Fit to Fight: Empowering Women's Challenges and Journey
By Dr. Shirli Regev and Gil Tivon
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About this ebook
Fit to Fight: Empowering Women's Challenges and Journey
We are growing in a world that allows women to have it all, to do it all, but were not really being taught how. How do we handle the challenges, family, kids, relationships, choices, values, habits, people, or circumstances?
As women, we face many challenges and have a wide spectrum to deal with that require us to use any skill, tool, invention, and creativity in order to achieve our dreams and goals. Moreover, it is challenging to manage and handle reshaping and changing our lives for the better.
It is not until your circumstances or inner emotional nature dictates "You can't do this anymore. You have to change if you want to survive" that you will start to make the necessary changes to transform your mind, habits, and soul.
This book is intended for you to give you a direction, a new point of view, some tools, and a road map that will be useful for your own private life.
We are going to learn together how to be empowered to be able to fit to fight. That is with grace, harmony, and peace of mind, to know how to be able to navigate our own ship to quiet waters, and embrace life's challenges with inner quietude and knowledge that, yes, we can!
Join us for a great journey.
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Fit to Fight - Dr. Shirli Regev
The Beginning of the Journey: Be Strong—Be Weak
Dr. Shirli: After so many years being a judo fighter, competitor, athlete, and coach, I realized in that journey that, although I was a very good fighter, I didn’t have the best technique, but even though I didn’t have a great technique, I could still win over someone who was less of a fighter than I was. In addition, I was also exposed and felt that even though I was a great fighter, sometimes I lost because I didn’t have the best technique, spirit, or skill to manage and handle the event.
So what does it takes to be fit to fight? Do we need skill? Will? Spirit? Do some people just have it or not have it? Do we need to be physically strong? Mentally strong? Spiritually strong? What does it take to be able to show the world who we are? Or more importantly, what does it take for us to dare to be who we are? The biggest question is, what can you do to be the best version of who you are today?
When you come into this world as a baby, you learn all about who you are through your caregivers’ eyes. Are you a girl? Are you a boy? What does that definition mean?
How does a girl need to behave, dress, and act?
When we grow up as women, we learn through our experiences all about ourselves through the world and through others, and what our best role is to be in this masterpiece.
What is a woman…a man? What do feminine and masculine look/feel like?
We learn from a very young age to show the world the qualities of our personality that others will accept. We create an image of who we are and what we want people to know about us.
The image often serves us very well by making us feel accepted and noticed by others in our environment.
We think we need to become somebody in order to create certainty and a sense of belonging, but what happens when we feel we have everything and still are not happy?
What personality qualities are we not expressing?
We want to be able to express ourselves but are afraid that sometimes our surroundings are not really up to it…not supportive. Why is that?
What kind of feedback do you get from others? What kind of voices do you hear about yourself from yourself? You’re too bossy…sensitive…emotional…muscular…easygoing…hard…spoiled? Or You’re unworthy!
and You’ll never be married!
We end up choosing to act in certain ways that will give us certainty, hoping it will be okay.
Life creates many uncertainties that bring us many challenges. Those challenges are asking us to be or become something that we weren’t before and have never experienced.
Many times I hear women say I’m a mommy and a daddy.
(I myself used to say that.) I’m weak/needy/not strong enough/not sexy enough.
And He is so feminine
She is so muscular.
Really?
We’re trying to put a variety of qualities in a box in order to have certainty.
We may all have a wide spectrum within our personality!
Sometimes only thinking about this idea makes some of us to choose to be only one.
When we meet someone, we have the notion that what we see is what it is. We have a first impression and believe that the person we met is: She’s so sexy
He’s such a nice/strong/successful man
She looks so stiff and unapproachable.
With these labels come the expectation of who this person is or, even better, who we are when we’re with them.
Sometimes different people can have and are able to access different parts of our personalities.
Any time two people meet, they create a world between them that never existed before.
No two people can create the same synergy…why?
I remember having a hard time myself many years ago being with a sensitive man, which looked to me like as having a woman’s qualities. The truth to be told is that I could not accept myself as weak and vulnerable; it felt like being needy and dependent. It was much easier to accept others when I understood and appreciated my diverse layers. However, even though you might be at peace with all your pieces, sometimes others might not accept them or know how to perceive you as you are.
I can be feminine, boyish, womanly, serious, silly, daring, or strong and so on…does that make me less of a woman?
We need to know and accept all the qualities and personalities that we have in order to be able to love and unconditionally accept others.
Women are more likely to unconditionally accept our children; we forgive them and can see the bigger picture with them, so why is that more challenging with our partners or others?
Why do some men, as soon as they have committed to a relationship, start treating their woman as mom, while some become overly responsible adults? Where are the fun, spontaneous, and exciting sides of life?
