Mirror, Mirror: Reflections of Self: 365-Day Life Journal

Copyright © 2014 by Larry Robinson.

Cover Design: Swati Patel

Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA

Edited By: Glen Doherty

Lowell, Massachusetts, USA

VagabondView Photography to the byline

- Stefanie Egan

Falmouth,, Massachusetts, USA

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 10/30/2014

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Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

About the Author

January 1

January 2

January 3

January 4

January 5

January 6

January 7

January 8

January 9

January 10

January 11

January 12

January 13

January 14

January 15

January 16

January 17

January 18

January 19

January 20

January 21

January 22

January 23

January 24

January 25

January 26

January 27

January 28

January 29

January 30

January 31

February 1

February 2

February 3

February 4

February 5

February 6

February 7

February 8

February 9

February 10

February 11

February 12

February 13

February 14

February 15

February 16

February 17

February 18

February 19

February 20

February 21

February 22

February 23

February 24

February 25

February 26

February 27

February 28

March 1

March 2

March 3

March 4

March 5

March 6

March 7

March 8

March 9

March 10

March 11

March 12

March 13

March 14

March 15

March 16

March 17

March 18

March 19

March 20

March 21

March 22

March 23

March 24

March 25

March 26

March 27

March 28

March 29

March 30

March 31

April 1

April 2

April 3

April 4

April 5

April 6

April 7

April 8

April 9

April 10

April 11

April 12

April 13

April 14

April 15

April 16

April 17

April 18

April 19

April 20

April 21

April 22

April 23

April 24

April 25

April 26

April 27

April 28

April 29

April 30

May 1

May 2

May 3

May 4

May 5

May 6

May 7

May 8

May 9

May 10

May 11

May 12

May 13

May 14

May 15

May 16

May 17

May 18

May 19

May 20

May 21

May 22

May 23

May 24

May 25

May 26

May 27

May 28

May 29

May 30

May 31

June 1

June 2

June 3

June 4

June 5

June 6

June 7

June 8

June 9

June 10

June 11

June 12

June 13

June 14

June 15

June 16

June 17

June 18

June 19

June 20

June 21

June 22

June 23

June 24

June 25

June 26

June 27

June 28

June 29

June 30

July 1

July 2

July 3

July 4

July 5

July 6

July 7

July 8

July 9

July 10

July 11

July 12

July 13

July 14

July 15

July 16

July 17

July 18

July 19

July 20

July 21

July 22

July 23

July 24

July 25

July 26

July 27

July 28

July 29

July 30

July 31

August 1

August 2

August 3

August 4

August 5

August 6

August 7

August 8

August 9

August 10

August 11

August 12

August 13

August 14

August 15

August 16

August 17

August 18

August 19

August 20

August 21

August 22

August 23

August 24

August 25

August 26

August 27

August 28

August 29

August 30

August 31

September 1

September 2

September 3

September 4

September 5

September 6

September 7

September 8

September 9

September 10

September 11

September 12

September 13

September 14

September 15

September 16

September 17

September 18

September 19

September 20

September 21

September 22

September 23

September 24

September 25

September 26

September 27

September 28

September 29

September 30

October 1

October 2

October 3

October 4

October 5

October 6

October 7

October 8

October 9

October 10

October 11

October 12

October 13

October 14

October 15

October 16

October 17

October 18

October 19

October 20

October 21

October 22

October 23

October 24

October 25

October 26

October 27

October 28

October 29

October 30

October 31

November 1

November 2

November 3

November 4

November 5

November 6

November 7

November 8

November 9

November 10

November 11

November 12

November 13

November 14

November 15

November 16

November 17

November 18

November 19

November 20

November 21

November 22

November 23

November 24

November 25

November 26

November 27

November 28

November 29

November 30

December 1

December 2

December 3

December 4

December 5

December 6

December 7

December 8

December 9

December 10

December 11

December 12

December 13

December 14

December 15

December 16

December 17

December 18

December 19

December 20

December 21

December 22

December 23

December 24

December 25

December 26

December 27

December 28

December 29

December 30

December 31

Megan Reiley

Marblehead, Massachusetts, USA

Acknowledgments

