A Bible study aid

presented by BeyondToday.tv

Overcoming

Pornography
Addiction

BEYOND TODAY FEATURE

Its a problem

A Bible study aid presented by Beyond Today television

eff is frustrated. Jeff is depressed. He doesnt

want to look at porn. Hes managed to not look
at porn for three days, but tonight for some
reason, almost against his will, he feels compelled
to sit down in front of his computer. He has the
urge to look at porn. He clicks to open his browser.
Porn makes him feel guilty. That guilt in turn triggers him to watch more porn.
Maybe Jeff is you. Maybe youve tried hundreds
of times to stop, but you just cant. Maybe this is
the first time youve ever made an effort to stop.
Maybe you have a loved one who you want to help
stop.
Sexuality is everywhere. Its in our music, our
movies and television, and in the commercials and
ads on Facebook. High speed Internet access has
made pornography free and easier to get than ever
before.

Life is better without porn

Even in our secular society many are noticing

the frightening side effects of Internet pornography. Unconnected relationships, self-esteem issues
and poor sexual performance. More and more
non-religious websites (such as yourbrainonporn.
com) are dedicated to encouraging people to stop
porn addiction. Stopping a porn addiction increases self-confidence, restores a healthy sex life in
marriage, and enables more genuine relationships
with those closest to us.
Besides these physical benefits, overcoming porn
addiction is essential to restoring a strong, healthy
relationship with our Creator God. Sins like porn
addiction and lust separate people from God.
Repentance (a true change from sinful behavior
to godly behavior) will enable you to have a deep,
personal relationship with God.

Its hard to quit

Wanting to overcome is easy. Actually overcoming a sexual addiction is hard. Porn rewires your
brain. The chemicals released while viewing porn
are so psychologically addictive that porn addiction has been compared to heroin addiction. It can
seem impossible to stop.

With God, you can overcome

With Gods power and influence in your life,

you can stop a pornography addiction. You can
overcome! You can break free from sexual addiction. You can regain meaningful relationships with
God and with others. You can live your life with-

out the shame and guilt that pornography brings.

To accomplish this enormous, life-changing task
though, we need help. We need God.
Jesus said, With man this is impossible, but
with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).
God wants you to break free of your pain. God
wants to wipe away the pain of addiction. He sent
His son to die to bring you out of a sinful life (John
3:16).
With strength from God, a lot of bravery, hard
work, and with support from others, you can use
this booklet to gain traction in your fight. This
booklet is about understanding what porn does to
your brain and how it affects you, and it will give
practical ways to fight and overcome. You can use
it not just to overcome pornography addiction, but
also to wipe away sexual lusts and to regain a pure
mind.
If you know someone who struggles with pornography addiction, you can use this booklet to
better understand how to support them and help
them through their trial. You, with Gods power
and your loved ones desire to change, can make all
the difference in their life.

Break free and live a transformed

life

Jeff is sitting at his computer. His cursor hovers above the address bar. Before he starts to type
in his favorite adult website address, he stops. He
reaches out to God in prayer. With new resolve he
closes the Web browser. He pushes his chair away
from his computer. Jeff is overcoming. With Gods
love and guiding hand, hes turning his back on
his former addiction. Hes choosing a life of loving
obedience to His heavenly Father and enjoying the
benefits of a life free from sexual addiction.

Make a commitment now

You can also make the choice to overcome.

God wants you to break free from porn addiction.
There is nothing that you cant do if God desires
it. He is waiting for you to make a commitment to
do whatever it takes to make overcoming a reality.
As you read each chapter of this booklet, make
God your partner in overcoming. Pray to Him and
ask Him to strengthen you and open your heart to
the truth of His Word in the Bible. Youve take a
big step in your journey to overcoming by reading this far. Gods hand is outstretched, and He is
ready to lead you to victory in overcoming pornography addiction.

2013 United Church of God, an International

Association www.ucg.org
Overcoming
Pornography

Addiction

BEYOND TODAY FEATURE

What is pornography addiction?

by Roy Fouch

hen we think of addiction,

we most often think of being
addicted to chemicals. The
truth of the matter is that people can
also be addicted to behaviors. Some of
these behaviors include eating, gambling
and sex. And the number one type of
sexual addiction is habitual viewing of
pornography.
What is pornography? Its pictures,
videos, writing, or other material that
is sexually explicit. It often involves
the depiction of erotic behavior (as in
pictures or writing) intended to cause
sexual excitement.
The word pornography comes from
two Greek words that mean prostitute
and writing, so the original meaning is writing about prostitutes. But
today, even though there are still lots
of salacious books, pornography is
largely about visual imagesin magazines, movies, videos and the Internet.

Modern technology has brought us photography, videography and the Internet.

Now anyone with a TV or computer
can watch porn 24/7 in the privacy and
secrecy of his own home. This has made
it extremely easy to become addicted
a tragic consequence of scientific
achievement.
In a study of 932 sex addicts conducted by Dr. Patrick Carnes, 90 percent of
men and 77 percent of women indicated
that pornography played a significant
role in their addiction (Dont Call it
Love: Recovery from Sexual Addictions,
1991, New York, Bantam).

Whats wrong with

pornography?

