One Last Kiss: Love At Last, #3

TWO

RIAN

You really let him trick you like that?

What was I supposed to do?

Tell him that he and his friends can work something out on their own.

This is your boyfriend we’re talking about.

That doesn’t mean I always have to agree with him, or with the way he goes about things. That’s always questionable.

But you’re marrying him, anyway.

He’s charming, what can I say? Jordan finishes her glass of wine and leans back in her chair.

She came for an evening yoga class, the last one I teach on a Tuesday, which always seems to end with one glass too many.

My brother… Charming? You must have pretty low standards.

Jordan laughs. She never takes my comments like that personally – especially not when it comes to my brother. She knows all about our turbulent relationship, and she knows that we’re still trying to find a way to get along and to make up a little for lost time. I always thought that some things just can’t be found again, once they’re lost. But then I look at the way he is with his daughter, Skylar, and with Jordan, and I see how far he’s come, the way he’s managed to let them love him. It makes me think that maybe, deep down, there’s hope for us all.

I’m still pretty hard on him. It’s not easy to remember that you have a brother, after he was absent for so many years. He was basically a stranger to me when he moved back to town, but I make an effort, at least for my family. Besides, Jordan and I have become really close over the past few months, not to mention the bond that’s forming between me and my niece, Skylar, who’s only a few years younger than me. Let’s just say that I could definitely make a little more effort to make things easier for them.

Speaking of getting married… Jordan grabs her bag from the floor and pulls it into her lap, rummaging around inside before producing something. I think I’ve decided.

Decided what?

On your dresses.

If it’s pink or purple, I swear, I’ll…

Jordan shoves her phone under my nose, showing me a picture.

Oh.

What do you think?

Red, I say, studying the photo. Are you sure?

She nods, hopeful.

Well, it’s better than that pastel shit you showed me before.

Jordan laughs, before asking the waiter for another glass of wine.

Are you sure you want to marry him?

Absolutely.

As long as you’re happy…

Don’t you want me to be part of the family?

Of course I do – are you kidding? You’re not the problem. He is.

Don’t be so hard on Niall. He’s trying.

Maybe… I shrug before finishing the rest of my drink. I’m not a huge wine lover, but I enjoy Jordan’s company, and I like these moments between us – especially when it’s just the two of us. I don’t mind being around the other girls, but I love to think that she and I have a special bond, as if she were the sister I never had.

So… Two months to go. How do you feel?

Excited.

And how are the renovations coming along?

They’ve promised that it’ll be ready by the end of the month. That way, I’ll have time to organise everything before the big event.

Everything’s sorted, then.

All sorted. I just need to find my bridesmaids’ dresses. I didn’t think it would be so difficult. I underestimated you girls.

How do you know that the others will agree?

You’re always the hardest to convince.

I don’t know if that’s really a compliment.

I like it, that you’re like this. It’s your personality. You’re just you.

I reflect on her words for a moment, then smile. I’m really happy that you’re going to be part of our family soon. Without you, my brother would basically be fucked.

The waiter brings over her glass and she thanks him with a nod. I glance again at the photo of the dress Jordan has chosen. All things considered, it’s not so bad, and I guess I quite like the red.

They won’t all be the same, she says, noticing that I’m looking at the photo. The shape will be similar, but they’ll all be personalised. And you, she says, winking, get to choose first.

Is this your way of keeping an eye on me?

Of course. Jordan’s face grows suddenly serious. You’re my sister now, right? There is a pinch of uncertainty in her voice that makes Jordan the beautiful person that she is, and makes my brother the luckiest bastard in town.

Of course I am.

I push open the front door with my shoulder and slam it closed behind me, gathering up the post from the doormat, which I just managed to step on, and flick listlessly through it. The usual. I head over to the kitchenette and leave the pile of mail on the table, before opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water. I unscrew the cap and take a few sips as I head over to my bedroom – or, rather, the part of my studio flat which contains my bed. I have no idea if you could call it a bedroom, but that’s always the first word that comes to mind.

