Fanny's First Play
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George Bernard Shaw
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) was born into a lower-class family in Dublin, Ireland. During his childhood, he developed a love for the arts, especially music and literature. As a young man, he moved to London and found occasional work as a ghostwriter and pianist. Yet, his early literary career was littered with constant rejection. It wasn’t until 1885 that he’d find steady work as a journalist. He continued writing plays and had his first commercial success with Arms and the Man in 1894. This opened the door for other notable works like The Doctor's Dilemma and Caesar and Cleopatra.
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Fanny's First Play - George Bernard Shaw
FANNY'S FIRST PLAY
BY GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
A Digireads.com Book
Digireads.com Publishing
Print ISBN 13: 978-1-4209-4122-7
Ebook ISBN 13: 978-1-59625-603-3
This edition copyright © 2011
Please visit www.digireads.com
CONTENTS
FANNY'S FIRST PLAY
INDUCTION
THE PLAY
ACT I
ACT II
ACT III
EPILOGUE
FANNY'S FIRST PLAY
INDUCTION
The end of a saloon in an old-fashioned country house (Florence Towers, the property of Count O'Dowda) has been curtained off to form a stage for a private theatrical performance. A footman in grandiose Spanish livery enters before the curtain, on it's O.P. side.
FOOTMAN. [announcing] Mr. Cecil Savoyard. [Cecil Savoyard comes in: a middle-aged man in evening dress and a fur-lined overcoat. He is surprised to find nobody to receive him. So is the Footman.] Oh, beg pardon, sir: I thought the Count was here. He was when I took up your name. He must have gone through the stage into the library. This way, sir. [He moves towards the division in the middle of the curtains.]
SAVOYARD. Half a mo. [The Footman stops.] When does the play begin? Half-past eight?
FOOTMAN. Nine, sir.
SAVOYARD. Oh, good. Well, will you telephone to my wife at the George that it's not until nine?
FOOTMAN. Right, sir. Mrs. Cecil Savoyard, sir?
SAVOYARD. No: Mrs. William Tinkler. Don't forget.
THE FOOTMAN. Mrs. Tinkler, sir. Right, sir. [The Count comes in through the curtains.] Here is the Count, sir. [Announcing] Mr. Cecil Savoyard, sir. [He withdraws.]
COUNT O'DOWDA. [A handsome man of fifty, dressed with studied elegance a hundred years out of date, advancing cordially to shake hands with his visitor] Pray excuse me, Mr. Savoyard. I suddenly recollected that all the bookcases in the library were locked—in fact they've never been opened since we came from Venice—and as our literary guests will probably use the library a good deal, I just ran in to unlock everything.
SAVOYARD. Oh, you mean the dramatic critics. M'yes. I suppose there's a smoking room?
THE COUNT. My study is available. An old-fashioned house, you understand. Won't you sit down, Mr. Savoyard?
SAVOYARD. Thanks. [They sit. Savoyard, looking at his host's obsolete costume, continues] I had no idea you were going to appear in the piece yourself.
THE COUNT. I am not. I wear this costume because—well, perhaps I had better explain the position, if it interests you.
SAVOYARD. Certainly.
THE COUNT. Well, you see, Mr. Savoyard, I'm rather a stranger in your world. I am not, I hope, a modern man in any sense of the word. I'm not really an Englishman: my family is Irish: I've lived all my life in Italy—in Venice mostly—my very title is a foreign one: I am a Count of the Holy Roman Empire.
SAVOYARD. Where's that?
THE COUNT. At present, nowhere, except as a memory and an ideal. [Savoyard inclines his head respectfully to the ideal.] But I am by no means an idealogue. I am not content with beautiful dreams: I want beautiful realities.
SAVOYARD. Hear, hear! I'm all with you there—when you can get them.
THE COUNT. Why not get them? The difficulty is not that there are no beautiful realities, Mr. Savoyard: the difficulty is that so few of us know them when we see them. We have inherited from the past a vast treasure of beauty—of imperishable masterpieces of poetry, of painting, of sculpture, of architecture, of music, of exquisite fashions in dress, in furniture, in domestic decoration. We can contemplate these treasures. We can reproduce many of them. We can buy a few inimitable originals. We can shut out the nineteenth century—
SAVOYARD. [correcting him] The twentieth.
THE COUNT. To me the century I shut out will always be the nineteenth century, just as your national anthem will always be God Save the Queen, no matter how many kings may succeed. I found England befouled with industrialism: well, I did what Byron did: I simply refused to live in it. You remember Byron's words: I am sure my bones would not rest in an English grave, or my clay mix with the earth of that country. I believe the thought would drive me mad on my deathbed could I suppose that any of my friends would be base enough to convey my carcase back to her soil. I would not even feed her worms if I could help it.
SAVOYARD. Did Byron say that?
THE COUNT. He did, sir.
SAVOYARD. It don't sound like him. I saw a good deal of him at one time.
THE COUNT. You! But how is that possible? You are too young.
SAVOYARD. I was quite a lad, of course. But I had a job in the original production of Our Boys.
THE COUNT. My dear sir, not that Byron. Lord Byron, the poet.
SAVOYARD. Oh, I beg your pardon. I thought you were talking of the Byron. So you prefer living abroad?
THE COUNT. I find England ugly and Philistine. Well, I don't live in it. I find modern houses ugly. I don't live in them: I have a palace on the grand canal. I find modern clothes prosaic. I don't wear them, except, of course, in the street. My ears are offended by the Cockney twang: I keep out of hearing of it and speak and listen to Italian. I find Beethoven's music coarse and restless, and Wagner's senseless and detestable. I do not listen to them. I listen to Cimarosa, to Pergolesi, to Gluck and Mozart. Nothing simpler, sir.
SAVOYARD. It's all right when you can afford it.
THE COUNT. Afford it! My dear Mr. Savoyard, if you are a man with a sense of beauty you can make an earthly paradise for yourself in Venice on 1500 pounds a year, whilst our wretched vulgar industrial millionaires are spending twenty thousand on the amusements of billiard markers. I assure you I am a poor man according to modern ideas. But I have never had anything less than the very best that life has produced. It is my good fortune to have a beautiful and lovable daughter; and that girl, sir, has never seen an ugly sight or heard an ugly sound that I could spare her; and she has certainly never worn an ugly dress or tasted coarse food or bad wine in her life. She has lived in a palace; and her perambulator was a gondola. Now you know the sort of people we are, Mr. Savoyard. You can imagine how we feel here.
SAVOYARD. Rather out of it, eh?
THE COUNT. Out of it, sir! Out of what?
SAVOYARD. Well, out of everything.
THE COUNT. Out of soot and fog and mud and east wind; out of vulgarity and ugliness, hypocrisy and greed, superstition and stupidity. Out of all this, and in the sunshine, in the enchanted region of which great artists alone have had the secret, in the sacred footsteps of Byron, of Shelley, of the Brownings, of Turner and Ruskin. Don't you envy me, Mr. Savoyard?
SAVOYARD. Some of us must live in England, you know, just to keep the place going. Besides—though, mind you, I don't say it isn't all right from the high art point of view and all that—three weeks of it would drive me melancholy mad. Howe'ver, I'm glad you told me, because it explains why it is you don't seem to know your way about much in England. I hope, by the way, that everything has given satisfaction to your daughter.
THE COUNT. She seems quite satisfied. She tells me that the actors you sent down are perfectly suited to their parts, and very nice people to work with. I understand she had some