Bigger Than Leadership: Stories of Influence, Intention, and Inspiration

Bigger Than Leadership:

Stories of Influence, Intention, and Inspiration

Bigger Than Leadership:

Stories of Influence, Intention, and Inspiration

Brittany Do

New Degree Press

Copyright © 2021 Brittany Do

All rights reserved.

Bigger Than Leadership

Stories of Influence, Intention, and Inspiration

ISBN

978-1-63676-735-2 Paperback

978-1-63730-032-9 Kindle Ebook

978-1-63730-134-0 Ebook

dedication

For those who are simply trying to human together, and for those who are sharing their stories. Yes, that likely includes you, too.

epigraph

Life is a book in the making, full of stories and people.

Introduction

If you bought a really nice but expensive shirt for $200, what would you do with it? You could leave it in your closet to admire it, or maybe you’d decide to wear it every week to get the most bang for your buck. Perhaps you’d only wear it for special occasions—times when you know there’s minimal chance of getting it dirty.

Now think about purchasing this same $200 shirt to simply spray paint over the design. Would you do it? What would it take to convince you? How easily do you think you’d be able to convince a friend to spray paint one of their own shirts? Not just any shirt, but the same one that’s worth $200. Would you be able to do it?

Esteban Gast, a comedian, entertainer, and friend of mine, told me a story from when he was in junior high school and was able to do just that. How, you might ask? Influence. Pure influence.

In junior high school, Esteban tried out for the basketball team. He remembered how during basketball tryouts, everyone had these really expensive shoes. They were the Adidas Tracy McGradys. They’re like $200 shoes. And I had Kmart shoes. People trying out for the basketball team made fun of him, and he remembered them saying he wasn’t going to make the team without the Tracy McGradys, although he knew if he wasn’t going to make the team, it’d be because he was bad at basketball.

Although Esteban was frustrated, he noticed how the Tracy McGrady shoes were really colorful. Deciding he was going to spray paint his Kmart shoes and wear them to school, he remember[ed] thinking, ‘I need to make this look cool.’ His confidence in wearing the spray-painted shoes worked; other kids thought what he did was cool, so a few other people spray-painted their own shoes. This was when something clicked. Esteban noticed that what’s cool is made up…They’re not real rules. I can say ‘this is cool,’ and people did it…I remember guys spray painting their $200 shoes to match my twelve-dollar ones.

Esteban didn’t think people followed his lead in spray painting his shoes because he was considered cool, but rather because he had inadvertent influence on them. He realized leadership involves contagious emotions. For example, if a teacher were angry in the classroom, the classroom would feel weird. On the flip side, if the teacher were having a really good day, students would also have a really good day. Even if the teacher didn’t explicitly say they were having a good day and simply started class with a smile, the students would feel a sense of calm.

Esteban has influence. I have influence. You have influence. Now, the next step is figuring out what we do with it.

People often silo leadership into parts of their lives. They only think of how they are leaders at school, work, or at home, but usually not all three simultaneously. Leadership is seen in all aspects of life; if we don’t see how, we just need to look a little harder. Once we are aware of how to redefine leadership, this is when things shift.

There is a general distrust of people who call themselves leaders. Why? Because some leaders focus on the wrong aspects of what it means to be a leader. With the words leader and leadership, there comes a certain connotation, and one I believe is caused by confusing leadership with management. People think leadership revolves around having a high title and requires the power to tell people what to do and how to do it. There can be a lot of yelling and negative emotions involved in this. These people believe normal, everyday people, like them, can’t and aren’t leaders, and that there is only one style or type of effective leadership. The path to leadership is a difficult one, and others believe it’s too late for them to be a leader.

Thankfully, this is not the case at all—leadership is inclusive. Everyone is and can be a leader. Although there are countless definitions about leadership showcasing what leaders do, I believe it’s about influence, intention, and inspiration. Examples of leaders include the people I mention in this book…and also you. It’s often the unforeseen leaders serving others with the best stories.

What is leadership about? What are influence, intentionality, and inspiration about? How do these appear in your life, not just once in a blue moon, but every day? Basically, why should I care about reading this book?

Even if you don’t realize it, you are a leader. Are there people you interact with? Yes. Do you have some level of influence on these people? Yes. Congratulations—you’re a leader, and you always have been.

Leadership is a constant journey and one that is laborious, but it’s never too late to start. In fact, you are probably leading in ways you didn’t realize. Managers do have their title and power, but leaders simply do not need one. They inspire others around them to see their vision and take action while managers impose their vision onto others without worrying if they also see their vision.

Each person’s journey looks different. It starts during different times, at different places, and with different people. No matter what, it’s essential to understand how to develop your influence in a way that’s authentic to you.

I wanted to write about leadership because it’s something I’ve had the privilege and luck to learn more about at a rather young age. I was in junior high when I decided to run for an official leadership position, and I’ve been hooked ever since. Many of my leadership experiences have helped shape the person I am today; I do believe they have shifted my perspective and truly see and realize the impact I have on others.

In the first two weeks of my sophomore year in high school, I got pulled aside by the Associated Student Body (ASB) president. We just had elections to determine the sophomore class positions. I had applied to be class treasurer because I’d always liked working with numbers; they just made sense to me. There were also multiple people running for the president and vice president positions, and by running for treasurer, I’d be unopposed. I didn’t want to be the president or vice president, and frankly, I didn’t have enough self-confidence to run against everyone.

