Confident Guy

Confident guy
Ciaran Martin
1
Contents

Section 1
Lessons
1. First Things First 10 min 3
2. The Way It Is 15 min 4
3. Know Thyself 45 min 6
4. The Power of your Beliefs 30 min 12
5. An Introduction to the 'Fact from Fiction' Method 20 min 16

Section 2
Exercises
1. Approaching women is scary 30 min 20
2. The world is out to get me 30 min 24
3. Women don't want to be approached 30 min 28
4. It's impolite to approach someone I don't know 30 min 32
5. I shouldn't approach women during the day 30 min 36
6. Women don't like sex 30 min 40
7. Sex is wrong 30 min 44
8. Picking up women is difficult 30 min 48
9. A beautiful woman would not be interested in me 30 min 51

Section 3
More Exercises & Lessons
L6. Core Self Esteem Beliefs 45 min 55
E10. Being expressive is wrong 30 min 58
E11. Mistakes are bad 30 min 63
E12. I'm not lovable 30 min 68
E13. I'm not important 30 min 73
E14. There is something inherently wrong with me 30 min 78
E15. It's important people think well of me 30 min 85
E16. Conditioning 1 Fear of Talking to Strangers 30 min 88
E17. Conditioning 2 Fear of Rejection 30 min 93
E18. Conditioning 3 Fear of Being Center of Attention 30 min 96
E19. Conditioning 4 Fear of Failure 30 min 100
L7. Trust Thyself Page 15 min 103
L8. Pick Up Lines, Tactics & Techniques 20 min 106
L9. The Power of Imagination 20 min 109
L10. Painting your Mental Picture 30 min 113
E20. 21 day regimen 21 days 116
L11. Escaping the Shyness Trap 30 min 118
L12. Inner Critic and Inner Rockstar 15 min 121
E21. The Hat Game 7 days 123
E22. No One is Thinking About You 60 min 126

2
Section 4
Missions

Introduction to the Missions 127
1. Easy peasy 30 min 129
2. How do I get to the post office? 15 min 130
3. Slow Things Down 30 min 131
4. Small Talk 60 min 132
5. Small Talk Part 2 60 min 133
6. Niteclub 60 min 134
7. Niteclub Part 2 60 min 135
10. Mini date 90 min 138
11. Daytime Venue 60 min 139
12. Compliments 45 min 140
13. Persistence pays off! 60 min 141
14. Have a seat 60 min 142
15. The Art of Closing 60 min 143
16. Groups 60 min 144
17. Groups Part 2 60 min 145
18. Graduation 60 min 146
Conclusion 147

3
Lesson 1 Estimated Time 10
First Things First

Before proceeding with this program, we want you to first understand two basic facts, which, if you will
accept fully, will take you a long way up the road to recovery from your anxieties and shyness around
women.

1. You have a fear of approaching women - You're probably thinking 'duh, well that's obvious, I
wouldn't have bought this crummy little program if I didn't have a fear of approaching women!?!' Let us
clarify, we said that you have a fear of approaching and interacting with women. Note, we haven't said
that you shouldn't have this fear of women or that it's wrong to have this fear. We simply want you to
acknowledge reality as it is by accepting that you have a fear of approaching women and that you are
shy and inhibited around members of the opposite sex. Too often people struggle to admit that they have
such an odd neurosis, they feel embarrassed or ashamed. They may even go further than that and
positively hate or revile themselves for having such 'issues'. The assumption underlying this treatment is
that most people think that if they label a particular behaviour as 'bad' or 'undesirable' it will help them
stop acting that way in the future. As we're sure you've found and as we will later explain in the program,
the opposite is true; the act of labelling a particular behaviour as 'bad' or 'undesirable' only serves to
reinforce the behaviour! Now you can continue to hate and disown these issues you have, you can
continue to label yourself a bad person, a coward or a loser for having these fears and inhibitions around
women but none of this will detract or alter the basic fact that you have a fear of approaching women, that
you are shy. The reality is that with the beliefs you've taken on from your childhood onwards there is no
other way you could possibly feel. You are doing the very best you can with the beliefs and conditionings
you have been burdened with. It is impossible for you to do any better... so quit hating yourself for fearing
women. Consequently, for the duration of this program, we'd like you to try something new. We want you
to just accept the reality of the situation as it is, without judging it as bad. We want you to simply observe
the fear response as it is without attaching any sort of judgement to it. See those little butterflies in your
stomach that occur when you attempt to talk to a woman as just another happening in the world like the
leaves falling from the tree or the sun rising. Contrary to popular belief, acceptance of a perceived
'undesirable' behaviour doesn't mean becoming resigned to always having that behaviour. You will find
instead that simple nonjudgemental observation of your fear will do more to undo the automaticity of the
behaviour than a lifetime of self-criticism will ever, ever accomplish.

2. It is really not that big a deal Secondly we want you to get some perspective on your fear. It's really
not that big a deal! Millions of guys the world over, who have a fear of approaching women, go on and live
rich and fulfilling lives in spite of this fear. It's not a life requirement that you must be able to fearlessly
approach women anytime anywhere. 99% of men can't do it! Chances are your fear will not even stop you
finding a nice girl to settle down with. So remember it's not life or death if you continue to fear
approaching and interacting with women, so stop treating it as a critical, life or death matter. Instead treat
the skill of approaching, flirting, dating and seducing women without fear or inhibition as something that
would be nice to have, as opposed to something that is absolutely essential to have. Maintain a detached
interest in your progress.

4
THE WAY IT IS..

1. In the beginning, you are born into this world with no concept of self, of the world you live in or the
people around you. You are simply pure consciousness/awareness. A blank slate waiting to be written
upon.

2. As you move through you life..
-your genetic predisposition
-childhood experiences
-actions/inactions
-successes/failures cause you to form

3. your Mental Picture of " Reality"
which is made up of your beliefs and values (or in other words, your notions, guesses and assumptions
largely borne out of ignorance of what is actually going on in the world).
Your Mental Picture of "Reality" is in effect what you think the world to be and your role and value in it.
Your Mental Picture is completely personal to you and has existence purely within your own mind. Just
like your fingerprints, your Mental Picture is completely different to everyone else's in the world. The way
you see the world is completely unique to you.

4. The difficulty however, is that you identify with this self-created Mental Picture of Reality so much that it
becomes for all intents and purposes your actual objective Reality. You in effect, believe your Mental
Picture of Reality so much that the line of distinction between your subjective mental interpretations of
reality and actual reality become blurred. You act in accordance not with actual reality, but rather with the
mental picture of reality you hold in your head.

5. This Mental Picture in turn determines your feelings, actions, goals, aspirations and attitudes

6. ..which create your achievements, your rewards, your contributions and overall sense of happiness and
self worth.

Your Mental Picture of Reality as opposed to Actual Reality determines everything important in your life!?!

Imagine your subconscious mind as large empty room with one door at the front. The front entrance is
protected by a security guard. The guard represents your conscious reasoning mind. His primary job is to
limit entry into the room according to certain specific criteria.

When you were born, there was a pretty loose dress code and the guard let in anyone who asked. As you
moved through life and experienced various new experiences and happenings, your room began to fill up
with a variety of beliefs and opinions about yourself and your world. These beliefs and opinions joined
together to form a kind of exclusive club, eventually determining your personality and becoming quite
assertive about it. In fact, so demanding did this club become, at some point they began telling the guard
at the door who he should let in. When the subconscious mind (the exclusive club) didn't feel comfortable
with a new applicant (a new belief or idea), he was refused access. The club had a policy of only allowing
admission to those applicants who were compatible with the long term residents. If the current residents
believed for example that you were bad at sport then the group would not entertain letting in someone
who believed you were.

5
How have you been programmed?
You came into the world, a total blank slate, with no inbuilt prejudices, inclinations or preset ways of
thinking. You had no self-concept of yourself as a separate individual entity and as a consequence, you
were completely egocentric by design. By this, it is meant that as a child you took everything personally.
The impact of not having one's parents' time creates the feeling of being worthless. The child is worth less
than his parents' time, attention or direction. The young child's egocentricity always interprets events
egocentrically. If Mom and Dad are not present, the child thinks it is because of him 'There must be
something wrong with me or they would want to be with me.'

Children are egocentric by nature (not by choice). We as children had no experience of the world; we
needed our parents' experience and we were therefore completely dependent on our parents. It was
because of the very nature of this relationship that we afforded our parents God-like status. They were
absolutely infallible and correct in all that they did; to consider otherwise would produce unbearable
anxiety in our young minds. But the reality is that are parents weren't Gods. They were flawed (at times
deeply flawed) human beings just as we are. They did dumb things, they did thoughtless things; they did
things without considering the consequences it would have in our lives.

The two primary causes of all emotional and behavioral problems are the dual evils of 'love withheld'
and 'destructi ve criticism'. These two parental tactics have probably ruined more lives than the effects
of cancer, poverty, alcohol and drug addiction combined.

Of all the discomforts a child can suffer, the withdrawal of love and approval of the parent is the most
traumatic and frightening. Children have an intense need for emotional security, love, support and
protection. Without a continuous and unbroken flow of unconditional love, the child's security is
threatened. Frustrated, the child loses his spontaneity and fearlessness. Life stops being an interesting
game and from childhood onwards, we instead get sucked into the endless 'chore' of seeking love or
compensating for the lack of love.

In our formative years; the general nature of the parental attention we receive goes a little something like
" Don't!?!" " You're a bold boy" , " Stop that!" " Be quiet" . The young child, unaware of the mores and
regulations of the adult community, gets a very distinct message in the hostility being expressed toward
him. The child is being shown that what he does makes others unhappy. In effect, when he is being
happy (throwing blocks, kicking the ball against the window, ripping paper, drawing with crayons on the
wall) others become unhappy. He does not understand that it is not him, but rather the consequences of
his actions that are causing his parents discomfort. Nevertheless the belief implicitly communicated to the
youngster is that " He causes unhappiness" in others. The ultimate message: " There must be
something wrong with me" or " I am bad when I'm just being myself" . In this purposeful way, you are
force-fed a constant stream of negative suggestions, unwittingly, by those who love you the most.

The process of programming does not stop when we leave the family home and move through the world.
The role of TV, school, peer groups and the culture you live in all have a part to play in screwing you up.
Each of us acquires, on our path of life; a whole host of socially induced beliefs and rules and the
tendency is to look down on those who break these 'rules'. We judge those who get poor grades, who
work a certain job, who get pregnant at a young age, who worship a different God and who dress a
certain way purely as a result of the social beliefs in our head.

'There was once a baby lion left by its dying mother among some sheep. The sheep fed it and gave it
shelter. The lion grew apace and said "Ba - a - a" when the sheep said "Ba - a - a". One day another lion
came by. "What do you do here?" said the second lion in astonishment: for he heard the sheep - lion
bleating with the rest. "Ba - a - a," said the other. "I am a little sheep, I am a little sheep, I am frightened."
"Nonsense!" roared the first lion, "come with me; I will show you." And he took him to the side of a smooth
stream and showed him that which was reflected therein. "You are a lion; look at me, look at the sheep,
6
look at yourself." And the sheep - lion looked, and then he said, "Ba - a - a, I do not look like the sheep --
it is true, I am a lion!" and with that he roared a roar that shook the hills to their depths'.

Swami Vivekananda

We are lions in sheep's clothing of habit. We are hypnotised into weakness by our surroundings, be they
the surroundings of the childhood home or the wider society as a whole. But just because we believe
ourselves to be sheep does not make it so and at any time we can realise our true nature if we learn how
to step outside of our own belief systems!

Lesson 3 Estimated Time - 45
Know Thyself

Since our actions, feelings and thoughts are consistent with our Mental Picture of Reality, it is necessary
that we become more familiar with the nature and operating principles that underpin this paradigm. What
follows is a little technical and a little philosophical but your understanding is crucial for what is to follow
so please try to approach this material with a fresh and open mind and give yourself plenty of time to
digest it.

1. First we have actual reality

By Actual REALITY what we mean is all the organisms, objects (both animate and inanimate), moving
bodies and phenomena that constitute the world and universe we live in. The birds, the bees, the sun, the
sky, rocks, cars, humans, antelopes and everything in between. The most important thing to understand
about Actual REALITY is that it is inherently neutral and inherently MEANINGLESS.

Nowhere in actual reality do concepts like 'good', 'bad', 'beautiful' or 'ugly' exist. All these are subjective
interpretations which are strictly dependent on the person perceiving them. A war may be ugly to one; to
another it represents glorious liberation. A woman may be beautiful to one but to another she is merely
plain or downright ugly. A mouse may be a vile creature to one; to another it is a beloved pet. If concepts
like 'beautiful', 'ugly' or 'vile' were inherent in the event, person or creature then EVERYONE would see it
the same way! The war, the woman and the mouse just simply are.

To use another example to demonstrate, lets consider a young man who is saying farewell to his family
as he leaves for college for the very first time. The departing son is filled with a mixture of anticipation and
anxiety as he ponders the new people he will get to meet but also the fact that he will know nobody. To
his mom, the event is a sad one as she witnesses her son leave the family nest possibly forever. To his
dad, the event fills him with pride as he sees his son make his first steps out into the big wide world. To
his kid brother, the event is a joyous one as it means he will have exclusive access to the Nintendo Wii
from now on. To a stranger walking past on the opposite side of the street, the event means nothing as
he knows none of the people involved. One event with 5 different meanings and because of this we can
say that the event in and of itself has no single inherent meaning. Instead meanings are generated and
are unique to the person perceiving them.

7
There is an inherent 'isness' to things that is beyond personal subjective interpretations. When you strip
away all the meanings, interpretations and mental commentary, you are left with Actual REALITY.
REALITY isn't the way you wish things to be, nor the way they appear to be, but rather the way they
actually are. A chair is not 'comfy', it is just a chair. Money is not 'the root of all evil', it is just money. A
baby is not 'adorable', it is just a baby. Comfy, evil and adorable are not physical facts, only mental
concepts that we as human beings put on things. Even labels such as 'chair', 'money' and 'baby' are not
inherent in the objects, they are just labels we have attached to them as well. A French person or a
Chinese person would call them by different labels.

Exercise 1 - Nothing I See Means Anything!

Look slowly around you, and practice applying this idea very specifically to whatever you see:

Look at the table and note that it does not mean anything, it is just a table. In fact it is not even a
'table', it is just an object.

This chair does not mean anything, it is just a chair.

This hand does not mean anything, it is just a hand.

This foot does not mean anything, it is just a foot.

This pen does not mean anything, it is just a pen.

Once you have become accustomed to the idea that nothing has any inherent meaning, broaden
the scope of your applicationbegin applying it indiscriminately to the people and things that
pass in and out of your experience over the next day or two. This exercise shouldn't become
ritualistic so don't apply it to everything you percei ve, just whatever happens to capture your
senses. You may notice things like the following:

Death does not mean anything. It is just a process.

Matt Damon does not mean anything. He is just a person. An animate object.

The Super Bowl does not mean anything. It is just a series of moving bodies running around a
patch of grass.

Rainfall does not mean anything. It is just a natural phenomenon.

Approaching women does not mean anything. It is just the act of walking up to the female of the
species.

You get the idea!

8
2then we have our subjective 'REALITY' (or Mental Picture of 'REALITY')

As you sit here now, you may believe that you perceive reality as it actually is (i.e. Actual objecti ve
REALITY) but in fact what you are actually perceiving is REALITY subject to your mental processes
(subjecti ve REALITY). This idea will become clearer if we explore the processes that are actually going
on in your head right now.

For the sake of simplicity, we will confine our study to just four of your conscious mental processes.
The first of these processes is PERCEPTION. Neurologists estimate that about two million signals or
stimuli come into your central nervous system every second. Now of course, you are not consciously,
perceiving all of these stimuli. Instead a series of discriminating filters send most of the incoming signals
and stimuli to various parts of the brain were they are processed without your conscious awareness. The
filtering mechanism (known as the Reticular Activating System) allows only that information which is
'important' to you to pass through to a conscious aware level.

Examine how this process is working right now. To the degree that you are concentrated on reading the
words on your computer screen, a multitude of sensory inputs, sounds, odours and other information
happening in and outside of your body is being ignored. For instance, notice for a moment the feeling of
your skin against your clothes or the rhythmic motion of your breath. Most of the time you are not aware
of these stimuli for the simple reason your awareness of them is not that important for your daily
functioning.

Once however a particular signal or stimulus is perceived the next process that happens is
ASSOCIATION. Become conscious for a second of what is happening as you read this material. As your
eyes scan the words on this page, you are simultaneously scanning the files in your brain to find
information from your vast bulk of accumulated data which seems to verify or disprove the ideas currently
being put forth. If you have an 'a-ha' moment while reading this text, it is simply because your brain has
registered it with some pre-existing piece of information in your storage files. In the same way you have
probably had the experience of hearing a song on the radio or smelling a particularly pleasant aroma
which brought you back to some particular time in your life wherein that song or that scent had some
particular relevance. Again this is evidence of the association process in action. This process is going on
constantly and every perception you receive is associated with the already existing accumulation of
information, beliefs and feelings in your mental storage system.

The next step, after a stimuli has been perceived and associated with previous information on file is the
process of EVALUATION. Based upon your previous experience with similar stimuli, your brain will
decide whether the current stimulus has importance or value to you? What are the probable
consequences of acting or not acting? The final step of the process is DECISION. Having perceived,
associated and evaluated the signal the next step is to decide whether to act, to wait for more information
or to simply do nothing.

Let's see how this process works when specifically applied to approaching women. Let's imagine you are
in a club and there is an attractive woman by the bar. In objective reality you would describe her as a
female, five foot two inches, brown hair, she is wearing tight denim trousers and a tight figure-hugging
white vest. She is holding a glass in her hands that contains an alcoholic liquid. These are the actual
objective FACTS of the situation. This is the actual REALITY of the situation However let's explore what
happens from your point of view. Of course, all these process happen in the blink of an eye but we will
slow things down and really try to take you through each stage.

You enter the club and you have determined what is important to you is to find some female company for
the evening! Your brain then phases out all the other extraneous things going on in your environment that
are not important to this objective: the music in the background, the various odours, the other males in the
club and women that aren't your type. Your consciousness is then focused on the sole task of scanning
the room for attractive girls. You then spot the girl; it may only take the merest momentary sight of her
blond hair or breasts for your consciousness to be hooked.
9
At that point instead of appraising what is happening in your environment at that very moment, your brain
instead begins to scan your memory banks for previously stored bits of data that could 'help' explain what
is really happening right now. In a split second, your brain will throw up all manner of information into your
consciousness. First, it will tell you that based on your interpretations of prior experience 'a girl like her
would not be interested in you', then it might tell you that 'girls don't want to be approached' or that 'you
aren't the type of person that approaches girls he doesn't know'. Finally it might determine that there is
some inherent threat in you approaching the girl such as the possible risk of rejection or ridicule by your
peers.

Based on these associations, your mind will then evaluate the likelihood of your succeeding and the
possible risks involved. Finally once this evaluation process is complete, the decision is made, more often
than not, to not approach the girl. This is not a new or novel story but is played out by guys in every club,
coffee shop, college dorm and street corner around the world.

The important thing to take from all this is to realise that our decisions are not simply a function of what is
happening out there in ACTUAL REALITY or even a fraction of what is actually happening. Rather your
decisions are primarily a function of what has already happenednamely the beliefs and conditionings
that has cumulatively developed within your mental processes over the years you've been on this planet.

Exercise 2 - I have given everything I see all the meaning that it has
for me.

After the first exercise in this lesson, you should probably appreciate now that nothing has an
inherent meaning. However for this exercise we want you to begin looking around and start to see
the amount of meanings that you have actually superimposed on things.

Have you labelled the book you are currently reading a 'good' book or a 'bad' one?

Is the view from your window a 'beautiful' one?

Is the girl you see at the bus stop every day, a 'pretty' girl or an 'ugly' girl?

Now see what meanings you may have put on the following:

Teenage pregnancy

Paris Hilton

George W. Bush

Osama Bin Laden

Your old school principal

Breasts

Rap music

A sunny day

Your mother
10

The Iraq War

Approaching women

This exercise should demonstrate the degree you have put labels, beliefs and meanings on
meaningless events and things! In fact you will probably find that you have filled your whole
meaningless world with an infinite number of meanings!

3.but your Mental Picture of Reality is often times inaccurate or incomplete

Ok thus far we have established that we have actual reality (what is actually happening) and your mental
picture of reality (what our mind is telling is happening based on previous accumulated information) and
that our actions and decisions are based on the latter.

The next important thing to realise, if you haven't done so already, is that our Mental Picture of reality is
not necessarily an accurate reflection of reality as it actually is.

No matter how long or intensively you study, you do not and probably never will know everything there is
to know about everything. In fact it is generally the case that the more you learn about something, the
more you realise how little you know. Your mind can only ever store your thoughts and feelings
about a particular subject not the actual reality of that subject.

Invariably then, there will be distortions in the system. You will make decisions, which are based on
misinterpretations or downright ignorance of what is really happening out there in actual reality. For
instance at one point in your life, you may have believed in Santa Claus. You accepted suggestions from
your family or the media and became convinced that Santa Claus actually existed as a living breathing
entity. Of course however, actual reality was altogether different. In a similar way, perhaps you recall a
time when you watched a scary movie and the strong feelings of fear it evoked actually convinced you, for
a little while at least, that the serial killer or monster was actually waiting for you under your bed when you
went to sleep that night. In objective reality again, there was no monster under the bed.

Alfred Korzybski, creator of the science of General Semantics stated that 'the map is not the territory'. By
this he meant that in much the same way a map, no matter how detailed, is never exactly the same as the
territory it is intended to represent; your Mental Picture of Reality is merely a map of reality, which you
have personally designed and is not nor never will be exactly the same as the actual Reality that is
happening outside of your carcass. While you are a lot better off having this map than not having it, your
map is nevertheless missing out on a lot of other information in your environment.

11

Exercise 3 - I do not understand anything I see.

Apply this idea in the same way as the previous ones, without making distinctions of any kind.
Whatever you see becomes a proper subject for applying the idea. Be sure that you do not
question the suitability of anything for application of this idea. These are not exercises in
judgment. Anything is suitable if you see it.

Some of the things you see may have emotionally charged meaning for you. Try to lay such
feelings aside, and merely use these things exactly as you would anything else.

For instance if there is someone in your life that you have labeled a 'bad' person for instance, set
aside that label for a second and just consider how little you actually know about that person.
Realise how little you know about his or her upbringing, thoughts, fears, frustrations, interests
and opinion of themsel ves? Realise how little you know of the events or things that may have
happened this person growing up and how they effected him or her? Realise too, how little you
really know about all the 'good' things he may have done in the course of his life?

What about death? If again, you' ve labeled this as 'scary' or 'frightening', consider too, in setting
these labels aside for a moment; how little you actually know about the process of death. Do you
know what actually happens at the point of death? Does some part of your consciousness survi ve
the death of the physical body? Do you go to a heaven or a hell? Is there even such a thing?

Or how about women? Again set aside your labels, assumptions and beliefs and consider how
little you really know about women or even a particular woman or even your own mother (she's a
woman too ya know!?!). Consider how little you know about their desires, dreams, frustrations?
Or how they see themselves? Or how they see the world? Or what really matters to them?

The point of the exercises is to help you clear your mind of all past associations, to see things
exactly as they appear to you now, and to realize how little you really understand about them. It is
therefore essential that you keep a perfectly open mind, unhampered by judgment, in selecting
the things to which this experiment is to be applied.

To sum up try to think of it like this; right now you are effectively looking at the world through a dirty
window. While you can pick up a general idea of what's going on out there in the world, the dirt and grime
on the window is obscuring your vision of things. Our goal then is to clean up your window on the world a
little so you can begin to get a better idea of what's really going on and respond appropriately.

This lesson is important so as a way of understanding it more deeply we suggest you read it one or two
more times. Once you've done this we also suggest you jot down what you believe to be the key points of
this lesson in your own words in the text box below. You will digest the information in these lessons
better if you do your own analysis and summation as opposed to passively reading the material.

12
The Power of your Beliefs

"People are not disturbed by things as they are,
but by the view they take of them."
- Epictetus

Imagine for a second there is a person, (we'll call him Tom) standing in a room. Tom has the belief that
'mice are scary'. Now imagine a mouse is released into this room. What do you think would happen?
Chances are the appearance of this mouse would cause Tom to become very afraid and he would likely
start to jump or squeal if the mouse scuttled nearby.

Now imagine another person, Larry, who doesn't have the belief 'mice are scary'; enters the room. How
would he react do you think? A lot differently from Tom you'd expect. He probably wouldn't pass any
remarks on the mouse as it scuttled about the room.

