The Simple Art of Killing a Woman

1

KILLED BY HER HUSBAND

Elaine Figueiredo Lacerda,

sixty-one,

was gunned down

on her own doorstep

on a Sunday evening.

A

THE NIGHT WAS COOL AND PLEASANT. I lit a cigarette and stood with my arms crossed, gazing at the opaque sky.

That guy is taking photos of you.

To my right I discovered a bow-tied figure leaning on our hostess’s car, also smoking. Behind us, the house seemed to thump with the syncopation of the music. The man gestured at a window in the block across the road.

There, he said.

Realizing he’d been detected, my observer vanished. The lights went out and the blind came down.

These idiots think they can snap every pretty woman who comes out to smoke here, my bow-tied companion went on. He was quite drunk.

After a pause, he added: You must be used to it.

From my end: silence.

Doesn’t it bother you? he asked. When people take photos? It must be a drag being so beautiful.

It’s a neighbors’ quarrel, I said, exhaling.

With Bia? He has a problem with Bia?

He was filming, didn’t you see? He’s going to complain about the party. The loud music.

That kid has no idea what loud music means.

I could just see the guard beside the gate, at the road’s entrance, checking cars as they arrived for the party.

How do you know Bia? he asked.

My cigarette burned slowly down. We work in the same office, I said.

Lawyers—like me?

I dipped my head, yes.

Don’t tell me this is some kind of school reunion disco?

I ground out the cigarette with the toe of my new shoe, trimmed with little gems, and went back into the party.

Bia was chatting with a group of friends inside the doorway. Catching sight of me, she turned and tried to drag me onto the dance floor. Even drunker than the man outside, she kept shouting in my ear, something about my boyfriend. I left her shaking her ass under the strobe lights. What happened next was one of those moments that seem to occur outside of time, as though you’ve accidentally crashed someone else’s film.

My boyfriend appeared in the hall on his way from one of the bedrooms and pulled me into the bathroom, very worked up about something. Who’ve you been with? he yelled. Where have you been sticking your nose? Everything was thrumming, I could practically feel the music pulsing up through my feet, right to the tip of my tongue, and he was holding my arms down, holding me against the cold marble wall, but I said nothing, I couldn’t react, I could not believe this was happening—my gorgeous partner, this deliciously sexy, cultured man with the ready laugh whom I’d only just begun to call my boyfriend a few months ago and who, till now, had been as courteous, respectful, and loving as I’d wish a boyfriend to be—this man was bellowing in a fury of wounded propriety, without the least provocation, but all I could do, while trying to get my arms free, was give a little laugh. And the tense little smile that lingered on my face seemed to fire his eyes with a wild gleam, like you see in some dogs before they attack.

Smack. Until that moment, I’d never been hit before. In the face.

Whore, he hissed, and stormed out of the bathroom.

2

KILLED BY HER EX-HUSBAND

Fernanda Siqueira,

twenty-nine,

was slashed to death with a knife

in front of her neighbors

upon returning the keys to

the apartment

where she had been living with her ex

until a few months before.

B

AND YET, A YEAR EARLIER, when it began, it was effervescent, filled with laughter. You couldn’t miss him. He was in the club’s garden, his forearms planted firmly in the well-kept lawn, his muscled legs aiming into the cloudless deep-blue sky—a yoga inversion, he explained when he joined me in the pool. The blood does a kind of Roto-Rooter deep-clean on your veins. He took another quick dive. Clears out a lot of bad shit.

My day job demands facing the slings and arrows of outrageous hatred and ignorance, I thought. If I try doing anything upside down, I’ll vomit up barbed wire and a whole arsenal of nuclear weapons.

What are you sniggering about? he asked.

I wasn’t really laughing. I had photophobia which, exacerbated by swimming without my sunglasses, had left a kind of fake grimace stranded on my face.

His name was Amir and he was already part of my world: a lawyer like me, he was a little older, divorced and, it appeared, also a member of the Pinheiros sports club.

I had seen a few of his performances in court, prosecuting nameless criminals, and had admired his well-constructed, forceful arguments. He stood out.

Here in the water, minus the suit and the murderers he regularly demolished, and despite the teeth which could have been whiter, he seemed even more attractive. In fact, in that glorious sunshine, what I saw was a very unusual kind of guy: a yogi public prosecutor with a circus acrobat’s facility for handstands.

A half-hour of conversation, and already I felt quite at ease.

After our swim, he talked about his cases—a bunch of losers, broadly speaking, these days including quite a number of Venezuelans and Haitians—and we talked about philosophy, in which he professed a particular interest. He said he’d written his doctoral thesis on Wittgenstein. I told him about my attempt to read Husserl’s Logical Investigations.

I gave up not far off the starting block, I confessed, right after running into a digression on how one ought to represent a non-cat upon a table. Or a cat that used to be on a table …

Vintage Husserl! he agreed, laughing.

We were wrapped in our own bubble of hilarity. Laughing with someone is a powerful aphrodisiac.

