Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

EXTRAORDINARY PRAISE FOR QUIET

New York Times Bestseller

Washington Post Bestseller

Los Angeles Times Bestseller

NPR Bestseller

Indie Bestseller

Publishers Weekly Bestseller

A February 2012 Indie Next Pick

A January 2012 Amazon Best Books of the Month Pick

A January 2012 Barnes & Noble Best Books of the Month Pick

Intriguing.

—People

Those who value a quiet, reflective life will feel a burden lifting from their shoulders as they read Susan Cain’s eloquent and well documented paean to introversion—and will no longer feel guilty or inferior for having made the better choice!

—MIHALY CSIKSZENTMIHALYI, author of Flow and distinguished professor of Psychology and Management, Claremont Graduate University

"Once in a blue moon, a book comes along that gives us startling new insights. Quiet is that book: It will change the way you see yourself, other people, and the world. It’s part page-turner, part cutting-edge science…. This charming, gracefully written, thoroughly researched book is simply masterful."

—ADAM M. GRANT, Ph.D., associate professor of management, the Wharton School

"Memo to all you glad-handing, back-slapping, brainstorming masters of the universe out there: Stop networking and talking for a minute and read this book. In Quiet, Susan Cain does an eloquent and powerful job of extolling the virtues of the listeners and the thinkers—the reflective introverts of the world who appreciate that hard problems demand careful thought and who understand that it’s a good idea to know what you want to say before you open your mouth."

—BARRY SCHWARTZ, author of Practical Wisdom and The Paradox of Choice

Think Malcolm Gladwell for people who don’t take themselves too seriously. Mark my words, this book will be a bestseller.

—GUY KAWASAKI, author of Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds, and Actions

A reminder of the importance of introspection and solitude in our Facebook, Google+, and Twitter age of incessant updates, retweets, likes and pokes … Excellent.

—ANDREW KEEN, CNN.com

"[Quiet] challenged my basic assumptions about how to build collaborative organizations and where good ideas come from—essential ingredients for effective marketing."

—PHIL JOHNSON, Forbes.com

Cain’s excellent new book on introversion—and the startling power of quiet—is such a well-timed, welcome read.

—Buffalo News

In this well-written, unusually thoughtful book, Cain encourages solitude seekers to see themselves anew; not as wallflowers but as powerful forces to be reckoned with.

—Whole Living

"In many ways, Quiet is a simple plea for individuality. To some degree, Cain indicates, there is an introvert inside each of us. And it would be a mistake for any of us to drown out the promptings of that gentle yet extremely valuable voice."

—Christian Science Monitor

Firmly in Malcolm Gladwell territory—a fascinating, pro-wallflower read.

—Manhattan User’s Guide

"Cain takes a balanced, intelligent look at the interactions of introverts and extroverts…. She mixes in neuropsychological studies, interviews and her own experience to craft a smart book that steers clear of pedantry. Quiet is an excellent resource. It does justice to social complexities without martyring introverts or stigmatizing extroverts."

—Cleveland Plain Dealer

"Cain offers a wealth of useful advice for teachers and parents of introverts…. Quiet should interest anyone who cares about how people think, work, or get along, or wonders why the guy in the next cubicle acts that way. It should be required reading for introverts (or their parents) who could use a boost to their self-esteem."

—Forbes.com

Shines a light on introverts (whether we like it or not) and makes the case that we, too, have an important role in a world that reveres extroverts.

—LadiesHomeJournal.com

Cain, a former Wall Street lawyer, has given the introvert movement a charismatic, articulate face.

—Brisbane Times

"Quiet demonstrates just how deep and disturbing is this plague of extroverts—the showoffs, risk-takers, salesmen, charmers, charlatans and politicians."

—New York Post

Cain makes a good case for a greater recognition in our society for quiet leadership, the creative milieu of solitude, and the need to honor the character qualities of thoughtfulness, sensitivity, and gentleness. Long live the introverts of the world!

—Spirituality and Practice

Susan Cain is the definer of a new and valuable paradigm…. A startling, important and readable page-turner that will make quiet people see themselves in a whole new light—and lead the employers, partners, and parents of quiet people to a far deeper insight.

