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    The Truth in Our Scars
    The Truth in Our Scars
    The Truth in Our Scars
    Ebook123 pages2 hours

    The Truth in Our Scars

    By Oriana Allen

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    About this ebook

    Childhood trauma is devastating--leaving unseen scars on your future self--hiding the person you are meant to be. Through vulnerability and connection, you give those scars permission to speak and break free from the enslavement of your past. It is never too late to conquer your fears and take your power back.


    In The Truth

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAuthor Academy Elite
    Release dateAug 15, 2021
    ISBN9781647466985
    The Truth in Our Scars

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      Book preview

      The Truth in Our Scars - Oriana Allen

      Praise for

      The Truth in Our Scars

      Powerful and captivating! In this well-written memoir, Oriana Allen articulately conveys her story leading up to and walking through the process of being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She invites readers to take an intimate peak behind the curtain at her journey through heartbreak onto the path of healing, offering them hope and courage to face their own trauma-related demons. Her experience is a testimony, from someone who has walked in those shoes, to the fact that a diagnosis of BPD does not have to be a life sentence. This is an inspiring read for anyone whose life has been touched in some way by the diagnosis.

      —Dr. Jeff Riddenbach PhD., Author of

      Borderline Personality Disorder Toolbox: A practical Evidence-based Guide to Regulating Intense Emotions

      Oriana Allen shares the painful story of her childhood with incredible warmth and candor. Then, she walks us through the process of facing that pain, owning her diagnoses of borderline personality disorder, and beginning her healing journey. Through it all, you will learn about attachment, avoidance, emptiness, and trauma firsthand through the voice of a person who has experienced it all. Whether you have a borderline diagnosis yourself, would like to better understand a loved one, or just want to learn about this complex problem, once you have read this book, you will never view borderline personality in quite the same way again.

      ––Jonice Webb, Ph.D., Bestselling Author of Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect and Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships.

      The Truth in Our Scars

      Untangling Trauma to Discover Your Secret Self

      Oriana Allen

      The Truth in Our Scars © 2021 by Oriana Allen

      Published by Author Academy Elite

      PO Box 43, Powell, OH 43065

      www.AuthorAcademyElite.com

      All rights reserved. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without express written permission from the author.

      Identifiers:

      LCCN: 2021901247

      ISBN: 978-1-64746-696-1 (paperback)

      ISBN: 978-1-64746-697-8 (hardback)

      ISBN: 978-1-64746-698-5 (ebook)

      Available in paperback, hardback, e-book

      All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from

      the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures®, Published by the

      Watchtower Bible Tract Society© Pennsylvania, 2013 Edition.

      The content of this book is in no way sponsored or endorsed

      by the Watch Tower and Bible Tract Society.

      Any Internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) and telephone numbers printed in this book are offered as a resource. They are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement by Author Academy Elite, nor does Author Academy Elite vouch for the content of these sites and numbers for the life of this book.

      Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

      Author’s Note

      This book is a non-fiction story, recalling very personal details of my life to the best of my memory. For the protection of people’s identities, some names have been changed. Please know that I feel no malice toward anyone in this book. The stories I chose to share were carefully selected to aid the reader in understanding complex trauma and my development of borderline personality disorder. This book is also meant to guide the reader through the rigorous journey of various therapy modalities and spiritualty that supported my recovery. My ultimate goal is to share hope that recovery from borderline personality disorder is possible and to give evidence that everyone has the power within to heal and change their life’s story.

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      With the help of many people, I was able to breathe life into this book and share this raw story of transformation with you. Here is where I’d like to express a few words of gratitude for those who nurtured this journey.

      From the very beginning, my husband Tom cheered me on and gave me space and time (and a shoulder to cry on at the best of times) to support the labored writing process. Having had no previous formal writing experience, I am thankful to Norma Hoyle, who helped me through a mentorship and editing my book chapter by chapter, throughout the first few years of the books growing pains.