I’ve been wondering if your enthusiasm for this kind of philosophy might be what brought litigation into your life, I said. You seem to thrive on complication.

I’ll have to watch out with you around, he replied. Brainy women are fucking scary.

What Amir meant, of course, was that the majority of women are stupid. But under the poisonously seductive empire of my own hormones, I took no notice. Worse, I turned the signs around, transforming negatives into their opposite. Amir had an effective habit of making himself the star of every story, hammering everyone around him down to size with his tongue. I remember that an eminent sociologist was sunbathing not far from us, attracting the attention of other club regulars. He smiled at me, openly looking me up and down. Do you like that guy? Amir asked.

He didn’t even let me reply.

A pseudo-intellectual talking head, he said. "Look out for him. As soon as some debate about our indigenous Indians or sexual assault or racism or deforestation in the Amazon comes up, bam—there he is, all over the studies, research cited on TV or online, transparent as the rest of them, spotless in his red trousers, geeky specs like all the hipsters wear, taking the side that everybody takes, catching the same flak everybody catches, nailing all the same targets. Because it’s ‘cool’ to be against what everyone else is attacking, to support who everyone’s defending. It goes down well. No hard feelings. Everything he does, from an intellectual point of view, is go-with-the-flow of what should be more widely known as the cocksuckers’ flock. I hate that phoney good-boy bullshit."

Later I said to my friends that Amir was a mercurial sort, a man who couldn’t be typecast—and I liked it.

When I told Amir I was keen to contribute to my firm’s pro bono work, he suggested that, if I was feeling guilty about earning money—which couldn’t in fact be the case, for my starting salary as a lawyer was laughable—I should go into teaching.

You wanna give something back? Get into charity?

It’s not charity. It’s an exchange of skills.

Some exchange. So you bring your work and what do they bring—their problems? I don’t believe in that. Solidarity, altruism, Father Christmas, the lottery: none of that works in this country. None of that does it for me, he said. I prefer my dues in cash.

I giggled. I thought he was teasing, but that was just his standard line. A cheap one, too. I asked, What else don’t you believe in?

Better ask what I do believe in.

Give me the list.

Cancer, Darwin, pure math—he paused—and the Devil.

When we dived in again to fish out my cap, blown off by the rising wind, I could already feel an energy glowing around us.

That evening we went back to his apartment, me thoroughly toasted by the sun and he slightly tipsy from the wine at lunch. That was how it began.

You never imagine that a guy like this, a Wittgenstein reader and yoga fan, will hit you in the face at a lawyers’ New Year’s Eve party.

But the statistics show that it happens a lot. And that lots of men don’t stop at a slap. They’d actually rather kill you.

3

KILLED BY HER EX-BOYFRIEND

Rayane Barros de Castro,

sixteen,

was shot at close range.

Before killing her, the murderer sent her

a WhatsApp:

"I’m going to live my life, but

you aren’t going to live yours."

C

SLUT. COW. BITCH. The names are all variations on a theme. Bimbo. Tramp. Tart. In one case, the alcoholic husband liked to call his wife Mrs. Toad—as I read this, I recalled a photo I saw online, a close-up of a pretty woman with a proper double chin, and the caption: Fuck it. Fat toad, the man called her, snorting with mirth. The victim would be moving around the house, husband stumbling after her, shouting over and over, Mrs. Toad, Mrs. Toad, Mrs. Toad … , right in front of their kids. He’d be singing, ‘Croak!’ said the Toad, ‘I’m hungry.’ And he used to tell her, You could squeeze two kilos of oranges in that fat jowl of yours. When he found she wouldn’t rise to his mockery anymore, he attacked her, fatally, with a kitchen knife. In another case, a boyfriend took the time to warn his victim: I’m gonna stick a bullet in your cunt. He fulfilled his promise. Yet another murderer used to tell his partner, Luzineide, I can get bushmeat like you by the kilo, it’s all there in the butcher’s trash heap. She was killed by smothering. Iracema was killed by strangulation, as were Elisa, Marineide, and Nilza.

It’s ridiculous to think that a murderer would even worry about the post-mortem! The system is made so it doesn’t work. From the top down, whoever’s investigating will look at the victim with contempt: just another woman, he’ll think. A Black girl. A street girl. An object. He won’t even pick up when the phone rings in the den he calls his office. Let the incident go to the next man.

They couldn’t do this with my mother for some basic reasons: she was white, and she wasn’t poor.

Outside the reference books, I had personally collected the details of a hundred and eighty cases, all downloaded from the judicial records of the Brazilian state of Acre which, unlike most districts in the richer states, has digitized its entire archive in a heroic attempt to shake off our national culture of state-sponsored nepotistic stalling. Wanda. Telma. Abigail. Kelly. The list of names filled my computer screen several times over, and I kept that screen open in front of me all through the flight to Acre.