T he support I have received while writing Mirror, Mirror has been both inspirational and truly heartwarming. You all kept me writing on a daily basis with your wonderful feedback and your tireless support and understanding of how difficult some of the topics covered in Mirror, Mirror can be to navigate. I wish I could list every contributor that has commented on the daily posts, but that would be a book all in itself! There are, however, some of you who have committed to writing such great comments that I would like to take this opportunity to place you in this book. Thank you so much, Ti Na Agasshi, Mustafa Khan Charak, Beth Meola, Dorlene Walker, Nancy Asher, Mike Cutler, Mary Singleton, Pamela Jean Marie, John Carlos Balena, Johnny Mello, Jem Rose Mationg, Ronnie Orris Northrop, Marjorie Laderas Tiozon, Darlene Hornblower, Rick Staula, Coyote Karzarinoth, Monica Roychoudhury, Arlene Moran Verano, Mir Muzamil, Darwena Abendan, Jhe Espinosa Oebanda, Brandi Henson, Latoya Brand Parker, Redz Urquiola Vara, Deal Sally, Mir Muzamil, Cindi Beal Campbell, Rohi Dogra, Sincee Ferris, Shantelle Williams, Leo Prabhakar, Yonette Ince, Chris Lawlor, Kerri Lynn Wallace, Barbara Stackhouse, Tina Gonsalvez, David Rhodes, Jarey Dombuce, JoAnne Chisholm-Lake, and Brandon Boston, Robert Lawthorne, Matt Lawthorne (for all your sharing). There are so many, many more, so please forgive me if I failed to recognize you. And remember, Mirror, Mirror is for everyone, so you are all a part of this.

Also, in order to reach out and continue to include all Mirror, Mirror’s wonderful friends, and now colleagues, from across the globe, it takes money. If it weren’t for the following folks who believed in this project there would be no Mirror, Mirror. So from the bottom of my heart, I say, Thank you! to Baruch HaLevi, Rick Staula, David Rosenberg, Jay Tomasi, Carol Lena, David Juliano, Sandra Cavallo, Peggy Schrage, Sandra Gandsman (my sister), and Dana Gandsman (my niece), Brian Oppenhiem, Brian and Stephanie Benevento, Jordan Arbit, Laura Morton, Michelle Rosen, and Stephen Chambers. There are so many more who gave in order to help me reach as many folks as we could across the globe, and thanks to your efforts we have done just that! Just to give you an idea as to how successful we have been, I want you to know that as Mirror, Mirror goes to print we currently have over 150,000 folks from twenty-eight nations. It truly has become an international family. You all have made this happen!

Lastly, I want to acknowledge the person who has taught me the most in my life, my wife Joyce. Your honesty and integrity have humbled me at times. Your wisdom of life has given me so much food for thought. Little did you know that you secretly wrote this with me. Love is everlasting!

Larry

Introduction

M irror, Mirror: Reflections of Self—365-Day Life Journal is written for anyone who truly wants to understand their own behavior and feelings. The 365 single-day entries included in the following pages have an important message for each one of you. Although you will interpret them differently, they will be understood by all. You see, the truth is that we all feel the same. We all experience the same feelings and we all go through similar situations, no matter what culture, religion, or belief system we affiliate with.

This is your opportunity to really help yourself. Open each day with the appropriate date and read the daily entry. Take your time, and while you are reading make a conscious effort to allow yourself to focus on the particular aspects of each entry that relate to you and your life or the lives of family members and friends who you know and love. And if time permits, jot down some notes as you answer the questions or assignments asked in each entry. Since we are going to be together for a whole year, your notes will come in handy the deeper we get into your life change.

The point of Mirror, Mirror is to change all of our lives for the better. And if you follow the book faithfully for the entire year (you can skip a few, but just a few), you will see a definitive change in the way you see yourself, your life, and the lives of others. Mirror, Mirror is about positive change, so dare yourself to make that change!

This book is also fun. Do not take anything written as too serious, for it is meant to stimulate, not annihilate you. I do not really like the idea of self-help books. I would rather call this type of book a help yourself book. If you really want to change your life, then help yourself to the rich content that you will find within these pages. Even if you think that some of this doesn’t apply to you, you’d better think twice, for while we all have different acts we are in the same play.