Well then the question that needs to be asked is what is really causing Tom's fear. It cannot be that the
mouse is inherently scary, for if that were the case then surely Larry would be afraid also. If we accept
this proposition then we must conclude that it is Tom's belief
that is causing the fear. Tom is reacting not to the mouse itself but rather to the idea or belief in his head
that the mouse is scary.

Beliefs are the dirt on your cognitive windshield. Beliefs are what cloud your vision from seeing reality as
it ACTUALLY is. Your Mental Picture of Reality is your belief system.

But what exactly are your beliefs. Essentially your beliefs are what you hold to be true about the world
you li ve in. They are the subjective mental interpretations or labels you have used to describe the
meaningless events and happenings out there in the world. For all intents and purposes your beliefs are
what you hold fact in your world. When we believe something we, in effect, attribute physical or actual
existence to something that is merely a mental concept! When we believe something, in effect, we
treat it just as if it was a fact that has always existed in the world even prior to our discovering it.
That's important so we'll repeat it
When we believe something, in effect, we treat it just as if it was a fact that has always existed in
the world even prior to our discovering it.

For instance when we believe something like 'I am not important'. We believe that it's always been a fact
out there in the world that we are unimportant and that we've just now realised this fact. We then begin to
act unimportant because well 'that's just the way it is'.
We do not put our opinions across because we feel what we have to say is unimportant. We do not ask
for that pay-rise because we believe we are unimportant in our job. We do not approach girls because we
believe there are more important people they could be intimate with. However at all times, the reality of
the situation is that your belief is an illusion, it has no physical existence whatsoever! It is not a fact, it is
just a subjective interpretation, assumption or guess about what you see, hear and otherwise
perceive with your senses. That's important too so we'll repeat that as well, beliefs are not facts, they
are just interpretations, assumptions or guesses about what you see, hear and otherwise percei ve
with your senses.

A belief is formed when you perceive a meaningless event or series of events such as say your parents
scolding you as a child for breaking a mirror. Now this event could have any number of meanings such as
'Your parents were angry that you broke the mirror',
'Your parents were having a bad day and overreacted', 'Your parents lacked the necessary parental
training in order to teach you proper boundaries so they thought by being angry with you it would stop you
from doing it ever again!'. Now because it could have had any number of meanings, it was in effect
meaningless in and of itself. The event had no inherent meaning.
13
However from your point of view the meaning you may have put on this event was that 'my parents get
angry at me when I'm just playingthey mustn't love meI must be unlovable!' Now this meaning has
about as much validity as any other of the previously mentioned meaning but because you accepted it, it
became a fact to you while the other interpretations didn't. You now accept you are an unlovable person
and all future meanings put on meaningless events will be along those lines. All future rejections will be
treated as reinforcement of the 'fact' you are not lovable. If a girl dumps you it is because you are not
'lovable'. If you smile at the cute brunette at the bar and she doesn't smile back its because you are not
'lovable'. If the girl refuses to give you her phone number its because you are not 'lovable'. All other valid
interpretations (interpretations such as 'she has a boyfriend', 'I'm just not her type, but that doesn't mean I
couldn't be someone else's type' or 'she may be having a bad day') are disregarded in favour of the
interpretation that 'I am unlovable'.

EXPERIMENT
WHERE ARE YOUR BELIEFS?

Point at something nearby and look at it.
You are observing a 'thing'. In other words, from your perspective it has form, colour, opacity.

Now point at something else, perhaps the rug

on your floor. Observe that it too, is a 'thing'.
ok
14
Point at your shoe. Another 'thing'.

Now we come to the most important part. Point to 'lovable'. Can you point to 'lovable'? What does it look
like? Does it have a color or a shape? How about 'unworthy'? Can you find 'unworthy' somewhere in your
environment? Maybe get the help of a friend and try to find 'unworthy'? Maybe take a photo of it. How
about 'scary'? Can you find 'scary'? Where is 'scary' located? Can you go somewhere and get a bucket
full of 'scary'?

You might at this point be thinking 'if my beliefs don't really exist then why have they had such a dramatic
impact on your life?'

Firstly the reason your beliefs have affected you so much to this point is that up till now you haven't made
the distinction between Actual REALITY and your Mental Picture of 'REALITY' that you are perceiving
all the time. Up to now you have believed your fears and anxieties around women were based on your
direct perception of Actual REALITY instead of realising they were based on the mass of beliefs and
conditionings accumulated from your interpretations of previous life events.

99.99999999999% of the world's population fail to ever make this distinctionthat is why there is so
much conflict in the world. Everybody has their own subjective reality, their own picture of how the world
is, but at the same time we are working under the mistaken assumption that the reality we perceive is the
true picture of reality and that everyone should feel the same way. We are engaged in a process of self-
deception.

As a result of this, everyone's personal Reality structure looks a little something like this:

Good is what I do; bad is what you do.
Right is what I do; wrong is what you do.
Honest is what I do; dishonest is what you do.
Fair is what I do; unfair is what you do.
Moral is what I do; immoral is what you do.
Ethical is what I do; unethical is what you do.
15
Secondly, beliefs are self-reinforcing. If you believe for example that you are unlovable, this will be
exhibited in your behaviour. You will either not approach women because you think 'what's the point, she
could never love me!' or you will try hard to make yourself lovable by overcompensating. You will
consciously try to act out the actions and beliefs that you think will make her love you. You will
'try' to act like an alpha male or be 'cocky & funny'. However because these are only tactics and
techniques that work on the surface of your personality, you often come off as seeming 'fake' or 'trying too
hard'. This causes the girl you approach not to feel attracted to you. As a result of this you have now have
solid evidence and reinforcement for your belief that 'I'm not lovable'. The reality is however that outside
events did not provide reinforcement for your belief, rather your beliefs and your consequent behaviour
provoked reinforcement from the world (i.e. the girl).

Because the mind is always engaged in a process of reinforcing your existing beliefs, your mind is
essentially blinded to possibilities that run counter to your beliefs. When you are trapped in the belief that
'I am not lovable', your mind does not recognise the ways in which people do find you lovable, it is just not
part of the programming. This means that you are constantly engaged in a process of self deception.

'The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that
we fail to notice there is little we can do to change until we notice how failing to notice shapes our
thoughts and deeds.' R.D. Laing

Take some time to read over this lesson and jot down what you consider to be the key points in the text
box below

16
An Introduction to the 'Fact from Fiction' Method

As we have said, the world, the events and happenings in it are meaningless. Our problem is however,
that we put meanings and labels on these meaningless events and objects. While the meanings we put
on the meaningless world are just mere interpretations of what we see, hear or perceive with our other
senses, we become so attached to these labels that they actually become indistinguishable from the
thing itself.

When for instance you think of a rat, you cannot think of it without also thinking of your beliefs about
ratsbe they 'rats are disgusting', 'rats are diseased' or 'I'm terrified of rats'. In reality, you have a distinct
weight, height and strength advantage over rodents so realistically they should hold no fear for you. Your
actions and decisions however, on encountering the rat are influenced by your beliefs and not by reality,
so as is often the case, you may be very afraid when you see a rodent.

Similarly, many guys are terrified of beautiful women. They cower and cringe at the mere sight of an
attractive girl. However, setting aside your beliefs for a second, is there anything actually inherent in an
attractive woman to make her so darn terrifying? Does she spit venom from her mouth? Does she have
violent psychotic tendencies? Is she likely to beat you up or physically assault you? No, of course not.
The problem is that we have amassed such an amount of negative beliefs and become so attached to
them that again the reality of the situation has become indistinguishable from our beliefs about it.

If our mind has become so muddled then we need a process where we can clearly separate and perceive
in our mind the difference between reality as it actually is and our mental fictions about reality. We
need to determine whether our beliefs are fact or fiction.

The actual core of the 'Nervous Guy' process is based on this central pointif for instance you think 'I am
not lovable' is an actual fact then it should share the characteristics of a fact.

Well what are the characteristics of a fact? We can all say gravity is a fact but what makes it a fact as
opposed to just an idea. Well the first big clue is that the phenomenon we label 'gravity' is something that
can be perceived with our five physical senses. Secondly (but this is not necessarily always the case!) is
the fact that everybody believes in gravity! Generally everyone sees it the same way and acknowledges
its existence. Even if somebody didn't believe in gravity and they tried to jump off a cliff, gravity would still
apply to them, regardless of their beliefs about the existence of gravity! What's more there aren't
exceptions where gravity 'kind of' applies or 'sort of'
applies where gravity exists as a fact, it exists to say otherwise is like a woman saying she is 'kind of'
pregnant! Where a fact is in existence there should not be exceptions where it doesn't exist.

To use a further example to illustrate, the car parked on the street outside your window is a fact. You can
perceive it directly with your physical senses. You can see it, touch it, smell it; maybe even taste it if you
were so inclined. Also, everyone walking by would be in agreement that it exists. They too, can touch it,
see it, hear the sound of its engine when it's turned on. It is a real tangible fact out there in the world, in
Actual Reality. Even if you didn't believe there was a car parked on the street; if you stepped out in front
of it when it started to move then you'd sure know it was a fact then!?! If an extraterrestrial landed on this
planet and saw the car, he sure would be able to tell it existed, he mightn't know what it is or what it does
but he'd be able to discern some large metallic structure on the street.

However is something like 'approaching women is scary' a fact? Can you directly perceive this at work in
the world? Are there guys who have no fear about approaching women? If there existed some actual
genuine threat in the process, surely they would be just as susceptible to it as you. Why do girls have no
fear about approaching other girls? Seeing as they are the physically weaker sex should they not fear
walking up to this supposedly terrifying beautiful woman more than you? If an alien crash-landed on
earth, would he be able to discern some inherent threat or danger about the bigger, stronger sex
approaching the smaller weaker sex?
17

How about 'I'm not lovable'? Is that really a fact out there in the world? What makes you unlovable, is it
your nose? Your left ear? Your accent? Your bank balance? Are there people with similar noses, ears,
accents or bank balances who are still lovable? Would a stranger who passed by you on the street be
able to tell that you are not lovable or worthy of love. Would you be able to tell that of someone else? Is
lovable-ness something bestowed on you at birth like the colour of your eyes or your fingers or your toes?
If an alien landed on planet earth, would he be able to separate the lovable people from the unlovable
people?

The questions that follow are what make up the process and are designed to truly separate fact from
mental fiction! They are designed to take your fears and insecurities out of the realm of objective facts
over which you have no control into the realm of subjective interpretation of which you have total control.

Is it a fact?

If it's a fact then prove it?

If you no longer had the belief, would it still be a fact?

If you were a Martian who crash-landed on this planet, with no conception of this world and
everything in it, would you also see it as a fact?

Can you recall times when your belief seemed not to be a fact?

If it's not a fact out there in the world, then is it real to you that it's just an idea in your head?

If its just an idea, are there better ideas to explain what's going on?

18
Lets look at each question more deeplyDon't worry if this seems overly technical at the moment; when
it comes to actually doing the exercises, it's a whole lot simpler in practice!

Intellectually you might know it is stupid to have a particular negative limiting belief, but that is not
enough! If deep down at an emotional gut level you think this particular belief is true at least on some
level (irregardless of how irrational it is) then make no mistake, it is operating in your life

1. Is it a fact? The question here is not if you feel it is true or that it might be true. The question is, is this
belief an actual fact operating out there in the real world? Can you perceive it with your five senses? Can
you touch the belief? Can you taste it? What does it smell like? Can you even see it in the way you can
see the fingers on your hand or that car parked on your street? Don't use other people's feelings, attitudes
or reactions as proof of the truth of your belief! They could be just as much victims of these false beliefs
as you are!

For example say you have the belief that 'approaching women is scary', the fact that some other people
too are afraid of approaching women is not necessarily cogent proof that approaching women is actually
scary. It could just mean that they share the same beliefs as you do. The question is; can you directly
perceive it, can you see it? Touch it? Taste it? Smell it?

2. If it's a fact then prove it! If you're treating this as a fact then there should be some objective proof.
Gravity is a fact because we see its effects all around use, the computer that you are reading this from is
a fact because you can see it and touch itbut is your particular belief really a fact?

Because you can't really trust what your own mind is telling you about reality it is necessary then, in
effect, to get out of your own 'headspace' and see the world through different eyes or from different
perspectives in order to get a fuller picture of what's really going on? These next two questions are
designed to facilitate the widening of your vision

3. If you no longer had the belief, would it still be a fact? If you were absolutely incapable of even
thinking this belief, if the thought never crossed your mind, would the belief nevertheless, continue to be a
fact out there in the world? In much the same way that Santa Claus ceased to exist once you stopped
believing in him, would 'facts' like 'I'm not important' or 'I'm not lovable' cease to exist if you stopped
believing in them?

4. If you were a Martian who crash-landed on this planet, with no conception of this world and
everything in it, would you also see it as a fact? This is a fun question because it asks you to get in
the headspace of an entity whose mind is essentially a complete blank slateone who has no
preconceived notion of the social mores or regulations of the culture you live in. You get to look at things
as if for the very first time with a clear open mind. By looking at things with a mind free from beliefs, you
get to see reality as it is, not as you think it is. You get to see if a fear of approaching and interacting with
women would really make sense to an extraterrestrial visitor.

5. Can you recall times when your belief seemed not to be a fact?- A fact is a fact. In much the same
way that you cannot be
'kind of' pregnant, if something like 'approaching woman is scary' is an actual fact, there cannot be times
when it is not a fact or not really a fact. It either is or it isn't! This question therefore is an invitation to look
back in your life and find incidents, observations or events where your belief; what you consider to be a
fact; appeared not to be a fact! The more examples you can find the better! Don't limit yourself to your
own personal experiences, look at the experiences of your friends and other people as well. Find ten,
twenty, a hundred contrary experiences! Your belief is an artificial construct of reality, the more doubt you
can generate, the more violently you can shake this construct down to its very shaky foundations.

6. If it's just an idea, are there better ideas to explain what's going on? This is an invitation to you to
find better beliefs and ideas with which to live by. With each alternative perspective you come up with,
find ways that this just as adequately or even better explains than your original belief, what is really going
on in reality. Look for direct evidence, anecdotal evidence, past experiences, experiences of others,
19
anything you can find to justify your new beliefthe more supporting evidence you can find for your
propositions the better! We'll also provide some help in considering other perspectives so don't worry if
you have trouble generating evidence for a new empowering belief.

The key to succeeding with this portion of the programme is to answer all the questions. By answering,
it is not meant that you gloss over them in some shallow intellectually superficial sense. The questions
are not designed to give you an intellectual answer. Rather the questions are designed to give you a
deeper knowing.

On more than one occasion in your life you had someone teach you something- for example, how to
solve a math problem. If your teacher was competent, you may have understood what to do. Moreover
once you had performed the Math Problem, you had experienced doing it. If you continued studying and
learning however, something quite special may have happened to you. One day you may have had a
deeper sense of knowing, a flash of intuitive insight that allowed you to see the problem in a conceptually
different light. You thought 'Aha, that's what the teacher meant!'. After this experience, you know the
material in a different way. You now 'own' your understanding; it is yours. In a sense you are now like the
first person who ever solved the problem. You actively created the answer for yourself as opposed to
passively understanding the answer.

It is this type of intuitive insight or 'aha' moment we are striving for here, but in order to get this, first you
must earn it! In order to do this you have to give yourself mentally and emotionally to each question. Each
question should be like the most important question you've ever been asked in your entire life. Your
imagination is a big weapon in your arsenal here; it is the gateway into the emotional part of your brain
and nervous systemso use it! If you are asked to revisit some scene in your past or some hypothetical
scene in the present; really go into that scenenotice all the details, smells and sounds. Notice every
detail of the people in the scene, their expressions and what they're saying. If you're asked (and you will
be) to look at the world through the eyes of a Martian then really get into the alien's head. Picture yourself
crash-landing on earth; picture your grey, slimy skin. Capture that sense of utter bewilderment and
fascination of seeing this strange new world for the very first time. If you can do this, really do this, then
the intuitive insights will come and your success with this program will be assured.

20
Exercise 1 Estimated Time 30
Approaching women is scary

Many people believe there is just something inherently scary about approaching women. They seem to
believe that the very act of walking up to a woman, who probably weighs about 90 lbs soaking wet, is
somehow as scary as walking up to a lion or tiger.

The source of this belief is obvious as the idea is everywhere... turn on your TV and you'll see teen
comedies where the romantic hero nervously stutters and trembles when he decides to walk up to his
dream girl and ask her to the prom. Walk into any bar and you'll see the biggest, strongest, toughest guys
become as meek as a lamb in the presence of a beautiful woman. Browse the internet and you'll find
hundreds of gurus promising a hundred different ways to eradicate your 'fear' of approaching women.
Listen to advice from a friend who'll tell you to 'just do it' and walk up to that cute brunette by the dance-
floor as he himself nervously sips his shot of whiskey for a little Dutch courage! The implied message in
all these interactions is that approaching a woman is inherently scary, it is something that requires the aid
of hypnosis, neuro linguistic programming or a hundred other therapeutic techniques if you are to ever
overcome it, more than that if you're ever going to meet that girl you like, you need to grow 'balls of steel'!
But in reality is this really the case! Why do we need so much courage and willpower to approach a 90 lb
woman? Is this really a necessity, or are we just trapped into believing something that is patently untrue?

Remember give yourself time with each question. Get your mind quiet and still and let the answer emerge
from within you.

1. Become aware of some object in your experience. For instance, pick up a pen, feel it in your hands.
Right now, actually pick up a pen! We can say that this pen exists; it is a physical fact. Now open your
hand and let the pen drop to the ground, we can now also directly perceive a force or phenomena called
gravity which has caused the pen to fall to the ground. But in the same way is it really a fact that
'approaching women is scary'? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in
reality? If it was really an actual fact in the way gravity or the pen is a fact then wouldn't everyone be
afraid of approaching women? But is that really the case?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would
no longer believe 'there is something inherently scary about approaching women'? Try and get into that
headspace. Imagine as a result of this selective amnesia you just started going out and approaching
women indiscriminately. If you were not even capable of thinking the thought that approaching women is
scary would it still nevertheless be a fact out there in the world? Would it continue to exist as a fact
irrespective of your belief in it or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your
continued belief in it?

21
3. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. Get into that headspace. You
arrive on planet earth, having no pre-conceived ideas of this new world you have come upon. You have
come from a far-off galaxy; from a world whose values and whole way of life is completely different from
our own. As you move through this strange new planet called earth, would it really make sense to you
that the larger stronger member of the human species should be afraid of the smaller weaker member of
the species? Would you be able to detect any inherent threat in the male walking up to the female? Isn't
real to you that you wouldn't be able to detect any inherent danger in a man approaching a woman?

4. Can you find incidents from your own life where this fact was not actually a fact? Can you find times
where you or your friends or someone you knew approached a girl and it wasn't a terrible ordeal or
terrifying, death-defying experience? Find as many incidents as you can from your own life experience or
things you've perceived which dispute the notion that approaching women is scary.

5. Is it real to you that 'approaching women is scary' is not really a fact that exists independently out there
in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

6. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is?
How about approaching women is not scary? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find
3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea.
Take your time.
22
The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening out there in reality.
You are not expected to take these points at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the
information that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your
discovery of your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside
your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each
statement, pause and ask yourself 'could this be true?' To help with this, after each statement, try to find
at least 3 ways this has been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or
through things you have perceived.

Approaching women is not scary. First of all, at a most obvious level, we have the inherent nature
of man and woman. Men are by design physically stronger and more aggressive than women. In
a physical confrontation between a man and a woman 99,999 out of a 100,000 times, a man will
come out on top. You are therefore in no danger physically from approaching a woman. She will
not hurt you or injure you nor does she have any desire to. You probably know a few women in
your life already. Do you think any of them have any interest whatsoever in committing acts of
physical violence against you?

You will not be thrown in jail, executed or hung, drawn and quartered for approaching a woman.
Society is not against you approaching women. In fact, society tries to encourage you to
approach women. Nite-clubs, bars and 'speed dating' evenings are just some of the ways and
means society tries to address the deep need in members of the both sexes to come together
and interact with one another.

Realistically the very worst thing that can happen in your approaching women is that your
advances are not reciprocated or to put it another way, you are rejected. Rejection is nothing to
fear. Since the day you were born, you have encountered thousands of explicit and implicit
rejections. You have been rejected countless times: by your parents; your teachers; your friends;
your enemies; your peer group and your employers. You have been rejected in the playground: in
the selection for sports teams: in job or college applications and yes, of course, by girls. More
importantly, you have survived each and every one of these rejections. You have been rejected
by the most important people in your life and have lived to tell the tale. What fear then should the
prospect of being rejected by a complete stranger hold?

23
The reason so many other men fear approaching women, is because they, like you, are suffering
from similar forms of mental delusion. Instead of seeing the absolute Reality of the situation (as
you are attempting to do), they are allowing misinterpretations from childhood experiences,
societal mores and media brain washing to govern their thoughts, feeling and behaviour. They
are trapped in the 'matrix'. Approaching women is not scary in any way but many men have
developed phobias about it in much the same way that people develop phobias about the dark,
rodents or flying for example. Like those fears and phobias, the fear of approaching women is
completely unnecessary and out of sync with reality.

The fact that millions of people share the same vices does not make these vices virtues, the fact that they
share so many errors does not make the errors to be truths, and the fact that millions of people share the
same forms of mental pathology does not make these people sane.
Erich Fromm

24
The world is out to get me

It is a common belief of shy people that somehow the world is out to get them or that people will
somehow take great interest in seeing them screw up or make a mistake. It is easy to see how this belief
is acquired. Flick on your television and you will generally see the worst aspects of human nature
broadcasted in bright shining Technicolor. The daily news feeds us daily with tales of murder, drug wars,
disease, famine, death and various acts of cruelty. Chat shows and popular soap operas tell of cheating
husbands, warring families and domestic and sexual abuse. Living with this constant barrage of negative
suggestions, the world can 'seem' to be a pretty cruel place. When a belief like this is accepted, it causes
us to become inhibited and afraid to fully express ourselves. We instead opt to fade into the background,
become anonymous, in order to avoid to cruel taunts and reprimands of a cruel, vindictive world.

Remember give yourself plenty of time to answer each question. Don't skip ahead because you think you
know what the answer is? The insights will come when you give yourself time to really answer each and
every question asked to the best of your ability.

1. Become aware of some object in your experience. For instance, touch the chair you're sitting on, feel
its texture in your hands, we can say that this chair exists; it is a physical fact out there in objective reality.
Now touch the floor. This too is also a physical fact! But is it really a fact that 'The world is out to get
me/People want to see me fail'? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in
reality? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively? Can you perceive this belief
with any of your five senses?

no longer believe 'The world is out to get me/People want to see me fail'? Try and get into that
headspace. If you no longer believed this belief, would it still be a fact out there in the world? Would it
continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued
existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

25
3. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived
ideas of this new world you have entered into. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society, culture
and way of life completely different to our own. From this point of view would you believe all these human
creatures are out to get each other or that 'the world' was out to get certain individuals?

4. Can you find incidents from your own life where this 'fact' was actually not a fact? Can you find times
from your life where people didn't seem to want to see you fail or suffer? Find as many incidents as you
can from your own life experience which would disprove the
'reality' that 'The world is out to get me/People want to see me fail'

5. Is it real to you that 'The world is out to get me/People want to see me fail' is not really an actual fact
out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

How about The world is a friendly place/People aren't out to get me? Can you find evidence in
support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would
seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

26
The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening out there in the world.
You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information
that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of
your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset
ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each statement,
pause and ask yourself 'could this be true?' To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3
ways this has been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things
you have perceived.

Is it really the case that people are only interested in seeing you fail? In reality aren't people
perhaps more preoccupied in making themselves happy and finding love and peace of mind in
their own lives? If you think about it, don't you spend most if not all your time concerned with your
own life and on finding ways to make yourself happier. In fact do you even find the time in your
mental life to hope some other person fails or screws up? Isn't it real to you then that most people
are exactly the same, namely that they just want a little more happiness and are not all that
interested in seeing you fail (or succeed for that matter). They are by and large, ambivalent
towards your fortunes and are too preoccupied with the problems and challenges in their own
lives.

While from time to time, you will encounter people who take joy in your failing does this really
provide an accurate reflection of how the general populace reacts? Is it possible these people's
malice towards you may have more to do with their own deep underlying unhappiness or low self-
esteem? Or perhaps you may have done something mean to them in the past? Look back, reflect
on incidents in the past where people have been 'out to get you' and see if perhaps you had a
hand in causing them to have ill feelings towards you. Perhaps you were mean or nasty to them
too?

