (task-oriented, no or few pauses). She said, “With you (referring to the researcher) everything is kind of open.. And we’re questioning (Speaks slowly, to demonstrate) It is not Okay like that in a faculty meeting..You must have your ideas and say them clearly and move right on to the next stage (Speaks fast, to demonstrate). If I talk like that I don’t get heard and that’s really unpleasant. Because my voice isn’t as deep as a man’s voice (Researcher: I think you have a very powerful voice) Well, thank you.. But I have heard myself on tape. And I still tape myself, I tape therapy sessions. I do. I still catch. I am still wondering..questioning and opening and it can be heard on the 124 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 other side as - She is very indecisive and she doesn’t really know what she thinks - And I have experienced that. And some people have experienced me that way and men have.” Theme II: Good Old Boys System Five participants suggested the existence of characteristics of a good old boys system. Only three labeled it as such. The others suggested and listed characteristics that supported the existence of such a system. Two participants mentioned that this was something they had experienced at an early time in their career. Michelle talked about having challenged the good old boys system in her school. She mentioned, “the power within the university tended to be held by males, no department chairs, deans, etc were women when I first joined the faculty, the perks tended to be doled out by males and many of the time consuming committee responsibilities done by women, although many men were supportive of the advancement of women there was little true collaboration or space for ideas that were not about power and hierarchy.” In response to a follow-up question, she defined what she meant by the “good old boys system”. She wrote, “men held all of the administrative positions of influence and were very hierarchical in their decision-making. Many were supportive of women as long as the woman agreed with their vision for them for their career, but when they were challenged by a differing view women lost opportunities and were not respected.” Another participant suggested that she lived in a “culture of religion that espouses fundamentalism and strict ideas about gender roles. I believe this has impacted perspectives of me from majority male administrators: salary (I was not given appropriate merit raises compared to male, dominant-religion, junior faculty), I’ve not been informed of certain initiatives in an equitable way; etc”. One more participant 125 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 commented upon a similar issue, “The system I am currently in has a history of male leadership in which I believe most decision making was benevolent, but unilateral and resided in specific male leaders.” Theme III: Demeaning Comments or Sexual Harassment: The Actual Event Five participants gave examples of times when they had experienced sexual harassment by male faculty, either directly toward themselves or toward others (e.g., female students). Only two labeled these experiences as sexual harassment, but expressed feeling disturbed or troubled or stressed. I chose to put comments that reflected diminishing or sexist or patronizing remarks toward females under this theme. One participant reported two incidents where a senior male faculty made sexually graphic comments to (or about) female students. One of those comments suggested possible sexual exploitation of a female student. Two participants shared that a senior male faculty made a “subtle pass” or “tried to hit on (her)”. Another participant commented that “some (male) faculty occasionally made inappropriate, gender-based remarks inappropriately commenting on appearance, or using overly-familiar nicknames that had a flirtatious quality about them.” One more participant said that “even in those settings (suggesting academic settings which are more sensitivity to diversity) I have occasionally been dismissed or diminished by male colleagues in ways that were also experienced by other female co-workers.” Theme IV: Reaction to Experience of Discrimination or Harassment. The theme is a collection of respondents’ reactions (including the actions they took or the feelings they experienced) in response to the demeaning or discriminatory behavior toward them. 126 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Sub-Theme I. To take action or not? Under this sub-theme, I list the reactions of four participants. One respondent shared that when she rebuffed male faculty who hit on her, he retaliated by trying to get her fired. Another participant shared that she struggled regarding whether to confront the person or not, after a senior male faculty made a comment publicly (equating her academic value to her appearance). She did finally confront the person later in private and shared that it went well. Shannon shared that upon learning about the fact that she was given less pay compared to a male colleague for more work, she considered complaining, but “was pretty well into the last semester of teaching when (she) learned this and just didn't want to cause conflict.” One participant recounted a comment that a male faculty had made to her which she perceived as contributing to atmosphere for sexual harassment. She took her concern to her female supervisor in response to which her supervisor condoned the behavior of the male professor and minimized it by hinting that “Boys will be boys” and suggesting that she should learn to “just play the game”. This compounded with similar behaviors made this respondent consider a change of job. She did not find the environment of ‘silent approval’ in support of her philosophy of questioning and wondered whether she could see herself working in that culture of oppression for much longer. She reported that behavior of the senior male professor was part of the reason that she decided to change jobs. “I started to think about where do I want to spend my tenure, you know, my posttenure years. Do I really want to be in this institution?...It’s kind of like coming to an awareness how I want to organize my career really in line with a feminist ideology, not just feminist, but you know the whole thing of questioning the heterosexist and patriarchal bias..It’s this rampant in academia.” 127 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Sub-Theme II. Feelings. Majority of the participants, who experienced discrimination or those that were perceived by the respondents as harassing, expressed that they struggled and experienced stress due to it. One commented that when a senior male made a comment (that had a double-meaning but was also devaluing) she was caught in a moment of feeling very awkward in front of students and felt invalidated. Another participant shared that she found it very troubling that in her department, there was ‘silence’ maintained around the sexist behavior of a senior male faculty. As she was sharing one incident, she noted that the comments that she personally found very offensive did not apparently offend the student that they were directed toward. Joy made a comment that experiencing harassment by a senior male and trying to report it was “an incredible stressor in (her) life.” Theme V: Not in My Department Four participants reported that they either had not experienced discrimination or sexism in their departments or that they had experienced that in the past and things were different now. Three participants commented that it was due to the fact that their department (leadership) supported and shared their commitment to feminism. One participant mentioned that she had not experienced such things in her department primarily because their dean was a minority male who had been marginalized himself so that he was sensitive to such issues. She said, “I’m able to go to him and say - Why is this that a female faculty is asked to do these ‘shit’ jobs? - and he listens and I think it has a lot to do with the culture of our department or school actually. I haven’t here (referring to gender discrimination), or when I do, I feel like I’m free to say - Wait a minute, look what’s happening?” When asked if she thought other women in academia experienced 128 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 discrimination, she answered that gender discrimination was not faced by faculty but by “women who want to be in upper administration.. who want to become deans and higher up in university.” She speculated that there are “fewer women deans in academia as there are heads of businesses, proportionately. When I asked her why she thinks that was the case, she responded, “I don’t know. I think it’s tragic. Maybe because the boards of universities are still primarily run by white men. We talk about it all the time, but I haven’t analyzed it.” Renita expressed a similar sentiment, “I haven’t witnessed that experience here at my school. I think of my colleagues who are absolutely feminists, but so are the men on our faculty, so we don’t really have that kind of problem. we have kind of, our school is fairly new and fairly non-traditional and our ideas really inform the kind of therapy that we do, so its not really a problem for us.” Jane’s comments were in line with Renita’s, “For me in this department, there are a lot of feminists in this department, male and females. So I see their views very much match my own. So I don’t have to, at least the people I interact with.. Of course the people I interact with are purposeful because they do fit my views. But the males who have been around a lot longer, I tend not interact with very much, because they have this ‘older school’ mentality about how things are supposed to be, what should be taught, how it should be taught, what classes should look like.” Regarding males holding positions of power and administration, Michelle said, “This has radically changed in my university and no longer evident. Women hold many high level positions including the Provost position at the moment.” 129 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Theme VI: Women on Women Sexism. Three women indicated of sexist attitude or behavior directed toward them by their female peers or bosses. This included comments by their women superiors where they were held to a different standard than their male colleagues either regarding clothing or condoning the sexist behavior of a male superior. DOMAIN II. BEING A FEMINIST WOMAN IN ACADEMIA General Theme I: Feminism and Impact on Life Central Theme I: Meaning and Introduction to Feminism Theme I: Meaning of Feminism The respondents were asked to describe what feminism means to them. Majority of the women mentioned more than one thing. The following sub-themes are categorized based on the frequency of occurrence of each respondent’s answer, hence there are respondents who have spoken of more than one theme. For instance, there are overlaps between the sub-themes gender-related and equity-related (since they were mentioned together at times). Also, there is some overlap between sub-themes of gender-related and broader than gender since some participants mentioned that it meant, for example, “believing in and striving for equality among sexes, genders, sexual orientations, ethnicities, races, creeds” (Georgia). Sub-Theme I: Broader than gender. Altogether, nine women mentioned that feminism stood for inclusion and equality for all people. For two respondents, feminism meant an understanding of political or historical context. Seven others suggested it encompassed striving for equality for men and women of different ages, abilities, races, 130 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 nationalities, sexual orientations, and religions, etc. In particular, two stressed that gender intersected with other locations of social context in their feminist understanding. For Michelle, feminism meant, “recognition of women’s voices and perspectives that acknowledge that gender intersects with other aspects of multiculturalism such as race, culture, socioeconomic status, sexual affiliation, ethnicity, and so on.” Sub-Theme II: Gender related. For six of the respondents, feminism had something to do with an understanding of gender or roles and rights of women. Examples of responses in this sub-theme are: “Gender equity”, “understanding of men's and women's roles”, “seeking out, hearing, and supporting women”, “respect for women”, “proactive awareness of the potential for marginalization of women in our culture(s)”, “championing the rights of women”, “understanding gender as a fundamental organizing construct”, “recognition of women’s voices and perspectives”, and “attention to gender socialization”. Pam also suggested that the meaning of feminism has evolved for her over the last few decades. “In the 70s it really meant equal rights for women. Since I have gotten older and also because I teach feminism and family therapy, I have also embraced ideas of postmodern feminism which really embraces equality for men and women.” Sub-Theme III: Deconstruction or questioning. Six women mentioned that feminism meant challenging the marginalization or questioning the status quo. According to Jane, “A lot of feminism for me is about deconstructing, deconstructing society’s definition of who people should be, what that means, how that has meaning on our lives and how that impacts our actions of our lives.” Sub-Theme IV: Power related. In their understanding of feminism, seven womens’ responses included terms such as power dynamics, oppression, empowerment, 131 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 male privilege and dominance, institutional discrimination, and sexism. They frequently mentioned that feminism entails analysis of power and (or) male-dominance or privilege. For example, feminism for Amanda, among other things “means understanding gender as a fundamental organizing construct, one that serves to establish and maintain male privilege and dominance through the subjugation of women.” Sub-Theme V: Freedom to be. Five respondents used the term freedom in their response regarding their understanding of feminism. Their responses ranged from full expression to be who they are to freedom of choice or doing what I want even if I am a female. For Renita, “It means the ability to have your own voice and create your own identity. It means rejecting old voices and stories that don’t fit for you..It begins with us deciding that we can be whoever we want to be…” Sub-Theme VI: Equity related. The responses under this sub-theme had equity, equality or egalitarian as key words in their personal definition of feminism. Four respondents described the meaning of feminism in terms referencing equity (or equality) between men and women, or for people from different social locations (such as race, class, nationality, etc.). Theme II: Introduction to Feminism The responses regarding how these women got introduced to feminism, all fell into four sub-themes. They were: family of origin (mostly mother), feminist movement, formal school education (including graduate work in MFT), and other life experiences. Four respondents commented regarding the fact that their formal and informal introduction to feminism was from different sources. 132 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Sub-theme I: Family of origin. Seven women responded that they were (formally or informally) introduced to feminist ideas through their family. Karen credits the way that her mother and father raised her and her siblings. She wrote, “I don't think that my mother thought of herself as a feminist. In my house as I was growing up, the boys and the girls all had responsibilities in all areas -- outside and inside. It was simply expected that we would all go to college and discussions around career choices were not genderseparate. My mother and my father had equitable roles in decision-making, although my mother was a stay at home mom with occasional seasonal, professional work. They both taught us how to stand up for ourselves.” Renita said that she became conscious about gender differences when she was a junior high woman, and when she noticed that her brothers were allowed to do things that she was not. Five women credited their mother for their introduction to feminist ideas. Jane said that her mother was “a feminist at heart” who “didn’t probably have the schooling to back that up or support her ideas.” Her mother unwittingly deconstructed ideas of gender at a very young age for her. Meg commented that her mother was a feminist who “always talked about social issues; always worked in her job to help women in bad situations get better lives and opportunities”. Hannah mentioned that her mother “was ahead of her time and (she) saw her struggle as a housewife.” Pam had a unique response to the question about her introduction to feminism. She believed that her father planted the seeds of feminism in her when she was younger. She talked about, how, getting introduced to feminism from mother or father makes a difference. “Somehow if you get it from your father, the opposite sex, I think it’s even more meaningful because I don’t think you have to be as combative about what you want. 133 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 I have my anger but I don’t think I am combative. I am able to get what I want a lot of times because I try not to offend “them” as much. I think it’s because it came from my father. If it comes from your father, he is one of them, so I think it makes it less ‘them against us’. If it comes from your mother..It’s more like ‘them against us’. I’d have to get what I want by fighting.. And I think a lot of women come on like that.” Sub-Theme II: Feminist movement. Four women suggested that they were exposed to feminism during womens’ movement. Pam said that she was present at the hot-bed of the women’s movement. “I was a young wife and mother. My husband was (getting a degree). I was at home with a small child feeling very depressed and miserable and the women’s movement happened and I went wild (laugh) which was perfect for me. So that was my introduction. Renita shared that, although she was aware of gender differences growing up, her “(feminist) consciousness began as (she) got older and was constantly hearing of women protesting and burning bras and those kind of things.” Sub-Theme III: Formal education. Seven participants mentioned that they were exposed to feminist ideas through formal academic literature or by a professor in college. Four of them credited their graduate coursework in MFT (or family therapy) training where they were exposed to ideas such as gender. Two others mentioned that a professor was instrumental for their introduced to feminism. Jane got the formal idea, definition and literature of feminism during her graduate work in MFT. Sub-Theme IV: Other sources. Three respondents mentioned other sources. Terri took a proactive approach to educate herself, “I wanted to learn about it, so I developed my own independent study around it and had a faculty member facilitate it.” Monica shared that even though she received introduction to feminist ideas in her graduate 134 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 program, it was not in a way she “could hear it at all”. According to her, it was travel and living in another country and the experience of becoming the “other” that led her to her feminist awakening. She stated, “I don’t think it happened when I was in school. I knew a lot more about Gregory Bateson than I knew about feminism. I didn’t know about feminism at all. I don’t think I was introduced to it in the field or as a professional. It didn’t really enter my consciousness”. Speaking of the impact of her graduate training, she said “in hindsight it’s given me a language, not a feminist language, but a language of relationship and communication that helps me make sense of social construction.” Shannon mentioned that she probably “learned about the concept and the label (of feminism)” through media and through watching TV programs and news. Theme III. General Impact of Feminism I asked the respondents to list (or talk about) about decisions of their life that have been impacted by their feminism. The respondents had a uniform response to the question about general impact of feminism on their lives in that thirteen of them suggested that their feminism was not just a political ideology and impacted nearly all aspects of their lives. Their responses were categorized into six sub-themes. Sub-Theme I. Who I am, how I am. Thirteen participants suggested that their feminism had impacted nearly all areas of their lives. Their responses about the impact included such things as “part of who I am”, “career as a therapist, family therapy educator, and researcher”, “how I think about the world, men and women, boys and girls, therapy, and teaching”, “how I treat myself and how I interact with and see others”, “it shapes my life, who I am, how I see things and how I interact with people”, “everything, from going back to work, going back to school, getting the separation from 135 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 husband”. For Renita, she sees the world through the lens of her feminism and so it affects everything she does and all her relationships. Shannon shared that, due to her feminism, she feels free to be able to make decisions that “fit (her) personality and desires more than try to fit (herself) in societal and familial ideals for what a woman should do.” She said that her feminism also helped her “embrace (her) intelligence and drive for a fulfilling career.” Pam shared that everything she saw in a paper or in her personal life or interactions was impacted by how feminist issues apply or do not apply to it. Regarding some of the career and relationship decisions in her life, she shared that instead of getting depressed and helpless, she got angry and her anger gave her the drive to take action and move forward with positive decisions. For her, “the anger came from feminism because the feminism gave (her) permission to get angry..But before feminism people had that anger but they didn’t feel entitled to it, so they got depressed.” Sub-Theme II. Who I coupled (or uncoupled) with. Nine participants commented that their feminism had impacted their choice of their marriage partner, or their choice to terminate the relationship. Karen shared that she married my husband partly because they both had similar ideas about equitability, respect, parenting and careers. Shannon shared that her feminism impacted her “decision to only couple with a person who shared (her) feminist ideals.” Michelle shared that her feminism impacted her decision regarding when and who she married. Amanda wrote, “it "opened my eyes" to suffering that I had previously blamed on myself and not been able to understand or put into words (referring to a relationship she ended).” Victoria shared that her feminist ideas impacted her decision to “end a marriage in which (she) was marginalized, and to seek a more egalitarian and respectful 136 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 relationship.” Pam shared that she doesn’t think she would’ve had the courage to separate from her husband had it not been for the permission from the feminist movement and encouragement from other women in her life. Sub-Theme III. Career and professional choices. Ten participants suggested that their career choice was determined due to their feminist ideas. For Linda, it was the career decision for herself within the context of her family and it impacts her “leadership style; research approaches; scholarship; and interactions with students and colleagues.”