The Hunting of the FNORD!

To An Agony To Read In 5 Meows3 By Prince Mu-Chao 4 Happ Annotated By Rev. Happy Fun Ball
With profuse apologies to Lewis Carroll But not to the reader Though they may deserve it More. The Deface If (and this is wildly possible) the charge of writing nonsense were ever brought against the author of this brief 5but instructive poem, it would be based, I feel convinced, on the line And overhead bottled mustard he tossed. In view of this painful possibility, I will not (as I might) appeal indignantly to my other writings at CastleChaos.Com6 as proof that I am incapable of such a deed. I will not point to the revolutionary ideas expressed and hidden within the poem 7 itself. I will not point out the profuse footnotes8that illustrate and clarify each of the ideas in a satisfying and robust way. I will instead explain where the line came from and how it happened to be included within this humble poem. Prince Mu-Chao, who was deeply immersed for much of his life in the business of weirdness and esotericism, used to eat hotdog buns on Friday, as the Petabarf commands. Due to their plain taste, being as they were without hot dogs inside them, the Prince would occasionally douse them with mustard and relish and eat them thusly.9 One Friday, when he was reading beside a tree that was beside a stream, the Prince could not finish one of the aforementioned hot dog buns and so threw the 10 remainder of it into the stream. Immediately, there was a commotion as fishes spawn erupted from the exact spot he had thrown the bun. Later, in the 23 Apples of Eris Re-research LaborEatery, Prince Mu-Chao and Happy Fun Ball reproduced this experiment in a goldfish bowl with Grey Poupon. Successfully, they determined that the finer the mustard they used, the more prolific was the fishes spawn. Happy Fun Ball used the explitive, Fnord! 11 when he saw this, and so Prince Mu-Chao logically determined that Mustard produces fish spawn and fish spawn attracts fnords. That is where the line came from. The reason it was included in this poem was because, by a strange bit of sychronicity, spawn rhymes with Poupon. And, it attracts fnords, which (if you didnt notice) is what the poem is about. That cleared up, without further ado, I present to you The Hunting of the FNORD!
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Annotated

2. We in no way imply that we know what a FNORD! is. Nonetheless, this is the most complete document on the little buggers you will ever find. 3. Meows as you probably already know, are arbitrary sets of either five or twenty three. 4. Regardless of what he tries to tell you. 5. Unfortunately, not as brief as some may like... 6. This shameless plug will be deleted in the next version of The Annotated Hunting of the Fnord! 7. This is a blatent lie designed to encourage readers to look for secret messages that are not even there. 8. Actually, they are more like sidenotes. 9. In this paragraph Prince Mu-Chao shows his ignorance about the Principia Discordia, confusing everything and committing a sin when he thinks he is being holy. See why I hang out with him? 10. Those environmentalists in our audience will be happy to know it was a biodegradable bun. 11. This is a lie. I said Holy Shit!