Pornography is destructive to the

mind and heart of the viewer even when
hes not addicted to it. God gave the
Ten Commandments to steer humanity
toward a happy, healthful life and away
from the automatic penalties of disobe-

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dience. The Bible is filled with praise

for Gods wonderful laws. Psalm 119 is
by far the longest chapter in the Bible
at 176 verses. Its entirely about praising
God for His Word and His laws. Verse
97 says: Oh, how I love Your law! It is
my meditation all the day. Verse 9 is
helpful for people struggling with pornography addiction. It says: How can a
young man cleanse his way? By taking
heed according to Your word.
The seventh of the Ten Commandments is You shall not commit
adultery (Exodus 20:14). This brief
umbrella command refers to all the various kinds of sexual sins. And sexual sins
are the most self-destructive of all. In 1
Corinthians 6:18, the apostle Paul wrote:
Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that
a man does is outside the body, but he
who commits sexual immorality sins
against his own body.
And Jesus Christ revealed the spirit
of the law: But I say to you that who-

ever looks at a woman to lust for her

has already committed adultery in his
heart (Matthew 5:8). Therefore lust
(sexual fantasizing and craving) is a sin
against God. What Jesus said applies
just as much to looking at a visual image
of a woman. Its the same principle if a
woman is lusting for a man. Therefore,
virtually all deliberate viewing of pornography is sinful because of its lustful
nature.
Whats wrong with just looking? God
designed our minds, hearts and bodies
as they are so people would be attracted
to the opposite sex. He made men to be
more visually-oriented, and He made
women to be beautiful. Gods plan is to
motivate men to get married and for
each man to enjoy his wife for the rest
of his life. This is somewhat summed
up in Proverbs 5:18-19, which says: Let
your fountain be blessed, and rejoice
with the wife of your youth. As a loving
deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts
satisfy you at all times; and always be
enraptured with her love.
At the same time, God doesnt want
any man to see any naked woman other
than his wife, and doesnt want any
woman to see any naked man other
than her husband. That way, all the
excitement is focused on ones spouse.
And no man has his mind desensitized
because he is comparing his wifes body
with a thousand other nude bodies that
hes seen on the Internet. So viewing
pornography is never harmless, even
when its not yet an addiction.

Pornography is addictive!

Peering at porn often starts as casual

curiosity, but that often becomes the
appetizer for more and more indulgence
in what God forbids. The frequent viewings become a habit, and the habit soon
becomes an addiction.
Viewing porn excites the mind and
sexually arouses the body. A natural
consequence is the carnal desire to act
out sexually and relieve the sexual tension. Most often, this is done by masturbation. Pornography and masturbation
are both habit-forming, and the two
together become a powerful force for
addiction. The self-stimulation to a sexual climax is momentarily pleasurable,

and it can initially elevate a persons

mood, providing a momentary high.
That usually results in the temptation
to repeatedly replicate these feelings,
potentially producing an obsessive-compulsive pattern if not stopped in time by
the obvious red flags.
Addictive behaviors often cause
chemical alterations in the neurotransmitters of the brain which, in turn, alter
moods. These changes can temporarily
dull pain or produce pleasurable sensations. They therefore reinforce the
addiction.
Typically, people who are quickly
attracted to this form of addictive
behavior do so to escape some emotional state such as depression, loneliness, anxiety, fear or shame, or to escape
from the reality of their circumstances.
As a man once told me, In that world,
Im king.
However, for most addicts, there is a
flip side of the coin. Many feel intense
shame and grief for the addiction
because it goes contrary to their own
belief systems and consciences.

Faulty beliefs about self

Some people become sexually

addicted even though they came from
a healthy and wholesome family background. They first look at pornography
out of curiosity and thrill-seeking and
then are gradually seduced by the lure
of the eroticism.
But more often than not sex addicts
have dysfunctional backgrounds and
usually have distorted views of themselves. Dr. Patrick Carnes, a pioneer in
sexual addiction, has identified four
core beliefs of most sexual addicts.
Many of the core beliefs that addicts
have are acquired from family systems
that are dysfunctional. Dysfunctional
families are those where poor boundaries exist among family members,
emotional needs are not being met, or
where abuse of one form or another
might exist. Individuals who come from
families where addictions have occurred
have a greater probability of, or predisposition for, acquiring addictive behavioral patterns.
Here are the core beliefs Carnes outlines in his book, Out of the Shadows.

1. I am basically a bad and unworthy

person.
2. No one would love me as I am.
3. My needs are never going to be met
if I have to depend upon others.

Internet
pornography
affects Christians
By now we are used to hearing statistics such as a fifth of our
youth are solicited while surfing the
Internet and that a virtual flood of
pornography is increasingly available to online users.
But one fact many may not be
aware of is the debilitating effect
of pornography on Christians. The
Southern California Christian Times
reported that those who have dealt
with the issue of sexual addictions
say the Christian community is far
from exempt when it comes to the
lure of pornography on the Internet.
Unlike other addictive behaviors,
sex carries an enormous stigma that
is not easily bridged in Christian
circles.
But how extensive is this particular problem? This article continued:
Although securing data is difficult
because of the nature of the lifestyle,
other studies suggest that 10 percent
of the Christian community is sexually addicted.
And yet Christians hesitate to ask
for needed help partially because,
as Steve Watters, Internet expert for
Focus on the Family, stated: There
is an increased pressure in the
church for people to look their best
and not demonstrate anything that
represents weakness, especially if its
sexual addiction.
But this is no time to put our
heads in the sand. The salvation of
sufferers may be at stake. Addicts
should be able to consult confidentially with their pastors and other
competent professional counselors
without fear.
Sources: Southern California
Christian Times, The Washington
Times.

Overcoming Pornography Addiction

BEYOND TODAY FEATURE

degenerate to porn that is more erotic,

explicit, kinky or violent. Or the person
may act out sexually in more high-risk
behaviors such as going to strip clubs,
using escort services, or connecting
with prostitutes online. This escalation
leads to increased levels of shame and
guilt, which leads to increased desire
to medicate the mental pain through
escapism, and the cycle of dependency
increasingly gets reinforced.

