Grammar Writing

Grammar Lessons and
Strategies That Strengthen

Students Writing
Laura Robb
N E W Y O R K T O R O N T O L O N D O N A U C K L A N D S Y D N E Y
M E X I C O C I T Y N E W D E L H I H O N G K O N G
S C H O L A S T I C
B P
ROFESSIONAL OOKS
Grammar Lessons and Strategies That Strengthen Students' Writing Laura Robb, Scholastic Teaching Resources
Scholastic, Inc. grants teachers permission to photocopy the mini-lessons, student practice pages, and appendix pages for personal classroom use. No
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to Scholastic, Inc., 555 Broadway, New York, NY 10012.
Cover design by Joni Holst
Interior design by Solutions by Design, Inc.
ISBN 0-439- 11758-5
Copyright 2001 by Laura Robb
All rights reserved. Printed in the U.S.A.
Other Books by Laura Robb
Reading Strategies That Work
Easy-to-Manage Reading and Writing Conferences
Easy Mini-Lessons for Teaching Vocabulary
Brighten Up Boring Beginnings and Other Quick Writing Lessons
Teaching Reading in the Middle School
35 Must-Have Assessment and Record-Keeping Forms for Reading
52 Fabulous Discussion Prompt Cards for Reading Groups
Redening Staff Development: A Collaborative Model for Teachers and Administrators
Table of Contents
Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
Part I
Parts of Speech Create Strong, Specic Images. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
STRATEGY LESSON: Noun Word Walls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23
STRATEGY LESSON: Proper and Common Nouns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26
STRATEGY LESSON: Revising Pieces for Specic Nouns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
STRATEGY LESSON: Grab Your Audience With Strong Verbs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30
STRATEGY LESSON: Spotlight Strong Verbs on Word Walls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31
STRATEGY LESSON: Appreciate Poets Use of Strong Verbs. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
STRATEGY LESSON: Revising Pieces for Strong Verbs. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36
STRATEGY LESSON: Effectively Using Descriptive Adjectives. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
STRATEGY LESSON: Adjectives That Show. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41
STRATEGY LESSON: Pronoun References . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43
STRATEGY LESSON: Using Subject Pronouns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43
STRATEGY LESSON: Adverb Word Wall . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48
STRATEGY LESSON: Adverbs Can Clarify Meaning. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49
Part II
Improving Sentence Structure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
MINI-LESSON 1: Spice Up Sentence Beginnings With Prepositional Phrases. . . . . . . . . . . . . 58
MINI-LESSON 2: Put a New Spin on Openings With Participial Phrases . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60
MINI-LESSON 3: Pick a Participial Phrase from Within a Sentence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62
MINI-LESSON 4: Catch Those Dangling Participles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64
MINI-LESSON 5: Clarify Details With Subordinate Clauses . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66
MINI-LESSON 6: Capitalize on Clauses to Brighten Up Sentence Beginnings . . . . . . . . . . . . 68
MINI-LESSON 7: Add Clauses Within Sentences for Clarity and Cadence. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70
MINI-LESSON 8: Accentuate the Appositives to Sharpen Images . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72
MINI-LESSON 9: Stir Readers Imaginations With Absolutes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 74
MINI-LESSON 10: Combine Sentences With Conjunctions for Smoother Prose . . . . . . . . . . 76
Part III
Editing for Punctuation and Usage. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81
MINI-LESSON 11: A Noun Plus an Apostrophe Shows Ownership . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88
MINI-LESSON 12: Help Readers Know Whos Speaking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 90
MINI-LESSON 13: Paragraphing a Narrative. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93
MINI-LESSON 14: Paragraphing to Organize an Essays Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96
MINI-LESSON 15: Using Colons Before Lists . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 99
MINI-LESSON 16: Clarifying Series of Words and Phrases With Commas. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102
MINI-LESSON 17: Using Commas to Set off Expressions and Direct Addresses . . . . . . . . . 105
MINI-LESSON 18: Repairing Run-on Sentences. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107
MINI-LESSON 19: Turn Sentence Fragments into Complete Sentences . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 110
MINI-LESSON 20: Eliminate the Passive Voice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112
References . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 115
Appendix A: Guidelines and Forms for Peer Editing and Writing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 119
Appendix B: Literary Example Lessons for the Overhead . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 125
Dedication
With love for Evan and Cookie and Rob and Anina
Acknowledgments
To all the students and teachers with whom I have learned, my deepest
thanks for sharing your frustrations over the disconnect between writing and
grammar. Your candid dissatisfaction with grammar textbooks and
workbooks as well as my own experiences have inspired me to search for
alternative methods of teaching grammar and punctuation.
My reading/writing workshop students have provided me with feedback
as I developed mini-lessons and pointed to areas of grammar, such as
diagramming sentences and memorizing linking verbs, that did not affect
their writing. Together, we searched for strategies and ideas that enabled
them to recognize their rewrite choices and revise well.
To Wendy Murray, my extraordinary editor, thanks for your patience,
understanding, nurturing, and mostly for encouraging me to craft a book
that departs from tradition yet has strong research to back up its underlying
principles. Always available for questions and support, you have guided the
direction of this book with care and enthusiasm. My deepest appreciation
also to Joanna Davis-Swing, who carried this manuscript through additional
revisions. Your insights and nurturing ways made the process joyful.
To my husband, Lloyd, my thanks for always listening to me talk through
an issue and for never grumbling about the long hours I spent writing and
researching this book.
6 Grammar Lessons and Strategies That Strengthen Students' Writing Laura Robb, Scholastic Teaching Resources
7
Introduction
Linking Grammar and
Punctuation to Writing
W
hen I went to school, an ocean separated my knowledge of
grammar and its connection to the writing process. In fourth
and fth grades, I memorized the parts of speech and their
denitions, and completed worksheets that asked me to
underline a noun, verb, adverb, or adjective. In junior high, I
devoted more time to diagramming sentences than to writing. For me and
my classmates, grammar was a dull subject that had to be endured.
My rst year of teaching, I bristled as I leafed through a sixth-grade
grammar and punctuation workbook. Instantly, my memory reclaimed every
negative feeling toward those exercises. How surprised I was when students
begged to complete the workbooks I had stacked at the bottom of a
bookcase. They told me, Its easy, We like to underline, and Once you
gure out the pattern, you get a good grade. Ironically, punctuation errors
dominated their writing. They used weak verbs such as get and make and
general nouns such as stuff and things. Paragraphing and commas were not
evident in their writing. That year I began exploring ways to connect a
knowledge of grammar to students writing. Thirty-seven years later, its still
a work in progress, a topic I reect on annually.
During my second year of teaching, though I continued to explore other
ways to approach grammar, I was bound by a grammar workbook, which was
a required part of the fth-grade language arts curriculum. Three or four
times a week, students spent 40 minutes underlining nouns, subjects,
predicates, adjectives, direct and indirect objects, and predicate adjectives
and nominatives; they also added commas, capital letters, and end-of-
sentence punctuationall in ready-made sentences.
Although students did not mind lling in the pages, I soon became weary
of grading worksheets that didnt connect to students writing. Most
completed the patterned pages well because the sentences were far simpler
than the ones they composed. Meanwhile, the grammar issues I observed in
students writingfragments and run-on sentences, missing commas and
sentence punctuation, and lack of paragraphingremained unaddressed.
I imagine that many teachers across the country experienced my
frustration with these grammar and punctuation workbooks, and still do.
Recently, though, the research presented in Constance Weavers Teaching
Grammar in Context (1996) strongly supported a key nding that is
beginning to change classroom practice: Grammar should be taught in the
context of reading and writing. Weaver arrived at this conclusion through
research conducted in her own classroom and from the classroom research
of other teachers who shared their ndings in her grammar support group.
In fact, in the afterward to her book, Weaver challenges teachers to join us
in our quest for better ways of teaching those aspects of grammar that seem
most important to writers.
Lucy Calkinss The Art of Teaching Writing and Donald Gravess A Fresh
Look at Writing also conrmed my early classroom observations about the
effects of worksheets on students writing. All three researchers agreed that
for writing to improve, children have to revise and edit their own work.
And my own reection helped me articulate three signicant reasons for
students to learn and understand grammar:
1
Grammar provides teacher and students with a common language
that enables them to talk about writing. For example, I can invite a
student to circle ve weak verbs in a piece, return to each weak verb, and
brainstorm stronger verbs only if we both understand what a verb is.
2
A knowledge of parts of speech enables students to write with
specic details and strong images. For students to be able to evaluate
and change general nouns, ordinary verbs, and overused adjectives in their
own pieces, they need to study published authors use of each part of
speech.
3
An understanding of phrases, participles, and clauses enables
students to write engaging, rhythmic prose. Students must be able to
identify these parts of speech and brainstorm alternative ways to open
sentences.
Weaver discovered in her research that adults cling to their past school
experiences and therefore challenge changes in grammar instruction.
Although parents dont create school curriculum, their views do inuence
how grammar is taught. I learned how deeply entrenched parents beliefs
can be many years ago, when I led two workshops for parents at Powhatan
School that focused on how we were teaching grammar. The rst occurred
in early October, on parents night. The second was a month later, after
parents visited my class over one week. Because integrating grammar into a
writing workshop was a major departure from the way grammar had
traditionally been taught at Powhatan, attendance was high with concerned
parents.
I told them that instead of giving students isolated grammar exercises
and sentences to diagram, teachers and I would present mini-lessons that
link the study of grammar and punctuation to students writing. Mini-lessons
and practice sessions would also include analyzing the writing of the best
childrens authors. During workshop, students would apply their new
understandings to their own pieces.
Many parents voiced discomfort with this research-tested practice; they
worried that their children would not learn the grammar. I wish youd teach
my child how to diagram sentences from Joseph Conrads Lord Jim instead
of doing all this writing-workshop stuff, an agitated parent exclaimed. Im
sick of seeing messy papers, inserts, arrows. I want a perfect paper rst time
round, and the way to do that is to learn grammar and diagram sentences
from hard books.
How to integrate grammar into writing instruction continues to polarize
educators. Those who believe grammar must be taught as a separate subject
base their ideas on their own school experiences. I culled the list that
follows after asking teachers in a professional development workshop I was
giving to brainstorm what the word grammar means to them. It hits upon
common beliefs of why studying grammar as a separate subject is benecial:
Improves writing and sentence structure.
Develops the ability to reason and think logically, especially through
diagramming sentences.
Teaches punctuation.
Enables students to be more effective readers and speakers.
Supports students study of another language.
In English Grammar and Composition, the grammar and composition
textbook widely used in middle and high schools, John Warriner states in the
introduction: By studying grammar, you learn how the language works. This
knowledge will help you to improve both your writing and your speech
follow the rules, do the practice exercises, and whenever you write or speak
put to use what you have learned. You will nd your work will improve
steadily.
But in my experience as a teacher, the transfer from completing grammar
exercises to speech and writing occurs only when teachers help students
understand how to apply this knowledge to their writing. In fact, students
tend to view grammar and writing as separate subjects. Research studies
corroborate student and teachers experiences (Greene 1950; DeBoer 1959;
Searles and Carlson 1960; Calkins 1980, 1983, 1994), demonstrating that
there is little correlation between completing grammar and punctuation
exercises and progress with writing, speaking, and learning a foreign
language.
Contrary to Warriners charge that students can improve their grammar if
they use the rules theyve learned when they speak and write, I have
observed many students who complete grammar exercises perfectly but are
unable to connect this isolated practice to their writing.
Beyond the Grammar Workbook
I am still required to teach grammar at my school. It is part of the middle
school curriculum. Over the years, with support from my students, I have
found ways to connect the study of grammar to students reading and
writing. I tell my students that my primary goal is to help them become
better writers, and that what I teach them about grammar is in service to
this goal. In other words, in all the grammar work we do, I demonstrate how
a knowledge of grammatical structures can improve their writing. It can
clarify meaning, make revising simpler, and make their prose more uid
and engaging.
With this book, I share with you how I build students knowledge of
grammar principles and punctuation in the context of reading and writing.
The list that follows provides an overview of the teaching venues I describe
in greater detail in the pages to come. Each strategy focuses on exploring,
understanding, and then linking grammatical knowledge to students written
work.
Mini-Lessons and Strategy Lessons
Use these lessons to make the structure of language and the thinking behind
punctuation and repairing sentences accessible to students. By thinking
aloud (Lytle 1982; Baumann, Jones, and Seifert-Kessell 1993) as you analyze
passages from literature and by modeling how you go about composing and
revising, students can hear and see how you notice and use grammar for
real.
Literature
Spotlight grammar and punctuation at work in powerful ction, nonction,
and poetry. In addition to the passages you show students, invite them to
search books for examples of the concepts youre studying. Often, to
introduce a mini-lesson, I share a powerful literary example. After the mini-
lesson, while students are practicing a writing strategy, I invite them to bring
in literary examples from their independent reading to share the next day.
Analyzing outstanding literary examples offers students many opportunities
to gain insight into how grammatical structures affect the nest written
language.
Word Walls
On a large chart or construction paper, invite students to print examples of
parts of speech youre studying, such as strong verbs or specic nouns.
These word walls also can include student-composed sentences that
illustrate repairing run-ons and fragments or using phrases to vary sentence
openings.
Personal Word Collections
In small writers notebooks, have students collect striking words and phrases
from reading books, poems, magazines, and the newspaper.
Forge Grammar-Writing Connections
Invite students to apply grammar principles to their own writing by having
them revise for a specic purpose. For example, they may revise to improve
verbs, vary sentence openings with clauses, or repair run-ons or fragments.
Mini-Conferences
During writing workshop, circulate around the room and pause at students
desks for a short conference. Use these brief encounters to support students
as they attempt to revise and connect what theyve learned to their own
pieces.
Scaffolding
For students who need extra support linking a concept to their writing,
scaffold their learning by working one on one. Sitting side by side, think
aloud, modeling for the student how you revise for, say, strong verbs. While
you are there to probe with questions and suggestions, ask the student to
brainstorm alternative verbs and choose the best one. Continue scaffolding
until you think a student can work with a partner and/or independently.
The grammar concepts I focus on in this book, combined with these
seven teaching points, enable students to develop their composing, revising,
and editing abilities through short writing exercises and their own pieces.
But I want to emphasize that in addition to teacher-presented mini-lessons,
students benet from having many mentors so they can learn from teachers,
peers, older students, and authors of books they read.
How to Use This Book
I open the school year focusing on the parts of speech, for strong verbs and
specic nouns dene good writing. However, do not view the books topics
as a sequential time line. Whenever I observe a need among students, I shift
gears and address what is proving difficult for them. For example, if many
students are writing run-on sentences, then Ill temporarily put aside our
study of verbs and present mini-lessons that offer strategies for repairing
run-ons. Those students who dont require additional practice work
independently on their writing.
The general idea here is to teach grammar with exibility and to see your
students errors in usage and punctuation as signs of growth and cues to
teach rather than as distressing mistakes. With my students, these mistakes
tell me that they are experimenting with more complex language and are
ready to receive instruction that can move them forward. Adapt the books
contents to your needs and especially to the needs of your students.
Part I includes suggestions for introducing the key parts of speech. Part
II focuses on how clauses, participles, and prepositional phrases can
improve sentence structure. It also addresses how coordinating conjunctions
are useful when combining short sentences with repeated information. Part
III reviews paragraphing and basic sentence punctuation and includes a list
of standard editing symbols.
Collaborative Strategy Lessons:
Demonstrating to Improve Writing
A strategy I often use at the start of and during writing workshop, and one
that deepens students understanding of each concept, is the collaborative
strategy lesson. Rather like an extended mini-lesson, the strategy lesson
includes collaborative practice, so that students can have peer support as
they try a new grammar move while the teacher is available for questions
and support.
To illustrate: In a ten- to fteen-minute strategy lesson that combines the
direct teaching and modeling described by Lucy Calkins (1986, 1994) and
Nancie Atwell (1987, 1999), students can observe how you use your
knowledge of grammar to draft and revise and examine how an author
crafted an effective passage. Whether you use an overhead projector and
transparencies or large chart paper, make sure theres enough time for
students to raise questions and exchange ideas. Theyll collect many
strategies from one another and apply these to their own pieces.
Mini-Conferences
Short and focused, lasting one to three minutes, mini-conferences are the
ideal way to visit with many students engaged in writing. For more about
them, see my book Easy-to-Manage Reading & Writing Conferences or
Donald Gravess micro-lessons in A Fresh Look at Writing. These brief
encounters allow you to support a grammar or punctuation issue that the
student raises or one you observe. The key to success and brevity is to
inform students that you will address only one issue. Youll nd that students
welcome this tight focus. As one sixth grader put it: When a teacher tries to
help me with commas, paragraphing, changing verbs, and run-ons at the
same time, I tune him out.
12
THREE KINDS OF COLLABORATIVE STRATEGY LESSONS
I have found that its impossible to continually predict my students needs and preplan
each mini-lesson. By carefully observing them during workshop and as they respond to
mini-lessons, I collect mini-lesson topics that I can present to individuals, pairs, or small
groups that day so that I quickly respond to students needs.
1. Planned Strategy Lessons: Youll prepare and think through the grammar, editing,
or punctuation principle before presenting it.
2. Impromptu Strategy Lessons: As you circulate among students and read their
pieces, youll observe a need such as varying sentence openings or repairing
fragments. The moment is ripe for an unrehearsed mini-lesson presented to a small
or large group.
3. Review Strategy Lessons: Throughout the year, as you read students writing, youll
identify topics that require review. First revisit the mini-lesson and any interactive
wall charts you developed, then coach pairs or groups that require support.
During a 45-minute period, you will be able to visit with seven to fteen
students. You may repeat a mini-lesson or use the time to scaffold a skill,
such as paragraphing or using commas. Begin the conference by raising a
question about what you notice a student doingor not doingin regard
to capitalization, run-on sentences, fragments, varying sentence openings,
and so forth. Begin with a question about the issue that seems most crucial.
The sample conferences described below show how I choose a conference
focus. (They also underscore that often a student may need several ten- to
fteen-minute follow-up conferences to understand a concept.)
Mini-conference with Jos, a seventh grader
TOPIC: Marking paragraphs
Robb: This memoir is terrific. The story about using a tennis racket
instead of a net to catch a bass made me laugh. I noticed, though,
that you havent marked any paragraphs. Can you tell me why?
Jos: Gosh, I never noticed until now. I guess I was so into the story
that I didnt think about that.
Robb: That happens to professional writers, too. Reread your
memoir and decide where you think each paragraph starts, using
the symbol for paragraph. Then show me your work. Would you like
to mark the first two paragraphs with me watching?
Jos: Okay. [Hes successful, and I move on to another student.]
My Observation
Although Jos also needed coaching on using commas, I chose to focus rst
on paragraphing because we had been working on this skill and using the
editing symbol for new paragraph to mark rst drafts (see page 86). Often,
young writers like Jos are so intent on the plot of their story that they dont
notice that they have a two-page paragraph.
By inviting Jos to practice in my presence, I learned that he could
paragraph. All he needed was a reminder to attend to it and a nudge to
begin with me at his side. The purpose of these meetings is to discover what
the student can improve, get the student started, and then move on.
If Jos could not paragraph, I would have sat close by and modeled how I
make paragraphing decisions by reading his text aloud and thinking my process
aloud. Such scaffolding would continue for three to four more mini-
conferences. Then Id invite Jos to think aloud and show me his paragraphing
strategies. If he was successful, Id pair Jos with a peer next time I asked the
students to edit for paragraphing. Gradually, Id move Jos to independence.
Some students need more than three or four scaffolding meetings. Work
with them until they can take over the process. You might have to drop
paragraphing for a while as you move on to another topic. However, take
every editing opportunity that relates to paragraphing and support students
who arent there yet.