. For Shannon, it impacted her desire to teach in a school known for its commitment to social justice and feminist issues. For Hannah, it was her decision to make her career as much of a priority as it is. Michelle shared that due to her feminism, she has been “able to see the larger picture of inequalities in the society”, which helped her persevere in the face of gender discrimination. She was able to constructively move past those experiences and reach her goals “without seeing (herself) as the problem, lacking in some way, unqualified, and so on.” Being a feminist also opened several professional possibilities for her in that she “began to believe (she) could do anything (she) wanted to.” For Terri, it impacts her “clinical work and supervision, (her) guidance of students.” Renita shared that it impacted the kinds therapy they do in their program, the readings she incorporates in her classes and her writing. Sub-Theme V: Other family decisions. For seven participants, feminism impacted other family decisions for them, such as decision not to have children and have a nontraditional relationship, number of children, gender socialization of children, dividing up responsibilities and decisions in the marriage. Terri said that it has impacted what she “will and won't” do in her household. Renita shared that it impacted the discussions she 137 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 had with her spouse regarding religious ideas that did not fit for her and also how she raised her children in terms of their thinking about women and their needs. Sub-theme VI: Other. Some participants listed such things as choice of friends, choice of hairdo, free time choices, choice of dissertation topic, and awareness of power in relationships with students and clients. Central Theme II: Impact of Feminism on Academic Work Under this category, I discuss how the participants view their feminist ideas impacting two aspects of their academic work: I) research and scholarship, and II) teaching and relationship with students (including supervision) Theme I: Impact of Feminism on Research and Scholarship In discussing the impact of feminism on their research and scholarship, respondents talked about the fact that it informs many aspects of their research. In particular, they shared that their feminism guides such aspects as - the content of their research, type of the research they conduct, research agenda, relationship with participants, and their own voices as researchers, etc. Karen’s response is fairly representative. She believes that, in terms of her writing, editing and reviewing, “gender sensitivity and feminist ideas (equitability, e.g.) inform the way (she) think(s), write(s), and respond(s) to others who write.” Sub-Theme I: Focus on marginalized populations. Nearly all respondents suggested that their research topics were ones that allowed them to bring marginalized voices (including womens’ voices) to the forefront. Monica said that even though she was not directly working on any paper related to gender issues, everything that she works on, 138 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 (she) “can’t not see gender in there”. Shannon wrote, “I always try to formulate methods and questions that are honoring of women.. from a point of view of what would be important to women, done in a way that would let women's experiences emerge, and appreciating women's strengths.” Several participants mentioned that their research and writing interests have been around gender, womens’ issues, cultural competency, gender sensitivity, critical multicultural research, gender and education, self-of-of-theresearcher, power, relationship between students and professors or between therapists and clients, etc. Pam and Jane talked about topics they had chosen for their dissertations and how those topics reflected their feminist interests. Pam also explained why she finds postmodern feminist ideas for her research more useful. Some of her research findings led her to be more mindful of “What are some women doing in academia or the business world that are helping to hold other women back. So I don’t see the enemy as just men.” Sub-Theme II: Type of research. Five participants commented on how their feminism impacts the kind of research they do. Meg talked about focusing on “action research to give back to the participants.” Shannon qualified herself as a “qualitative feminist researcher.” Linda and Hannah mentioned doing research collaboratively. Hannah stated that she does a lot of collaborative work “and stay(s) away from what (she) perceive(s) as male dominated highly competitive and ’cold’ quantitative work.” Victoria shared that she has taught a qualitative research course, through which she has “written about, taught, and presented on collaborative, feminist approaches to data gathering and exploring the voice of the ‘other’.” Sub-Theme III: Research agenda, decisions, and results. Four participants shared that their feminism impacts such things like how and if results are shared (Linda), 139 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 looking at a problem, situation, or topic from more perspectives (Terri), how I do research and what I do with the results (Meg). Linda stated that her “feminism informs the ethical decisions (she) make(s) about every aspect of research, including research agendas (and) decisions about using research to amplify marginalized voices.” Monica discussed the importance of (and remains conscious of) writing about herself as a woman researcher who questions and makes her research agenda explicit. For her, the feminist piece in her research and writing is about “Why is it important for me to tell this story”. Sub-theme IV: Research Participants. Two participants talked about their focus on the voices of the participants and their relationships with them. Monica spoke very expressively about how she keeps the voices of her participants in mind while writing. She said, “I need to be careful what I am not quiet about, in terms of what I write...It’s very poignant because it’s the silence. It’s like so everywhere. I don’t want it and I don’t need it to, but it’s so connected to how I think about (Researcher - it’s a metaphor for women’s life?). Yeah, it really is. Whether its women clients, or women students or women in a faculty meeting or women like you trying to learn what it’s about. It’s like all over the place. It’s kind of funny I am doing projects I am interested in, and then the gender finds its way to be explicit.” Sub-Theme V: Self-of-the-researcher. Two participants talked about how they situated their own voices in their research. Linda mentioned “using (her) own voice and considering (her) social position relative to (her) work.” Monica spoke poignantly, and in great depth, of coming to a gender/cultural consciousness about herself as a Latina woman researcher and how it impacts her writing now. “Now because I feel like I have it (gender consciousness) it’s just more present in the stuff I talk about and stuff I write 140 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 about and I try to mention it. Whenever I do a talk or something, I’m talking about the ‘other’, whether it’s a supervisee or a client, now I bring in a lot more – that I am this or that. I am not the omniscient ever-present voice of White Male privilege. I’m not. You know. I am somebody, a Latina, a Mestiza..” She mentioned not only writing about the women (subjects of her writing) in one of her publications but also about herself as a woman researcher who has an emotional and bodied experience. Her words capture her ideas best, “there isn’t a tradition of women academics writing autoethnographies that include their emotional embodied experience in a way that they are seen as credible. I mean, it’s not a good thing to be seen as emotional in academia.. Any time you out your self as I have emotions and I have a body when I’m out doing research, you’re seen as less credible, or worse, unethical. So it has affected women and it has silenced women.. We’ve always thought it’s okay to write about other people..but where do we fit in, in terms of our views about that and how our views are always shaping what we see.. I really include myself as one of the people I am studying..It’s like bringing back the body and the emotion to research, bringing back the imagination.” Theme II: Impact of Feminism on Teaching and Experience with Students Under this theme, the participants talked about how their feminism impacted their teaching content (e.g., the articles and books they chose for their classes), their teaching philosophy (e.g., transparency, collaboration, attention to social justice), and how their students received their feminist ideas. Their responses were divided into the following sub-themes. Five participants shared that their students generally receive their feminist ideas very eagerly and are open to it. 141 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Sub-Theme I. Being a role model for female students. Five respondents commented on their mentoring roles for female students. Victoria and Monica, both shared that they offered opportunities to women students either nominating them for recognition or mentoring them in professional roles where they could succeed. Victoria commented that it is “really important to mentor female students into a feminist way of embracing their own talents and ways of thinking--so that they value what they have to offer instead of thinking they need to learn to offer something that doesn't fit for them.” Monica added, “The men have had a lot of help at a lot of times, to polish their egos and women haven’t. Now I’m all about polishing the women. It’s so important. It makes such a difference.. I shouldn’t be complaining about women being absent in academia, if I am not willing to do something about it.” She talked of the significance of recognizing how female students look at their teachers as role models, “being more careful to not underestimate what it might be like for a female student to just see me in the role that I am in..That people might be looking up to me to see how I behave, to learn how to behave”. Monica also noted the struggle about negotiating her roles with her students, women students in particular. She said that she found it difficult, at times, to bridge her personal life with that of her role as a teacher. She shared that she had a female professor who was a role model, who “wasn’t afraid to show the complexity” of being professional and also being transparent with her students about herself. Two other participants shared that their female students often looked up to them regarding maintaining balance between career and family. Hannah shared, “they (referring to young female students) seem equally eager to be reassured that I do have a husband and family and all those good things in life that they also want. They want to 142 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 hear it is not an either/or thing and I think they worry that feminism will require them to sacrifice the wife/mother goals they have.” Sub-Theme II. Being collaborative. Three participants shared their commitment to being collaborative, less hierarchical, and adopting a less expert stance in their work with student trainees. They responses included such aspects as honoring their students’ ideas about “about families and treatment” and “the fit therapists have with their own models of choice” Renita talked about being inclusive and said, “I have to stay open to students who are not feminist.” Sub-Theme III. Attending to power and hierarchy. Three participants shared that they encourage students to attend to issues of power differentials, hierarchy, oppression, social justice, gender roles and stereotypes in their clinical work. Karen commented that she was “more likely to explore power structures that may contribute to presenting problems or constrain solutions.” Sub-Theme IV: Being transparent. Three participants talked about striving to be transparent about own experiences and biases. Shannon commented that she honors her own experience and brings that to the table as well. Renita said, “I try to acknowledge my clear bias so that every one has a voice despite their political or social views.” Sub-Theme V. Exploring more options. Three participants talked about offering students multiple ways of looking at their work. Karen shared that she was “more likely to explore opportunities that may have been hidden to the client/family”. Terri shared that she gave her students “more ‘options’ to explore when writing a paper, researching a topic, or dealing with a clinical problem.” Hannah hopes that her feminism “makes (her) 143 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 more sensitive to their (referring to students) family lives and their complex roles in addition to their student role.” Sub-Theme VI. Inclusive of males and females. Three participants shared that they attempt to be inclusive in their orientation to both males and females. Renita talked about this, “I have to be respectful of young women and sometimes young men, who sometimes have different perspectives.” Pam shared that she is sensitive not to make her classes like “a male-battering session, because it’s not particularly fair or helpful to the male students and they’re probably going to close down and not listen.” For her, that’s why postmodern feminist ideas fit her better. Victoria sees herself as a mentor “for (her) students, both male and female.” Sub-Theme VII. Challenging students. Three participants related to this subtheme. Karen and Renita shared that they challenged students, in particular those that had less than feminist ideologies, and came from a dominant cultural viewpoint. Karen wrote, “I am more likely to challenge their thinking that is rooted in a homogeneous culture and to ask them to explore ideas outside their comfort zones.” Victoria commented that it is important for her to challenge her students’ sexist beliefs in respectful ways. Sub-Theme VIII. Conflict between Christianity and feminism. Two participants commented on the fact that their students sometimes struggled with reconciling their religious beliefs with feminist ideas. Jane said that since she was a postmodern feminist, her students struggled with the postmodern ideas more than with her feminism. Commenting on her community as being dominated by people with strong and conservative religious views, she said, “A lot of people take the bible as literal representation of what you should believe. So postmodernism goes against their literal 144 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 view..They struggle with that part, that each person can have their own truth and that my truth shouldn’t be put on top of somebody else’s truth as more important. Which is kind of a feminist idea, about not oppressing others. They rebel against that a lot.” Renita said that her students see her as a Christian and do nt understand how she reconciles her feminist ideas with that. Central Theme III: The Balancing Act: Family and Work Since this was a theme that took on more significance later in the study as I progressed in data collection, I was only able to have follow-up responses about it from eight respondents. Most of them regarded their family as being very central to their lives, such that giving their family priority was OK even if their work had to take a back seat. Theme I. Yes and No: Not Perfect but Okay Six women suggested that they had a fair amount of balance, yet found it challenging. Renita’s response summarizes the inherent contradiction and complexity of what most of my participants described. Her answer is fairly representative, “It (workfamily) is not balanced for me. But I suppose in the end it is. As I manage to give both areas what they need in a timely fashion. In short, sometimes I spend more time at work than my family/spouse would like, but when I am needed at home, I am there.” Karen shared that, now with the children gone, she and her husband kept very busy with their careers and the balance, for her “was ok, most of the time…However, there are large periods of time when (her) personal life is pretty much limited to reading the newspaper in the evening”. Shannon shared that she has achieved some success in balancing work and family when she is efficient (which can be tough due to deadlines and organization that has to be 145 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 self-imposed) and it becomes a problem when she is not efficient. She also shared that her spouse was forgiving of her long hours. Victoria shared that achieving balance in work and family priorities has been an ongoing and difficult struggle for her “ever since (her) first child was born”. She commented on the fact that, even though her husband is an unbelievably involved dad, and did as much as she did with the kids, he still managed to get more done professionally (in terms of research and other daily activities), and spends time with the children. She said, “I truly think part of it is that he just doesn't spend time agonizing over any of it--he just does it.’ On the other hand, she said that she struggled with the balance quite a bit. Her main sources of struggle were: a) that she felt guilty when she spent time away from her children, b) that she didn’t have support from other women in her community (most of who did not work outside of home), c) that she takes time to nurture friendships and support of female friends who are moms (unlike her husband who didn’t spend time developing outside friendships), and d) that she hadn’t advanced as much professionally as she could have (publications or with visibility in the larger profession). She said, “To me, this trade-off is OK. I would never be OK with missing out on my kids' lives to put my career on the fast track. The struggle that I constantly have, though, is how men are able to do this without the emotional trauma.” She summed up her work-family balance struggle, “So, I have made it my life's work to balance work/family. Is it perfect? Certainly not, but I have never regretted decisions that prioritize my family..And I do believe my kids will benefit greatly from seeing me as a professional with my own life..” Monica points to the challenges for heterosexual women and her own struggle with work-family balance, “You get this idea that if you’re informed and you’re a 146 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 feminist, and you’re trying to do both – it still ends up being a lot of responsibility in a heterosexual relationship, a lot of responsibility on the woman.” She further commented on the rigidity of gender roles and said that they were “pretty prescribed and (they) still fall into that no matter how much (they) are conscientious of it. You can’t undo the way you were socialized..Messages for women are pretty specific and men too. It’s hard.” Theme II. Being a Parent (Or Not) Seven women alluded to their parenting responsibilities that either increased or decreased their balancing struggle. Shannon said that she found it helpful that she did not have any children or pets. Karen and Pam shared that their children were older when they joined the academy and that certainly made it easier for them to not have to worry so much about spending evenings working. One participant commented that during pregnancy, one gets only a certain amount of paid leave. This system works against those who have not had their jobs for long. This participant shared that getting pregnant is one manner in which academia punishes women. She said, “it really limits your options..It’s like how do you do your classes? How do you take care of your students?.. A male sitting in the same position, if his wife is pregnant, then they can continue to work without really needing to take off to do those things..” In her first response in the web-survey, another participant wrote that she wanted to know “how women in academia balance family and tenure.” She shared, ”I am concerned about what happens to women in academia who get pregnant. I feel that they are punished, particularly on a tenure track line, and I am scared that I will have to give up everything that I have worked for if I get pregnant.” Since then, having become pregnant, she shares that she is planning hard to be over-productive now (before the baby 147 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 comes), so that it does not interfere with her productivity later, “so that as papers and books come out over the years, I can be spending more time at home with my family but the continual stream of publications I have lined up will make it appear as if I never took time off at all.” She reports having support from her supervisor who has encouraged her to take time off when the baby arrives. Even though she only plans to take summer off for her pregnancy and return to teach in fall, she fears that she will be judged negatively during tenure due to the time taken “off” for the baby in comparison to males who would not have done that. She shared that her fears only get magnified each time she hears a story about a woman not getting tenure due to having a baby. Theme III. Thank Goodness for Spouses and Grown-up Kids! Five participants commented on the fact that they were able to have fairly good balance and that was due to the support of their spouses, and because of the fact that their children were grown when they were started graduate school or became academicians. Shannon said, “Thankfully my partner and I have no children or pets, so it is just us.” Pam said, “Thank goodness my children were grown when I became an academic. Even though the hours can be somewhat flexible, I spend many evenings and weekends working. I really feel for the academic women who have younger children. I don’t know how I would have managed.” Karen went to graduate school when her children were teens, which was very helpful since she couldn’t imagine making it if they were smaller or if she had other difficult circumstances. She had support of her husband and her children (who were very responsible and cooperative). She shared