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    Aligned Leadership: Building Relationships, Overcoming Resistance, and Achieving Success
    Aligned Leadership: Building Relationships, Overcoming Resistance, and Achieving Success
    Aligned Leadership: Building Relationships, Overcoming Resistance, and Achieving Success
    Ebook133 pages1 hour

    Aligned Leadership: Building Relationships, Overcoming Resistance, and Achieving Success

    By Jay Colker

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    About this ebook

    Resistance Is Everywhere!

    When leaders and employees are misaligned, work satisfaction diminishes, and business results suffer; this is the reality in many organizations today. Despite leaders' efforts to hold employees accountable, employees may dig their heels in, resist, and feel helpless to address their frustrations. They may do just enough to stay below the radar, or they may leave the organization altogether. Loss of talent means a loss of key knowledge about the business, which can cause customer relationships to suffer. Leaders and employees can avoid these pitfalls by becoming realigned.

    Aligned Leadership will show both leaders and employees how to:

    · Gain a deeper comprehension of oneself and the diverse styles of others.
    · Build lasting relationships using a range of foundational skills.
    · Identify points of resistance.
    · Improve confidence in reducing resistance and becoming more aligned.
    · Achieve better outcomes.
    · Develop more innovative and creative solutions.
    · Foster more engagement.

    Better approaches can be learned. Don't wait another day to gain new skills and be more effective!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJay Colker
    Release dateAug 25, 2023
    ISBN9798988594611
    Aligned Leadership: Building Relationships, Overcoming Resistance, and Achieving Success

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      Book preview

      Aligned Leadership - Jay Colker

      Aligned Leadership

      Building Relationships, Overcoming Resistance, and Achieving Success

      An Adlerian Approach

      Jay Colker

      Copyright © 2023, Crowdsourced Coaching, LLC

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical (including any information storage retrieval system) without the express written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations for use in articles and reviews wherein appropriate attribution of the source is made.

      Publishing support provided by

      Ignite Press

      5070 N. Sixth St. #189

      Fresno, CA 93710

      www.IgnitePress.us

      ISBN: 979-8-9885946-0-4

      ISBN: 979-8-9885946-1-1 (E-book)

      For bulk purchases and for booking, contact:

      Jay Colker

      jay@crowdsourcedcoaching.com

      www.crowdsourcedcoaching.com

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, web addresses or links contained in this book may have been changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The content of this book and all expressed opinions are those of the author and do not reflect the publisher or the publishing team. The author is solely responsible for all content included herein.

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2023912050

      Cover design by Saheran Shoukat

      Edited by Elizabeth Arterberry

      Interior design by Jetlaunch

      FIRST EDITION

      WHY THIS BOOK MIGHT BE USEFUL FOR YOU

      This book is for employees at any level. While the title implies it is for leaders, in reality, any employee can be a leader and effectively address the needs and challenges presented at any moment.

      Individual contributors and associates want to feel valued and included and have leaders who understand the value of their work and its role in helping the organization achieve its mission goals and objectives. These associates experience work at its most fundamental level and often have ideas on how to make work more efficient and innovative. When leaders in the organization provide opportunities for associates to engage in and collaborate on best practices, there are likely to be more feelings of alignment and more motivation to engage. Where work conditions are less than ideal, associates can check out, feel frustrated, and are more likely to disengage. The culture of some organizations substantially inhibits these employees from constructively partnering on achieving best approaches and best outcomes. While many associates feel like victims and may walk on eggshells around their managers and those more senior, in reality, these employees often can utilize a range of skills and approaches that lead to better outcomes with no additional support needed. This book provides tools and a mindset that can help employees take effective actions.

      First line supervisors are often promoted from line positions. They have built many relationships with their peers and, when promoted, they are sometimes challenged to take on the supervisory role while still maintaining those relationships. This shift in perspective for both the promoted supervisor and for their former peers can present a range of challenges. If a first line supervisor is hired externally, building and sustaining relationships become even more important. This book offers skills and a perspective that can help first line supervisors better walk that tightrope.

      Middle managers may feel squeezed between the expectations of senior leaders and first-line supervisors and employees. They often are burdened with achieving business unit goals while being sensitive to front line needs and concerns. Middle managers often aspire to more senior roles. The better they know themselves and the mindset of senior leaders, the more likely they are to be visible and on a fast track to being promoted. This is especially true if they master the skills of alignment offered in this book.

      Senior executives set the culture of the organization and the strategy for human capital overall. This book offers a philosophy and a set of practices that can be employed throughout the organization. The more familiar these executives are with the approaches outlined in this book, the better they are at reinforcing critical human resource practices and having all parts of the organization in better alignment.

      Human resource, learning and development, talent management, and industrial organizational professionals can use this book to support them in enhancing their leadership skills and facilitating change.