If you take the idea that people are out to get you on a global scale, does it hold up to scrutiny? If
everybody were out to get everybody else then would human relations even be possible? Would
we not have destroyed ourselves centuries ago? While there are wars, isn't there also a lot of
peace and harmonious relations in the world, in countries and in communities?
27
Isn't it more accurate to say even, that the world, by and large, supports you in everything you
do? You have been given a body by nature that looks after all your vital functions such as
breathing, digestion and circulation without any need for conscious effort on your part. You have
been supported and nurtured both financially and emotionally by your parents. When you went to
school, you were educated by a school and college system. You drive on roads, take public
transport, live in airconditioned homes and even have your garbage taken away every week by a
so-called 'hostile world'! If you wish to learn a new skill or advance in some fashion, there are
libraries full of great books and financial institutions eager to give you capital to pursue fresh
business opportunities. If you get ill, there are skilled doctors and physicians dedicated to
restoring your health. In light of this, isn't it perhaps more accurate to say, that the general natural
impulse of people is to help and be of service to one another rather than to see others suffer.

28
Women don't want to be approached

It's the script of every romantic movie, the guy approaches the girl and initially she wants nothing to do
with him, she positively loathes him. It is only through relentless persuasion and various demonstrations
of excellence does the girl finally relent to the guys' amorous advances. Tune into MTV and we see
'empowered' female pop stars preaching 'I don't need a man' and dismissing the attention of various male
courtesans as some mock testament to 'girl power'. Look at magazines and you'll see a demeanour
common to all the various photo models, a demeanour and look that screams 'you are beneath me! You
need to have a platinum selling album and Bentley before I will even breathe on you'...The message
delivered to all of mankind is the same... 'you can look but you cannot touch...' But is this really the case
in reality... do women really mean this? Is it even in their interests to mean it?! Let reality be your guide
and look at the behaviour of women with a fresh eye.

1. Become aware of some object in your experience. For example, pick up a bottle, feel it in your hands,
we can say that this bottle exists; it is a physical fact. Now open your hand and let the bottle drop to the
ground, we can know also directly perceive a force or phenomena called gravity which causes the pen to
fall to the ground. But is it really a fact that 'women don't want to be approached'? Your mind might tell
you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Step outside your own thinking and try to look
at things objectively! Can you really perceive this belief out there in the world?

no longer believe 'women don't want to be approached'? Try to get into that headspace. If you no longer
believed this belief would it still be a fact out there in the world? Would it continue to exist as a fact
irrespective of your belief in it or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your

3. Is it really the case that women don't want to be approached by guys at all? Do you have telepathic
abilities that allow you to read a woman's mind and somehow determine that they don't want to be
approached?

29
ideas of this world you have entered upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy with a culture, social
order and way of living far different from your own. You see things as if for the first time. From this
perspective would you conclude that the female of the species does not want to be approached? Would
you conclude that this little creature who paints her face and wears revealing clothes and accentuates
various body parts does not want male attention? What would you really conclude about the behaviour of
the female from your observations of her in her day-to-day life? What would conclude about her fondness
for nite-clubs and other social venues? Her interest in fashion and make-up? Her addiction to
relationship-based soaps like 'Sex and the City' and romance novels? Would you conclude these are the
actions of a creature that is not interested in male attention?

where you or your friends or someone you knew approached a girl and she seemed to want and respond
to male attention? Find as many incidents as you can from your own life experience which would disprove
the 'reality' that 'women don't want to be approached'.

6. Is it real to you now that 'women don't want to be approached' is not really a fact out there in the
world? That instead perhaps all this time, it has just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

How about women want to be approached? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3
or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take
your time.
30
you have perceived.

If you've ever had the experience of having a member of the opposite sex show a genuine
interest in you, you realise that this is a very nice thing. Your ego is massaged a little and it adds
a spring to your step. Once you get that first taste of approval by a member of the opposite sex,
you want it again and again. The same rule applies for women; they love male attention.
Countless studies by psychologists and sociologists have shown that women's self-esteem is
governed to a large extent by her sexual attractiveness. She can only perceive her sexual
attractiveness through the admiring eyes of others and for this they need the attentions of men.
Women are in fact turned on by their own sexual attractiveness reflected back to them from an
admiring man!

If a woman seems a bit 'perturbed' or has that 'rabbit caught in a headlights' look on her face
when you approach, this does not mean that she does not want to be approached. Rather it is a
natural human response when being confronted by a stranger. In a world of billions, the vast
majority of people go through their days rarely if ever, making connection with a new person.
While we may want to meet new and interesting people, by virtue of our psychological
construction, we tend to stick to comfort zones in our social lives. When a person is approached
by a stranger, especially by a member of the opposite sex, it is initially a jarring, unfamiliar
experience; simply because it rarely if ever happens. In such circumstances it may take the
person a second or two to get their bearings. You have probably experienced this yourself with
street vendors or charity workers who approach you on the street. However this initial impulse
passes and you will that once a woman is engaged in conversation, she will more often than not
be glad to reciprocate. In fact, she longs for a man who will approach her in such a confident bold
fashion.

31
Women are starved of romance. Romance novels are the biggest selling genre of books in the
world of literature. Shows like 'Grey's Anatomy', 'Desperate Housewives', 'Sex and the City' and
'Ally McBeal' were and are very popular because they speak to this inner yearning in women.
Watch any show, which attracts a strong female audience and you will find it ALWAYS consists
of romantic based storylines where women are swept off their feet by strong, confident, self
assured alpha males. This is indicative of a gaping yearning in women for romance and the
experience of being swept of her feet by a confident man.

When asked of the qualities they are most drawn to in a man, you will find that women will
mention more than any other, words and phrases like 'confident', 'manly' 'forthright' and 'knows
what he wants' will come up. To put these terms another way, they simply mean that women are
incredibly attracted to men who will aggressively and unapologetically act on their sexual and
romantic desires. Women like sex but because of the mixed messages they receive from a young
age about displaying sexual desire, their role in the mating dance is a passive one. They depend
on a man to make the first move... but too often the majority of men are in dereliction of this duty.
Woman more often than not experience incredible frustration in their dating lives because so few
men actually present themselves to them for consideration. However when a man comes along
who is unafraid to demonstrate his sexual interest, a woman finds this incredibly attractive.

32
It's impolite to approach someone I don't know

Most people are so uptight, constricted by their own beliefs systems that they don't allow themselves to
naturally and openly express interest in another human being. People are afraid of people!?! You can see
this if you walk down any street in any city in the world. Men and women alike, confining themselves into
their own little piece of personal space, refusing to speak or even make eye contact with anyone else as
they go about their day. In a population of millions, a person will often go from one day to the next, not
having met a single new person. In an environment like this, it is easy to be led to the idea that showing
interest in a complete stranger is a breach of some unspoken code of good and proper behaviour. But is it
really the case? Do women not want you to show an interest? Do they want to go through the rest of their
lives not meeting new people? Or is it possible that they want you to show an interest in them because
perhaps they're just too afraid or shy to do likewise?

1. Become aware of some object in your experience. For example, touch the table you're sitting beside,
feel the solidity of its surface in your hands, we can say that this table exists; it is a physical fact. Now
touch the wall. This too is also a physical fact! But is it really a fact out there in the world that 'its impolite
to talk to someone I don't know'? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in
reality? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively? What does 'impolite' or even
'polite' look like? Can you perceive it with any of your five senses?

no longer believe 'its impolite to talk to someone I don't know'? If you no longer believed this belief, would
it still be a fact out there in the world? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it?
Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

ideas of this world you have entered upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society, culture
and way of life completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you feel it was impolite for
the male of the human species to talk to the female member of the species? Would you even be able to
discern with your alien eyes the difference between 'polite' and 'impolite' behaviour?
33

4. Can you find incidents from your own life where this 'fact' was actually not a fact? Where perhaps you
talked to someone you didn't know and that person didn't feel you were being impolite or vice versa where
a stranger talked to you and you didn't feel offended? Look back in your own life experience and see what
comes up? No event is too big or small for the purpose of this exercise.

5. Is it real to you that 'its impolite to talk to someone I don't know' is not really a fact that exists
independently out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you've had in your
head?

How about its perfectly fine and acceptable behaviour to talk to a stranger? Can you find evidence in

you have perceived.
34

A woman will not be offended if you approach. It may perhaps appear initially that she is but this
is just a normal human reaction. Contrary to popular belief she is not used to being approached,
save by drunk guys in a nite-club situation. She may be initially shy about meeting a stranger but
this does not mean that she will not be incredibly flattered about the attention being shown in her.
She will in fact be very impressed with the confidence and boldness of your approach.

While girls crave excitement, their lives generally aren't that exciting. They watch TV programs
and read magazines about other people's lives and romantic fortunes but very often have little
going on in their own lives. By approaching, you bring a little shot of excitement into her otherwise
mundane existence.

There are no social or criminal sanctions in showing interest in a woman. You do not live under
some oppressive regime where you will be arrested or executed for pursuing a woman. It is your
biological duty to pursue women.

When other guys don't approach girls, it is not out by virtue of some unspoken code of politeness
or etiquette; it is purely by virtue of their anxiety issues around women. Most every guy is afraid of
approaching women. By the same token, most every girl is afraid of approaching guys. It is not
the dictates of social etiquette that keeps us apart; it is fear. The reality is that man and woman
were meant to be and want to be together but we are so screwed up by familial and societal
conditioning that what should seem easy becomes the most difficult thing in the world.

35
Women aren't stupid. They know that if a guy is approaching them, generally it is because he is
attracted to her. They have been fascinated and actively involved in the 'dating game' since they
were young kids. While you were out playing with your GI Joes, girls were actively perfecting the
minutiae of kissing technique and various methods of seduction and flirtation. They had PHDs in
dating and attraction while you were still working at an elementary level. So in light of this can't
you see that she will not be perturbed, shocked or otherwise disturbed by your advances? At the
very most she may be initially surprised because she is so unused to dealing with men displaying
such a degree of confidence but this is a positive thing. She is intimately aware of the rules and
steps of the courtship dance. In fact, she is more than happy to play her part in it. Women love
men, are interested in men and want relationships with men. This has been the way of things
since even before she was a teenager. It is not the ambition of most women to spend their lives
living alone with their cats. They want to be in loving, passionate, exciting, sexual relationships
with guys. As a result she will be complicit in her own seduction. She wants you to approach and
the thought that you are impolite for doing so will be the last thing that enters her head.

If you were approached by a member of the opposite sex, would you think her impolite? No, more
than likely you would be very flattered and excited by the attention. Women are no different in this
regard. A classy confident approach by a guy will excite and flatter a woman.

36
I shouldn't approach women during the day

By now you should be getting pretty familiar with the method we're using here and you'll generally be able
to guess the answers to the questions before even reading them. However the benefit of these exercises
comes from the doing of them! By doing what the question asks you will derive a deeper meaning of what
is really going on. The questions are a tool but they are only useful if you use the tool. Therefore don't
skip through the questions or answer them in a superficial fashion. Give yourself time to go through each
question and really answer what is being asked.

Belief I shouldn't approach women during the day

Men and women have had their mind so completely warped by parental, societal and religious influences
that showing interest in a member of the opposite sex is almost a taboo subject. It can only be expressed
under cover of darkness in nite-clubs or other appointed social venues where for a couple of hours at
least and with the aid of a lot of alcohol, people can give free rein to the sexual and romantic desires
which must otherwise be kept hidden when functioning in polite society. This perverse societal habit that
we as a culture have fallen into has meant that the dating game for most people is confined to 3-4 hours
on a Friday or Saturday night and for the rest of the week we spend our time in a state of near constant
sexual frustration as beautiful women walk into our life and walk straight back out again. Adopting a
strategy like this gives you such a narrow window of opportunity of finding the women and relationships
that could really enrich your life so it is very much in your interests to see at a gut emotional level that this
belief has no foundation in reality.

1. Become aware of some object in your surroundings. For example touch the papers on you're desk, feel
their texture in your hands, we can say that these papers exist; they are a physical fact. Now touch the
lamp on your nightstand? This too is also a physical fact! But is it really a fact out there in the world that 'I
shouldn't approach women during the day'? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case
out there in reality? Where does 'should' or 'shouldn't' even exist in the world? Can you perceive 'should'
or 'shouldn't' with any of your five senses?

no longer believe 'I shouldn't approach women during the day'? As a result of your selective amnesia you
went out and started approaching women all day, every day! If you no longer felt that you 'shouldn't
approach women during the day', would it still nevertheless be a fact out there in the world? Would it

37
ideas of this world you have entered upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy, from a society, culture
and way of life completely different to our own.
From this point of view, would you feel that the male of the species should not approach the female of the
species during the day? Would you even be able to discern with your alien eyes what behaviour a human
'should' or 'shouldn't' engage in?

4. Can you find incidents from your own life or from things you have perceived where you or someone
you know or someone you saw approached a woman in a daytime environment, even though this is
something one 'shouldn't' do?

5. Is it real to you that 'I shouldn't approach women during the day' is not really a fact that has some
independent existence out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have
arbitrarily accepted?

How about I can approach women during the day? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try
to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this
idea. Take your time.

38
you have perceived.

The only reason that men and women do not flirt and interact during the day is purely a function
of their anxiety and fears around the whole area of approaching members of the opposite sex. It
is not because they don't want to. Their inhibition during the day is motivated, not by a lack of
desire for romance, sex or intimacy with a member of the opposite sex but by fear and social
inhibition.

Alcohol is a social lubricant and its function is to lower the inhibitions and quieten the conscious
reasoning mind. In a niteclub environment you see a truer reflection of the desires of both
members of the opposite sex. In other words, alcohol demonstrates how much men and women
crave and desire the attention of the other member of the opposite sex. Alcohol does not create
this desire or impulse: it simply allows it to reveal itself from underneath the cloak of social
anxiety. Women's desire for male company and romantic attention does not disappear when she
sobers up the next morning; her conscious critical reasoning mind simply causes her to repress
her natural inbuilt desires until the next weekend.

You say you shouldn't approach women during the day but exactly what are you basing this on?
Do the Ten Commandments state that 'thou shalt not approach a girl during the day'? No? Then
what are you basing it on? Is it because most other people don't do it? The fact is most people in
general have serious hang-ups and neuroses about socialising with people. They are completely
out of touch with the reality of things; namely that its perfectly ok, normal, natural behaviour to
show interest in another human being, especially a member of the opposite sex. Observe people
on a bus or walking down the street and see how they struggle to even make eye contact. People
39
are so warped by their internal belief systems that they are afraid to even make the simple
gesture of eye contact with another human being.

Realistically what can happen if you approach a girl during the day? You won't be locked up in an
asylum, or thrown in jail. The very worst that can realistically happen is that she isn't receptive to
your advances and she may then walk away. That's it! You will still go home that night with your
two arms, two legs and your health!

Talking to a woman during the day is in fact a whole lot easier than talking to her in so-called
'social' venues. First of all there is no loud music, so you can actually hear each other speak.
Secondly there is less competition from jealous, interfering or over-protective friends and
competing males, so your chances of rejection are a whole lot less. Thirdly there is much less
stimuli in a daytime environment than there is in a niteclub environment, so it is much easier to
keep a woman's attention. Daytime environment is actually more conducive to men and women
meeting each other.

40
Women don't like sex

Related to the belief that 'women don't want to be approached' is the belief that 'women don't like sex'. All
marketing and advertising directed at men uses one single underlying principle, sex sells. Every message
sent to men in our society is the same - 'want the girl, buy the car' - 'want the girl, wear the deodorant' -
'want the girl, climb the corporate ladder'. One of the many implicit messages derived from this mass-
brainwashing is that women don't just like sex for the sake of it; that their attention sexual or otherwise
needs to be bought and paid for.

Matters are not helped by implicit social contracts entered into by girls as soon as they come of age. From
childhood, many girls are told to repress their natural inbuilt sexual desires for fear of being brandished
'sluts' and being excluded from their female social groups. Furthermore to openly pursue sexual
opportunities with men would be in effect 'giving away the farm', trading your most marketable 'asset'
without first having extorted men for all you can get.

Girls have been deluded just as much as we have, into thinking that their body is their most valuable
resource. They have been made feel that if they act on their heart or on their natural desires, they will
essentially 'flood the market' and the value of their body and therefore themselves in this meat market
(otherwise called the dating scene) diminishes. Instead of assuming their true role as a partner and
companion of man and allowing themselves to explore their sexuality without selling it; women feel the
need to set themselves up as 'the pearl of the highest price' to be won by the male of the highest earning
power. Nevertheless, this is an artificial construct and as much as women may try to portray otherwise,
the basic fact is that they like and enjoy sex just as much as we do.

1. Become aware of some object in your immediate environment. For instance, touch your nose, feel it on
your fingers. We can say that your nose exists; it is a physical fact out there in objective reality. Now
touch your leg. Your leg too is also a physical fact! But is it really a fact that 'women don't like sex'? Your
mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? You might think it is, but look
again, is it really a fact? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively.

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning, you would
no longer believe 'women don't like sex'? Really try to get into that headspace. If you no longer believed
this belief, would it still be a fact out there in the world? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of
your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief
in it?

41
ideas of this world. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society and culture completely different to
our own. Now imagine you're compiling a dossier on the female of the species to report back to your
home planet. Looking at things from a strictly anthropological point of view do you think you would
conclude from your observations that 'women don't like sex'? Would their actions, their behaviour, their
interests, even the clothes they wear be suggestive of a creature that didn't like sex?

4. Can you find incidents in your life, or things you've observed when the belief that 'women don't like sex'
was not a fact? Look back in your past, start at the beginning... find as many incidents you can which
disprove this fact?

5. Is it real to you that 'women don't like sex' is not really a fact that exists out there in the world? That
perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

How about women do like sex? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas,
situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

42
pause and ask yourself 'could this be true?' Try to find at least 3 ways that the statement has been true in
your own life; whether that be through things you've experienced personally or things you've directly
perceived.

Males typically have exempted themselves from the restrictions of fidelity and have excused their
conduct on the grounds of biological necessity. However, this has not stopped them enforcing the
same restrictions of fidelity on women. Throughout history, traditional cultural practices such as
enforced modesty and chastity have historically tended to place restrictions principally on women,
without imposing similar restrictions on men. Practice at nullifying women's sexuality has even in
some cultures gone as far as mutilation of the worst kind with the practice of female genital
cutting. Other cultures have gone still further with honor killings for women whose sexual desires
were deemed uncontrollable. Nevertheless, many studies have shown that women's actual
sexual behaviour throughout history appears, like that of men, not to have been controlled to
anywhere near the degree desired by society. In spite of all the dangers, threats and social
stigmas women have continued to have sex!

Women's sexual feelings can be every bit as intense as men's. Their desire or drive for sex can
be just as powerful and their sexual pleasure can be, as well. A woman's clitoris contains as
many nerves as the head of a man's penis, but in a much smaller area, so the sensations she
feels there can be very intense. Biological reality in fact indicates that a woman has a much
greater capacity than a man for prolonged sex, multiple sexual partners, multiple orgasms, and
greater intensity of sexual pleasure. Females have greater sexual needs to enable them to
enhance their genetic options for the very significant investment they make in their offspring.
More sex means more and different sperm with the best sperm winning the sperm wars. The best
sperm has the best chance of enabling the egg and the resources invested in it to produce the
best offspring.

43
Women like sex but risk massive stigma if they openly show this interest. Sexually active teenage
girls, and sexually promiscuous women of any age, carry the greatest social burden of
judgements, punishments, restrictions and risks. These women are just doing their job and
fulfilling their biological duty while at their peak of fertility. They are real, while the rest of the
equation is artificial. Nature is demanding them to act one way while the artificial constructs of
society compels them to act another way.

When you examine cultures where there is less restrictions placed on female sexuality, you see
the female sex drive in all its glory. For instance, among the iKung tribe in the Kalahari desert,
sexual activity is taken for granted as a vigorous and essential joy of existence. In fact if a iKung
girl doesn't grow up relishing and adoring sex she is considered mentally ill. In these non-
patriarchal societies, premarital love is accepted and encouraged; both men and women have
multiple partners and sex is considered a divine gift.

If you look at the interests of women as compared to men, you will find their interests naturally
revolve around sex while men enjoy a multitude of other interests. While men watch and play
sports, lift weights or collect stamps; women are generally more interested in beautifying their
bodies and maximising their sexual attractiveness. They read magazines that detail make-up tips,
sex techniques (10 things to drive him wild in bed!) and delve into celebrities' love lives. They
watch TV shows where the central plotlines invariably revolve around a woman's sexual
relationship with a man. Their interest also helps make romance novels the biggest selling genre
of books in the literary world. Women are utterly fascinated by all things sexual and sensual.

44
Sex is wrong

From the day we are born our sexuality is devalued and made dirty and seedy. Sometimes this can be
brutal (for example the threat addressed to the little child caught while masturbating: "if you do it again I
will cut it off!"). Sometimes it veils itself behind the terms of "modesty" or "decency". Sometimes, it can be
exerted by simply maintaining the mystery around sexual activity;
topics either taboo or restrained to the adults, for example stories of child born in cabbages or brought by
storks.

Young girls are criticised and at times violently ostracised when at the peak of their fertility, they simply
act on theirs bodies' desires while on the other hands girls that deny their bodies biological demands and
abstain from sex are celebrated.

While we like to think of ourselves as sexually liberated, there is still a long way to go. It is true we no
longer hang people for having sex out of wedlock, the feeling however, still pervades that sex is dirty.
Sexual education in schools is something that continues to be violently opposed. Television producers
are fined and chastised if their programming is deemed to be too sexually explicit for their moral-minded
audiences. Adult movies are called dirty movies. Sexual jokes are called dirty jokes. Women acting on
their natural sexual desires are still called 'whores'.

Sexual repression and frustration is in fact, still widespread into today's society. The evidence is in the
survival (meaning that there is still a need) of prostitution and pornography as lucrative industries; thus,
revealing a sexual frustration still widely spread and outwardly suppressed.

1. Become conscious of the objects in your surroundings. For instance point to the television in your living
room, note its size and shape, we can say that this television exists; it is a physical fact. Now touch the
light switch in your room. This too is also a physical fact! But is it really a fact that 'sex is wrong'? Your
mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Step outside your own thinking
and try to look at things objectively? What does 'wrong' even look like? Can you perceive it with any of
your five senses?

no longer believe 'sex is wrong'? You had absolutely no qualms or issues about sex. If you no longer
believed this belief, would it still be a fact out there in the world? Would it continue to exist as a fact
irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your

45
our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern that this intimate physical act was wrong?
What would 'wrong' even look like?

4. Is it real to you that 'sex is wrong' is not really a fact out there in the world? That perhaps all this time
it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

How about sex is normal and healthy? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4
ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your
time.

46
The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening. You are not expected
to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if
some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of your own truth is what
matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and
viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each statement, pause and ask yourself
'could this be true?' To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this has been shown
to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things you have perceived.

Your parents may have been brought up in sexually repressed households and in a sexually
repressed society. They may have taught you that sex was wrong but they were wrong. Nature
intended you to have sex. It flooded your bloodstream with a powerful sexual hormone called
testosterone. It filled you with enough sperm to populate Western Europe every half hour. Your
sex drive is as much a part of you as the colour of your eyes or the fingers on your hand.

In order for you to be born, your parents needed to have sex. What's so wrong with a process
that produced you? In a world where too much bad stuff happens, what is so wrong with sex!?
For many it's the only form of tenderness and intimacy they ever get to experience in their
lives.Sexual repression is bad for your health. The body produces a sexual energy, which
circulates along the longitudinal axis of the body, from the brain towards the sex organs. The
function of the orgasm is to provide release for this energy. However, in cases of sexual
repression, obstacles are formed at various levels along this axis, and prevent the effective
circulation of this energy. These obstacles appear both on the body level, as muscular rigidities,
and on the psychological level, as neurotic character traits. It is believed in eastern cultures that
the interruption in the circulation of this energy can ead to cancer.

Not being able to be completely dissipated by the means of a fully satisfactory sexual activity,
sexual energy is then dissipated via derivatives such as compulsive masturbation, sexual
perversions or sadistic perversions. We find an astounding number of violent sex crimes
committed by perpetrators who speak of sexual repression and insecurity when interrogated. It is
worth further noting that in countries which have legalized pornography or other forms of sexual
gratification, the rate of sex crimes decreased dramatically, even by as much as 50 percent. Your
sex drive was not meant to be repressed and when it is the effects can be devastating.
47

In an attempt to avoid being labelled immoral, many people allow themselves to suppress their
natural in-built desires in order to conform to a moral code. At the same time however, this
concept of morality is a vague one. According to Websters New World Dictionary of the American
Language, morality is defined as 'Moral quality of character; rightness or wrongness,as of an
action'. Moral on the other hand is defined as '...in accordance with the principles of right or
wrong'. Therefore in order to be moral then all we need to have is a definition of 'right, well
according to Websters' 'right' means 'in accordance with justice, law, morality'. This definitional
merry-go-round should teach you something; morality is a myth. There are no objective standards
out there of what constitutes moral behaviour. Instead all we have is a hodge-podge of malicious
rules and varying attempts at social control. You have been gifted with your own moral compass,
in-built, namely to pursue that which makes you happy and avoid that which makes you unhappy.
Why let that be overridden by 'rules' laid down centuries ago by manipulative people who had no
desire to see you happy.

