His Lying Got Me Funny

Funny, thought-provoking, and culturally insightful, His Lying Got Me Funny is a fictional romp through a modern Indian girl’s trials and tribulations. It incorporates a fun sense of discovery along with the disappointments and enlightenment that run side by side in her life experiences.

Readers seeking books with female characters who are proactive, talented, and yet firmly tied to their cultural roots will find His Lying Got Me Funny an intriguing inspection of relationships, ideals, and emotional ties that brings to life not only Tia, but her family, friends, and ambitions.

-Midwest Book Review

Finally, she catches Sameer in a lie and realizes he hasn’t been working for a tech company—in fact, he hasn’t had a job at all. As Tia pulls back multiple layers of deceit, she begins to realize that the man she married isn’t the man she thought she knew at all.

-Kirkus Review

His Lying

Got Me Funny

By

Tulasi Ranganathan

Charleston, SC

www.PalmettoPublishing.com

His Lying Got Me Funny

Copyright © 2022 by Tulasi Ranganathan

All rights reserved

No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or

transmitted in any form by any means–electronic, mechanical, photocopy,

recording, or other–except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without prior

permission of the author.

Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-68515-521-6

Paperback ISBN: 978-1-68515-522-3

eBook ISBN: 978-1-68515-523-0

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 Meeting Him

Chapter 2 The Big Move

Chapter 3 Living It Up

Chapter 4 Mertle Gertle

Chapter 5 The Big Reveal

Chapter 6 Men Don’t Apologize

Chapter 7 The Debacle Begins

Chapter 8 Friends Talk

Chapter 9 No Confrontation

Chapter 10 Pulling the Plug

About the Author

Chapter 1

Meeting Him

Come back home before 9 p.m.

Why did you not do well in your grades?

Hard work! Hard work!

T

hat is all I heard growing up in my crazy but super-loving, overly hugging, and touchy Iyer family. We were this South Indian family residing in Pune, Maharashtra. Appa was the typical South Indian dad, for whom getting good grades and doing well in extracurricular activities was everything, while Amma was more focused on our schedules, yummy food that she prepared for us, and of course, deadlines to be back home.

This was a normal routine whenever I had to stay up late to prep for exams the next day:

I would say, Amma, Amma, wake up please. Can you make some Horlicks for me? I am sleepy and still have tons to revise. I was almost paranoid about drinking Horlicks. I thought it would bring me good luck every time I had it during exams. My OCD would elevate thousand times during exam time.

Yeah, yeah, waking up, Amma said.

In a bit, Amma would show up, Tia, my daring, here you go. I have made sure it is not too hot. Don’t stay up too late.

Amma, do you think I will finish all my chapters? Do you think I will do well? I would inquire.

Amma always reassured me, Of course you will.

I used to be exhausted, I am so sleepy though.

Amma was always sympathizing with me and thought I pushed myself too much, Go to sleep then. You will do well tomorrow.

I would get completely upset with Amma and start screaming, Don’t ever say that. Always ask me to stay up and study!

Amma would head to bed. In a bit, Appa would wake up and come check on me.

Appa would say, "Go to bed, Maa."

I would respond, "No, Paa, I have a lot to complete."

Appa was hesitant but wanted me to do better, All right. Don’t go to sleep while writing the paper tomorrow.

Now, moving on to the other important characters in my crazy family. My brother Srini, whom I fondly called ‘Bidda,’ which literally means ‘beta’ in Telegu and I have no idea where that originated from. He is eleven years older and was away in another state because he was doing his engineering and then just settled down there with his family—my sister-in-law, whom I called Manni, and nephew. He is a good son who is respectful, had no vices, and was always got good grades. My sister Usha, who is eight years older than me, has always been my hero. She was more of a rebel at home, but she is a voracious reader and a genius. I grew up being in awe of her and have always been close to her. Amma would always say that Usha was the one who actually raised me, which is kind of true.