00001 Meow the First The Landing Just the place for a Fnord! Prince Mu-Chao cried, Landing the starship gently; 12 The crew were all baked on acid and fried On pot they picked up in East Bently.13 Just the place for a fnord! Did I repeat me? But he looked and nobody was staring. Just the place for a fnord! he said with true glee And thus threw a wrench in the gearing. The crew was complete: it included Chao Utter, A chaosopher few would note, MarshMellow Fluff, oh and Reverend MouthGutter Two names but really one vote. Also aboard were St. Gulik and Norton But neither was very awake.14 Bob tried to board, but Who heard a Horton 15 And his brain began to flake. Lola Chaiota was also aboard (A finer lass never been known), And Fun Ball whispered to a green gourd, If she wasnt here I wouldnt have shown.17 There also was one who had no name And so everyone called him Joe. He thought he was Chronos a previous game, But said he may have been Poe. Jesus, the last of the crew to come board, Was himself a fairly slow learner. He had one idea but that being fnord He was quickly employed as the burner.18 The crew was motley, the ship was gold, And the provisions were fast running out. If Mal had come, as in days of old, 19 Theyd have eaten him without a doubt. But now they had landed in Kalamazoo The legendary home of the fnords20 And so up on the deck gathered the crew Rattling pens as mighty as swords. The pens were certainly weapons of choice As useful as any ward. For one may cross out the beast and voice, 21 Begone, you terrible fnord!
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12. The spaceship in question is a large golden starship that Prince Mu-Chao found in a box of Cookie Crisp. It is currently the UnOfficial Vehicle of the 23 Apples of Eris. 13. Remember, this is art. We in no way imply that the members of the 23 Apples of Eris have ever done anything like this. We want to remind you kids that this poem was acted out by professionals, and you should feel free to try it at home. Or in East Bentley, for that matter. 14. We suspect that they were not really there and Prince Mu-Chao brought on dolls that looked remarkably like these two. The reason we suspect this is because all they did the entire trip was lie limply in the cargo hold. 15. Which is a very good thing, since our funds were limited and we could not have afforded financing his church for five months. 16. See DisOrganizational Announcement #00001. 17. Again, Mu-Chao gets it wrong. The gourd was obviously LIME green. I would not believe anything the man says. In fact, I dont even believe hes a man. Its a lie. 18. This is, of course, a reference to Prince Mu-Chaos ardent belief that Jesus is currently burning in hell for his crimes against humanity (either that, or hes wandering the region of Thud, depending on who is right). 19. This is an allusion to a former trip the 23 Apples of Eris took with Mal the Elder. At one point, Mal had said Eat me! to the Apples, and thinking Mal was doing a Jesus impression, they promptly did so. 20. See The Wilds of Kalamazoos Library, pp 130-135; National Geographic; April 1986. 21. Though this method has never to my knowledge been tested, National Geographic claims it is the best way to dispose of a fnord. It said so right underneath the biggest pair of pendulous titties I have ever seen in my entire life (which is why I remember it). 22. This is present to inform you that you are on page two.

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Mu-Chao himself they all praised to the skies (But were suspecting, in truth, they were lost). He quieted them down after numerous tries And overhead bottled mustard he tossed. Bottled mustard he tossed for legend did say Fnords attract to fishes spawn And thus, to induce it this very same day The Prince had thrown Grey Poupon.23 He debated throwing a bottle of Heinz 24 But quickly decided against it From the crew he was hearing murmers and whines They were anxiously awaiting their exit. We have sailed many months, we have sailed many weeks 25 (Fifteen weeks to the month we were bored), But never, as yet, did we glimpse a true peek At that nasty thing known as a fnord! We have sailed many weeks, we have sailed many days (Five days to a week, I allow), But a fnord upon which we might otherwise gaze We have never beheld until now! Come listen, you guys, while I tell you again The five unmistakable words By which you might know, wheresoever you go, The perfectly genuine fnords! 26 The first is the TASTE a little like Pez. Not cherry, nor orange, but grape.27 One report Ive found even cleverly says 28 Its head might pop up out of shape. The second, its habit of waking up LATE; Its day begins on the next, And so I warn you not to tempt fate For a fnord in today is quite vexed. The third is the sense of HUMOR it lacks When told jokes its eyes start to fog 29 And never, never (or so Ive been faxed) Try to tell it a shaggy dog.30

23. See the Deface for the significance of mustard and how it relates to spawning fish and fnords. 24. This he would have done to add color only, for everybody knows that ketchup does not cause fish to spawn but instead is used to make french fries palatable. 25. Of course, this is a mere estimation of the number of weeks in a discordian month, but you get the general idea. 26. It is very important for the Apples to find a genuine fnord as opposed to a faux fnord. Faux fnords are normally good for baking, but never, never in soup. A genuine fnord is the ONLY kind of fnord you would ever want to put in your soup. 27. This is, of course, in Prince Mu-Chaos opinion. Why anyone would want to put a Peztasting creature in a soup is beyond me, especially if it tasted grape-like. Recent studies have shown that earlier studies may have been mistaken and the fnord may taste more like a Gobstopper than Pez, but these are unconfirmed until further studies have shown that the former studies were, in fact, incorrect (or correct, as the case may be). 28. The report Prince Mu-Chao is referring to here is probably the Kinsey Institute study Fnords and Females - A Study of Inter-Species Cunnilingus in which it is written: Cunnilingus is something the fnords seem to be natural at. Though their tongues seem rough to the touch, many of our female subjects requested checking out the fnord and bringing it home with them for several weeks. Unfortunately, we were very limited in supply and so had to refuse. This sent several of the subjects into hysterics. 29. Of course, when a Discordian tells just about ANYBODY a joke, their eyes fog, so this is not always a good indication. 30. If you dont know what a shaggy dog story is, ask around. You will eventually find somebody that knows and they will awe you with a long and wonderfully elaborate story.