'Freedom comes only from seeing the ignorance of your critics and discovering the emptiness of their
virtue'

-David Seabury

'Sex is full of lies. The body tries to tell the truth, but it's usually too battered with rules to be heard. We
cripple ourselves with lies. Most people have no idea of what they're missing. Our society places a
supreme value on control, on hiding what you feel. It mocks primitive culture and prides itself on the
suppression of natural instincts and impulses.

- Jim Morrison

48
Picking up women is difficult

This belief is a common one that is acquired by people who become involved in the seduction 'community'
or regularly buy books or other materials on how to pick-up girls. When one becomes involved in the
'community', they are generally bombarded with hundreds of tips, tricks and techniques about how to pick
up girls. Pretty soon what appeared to be a seemingly simple practice of flirting with a girl becomes a
complicated ordeal where body language, vocal inflection and conversational dynamics need to be micro-
managed to the nth degree! In the process, the sheer fun and simplicity of 'the game' is lost. But does it
really have to be this way; does 'the game' have to be such a complicated, mysterious, ritualistic affair?
Lets question and find out.

1. Become aware of some object in your direct experience. For instance pick up a pen, feel it in your
hands, we can say that this pen exists; it is a physical fact out there in objective reality. Now open your
hand and let the pen drop to the ground, we can now also directly perceive a force or phenomena called
gravity. This too then is also a fact in reality. But in the same way, is it really a fact that
'picking up women is difficult'? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively. Is it
really true? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality?

no longer believe 'picking up women is difficult'? You would go out and approach girls and try to pick them
up without assuming it was difficult. If you longer believed that picking up women was difficult, would it still
be a fact out there in the world? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it or like
Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

ideas of this world. You have come from a far-off galaxy with no preconceptions of the world you have
entered upon. From this perspective would you conclude that there was something inherently complex in
a man talking to a woman?

49
4. Can you find incidents from your own life where this 'fact' was actually not a fact? Where perhaps you
'picked up a girl' without having to go through a whole host of complicated steps or routines? Or perhaps
you know of a friend or colleague who knows little about seduction techniques and yet regularly succeeds
with women?

5. Is it real to you now that 'picking up women is difficult' is not really a fact out there in the world? That
instead perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

How about picking up women can be simple and straightforward? Can you find evidence in support
of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem
to validate this idea. Take your time.

50
pause and ask yourself 'could this be true? To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3
you have perceived.

Picking up girls is not difficult. It has been made complex by dating gurus who in order to sustain
a steady income continually put out fresh dating products with new and improved 'dating
technologies'. They seek to obscure the sheer simplicity of picking up girls so that they can
continue to churn out 'Advanced' or 'Mastery' DVDs and charge for high priced workshops. Their
motivation is often times the 'bottom line', not 'helping people'.

Average guys on the street are dating and sleeping with beautiful women without any real
knowledge of seduction or help from a seduction community; simply because they ask for what
they want, whether that be a date or a phone number. Too often people in the community simply
overlook this simple tactic. By simply asking a girl for a date or a number in a direct and
unapologetic manner, you demonstrate more about you as a man than using a thousand tricks,
tips and seduction subterfuge could ever accomplish.

Women like and want relationships and sex with men. It is a biological demand there body makes
on them. But it is also hardwired into their psychological make-up that they cannot make the first
move. Therefore the plight of woman can be even worse than a man. They have to wait passively
for a guy to come along and approach them. Often times by simply making yourself available and
making the first move, you open up a whole world of possibilities with women for yourself without
the need for any extraneous 'seduction' technique.

51
A beautiful woman would not be interested in me

Because we, as males, attribute such high value to physical attractiveness in our search for a mate, the
tendency is to believe that women view things in exactly the same way. Men become convinced that
women will only date men that are 'pretty' or 'classically handsome'.

When exceptions appear that seem to dispute this general rule of thumb; they are dismissed with banal
generalisations and uninvestigated assumptions. When a regular looking or unattractive guy starts dating
a beautiful girl, the general tendency is to believe that 'she's only dating him because he's loaded!' or
'she's only after his wallet'. Conclusions like this allow us to stay in our pre-existing comfort zones instead
of considering that we too, may also be capable of dating girls like that. But while a strategy like this may
provide some measure of psychological comfort in the short term; refusing to consider and even try to go
after the girl or girls you truly want can wreak havoc on your happiness and sense of well-being in the
long term. The time to dump this erroneous belief is NOW, so you can begin to see just how attainable
the women you want really are!

1. Become aware of objects in your field of vision. For example, pick up a fork. Do it right now! Feel it in
your hands, we can say that this fork exists; it is a physical fact. Now open your hand and let the pen drop
to the ground, we can know also directly perceive a force or phenomena called gravity. But is it really a
fact that 'a beautiful women wouldn't be interested in me'? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this
really the case out there in reality? Where have you ever seen 'should', 'would', 'shouldn't'
or 'wouldn't' out there in the world as a fact?

2. Can you really ever know what another person is thinking? Do you have telepathic abilities, which allow
you to read a woman's mind and somehow determine that she would not be interested in you? Can you
actually know for certain? In the way you know that you have five toes on each foot?

ideas of this new world you have entered upon. From this point of view would you be able to perceive
exactly what women are attracted to, in the way you could perceive the trees, the cars on the street and
52
the sun in the sky? Would you be able to define any objective standard of what man a woman does or
does not want in a mate?

where a girl you thought out of your league was actually interested in you? Or where you saw a guy
getting with a girl who YOU thought would have been out of his league? Go back and find as many
incidents as you can from your own life experience and things you have perceived?

5. Is it real to you now that 'a beautiful woman would not be interested in me' is not really a fact that exists
out there in the world? That instead all this time it's just been an idea in your head?

How about a beautiful woman could be interested in me? Can you find evidence in support of this idea
from your own life experiences or things you've directly perceived?
53
The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening out there in the world
and with women. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on
the information that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true?
Your discovery of your own truth is what matters here so look at your own previous life experiences when
going through each point. To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this has been
shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things you have perceived.

There is a common fallacy of which we are all guilty and which has been the cause of all wars,
arguments and disagreements throughout the centuries. It is simply this: we think everybody
sees the world the exact same way we do.

You are a unique individual, with an array of skills, aptitudes, desires, quirks, interests, beliefs
and attitudes which are unlike anybody else on this planet. While acknowledging your
uniqueness, you also need to acknowledge that every one else has their own view of the world,
which is peculiar to them only. Just because you believe that women would or would not be
attracted to a certain type of person does not actually mean women feel the same way. You are a
man and see the world a certain way, through a man's eyes. Your attitudes and outlook on the
world are coloured to a large degree by your physiology, your hormones, and your unique family
and societal upbringing as a male. You are different from a woman at a genetic, hormonal,
physical, intellectual and emotional level.

You attribute certain unique values and weightings to what you deem sexually attractive in a
member of the opposite sex. By the same token, women all have their own different value system
when determining attractiveness. Just because you attribute high values to visual stimuli in the
form of physical attractiveness, does not mean that a woman will attribute an equally high a value
to this. There may be other qualities that a woman feels are just as important in determining
attraction. If women really had the same values as men then they would watch pornography and
buy the female equivalent of 'Maxim' or 'FHM' but as you can see this is generally not the case.

If physical handsomeness or status was the only quality that interested women, how can you
possibly account for all the regular looking guys who have great success with women? If you look
at all the most successful dating gurus in the 'seduction industry', guys like Neil Strauss, Mystery,
Tyler, Allen Reyes, Ross Jeffries and David Deangelo; you couldn't really say that any of these
guys were classically handsome or were rich or famous (outside their own field).

54
Furthermore I bet you know a ton of regular looking guys who work ordinary blue collar jobs and
have dated drop dead gorgeous women. Attractiveness is different to physical handsomeness.
Attractiveness in a male is a combination of confidence, sexual confidence, controlled
aggressiveness, intelligence, ruggedness and other masculine strength qualities. It is not a
requirement that you look like a Hollywood movie star in order to succeed with women. How
many Brad Pitts do you see on the street?

Just because very handsome, rich or otherwise socially desirable guys can't even seem to get
with women you consider beautiful does not necessarily mean that you couldn't. You have to
remember that even very handsome or high status guys can have self-esteem and anxiety issues
around women. No matter how good you look or how rich you are, if you are not approaching
women you will not have real success or choice with women. Consider too that perhaps the only
reason you have not had more success with women you consider very attractive is simply
because you have not approached women you consider very attractive.

Beautiful women in fact, don't receive all that much male attention. In fact beautiful women are
amongst the most sexually frustrated girls around. If you consider that probably every guy you
know has a fear of approaching women and certainly has an even bigger fear about approaching
beautiful women, then by extension of logic, its fairly safe to assume that there aren't that many
guys out there approaching those pretty girls. As a result beautiful women have a very small
group of guys to pick from. By even approaching a beautiful woman, you do more to qualify
yourself to her than all those better looking, richer guys who are too nervous to approach.

55
Core Self Esteem Beliefs

Now we really take things up a notch. You are now going to unburden yourself of some of your 'core' self
esteem beliefs. These are the beliefs that go to the very root of how you see yourself and your place in
this world. These are the beliefs that you have believed for so long they now seem to be absolute
indisputable facts.

However the only reason these beliefs seem so true is for two reasons
1. You've believed them for so long (since you were a small child) that by now they just feel true at a
deep level!
2. Because you've believed them for this amount of time; all your life experiences have been filtered
through this belief system so that it now seems you have a whole host of evidence backing up the validity
of your beliefs.

However it is not enough that we know this, you need to come to this realisation yourself and the only
way you can do this is by putting these beliefs to the test, to see if they fold under questioning! In order to
this, we are going to have to show you a modified version of the previous exercises.

As we said previously, you more than likely have whole host of evidence in support of your core self
esteem beliefs. This is why the previous process that we used on your socially induced beliefs will not be
powerful enough to assist us here. Generally we have found from our investigations that socially induced
beliefs do not carry nearly the same weight or intensity as your parentally induced beliefs. We believe that
this is because they were, more often than not, acquired later in your life (after the age of 6) and therefore
do not have as much 'evidence' to back them up.

When it comes to tackling the beliefs you've taken on from your parents, we need to bring out the big
guns!

You didn't come into this world with beliefs such as 'I'm not lovable', 'There's something wrong with me' or
'Mistakes are bad'. Check that for yourself and you will find it is true. A baby's mind is a blank slate, an
empty jug to be filled. A baby doesn't believe anything. These beliefs were therefore acquired and if they
were acquired, there must have been a point of acquisition. There must be a point as a child where you
went from not believing 'There's something wrong with me' to believing 'There's something wrong with
me'. If we can discover this point, it will definitely assist us.

As mentioned in a previous lesson, when we are children, we essentially viewed our parents as if they
were Gods. In our formative years, our life, our very survival, was in our parents' hands and we needed to
trust completely that they knew what they were doing! If we believed otherwise this would be a cause of
unbearable anxiety!

This is the mental fiction we created in order that we could make our world a safe one to live! But the
reality is that not all our parents were God-like, not all our parents where supportive and knew what they
were doing at least some of the time. They got insecure, angry or afraid sometimes too.

Very often they took their bad days out on us. Sometimes they said nasty things completely ignorant of
the power their opinion had over us. Sometimes they expected us to act like polite sensible adults, failing
to realise that we were just kids!

The problem was that we tended to take our parents behaviour personally. If our Dad did not spend
much time with us growing up, this could be explained in any number of ways. He could have had a very
busy career. He could have been tired after a hard day's work. He could have had poor parenting skills.
Any of these would have been valid explanations for his behaviour. However as children we generally
interpreted the event egocentrically and the explanation we would have come up with to explain our
56
Dad's behaviour would be that 'I'm not important' or 'I'm not lovable' as opposed to 'Dad is busy' or 'Dad is
tired'.

When you formed your core self esteem beliefs such as 'I'm not lovable' or 'being expressive is wrong'
they made perfect sense but only from a child's point of view. You are not a child anymore. You can
see now that your parents were and are flawed human beings and that maybe they did some stupid
insensitive stuff when you were a kid. They weren't infallible Gods, they were human beings with faults,
failings and imperfections like every other human being on this planet. They also had lives of their own.
They didn't live purely for us and not everything they did had something to do with us. Now's the time
then, to reinterpret your parents behaviour in a new light, to see if the interpretations you came up with as
a child in order to explain their behaviour, really make sense today.

The exercises that follow are essentially a modified version of the exercises you've previously done in
section 1. The only difference is that, at the outset, we ask you to look for the point of acquisition of
each belief. Now the use of the word 'point' is a misnomer as it suggests some singular event. Rather we
just want you to try and find incidents in your early interactions with your mother and father that you feel
probably gave rise to the formation of the particular belief. You don't have to find the exact moment; just
what you feel could have caused you to start believing the particular belief. Now this could be one single
incident. It could be an incident involving your mum or your dad or it could be a number of incidents
involving both. Core self esteem beliefs are usually derived from a chain of events over a period of time.
Furthermore don't confine your examination to one parent but look at your interactions with both.

If you can't find a specific incident or series of incidents then don't worry. It's not important that you
pinpoint the specific events that give rise to your belief. With each belief as you will see, we have tried to
give an insight into the events or incidents that would have most likely given rise to your belief. It is
sufficient if you can recognise that incidents like this may have happened to you in your own childhood.

Having found the incident or series of incidents that you feel may have give rise to your belief, we then
ask two further questions:

1. If you saw a child in the exact same situation or series of situations today, would you reach the
same conclusion? Your self-esteem beliefs are the result of interpretations arrived at by a very young
and childish mind which was trying desperately to make sense of the behaviour of the people whom he
loved the most. While the conclusions you made may have made sense at the time, they may no longer
be true now that you have a better ability to discriminate and make sense of things and are better able to
see your parents as they truly are. This question then in effect allows you to see the situation through
adult eyes by using the analogical situation of witnessing a child today, going through the same situations
as you did growing up. From a position of absolute objectivity, you can discern whether the beliefs you
formed way back would just as accurately describe the situation you see another child involved in.

2. If you could go back in time and step into the shoes of an outsider who happened to witness
the situations you have described would you reach the same conclusions? This question is largely
similar in nature and effect as the previous one, except with this one, you actually go back in time and
look at yourself through objective eyes. You get to relive the events but this time from the point of view of
a dispassionate observer as opposed to an emotional, vulnerable, young participant. This viewpoint
allows you to perceive better the reality of those situations as they actually were and in doing so allows
you to generate other interpretations which may just as accurately describe what really happened.

But what if my interactions with my parents did not form my core self-esteem beliefs?

You may believe your core self-esteem beliefs were not acquired from your parents but rather came from
a sibling who teased you, an overcritical teacher or maybe a school bully. The reality however, is that it
only seems that way.

Let us explain. You were not raised by your brother; your elementary school teacher or the school bully:
you were raised by your parents. They were your first contact with the people of this world and the
57
people whose opinion meant the most to you. While you may think an incident where you got teased on
the playground was the cause of your belief that 'I'm not lovable', the reality is that the seeds of this belief
were sown long before this. If you had been raised in a family were your interactions with your parents
were largely positive and supporting and you were made felt loved and wanted then the opinions of the
playground bully would have had little or no effect. You had already a mountain of evidence from the
'Gods' (your parents) confirming that you were a lovable and valuable person. However this was often not
the case and the incident with the bully was just like throwing fuel on an already pre-existing fire.
Therefore, the advice with core self esteem beliefs is to look to your parental interactions, 99 times out a
100, they were the cause.

58
Being expressive is wrong

The child is continually and spontaneously curious, open, welcoming and happy. He has an insatiable
desire to explore, touch, taste, express. Not being cognizant of the value system in his parent's world, the
child might play with his crayons by drawing pictures on the wall. He might investigate Daddy's suitcase
by opening it and throwing out all the files and notebooks. He might examine his wooden blocks by
throwing them to see if they bounce or make a noise and in doing so he may inadvertently break a mirror.
There is no badness or motive in what the child is doing, just an insatiable desire to explore. He has been
delivered into a wondrous new world and to him, what he does is just part of his journey of discovery.

Given any of the above examples however, parents upon discovering their property in disarray, may be
caught off guard and respond with anger towards the child. The parent may believe the angry response is
in the best interests of both him or herself (i.e. its good to vent anger) and the child (i.e. reprimanding is
the best way to teach and discipline the child). The parent may feel that he is acting in the child's best
interests but the child unaware of the 'proper way' to conduct himself in an adult community; is delivered a
powerful message he won't forget. The child is being shown that when he is just being himself,
expressing his innate curiosity, he is making others unhappy and violating unspoken rules.

Carrying this belief that 'being expressive is wrong' into adult life can result in excessive carefulness.
Instead of naturally expressing emotions or interest or just plain 'being yourself', people with this belief are
generally uptight and censor what they say and do when in the company of people.

1. Become aware of your surroundings. For example, touch your toes, right now, actually touch your toes,
feel them in your hands, we can say that your nose exists; it is a physical fact out there in objective
reality. Point to your foot. We can also say your foot exists.
But is it really a fact out there in objective reality that 'being expressive is wrong'? Your mind might tell
at things objectively? What does 'wrong' even look like? Can you perceive it with any of your five senses?

no longer believe 'being expressive is wrong'? If you weren't even able to think this belief, would it still
nevertheless be a fact out there in the world? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your
belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in
it?

59
3. When did this first seem like a fact to you? What happened with you and your parents that caused you
to first believe that 'being expressive is wrong'? Go way back to when you were a very young child.
Maybe your parents scolded you for being too loud or boisterous. Maybe they didn't like when you were
goofing around and acting like a kid. Or perhaps they were always telling you to be quiet or were critical
when you expressed yourself? Just look back in your past and see what things spring to mind?

4 If today, you saw a young child in the exact same situation or series of situations with his parents,
would you conclude that his being expressive was wrong? What would you conclude? Would you really
conclude anything about this child from seeing these events? What would you conclude about his
parent's behaviour? Would you really be able to draw any conclusions about life in general from seeing
this incident?

5. Go back in time and put yourself in the shoes of an outsider who happens to walk by and witness the
scene or scenes involving you as a young child where you initially started to believe 'being expressive is
wrong'. Seen from the outside, would you conclude that you as a young child were somehow a bad
person for expressing yourself? Or maybe would you conclude that you were just being a 'kid'? Would
you conclude that your parent's behaviour was correct and appropriate or that maybe they overreacted?
Would you really be able to conclude anything about you as a child or about life in general from this
interaction?

60
ideas of this strange new world you have entered upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a
society and culture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you conclude that there
was something wrong with a little child being expressive? Would you even be able to perceive and
separate wrong behaviour from right behaviour? What would 'wrong' and 'right' even look like?

where you or your friends or someone you knew allowed themselves to be fully expressive around others
and it wasn't perceived to be a bad thing?

8. Is it real to you that 'being expressive is wrong' is not really a fact out there in the world? That perhaps
all this time it's just been an
idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

How about being expressi ve is ok? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4
time.

61
'could this be true?'. Try to find at least 3 ways that the statement has been true in your own life; whether
that be through things you've experienced personally or things you've directly perceived.

There was nothing morally wrong with your being self-expressive. Your parents simply had too
high an expectation of you, as a child in expecting you to act as an adult, be quiet, obedient and
tidy. They expected you to act in a way that you were developmentally incapable of acting at that
time. You were not bad for being expressive as a kid, you acted like a healthy curious child
should act. It was your parent's expectations that were wrong.

Your parents were products of their own upbringing and perhaps came from a generation were
'children were seen and not heard' and the doctrine was 'spare the rod and you spoil the child'.
While this may have been the way things were done in the past, this does not necessarily mean
that it was the correct way. Child psychologists have since poured scorn on this idea and view it
as one of the root causes of various behavioural and emotional problems in later life.

Your parents may not have valued self-expressiveness but is this a view held by the rest of
society? In general isn't it the case that people warm to a person who is emotionally open and
expressive? They are drawn magnetically to these people simply because they represent a
freedom of spirit that is so rarely seen amongst the common man. If you look in the sporting
arena for example the characters that really capture the imagination of the public are those that
are the most expressive and aren't afraid to show real human emotion. People like Muhammad
Ali, Andre Agassi and John McEnroe are crowd-pleasers because they were expressive and wore
their hearts on their sleeve.

62
Conversely how does society and nature reward the inhibited person; simply put, it doesn't! In
business, love and life in general, those that aren't afraid to stand out from the crowd are those
that generally advance in life. The wallflower does not get the girl!

63
Mistakes are bad

Children are by nature curious and inquisitive. The world is brand new to them and they intend to explore
every inch of it. However sometimes this curiosity infringes on the more rigid rules of the adult world.
While there is no bad intention behind the child's actions; very often he will do something that his parents
may perceive as 'wrong' or 'bad'. Invariably this is conveyed to the child via a very firm scolding or a stern
reprimand. The sudden withdrawal of love from the people they depend on most, can be a very traumatic
experience for a young child. The lesson is learned quickly and the child avoids anything that might result
in that trauma again... fears and reluctance to take any risks become the order of the day. Whilst this
strategy may make sense as a vulnerable young child, should it continue to affect our decisions into adult
life when we have the physical, emotional and intellectual capabilities to take care of ourselves and stand
on our own two feet?

1. Become conscious of the objects in your immediate experience. For instance, touch your chair you're
sitting on, feel its texture in your hands, we can say that this chair exists; it is a physical fact. Now touch
the floor. This too is also a physical fact! But is it really a fact that 'mistakes are bad'? Your mind might tell
at things objectively? What does 'bad' look like? Can you perceive it with any of your five senses?

no longer believe 'mistakes are bad'? If you no longer believed this belief, would it still be a fact out there
in the world? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus,
would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

64
to first believe that 'mistakes are bad'? Go way back to when you were a very young child. Maybe you
broke something or damaged something and your parents just lost it with you? Maybe you wandered
somewhere where you shouldn't have and your parents got really mad? Or maybe you were brought up in
a very authoritarian household where you are constantly criticised for just acting like a kid! Just look back
in your past and see what things spring to mind? Don't confine yourself to experiences with one particular
parent. Look for incidents involving one or both of your parents.

4 Imagine today, you saw a young child in the exact same situation or series of situations with his
parents. From seeing this incident would you really conclude anything about this child, from seeing these
events? What would you conclude about his parent's behaviour? Would you say it was appropriate in the
circumstances or perhaps a little heavy handed? Would you really be able to draw any conclusions about
mistakes or about life in general from witnessing this scene?

scene or scenes where you initially started to believe 'mistakes are bad'. Seen from the outside, would
you conclude that you as a young child were somehow a bad person for expressing yourself? Or maybe
would you conclude that you were just being a 'kid'? Would you conclude that your parent's behaviour
were correct and appropriate or that maybe they overreacted? Would you really conclude anything about
you as a child or about life in general from this interaction?

65

ideas of this world you have entered upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society and
culture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern 'mistakes'
from correct actions? What would a 'mistake' even look like? Would it instead be real to you that all the
happenings in the world had no real inherent meaning?

7. Can you find incidents from your own life where this fact was actually not a fact? Can you find times
where you or your friends or someone you knew made a mistake, maybe even a big one and in hindsight
it wasn't that big a deal? Find as many incidents as you can.

8. Is it real to you that 'mistakes are bad' is not really a fact out there in the world? That perhaps all this
time it's just been an idea
you have arbitrarily accepted?

9. If its just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is?
How about mistakes are no big deal? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4
time.

66
you have perceived.

Your parents had a low tolerance for mistakes, simply because they expected too much of you.
They expected you to act like an adult when you were developmentally incapable of doing so.
This does not mean that in and of itself your actions as a child were inherently bad. Your actions
were learning experiences. As a child you were learning about the world you lived in and this
displayed itself in lots of behaviour your parents deemed as 'bad'. This was a natural instinct and
impulse. You were acting the way nature intended you to act. Your parents simply did not have
the correct training or ability to set proper boundaries for you while at the same time allowing you
to grow and learn.

In saying that, isn't it also true that no matter how many mistakes you made growing up, your
parents still loved you. It wasn't like they threw you out on the streets for breaking a plate or
anything?

Mistakes are not bad, they are necessary parts of a learning curve. Your natural way of learning
is through negative feedback. You attempt something, it doesn't work; you learn from it and then
correct course. Mistakes are the foundation of learning. If you are not making mistakes, then you
are not learning and not advancing in any meaningful way. Mistakes are a good thing as they
indicate you are moving out of self-imposed ruts and instead learning and growing as a human
being.