When I got stopped on my way to class, I was a little confused and worried I had done something wrong. The Hey, could I talk to you? led to us sitting down on a nearby bench outside and him breaking the news to me—the ASB executive board officers, the people who were choosing the sophomore class officers, didn’t think I would be a good fit for the position of treasurer.

This was pretty devastating to me, especially since I knew I had run unopposed. He said he couldn’t tell me who had gotten the role of treasurer but wanted to talk to me about it. Then, he said another surprising thing; the executive board had decided that I’d be the best fit for class president. He gave me a piece of paper where he had written down, Don’t act through power, act through influence, as he reminded me that influence is more powerful than power itself.

***

John C. Maxwell talks about the Law of Influence in his book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership and how The true measure of leadership is influence — nothing more, nothing less. I agree how influence helps cultivate leadership, but I believe there are other elements in this equation that help establish this influence.¹

From communication to trust, vulnerability to empathy, and confidence to inspiration, there are so many more elements tied to leadership that go beyond the preconceived notion of what it means to be a leader.

I’ve been lucky enough to be able to talk with a wide range of people, from current high schoolers to retirees. I interviewed eighty-five people, and this includes students, business professionals, podcast hosts, entrepreneurs, fellow authors, teachers, speakers, and many more.

In his TEDx Talk, Peter Anderton sums it up nicely when he says, Every single one of us can make a difference. Every single one of us is a leader in some way or another because leadership isn’t actually about position. Leadership is about who you are.² People can and do change during their leadership journey and life journey. You just need to be receptive and willing to try things that will push you out of your comfort zone.

I believe that leadership is founded on influence, and with intention, you can inspire others around you. These three I’s are prevalent in not only leadership, but life overall.

Leadership is a timeless and ageless skill and one you can constantly improve. Regardless of whether or not you’ve gained the experiences needed to understand influence, intention, and inspiration, countless lessons from the stories within this book are beneficial to all. I’d highly recommend this to anyone who loves listening to meaningful stories and believes genuine human connection is one of the best gifts in the world.

Even if you don’t feel like you’re ready to dive into this journey headfirst, remember that’s okay because you have the support of the people around you, the knowledge from all these stories, and pure determination.

Since this book is focused on leadership and how and why it connects to life, there are related topics emphasized in this book, such as intentionality, mentorship, connection, balance, empathy, confidence, communication, inspiration, purpose, and failure.

I wanted to incorporate as many stories as possible in my book; I believe that stories are engaging and interactive, which lead to a better way of not just learning something, but truly understanding it. I love being rapt in stories myself, so I wanted this to be my own way of influencing others, through the stories that have influenced me. Stories are also more memorable, and FMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) studies show that storytelling lights up more regions of the brain than straight facts.³

Together, we will dive deeper into stories about:

• An inspiring blind woman completing a triathlon

• A traveling company that helps kids learn English through musicals and performances

• How powerful the words I think you’d be good at it are

• The reason for intentionally meeting people from various countries and how this pertains to leadership

• Near-death experiences and how they serve as a powerful reminder of how short life is

So, what are you waiting for? This journey isn’t going to start by itself, especially since it’s your own unique leadership journey. There’s no time like the present, so let’s get started. This will be quite the adventure—please hop on board and make yourself uncomfortable because that’s the best way to learn and grow.

1 John C. Maxwell, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership: Follow Them and People Will Follow You (Nashville: HarperCollins Leadership, 1998), Page 24.

2 TEDx Talks, Great leadership comes down to only two rules | Peter Anderton | TEDxDerby, July 25, 2016, video, 17:29.

3 Why Storytelling Works: The Science, Ariel Group (blog), December 26, 2020.

Part 1:

All About Leadership

Chapter 1: Leadership

Life is a journey and sometimes we go around in circles. —Peter Anderton⁴

Can you tell me about your leadership journey? In every interview I’ve done for this book, this is the question I chose to start with. Although this is a fairly simple and straightforward question, the stories I’ve heard are usually anything but; that’s what makes each person’s journey inimitable. The fascinating thing about life (and thus leadership) is that it doesn’t matter where or when your journey begins.

When navigating this wild journey called life, it’s so full of roots and trees that you end up lost in the forest without realizing. You don’t know where you’re headed or how to get there, but that’s perfectly alright. If you were on a long hike, too focused on which turn to take, at which moment, and how long you’ve been walking for, then you’d miss seeing the beautiful simplicity of nature in front of you. By focusing too much on the beginning and the end, you miss the best part (hint: the journey itself).

Leadership is Complicated

It was a normal Friday evening, and I was interviewing a fellow college student Beth about her experiences in leadership. Beth was telling me about a difficult time where she had to navigate a sensitive issue with a group of other students. She wasn’t feeling confident in how she handled the situation, but she was glad she had addressed the issue rather than left it alone.

As she told me her situation and how she reacted, I thought of an analogy—one that I repeated to her. If you’re trying to housebreak a dog and it ends up going to the bathroom on your new, lovely carpet, would you clean it up right away or leave it there? If you act immediately, you have a higher chance of erasing any traces of it;