The fourth is its fondness for bubbly BATHS For truly theyll sometimes be found Soaking in tubs with spongy mome raths 31 Outgrabbing for soap all around.

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The fifth is AMBITION it strives to advance To stations beyond its own means. Some have discovered, rather by chance, That fnords see themselves to be queens. Now that you know the signs you should see When hunting a fnord in the wild. I now will describe, under Tum Tree,32 The types of fnords I have filed: For though common fnords can cause you much stress, The Gedub can cause more dismay 33 Mu-Chao suddenly broke off his address, For MouthGutter had fainted away!

30. Incidentally, fnords seem to perform cunnilingus even more aptly when in a bubble bath. Due its ability to hold its breath for hours (which, truthfully, is probably why it is so good at it in the first place), it has been known to cause over ten orgasms in one woman over a fifteen minute period while in a bubble bath. This is rivaled only by the legendary Beast of Ponuck, who reportedly secretes a scent that immediately causes multiple orgasms in men and women. Ibid, 434-437; 723. 31. Mome raths are from Lewis Carrolls poem The Jabberwocky. Carroll never explicitly states that they are spongy in the poem, but we know it to be the case after careful observation. Mome raths do not seem to cause orgasms in human beings and are therefore primarily ignored by the scientific community. 32. The Tum Tum Tree, also from The Jabberwocky, is meant to be an ominous sign of bad things coming (as it was in the Jabberwocky). Of course, the bad thing doesnt come for a long time. Instead, the poem goes on and on and on much the way it has been up to this point. Therefore, in my opinion, the Tum Tum fails horribly as a foreshadowing device. As a shadowing device, however, many adventurers claim it performs admirably. 33. The Gedub (pronounced G. Dub) is a horrendous creature, as many citizens of the United States are coming to find out. 34. The beer they poured over his head. The mace they sprayed in his mouth, and the pumpernickel they batted him over the head with repeatedly. 35. It has been forgotten exactly what kind of pickle it was that MouthGutter was molested with, but we can assume that it was very long and hard. 36. Which is a very difficult thing to do with a pickle in your ass. Or so i imagine...

00002 Meow The Second The MouthGutters Tale They roused him with beer; they roused him with mace; They roused him with pumpernickel.34 Before he awoke, they sprayed foam on his face And put in his ass a pickle.35 Eventually awake and able to speak He gave them a serious glance Though, still scared and eyes a-leak, He stood with heroic stance.36 The crew was silent; he had the floor. The air with a knife you could cut. He looked at them all and said with a roar, What the hell did you put in my butt?!?! The crew broke out laughing; the silence was broken The worry was whisked away. He lit up a joint and as he was tokin This is what he had to say:

My fuckin old man, he began with a toke, Told a story to always remember About the Gedub of which you spoke. And he exhaled, blowing the ember. He said it happened back twenty-three years, That he encountered a fnord in the wild Having a pen, he attacked with no fears The fnord being only a child. 37 And when he confronted this everyday fnord He found he was greatly mistaken Over the bushes his body soon soared, It was really a Gedub hed wakened! 38 The Gedub was grand, square and yet round.39 It said something nothing like Boo! And when my dear dad heard this terrible sound He crapped in his pants and peed too! Fixed to the spot, his brain did explode And sent matter flying through air.40 His crew did digress and run from the mess Leaving his pieces all there. The story seemed over, MouthGutter done, But several looked quite confused. So how did dear dad tell this to son? Is his tongue in a jar? Chao-Mud.41 I was never quite sure, but my dad wouldnt lie, MouthGutter said with conviction. He looked to the sky, gave a deep sigh, And he wasnt a fan of fiction. That doesnt make it true, Prince Mu-Chao declared, Scanning the eyes of his club. This man is an idiot for making you scared With stories of vicious Gedub! They are quite stupid, Prince said with a grin, And have trouble pronouncing words right.42 I saw one on TV amidst quite a din Sometime back round election night.
42. Gedubs cannot seem to get their tongues around several multi-syllable words such as certain, decision, and never. Scientists say this is because the half of the Gedub brain that is supposed to be controlling speech is mysteriously missing. 37. Adult fnords are massive beings and though they are normally not very fierce, they have been known to accidently step on people as they were trying to run away. Young fnords are much smaller and are rarely seen by fnord hunters. 38. Gedubs are the only type of fnord that do not grow very large. They stay fairly small, never growing taller than a human. What they lack in size, however, they make up for in ferocity. They huge, sharp claws and big, nasty teeth. One would not want to meet a fnord in a dark alley. 39. We can guess that MouthGutters father was blowing things out of proportion with this statement. I have seen a Gedub and it was neither square nor round, but more triangular in a spiralish sort of way. 40. This has been known to happen when one stares into the eyes of a Gedub and sees the pit of emptiness that lies behind it. Few live to tell the tale, what with their brains all scattered all about and such.