Noting Students Strengths
and Needs
At the start of the year, I create two
kinds of record-keeping sheets that
I use to jot down key strengths and
needs of students as I read pieces.
Since completing this form takes
time, my goal is to take detailed
notes once every six weeks.
An error tally (next page) is
another record-keeping strategy that
keeps me attuned to students
needs. As I read their pieces, I tally
errors such as run-on sentences, too
many commas, and mispunctuated
dialogue. Then, to help me organize
students for mini-lessons, I jot down
on another sheet of paper students
initials next to the appropriate
number. The list guides my
decisions on which mini-lessons
would benet students writing and
helps me group students for
instruction.
14
WHAT QUESTION DO I POSE?
The more I read students work and jot down areas that need support, confer with them, and
observe them during mini-lessons and independent writing, the better equipped I am to pose a
question that guides a student to select an area he or she can improve. Here are some questions
and prompts that work for me. Adapt them to your students.
Questions and Prompts for Guiding Students
Can you nd the fragment in your rst paragraph?
Look at paragraph two. How many lines is the rst sentence? Read it out loud and see if you
can hear how you might break it into two sentences.
Have you correctly punctuated the dialogue on the second page? Let s punctuate it together.
There are several paragraphs in this piece. Read it out loud and every time the topic, time,
action, or place shifts, consider starting a new paragraph.
Read your rst paragraph out loud and circle the word that starts each sentence. Can you use
some of the strategies weve practiced to vary the sentence openings?
Have you located the nouns that need apostrophes? How can I help you?
For additional questions and prompts, see pages 79 and 84.
Mini-Lesson Tally for Grade Eight
1. Run ons, clause commas20
2. Paragraphing5
3. Colon2
4. Commas2
Students Initials
1. JB, BF, PG, BL, SS, LT, LG, JM, TD, PD, CB, DM, CP, MS, RC,
RD, MM, AR, JT
2. RG, CM, CR, TH, JT
3. BL, SS
4. JB, CM, LT, TD
Usually, I do a tally like the above example. Every six weeks, if theres time,
I take notes on individual students (see page 14).
Challenge: How would you prioritize this list and organize mini-lessons?
These forms give me the mini-lesson topics I need to present to the
entire class, individuals, or small groups. Equally important, completing
these forms builds my background knowledge about each students writing
strengths and areas I believe the student can improve. Acquiring
background knowledge on each student informs the questions I pose and
the suggestions I offer during mini-conferences.
Mini-conference with Juanita, a sixth grader
TOPIC: End-of-sentence punctuation
Robb: The description of your room makes me feel as if Im there.
There are so many details. Read the first few lines aloud. [Juanita
reads.] Can you tell me why you havent marked the ends of any
sentences?
Juanita: [Long pause before she answers.] Im never sure how to do
this. I usually put in too many periods, so now I dont do it.
Robb: Lets work on a few lines together and talk about where to
put punctuation and why thats the best place. [At this point, I spend
five minutes with Juanita, but I know that we will have to work on
understanding what makes a complete sentence.]
My Observation
Though Juanita can show details, her writing is difficult for peers to read
because she omits punctuation and paragraphing, and jumbles the speakers
of dialogue. I chose working on punctuating sentences because I believe
that once Juanita can successfully mark sentences, then we can move to
punctuating dialogue and separating paragraphs.
Juanita does not understand the elements of a complete sentence, and
when she punctuates, its based on guesses. I schedule several ten-minute
conferences with her and buddy Juanita with Lindy, who can offer peer
support when Im not available.
Note that with both Jos and Juanita, I open with positives. This is
crucial. Young writers, like all writers, are fragile and need to know what
they did well before addressing revision and editing.
Whole-Class Strategy Lessons
Based on the tally on page 15, I would repeat mini-lessons on repairing run-
ons and punctuating compound sentences. Three times in one week I repeat
this lesson for the entire class and circulate among students, helping them
repair sentences in their second drafts and other pieces.
Small-Group Strategy Lessons
With a small group I review punctuating clauses and prepositional phrases
that open a sentence. Other students are working on writing. On other days,
I give mini-lessons to the ve students who need to work on paragraphing
and the two students who need to learn when to use a colon. Scaffolding
occurs in small groups where I circulate among students, helping each one
apply strategies for deciding when to start a new paragraph.
One-to-One Mini-Conferences
I hold ve-minute mini-conferences on commas with each student. Using
my own writing, I rst think aloud to make my process visible. Then I model
how I discover missing commas.
You will continually monitor students needs all year, for they will change
as students grow and improve and show you, through their writing, what
they have learned.
Is There a Sequence for Teaching
Grammar and Punctuation?
What grammar should I teach and when should I teach it? is a question
teachers frequently pose. Theres no prescribed order for mini-lessons in the
middle grades. My notes from reading students work and my observations
from mini-conferences that I hold during writing workshop enable me to
organize students for the grammar and punctuation instruction they need to
improve their writing.
In grades four to six, I introduce the colon and semi-colon and various
clauses only to students who can handle these topics. With younger stu-
dents, I work a great deal on specic nouns and strong verbs, pronouns,
paragraphing, commas, forming possessives, repairing run-ons and frag-
ments, and the active voice.
To help students vary sentence openings in these grades, I avoid naming
clauses and provide them with an Idea Box of words and phrases they can
use to avoid starting sentences with the same word (see pages 58 and 68 and
my book, Brighten Up Boring Beginnings and Other Quick Writing
Lessons).
Again, the most effective way to discover students needs is reading their
work. When students writing features errors such as run-on sentences and
sentence fragments, its time to celebrate. Errors instruct teachers, pointing
out that students are experimenting with language and are ready to listen to
mini-lessons and apply what theyve learned to their writing (Graves 1994;
Weaver 1996; Atwell 1999).
Each year, I chronicle the sequence of my grammar, usage, and
punctuation teaching in a small notebook. Though I always start with parts
of speech so students can create strong, clear images, I nd that Im always
weaving in topics that respond to students errors. And the nature of
students errors differs from grade to grade and year to year. I thought it
would be helpful for you to see my school-year log that reveals how I depart
from the traditional sequence of topics and which topics I frequently repeat.
Note that some lessons are whole group but more are small group and
individuals.
18
Grammar and Punctuation Lesson Log
Eighth Grade: 1999-2000
September February
nouns paragraphing
verbs adverbs
active voice commas
editing symbols semi-colon
graphic cues possessive nouns & pronouns
October March
verbs, review nouns combining sentences
active voice run-on repairs
adjectives prep phrases
fragment repairs clauses, use of
editing symbols capitalizing proper nouns, adj.
November April
run-on repairs phrases
paragraphing active voice
pronoun references colon
nouns, possession graphic cues
graphic cues pronouns, sent. variety
December May
pronouns & sent.variety pronoun reference
active voice adverbs
ways to vary sentence clauses, use of openings
semi-colon or conjunction noun, verb review
combining sentences possessive nouns, pronouns
January June
capitalizing proper reviewstudent requests
nouns & adj.
combining sentences
fragment repairs
commasoveruse
pronoun reference
Part I
Parts of Speech Create
Strong, Specic Images
A
ctor Kenneth Branagh once said, The more words one has, the
more one understands. Simple, but profound. Vocabulary
shapes our thinking; words build our ability to comprehend.
The rst words toddlers speak as they learn language are nouns,
naming words. Nouns name persons, places, living creatures,
things, ideas, feelings, and so on. For some teachers, asking students to
learn the denition of a noun is sufficient. For me, it is insufficient because
memorizing an explanation does not ensure that students will search for
specic nouns to make their writing clearer, more detailed, and therefore,
more interesting.
Poet J. Patrick Lewis calls nouns the muscle of writing, and an overload
of adjectives, the ab. Nouns that are specic re-create in the readers mind
images the writer sees. But students tend to write in generalities rather than
specic details. Instead of daffodil, students write ower, instead of rey,
they write bug, instead of popcorn, they write snack.
I nd that engaging students in experiences that expose them to ways
writers use nouns raises students awareness of the importance of nouns in
writing and provides them with opportunities to learn from a wide range of
models. Encourage students to tune in to nouns by inviting them to do the
following.
Collect Nouns
Collect nouns and other parts of speech from newspapers and magazines,
free reading books, poems by favorite authors, or conversations with friends.
During reading workshop, students can record these unusual words and
phrases in personal notebooks. (I have students make 4- by 6-inch
notebooks lled with unlined paper, with construction-paper covers.) Some
teachers prefer simply to set aside a section in students notebooks or
response journals for collecting words.
I collect the notebooks
daily and store them in a
shoe box. If notebooks travel
home with students, many
forget to bring them back to
school. Instead, when I want
students to jot down words
at home, I give them a sheet
of paper that can be taped or
stapled into their notebooks.
Introduce word-collecting notebooks
I introduce this collecting strategy with a think aloud, explaining how the
strategy helps me:
When I read poems, articles, the newspaper, and books, I keep a
small notebook handy. Every time I read a noun that catches my
attention, I jot it down. Before and during writing, I reread these lists
to stimulate ideas in my mind and to search for a noun to replace one
Ive used. The lists are useful when Im revising. Compiling lists is
enjoyable because I learn so many new wordsand words are a writers
business.
Next, I show students a recent notebook (see below), write some nouns
on the chalkboard, and invite them to comment or pose questions.
20
Eighth graders
word notebook
Pages from
Laura Robbs
notebook
Students frequently ask, Do I have to do this? Yes! I reply. In my
classes, everyone tries this strategy for six weeks. How can students
determine whether a strategy supports their writing if they havent used it
and reected on its benets?
Ask students to share their collections with a partner, small group, or the
entire class. Discuss whether they nd the strategy useful and why or why
not. After the trial period, if several students decide they dont want to
continue using word-collecting notebooks, thats ne.
As students learn about other parts of speech, invite them to collect
unusual or striking examples. I also encourage students to record phrases
that interest them. For many students, these collections become valuable
resources as they draft and revise. Often one word or phrase sparks an idea.
Rita, a seventh grader, told me: When I read the phrase comforting
embrace [from Foster Home by Nikki Grimes] the words cruel embrace
popped in my mindjust what I needed for my story.
Mine books and poems for specic nouns
Invite students to study and discuss how published writers effectively use
nouns. In addition to their free-choice reading books, students can dip into
picture books and poems, which are rich in specic nouns because authors
of these genres must use words economically.
Two to three times a week, I invite students to select specic nouns from
a text they are reading. For ten minutes or so, students read aloud their
examples, while I record the nouns on chart paper. Searching for specic
nouns, a seventh grader told me, helped me understand that terric
writers dont use words like things and stuff. The examples below are from
sixth graders. Ive underlined the nouns students shared.
The boughs of the cherry trees met in an arch above Sanjo
Avenue. Muna walked beneath the pale pink arcade. It was as
though all the ugliness he had ever known was excluded from this
paradise. Even the people he saw seemed clothed in a glow of
perfection.
The Sign of the Chrysanthemum by Katherine Paterson
On sad days,
I remember
that my place in heaven is rented
and the currency demanded
is not the yen or dollar,
but my essence.
Quilted Soul by Sherley Jean-Pierre
Forge connections to students own writing
While you deepen students awareness of specic nouns through the work of
published authors, help them focus on and improve the nouns in their own
pieces. In grades four through six, I initiate this process by circling four to
ve nouns in a students piece that need to be specic. Scaffold instruction
for older students who cant pinpoint nouns in their writing by circling
them.
Then I ask students to work in pairs for ve to ten minutes, helping each
other nd alternative nouns and jotting these in the margin. Before letting
students work alone on this activity, you may want to sit side by side with a
student and watch him or her circle nouns, offering support when necessary.
Such close monitoring lets you know when students can experience success
on their own.
Once students can select nouns independently, I ask them to circle three
to ve they could improve, jot alternative nouns in the margin next to the
circled word, and then circle their favorite choice.
22
TEN NOUN-RICH PICTURE BOOKS
I read aloud picture books, such as the titles below, and point out nouns
that grab my attention. Students also have many opportunities to read
picture books, searching for nouns that appeal to their sensibilities.
Black Cowboy Wild Horses: A True Story by Julius Lester, illustrated
by Jerry Pinkney, (Dial, 1998).
A Boy Named Giotto by Paolo Guarnieri, pictures by Bimba
Landmann (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1998).
Breakfast at Liberty Diner by Daniel Kirk (Hyperion, 1997).
The City of Dragons by Laurence Yep, illustrated by Jean and
Mou-Sien Tseng (Scholastic, 1995).
Excalibur by Hudson Talbot (Morrow, 1996).
Farolitos for Abuela by Rudolfo Anaya, illustrated by Edward
Gonzales (Hyperion, 1998).
Going Home by Eve Bunting, illustrated by David Diaz
(HarperCollins, 1996).
OSullivan Stew by Hudson Talbot (Putnam, 1999).
Waiting for the Evening Star by Rosemary Wells, illustrated by Susan
Jeffers (Dial, 1993).
Wolves by Seymour Simon (HarperCollins, 1993).
23
STRATEGY LESSON
Noun Word Walls
Introduction
How can hardship be a noun? It doesnt name a person, place, or thing,
fth-grader Josh asked, voicing a confusion typical of middle schoolers. Like
Josh, many students this age readily grasp concrete nouns, but not abstract
nouns. For Josh, things in the traditional denition of nouns meant
concrete, nonliving items such as a pencil, rope, or marble.
To help these students, I teach them the suffixes that indicate abstract
nouns and help them build nouns with these endings (see box on page 25).
This work enlarges their range of unusual vocabulary to use in their writing,
too. Making noun word walls is an effective way to give students practice
identifying nouns, moving from general to specic nouns, and
understanding abstract nouns.
As a class, we spend two to four weeks adding nouns to a chart tacked to
a bulletin board. I like to focus noun word walls on a specic topic, such as
nouns that relate to autumn, holidays, space, friendship, vacations,
adventures, birthdays, and so on. Students can ll charts with nouns
throughout the yearjust tack one over the other to save space.
Adapt for
Grades
4 and Up
Eighth Grade Mini Word Wall Fifth Grade Mini Word Wall
Purpose
To help students understand that nouns are naming words; to sharpen
students awareness of general and specic, concrete, and abstract nouns; to
collect nouns related to a theme; to enlarge students vocabulary
Materials
Newspapers, magazines, books, poems, construction paper or large chart
paper, marker pens
Suggestions
1
On the chalkboard, write general nouns such as things, stuff, game, gift and
ask the class to brainstorm corresponding specic nouns. Fifth graders
offered kick the can for game, and magnifying glass and binoculars for stuff.
2
Invite students to writeon Post-its or in their word-collecting notebooks
specic nouns from their reading, listening, and writing.
3
Collect the nouns and print them on construction paper or large chart
paper. Display on a bulletin board or class wall.
4
Spend ve to eight minutes a day collecting nouns from students. I like to
have students print their words on the chart. Do this for two to four weeks,
especially if students show they need additional experiences.
5
Encourage students to use the noun wall for their writing and spelling.
Model this by using the noun wall as you demonstrate writing techniques
and when you and students collaborate and compose in various genres.
For example, sixth-grader Tamika decided to rewrite this sentence, lled
with general nouns that I circled while sitting with her. The noun chart on
birthdays offered ideas for her revisions.
Tamikas Original Sentence:
At my party we had games, ate lots, and did fun things.
Tamikas Rewrite:
At my birthday party, boys and girls did a balloon dance and played
charades. Everyone ate pretzels, nachos and salsa, and chocolate
cake with ice cream.
The chart on birthday words helped me, Tamika said at a mini-
conference. I needed two sentences because I wanted to be very specic.
Jenna [Tamikas revising partner] said that my new sentences made her
know what the party was like.
Collecting nouns that relate to a topic before writing builds vocabulary
and offers a wide range of choices as students plan and draft.
On Another Day
1
Introduce abstract and concrete nouns by creating a short list of each and
asking students to categorize the list into two different columns. Heres the
list I offer eighth graders: ethics, lioness, resistance, computer, childhood,
orphan, multitude.
2
Follow steps 2 to 5 above, collecting and categorizing lists on concrete and
abstract nouns.
On Another Day
1
Have students collect words related to a theme such as space, peer
pressure, the environment, oceans, survival, and so on. Such lists not only
activate and enlarge students prior knowledge about a topic but also are
top-notch resources for writing about these topics.
2
Follow steps 2 to 5, collecting themed lists.
25
SUFFIXES THAT BUILD ABSTRACT NOUNS
Here are suffixes that indicate a condition,
accomplishment, or state:
Suffix Example
-asm enthusiasm
-ation syncopation
-cy occupancy
-dom kingdom
-hood adulthood
-ice justice
-ics ethics
-ings earnings
-ism realism
-itis tonsilitis
-itude aptitude
-ment contentment
-ness happiness
-osis hypnosis
-red kindred
-ship friendship
-ty, ity certainty, creativity
Here are suffixes that show a belief
or attitude:
-ism Shintoism
-ity Christianity
Here are suffixes that indicate a process
or product:
-age marriage
-ion action
-ism hypnotism
-sion confusion
-tion rejection
-xion reexion
26
STRATEGY LESSON
Proper and Common Nouns
Introduction
The excerpt below, from a revised draft of Tonys memoir, indicates a need
for this sixth grader to deepen his knowledge of proper nouns and develop
his editing eye.
Every summer we went to saranac, a lake sitting in the heart of the
appalachian mountains. Just as the sun peers above the mountains,
my dad, our neighbor mr. richards, and myself packed our
backpacks with a days food and drink.
Tony is not alone. Many students compose early drafts that look like his.
Though his writing is lovely, the student hasnt been able to edit for capital
letters or other punctuation. I dont see it, Tony tells me. First, through
mini-lessons, I try to develop a keener understanding of the difference
between common and proper nouns. To sharpen Tonys editing skills, I
scaffold the process (see box on page 27). It takes several months of
continual practice with editing cues before I invite Tony to work
independently. Some students need more time and scaffolding to reach
independencetwo to three years. Rushing the process can escalate
frustration and anxiety levels. Observe and communicate and students will
show you when to nudge them to another level.
Purpose
To help students understand the difference between common and proper
nouns and why proper nouns start with capital letters; to apply this
knowledge to their writing
Materials
noun word wall, students writing from their folders or journals
Suggestions
1
Write on the chalkboard some common and proper nouns, such as ocean,
Atlantic; city, Chicago; boy, Adam.
2
Invite students to explain the difference between the words that start with
lowercase letters and those that start with uppercase letters. A sixth grader
said: ocean, city, and boy are not exactly like Atlantic, Chicago, and Adam.
A proper noun gets a capital letter because it names one boy, one ocean,
and one city.
3
Have groups select several common nouns from the word wall and write
corresponding proper nouns for each.
Adapt for
Grades
4 and Up
4
Ask students to search for common and proper nouns in the newspaper and
in a book they are reading.
5
Have students share their ndings with the entire class.
27
SCAFFOLD EDITING
Support students editing by providing visual cues. The purpose of scaffolding is to empower
students to become skillful editors. For students to improve, they have to edit, not the teacher.
Heres what I do to call students attention to editing needs:
1. Place a pencil check in the margin next to each line that needs editing.
2. Focus students on one punctuation item at a time. For Tony, its looking for proper nouns and
adding capital letters. Others might work on commas, apostrophes, run-on sentences, etc.
3. Sit side by side the rst time and help the student slowly and carefully read each line, nding
and completing corrections. You might have to do this several times.
4. Decide if its time to turn some editing responsibility over to the student. Start the process by
showing how you edit, and then have the student complete the editing independently.
5. Repeat step 3 several times, if necessary.
6. Add additional scaffolding to students edited papers if they have not found everything by
placing a check above the word or place that requires punctuation.