that she and her spouse shared the child-care work and in fact, her husband was the “soccer mom because (she) simply did not have time.” Jane mentioned that she has been “Really, really lucky 148 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 because he probably wouldn’t know that he was one, but I chose a husband who was a feminist..He was brought up in non-conventional ways, so I think that allowed him to not be restricted by gender ideas.. When I got offered this job, he decided to follow me.. In some ways we do have reversed roles, he stays at home with our (baby).. I didn’t want to stay at home if we had children, and he was definitely willing to do that.. He loves doing it and we are pretty lucky about balancing it.. He picks up when I need to go, and I pick up when he needs to go.” Theme IV. Flexibility in Academia Four participants mentioned this. For Amanda, being an academic has allowed her the “flexibility to work at home when (her) child is home and to be more available to (her) family.” Regarding her commitment to her family, she said, “As passionate as I am about my work, I would (and have) worked at jobs that are far less meaningful personally if I thought that was best for my family.” In addition to appreciating the flexibility and the opportunity to make creative arrangements, Hannah also commented on the dual challenges of academic jobs. She wrote, “On the one hand, an academic position offers more flexible time than a 9 to 5 job. On the other hand, it also requires time writing and presenting during what are usually "off" hours for other people.” Central Theme IV: Experience with Professional Organizations (e.g. AAMFT) I asked the respondents about their experiences with professional organizations (e.g., AAMFT - American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists) regarding feminism within the field of MFT. I have presented responses of only ten respondents who answered this question. This was a follow-up question I posed in emails toward the end of the data collection and so I did not hear from all respondents. It became prominent 149 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 after one respondent commented extensively on her experience that I felt that this was important enough to ask as a follow-up question of other participants. It appeared that the respondents had mixed reactions to how AAMFT supported feminism within MFT. Six respondents either had negative experiences or commented on what AAMFT needed to improve upon. One respondent mentioned that she had had no experience with AAMFT on this matter. Two others had mixed reactions, and only one expressed appreciation of how “AAMFT does not just give lip service to these ideas, but really incorporates them into practice. They seem to actively put a lamp on the issue.” Theme I. Unfavorable Experiences with AAMFT Six respondents expressed either negative feelings or disappointment with the AAMFT organization regarding their support of feminist ideas. Two of them had comments to make regarding how AAMFT is a useful resource for issues other than feminism. Five participants mentioned that, in their view, AAMFT caters to a more conservative base of family therapists, reflects the patriarchal structure of our society, provides visibility to academics over clinicians even though the membership is mostly dominated by clinicians, is too worried about research and less worried about membership and making sure everyone gets heard, and add(s) a feminist piece in here or there to sort of placate the feminist therapists but it's not at the heart of AAMFT's mission to embrace a feminist lens. Jane said that she felt supported right now since she is not very high up in the organization, but overall, she thought that the AAFMT is biased in that it does not support students or clinicians. She commented on the lack of transparency within the organization, “What goes on behind those meetings is very invisible, it’s not very visible 150 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 for the rest of the organization, which I think keeps everything in place the way it is (Researcher: No questioning, keeps the status quo?) Yeah, exactly status quo.” She further commented on the classism within the organization, “Academics get heard, the clinicians remain invisible.. The academics are worth more than the clinicians.” Hannah mentioned that she did not look toward AAMFT as a resource for feminism. According to her, “AAMFT seems more like a lobbying organization for MFT's, which is useful also but different.” Pam believes that the association’s name “should be changed to couples and family therapy” (as a mark of respect and support for gay and lesbian couples). Monica shed light on what she considers a very significant issue that she and some of her acquaintances have faced too. She commented on the issue of minority dropout within the organization, “the association has had some serious issues to deal with.. problems that result in disenfranchising a huge chunk of membership..We don’t have enough minority members and not have enough young people as members and that’s why we have these people drop out of the association. It’s a real problem..I’m sure AAMFT keeps close track of their numbers, for example of the folks that have dropped out in the last year. I’d be very curious to see what the gender and the race break down is.. I know one anecdotal story of one that has dropped out, but I’ve heard many others of people who want to drop out, but won’t because we need that credential. The way that this structure is set up, we need it. I’ve even heard talk about how can we get around it. I think it’s a really untapped issue.” Theme II. AAMFT: Another Agent of Patriarchy? Five participants strongly suggested that, in their view, AAMFT (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy) reflected the patriarchy within the larger 151 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 society. According to Michelle, “male voice is heard louder than the female voice in AAMFT.” Jane said, “(AAMFT) still seems very male-dominated at the top.. and oppresses people along gender and racial lines..The organization’s mostly female clinicians, yet mostly male academics are on the board.” Karen’s commented, “we have a president, a board, staff who gather data and make suggestions and also carry out the wishes of the board, etc. The annual conference is designed for the "core member”. None of this is necessarily bad but, but it does suggest a structure that is not feministinformed.” Linda responded that the AAMFT has “done a better job of embracing White feminism than social equity in general (which) reflects broader U.S. society.” She suggested we ought to be aware that often times, ‘feminism’ means ‘equality for White women’ via omission of an anti-racist, anti-heterosexist agendas.” Theme III: Turn Elsewhere for Feminist Support? Six respondents compared AAMFT with other organizations that, according to them, have done better job of supporting diversity and feminist issues. Three of them shared that they have turned to other organizations (AFTA, in particular [American Family Therapy Academy]) for support and have pulled their energies out of AAMFT. One participant shared that she and a colleague have repeatedly been rejected for support by AAMFT regarding their scholarly ideas about feminist-informed training. She wrote, “I assume AAMFT's more conservative members want to limit the number of presentations and posters that have a feminist framework. I think they allow in a token number of feminist presentations”. In response to her negative experiences with AAMFT, she has joined AFTA and NCFR, which she finds “are more willing to embrace feminist thinking.” Due to the lack of support and what she saw as hypocrisy, Monica shared that 152 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 she, too, has pulled her energy out of AAMFT. She also shared that many of her friends her age feel the same way. In contrasting the support she has received from AFTA instead, she commented, “I don’t think there is anything in AAMFT with regard to my interest. Nothing.. I don’t even go to that anymore (referring to AAMFT annual conference) I don’t. I am going to AFTA. I’ve only been once but it’s a lot more fulfilling.” Hannah and Karen mentioned that AFTA is a good resource for feminism and a more feminist-informed process (not structure). Three participants commented on AAFMT’s standing on specific issues that they thought should have been handled differently by the organization. Michelle shared that due to the manner in which AAMFT responded to the “feminist challenge about reproductive rights.. (they) lost many feminist leaders from the organization over this issue which has not served it well. AFTA has become home for them rather than having them participate in both organizations.” Jane commented on the fact that AAMFT does not have a feminist section which NCFR [National Council on Family Relations] did. Due to the fact that NCFR valued more diversity and other reasons, Jane said that (this year) she was attending NCFR conference and not AAMFT. Three participants made reference to the petition that was going around in the AAMFT membership regarding a special meeting that was requested to deal with allegations made about possible discrimination based on gender and race. Central Theme V: Challenges for Feminist Women Academicians The respondents noted that there were several challenges that they experienced due to their feminist ideas. They had either directly experienced such challenges themselves or had known of other feminist women colleagues who had experienced 153 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 them. Half of the respondents noted having had some form of discriminatory experience due to their identification with feminist ideas. The other half said that they did not. Out of the latter half, one said that even though she hadn’t experienced any direct consequences herself, this was because she and her colleagues think similarly along feminist lines. She said, “They've paved the way for me to slide right in and feel accepted, though I hear from them that they have had to fight many times for equal rights in the dept, mostly because of other faculty who have differing, non-feminist points of view.” One more participant commented that she had not experienced any discrimination due to feminist ideas, but “when feminism is more broadly defined to include anti-racist and global equity agendas, then adherence to these ideals have created stressful dynamics in some situations.” In some cases, it was difficult to untie challenges of being a woman in academia to challenges of being a feminist woman in academia. For example, Monica said, “I feel like, as a woman and feminist, not taken as seriously as a man.” Three participants commented that, overall, their experiences as a feminist woman in academia has been very positive, despite some challenges. Three others shared that they had experienced no challenges due to the fact that their department and colleagues adopted feminist ideas and hence supported them in their feminism too. Theme I. Double-Standard Five participants alluded to the fact that there exists a double-standard for women regarding certain things. Terri and Meg alluded to the fact that being assertive has contradictory implications for women. On one hand, the trait is important to have because one gets things done, but on the other hand when women challenge or question, they can be punished for being “too assertive”. For few participants, this led to negative 154 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 consequences. Meg gave an example of how she was rewarded by being assigned leadership positions by the department because she was assertive. However, when that disrupted the existing hierarchy, she was punished in “small, interpersonal ways”. Karen also shared that she had earned a reputation by males in her department of being “pushy, cantankerous and uncooperative” because she questioned practices that were not transparent. However, when men are assertive, it is seen as normal. Five participants talked about how female faculty are expected to wear professional attire to faculty meetings, whereas men can wear jeans, flip flops, and mismatched sweat suits to those meetings. According to Karen, though a cliché, the double standard still requires “women to work harder to get less.” Karen also shared that this double standard also applied when “People applaud men who bring children to work but find women who bring children to work annoying and inappropriate.” Theme II. Feminist Scholarship: Less Valued Sub-Theme I. Competition over collaboration. Michelle ‘s words captured this sub-theme best, “universities are still dominated by men, ideas of power, competition, individuality, individual production, rather than collaboration, accommodation, focus on relationships.” Karen shared that her scholarship is self-funded and focuses on how best to train students and majority of her service is oriented toward editing. She has learned that such scholarship that promotes others’ ideas is not going to help her "get ahead". Sub-Theme II. Scholarship perceived as less important or rigorous. Six participants shared that, in comparison to traditional approaches to research, their research was discounted as less rigorous, taken less seriously, or dismissed because it is seen as being agenda-driven. Other examples of responses under this sub-theme were: 155 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 activities that might be considered more feminine or feminist (e.g., service, relationships with students, teaching styles) are not valued; taxes on time due to commitment to collaboration and inclusion of all voices/fairness; feminist journals seen as second or third tier, and action research less valued or seen as too much service. Theme III. Androcentric Standards of Scholarship for Advancement Under this theme, seven participants share that due to male-defined standards of evaluating success and advancement, they have often faced difficulties regarding tenure and promotion (due to their feminist ideas or scholarship) and have to work harder to get good evaluations compared to others. They also stated that the standards for advancement (e.g. for tenure and promotion) typically favor male-oriented values of scholarship (e.g., “external funding and committee work”) and disfavors feminist scholarship. Joy said, “I think my research is taken less seriously, which makes the tenure process more frightening”. Meg shared that since feminist journals are viewed as second or third tier, this can hurt feminist researchers at Tenure and Promotion times. Linda talked about the difficulty for “women in academia to maintain feminist leadership styles as they advance because advancement often requires androcentric perspectives.” Joy shared that all the feminist professors she knew had had (unwarranted) difficulty with tenure. Theme IV. Tenure Timelines don’t Consider Family Responsibilities Five participants discussed how the tenure timelines did not assume value of relationships and parenting responsibilities. Karen said, “Administration is typically considered a male activity. When one of my friends became pregnant while serving an interim administrative position, it was assumed that she not only would not apply for the permanent position, she would step aside as the interim.” Georgia wrote that “people who 156 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 are most likely to be "successful" tend to be married men who have supportive stay-athome wives. I'm expected to meet that standard though I don't have the same support.” She also shared that she was belittled for “choosing to have a baby while teaching”. Michelle shed some light on this, “women who favor a more balanced life and focus on their intimate relationships and families (if they have children) can have a hard time meeting the academic requirements for advancement and tenure because the expectations for performance require so much time and attention.” One participant talked about her concern about getting pregnant since she may have to choose between family and career, because she anticipated punishment during the tenure and promotion process. Theme V. Harassed Due to Feminist ideas? Four participants provided examples of times when faculty (mainly male) either challenged (her) viewpoint inappropriately describing them as solipsistic and/or malebashing, harassed and slandered (her) due to her feminist ideas, receiving negative evaluation on her dossier due to the fact that a full male professor hated feminists. Due to the harassment she received by a senior male professor due to her feminist ideas, one participant shared that she experienced an incredible amount of stress. Theme VI. Struggles with Teaching Feminist Ideas Sub-Theme I. Not as relevant as it used to be. Two participants related that part of their struggle in teaching was due to the fact that they thought the current generation of graduate students did not necessarily find feminist ideas very relevant to contemporary life. Amanda, who is in her 40s, explained why she thought this might be the case, “First, I think the majority of current graduate students did not live through the feminist movement from the 1960s to the 1980s. So, they lack the context and personal experience 157 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 of the civil rights movement and the feminist movement that grew out of it. Second, I think that many of the younger students may not have experienced the same types or degree of gender discrimination in their own lives that I have in mine… But they may generalize their experience to others, assuming that their clients do not experience gender discrimination either, and this can be problematic.” Shannon shared that she found it difficult to help the young feminist students see that feminist thought changes and goes through periods of more and less momentum. She said, “some young feminists today are missing the historical context and developmental nature of feminist thought..” Both Shannon and Amanda expressed their worry that feminist family therapy has lost steam and may not regain it for some time, and that feminism may be viewed by some as a historical issue. Amanda said that, to her, this reflected an androcentric point of view. Sub-Theme II. Different kinds of feminism. Two participants talked about the fact that, in the minds of their students, the subtle distinctions between different kinds of feminisms did not exist. This led the students to judge them negatively. One said that, students in her program uncritically accepted the image of feminists as representing malehating and “Feminazis”. Sub-Theme III. Undermined authority. Two participants gave examples of times when their students undermined their authority and discounted them due to their own conservative ideas about feminism. One participant shared that her students (predominantly of the dominant culture) upon hearing her feminist ideas and judging her negatively without any further dialog, had gone to male faculty (who are also of dominant culture) instead of coming to her directly. 158 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Theme VII. Unwarranted Reputation and Images of Feminists Six participants talked about the fact that they had to often fight the negative images that were associated with being a feminist. One participant shared that in her program, she learned that feminists are referred to as “feminazis” and students associated a male-hating attitude with being a feminist. She also shared that she has been labeled “pushy” and “cantankerous” by some male faculty (not by women faculty) due to her assertive nature. Monica talked about the fact that, in our society, there are often labels assigned to marginalized groups, such as immigrants or refugees or Latinas, and “feminist” is one of those bad words. Victoria noted that “feminist women can be typecast as one-note, trouble-makers who are invested in challenging male privilege. Some colleagues dismiss the arguments as being "old news." Joy shared that, as a feminist, “some people immediately hate you (and) they see your work as less scholarly.” She also discussed that, being a feminist faculty member, one often has to explain to students what feminism is. Renita and Joy also talked about why some feminists are judged that way. Renita shared that “some, not all, but some of the women who are feminists are very vocal and sometimes that turns people off.” Joy shared that feminists often had to try to “undo some of the misinformation about feminism that they (students) got from the media.” Shannon’s concern was unique. She shared that she feels judged by images that feminists have acquired and feels that she has to live up to them and criticize every point of view in order to be “feminist enough”. “Sometimes I feel as though students are judging my way of being feminist. I hate that. That's one of the downfalls of some feminists. Some have adopted a feminist critique stance for so long, and for such valid 159 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 and good reasons, that they/we can't stop criticizing everyone on everything. I become afraid sometimes to speak for fear of not saying something feminist enough” Central Theme VI: Looking Forward: What Can be done Differently? I asked the women to share with me any suggestions they had regarding what could be done differently in order for them to feel validated in their professional lives, as feminist women in MFT academia. Most participants expressed a positive view of the way things stood in the field and expressed hope regarding the future. Theme I. Things are Changing Seven participants indicated that they saw things changing within the field of MFT and as feminists within the field felt validated in some ways already. For example, Karen noted that “at least on my campus..we have more female administrators, more who are not of the dominant religion, and more who value public discourse.” Victoria shared that she does feel validated in her profession and that, as a general rule, the “field embraces a feminist way of being. When it rears its head, sexism can be legitimately challenged, which I think often doesn't happen in the corporate world.” Pam said, “My father used to say, women in academia, medicine, law, had to work twice as hard as males to get where they are. Umm.. and I don’t know if I believe that anymore. It think that was maybe a generation ago.” Shannon expressed that she feels very “heartened to see so many of (her) feminist friends practicing and teaching MFT across the country.” Michelle believes that “things are changing and will continue to change as universities have more women moving up in administrative positions.” Hannah commented that she feels validated, mostly by her colleagues (men and women alike), “who are a tight support system we all value.” Karen believes that changes are happening (“e.g., the surge 160 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 in respect for qualitative inquiry), but is not yet there. All of these things have changed and are changing, but need to continue changing.” Theme II. Need for a Network/ Support group Seven participants said that there is a need within the field for a public forum or a support group to share ideas with each other. Terri said, “We need a support group! I want us to talk about these ideas together and receive support from one another rather than struggling alone in silence.” Renita expressed a similar sentiment, “more forums to talk about it. Yeah, to talk about the things that you have asked me about. A community, if you will. A organized community, may be, of women, feminists on campus. That would be nice.. I think that might be a nice way to find and give support.” Pam and Renita both suggested that women should make friends with other women in their groups and “prepare each other and take care of each other and of ourselves as we go through this.” and “if we all stay and support together, we would all go to battle for each other.” Theme III. Mentoring Female Students Michelle and Victoria expressed the importance of mentoring female students. Michelle commented, “I think women need to mentored more purposefully and more across their careers so that we find ways to have influence and be heard.”