Powerlessness and
unmanageability

Some people become sexually addicted even though they

came from a healthy and wholesome family background.
They first look at pornography out of curiosity and thrillseeking and then are gradually seduced by the lure of the
eroticism.
4. Sex is my most important need.
Dr. Carnes believes that the roots of
sexual addiction begin in childhood.
He writes: When a childs exploration
of sexuality goes beyond discovery to
routine self-comforting because of the
lack of human care, there is potential for
addiction. Sex becomes confused with
comforting and nurturing.
As with other forms of addiction, a
number of characteristics are common
to sexual addiction. Here are some to
be aware of when confronting porn
addicts.

Denial

Denial is a defense mechanism that

maintains the addictive behavior by
failing to admit or minimizing the seriousness of the behavior. The first step
towards overcoming any addiction is
acknowledging that you have a problem.
Only when you can truly be honest
about your actions and their conse-

quences and take personal responsibility

can a healing process begin.

Compulsivity and
Dependence

Compulsivity is a recurring impulse

that is difficult to resist. The tension of
a negative emotional state is relieved
when a behavior or chemical is introduced that causes a neuro-chemical
reward. That reward reinforces and
perpetuates the behavior. When this
process is repeated multiple times, it
creates a physical and/or psychological
dependency.

Tolerance and Escalation

Over time, what used to produce a

desired effect and state of mind becomes
less effective, and this is called tolerance. What typically happens is that
the individual needs more of the drug
or behavior to get the desired result.
With pornography, the cravings tend to

A Bible study aid presented by Beyond Today television

At this point in the downward spiral

of addiction, the individual begins to
suffer consequences that may impact
areas of life such as marriage, family,
spiritual life, financial, legal, and possibly others. Its often at this point that
one finally seeks help. The best way
to start the recovery process is to seek
the help of our all-powerful Heavenly
Father. At this level of enslavement, we
need Gods help to emancipate us from
the sinful bondage.

How pornography
progresses from bad to
worse

According to Dr. Victor Cline, an

expert on sexual addiction, there is a
four-step progression of this addictive
behavior:
1. Addiction: Pornography provides
a powerful sexual stimulant or aphrodisiac effect, followed by sexual release,
most often through masturbation.
2. Escalation: Over time, addicts
require more explicit and more deviant material to meet their sexual needs.
They desire (even think they require)
rougher, more deviant, more explicit,
and kinky kinds of sexual material to
get their high and sexual turn-ons.
3. Desensitization: What was first
perceived as gross, shocking, disturbing, in time becomes common and
acceptable. Tragically, healthy sexual
relations with ones spouse seems boring.
4. Acting out sexually: There is an
increasing tendency to act out behaviors (including violent behaviors)
viewed in pornographyimitating
what one has seen. BT

Coming out of slavery to sexual sin

by Roy Fouch

ets now learn about slavery, our

slave masters, and how we can be
freed from this form of slavery.

Slavery

In John 8:34, Jesus said, Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin
is a slave of sin. Repeated sins quickly
enslave us, much more than most
people realize. Sins quickly begin to
affect us and those we love, put distance
between God and us, and increasingly
control us.
In Romans 6, Paul explains about
being slaves to sin. He said that as
Christ died for us, we must put to death
our old sinful way of life and should
walk in newness of life (verse 4). To
grow spiritually, we should no longer
be slaves to sin (verse 6). In verse 12,
he concludes: Therefore do not let sin

reign in your mortal body, that you

should obey it in its lusts.
Paul goes on to tell us we have a
choice. We can choose to be a slave to
sin with the eventual consequence of
death or a voluntary slave to God which
leads to righteousness and eternal life.
In verse 16, he wrote: Do you not know
that to whom you present yourselves
slaves to obey, you are that ones slaves
whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to
righteousness?

Our evil slave masters

Without God, we are slaves to the

downward pulls of our own human
nature. Jeremiah described it this way:
Who can understand the human heart?
There is nothing else so deceitful; it is
too sick to be healed (Jeremiah 17:9,
Good News Bible). What human

nature does is quite plain. It shows itself

in immoral, filthy, and indecent actions
(Galatians 5:19, GNB). We must resist
the pulls of the flesh.
The pervasive and insidious influence of the corrupt world around us is
another slave master. The apostle John
wrote, For all that is in the worldthe
lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and
the pride of lifeis not of the Father but
is of the world (1 John 2:16). Without
God, were in bondage under the elements of the world (Galatians 4:3).
In Romans 12:2, Paul wrote, And do
not be conformed to this world, but be
transformed by the renewing of your
mind, that you may prove what is that
good and acceptable and perfect will of
God.
The third and most powerful of the
evil slave masters is Satan, our adversary the devil and the tempter of

Overcoming Pornography Addiction

BEYOND TODAY FEATURE

mankind (1 Peter 5:8; 1 Thessalonians
3:5). He is called the prince of the
power of the air; the spirit who now
works in the sons of disobedience
(Ephesians 2:2). That indicates that his
evil influences are broadcast to everyone who tunes in to him. Remember
James 4:7, which says: Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will
flee from you.
Satan is a liar and the father of it
(John 8:44). Hes such an effective liar
that he deceives the whole world
(Revelation 12:9).We must identify
Satans lies and with Gods help be willing to root them out of our hearts and
minds. We must replace them with

Emancipation

The perspective I share with you is the

one I believe is the most effective and
beneficial to a person coming out of any
form of sexual addiction or behavior
pattern.
To be emancipated from slavery to
sin, we must admit to ourselves and
God that we need His help to overcome
the powerful grip of sin and to break
free from Satan. This coincides with
the 12 step philosophy of recovery programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous
(AA), Sex and Love Addicts
Anonymous (SLAA), and Sexaholics
Anonymous.
In my 30 years of counseling experi-