67
If everyone felt mistakes were bad then we would still be living in caves. We would not attempt to
do anything that was not previously attempted. We would not develop our knowledge base for
fear of making mistakes. Thomas Edison failed hundreds of times before he found the correct
filament to use for his electric lights. Charles Goodyear likewise failed on countless occasions
before finding the correct process for making rubber tires. The same holds true for Alexander
Fleming who discovered penicillin. Our quality of life would be fundamentally different if it wasn't
for these men and the many 'mistakes' they made. Their place in history is assured because of
their willingness to make mistakes.

68
Exercise 12 Estimated Time - 30
I'm not lovable

We come into this world as pure consciousness, pure awareness. We have no sense of who we are and
the world we live in. In order to derive some sense of self, of identity we need reflective mirrors. Mirroring
is done by our parents or primary caretakers and is crucial in the first years of life. Our identity depended
on a significant other whose eyes saw us as we saw ourselves.

Since we had not developed our intellect to a sufficient degree in these early years, everything depended
on emotional interaction. We needed to feel loved. We needed to know at a deep level that we were
loved. But generally, our parents being flawed human beings; did not have the parental training or skill to
provide a constant source of emotional mirroring.

After a long hard day, our parents may have been tired and lost their temper with us. In trying to discipline
us, they were perhaps overly critical or heavy-handed. They were perhaps busy with their own work and
could not give us their undivided attention. Or perhaps they brought us up in a certain fashion because it
was the way they were raised and they don't know any better.

In constructing our fundamental sense of self, the only conclusion we can derive from the various parental
rejections and admonitions is that we just simply were not lovable! While the reality most likely was that
our parents loved us very much and would have done anything for us; it was not what our parents meant
and intended that counts, it is what we, as children perceived that affected our behaviours and actions.

However the simple fact, that our parents didn't make us feel lovable growing up, does not mean we were
inherently unlovable nor does it mean we should condemn ourselves to living the rest of our life believing
this.

1. Become aware of things in your direct experience. For example point to your computer, note its
physical dimensions, we can say that your computer exists; it is a fact out there in objective reality. Point
to your foot. We can also say your foot exists as a fact. But is it really a fact that 'I am not lovable'? Your
mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Step outside your own thinking
and try to look at things objectively? What does 'lovable' even look like? Smell like? Taste like?

no longer believe 'I'm not lovable'? As a result of ou would go about your day feeling very loved and
lovable.

If you weren't able to even think this belief, would it still nevertheless be a fact out there in the world
regardless? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would
its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

69
to first believe that 'I'm not lovable'? Go way back to when you were a very young child. It could have
been one isolated incident or a series of incidents? Furthermore these events could have involved one or
both of your parents? Just give yourself time, look back and see what arises from your early childhood
experiences. Where your parents as affectionate and caring as they could have been? Did they pay
attention to you? Did they tend to you when you were upset? Just look back and see what comes up?

4 If today, you saw a young child in the exact same situation or series of situations with his parents;
would you conclude that he was inherently unlovable? What would you conclude about his parents'
behaviour? Would you really conclude anything about this child's lovability from seeing these events?

scene or scenes where you initially started to believe 'I'm not lovable'. Seen through an outsider's eyes,
would you conclude that you as a young child were unlovable? Or maybe would you conclude that you
were just being a 'kid'? What conclusions would you reach about your parent's behaviour? Would you
really conclude anything about you as a child or about life in general from these interactions?

70
culture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern the 'lovable'
people from the 'unlovable' people? What would 'lovable' or 'unlovable' even look like?

7. Is it real to you that 'I'm not lovable' is not really an objective fact out there in the world and never was?
That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily?

How about I am lovable? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas,

71

Your parents loved you but at times they were too wrapped up in their own lives and problems
and perhaps from time to time they lashed out at you. However when you look back on your life I
bet you can see that your parents lovingly supported you in lots of ways; they fed you, they put
clothes on your back, they put you through school. They weren't perfect but then again who is?
They loved you the best way they could.

Your parents loved you and at the end of the day would have done anything for you but it's
human nature that people find it much easier to criticise and be negative than to actually show
love to another human being. We are a society of emotionally stunted individuals.

Your parents may have been brought up as children in an environment where there was not a lot
of love in their home. This exposure may have unconsciously taught them that this is the way kids
should be brought up. It wasn't that they didn't love you or that you were unlovable, it was just
that they lacked the parental training to raise children properly.

72
It's possible however that maybe one or both of your parents were selfish, nasty individuals who
should never have been parents. Just because they couldn't find it in their hearts to love you,
doesn't mean no one could. It wasn't that you are or were inherently unlovable, it was just that
your parents were jerks. Being a kid, in order to preserve your sanity, you had to believe your
parents were right in all that they did. To think that your parents didn't know what they were doing
would have caused unbearable anxiety in your young vulnerable psyche. If they treated you
badly, it was paradoxically safer to think they were right in doing so.

There is not some objective set of characteristics that make one person lovable and another not.
If there was then people with these characteristics would be universally loved by everyone, but
who enjoys that sort of universal acclaim!? Lovability is an entirely subjective phenomenon...
some people will love you, some will not. That is the nature of things.

Don't discount the fact that right now, there are probably a lot of people who love you. Your
family, friends, secret admirers, whoever... It may be the case that the only reason you haven't
experienced more love in your life is simply because up to this point your various negative limiting
beliefs have constricted your natural in-built charismatic personality. If people knew the real 'you',
the 'you' you are when you are at your most comfortable and uninhibited; they couldn't help but
fall in love with you!

73
I'm not important

As children we were completely dependent on our parents to fulfil our needs. We needed someone to
hold us and touch us. We need an understanding face to affirm our feelings, needs and drives. We
needed a stable structure in which all these needs were met. We needed predictability. We needed
people we could count on. We needed our parents' time and attention. We needed food, clothing shelter
and medicine when we were sick.

When any of these needs are neglected, children are given the message that their needs are not
important and they lose a sense of their own personal value. The implicit message taken on by kids is
that they are not worth their parents' time and at a fundamental level, the child sees himself as not being
worthy or important.

1. Become aware of your environment for a second. For example, touch the table in front of you, feel its
hard surface, we can say that your table exists; it is a physical fact. Now pick up whatever object may be
on this table. We can say that object also exists as a physical fact. But is 'I'm not important' really a fact?
Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Step outside your own
thinking and try to look at things objectively? What does 'important' even look like? Can you perceive it
with any of your five senses?

no longer believe 'I'm not important'? As a result of this selective amnesia you would go about your day
feeling incredibly important. Try and get into that headspace. If you were no longer able to even think this
belief, would it still be a fact out there in the world regardless? Would it continue to exist as a fact

74
to first believe that 'I'm not important'? Go way back to when you were a very young child. Did your
parents not make time for you? Where there times when they weren't there for you as you would have
liked? Did it seem sometimes that they didn't give a damn? Just give yourself time, look back and see
what arises from your early childhood experiences.

4. If today, you saw a young child in the exact same situation or series of situations with his parents,
would you conclude that he was not important? What would you conclude about his parents' behaviour?
Would you really be able conclude anything about this child's inherent importance from seeing these
events?

scene or scenes where you initially started to believe 'I'm not important'. What conclusions would you
reach about your parent's behaviour? Seen through an outsider's eyes, would you conclude that you as a
young child were not important? Would you really conclude anything about you as a child or about life in
general from these interactions?

75
our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern the important people from the unimportant
people? What would 'important' even look like?

7. Is it real to you that 'I'm not important' is not really a fact? That perhaps all this time it's just been an
idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

How about I am important? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas,

76

Your parents had their own lives. They weren't just 'Mommy' and 'Daddy'. This was not their sole
identity and function in life. They were human beings as well, with their own lives, goals, desires,
frustrations, stresses and problems. Just because they were not available to you as much as you
would have liked, did not mean you were not important to them. They simply had their own lives
to lead.

If you had got sick or died as a young child, I think it would be safe to say that your parents would
have been devastated. Deep down you were and are incredibly important to your parents.

From an adult perspective, the problems, feelings and opinions of a young kid can seem pretty
trivial. When an adult is coping with mortgage repayments, marital difficulties and job
dissatisfaction, what Li'l Jimmy said to you on the playground may not have been all that
important to him or her. However just because what you had to say as a child wasn't all that
important, that didn't mean you were not important!

77
Again, importance is not some objective characteristic that people are inherently born with. If a
person is important to other people whether emotionally or otherwise it is because they have
made themselves so through their actions and words. Take Neil Strauss for example, he was
anonymous around women up until his mid thirties, but then through consciously deciding to, he
became a very important and significant figure in the lives of a lot of attractive women as well as
being an inspiration to millions of frustrated guys.

Right now you are an important person to many people. You are important to your family, your
friends, your co-workers, employers or employees. Your job and the services you render are
probably very important to your clients. The taxes you pay contribute to the upkeep and provision
of various public services in your country. The money you spend on goods and services helps to
keep millions in jobs. If you died today, you would leave a big hole in many people's lives.

78
Exercise 14 Estimated Time - 30
There is something inherently wrong with me

Once beliefs like 'I'm not important' and 'I'm not lovable' become internalised, we as children are left with
a thoroughly distorted view of our real self. Feeling that the very person we are, is patently inferior; we set
about constructing a false sense of self. The logic is that if we cannot even accept ourselves, who else
will. The only hope we have is to create an artificial self. This false self must be more or less human. The
false self may be a perfectionist or a slob, the star of the family or the black sheep. As the false self takes
hold, the authentic self goes into hibernation. As we grow up, the years of pretence and defence become
so ingrained in the very image we hold of ourselves, that the true spontaneous, authentic self that we are
disappears until we lose all awareness of who we are.

The irony is that the desire to cover up what we perceive as our deeply flawed self is the core motivation
of the super-achiever and the underachiever, the grade 'A' student and the addict in the alley. Both are
driven to cover up their deep sense of self-rupture... one with the glowing report card, one with the
needle.

Brought into the sphere of dating and relationships, the effect of this strategy can be devastating. If the
basic belief is that we are inherently inferior or defective then it follows that no attractive women could
love us just as we are. In order to be lovable therefore, we need to become better, richer, fitter or prettier.
We feel if we can achieve all these things, we will have constructed a self that is acceptable to others. We
will be then given license or permission to approach the beautiful girl. If you feel you have fallen into this
seeming endless cycle, it is in your interests then to question this belief.

1. Again, become aware of objects in your direct experience. Touch your shoe, feel its texture in your
hands, we can say that this shoe exists; it is a physical fact. Now touch your foot. Your foot too is also a
physical fact! But is it really a fact that 'there is something inherently wrong with me'? Your mind might tell
you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? What does 'wrong' even look like? Can you
perceive 'wrong' with any of your five senses.

no longer believe 'there is something inherently wrong with me'? Really try to get into that headspace. If
you weren't even able to think this belief, would it still be a fact out there in the world regardless? Would it

79
to first believe that 'There is something inherently wrong with me'? Go way back to when you were a very
young child. It could have been one isolated incident or a series of incidents? Furthermore these events
could have involved one or both of your parents? Did your parents criticise you excessively? Did they
ignore you or not show you enough love and affection? At times where they not there for you as you
would have liked? Just give yourself time, look back and see what arises from your early childhood
experiences.

would you conclude that there was something inherently wrong with him? What would you conclude
about his parent's behaviour? Would you really conclude anything about this child's inherent 'wrongness'
or 'rightness' from seeing these events?

scene or scenes where you initially started to believe 'There is something inherently wrong with me'. Seen
through an outsider's eyes, would you conclude that there was something inherently wrong with you as a
young child? From the outside what conclusions would you reach about your parent's behaviour? Would
you really conclude anything about you as a child or about life in general from these interactions?

80
our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern the people who are inherently 'wrong' and
those that are inherently 'right'? Would you be able to make any distinctions along those lines?

7. Is it real to you that 'there is something inherently wrong with me' is not really a fact out there in the
world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

How about there is nothing wrong with me? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3
or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take
your time.

81
pause and ask yourself 'could this be true?'. Try to find at least 3 ways that the statement has been true in
your own life; whether that be through things you've experienced personally or things you've directly
perceived.

Throughout your life, you have probably known people who have felt there is something
inherently RIGHT about you! Deep down you know your parents love you. The same can
probably be said of your brothers and sisters. You may also have any number of people such as
employers, employees, friends and lovers who have held you in very high esteem.

Your parents never thought there was something wrong with you. You were and are probably one
of the most important people in their lives. They were just ignorant of the damaging effect their
words and actions would have on your psyche when you were growing up. They were trying to
protect you and teach you proper boundaries but as a result of a lack of parental training they
ended up making you feel bad about yourself.

Your parents may have felt there was something inherently wrong with them too. They may have
been raised in a critical household and thought that this was the proper way to raise children. If
hypothetically, you had been adopted at a young age and placed in a very openly loving family
where you were supported in all that you did and gently taught proper boundaries, do you feel
that you would have believed there was something wrong with you? Chances are you would not.
This shows then that 'wrong' is not an inherent fact about you but rather simply a suggestion or
an idea you've accepted as a result of your treatment at the hands of your parents.

82
In study of college co-eds, fully 90% of those surveyed felt there was something inherently wrong
with them whether it be their appearance or personality. If the words 'normal' or 'average' mean
anything at all, it simply cannot be that 9 out of every 10 people in our population is somehow
'abnormal, defective' or 'different'. If you take this idea to its logical conclusion then the 10%
whom consider themselves normal are in fact the abnormal ones. There is nothing inherently
inferior or superior about you. You are just you, a separate and distinct individual. To judge
yourself against some par or objective standard is silly for the simple reason that there is no
objective standard out there. Everyone is an individual with their own distinct blend of skills,
interests and aptitudes.

83
It's important people think well of me

As has been said throughout this course, the most traumatic thing that can happen to a child is to have
his parents withdraw their love from him. When our very existence is dependent on our parents loving us,
we will very soon adopt survival strategies to ensure that our parents never withdraw their love again. So
at an early age, we learn to want what they want for us and become good little approval seekers.
Unfortunately, this strategy can become a problem when we get older and start generalizing this
approval-seeking behaviour with our teachers, our powerful appearing peers, and with women.
Somewhere along the line we lose (or never develop) our ability to decide for ourselves what we want
and to go for it. And the habit is set, often for life.

1. Become aware of objects in your field of vision. Touch the lamp on your table, feel it on your fingertips,
we can say that the lamp exists; it is a physical fact. Point to your foot. We can also say your foot exists
as an actual fact. But is it really a fact that 'it's important people think well of me'? Your mind might tell you
that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at
things objectively. What does 'important' even look like? Can you perceive this belief with any of your five
senses?

no longer believe 'it's important people think well of me' and went through your day not worrying what
people thought? If you longer believed this belief, would it nevertheless still be a fact out there in the
world? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its
continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

to first believe that 'It's important people think well of me'? Go way back to when you were a very young
child. It could have been one isolated incident or a series of incidents? Furthermore these events could
have involved one or both of your parents? Did it seem your parents only valued and appreciated you
when you were doing what they wanted? Just give yourself time, look back and see what arises from your
early childhood experiences.
84

would you conclude that it was important people think well of him? What would you conclude? Would you
really conclude anything about what was important for this child or about life in general from seeing this
event?

scene or scenes where you initially started to believe 'it's important people think well of me'. Seen through
an outsider's eyes, would you conclude that it was important for this young child that people think well of
him? What conclusions would you reach about your parent's behaviour? Would you really conclude
anything about you as a child or about life in general from these interactions?

ideas of this world you have entered upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy, from a society and
culture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern whether it
was 'important' that you or anyone else be thought well of by others? Again would you be able to discern
what events or activities were 'important' and what were 'unimportant'?

85
7. Can you find incidents in your life, or things you've observed when the belief that 'it's important people
think well of me' was not a fact? Look back in your past, start at the beginning, find as many incidents as
you can where a person or people didn't think well of you and you managed to get over it and move on
with your life.

8. Is it real to you that 'it's important people think well of me' is not really a fact out there in the world?
That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

How about people's opinions about me have little or no impact on my life and happiness? Can you
find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life
experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

86
pause and ask yourself 'could this be true?'

The approval seeking strategy made sense when you were a child. You were completely
dependent on your parents for food, shelter and all your emotional needs. It therefore paid to
keep on their good side. However, you are an adult now and your survival is not dependent on
keeping on anyone's good side. You can fend for yourself and stand on your own two feet. Even
if no one thought well of you, you would still be able to cope and survive.

Chances are throughout your life, you've had people who haven't thought well of you for whatever
reason. Looking back has this really had a tremendous impact on your life or your health? As you
consider your life right now, have these people's opinions really had that big an effect on your
life? Here you are still breathing, still living your life so how big was the impact of their opinions
really?

Having people like you is no guarantee of happiness. Pop-stars, movie stars and sporting heroes
benefit from widespread adulation and are loved and revered throughout the world. However
often times these people are unhappier than the average guy on the street. They spend their lives
seeking adulation and acceptance and once they get it they find that it does not bring them the
happiness they seek. This leads many to fall into the depths of despair. You may have found this
also to a lesser degree. Perhaps you've had the adulation or affection of another person maybe
even a pretty girl and found that it did not really add to your happiness in any meaningful or long
term way. It simply gave your ego a temporary boost but this did not give any lasting happiness or
contentment.

87
You come into this world alone and no matter who you are, no matter what you accomplish in
your lifetime, no matter how many friends you have and no matter how close you may be to one
or more persons, the reality is that when you go down for the final count, you'll be in that wooden
box all by yourself.
'Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave nor lose. To
the question of your life, you are the only answer. To the problems of your life you are the only
solution.'
-Jo Coudert.

Think for a second about your mental life and where your thoughts roam throughout the day. If
you look honestly you will find that much of your time is spent thinking about your desires,
frustrations, problems and what others think about you. The point is most of your time is spent
thinking about YOU! It may shatter some illusions about what a selfless thoughtful individual you
are but the simple fact is that YOU are obsessed by YOU. No one else holds near as much
fascination for you than you do. This principle holds true for every other member of the human
race as well! So seen in this light doesn't it seem pointless worrying about what others think about
you... because the fact is more often than not, they are not thinking about you because they are
too busy thinking about themselves!

88
Conditioning 1 Fear of Talking to Strangers

In much the same way that you automatically respond to the ring of the telephone, we all become
conditioned to respond to various stimuli in our environment. The process itself is called Operant
Conditioning. Under normal conditions; it is this process, which allows us to learn how to read, write, drive
a car or learn to play a musical instrument. Practicing or repeating the action allows the action to pass
into the realm of the subconscious where the action can be repeated without the need or interjection of
the slower conscious reasoning processes. The action itself becomes unconscious.

You have had the experience of this when you are learning to drive a car. Initially you have to expend
enormous mental effort in trying to change the gears, keep the car steady on the road and being aware of
oncoming traffic. After a while though the process becomes completely unconscious and you can drive
with virtually no mental effort at all. This is a necessary process in that it frees up the conscious will to
learn new skills. Just think about it, how awful would life be if you had to today, go through the same
conscious thinking processes that you used when first learning the skills of walking, speaking, writing or
driving a car. Life would be intolerable.

While this process is intended to be of use in a positive and constructive sense; to assist our functioning
in the world; too often we use it to condition irrational fears and phobias. Many people for instance are
thought to fear strangers because of parental admonitions to have nothing to do with strange people- 'do
not accept candy from a stranger' 'do not get into a car with a stranger'.

This response of avoiding strangers serves a good purpose when one is a small innocent child but many
continue to be fearful and ill at ease in the presence of any stranger even when they know he comes as
friend instead of foe. Out of habit we continue to act in the accustomed way long after the fear continues
to serve any positive purpose.

We come across fear very early in our development. It is our survival alarm bell and our physical
protector. Fear tells us that our life is in danger. It is that instinctual 'fight or flight' we feel in the pit of our
bellies when facing danger or a perceived threat to our existence. Basically when a perceived threat to
our safety is observed, our body will respond by releasing adrenalin into our systems, sending blood to
the legs to prepare for flight and all the other physiological effects that come under the umbrella of the
fear response.

We do not need to become familiar with the response or learn coping strategies to 'feel the fear and do it
anyway'. Instead we need to look at step 1 of the fear process, namely the stimulus. Before the body
responds with fear, it must first perceive a threat to its safety. Now at an intellectually superficial level
you realise that there is nothing to fear from approaching women, being rejected by a woman, being
criticised by a woman. However intellectual knowledge is not enough, you need experiential, emotional
knowledge for change in behaviour to really be effected. The following process is designed to do just that.
What follows is an amended version of the previous process used in this course. It is designed to break
the chain of stimulus-response that is causing your fear by addressing the stimulus part of the process
and by re-educating you at a gut emotional level into knowing there is nothing to fear from approaching
women.

89
1. Pick up a pen and then release your grip of it. You can see that the obvious consequences of this
action will be that the pen will drop. This is fact. However can you say with certainty that if you talk to a
woman you don't know that it will be putting your life in danger? Your mind might tell you that it is but is
this really the case out there in actual reality?

no longer feel any fear of talking to strangers. You just went out and started talking with every stranger
you met.

If you longer felt this way, would it still nevertheless still be a fact out there in the world that your safety
would be in danger from talking to a strange woman? Would the danger continue to exist as a fact

culture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern any danger
to the male of the species from talking to a female he didn't know?

90
where you or someone you've known has talked to a stranger and it turned out you or he weren't in any
physical danger? Find as many incidents as you can and replay them in your memory.

5. Is it real to you now that 'if I talk to a stranger, my life is in danger' is not really a fact out there in the
world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

How about there is nothing to fear from talking strangers? Can you find evidence in support of this
idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to
validate this idea. Take your time.

91

Fearing strangers was a valid survival strategy when you were a small child who was emotionally,
physically and intellectually frail and vulnerable to the threat of outside forces. However that is not
the case now, you are a fully-grown, physically, emotionally and intellectually mature adult. Why
should you fear talking to a woman who in reality is physically more vulnerable than you and may
indeed be more emotionally and intellectually vulnerable as well.

We live in a civilised society. Generally only a very small percentage of people engage in anti-
social activities such as violence or theft. Realistically what are the chances an attractive well-
groomed woman being interested in physically harming you for walking up and talking to her?
Next to no chance, you would believe.

Just because other guys are reluctant or afraid to talk to people they don't know, does not
necessarily mean there is any danger attached to it. Remember these people are just as
susceptible to limiting beliefs, conditioned emotional responses and phobias as you are. If you
are a human being, it is invariable that you will display some form of inhibition or phobia that is
completely irrational. Get on an elevator, a bus or some other form of public transport, or walk
down a crowded street. Observe how everybody is reluctant to talk to or even make eye contact
with the people surrounding them. The fact is people are afraid of people. You are afraid of
strangers when the reality is that all those strangers are afraid of you as well.

92
Remember girls, even beautiful girls are just as susceptible to these types of conditionings as
well. Her physical beauty is no guarantee she will be free of the mental garbage we pick up as
young vulnerable children. It may well be the reality that she will be just as nervous about talking
to you as you are of talking to her.

93
Conditioning 2 Fear of Rejection

For many people, rejection is a fate worse than death. We have been rejecting ourselves for the totality of
our lives and for someone on the outside to do likewise confirms what we fear the most; that we are
unwanted and unlovable. If you have done the previous exercises you will know that this conclusion
simply does not accord with reality.

However even after having eliminated these notions; the fear response to perceived 'rejection' can still
remain. The fear itself goes back again to early experiences with your parents or primary caregivers. We
come across fear very early in our development. It is our survival alarm bell and our physical protector. It
is that instinctual 'fight or flight' we feel in the pit of our bellies when facing danger or a perceived threat to
our existence.

To a child nothing is more traumatic and fear inducing than the sense of abandonment or withdrawal of
their parent's love. In our early lives we are completely dependent on our parents love and acceptance for
our survival. Our needs can only be met through our parents. The only way we can ensure that our
parents continue to take care of us is by ensuring that they still love us. Therefore the times when our
parents withdraw their love from us represent the times of the utmost trauma. Our very survival is at
stake. If as children we continually experiences instances of this withdrawal of love, this blanket of fear
and uncertainty continues into our adult lives. In certain situations, we won't be able to respond to what is
really going on. We will be emotionally hijacked by an old brain that stays in the past, playing out the
same old recordings.

But do you need to continue to fear rejection. Whilst in the past, this response may or may not have been
appropriate, is it now? If you're parents disowned you know, decided they wanted nothing more to do with
you... would you be able to survive? Whilst the event would be very upsetting, in reality you would be able
to survive without your parents. Well then the question should then be if you could survive the rejection of
those closest to you, why should you fear the rejection of a complete stranger?

action will be that the pen will drop. This is fact. However can you say with certainty that if you are
rejected by a girl that it will be a fact that your life will be in danger, as a result. Your mind might tell you
that it is but is this really the case out there in reality?

no longer feel any fear of being rejected. You were able to go out and completely laughed off all forms of
rejection.