Since this book deals so much with the subject of personal change and growth, I have included for you The Stages of Change as a guide for your use.

The following steps will help you to see where you are in the process of change.

Denial: The First Stage of Change

When we are faced with looking at ourselves we tend to want to turn things around so that we can confidently find someone else to shoulder the blame for our bad behavior. "You made me act that way is a typical statement we might make. Others, like There is nothing wrong with me or It is not my fault," seem to pervade our thinking as well. Our defense systems rush to the front of our brains to prevent us from imperfection. If we let any knowledge in, then all our fears from childhood will be confirmed. We were not good enough!

Brain Awareness: The Second Stage of Change

After so many repetitions of the same behavior without any difference in our thinking, we begin to realize that something is off and maybe it isn’t the other person. Something is beginning to happen. Our denial is beginning to weaken. Our repetitive behavior is not working the way it used to and there is a gnawing feeling inside of us that sends us the message that it is something that we are doing that is causing this pain. It becomes like a gut feeling that we cannot get away from. As we begin to analyze our own behavior, we begin to understand cause and effect. Now, in our minds things seem to become clearer. The way we are behaving can have a negative effect on our lives. Remember, this is all just beginning to become conscious to us.

Confusion: The Third Stage of Change

Now that we have accepted the fact that we were in denial and that we intellectually understand that we created the behavior we disliked, then what happens next? The old system of behaving doesn’t seem to work any longer, yet we have nothing to replace this behavior with! We are now thrown into a state of confusion. We cannot move forward without the security of new behavior. What will happen? We retreat to our old behavior with a sense of defeat. Before we understood our actions we were often unhappy but ignorant to what caused this unhappiness. Now that we are aware of this unhappiness, we become stuck in a limbo of fear and anxiety as we cannot move forward. We do not know the answer to change.

Confusion is our hardest state to face. It causes us to flip-flop back and forth between stages 1 and 2 without mercy. We can numb ourselves with various addictions or habits to keep down the anxiety, but to no real avail!

Heart Awareness: The Fourth Stage of Change

What are we going to do? We feel so confused since nothing seems to go right for us, and while we do understand why, we keep up the repetition of negative behavior, but this doesn’t appear to work either. Still, each time we go through a repetition with that knowledge of failure, something inside of us begins to understand. At a much deeper level than our intellect allows for, we begin to know what will work. We begin to feel differently, for now we can no longer fool ourselves with our distorted thinking. Our hearts can feel the truth! We are not just observing our behavior, we are feeling it! Do you know that feeling inside that tells you I am beginning to understand? The seeds of change are beginning to take hold!

Acceptance: The Fifth and Final Stage of Change

Now there is no question about what we are experiencing. We aren’t even that tuned in anymore to the change. When we stop and look, we can see and feel what the other person is saying to us. It is usually other people who say, Do you know that you do not yell anymore when I confront you? We feel the acceptance in our heart and we now know that we can be in control of this behavior!

These are the Stages of Change. There will be times in this process where we will regress, but our new behavior will prevail because we know that we are fighting our resistance. We can change!

You will also find illustrations, photography, sketches, cartoons, poems, and witty and wise comments from people all over the world. The talent is amazing and their efforts are so meaningful.

Mirror, Mirror needs to be used over and over again, for it is so easy for us to forget its lessons. It is the type of book that we will read as long as it takes to achieve the success that you want. I know I certainly grew a lot writing it.

—Larry

About the Author

Larry Robinson is a renowned psychotherapist and life counselor with over thirty-five years of experience counseling children, families, adolescents, couples and relationships in the Greater Boston area. Larry holds a Master of Education in Counseling degree from Boston University and is a Clinically Certified Forensic Counselor and a certified divorce mediator. A native of the seaside community of Swampscott, Massachusetts, Larry’s allegiance to his beloved North Shore brought him back to the region in 2004 after twenty-five years of private practice in metro-Boston. Larry is the founder of Mindful Thinking, a reality-based coaching and therapeutic practice that focuses on Change and living in the Now. Larry currently resides in Lynn, Massachusetts with his wife Joyce and their dogs Lola and Henry, and cat, Sweetie.