—NAOMI WOLF, author of The Beauty Myth

Superb … [Cain] steadily builds a case for introverts, not least because, unlike extroverts who don’t mind making the bold move or statement even if it is dead wrong, introverts tend to do the homework that leads to big creative breakthroughs, from the Theory of Relativity (Albert Einstein) to the Harry Potter books (J. K. Rowling). Please. Treat yourself. Cain’s story of the painfully introverted lawyer, who found herself pitted against a table of Masters of the Universe bankers and lawyers during a forced bond restructuring, is priceless.

—Barron’s

"An absolute must-read. It’s beautifully written and packed with sound—and often surprising—science and stories…. Quiet is a thought-provoking and fascinating work that reminds us of the dangers of solely listening to the loudest voices. It busts myths surrounding introversion and encourages us to be confident with our natural propensities."

—MARGARITA TARTAKOVSKY, PsychCentral.com

Susan Cain has done a superb job of sifting through decades of complex research on introversion, extroversion, and sensitivity. This book will be a boon for the many highly sensitive people who are also introverts.

—ELAINE ARON, author of The Highly Sensitive Person

Drawing on neuroscientific research and many case reports, Susan Cain explains the advantages and potentials of introversion and of being quiet in a noisy world.

—ANDREW WEIL, author of Healthy Aging and Spontaneous Happiness

"Quiet is an introvert’s manifesto—an eloquent call for a new social order. Like the powerful introverts that fill its pages, this book is brilliant, profound, full of feeling, and brimming with insights. Those who are quiet, Cain makes clear, have much to say. Read this book and listen."

—SHERI FINK, Pulitzer Prize-winning author

"Brilliant, illuminating, empowering! Quiet gives not only a voice but a path to homecoming for so many who’ve walked through the better part of their lives thinking the way they engage with the world is something in need of fixing."

—JONATHAN FIELDS, author of Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance

Author Susan Cain exemplifies her own quiet power in this exquisitely written and highly readable page-turner. She brings important research and poignant, personal examples into the light, greatly deepening our understanding of the introvert experience.

—JENNIFER B. KAHNWEILER, Ph.D., author of The Introverted Leader

An informative, well-researched book on the power of quietness and the virtues of having a rich inner life. It dispels the myth that you have to be extroverted to be happy and successful.

—JUDITH ORLOFF, M.D., author of Emotional Freedom

What Susan Cain understands—and readers of this fascinating volume will soon appreciate—is something that psychology and our fast-moving—and talking—society has been all too slow to realize: Not only is there really nothing wrong with being quiet, reflective, shy, and introverted, but there are distinct advantages to being this way.

—JAY BELSKY, Robert M. and Natalie Reid Dorn Professor, Human and Community Development, University of California, Davis

"Quiet elevates the conversation about introverts in our outwardly oriented society to new heights. I think that many introverts will discover that, even though they didn’t know it, they have been waiting for this book all their lives."

—ADAM S. McHUGH, author of Introverts in the Church

MORE ADVANCE NOISE FOR QUIET

An intriguing and potentially life-altering examination of the human psyche that is sure to benefit both introverts and extroverts alike.

—Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

"Gentle is powerful … Solitude is socially productive … These important counterintuitive ideas are among the many reasons to take Quiet to a quiet corner and absorb its brilliant, thought-provoking message."

—ROSABETH MOSS KANTER, professor at Harvard Business School, author of Confidence and SuperCorp

"An informative, well-researched book on the power of quietness and the virtues of having a rich inner life. It dispels the myth that you have to be extroverted to be happy and successful."

—JUDITH ORLOFF, M.D., author of Emotional Freedom

"In this engaging and beautifully written book, Susan Cain makes a powerful case for the wisdom of introspection. She also warns us ably about the downside to our culture’s noisiness, including all that it risks drowning out. Above the din, Susan’s own voice remains a compelling presence—thoughtful, generous, calm, and eloquent. Quiet deserves a very large readership."

—CHRISTOPHER LANE, author of Shyness: How Normal Behavior Became a Sickness

"Susan Cain’s quest to understand introversion, a beautifully wrought journey from the lab bench to the motivational speaker’s hall, offers convincing evidence for valuing substance over style, steak over sizzle, and qualities that are, in America, often derided. This book is brilliant, profound, full of feeling and brimming with insights."

—SHERI FINK, M.D., author of War Hospital

"Brilliant, illuminating, empowering! Quiet gives not only a voice, but a path to homecoming for so many who’ve walked through the better part of their lives thinking the way they engage with the world is something in need of fixing."