. Victoria also said that it is “really important to mentor female students into a feminist way of embracing their own talents and ways of thinking--so that they value what they have to offer instead of thinking they need to learn to offer something that doesn't fit for them…I think we have to learn to trust our own voices more (referring to voices of women).” 161 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Theme IV. Family Friendly Karen expressed that the “tenure system that punishes young parents for caring for their families needs to change.” She further suggested that “trail-along spouses in administration need to be treated less like co-responsible, behind the scenes, entertain the colleagues.. Administrators need to have more equitable and egalitarian relationships and value their marital and family relationships with higher priority so that the trickledown affects others in the institution.” Jane commented the fact that “the field hasn’t caught up to support pregnant women, that there’s not enough paid leave for that.” Theme V. Other Suggestions Jane commented that within the AAMFT organization, several things need to change. “The true voice isn’t getting a heard because” preference is given to academicians over clinicians and students are not being valued. Terri suggested that the issue regarding double standard about women’s assertiveness is overlooked in MFT programs and should be a part of the core curriculum. She gave an example of how, “when women in academia assert themselves, they might be viewed as ‘bitchy’ where if a man were to be assertive, it would be considered normal.” Karen suggested broadening the definition of scholarship and having more transparency in decision making processes, especially regarding such decisions as equity raises and retention criteria. She believes that “keeping things like equity and retention raise criteria hidden disadvantages women more than men. This information can be unearthed if one knows it's there, but I think that men are more likely to (a) ask about it and (b) be given information without garnering negative reputations more easily.” 162 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 I conclude this chapter with quoting Shannon, whose response I found very enthusiastic and hopeful. She expressed, “We feminists need to write more and have more of an impact on the teaching and practice of social justice in our MFT programs..We must remain unapologetic and steadfast in our resolve to challenge our students, clients, and colleagues to consider their social location in life and to respect the social location of everyone else without judgment. Young professors like myself have got to pick up and carry the torches lit and carried by amazing feminist scholars before us, and we need to light and carry our own torches of humanity and social justice as we journey through life and work.” 163 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 TABLE IV.1. DOMAIN I: ACADEMIC CAREER IN MFT General Theme I: Looking Back: Pursuing a Career in MFT Academia Central Theme I: Attraction to MFT Academic Career Theme I: E Not on my Own - Encouragement by a Mentor Sub-Theme I: Didn’t see it in myself. (5) Sub-Theme II: Encouraged by a professor or mentor. (7) Theme II: Love One or More Aspects (All) Sub-Theme I: “Could have it all. (3) Sub-Theme II: Flexibility. (3) Sub-Theme III: Research and writing. (2) Sub-Theme IV: Teaching. (1) Sub-Theme V: Supervision. (1) Sub-Theme VI: Intellectual challenge and growth. (3) Sub-Theme VII: Financial. (2) Central Theme II: Help Along the Way Theme I: External Support Sub-Theme I: Family. (5) Sub-Theme II: Mentors and faculty. (7) Sub-Theme III: Others Theme II: Self (5) Theme III: Other Contextual Locations (5) Central Theme III: Hurdles and Stressors Along the Way Theme I: Being a Female Sub-Theme I: Expectations and perceptions – Of self and others. (7) Sub-Theme II: Being too accommodating. (3) Sub-Theme III: Not taken seriously. (3) Sub-Theme IV: Other hurdles. Theme II: Minority Status (4) Theme III: Other Challenges General Theme II: Now that I am Here: My Experiences Central Theme I: Areas of Success and Achievements Theme I: Research, Scholarship and Public Presentations (10) Theme II: Professional Networking and Administrative Success (5) Theme III: Relationships and Work with Students (6) Theme IV: Personal Successes (5) Theme V: Enjoy Most, Enjoy Least Central Theme II: Gender and Sex Discrimination Theme I: More or Less or Different Compared to Male Counterpart (8) Sub-Theme I: More work and less compensation. (5) Sub-Theme II: How I appear. (3) Sub-Theme III: Must dress up or dress down. (5) Sub-Theme IV: How I talk. (1) Theme II: Good Old Boys System (5) Theme III: Demeaning Comments or Sexual Harassment: The Actual Event (5) Theme IV: Reaction to Experience of Discrimination or Harassment Sub-Theme I. To take action or not? Sub-Theme II. Feelings. Theme V: Not in my Department (4) Theme VI: Women on Women Sexism (3) 164 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 DOMAIN II: BEING A FEMINIST WOMAN IN ACADEMIA General Theme I: Feminism and Impact on Life Central Theme I: Understanding of Feminism and General Impact on Life Theme I. Meaning of Feminism Sub-Theme I: Broader than gender. (9) Sub-Theme II: Gender related. (6) Sub-Theme III: Deconstruction or questioning. (6) Sub-Theme IV: Power related. (7) Sub-Theme V: Freedom to be. (5) Sub-Theme VI: Equity related. (4) Theme II. Introduction to Feminism Sub-theme I: Family of origin. (7) Sub-Theme II: Feminist movement. (4) Sub-Theme III: Formal education. (7) Sub-Theme IV: Other sources. (3) Theme III. General Impact of Feminism Sub-Theme I: Who I am – How I think. (13) Sub-Theme II: Who I coupled (or uncoupled) with. (9) Sub-Theme III: Career and profession choices. (10) Sub-Theme IV: Other family decisions. (7) Sub-Theme V: Other Central Theme II: Impact of Feminism on Academic Work Theme I: Impact of Feminism on Research and Scholarship Sub-Theme I: Focus on marginalized populations. (13) Sub-Theme II: Type of research. (5) Sub-Theme III: Research agenda, decisions, and results. (4) Sub-theme IV: Research Participants. (2) Sub-Theme V: Self-of-the-researcher. (2) Theme II: Impact of Feminism on Teaching and Experience with Students Sub-Theme I. Being a role model for female students. (5) Sub-Theme II. Being collaborative. (3) Sub-Theme III. Attending to power and hierarchy. (3) Sub-Theme IV: Being transparent. (3) Sub-Theme V. Exploring more options. (3) Sub-Theme VI. Inclusive of males and females. (3) Sub-Theme VII. Challenging students. (3) Sub-Theme VIII. Conflict between Christianity and feminism. (2) Central Theme III: The Balancing Act: Family and Work Theme I. Yes and No: Not Perfect but Okay Theme II. Being a Parent (Or not) Theme III. Thank Goodness for Spouses and Grown-up kids! Theme IV. Flexibility in Academia Central Theme IV: Experience with Professional Organizations (e.g. AAMFT) Theme I. Unfavorable experiences with AAMFT (6) Theme II. AAMFT: Another Agent of Patriarchy? (5) Theme III: Turn Elsewhere for Feminist Support? (6) CONTINUED. 165 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 CONTINUED. Central Theme V: Challenges of Feminist Women Academicians Theme I. Double-Standard (5) Theme II. Feminist Scholarship: Less Valued (6) Sub-Theme I. Competition over collaboration. (2) Sub-Theme II. Scholarship perceived as less important or rigorous. (6) Theme III. Androcentric Standards of Scholarship for Advancement (7) Theme IV. Tenure Timelines don’t Consider Family Responsibilities (5) Theme V. Harassed Due to Feminist ideas? (4) Theme VI. Struggles with Teaching Feminist Ideas Sub-Theme I. Not as relevant as it used to be. (2) Sub-Theme II. Different kinds of feminism. (2) Sub-Theme III. Undermined authority. (2) Theme VII. Unwarranted Reputation and Images of Feminists (6) Central Theme VI: Looking Forward: What Can be Done Differently? Theme I. Things are Changing (7) Theme II. Need for a Network/ Support group (7) Theme III. Mentoring Female Students (3) Theme IV. Family Friendly (2) Theme V. Other Suggestions 166 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 CHAPTER V DISCUSSION Brief Summary of Research Despite their entry into academia in ever increasing numbers in the last three decades, the work environment continues to be chilly and oppressive for women. In a detailed report published in a book titled, Beyond Bias and Barriers: Fulfilling the Potential of Women in Academic Science and Engineering, the authors note, “Structural constraints and expectations built into academic institutions assume that faculty members have substantial spousal support. Anyone lacking the career and family support traditionally provided by a "wife" is at a serious disadvantage in academe, evidence shows.” (Committee on Maximizing the Potential of Women in Academic Science and Engineering, National Academy of Sciences, National Academy of Engineering, and Institute of Medicine, 2007). This piece of evidence brings to light the pressures and challenges that the women in academia face, as they make headway into previously uncharted territories of male-dominated institutions. My dissertation research was carried out so as to develop better understanding of experiences of feminist women academicians in MFT programs. Using phenomenological methods and qualitative data analyses, I attempted to capture sixteen feminist womens’ experiences in contemporary academic settings. The aim of this research was not modest by any means, and with the grandiosity that all novice researchers start out, I too began with a long inventory of questions I wanted to ask these women. Needless to say, I ended up collecting much more data than I could handle. I do not regret it because of the many rewards that this research brought me. Through use of 167 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 stringent qualitative methods and guidance of mentors along the way, I learned the amazing skill to reduce a large and seemingly unmanageable data set to a manageable and presentable form. Part of that data is reproduced in this dissertation and the vast majority of it will continue to inform my future career and life. The women in my study experienced competing demands that took their attention, time and thought. They also shared many successes and achievements, and sources of support and hope in their lives. The responses of my participants often had inherent dualities in them. In order to initiate the readers into this metaphor of duality, as they read this final section of my dissertation, I begin with noting again, the comments of Lawrence Summers, the former president of Harvard University. His comments raised a controversy at the time and have continued to irk my consciousness since I read about them. In explaining why women are underrepresented in sciences and engineering professions, he had suggested that women are innately less gifted in science professions and are unwilling (or less willing) to sacrifice as much time for their careers as men. For me, his comments have become a metaphor for the “arbitrary and subjective” (usually negative) evaluation processes that women are often subjected to, both in their professional and personal worlds. Research has shown that women in academia face unconscious but pervasive biases. Since a large part of my dissertation is devoted to understanding how women in academia experience their work environments, I present his comments because they partly shape my understanding of my research findings. One of my participants commented “Perceptions are everything”. That comment has stuck with me for some reason. If the perceptions of the president of the oldest higher education institution in this 168 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 country are sexist and ‘uninformed’, this alarms me to the perceptions that women in less ‘enlightened’ institutions have to face. I have continued to keep Summers comments at the back of my mind as data for my dissertation poured in the form of emails over the last year, and as I have tried to sew all the data together in my mind and on paper. I refer to them because of two, rather competing, sentiments. One, I experienced some of those same sentiments (of anger and frustration) as I read and heard of some of my participants’ struggles as I did when I heard Summers’ comments. Two, I experienced some of the same sentiments (of joy, excitement and hope) when I read stories of success and accomplishment of my participants in my research as I did when I learned that Drew Faust and Nancy Pelosi took leadership of some of this nation’s most powerful offices. As I understand it, my participants’ narratives of struggles and successes represent the essential contradictions and complexity that characterize women’s lives and experiences. In the following paragraphs, I try to weave my findings together using the metaphor of dualities – of struggles and successes. I start by integrating my findings with other published literature. I list the contributions this study makes and the resultant implications for academia, and our field of marriage and family therapy. I also list the deficiencies of this research study, as I reflect back upon the process and my findings. In light of the findings, I also make some suggestions about new possible directions for scholarship and research. I conclude with sharing about the personal impact of this research, and how I matured alongside this process of inquiry into the lives of sixteen feminist women in MFT academia. 169 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Contributions and Strengths of the Study Significant Findings – Ties to Existing Literature Feminism The participants in this study indicated that their feminism played a very significant role in their lives. A majority of them suggested that feminism was a part of who they were, not just an ideology for them. Most of them shared that it impacted almost all areas of their lives, both professional and personal. Regarding what feminism meant for them, their answers varied from broader than gender (to include race, ethnicity, etc.), gender-related responses (such as equity for men and women, supporting women, etc.), deconstructing and questioning, power-related (paying attention to dominance, patriarchy, male-privilege, etc.), and freedom (expression to be, ability to own one’s voice, etc.). These responses are very consistent with how feminist ideas and values have been discussed in feminist literature: According to Allen and Baber (1992; p. 5), feminism is “A belief that women are exploited, devalued and oppressed; a commitment to change the conditions of women; and the adoption of a perspective that is critical of intellectual traditions (e.g., androcentric scholarship).” People can demonstrate feminism in many ways, such as political activism, every day involvement in projects that address women’s issues, and through academic and scholarly pursuits that attempt to change attitudes, values and general knowledge regarding gender roles, etc. Women participants in my research indicated that their feminist ideas guided many of their life decisions, including the decision to choose career in MFT, get a higher education, choose to begin or end an intimate relationship. They also shared that it informs their academic work to a great extent, in such areas as their 170 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 research and scholarship agendas, the areas of their interest (those that addressed issues of women and other marginalized populations), the aims of their research, their relationship with students, and their self-as-a-researcher. Dualities I found that some of my participants’ responses had interesting dualities and contradictions that emerged. I summarize them briefly in this paragraph. In terms of how they managed their work and family together, few participants commented that, on one hand, the academic job flexibility allowed them to have creative options to spend time with family and work from home. On the other hand, due to the fact academic responsibilities that extended beyond 9 to 5 hours and teaching, it also meant that they took work home during hours that other people had “time off”. I explore this theme in more detail later. Another interesting and conflicting response was obtained from two women regarding how gender acted as a hurdle for one and an advantage for the other during applying for faculty positions in MFT programs. Terry, who is in her 30s, mentioned that a lot of schools were looking for men at the time that she applied and since the field of MFT has many women, it meant that she could not have those jobs. On the other hand, Michelle, who is in her 50s said that at the time when she applied for jobs, she had several doors open up to her because she is a woman and “female faculty were desperately needed in MFT programs”. Scholarship Considered Less Rigorous There is some documentation that basic research (research that leads to development of theory) holds more status than applied or evaluation research (Mahlstedt, 1999). Six participants in my study shared that their research was seen as less rigorous, 171 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 dismissed, or taken less seriously. One participant shared that activities that were considered feminine or feminist are less valued in academia. Other participants also shared that action research was viewed as too much service and not a legitimate form of research, and that relationships with students and teaching styles were not taken into account for promotion and advancement standards. I wondered if that is considered merely “relationship” work. Perhaps, the disdain of practical and applied work within the university merely reflects the disdain for practical and applied work outside it. In addition, this also helps to perpetuate the notion that knowledge arising out of practice is of minimal worth (Ehrenreich & English, 1978). The “Good Old Boys’ System The “good old boys system” came up as a powerful theme in the narratives of the participants in this study, as a system that is very cohesive and does not allow itself to be penetrated. Two participants suggested that if those outside of the old-boys-club try to challenge that system of hierarchy, they are labeled negatively and lose opportunities, respect or approval. The way four participants in my study described it, it resembles closely the characteristics of a closed system. Characteristics of such a closed system are: lack of flow of information, formation of rigid outgroup versus ingroup, feedback and influence not accepted from outside, or given to outside. Michelle defined it, “men held all of the administrative positions of influence and were very hierarchical in their decision-making. Many were supportive of women as long as the woman agreed with their vision for them for their career, but when they were challenged by a differing view women lost opportunities and were not respected.” Karen also summarized this in some depth. In describing the challenges of feminist women she wrote, “This institution is 172 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 administered by people who literally are old friends. If one is not one of the old friends club either by relationship or by invitation (a male-instituted way of working), one has a harder time of getting information, being heard, and having influence.” Intersections of Social Locations My respondents shared, in overwhelming majority, that their feminism was more than just an ideology for them, in that it informed all areas of their lives. For most of them, they shared that the impact of feminism has been profound in that it affects decisions about their own needs, and family and professional decisions. It impacts their professional work, e.g. teaching, research and supervision, and relationship with students. Their responses confirm previous research findings, which talk about the interconnection between different areas of women’s lives. Another finding that emerged was that the participants could not disentangle their feminism from their gender. At the same time, as the researcher for this study, I could not disentangle the impact of their feminism from their experiences as women either. Oftentimes, their responses indicated that their struggles were due to their gender, but it also appeared that they experienced some of the same struggles due to their feminist ideas as well (e.g., research taken less seriously, academic work that is feminine or feminist valued less, exclusion from the old-boys school system, their teaching styles, etc.). For that reason, there were many overlaps between different themes. It was conceptually impossible to make different themes mutually exclusive since the interconnections between different aspects of their lives made it hard to tease apart influence of their gender from their feminism. For example, Michelle commented that her female students look up to her and feel supported by her, “but how much this can be attributed to my 173 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 commitment to feminism or just my style is hard to decipher.” In the same vein, responding to a question about how I could improve my survey, Linda commented, “I would ask questions about how participants see their intersecting social positions relative to gender, race, class, country of origin, sexual orientation/relational