Stephanie Egan

Falmouth, Massachusetts, USA

Our past does not predict our future. Yes, we can look back at our past, but let us not make the same stupid mistakes.

—John Carlo Balena, Philippines

January 1

W hy can’t we be content with who we are in life? Are we destined to remain stuck in the thinking that we are not good enough in our work and personal life? Do we give up too easily and then begin to think, What’s the use? Where do you think your motivation is supposed to come from? We can wait and wait for it to show up, but it will not unless we produce it. It really isn’t true that someone else can motivate us. Yes, we can be given the motivation bug by someone else, but it will quickly disappear if we do not run with it. This is about you and your life, and waiting for something to happen to propel you to your next level in life is wasting time. It actually becomes an exercise that is only a mind game, and not one of action. So often we want to dwell in our past and we become fearful of our future because we do not have the strength to activate the present. The present is where our life is , not the past or future.

Are you mindful of your present? Do you see yourself clearly? If you were asked to describe yourself, how would you do it? If there are a lot of negatives, then you are really not describing you, but rather what your mind tells you is you. Remember that your mind can be your enemy without you even knowing it! If you listen to the ramblings inside your head, you will be frozen, either in the past or in creating a negative future for yourself. You are not alone in this futile place. Unfortunately, you have too much company. So how do you move forward with your life?

It is necessary for us to accept who we are and where we are in life. You might not like where you are, but wishing and hoping for a better life is just wishing and hoping! You cannot change if you do not accept where you are! So many of us detest the life we have, and because we have put such a negative spin on it, there is no way we can overcome that much negativity. We end up either defeated before we start change or so overwhelmed with where to begin that we do not start it at all!

New year, new effort! This effort can be yours if you truly want to change your life. Do not think for one minute that this is easy. No one ever told us that life was easy and that change was just a matter of the direction we took our life in. Change is a process, and motivation does not fall from the sky! It comes from being so sick and tired of the same patterns in life that we will either sink so low to the bottom that the only place we have to go is up, or we will get angry at the self that is holding us back! You are not your history! Get angry and decide that I am going to defy the self that says I am not good enough! My motivation will come from being too easy on myself!

It is too easy to beat oneself up. That is easy. The hard part is to stop! The first step is to defy your mind! Begin to climb the steps to success!

Assignment: List the issues that you want to work on this coming year. Be honest with yourself but do not be too hard on yourself either.

January 2

W e all look in the mirror, for there is no way to avoid it! What do you see when you look? Do you see a kind, loving person who appreciates life? Can you see your features and how beautiful they are? Smile. Do you see a happy person full of life and joy? Do you see your warmth and kindness? Don’t we wish we saw this every time we saw a reflection of ourselves? Unfortunately, we do not!

Do you know that your looks do not change every day? So how can you like what you see on Monday and hate what you see on Wednesday? How long have you been doing this to yourself? And oh, do not think that men escape this torture, because many men see in themselves the same things women see. Are we people who judge ourselves by how we look rather than who we are inside? Look in the mirror right now. What do you see?

Can we get past the outside of ourselves and see the inside? That is what determines what we will see in the mirror. Oftentimes our body image appears to take on our inside self, and the inside self is about our emotional beauty. You do not have to be one of the select beauties on the outside to have a beautiful inside.

So what determines the inside beauty and who we are? It’s when we feel love and compassion for our fellowman; when we stop the endless judging of other people; when we stop talking behind people’s backs and stop lying. This helps determine how we see ourselves. There is some part of us that cannot fake when we look in the mirror, and maybe that’s our true self that doesn’t allow us to hide.

When someone with an eating disorder looks in the mirror they see too much weight, even though they are either bone thin or just the right weight. Why? Because they carry so much negativity that they cannot see clearly.

Assignment: Test yourself. Do something kind for the next couple of days and check yourself out. You will begin to see the beauty inside you, and that will reflect in the mirror that controls your life. Beauty is only skin deep, but real beauty is a light that is always shining!