If you longer felt this way about rejection, would it still nevertheless be a fact out there in the world that
your safety would be in danger from being rejected by a woman? Would it continue to exist as a fact
94

our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern any danger to the male of the species in
being rejected by a woman?

where you have been rejected or have seen another rejected by a girl and he wasn't in any physical
danger?

5. Is it real to you that 'if I'm rejected my life is in danger' is not really a fact that has independent
existence out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily
accepted?

How about there is nothing to fear from being rejected by a woman? Can you find evidence in
95
The following points suggests an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening. You are not
expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows
and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of your own
truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of
thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each statement, pause and
ask yourself 'could this be true'? To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this has
been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things you have
perceived.

Fearing rejection made sense when you were a vulnerable child, dependent on others for
survival. You are an adult now and capable of standing on your own two feet and fending for
yourself. You can survive rejection. If your parents disowned you now and said they wanted
nothing more to do with you, sure, it would be a crummy thing to happen but you'd still cope,
wouldn't you? So why fear rejection from a complete stranger when you realise you could handle
rejection from the most important people in your life.

As had been said previously in this course, you have probably been rejected countless times in
your life both on a large and small scale. While it wasn't the most pleasant thing that has ever
happened to you, in the long term, nothing bad ever really happened to you as a result of it.
Experiences like this may have even made you a better person.

Think about what actually happens when a girl rejects you. She may tell you she is not interested
and walk away. What happens then? The moment has ended. It has now passed into the realm
of ancient history. You may feel embarrassed. But then what? You go home that night, fall
asleep. You still have your two arms, two legs and your health. When you wake up next morning,
you will go about your day as normal. In a week or a month's time, you will barely even remember
the rejection. Rejections from girls have little or no impact on your day-to-day life.

96
Conditioning 3 Fear of Being Center of Attention

While as a child we need and deeply crave the love and attention of our parents, often times this attention
when turned upon us can become a poisoned chalice.

Children very often do not receive their parents' full, undivided attention. This is especially the case when
the child is doing what the parents want. Parents will rarely reinforce positive behaviour; just punish bad
behaviour! Generally children only get their parents attention when they do something the parent
perceives as bad. What normally ensues in those circumstances is that the child receives a severe verbal
scolding or perhaps the 'silent treatment' (and accompanying crippling withdrawal of love). The parental
attention may even go so far as physical abuse.

The child exposed to this attention often enough begins to develop a severe fear to having the spotlight
on him. Having parental eyes focused upon him invariably carries with it the penalty of emotional or
physical pain and to a vulnerable mind, the threat of death. It becomes easier to avoid situations where
attention will be focused on you, to withdraw, to fade into the background. While this strategy may have
been necessary when you were a small vulnerable child unable to defend yourself against your bigger
stronger keepers; the reality is you are a fully-grown adult both physically and intellectually and well able
to take care of yourself. What sense is there in continuing to be afraid of having the attention focused on
you when there no longer exists any physical threat! Life does not give its richest rewards to the
wallflowers or to those who sit in the stands. To succeed in life, to succeed with women you must become
comfortable with being the centre of attention

action will be that the pen will drop. This is fact. However can you say with certainty that if you are the
centre of attention that it will be fact that your life is in danger.

no longer feel any fear of being the centre of attention.
If you longer felt this way, would it nevertheless still be a fact out there in the world that your safety would
be in danger from being the centre of attention? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your
belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in
it?

97
our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern any danger to the male of the species from
having the attention of others in a social, civilised venue?

4. Can you find incidents from your own life where this 'fact' was actually not a fact? When you had the
attention of others focused on you, be it in the classroom, at a job interview, at a bar or club or when
giving a presentation? Can you recall that your safety was never really in any danger?

5. Is it real to you that 'if I'm the centre of attention my life is in danger' is not really a fact? That perhaps
all this time it's just been an idea in your head?

How about there is nothing to fear from being the centre of attention? Can you find evidence from
your own life experience or things you've observed in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas,
situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time

98
'could this be true?'.

Fearing being the centre of attention made sense when you were under the dominion of parents
who often times were critical or even violent when you did something they didn't approve of.
However as has been said on countless occasions, you are a fully-grown adult now and are
capable of handling the consequences of your actions.

We live in a civilised society. Freedom of expression is an inalienable right. You will not be
executed or otherwise reprimanded for stealing the limelight and having your voice heard by
others!

Bill Clinton had the world watching his every move during the 'Monica Lewinsky' affair. The
spotlight was on him and was casting him in the most negative light possible. What happened?
People moved on and got on with their lives. Bill was then left to rebuild his life and to his credit
he has. In spite of his 'misdemeanours' he continues to be a popular figure in American culture, a
successful author and international diplomat. He was exposed to the worst kind of exposure and
attention imaginable and he lived to tell the tale. Seen in the light of Bill Clinton, what fears should
you have about having others eyes focused on you?

99
Just because other people are reluctant or afraid to be the centre of attention, does not
necessarily mean there is anything inherently dangerous in being so. As has been said
previously, they are simply suffering from their own neuroses, shyness and irrational phobias.

People are self-obsessed and are constantly worried about what others think of them.
Consequently why worry about having others people's attention on you? Since the simple fact of
the matter is that they're probably more worried about what you think of them!

100
Conditioning 4 Fear of Failure

Much of what you learned growing up was what not to do and what to avoid or abstain from doing. The
majority of the behavioural rules as a child were based on the avoidance and prevention of engaging in
activities that may have been harmful to you or the people around you. 'Don't play in the street. Don't talk
to strangers, Don't be late'. In a particular psychological study, three and four year old children where
equipped with tape recorders that recorded everything they were told. After analysing the tapes,
researchers found that fully 85 per cent of the time kids were either being told what they could not do or
being scolded or being told how bad they were for doing something they were doing.

While the parents understandably used this mode of parenting as a way to protect their children from
potentially harmful consequences; invariably, what was learned by the child is that he should necessarily
avoid trying anything new. This strategy of avoiding new experiences is taught and reinforced until it
becomes an automatic lifetime habit and lives long after you learn how to cross the street.

Your desire for increased success with women will naturally involve you altering your current behaviours
and lifestyle to a certain degree by trying new things. Fear of failure is the greatest single magnetic force
that keeps you in pre-existing comfort zones. In order for you to truly break free of old habits of thought
and action, this conditioned fear response must be eliminated.

action will be that the pen will drop. This is fact. However can you say with certainty that if you 'fail' with a
girl that it will be a fact that your life will be in danger, as a result. Your mind might tell you that it is but is
this really the case out there in reality?

no longer feel any fear of failure. You would go out and try new things without fear of them not working.
If you longer felt this way, would it still nevertheless be a fact out there in the world that your safety would
be in danger if you failed whatever objectives you set yourself? Would it continue to exist as a fact

101
our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern any danger to the male of the species from
him failing with a woman? What would 'failure' even look like?

where you or someone you know failed at something and as it turned out your life or well-being was never
really under threat as a result?

5. Is it real to you that 'if I fail my life is in danger' is not really a fact? That perhaps all this time it's just
been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

How about there is nothing to fear from failing? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to
find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea.
Take your time.

102

What dramatic consequences will attach should you fail in your objectives with a woman, be that
getting her number, getting a date or getting physical! You are not performing brain surgery; your
life, her life or no one else's life is in danger. The worst that can happen is literally that you end
back up where you started before you decided to approach. In a week, month or at worst a year
you will have completely forgotten about the incident.

An event or occasion can only be labelled a failure if you quit as a result of it. If you instead use
failure as a learning experience the event can prove a cathartic experience and can reveal to you
important life lessons or seeds of opportunities that you may not have considered had you
succeeded.

You have failed at many things, many times in the past. You have on occasion failed in exams,
failed in job interviews, failed to meet your parents or other loved ones expectations, failed in
competitive sports. Yet here you are, still living and breathing so how horrific can failure actually
be!

Failure may have had consequences when you were a small child. Consequences that you may
not have had the physical or emotional capabilities to handle at that time. But you are a fully-
grown man now. You possess sufficient physical, mental and emotional strength to handle the
consequences of your actions failing.

103
Trust Thyself

The Latin word 'educare' which forms the root of the word 'education', literally means 'to draw from within'.
In ancient times it was acknowledged that all of us had immense creative power within us and that it was
the educator's job to draw out this potential within each student. Students reached their own insights and
expressed them in their own words.

The famed Greek philosopher Socrates was the most famous proponent of this method of education and
it came to be known as the 'Socratic Method'. Socratic method allowed Classical Athens- a city-state of
fewer than 100,000 people- to achieve feats of art and learning that still inspire awe almost 2,500 years
later. It further remained the basis of Western pedagogy until 150 years ago. Then the huge numbers of
pupils flooding into schools in America and Western Europe led teachers to abandon the Socratic
method. Faced with classes of 40 to 60 restless children, teachers no longer had the luxury to draw out
each and every students subtle perceptions and insights. At that point education stopped and teaching
began.

The substitution of teaching for education has brought with it a number of difficulties that have more than
likely, had a profound negative impact on your life.

All these difficulties stem from the one basic misconception that forms the root of traditional teaching.
Teaching works on the assumption that the student is an idiot. Based on the assumption the mind is an
empty jug that develops as it is filled with facts; conceptual learning or teaching is concerned primarily
with the accumulation and ordering of concepts and theoretical information. A lifetime of teaching has
trained you to be a functional idiot. You have more than likely become convinced that you cannot learn
any new skill (such as interacting with women) left to your own devices and require the aid of gurus,
experts, tips, tricks and techniques in order to get the job done.

The process in effect, disregards entirely the natural intelligence at your disposal. The sad (and joyous)
fact is however, that by yourself, you have managed to learn a great many skills and aptitudes in your
life, without the need for fact-building lessons or deference to experts or teachers. You mastered the
complex art of walking while still in diapers. You acquired a vocabulary of up to 2,500 words, before you
even entered the school system.

Throughout your life in fact, you have probably learned all manner of complex skills without any outside
help whatsoever. You may have acquired the ability to type 50 words a minute, play a musical instrument,
fix a car or honed the reflexes of a fighter jet pilot (as a result of hours spent on your Sony Playstation)
purely as a result of your own endeavour. You were not taught these things, rather your brain and
nervous system simply found a way to assimilate these skills in response to the demands you placed on
it. In fact the rate at which you learned and assimilated new skills and abilities before you entered the
school system is proportionately far greater than rate at which you acquired skills and abilities during your
time in formal 'education'.

104

Exercise Once difficult, now easy

Take some time now and list 10 skills or aptitudes you have mastered without any extraneous help: things
that were once difficult but are now easy as a result of you acting on your own initiative. It could be a
small thing such as learning to tie your shoe-laces or something large like learning how to hit a smooth
topspin backhand in tennis, drive a stick-shift or reciting the lyrics to every single Bruce Springsteen song
ever written. Whatever you come up with write it down..
1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

This little thinking exercise will hopefully reveal that contrary to the education systems view, you actually
aren't an idiot and are in fact, very capable of learning new skills on your own.

However, because your natural ability to learn the skills and aptitudes required to succeed in life is
essentially disregarded and undermined from a very young age, your sense of self-reliance has
gradually been eroded. The vacuum left by the disappearance of your self-reliance has been filled by the
great killer of human ambition- self doubt.

Instead of preparing you in all the best ways possible to go out and make your mark on the world and
aggressively pursue that which will make you happy; a lifetime of 'teaching' has left you instead, the victim
of circumstance and outside forces, dependent on others to 'instruct' you in the way to happiness, to
riches and even to success with women. Rather than being shown how to harness the creative power
within us, we leave the formal 'education' system indoctrinated into the assumption that we are inherently
powerless in the face of the big bad world out there.

Long after you leave the classroom, you continue to look for people to take care of you, to teach you all
the life lessons you need to learn, to tell you everything is okay and take you by the hand along the path
to a better life. So impotent do we feel living our own life that whenever we confront any obstacle, our
immediate response is to look for outside help. When we are depressed we consult psychologists or
physicians. When we are suffering from an existential crisis we join a Church or read Eckhart Tolle. When
our life is going nowhere, we call for Tony Robbins and when we can't get a date we run to a David
DeAngelo or RSD seminar.

Such is the depth of many people's sense of powerlessness that they even feel they are at the mercy of
their own mind. Even their own internal states become an external force that has dominion over them.
How many times for instance have you found yourself saying
'my fear got in my way of my approaching that girl' or 'I just can't control my anger' or 'my mind gets in the
way when I try to be spontaneous'.
105
The sobering fact is however, that in order for you to manifest the things, situations and relationships you
want into your life, you must reposition yourself as the dominant creati ve force of your own life. Tony
Robbins or David DeAngelo cannot create the life for you that you crave. They are not all powerful Gods,
they are people just like you. They have their own problems and challenges. They have businesses to run
and relationships to maintain. They will get old, get sick and die just like you. Only one person has the
time, inclination and ability to live your life and that's you. Therefore you must stop relinquishing all your
power to experts, gurus, saints and saviours and start to take back control of your own life. In order to do
this however you must stop depending on outward resources and instead look to the internal resources
you have at your disposal. You need to learn and actively trust that you can depend on you to do what
needs to be done in order to attract the quality of women you want in your life! This will be something we
cover that in the course of the next few lessons but as always take some time to read over this lesson
again and jot down what you consider to be the most meaningful points to you.

106
Pick Up Lines, Tactics & Techniques

A by-product of how we have been educated is our incessant need to have a formula or process about
how things work. The marketplace fills that need. Everywhere you look there are experts willing to give
you the 'secret success formula' to lose weight, build muscle, make a million dollars, gain enlightenment,
set and achieve goals and enhance your sexual prowess.

This state of affairs is never more true than when men look to improve their fortunes around women. It
seems everywhere you turn, a dating expert is willing to teach you his method or 'technology' for phone
game or day game or how to become an alpha male or how to have multiple sexual partners. The idea is
very appealing (and thus very commercially lucrative) because it leads the student to think that once he
has mastered the steps of the formula or process then success will be assured. Formulas seem to fill a
need in our mind for linearity, order and completeness. However this sense of security that comes with
these prescribed formulas is in fact only an illusion and ultimately, instead of helping, these systems end
up leading the student into more self-doubt and insecurity.

They 'accomplish' this in a number of ways.

The Do-Instruction

First there is the inherent difficulty in the way these dating systems are taught by the experts that sell
them. The primary tool the guru uses in teaching these seduction methods is what can be termed the 'do-
instruction' (as in 'do this' or 'don't do that'). The doinstruction is an order from the mind of one person
(the guru) to the body of another person, who is supposed to comply with the command by translating the
instruction into the appropriate physical behaviour such as 'be cocky and funny', 'be cool' or 'approach like
an alpha male'. These 'do-instructions' however are only a recipe for increased confusion.

How you may ask, do these do-instructions lead to confusion? How do you tie your shoe? How do you
drive your car? How do you write your name? Think about any one of these actions and see if you can
write a set of step-by-step instructions on how to perform it. Then try to do the actions by following your
own instructions. You will find that it's not very easy to accomplish if you describe the action in any detail.
Yet this is what most dating experts expect us to do. They take the actions that work for them and then
set about verbalising them and putting them down on paper. However in this translation process between
the mind of the guru to the message in the book or CD he is selling, the simplicity and essence of this
particular action is lost in a sea of complex theories, methods, verbiage and needless detail.

The primary difficulty lies in our ability to translate anything but the simplest verbal command into bodily
action. When asked to do more, we invite self-doubt because we try and consciously think out every right
action we should be doing. Have you ever 'tried' to relax or be cool in the company a beautiful woman?
What happened? Just the opposite right! This is because you were consciously
trying to be relaxed as opposed to just being relaxed. In the latter state, your mind is relatively at peace,
you are, after all, 'just being'. In the former state however, you are in a state of 'trying' and your conscious
mind is actively engaged in a process of trying to do the impossible by forcing your body to relax.

All this mental activity in fact clogs your system of learning and ability to function simply because
conscious rational thought has no part to play in the sphere of action. That part of the brain that
conceptualises and instructs us verbally is incapable of moving a muscle and has only a limited capacity
to communicate to the parts of the brain that does control our physical behaviour. For instance as an
experiment try to 'think' your finger into moving. Give your finger a verbal command to move. Does it?
Nope! So how do you expect to consciously translate all these tactics, tips and techniques into
meaningful physical actionit is a physiological impossibility.
107
At best, conscious thought only serves as interference or mental white noise that creates internal tension
and reduces your ability to respond appropriately in the moment.

Your conscious faculties have no power in and of themselves to directly stop the physiological responses
in your body that take place when you are anxious or shy around beautiful women. This is the realm of
the imagination (but more on that in another lesson).

EXPERIMENT- WILL V. IMAGINATION

Clasp your hands together as tight as possible until there is a slight tremble in your finger. Now
try and command yourself to unclasp your hands while at the same time holding in your mind the
image that your hands are glued together with super glue.

If you are holding the image in your mind properly, not only will you be unable to separate your
fingers, but your fingers will more than likely clasp all the more tightly. It seems that the more you
try to 'will' your hands free, the harder your imagination resistslike a Chinese finger trap

You might think this exercise has little or nothing to do with your abilities with women but look closer; isn't
something very similar happening every time you try to compel yourself to approach a woman. You are
commanding yourself to 'approach' or 'be confident' while at the same time in your 'heart' you are holding
on to the idea that approaching women is scary.
In fact doesn't it often seem that the more you 'try' to be confident and approach, the more intensely your
imagination resists.

While with a massive amount of willpower you might occasionally pluck up the courage to approach the
girl, in the long run your imagination will invariably win out and you will fall back into your old habits of not
approaching.
'As a man thinketh in his heart so is he'
Proverbs 23:7

Communication Problems

A second problem emerges in the teaching of formulas when we consider the inherent limitations of the
communication process itself. As we now know when we pick up sensory information, it is not recorded
exactly as it is, rather what happens is that the information is filtered through the PAED system
(Perception-Association-Evaluation-Decision) and compared with old information.
Because of this, the mind has a reluctance to step outside its own boundaries. Every new idea gets
compared with old ones and if it doesn't fit in with the Mental Picture of Reality, it is often dismissed or
rejected. Have you ever had the experience of reading a personal development book or listening to an
audio program and saying to yourself 'oh that wouldn't work for me!' That is just one example of how you
are never really perceiving the 'whole' truth.

Not only that, generally these dating experts propagate their teachings through books and DVDs which
eliminates your ability to perceive the various non-verbal signals and information that could be picked up
by being in his direct company. When reading a book, it is very difficult to read between the lines. Even if
you are able to spend some 'face time' with a dating guru, no matter how hard you try you will never be
able to get a perfect match between the information he is the trying to communicate and the information
you are receiving. The words, gestures, postures, inflections and tones will never trigger the exact same
images and meanings in your mind than they will in his.

108
Process orientation

Thirdly, turning to gurus and experts invariably leads to an excessive focus on process as opposed to
end results. After all a guru can't sell you an end result (that would make him a pimp) he can only sell
you a process. In this way aptitude gets substituted for vision. The assumption underpinning most dating
experts' methods is that as you become fluent in a certain process, method or technology, the results will
somehow magically take care of themselves. Its like saying if you learn the mechanics of skating, you
become a champion figure skater.

The mind however is a servo-mechanism which is naturally oriented towards end results. The mind works
best and lends its creative energies most readily when it is given a clear picture of what goal needs to be
accomplished. When you become too obsessed with process and method over your ultimate goal
however, you fail to give the mind a clear picture of what it is you want. You essentially lead the mind into
confusion when you become more obsessed with the 'how do I get there?' instead of the 'where do I want
to go?'

Process has a role to play in creating and manifesting the results you want to achieve however it is the
ultimate end goal that should be the organising principle of your actions. Process should always serve the
end- result and when a process ceases to be effective it should be abandoned and new ways found.

This is how every great inventor and artist works. Edison and the Wright brothers started with clear
pictures of what they wanted to create, a light bulb and a flying machine respectively. Instead of focusing
on the means and methods, they let the goal be the organising force for their actions. Because they did
not limit themselves to a particular process or method, they were able to step outside the preset
processes and prescribed ways of 'how things should be done' that had prevented their contemporaries
from making similar breakthroughs. When you prematurely focus on process you limit the possibilities in
which the goal can be accomplished. You may as a result, buy into some particular guru's 'right' way of
doing things and fail to consider other ways which may be equally or more effective in bringing what you
deeply desire into manifestation simply because the guru never mentioned that way in his teachings.

Having outlined why we feel the traditional ways of teaching (especially in the field of seduction) do not
work when altering behaviour, action and results for the better, in the next lesson we are going to show
you a way that does. Before proceeding however, take some time to read over this lesson and write out
what you feel to be the key points in your own words in the text box below.

109
The Power of Imagination

In previous lessons we distinguished between actual reality and the beliefs, conditionings, values and
attitudes that form a composite or mental picture of reality. We also said that by and large, our actions
and behaviours are based not on what is happening in actuality but rather on our mental picture of reality.
At once, you might see that your imagination therefore has a major part to play in directing the course of
your life, since imagination itself is the art of 'mental picturing'.

'A human being always acts and feels and performs in accordance with what he imagines to be true about
himself and his environment'
-Maxwell Maltz MD, FICS

The use of imagination is the staple of most self-help, 'Law of Attraction' and New Age books and
courses. Much of the material espoused in these books views the use of imagination as some mysterious
process that invokes natural laws of the Universe or allows you to contact some Higher Power who then
grants you all you desire. This 'New Age' conception of the use of imagination has probably done more
harm than good and has created needless divisions in opinion where there need not be any.

On the one hand, we have the hard-nosed cynics who find such talk of a 'Higher Self' laughable and
dismiss the use of imagination as a result. On the other, we have the wishful thinker, who embraces the
concept of allowing 'the power of their subconscious mind' take control of there life. They waste their time
in endless daydreams, praying and pleading with a beneficent God to bring them a Ferrari and a nice
place in the sun; when their time would have been much better served engaging in constructive action.

'God will work with you but not for you'
-Lao Russell

While not dismissing out of hand the idea of some Higher Power or Guiding Force that controls the
universe and your life, imagination need not be viewed in such a mysterious fashion. While there may be
a Divine dimension to the use of Imagination, it is not a necessity that you believe in a 'Universal
Intelligence' to avail of the benefits of the constructive use of imagination.

Imagination and the use of it works because it is based on sound psychological principles which are
easily provable. As we will see, when used correctly, the use of imagination or 'mental picturing' can have
a tremendous impact in directing and altering your behaviour.

The benefits of constructive imagination are two fold:
1. Programming - As we have said, much of your behaviour is based not on what is happening in the
moment but rather is a function of what has already happened. Your actions are largely based on the
mass of beliefs, conditionings, memories and experiences that have been recorded in your brain and
nervous system. For example if you see a woman you are attracted to, the question of whether you
approach her will be based largely on mental associations you have stored in your memory bank. If these
associations are positive then you will more likely than not, approach. If associations are negative, then
you will not approach. So then all that is required for you to approach is to generate sufficient positive
associations.

You might be thinking at this point 'Easier said than done, how can I just generate positive associations?
I've had next to no success with women and all my experiences with girls have been negative in the
extreme?' Well this is where the use of imagination comes into play. Imagination allows you to in effect,
synthetically create memories and positive associations. If you've never succeeded with women, you can
create memories of success in your imagination that will be recorded by your nervous system in the same
way as if it had actually happened.

110
This is not as crazy as it sounds. As we've said repeatedly, when our brain and nervous system stores an
experience in its memory banks, it does not store the reality of the situation or event as it actually
happened. Instead it stores our thoughts, feelings and interpretations of that situation. More often than
not, the conscious thought processes have something to do with an event that actually happened. You
record your own distorted map of that event in reality and it is usually close enough to be useful but not
always.

Sometimes however, you can experience an event totally in your imagination. To the degree that it is
experienced vividly it gets recorded in your memory banks and Mental Picture of Reality in the exact
same way your thoughts and feelings about real events are recorded.

We can express this phenomenon very simply-

To the degree that you experience something vi vidly in your imagination, it is accepted and
recorded as 'reality' something that has actually happened.

At first, this may seem to be a serious weakness in your physiology. It has of course, been a contributing
factor to the various neuroses, compulsions and phobias you may currently suffer from. However, just
because you may have used this particular mental process against yourself up to this point, does not
mean that it is a flaw in the system. In fact a thorough recognition and understanding of this process is the
key to directing your behaviour in the way you want.

Can you think of a time you have experienced something so vividly in your imagination that it seemed it
had become part of your actual physical reality?

This can happen often times with a dream. Sometimes a dream can be so vivid, so real that you are later
quite certain that it actually happened. We are sure this has probably happened to you on more than one
occasion

Or maybe you have read a book, which was so compelling and well written that you became a part of the
story or that the story became part of you. The author created such interesting, brilliantly portrayed
characters, that you actually grew to know them. You knew how they walked, talked, ate and drank; you
knew their innermost thoughts and feelings. You may even have felt a tinge of sorrow as you finished the
book because you were saying goodbye to some close friends. To some degree, that book, and the
people in it, became a part of your experience, your very reality.