I get undressed quickly, leaving my clothes on the floor, and head into the bathroom for a nice, relaxing shower before I slip between the sheets.

Tuesday is my favourite day of the week, because the girls always come for my last class of the day. That always means that we end up chatting until late. Tonight, it was just Jordan, who never misses a class: she’s a woman who takes her commitments very seriously. Maybe that’s why she’s still able to put up with my brother. The others all decided to busy themselves with wedding preparations instead.

In a few days, Tyler Hayes, best friend of my brother Niall, will be getting married – again – to Ms. White. To us, she’s just Holly. They haven’t known each other long, but they hit it off right away. She, Jordan, and Anya are inseparable now. It was pretty easy to be sucked into their companionship, so much so that I was invited both to the wedding and to the hen do.

Holly is from Canada, and she doesn’t know a lot of people here; she only recently met her dad and her grandmother, who are pillars of the local community, but she doesn’t have a lot of friends. But we in town never like the idea of people feeling lonely. We like to welcome them with open arms, and make them feel at home – and I must say that Holly fits in well, here. Her taste in men is questionable, but, hey; I’m not the one marrying Tyler Hayes. From now on, he’s her problem. I admire her courage, but there’s not much I can do for her.

I wrap myself in a towel and step out of the shower, dabbing at my hair to stop it from dripping all over the floor, and head back into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea before bed.

My studio apartment isn’t just small: it’s also incredibly tight, and full of stuff, which means I can’t move around easily. But I like it like this: I get to live alone, and this is all I can afford teaching yoga classes.

I live just above a chippy, and the owners are also my landlords. They’re Italian, but they’ve been in Ireland for more than twenty years, now. They used to live up here, when it was just the two of them. It was convenient and cheap. But when their business began to grow, and their family, too, they moved out of town. The rent isn’t too high – at least not for an apartment in the town centre – and even though it’s small, it’s still pushing my budget. I can just about cover the living costs. I could’ve stayed at my parents’ house, which is pretty big and has a lot of room. Before Niall and Skylar arrived, it was fairly empty, too. But I’ve always enjoyed my own company, and felt the need for my own space. I wanted to be independent. My dad says that I’m a free spirit, and I say that he watches too much telly, but in the end, he’s not wrong. I like living here: I like to sit on the windowsill by my bed, clutching my lavender tea, watching the night fall onto the city. I especially like the fact that no one ever comes over.

Niall wasn’t lying when he said I don’t date – but I won’t give him the satisfaction of hearing me say that he was right. I don’t exactly have a problem with men – I’m just not interested in boys. Not boys of my age, anyway. The truth is that I like men – and when I say men, I mean one man in particular. A man who is unapproachable, untouchable, impossible. A man who will only break my heart. And I care about my heart; I want to keep it safe, the way it is.

Whole.

THREE

PARKER

Who’s the best brother in the world? Tyler asks loudly, standing in the doorway of my apartment.

I don’t know, it depends. Whose brother are we talking about, here?

He ignores me and strides into my house.

What are you doing here? Isn’t tonight your special night?

That’s precisely why I’m here.

I told you, I haven’t found anyone who can look after the girls. Mum is busy with your other half, and all the other babysitters who are available to spend a few hours with your adorable nieces cost too much. You’ll have to survive without me.

You haven’t found anyone because you’re a loser who can’t do anything right – but, luckily, you have the best brother in the world always looking out for you.

"Oh. So you were talking about yourself?"

There are a few different theories…

That’s what we’re calling them, now?

Just because you don’t trust anyone.

Exactly. And you count as ‘anyone’.

Tyler makes himself comfortable in my living room, slumping onto the sofa. Where are the princesses of this castle?

They’re putting their pyjamas on – or, at least, I hope they are. They’ve just had their bath and I was going to get them something to eat.

You mean order a takeaway.

Are you here to insult my parenting skills?

I’m here to pick you up, as planned. I’ve found you the best babysitter on the face of the planet: something only I could do.

This wedding is going to your head.