—JONATHAN FIELDS, author of Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance

"Shatters misconceptions … Cain consistently holds the reader’s interest by presenting individual profiles … and reporting on the latest studies. Her diligence, research, and passion for this important topic has richly paid off."

—ADAM M. GRANT, Ph.D., associate professor of management, the Wharton School of Business

STILL MORE ADVANCE NOISE FOR QUIET

"Once in a blue moon, a book comes along that gives us startling new insights. Quiet is that book: it’s part page-turner, part cutting-edge science. The implications for business are especially valuable: Quiet offers tips on how introverts can lead effectively, give winning speeches, avoid burnout, and choose the right roles. This charming, gracefully written, thoroughly researched book is simply masterful."

—Publishers Weekly

"Quiet elevates the conversation about introverts in our outwardly oriented society to new heights. I think that many introverts will discover that, even though they didn’t know it, they have been waiting for this book all their lives."

—ADAM S. McHUGH, author of Introverts in the Church

"Susan Cain’s Quiet is wonderfully informative about the culture of the extravert ideal and the psychology of a sensitive temperament, and she is helpfully perceptive about how introverts can make the most of their personality preferences in all aspects of life. Society needs introverts, so everyone can benefit from the insights in this important book."

—JONATHAN M. CHEEK, professor of psychology at Wellesley College, co-editor of Shyness: Perspectives on Research and Treatment

"A brilliant, important, and personally affecting book. Cain shows that, for all its virtue, America’s Extrovert Ideal takes up way too much oxygen. Cain herself is the perfect person to make this case—with winning grace and clarity she shows us what it looks like to think outside the group."

—CHRISTINE KENNEALLY, author of The First Word

"What Susan Cain understands—and readers of this fascinating volume will soon appreciate—is something that psychology and our fast-moving and fasttalking society have been all too slow to realize: Not only is there really nothing wrong with being quiet, reflective, shy, and introverted, but there are distinct advantages to being this way.

—JAY BELSKY, Robert M. and Natalie Reid Dorn Professor, Human and Community Development, University of California, Davis

"Author Susan Cain exemplifies her own quiet power in this exquisitely written and highly readable page-turner. She brings important research and poignant, personal examples into the light, greatly deepening our understanding of the introvert experience."

—JENNIFER B. KAHNWEILER, Ph.D., author of The Introverted Leader

Copyright © 2012, 2013 by Susan Cain

Reader’s Guide copyright © 2013 by Penguin Random House LLC

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by Crown, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.

www.crownpublishing.com

Crown and its colophon are registered trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC.

Originally published in the United States by Crown Publishers, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York, in 2012.

The BIS/BAS Scales on pages this page–this page copyright © 1994 by the American Psychological Association. Adapted with permission. From Behavioral Inhibition, Behavioral Activation, and Affective Responses to Impending Reward and Punishment: The BIS/BAS Scales. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 67(2): 319–33. The use of APA information does not imply endorsement by APA.

Introverts in Literature was previously published online at untitledbooks.com; Public Speaking for Introverts was previously published online at thepowerofintroverts.com; Tips for Educators was developed from a conversation with Emily Klein at Montclair State University.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Cain, Susan.

  Quiet : the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking / Susan Cain.

    p. cm.

  1. Introverts. 2. Introversion. 3. Extroversion. 4. Interpersonal relations. I. Title.

  BF698.35.I59C35 2012

  155.2′32—dc22

  2010053204

Ebook ISBN 9780307452207

Cover design by Laura Duffy

Cover photography by Aaron Fedor

rh_3.1_148356933_c0_r14

A species in which everyone was General Patton would not succeed, any more than would a race in which everyone was Vincent van Gogh. I prefer to think that the planet needs athletes, philosophers, sex symbols, painters, scientists; it needs the warmhearted, the hardhearted, the coldhearted, and the weakhearted. It needs those who can devote their lives to studying how many droplets of water are secreted by the salivary glands of dogs under which circumstances, and it needs those who can capture the passing impression of cherry blossoms in a fourteen-syllable poem or devote twenty-five pages to the dissection of a small boy’s feelings as he lies in bed in the dark waiting for his mother to kiss him goodnight.… Indeed the presence of outstanding strengths presupposes that energy needed in other areas has been channeled away from them.