January 3

A re we victims of this life? Do we feel like we have been singled out to deal with the pain while others get away scot-free? Or are we just doomed? How often do we think that life is unfair and we have been given the boot when it comes to being successful?

These are questions that so many of us ask ourselves, but this is a side of ourselves we’d rather not expose. It is like when we are in a bad relationship and it ends. We would rather stay in it than be alone. Of course we are going to pretend everything is fine, but inside we again feel like the victim. We could have ended it, but waiting caused us to be in pain. How about the promotion we got passed over on or the school we got rejected from? We see ourselves as victims of society and of other people, and we feel like everyone makes it but us!

No, no, no! We are not victims, but we do have a negative attitude about life, and we either hide it inside or we spread our negativity all over the place. How are we ever going to get through this piece of our life journey?

This is only about you, not the rest of the world. Who have you been? Are you brave enough to admit how you have seen yourself and your future? It is so hard to be honest, but today you can use Mirror, Mirror to begin a new day by admitting who we have been and what we can do in order to rise above the junk we think about ourselves. You are only who you make yourself be!

Think about your attitude, for you wake up to it every day. Look around your room and your house. Is it messy? This is how you see yourself first thing in the morning. Is this is a great way to start your day, in a mess? You can and will do better!

Today you can begin to clean up your life. Why are you still so pissed that you are blaming someone else? Get over that one! You are in charge of your own life!

Assignment: List in order the things about your life that have made it difficult for other people to communicate with you. Are you defensive, shutdown emotionally? Think hard about this one!

January 4

A re you truly an honest person? Do you tell other people the truth at all times when you are asked questions you know will be confrontational? Do you believe that you can get away with it by rationalizing that you do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings? Do you believe that you are honest with your friends and family, or are you the type of person who is either causing conflict or avoiding it? What happens when you get caught in an omission or lie? How do you explain your behavior?

We are all guilty of omissions and little lies at times. They suck up our positive energy and leave us emotionally drained.

Do you exaggerate a story in order to impress others, or can you be truly honest about who you are? Sometimes we are so afraid that we will not be cared about that we invent a different person, only to be called a fraud when we are found not to be telling the truth. Why does our false self emerge to screw up potential relationships?

If you do not start off honest, how do you know whether you will be believed or not later on in the relationship? Placing doubt in someone is truly the most uncomfortable feeling for both people. The person you try and impress will love you but will not necessarily trust you.

You, the person who has invented the false self, well, this cannot be your first time, so the pattern is already there for you and it does not just disappear because you want it to! Take time to really know the other person and allow for them to know you. Life cannot transform itself into your dream just because you want it to. Start to be honest with those around you and understand that even though family and friends will still love you, you need to be able to handle the consequences when you are truthful with them.

Honesty doesn’t grow on trees, it happens when we are children. And depending upon what we observe in our home, well, that will determine how truthful we are, first to ourselves and then to others.

Question: In what ways have you been dishonest with yourself? How has that affected your relationships with others?

January 5

W here is your heart today? Did you wake up and feel its warmth, or did you go to bed cold and angry? How often do you shut your heart down in order to not feel its pain? There is no way to avoid heart pain unless you pick up an addiction. Alcohol, drugs, sex, and food—they just cover the pain for short bursts, but then it returns. That is how we become addicts.

God, what a hard time we give ourselves trying to avoid pain. The things we set up to avoid the pain cause pain all in themselves, and so we are packing pain onto pain. Great! It is so easy for us to become addicts. We don’t realize that when we are kids and we have heart pain we pick up addictions before we are even thirteen. We think we are cool, but our hearts know differently. When we believe in our minds that we are forgotten, blamed, or made fun of, our mind turns against us and says, Drown those feelings and do not care anymore.

You have to face the heart pain; that’s all there is to it! Heart pain is something we grow from when we identify what it really is. Relationships cause heart pain in that they break our hearts, but we have to look at who we choose and why it is always someone who will step on our heart.

This is not new! Remember, our hearts got stepped on when we were children. It is all we know. Stop and look inside yourself before you repeat this dynamic again. If it is a parent who does this to us and continually makes us feel like we’re not good enough, it’s a safe bet they will always do this! It is you who goes back for more pain.