affiliation, language/accent, and abilities informing and impacting their work.” Two other participants also brought attention to this issue when they indicated that they could not disentangle their experiences of being a woman from their experiences as women of color. The experience of social disadvantage depends on multiple category memberships, so that a Black woman's perception of discrimination may be qualitatively different from that of a White woman or that of a Black man. According to Essed (1994), different aspects of social location (including race, gender, and social class) lead to identification with "ideas, beliefs, goals or opinions embedded in different, maybe even conflicting, ideological systems" (p. 100). As an example, a woman might subjectively identify with her Black identity on one occasion and with women on another, but this "either - or" dichotomy obscures the possibility that identity can be contingent on the simultaneous intersection of these categories. Lorde (1990) explained eloquently why she did not want to be given a tag as part of her identity: “As a black, lesbian feminist comfortable with the many different ingredients of my identity … I find I am constantly asked to pluck out one aspect of myself and present this as the meaningful whole, eclipsing or denying the other parts of myself. But … my fullest concentration of energy is available to me only when I integrate all of the parts of who I am … without the restrictions of externally imposed definitions.” (p. 285). In order to understand this intersection, researchers have suggested that questions can be framed along these lines, 174 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 "When does a black British woman feel strongly 'British' as opposed to 'black' or 'female'...?" (Oakes & Turner, 1986, p. 323). In the light of the aforementioned intersections, for the next two sections “Being a Female” and “Being a Feminist”, I want the reader to note that even though I have placed them for discussion as separate categories, they really are connected. Being a Female in Academia Gender represents a construct that informs law and state/federal institutions, and is embedded in a set of commercial meaning associated with representations of women (or feminist women) in art, media, and ultimately our minds. There are funded organizations, professions and status built around the definition and implications of research done on/for/with women. Being a female in a patriarchal culture, one can hear contradictory messages that add to the complexity of how a female experiences her internal and external life. At times, there are rewards and punishments often for the same behaviors. Here, I discuss some of the themes related to being a female that appeared salient in the lives of my participants, as deduced from their responses. Balancing work and family: Still walking the tight rope? In terms of the workfamily balance, participants’ responses ranged on a continuum of different levels of success. Very hard, not balanced, not perfect, manage it, ok, struggle – were some of the responses. Only two participants shared that they were able to balance home and work lives well. This was an important theme. It came up not only when they described their own challenges, but also in that two participants shared that their female students often looked up to them regarding maintaining balance between career and family. Hannah shared, “they (referring to young female students) seem equally eager to be reassured 175 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 that I do have a husband and family and all those good things in life that they also want. They want to hear it is not an either/or thing and I think they worry that feminism will require them to sacrifice the wife/mother goals they have.” Seven participants also talked of struggling during graduate school and their academic careers due to the expectations others had regarding their roles in home and family spheres. A few talked about having had a tough time in graduate school due to competing demands on the home and school fronts. This reflected the fact that not only is it a challenge for women graduate students, but this challenge carries on into their academic careers. This finding was rather telling, because three participants discussed that they found the flexibility of their academic job as one of the most attractive aspects about it. This means that, even with the flexibility that academia affords them, many participants still struggle. This finding makes intuitive sense, given the fact that the work demands in academia include attention to multiple activities, such as teaching (preparing, grading, etc), publications, and service and committee work. Faculty in MFT programs often have additional responsibilities of doing clinical supervision of students, in addition to having their own clinical practices as well. Of course, the fierce competition and tenure timelines and evaluations only make it harder for women who continue to be responsible for disproportionate amounts of housework and parenting work. Speaking of this issue, Probert (2005) makes a radical argument. According to her, perhaps academic work offers too much flexibility for women, such that it 'allows' them to be at home while working, thinking about dinner while grading, doing the washing while theorizing. In my mind, she makes the point that, as universities become more family friendly, they create newer ways for women to be back into their 176 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 homes ‘allowing’ them to care for their children and do the housework. She also comments that universities are devising more ways in which to be 'family friendly' and yet men are shown to benefit from working long hours by accomplishing more scholarly work but by avoiding the intensive unpaid work at home. Although, my findings are not generalizable, they find support from findings of two studies done with faculty in MFT programs. Regarding marital status of women in the academe (faculty), that being married or in a significant relationship contributes to more home stress, with women taking on a disproportionate share of household responsibilities (Viers-Yaun, 2003). In a study on the work-family balance in faculty in MFT, Matheson (2002) found that males reported greater satisfaction than females regarding the balance of their work and personal life. Female MFT faculty generally felt they had a poor balance or mixed good and poor balance between their career and home life, and that it was related to chronic pressures at home and work that hindered these women from balancing these two spheres. In addressing these dualities regarding workfamily that women in academia experience, Bartlett (2006) makes a profound suggestion, “Perhaps we need to find ways of taking our life to work, instead of just taking our work home with us. Perhaps if work/life were not represented as slashed, as balancing or colliding, there could be room for other conversations and policies.” (p. 23) Commenting on the conflict of work-family balance in academic jobs, Bailyn (1993) of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology noted, “The academic career . . . is paradoxical. Despite its advantages of independence and flexibility, it is psychologically difficult. The lack of ability to limit work, the tendency to compare oneself primarily to the exceptional giants in one’s field, and the high incidence of overload make it 177 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 particularly difficult for academics to find a satisfactory integration of work with private life. . . . It is the unbounded nature of the academic career that is the heart of the problem. Time is critical for professors, because there is not enough of it to do all the things their job requires: teaching, research, and institutional and professional service. It is therefore impossible for faculty to protect other aspects of their lives.” (p. 51) For my research participants, I came up with the following two themes that were rather salient in my mind with regard to the work-family balance issue. I. Ongoing Vigilance and Planning. It appeared that all the participants had to be vigilant about the process of having a balance between family and work priorities, so that neither one took priority over the other. Several of them commented that it is an ongoing challenge that requires constant vigilance and a lot of work, strategizing, and planning. Shannon and Terry talked about strategizing as their biggest tools for achieving the balance. Shannon mentioned such things as - planning ahead, co-coordinating her work hours with her spouse’s sleep or gone-time, utilizing cleaning service, and finally sometimes just saying "It'll have to wait" to either her work or home plans depending on what needed her attention desperately. 2. Mommy Punishment or Motherhood Penalty? Bartlett (2006), a woman in academia who had a child, wrote, “I want to resist the idea that my work and my parenting are in conflict or somehow compromise each other.” Without naming her, I would like to make special mention of one of my research participants here. Her comments, very poignantly, summarize the judgments that women possibly have to face for becoming mothers and attending to their families and how they “feel” they have to work against perceptions and appearances of being strictly family- 178 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 oriented. In the time between when she filled the first web-based survey and the final follow-up questions over email, this participant became pregnant. In her first survey, she had written, “I want to know how women in academia balance family and tenure…I am concerned about what happens to women in academia who get pregnant. I feel that they are punished, particularly on a tenure track line, and I am scared that I will have to give up everything that I have worked for if I get pregnant.” When she responded to my last email, she shared that she had recently become pregnant. At this time, she talked about the fact that she had been successful so far in balancing work and family due to two things: a) having support; her supervisor has been very supportive and has encouraged her to take time off when her baby arrives, and b) by being over-productive in her writing before her baby comes. She has strategized so that she is over-productive now, plans to take some time off and return to teach in fall “as a way to keep (her) foot in the door". Though, she wants very badly to reach her professional goals of “getting grants, writing, and research”, she wonders, “at what cost to the relationship between me and my child?” She continues to fear that those in charge of the tenure process will "hold it against (her)" when she goes up for tenure at “the same time as male faculty who have not had time off for children.” “I am over-productive now, before baby comes, so that as papers and books come out over the years, I can be spending more time at home with my family but the continual stream of publications I have lined up will make it appear as if I never took time off at all.” A study by Halpert, Wilson, and Hickman (1993) documented the assumption that women who just had babies are less competent. They found that performance reviews of female managers "plummeted" after pregnancy. They concluded that this assumption was 179 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 prompted by pregnancy partly because “pregnancy activates the stereotype of women as irrational and overly emotional”. Pregnant women are viewed as less committed or even less competent. According to Williams (2004), pregnant women in academia experience a strong bind such that they may be “caught between two greedy ideals: the ideal academic working close to sixty hours a week, and the ideal mother devoted around the clock to her children.” Bartlett (2006) expresses her frustration with current public discourse that pits maternity against work, as though women have to juggle and balance all these aspects of identity (while men do not), “as if work were something we do when we’re not living.” She further says, “Its time to consider new models of work-life relations that can readily incorporate our desires and our maternity.” (p. 21.) Double standards for men and women. This came up as a theme in discussion of more than one topic by my participants and I discuss it in depth here. Regarding standards of competence, women, especially in academia, are known to experience Catch -22 (also referred to as the competency penalty). Research has shown that women are often penalized for being too competent (Williams, 2003). In a culture which rewards men for being assertive and powerful and women for being sociable and reassuring and expects both men and women to follow the gender roles, a forceful woman who exercises authority may be viewed in a negative light. Women also have to work harder to establish that they are competent, and yet they may be penalized for being “too” competent if they break the mold of stereotypical behaviors that they are expected to adopt (Williams, 2003). According to Barnett and Baruch (1978), femininity and competence are understood as being mutually exclusive, such that the same assertive, outspoken behaviors that are seen as admirable in men may be seen as pushy and 180 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 unfeminine in women. Five of my participants alluded to the fact that there exists a double-standard for women regarding such things. Terri and Meg alluded to the fact that being assertive has contradictory implications for women. Some participants shared that although it was expected of them to be assertive (because that gets work done), if they challenged or defied the gender norm and were ‘too assertive’, they earned negative labels such as bitchy or pushy, or worse, received subtle or more direct consequences. The competency penalty impacts women in several ways (Williams, 2005). They receive fewer rewards than men, if in minority they tend to receive polarized evaluations (either very good or very bad), experience isolation and are often unable to succeed unless they step into stereotypical (caretaking, serving, nurturing) roles that are reassuring and non-threatening to men. According to Gawelek, Mulqueen, and Tarule (1994), female students in academia struggle with issues of competency, with their ability to balance and their capacity to form successful relationships. Through redefining both femininity and competence, opportunities exist for women to pursue both and increase their self-esteem. Their suggestion was that women should integrate both sex-role identity and sense of competence. However, it is easier said than done. Many participants in my study talked about either struggling to own their voice or being labeled as bitchy or cantankerous if they made their voice heard and were steadfast about expressing their concerns or questioning the status quo. Gendered norms regarding self-promotion exacerbate the Catch-22 women often find themselves in. One participant made a comment regarding how her self-advancing interests were criticized in graduate school. Gendered norms of self-promotion are driven by stereotypes and conceptions of women as friendly, unselfish, and other-focused, to 181 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 where a woman may be viewed as a “shameless self-promoter” in a context in which a man would be admired for “knowing his own worth.” (Rudman & Fairchild, 2004, Borgida, Hunt, & Kim, 2005). Another aspect of the Catch-22 is that if a woman does play nurturing roles, then she may be assigned disproportionate amounts of ‘service work’, such as student advising and committee work. Five participants in my study mentioned that, at some point, they had been assigned more work than male professors at the same level in return for less compensation. Two of them shared that they were asked to ‘cover’ for their male colleagues. One woman recounted being “assigned unfair amounts of service when compared to male colleagues and "protect" male colleagues from service so that they could get tenure.” This finding reflects traditional gender roles that women have sought out (that were found acceptable forms of work for them), or roles that they were assigned and seen suitable for. According to Fisher (1982), women have historically been recruited into service occupations on the grounds that these kinds of work require the special nurturing and maternal virtues (e.g., compassion and sensitivity). Although, no research suggests that women are more nurturing or compassionate than men, I believe that this expectation continues to be a tool that serves to maintain the status quo such that women are unapologetically assigned duties of service and ‘relational’ and ‘empathic’ work in academia and other institutions, and also in families. Double standards also emerged regarding different standards of professional clothing for men and women. In the sub-theme ‘dress up and dress down’, I document five participants’ responses indicating different expectation of professional clothing for male and female faculty. They commented that men wore jeans or flip-flops to faculty 182 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 meetings, whereas if women wore those, then they ran the risk of losing credibility. As a participant talked about the dilemma that women face regarding their appearance, and conflict between having to dress up but yet dress down to possibly appear asexual, I recalled what I had read once about why women in our culture obsess about thinning up, “Fear of fat keeps women preoccupied, robs us of our pride and energy, keeps us from taking up space.” It only makes sense that women in academia are facing no different standards regarding expectations of clothing and appearance. One participant talked about how she has paid attention to acts of negotiating her appearance so that she can be noticed more but not too much. Few of them talked about learning to ‘play by the rules’. Regarding double standard, one participant talked about the context of men receiving applause if they brought their children to work and women being viewed as annoying or inappropriate if they did the same. Ford (2003) points out this dilemma and the implications for such doublestandards for women’s sense of self, and communication. “As ample research has demonstrated, women whose discourse performances are similar to those traditionally associated with men are judged negatively because they crossing traditional gender borders. As is often observed, this places women in a lose-lose situation: We can learn the communicative skills that are associated with currently male-dominated domains, and this may win us some level of success. However, practicing these skills is also likely to lead to negative experiences and may even be associated with constraints on our advancement.” (p. 1). Gender socialization - perceptions of others. Women in academia deal with pressures regarding balancing work and family life, personal and professional time 183 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 constraints, financial concerns, a lack of supportive work environment, and managing household work. These pressures are often internal or situational and appear to be influenced by others’ expectations and socialization factors (Moyer, Salovey, & CaseyCannon, 1999). The concept of ‘voice’ is a core theme in women’s developmental theory. According to Gawelek, Mulqueen, and Tarule (1994), Gilligan used voice as a metaphor for ethical and moral decision making that had been silenced and judged as morally inferior. They further note that the informants in Mary Belenky’s Women’s Ways of Knowing (1986) expressed that their sense of their own voice was deeply connected with a sense of self and efficacy in the world. “Voice is the currency of the academy – in lectures, writing, discussions, doctoral committees and in faculty meetings” (Gawelek et al., 1994, p. 179). Victoria, in my study, said this emphatically, “I think we have to learn to trust our own voices more, and I have to say that I think there are a lot of women out there who do this much better than I do. I still think I silence myself at times--out of fear, insecurity, or I'm not sure what. I see other women who are quick to express an opinion, whether or not it's popular, and stand by it. I don't always do this in professional settings, and it's a challenge I'm working on. I put myself in positions where I have to deal with this; I have served in elected positions at the state and national level, and it's great experience, but somewhat intimidating to me still. That troubles me. I also don't necessarily think others see me this way--people tend to tell me that I am very outspoken and clear; perceptions are everything.” Importance of mentors. The importance of having mentors or becoming mentors came up in several contexts in my participants’ responses. Five participants suggested that an academic career in MFT was not something they made an active choice about, 184 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 instead they shared that they were introduced informally by a professor in graduate school who mentored them. Seven participants said that they had a professor or mentor who informally introduced them to the academic career. They mentioned that they had looked up to a mentor or a professor, or had wanted to be like one. Victoria commented, “I didn't see myself as a competent public speaker, but I had a faculty mentor who encouraged me to TA a class with her, and I found that I was born to do this. They were very encouraging or I probably wouldn't have even thought about it.” In listing advantages during their pursuit for academic careers, seven participants recounted the importance of mentors of professors who helped them or acted as role models. In talking about the impact of their feminism on their academic work, five participants shared about their mentoring roles for their female students. Victoria and Monica emphasized this role quite a bit. In the light of their discussion about the struggle for women in academia to be competent, Gawelek et al. (1994) mention that women professors have wonderful opportunities to serve as role models. They comment that, “it is essential that women who have managed to achieve in higher education commit themselves both to changing the alien environment many women experience during school and to encourage them to pursue degree opportunities that may seem ‘beyond’ them” (p. 186.). In light of my participants’ comments regarding mentors they had in graduate school, and their own roles as mentors now that they are professors – it appears that women role models can play an important part in helping women in academia achieve their goals. Although, I did not seek detailed responses regarding what was it that their