7. Continue scaffolding, gradually diminishing your support and moving students to
independence. However, if students pieces reveal that they continue to require support,
provide it.
After reading Kaelyns piece, I chose to have her focus on using commas. I placed check marks beside
sentences involving commas to signal this.
28
STRATEGY LESSON
Revising Pieces for Specic Nouns
Introduction
Id rather do grammar exercises from a workbook than revise and edit my
paper, a frustrated fth grader admitted after his teacher and I presented a
revision lesson.
When I asked Jamal why he felt that way, he said, In my old school, I
got all As on the worksheets. The teacher corrected my writing. Doing my
own [corrections] is hard. Students like Jamal can benet from your
support as well as from working with a peer who enjoys revising and editing
and understands the process. I always honor students feelings by saying, It
is tough to revise your own papers, but you are the writer and you need to
make the choices or I understand how you feel and Ill help you until
youre comfortable. Then slowly I nudge them forward.
Purpose
To enable students to apply their knowledge of specic and proper nouns to
their writing
Materials
overhead transparency and projector, marker pens, students writing folders
Suggestions
1
Place a section of a piece of your writing or a former students writing on a
transparency. If you use a students work, dont identify the child.
2
Circle one to three general nouns.
3
Brainstorm, in the margin, specic nouns that might replace each circled
noun.
4
Think aloud and show students your decision-making process as you choose
the most effective noun.
5
Have students circle four to ve general nouns in a piece of their writing. If
students have difficulty identifying these, you circle them.
6
Ask students to brainstorm, in the margin next to the circled noun, several
specic alternatives. For example, a fth grader circled lots of presents in
this sentence: I opened lots of presents at my birthday party. Her
brainstorming of possible replacements for lots of presents also revealed
her interest in art: paints, charcoal, watercolor paper, inline skates, blue
jeans, sweatshirt.
7
Organize students into partners and have pairs add to each others
brainstormed mini-lists.
Adapt for
Grades
4 and Up
8
Ask students to revise the circled nouns by writing the new word above the
circled one.
On Another Day: Link Proper Nouns to Students Writing
Suggestions
1
Tell students to select an unedited piece of writing from their folders.
2
Invite students to proofread their writing and circle incorrectly punctuated
proper nouns.
3
Using a different colored pencil or pen, have students correct by placing the
editing symbol (see page 86) for capital letter under the rst letter of each
proper noun.
29
DECISION-MAKING SNAPSHOTS
When I introduce noun word walls and notebooks for collecting nouns and other parts of speech, I
carefully observe students. Their level of understanding enables me to decide whether to move
forward quickly or revisit abstract nouns. Some students arrive in my eighth-grade room with a
solid knowledge of nouns. When that is the case, I quickly move students to improving their pieces
by adding specic nouns and move on to verbs and using adjectives sparingly. Students prior
knowledge and experiences determine the pace I establish. Most often I group students: Those who
can move on to studying another part of speech do, while a few meet with me two to three times a
week for ten to fteen minutes to deepen their understanding of nouns and learn to identify nouns
in their own writing.
A point comes, however, when I must move on, even though one or several students might still
have difficulty selecting nouns from their writing or nding nouns during a book or magazine
search. During the year, I review topics (see schedule on page 18), providing students with more
chances to comprehend and apply a concept.
STRATEGY LESSON
Grab Your Audience With Strong Verbs
Introduction
When I introduce the term strong verbs, my eighth graders grin and ask
me, How can a verb be strong? True, strong verbs dont have the quality of
physical strength that bodybuilders possess. Instead, strong verbs have the
power to capture imagined action and construct sensory pictures that enable
the reader and the writer to envision similar images (Graves 1994; Noden
1999).
To create an awareness of the power of strong verbs, place a section of a
novel or poem on an overhead transparency. Show students how you
underline the strong verbs and think aloud, telling them the image one or
two of the verbs conjure in your mind. Then invite them to think aloud,
sharing images they see. Heres the think aloud I presented to sixth graders
using this passage from Natalie Babbits The Eyes of the Amaryllis:
It seemed as if shed only dozed a moment before she woke to hear
Gran calling her. Geneva! Get up! High tide. Dazed, she tumbled
out of bed, found her shoes, pulled them on without thinking, and
shrugged into her dressing gown. Downstairs, Gran waited at the
door, a lantern dangling from one hand, the other gripping her crutch.
Robbs Think Aloud for dozed:
Dozed creates a picture in my mind of Geneva nodding off. Her mind wont
let Geneva travel into a deep sleep because she might not hear Grans call.
Suggestions for Student Practice
Once youve modeled selecting strong verbs and thinking aloud, invite
students to work with a partner or in a small group, share a verb and the
sentence its in from their free-choice reading book, and then think aloud
for the group. As students work, circulate, assisting those who struggle with
nding verbs in a sentence. This kind of practice can improve students
ability to identify verbs, and it raises their awareness of how writers create
pictures with verbs.
Sixth-grader Anthonys Think Aloud for stumbled:
The word stumbled made me see Geneva getting out without thinking
of what she was doing. She stumbles because shes already thinking
of dressing and meeting Gran. It also shows that she was sleepy and
not all awake.
Sixth-grader Yolandes Think Aloud for shrugged:
I kinda saw Geneva get into her dressing gown in one motionlike
you shrug your shoulders. I thought shrugged gave the dressing a
fast feeling and one without thinking, like the way she did her shoes.
Adapt for
Grades
4 and Up
STRATEGY LESSON
Spotlight Strong Verbs on Word Walls
Introduction
Verb word walls can tune students in to the rich amount of words in our
language that have similar meanings. Instead of using the verb walk to
describe how a character moved, I want students to rene the image and
search for a verb that accurately shows the walk. Trudge, stroll, and limp are
stronger and can better portray the action.
Build verb walls throughout the year by including strong verbs that can
be used when writing about:
holidays and birthdays
themes the class is studying, such as space, friendship, conict, peer
pressure, weather
the seasons
similar words for walk, said, cried, talked
sports
dance, singing, acting, music
If you have limited wall space on which to hang large pieces of
construction paper, use a wide roll of adding-machine tape. Attach strips of
Adapt for
Grades
4 and Up
31
TEN BOOKS THAT ILLUSTRATE STRONG VERBS
Select passages with strong verbs from books to share and discuss with students. Also invite
students to search for image-making verbs by asking pairs to read picture books, magazine articles,
or their own books and share these in groups or with the entire class. Here are ten titles I often use:
Alvin Ailey by Andrea Davis Pinkney, illustrated by Brian Pinkney (Hyperion, 1995).
Call Me Ahnighito by Pam Conrad, illustrated by Richard Egielski (HarperCollins, 1995).
Chrysanthemum by Kevin Henkes (Greenwillow, 1991).
How Turtles Back Was Cracked: A Traditional Cherokee Tale retold by Gayle Ross, paintings
by Murv Jacob (Dial, 1995).
JAZPER by Richard Egielski (HarperCollins, 1998).
Night Sounds, Morning Colors by Rosemary Wells, illustrated by David McPhail (Dial, 1994).
Rattlesnake Dance by Jim Arnofsky (Putnam, 2000).
Swine Lake by James Marshall, illustrated by Maurice Sendak (HarperCollins, 1999).
William Shakespeare and the Globe by Aliki (HarperCollins, 1999).
Zeke Pippin by William Steig (HarperCollins, 1994).
32
adding-machine paper to a wall or bulletin board and record verbs. Its easy
to change these. Just roll up and store ones youve completed, making room
for new lists.
Purpose
To help students explore verb possibilities and choose the one that creates
the strongest image; to generate lists of strong verbs students can refer to as
they draft and revise
Materials
books, magazines, poems, chart paper and/or adding-machine tape, marker
pens
Suggestions
1
Help students understand that in a sentence, verbs show what happens and
how it happens. Stronger, more colorful verbs, such as sizzle, appeal to our
senses, enabling readers to picture, taste, feel, hear, and smell.
2
Write, on an overhead transparency or chart paper, sentences with weak and
strong verbs. Here are two pairs of sentences I share with fth graders:
Molly went to the store.
Molly skipped and jogged to the store.
The third graders go into the gym.
Third graders charged into the gym.
3
Involve students by asking: How did your sensory images change when you
read the second example? What other verbs might work? Why?
4
Invite students to collect strong verbs from their reading and write these on
the verb wall. Spend six to ten minutes three to four times a week gathering
students examples. Continue collecting over several weeks or collect
intensively for two weeks. As you review verbs, have students add to the
lists.
5
Focus verb lists on writing topics, units of study, or synonyms.
6
Encourage students to use these lists as they draft and revise pieces.
7
Create a list of verbs and other words to avoid in writingwords that dont
create images. I call these banished words (see next page).
List of Banished Words
During the year, students and I create a list of wordsvarious parts of
speechto avoid in their writing. I start the list, and in a think aloud, I
explain the rationale behind it. Students enjoy bringing candidates before
the class, and everyone votes to see which words make the list. I tell them,
This year well work together to cull words to avoid in writing. Words on
the list are ordinary and dont appeal to the senses. The list will help you
eliminate these words when revising.
Here are some of the words that made it onto my eighth graders list:
a lot get make went pretty good
bad beautiful go come nice fun
cute okay say do stuff things
33
SIXTH GRADE S LISTS OF STRONG VERBS
Instead of go, try: Instead of fall, try:
walk tumble
ride twirl
trudge whirl
amble plunge
depart glide
disappear descend
recede collapse
travel swoop
journey plummet
creep rain
crawl slip
run sink
dash topple
ow founder
roam cascade
drag parachute
hike submerge
march coast
parade
saunter
stroll
stride
meander
STRATEGY LESSON
Appreciate Poets Use of Strong Verbs
Introduction
Like Louise Rosenblatt (1978), I believe that students should respond to
literature aesthetically and emotionally, before we invite them to analyze
structural elements such as meter, gurative language, strong verbs, or
specic nouns. Doing this allows readers to enter the heart of the writing.
This may be especially true for reading poetry. When you offer pairs or
groups of students poems to read, rst invite them to read out loud and
listen to the poem. Then have them discuss their reactions, raise questions,
and reect on the way the poem speaks to them. Students enjoy reading
aloud and sharing their discoveries with classmates, and this affords
everyone an opportunity to hear many poems and become familiar with the
condensed language of poetry.
Each year, I add poems to le folders, expanding my collection. I nd
poems in anthologies, magazines, and collections by favorite poets. As
students browse through these poetry resources, they discover poems they
want classmates to read.
Purpose
To illustrate how poets use strong verbs; to discuss how sensory-rich verbs
affect readers
Materials
poems, collections and anthologies of poetry
Suggestions
1
Select two to three poems with image-making verbs. I use two poems by
Emily Dickinson that groups of students have read aloud many times and
discussed.
2
Organize students into groups of three to ve.
3
Ask students to reread their poem and discuss Dickinsons use of strong
verbs.
4
Have students underline the verbs they thought were strong.
5
Invite students to take turns thinking aloud, explaining why the noun or
verb helped the poet effectively paint a picture or arouse the senses (see
pages 30, 35, 36).
6
Repeat this mini-lesson, focusing on or reviewing specic nouns.
Adapt for
Grades
4 and Up
Two Poems by Emily Dickinson
Seventh graders Think Aloud
I think that the verb flung followed by the noun menace work
together in this first stanza. Menace is a great way to say a threat,
and using flung shows the winds anger as it starts a storm. And then
before the rain and lightning and thunder, you know a storm is
coming because the sky looks threatening and the earth darkens.
With a verb and noun, she created a story in my mind.
Eighth graders Think Aloud
It took me many readings and lots of talk with my group to figure
out that this poem was about sunset. The verbs sweeps, littered,
dust are all about making things dirty and cleaning. Its cool how the
clear sky of day is made dirty with different colors and then it all
goes away into evening and stars. Fade is the verb she uses to show
this. Its also a more gentle verb than litter and sweep. I think the
verbs helped me see the changes at sunset. Jeremy said that
housewife was a great noun because it set up a metaphor of a
housewife who didnt clean her rooms, but littered the sky with
colors and then cleaned them up into evening.
35
The wind begun to rock the grass
With threatening tunes and low
He ung a menace at the earth
A menace at the sky.
The leaves unhooked themselves from trees
And started all abroad
The dust did scoop itself like hands
And threw away the road.
The wagons quickened on the streets,
The thunder hurried slow
The lightning showed a yellow beak
And then a livid claw.
The birds put up the bars to nests
The cattle ed to barns
There came one drop of giant rain
And then as if the hands
That held the dams had parted hold
The waters wrecked the sky
But overlooked my fathers house
Just quartering a tree.
She sweeps with many-colored brooms
And leaves the shreds behind
Oh, housewife in the evening west
Come back, and dust the pond!
You dropped a purple raveling in
You dropped an amber thread
And now youve littered all the East
With duds of emerald!
And still, she plies her spotted brooms,
And still the aprons y,
Till brooms fade softly into stars
And then I come away
Offering students such experiences with poetry, where they dig their way
into the meaning and the structure, is an exciting collaborative literary
experience. It also can raise students awareness of the following:
the language of poetry
vocabulary
specic nouns
shaping a poem
stanzas, rhyme, rhythm
poets use of punctuation
function of verbs
STRATEGY LESSON
Revising Pieces for Strong Verbs
Introduction
A sixth grader began her short narrative this way:
Every Saterday I get to go with my dad. We go to the park. Its fun.
In a mini-conference, I helped Janetta circle get to go and go and
suggested that she could improve these verbs. Then I asked her questions to
generate more detailed language: What time does your dad arrive? Does
your dad drive? Walk? Take a train or bus? Is the park far away? What do
you do thats so much fun?
As she spoke, I jotted her responses on Post-its. Her speech contained
rich details: Im looking out the window watching Dad park his old Chevy
convertible and I hear his footsteps on the stairs and Im waitin at the door,
happy hes come. We walk to the parkits down the blockand Dad
watches me swing and I pretend I touch the sky.
Wow! I exclaim, my immediate, honest reaction to Janettas outpouring.
First, I help her brainstorm and jot in the margin possible verbs and
phrases, reminding Janetta of some she used while talking: look, watch,
listen, hear, charge, run, dash, walk, swing, touch the sky, make believe,
pretend, dream.
Next, I invite her to compose the rst sentence out loud, and I write it
for her. Janetta says its easier to talkwriting it is hard. I want her to
understand how her talk can be transformed into energetic writing. Heres
her rewrite, which she completed during two workshops.
Evry Saterday Im looking out the living room window waiting for
dad. A horn toots. I think, thats him. He parks the old green car,
charges up the stairs and sees me grining at the door. We dash
down the steps and walk to the park near the house. I charge to
the emty swing. Dad follows and pushez me higher and hiher until I
feel like I can tuch the sky.
Adapt for
Grades
4 and Up
Not only did Janetta use strong verbs to breathe life into her piece, but
she also added important details. The questions helped me, she said.
Editing will come later. Content is whats important now. My goal is for
Janetta and other students to realize that writers ask questionsthey probe
and probe until they know what details to include.
When young writers revise their own work, they need time, support from
a teacher, and strategies, like posing questions on Post-its, that generate
more ideas than they need.
Purpose
To help students identify and revise colorless verbs in their writing
Materials
a piece of each students own writing (poem or short narrative or essay)
Suggestions
1
Ask students to work in pairs and help each other circle three to ve verbs
they would like to improve.
2
Circulate and support students who have difficulty identifying verbs.
3
Have pairs brainstorm a mini-list of alternative verbs in the margin, next to
the circled verb. Generating four to six verbs offers the author choices and
creates an awareness of the range of possibilities.
4
Encourage the writer to read the sentence with each verb and select the
best one. An eighth grader had this line in a poem: My foot hit the soccer
ball. Alternatives he listed for hit were kicked, slammed, fought, banged,
surprised. He chose surprised because, I wanted you [the reader] to feel
the shock of the huge kick. My partner gave me that oneit was a great
idea because in the next line I say, And like a cheetah, it ashed across the
eld.
5
Invite young authors to select a stronger verb to replace a circled verb by
placing one line through the original verb and writing the new one above it.
6
Ask students to read their revised pieces aloud to their partners. Students sit
side by side so they can see the original piece and the revisions.
7
Encourage partners to offer feedback about the revisions.
8
Move around the room and observe pairs as they work; listen to their
conversations and ask questions to guide them.
9
Repeat activity on another day with different partners. You may nd,
however, that some students will integrate this strategy into their writing
process immediately and want to work independently. I nd that students in
grades ve and six need to support one another for four to six months before
they start to generate lists of words on their own. Struggling readers and
writers in upper grades also require partner support, for their vocabulary is
limited and generating word lists is difficult.
To Use or Not to Use the Thesaurus
Some students turn to the thesaurus to discover words. The thesaurus is an
excellent tool, however, often it is misused by students.
Too many students use the thesaurus to create a long list of alternative
words. They copy every word without reecting on whether a word ts the
context of their piece or whether they truly understand its meaning. For
some students, the thesaurus is a resource for nding words that will
impress the teacher and their peers. Often, they plug in a word that makes
no sense. Look at fth-grader Johns before and after sentences:
Before: My pony and I won the race.
After: My pony and I vanquished the race.
To avoid nonreective use of the thesaurus, I tell students to include me
in a thesaurus search. Meanwhile, I continually model how the thesaurus is
an effective tool for discovering alternative verbs, nouns, and adjectives.
Modeling includes how I nd a word, focusing on the correct part of speech,
and considering the choices, selecting words I understand and words that
will work in my piece.
Young writers need to apprentice with an expert in order to learn to use
this excellent word-nding tool. Experts can be older students, a peer, and
the teacher. Whether searching for alternative nouns, verbs, or adjectives,
teachers can prevent the pitfalls of exploring the thesaurus by thinking
aloud to illustrate how we explore words.
38
An eighth grader and I brainstorm vivid verbs before typing a nal version of his poem.
STRATEGY LESSON
Effectively Using Descriptive Adjectives
Introduction
Writers understand that adjectives, when used sparingly, can deepen an
image or sensory response. Recently, I overheard a group of fourth-grade
teachers discussing how they were focusing on students writing with
plenty of adjectives so their pieces have descriptive details. Alas, what can
happen is that students compose sentences that are laden with adjectives
and that do more telling than showing. Fifth-grader Jeremy wrote: We
climbed that hot, scary, fearful stairway and found ourselves in a cold,
frightening, ugly room. Clearly, Jeremy told readers to feel scared,
frightened. Better to show details that let the reader conclude the
experience was frightening.
Heres Jeremys rewrite: We climbed the stairs, suffocating from the hot
air and landed in a room that felt like a deep freeze. Stiff mice dangled from
the ceiling by their tails; icy green mold painted the wooden walls. The
adjectives hot, stiff, deep, icy, green, and wooden claried the image without
telling the reader how to feel.
Purpose
To observe how published authors use adjectives; to help students select
adjectives from their reading that clarify nouns and show, not tell
Materials
picture and/or chapter books, poems, chart paper, markers
Suggestions
1
Write, on chart paper, two to three examples of authors using adjectives that
show, not tell. Here are two that I share with students:
Murky water, slime-covered walls, dank and fetid airYes! Lucky me.
The sewers of Paris!
I Crocodile by Fred Marcellino
Sonny Greer pounded out the bang of jump-rope feet on the street
with his snare drum. A subway beat on his bass drum. A sassy ride on
his cymbal.
Duke Ellington by Andrea Davis Pinkney
2
I think aloud, referring to the rst example: The underlined adjectives
show that the sewers were dirty, damp, with smelly air. But Marcellino never
uses these telling words.
Adapt for
Grades
4 and Up
3
Ask pairs or small groups to discuss the second example. Here are some
comments from eighth graders:
The adjectives showed us the rhythms like subway and jump-rope.
And snare showed the kind of drumthats important.
