Kokoro Connect Volume 4: Michi Random

Prologue: I Just Can’t

[No, this isn’t right. This isn’t it. I can’t make this work anymore.

It’s impossible. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t. I physically cannot.

Am I a liar? No. I didn’t lie. I’m one hundred percent sure I didn’t. I absolutely did not lie to them.

But there’s a massive gulf between my ideal and reality.

Maybe I just like who I am when I’m in love with him—maybe that’s the only reason I—

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t make it work.

I can’t even be normal.]

Chapter 1: Yaegashi Taichi’s Confession

Maybe it could be excused by the appearance of «Heartseed» and the manifestation of the supernatural phenomena... but only a coward would blame it on that.

This time the five of them had vowed not to let it cause any major complications. They would be getting out of this one wholly intact. And if possible... they would try to put an end to it, once and for all.

Their countermeasure: to keep living their lives as normal.

Now a week had passed, with no major incidents to be seen.

Yaegashi Taichi had vowed to himself that he would keep living his life, just like everyone else. And so he decided that today was the day he would settle a matter that had been left vague and inconclusive for far too long. Today he was going to man up for once.

It was February 13th, the day before Valentine’s Day—the deadline he’d set for himself.

In Japan, the chocolate confectionery and retail industries had teamed up to create a certain long-lasting tradition. And while it wasn’t unheard of in this day and age to buy chocolate for oneself or one’s friends, there was one predominant expectation:

February 14th, Valentine’s Day, was a holiday in which girls across the country would give gifts to their beloved.

At present, he had somehow attracted the interest of two different girls. And if he chose to do nothing, he would likely end up with two gifts. But his heart only had room for one of them. And if he was smart enough to understand that, then he needed to make a decision. After all, only a limp-dick loser would keep stringing both of them along.

And so, with his decision made, he had asked the girl in question to meet him after school, out behind the East Wing.

He was worried the others might have overheard, but that was probably just his paranoia talking. At least, he sincerely hoped it was.

And now here she was, standing in front of him.

"I know this is kind of weird timing, but I need to say this... No, I want to say this," he began.

Okay, she replied with a nod.

His heart was thumping like crazy. His legs were shaking. He couldn’t feel his lips. His chest ached, and his stomach felt like it was going to eject its contents at any second. He exhaled hard, summoning all of his strength for this one unforgettable moment. Then he looked back at her, directly into her eyes.

Don’t run—fight. Fight like your life depends on it.

He was going to confess his love to Nagase Iori one more time.

I’m still in love with you. And I want you to be my girlfriend.

There. I said it. Oh god, I said it!

This time the words carried a slightly different weight.

He had moved forward. This was a once-in-a-lifetime challenge, and he had risen to the occasion. Now the ball was in her court.

At his confession, Nagase looked away, concealing her expression. Then she spun neatly on her heel, turning away from him entirely. Would she accept his love? Was she savoring the moment?

Taichi paused to wistfully reflect on the long road that had finally led up to this. Months had passed since his initial confession. He never should have made her wait this long. The shame of it made him restless. He wanted her to hurry up and break this stupid tension with a response, but of course he’d never actually say that.

Instead, he quietly gazed at Nagase as she stood there, unmoving. Her well-proportioned figure was stunning from behind... Her cute little ponytail... He thought back to all the emotions he’d seen from her over the weeks. Joy, anger, sadness. She was so much more expressive than the average person, and Taichi never got tired of it. That said, her sunny smile was still his favorite, of course—

...I’m sorry.

She mumbled something, but he couldn’t quite hear it. What?

I’m really sorry.

Sorry? Sorry about what?

I... can’t be with you, Taichi.

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

He couldn’t accept it.

This shouldn’t have come as a surprise to her. She had known how he felt for a long time. And as it happened, she had admitted to feeling the same. Was she just lying?

It just... doesn’t feel right. So yeah... All that ‘I’m in love with you’ stuff... Let’s just pretend I never said any of it.

That was the final blow. This was the undeniable truth, and he couldn’t escape from it. But strangely enough, it didn’t hurt. The shock of it all had numbed his pain receptors.

Anyway... I’m gonna get going.

With that, Nagase hastily started to walk away.

Please don’t go. Please... Please just explain to me why!

But his mouth wouldn’t move.

Finally, he forced the words out of his throat:

Wh... what the hell, Nagase?!

He knew he should just accept her rejection with grace, but he couldn’t stop himself from asking.

She came to a stop.