Whatever lies one may have bought into, they must be

identified and with the help of God, and they must be
discarded.
the truth of Gods Word and move
away from irrational thinking to rational thinking. One phrase used by
Alcoholics Anonymous that describes it
well is stinking thinking.
Here are some common lies that
Satan influences addicts to use: I work
hard all day and my wife doesnt
fulfill my needs and I deserve this
(pornography, phone sex, affairs, strip
clubs, etc.). I have a very high sex drive,
thats the way God made me. Im just
looking at pictures (or chatting on the
Internet). Im not actually doing anything harmful. How can sex be a problem? I choose to look at pornography,
masturbate, Internet chat, and I can stop
anytime I want.
Whatever lies one may have bought
into, they must be identified and they
must be discarded.
So we have to contend with three
powerful slave masters in addition to
our own genetic predispositions for
addictive behavior! We have only one
hope for survival and liberationour
great God and Savior Jesus Christ
(Titus 2:13). But if we rely on God to
fight our battles for us, we can be more
than conquerors through Him who
loved us (Romans 8:37).

ence, I have found that the most powerful change agent in the recovery process
from addictions is the role of God the
Father and His Son Jesus Christ. It is
obvious that the founders of Alcoholics
Anonymous and the subsequent 12
step programs found the spiritual component essential to the process. Have
others succeeded without this spiritual
component? Absolutely, but the programs and processes that have endured
the longest and helped the most have
had this spiritual component.
Step 1: The first of the 12 steps is one
of acknowledgement. We admit we are
powerless over our compulsive behavior
and that our lives have become unmanageable.
Step 2: As Christians, we believe that
power comes from the Creator God,
the God of the Bible. True Christians
know that through repentance (sorrow
and a change of direction) of our sins,
including pornography or other forms
of sexual sin, we can receive Gods forgiveness, grace and blessings. In John
10:10, Jesus said: The thief [Satan] does
not come except to steal, and to kill, and
to destroy. I have come that they may
have life, and that they may have it more
abundantly. BT

A Bible study aid presented by Beyond Today television

The twelve steps of

alcoholics anonymous adapted for
sexual addicts
1. We admitted we were powerless
over our sexual addiction
that our lives had become
unmanageable.
2. We came to believe that a Power
greater than ourselves could
restore us to sanity.
3. We made a decision to turn our
will and our lives over to the
care of God as we understood
Him.
4. We made a searching and
fearless moral inventory of
ourselves.
5. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human
being the exact nature of our
wrongs.
6. We were entirely ready to have
God remove all these defects
of character.
7. We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. We made a list of all persons
we had harmed, and became
willing to make amends to
them all.
9. We made direct amends to such
people wherever possible,
except when to do so would
injure them or others.
10. We continued to take personal
inventory and when we were
wrong promptly admitted it.
11. We sought through prayer and
meditation to improve our
conscious contact with God as
we understood Him, praying
only for knowledge of His will
for us and the power to carry
that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps,
we tried to carry this message
to others and to practice these
principles in all our affairs.
From Out of the Shadows:
Understanding Sexual Addiction,
page 170.

From slavery to freedom

by Roy Fouch

ext well take a look at practical as well as spiritual solutions

and strategies to overcoming
an addiction to pornography, and even
the temptations to indulge in viewing
pornography. These strategies can be
useful in overcoming all forms of sexual
addiction.

Triggers

The first concept to understand is

that of triggers. These are factors which
stimulate the desire for viewing sexually
explicit material and stimuli. Some of
the common triggers I hear about are
boredom, depression, anger, loneliness,
rejection, anxiety, fear, stress, sadness,
shame, guilt and low self-esteem. Most
of these are emotional states from which
the individual seeks relief. Triggers
can be visual or auditory as in movies,
music, magazines or even in looking at
someone in a way to become sexually

aroused. It is also possible to become

aroused by another persons behavior. In
todays world many people have become
increasingly provocative in their interactions with others. Often this type of
behavior occurs in a work setting, but I
have known (counseled or spoken with)
a number of people who have been
tempted and acted out even in faith
communities. The adversary, the devil,
has infiltrated all social contexts.
When you can identify the triggers in
your own life, you can begin to develop
safeguards and alternative responses to
these triggers. This is what we in the
addiction field call relapse prevention
strategies or plans. These plans are an
integral part of recovery or emancipation from sexual slavery or idolatry.

Emotional triggers

With emotional types of triggers,

like those mentioned above, we need
to find alternatives to managing these

emotional states that are infinitely better than pornography or any kind of
escapism. This often involves a holistic
approachaddressing mind, body,
and spirit. Nutritional enhancements
including foods, vitamins and herbs can
positively affect mood and brain chemistry. Exercising regularly can help with
mood issues and stress management.
In situations where extreme forms of
depression or other mental issues exist,
medication might be needed along with
counseling. In these cases, seeking the
appropriate medical or professional
help is recommended. Often people will
self-medicate by using drugs, alcohol,
or engagement in behaviors to elevate
mood or cope with stress when there
are more effective means of coping with
these conditions.

Electronic triggers

When the triggers are electronic

in nature, like a computer and the

Overcoming Pornography Addiction

BEYOND TODAY FEATURE

Internet, safeguards need to be put in
place. There are software programs
that prevent sexually explicit material
from being accessed. The addicted person should have someone else install
the program so that only the friend
or significant other has the password.
Spyware programs are also available
to alert an accountability partner of an
attempted access. The same type of safeguards can be utilized with television
programming.