      Table of Contents

      Introduction

      Chapter 1: Foundation Adlerian Principles

      Basic Concepts

      Social Embeddedness

      Subjectivity

      Self-Determination and Creativity

      Goal-Directedness or Teleology

      Holism

      Summary

      Chapter 2: Formation of the Lifestyle

      Introduction

      Key Components

      Psychological Birth Order

      Only Child

      Oldest

      Second Child

      Middle Child

      Youngest Child

      Special Circumstances

      Childhood Abuse and Neglect

      Other Influences on the Lifestyle

      Final Conclusion

      Earliest Memories

      Final Thoughts and Recommendations on the Lifestyle

      Summary

      Chapter 3: Establishing and Maintaining Positive Relationships

      Key Relationship Competencies

      Mutual Respect

      Choice

      Mutual Responsibility

      Acceptance

      Trust

      Feeling Understood

      Empathy

      Active Listening

      Encouragement and Strength-Based Approaches

      Summary

      Chapter 4: Understanding and Dealing with Resistance

      Tools to Maximize Relationships and Minimize Resistance

      Offering Choices

      Guessing

      Using a Group as a Maximizer

      Using Oneself as a Model

      Solicit Specific Examples

      Conflict Solving

      Feedback

      Summary

      Chapter 5: Practical Applications

      Introduction

      Military Example

      Power Generation Company Example

      International Manufacturing Company Example

      International Consulting Examples

      Manager Alignment Process

      Crowdsourced Coaching

      Summary

      Chapter 6: Guidelines for Employees at All Levels

      Associates

      Supervisors

      Senior Leaders

      Summary

      Final Thoughts

      About the Author

      References

      Acknowledgments

      INTRODUCTION

      This author began studying Adlerian psychology in the early 1970s and was trained by many students of a colleague of Alfred Adler, Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs, who expanded Adlerian philosophy in the US and internationally.¹ The principles of Adlerian philosophy will be explained in the first chapter of this book. One basic tenet that resonated with the author was the simple and yet far-reaching definition of resistance, which is a misalignment of goals.² A goal in this context is not a narrow definition of a task but the holistic way in which an individual interacts with the world. This includes their foundational beliefs, which are conclusions about self, life, and others, and decisions about how to reaffirm what is most important to them. For example, an individual may have the following beliefs and conclusions:

      I am unsure of myself and wonder about the best ways to do things. I should be strong and capable and handle things on my own. I should be strong and capable and handle things on my own. Others seem to know better how to handle things. Life can throw curveballs, which leads me to feel even more uncomfortable. Therefore, I should rely on others for guidance and reassurance.

      An individual’s belief system is also influenced by the interactions between each person’s wants or needs in a given moment. In the above example, this person may look to a colleague or a boss to provide guidance, direction, and reassurance. Where there is alignment, things proceed in a comfortable way and there is a sense of collaboration and cooperation. If the person in this example has others responding in the ways they need, then their goal is achieved. When misalignment is experienced, then each individual must decide how to proceed, whether to work through the differences in a cooperative manner to ultimately align, or to use a range of coping behaviors that could work, but that also could create additional challenges in the relationships.

      Action to Consider

      In work interactions, ask yourself what the individual might need at this moment, what you might need, and what you can do to facilitate alignment.

      If the colleague or boss feels pressured to provide guidance and support, then, at some point, expectations change. This will need to be addressed or there is a risk of problems and conflict in the relationship down the road. By utilizing approaches to realign themselves, the interactions between the boss and employee may eventually be much more positive. Alignment can be defined as moving cooperatively with others and consistently behaving in line with the needs of the situation. As a leader, are you more effective if things are aligned? If so, in what ways?

      Adler called these foundational beliefs the Lifestyle,³ which is formed by the age of five or six and then becomes self-reinforcing. As individuals grow, they also face what Adler described as the tasks of life,⁴ including work, social relations, and intimacy. The Lifestyle becomes the ultimate goal projected out in front of a person and reveals itself in all interactions (if one knows how to see it). Growing up, an individual may have had an extremely strong need to be liked and accepted, and this goal pervaded all his interactions with friends, at work, and even in intimate relationships. This individual was so consumed with achieving this goal that he pushed people away by trying too hard to please others. He was focused on himself and, as a result, was often insensitive to others’ needs and concerns.

      Lidiya Sicher, a medical doctor and psychologist who worked with Alfred Adler, described two types of movement: vertical and horizontal.⁵ Individuals moving vertically are more concerned with personal superiority and prestige. They live in a state of constant tension, fear, and anxiety at the thought they could fall, and of somehow being less than. They are vulnerable to criticism from others or themselves, and they believe that making mistakes or revealing imperfections may lower their status and open them up to ridicule and humiliation. Harold Mosak⁶ told a story about a centipede moving along, all its legs beautifully flowing. The centipede stopped and all the legs came to attention. A beetle complimented the centipede and admired the way she moved, and then asked if her 57th foot moved before or after her 56th foot. The centipede became so busy watching her own feet that she could no longer move, and she starved to death. This is the plight of vertical movement.

      Action to Consider

      Look at your interactions with others. Are you more focused on your own needs and concerns or are you focused on the needs

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