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    Working Nine Lives
    Working Nine Lives
    Working Nine Lives
    Ebook96 pages2 hours

    Working Nine Lives

    By Darby Hudson

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    A job recruiter once said to me, "Darby, you keep getting thrown into the air like a cat and landing on your feet". So began the rambles in my head that became this bunch of sideways takes where I crap on about: tips to save your soul in full time work; the joy of quitting your job; hiding in

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDarby Hudson
    Release dateFeb 12, 2024
    ISBN9780645484960
    Working Nine Lives
    Author

    Darby Hudson

    Previously published in Best Australian Poems anthologies by Black Inc Books.

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      Book preview

      Working Nine Lives - Darby Hudson

      CONTENTS

      JOB INTERVIEW

      HOW TO GET OUT OF BED AND GO TO WORK

      HOW TO GET HOME FROM WORK

      WHY WORK MEETINGS WERE INVENTED

      HOW TO GO TO WORK BUT NOT BE THERE

      WORK REPUTATION

      CRAP TV SHOWS WORK CHATTER

      TOTALLY WORKFACED

      THE 24/7 JOB OF BEING THE BRAND OF YOURSELF

      THE JOY OF QUITTING YOUR JOB

      A BROKEN WATCH AND A BLANK PIECE OF PAPER

      HIDING IN THE WORK TOILET

      WORKPLACE ZOMBIES

      OFFICE HAPPY BIRTHDAY

      TIPS TO SAVE YOUR SOUL WHILE WORKING A FULL-TIME JOB

      RESUMÉ

      PASSION FOR LIFE

      WORKING DAYS

      PROMOTION

      CAREER CHANGE

      REALITY CHECK

      ESCAPE HATCH

      GHOST HUNTERS

      CAN A LIFE BE MEASURED BY THE NUMBER OF KEYS ONE OWNS?

      ART BEFORE THE HORSE

      LIFE

      BILLBOARD FACES

      LAST CORPORATE JOB

      ADULTING EXCELLENCE

      HOW TO REMAIN UNAMBITIOUS IN A WORLD THAT DEMANDS YOU FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS OFF A CLIFF

      HOW YOU ARE SLOWLY KICKED OUT OF LIFE

      EVERYONE IS CREATIVE

      NOT GIVING A SHIT

      GATEKEEPERS

      THE CRUELTY OF KINDNESS

      MOST ARTISTS ARE POLITICIANS

      HOW TO GO QUIETLY SANE

      LIGHTHOUSE

      FOOL’S MANIFESTO

      FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS

      CREATIONIST MYTH

      WHAT IT IS

      ALL I NEED TO KNOW

      BIOGRAPHICAL NOTE

      We’re all weird.

      Everyone’s pretending.

      No one knows what they’re doing.

      And we’re all truly fucked no matter what.

      JOB INTERVIEW

      A job interview is where you

      have to prove you’re worthy of

      staying alive in this world by

      pretending that you’re dead.

      In a job interview, you become an

      imitation of yourself,

      caught in some strange 2nd person

      feedback loop,

      which leaves enough room to say

      bullshit as if you’re a fully solved human

      in 3rd person.

      By this stage you’re in some hellish

      4th dimension puppeteering your

      body like a false confession and

      heading towards becoming an

      extra in your own life.

      You introduce yourself to the

      interviewer and immediately your

      name is reduced to a password

      which provides access to

      your face.

      But fortunately, you’ve trained your

      face to rest like it’s been drawn by

      a criminal portrait sketch artist,

      but with a smile.

      In the interview, you move your

      mouth and declare your passion for

      paying bills.

      You say you love faking it until you’re

      completely fake.

      And that you can’t wait to do overtime

      in your sleeping dreams because

      it’s more than just a day job.

      Lastly you tell them that of all the

      fascinating subjects you learned in

      primary school, the punishment of

      standing and facing the corner was

      the single best preparation for a

      nine-to-five.

      HOW TO GET OUT OF BED AND GO TO WORK

      Getting out of bed to go to work is the

      long version of getting up to go for a piss

      in the middle of the night.

      In both, you carry your dreams with you,

      hoping they don’t fade, before

      going back to bed.

      Getting out of bed to go to work should be

      the number one skill on your resume.

      But a whole lot of other certified

      anti-life crap is instead.

      Voyaging the emotional airlock between

      bed and job is an archetypical hero’s journey.

      When your alarm goes off in the morning,

      falling awake is a fucking nightmare –

      your pillow is a slow-motion explosion into

      your

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