41. The Prince has a tendency to sometimes get quite confused and mix up his name. He really isnt all that bright. Im sure that the only reason you are even reading this file is for my witty and pointed annotations.

He was quite dense - incapable of craft, A puppet in anyones hand. Not only dense but plainly quite daft Im surprised he even could stand. What I was saying before he fell faint Was merely the Gedub was strong And makes a regular fnord look quite quaint Like comparing Doom to Pong. But these things he speaks are just not true Regardless of what he suggests. The gedub is merely more mighty, my crew, Then a fnord no more, no less. So fear not, Mu-Chao yelled and moved to the hatch, And get your butts moving right! For soon it will be too light to catch ANY fnord until next night! 43 The crew looked askance from Mu-Chao to Mouth, Knew where its bread was buttered And parked the spaceship a bit to the south, Demagnitized, unwinged and deruttered.44 Standing on land at the edge of the jungle,45 They grew faint of heart and of hind A leaderly speech he just could not bungle Came floating from Mu-Chaos mind.46 We WILL catch a fnord, this I say. Though I risk sounding like Ahab 47 But it IS a fnord we will nab today Whether it be gedub or gibgab!48 I didnt come all this way to be balked By a crazy man and crew. This is a fact: theres no turning back Cause I threw a monkey wrench in the gearing. The crew looked confused, and wondered just why What Mu-Chao said suddenly didnt make sense. Then they realized Their thoughts werent making sense now either.

43. Fnords are usually nocturnal creatures who hate the sun. The only time they will be caught dead in the daylight is if they sleep so late they become hopelessly confused about what day they are living in and freeze up, pondering the riddle. 44. They disassembled and disabled their vehicle this way because Kalamazoo is what we would call a bad neighborhood. If they didnt lock up tightly, the starships radio and hubcaps would probably be gone the next morning. 45. Some of you smartasses who think you know everything are scoffing at the idea of a jungle in Michigan. Well, you should, since there ARE no jungles in Michigan. There are jungles, however, on Sirius fifth planet, where the brave members of the 23 Apples of Eris are searching for a fnord. The name of the entire planet is, of course, Kalamazoo. It is not named after the city of Kalamazoo in Michigan, but is instead the way Sirians pronounce kazoo. One of the original explorers of the world had brought one with her and the Sirians were fascinated by it. In fact, the 23 Apples of Eris had brought a box full of kazoos with them in case they ran into Sirians. Unfortunately, they did not and so the kazoos are not mentioned in the poem. 46. The air on Kalamazoo is is filled with a chemical named Venkagen that enhances telepathy to an almost alarming degree. On earth, the Prince would be unable to send the message that follows to his crews minds. 47. Many people have told me that they thought the Prince was making a reference to Moby Dick in this line. They are shallow, dull people. Anyone who has a thought that simplistic should be shot on sight. No, the Prince was speaking of a minor character in the famous novel Rarnaby Budge by Charles Dikkins, the well-known Dutch author. 48. The gibgab is not mentioned again throughout this poem and I have never seen another reference to it in all of my considerable study about fnords and fnord-like creatures. I have a sneaking suspicion that Prince Mu-Chao made it up, failing to find another good rhyme with Ahab, and refusing to take the Dikkins reference out.