female mentors provided or did that they found helpful, it appeared from what a few participants shared that – 185 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 providing women students opportunities where they can see themselves as successful, encouraging them to own their voices, talents and interests, and pointing out their strengths to them - were important aspects of mentoring women students. Being a Feminist in Academia Academic work environment for feminists. According to Fisher (1982), like other ‘human services’ workers, feminist academics experience moments of exhilaration and moments of despair. As Morley and Walsh (1995) said, “Feminist consciousness can simultaneously sensitize and heal” (p. 2.). The causes of exhilaration for feminist academics are “success in destroying the sexual stereotypes and myths students bring with them, in helping women to become more independent, self-determining people, in offering an alternate view of the society and the potential of feminist action to change its underlying structure.” (Fisher, 1982, p.57). This theme was visible in my findings, in that some participants talked about the importance of being role models for their women students, and about offering them opportunities for success in professional roles. In terms of difficulties that feminists face in teaching feminist ideas, Fisher (1982) suggests that there are two reasons why contemporary students may reject feminist goals. According to her, the women students may continue to cling to conventional values, opting for the “safety” of marriages, while male students might find them threatening. Another reason they suggest is that the root of such dissatisfaction may lie in the fact that recent students may have had little experience with the women’s movement. I found some evidence of this in my study. Two of my participants suggested that their current students (women) did not find ideas of feminism relevant to their lives since they had not experienced direct discrimination in their lives. Two other participants also shared that 186 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 the male students often undermined their authority by going to male faculty to discuss their issues. Two participants also shared that their students had fixed and often negative images of feminists and did not understand that there were different kinds of feminisms. Feminists in academia are called upon to engage in research and practice that is congruent with their theories and principles. In that regard, feminist academics might feel a contradiction regarding collaborative work, on one hand between their commitment to co-constructing scholarly work that includes all voices, and on the other hand knowing that this kind of research is not valued or rewarded. Fisher (1982) suggested that the reason for this might be the distinction between “pure” and “applied” science, which assigns intellectual superiority to “theoretical work” and sees practical or applied work as inferior. Regarding the double standards that women in academia are held to, it is understood that they may be rewarded for following the prescribed norms of being otherfocused and selfless. However, for feminist women who strive to do collaborative work or action research, their work may be seen as less scholarly or overly service-oriented. One participant in my study commented that feminist journals are viewed as “secondtier” and therefore this might hurt them at tenure and promotion times. The ‘F’ Word: Still a Bad Word? Some authors in feminist literature attribute the stereotypes of feminists regarding rigid images of feminists to the fact that feminism became synonymous with “women’s studies” (Starks, 1994). “The image of women’s studies teacher as an asexual woman who condemns pornography, censures heterosexual desire and prohibits traditionally “feminine” pleasure; lacks both a sense of humor and open mind; and who retreats into an ascetic existence to avoid the world she scorns may seem antithetical to what one may define as a ‘feminist’.” (Starks, 1994, p. 111). She also 187 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 talks about how “butch” lesbian attires and haircuts are shown in media to support the popular notion of a “feminist uniform”. Feminists, according to her, are portrayed as being devoid of any kind of any desire or gender difference, or difference of any kind. Images of feminists represent images of the “same” – asexual, genderless, bland, incapable of pleasure, and humorless. Six participants in my study noted the fact that they had to often explain to their students what feminism meant, and in the process, dismantle the many negative images of feminists that the students acquired from popular media. In terms of how some people dismiss feminist viewpoints, one participant commented, “feminist women can be typecast as one-note, trouble-makers who are invested in challenging male privilege. Some colleagues dismiss the arguments as being "old news." Another one shared, “some people immediately hate you (and) they see your work as less scholarly.” Most people outside the academic feminist discourses are unaware of the fact that there is no one “feminism” but many “feminisms”. Two participants in this study commented that their students did not see that there existed different ‘feminisms’ which led to them, as feminist professors, being judged negatively. Implications of Research Findings Recognition of the significance for using women’s experiences as resources for social research has implications for social structures of education, journals, funding agencies, and ultimately for social life (Harding, 1987). The experiences of feminist family therapists have not been explored in literature or research. Implications of this research can inform research scholars and practitioners about the well-being of feminist MFT women, successes they have and challenges they face, as they juggle to honor their 188 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 identities as feminists and women academics (both in their personal and professional lives). It is known that career, home, love and personal beliefs do not exist in isolated spheres for women and therefore findings from this study can be used to understand and highlight the interconnections between feminist ideology, family and professional relationships for MFT women. Furthermore, this study can add to the knowledge base about relationships and professional lives of feminists and women in general, and feminist women in the field of MFT in particular, as they try to uphold their feminist ideals. The women at the foci of this study represent a minority group within social sciences – women, MFTs, and feminists. Given the fact that there are a substantial number of women in the field of MFT, and the minimal scholarly attention given to women’s subjective experiences in general, understanding their lives and bringing their experiences to the forefront is a goal worth pursuing. There is clearly an important need to adequately explore the experiences of these women, who stand in minority and challenge the cultural sexist norms of our society, and to understand the costs they have to pay in attempting to do so. In their attempts to challenge sexism in their lives, are the costs/benefits associated with that for them on the personal or work front? Although I only touched upon this topic in my dissertation, there is clearly a need to understand the impact of clinical MFT training on the personal lives of therapists in more detail than has been studied in the past. I started out with that goal in mind for this study, but the scope of the dissertation had to be restricted. In teaching students about systems thinking, about gender issues, and training them to identify gender inequities and address them in therapy, are we enhancing the experience of marriages and intimate relationships for our student-trainees or making them 189 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 more vulnerable to the demands on their ‘home-front’? Or are women continuing to take care of home and children and taking on additional work roles that make them vulnerable on the work front? Questions raised in this research have implications for training programs in MFTs, for developing increased sensitivity to trainees’ personal lives within the context of teaching, training and supervision, particularly to the lives of women trainees. Through use of phenomenological methods, I have provided descriptive data in the form of anecdotes that can be utilized to design future research. Specifically, for the field of MFT, the findings from this research can have implications for how we design training programs for incoming therapist-trainees. Findings also shed light on more specific areas which can be highlighted in imparting gender-training to the trainee-therapists. They illuminate the successes and difficulties women MFTs experience in integrating their feminism with relationships and academic work. Both from the experiences that participants have shared as teachers, and as they speculate about their own students, these findings show that training on gender issues in MFT impacts the lives of trainees beyond just the classroom interaction. Hopefully, this can lead to conversations about the connection between the professional and the personal becoming more commonplace in the field of MFT. The findings of this study can be applied to professional women or dual-career couples whom we see in therapy where work-family balance is often an issue for them. This research focuses on the public (professional) paid work role, theoretical and ideological beliefs, and private relational role of women in the field of MFT and thereby highlights the tie between personal (relational), ideological and professional arenas that are clearly reciprocal and inseparable (Kaslow & Schulman, 1987). Since this is a study 190 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 about women practitioners of feminist family therapy, therefore it will also add to feminist family therapy theory and research. Although this research was conducted on a micro-level, the findings from this research can (and hopefully will) have political impact on small institutional level. I say this because I believe that any research carried out with women as the focus is inherently political. Even if it is on a very small scale, it can have significance for the politics of professional institutions, academia included. I collected data from sixteen women only; hence, these findings clearly do not have the potential to be generalized to a large population. In fact, generalizability is not even an aim in qualitative studies. For the institution of academy, these findings alert us to how women faculty continue to be exposed to arbitrary evaluations and gender biases. Limitations of the Research Like any research study, there were several limitations in my research. As one participant pointed out, I did not ask questions about intersections of race, religion, age, ability status and other social locations in my survey. The interconnection between different parts of my participants’ lives was evident by their responses where a few of them commented that they could not isolate the influence of one from the other (e.g., gender, feminist ideas, color, etc.). Although, asking about other social locations such as age, ability status, sexual orientation, etc would provide a more holistic picture of experiences of my participants, taking such a broad approach was clearly not within the scope of this dissertation. In particular, Linda commented that “academic institutions have done a better job of embracing White feminism than social equity in general.” Academic feminism has been critiqued by some as being inflected by the experiences of 191 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 white, middle-class women. Postmodernists, have drawn attention to the particularity of experiences of gender, depending on how gender is “articulated with race, class, sexuality, and other social relations.” Another limitation here was the selection bias of this sample of participants. Clearly, women who were interested in my research topic were more likely to respond and be inclined to participate. Also, I selected my sample hoping to achieve some homogeneity and therefore limited it to certain selection criteria that guided who I invited to participate. In doing a qualitative research, I selected a small sample, though fairly diverse in many demographic characteristics (such as age, cohort, tenure status, years in the academia, number of years of marriage, etc.), still fairly homogenous with regard to their academic education, employment and teaching responsibilities in MFT programs. For reasons addressed elsewhere in this document (Chapter IV. Results), I did not include women who were homosexual, those in academic programs outside of Marriage and Family Therapy, or women in non-academic professional positions. With respect to racial and ethnic diversity, my participants were very homogenous, predominantly Caucasian/Western European. Although, I acknowledge that expanding the selection criteria would add more dimensions to my findings, I believe that it would distract focus from the core areas that I was trying to target in this study. Finally, I was unable to obtain some women’s responses to the follow-up questions I asked toward the end. Suggestions for Future Directions: More Questions Ironically, by the time I finished doing the data analysis and writing my findings, I was left with more questions to ponder, than any conclusive solutions or answers to problems. I present some of these here. 192 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 1) What are experiences of feminist women academics in other mental health fields? Since I sent emails with follow-up questions and was unable to have responses for all participants included in this version of my final dissertation, it would be essential to ask those questions of other women in MFT and in other academic programs. Though, I do believe that there are some unique challenges that women academics experiences in MFT programs, I also believe that my participants shared many experiences in common with women in other academic fields. I also recommend that these questions be asked of women in other mental health professions in order to understand the uniqueness and the sameness of their experiences. 2) What are experiences of partners of feminist women in academia? Voices of partners were not included in my study. Getting the perspectives of the participants’ spouses and partners would add another rich dimension to the findings from my study. 3) What are experiences of women who are minority with respect to race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation, etc.? Including women participants who are a minority with respect to their race, ethnicity or sexual orientation would clearly add more in-depth information on the intersections of such social locations as gender, race, sexual orientation, age, etc. One of my selection criteria was heterosexual orientation, so all my participants identified themselves as such. I believe that homosexual feminist women experience an additional layer of challenges, because they not only experience difficulties due to their gender and feminist identification, but also due to their minority status as lesbians. I believed that my understanding of the impact of gender and feminist ideas would be somewhat confounded 193 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 if I added another layer of trying to understand race or homosexuality, etc. I am not implying that these social locations do not intersect. In fact it would be grossly erroneous to make that judgment on my part as a feminist researcher; I understand that such locations are intimately connected in the lives of many women, such that there is not a way to disentangle them. However, for the purpose of this study, I wanted to limit it to heterosexual women only. I list the primary reasons for my decision in the section on sample selection criteria. Of course, this calls for research study into the lives of lesbian feminist women in MFT and other mental health academic programs. Developing a questionnaire based on findings from my study and conducting quantitative studies on larger samples of women academics in MFT would be a good place to start. 4) What is the impact of sexism on the stress and health of these women? An important research direction would be to interview women who have experienced stress as a result of sexist expectations, negative judgments, and discrimination and how they coped with such experiences. Existing literature very strongly supports that both in marriages and work settings, in the face of such experiences, women can often revert to silence, for fear or disrupting hierarchy or to disrupt connection. In the case of my study, fear of not being able to get good grades or assistantships as students, fear of punishment during tenure decisions, or isolation from the majority groups are some strong deterrents that may prevent women in academia to report and take action against such injustices. What are the consequences for women who experience stress related to being discriminated, devalued, or undermined? Are there health-related or family-related consequences for them? Research shows that stress, in women, has been linked to a 194 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 number of adverse outcomes, including chronic illness and disease (Arber, Gilbert, & Dale, 1985; Powers, 1984) and increased psychological distress (Barnett & Brennan, 1997). Joy, in my study, mentioned about how she experienced “incredible stress” related to harassment by a male professor who hates feminists. How do these women deal with some of these challenges? Another participant, Monica, mentioned that she knew of a few other women academics who have given up and left academia or are seriously considering giving up due to the struggles they have experienced. Renita, during her interview, recounted that she had “four or five female colleagues and all of them have had some major medical problem and I wondered – just this morning – if it had something to do with being in this environment “. Her observations are noteworthy, given the fact that she described her program to be very supportive and ‘feminist’. She commented further as she thought out loud, “I wondered how woman-friendly this environment is. Even though we are not under any pressure to not be who are..If there is some kind of unspoken expectation to live up to some standard that we are not aware of. I decided, this morning, that I am not getting sick trying to do this, that I am not going to allow my physical body to be attacked, so to speak. Because there can be pressure to live up to some standard and you know – it is a male-dominated world. And I was just thinking this morning, wondering how I can take care of myself. In my worldview, just because you don’t feel any direct pressure or stress doesn’t mean that you are not under any.” 4) What does the good old boys school system truly represent? It would be an interesting study, focusing on what the good old boys system in academia represents and how it is understood and experienced by academics (both men 195 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 and women). It would also be important to understand what factors keep such a patriarchal structure in place and what are ways in which it can be deconstructed or made more like an open system. 5) In what ways can AAMFT enhance the support for feminist ideas within MFT? Six out of ten participants who responded about this issue commented that they had either had negative experiences with AAMFT, or looked toward other organizations for support for their feminist ideas. It was discouraging to hear that some of my participants found AAMFT as a useful resource for issues other than feminism. Regarding AAMFT’s support for feminist ideas, they were either disappointed or expressed some concerns. Participants commented on such things as lack of transparency within the organization, students and therapists not receiving support, disenfranchisement along racial and ethnic lines, token mention of feminism in order to ”placate the feminist therapists”, academics valued more than clinicians. Five participants commented that, for them, AAMFT reflected the patriarchy within the larger society. Six of my respondents shared that they had found support from other organizations such as AFTA and NCFR, and were pulling their energy from AAMFT due to the lack of support on feminist issues. Given that I have known of the AAFMT as the parent organization for marriage and family therapists, I was somewhat disheartened to hear these responses. I would like to recommend that more research be done to understand in more detail how AAMFT is not meeting the needs of a feminist base within the organization and how it can enhance its support to not loose the feminist voice that is so critically needed in our field, as it grows and establishes itself. 