Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between Quotes

“Rhiannon's Law #16: If it looks like a rabbit, and it hops like a rabbit, run the other way and fast. That shit is liable to tear you arm off.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“If you were anyone else, your nuts would be taking a long vacation, and the destination would be out of your mouth”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“You know.” My voice was laced with sarcasm. “I love being reminded of just how f*cked up people find my company. One minute, I’m asked to be more loving and sweet. In fact, someone once told me it was downright adorable. But when I actually give the public what they want, they think I’m suffering from a chemical imbalance.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Just because I’m on the lookout for an ass kicking doesn’t mean I’m actively seeking one out. It’s called covering all your bases.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Allow yourself to fall. I’ll catch you.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Listen,” I sighed and reached for my plastic bottle. “I want to get this sh!t over and done. Can we strive to obtain that goal? I have a meaningless existence, and I can’t put that kind of action on hold indefinitely”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Rhiannon's Law #37: Don't get so high and mighty, God will only reward that arrogance with a huge bitch slap back to reality.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Well, well, well. Tickle my Elmo ass silly.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“It took years of trial and error to blossom into the fine outstanding young woman you see before you
today.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“I nodded in approval, turned around and opened the door, and stepped into the hall. I walked past the receptionist, smiling at her shocked face when she told me in a superficial voice to have a nice day, and I gave her a parting gift—my middle finger.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Rule number one that all girls must learn. If you’re told to lie down on the floor during a robbery or to
step inside a waiting car during a kidnapping, you’re not doing yourself any favors by cooperating. You’re
essentially handing the bastards a loaded gun and giving them express permission to shoot you in the head.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“It was the equivalent of asking a little girl not to scream the first time she was personally introduced to
Hannah Montana.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Stalking isn't cool unless you're an Edward.”
― J.A. Saare, The Ripple Effect

“If her death taught me anything, it’s this. Cherish the time you have. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Right now is all we are promised.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Don’t tell me,” I snickered. “You’re in a club that gathers together like raving Trekkies to share secrets of the afterlife. I bet you even have an Enigma CD you crank up to get in the mood.” “Don’t be silly.” His face lit up with an enormous grin. “We listen to Enya, not Enigma.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Rhiannon's Law #63: Fake it until you make it. You might not know what the fuck you're doing, but that doesn't mean everyone else is aware of your inaptitude. When in doubt, hold your head high and pretend you have a clue.”
― J.A. Saare, The Ripple Effect

“Stop a knife? You're serious."

"As a heart attack."

"You are something else."

I couldn't tell if he was giving me a compliment or a veiled insult. "I try to be an individual. It's all the rage.”
― J.A. Saare, The Ripple Effect

“My mind was no longer functioning on a rational level. For fuck's sake, who needed rational when they boarded a train to insanity? All that was missing were the Oompa Loompas and Willy-fucking-Wonka.”
― J.A. Saare, The Ripple Effect

“I arrived to work on the wrong foot. I was jumpy and agitated, constantly watching the doors. A loud fart would have sent me skyrocketing into orbit.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Multitask? What do I look like, a fucking secretary?” My temper flared before I could bite it back. Erica wasn’t the only one with a big mouth. I was constantly in danger of writing checks my ass couldn’t cash, the bearer of a lifelong disease of potty mouth that no amount of soap in this world could properly cleanse.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“And you don’t want to be involved with my people, Max. They’re the type to bleed you dry and leave your corpse to rot. When the reckoning comes”—I lifted my hand and made an arch, pointing across the room—”you’ll want to be way the f*ck over there. Do you feel me?”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Stripping is not a fair or unbiased career field. Your body and looks are your livelihood. Once those two things go, it’s only a matter of time before you punch your last T and A ticket – and Erica’s stub was wilting faster than a golden wrapped candy bar that would gain her admittance into the chocolate factory.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Whereas I could conform to an emo crowd easily enough, pretending to matriculate from upper crust asshats was too surreal. Goose insisted my stellar attitude and superb language skills had to be put on hold while we were inside the building, which meant to had to keep my big fat cow shut. It was the equivalent of asking a little girl not to scream the first time she was personally introduced to Hannah Montana.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“I can’t help it; this isn’t like you at all. I know the blood exchange changes things—including mood and body chemistry—but this is beyond any kind of scientific explanation.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Have you always been so refined? Your attitude and that mouth.” He sucked air through his teeth and grimaced. “Do you kiss your Mother with it?”

I answered like the smart ass he knew I was. “I did before she died. Of course, my mouth was clean back then. It took years of trial and error to blossom into the fine outstanding young woman you see before you today.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Well, well, well. Tickle my Elmo ass silly. I was sitting across from a person who enjoyed talking to dead people, and if they wouldn’t talk, then by God, he’d just wake their corpses up instead. Next to him was a moody, chain-smoking vampire who just might be bipolar and smoked like a corncob pipe.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“One day you’ll trust me enough to tell me everything there is to know about you. You won’t be afraid to come clean or share what frightens you so much. When that day arrives, I’ll gladly listen.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“One bad corpse can ruin your whole day.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“A bartender by trade, a loud mouth by choice, and a necromancer by chance, she’s managed to keep her nasty habit of seeing dead people hidden from those around her—until now.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

“Rhiannon’s Law #37: Don’t get so high and mighty. God will only reward that arrogance with a huge bitch slap back to reality.”
― J.A. Saare, Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between