Something had happened, vicious and nasty, To the world in which they lived. Their equilibrium seemed off And they didnt know what to do.49 00003 Meow The Third The Hunt Just as sudden, it all seemed right! Reality back to normal. Reality normal? What a sight! Okay, reality got more formal. The rest of my speech (he explained to his men) You shall hear when Ive leisure to speak it. But the Fnord is at hand, let me tell you again! Its your dubious duty to seek it! To seek it with turnips, to seek it with Nair; To pursue it with gerbil and egg; To threaten its life with a grizzly bear; To charm it with outstretched leg! 50 For the Fnords a peculiar creature that wont Be caught in just any old way. Do all you know, and try all that you dont: On the chance of a lucky day! For Eris expects a Fnord to be caught And used in her special soup51 Any of you who havent been taught May be thrown for a bit of a loop. When goddess gets mad, things tend to fall And suddenly go quite nuts 52 In short, youd better be on the ball Or the goddess will spank your butts. They took out their gerbils, powder, and shot, They took out their weed and perch 53 They sat in a circle and smoked all the pot, That done, they were ready to search.

49. I have no clue why he did this. It is tasteless and only faintly amusing to those people who like selfreference in their works of fiction. I cant say that I do that much, especially not when it is written by a talentless hack such as Prince Mu-Chao.

50. These items that Prince Mu-Chao is encouraging them to seek the fnords with are actually not material items. This verse is the true genius (and, quite frankly, the only genius) in this poem. If this verse is taken metaphorically and then turned upside down three times, it should be obvious that Prince Mu-Chao is talking about Kaos Majix and in this verse reveals the method to subjectively transform a 24 hour day into a 48 hour day for the caster. Amazingly enough, Prince Mu-Chao has actually written a good verse. Its a pity there arent a few more of them. 51. Eris Special Soup 1/2 cup avocado 2 Hot Dogs 3 Golden Delicious Apples 8 oz Grey Poupon Mustard 1 good-sized fnord 1 cabbage 5 burnt out pineal glands Mix all ingrediants together and boil. Lower heat and simmer for at least 23 hours. Salt and pepper to taste. 52. See Liber 3167 at castlechaos.com 53. The pot was the only thing that would really help them catch the fnord. The only reason they had all that other stuff with them was that they were very weird.

They walked through the woods alert and awake 54 Prepared for any danger One of the crew saw a pink snake And two of them saw something stranger. 55 But fnords there were none in the places they searched And soon it grew close to morn So the crew gathered together and lightly perched On a stump and looked a bit forlorn This is okay, Prince Mu-Chao said, Because infinite studies have shown 56 That to find a fnord that isnt dead You must creatively use your tail bone. 57 Im Sick of your wisdom and sick of your tripe! Happy Fun Ball now proclaimed, 58 Ive a terrible feeling were hunting a snipe And the fnord isnt real as you claimed! The crew was surprised, sucked a gallon of breath And all looked to Chao to respond Fearing a mutiny and violent death The Prince was afraid hed been conned. He was about to say, Lets get out of this place And give up the hunt for good, When a smile began on everyones face At the sound of a bath from the wood! 59 To seek it with turnips, to seek it with Nair! It was this that Mu-Chao screamed. To threaten its life with a grizzly bear! (Now out of danger redeemed!) To pursue it with gerbil and hit it with egg! (He now let them run ahead) 60 To charm it with outstretched, beautiful leg! (He hoped it was not interbred)61 They stopped at a clearing, within it a tub. Empty, except for a ducky. Mu-Chao ran in, saw the Jub Jub,62 And considered himself very lucky. Capture the duck, the Prince told his crew, Hurry, before it escapes! For the Jub Jub, Chao knew was worth more to a zoo Than giraffes, bears, oxen or apes!

54. Though it may be hard to imagine, Kalamazoo actually does have woods near a jungle. Also nearby is a desert and an ocean. Go figure. 55. When Mu-Chao was asked about what was stranger than a pink snake, he shook his head and replied, The plays the thing wherein well catch the conscience of the king. As the official annotator of the 23 Apples of Eris, I must admit that I have no fucking clue what he is talking about. 56. Mu-Chao was stretching the truth here. There have, strangely, been very few studies on fnords and fnordits. Besides the previously mentioned research by the Kinsey Institute and National Geographic, the only other references in scientific journals I could find that referenced fnords were what appeared to be a misspelled appearance of the word eggs in Quantum Mechanics and You by Dr. John Ron Gomeo, and an essay entitled Nortons Fnord in Science Magazine which postulated a thought experiment that suggested that if a fnord was in a box and everyone looked at it, their heads would explode. 57. Prince Mu-Chao may sometimes seem to do alot, but he is really very lazy. 58. Thats me. Im always hard on him.