I liked sassy cause it showed how the cymbals stood out.
I point out to students that they each used the word show. Then I ask
them what feelings this passage stirred. A hopping, jiving, showy
drummer, Rick said. And Pinkney didnt ever tell that.
On Another Day
1
Tune students ears to the effective use of descriptive adjectives by asking
them to study how their favorite authors and poets incorporate these in their
writing.
2
Reserve three ten- to fteen-minute sessions a week for two weeks for
students to nd and share examples from their reading.
3
Observe students responses to this experience to decide whether to lengthen
or shorten these adjective searches. Here are the examples shared by three
seventh graders during their author study of Katherine Patersons books:
Gilly grabbed the back of the striped pajamas with both hands and
half dragged, half supported the faltering frame toward the couch.
The Great Gilly Hopkins
I lured those fool cats right to me and into those infernal sacks.
Jacob Have I Loved
His stare traveled from her f ilthy straw-sandaled feet to her
cracked and frostbitten hands to her dry and lusterless hair to her
brown face cut in quarters by a streaked white scar.
Of Nightingales That Weep
Following are the students comments:
Gina: She [Paterson] selects adjectives that paint clear pictures, like
filthy, straw-sandled, lusterless, streaked, white as a contrast to
brown. Shes showing how Takikos looks changed, but she never says
that shes now uglyshe leaves that thought to Hideo and the reader.
Marina: Her adjectives make you stop and want to rereadlike
faltering frame to show us how sick the huge Trotter is.
Marta:The adjective fool lets you know what Wheeze thinks of the
cats, and infernal shows her attitude toward the sacks.
Once students have studied how professional writers use adjectives,
invite them to select a piece of their own writing and change telling
adjectives to ones that show.
STRATEGY LESSON
Adjectives That Show
Introduction
The fth-grade sample that follows illustrates how overused descriptive
adjectives such as pretty and beautiful can weaken a piece.
My room is pretty and beautiful. Soft, frilly, baby pink curtains are
on the windows. There is a soft, comfortable, deep rose rug next to
my bed. My best and favorite stuffed animals are on my toy chest. A
tall bookcase is between the windows.
The adjectives tell the reader what to think and feel, instead of showing
and permitting the reader to explore his or her own feelings and images.
Now look at the rewrite, which the class and I wrote collaboratively on chart
paper.
In my room, I feel as if Im wrapped in pink cotton candy. Next to my
four-poster bed is a plush, rose-colored rug for relaxing and
daydreaming. Pink curtains cover two windows and turn the suns
rays into pink sunbeams. Between the windows stands a tall and
narrow bookcase that my grandfather made. My stuffed bear, lamb,
bunny, and dog rest on a wooden toy box that looks like an old
treasure chest.
The rewrite illustrates how strong verbs (wrapped, daydream, stands)
and careful choice of specic adjectives (plush, four-poster, tall, narrow, old,
treasure) improved the description. Adding similes also helped the reader
come closer to the authors feelings about her room.
The process asks students to combine several writing techniques:
selecting the right adjective; showing, not telling; and pinpointing places in
their own pieces that need revision. To accomplish all this takes time.
Therefore, revisit this mini-lesson many times and know that over several
grades, most students will come to understand how to use adjectives to
clarify images.
Purpose
To enable young writers to add specic adjectives to their own writing; to
encourage economy when using adjectives
Materials
Students select a piece of their own writing, or the teacher can select pieces
he or she knows would benet from this kind of revision
Suggestions
1
Organize students into partners.
Adapt for
Grades
4 and Up
2
Have each student circle two to four nouns and/or descriptive adjectives.
Circle the words for students who need additional support.
3
Invite partners to help each other generate a mini-list of possible adjectives
to add to nouns or to replace the adjectives in their pieces.
4
Have partners choose the adjectives each considers most effective and read
the piece out loud to each other, listening for sound, imagery, and meaning.
One eighth grader added weathered to barn, another changed crinkled ear
to cauliower ear.
5
Collect examples from students and record on chart paper or the
chalkboard.
6
Ask the class to discuss the effectiveness of these changes.
Pronoun Problems
Memorizing the various pronouns in the English language and searching for
them in workbook sentences is not difficult for most students. I want
students to be familiar with pronouns (see box, page 46), however, memory
alone will not solve pronoun problems that teachers observe in students
writing.
As soon as I see students start a paragraph with a pronoun, use a plural
pronoun to refer back to a singular subject, open a sentence with Him and
me or My sister and her or It was them, I launch into a series of mini-
lessons that spotlight the pronoun misuse and have students spend time
editing their own pieces.
42
DECISION-MAKING SNAPSHOT
For students to progress with revision and editing, they must be in charge of these events. Both in
presentations and in published work, writing-workshop researchers Nancie Atwell and Lucy Calkins
have cautioned teachers not take the pen from a student during a conference to demonstrate a
revision or editing technique. Several years ago, I heard Nancie Atwell retract this position at a
Virginia State Reading Association Conferenceand the audience of several hundred teachers
breathed a collective sigh of relief.
There are times when its quite effective to show a student in a mini-conference how to rewrite
a sentence or phrase, providing you think aloud as you rewrite, so students understand your
reasoning.
I needed to see what it looked like when you brainstormed a list of verbs and It helped when
I saw how you looked for faulty pronouns usage are comments that tell me some students need to
work closely with the teacher to get it. Chart and chalkboard are too far away. Follow your
teaching instincts and scaffold instruction as long as students require that level of support.
Gradually diminish support as students progress.
STRATEGY LESSON
Pronoun References
Introduction
A person cannot walk away from a mandatory job feeling that they
helped their community because they had no choice.
If each one has free time after school, they should be able to
decide how to use that time.
Both sentences are from the second draft of an eighth graders persuasive
essay against an optional community-service policy at Powhatan School that
the administration encourages students to complete before graduation.
Using a plural pronoun to refer back to a singular subject and starting a
paragraph with a pronoun are common errors among middle school
students.
With the strategy lesson that follows, you can tune students ears to
pronoun usage issues. Present one issue at a timetoo much information
can daunt and confuse students who are unlearning speaking and writing
patterns theyve continually used.
Purpose
To create an awareness of pronoun reference issues; to help students
understand the importance of these issues; to provide opportunities for
students to correct their own work
Materials
chart paper, marker pens, students writing
Suggestions
1
Record, on chart paper, errors students have made in previous years without
identifying the students.
2
Here are the samples I prepare on the chart:
My brother broke his leg and they went to the hospital.
(grade 6)
The convertible and sports car raced down the highway and it won.
(grade 7)
3
Think aloud and explain why the pronouns confuse. Heres what I say:
Both sentences have pronoun reference problems. This means the
pronouns used are confusing. In the rst sentence, the subject,
brother, is singular, but the pronoun is they. The author wrote they
because his parents drove to the hospital. This sentence doesnt make
Adapt for
Grades
4 and Up
that clear. In the second sentence, two cars race, but the pronoun it
doesnt help me know which car won. Im sure the author knew which
was the winner, but its important to help readers understand.
4
Ask students to work in pairs and rewrite the sentences. Here are seventh
graders revisions:
My brother broke his leg and my parents drove him to the hospital.
The convertible and sports car raced down the highway and the
sports car won.
5
Repeat steps 3 and 4 two to four times or until all or most students can
revise the samples you present.
6
Give students a piece of their writing with pronoun reference issues. Place a
check in the margin next to the line that has the error and have them
rewrite on a Post-it or a piece of scrap paper.
7
Ask students who dont have any corrections to support a classmate or to
continue working on a piece of writing.
8
Scaffold instruction for students who need more support (see page 27).
On Another Day
1
On chart paper, write an example of faulty pronoun use when starting a new
paragraph. Heres what I print:
My uncle honked the horn as he parked his white sedan in front of
the house. Immediately, my brother and I jumped off the stone stoop
and climbed into the back seat. Uncle Dave drove to the amusement
park, and my brother and me counted the money mom had stuffed
into our wallets.
He thought the day was perfect for it and we were excited. (grade 8)
2
Think aloud, showing students how confusing it is to open a paragraph with
pronouns. Heres what I say:
The introduction is a grabber. Strong verbs honked, jumped, climbed,
and stuffed. Starting the second paragraph with three pronouns that
refer back to the rst paragraph confuses. Who is the he? Uncle Dave,
one of the brothers? What does it refer to? Does we mean all three?
When starting a new paragraph, its helpful to the reader to use names
instead of pronouns.
3
Follow steps 5 through 8 from the previous lesson.
STRATEGY LESSON
Using Subject Pronouns
Introduction
Changing speech patterns that students
constantly hear at home and in their community
is challenging. Such change takes consistent
scaffolding over several years, for the grammar
pattern has been programmed in students
memories since early childhood.
When students say, Him and her went to
the movies or It was him who won the game,
I repeat their sentence using correct English.
My goal is for them to hear correct English
many times. To provide models for students, I
construct a Help Chart, post it on a bulletin
board, and leave it there as a reference
throughout the year.
Purpose
To help students understand that subject
pronouns open a sentence and are used after is
and was
Materials
chart paper, marker pens, students own work
Suggestions
1
On chart paper, write examples of errors students have made in previous
years, without identifying the students. For example:
Her and me played on the swings.
Me and Tony rode horses.
2
Heres how I think aloud:
If you open a sentence with pronouns, they are the subject of the
sentence, and that is why writers use the subject form of pronouns.
Open the rst sentence with She and I and the second sentence with
Tony and I.
3
Ask students to work in pairs and rewrite several sample sentences (you can
write these on chart paper or give them to students as handouts).
4
Repeat practice two to four times or until all or most students can revise.
Adapt for
Grades
4 and Up
45
Start sentences
this way:
He and I
She and I
Mother and I
Jane and
She and Mother
He and Jane
Mark, Jill, and I
After is and was, use
subject pronouns:
It was I
It was he
It was she
It is they
It is he
It is she
It is I
Thats she
HELP CHART
5
Give students a piece of their writing. Place a check in the margin next to
the line that has the error and have students rewrite on a Post-it or a piece
of scrap paper.
6
Ask students who dont have any corrections to support a classmate or to
continue working on their writing.
7
Scaffold instruction for students who need more support (see page 27).
On Another Day
1
Write more sample sentences on chart paper. For example:
It was them knocking at the door.
Thats him playing in the yard.
2
Think aloud and include these ideas:
The samples above are incorrect in written English but over time
have become common in spoken English. Use subject personal pronouns
after the expressions It was, It is, Thats. The correct form
sounds wrong to many of you because you are not accustomed to
hearing it in conversations.
3
Repeat steps 4 through 7 from the above lesson.
46
PRONOUN RESOURCE BOX
Its important for students to be familiar with pronouns. Such familiarity gives us a common
language, making it easier for me to model, think aloud, and discuss. I share the following list with
students:
Personal Subject Pronouns: I, you, he, she, it, we, you they
Personal Object Pronouns: me, you, him, her, it, us, you, them
Personal Possessive Pronouns: my, mine, your, yours, his, her, hers, its, our, ours, your, yours,
their, theirs
Reexive: myself, yourself, himself, herself, itself, ourselves, yourselves, themselves
Demonstrative: this, that, these, those
Indenite: all, both, each, some, several, one, few, many, either, neither, every, none, any, most,
everyone, someone, anyone, everyone, everybody, someone, somebody, nobody
Relative: who, which, that, whose, whom
Interrogative: who, which, what, whose, whom
Displaying and Storing Strategy Lesson Charts
Hang mini-lesson charts on a wall or bulletin board so students can refer to
them. If Im presenting three mini-lessons on pronouns, I display all three
for students to use. If wall space is tight, tape one in front of the other or
attach each chart to coat hanger and place one behind the other so students
can ip to the chart they need.
Store mini-lessons on skirt hangers and hang on a wall hook or in a
closet. When you review a topic, such as adverbs, reuse the mini-lesson(s)
and display to refresh students memories.
Understanding Adverbs
Adverbs are easy, an eighth grader tells me. They all end in ly. Year after
year this explanation resurfaces when I invite students to tell me what they
know about adverbs. Adverb word walls quickly dispel this myth and enable
students to revise their thinking about these words and discuss how adverbs
can clarify meaning in a sentence. By the end of the week, as we [the class]
reread the lists of adverbs, I nally believed that there were lots that didnt
end in ly, a sixth grader said. Now I can see how adverbs work.
STRATEGY LESSON
Adverb Word Wall
Introduction
Like adjectives, adverbs modify other words, and they modify verbs more
often than they modify adjectives or other adverbs. Its easy to detect
adverbs because they usually answer these questions: When? Where? How?
How much? or How long?
Building a word wall of adverbs like the one shown on the next page will
help deepen your students understanding of this part of speech.
Purpose
To see that many adverbs dont end in ly; to understand that adverbs answer
specic questions
Materials
chart paper, marker pens
Suggestions
1
Make four headings on chart paper: Where? When? How? How much?/How
long?
2
Spend ve to ten minutes a day for four days collecting words from students
that t each category. Most ly words will fall under How?
Adapt for
Grades
4 and Up
3
Check, in the dictionary, any words you or your students challenge.
STRATEGY LESSON
Adverbs Can Clarify Meaning
Introduction
Because adverbs can make a place more specic (We played outside), make
time more accurate (Ill meet you tomorrow morning), and describe how
(the motor purred smoothly), they can clarify meaning, an image, and
sensory experiences.
Used sparingly, adverbs enhance writing. Students always agree that the
adverb very is overused and they add it to the list of Banished Words (see
page 33).
Purpose
To show students how adverbs can improve writing
Materials
chart paper, marker pens, students own writing
Suggestions
1
On chart paper, write sample sentences without adverbs. Heres what I offer
students:
The twins pedal their bikes.
The Smiths moved.
2
Invite students to select adverbs to add to each sentence. Heres a sixth
graders rewrites:
The twins pedal their bikes quite rapidly.
Yesterday, the Smiths carefully moved furniture from room to room.
Adapt for
Grades
4 and Up
48
Where?
here
there
inside
outside
up
down
nearby, near
far
When?
then
often
soon
later
today
tomorrow
always
now
daily
yesterday
How?
endlessly
quietly
softly
rather
quite
smoothly
intently
How much?/How long?
never possibly
very away
far not
almost
too
also
somewhat
49
3
Ask students to discuss how the adverbs affect meaning. One sixth grader
noted, The Smith sentences had different meaningsin one they moved out
of their house, in the other they moved furniture around in the same house.
4
Have students rewrite simple sentences for two to four days or until you
observe that they understand the concept.
On Another Day
1
Ask students to select a piece of their writing.
2
Help them nd a place in their piece where they can add or adjust adverbs
to clarify meaning.
3
Scaffold students who still dont have the hang of using adverbs by selecting
a sentence or short passage from their writing and having them revise it. Go
over their work in a conference; share how and why you might tweak
the adverbs.
Does Teacher Support Always Equal Student Progress?
Even though you offer students individual support several times a week,
they might not progress at the rate you have planned. Years of writing and
speaking incorrectly combined with a lifetime of hearing incorrect grammar
from peers or others can deeply entrench poor habits. Continue scaffolding
instruction for these students and know that theyll need many years of
support to undo ingrained speech and writing patterns.
As you introduce a part of speech and focus on it, many students will
connect collaborative practice during mini-lessons to their own work. Even
though students gain prociency using their knowledge of the parts of
speech to improve writing, its difficult for them to integrate revising for
verbs, nouns, adjectives, and pronouns at the same time.
I nd that I work on one item at a time with my writing. If you want
students to complete multiple revisions, set up guidelines like these:
1
Circle three to four nouns that you can make more specic.
2
Circle three to four verbs that could be stronger.
3
Reread your piece to check for pronoun references.
Focusing on one element at a time ensures more success for students
and can lessen frustration and anxiety.
Part II
Improving
Sentence Structure
O
n a cool September evening, I sat at our dining room table. A
stack of rst drafts sixth graders had turned in that day waited
for me. A warm re blazed close by, and as I settled into the
task, I wondered what I would learn about my students writing.
As I read, I jotted down observations on a dated sheet of paper.
I noted run-on sentences, a lack of paragraphing, and misuse of commas.
Virtually every student needed to improve sentence structure. I made a
summary note to present mini-lessons on varying sentence openings,
clarifying details, and adding specic details.
The following day, I presented a mini-lesson on varying sentence
openings. From there, I broke the class into small groups and gave them
sample sentences to rewrite. Students who got it then applied this skill to
their own pieces. Students who needed more guidance worked in pairs or
with me. This processmodel, practice, release to independenceinforms
most of my teaching and is certainly mirrored in the structure of the strategy
lessons in this book. I move students from daily practice, which enables
them to gain insight into a strategy, to applying the strategy to their own
writing. How do I know that its time to invite students to rewrite parts of
their own pieces independently? When they can explain a strategy and
successfully complete practice exercises.
Can Understanding Participles
Improve Style?
Its difficult to gure out just how to begin teaching students to improve
sentence structure. There are certain parts of speechparticiples,
absolutes, and appositivesthat, once mastered, go a long way toward
improving writing (Noden 1999). So in this section of the book, Ill show you
how I teach prepositional, innitive, and participle phrases; clauses,
appositive, and absolutes. The background information Ive included is
primarily for you, the teacher. You, in turn, can share it with students as you
present mini-lessons. In these lessons (see rst one, on page 58) youll
notice that I simplify denitions or skip them altogether. So for each
lessonwhich is more like an artists sketch than a completed paintingyou
will need to explain background and model. Then invite students to analyze
examples, nd examples from their books, choose words and phrases from
the Idea Boxes, and practice the grammar strategy. Once older students gain
competency in applying a technique to their own writing, teachers can
expand denitions. From my experiences with students in grades four
through nine, this occurs with many students in grades eight and nine and
with some students in grade seven.
Background Information
Prepositional Phrases
With a prepositional phrase, writers can vary sentence openings and use the
phrase to show the relationship of a noun or pronoun to another word in the
sentence. A prepositional phrase starts with a preposition and ends with a
noun or pronoun, called the object of the preposition.
Used to vary sentence openings:
Before: A gift is under the bed.
After: Under the bed is a gift.
Used to show relationships:
The gift under the bed is for Mom.
The gift on the bed is for Mom.
The gift near the bed is for Mom.
52
PREPOSITION RESOURCE BOX
On a sheet of paper, I write the prepositions, subordinating conjunctions, and relative pronouns,
making copies for each student to put in his or her writing folder. You may also want to print these
words on a chart and display it.
Prepositions
Compound Prepositions
because of according to in spite of
on account of instead of out of
aboard
about
above
across
after
against
along
amid
among
around
at
before
behind
below
beneath
beside
between
beyond
but (except)
by
down
during
except
for
from
in
into
like
near
of
off
on
over
past
since
through
throughout
to
toward
under
underneath
until
unto
up
upon
with
within
without
Notice that each preposition changes the relationship between the gift and
the bed.
Participles
A participle is a form of a verb thats used as an adjective. Two kinds of
participles function as adjectives: the present participle that ends in -ing,
and the past participle that usually ends in -ed, -d, or -n. Used alone,
participles can vary sentence openings as well as modify nouns or pronouns
within sentences.
Before: The broken goggles became foggy under water.
After: Broken, the goggles became foggy under water.
Before: The stampeding horses were frightened and passed the noisy
crowd.
After: Stampeding, the frightened horses passed the noisy crowd.
Participial Phrases
Often a participal introduces a group of related words that function as an
adjective. This group of words, called a participial phrase, can vary sentence
openings and add details to nouns and pronouns within sentences.
Used to vary sentences:
Before: I sat in front of the control panel of the spaceship, and I pressed
a lever that ignited the rockets.
After: Sitting in front of the spaceships control panel, I pressed the
lever that ignited the rockets.