Visual triggers

When real people in ones environment have a provocative effect, this can
be more challenging. But with all triggers, there are solutions. One obvious
solution is to never let your eyes linger
on the tempting sight, but move out
of eyesight from the person who has
become a spiritual stumbling block. This
is implied by what Jesus said in Matthew
5:27-30. Another concept that works,
if applied consistently, is bouncing of
the eyes. This strategy merely means
making a conscious decision to look
the other way when one sees something
that has a sexually erotic effect. This is
in contrast to ogling and lusting for a
person who is sexually stimulating and/
or provocatively dressed. Taking second
and third looks should also be avoided.
One finds something else to look at
or just look away. Job was a good role
model. He said he made a covenant
with his eyes (Job 31:1). For that verse,
the Good News Bible says: I have made
a solemn promise never to look with
lust at a woman.
Matthew 6:22-24 offers a principle
that can be applied to the idolatry of
sexual sin. The lamp of the body is the
eye. If, therefore, your eye is good, your
whole body will be full of light. But if
your eye is bad, your whole body will be
full of darkness. If, therefore, the light
that is in you is full of darkness, how
great is that darkness? No one can serve
two masters; for either he will hate the
one and love the other, or else he will be
loyal to the one and despise the other.
You cannot serve God and mammon.
The principle here is specifically about
serving God versus materialism and the
lust for money. However, when we put
the lust of the flesh through our visual

10

When you can identify the triggers in your own life, you can
begin to develop safeguards and alternative responses to
these triggers. These plans are an integral part of recovery
or emancipation from sexual slavery or idolatry.
sense ahead of righteousness and our
love of God, we are in a similar place
with the same question to answer: What
do we want to serve, God or pornography?

Gateway to other sexual sins

Pornography opens the door to

other forms of sexual sins. While it
starts with fantasy stimulated by visual
images, it often leads to other forms of
sexual sins. Similar to drugs, where one
is often looking for a better high, those
seeking pornographic highs often seek
material that is increasingly stimulatingfrom soft porn to hard porn, from
still pictures to videos, from viewing
relatively normal sex to viewing
increasingly perverted and even violent sex. For many, it eventually leads
to other forms of sexual sins such as
phone sex, Internet sex, prostitution

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and extramarital affairs. As mentioned

in the previous article, 70 to 90 percent
of sexual addicts started with pornography.
One point I wanted to make before
looking at other relapse prevention
strategies is to remind everyone about
setting healthy boundaries in relationships. This means that if you are married, you need to avoid intimate conversations with anyone of the opposite
sex or being alone in a private room
with that person for any length of time.
You should also avoid flirtatious or
sexual conversations, because they can
lead to sexual fantasies or lust. When
married, your intimate conversations
should be reserved for your spouse. If
there is a problem in your marriage,
seek a counselor, preferably a Christian
counselor, to help with communication
and relationship issues.

Be proactive with relapse

prevention

Returning to relapse prevention, I

would strongly encourage being proactive, especially in spiritual ways. This
means a spiritual approach to each
and every day that will strengthen you
against temptation. The apostle James
wrote: Therefore submit to God. Resist
the devil and he will flee from you.
Draw near to God and He will draw
near to you (James 4:7-8). And then
strive to stay close to God!
In Matthew 6:33, Jesus Christ stated:
Seek first the kingdom of God and
His righteousness and all these things
shall be added to you. All things can
include the mental, emotional and spiritual resources you need to defend yourself against temptation. It has been my
experience in working with people with
sexual addictions and weaknesses that
if they start their day with prayer and
time in the Bible, they are much better
prepared to deal with the worlds temptations and stresses and Satans attacks.
Among other benefits, having the mind
filled with godly thoughts is effective
in blocking out negative thoughts and
temptations.
When you are tempted, God and
Jesus Christ are only a prayer away. As
Jesus admonished His disciples, Pray
that you may not enter into temptation
(Luke 22:40). A prayer can be worded,
Father, please help my eyes to be pure
for you. Please uplift my mood to cope
with whatever distraction is pulling me
down spiritually, Father.
There are many other resources people can access to support their efforts in
overcoming pornography addiction or
other forms of sexual addiction. There
are support groups in practically every
community across the country and
around the world. Many are in churches.
It is such a pervasive problem that more
and more people are seeking and finding help in these groups. Some of them
are treatment groups run by professionals. Others are run by men and women
who have made major progress in overcoming these problems and are helping
others. Men and women can find these
resources by looking online for meeting
places. One Christian 12-step group that
I think is doing a good job is Celebrate

Recovery. It tends to address all forms

of addictions, but there are some that
are specific to sexual issues. It has a
spiritual approach that includes God at
the center, repentance, self-examination,
making amends to injured persons, and
helping others as a final way to support
and continue ones own healing.
Relying on mentors, accountability
partners, sponsors and similar support
persons is also helpful, because they give
you someone to turn to in your hour
of need. Of course the most important
source of help is our Heavenly Father
through Jesus Christ. God is there for us
if we would only call upon Him.
I am recommending two books
that I have heard are very helpful as
well: Being Gods Man in the Face of
Temptation by Stephen Arterburn and
At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry by Steve
Gallagher. There are other good books
on this subject and some include workbooks that offer daily exercises to help
heal, guide and direct toward recovery.
Other books and authors that may
help those struggling with sexual
addictions are: A Hunger for Healing
by J. Heath Miller; Pure Eyes by Craig
Gross; Surfing for GodDiscovering the
Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle
by Michael John Cusick; and Growing
in Christ while Helping Others by John
Baker.
Two final thoughts to leave with those
who have engaged in pornography and
other sexual sins: 1) Please contemplate
the pain and suffering that such sins
inflict on an innocent partner such as
a spouse. The damage done to a spouse
and a marriage is usually extreme and
needs its own healing process. 2) Please
contemplate how dysfunctional lifestyles
and bad habits are often passed down
from generation to generation. What
kind of role model are you for your
children, grandchildren, and nieces and
nephews? What kind of legacy will you
leave for future generations?
Please also read related articles in the
Breaking Free Journal at http://breakingfree.ucg.org. And the Breaking Free staff
expects to add more and more related
articles as time goes by.
Those of us engaged in counseling
and writing regarding addictions regularly pray for all those who suffer from

any addiction. We pray that God will

bless you with success in breaking free
from any bondageand that you will
remain free and filled with the joy that
comes from living a good and godly life.
Roy Fouch is a Christian family therapist in Mason, Ohio. BT

