August 2022

Viz Magazine

Viz is Britain’s 3rd (or possibly 4th) funniest magazine.

Viz Magazine1 min read
North Coast 500 Campervans Route
This summer, visit the undiscoverable Scottish Highlands on the… GUARANTEED unSCENIC ROUTE! Over 500 miles of stunning views ruined by monstrously-oversized motorhomes! Just park up where you like & block the view! Don’t see all the sights of the Hig
Viz Magazine11 min read
LeTteR BOcKs
letters@viz.co.uk ⃞ I’M NO scientist, but I reckon they didn’t think the CERN Particle Accelerator through properly. The particles can’t be going that fast, as the accelerator is a circle, and they must be cornering all the time. The Channel Tunnel w
Viz Magazine2 min read
Top Tips
ITALIAN bakers. Increase the load-bearing capacity of your breadsticks by baking a few lengths of spaghetti into each one as a sort of ‘pasta rebar’. Mark Glover, Coventry TV VIEWERS. When watching any celebrity-based competition, always have an inte
Viz Magazine2 min read
Travelling Light
IT’S OFTEN said that when packing for a holiday, you should take half as many clothes and twice as much money. But what else should you pack? Is there something that YOU always take with you when you go away? We asked some celebs what things they sim
Viz Magazine3 min read
Shrine A Light
A RECENT government brainstorming session resulted in many ideas to help people through theforthcoming cost of living crisis. Allowing nursery staff to look after more children, only requiring cars to undergo an MOT test every two years, and suggesti
Viz Magazine1 min read
Get 3 Months Of Viz Just £3
PLUS A FREE COPY OF THE COPPER’S TORCH Receive your first 3 months for £3 on a no-obligation trial basis. If you find you simply can’t live without your fix of adult humour, your subscription means you pay as little as £3.39 a month, instead of £3.90
Viz Magazine5 min read
The Great Viz Loch Ness Monste duke Of Windsor Debate
FOR OVER 100 years people have argued over the existence of a mysterious monster inhabiting Loch Ness in the Scottish Highlands, with only hearsay and blurred photographs for evidence. For less time – but almost as long – people have argued about whe
Viz Magazine8 min read
The Heebie-gb’s
BACK IN September 2021, the world of TV current affairs reeled in shock when broadcasting icon ANDREW NEIL quit GB News just 3 months after the station’s launch. The big-boned current affairs titan had presented just EIGHT shows on the fledgling chan
Viz Magazine3 min read
Viz Poshlifting Kit
A COST of living crisis has hit UK shores, bringing record rises in our energy and food bills. To make matters worse, wages have stagnated whilst inflation has hit its highest level since the early 80s. As a result, people from all walks of life are
Viz Magazine2 min read
Parking Advice
HITHERE! Graham Parker out of 70s new wave rock band Graham Parker and the Rumour here. You might remember me from Top of the Pops singing chart toppers like Hey Lord Don’t Ask Me Questions and many more. But as well as singing Top Ten hits, I also h
Viz Magazine2 min read
Einstein A Go-go!
PHYSICIST Professor Brian Cox escaped a £100 parking fine after successfully arguing arguing that when his car was photographed illegally parked, it had not actually stopped. The TV boffin was slapped with an automatic penalty in March, after droppin
Viz Magazine2 min read
Road To Recovery
HOSPITAL parking has always been a hot topic of debate for British people. Whether it’s over-inflated charges, fines for running over time, or difficulty finding a spot during busy spells, few things are more likely to get us complaining. But now one
Viz Magazine1 min read
Martyn Lewis’s Money Saving Parking Tips
AS WE all feel the pinch of the Cost of Living Crisis, Martyn Lewis tells us how to save the pennies when parking. WHEN pulling up in a car park, don’t immediately jump out and buy a ticket. Wait until you see the parking attendant arrive before gett
Viz Magazine1 min read
Park In Ryde
WE'VE got a ticket to park in Ryde, and we don’t care. Because we’re giving away a up to 6-hours parking in the beautiful Isle of Wight seaside town to one lucky winner of our Park in Ryde competition. To win, simply look at the four photographs of c
Viz Magazine2 min read
Royal Purrs
HER MAJESTY the Queen is one of the richest women on the planet, with the monarchy owning assets of almost £56 billion worldwide, along with a personal fortune of £500 million. But Royal watchers were surprised yesterday after her Majesty the Queen a
Viz Magazine2 min read
Recreate The Holidays Of Your Past With Simpler Times Cruises
Rule the Waves with People Like YOU*! *And when we say “people like you”, we trust you know what we mean THE MOMENT you board our flagship oldfashioned cruise liner, The Prince of Nostalgia, you can relax in the knowledge that a Simpler Times cruise
Viz Magazine8 min read
Profanisaurus
bite off more than you can poo v. To overeat. bite the brown bullet v. To walk with tightly clenched buttocks, perhaps after biting off more than you can poo. ‘Prince Charles there, graciously and regally biting the brown bullet as he graciously and
Viz Magazine1 min read
50 QUID CRAPTIC CROSSWORD No. 317
6 See 11 7 Solver jerking off, anyone can see in – those windows slatted (7) 9 Suggest brief note written in colour of used blobstopper (9) 10 Model gobbled by billionaires, opportunist lying back (5) 11/6 Weep at oligarch, broke, chap climaxing earl
Viz Magazine1 min read
Last Issue’s Winners
‘Tap’ into the fresh NEW way to drink tap water and stick it to the bottled water brigade by winning one of these exquisitely decorated, and strictly limited edition aluminium Viz drinking flasks. Send your entry to: Craptic Crossword 317, Viz Comic,
Viz Magazine3 min read
Out Of (remote) Control
A TEESSIDE family was left traumatised last week when the loss of their TV remote control meant they were forced to watch a Sunday evening BBC costume drama. Unable to change channel, Jack and Barbara Hacksaw were left with no option but to sit throu
Viz Magazine1 min readAnthropology
SEND YOUR BELOVED PET RODENT OFF IN STYLE WITH A Rodent State Funeral
NONE of us like to think about the day when our hamster, gerbil or mouse will no longer be with us. But it will certainly be in the next 18 months. And it’s a fitting tribute to our pets’ memory to send them off in style with a Rodent State Funeral,
Viz Magazine1 min read
Mrs Brady Old Lady
Next issue of out 4th August ■

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