Tyler laughs before getting to his feet and standing in front of me, resting his hands on my shoulders, and smiling triumphantly.

You’re coming out tonight, and we’re celebrating my stag do.

I think you’re forgetting that you’re technically already married.

An insignificant detail. Mum says getting married in Canada doesn’t count. I’m not even allowed to talk about it, and I have to stop calling Holly Mrs. Hayes. Do you realise how insane that is?

This time I’m the one to laugh. Our mum was furious when she found out that Tyler and Holly had got married in secret when they were in Canada, before coming back to Ireland together. Holly is Canadian, and her visa had just run out – so Ty thought it’d be better to speed the process of getting her Irish passport along. She’d have got it either way, seeing as her dad is Irish, which gives her the legal right, but my brother wanted everything to be sorted right away. He’s always had an issue with waiting.

So? Who’s this babysitter? I ask, already worried.

He smiles cheekily. Just trust me.

That’s impossible. We spoke about why I can’t do that literally two minutes ago.

And the fact you’ve known me since the day I was born counts for nothing?

Of course it counts – it’s the whole reason! Unfortunately, I’ve known you for forty years, and in that long stretch of time you’ve never given me any reason to trust you whatsoever.

What about my decision to finally settle down? Does that not make you think that the time has come to have a little faith in me?

To be honest, his decision to abandon his disastrous bachelor’s life and start a family with Holly shocked me. But that’s still not enough to make me believe him. Especially not when he keeps getting himself into trouble over and over again – in spite of his age, in spite of Holly, in spite of everything.

Okay, maybe Holly was your one good decision. But I think, in all honesty, that your choice was based almost entirely on her arse.

Did you just say ‘arse’, Dad?

My daughters magically appear in the living room at just the wrong moment, as always.

Yes, he did. I heard him, my brother confirms.

They’ll never let me hear the end of this, are they?

Definitely not for the next twelve years. Maybe even longer.

Are you trying to rub it in?

A little, but you know I can’t help it.

You can’t help being a dick?

Uh-oh, he said another bad word, Zoe says to Eve, laughing.

That means we get double ice cream tonight! Eve exclaims enthusiastically.

Fine, I promise double portions of ice cream – sometimes even triple, if necessary – to make sure that my girls don’t repeat any of the bullshit that comes out of my mouth. The school has already called me twice this year.

My parenting skills aren’t exactly questionable, because I don’t really have any. You try raising two smart, naughty six-year-old girls on your own.

You’re not helping.

But I found you a babysitter for tonight! You’re so ungrateful.

You found that babysitter for you. Don’t pretend to be selfless. It doesn’t suit you.

Ty shrugs, unaffected by my insult. Either way, I wasn’t the one who said that word. Don’t take it out on me.

"Those words, Uncle Ty, Zoe says. He said two words." She even holds up two fingers.

Tyler kneels onto the floor and stretches out his arms to his nieces, who run over, literally throwing themselves into him.

He always makes an entrance.

It’s so nice to see you, Uncle Ty! We didn’t know you were coming over tonight! Eve cries.

She always knows how to twist you around her little finger. I think she’s the cleverest of the twins.

We thought you were going out with your idiot friend? Zoe finishes for her.

She has a little problem that I’m trying to work on: she has no filter. But it’s not easy – especially when you have no help at all from your family.

Tyler glares at me and I shrug. ‘Idiot’ isn’t a bad word. It’s not nice, but it’s not bad enough for extra ice cream. Besides, this is Niall Kerry we’re talking about, here. I’ll let it slide.

Actually, your dad is coming out with us, too.

Who’s looking after us? Zoe asks, alarmed. It’s not our neighbour, is it?

Dad doesn’t like to ask her for favours. Eve moves closer to his ear, cupping a little hand around her mouth. Because then he has to return the favour… she concludes, convinced that I can’t hear her from here.

Return the favour…? Tyler wastes no time in using this against me.

If you don’t ask for a favour, then you don’t have to do one. Simple.

"And what kind of favours does our neighbour ask you for?"

Cut it out.