196 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Looking Back: Personal Reflections Maintaining Confidentiality There were many times when things that my respondents wrote (or said) were provocative and conveyed significant messages and I felt compelled to quote them in this document. I believed that the experiences they related had power that my interpretations would somehow take away. However, each of my final decisions regarding when to quote someone and what not to quote was based on the premise that preserving the anonymity of my participants was my foremost concern. I did so around certain issues in order to enable the issue to take precedence over details regarding where and with whom it occurred. Neutral as a Researcher? Feminist research. Feminists are called upon to clarify the nature of their research methods and their positioning as researchers by providing in-depth information about the research process, including the manner in which they have been impacted by studying others (Du Bois, 1983). The personal is always already part of research but in feminist research it can be valued by making it transparent (Finkel & Olswang, 1996). According to Allen and Baber (1992), as tension-filled as collaboration is, an important part of feminist research process is to confront one’s personal experience with the very issues under study. In order to stay true to my commitment to the feminist methodology, I believe it is important for me to situate myself one final time as a researcher vis-à-vis this research, the participants, and my findings. Issue of distance and closeness. As I stated in the introduction section, I was clearly not an unbiased researcher who started this study. I had an agenda about 197 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 understanding the lives of these women, also as a way to find some confirmation for my own experiences as a woman in academia who is hoping to find an academic job for her future career. I identify myself as a feminist and share many commonalities with my participants. I know two participants of this study well, and I believe that this fact may have had some bearing on their responses. For that reason, I used a consistent guide for the main survey/interview questions. I created the survey, transcribed the four telephone interviews and conducted all of the data analyses myself. I am close to these women in that I see myself as a feminist, have shared some of their life experiences, some biases in patriarchal society, some of their fears about entering academia, their experience as a woman who struggles with making her voice heard at times. I also share a preference for heterosexual intimate relationships. I am somewhat farther from my participants in terms of the fact that these women have their doctorate degrees. Most of them have children and are married. The majority of them are accomplished as researchers, writers or teachers. I also am younger in age to all my participants, and feel that there is a cohort difference for the third of my participants who were older to me. I am also farther from these participants in that I did not grow up in a Western nation. I obtained very thick written descriptions from most of the participants who filled out the web-survey, and equally enthusiastic responses from those who I interviewed over the telephone. I was able to reach most of the participants who made themselves available for follow-up email contact. Some readily responded to my emails and provided detailed answers. I am led to believe that it was due to their investment in my topic. Perhaps, they noted the shared characteristics between themselves and myself, in that they are women who have done their dissertations and hence their desire to help 198 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 me as a woman and a researcher motivated them to take the time to participate. Perhaps they are skilled at writing their thoughts and were motivated to fill out web-survey and do email contact. Perhaps they would have participated even if I have offered them the option to do telephone interviews. At least, I believe so. Impact on findings and presentation. In any qualitative research study, the questions asked, the interpretation of the answers, the significance provided to some statements over others, and the organization of the final categories or themes arrived at are all impacted by the researcher’s subjectivity and context. It is important to note that in this study, there is some one-on-one consensus between the core findings (themes and central themes) and the questions that were asked of the participants. This is mainly because of the fact that the questions asked in the interview and the survey were formatted and organized into sections and hence the respondents’ answers corresponded to those sections. The researcher’s subjectivity therefore influenced how the findings of this study are organized. Also, as I connected some themes together, I did so because of my worldview and how I saw those ideas and meaning units falling together in some conceptual manner. Though, I had input from participants who served as membercheckers for part of the data I presented here, the majority of the data analytic scheme that I developed in order to tie some strands of data together over others clearly reflected my own understanding. This does not mean that my subjectivity took over this research project. This only means that I was not a neutral researcher. I used the wisdom of my committee, and auditors and followed strict guidelines to conduct data analysis and have some evidence that an objective (external) auditor and I found consensus between most 199 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 of the way the themes were organized. The differences, in most cases, were very minor and after exchanging some information we were able to come to a consensus. What Would I do Differently? Though the essential structure of the web-based research questions was followed during the telephone interviews, I was very flexible in that I asked probe questions and additional questions that seemed to be of interest to the participant. Also, I was not afraid to take detours when the participants wished to answer some question and address other areas at the same time. I also did not repeat the questions if the responded had already addressed that issue in trying to answer a different question. The interviews allowed me to access data that was qualitatively different from the web-based survey data. Even though the telephone interviews were less personal than in-person interviews would have been, I was able to obtain a dimension of feelings and connection with the voice and tone that was not available in the text data from the web-surveys. Also, the real-time conversation enabled me to ask questions that came to my mind as the respondent was talking. Upon reflection, I felt that I should have collected all my data in telephone interviews. Perhaps, if I were to conduct this study all over again, I would reverse the order a little bit. I would conduct telephone interviews followed by email contact. I believe that the web-survey format had many advantages over the telephone contact. They provided the participants a form of anonymity. The reason why I originally planned to conduct web-surveys was the fact that I was targeting a group of women who are academically oriented and keep very busy schedules. I value text and writing as a very important and therapeutic tool of expression and I believed that, the women that I was 200 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 targeting would be able to write their thoughts out, perhaps even prefer to write over doing telephone interviews (and majority of them did). Additionally, it would allow the respondents to write and respond in their own time. I also believed that given the time constraints that these women face, email and web-survey would give them more of an incentive to participate. I am not certain if my assumptions are correct or not. Feminist Research with an All-Male Dissertation Committee? It can be done! And this document is a testimony to that. At the outset of this dissertation, Maria Bermudez, who identifies herself as a feminist and qualitative researcher, was a part of my dissertation committee. She was present at my proposal defense and had valuable input to give to me. Unfortunately, during my data collection period, I learned that she was going to leave Texas Tech. A blow to my research and to myself, I was losing an important mentor again! 5 years ago, I had lost Elizabeth Weiling, another woman I considered a mentor, who moved to a different university. Upon my advisor’s recommendation, I invited Tom Kimball, to join the team, which left me with three male professors on my committee. My advisor openly expresses his commitment to gender issues and has chaired several qualitative dissertations. My methodologist, Tom Kimball, who was most intimately involved with my dissertation, has chaired several qualitative dissertations and some years ago, conducted a qualitative research for his dissertation. They say, “The show must go on”. And it did! At about the same time, I became a part of another qualitative research project that a professor in Medical school and in College of Education were doing. I was hired as a research assistant by the group and that participation led me to learn about other qualitative methodologies. I felt like I developed 201 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 some more expertise as a result of that participation. Though my methodologist had valuable input to provide during the data analysis and dissertation writing, I continued to feel that I needed a woman’s voice to run my fears by, to run my illogical ideas by. In some of my creative chats with feminist women faculty I befriended in other departments at Texas Tech, I was able to get my feminist ideas confirmed somewhat. We brainstormed in informal settings about my research findings and I found small intimate spaces, to compensate for the missing feminist advisory voice for this dissertation. I also found some sense of connection with a few participants who were prompt to write answers to my follow-up questions and who acted as cheer leaders for this dissertation project. At times, their excitement and encouragement about getting this research published, and the fact that they took time out of their busy lives to write emails back, enhanced my faith in my research as a worthwhile project. The Impact on Me as a Woman and Researcher One way in which I am closer to my participants, is that I am striving to find a career very similar to what they have. I am hoping to find a job in an institution that I have made the subject of my research, i.e. academia. As I am making decisions about my career choices and am applying for academic and research positions, I also obtained some unintended benefits for myself as a woman who hopes to be in the academy, or at least be tied to the scholarly community. I learned about what my participants have found fulfilling and oppressing. Even though I did not start out this study anticipating any personal benefits for myself, I have learned and internalized some of the messages that my participants shared with me. I am bound to keep that information with me as I head toward a similar, if not the same, professional choice for myself in my future. 202 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 I was a rather lucky researcher, in that my participants were very eloquent, very articulate. Many times, coming up with my own thoughts to capture their ideas seemed unnecessary. Their own words captured their ideas best. As a researcher, in one sense, my job became somewhat easier. Their written and spoken words often filled the gaps for me. In another sense, it became somewhat harder. How to tie what different participants said, into unifying themes and sub-themes that would make sense to an outsider, who did not walk this dissertation journey with me? How to unify such complex ideas, without losing meaning or giving preference to one voice over the other? Perhaps, these are challenges of all researchers who conduct phenomenological studies. In presenting the findings and taking direct quotes from participants, I kept Eichelberger’s (1989) suggestion in mind. According to him, phenomenological evidence ought to be a product of commonality of experiences by the respondents, instead of dominance of any one individual story. In this research, my aim was not to report sixteen independent stories of feminist women who teach in MFT programs, but to identify both the common and shared experiences and to unite them into a holistic narrative. I used examples from some women’s narratives to exemplify significant topics on behalf of the entire the sample. At times, it was difficult because more than one woman spoke of an issue in poignant terms and I felt somewhat burdened in deciding to use one woman’s voice over others. In that regard, I sometimes relied on the wisdom of my auditors who were removed from the data and hence, less biased and had less emotional investment. I also learned that qualitative research, phenomenology in particular is much like real life. During this research, there were time periods of high momentum, interspersed with periods of less outward activity and enthusiasm, but with ideas getting cooked in the 203 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 mental ‘hard drive’. My research took a life of its own, with its ebb and flow, much like our life which is not linear but often forward and backward in a zig-zag manner. Finally, using a qualitative paradigm also allowed me immense amount of creativity and flexibility that was necessary to keep my interest and passion going. Final Conclusions In addressing the divide between work and family, and different parts of womens’ identity, Bartlett (2006) said, “I want to collapse the thinking that poses our lives as a series of demands, pressures, trade-offs and debits, and restore the pleasures, reciprocity and potentials of a rounded life. These provide much more enabling and energizing narratives.” (p. 30) Offers Worth, Yet Oppresses I found this metaphor very useful for conceptualizing how some of my participants’ narratives reflected their positive and negative experiences in academia. Much like how marriages are for many women, the experiences in academic institutions offer the women academicians in my study, fulfillment and meaning and yet oppress them. According to Allen and Baber (1992), “tension, paradox and contradiction infuse our work as feminist scientists and activists” (p. 2). They further suggest that feminist academics are in dialectical tension with a system of which they are a part of as scholars, and yet they are excluded from it in other ways because of the fact that they are women. For example, on one hand, Amanda in my study refers to the scholarly settings as being sensitive to diversity, and on the other hand she also acknowledges that even in those settings, she has been dismissed or diminished by male colleagues. Other participants’ stories reflected similar sentiments. Monica, who is extremely passionate 204 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 about research and writing and finds that her identity as a scholar finds fruition in academic spaces, also struggles with her voice as a woman who is also a minority. Victoria loves teaching and finds it highly energizing and fulfilling and yet, she shares that she feels burdened by gender expectations and silences her voice sometimes, due to fears and insecurity. These participants, in my understanding, are referring to the dialectical tension that Allen and Baber (1992) talk about. Some participants talked of experiencing direct discrimination, while some others shared that they had experienced more subtle and indirect forms of punishments and their research or collaborative work was undermined and not taken as seriously. A few shared that things are different in their departments but they had heard such stories from other women who came before them. A small number of them commented that when they first joined academia, they experienced some struggles but things were fast changing now in their departments. Very clearly, most participants in my study greatly enjoyed many aspects of their faculty positions, most notably teaching and working with students. Intuitively, this response makes sense since the most important part of being an academician is teaching and training. They all shared that they had been successful in one or more of the roles: educators, researchers, writers, mentors, or administrators. Ten participants mentioned that they felt successful regarding their publication and writing work. Six mentioned that they had successfully published in areas they were either passionate about or felt that they had expertise in. Five women talked about the fact that they had accomplished success in editorial roles for journals or administrative roles, either at the program, department, university or state (professional organization) level. 205 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 This clearly goes to suggest that most of the women faculty in my research are enjoying one or more aspects of their work that give them reasons to continue to pursue their academic goals of teaching, research and publishing, and administration. Overall, it seemed that even in the face of the hurdles most of my participants had experienced, whether it was related to their gender or not, they all find some aspect(s) of their academic work satisfying and the responsibilities of teaching, research and clinical supervision fulfilling. Only two of my participants reported being unsatisfied in their academic positions. One of them had already gotten a new job, and another one shared that she was reducing her work load by going part-time. Academic Work Environment for Women – Chilly or Empowering? The sense of duality and dialectical tension between ideas that seem to lie on opposing ends of a continuum ties neatly into the final conclusion that I drew regarding the experiences of my women participants in the academic professional worlds. I deduced from my participants’ narratives that academic work places are institutions where they experience multiple struggles and challenges as well as many successes and joys. 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LETTER OF INVITATION FOR PARTICIPATION 219 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Letter of Invitation (Email) Dear Dr. Participant (XXX) Dr. YYY participated in my study and nominated you as someone I could contact to request for participation as well; I am hoping you'd be willing and able to help me. Though, with your work responsibilities you must be very busy, if you can take sometime over the next few days to participate in this project, I will be truly grateful! I am a female doctoral student in the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at Texas Tech University. I am very passionate about research for women. For my dissertation, I have proposed a qualitative research project targeting a very small and unique subset of women within the MFT field. It is titled "Experiences of Feminist Female Faculty in MFT Programs”. I am greatly interested in learning about the experiences of women faculty because the demands for women in academia are unique. Till date there is no ‘introspective study’ in our field about the lives of these gifted women who challenge the sexist norms in our field and society, and in their lives. I strongly believe that understanding their life experiences is a goal worth pursuing! I have set out to do research on how they experience different aspects of their lives, as they stand in minority – being women, feminist and in academia – and whether there are costs they pay in trying to uphold their feminist ideals. If you identify yourself as a feminist, serve an academic position in an MFT program, are over 30 years of age, and can comment on your experience in a current or past heterosexual romantic relationship or marriage, I extend sincere invitation to you to participate in my study and share your invaluable experience. Although, lesbian women are vulnerable to challenges in different aspects of their lives, for my current study I am limiting the sample to include only heterosexual women. Heterosexual women are often known to be disadvantaged by the structure of the heterosexual marriages. “Those in heterosexual relationships are more vulnerable to being less able (or unable) to make changes in power structure, role relationship, and relationship rules” (Green, Bettinger, & Zacks, 1996, p. 195). The time you will take to answer some questions will help advance knowledge in our field about feminist academicians and their experiences in professional/personal arenas. Although, I truly wish - unfortunately due to not having adequate funds, I cannot compensate you for your valuable time, other than expressing genuine gratitude and providing you access to findings once this project is completed. My questionnaire is on the website http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=276141983337. You have the option to fill it in more than one sitting if you choose; your answers will be saved provided you log on to the same computer again. If you are unable to write answers, and prefer to talk to me and interview over the phone, I’d be happy to do that as well. Please email me back if you have a preference or have any questions that I could answer for you about this project. If you know of a woman friend or acquaintance who qualifies to participate in this project, please forward this email and web-link to her. That will be of immense help to me! I look forward to hearing back from you! Thanking you very much in advance. Sincerely, Neetu Arora Doctoral Candidate, Marriage and Family Therapy Program Texas Tech University, Lubbock, TX Therapist, Family Counseling Services of Lubbock, TX Contact No. (806) 470-2776 220 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 B. TEXAS TECH UNIVERSITY IRB APPROVAL LETTER 221 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 222 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 C. INFORMED CONSENT (THE FOLLOWING MATERIAL WAS POSTED ON THE FIRST PAGE OF THE WEBSITE) 223 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Appendix C: Online Informed Consent Form Informed Consent for Participants in Research Projects Involving Human Subjects CONSENT TO PARTICIPATE Neetu Usha Arora, M. S., and David C. Ivey, Ph.D, Investigators Instructions: Please read this entire web page and sign your initials and today’s date at the bottom indicating your willingness to take part in this research, before you proceed to the following parts of this questionnaire. If you have questions regarding any aspect of this research and should you desire to speak to someone about it, you can find the contact addresses at the end of this page. Dear Participant Invitation to Participate: Our names are Neetu Arora and Dr. David Ivey. Neetu is a doctoral candidate in the Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) Program at Texas Tech University and is doing her dissertation titled “Experiences of Feminist Female Faculty in Marriage and Family Therapy Programs”. Dr. Ivey is an associate professor in the program and is serving as the chair of her dissertation committee. We are both committed to further the understanding of women’s lives in the MFT field and sharing that knowledge by doing research. In that direction, we are doing an online survey to examine the perceptions that feminist female faculty in MFT programs have of the connections, if any, between their feminist ideology, MFT training/experience and their romantic relationships or marriages. We are glad that you have agreed to share your time and experience with us. We thank you in advance should you choose to participate. Purpose: This qualitative research project is designed to understand the experiences of feminist female faculty in the MFT programs. In particular, we would like to develop increased understanding of a) whether there are connections between personal and ideological aspects of lives of feminist females who hold academic positions in MFT programs, and b) whether feminist ideology and MFT training have an impact on their intimate relationships. It is understood from previous research that often there are costs in marriages associated for professional women and for feminist women, however we are unaware of any research done in the MFT that addresses such issues for faculty women who are feminist. From findings of this study, we hope to generate and share results across programs and publish those in a major journal in the field. Procedures: In the following pages, you will be asked to share your perceptions and experiences regarding your profession, feminist beliefs and experiences in romantic relationships or marriage (as the case may be). This questionnaire should take between 30 to 45 minutes depending on the length and depth of your answers. Your participation in this study is entirely voluntary and you have no obligation to participate in this study if you wish not to. You can choose to withdraw your participation at any time, without any penalty or consequences. You can choose not to answer certain questions if you don’t want to. You can create an account and answer the questions in more than one sitting if you choose by returning to this questionnaire at another time. Risk and Benefits: We do not anticipate any risks associated with participation in this project. However, we do acknowledge the inconvenience associated with spending your valuable time to fill this survey, and the contribution you will make to the knowledge generation within the field of MFT. We are not providing any incentives to the participants, except our sincere appreciation and a copy of findings and information to a link to having online access to the dissertation upon completion. Confidentiality: The information collected in this project will be used only for the purpose of this research. Your answers will be stored on a secure online server on this website and only the primary investigators will have password-secured access to your responses. You can read more detail on how this website ensures security of your data on http://www.psychdata.com/content/features.asp#irb. Once I have finished collecting data, I will remove all identifying information from the questionnaires and identify each questionnaire with a random number assigned to each questionnaire. Any hard copies of your responses will be kept in a locked facility. If findings are presented to a professional community or published in a research journal, all efforts will be made to eliminate any identifying information. We’ll be happy to answer questions you have about this study. You can contact researcher Neetu Arora at (806) 470-2776 or email her at neetu.arora@ttu.edu. You can also contact faculty advisor Dr. David Ivey (806-742-5050). For questions about your rights as a subject or about injuries caused by this research, you can contact the Texas Tech University Institutional Review Board for the Protection of Human Subjects, Office of Research Services, Texas Tech University, Lubbock, Texas 79409. Or you can call (806) 742-3884. I have obtained approval from the IRB for this study; This consent form is valid till (expiration date). If you agree to participate in this study, please write your initials and date and click Continue button. 