You cannot change another person; you can only change your reaction to them! Tonight maybe you will go to bed with a warm heart because you finally took care of you! Stay away from poison; it kills!

Question: What traumatic event in your life caused your heart to feel pain? Did you grow from it or are you still obsessing about the what-ifs?

January 6

W hat does courage mean to you? Are you someone who believes they have it? Do you see yourself as a courageous person or doing courageous things in life? Try to remember the most courageous act you’ve done. How old were you when the event or deed occurred?

Have you been courageous since? Courage is only up to you to define in your life.

So many of us think that being courageous means running into a burning house to save someone, or stopping a robbery. Some might say these people are courageous, but they are more than that, they are heroes, and we are not talking about that. No, we are talking about the kind of courage you have. Do you let others do your dirty work for you? Are you someone who would rather avoid a conflict than face one? Do you think about confronting your parents, spouse, partner, or boss and becoming a want to want to person? That person takes no action, they only think about the deed. Sometimes we spend so much time talking about it in our heads or bleeding to our friends about it that we actually believe we have dealt with the issue.

Do you hide from confrontations or agree with someone because you really don’t have the courage to stand up for yourself? Ask yourself why. Do you tell yourself you’re lazy? Well, lazy is only a block to protect us from courage.

How do you obtain courage? Well, it isn’t something you can buy!

It is something that is inside of you, and it is called self-esteem. So many people wonder why they feel bad about themselves, but if they’d stop and look again they would realize that they have the chance to work on it. And saying how you feel is not the problem here! Dealing with the consequences is.

We are afraid of others’ reactions. If they are people who love you, they will listen. You might not like their reaction, but if the relationship has meaning you will both get over it. And as far as confronting someone you don’t know? Well, why would you really care about what someone you don’t really like thinks about you? This is all left over from childhood—like me, like me—enough! If you do not take risks in your life, then this is going to be as good as it gets! You might surprise yourself and break out of the half-empty you!

Assignment: List some of the things that you could do to make you a better person in life. Do not worry about whether you can fulfill this now or not. The idea is to start thinking this way. Do you see yourself as a person with courage?

January 7

H alf empty? Half full? How do you really see life? Are you one of those people who put on a good face to the world while inside you feel horrible and hopeless? How many secrets do you keep so that people will think that you have it together? But you know what you really feel.

We do not learn this behavior as adults. We learn it way back in our childhood when we have no defenses to fight others’ negativity. We learn through our parents’ low self-esteem that they cannot see us as better. Believe it: some parents don’t even want you to do better than they have, for that just points out their failures. Have you ever heard the saying I want you to do better than I did in life? Bull! What they’re saying is they want you to do well in life and succeed, but not be better!

Be different from them and watch for the part of you that is most like their worst personality trait. Women have their mothers as role models, and men have their fathers. You cannot have a parent of the opposite sex as your role model no matter how close you are to them. Genetics interferes.

Half full! So often we do not look at what we have accomplished, but rather at what we have not done. How do you expect to see life in a positive way if you are stuck in the negativity of what hasn’t happened? There is not one of us who is a complete failure. You have to take the time to look closely at what you have been capable of accomplishing and then build on it! It does not matter how small it is, it still counts!

This is where you start, and the first thing you need to look at is your bedroom. Is it a horrible mess or is it clean? How you get up in the morning will sometimes depend on your surroundings. Clean is clean, dirty is dirty. Your negative mind is very attached to dirty.

Assignment: Sit down and make a list of all the things you have done well and those that you still need to do. Do not worry about how many things are on your list. Just begin to chart out what you can do. If you try to do too much at once you will likely give up, so make it one goal at a time and start with the easiest!

January 8

A re you an escape artist or a person who stands up and starts a fight over the slightest incident that hurts your feelings? Do you ever find yourself spacing out while in a discussion or even a heated argument that feels like it is ripping you apart? How old is this issue in your life? My hunch is that it goes way back into your childhood and that you did this with your parents when you were being yelled at.

It’s almost as if you found a wormhole into an alternate universe where you could just about hear what they were lecturing you about or yelling at you over, but you were in your world where there was peace and quiet. You could fantasize anything in that world, and often when you were asked if you were listening you could repeat word for word what they said. What great manipulation!