59. If you remember, one of the words by which you would know a genuine fnord was BATH.

60. Not only lazy, Prince Mu-Chao is a bit of a wimp, too. 61. An interbred fnord is pretty much useless in soup, for instead of tasting like grape Pez, it tastes more like chicken. 62. Jub Jub birds have been said to look like huge ducks. I wouldnt know, for I have never seen one.

Alas, Jubs are fast! It gave them the slip And crashed its way into the trees. Get a good grip! Bring it back to the ship! But it was much too difficult to seize. They followed it left; They followed it right They followed it to and fro They followed all day and into the night Followed til the moon was aglow.63 Lola said smiling, It ran into this cave, There is no escape for it now! Which one of you is going to be brave? 64 And everyone looked for Mu-Chao. You want us to go in after that duck? They looked at her like she was loonish From inside the cave there came a faint cluck 65 It was dark and they wished it were noonish. Move out of the way, you simpering wimps! If you wont go in I will! And with that, Lola shot the cave a quick glimpse And plunged in as if mentally ill.66 A moment of silence, and then Jub Jub wailed.67 The crew all took a step back The darkened mouth of the cave soon unveiled Lola with the Jub Jub in a sack! 00004 Meow The Fourth The Voyage To Olympus They partied that night, and acted absurd And while drunk they noticed the sack. Several wanted to look at the bird For all they had seen was its back Fluff now attempted untying the sash That held the simple sack shut Suddenly, from nowhere, a wild slash! 69 His hand gushed blood! He was cut! After an hour the bleeding had halted But no one went near the sack The creature had now brutally assaulted And even Lola kept herself back.
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63. Only one of Kalamazoos moons was aglow on this particular night, and it did not give off very much light, as you will soon see.

64. I want to stress that they did not look for Mu-Chao because he was brave, but instead because they were going to throw him in there after it. He probably sensed this, which was the reason he had hung back. 65. Jub Jubs do not cluck.

66. Lola was a fairly new member and in all fairness to the others, she was not around for the disasterous 70 PickLe JuIcE ConSpiRacy BattLe, wherein a few members of the Apples were gravely injured when they were walking down a flight of steps drunk out of their minds and the lights went out. Ever since that time, many of the Apples considered dark places off limits. 67. Jub Jubs do not wail. 68. This is not to imply that the Apples do not act absurd when they are not drunk (which, admittedly, is a rare occurance). 69. Jub Jubs are not vicious creatures. 70. The PickLe JuIcE ConSpiRacy BattLe was not in fact a battle in the usual sense of the word. It was an unusually good game of Cook-Note Fiberglass being played between Chaostic Fibrations and Prince Mu-Chao that everyone was gathered around watching. It was named after Chaostic Fibrations legendary move declaring a Pickle Juice Conspiracy and demanding that Prince MuChao drink a bottle of pickle juice to make him immune to the Conspiracys effects as one of her rules. Not having a choice, MuChao had to comply with the rule or lose the game, and he projectile vomited the rest of the night in the dark when the lights went out due to an accidental flooding of the basement, caused by an attempt by MarshMellow Fluff to play Sink indoors. You really should come to one of our parties.

For the next month they continued to look For a fnord both high and low But neither on beach, in jungle nor brook Did they find their fiendish foe. Finally Prince Mu-Chao decided hed failed And Eris would have to make soup Without fnord and he deeply inhaled And gave leave to his group. They said not a thing, just replaced all the gearing An never did utter a word, But when outside of Prince Mu-Chaos hearing, 71 Said, At least we have a rare bird! At this they all brightened and soon they set sail Towards Good Ol Limbo Peak Their starship was chock full of very good ale, And from Jub Jub they heard not a squeak.72 When the crew was quite happy they stumbled upon What they later found out to be Koops73 The Koops needed gas, their ship was forgone, So the Prince added them to his troops.74 The Koops looked strange, not what youd expect (What with their twenty-three eyes) Lola was known to later reflect They always seemed to be on her thighs.75 The Koops were quite good at telling a story Which is useful to pass the time, One started to tell about a Jub Jub named Tori A pet he once had in his prime! Wasnt it dangerous, the crew asked, puzzled Glancing at the sack with the Jub Jub. Did you tie it and have it closely muzzled Or hit it on the head with a club club? The Koops looked offended, horribly hurt But soon understanding was cleared 76 They showed them a picture of Tori with skirt And Mu-Chao scratched his beard. He was expecting to see a monster quite ruthless, But the Jub Jub was cute as a kitten. They told him the Jub Jub was also quite toothless Which usually prevents being bitten. 77
76. Jub Jubs in captivity are quite modest at times, according to Jerry White in The Jub Jub Reader pp 253. 77. The Jub Jub Reader also relates that Jub Jubs are soft, cuddly creatures and when cornered they attempt to lick their attackers face.