Professions of the accused: soldier, electrician, builder’s mate, farm laborer, civil servant, student. You could say that women-killing is a democratic sort of crime. I was making my own spreadsheets, which would later crunch these statistics into even more statistics. Education levels of the accused: semi-literate, college degree, illiterate, first-year diploma student. Degree of kinship with or relationship to the victim: husband, boyfriend, lover, ex-lover, brother, brother-in-law, stepfather. In only five of the cases, the victim had no connection at all with her murderer.

During the flight, I thought of a childhood friend who used to squash insects and stick them into a scrapbook. I even had a go at this myself, but I never liked killing butterflies. Perhaps now I could fill a few albums with my photos of murdered women—or with the murder weapons? Kitchen knives, scythes, pocket knives, spades; also bottles, hammers, electric wires, pressure cookers, and barbecue skewers. In the moment of murdering a woman, any object can be your weapon.

I only looked up from the cases when the plane stopped to land in Brasília. I watched as the other passengers disembarked, the kind of men that like to wear identical suits and carry identical laptops. How many of them also liked to assault women? The heat grew oppressive. I thought about getting up and asking the stewards to put the air-conditioning back on but I was overcome by a wave of weariness. Wanda.

Abigail. Carmen. Joelma. Rosana. Deusa. I sat there looking at all the women’s names, a column of bodies that seemed never-ending. I slept.

Three hours later, I awoke in Cruzeiro do Sul, Acre’s second city, without even noticing our stop in Rio Branco, its capital.

Having left Brasília quite empty, the plane was now full. While we waited to leave, I considered how many of the passengers might be the children of murdered women. Like me, they were here to watch the trials.

We stepped outside to the shock of the city’s humid heat. Proudly Acreano, the welcome sign proclaimed.

All I knew about the region was what I’d gleaned at university from reading Euclides da Cunha’s books about the occupation of Amazonia in general and of Acre in particular. In them, he described a kind of inverted natural selection at work in this realm designated for banishment.

I grabbed a taxi and gave the driver my hotel address. El uso del casco es obligatorio proclaimed a sign, revealing our proximity to the Peruvian border, but no motorbiker that I could see was wearing a helmet.

Is it your first time in Cruzeiro do Sul? the receptionist asked. He was a good-looking, somewhat shaggy-haired mestizo named Marcos and, I would learn, the hotel owner’s son.

I said yes.

Then you have to tell your São Paulo friends that Acre really exists, he replied.

Two weeks after Amir slapped me, my firm had begun selecting junior lawyers to observe the many task forces documenting femicide trials around the country. The idea was to contribute fresh data and statistics to our senior partner Denise Albuquerque’s project. Denise was writing a book on how the state creates murderers by sanctioning the asymmetry in gender relations. She summed it up by saying: We need to talk about the state-authorized massacre of women. Ten thousand unsolved femicide cases in the courts: that is my subject.

Where is the furthest from São Paulo that I can do this work? I’d asked my colleague Bia, who was looking after the selection of lawyers for the mission.

Acre, she said.

In the days that followed, wherever I went, Marcos would appear as if from nowhere, flanked by Tadeu, his loyal dog. I would be leaving the courthouse, or in the square eating an ice cream, and there he’d be again, emerging from the university in one of his flashy orange, violet, or hot pink T-shirts, or sometimes just barefoot and in shorts, off to swim in a stream on the city’s outskirts. When we spoke, he would stare oddly, almost childishly, straight into my eyes. He walked with his feet slightly turned in, which hardly improved his machismo quota. If he was driving, he would offer me a lift. He was forever asking, Will you come for a swim? His mother was an indigenous woman of the Ch’aska community, he said, So you really should come and meet the Ch’aska. Each day he would add to my list of must-dos while in Acre. You have to walk in the forest. You should catch a flock of kingbirds in flight. You have to come for a swim in the Croa. You really should try ayahuasca. If it hadn’t been for his omnipresence and constant availability, we wouldn’t have become friends so quickly.

On the evening of my arrival, seeing my gaze drawn to banners hanging across the hotel’s balconies that proclaimed Bienvenidos, hermanos bolivianos y peruanos, he spent a long time explaining how living in a border town was a really crazy thing. As he put it, You end up not being from here or from there, but it’s cool. I feel like a citizen of the world. And he pulled me into the street to look at the full moon, despite there being no moon at all.

Later, I took a shower, unpacked my suitcase, and put my clothes away. Amir had sent me another email. So you’ve blocked my number? When will you stop being childish and speak to me directly?

By eleven I was in bed, exhausted, unable to sleep. The lights on, I lay staring at the damp patches creeping across the ceiling toward the windows. And then, smack! I felt the slap across my face once more. The scene came to me differently now, no longer as if I were also an observer, watching myself being slapped. My fly-on-the-wall self had disappeared. I was there alone with my attacker. Whore. My face burned even more fiercely than it had that night.

It was exasperating to admit that I’d been thinking in circles. From the slap and back to the slap. In point of fact, a slap in the face can have the same effect as an expanding bullet. Leaving aside the obvious differences, a slap can prompt a psychological experience akin to a dumdum’s impact on the flesh: instead of going clean through