He laughs, and so do my daughters. Not that my neighbour ever asks for that kind of favour, but I always try to avoid contact with her as much as possible. Her nosiness makes me nervous, and I’m already anxious enough without her. She’s not a bad person, but she’s divorced and lonely, and always looking for attention. Specifically, my attention. I’ve become her target, and if I’m being totally honest, I have absolutely no intention of being anyone’s target in that way anymore.

So? Who’s looking after us?

Yeah, Ty. Who’s watching the girls? I ask, my arms crossed.

"Let’s just say that I’ve asked a favour on your behalf.

A favour? Who did you ask?

Someone knocks at the door, and Tyler’s stupid grin grows even wider.

I think they’re here. He pushes past me in the direction of the door.

They… What?

Oh ye of little faith… he says, before opening it.

Seeing her, standing in the doorway of my apartment, instantly makes me smile. It feels like the first ray of sun hitting your skin after a storm. But it’s only when she smiles back as her eyes land on me that I realise the storm hasn’t even started, yet. I realise that, when it really does start, it’ll cause way more damage than I’ll ever be able to handle.

FOUR

RIAN

I open the car door and climb inside.

You didn’t even give me time to get out and knock.

Why would you have to? We agreed on a time, and I was ready.

You’re always waiting outside when I come to pick you up.

So?

You don’t want me to see your flat.

Why would you want to see it?

I don’t even think I’ve ever been inside.

I shrug indifferently. Niall’s right: he’s never been inside my apartment. The few times he’s come to pick me up, I’ve always made sure I was waiting outside.

You don’t want to have me over.

Aren’t we going to be late?

Things are always going to be like this between us, aren’t they?

He never used to be so perceptive – or maybe I’m just not very good at hiding my feelings towards him. Resentment is the word which seems best-suited to how I feel. It doesn’t really matter that much. I mean, it never has mattered. We’ve never had any sort of relationship. I was never able to ask him for help with anything, or even ask him any advice. It was as if I didn’t have a brother – as if he never existed. Although, in the end, I was the one who didn’t exist to him. And maybe that’s precisely why it hurts so much.

You’re making a fuss about nothing.

You think?

I just don’t like having people over.

Skylar comes over, though. She even stays with you, sometimes.

Me and Skylar are friends.

And I’m your brother. Now I can sense resentment in his voice, too. I just wish I knew what I could do. You never even give me a chance.

The car pulls away and Niall falls into silence. The fact that I never give him a chance is true. Everyone in town gave him a chance – everyone but me. I just don’t like being made to feel invisible, I don’t want to let him in only to be hurt again.

I still don’t feel comfortable yet.

With me?

I nod, and he sighs.

I understand. We’ve seen so little of each other over the past few years, and there’s a big age difference – mentally and literally. We have different ideas, different ways of looking at things.

Some people grow up. Others don’t.

I’m trying.

I know.

Maybe I’m not growing up fast enough.

Some things take time.

But you grew up. And you turned out pretty well.

Is that a compliment?

Something like that.

You’ve aged – and badly. And, no, that wasn’t a compliment.

Luckily, Niall laughs. He isn’t the sort to take things personally. He’s more the type to laugh at other people’s misfortunes – and at his own. He’s not so bad, when you look at it that way. And, like I just told him: some things take time.

We’re here, Niall says, interrupting my thoughts as he switches off the ignition.

I glance at the building and sigh anxiously. I’ve been avoiding this for months, and I could easily have kept avoiding it for the rest of my life. But now I’m being forced to face it, and all because of my brother.

Come on, let’s go. We’re already late.

I don’t know how, but I’ll make him pay for this.

Niall opens the door and gets out of the car. I follow him limply, like a child who doesn’t want to run boring errands with her mum.

Are you okay?

Mmm?

You’re making a face…

What’s wrong with my face?

Are you worried about something?

Me?

Got it. You’re scared of the girls. I understand, you know.

Don’t be stupid. Why would I be scared of a kid?

Two kids.

Didn’t you just say that we’re running late? What are we still doing here?