3 Bible tips
on avoiding
pornography
and lust
1. Looking with lust is mental
adultery.
You have heard that it was
said to those of old, You shall
not commit adultery. But I say
to you that whoever looks at a
woman to lust for her has already
committed adultery with her in
his heart. If your right eye causes
you to sin, pluck it out and cast
it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your
members perish, than for your
whole body to be cast into hell
(Matthew 5:27-29).
Jesus used hyperbole here to
make a strong point: If the only
way to avoid lust were to pluck
out an eye, that would be better
than eternal death. Thankfully
thats not the only way!
2. Like all sins, the best way
to avoid pornography
is to avoid the source.
Block such sites on your
computer, etc.
Flee sexual immorality. Every
sin that a man does is outside the
body, but he who commits sexual
immorality sins against his own
body (1 Corinthians 6:18).
3. Gods Spirit can give us
help to avoid giving in to
lust.
I say then: Walk in the Spirit,
and you shall not fulfill the lust
of the flesh (Galatians 5:16).

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BEYOND TODAY FEATURE

Breaking free from sexual

addictions
by John Cafourek

Sexual addiction occurs in

many forms and can be very
destructive spiritually. How
can it be overcome?

hen Dans therapist told

him that he was sexually
addicted, he was outraged! He thought his therapist was
exaggerating. Dan was certain his real
problem was depression. He was simply
down all the time, and he wanted to be
happier. True, his life had left a trail of
broken relationships and he had some
sexual problems, but that was because
he was so down all the time (Out of
the Shadows: Understanding Sexual
Addiction, page 177).
Denial is an all-too-common human
defense mechanism. Patrick Carnes, an
acknowledged expert on sexual addic-

12

tions and author of about a dozen books

on this topic, lists denial as symptomatic
of the initial stage of progressive sexual
addiction. The addicted person refuses
to admit, even to himself, that he needs
help. He thinks he can handle his own
problems.

What is sexual addiction?

Obviously, not every person who has

some difficulty or problem involving
sex and sexual relationships is sexually addicted. However, since sexual
addiction is progressive, its possible for
difficulties or problems to become exacerbated and to ultimately develop into
addictions.
In his book Out of the Shadows:
Understanding Sexual Addiction, Dr.
Carnes provides some important insight
into identifying some of the common
symptoms indicative of sexual addic-

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tion. A way to understand sexual

addicts...is to compare them with other
types of addicts. A common definition
of alcoholism or drug dependency is
that a person has a pathological relationship with a mood-altering chemical.
The alcoholics relationship with alcohol
becomes more important than family, friends, and work. The relationship
progresses to the point where alcohol
is necessary to feel normal. To feel
normal for the alcoholic is also to feel
isolated and lonely, since the primary
relationship he depends upon to feel
adequate is with a chemical, not other
people.
Sexual addiction is parallel. The
addict substitutes a sick relationship
to an event or a process for a healthy
relationship with others. The addicts
relationship with a mood-altering experience becomes central to his life

Addicts progressively go through

stages in which they retreat further from
the reality of friends, family, and work.
Their secret lives become more real than
their public lives. What other people
know is a false identity. Only the individual addict knows the shame of living
a double lifethe real world and the
addicts world (pages 14-15).

The anatomy of addiction

How does addiction actually begin?

Perhaps not surprisingly, it starts with
the acceptance of delusional thought
processes about oneself, allowing them
to become rooted in ones personal belief
system. As a consequence, addiction
stems from faulty core beliefs about oneself that affect how we perceive reality.

Each person develops a belief system

that is the sum of the assumptions,
judgments and ideas that he or she
holds to be true. This belief system contains potent family messages about such
things as ones value or worth, relationships, needs and sexuality. When these
core beliefs become inaccurate or faulty,
they have the potential to provide fun-

Tools of Recovery
A. Michael Johnson, Ph.D., lists the
following tools and more on his website www.sexual-addict.com:
Accountability Partners and
Agreements
Being accountable to someone is
an important anchor for sobriety.
Make an agreement with someone
to check in daily if at all possible.
That person should have a list of
questionsvery specific questionsto ask you and that you
have agreed to answer honestly.
Your partner may be a member of
your group, a friend in recovery,
your therapist or a good friend.
An accountability partner must
be someone you trust and with
whom you feel safe. It is not recommended that you ask your life
partner to be your accountability
partner. Related tools include
sponsors and a support network.
Avoid Triggering Situations:
You dont have to go to business meetings at nude bars. You
can tell the others that going to
such places interferes with your
spiritual growth. If you cant avoid
some triggers such as working
on a computer, make it safe for
yourself. Install blocking software
(so that you dont know the password), keep your door open, turn
the screen toward the door, put
the computer at home in a public
area and never go online when
you are alone.
Balance Your Life and
Service

