Edmonds-Peer Review of Essay 3 1

The author of this essay is Samantha Edmonds____________________________.
Peer Review of Essay #3

Directions: First, read the paper silently to yourself once. Then, answer the questions below.
When answering the following questions, be thoughtful, clear, and helpful. Use complete sentences and
specific examples. Feel free to make notes directly on the writers draft.
FIRST READER
Organization and Introduction
1.
Organization
a. Is this draft organized in a standard pattern? (introduction, a body with supporting points
presented in a logical order, and a concluding section that summarizes and analyzes the
overall significance of the topic) It is organized but needs more work on the conclusion.
Needs to expand on the significance. The thesis needs a bit of clarification to address the
actual topic covered.
b.
2.
Note on the paper where the organization seems to be ineffective. Noted in the conclusion to
expand and intro to clarify thesis.
Introduction: The first paragraph(s) should prepare the reader for the topic presented in the paper.
a. Does the introduction begin broadly and narrow to the main idea of the essay? It does narrow
however, I felt that the topic covered in the essay was not fully presented in the intro.
b.
Look specifically at the authors Thesis Statement:

1. Is the thesis towards the end of the introduction? yes
2. Is the thesis narrow and well-defined? Needs clarification.
3. Is the thesis explicit or implicit? If its explicit, is the thesis too direct? Explicit, not too
direct.
c.
After reading the whole paper, explain whether you think the introduction effectively prepares
the reader for the discussion or not. I felt that the introduction included points that were not
covered in the essay and should have been reworded. It needs expansion on the information
that will actually be addressed.
Body Paragraphs
1.
Do the body paragraphs support the thesis? Somewhat. It didnt really prepare me for the content.
2.
Is there information that does not seem relevant to the stated thesis/purpose? In the intro, I felt that the
reasons for not eating healthy should be excluded or reworded since it gave the impression that it
would be covered in the body of the paper.
3.
Does the writer explain his/her reasoning clearly and effectively? Needs to add more clarification, a lot
is just restating facts.
4.
Does one body point or section lead logically to the next point? Are transitions used effectively? No,
transitions need to be added.
5.
Are there any paragraphs that should be either deleted or moved to another section of the paper? No
Conclusion
1.
Does the conclusion sum upwithout being repetitivethe major points of the paper? Somewhat, I
felt it was too short and needed to be though out more.
SECOND READER
Use of Quotations and Summaries
1.
Look at the first quote/summary used in the paper. Is the quote relevant/appropriate to the topic? Did
the author frame the quote or summary properly with a quotation sandwich (1. A statement that
introduces the author and identifies the title, 2. The quote itself, 3. An explanation of the quotes
meaning and relevance to the authors topic?)The quote is introduced but needs to be connected and
explained more. The first sentence referred to Americans with disabilities but the paper is more about
all Americans.
2.
Look at the second quote/summary used in the paper. Is the quote relevant/appropriate to the topic?
Did the author frame the quote or summary properly with a quotation sandwich (1. A statement that
meaning and relevance to the authors topic?) Once again the quote is introduced however, it needs to
be explained further and connected to the topic. It is appropriately placed in this paragraph.
3.
Look at the third quote/summary used in the paper. Is the quote relevant/appropriate to the topic? Did
the author frame the quote or summary properly with a quotation sandwich (1. A statement that
meaning and relevance to the authors topic?) No other quotations found. Im not sure if summaries
were used since there were no citations.
4.
Look at the fourth quote/summary used in the paper. Is the quote relevant/appropriate
to the topic? Did the author frame the quote or summary properly with a quotation
sandwich (1. A statement that introduces the author and identifies the title, 2. The
quote itself, 3. An explanation of the quotes meaning and relevance to the authors
topic?) No other quotations found. Im not sure if summaries were used since there were no citations.
THIRD READER
Style, Mechanics, and MLA Guidelines
1.
Sentence Construction
A. Circle every comma, semicolon, and colon in the paper. I could not find the circle option
so I underlined them instead.
B. Circle any words that you think might be misspelled. I underlined it, only one found.
C. Using the highlighters provided, highlight EVERY sentence alternating colors. Done
2.
MLA Guidelines
Heading yes
Page numbers in upper righthand corneryes
Indent block quotes 1yes
Works Cited page

o Variety of Sources yes
o Alphabetized no
o Titles in quotes or
italicized yes
o Correct use of
commas and periods
yes
3. How near to completion is this draft? It does need some work. It is not at the required length yet and it
could use more interpretation or clarification.

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The author of this essay is Samantha Edmonds____________________________.

Peer Review of Essay #3

Look specifically at the authors Thesis Statement:

Works Cited page

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