You’re right. After you, he says, gesturing towards the staircase leading to his floor.

I bet you’re not doing this out of kindness. I lead him up the stairs.

Apart from the two creepy little girls, Parker and I aren’t exactly best friends.

For some reason, that doesn’t shock me.

We get to the front door and I rap my knuckles against the wood, Niall standing behind me.

It’s a jealousy thing.

Jealousy?

Let’s just say that he’s not too pleased with the fact that me and Tyler are such good friends. He feels threatened.

Threatened? By you?

I’m about to burst into laughter when the door opens in front of me, revealing Tyler’s face.

About time! I thought you might’ve reconsidered.

Don’t worry, it’s all under control.

Says you! Tyler steps aside to let us in. Come in, we were anxiously awaiting your arrival.

Anxiously? You’re so dramatic!

His voice makes me immediately and inexplicably blush, a stupid smile appearing at my lips which, I imagine, mirrors his own stupid smile.

So… Parker says, hands on his hips, chin in the air, looking as if he has seen something that he should never have seen. They’ve cornered you.

And you, apparently.

Parker laughs. He doesn’t laugh a lot – he’s almost always pissed off, grouchy and brusque in his manner. He has a perennially-concerned expression etched into his face; it’s the look of someone who doesn’t know how he’ll make it to the end of the day without collapsing. Somehow, it makes him absurdly sexy, charming, and decidedly unapproachable.

I’ve known him for years, and I’ve seen the effect he has on women. So don’t jump to any conclusions, okay?

We’re in the same boat, then.

Apparently so. He scratches his head, a little uncomfortable, as I shift my weight from one foot to the other. I’m nervous – I’m never nervous, and I don’t know how to mask my agitation.

Girls. He turns, looking around. Where the hell have they gone? They were here a second ago.

They ran off as soon as I opened the door, Tyler says.

And you’re only telling me this now? Parker shakes his head. Excuse me a minute, he says, wandering off in search of his daughters.

I’ll go and help him, or we’ll never get out. Tyler follows Parker, disappearing through the same door.

I’m left alone with my brother.

What was that? Niall asks.

What are you talking about?

That, he says, pointing to my face.

I touch my cheeks instinctively, searching for a clue.

Were you… Smiling?

What?

I saw you with my own eyes, he says, even gesturing to them.

So what?

You never smile.

Yes, I do!

You laugh sometimes – at me – but smiling…? Never.

Have you already started drinking?

Was it because of him? he asks, gesturing towards the other side of the house. Were you smiling for him? He raises his voice, and I grab his arm instinctively, hoping to make him shut up.

"I’m capable of smiling, Niall. There must be a reason for the fact that you’ve never seen me smile."

I know what that smile means.

Can you please… I cast a glance over my shoulder to make sure no one can hear us, …just drop it?

I don’t think so. Actually, as soon as Tyler comes back, I’m going to ask if he noticed anything.

Don’t be a dick.

Then tell me why.

Why what?

Come on, girls. Come and say hello to Rian. Parker’s voice suddenly interrupts our little exchange. You remember her, right?

Parker watches as the girls run towards me and throw their little arms around me. I kneel down as they launch themselves onto my body.

Rian, Rian! they chime in chorus. Yes!

"Now that’s a welcome!" I hug them both tightly for a few moments, before they finally let me go.

I know the Hayes twins well. Until last year, they were living with their grandparents – a house which I would often visit as a kid.

They do that with me, too. Don’t start thinking you’re special, Tyler grumbles, but I ignore him.

Are you girls ready for tonight?

Tonight? Parker asks quickly.

Girls’ night, I say, winking at the girls, who leap excitedly in their matching unicorn pyjamas.

In that case, we’d better leave you to it. And quickly. Tyler lowers his voice and leans into Parker’s ear. Go and get ready before you change your mind.

FIVE

RIAN

Parker has gone to get changed for their night out, so I decide to get started on my evening with the girls. It’s been a while since I last babysat – not since I was at school, when I used to do it every weekend for the kids who lived in our street. I kept going until I started working at the gym. It was nice to have the extra money, and I’ve always been good with kids, too.