Then you went to see the movie adaptation of the book. What happened? A common thing heard when
exiting move theaters is often that 'the movie was okay, but it wasn't as good as the book!' This very
common reaction was probably at least partly because what you were watching on the screen did not
match the way it 'really' happened in your mental processes- in your imagination as you read the book.

Or how about the time you were absolutely certain that you had mailed a letter, filed that report, submitted
that tax return? You could so distinctly remember performing that action; if someone had offered you a
wager you would have bet it was well on its way.

And you would have lost the bet! Do you recall how surprised you hadn't actually done it? You had so
vividly experienced performing it - in your imagination- that you knew you had done it!

Experiment

Here's a fun little experiment that you probably should try when no one else is around. Close your eyes
and imagine a woman you consider very sexually attractive. Now imagine taking her clothes off, fondling
her breasts and doing all manner of foreplay before proceeding to have sex with her. If you do this vividly
enough, what happens? Yep, you guessed it! You get an erection. You may also get an irresistible urge
to orgasm. Your body reacts just as if you were actually having sex with that sexy woman.
111
This experiment is another way of demonstrating the principle that your mind cannot distinguish between
a real event and one vividly imagined.

2. Cogniti ve dissonance - The second reason that constructive imagination works so well is that it
creates an internal tension or internal conflict which motivates the mind to take action and expend
creative energy in order to resolve.

Again lets return to our basic conception of things. First we have actual reality that we then superimpose
over with our map or mental picture of reality or 'the way things are'. However what happens when
something occurs that creates a clear disparity between outer reality and our internal picture of reality?

When such disparities occur, the mind is immediately called into action to resolve the conflict. Now what
must be borne in mind is that the natural inclination of the mind is to cling to the 'mental picture' of the way
things are. The information coming from the outside world will initially be dismissed out of hand or
rationalised in some way so that it doesn't interfere or smudge our 'mental picture' of reality.

Consider the young child who is emotionally attached to the idea that there is a Santa Claus. When some
older kid from the neighbourhood tells him that there is no Santa, the initial impulse of the young child is
to reject this new information out of hand, he may goes as far as expending energy in trying to get the
older kid to shape up.

The mind is in fact reluctant, to depart from its mental picture of things. That is why people generally go
through 'the five stages of grief' when they lose a loved one or break up from a long term partner. Their
mind is so attached to the mental picture of this particular person being in their life, it takes some time for
the mind to adjust to the stark fact that this person is no longer there.

This also explains why so many people struggle to break old habits or stick to new resolutions. While they
may begin their attempts at change with vigour and virtuous abstinence, gradually that nagging little voice
in their head will persuade them to abandon this new way of life. This is simply due to the fact that their
mind still holds onto the old picture of themselves as a smoker, drinker, fat person or shy reserved
person.

However, by the use of constructive imagination we can move with the tide of our mind toward the
realisation of our goals. By continually imagining the desired behaviours, acts and accomplishments we
wish to see manifested in our outward experience, they gradually get incorporated into our mental picture
of reality. They become assimilated and digested into our mental picture of the 'way things are'.

When the mind then perceives the actual reality of things, the reality where you can't approach women or
aren't dating a supermodel; it's impulse is to expand awareness and release creative energy to make the
outer world accord with this inner picture so you are given the needed intelligence and motivation to bring
these circumstances into your life. Again this isn't as far-fetched as it seems. Imagine for example you
were moved into a slum tenement room, replete with rats, cockroaches and rising damp. Would you find it
easy to adjust to such an environment? Or would you set about creatively, quickly and energetically
taking steps to restore your outer experience to the inner mental picture you have of the way things
should be?

A final note

A few years ago, USA Today did a management survey about daydreaming. It was based on anonymous
responses, of course, but that's a good reason to put stock in the results. The questions ranged from
'Have you day-dreamed about getting your boss' job?' and
'how you're going to quit one day' to 'How often have you daydreamed about having sex with a co-
worker?'. It was a fun survey, but it arrived at a noteworthy fact- 71% of those interviewed had their
daydream come through within 12 months. Now think about that for a second. If a random sample of
112
managers can achieve that kind of success rate with idle daydreams, what would your chances of
success be if you begin to use your imagination in a focused and systematic fashion? Why not try and
find out? Join us in the next lesson to discover the specific technique you can use to put this potent force
under your direct control, but before you do that, as always, take some time to read over this lesson and
mentally digest what you feel to be the most relevant points.

113
Painting your Mental Picture

In the previous lesson we looked at the how and why imagination works so well in shaping and dictating
your behaviour and ultimately the results you create in your life. In this lesson, we are now going to look
at how you can begin actively using constructive imagination as an aid to helping you realise everything
you want to achieve in life.

While many personal development experts and methods propose very complex ways in which to position
your body and use your breath in order to maximise the benefits of 'visualisation'; the process detailed
here is altogether a little less formal and a lot more fun.

However, in creating the desired mental pictures you want to see ultimately manifested in your outer
world there are still certain steps you need to follow in order to ensure success.

How to Paint a Mental Picture

Step 1- Start with a blank canvas
When are conceiving of a new mental picture it is best to start with a clean slate or blank canvas. This
means eliminating from consideration all the things you have tried before or others have tried before. Do
not consider the past at all and approach this process as if it was the very first time you have attempted
any exercise or technique designed to improve your fortunes with women or your fortunes in general.

Step 2- Decide what you want to paint
Now that you have blank canvas, you need to ask yourself the most powerful question in the creative
process. What do I want? Now believe it or not, most people have a lot of difficulty answering this
question and often fall in a number of traps that you should be aware of:

Firstly the question is 'what do I want?' not 'how do I get what I want?' The latter question is a question
about process not results. Focusing on the 'how' this early in the creative process limits your effectiveness
because you are not yet able to see where you are going. Because the mind, at this point, does not have
a clear enough picture of what you want, by asking the 'how do I get what I want?' question, the answers
the mind comes up with will be largely ineffective and incomplete. This may lead you to falling into the old
trap of looking for help from outside sources, from gurus and 'experts' and this as we know brings with it
it's own problems. Confusion results from excessive preoccupation with 'how to get there?' and not
enough attention on 'where you want to go?'

Secondly, the question is 'what do I want?' not 'what is possible for me to have?' You want what you want.
Denying to yourself what you really want serves no others purpose than to create stress and internal
tension. Lie detectors measure physiological stress. Lies actually cause physical stress! When you are
engaged in a practice of lying to yourself and continually denying what you really want, such stress
invariable leads to health problems. Spare yourself that fate and simply admit to yourself what you
actually want. Your mind and body will thank you. If the fact is that you want to marry a Jessica Alba look-
a-like or date 7 women at the same time, simply admit it to yourself. You are too early in the creative
process to determine whether this is actually possible for you or not so just suspend disbelief for a while
until you go deeper into things.

Thirdly, the question is 'what do I want?' not 'what do I want to avoid or eliminate?' Do not allow your mind
to dwell on pictures of you overcoming your shyness or nervousness around women since these images
are too tightly bound up with your existing 'problems'. Thinking in those terms only serves to drive such
bad mental habits deeper into your consciousness. Again allow yourself to focus on what it is exactly you
would want if you had nothing standing in your way.

114
Step 3- Paint Your Picture
Once you've decided on a general idea of what you want, now its time to paint your mental picture. Set
aside 15-20 minutes from your day where you can go somewhere quiet and undisturbed. Close your
eyes, relax your body and get comfortable and begin to paint on the canvas of your consciousness the
picture of what it is you really genuinely want.

Initially at least, this may appear only as a hazy concept in your mind but gradually the more and more
you take time out to return to the workshop in your mind, the picture will move from a fuzzy mass of
concepts into a sharply defined vision.

The question often asked is how clear does my vision need to be for the process to be effective? The
answer is clear enough that you would recognise the result if you had it. However having said that,
benefits can still be had from continuing to dwell on the mental picture long after the picture has been
sharply defined. The longer and more intensely you dwell on the picture of your desired result, the deeper
it is driven into your memory banks and the greater the cognitive dissonance it generates.

Step 4- Letting It Happen
Once the picture of the desired end result has been clearly defined in your consciousness, you will
invariably find that such a result moves from the realm of possibility to the realm of probability and finally
to the realm of definitely!?! Further as the disparity between the internal and external picture becomes
more sharply defined, your mind will move into very creative territory in order to restore the equilibrium. It
is out of this creative space that the insight, methods and means necessary to succeed will come to light
in your consciousness. By having a clear picture of the 'what' the 'how' will emerge organically.

Of course, this does not negate the need on your part to make plans and take action, but you will find that
once you do take action, your mind will, this time, act in accordance with your wishes and will help in
generating a momentum that will sweep you towards your goals.

At this point, because you are only reading this for the first time and have probably not yet engaged in the
creative process, you may feel that this is not enough for you and that you need a specific formula or set
of step-by-step instructions that will ensure success.

You want to be told that 'if you do X and Y and Z then you will get the girl'. Unfortunately such generic
formulae rarely if ever work because each and every person's circumstances are different and unique.
What worked for one person may not work for another.

Do not worry if you are dubious about whether this process will work. Again you cannot judge the validity
of this process by merely reading about it. This is not a theory that can be intellectually dissected, it is a
practice that must be actively experienced. All we ask is that you suspend judgement until you have
given the process a try and we promise that you will be pleasantly surprised.

This simple experiment however, will hopefully help in assuaging any doubts you may have about the
power of mental pictures in effecting action and behaviour.

115

EXPERIMENT- IT'S A KIND OF MAGIC!

Draw a circle on a sheet of paper, using the bottom of a mug or something of that circumference as a
guide; then make a cross through it like so:

Tie a heavy ring or key on a string of about four inches in length. Hold the end of the string with the ring
hanging like a pendulum over the intersection if the cross, about an inch above the paper. Now I want you
to think around the circle, ignoring the ring and cord entirely. After a few moments the little pendulum will
begin to swing around in the direction you have chosen, at first making a very small circle, but steadily
widening out as it goes along. Once this is achieved, reverse the direction in your mind only and follow
the circle with your eyes in the other direction. Now think up and down the perpendicular line; when that
succeeds, shift to the horizontal.
In each case the ring will stop for a moment and then move in the direction of your thinking.

If you have not tried this experiment before you may think there is something magical or mysterious about
this. There isn't. It is simply the neatest and easiest way of showing how important imagination can be in
the sphere of action. Minute involuntary muscles feeding off the mental picture in your mind took up the
task for you. Mental pictures matter, so paint some good ones!?!

116
21 day regimen

Exercise 21 day regimen

The most important thing to be aware of before setting out on your Constructive Imagination regimen is
the importance of actually taking the time to work on your vision on a regular and consistent basis, not
just when the mood strikes you. Constructive Imagination should be a practice not a philosophy. To get
the full benefit of constructive imagination you must take it into your life and practice it the same way you
do brushing your teeth or any other daily practice. Programming must become a common everyday
occurrence that both supports and directs you.

Most people miss this. Most people only scratch the surface of what they can truly achieve through the
use of their imagination because they don't devote daily time to the practice. They do it when they feel like
it and then complain that this 'mind stuff is a load of crap!'

Even though the use of Constructive Imagination is an enjoyable, relaxing and life enhancing process,
you will find that when you commence your regimen it actually takes a lot of diligence, commitment, and
focus to stay on track. Don't underestimate the power of your own inertia and bad habits.

Reading about the wonderful benefits of imagination every day is not the same as actually doing it. Telling
others about this system is not the same as actually doing it. Thinking about how great it would be to be
proficient in the use of Constructive Imagination is not the same as actually doing it. You can only say you
are using constructive imagination when you are actually using Constructive Imagination every day,
charting yourself so you can put together at least twenty one days in a row.

To get you to stick with the program you are encouraged to do 4 things:

1. Cut, paste and print off this entire page and give it at least a cursory glance every day to remind you of
the importance of doing the exercises.

2. Use the chart below to keep track of just how often you do engage in the practice over a 21 day period.
You only need to take 15-20 minutes out of your day to do it. At the end of 21 days practicing
Constructive Imagination it should then be a fixed habit.

Day Have you taken time to work on your vision
today?
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
117
18
19
20
21

3. Sign up for a daily reminder by entering your email address below.
Your E-mail here:

4. Actually imagine yourself completing the 21 day regimen. Take time each day, it only needs to be for a
minute or two, to close your eyes relax and visualize yourself at the end of 21 days having completed the
exercises. Picture the above chart full of correct marks throughout. Most importantly capture the feeling of
accomplishment and self- satisfaction of having seen the thing through to the end. This short little
exercise will help lessen the necessity for conscious willpower when doing the regimen.

What to expect at the end of 21 days?

While it is difficult to speculate as to what will happen for you at the end of 21 days of actively using this
practice because of its personal subjective nature, you will probably find that some of the following things
may have happened.

Firstly at the end of 21 days, your vision of your desired future with women should have moved from a
hazy amorphous blob of dimly recognised mental images to a sharply defined vision of your desired end
result with members of the opposite sex. What that result is, is again personal to you, it could be having
one special woman in your life or having a multitude of special women in your life.
Practitioners however have reported that after engaging in this practice long enough, the heart and mind
usually settles on one clear-cut goal. You may find something similar happens with you.

Further after the goal is clearly conveyed to your mind. The mind is given a clear target to shoot for. In
order to restore equilibrium between the internal and outer realities, the mind, as is its tendency, will
release creative energy and insight towards the realisation and manifestation of the goal in your outer
experience. You will find that once you know where you are headed, you will begin to evolve methods
and processes that will most readily take you towards the end result. This is how the creative process
works.

As well as that, you will, over the course 21 days, literally find yourself becoming the type of person you
need to be in order to attract the desired circumstances in your life. Because the mind cannot distinguish
between outer reality and vividly imagined inner reality, picturing to yourself the man you want to become
literally causes the mind to record these images as actual memories. The more you picture yourself as a
smooth confident ladies man, the more memories the mind records in its mental association banks. You
literally think yourself into the man you need and want to be, one memory at a time.
118
Escaping the Shyness Trap

Up to now we have looked at and investigated the beliefs that have formed the root cause of your
anxieties and nervousness around women. We have also shown you a process in which you can start
manifesting the results you want to see in your own life. Now we are going to educate you in a crucial
step that is critical to your success in overcoming your issues with women. While this has been largely
hinted at through the previous lessons, it deserves to be gone into explicit detail so that you are left in no
doubt about how you can finally escape the shyness and anxiety trap.

By now you should be aware that your fear of approaching and shyness around women is strictly mind-
made. As we've said throughout this program in reality there is nothing remotely scary about
approaching, interacting or flirting with even the most beautiful of women. You have simply accepted the
erroneous idea of viewing the act of interacting with women as scary. This idea has since become
habituated into your consciousness. You have thought the same way for so long that the necessary
thoughts, actions and emotional responses which flow from this basic misconception are as automatic
and unconscious as your actions when riding a bike or driving a car. It is a firm and fixed habit.

Well the next question is how do I eliminate this bad mental habit? The answer is simplejust stop any
acti vity remotely associated with your fears of approaching and interacting with women.

Think of a bad mental habit, we've probably all had at one time in our lifeinfatuation. Maybe as a
teenage kid, you were absolutely in love with a particular girl in your class. The uber-babe! She
dominated your every waking thought. You daydreamed about being with her. You put her up on this
pedestal. Chances are this infatuation was probably one of the most miserable times of your life; the
perpetual sense of longing, incompleteness, the heartbreak when you saw her with another guy, the
frustration at a love unrequited. No wonder Buddha said 'all desire is suffering!'

But what happened? At some point you got over her! You moved on with your life! Ok but how exactly did
you do that? Maybe you found a new girl to focus your attentions on. Maybe your infatuation brought so
much pain that you eventually had to let gowhatever it was, the simple underlying fact was that you
stopped thinking about her. The very act of stopping this meant that the neural pathways that had been
formed in your brain as a result of your romantic obsession, simply withered away through lack of use.

You can never find a solution to your problems through the mind as your attempts to find a solution
simply reinforces the 'problem' in the neural pathways in your brain. Imagine for a second you had a fear
of t-shirts. And in order to overcome the debilitating effects of this fear, you begin to take medication. You
may go to a psychiatrist. You may read the latest pioneering research in the area of t-shirt phobia or buy
self-help books from noted experts in the area. But will any of this help you get rid of your phobia? Can't
you see that in effect this would only be reinforcing the illusion that t-shirts are scary?

From this example it should be clear that your efforts at finding a solution to your anxiety problem only
reinforces the anxiety! Therefore in order to fully escape the anxiety trap you need to simply avoid doing
anything that acknowledges the legitimacy or reality of this anxiety. Here are some helpful principles that
you should internalise and follow in your life. YOU MUST FOLLOW THESE PRINCIPLES IF YOU EVER
HOPE TO ESCAPE YOUR ANXIETY TRAP.

119
THE 2 RULES TO LIVE BY FROM THIS POINT ON!

1. STOP DEPENDING ON 'EXPERTS'!?!

Stop deferring to experts. You don't need dating gurus, psychologists or shaman to get rid of your issues
with women. You don't need to buy every set of motivational tapes or attend every workshop out there in
order to get your problems with women handled; in fact these will only compound the problem. You don't
need outside help. You created your fears and anxieties around women and if you created them, it is
within your power to eliminate them. You've probably unconsciously overcome other deep-seated
emotional problems before (such as that big crush back in high school!) it's not hard, it requires no expert
skill, just stop thinking about the problem and focus on what you want (as we showed you with the
Constructive Imagination techniques) .

This rule applies to this product as well. Once you've gone through the program, understood the concepts
and done the exercises to the best of your abilitiesthat's it! Throw the program in the proverbial bin,
delete it from your desktop, forget your password whatever just do not refer back to it. You are strong
but you have made yourself weak by looking for help from the outside. This anxious habit must stop
NOW!

From this point on don't refer to a single resource, a single book, a single workshop or a single message-
board for help with your anxieties and issues around women. Up to now you have been constantly
conscious of your 'anxiety problem' and being involved in various attempts to get rid of it. Inadvertently
though your very attempts at getting rid of the problem, has meant you were holding the problem in mind
thereby feeding the neural pathway in your brain. Now allow the neural pathway in your brain that's telling
you that you have, for instance, a fear of approaching women to wither and die! Like a pot plant that
doesn't get water and positioned near sunlight, your neural pathway will simply wither away if you don't
give it any more attention.

If needs be, take up a hobby or sport that interests you anything to stop you from reflecting on your
anxiety problem. Read some great books. Go to the movies. Do fifty push-ups. Just get out of the habit of
navel-gazing and constant self-reflection. Stop trying to think you're way out of your problemsit simply
doesn't work. Get outside and live your life!?!

2. SWITCH YOUR FOCUS FROM 'PROBLEM SOLVING' TO 'CREATING'

A large part of this program has been focused on your 'shyness' around women and on eliminating the
beliefs and conditionings that have caused your condition. However while this process of knowing and
examining the basis for your shyness is of help to a point, there is a point at which it becomes counter-
productive.

Continuing to think in terms of your 'shyness' and in doing things to 'beat your shyness' only serves to
continue to bind the shyness to you. Whenever you think of your habit, how it has affected your life and
what strategies you can devise to overcome it, those very thought processes continue to fix your shyness
and anxieties more firmly than before.

We have been trained by our education and upbringing to be problem sol vers. We as people, generally
approach life as a series of problems to be solved: an unhappy love life, a bad job, financial difficulties,
chronic bad health etc. But a problem solving outlook limits your ability to create the conditions in life you
want in a number of ways.

Basically, our motivation in problem-solving is to rid ourselves of something we don't want rather than
bringing into manifestation something we do want. If theoretically, we succeed in eliminating what we
don't want, there is no guarantee we will have what we do want. If we succeed in eliminating shyness, it
will not necessarily mean you will get the relationships with women you desire and therefore it becomes a
120
largely pointless exercise. In the problem solving-mode, the problem itself becomes the factor that
organizes our action not our desired outcomes. What drives the action is the intensity of the problem.
Once the intensity of the problem is lessened, people have less motivation to act.

Note, what psychologist Carl Jung, said about the fallacy of problem solving:

'All the greatest and most important problems of life are fundamentally insolubleThey can never be
solved, but only outgrown. This 'outgrowth' proved on further investigation to require a new level of
consciousness. Some higher or wider interest appeared on a patient's horizon and through this
broadening of his or her outlook, the insoluble problem lost its urgency. It was not solved logically in its
own terms but faded with a new and stronger life urge.'

Therefore, your focus from this point on, should not be on 'beating your anxiety issues'; rather let your
focus be on something more productive like 'getting better with women'. Instead of devoting your energies
to solving your problem of shyness and anxieties around women, let the goal be on creating positive
things such as becoming a better conversationalist, becoming more expressive in social gatherings or
getting a sexy girlfriend.

This may seem such a simple thing to do but you will find that once you apply it, it as if your mind gives a
huge sigh of relief. It no longer has to obsess about beating something it can never really beat; like the
dog who realises he doesn't have to chase its tail anymore. Give up your problems and your attempts to
solve them and focus on creating what you want in your life instead.

121
Inner Critic and Inner Rockstar

While it might be slightly disconcerting to think you have multiple personalities or multiple selves; this
conception of things is in fact, not all that far from the truth.

Throughout the ages, mystics, philosophers and eminent psychologists have all spoken of an essential
duality of mind. These two parts have been described in many different ways- conscious and
subconscious (or unconscious), right and left brain, self 1 and self 2, and even your lower and higher self.
Purely for the purposes of being colourful however, we'll refer to them as your Inner Critic and your Inner
Rockstar.

As the name suggests your Inner Critic is the logical, intellectual aspect of your self. It covers the range of
mental activities that you are consciously aware of. It has its base of operations in your forebrain. Its
primary activities involve discriminating, understanding and trying to figure out things. It has no real part to
play in the doing of things, in fact you can't even as much as move your finger by conscious thought but
rather it's role is to provide the necessary information for your Inner Rockstar to act.

On the other hand your Inner Rockstar is all about the doing of things. It is responsible for fully 90% of
your physical behaviour. Not only is it the system that keeps your heart and other vital organs in perfect,
harmonious operation. It also is responsible for all those big and little activities you can do without
conscious effort. Walking, talking, riding a bike, driving a car, brushing your teeth, tying your shoelace,
picking your nose, you name itthese are all done by your Inner Rockstar. Perfection in performance,
whether that be performance in playing a musical instrument, giving a moving oration, painting a mural,
seducing a beautiful woman is dependent completely on the instinctive, intuitive, creative actions of your
Inner Rockstar.

Now these two selves were designed to work in harmony; to help you meet and overcome the various
challenges you meet in the course of your life. In their truest function each has a crucial but distinct role to
play in your growth as a happy, functional, self sufficient human being.

For instance in learning any new skill, the abilities of both your Inner Critic and Inner Rockstar are called
upon in varying degrees. Consider the skill of driving an automobile, initially your Inner Critic weighed up
your options and decided that learning to drive would be something beneficial to you at that particular
time in your life. Based on this reasoning, the decision was made to learn. You may then have employed
your Inner Critic again to decide on the best driving school to go to. Your Inner Critic was also needed in
the early stages to learn and grasp the basic mechanics of driving, what the various buttons, levers and
pedals did and so on and so forth. This initial period of Inner Critic primacy was generally characterised
by frequent mistakes and tight, laboured performance.

In order for you to actually master the art of driving, the task ultimately needed to be handed over to your
Inner Rockstar. Constant critiquing, analysis and 'trying' to learn needed to stop in order for success to be
achieved. Your Inner Critic needed to hand over the reins to your Inner Rockstar and trust in its immense
capabilities. This is the natural order of things and if you will reflect, this way has never failed you in the
past.

The real root cause of your difficulties with women is simply that you have disrupted the natural order.
Instead of relieving your Inner Critic of its duties in order to allow your creative, spontaneous inner
Rockstar take over; your Inner critic is still in charge of your romantic affairs; over-analysing, critiquing
and continually trying to figure it all out. It is there, sitting in judgement, criticising and directing everything
you do and say. Before you even think of approaching an attractive woman, it is nagging at you, telling
you that you shouldn't approach and giving you all the reasons in the world why a girl of her calibre
wouldn't be interested in you. Even if you happen to strike up a conversation with a girl, it is still there
meticulously studying and condemning every word you say or propose to say. Instead of making the act
122
of meeting, flirting, seducing and dating women, the enjoyable act it really is, it has instead turned it into a
soul destroying, frustrating ordeal.

