Ellen

Ellen

Tom Rudloff

Ellen

This book is written to provide information and motivation to readers. Its purpose is not to render any type of psychological, legal, or professional advice of any kind. The content is the sole opinion and expression of the author, and not necessarily that of the publisher.

Copyright © 2018 by Tom Rudloff

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted, or distributed in any form by any means, including, but not limited to, recording, photocopying, or taking screenshots of parts of the book, without prior written permission from the author or the publisher. Brief quotations for noncommercial purposes, such as book reviews, permitted by Fair Use of the U.S. Copyright Law, are allowed without written permissions, as long as such quotations do not cause damage to the book’s commercial value. For permissions, write to the publisher, whose address is stated below.

Printed in the United States of America.

ISBN 978-1-949746-44-0 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-949746-45-7 (Digital)

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Contents

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1

The strawberry blond little girl wipes the breeze-blown hair from her eyes. Ellen is under the shade tree in her front yard. The summer day is hot, but beautiful. At 6 she’s not really thinking about the heat or the beauty of the day as much as her pretend life with her babies and their daddy. Ellen lives in a neighborhood near the city. Their house is not the nicest, but the love makes it a home. She feels safe to be outside by herself and raises her pretend family in the same loving way her Mommy raises her. She works hard at preparing the imaginary supper and still taking care of her baby dolls and cleaning the rooms of her house that lie within walls of her mind. It’s a fairy tale life that is oh, so busy. Though she rushes around and hurries like her own mommy, the pressure is pretend and the emergency is held at bay by her imagination.

Now I better stir that soup one more time. Johnny you play nice with your baby sister. She’s little, and you have to be careful with babies. She rushes over to a rock she has set on a board that is her phone. Hello? Yes dear, we are having a good day. I’ll have supper for you when you get home from work. Good bye, love you. She hangs up her rock and goes back to her cooking.

This is playing and having fun. Having constant conversation not only with her dolls, but also with imaginary friends, and the one she calls the daddy. Life, as she sees it, is good, as it should be at 6. Most of the problems that come up during this pretend time are the challenges that she has heard her Mommy face. Though Ellen doesn’t understand the issues or the solutions, she faces them with the same resolve that Mommy does, and everything always works out. The Mom can take care of it. That’s what Mommy always tells her, ‘everything will be ok’; so that is what she believes and tells her own pretend family.

Her mommy is pretty and nice, always giving her a smile and love. She seems happy while she is busy and working hard. It is strange to her, though, Mommy also seems bothered. Looking and watching, she would sometimes sing with the radio and dance with Ellen in the kitchen. It’s fun with Mommy, but only when Daddy isn’t home. She loves her Daddy, but Mommy is so different when he is around. She doesn’t see her pretty smile as much, nor is there any singing. Often, when Ellen goes to bed, they will yell at each other; and she can hear her mommy cry. Most of the time it’s when Mommy asks for money for food or shoes or to pay the bills. Daddy often yells at her for wasting so much and always asking for more.

So when her play turns to interaction with the daddy, the conversation is a little bit more stern and louder. It isn’t the sweet, loving voice that you hear when she talks with her babies. This person, the daddy, never helps, is around, or understands. She has to take care of the babies herself, and she can and does. She knows that ‘she doesn’t need him’, and ‘he can just leave’. ‘She will do it, but she does need money for grocery shopping.’ The play is just that, play; and is so much fun she looks forward to each day of playing house. The babies always get better when they are sick, things always work out her way, all her answers are the right ones, and the daddy never makes her cry. She just loves being a mommy and always watches what her Mommy does so she can do it the same way. Shopping, driving the car, putting on makeup, these everyday things add to Ellen’s fantasy world of playing house.

Sometimes she plays that the daddy is her hero. He keeps her safe and protected, just like the knights that her mommy tells her about. Sometimes at night her mommy tells her stories before bed time. Often they are about brave men that save ladies in danger. They always live happily ever after. All the princes in all the movies she watches are very nice and try hard to make the princess happy and take care of them. They are tough against the bad guys, talking to them in a mean way to make the bad guys scared of them, but when they talk to the princess they are always soft and kind. You can see that the princes try really hard to do the right thing and help the princess. Sometimes things hurt them, but they never stop. The heroes never fail to grit their teeth, and sometimes even sweat to do whatever needs to be done to save the princess. At the end the princess and the prince are so happy to be together. Her mommy says and they lived happily ever after. Ellen knows that it’s like that for everyone, and that’s the way she plays house.

Her real Daddy is just like this. When he comes home he greets her with a big smile and picks her up and hugs her. Sometimes he will play with her and make her laugh. At times they sit on the couch and talk. Daddy asks her what she has been doing and tickles her and makes her giggle. He loves when she colors pictures for him and always wants her to give him kisses. At night he always says good night and calls her princess. Ellen always feels safe around her Daddy. When he is home, he sometimes takes her and her Mommy out to the store. She gets to hold his hand, and he talks to her when he’s not too busy or looking at something. She loves her Daddy. He’s a great guy and has told her he will keep getting her what she needs. He’s so nice. She just wishes she could see him more. Often days and days go by and he’s not at home. Mommy says he’s working, but Ellen just wants him home. Maybe Mommy does, too. Ellen can remember when Daddy used to go to church with her and Mommy. Sunday was her favorite day. She loves going to church, and when Daddy was with them they were a whole family. She still goes to church with Mommy all the time, and she still loves the people and going, but it’s not the same without Daddy.

Her Daddy does sometimes yell at her. She doesn’t always know what he wants, and that makes him really mad. Other times he talks funny and walks like he’s going to fall down. It’s kind of scary. She cries and runs to her Mom, but that usually makes him madder. She is beginning to realize that it’s easier when it’s just her and Mommy. Daddy is the hero, and he is big and strong. Nothing bad can happen when Daddy is around. Mommy even tells her how much her Daddy loves her. It’s just kind of hard for her to understand why she wants him home with them but is glad when he leaves.

At the end of the summer she gets to go to school. She has always been at home with Mommy and helps her do the shopping, clean the house, and cook. But now it is time for her to be a big girl and go to school. She will ride the bus and sit in a desk. She will have a teacher and make new friends. It all sounds so exciting, but who will be Mommy’s helper, and what will it be like to be away from Mommy all day?

One evening Ellen and Mommy set off to go to the school to walk around and meet her teacher. Daddy was supposed to go with them, but Daddies are very busy. They waited for him, but Mommy said it would be ok, they would just go on by themselves, and tell Daddy all about it. When they walked in, they were greeted by some very nice people who gave them directions, a name tag, and some papers. Ellen got to sit on a bus and walk down the hall to the cafeteria. The best part was meeting her teacher. She seemed so nice and looked like a princess. Her hair was pretty, and her smile was so friendly. The teacher, somehow, already knew Ellen’s name, and had picked out a desk especially for her. She and Mommy looked through the books that she would be using, and Ellen was even able to pet the gerbil in the cage. The teacher made school sound like so much fun that it made Ellen want to start very soon, but she wanted to make sure Mommy wouldn’t be lonely.

When the teacher was talking to someone else, Ellen turned to Mommy and said, If I go to school will you come with me?

Mommy smiled and said that