Used to add details within a sentence:
Before: The aliens were bewildered by their image in the clear pond.
After: The aliens, bewildered by their image in the clear pond, kept
staring at themselves.
Note that the participial phrase eliminates the passive voicewere
bewilderedand makes it activebewildered.
Dangling Participles
Participial phrases are said to dangle when the phrase that opens a
sentence does not modify the noun or pronoun that follows.
Dangling Participle: Shouting wildly, the horses chased the crooks.
Corrected: Shouting wildly, the crooks ran from the posse chasing them on
horseback.
Gerund Phrase: A gerund is the present participle form of a verb and ends
in -ing. A gerund phrase includes the gerund and all words related to it; its
an effective way to vary the openings of sentences.
53
When a participial
phrase opens a
sentence, a
comma separates
the phrase from
the rest of the
sentence.
PUNCTUATION TIP
Set off a participi-
al phrase that
interrupts a
sentence with
commas.
PUNCTUATION TIP
Before: The purpose of the coach shouting was to get the team to
understand the next play.
After: Shouting at the team, the coach hoped they would understand the
next play.
Innitive Phrases
An innitive is the present tense of a verb preceded by to: to run, to jump,
to y. The innitive becomes a phrase when other words modify the verb
form: to run around the track, to jump over the stream, to y in a balloon.
Innitive phrases can vary sentence openings.
Before: You bear right at the fork in the road and youll come to the
river.
After: To reach the river, bear right at the fork in the road.
Subordinate Clauses
A subordinate clause cannot stand alone because it does not express a
complete thought. Subordinate clauses that start with subordinating
conjunctions function as adverbs and are an effective way to vary sentence
openings and add details within sentences.
Before: The roller coaster ride was so fast we were frightened.
After: Because the roller coaster ride was so fast, we were frightened.
Used to add details in a sentence:
Before: We worked on the house and rested.
After: We painted the house and, when we were totally tired, we rested.
Adjective Clauses
A subordinate clause that functions as an adjective modies a noun or
pronoun. A relative pronoun introduces most adjective clauses. The
adjective clause usually follows immediately after the noun or pronoun it
modies. Adjective clauses improve writing because they add details to a
noun or pronoun and clarify meaning in a sentence.
Before: That student, James, is remarkable.
After: James is a remarkable student who overcame blindness and
graduated from high school with honors.
54
SUBORDINATING CONJUNCTIONS
after
although
as
as if
as long as
as soon as
as though
because
before
if
in order that
since
so that
than
though
unless
until
when
whenever
where
wherever
while
When a clause
opens a sentence,
set it off with a
comma.
PUNCTUATION TIP
Noun Clauses
Clauses that act like nouns in a sentence are called noun clauses. The focus
here is on noun clauses that function as the subject of the sentence because
these can be used to vary sentence openings. Subject noun clauses usually
begin with that, whatever, whoever, what.
Examples:
That the coach hollered showed his frustration.
What you decide to do will affect the rest of the family.
Whatever the package contained is not your concern.
Whoever erased the math problem needs to rewrite it.
Absolutes
In his book, Image Grammar, Harry Noden denes the absolute as a noun
combined with the present participle of a verb (-ing ending) or the past
participle (-ed,-d, or -n ending). Examples of absolutes are jaws cracking,
hands disgured, body shivering. Absolute phrases are an effective way to
open sentences; they are also powerful to include within a sentence to add
action to an image and show details instead of telling.
Before: The gymnast was nervous as he approached the parallel bars.
After: Hands shaking, feet trembling, the gymnast approached the
parallel bars.
Used within sentences:
Before: The cat was ready to pounce on the mouse.
After: The cat, teeth bared and legs stretching, eyed the mouse.
Appositives
An appositive is a noun that adds another image to a preceding noun.
Appositives improve writing because they expand details and paint clearer
images in the readers imagination.
Before: The vulture eats dead animals.
After: The vulture, a scavenger, eats dead animals.
Appositive Phrases
Writers can create appositive phrases by adding more details to the appositive.
Before: The vulture, a scavenger, eats dead animals.
After: The vulture, a scavenger that ies over roads and meadows, eats
carrion, or dead animals.
55
RELATIVE PRONOUNS
who which that whose whom
A clause has a
subject and a
verb. A phrase
does not have a
subject and a
verb.
Clause or Phrase?
Set off an
appositive or
appositive phrase
by placing a
comma before
and after the
phrase.
When an
absolute starts a
sentence, place a
comma after the
participle. When
an absolute
interrupts a
sentence, place a
comma before
and after it.
PUNCTUATION TIP
In the section that follows, I offer guidelines for presenting mini-lessons
that use this complex background information to show young writers how to
improve their sentence structure. I also include practice exercises for
students to complete after your mini-lesson but before they move to revising
their own pieces.
Tips for Presenting the Mini-Lessons
The suggestions that follow can strengthen your presentation of the mini-
lessons in Parts II and III of this book.
1
Make a transparency of each ready-to-use mini-lesson.
2
Use a blank sheet of paper to cover parts of the transparency you are not
discussing.
3
Start by reading aloud the title and purpose to students.
4
Read the Literary Example and discuss it with students. Encourage them
to nd examples to bring to the class the next day, from ction, nonction,
and poetry they are reading. Studying examples from literature reinforces
the connection between learning grammar and improving writing.
5
Read the Before Example. Ask students what they notice about the
writing. Ask questions such as: Is anything repeated? Is any part unclear or
confusing? Compare it to the literary example.
6
Think aloud and point out what you believe needs revising.
7
Uncover the Idea, Brainstorm, or Help Box and the After Example.
Read the revised example.
8
Stimulate discussion with the Get Students Involved section. Use
whatever time remains for students input and questions.
9
Return to the Get Students Involved section on another day; youll need
ten to fteen minutes to complete this. Have small groups or pairs of
students rewrite the Before Example. Compare completed work to the
After Example on the transparency and invite students to choose the most
effective writing and offer reasons.
10
After the mini-lesson, leave the transparency on the overhead so students
can use its tips, words, and phrases to guide their practice exercises and
rewrites.
11
After presenting the mini-lesson, store the transparency in a le folder so
students who need to review the lesson can revisit it by themselves or with
your support.
12
Use a water-soluble pen to write students comments and suggestions on a
transparency. With a damp tissue or paper towel, wipe off the comments
and reuse the mini-lesson.
13
Write the mini-lesson on large chart paper if your school does not have an
overhead projector. Review and revisit as needed.
Tips for Evaluating the Activities
Here are some suggestions that can make each writing exercise a valuable
assessment and evaluation tool.
Its not necessary to grade writing exercises. Read them quickly to see
which students understood and internalized the mini-lesson and which
students would benet from repeating the mini-lesson and an
additional practice exercise.
Students who need additional practice can complete the second
writing exercise, labeled A.
If students demonstrate that they get it after completing the rst
exercise, ask them to select a piece of writing from their folder to
improve, applying the strategy or strategies theyve practiced. With
some students, you might have to select pieces and mark places that
need revision.
You can pair students who understand the mini-lessons with those who
need extra practice. This frees you to work individually with those
students who need scaffolding.
Once students can apply a writing strategy or technique, have them
include it in their writing folders on a list titled Things I Can Do.
Students can review the list prior to editing a rst draft and set
individual goals.
57
STRENGTHEN WEAK WRITING
As your students learn to use clauses and phrases, appositives and absolutes, they will eliminate
these writing pitfalls characteristic of middle grade and middle school writers:
starting several consecutive sentences with the same word or phrases
telling readers what to think and how to feel
writing in general rather than specic terms
cluttering sentences with unclear ideas
MINI-LESSON
Spice Up Sentence Beginnings
With Prepositional Phrases
PURPOSE: To show students how prepositional phrases can vary
consecutive sentences that start with the same word
Before Example
The dwarves covered their faces with black masks. The masks
looked like vulture heads and had sharp beaks. The dwarves rode
into the forest on ponies as dark as midnight and were dressed in
black suits. The leader whooped and whistled and charged ahead,
and the other dwarves answered with bold war screams.
Revision Tips
1 Put a check next to sentences that start the same way.
2 Rewrite. Try starting sentences with a prepositional phrase. Choose
from the prepositions in the Idea Box.
3 You might add or omit some words from each sentence.
4 You might combine two sentences into one.
5 Read your revised paragraph and listen for the difference!
After Example
On the dwarves faces were black masks that looked like vultures
with sharp beaks. In black suits and riding ponies as dark as
midnight, the dwarves rode quickly toward the forest. Throughout
the charge toward the forest, the leader whooped and whistled,
and the other dwarves answered with bold war screams.
Get Students Involved
ASK: What did you learn from the Literary Examples? How did the
After Example improve the paragraph? Are there other rewrites you
prefer? Explain why.
1
1
58
On Monday mornings we
built a re under the iron
pot in which we boiled
the bed clothes, work
clothes, and linen.
Mildred Pitts Walter,
Second Daughter: The
Story of a Slave Girl
At the last station the
deacon and his wife had
given them a heavy
blanket and an oilskin
tarp.
Kathryn Lasky,
True North: A Novel
of the Underground
Railroad
across
amid
after
against
at
around
behind
below
beyond
by
down
during
for
in
into
near
off
on
onto
over
since
throughout
to
toward
under
up
with
IDEA BOX
Literary Examples
Literary Examples
Student Practice 1
DIRECTIONS: Rewrite the paragraphs below.
The dragon guarded a treasure of jewels and gold in the Cave of Winter. The
elves lived above the dragons cave at the foothills of Avalanche Mountain. The
dragon had three heads and two whipping tails attached to its scaly body. The
elves wanted some of the treasure in spite of the dangers of battling the dragon.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Student Practice 1A
The last avalanche piled snow over the homes of the elves. The snow froze many
elves inside their homes. And some elves who were away from the foothills held a
long meeting about purchasing new and safer land. And before dawn, the
remaining elves marched toward the dragons cave. And the elves threw poison
spears onto the dragons head and body and the dragon closed its eyes and slept.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
59
Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Put a New Spin on Openings
With Participial Phrases
PURPOSE: To show students that verbs that end in -ing, -ed,-d or -n
are participles and can be used to introduce a participial phrase; to
show how these phrases enliven paragraphs by varying a repetitive
subject-verb pattern of sentence beginnings
Before Examples
1 The man in the black cape took off the hood and revealed his skull-
like face.
2 The gnarled old woman snapped her ngers and muttered an
incantation, then transformed into a sh, a swan, and an eagle.
3 The puppy barked and scratched because he was in a locked trunk.
Revision Tips
1 Reread the sentence.
2 Find a section that can be changed into a participial phrase.
3 Brainstorm possible participial phrases.
4 Move the participial phrase to the front of the sentence.
5 Set the phrase off from the rest of the sentence with a comma.
6 Add or delete words to craft your sentence.
After Examples
1 Wearing a black cape, the man ripped off the hood and revealed his
skull-like face.
2 Snapping her ngers and muttering an incantation, the gnarled old
woman transformed into a sh, then a swan, and nally an eagle.
3 Locked in the trunk, the puppy howled and scratched.
ASK: Can you nd examples of participial phrases in your free-
choice reading books? Can you write other participial phrases for
these sentences? How does beginning a sentence with a participial
phrase improve the sentence?
2
2
60
1. wearing a black cape,
sporting a black cape
2. snapping her ngers,
clapping her hands
3. locked in the trunk,
bolted in the trunk
BRAINSTORM BOX
Cascading over the
asphalt village
Breaking against the
black sky over 1-2-5
Street
Walter Dean Myers,
Harlem
Raising his arms, Rabbi
Loew chanted zirum,
mighty spells from
Cabala.
David Wisniewski,
Golem
Literary Examples
Literary Examples
Student Practice 2
DIRECTIONS: Choose three participial phrases from the list below and craft sentences
using the phrase at the beginning. Remember to set the introductory phrase off with a
comma.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Student Practice 2A
DIRECTIONS: Rewrite these sentences, opening each with a participial phrase.
Remember to set the introductory phrase off with a comma.
1 We were standing on the dock and saw a boat sink.
2 Our cars front tire was punctured by a long nail.
3 Dad was costumed in a space suit and looked like an evil alien.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
61
Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
Locked in the basement
Destined for adventure
Hanging from a trees limb
Driven to intense anger
Looking through the mirror
Frightened by the storm
MINI-LESSON
Pick a Participial Phrase From
Within a Sentence
PURPOSE: To show students that participial phrases within a
sentence can be moved to the beginning of the sentence to eliminate
repeated sentence openings; to show students that they can rewrite
part of a sentence as an introductory participial phrase
Before Example
The gray clouds were gathering into a whirling mass. The gray
clouds twisted into a funnel shape, raging across the sky. The
farmers house was shuddering in the high winds, for it was
controlled by the elongated funnel cloud. The house was tossed
through the air and landed on top of an old oak tree.
Revision Tips
1 Put a check next to sentences that start the same way.
2 Underline a participial phrase or a part of the sentence that can be
changed into a participial phrase.
3 Rewrite by using the participial phrase to open the sentence.
4 You might add or omit some words from each sentence.
5 You might combine two sentences into one.
6 Read your revisions and listen to the change from passive to
active voice.
After Example
Gathering into a whirling mass, the gray clouds twisted into a
funnel shape and raged across the sky. Shuddering from the high
winds, the farmers house lifted off the ground, controlled by the
elongated funnel cloud. Tossed through the air, the house landed on
top of an old oak tree.
ASK: Was the After Example an improvement? Why? Can you
rewrite the paragraph using different participial phrases? Can you
rewrite it so that only a couple of the sentences begin with participial
phrases? Which rewrite do you prefer? Why?
3
3
62
gathering into a whirling
mass
shuddering from the
high winds
tossed through the air
BRAINSTORM BOX
Student Practice 3
DIRECTIONS: Rewrite the paragraphs below so that each sentence begins with a
participial phrase. Remember to set off each introductory phrase with a comma.
Janet found a secret passage exploring the old house. Janet lit a candle heading
up the stairs to a bolted door. Janet jiggled the doors bolt and the door creaked
open, ooding the hall with an eerie light. Janet stepped into a dimly lit room
lined with wooden coffins.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Student Practice 3A
The tightrope walker was balancing on the high wire. The tightrope walker was
performing leaps and somersaults high above the ground. The tightrope walker
jumped to a nearby swing and entertained the crowd by standing on his head
and catching tossed candy bars.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
63
Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Catch Those Dangling Participles
PURPOSE: To alert students to the confusion created by opening a
sentence with a participial phrase that is not connected to the noun or
pronoun that follows the phrase; to show students that dangling
participles can create sentences that dont make sense; to offer
students suggestions for repairing dangling participles
Before Examples
1 Suffering from a twisted ankle, the race was lost by our track star.
2 After practicing the violin for hours, my recital for tonight was
ready.
3 Locked in the closet, the meowing of our cat could be heard
everywhere.
4 Caught in the storm, the side of the road was where the man pulled
over.
Revision Tips
1 Place a check over the subject following the participial phrase.
2 Ask yourself, Does the subject relate to the phrase?
3 Find the word that the phrase modies.
4 Rewrite the sentence, changing the subject so that the participial
phrase modies the subject.
5 Add or leave out some words as you rewrite.
After Examples
1 Suffering from a twisted ankle, our star track player lost the race.
2 After practicing the violin for hours, I was ready for tonights
recital.
3 Locked in the closet, our cat meowed so loudly we heard it
everywhere.
4 Caught in the storm, the man pulled over and parked on the side of
the road.
ASK: What do dangling participles do to the meaning of a sentence?
Can you add details to sentences to clarify ideas? How does this
improve the sentence?
4
4
Student Practice 4
DIRECTIONS: Identify the dangling participles and rewrite the sentences so the
subject connects to the phrase.
1 Hanging from the ceiling, I watched the bat utter strange noises.
2 Canceled by two schools, we will play the soccer game tomorrow.
3 Filmed on several locations, the star of the movie was a gray dolphin.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Student Practice 4A
1 Coming in for a landing, the tower alerted the pilot of sudden wind gusts.
2 Broken into a dozen pieces, I saw my moms vase on the oor.
3 Warped by the heat, my sister could not play her favorite record today.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
65
Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Clarify Details With
Subordinate Clauses
PURPOSE: To show students that subordinate clauses have subjects
and verbs but they dont function as independent sentences or
clauses; to show that these clauses can come at the beginning, in the
middle, and at the end of sentences and add clarifying details
Before Examples
1 that Ann survived the accident
2 whatever the mechanic did to the motor
3 since the storm hit the town
4 what students painted during art class
Revision Tips
1 Find the subject and verb of each clause and notice that each
clause cannot stand alone because it does not express a complete
thought. All the Before Examples are sentence fragments.
2 Turn each clause into a complete sentence.
3 Place some clauses at the beginning, some in the middle, and some
at the end of the sentence.
4 Try placing the same clause in two different positions.
After Examples
1 When we saw the demolished skis, we were thankful that Ann survived the accident.
1a That Ann survived the skiing accident is a credit to her training and physical strength.
2 Jane and I appreciated whatever the mechanic did to the motor, for we were able to drive to
Las Vegas.
3 The entire town has been staying in the basement of the school since the storm hit.
3a The town seemed deserted since the storm hit, for everyone was in the basement of the school.
4 What students painted during art class, the teacher displayed in the schools library.
4a Parents enjoyed seeing what students painted during art class.
ASK: Why are subordinate clauses fragments? Does the position of a clause change the meaning of
a sentence? How do the clauses clarify meaning?
5
5
66
When you go owling/you
dont need words/or
warm/or anything but
hope.
Jane Yolen, Owl Moon
They wanted each Birth
mother to be assigned
four births instead of
three, so that the
population would
increase and there would
be more Laborers
available.
Lois Lowry, The Giver
Literary Examples
Literary Examples
Student Practice 5
Directions: Change the subordinate clauses, which are sentence fragments, to
complete sentences.
1 whoever volunteered to baby-sit
2 until the boa constrictor is in its cage
3 that the gorilla is extremely unhappy
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Student Practice 5A
1 as soon as the plane lands
2 whatever the teams captain promised
3 if snow falls this evening
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
67
Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Capitalize on Clauses to
Brighten Up Sentence Beginnings
PURPOSE: To teach students how to rewrite consecutive sentences
that start with the same words; to show students how to vary the
noun/verb pattern of sentences; to place a comma after an
introductory clause
Before Example
Jamal stepped inside the haunted house. Jamal heard screams and
groans. Jamal ran into the next room. Jamal saw himself in mirrors
that lined the wall. Jamals shape changed in each mirror.
Revision Tips
1 Put a check over sentences that start the same way.
2 Rewrite. Try starting sentences with words or phrases from the
Idea Box.
3 Pull out a phrase from the middle of the sentence, start it with a
word or phrase from the Idea Box, and use it for your opener.
4 Often youll combine sentences.
5 You might add or delete some words.
6 Reread your revised paragraph and think about the difference.
After Example
As soon as Jamal stepped into the haunted house, he heard screams
and groans. When Jamal ran into the next room, he saw himself in
mirrors that lined the walls. Wherever Jamal looked, his shape
changed.
ASK: How did the rewrites in the After Example create more
effective sentences? Can you craft other rewrites that are even
better?
6
6
68
Although we now know
that the earth beneath
us is not full of
monsters, we still dont
know very much about it.
Peter Kent, Hidden
Under the Ground
That had been some 20
years ago, and long after
Bob left the Hunter
Ranch, he found that
everywhere he went he
was known.
Julius Lester,
Long Journey Home:
Stories from Black
History
Literary Examples
Literary Examples
as soon as
when
that
whatever
if
until
since
what
whoever
because
while
unless
although
wherever
IDEA BOX
Student Practice 6
DIRECTIONS: Rewrite the paragraphs below so that the sentence openings vary.