—ALLEN SHAWN

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Epigraph

Author’s Note

INTRODUCTION: The North and South of Temperament

PART ONE: THE EXTROVERT IDEAL

1. THE RISE OF THE MIGHTY LIKEABLE FELLOW: How Extroversion Became the Cultural Ideal

2. THE MYTH OF CHARISMATIC LEADERSHIP: The Culture of Personality, a Hundred Years Later

3. WHEN COLLABORATION KILLS CREATIVITY: The Rise of the New Groupthink and the Power of Working Alone

PART TWO: YOUR BIOLOGY, YOUR SELF?

4. IS TEMPERAMENT DESTINY?: Nature, Nurture, and the Orchid Hypothesis

5. BEYOND TEMPERAMENT: The Role of Free Will (and the Secret of Public Speaking for Introverts)

6. FRANKLIN WAS A POLITICIAN, BUT ELEANOR SPOKE OUT OF CONSCIENCE: Why Cool Is Overrated

7. WHY DID WALL STREET CRASH AND WARREN BUFFETT PROSPER?: How Introverts and Extroverts Think (and Process Dopamine) Differently

PART THREE: DO ALL CULTURES HAVE AN EXTROVERT IDEAL?

8. SOFT POWER: Asian-Americans and the Extrovert Ideal

PART FOUR: HOW TO LOVE, HOW TO WORK

9. WHEN SHOULD YOU ACT MORE EXTROVERTED THAN YOU REALLY ARE?

10. THE COMMUNICATION GAP: How to Talk to Members of the Opposite Type

11. ON COBBLERS AND GENERALS: How to Cultivate Quiet Kids in a World That Can’t Hear Them

CONCLUSION: Wonderland

Dedication

A Note on the Dedication

A Note on the Words Introvert and Extrovert

Acknowledgments

Notes

A Reader’s Guide

About the Author

An Excerpt from Bittersweet

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Author’s Note

I have been working on this book officially since 2005, and unofficially for my entire adult life. I have spoken and written to hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people about the topics covered inside, and have read as many books, scholarly papers, magazine articles, chat-room discussions, and blog posts. Some of these I mention in the book; others informed almost every sentence I wrote. Quiet stands on many shoulders, especially the scholars and researchers whose work taught me so much. In a perfect world, I would have named every one of my sources, mentors, and interviewees. But for the sake of readability, some names appear only in the Notes or Acknowledgments.

For similar reasons, I did not use ellipses or brackets in certain quotations but made sure that the extra or missing words did not change the speaker’s or writer’s meaning. If you would like to quote these written sources from the original, the citations directing you to the full quotations appear in the Notes.

I’ve changed the names and identifying details of some of the people whose stories I tell, and in the stories of my own work as a lawyer and consultant. To protect the privacy of the participants in Charles di Cagno’s public speaking workshop, who did not plan to be included in a book when they signed up for the class, the story of my first evening in class is a composite based on several sessions; so is the story of Greg and Emily, which is based on many interviews with similar couples. Subject to the limitations of memory, all other stories are recounted as they happened or were told to me. I did not fact-check the stories people told me about themselves, but only included those I believed to be true.

INTRODUCTION

The North and South of Temperament

Montgomery, Alabama. December 1, 1955. Early evening. A public bus pulls to a stop and a sensibly dressed woman in her forties gets on. She carries herself erectly, despite having spent the day bent over an ironing board in a dingy basement tailor shop at the Montgomery Fair department store. Her feet are swollen, her shoulders ache. She sits in the first row of the Colored section and watches quietly as the bus fills with riders. Until the driver orders her to give her seat to a white passenger.

The woman utters a single word that ignites one of the most important civil rights protests of the twentieth century, one word that helps America find its better self.

The word is No.

The driver threatens to have her arrested.

You may do that, says Rosa Parks.

A police officer arrives. He asks Parks why she won’t move.

Why do you all push us around? she answers simply.

I don’t know, he says. But the law is the law, and you’re under arrest.

On the afternoon of her trial and conviction for disorderly conduct, the Montgomery Improvement Association holds a rally for Parks at the Holt Street Baptist Church, in the poorest section of town. Five thousand gather to support Parks’s lonely act of courage. They squeeze inside the church until its pews can hold no more. The rest wait patiently outside, listening through loudspeakers. The Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. addresses the crowd. There comes a time that people get tired of being trampled over by the iron feet of oppression, he tells them. There comes a time when people get tired of being pushed out of the glittering sunlight of life’s July and left standing amidst the piercing chill of an Alpine November.