I actually like the thought of spending this evening with Eve and Zoe; I like being with kids, playing with them, making things. I like the way they listen when you tell them a story, with a shimmer of magic in their eyes that warms your heart.

There was a while where I thought I wanted to be a teacher, but then I discovered my passion for other things like yoga, meditation, and mindfulness. So my life took a different turn. I want to keep studying, and to use my knowledge to help people who need a little more self-love, those who need to regain control of their body and their mind. For now, I’m teaching classes in the local gym. I don’t own it – I have no savings to invest – but I do help manage it. Of all the employees, I teach the fewest hours. Yoga isn’t for everyone, and people around here are still hesitant to get on board with the idea, so I make up the extra time doing admin work, or covering when other instructors are away. Basically, I do whatever I can to keep the company going. I’m also doing a part-time psychology course online. It’s all I can afford right now, but I enjoy it. I’d love to study more in that field one day, in a more serious way.

What are we doing tonight, Rian? Zoe asks.

They’re sitting on the sofa either side of me.

Well, first of all, I’ve brought something for you.

What?

I pull the enormous Tupperware box from my bag. Do you know what this is?

They shake their heads.

It’s pizza dough.

Did you get it from the frozen food section?

What? No, I made it myself, this morning.

You? they both ask, their eyes narrowed.

Takeaway dinners and Alfredo pasta sauce is pretty much all my brother can cook. Tyler’s voice floats into the living room.

I like Alfredo pasta sauce, Eve tells me, feeling like she should defend her father, and everything he does for them.

Me, too. Especially with spaghetti.

Spaghetti and meatballs?

It’s one of my favourite dinners.

It’s the only thing Dad knows how to cook, she whispers loudly to me. But don’t tell him I said that. I don’t want to make him cry.

Tyler and Niall burst into laughter behind us.

Can’t I have a conversation with these girls without those idiots getting under my feet?

What are we going to do with it? Eve asks, pointing to the plastic tub.

I open the lid and show them the dough I made for them. We need to roll it out, put it on a baking tray, then cover it in tomato sauce and mozzarella.

Then?

Then we put it in the oven, then we eat it.

And we’re going to make all of it?

I smile, nodding. And, if you like, while we eat, we can… I place the container on the coffee table and rummage around in my bag again. Let me see… Oh, here they are. I pull out two DVDs. "Mary Poppins or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."

We’ve never seen those.

My smile grows wider. Even better.

I place the DVDs on the table, too, and lift my gaze. He’s standing there, in the doorway, smiling again. Smiling at me. I feel my stupid teenage fantasy beginning to flare up once more.

Oh, finally! Tyler notices his brother’s presence. Can we go now?

Just give me a minute to say goodbye to the girls.

We’ll wait for you outside.

What? I exclaim, unfortunately aloud. I mean… Do you really need to…? I attempt to backtrack, feigning indifference, but it’s too late. The sense of panic and embarrassment at being left alone with him have got the better of me.

Maybe that way we’ll actually get out tonight. Luckily, Tyler doesn’t notice my nervousness. He walks over to say goodbye to the girls, then nods at Niall to follow him. My brother holds my gaze for a moment, his eyebrows raised questioningly, before waving goodbye.

Parker clears his throat. Girls, would you mind going into your room and tidying up a little?

Do you have to talk to Rian about us? one of the girls asks.

Exactly. He doesn’t even attempt to hide it.

Don’t scare her, though, Zoe says.

Don’t make her run away, Eve adds, before they both disappear.

We’re alone. Parker and I. Alone.

After all the moments I’ve spent thinking of him, and all the nights I’ve spent dreaming of this.

Oh, come on. It was hardly a secret, was it? You must have realised by now that he was the man I was talking about a few pages ago.

Are you sure you want to do this? he asks, as soon as the girls are gone.

W-what?

Babysitting. Are you sure you’re okay with it?

I’ve done it loads of times before.