Tony sat at his desk in school. Tony was bored listening to the teacher drone on
about the Boston Tea Party. Tony took out his cell phone and dialed the alien who
lived with him. Tony whispered into the phone and asked the alien to make strange
noises. Tony hid the cell phone in his desk. Tony and the class were startled by high-
pitched screeches and groans. The teacher stopped lecturing and Tony was happy.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
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Student Practice 6A
The girl on the train watched the other passengers. The girl took out her glass
eye and brandished it in front of the people. The girl laughed when she saw the
passengers cringe and look at their laps. The girl calmly popped the eye back in
and walked off the train at the next stop.
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Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Add Clauses Within Sentences for
Clarity and Cadence
PURPOSE: To show that clauses within a sentence can clarify
meaning by adding important details; to show that the details added
by a clause create stronger images and provide more information
Before Examples
1 The astronaut trained.
2 Behind the tree lurked an alien.
3 A hairy tarantula crossed the road.
Revision Tips
1 Add clauses to the basic sentences.
2 Use words or phrases from the Idea Box to compose clauses that
extend the basic sentences in the Before Examples.
3 Place the clause within each sentence you create.
After Examples
1 The astronaut trained until every muscle in his body ached.
2 Behind the tree lurked an alien that had escaped from its spaceship
after the ship landed.
3 A hairy tarantula crossed the road because it was searching for
water.
ASK: What details did the clauses add? How did the details improve
the sentences? Can you rewrite the Before Examples? Which rewrites
did you like better? Why?
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70
Nathan began to
breaststroke toward it,
alongside Lighthouse
George, who was keeping
a close watch on him to
see if he was as strong a
swimmer as hed claimed.
Will Hobbs,
Ghost Canoe
New scoundrels come in
droves, illegally taking
Mexican lands, until now
there are tenfold more
English-speaking Texans
and loyal Spanish-
speaking Mexicans.
Sherry Garland,
Voices of the Alamo
Literary Examples
Literary Examples
until
that
who
whatever
although
because
which
if
as soon as
though
so that
as long as
unless
while
wherever
IDEA BOX
Student Practice 7
DIRECTIONS: Rewrite the basic sentences, adding clauses within each sentence.
1 Flames jumped from house to house.
2 Black and menacing smoke surrounded the house.
3 The re engines arrived.
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Student Practice 7A
1 He dressed as a vampire.
2 White vampire teeth hung over his lips.
3 He hissed through his vampire teeth.
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Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Accentuate the Appositives to
Sharpen Images
PURPOSE: To help students understand that an appositive is a noun
that adds details to a preceding noun; to show that an appositive can
be enlarged into a phrase by adding more details
Before Examples of Nouns Without Appositives
1 The shark swam near the surface.
2 The criminal was caught.
3 Crows are natures cleaning service.
Revision Tips
1 Brainstorm other nouns and phrases that add details to the
underlined word.
2 Rewrite the sentence using an appositive or appositive phrase.
3 Set off the start and end of the appositive or appositive phrase with
commas when they interrupt a sentence. Example: The puppy, a
playful terrier, will be Rickys birthday gift.
After Examples
1 The shark, a predator seeking blood, swam near the surface.
2 The criminal, a bank robber, was caught.
3 Crows, carrion feeders, are natures cleaning service.
ASK: What images did the After Examples create in your
imagination? Try brainstorming other ideas for the Before Examples
and rewriting each one. Which appositives did you feel were
stronger? Why?
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EARTH-MOTHER,/
Mother of all our
brown-ness,/
Hands clasped with
arms/
stretching around the
world
Margaret Walker,
Mother of Brown-Ness
And Raven,/
Bold rascal Raven/
Cries River/
Slicing/
Stillness/
Winter ice.
Nancy White
Carlstrom, Raven
Cries River
Literary Examples
Literary Examples
1. predator; predator
seeking blood
2. a bank robber
3. carrion feeders;
scavengers
BRAINSTORM BOX
Student Practice 8
DIRECTIONS: Rewrite the sentences below, adding an appositive or appositive phrase
to the underlined noun. First jot down ideas
in the Brainstorm Box.
1 Tamika is camping with us.
2 Dont lock the door.
3 My sandwich is delicious.
4 My mom reported the noise.
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Student Practice 8A
1 The dentist was kind.
2 The car raced down the road.
3 The snake slithered through the meadow.
4 Yesterday, my dog ran away.
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Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
BRAINSTORM BOX
BRAINSTORM BOX
MINI-LESSON
Stir Readers Imaginations
With Absolutes
PURPOSE: To show that an absolute is a noun followed by the
present (-ing) or past participle (usually ending in -ed, -d, -n, -en) of a
verb; to enable writers to provide detailed images; to add action to a
description
Before Examples
1 The cheetah attacked.
2 The squirrel skittered up the tree.
3 The driver passed the red convertible.
Revision Tips
1 Close your eyes and imagine an action for the underlined word.
2 Brainstorm possible ideas that start with a noun followed by a
participle.
3 Rewrite, deciding the most effective place to add the absolute.
4 Place a comma after the absolute when it opens a sentence.
5 Place a comma before and after the absolute phrase when it
interrupts a sentence. Example: The snake, fangs bared and tongue
icking, prepared to attack.
After Examples
1 Jaw opened and claws extended, the cheetah attacked.
2 The squirrel, body shivering, skittered up the tree.
3 Mind racing, frustration developing, the driver passed the red
convertible.
ASK: How did the absolutes improve the images and action of the
After Examples? Try brainstorming other ideas and improving the
Before Examples. Which do you like better? Why?
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1. jaws opened, teeth
bared, claws
extended, muscles
tensed
2. teeth chattering, body
shivering, tail
dragging
3. mind racing, upper
body tensed,
frustration
developing, eyes
narrowed
BRAINSTORM BOX
Student Practice 9
DIRECTIONS: Add absolutes to each sentence.
An absolute is a noun followed by a verb that
ends in -ing, -ed, -d, or -n. Gather your ideas
in the Brainstorm Box before revising.
1 The ride was scary.
2 We watched the boxer struggle.
3 Up the tree climbed the cat.
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Student Practice 9A
1 The scuba diver approached the shark.
2 The mummy moved.
3 Slowly, the boy shape-shifted into a
werewolf.
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Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
BRAINSTORM BOX
BRAINSTORM BOX
MINI-LESSON
Combine Sentences With
Conjunctions for Smoother Prose
PURPOSE: To show how the coordinating conjunctions (and, but,
for, nor, or, yet) can be used to combine short, repetitive sentences
into smooth-as-sea-glass prose
Before Example
Chris and I went shing. We went shing in the pond in Chriss cow
pasture. We looked down as we walked. We looked down because
we had to walk around dozens of cow piles. Chris disliked putting
squirming worms on his shing hook. He cast out. He cast out to
the middle of the pond. He waited for a bass to bite. I cast out from
the opposite bank. I cast out and waited and prayed for a big one.
Revision Tips
1 Underline repeated ideas that you can combine.
2 Rewrite by combining sentences and eliminating repeated ideas.
3 Use, if necessary, one of the coordinating conjunctions in the Idea
Box to help you combine sentences.
4 Add or delete words to maintain clarity.
5 Read your new paragraph out loud and listen carefully, making sure
that youve eliminated repetitions.
After Example
Chris and I went shing in the pond in Chriss cow pasture. We
looked down as we trudged across the eld toward the pond, for
we had to skirt around dozens of cow piles. Chris disliked the
squirming worms, yet he baited his hook, cast out to the middle of
the pond, and waited for a bass to bite. I baited my hook, but cast
out from the opposite bank of the pond, and prayed for a big one.
ASK: How did combining sentences improve the After Example?
(no repetitions, uent, holds readers interest, connects ideas that go
together) Did you notice any changes in verbs? Were these more
effective? Can you rewrite the paragraph a different way?
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and
but
or
nor
for
yet
IDEA BOX
When you combine two
sentences and each one
has a subject, youve
formed a compound
sentence. Place a
comma before the
conjunction. Example:
Jim rode his bicycle to
the hobby shop, and he
purchased a model race
car to put together.
When you combine two
sentences and drop the
subject of the second,
you dont need to place
a comma before the
conjunction.
Example: My brother
joined the swimming
team and had to be at
the pool by 6:00 A.M.
PUNCTUATION TIPS
Student Practice 10
DIRECTIONS: Rewrite the paragraphs and eliminate repetitions. Use conjunctions to
combine some of the sentences. You also can add stronger verbs.
John always felt a cold chill brush his face. The cold chill came in the darkness
of night when John was in bed. The cold chill lled John with fear and tension.
The chill kept John awake for hours. John wondered if he could discover what
caused the icy breeze to visit him every night.
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Student Practice 10A
The beach was deserted. The beach was deserted because it was after midnight
and all the bathers were asleep in their homes. A silvery shadow crept across the
sand. The silvery shadow illuminated the crashing waves and the beach. The
silvery shadow spotlighted a limp body washed onto the shore. The body
crawled towards the dry sand. The silvery shadow followed it.
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Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
Help Students Revise for Content
The grammar work Ive outlined thus far cant be divorced from other
revision strategies that are a part of the writing process. They are on a
continuum. Once your students have gotten the hang of these several
strategies for improving sentences, focus their attention on revising for
content. To do this successfully, set specic revision guidelines that grow out
of writing guidelines you establish with students. (When teachers tell
students to rewrite and improve their piece without giving specics,
students ounder, because the nature of the revisions that the teacher wants
is a mystery.)
In my eighth-grade class one January, students were working on writing
memoirs. Before they began writing, they created content and editing
guidelines with my help. These guidelines helped students as they draft, and
become standards for revision and topics for revision strategy lessons.
Content Guidelines for Memoirs: Grade Eight
Focus on one to two recollections.
SHOW, dont TELL: offer rich details.
Include dialogue and inner thoughts.
Use Editing Guidelines for Memoirs.
Punctuate quotations correctly.
Show paragraphs.
Use commas correctly with introductory clauses, appositives, absolutes.
While students write their rst drafts, I offer strategy lessons on
punctuating quotations (see pages 9091), when to start a new paragraph,
and using commas. I make summaries of these lessons available on overhead
transparencies or on chart paper as students edit. I repeat strategy lessons
for students who need extra help. And Im always modeling that the best
way to edit is to focus on one guideline at a time.
Tips for Establishing Writing Guidelines
Throughout the year, I establish content and editing guidelines for free-
choice writing and for pieces, such as the memoir, that everyone writes. At
the start of the year, I include only two items under each category, because
students and I have just begun to study strategies that improve content,
punctuation, and usage. Content and editing guidelines grow out of the
strategy lessons Im presenting, and both of these often emerge from the
needs students writing shows me. My rule of thumb is no more than three
to four content guidelines and two to four editing guidelines. Too many
overwhelm and frustrate students, which defeats my goal of helping them
improve.
When I sit side by side with a student, scaffolding the editing process, I
use prompts and questions that I want students to internalize and use while
they revise independently.
Prompts and Questions That Encourage Content Revision
Have you read the piece out loud and listened for__________?
Read the best part. Can you nd another part that you could improve
by bringing elements of the best part to it?
Do you have details that dont relate to your topic?
Do you have too few details?
Does your lead grab the readers attention? Should you write other
leads?
Is there more than one story in this piece?
Are the details out of order?
Where does the story take place? Is this clear to readers?
Do sentences all begin the same way?
Can you add appositives and/or absolutes to create stronger images?
Are your ideas in a logical order?
Have you sequenced the plot correctly?
Are there repetitions that you can omit?
Is the dialogue realistic?
Does the ending grow out of the piece?
Is the title short and snappy?
Does the title reect the content?
Did you follow the content guidelines for this piece?
Did you reread this draft to make sure you met the content
guidelines?
If prompts relate to the focus of strategy lessons, then I post them on
chart paper so students can refer to them as they revise. The more support
you offer students, the better chance they have of understanding what
Katherine Paterson says: I cant wait to nish my rst draft, for then I can
start revising and making it better. Revision is the only place in life where
spilt milk can be turned into ice cream. My goal is to help students
understand that writing is revision.
Part III
Editing for Punctuation
and Usage
M
e and Jim saw a movie this weekend. Dantae seen a
airplane yesterday. Her and me baked a cake for my
brothers birthday. My dad tooken my sister to the
movies.
These sentences, written by middle school students, illustrate syntactical
patterns also evident in their speech. It is difficult to alter such speech and
writing patterns in the course of one or two years. Here are some strategies
that can support slow, continual change:
When a student speaks incorrectly, rephrase what he or she says, using
correct English. For example, if a student tells me, Yesterday I swum
across the pool, I respond with, Im glad you swam across the pool.
Did you jump or dive in? Instead of saying, Thats wrong, and
wounding a students self-condence, its kinder to repeat the sentence
and allow the student to hear correct English usage. I always keep in
mind that students speech results from the patterns theyve heard at
home.
Read aloud every day so students hear the rhythms and syntax of
literary language.
Demonstrate how students can edit their written work.
Ask students to edit for one thing at a time; you may tell them to
correct pronoun usage, place commas, or check for capital letters. Its
difficult to integrate several editing standards and much easier to
focus on one at a time.
Provide students with revision checklists and individualize what you
expect each child to accomplish.
Work one on one or with groups of two to three students, rst thinking
aloud and modeling how you go about editing. Then scaffold the
editing process with think alouds, prompts, and questions that can
move students toward independence (see page 84).
Scaffolding in Action: Grade Eight
Background
Eighth-grader Patrick has highly developed speaking skills. He expresses
ideas clearly, with details, and enjoys talking. Patrick struggles with writing,
often overusing adjectives to make it sound cool, opening consecutive
sentences the same way, and including fragments and run-ons. Here is
Patricks rst draft of a paragraph describing his room; the guidelines he
wrote from are shown at left.
Patricks First Draft
The light music absorbs your body while chilling on the beaming blue
chair. The blending colors of the dark indigo couch and faint yellow
chairs; pale white walls make you body and, mind relax. The faded
out sounds of Moshis tinkering collar around her neck, as she
prances like a little kid into the mellow room. The musty carpet
matches the large gray statue of a man, resting against the wall.
The mantle piece is charcoal black from the hoping f lames. The fire
roaring on the large metal grill warms the room and gives and eerie
feeling to the room.
First Scaffolding Conference: Ten minutes
The focus I give Patrick is to read his piece out loud and listen for
consecutive sentences that start the same way. We review how phrases
can introduce sentences, and I show Patrick how I pull out the phrase
resting against the wall. Patrick rewrites this sentence in front of me:
Resting against the wall is the statue of a gray man, the same gray
as my musty carpet.
Patricks First Rewrite
Light music absorbs your body while chilling out on the beaming blue
chair. Colors of the dark indigo couch and pale yellow chairs blend;
white walls make your body and mind relax. Prancing like a little kid
into the mellow room, Moshi, my cat, tinkles the bells that hang from
her collar. Resting against the wall is the statue of a gray man, the
same gray as my musty carpet. The hopping flames have darkened
the white mantle piece. The fire, hot and roaring warms the room
and casts eerie shadows on the walls.
Second Scaffolding Conference: Eight minutes
Robb: You have repaired so many sentence openingsyoure really
making progress with that editing skill. I love the way you used
phrases to vary those beginnings.
Patrick: Yeah, its getting easier. But I still dont do it in first drafts.
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Include specic
details.
Show how you
use your room.
Vary sentence
openings.
Content Guidelines
Check for
run-on
sentences.
Add comma
after long
opening phrase.
Editing Guidelines
Robb: Thats difficult when youre concentrating on the content.
Thats whats so great about having chances to revise. Telling the
reader that Moshi is a cat helped clarify that image. You changed
hoping to hoppingall thoughtful edits.
Patrick: I got those from reading aloud. But I hate doing itI feel
so stupid reading out loud to myself.
Robb: I understand how you feel. But if the strategy helps, I say use
it. You know, professional writers use itreading aloud lets you hear
what youve written. [Patrick nods.]
Whose room is this?
Patrick: Minethats obvious.
Robb: Reread and think about the pronouns youve used.
Patrick: Oh, I seeyour. [I nod.]
Robb: Id like you to think of a lead that really grabs and lets the
reader know youre in your room. Play around with that and note
your revisions on the back of your paper.
Final Mini-Conference: Four minutes
A day or so later, Patrick and I meet. He shares his revisions. Hes changed
your to rst person. Heres his lead and rewrites of the opening sentence.
Whenever Im angry, I stomp into my room, slam the door shut, and
feel the tension leave. Soft colors of the dark indigo couch and pale
yellow chairs blend with the white walls, making my body relax and
soothing my mind. Im chilling out to the light music playing on my
boom box. The bright blue chair absorbs my body.
After reading the revisions, I wrote these notes on a Post-it:
super topic sentenceties all ideas together
I love the cause/effect setup
Youve made great progress!
When I scaffold and confer with students, I use prompts and questions,
such as Whose room is this? to turn the problem-solving process over to
them. The prompts that follow can focus students on usage and punctuation
issues. In addition to these prompts, you will develop questions from
students texts, just as I did with Patrick.
Improve Editing Skills and
Sentence Structure
With the mini-lessons and practice pages in this section, students can learn
to effectively use the following punctuation:
forming the possessive case of nouns
punctuating and setting up dialogue
paragraphing
placing commas
using the semicolon and colon
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PROMPTS THAT FOCUS STUDENTS ON USAGE
With direct quotations, do you start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes?
Did you check punctuation for direct quotations against the samples on the chart?
Are series of words set off with commas?
Did you set off appositives and absolutes with commas?
Have you used commas to set off items in dates and addresses?
Have you used direct address? Did you correctly use commas?
Do you have a comma separating two complete sentences joined by a conjunction?
Have you paragraphed your piece?
Have you used pronouns to start a paragraph? How can you repair this?
Do you have end-of-sentence punctuation?
Have you checked for capital letters?
Have you mixed singular and plural pronouns?
Have you mixed singular and plural subject and verb?
Did you use semicolons correctly?
Have you checked for nouns that show possession? Do you need an apostrophe?
Have you used a colon? If so, correctly?
Have you checked for run-on sentences?
Have you edited for sentence fragments?
Have you solved all the editing problems the margin checks indicated?
Three mini-lessons will focus on xing sentence-structure aws that weaken
a piece:
sentence fragments that can confuse the writers meaning
jamming too many ideas into a sentence and creating a
run-on sentence
the passive voice
Mini-lessons in Part III follow the same format as those in Part II of this
book. Review the Tips for Presenting the Mini-Lessons and the Tips for
Evaluating Activities on pages 5657 to refresh your memory.
Encourage Peer Editing
Once students understand the editing process and have spent several weeks
practicing as I circulate around the room, I invite them to help each other
edit. To make peer editing a successful experience, invite students to read
their partners work out loud from beginning to end, then reread to look for
one editing issue. Its also crucial that the writer chooses an editing focus
(see editing sheet on page 87 and Appendix A) so his partner knows what to
concentrate on. Having the goal stated on the sheet also makes it easier for
you to review students work.
Peer editing is a helpful strategy, because students can pinpoint errors in
others writing much easier than in their own. Moreover, it saves you time
and allows you to work with students who struggle with the process. When
you pair students, make sure you team up students who are at similar skill
levels, so they can support each other. Students who make abundant errors
should work with you, for they require the kind of scaffolding that only a
professional can offer
Teach Students Standard Editing Symbols
At the start of the year, I hand out to students a list of standard editing
symbols (see next page) and suggest they paste it into their writers
notebook. I introduce students to these symbols so they can use them while
they self-edit. If students cant locate a punctuation or usage error from my
margin checks, then I write the appropriate editing symbol in the margin to
make the clue more specic.