Now, perhaps you are the heated up person who jumps into fights as if you are trying to win a world title. Every little thing gets your body heated up. Do you find yourself sweating a lot or crying at the drop of a hat? This tells us that you are full of anger, and that anger can sometimes come out of your body very quickly. Anger is a fire feeling, and because water puts out fire, what are tears made out of? That’s right, water! And the same goes for sweating. The anger just cannot be contained! But this does not stop the fight. It just gives you an added advantage. It isn’t even as if you can stop the anger from coming. Do you remember standing in front of a screaming parent and crying? Why were you crying? It wasn’t because you were so sorry over the crime you didn’t commit, it was because you were outraged at being reprimanded or punished when you did not feel you were guilty!

Neither of these forms of behavior work. One leaves you always holding the bag while the other leaves you impossible to deal with.

Keeping yourself present and not going into your defense mode is the idea. And how do you keep yourself present in these dangerous circumstances? Breathe! Yes, that’s right, take a deep breath and allow yourself to be present so that you have a voice in the dispute. We all know when we screw up, so taking responsibility isn’t a sin. And listening to someone else’s feelings will not kill you. You are still a good person, just one with bad behavior!

Question: How well do you deal with your anger? Explain!

January 9

I t is that tiny little feeling inside of us that starts to warn us that it is beginning to happen. It starts out as a queasy (uncomfortable) feeling in our stomach that begins to grow as we start our day. Perhaps you have it right now. It does not like to be interrupted and has set up camp inside of you.

This is anxiety and it has come to mess with you! It shows no mercy and it does not pick and choose who it attacks! It attacks all of us at one time or another, and some of us live with it as if it were our roommate—a roommate, mind you, that has no immediate intentions of moving out!

This is anxiety and it can screw us up for life if we do not get in control of it. Sometimes we do know what causes it, while other times we have no clue as to why it is there. It can come in waves or in little tiny bubbles inside of us. Anxiety has no friends except fear and anger, and we often do not even get to what it really is that is scaring us, for it is overpowering!

We need to spend more time on this issue, for it has consumed our minds at times, often leaving us feeling sick and unable to function. It is the one issue that is the most difficult for us to overcome. In fact, just trying to overcome it can often cause more anxiety. What then is the solution to this menace inside of us?

We must be willing to explore what is going on in our lives at the time we begin to recognize its ugly existence. We cannot let it rule us, for if it takes over our day is ruined and we hide from life. Hiding from life, now that’s an interesting thought. Is that really what this is all about? When we hide from our issues they begin to cook inside us. Anxiety is a hot feeling, not a cold one. We begin to cook our issues, and the end result is nothing but a big juicy bowl of anxiety!

This is our beginning lesson in learning to fight back and win over it. Tomorrow we begin to define the different kinds of anxiety and where they come from. Let us take this very important issue and tell it to get lost once and for all!

Assignment: List in order of intensity things that make you anxious.

January 10

T here are so many different ways in which we experience anxiety that it would be impossible to describe all of them. And the reason for this is that anxiety is really unique to each one of us. But there are certain generalized types that we can all identify with.

The first type of anxiety is that which is related to the unknown. We can focus on what is to come in our future and that causes us to be afraid in the present. Many times, when we become anxious about the future, we are predicting a negative outcome. The what-ifs overcome us and we begin to fantasize worst-case scenarios in our heads. And the more negative scenes we create, the more anxious we become! We create a self-defeating attitude, and now we are frozen by our anxiety. Any sense of reason is wiped out and we fall victim to anxiety’s power.

There is another type of anxiety that we do not like to identify. It is the type that comes with telling a lie. We are basically good and honest people, but there are times when we do not want others to find out something about us that we feel ashamed of. We cover this shame with a lie. Now we have double anxiety because we fear both the exposure of the lie and the underlying reason that we lied in the first place. One way that we protect ourselves is to cause a fight or argument to keep the attention away from the lie. This type of anxiety eats at our soul, for we are deliberately being deceptive. The only relief we get is by exposing ourselves to the truth!