But it doesn't have to be that way. Deep down, you have always had the inner sense that you can
accomplish more, achieve more and be more not only in your relationships with women but in your life as
a whole. This has been your Inner Rockstar calling out to you.
While your Inner Critic has done its utmost to keep the Rockstar behind bars under lock and key, it's still
there, whispering to you, pleading with you to help break him out. It's the quiet voice that haunts you in
moments of quiet reflection when the Inner Critic is asleep at its post; the voice that tells you 'you've gone
off-course. You're not living up to your potential. Your life can be better than this; can be easier than this.
There is a better way! '

This has really been the unconscious reason behind your seeking out of dating experts and gurus to help
with your 'problems'; the desire at the back of it all has been to liberate your Inner Rockstar. The difficulty
with this however, is that your very attempts to free your Inner Rockstar have only served to cement even
further your Inner Critic's supremacy.

Your Inner Critic cannot 'learn' spontaneity. Charisma is not a mathematical formula that can be
memorised. 'Coolness' is not acquired intellectually. Your Inner Critic won't get you laid! Only your Inner
Rockstar can do that! And as long as your Inner Rockstar is kept under the dominion of your Inner Critic,
you will never have the success with women and in life that you deeply crave. In order for the Inner
Rockstar to be liberated, you need to stop playing by your Inner Critic's rules. In our next lessons, we'll
show you exercises to do just that.

123
The Hat Game

If you've watched competitive sports you have often heard athletes referred to as being 'in the zone'. This
is an apparently elusive state where the player or athlete slips into an altered mode of consciousness in
which the conscious reasoning mind is, by and large, transcended. In this state, the athlete is often
described as 'being at one with the experience' 'acting without effort' 'free of blocks, inhibitions, cautions,
fears and doubts' or is 'acting spontaneously and creatively'; similar peak type experiences have also
been described by artists, poets or other type of creative workers. When the conscious reasoning part of
our self (what we like to call 'Our Inner Critic')) is transcended, it invariably leads to superior performance.

Conversing in the Zone

However, while artists and athletes may have popularised this 'in the zone' state, it needs to be
recognised that they are not the only ones with exclusive access to it. Every person on the street with the
proper training can access this zone state and use it in their everyday activities. They can even extend it
to their social skills and interactions with others. In fact chances are, you have unknowingly entered this
state on numerous occasions in your dealings with others. For example with people you are comfortable
or intimate with such as your family, lover or close friends, don't you find that conversation flows easily
and rapidly with almost no conscious mental effort on your part? It is as if you just have to let the
conversation happen and a force within you does all the talking for you. You don't need to think of what to
say, conversation just happens naturally. You let it happen rather than have to make it happen. These
'zone conversations' often represent the time when you are at your most authentic, charismatic and
charming. Gems of insight, wisdom and wit just seem to 'spill' from your mouth with an ease and fluidity
that at times may even surprise you.

What stops us from extending this 'mindless' conversational style to all our interactions, specifically to our
interactions with attractive women is simply that we allow our conscious mental processes to interfere
with our natural inherent creative flow. This interference in our creative machinery results, nearly always,
from our excessive concern with what other people think of us. In fact, while we may term this particular
psychological malady as 'excessive self-consciousness' it is in fact the total opposite and should more
accurately, be termed 'excessive other people consciousness'

The purpose of our Inner Critic is to judge, discriminate and form concepts of the world we live in and our
place in it. It does not like working with uncertainty and intangibles but rather seeks to make the world as
'black and white' as possible. In effect what happens in our dealings with women is that our judgemental
Inner Critic attaches particular values to certain outcomes. We attach a particular positive value on having
a woman's approval. On the flipside, by putting that positive label on such an outcome, we end up placing
a negative value on its opposite, rejection. The positive and negative labelling sets in motion thinking
processes. We devise strategies that we believe will win us approval and more importantly avoid
rejection. We become excessively conscious of how we are being portrayed and begin to pick our words
carefully.

While logically it may make sense to be excessively careful in what you say around the people whose
approval you desire the most; the strategy itself falls apart for a number of reasons:

Excessive carefulness causes mistakes rather than prevents them

As we have mentioned previously, we have inside us essentially two selves. Our Inner Critic is the teller.
Its job is to discriminate, to critically evaluate information, to draw conclusions, to make logical and reason
based decisions and to issue commands for our Inner Rockstar (the doer) to act upon. In much the same
way telemetry systems automatically provide negative feedback and command corrective action to
ensure an airplane lands safely at it's destination; our Inner Critic is designed to let our Inner Rockstar
124
know when it has gone off course and what corrective action needs to be taken in order to ensure your
goals are achieved. It is meant to function as an aid to superior performance.

However when the critical functions of our Inner Critic engage in excessive negative feedback, it only
serves to hinder your effectiveness not help it. In placing so much emphasis on securing or avoiding a
particular outcome, our Inner Critic introduces undue tension or stress into your human system which
invariably leads to tightness, butterflies or 'stage fright' when it comes to actually taking action.
You can see this principle demonstrated in many different ways. For instance, perhaps you have at one
time, had to thread a needle.

You may have found that while you were able to keep your hand steady as you picked up the piece of
thread when you actually came to the act of putting the thread through the eye of the needle, your hands
began to tremble. Or maybe you have had similar experiences when trying to pour a liquid through a
narrow bottle neck. When the stakes were raised, your body began to tighten and the natural fluidity of
performance was interfered with. In medical circles this condition is called 'purpose tremor' and results
when people try to hard or become too overly concerned about results.

She's not thinking about you

While you may think that people are busy thinking about you, your value as a person/lover/employee etc;
is that really the case? If you consider the richness and variety of your mental life, isn't it the case the
most if not all your time is devoted to one magnificent topic namely YOU! From the moment you wake up,
you are constantly interpreting events egocentrically: What will this mean for me? What does she think of
me? How can I get what I want? etcetc You only consider people, places and things in the context of
how they apply to you Rarely if ever do you occupy your mind exclusively on someone or something else.
Your mind is too busy trying to find ways to make your life better than to focus on anyone else's lives.

And you know what? Everybody is exactly the same. Only in very rare circumstances, does anyone think
about anybody other than themselves. Hopefully then, you can see what a complete waste of time it is
worrying about what others think about you for the simple reason that no one is thinking about you!

It doesn't help you get the girl

The restriction of your naturally uninhibited creative side by excessive 'other people consciousness'
actually defeats your intentions. While the goal of being selective in your words and actions is designed to
give the best possible impression to the object of your affections; it actually accomplishes the complete
opposite by giving the worst possible impression.

When one looks at what women find attractive in a man, invariably the one single commonality the binds
all guys that are successful with women is a confidence, a sense of ease and a certain comfort in one's
own skin. In effect what invariably draws women to men is the absence of this strategy of excessive
carefulness. Women like the bold, the brave, the risk takers. Why? Simply because our real creative
authentic self is magnetic. It leaves powerful impressions on other people. When in the presence of such
liberated personalities, we have the feeling that we are in touch with something real and basic and this
resonates with people at a very deep level. Compare this to the inhibited personality, the person who has
choked off the creative free spirit within. He is often described as being a 'phony' or 'trying too hard' and is
universally disliked because of it.
125
Harnessing your unconscious creative flow

Upon realising the importance of your Inner Rockstar when it comes to succeeding with women, you may
begin to realise why alcohol is often referred to as a 'social lubricant'. Effectively what alcohol does is to
quiet the conscious reasoning processes of Inner Critic and allow your Inner Rockstar to reveal itself.
There are inherent problems however in relying on such outside help.

Your Inner Critical faculty does have a role to play in the course of a successful seduction. While your
Inner Rockstar will lend itself to your presenting a persona of confidence and charisma; the Inner Critic is
still needed for crucial questions of target selection, logistics and escalation. The goal is to have your two
selves working in harmony, not having one beaten down and suppressed in the case of your Inner
Rockstar or alternatively sunken into a drunken stupor in the case of your Inner Critic. There are times
when we will need the Inner Critic and times when we won't, times when we have to send it out for a walk,
and times when we need to call upon it to do its job.

Our goal in this lesson, however, is to begin to release the conversational creativity of your Inner
Rockstar. With the exercises that follow, our aim is to induce the ease of conversational flow you enjoy
when in the 'merry' state of alcohol consumption or when conversing with someone you know intimately
well, while at the same time still holding the discriminating Inner Critic faculty in reserve for when it may
be needed.

As always the benefit of these exercises comes in the doing of them. If you don't do the exercises then
the recommendation is to gi ve up on your goal of improving with women as it is evident your resistance is
much stronger than your desire to improve your romantic fortunes.

Exercises

Exercise 1
The Hat Game(10-15 mins) This can be done with a like-minded friend or by yourself. If doing it by
yourself, take out a piece of paper and tear it into 10 or 15 pieces. On each piece you should write a
particular person, place, thing or event. Make your choices as random as possible (i.e. Denzel
Washington, Tennis, Cadillac cars, Vietnam, Duck-billed Platypus). It is better if you do not consciously
deliberate over what you write, just write the first things that pop into your mind.
When this is done, put the pieces of paper into a hat and shuffle them around. Now the goal of this
exercise is to simply select a topic from the hat and talk exclusively on that topic for one minute. When
your minute is up you pick another topic and talk again for another minute on this chosen topic. You
should continue in this vain until you have talked about all the topics in the hat.
(*if doing it with a like-minded friend, just get him to shout out topics at you) With this exercise the goal is
simply to talk. Don't worry whether what you're saying makes even the remotest bit of sense. In fact, keep
your judgemental Inner Critic mind out of this exercise as far as possible. Open your mouth and just start
talking. You are recommended to do this exercise once or twice a day for the next 7 days.

Exercise 2
Speak before you think While the common advice has always been to think before you speak or act,
for the purposes of this exercise you are advised to do the exact opposite and speak before you think.
When conversing with other people this week, don't become overly conscious of finding a topic to talk
about or carefully picking and choosing your words before you say them. Just simply start talking about
the first thing that pops into your head. Start this exercise with your own family, friends and co-workers
and as you grow in confidence with this 'mindless' style of conversation begin applying it to strangers and
other people you meet in the course of each day.

126
No One is Thinking About You

The idea that nobody is really thinking about you that much is really such a liberating one that you really
should think deeply on it.

To that end, for your next mission we'd really like you to prove this to yourself. For the next few days,
every once in a while, pause, look around you at the mass of humanity moving before your eyes and
realise that 'No one is thinking about me! No one really gives two hoots about what I do or don't do,
they're all too caught up in their own lives, their own problems, their own hopes and dreams'.

Take this a step further and really search for proof of this principle out there in the world. For instance,
when in the company of your friends, dispassionately observe how wrapped up they all are in their own
lives. Observe how so much of their actions are motivated by sheer self interest and about finding their
own happiness. Observe how often they rarely listen to you but rather are just waiting for their turn to
speak. Apply this to workmates, shop attendants and the various other people you meet in the course of
your day. Don't exclude yourself from the ambit of this exercise either. You are a human being too
remember. Simply pause and reflect on in the course of your daily life how little you consider the lives of
others or of what they do or say. Notice that most people really don't matter to you very much except
insofar as their behaviour or words, directly impacts you in some way. Isn't true that people often seem
like nothing more than objects in your experience?

The exercise is not designed to condemn others for being egocentric or selfish; rather it is designed to
educate you into the true nature of the egocentricity of people and therefore to free you from excessive
'other people' consciousness. Why worry excessively about what others think when the glorious liberating
fact is they aren't thinking about you?

127
Introduction to the Missions

The Missions are a critical component to the 'Nervous Guy' Program. You MUST do them in order to
succeed with this program. Whilst the cognitive techniques and constructive imagination program are a
big help in altering your behaviour and reducing your anxiety issues around women, nothing does the job
as good as simply getting out there and approaching and interacting with women. You will find that in
doing these missions so much of what you have learned from working with this program will be reinforced
and crystallised in your mind. By simply approaching women you will really 'get' that there is nothing to
fear.

'Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.'
-Brian Tracy

The missions number 18 in total and are a specifically designed, graduated series of steps to take you in
the quickest possible time, from your current level to a level of confidence and comfort around women in
all scenarios. You will find also that by actually learning by doing you will develop good 'game' quicker
than you would if you bought a hundred informational products from dating gurus. You only know that
which you can do!

While some missions may be a bit elementary depending on your level, you are nevertheless encouraged
to start from mission 1. By going through the missions in this ordered fashion you will reinforce strong
elements of your 'game' while at the same time rooting out your sticking points.

Conversely some missions may represent too far a leap from your existing comfort zone.
It is a possibility that you may feel certain pangs of anxiety about doing a particular mission.
In order to ensure you complete the missions, what follows are a number of techniques and distinctions
that will help you eliminate completely any outstanding traces of anxiety.

1. Change your focus- Remember your mental focus in doing these exercises should not be to 'beat
your anxiety' or 'get over your shyness' as this will cause your mind to think in terms of your shyness and
anxiety. Instead make the goal at the back of these missions consistent with your long term vision. Think
of the missions in terms of 'getting better with women' or
'becoming a more sociable guy' or as a stepping stone to achieving your ultimate goal whatever that may
be.

2. Don't look for your fear In doing the missions; don't look to see if you are nervous because the very
act of looking will cause you to find that you are nervous. Make no provisions for your fear, just approach
the missions with the same state of mind that you would approaching any other activity in the course of
your day like brushing your teeth or driving to work.

3. Don't fear your fear, love your fear If you do feel some form of anxiety about doing a particular
mission then don't worry. Just welcome that feeling up. Remember at all times, it is just a feeling. Learn to
peacefully co-exist with the feeling without devising tricks or expending mental energy in trying to stop the
feeling. The fact is that you CANNOT stop the feeling. How you feel in any given moment is the product of
very complex systems within your body over which you have extremely limited control. There are only 2
things you can directly control: your AWARENESS and your ACTIONS so just concentrate on those two
things and allow the feelings of fear to do what they do. When you stop reasoning, resisting, rebelling or
attempting to manipulate your anxious feelings into oblivion, they will naturally resolve themselves by
themselves. Feel your fear, welcome it, love it even and simply approach that girl. It is just a feeling and
cannot stop you acting in the present moment!

'The key is not to resist or rebel against the symptoms or to try to get around them by devising all sorts of
tricks, the key is to accept them directly as they are'
-Takahisa Kora MD
128
4. Focus on her, not you In approaching these missions, get out of the habit of worrying about what
she thinks of you or how you are being perceived. Instead, put all your focus on her. Put your focus on
making her feel comfortable and in engaging her in good conversation. Be genuinely interested in what
she has to say and who she is. By moving from an internal to external focus, your nervousness or anxiety
won't have a chance to take root.

5. Don't skip ahead Don't skip ahead and have a 'look-see' at all the missions. This will only lead to the
discouragement and lead you to feel you'll never be able to complete the more 'challenging' missions. Let
your focus just be on completing your current mission, not on the difficult missions that lie ahead. Be Here
Now. Most educators agree that the best way to teach a child to act confidently and competently, and to
facilitate the process of learning is to ask him first to perform small tasks well within his untrained powers.
Self-confidence builds as these minor 'successes' begin to stack up. Likewise here, build slowly instead of
throwing yourself in at the deep end and you will find that by the time you get round to the later missions,
you will have the needed confidence to complete them.

At some point if you ever want to achieve success with women then you have to get out and talk to
women.so please do the MISSIONS! Commit to getting them done in as a short a time as possible. Set
yourself a deadline to complete them within a month or two.

Deadlines are motivating as it enacts a psychological law known as 'Parkinson's Law'. This law states that
' A task takes as long as there is time to do it" or to put it another way 'Work always expands to fill the
time allowed' . Without time pressure, you'll rationalize putting off doing the missions. With a firm set
deadline in place, you'll know that every opportunity you have to approach a girl counts.

So now you have everything you need to get started. You have cleaned out much of the negative
garbage in your head. You have engaged your imagination towards your ultimate goals. You have tools
and techniques to use in the field. You know everything you need to nowso get out there and take
action. You must start the missions within the next 24 hours. If you don't, you never will. If you don't
do these missions then make no mistake about it, you will never have the success with women you truly
desire. You will continue to sit on the sidelines and watch all the beautiful girls walk into your life and walk
straight back out again. This is your moment of truth. The hero's journey starts here..so what's it going to
be? Look at your watch, your 24 hours start now!

129
Mission 1 Estimated Time 30
Easy peasy

Say 'Hi' or give some other cursory greeting to 10 women today. As with every single mission on this
program they have to be women you do not know. They have to say hi back. If some don't acknowledge
your greeting, you have to keep saying 'Hi' to women until you bring your quota up to ten. At least 5 of
these should be women you consider attractive

130
How do I get to the post office?

Ask 5 attractive women for the time or for directions today. These should be women you consider
somewhat attractive or even better, women you consider very beautiful. You don't have to say anything
else. Just ask the question, get your answer then leave.

131
Slow Things Down

Ask 5 attractive women for the time today. Alternatively you can again ask for something else like
directions. These should be women you consider somewhat attractive or even better, women you
consider very beautiful. With this mission however, slow things down a little. Relax your body language,
slow your speech down and deliver the question in a low strong voice.

132
Small Talk

Get in a conversation with 5 women today. These interactions should extend beyond the obvious
conversation fodder of the weather, current events etc. Strive to attain some level of rapport with the
person, be it finding out their name, where they're from, their job, what they're studying at school, last
good movie they saw, holiday plans etc. Good people to try use for this exercise are people who talk for a
living? Hairdressers, store clerks, receptionists, and many other people have jobs that involve talking a
lot. It isn't part of the job itself, but they spend lots of time one-to-one with each customer and there is
nothing about the job to stop them having a good old conversation. So they talk, they enjoy it, and they're
good at it.
133
Small Talk Part 2

Same as before, this time the 5 complete strangers should be women you consider attractive or even
very beautiful. Again bank tellers, shop attendants or someone sitting beside you in an internet caf are
generally good 'marks' for this experiment. Whilst the natural dynamic of man interacting with woman may
naturally lead to a level of flirtation, it is not necessary at this point that you use 'game' on her or try to
'pick her up'. Simply have a normal conversation that achieves a moderate level of conversational rapport.
If you feel comfortable extending into very deep rapport then by all means do so. If on the other hand you
feel the conversation descending into extended periods of silence then simply excuse yourself by saying
'it was nice meeting you, I gotta go, bye!' and then leave.

134
Niteclub

Go to a niteclub or other social spot, approach 10-20 women (not necessarily all in the one night). These
women do not have to be attractive, they can even be downright ugly. They don't even have to be sober.
Simply walk up and say something. That 'something' can be romantic ( 'I just have to let you know you're
very beautiful', 'you're really pretty I have to know your name') , corny as hell ('
you're so pretty you made me forget all my pick-up lines') or downright weird ('My cat's breath smells like
catfood'). The goal is simply to walk up and say the line, you don't even have to think about 'gaming' her.
If a conversation develops as a result of your approach, then roll with it. If not, then just walk away. This
exercise can be a whole lot of fun if you make the goal of saying the 'dumbest' line possible and waiting
for her bemused response.

135
Niteclub Part 2

As before go to a niteclub or other social spot, approach 10-20 women (not necessarily all in the one
night). This time, the women should be women you consider attractive or downright beautiful. Simply walk
up and say something. Again the line can be funny, stupid or charming. The line doesn't matter. Just
deliver your line and await your response. If she walks away so be it. If she engages you in conversation
then you have the option of rolling with the conversation or walking away. It's really up to you at that point
as for this mission you only have to say the line.

136
Niteclub Part 3

Go to a niteclub, approach 5 women. They do not necessarily have to be attractive but if you feel
comfortable then by all means approach the attractive girls. Say something that will capture her attention,
something a bit unique but not outrageously so ('You know, you have a great 'walk'' or ' I can't let you go a
step further without getting your name' or ' Cool outfit, I don't know jack about women's fashion but that
outfit really turns heads'). Once you have her attention, move to trying to attain some level of rapport. At
this point, your goal is to stay relaxed and indifferent to outcome. Don't get into thinking 'I have to score
her' or ' I should be doing x,y or z right now!' Simply have a conversation and see what happens. If you
find the conversation is going nowhere excuse yourself and walk away. If she on the other hands walks
away before you've had a chance to really initiate a conversation then you have to approach other girls
and succeed in getting in conversations with them until your quota is brought up to 5.

137
Niteclub Part 4

As in the last mission go to a niteclub, approach 5 women (again not necessarily all in the one night). This
time, they should be women you consider attractive or even downright beautiful. Say something that will
capture her attention, something a bit unique but not outrageously so ('You know, you have a great 'walk''
or ' I can't let you go a step further without getting your name' or ' Cool outfit, I don't know jack about
women's fashion but that outfit really turns heads'). Once you have her attention, try to attain some level
of rapport.
Simply have a conversation and see what happens. If you find the conversation is going nowhere excuse
yourself and walk away. If she on the other hand, walks away before you've had a chance to really initiate
a conversation then you have to approach other attractive girls and succeed in getting in conversations
with them until your quota is brought up to 5.

138
Mini date

Similar to previous missions, go to a niteclub or other social venue and try to get into conversations with 5
women. As before, try to achieve some level of conversational rapport. This time however, push the
interaction a little further by asking for her number or asking to go on a 'mini-date' with her. A 'mini-date' is
where you ask her to come to the bar with you or to a seated area in the club or something along those
lines. Basically it is where you get her to go somewhere with you while still in the confines of the niteclub.
If she rejects you, it doesn't matter. The act of asking is all that is needed to complete the mission. If you
(and more importantly her) feel comfortable escalating to kissing etc. then by all means do so (well..duh!)

139
Daytime Venue

Approach 5 attractive women in a daytime environment and start a conversation. Use any opener you
like. Bookstores, coffee shops, internet cafes, college campuses are excellent locations for this exercise.
This time avoid the easy option of bank tellers, and other service people in the course of their jobs. Focus
on attractive women acting during their leisure time. Be relaxed about outcome, it is not necessary to get
her number or anything, but if the opportunity presents itself then by all means seize it. If you find
conversation dying down or her seeming non-responsive then you can excuse yourself and leave.

140
Compliments

Approach 5 attractive women in a daytime environment. They should be women you consider mildly to
very attractive. Ask for the time or directions as before. After she has given her answer then you must
give her a compliment along the lines of 'you're very pretty'
or 'I think you're very attractive'. Just say the line. It doesn't really matter how she reacts, the goal is to get
you comfortable showing sexual interest. Just say the line and your mission is completed. If a
conversation develops as a result then by all means roll with it.

141
Persistence pays off!

Approach 5 attractive women in a daytime environment. Try and achieve some level of rapport but no
matter what do not leave the interaction until she ejects first. Stay in the conversation even if she
appears disinterested. If you find that there are dead spots in the conversations, resist the temptation to
leave. Let her leave first.

142
Have a seat

Go to a coffee shop or restaurant and buy a beverage. Wait until you see an attractive woman sitting at a
table alone. Approach her by asking 'Hey do you mind if I sit here and finish my coffee (or tea or
whatever!)?'. Sit down and try to engage the woman in conversation. If you are running out of things to
say you can excuse yourself and leave by saying 'Well, it was nice to meet you!'

143
The Art of Closing

Approach 5 attractive women in a daytime environment and no matter whether you achieve rapport or
not, ask for a number or ask her to go for a cup of coffee or some other form of mini-date? It does not
matter whether you succeed in getting the number or the date;
just the act of asking is enough to complete the mission.

144
Groups

Approach 5 separate groups of women today. The groups should consist of 2 or more women and at
least one of the women should be attractive or very beautiful to you. Simply ask for the time or directions
as before. That's it! Once you get your answer you can leave.

145
Groups Part 2

Approach 5 separate groups of women today. As before, at least one of the women in the group should
be attractive to you. Use whatever opener you like, simply try to have a relaxed conversation with them.
You can try to push to get one or more of their phone numbers or ask for a date but it is not necessary for
the purposes of this exercise.

146
Graduation

For your final mission, go out today and do not return home until you have gotten a number or a kiss or a
date or something more from a woman you consider very attractive.

147
Conclusion

You may feel that you don't have the courage to make big changes in your life, such as facing up to your
biggest fears. But courage is too often thought of as being blind, thoughtless bravado. It usually isn't.

People who seem to act 'courageously' usually have specific consequences in mind; they know the
consequences of both acting and not acting. They've decided that the consequences of not acting are
worse than the consequences of what we consider to be their courageous acts.

The aim of this course has been really to just get you to think things through. Fears and anxieties come
upon you in the half-light of reason but by thinking things through you put all the perceived risks and
rewards in proper perspective.

Once you can see and almost taste the good consequences of approaching that beautiful girl and once
you know how to handle the prices you may have to pay to get there, mark my words, you won't lack the
courage.

To your quantum leap in dating success,

Your friend,

Ciaran Martin

Confident Guy - Ciaran Martin

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

Confident Guy - Ciaran Martin

Uploaded by

Document Information

Original Description:

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

Confident Guy - Ciaran Martin

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

You might also like