      My Kickstarter campaign was the next step that enabled me to offer pre-sales of my book to those who believed in its purpose and wanted to see it come to fruition. I am indebted to the very talented photographer, Moriah Cummings, who took a chance on me and created my book trailer for this Kickstarter project. There are many people who participated in the campaign through purchasing early copies, and I am so grateful for all of you. I am sending a special thank you to both Blake Coss and Tracy Drott for your generous campaign pledges and unswerving faith in my book. The funds raised through pre-sales enabled me to join an incredible team at Author Academy Elite and receive further coaching and opportunities in my writing career. This is where I met the very talented team of editors who I’d like to thank for their invaluable input and editorial skills, Tina Morlock and Sandra Duclos.

      Last but not least, I’d like to express my deep gratitude to the skilled psychiatrist who had been like a guiding compass throughout my recovery, leading me back home to my authentic self.

      DEDICATION

      I dedicate this book to my loving husband

      who showed me vulnerability can be a superpower

      and my children, who are my life-saving miracles.

      To all who have been a part of my journey in one form or another.

      For those overcoming trauma and in search of their truth.

      And to my beloved and never forgotten:

      Brother: Joel Meehan

      1979–2012

      Dad: Russell Rogers

      1940–2019

      Friend: Kaila McKay

      1987–2020

      Table of Contents

      Introduction: Digging for Buried Treasure

      Part 1: Untangling the Past

      Chapter 1: Home—The Battlefield

      Adolescence—The War of Chaos and Perfectionism

      Chapter 2: The Collapse—Diagnosed

      Chapter 3: Turning Point

      Chapter 4: Therapy—The Journey Inward

      Belief Systems—The Story We Tell Ourselves

      Chapter 5: Recycled Relationships—The One That Shaped All Others

      Attachment Styles—Breaking Relationship Patterns

      Chapter 6: Discovering Learned Fears—Abandonment Wounds

      Fear of Letting Others Down—Misplaced Guilt and Responsibility

      Messages from the Subconscious—Dream Analysis

      Part 2: Letting the Scars Speak

      Chapter 7: Discovering Defense Mechanisms—Splitting and Self-Intergration

      Dissociation—Depersonalization

      Emotional Avoidance

      Chapter 8: Discovering and Befriending Emotions

      Practicing Self-Awareness and Aloneness

      Chapter 9: Trauma in the Body

      Reparenting the Inner Child

      Neurofeedback

      Chronic Pain and Trauma—Bottom-Up Healing

      Part 3: Living your Truth

      Chapter 10: Taking Back Power

      Intuition and Boundaries—Internal Lie Detectors

      Reframing—Changing Perception

      Forgiveness and Grieving

      Validation and Self-Compassion

      Chapter 11: Discovering the Secret-Self

      New Values—Spirituality

      Lessons from Vulnerability—Filling the Void of Chronic Emptiness

      Becoming Enough

      Timing—The Process of Recovery and Growth

      Final Words—Recovery and Beyond

      Notes

      Introduction

      Digging for Buried Treasure

      Childhood . . . that is when we should make some of our best memories. It is when we have the freedom to live in the moment worry-free—to play, imagine, discover, build, and create. During childhood, we can be innocent and vulnerable, and we can have trust, feel secure, and fully depend on the adults in our lives. The opposite was true for me. Childhood was a time I felt robbed of and have resented. Reflecting on my childhood and adolescence reminds me of some of the worst years of my life. I buried those childhood memories deep for many years until my life depended on uncovering them. Digging through the emotional pit of trauma—like digging a hole in the earth—took much time and exertion, getting my hands dirty, and straining to see what was at the bottom. After much digging, I found a treasure—my truth.

      This mental digging work began in adulthood after a failed suicide attempt when they hospitalized and diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder (BPD). This diagnosis forced me out of my habit of burying things and had me unearthing them instead. BPD was a label that sparked my curiosity, and I had a keen interest in learning how I developed such a disorder. To accomplish this quest, I had to revisit the place I tried to forget: my past.

      With the help of a skilled psychiatrist, I was equipped with the right tools to dig through my past. I spent the first few years of recovery learning how my early interactions with my parents left a lasting imprint that set me up for a difficult future. For most of my past, I lived without ever feeling fully alive.

      Childhood abuse and neglect had given me a role in the script of life that defined who I thought I was. This digging work in my therapy comprised of uprooting false beliefs and discovering

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