Review Mini-Lessons
Revisit the mini-lessons that follow many times, as some students will need
extra modeling and practice before they can apply the knowledge to their
own writing. Often, if students dont get it the rst time around, I set the
lesson aside, move on, and repeat the lesson several weeks later. Students
minds have had time to grapple with new material, and often, when you
present the lesson again, students are ready to receive the information.
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READY TO EDIT
Once students understand a mini-lesson and can successfully complete the student practice
activities, have them edit their own work. To call their attention to editing needs, place a check in
the margin next to the line that requires repairs, or use the editing symbols below.
Remember: Always have students edit for one item at a time. Structure this for them by listing on
the chalkboard the order of items they should edit.
Peer Content Editing Record
DATE: _____________________________________________________________________________
WRITERS NAME: ______________________________________________________________
PEER EDITORS NAME: _______________________________________________________
TITLE OF PIECE: ________________________________________________________________
FOCUS OF CONTENT EDITING: _________________________________________________________________
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PEER EDITORS REACTION TO THE CONTENT:
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TEACHERS COMMENTS:
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MINI-LESSON
A Noun Plus an Apostrophe
Shows Ownership
PURPOSE: To help students correctly use the apostrophe with nouns
to show ownership.
Before Examples
1 On the pigs tails were red ribbons.
2 Snakes tugged at the hem of the princess gown.
3 Hanging from the seagulls beak was a mans nger.
4 The robbers suitcases contain stolen money.
5 The Roystons house is denitely haunted.
Revision Tips
1 Reread the sentence and look for the noun that shows ownership.
2 A noun showing possession is usually followed by another noun.
3 Circle the noun that needs an apostrophe.
4 Decide if the noun is singular or plural. Look at the verb to help
you make this decision.
5 Add the apostrophe.
After Examples
1 On the pigs tails were red ribbons.
2 Snakes tugged at the hem of the princesss gown.
3 Hanging from the seagulls beak was a mans nger.
4 The robbers suitcases contain stolen money.
5 The Roystons house is denitely haunted.
ASK: How does using the apostrophe to show possession clarify
meaning? Do pronouns use apostrophes? (No, personal pronouns
change their spelling to show possession: my, its, mine, you, yours,
his, her, hers, our, ours, your, yours, their, theirs.)
Does the apostrophe form the plural of a noun? (No, the
apostrophe shows ownership, plural has to do with numbermore
than one.)
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11
Singular nouns form
the possessive case by
adding an s: childs
bat; dogs leash;
teachers pen
Plural nouns that end in
s form the possessive
case by adding an
apostrophe: friends
bikes; writers books,
spaceships crews.
Plural nouns that dont
end in s form the
possessive case by
adding s: deers tracks,
remens hoses, oxens
tail.
HELP BOX
Student Practice 11
DIRECTIONS: In these sentences, locate nouns that should be in the possessive case.
Rewrite adding apostrophes.
1. On the ledge of a high cliff were eagles nests.
2. While walking near the lake, the phantoms cape apped in the wind.
3. The farmer repaired the oxens yokes.
4. The magicians suitcase contained many illusions.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
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1. Maxs stolen sneakers turned up in the basement of the school.
2. Scientists are breeding mices tail to extend three feet.
3. My younger sister hid in the ladies dress department.
4. Neither a bullet nor a ramming rod could puncture the Cyclops eye.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
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Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Help Readers Know Whos Speaking
PURPOSE: To show students that when a speaker changes, its time
to start a new paragraph; to model how to use quotation marks and
punctuation within dialogue; to show that no quotation marks are
necessary when describing a characters inner thoughts
Before Example
The school bus stopped. Chantell climbed the two steps, looked
down the aisle, and thought, I bet Maria did her math homework
last night. Hi, Maria said Chantell. Can I sit next to you? Sure,
answered Maria as she thought to herself that Chantell wants
something today. So did you nd the math homework as tough as I
did asked Maria. Nope answered Chantell. Be a friend and let me
see your work for the last three problems. I had to babysit my little
brother and couldnt nish last night. Maria sat quietly. Please
begged Chantell. I promise you can sit with our group at lunch
whenever you want to. Ill help you do the last three. You dont
have to copy mine said Maria. Well confessed Chantell, I didnt do
any of it. Too late, said Maria, the bus is at school.
Revision Tips
1 Read the story and identify words such as said, answered, replied,
told, questioned, confessed. These words tell you someone is
speaking or thinking.
2 Find the speakers words and place a check over the rst and last
word the speaker says.
3 Place quotation marks around the speakers words.
4 Insert punctuation before the closing quotation marks (?, !).
5 Use words such as thought, wondered, and told herself to indicate
inner dialogue. Use a comma between the thought and the thinker
(,). Remember, you dont use quotation marks with inner thoughts.
6 Study the examples in the Help Box that illustrate how to
punctuate direct quotations.
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90
Here are ways to write
and punctuate direct
quotations and inner
thoughts. (Note, inner
thoughts do not have
quotation marks.)
Clean up your room
right now, demanded
Mother.
Jimmie asked, Can
you come to the
movies with me
tomorrow?
We lost the soccer
game, the coach
said, but Im proud
of this teams
exceptional
sportsmanship.
The movie projector
broke, so we walked
home, said Tamika.
I hope I can play in
the tennis match,
Vinnie thought.
HELP BOX
After Example
The school bus stopped. Chantell climbed the two steps, looked
down the aisle and thought, I bet Maria did her math homework
last night. Hi, Maria, said Chantell. Can I sit next to you?
Sure, answered Maria as she thought to herself that Chantell
wants something today.
So, did you nd the math homework as tough as I did? asked
Maria.
Nope, answered Chantell. Be a friend and let me see your
work for the last three problems. I had to baby-sit my little brother
and couldnt nish last night.
Maria sat quietly. Please, begged Chantell. I promise you can
sit with our group at lunch whenever you want to.
Ill help you do the last three. You dont have to copy mine,
said Maria.
Well, confessed Chantell, I didnt do any of it.
Too late, said Maria, the bus is at school.
ASK: How does separating the speakers help you read and
understand the passage? Discuss the different kinds of punctuation
used with direct quotations in the Help Box and the After Example.
Can you locate inner thoughts? How do these give you a better
handle on the characters mood or personality?
Investigate How Authors Use Dialogue
Have students nd a page of dialogue in their independent reading
books and discuss the following questions:
How does the author of your book punctuate dialogue?
Does the dialogue give you information about the characters, the
setting, or the plot?
Are there examples of inner thoughts?
What do you learn about the character from his or her thoughts?
Student Practice 12
DIRECTIONS: Rewrite the story so that the dialogue is written correctly.
Tamika wanted to go to the mall with Tillie more than anything. That rule my
mom has about not going out on school nights is dumb thought Tamika. Maybe
if I butter Mom up shell let me go, Tamika told herself.
During dinner Tamika told her mom this is the best roasted chicken youve
made. Its soft and so tasty. Ill have another piece. Glad youre enjoying it said
Mom. And said Tamika, tonight Ill wash and dry the dishes and sweep the oor.
You can watch the news. What is she up to wondered Mom. I always have to
nag Tamika to help me. Bet she wants something, Mom thought.
After Tamika cleaned the kitchen, she walked into the TV room. Say Mom
Tamika started, can I go to the mall with Tillie. Her moms driving and coming. I
did all my homework and well be gone only one hour. So thats it thought
Tamikas Mom. You know the rule, Mom answered. Just this once begged
Tamika. No answered Mom in a rm voice. Tamika stormed out of the room,
stomped up the stairs, and slammed the door to her room.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Paragraphing a Narrative
PURPOSE: To help students understand that paragraphs help
readers follow the plot of a narrative; to offer strategies that can help
students understand when to start a new paragraph
Before Example
A TRIP TO GRANDMAS
Janetta dragged her suitcase down the stairs, across the porch and
helped her dad lift it into the trunk. Youve got enough in there for
a month, Dad said, laughing out loud. Youre going to Grandmas
for only two days. I know, answered Janetta, but Grandma is
taking me out during the day and at night. Dad parked the car next
to the train station. Crowded with people, the train station looked
as if everyone in Cross Junction was traveling someplace. The ticket
line looks like a snake slowly slithering across the yard, thought
Janetta. Finally, Dad purchased a ticket for Janetta, and they walked
to the waiting room. Ill wait with you until its time to board, said
Dad. Ill call tonight, said Janetta. Soon the conductor announced
that Janettas train was leaving in ve minutes. She kissed and
hugged her dad and followed the crowd down the steep stairs to
the train track. Janetta lugged her suitcase into the train and quickly
found a seat. Im glad, she thought, Momma packed me a good
lunch. Slowly, the train chugged out of the station. Faster and faster
turned the wheels. Janetta watched Cross Junction disappear. In
two hours, shed be sitting with Grandma in the farmhouse kitchen.
Janetta couldnt wait!
Revision Tips
1 Start a new paragraph when the speaker in a dialogue changes.
2 Start a new paragraph when the setting or place changes.
3 Start a new paragraph when the situation changes.
4 Start a new paragraph when time changes.
After Example
A TRIP TO GRANDMAS
Janetta dragged her suitcase down the stairs, across the porch and
helped her dad lift it into the trunk. Youve got enough in there for
a month, Dad said, laughing out loud. Youre going to Grandmas
for only two days.
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13
I know, answered Janetta, but Grandma is taking me out
during the day and at night.
Dad parked the car next to the train station. Crowded with
people, the train station looked as if everyone in Cross Junction was
traveling someplace. The ticket line looked like a snake slowly
slithering across the yard, thought Janetta.
Finally, Dad purchased a ticket for Janetta, and they walked to
the waiting room. Ill wait with you until its time to board, said
Dad.
Ill call tonight, said Janetta.
Soon the conductor announced that Janettas train was leaving in
ve minutes. She kissed and hugged her dad and followed the
crowd down the steep stairs to the train track. Janetta lugged her
suitcase into the train and quickly found a seat.
Im glad, she thought, Momma packed me a good lunch. Slowly,
the train chugged out of the station. Faster and faster turned the
wheels. Janetta watched Cross Junction disappear. In two hours,
shed be sitting with Grandma in the farmhouse kitchen. Janetta
couldnt wait!
ASK: How did paragraphing help you follow the plot? Understand
the dialogue? How did the paragraph breaks follow the ideas listed in
Revision Tips?
Investigate How Authors Paragraph
Invite students to work with a partner or in small groups of three or
four. Have them select two pages from a novel, short story, or folktale
and discuss the way the author used paragraphing.
ASK: Discuss the reasons you feel the author started a new
paragraph. What have you learned about paragraphing a narrative
story?
Student Practice 13
DIRECTIONS: Separate the following paragraph into several paragraphs by placing
the paragraph symbol ( ) next to the word that will start the next paragraph. Review
the Revision Tips to refresh your memory.
Billy and Tony checked their hiking gear before they started up Whistlers
Mountain. Bug repellent, snake-bite kit, water, lunch, snacks, Tony said
out loud as he removed and put into his backpack each item. Billy
checked his and said, I guess were ready. This was the rst time the boys
had hiked without an adult. They felt good about hiking on the path up
Whistlers Mountain because theyd done it more than ve times with their
dads. Cool and damp, the forest felt good after walking from home in the
hot sun. Birds chirped and crickets hummed as they climbed, single le,
along the trail. About noon when the sun, directly overhead, illumined the
forest, Tony said, Lets stop and eat. Im starved. Great idea, said Billy.
The boys took out their lunch bags and water bottles, sat against a tree
trunk, and ate. They shared Tonys chocolate chip cookies and Billys fudge
brownies. Suddenly, Billy stopped chewing. Im scared, he thought, but I
gotta tell Tony. In a quiet voice Billy said, Hey, Tony, dont move. Theres
a snake above your head. Stay still. Be calm. Tonys sudden lurch forward
was beyond his control. The snake, a copperhead, struck, biting Tonys
upper arm. Screaming and sobbing, Tony grabbed his arm, feeling the pain
extend toward his neck. The snake kit, get the snake kit, Billy repeated to
himself. Quickly, he opened the kit, took out the tourniquet and knife, and
went to work.
95
Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Paragraphing to Organize an
Essays Ideas
PURPOSE: To show that each paragraph in an essay contains details that
support the main idea of the paragraph; to help students organize their
ideas
Before Example
EATING-OUT JITTERS
There are some foods that Ill never eat on a date. In my head I heard
these words, spoken by my older sister, Sara, after I agreed to go to a
fancy restaurant with my boyfriend, Rob. All week I worried about nding
something to eat that wouldnt make noise or slide off my fork. All week I
kept torturing myself by thinking about my rst experience eating in
public. My third-grade buddy, Sandra, lived in a fancy house in the
country. Her mom invited me to spend the night, and I thought it would
be great fun to swim in Sandras pool and talk all night. Dinner changed
my mind. You see, Sandras mom was what I call fancy. We ate in the
dining room on a long table with owers, china, and more spoons and
forks at each place than I imagined existed. Soup was the rst course, and
I slurped my way through the entire bowl. Disaster struck when I
received a plate of chicken and broccoli. I alternated picking up the
broccoli and chicken breast with my hands and concentrated on chewing
as quietly as possible. When I looked up, I saw Sandra and her mom and
dad cutting their broccoli and chicken with a knife and fork. At that
moment I decided never to eat with anyone but my family. Tonight,
however, I would be sitting opposite Rob in a restaurant. Rob took me to
the new Italian place. Just my luck, I thought, all theyll serve is spaghetti.
How right I was! The list of spaghetti dishes was two pages: pasta with
plain sauce, pasta with sausage, pasta with meatballs, pasta with seafood,
etc. And I had to choose one. Actually, the evening turned out better than
I expected. Rob taught me how to twirl the pasta with a fork and
tablespoon, then pop it into my mouth. My nightmare of having pasta
dripping from my mouth, on my jeans, and falling off my fork remained a
dream. Eating out does not have to be a horrible experience as long as
you know what youre doing. Now that I have conquered dining on
spaghetti, Im up to anything!
Revision Tips
1 Separate the introduction into its own paragraph.
2 Use the editing symbol to signal a new paragraph.
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14
3 Introduce each paragraph, with a sentence that focuses readers on the
topic the paragraph will discuss.
4 Make sure that the details in a paragraph relate to its main idea.
5 Present the details in a paragraph in a logical order.
6 Start a new paragraph when you switch to another idea.
7 Separate the conclusion into its own paragraph.
After Example
EATING-OUT JITTERS
There are some foods that Ill never eat on a date. In my head I heard
these words, spoken by my older sister, Sara, after I agreed to go to a
fancy restaurant with my boyfriend, Rob. I worried about nding
something to eat that wouldnt make noise or slide off my fork.
All week I kept torturing myself by thinking about my rst experience
eating in public. My third-grade buddy, Sandra, lived in a fancy house in
the country. Her mom invited me to spend the night, and I thought it
would be great fun to swim in Sandras pool and talk all night. Dinner
changed my mind. You see, Sandras mom was what I call fancy. We ate
in the dining room on a long table with owers, china, and more spoons
and forks at each place than I imagined existed. Soup was the rst course,
and I slurped my way through the entire bowl. Disaster struck when I
received a plate of chicken and broccoli. I alternated picking up the
broccoli and chicken breast with my hands and concentrated on chewing
as quietly as possible. When I looked up, I saw Sandra and her mom and
dad cutting their broccoli and chicken with a knife and fork. At that
moment I decided never to eat with anyone but my family.
Tonight, however, I would be sitting opposite Rob in a restaurant. Rob
took me to the new Italian place. Just my luck, I thought. All theyll serve
is spaghetti. How right I was! The list of spaghetti dishes was two pages:
pasta with plain sauce, pasta with sausage, pasta with meatballs, pasta
with seafood, etc. And I had to choose one.
Actually, the evening turned out better than I expected. Rob taught me
how to twirl the pasta with a fork and tablespoon, then pop it into my
mouth. My nightmare of having pasta dripping from my mouth, on my
jeans, and falling off my fork remained a dream.
Eating out does not have to be a horrible experience as long as you
know what youre doing. Now that I have conquered dining on spaghetti,
Im up to anything!
ASK: Did separating paragraphs make reading the essay easier? Why?
Discuss the reasons used to decide on where to paragraph.
Student Practice 14
DIRECTIONS: The essay has been written as one long paragraph, yet it should be
broken into several. Mark where each new paragraph starts, using the correct editing
symbol ( ). Refresh your memory by rereading the Revision Tips.
Winter Is the Best
From my bedroom window, I watched the snow fall silently. Not a patch of
ground could be seen. Heavy with snow, the trees limbs curved toward the
whitened ground. No school, Mom shouted from the kitchen. A day to
sleigh ride and build a snowman, I thought. Thats why winter is my
favorite season. Days off from school break the everyday routines of
shower, breakfast, get dressed, and wait for the bus. While the snow falls, I
put on two sweaters, a jacket, boots, a hat, and gloves. My friends Bobby
and Richard meet me at the hill across from my house. First we trudge up
and down the hill, packing the snow as tight as we can. Then we race
down on our sleds. Sometimes we pile, one on top of the other, on one
sled. Down the hill we whiz, falling off and rolling and laughing in the
snow. After weve had enough of sledding, were ready to build a
snowman. Cold and moist, the snow is perfect for rolling into one large
ball for the body and a smaller ball for the snowmans head. We all have a
blast dressing the snowman. I put Dads old shing hat on its head. Bobby
has two dark blue buttons for eyes, and Richard uses raisins to make a
mouth. Into its mouth, Bobby pops an old corncob pipe. After I wrap a
red scarf around its neck, we admire our work. Tired but happy, we
trudge through the deep snow back to my house. There we drink hot
chocolate to warm our bodies and think about how great it is to have a
school snow day.
98
Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Using Colons Before Lists
PURPOSE: To help students understand a colon is used before
listing items
Before Examples
1 James went shopping and purchased several items, a new computer
mouse, a box of computer paper, some computer games, and disk
labels.
2 For the Valentines Day party, our class discussed having items such
as; cookies, heart candies, soda, potato chips, napkins, paper cups
and plates.
3 The dance is on Friday and we need the following, balloons, paper
streamers, a boombox, taped recordings, and someone to DJ.
Revision Tips
1 Look for expressions that signal a list is coming.
2 Place a colon after the expression and before the list starts.
3 Check the greeting of a business letter to make sure youve used a
colon.
After Examples
1 James went shopping and purchased the following: a new computer
mouse, a box of computer paper, some computer games, and disk
labels.
2 For the Valentines Day party, our class discussed having items such
as: cookies, heart candies, soda, potato chips, napkins, paper cups
and plates.
3 The dance is on Friday and we need the following: balloons, paper
streamers, a boombox, taped recordings, and someone to DJ.
ASK: Did the colon signal a list that you should note? How can lists
improve a piece of writing? Have you used colons? Why or why not?
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99
Use a colon before a
list of items. These
expressions might
signal the need for a
colon: such as, like,
as follows, the
following.
Use a colon after a
greeting or
salutation in a
business letter (use
a comma in a friendly
letter): Dear Sir:,
Dear Dr. Smith:,
Gentlemen:.
HELP BOX
Student Practice 15
DIRECTIONS: For each situation, write sentences that contain lists; use a colon before
the list.
Youre packing for a vacation.
Youre getting ready to bake cookies or a cake.
Youre thinking about gifts for someones birthday.
Youre shopping for your school clothes.
WRITE: _________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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100
Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
Youre a travel agent and youre telling a customer what to bring on a hiking
trip in Canada.
Youre making a wish list for your birthday, Christmas, or Easter.
Youre listing all the animals you enjoyed visiting at the zoo.
You need to clean you room. Make a list of all the things you have to do.
WRITE: _________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Clarifying Series of Words and
Phrases With Commas
PURPOSE: To show students how to use commas to separate a series
of items, a series of phrases, and a series of adjectives
Before Examples
1 We packed a tablecloth paper plates sandwiches watermelon
chocolate brownies and lemonade for our picnic in the park.