I... I... she stammered in a shaky voice.

But before she could finish the rest of her sentence—

[No... I’m not the person he thinks I am.]

The thought—her thought—echoed through Taichi’s mind, and all at once he felt a rush of eerily foreign emotion, dark and cold.

Crap... Nagase muttered under her breath, suggesting she knew he’d heard it.

The next instant, she took off running at full speed, like she couldn’t stand to be around him a second longer.

But Taichi just stood there, left behind like an abandoned puppy.

A strong gust of wind blew, shaking him slightly.

This can’t be happening... What’s going on...?

He just couldn’t process it. Had he done something to offend her? If so, he certainly hadn’t noticed. Was she mad at him for not choosing her sooner? For taking his sweet time?

This isn’t... how it was supposed to go... he mumbled helplessly.

He didn’t understand it. Any of it. But that didn’t change anything, of course. Her answer was still no. And he was forced to accept that.

...She shot me down...

In other words...

Yaegashi Taichi’s love story had come to a close.

□■□■□

The next morning, every high school boy in the country was restless with excitement for Valentine’s Day. They could try to play it off and pretend they didn’t care, but deep down, every single one of them was quietly hyper-focused on the girls’ slightest actions.

Yamaboshi High School was no exception, of course, filled to the brim with unusually energetic boys. But it wasn’t just them—there was a certain giddiness among the girls, too.

And amid all this nervous, giggly energy, Yaegashi Taichi trudged down the hall on leaden legs.

One minute the holiday cheer would start grating on his nerves, and the next minute the apathy would kick in, and all he felt was emptiness. He sighed for the umpteenth time.

Until yesterday, he never would have imagined his Valentine’s Day would end up like this. He’d been expecting something... special.

As he walked down the hall, random students shot him weird looks. He knew he must’ve looked utterly miserable, and it was probably a total buzzkill, but he couldn’t find it in him to pretend he was fine. He’d been a gloomy little raincloud since last night.

Was it a mistake to initiate the conversation during a phenomenon? In the past, Nagase had told him she wanted to maintain the status quo during «Heartseed»’s shenanigans. But things were different now. Besides, she never really seemed to let the phenomena get in the way of her life...

These thoughts pervaded his mind at every moment, dragging him down deeper into depression.

This particular phenomenon, Sentiment Transmission, would broadcast their unspoken thoughts and feelings to one or more of the others, entirely at random. There were plenty of problems to be had from this invasion of privacy—but they all agreed that they would be fine. They would overcome it. They would put an end to it.

Thankfully no one else knows about what had happened yesterday... I’ll be fine... I just need to get over it... I need to get over her ASAP...

He found himself riding this train of thought around and around in circles, unable to get back on track.

Arriving at Classroom 1-C, he opened the door and stepped inside.

Sup, Taichi! shouted Watase Shingo, Taichi’s good friend. Are you hyped for Valentine’s... Wait, what happened to you?

Nothing.

"You say that, but you’ve got a look on your face like your crush handed you a gift bag and said ‘Could you throw this trash away for me?’ and you were like ‘Holy shit, a real-life tsundere?! No need to pretend your chocolate is trash, c’mon!’ but then you looked inside to find that it really was just her trash."

That was... extremely specific, but okay.

Suspiciously specific, in fact.

Aw, cheer up! The ‘woe is me’ routine will get you less chocolate, y’know!

Frankly, he didn’t care how much chocolate he received from whomever else. He only wanted hers—and now he knew he wouldn’t be getting it.

Before he knew it, he’d made it to the last class of the day. He couldn’t remember which classes he’d had before this one; he couldn’t even remember picking up his pen. It was a miracle none of the teachers had called him out on it, really. Or had he been taking notes on autopilot?

School’s almost over, he thought.

Normally he eagerly anticipated the chime of the final bell, but now it felt like a death knell. Like he was a prisoner on death row, waiting for his turn in the electric chair... Okay, maybe that last one was a bit overly dramatic. Obviously he wasn’t going to die... He just wished he was.

Taichi hadn’t looked at Nagase all day, much less spoken to her. But once school ended, they would be meeting up in the clubroom. After the emotional devastation the day before, he’d skipped club activities entirely, but he knew he couldn’t just avoid the clubroom forever. He had to go.

And there, in the relatively small space that was their clubroom, they would be forced to interact—Nagase with the guy she rejected, and Taichi with the girl who shot him down. No matter how they tried to spin it, it would be awkward.