Where is the respect for us as human beings that they noticed and loved before the marriage? Why are we not expressing those qualities?
We sometimes condition our ability to be who we really are only when we think we’re safe or maybe we’re not expressing it at all because we’re afraid of being rejected and not loved.
The one who, first of all, needs to accept and love those qualities in you is YOU!
It’s not them, it’s us and our ability to see who we really are and what’s annoying us. Who do we think we need to be?
When we accept our personality and are at peace with who we really are, only then can we accept others!
So you may ask, where do we start?
The path to health and happiness is often a path of letting go of the things we hold on to that keep us from living life! We would hope that Struggles, mistakes, perseverance were just not part of this picture
(Dweck, C. 2006, p. 5).
We’ll start with a short story:
A few years ago, my girl fell down while she was running in the playground. She looked at me and started crying. I looked at her leg, gave her a big hug, and said You’re all good! It’s nothing.
She looked in my eyes and said, Mommy, it’s not nothing! It hurts!
You know what? She was right!
She didn’t want to move on quickly. After speaking with her, I realized that the pain was more about feeling embarrassed that people might have seen her tripping. See, I wouldn’t know all of that if I’d kept saying You’re good!
By letting her cry and being in the pain of that moment, I realized that she was the one who was really strong! She wanted to be in that uncomfortable moment and clear it all out in order to be able to move on. I learned to stop the train and let it all out!
When you say BE STRONG
to someone when they are so weak, what do you really mean?
Do you mean Go back to being what you were before?
It’s actually the opposite! BE WEAK!
Learn to express your weakness because when you do, you’ll realize your true power.
I have learned over the years and through many interesting lessons—from the physical to my personal relationships—that my true power is not about being strong, it’s about my ability to walk through the storm with the pain, with the tears, and with the challenging moments with a partner who wants to be there with me.
There’s no need to hide anything, we’re all human, and we realize our true inner power by being human.
Next time you say to someone or to yourself that YOU MUST BE STRONG, know that being strong is about everything—the good, the bad, and the rainbow with all the colors. When you allow all the colors to be expressed, you let the rain wash away the pain and allow the rainbow to show up for a new day.
Let’s be strong together and explore all those subjects of life. Here you’ll learn, explore, play, and apply new wonder to your life.
Fit to Fight: A Woman’s Journey for Self-Empowerment
Some of us go through life and feel life happens to us: events occur in our lives, people come and go, often we’re hurt and feel like victims. Our thinking is that life will just continue in this way, and we hope it won’t get worse. We dread disputes and quarrels, and our nightmare is fighting for and throughout our lives.
However, it seems to be built in into our lives that we always seem to find ourselves going through something, dealing with an issue, be it inside our family and home, or outside at work, or any other interaction with the world.
Why is life such a struggle? Why do we always have to fight?
Are we prone to suffer from jealousy, hatred, betrayal, arrogance, lusts, and another’s will being forced onto us? The list can carry on forever…
Can we do something about it?
Can we change all of that?
Can we redirect our lives to a better, more serene place?
We’re going to learn together in this book about how to empower yourself to be fit to fight. That means learning how to navigate our own ship to quiet waters and to embrace life’s challenges with inner quietude and knowledge, with grace, harmony, and peace of mind, and to know that, yes, we can!
The first step for you is to listen to your inner voice, to your intuition, your heart, and hear what these tell you about yourself, about your life, people, events, circumstances. First, we want you to rediscover and redefine yourself, to reconnect with who you are, your authentic self.
Through this self-definition, you’ll know who you are, what you’re all about, where you want to go, what you want to be, do, and achieve. What is your source of happiness, what is your purpose—at least, for now—what are you afraid of, who is really your friend, and who is not?
Only once you know yourself can you carry on with your life and its challenges.
Then learn to embrace yourself, love yourself, respect and appreciate your uniqueness, your own will and wishes, your free choices. Find purpose and meaning to and in your life, whether that’s self-fulfillment or family, relationships, sailing to a different land, taking a long vacation, or pursuing a life mission.
The aim of this is to deeply understand where you really want to go, what you actually want to achieve. It might be that once you realize your purpose, you realize you’re in the wrong study program, the wrong relationship, the wrong job, etc. We don’t mean to say that you have to turn your whole life around. No. Rather, be ready to stand up for who you are. Redirect your learning program to fit you, go to a marriage counselor to get skills and tools, rechannel your energies at work to perhaps communicate more with people rather than working on your own with things. Only once you have tried and exhausted all your resources and tried your very best can you, without a blink, come to a resolution to move on.
Don’t quit. Don’t run away from dealing, handling, and managing life. Deal with issues to the best of your knowledge and ability. If you’re not