She got married early, in my opinion, before she turned twenty-five, but it worked out well because my brother-in-law and niece are just angels.

Standing up to Appa’s expectations was tough. I was an above-average student at school, getting decent grades, and played basketball for the school, district, and eventually the state. Even though this made Appa very proud, he never showed it to us as much. He kept pushing us to do better.

Every time I went to him with my exam results, it was normal for Appa to say, Why did you not do better? And if he was disappointed, he would just say, Uh, huh, and I would simply start to tear up.

I remember once at one of the district basketball tournaments, my coach told me that I was selected for both Under-13 and Under-17 Basketball Nationals and it was happening around the same time, so I would have to pick one or the other. I called up my parents.

I said, Appa, I got selected for Nationals.

Appa was equally elated, Oh my God! That is great.

But I was so confused, But both the Under-13 and Under-17 Basketball Nationals happen around the same time. So, Lalit Sir wants me to pick one of the Nationals. Which one do you think I should go for?

Appa was super thrilled and excited. I have no idea.

I knew Appa was over the moon but had no clue how to advise me. Fortunately, one of Nationals got moved to a future date, so I could play both.

As anyone from a strict South Indian family knows, having a boyfriend or dating was an unknown concept. My poor brother and sister never had the chance and had to give in to arranged marriages, which turned out great I suppose. I did not pursue Science like my brother and stuck to the commerce field—inspired by my sister. However, I always knew that my interest lay in the creative field. Even though I was doing my bachelor’s in commerce, I signed up to do my diploma in mass communication from a not-so famous, upcoming university.

The university diploma did not do much to help me, but it is what led to me to writing. This not-so famous university eventually shut down because it was for the rich, spoiled kids who were only looking to spend their parents’ money. I should have known this earlier. Like most South Indian families, I belonged to a middle-class family who only focused on good education. When I initially told Appa that I would do my bachelor’s in commerce externally (this is like an online system), he simply panicked. When I explained that I would want to do my diploma in mass-communication, he was open to it, but when I mentioned the fees, he was hesitant. But Appa wanted me to do what I loved—even if it meant spending less on other items and putting it all towards my exorbitant, and not at all worth it, diploma program.

Thankfully my best friend from school, Roshni, was at this University, so I was still grounded and sane. I will have to write another book about how much this girl means to me—so look for that. Otherwise, most kids at the university were superficial—or maybe I just wasn’t one of them. I started hanging out with a bunch of the kids regularly and that became my group for the next two odd years. This included a guy called Nik, who would also bring along his brother and cousins when we went for movies and hung out at the local coffee shops and restaurants in Pune. He was the guy with the car with a bunch of sixteen- and seventeen-year-olds who still were trying to figure out pocket money. So Roshni and I were the girls who would hang out and be his ‘gang’ when he wanted to see his then girlfriend—now wife.

I believe during one such outing is when Roshni and I met him. This tall, average-looking, nerdy guy who was Nik’s maternal cousin. He mentioned he was in IT—and referred to himself as an engineer from Fergusson University, which is extremely reputable university in Pune. I did not think much of him, and we continued to hang out as a group. This guy was called Sameer.

As the years passed, we all stayed in touch and would meet once in a while for lunch or coffee. Once Nik was married to his girlfriend, he wasn’t hanging out with us much. However, his brother, some other friends, Roshni, and Sameer would all meet up for coffee and lunches. That is when I started getting to know Sameer.

At this point, I had worked in an ad agency and gained some experience and moved on to work for a US-based firm in the Aundh area in Pune. Sameer, Roshni, and I became pretty close friends, even though we all belonged to different fields. Roshni had started to work at this interior designing firm and was doing well for herself, while Sameer mentioned he was working with Silantec, a major IT firm in the Baner area. This was very close to the Aundh area where I worked but we did not meet up as much. We chatted regularly over Skype during work hours, where he would work from home. He mentioned that because he was in IT, he did not need to be at work as much and could do most of the work remotely.

