Hobbit House in Italy: Tottie's Travels, #1
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About this ebook
Short, sweet and sure to make you smile.
Join Tottie as she boards a high speed train and heads off for an adventure in the Apennines, staying in a Hobbit House in Italy.
This little travelogue will answer your questions. Did accident-prone Tottie make it there and back? Was her limited Italian enough to cope with unforeseen circumstances?
You'll find humour and local colour for a light-hearted look at European travel.
Tottie Limejuice
Tottie Limejuice is the pen name of former journalist and freelance copywriter, Lesley Tither. Writing as Tottie Limejuice, she has authored the Sell the Pig Series of personal travel memoirs, as well as Tottie's Travels, a series of humorous mini travelogues. Lesley also writes crime fiction, the Ted Darling Crime Series, as L M Krier and children’s fiction as L M Kay.
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Hobbit House in Italy - Tottie Limejuice
Tottie’s Travels
Hobbit House in Italy
Tottie Limejuice
with
Jill Pennington
––––––––
from Tottie Limejuice, the author of the Sell the Pig travel memoir series,
the Ted Darling Crime Series (writing as L M Krier)
and children's fiction books writing as L M Kay)
Written in collaboration with Jill Pennington, author of Diary of a single parent abroad,
and co-author of Take Three Birds (under the pen-name Jilli Lime-Holt)
Copyright © L M Krier Tither 2017
Published by LIVRES LEMAS
ISBN: 978-2-901773-23-8
The author asserts the moral right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
––––––––
All Rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the author, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
To Fionna
without whose excellent care of my dogs
this little adventure could not have
taken place
Table of Contents
––––––––
Chapter One Non parlo Italiano
Chapter Two Taxi’s waiting, he’s blowing his horn
Chapter Three Where platform train Centrale?
Chapter Four The road goes ever on
Chapter Five Curse of the Tottie
Chapter Six Can do better
Chapter Seven That’s a boy question
Chapter Eight Homeward bound
Chapter One
Non parlo Italiano
Tottie
––––––––
'The men are writing in the sugar!' I exclaim indignantly. 'And the bear is eating a mouse.'
Beastly bear! What a horrible thing to do to a poor little mouse. And all it was doing was trying to eat the sugar the men were writing in. Whilst meanwhile in the background, the horses were eating the rice.
No, I was not indulging in a different type of sugar altogether. One which was giving me hallucinations. I was trying to learn Italian.
This was, believe it or not, the first lesson with Duolingo's online course. Naively, I had been hoping for useful travel phrases such as, 'From which platform does the night sleeper to Milan go, please?' Instead I was facing a collection of phrases for which, even with my writer's imagination, I was struggling to see any application on my planned trip to Italy.
I love languages. And I hate to be the typical British tourist (although I now have French nationality, but they’re just as bad) who makes no effort at all to learn any of the lingo when they go on holiday. I learned German when I lived in Germany, Welsh when I lived in Wales, Spanish to go there on visits. So once I'd decided to visit Italy, I wanted to be able to say at least a few words in case I got lost and needed help.
Use Duolingo, friends told me. It's great. You learn really quickly. Yet here I was, on lesson one, blithely reciting drivel which would probably get me arrested by the carabinieri, without yet having a clue how to say, hello, goodbye, please or thank you.
But, I'm rather getting ahead of myself. I believe that, in books, it's customary to start at the beginning. So let me begin by telling you why I was planning to visit Italy. If you follow me on social media, you already know all about it, of course, so please just bear with. If not, let me begin, in customary fashion, to tell you about two birds.
Once upon a time, there was a website for aspiring authors called Authonomy. It was started up by HarperCollins Publishers and it was a place where unpublished writers could post their works in progress, or finished manuscripts, and throw themselves open to being publicly praised – or savaged. And believe me, there were some scathing comments flying round on there.
Among the books I read on the site was a certain Diary of a single parent abroad by someone called Jill Pennington. She was a Yorkshire lass. A Tyke, as they are known. And with the typical Yorkshire trait of being blunt. She would, as they say, 'call a spade a bloody shovel.'
I read her book, Diary, and liked it very much. It needed some editing. Oh