Fear of failure is another form of anxiety that can actually predict doom. We become so obsessed with doing things right that we end up doing it wrong! How many times have you talked yourself into believing that you are stupid and then freeze when confronted with the task at hand? Humiliation always winds up being the end result.

Assignment: Take some time and make a list naming the ways in which you become anxious. The more aware we become of the instances in which we know we experience anxiety, the more likely we are to understand the other types of anxiety we experience that do not yet have the label anxiety attached to them in our minds. And remember, if someone tells you they do not experience anxiety, then they are not looking at their own truth!

January 11

A re you a selfish person? Are you the type of person who is always reminding others about what you have done for your family, friends, or even strangers on the street? Do you consider yourself someone who puts others before him/her and does not feel taken advantage of? Do you see yourself as doing God’s work and are humble about it, or do you have to let people know that you are doing it for him?

Are there truly selfless people in this world, or do we all have something that we believe we are doing in order to get some sort of salvation in return?

This is a very difficult topic, and Mirror, Mirror does not want to offend anyone who truly believes this, but we all have sin. If we didn’t, we would not be able to exist in this world, for there is no such thing as perfection.

Perfection is something that someone laid on us early in our childhood. If a child is perfect, that means he/she would have to have perfect parents. Don’t think so. Perfection is God or whatever your faith determines, but that is not us! We are all flawed, and if you meet people along the way of your life journey who profess to be perfect, run fast, for they are deceiving you! Name one perfect person you know!

We all need to strive for perfection, but if we achieved being that perfect person in this life we would be sitting at God’s right-hand side. We are all made human, and who has the right to demand perfection from us? Not even God does that. He accepts us for who we are and loves us equally. And if you don’t believe in God, that’s fine, you still have the same issue as the rest of us.

There is no perfection. How many of us felt like such a disappointment to our parents because we were not perfect? Were they? Live by your own standard, and do not try to live by anyone else’s or you will fail! We are who we are, and there is nothing that says that we cannot do better, but those people who have a better than thou attitude are selfish, for they decided to become our judges. We have a hard enough time with our own judgments, let alone those of others.

If you truly accept yourself and believe that you are doing your very best, then you have received your salvation here on earth. You know who you are!

Assignment: Make a list of the imperfections about your life that can drive you crazy.

January 12

D o you apologize for everything even if it isn’t your fault? Are you always feeling like you have to take care of everyone while you never ask anyone for help? Are you the one in the family who gets burdened with your parents, with your siblings always knowing that you will take care of everything while they do nothing? Don’t you want to scream at the world to let you be when your phone keeps ringing, and there are always people dropping in without prior notice? And no matter what you need at the time, you drop everything for someone else? This is sick!

Once again, you are the victim of your own life. You look and feel worn out, but you wait for someone, anyone to notice. And when finally asked if you’re okay, you say, Oh yes! I’m fine.

Ask yourself, Why do I do this? Why is my head filled with complaints while I’m smiling on the outside? You have the martyr syndrome. Who else in your family has it? Look at your father or mother and see which one of them you followed. Are you repeating their life and you don’t even know it? Would the world fall apart if you started to take care of yourself? Doubt it!

But who would you be if you let go of this role? It is time to reidentify yourself and want more out of your life. If you think this is selfish, then look around you. There are certainly other people who can give but who also still have the ability to look out for themselves. You have to be willing to delegate responsibilities and give up your role as the only one who can do it! You don’t even know if others resent you over this.

You see, there is no fix to this mindset, just an ability in yourself to either accept who you are and quit the complaining or begin to take charge of your own life and decide what you can do or no longer want to do.

Remember that you are in control of your own behavior!

Question: How would you see yourself if you didn’t need to be in control all of the time? Does being in control of others or situations make you feel like a stronger person?

January 13

W hy don’t we let go of the past? We seem to hold on to it as if it is our punishment in life. So many of us are always going back there and blaming either ourselves or others for the misery we’ve experienced. If only… is our daily prayer and we cannot seem to get past that, or do we really want to?

What would happen if we decided to learn from our past instead of continuing to live it over and over again? We would have to stop and really understand that the only true victims in life are those who have been seriously injured, raped, robbed, or murdered. Many of the