Around this time, Sameer mentioned he got a brilliant opportunity with a multinational company called S-Systems

Sameer said,Guess what? I got offered a job at S-Systems, the multinational company.

I replied, Wow! That is fantastic. And I know S-Systems, who doesn’t? When do you have to join? Are you serving your notice period at Silantec now?

No, S-Systems S-SYSTEMS bought the notice period time from Silantec because they want me on board immediately, Sameer said.

That is amazing! Congratulations! You must be so good at what you do, I responded.

I was so impressed by this because no one had offered to buy my notice period ever—maybe because I just had only a couple of years of work experience.

Sameer, Roshni, and I continued to hang out more often. By now Sameer would tell us stories about his work and how he was mostly working from home as S-Systems S-SYSTEMS did not need him to come in every day. Roshni and I were so in awe of Sameer. During this time, my company wanted to send me to their headquarters in the US for a conference. I did not have a US B1/B2 tourist visa and had to apply for it. My company prepared my paperwork and sent me in the company car to the Mumbai US Consulate for the visa interview. Coincidently the day before my visa interview, Roshni, Sameer, and I were to meet up. I backed out because I wanted to prep for the interview and had an early start the next day for the drive. It took me three hours for the drive and a couple more hours for the interview process, but eventually my visa was stamped on the passport—valid for ten years. During the visa interview, we have to hand over all our belongings, including our phones, so I couldn’t call or text anybody the whole day. I called Amma and my office the moment I got done to give them the good news.

I had not mentioned the visa interview to anybody because I did not want to jinx it. On my way back, Sameer called me.

Sameer asked, Hey you. I did not see you online today. Thought something was up. So I’m calling to check on you.

I was kind of excited that he called, Hey! Thanks for calling. I am on my way back from Mumbai. Had my visa interview at the US Consulate.

Sameer seemed surprised but wished me, Congratulations! That is great news. I have had terrible luck with my B1/B2 tourist business visa.

Why? What happened? I asked.

Sameer responded, I applied it for when I wanted to go see Sheela, my sister, who lives in Colorado. But I got rejected ’cause I spoke about how much property Sheela had in the US, which made the US authorities wonder if I would return back home, since I’m an IT guy. The second time I went for the US visa interview was when S-SYSTEMS sponsored my visa and wanted me to travel to their US office. I got rejected again.

Sameer mentioned that he just did not have luck with the US visa.

As time passed, Sameer and I got really close. We were talking almost every day over Skype chat and meeting up often. He mentioned that he liked me and wouldn’t actually say it to me if he wasn’t serious. There were many times that Sameer and I had hung out but now it was different. He got me flowers and took me to a fancy Italian pizza place called Darios in Pune. I absolutely loved the experience but was still trying to understand my feelings. I came from a simple, middle-class family with very strong values about trust and marriage, which back then did not seem ‘cool’ or ‘modern’ enough. I made this very clearly to him, as he mentioned that his ex-girlfriend, who was married to another man, was trying to get back with him. I told him very clearly that it is totally up to him if he was to go back to his ex-girlfriend. I told him that I wasn’t ‘cool’ enough for this idea—cheating on a person you loved or having an extramarital affair was a complete dealbreaker for me. Sameer mentioned how his ex-girlfriend was sending him sleazy messages and wanted to get back together with him. She found her husband boring and needed something more exciting in her life. I was taken aback but stepped away from this drama in Sameer’s life. He mentioned that his ex-girlfriend’s husband was her teacher from Fergusson College, and Sameer was left completely heartbroken when she chose him over Sameer. They eventually moved to the US, as the ex-girlfriend’s husband had a job there. Sameer convinced me that he only loved me and wanted to see us together.

Around 2012, we started hanging out more and grew fond of each other, but Sameer and I discussed how marriage would not work