Carry Recovery With You at

All Times:
That may be reminders, cues,
instructions or anything else that
will help. Those things might
include:
Phone numbers of recovery
friends.
Photographs of loved ones.
Cost card (add up the costs of
your addiction).
Combat Physical Inactivity:
Spend time doing fun activities
and getting involved in sports,
exercise and other physical activities. This is useful for all addicts
and particularly important for
those who became sedentary with
their addictions such as cybersex
addicts.
Combat Isolation:
Spend time with people.
Isolation is a part of your disease.
Find ways to be in contact with
people.
Interrupt Your Acting Out:
Develop and memorize a set of
strategies to help you avoid acting
out. Use these daily.
Meetings:
In these meetings you learn
valuable information about your
disease and how the 12-step program works. Members give and
receive support, work the steps
and share experience, strength and
hope in a safe environment. At
first, attend as many meetings as
you can. If possible, attend meetings daily for the first 90 days and

practice abstinence to the best of

your ability.
One Day at a Time
Prayer and Meditation
Professional Help:
Your addiction may have
been a subconscious way of
self-medicating yourself for
wounds you carry from your
earlier life. It is important to
work with a professional who
understands sexual addiction
or is willing to learn. This is
another way to keep yourself on
the path of recovery. Remember
that recovery is much more
than abstinence from sexually
addictive behaviors. You may
want to seek out group therapy,
individual therapy or both. If
possible, including your spouse
in therapy, both individually and
as a couple, can be a great benefit
to the recovery of both and to
your relationship.
Set Boundaries
Telephone:
The telephone is your lifeline
between meetings. Get phone
numbers from other members in
your program. Get used to calling
someone daily. It is an important
way to break out of the isolation that is so strongly a part of
the disease. You may be shy and
hesitant at first, but by training
yourself to call someone, it will
be easy to place that call when
that moment of crisis arises. And
it will!

Overcoming Pornography Addiction

13

BEYOND TODAY FEATURE

Interacting faulty beliefs produce distorted views of reality. Denial leads the list. Slicing
through this mental fog to both recognize and deal with denial and self-deception is
essential to recovery and overcoming.
damental momentum necessary for the
development of sexual addictions.
What are some of these irrational
beliefs? Perhaps the most common is
the perception of not being a worthwhile person. Addicts believe that
other people would not value them as a
person if everything about themselves
was known, including their addiction.
They also believe that sex is their most
important need. Sex is viewed as the
only thing that makes their isolation
bearable. Consequently, faulty personal
core beliefs become the anchor points
for sexual addiction.

Impaired thinking

Interacting faulty beliefs produce

distorted views of reality. Denial leads
the list. Ignoring the problem, blaming
others and minimizing the behaviors
become part of a defensive repertoire.
Arguments, excuses, justifications

14

and circular reasoning abound amidst

impaired thinking patterns. Even consequences such as venereal disease,
unwanted pregnancy, lost jobs, arrests
and broken relationships are either
overlooked or attributed to factors other
than the addiction.
Slicing through this mental fog to
both recognize and deal with denial
and self-deception is essential to recovery and overcoming. But each one is
tempted when he is drawn away by his
own desires and enticed. Then, when
desire has conceived, it gives birth to
sin; and sin, when it is full-grown,
brings forth death. Do not be deceived,
my beloved brethren (James 1:14-16).

The addiction cycle

Addictive experiences tend to progress through a four-step cycle, intensifying with each repetition:
1. Preoccupation is the mood or trance

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in which the mind becomes completely

engrossed with thoughts of sex. This
mental state creates an obsessive search
for sexual stimulation.
2. Ritualization is the formation of
special routines leading up to sexual
behavior. The ritual intensifies the preoccupation, adding arousal and excitement.
3. Compulsive sexual behavior is doing
the actual sexual act, the end goal of the
preoccupation and ritualization.
4. Despair is the feeling of utter hopelessness and sense of powerlessness that
results from once again having engaged
in sexually addictive behavior.

A self-perpetuating cycle

Since the end result is very disappointing and very painful, why would
anyone repeat this addiction cycle?
The reason is that the cycle becomes
self-perpetuating. Ironically, much

of the pain felt at the end of the cycle

can be numbed or obscured through
sexual preoccupation. This reengages
the addiction cycle all over again.
Hence, sexual addicts become hostages
and slaves to their own preoccupations.
Jesus Christ gave this concise warning
about the enslaving potential of all sin:
Whoever commits sin is a slave of sin
(John 8:34).

about our thoughts as the battlefield on

which we win or lose the struggle: For
the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down
strongholds, casting down arguments
and every high thing that exalts itself
against the knowledge of God, bringing
every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:4-5).

Gods revealed purpose for

sex

The great Creator God has designed human sexuality to be

a wonderful blessing. God revealed His intent and purpose
for sex when human civilization began.

We live in a society that presents

the joy of sex as the rightful pursuit
of everyone. It seems, in fact, suspicion
may likely be attached to anyone who
refrains from engaging in sexual activity.
The so-called sexual revolution insists
that we discard any inhibitions and
sexual hang-ups. This preoccupation
with sex pervades many facets of life.
The great Creator God has designed
human sexuality to be a wonderful
blessing. God revealed His intent and
purpose for sex when human civilization began. Therefore a man shall leave
his father and mother and be joined
to his wife, and they shall become one
flesh (Genesis 2:24). This is a reference to the union of the sexual organs
of husband and wife and implies that
marriage is intended to be an intimate
relationship.
This understanding is confirmed by
Paul in 1 Corinthians, where he calls
sexual intercourse becoming one flesh
(1 Corinthians 6:16). In the same context, Paul wrote, Flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18), explaining
that sex outside of marriage is sin and
that it brings penalties on the sinner. In
contrast, in Hebrews 13:4, Paul affirms
that the sexual union between a husband and wife is the lawful function
of human sexuality. The marriage bed
is undefiled, he explained. Paul then
immediately warned that other sexual
acts outside of marriage do defile a person spiritually.
Christs statements in Matthew 5:2730 explain how it is possible to commit
sexual sin in our mind aloneapart
from any action whatsoever. We are
commanded to guard and control our
thoughts as well as our actions. Jesus
Christ later also inspired Paul to write

