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    The Xmas Factor
    The Xmas Factor
    The Xmas Factor
    Ebook106 pages19 minutes

    The Xmas Factor

    By Jonathan Meres

    ()

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    About this ebook

    A hilarious collection stuffed with jokes, funny poems, weird and wonderful Christmas facts*,crazy lists, Brussels sprouts**, doodles and other Christmas craziness. A perfect stocking filler to keep the whole family giggling.

    * Some facts may not be entirely true.
    ** Like this one. There are no Brussels sprouts included with this book. Sorry.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBloomsbury Publishing
    Release dateNov 8, 2012
    ISBN9781408180341
    The Xmas Factor
    Author

    Jonathan Meres

    Jonathan Meres spent several years in the merchant navy before becoming an ice cream salesman. He was a stand-up comedian for ten years, winning a Time Out magazine award for comedy and being nominated for The Perrier Award. He is now a full time children's writer and actor. He has written for Random House, Piccadilly, Barrington Stoke, Macmillan and Orchard.

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      Book preview

      The Xmas Factor - Jonathan Meres

      Singalongachristmas

      Jingle bells

      Various smells

      Make me want to heave

      Dinner’s started, Grandma’s farted

      Think it’s time to leave.

      Christmas is coming, the goose is on a diet

      If someone touches my mince pies there’s gonna be a riot.

      Christmas is coming, the goose is getting thinner

      If there’s a prize for eating pies there’ll only be one winner.

      Christmas is coming, the goose has disappeared

      But so it seems have all the pies – how very, very weird.

      PIE NEWS

      We’re getting reports that Santa Claus is coming to town. Members of the public have been advised that they’d better watch out and that they’d better not cry. Not only is Santa making a list, he’s checking it twice in order to find out just who’s naughty and who’s nice. A spokesman for the town claims that not only does Santa know when you’re sleeping, he also knows when you’re awake, and that it’s therefore in everybody’s best interests to be good for goodness

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