71. The crew did not stay out of loyalty. They knew that if they left Mu-Chao, they would not get their share in the Jub Jub Bird.

72. Im guessing this was because everyone was drunk and/or stoned. It probably made lots of noise, it just wasn t noticed. 73. The Koops are a space-fairing people that are sometimes called Greys by the uninformed. This makes absolutely no sense since they are black with pink polka dots. 74. Koopian starships run on Ritz Crackers. Since there were no Ritz Crackers on board, the 23 Apples could not help refuel the Koopian ship. 75. Most of the crews eyes were on Lolas thighs too.

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The crew had one thought, What the hells in the bag? Asked the Koops to go look at their beast As they got near they saw flying like a flag, A tail through a hole and talk ceased.78 Thats not a Jub Jub! a Koop soon laughed, Staring at the tail with a smile Id recognize it anywhere! For my craft, He said, Is fnording off fnords on an Isle! The crew gave a cheer; success after all! They had captured for Eris a fnord cub The Koop waved them down and said with a drawl Not only a fnord, but a Gedub! 79 There was quiet a moment as this was digested And shortly there was a loud crash For though last time he was thoroughly molested MouthGutter passed out in a flash! They roused him with beer; they roused him with mace; They roused him with pumpernickel. Before he awoke, they again foamed his face And put in his ass a pickle. When he awoke they were all in good cheer A party like none had seen The ship was off course, but there was no fear 80 (For they were busy being obscene.) MouthGutter righted the ship on course With that mountain where Eris was And as they got closer to Chaos force Their pineals started to buzz. 81 They landed outside a palace quite grand The finest upon which they gazed They realized as their feet touched land They were done and so felt dazed. They walked to the door in twos and in threes Enjoying the in-joke of all 82 They rang on the bell and basked in the breeze As they waited for Goddess in thrall She opened the door, resplendent in gold On her face was plastered a grin She was certainly a beautiful sight to behold As she bid them all to come in.

78. Jub Jubs do not have tails.

79. The Koop could tell this because Koopian legend had it that a Gedubs tail had a ring around it, whereas a fnord cubs tail had spots.

80. The obscenities practised by the 23 Apples of Eris over the years could probably fill an oversized bedroom reader. I believe Chao Utter is working on actually writing one. Its working title is TrySexuality! and is forcasted to be finished whenever he takes enough time out of slobbering over the wet, naked bodies of other members. I have currently locked him in our dungeon until I am finished annotating this. If I hadnt, I probably would never get this done. The man is insane.

81. As those of you who have visited Eris at Her palace are well aware, when you approach Mt. Olympus your Pineal Gland reaches out and seeks Eris for a mutal caress. This causes a faint buzzing sound to eminate from your head.

82. With no other religion on earth are in-jokes as revered as with that of Our Lady Eris.

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00005 Meow The Fifth Eris My Goddess, Discordia, weve got your fnord, Mu-Chao said as he entered the palace Its alive and well, and somewhat bored And probably filled with great malice. Thank you all so, I will treasure your gift For a soup with no fnord is quite rotten You have spent a great many days adrift How many of them have you gotten? Just one, my lady, Prince Mu-Chao replied, But a fat one; we can always go back. Look at the beautiful colors! he cried, And without thinking he dumped out the sack.78 Fixed to the spot, her head did explode And sent matter flying through air. Pieces flew about her abode And some stuck in Mu-Chaos hair. They all turned to Mu-Chao; All eyes were on him; Both those of his crew and the Koops They were all shocked, incredulous and grim, But what could the Prince say but, Oops!? 79 The End 80

78. Prince Mu-Chao is not known for his foresight.

79. This is true. He really did say that. 80. Of course, being a goddess, Eris did not die but instead (after several sessions of physical therapy) was back to her old self again in just a few weeks. Her greatest pleasure during the years following this story was to harass Prince Mu-Chao incessantly, and several of these Episodes are related in Liber 3167, which may or may not be located somewhere upon CastleChaos.Com.

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