Levels of addiction

Sexual addiction is generally categorized into three levels. The presence of

one or more of these sexual behaviors
does not always involve addiction.
Various sexual crimes, for example, may
or may not be addictive behaviors. The
behaviors designated as level one have
in common general cultural acceptance.
Some are regarded as illegal, but the
reality is that widespread practice conveys a public tolerance. Though often
considered by society to be less destructive, each of these can be devastating
when done compulsively. Level one
addictions generally include masturbation, compulsive relationships, pornography, prostitution and anonymous sex.
Level two addictions include exhibitionism, voyeurism, indecent phone
calls and indecent liberties. These
behaviors are deemed sufficiently intrusive to warrant stiff legal sanctions. They
are all punished when actively prosecuted. Both prosecutors and the general
public, however, often view these acts
as nuisance offenses. The commonality
of all of these addictive behaviors is the
fact that someone is victimized.
Level three sexual addictions share
in common the violation of some of
our most significant boundaries. Rape,
incest and child molestation entail
basic transgressions of laws designed
to protect the vulnerable. A number
of additional detestable behaviors and
addictions are intentionally not being
mentioned in this listing.

Breaking free

Breaking the hold of sexual addic-

tion is very difficult to do. All forms

of addiction are vicious because they
further the inability to trust others.
However, without help from others,
the addict often fails to regain control
because the addiction feeds itself. Also,
few forms of fixation or excitement are
as supercharged with social judgment,
ridicule or fear. This makes seeking help

especially difficult for the sexual addict.

One of the best proven paths to
recovery is the 12 steps of Alcoholics
Anonymous, but adapted to a particular
sexual addiction. The 12-step program
helps members restore their network of
human relationships, especially in their
family. Members are taught how to live
the program, leaving behind their double life and its delusion and pain.

Battling a pornography
addiction

Sex sells! Pornography, one of the

greatest sexual scourges afflicting
human society today, is a $57 billion
industry. Porn revenue is larger than
the combined revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball
franchises! It also exceeds the combined
revenues of ABC, CBS and NBC television networks.
Overcoming an addiction to Internet
pornography may necessitate the use
of some special computer safeguards.
For example, various software programs
filter Internet content but still allow normal Web surfing. They can be used to
block out offensive websites.
If you install this type of program
yourself, you will easily know how to get
around it. Therefore, it would be better to have your spouse or some other
trustworthy adult set up the software on
your computer.
Three good ones are CyberPatrol,
CyberSitter and NetNanny. They cost
less than $40. All have free trials, so you
can take each for a test drive before you
buy. Youll find them at, respectively:
www.cyberpatrol.com/

Overcoming Pornography Addiction

15

BEYOND TODAY FEATURE

www.cybersitter.com/
www.netnanny.com/
Both America Online and MSN offer
ways to limit access to the Internets
darker side. Like the filtering software,
you might want to have your spouse
or other trustworthy adult set up the
account. This way, you do not have any
of the passwords. While these controls
are meant primarily for children, they
can help adults avoid problem websites.
You could also use an Internet service
provider that does filtering. Below are
links to two such companies:
www.characterlink.net
www.bsecure.com
If you need something more adult,
check out accountability software. One
such program is X3watch, which is
offered by XXXchurch.com, a ministry
that battles online pornography. With
this program, you designate an accountability partner. X3watch makes a record
of any questionable sites you visit and
e-mails the list to your accountability
partner. It also makes a note if you close
the program. X3watch is free. You can
get it at www.x3watch.com.
Here are some additional websites
that may prove to be helpful in recovery
from an addiction to pornography:
Sex Addicts Anonymous:
www.sexaa.org.
Dr. Patrick Carnes, author and
expert on this topic: www.sexhelp.com.

Overcoming sexual
addictions

The process of overcoming sexual

addictions is neither simple nor easy.
Spiritual freedom, however, is made
available to us through Jesus Christ.
Therefore if the Son makes you free,
you shall be free indeed (John 8:36).
The first step in the process of attaining this freedom is to recognize and
acknowledge our sins. Remember King
Davids example of repentance. For I
acknowledge my transgressions, and my
sin is always before me (Psalm 51:3).
The next step involves changing direction in our life, turning away from sin

The process of overcoming sexual addictions is neither

simple nor easy. Spiritual freedom, however, is made
available to us through Jesus Christ. Therefore if the Son
makes you free, you shall be free indeed (John 8:36).
and toward obedience to God. Deep,
heartfelt repentance before God can
provide a marvelous cleansing process,
a spiritual catharsis that releases the
guilt and shame induced by sin. If we
confess our sins, He is faithful and just
to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us
from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).
The struggle against sin is a long and
difficult process. Its not only essential that we continue to put to death
(Colossians 3:5) the old sinful carnal
nature within us, but that we also allow
Christ to transform us through the
power of the Holy Spirit, the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2). Sinful
habits must be rooted out and replaced
with habits of obedience to God. As
Paul expressed it, And having been set

free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness (Romans 6:18).

It is possible to break the bonds of
sexual addiction. If you need help in this
area, ask God to give you the courage
to honestly face the problem. Be willing
to seek counsel from the ministry and,
if recommended, to obtain specialized
professional help as well.
Most importantly, beseech Almighty
God to accomplish His will in your life.
But now having been set free from
sin, and having become slaves of God,
you have your fruit to holiness, and the
end, everlasting life (Romans 6:22). UN
John Cafourek is pastor of the Salem,
Oregon, United Church of God congregation and has a masters degree in psychological counseling. BT

2013 United Church of God, an International Association www.ucg.org

P.O. Box 541027, Cincinnati, OH 45254-1027

Contributors: Milan Bizic, John Cafourek, Roy Fouch, Jonathan Magee, Darris
McNeely, John Ross Schroeder, Melvin Rhodes, Jim Tuck. Reviewers: Peter
Eddington, Darris McNeely, Steve Myers. Design: Mitchell Moss

16

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