224 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 D. ONLINE SURVEY AND INTERVIEW GUIDE 225 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Appendix D. Online Survey / Interview Guide I. Demographic Questions 1. Your present age? 2. Your current teaching rank? (assistant professor, associate professor, professor, instructor, lecturer, visiting/adjunct professor) 3. Your current tenure status? (tenured, tenure-track, non-tenure track) 4. (Roughly) the range of your salary? 5. The highest level of education you completed? 6. The discipline of your highest degree? 7. Your race? 8. Your ethnic identification? 9. Your current nationality? 10. What country were you born in and how long have you lived in the United States? 11. Your sexual orientation? 12. What is your religious preference? 13. What is your present relationship status? (Married, Dating, Divorced, Widowed, Cohabiting and not married currently) 14. How long have you been in the current heterosexual relationship? 15. Number of children you have and their ages? 16. Your spouse’s (or romantic partner's) profession? 17. Do you consider your spouse (equivalent) to be a feminist? 18. Primary theories you use in your clinicalwork /supervision? 19. How many hours per week do you spend on each of the following faculty responsibilities? 20. Teaching (graduate/undergraduate classes?) 21. Advising students (Formally and informally) 22. Clinical therapy 23. Clinical Supervision 24. Research 25. Other 26. Number of years you have spent in Teaching, Research, Service in higher education (e.g. administration)? 27. How satisfied are you with your current faculty responsibilities? 28. What part of your job as a faculty do you most enjoy? 29. What part of your job as a faculty do you least enjoy? Please share with me how best to contact you to schedule a telephone interview, if you prefer that. Also, indicate here if you wish to be available to answer any follow up questions I might have after I read your responses. 1. Can I contact you afterwards for clarifications or follow-up questions? 2. What is the best way to reach you? 3. Your email address: 4. Telephone Number and preferred times for calls: 5. If I use any extracts from your narrative for publication purposes, what is your choice of a pseudonym (fictitious name) that you'd like me to use? II. Feminism a) What does feminism mean to you? b) How did you get introduced to feminism? c) Did your training as an MFT have anything to do with your introduction to feminism? d) What decisions of your life has your feminism impacted? e) Have you experienced discrimination in your department due to your identification with feminist ideas? If yes, please describe? 226 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 f) Would you say that you have experienced sexism or discrimination due to your gender in your department? If Yes - Please describe? g) What are unique challenges that feminist women face in academia in your opinion? What challenges have you faced being a female feminist faculty in an MFT program? III. Intimate Relationship a) Is (was) it based on more traditional or more egalitarian gender roles? b) How much do (did) you and your partner contribute to financial division? c) What are your comments about the amount and type of emotional work put in by you and your spouse in your relationship? d) How do you feel about the amount and kind of communication in your relationship? e) How do you feel about the amount and kind of Intimacy/Sex with your partner? f) If you live(d) together, how do you share the household chores? g) If you have (had) children, how do you and your partner arrange child-care responsibilities? h) Who does (did) the primary decision-making? Or is it shared equitably? i) Aspects of the relationship you feel (felt) satisfied with? j) Aspects of the relationship you feel (felt) unsatisfied with? k) What are (were) few areas of conflict in your relationship? l) How do (did) you typically resolve conflicts? m) How has (did) your MFT training/experience impacted your relationship/marriage n) How has (did) your training/experience as an MFT Helped or Hurt your relationship/marriage? o) Is (was) your partner in a profession similar to your own? If yes, how that does that help or hurt your marriage/relationship? p) How would (did) your family/friends describe your romantic relationship/marriage (their comments) q) How do you think your relationship/marriage compares(ed) to that of other women? r) IF you are currently not in a committed relationship, but have been in one in recent past, USE this space to answer about WHAT, IN YOUR OPINION caused the relationship to terminate. Do you believe your profession OR feminism had any impact on that? IV. Feminism and Intimate Relationship a) Did you become feminist before/after you got involved with your partner? b) What is (was) the impact of gender on roles and experiences in your relationship with your partner? c) Do you feel you have (had) an equitable relationship with your partner keeping in line with your feminist ideals? Why / Why not? d) Has (did) your feminism helped your relationship/marriage? How? e) Has (did) your feminism hurt your relationship/marriage? How? f) How does (did) your partner feel about your feminism? (e.g. supports it?, is neutral about it?, etc.) g) Are (were) you able to talk about your feminist ideas with your partner? h) Would your marriage/relationship be any different if you weren’t feminist? If so, How? i) If you had the opportunity to live your life over, what would you like to change about your feminism, being an MFT, or your romantic relationship/marriage? V. Miscellaneous a) Please comment about CHALLENGES or SUCCESSES your face currently in your life relating to your feminist ideology or your being a woman holding an academic position in an MFT program b) Any SUGGESTIONS about what would need to change in order for you to feel more validated and supported professionally? c) What did you think of this questionnaire? Any comments, suggestions, or feedback for me? 227 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 E. SELECTED JOURNAL ENTRIES (During data collection) 228 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Entry 1. It has been about 4 days since I have been in the finishing stages (wonder when this finishing stage will finish, everything seems to take long with my perfectionism) of trying to get the survey questionnaire up and running. Wish I had the money to just purchase the website use.. With how the survey limits only so many questions and so much answering space.. I wonder whether people will be willing to respond.. I am excited but also nervous about what kind of data I will receive.. and Will I? I guess after this is up and running, I will just have to sit in anticipation waiting.. Later that week. I started reading the list of names off of JFFT and saw that these were names of famous people in the field, some of them, pioneers of FFT in MFT.. My 1st reaction.. Yeah! XXX .. YYY.. That’s awesome.. 2nd reaction.. Heck! But why they would ever take a precious hour+ of their busy lives to fill up my survey and answer questions I have about feminism, their academic life and their love lives! Yeah, Right! Started looking up everyone online to read about them, their lives, current interests, and whether they were MFTs or not.. SURPRISE!! Only a handful (about 6-8) were in MFT faculty positions!! OOPS.. Need to talk to Maria and follow Plan B [AAMFT website] So there, I finally find barely 10 women who meet my criteria – and I send out personal emails to each one of them requesting them to participate.. changing, editing emails.. and earnestly hoping they’d be willing to help – hoping they are women like me who want to help and share and connect and join in sisterhood. Entry 4. [After putting up the web-survey and sending few invitation emails] Little did I know.. I was in for a surprise. Against all my hope, I have heard from some people I didn’t think would bother to write.. out of the 17 long and personal emails I have sent out in the last 3 days, I have already heard back from 5. 2 felt very positive about the study, but did not meet the criteria and unfortunately could not participate due to that Oh, the sampling restrictions.. Rest 3 agreed to participate already Another 1 said that her work load will be more manageable after May 1 and she would participate then. This has got to be divine.. I went online and checked and 3 who agreed to participate had already filled out questionnaires, I couldn’t wait in excitement to call Kirti and tell her about it. I was secretly feeling so thankful and grateful that these women not only took their time out to answer the questionnaire, but they felt pretty good and excited about this research and already had suggestions about the survey! I am tempted to go back and utilize their suggestions. I can’t wait to print their responses and read them carefully and start to take notes, so that in the next wave of invitations I send out, I can include their suggestions. Oh, I have got to pick up writing my science fiction story again.. I feel creative..But wait.. FOCUS. P#3 had a suggestion about not questions about race, and nation of origin questions and about limiting survey to only heterosexual women, which I fully agree about. I understand that the experiences of lesbian feminist women in academia are voices worth hearing and representing! Unfortunately, part of my study focuses on understanding the impact of feminism on heterosexual relationships since they are the ones experiencing more challenge in terms of heterosexist norms and role-inflexibility.. I wish I could bend some of my original ideas about this research. I regret excluding their voices.. but this is a limitation that I am already aware of.. 229 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 All 3 of them have agreed to respond to follow-up questions and I want to co-create my second questionnaire with them and ask them suggestions about what are other issues they are facing in their unique group that I could benefit from asking other women… I already feel like I am going to obtain really rich and bountiful data about experiences of these women who have a wealth of information to offer.. I wish I was talking to them over the telephone and hearing their voices.. that would be so neat… Time..Oh Time.. I wish I had more resources.. My fears still continue about what the final data will look like and whether it will be appreciated by colleagues in my field, something I already hear echoed in responses of the 3 women participants..that their issues do not find adequate voice in a male-centered and patriarchal system of academia.. Entry 11. Things have taken much longer than I realized.. since my first wave of email included a very small number of women who met all the criteria for participation, I started last night to go on the AAFMT website and looking at COAMFTE accredited programs, starting alphabetically, and reading about research interests of women faculty in each and making some guesswork assessment about their feminist interest and (or) identification and wrote emails to about 4 more women. I should have slept.. I have a long day ahead..I am going to continue to send out 3-4 emails everyday as I do simultaneous data analysis for the 3 questionnaires I have already received responses to. I think I am excited about tailoring my questionnaire to include suggestions and ideas from the current participants and refine my questionnaire to include what is of value to these women, questions and issues I of course could not anticipate.. which is good..that means in a sense that I am removed enough from the phenomenon that I am open to including other POVs and rearrange my original questions to accommodate what comes up .. or EMERGES from my data … Phenomenology? I know I’m going to love every step of this journey.. the last few months.. starting November were spent in designing, refining, formulating a plan for this research, justifying why, how..when.. took 4 months for the groundwork.. and finally this study is taking off.. all the hard work and readings and talking to myself and friends and writing and isolating myself worked.. Well, something’s gotta be working. Wonder why do I feel alone in this.. When will I get to see my advisor? But, I am so excited to share with Maria about all this.. I bet she will be able to appreciate why I am so excited and thrilled by the prospect of moving along and making progress in this research area.. Kirti and Page are excited too.. Their ideas about the questionnaire made complete sense..Why did I not think about them to begin with.. Telephone Interview with a Participant. Entry after that. Interview today with XXX (went well for over 2.5 hrs..still not finished) – she shared so much more and I was honored to hear her talk, share about her wisdom, her life, her struggles, her worldview, her constantly evolving feminism.. I am unwittingly carving myself a way into the fellowship of like minded women. God’s gotta be intervening in my life☺ I started out wanting to explore recovery experience for women from abusive relationships..and am now doing this .. the trajectory just took its own course.. and I kept following my heart.. Today’s interview was so energizing..I kept feeling like the universe created this interview to occur, hearing her stories and experiences..hearing resonating stories of hopes (in academia), struggles, obstacles that I need to hear about..stories that my oft discouraged spirit needs to hear.. 230 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 F. DEMOGRAPHIC TABLE FOR WORK HOURS PER WEEK. 231 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 APPENDIX F: NUMBER OF HOURS ALLOCATED TO LISTED ACADEMIC ACTIVITIES DURING A TYPICAL WORK WEEK Activity HOURS per week 1-4 Hrs 5-8 Hrs 9-12 Hrs 1 4 5 7 5 3 6 4 4 7 7 1 5 2 13-16 Hrs 17-20 Hrs 21-24 Hrs 25-28 Hrs 50-55 Hrs Teaching 3 2 3 3 2 2 Advising Clinical Therapy (2 were just getting started) Clinical Supervision Research 2 Other (writing, committees, administration, editorial, emails, running clinic, program organization) 2 5 Number of participants 232 1 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 G. SAMPLE INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT – PARTICIPANT 1. 233 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Appendix G: Sample Transcript for Interview with Participant # 1. Interviewer : What about teaching? Has your experience with students been impacted because of your feminist ideas? How do you feel they respond to ideas you present as a feminist? Participant 1: I think because of family therapy field and classes, there usually aren’t very many men. When I’m teaching these ideas, I really try to not make it like a malebattering session, because it’s not particularly fair or helpful to the male students and they’re probably going to close down and not listen. I’m pretty sensitive to that. That’s why the postmodern feminist ideas fit a little bit better. Interviewer : Have you experienced resistance from students? Participant 1: I think they are pretty open to it, also I feel that a lot of them get a lot of this in undergraduate school and that’s good.. They’ve had gender studies classes, even the male students. They’re not revolutionary new ideas. [Oh, I remember someone who has influenced me] - I know Carmen KnudsonMartin, she sort of took off where Rachel Hare Mustin left off. Her writings, I really like. Interviewer : When you went through your MFT training, did that have an impact on your marriage? Participant 1: Oh yeah, oh yeah. Umm… I think my husband was supportive. I think he was proud. He referred, when we were out in public he would say Dr. and Mrs XXX. I think for me, it was exactly what I needed. I had just found out about XXXX, right before I started my classes in the doctoral program. I think it saved me, I think I threw myself into my program and my work and started pulling away from the marriage then or him as a sense of the center of my universe. And Yeah, it was wonderful. XXX..that I did everything I was supposed to do and more. Interviewer : So did it in a way it bring distance in your marriage? Participant 1: As far as distance, it was good. I think our relationship even improved with that Interviewer : Gave you more time to reflect? Participant 1: Yeah, and he was the center of my universe less and then you know, I think we both felt better about that. .. Oh yeah, and then of course it allowed me financially, you know, with a guaranteed job, and guaranteed pay-check every month and a guaranteed health-benefit to do what I had to do financially. Interviewer : Gave you the financial independence? Participant 1: Yeah, gave me the financial independence I needed. Interviewer : Did you not have that before? Participant 1: Not before I got my PhD.XXX Note: XXX Possible Identifying Information 234 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 H. SAMPLE INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT – PARTICIPANT 2. 235 Texas Tech University, Neetu U. Arora, August 2007 Appendix H: Sample Transcript for Interview with Participant # 2. Interviewer : You know what my next question is? Have you experienced discrimination in your department due to your feminist ideas? Participant 2: You know. I think I’ve been explicit enough about my identification with feminist ideas, in either of the departments I have worked with. But I’ve felt discriminated against, because I didn’t go with the flow. A lot of times I did go with the flow. But a couple of times, like with this student issue, I said, “Wait a minute, may be she has a different explanation than what we heard XXXX If a student does something that I think’s inappropriate, I want to look at what did I do to help her behave that way. What kind of participation did I have in that process. They just..Nobody agreed with me. They thought I was just sick. It was crazy. Interviewer : Was it your gender? Participant 2: I don’t know how to categorize it. It was my worldview or my belief system being a constructionist or being younger than them, not a lot younger. I was a different generation of experiences than they did as students. It was very much nontraditional, very postmodern. They are not like that. Interviewer : One of my participants pointed out that my questions about gender excluded race, and I realize it is difficult to tease apart what it is.. Like with your example, it could be all of them – your gender, your age, your identification with postmodern ideas, it could be your race? Participant 2: Yeah Interviewer : What about your relationship with students? With your feminist ideas? Participant 2: I’ve got a lot of attention, good attention from women students over the past few years. At first, I didn’t know what to do with it. I had students come up to me, and want to sponge things off me and I felt really guarded. I don’t think I knew what to do. I don’t think I did a good job at all of being a mentor in terms of being a woman. I didn’t even want to think of myself that way – as a woman academic Interviewer : Wow! Participant 2: I know. It’s really kind of interesting. I had a really good doctoral student. XXX We had a lot of conversations after XXX. We still keep in touch, about how she saw me, XXX I learned a lot from her about, you know, being more careful to not underestimate what it might be like for a female student to just see me in the role that I am in. May be not even talk to me, but just to see me. That really happened while I was there. Like I really underestimate Interviewer : What do you mean? The power or the status? Participant 2: That people might be looking up to me to see how I behave, to learn how to behave. Interviewer : As role models? I read this article about female role models for students in academic I’d love to see it! I was very late in that. I’m better about it now but I’ve a long way to go. Now I’m a lot more ok with. I’ll go, I’ll have personal conversations with students. Note: XXX Possible Identifying Information Participant 2: 236