And then there was Inaba, the girl he hadn’t chosen, though she didn’t know it yet. She would be there, too. Which meant there would be two victims of rejection and two perpetrators of said rejection, all in the same room. Awkward didn’t even begin to cover it.

Nagase probably felt awful, too. For a moment he entertained the notion of avoiding the clubroom purely for her sake.

I’m so pathetic and miserable. I’m worthless trash.

His self-esteem was in tatters.

But worst of all, their current phenomenon threatened to broadcast their thoughts and feelings to everyone else. Now that would be humiliating. Excruciatingly so.

Damn it, I’m spiraling. Remember what we promised? Remember what we learned during the Liberation? Don’t overthink it. Don’t create problems. We’re going to get through it together. We can do this... We can do this...

Ultimately, Taichi continued to wallow in his misery all the way until the final bell.

Yaegashi-kun, could I borrow you for a moment? asked Fujishima Maiko, president of Class 1-C.

Taichi found he lacked the energy to try to get out of it, so he nodded.

As they left the room, he could hear curious whispers behind them:

Whoa, Fujishima’s into Yaegashi?!

The Love Guru’s joining the battle?!

She’s going to show us all how it’s done!

"What the hell, Yaegashi?! You’re not into her, right?! And you remember who is into her, right?! Pretty sure I’ve told you a million times?!"

(That last one was a very jealous Watase, of course.)

He wasn’t sure where Fujishima was taking him, but he followed her regardless—all the way up to the school roof.

The roof itself was freely available to students, and even furnished with a few benches, but no one in their right mind wanted to spend time out here in the biting winter wind. Seriously, it was freezing.

Uh, Fujishima? You sure you want to be out here without a coat on? he asked.

She had been perfectly quiet on the way here, but now, finally, she turned back to face him. As usual, her hair was tied back in a ponytail with her bangs pinned up; she tucked a stray strand back into place as she opened her mouth to speak.

Don’t worry about me—the fire in my heart keeps me warm enough. Now then, Yaegashi-kun. You’ve got some relationship troubles, don’t you? Her glasses glinted as she slid them up the bridge of her nose.

He knew she couldn’t possibly have read his mind, and yet somehow this (self-proclaimed) apostle of love could see right through him anyway. This was nothing out of the ordinary for her, of course.

...I mean, yeah, you could say that. But it’s none of your business, so please just stay out of it. His tone was harsher than she deserved, but he couldn’t help it.

Today is Valentine’s Day, the most important romantic holiday of the year, and I can’t have you moping around and being a wet blanket.

I’m sorry. I’m not doing it on purpose. If he could’ve controlled it, then he wouldn’t have been so snippy with his friends.

Is this about Nagase-san?

Evidently she wasn’t going to butt out anytime soon... so he gave up and nodded. Yeah.

This is just a guess, but... did she turn you down?

The words hit him square in the chest like a cannonball.

Yeah, he replied, hoping it would help his brain hurry up and accept this horrible reality.

Fujishima’s eyes widened in surprise. No way... Really? From my perspective, things between you seemed to be going rather well.

Yeah, well, it’s the truth.

I see...

Fujishima averted her gaze sadly, and Taichi’s heart ached. He was tempted to tell her not to feel bad on his account, but then she looked up—

"IT’S TIME FOR MY BIG COMEBACK!" she shouted triumphantly up at the sky.

For a moment, Taichi’s brain struggled to determine whether this was real life. How could someone so openly rejoice over another person’s heartbreak—No, wait! He’d forgotten the crucial detail that Fujishima was possibly interested in Nagase, too! Crap!

After a moment, she snapped back to her senses. Oh, right. Forgive me, Yaegashi-kun. I shouldn’t have let myself get so overcome with joy.

Just because she rejected me doesn’t mean you automatically win, you know.

Oh, don’t be such a sore loser. Pfffft. Her expression was one of mixed pity and scorn.

Rrrgh... You witch...!

"I mean, like, with all the history between you two, who could’ve seen it coming? That’s, like, totally hilarious."

Quit kicking me while I’m down, you monster! And why are you suddenly talking like an airheaded bimbo?! What happened to being the stoic intellectual type?!

There we go. Looks like that helped cheer you up a bit. I’d forgotten how tiring it is to use all these facial muscles. Just like that, Fujishima had gone back to her usual composed countenance. She rubbed her shoulder as if to massage her muscles.

What the hell was that...? You make it sound like...

Like she’d put on a silly little performance for the express purpose of cheering