2 Next year I enter high school and will study algebra earth science
world history English French and art.
3 The wizard of the forest is a clever secretive man.
4 Juan enjoyed riding on the merry-go-round on the Ferris wheel and
on the roller coaster.
5 We found shells in the water on the sand and under rocks.
6 On our hike we saw deer copperheads a woodpecker and a bobcat.
Revision Tips
1 Reread, looking for a series of items with no commas and separate each item with a comma.
Make sure you place a comma before the and or or that introduces the last item. Example: Mom
baked cookies, cupcakes, and a chocolate cake.
2 Reread for a series of phrases that should be set off with commas.
3 Reread to check the number of adjectives used before a noun. If youve written two or more
adjectives, then separate them with commas. Do not use a comma to separate the adjective
immediately in front of the noun.
After Examples
1 We packed a tablecloth, paper plates, sandwiches, watermelon, chocolate brownies, and
lemonade for our picnic in the park.
2 Next year I enter high school and will study algebra, earth science, world history, English,
French, and art.
3 The wizard of the forest is a clever, secretive man.
4 Juan enjoyed riding on the merry-go-round, on the Ferris wheel, and on the roller coaster.
5 We found shells in the water, on the sand, and under rocks.
6 On our hike we saw deer, copperheads, a woodpecker, and a bobcat.
ASK: How did commas help clarify meaning and make reading the sentences easier?
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102
Use a comma to
separate a list of
items (1, 2, 6).
Use a comma to
separate two or more
adjectives in front of
a noun (3).
Use a comma to
separate a series of
prepositional phrases
(4, 5).
HELP BOX
Student Practice 16
DIRECTIONS: Write original sentences for each of the four prompts. Place commas
correctly.
1 Write about your favorite bands, singers, or books. Include a series of items.
2 Describe an alien using two or more adjectives.
3 Use three or more phrases to explain where you walked.
4 Explain what you packed for your camping trip.
WRITE: _________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
1 Write a sentence naming three to ve places youd like to visit.
2 Use two or more adjectives to describe your favorite or least favorite food.
3 Use three or more phrases to tell where you looked for your lost ring.
3 Write a sentence that lists four to ve instruments you saw at a parade.
WRITE: _________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Using Commas to Set Off Expressions
and Direct Addresses
PURPOSE: To show students how to use commas in direct address
and when sentences open with expressions like well, yes, no, why,
nally, however
Before Examples
1 John its your turn to clean the horses stalls.
2 Why Im surprised that you havent learned to ride a two-wheel bike.
3 Finally the spacecraft lifted off the launching pad and zoomed
toward Saturn.
4 Clean up your room now Jill.
5 Yes both of you may go to the movies this afternoon.
6 No you cannot go to the lake alone because you cant swim.
Revision Tips
1 If a sentence opens with well, yes, no, why, place a comma after
the word.
2 Dont follow words such as well, yes, no, why with a comma if they
do not interrupt the sentence. Example: Why arent you coming to
the party?
3 If you directly address a person in the opening of a sentence, place
a comma after that persons name.
4 If you directly address a person at the end of a sentence, place the
comma before that persons name.
After Examples
1 John, its your turn to clean the horses stalls.
2 Why, Im surprised that you havent learned to ride a two-wheel bike.
3 Finally, the spacecraft lifted off the launching pad and zoomed toward Saturn.
4 Clean up your room now, Jill.
5 Yes, both of you may go to the movies this afternoon.
6 No, you cannot go to the lake alone because you cant swim.
ASK: How do the commas improve your understanding of these sentences?
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17
105
When starting a
sentence with one of
the following
expressions, set
each off with a
comma: in fact,
however, nally, in
my opinion,
nevertheless, to tell
the truth, for
example, of course.
HELP BOX
Student Practice 17
DIRECTIONS: Correctly place commas when writing the following sentences:
1 Start a sentence with nally.___________________________________________________
2 Start a sentence with yes or no.________________________________________________
3 Open a sentence with well or why.___________________________________________
4 Open a sentence with in my opinion.________________________________________
DIRECTIONS: Read the paragraph below and edit for commas, placing a comma
where needed. The paragraph will have items in a series, more than two adjectives,
and sentences that start with the expressions you learned in Mini-Lesson 17. Edit for
one item at a time.
Dad and I packed for our days canoe trip down the Shenandoah River. We took
two life jackets several sandwiches fruit cookies and four bottles of drinking water.
After loading the canoe on a small sandy beach, we pushed it into the river and
jumped in. Finally I thought the canoe trip Ive waited for because this was the
season when rapids dotted the river. Well it didnt take long for us to meet churning
water and sharp jutting rocks. Dad shouted orders and I followed them quickly,
because I didnt want our supplies and ourselves dumped in the water.
106
Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Repairing Run-on Sentences
PURPOSE: To teach students to identify and repair sentences that
attempt to carry too many ideas or contain two or more sentences
joined incorrectly
Before Examples
1 While shing Jim felt hungry he picked a worm from the can and
ate his midday snack.
2 A gray mist covered the graveyard when we entered and our
ashlights were useless as the fog thickened so we decided to walk
along the path and ash the light onto every grave until we found
the one marked with a skull and bones.
Revision Tips
Use these methods to x sentence 1 and similar sentences:
1 Create complete sentences by adding periods and capital letters.
2 Add one of the connecting words from the Help Box to create a
compound sentence. A compound sentence consists of two
independent, related sentences joined by a conjunction (see page
76). If you keep the subject in the new second sentence, you will
need a comma after the connecting word.
3 Separate the two parts of a run-on with a semicolon ( ;), which
takes the place of a period or a connecting word.
Use these methods to x sentence 2 and similar sentences:
4 Rearrange sentences that are too long and contain ideas that dont
relate to the main purpose of the sentence.
5 Create two sentences out of one that switches ideas or changes
time or place.
After Examples
Here are four ways to rewrite sentence 1:
1 Create two complete sentences.
While shing, Jim felt hungry. He picked a worm from the can and
2 Add a connecting word and remove the subject of the
second sentence.
While shing, Jim felt hungry, picked a worm from the can and ate
his midday snack.
18
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107
and
but
so
although
yet
as
when
since
before
while
HELP BOX
3 Add a connecting word and a comma and keep the subject of
the second sentence.
While shing, Jim felt hungry, so he picked a worm from the can
and ate his midday snack.
4 Use a semicolon (;) instead of a connecting word.
While shing, Jim felt hungry; he picked a worm from the can and
Here is one way to rewrite sentence 2:
A gray mist covered the graveyard when we entered. As the fog
thickened, our ashlights became useless, so we stuck to the path.
Our ashlights illuminated every grave until we found the one
marked with a skull and bones.
Editing Tips for Run-on Sentences
1 When a sentence in your writing covers three or more lines on your
paper, test it for a run-on.
2 A sentence that contains several unrelated ideas is a run-on.
3 A sentence that contains too many ideas and rambles on is a
run-on.
4 Two independent sentences without a semicolon, conjunction, or
period create a run-on.
5 A sentence that switches from one place or one time to another can
be a run-on.
ASK: Can you explain what can cause a run-on sentence? How can
you locate run-ons in your own writing? Why do run-ons confuse
readers? Can you rewrite the second sentence and improve on the
After Example? Why was yours better?
Student Practice 18
DIRECTIONS: Rewrite the sentence four different ways.
Our class party and picnic was at Spring Lake we swam, jumped off the diving
board, and ate dozens of hamburgers.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
DIRECTIONS: Repair the run-on sentence using any strategies youve learned.
Tanisha looked down the steep ski slope she frowned and appeared reluctant to
start because this was her second time skiing.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Student Practice 18B
DIRECTIONS: Rewrite and repair the shifts in time and place and events.
Jennell ew to Chicago to see her grandmother this morning and then in the evening
she took a train to Canada and camped out in the mountains for three weeks.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
109
Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Turn Sentence Fragments
Into Complete Sentences
PURPOSE: To show students that a sentence is considered a
fragment when it doesnt express a complete thought; to show
students how to turn fragments into complete sentences
Before Examples
1 Although Peter won the individual track title.
2 Frightened by lightning.
3 By the lake in the park.
Revision Tips
For fragment 1:
When a subordinate clause stands alone, it is a fragment. Complete
the clause by explaining why or how Peter won the title.
For fragment 2:
When a participial phrase stands alone, it is a fragment. Complete the
participial phrase by telling who was frightened and what he or she did.
For fragment 3:
Two prepositional phrases are a fragment because they dont express a
complete thought. Tell what occurred, and the prepositional phrases
become part of a complete thought.
After Examples
1 Although Peter won the individual track title, he was saddened that
his team came in second.
2 The dog, frightened by the lightning, hid under the bed.
3 A ghost stepped out of the mist that covered the walking path by
the lake in the park.
ASK: Can you explain what can cause a fragment? Why do fragments
confuse readers? Why are the After Examples clearer? Can you revise
the fragments? Why was yours better?
19
19
Student Practice 19
DIRECTIONS: Rewrite these fragments so they contain a complete thought.
1 Since his birthday party.
2 Bitten by a rabid dog.
3 Around the corner from your house.
4 Until the package arrives.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
DIRECTIONS: Underline the fragments in this paragraph and rewrite each one.
A ght between two students occurred in the locker room. Since Anthony took
Joss shorts. Angry because he was unprepared for gym class, Jos got even in
the locker room. In front of his locker after showering. Anthony swore he would
never take something from Anthony again.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
111
Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
MINI-LESSON
Eliminate the Passive Voice
PURPOSE: To show students that when am, is, was, were precede
action verbs, the combination forms the passive voice; to change the
passive voice into the active voice, creating sentences that grab the
reader
Before Examples
1 I was interviewed by the head of the shery for a summer job on a
shing boat.
2 That entire village was destroyed by ooding from a hurricane.
3 Three children were bitten by a rabid dog and were taken to the
hospital by ambulance.
4 A banana is eaten by that monkey every day.
Revision Tips
1 Underline the verb in the passive voice.
2 Eliminate the helping verbs: am, is, are, was, were.
3 Rearrange the words in the sentence by eliminating the helping
verbs and making the verb active. You might have to change some
words.
After Examples
1 The head of the shery interviewed me for a summer job on a
shing boat.
2 Flooding from a hurricane destroyed that entire village.
3 A rabid dog bit three children who rode to the hospital in an
ambulance.
4 That monkey eats a banana every day.
ASK: How does the active voice improve the sentence? It creates a
sense of immediacy and energy; it clearly conveys the action. Are the
sentence openings more varied? Why did you have to rearrange some
words?
20
20
112
was interviewedinterviewed
was destroyeddestroyed
IDEA BOX
were bittenbit
were takenrode
is eateneats
Student Practice 20
DIRECTIONS: Rewrite, changing the underlined verbs to the active voice. Its okay to
rearrange, add, or delete words when you rewrite.
1 The rider was thrown off the horse while jumping across a stream.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
2 Angelina was stung by a huge bee today.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
3 I am frightened of driving through a lightning storm.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
4 Those kittens were abandoned by the family that lives in the apartment below mine.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Carlos and Ramon were taken to a secret hiding place by David. The two boys
were blindfolded and were marched toward the hiding place. The hiding place,
an old, wooden shack, was packed with cardboard cartons. Carlos and Ramon
were told by David that they could not remove their blindfolds until the sun set.
REWRITE: _____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
113
Name ____________________________________________________________ Date ____________________________________
Honing Students Editing Skills
It was mid-January, my rst visit to a fth-grade class in a nearby school.
The teacher, a young woman, was completing her rst year. As I circulated,
pausing at each desk while students wrote, I noticed several students
recopying pieces that had been corrected in red ink. Whos improving here?
I wondered. My own junior high school days ashed before me. At rst,
anger would ll me when my teacher handed back paper after paper marked
in red ink. Then, I became indifferent, thinking, If Mr. D. wants to do all
the work, let him. All I have to do is recopyno thinking and sweat here.
Editing is tough for students. Its difficult for them to nd errors. In fact,
its rare for students in grades four to nine to be able to edit a piece to
perfection. Teachers who reduce students grades by removing ten points for
every missing comma or fragment or run-on create anxiety and frustration,
make editing a task to be avoided, and inhibit students from experimenting
with more complex sentence structures.
I correct only a part of a students paper if Im working one on one and
want to model my thinking processes. The student completes the rest of the
editing, sometimes independently, other times with my prompting. I also
recognize that students cannot catch every error. Even professional writers
have editors and copy editors who rene a manuscript for punctuation and
usage. Here are some editing suggestions that I reect on several times a year:
Dont correct students papers, or youre the one who improves.
Let students edit and correctthats how they become procient
proofreaders.
Have students read their work out loud and follow the text with a
pencil. This enables them to spot omitted words, misused words,
repeated words and phrases, passive voice, and missing punctuation.
Invite students to edit for two to three items, looking for one item at a
time.
Let perfection go and step in only to support students with pieces that
will be published. When students publish a piece, you take on the role
of editor in a publishing house.
Present mini-lessons and demonstrate how you go about editing.
Scaffold editing for students who cant pinpoint their errors or for
those who have made so many errors that working alone is difficult
and daunting.
Allow enough time for students to edit in class where you, the expert,
can offer support.
Becoming a capable proofreader and editor takes time and practice. The
best way for students to improve is to edit their own writing, support a peer
who is editing, and know that the teacher is available for one-on-one
guidance.
References
Baumann, James F., Leah A. Jones, and Nancy Seifert-Kessel. 1993. Using
Think Alouds to Enhance Childrens Comprehension Monitoring Abilities.
The Reading Teacher, 47: 187199.
Brinkley, Ellen. Learning to Use Grammar with Precision Through Editing
Conferences.Lessons to Share: On Teaching Grammar in Context, edited
by Constance Weaver. Portsmouth, NH: Boynton/Cook.
Calkins, Lucy M. 1980. When Children Want to Punctuate: Basic Skills
Belong in Context. Language Arts, 57: 567-573.
__________. 1983. Lessons From a Child. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann.
__________. 1994, The Art of Teaching Writing. Portsmouth, NH:
Heinemann.
DeBoer, J. J. 1959. Grammar in Language Teaching. Elementary English
36: 413-421.
Graves, Donald H. 1994. A Fresh Look at Writing. Portsmouth, NH:
Heinemann.
Greene, H. A. 1950. EnglishLanguage, Grammar, and Composition.
Encyclopedia of Educational Research. (rev. ed., edited by W. S. Monroe)
New York: Macmillan.
Lytle, Susan L. 1982. Exploring Comprehension Style: A Study of Twelfth
Grade Readers Transactions with Text. Ph.D. diss., University of
Pennsylvania.
Noden, Harry R. 1999. Image Grammar: Using Grammatical Structures to
Teach Writing. Portsmouth, NH: Boynton/Cook, Heinemann.
Robb, Laura. 1998. Easy-to-Manage Reading & Writing Conferences. New
York: Scholastic.
__________. 1999. Brighten Up Boring Beginnings and Other Quick Writing
Lessons. New York: Scholastic.
Rosenblatt, Louise. Literature as Exploration, 4
th
ed. 1983. New York:
Modern Language Association of America.
Searles, J. R. and G. R. Carlson. 1960. Language, Grammar, and
Composition. Encyclopedia of Educational Research, (3rd ed, edited by
C.W. Harris) New York: Macmillan.
Warriner, John E. 1986. English Grammar and Composition (2nd course).
San Diego, CA: Harcourt.
Weaver, Constance. 1996. Teaching Grammar in Context. Portsmouth, NH:
Boynton/Cook, Heinemann.
Weaver, Constance. 1998. Teaching Grammar in the Context of Writing.
Lessons to Share: On Teaching Grammar in Context, edited by Constance
Weaver. Portsmouth, NH: Boynton/Cook, Heinemann.
Literature Cited
Babbitt, Natalie. 1977. The Eyes of the Amaryllis. New York: Farrar, Straus
& Giroux.
__________. 1973. Tuck Everlasting. New York: Farrar, Straus, & Giroux.
Begay, Shonto. 1995. NAVAJO: Visions and Voices Across the Mesa. New
York: Scholastic.
Cadnum, Michael. 2000. HEAT. New York: Viking.
Carlstrom, Nancy White. 1998. Midnight Dance of the Snowshoe Hare:
Poems of Alaska. Illustrated by Ken Kuroi. New York: Philomel.
Caseley, Judith. 2000. Playing to A.L. New York: Greenwillow.
Dickinson, Emily. 1934. Poems for Youth. Edited by Alfred Leete Hampson.
Boston: Little, Brown.
Feelings, Tom, ed. 1993. Soul Looks Back in Wonder. New York: Dial.
Freedman, Rusell. 1987. Lincoln: A Photobiography. New York: Clarion.
Garland, Sherry. 2000. Voices of the Alamo. Illustrated by Ronald Himler.
New York: Scholastic.
Grimes, Nikki. 2000. A Dime a Dozen, Pictures by Angelo. New York: Dial.
Hamilton, Virginia. 1985. The People Could Fly: American Black Folktales.
Illustratoed by Leo and Diane Dillon. New York: Knopf.
Hobbs, Will. 1997. Ghost Canoe. New York: William Morrow.
Jean-Pierre, Sherley. 1999. Quilted Soul. Quiet Storm: Voices of Young
Black Poets. Edited by Lydia Omolola Okutoro. New York: Hyperion.
Kent, Peter. 1998. Hidden Under the Ground: The World Beneath Your
Feet. New York: Dutton.
Lasky, Kathryn. 1995. Shes Wearing a Dead Bird on Her Head!. New
York:Hyperion.
__________. 1996. True North: A Novel of the Underground Railroad. New
York: Scholastic.
Lester, Julius. 1972. Long Journey Home: Stories from Black History. New
York: Dial.
Lowry, Lois. 1993. The Giver. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.
Marcellino, Fred. 1999. I Crocodile. New York: HarperCollins.
Myers, Walter Dean. 1996. SLAM! New York: Scholastic.
__________. 1997. Harlem. Illustrated by Christopher Myers. New York:
Scholastic.
Naidoo, Beverly. 1995. No Turning Back: A Novel of South Africa. New
York: HarperCollins.
Paterson, Katherine. 1974. Of Nightingales That Weep. New York: Crowell.
__________. 1980. Jacob Have I Loved. New York: Crowell.
__________. 1973. The Sign of the Chrysanthemum. New York: Crowell.
__________. 1980. Jacob Have I Loved. New York: Crowell.
__________. 1978. The Great Gilly Hopkins. New York: Crowell
Pinkney, Andrea Davis. 1998. Duke Ellington. New York: Hyperion.
Soto, Gary. 1990. Baseball in April and Other Stories. New York: Harcourt,
Brace & Company.
Van Leeuwen, Jean. 1994. Bound for Oregon. New York: Dial.
Walker, Margaret. 1978. The Reader, the Text, and the Poem: The
Transactional Theory of the Literary Work. Carbondale, Il. SIU Press.
__________. 1993. Mother of Brown-Ness, in Souls Look Back in Wonder,
Tom Feelings, editor and illustrator.
Walter, Mildred Pitts. 1996. Second Daughter: The Story of a Slave Girl.
New York: Scholastic.
Wisniewski, David. 1996. Golem. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.
Yolen, Jane. 1987. Owl Moon. Illustrated by John Shoenherr. New York:
Philomel.
Appendix A
Guidelines and Forms for
Peer Editing and Writing
PURPOSE: To offer students editing experiences that guide their reading;
to provide partners with useful feedback as well as to ne tune students
proofreading and content editing skills.
Introduction
When I ask my students to peer edit, a seventh grade teacher told me, all
they do is write phrases like Good job! Nice work. I liked it! They never
offer the kind of feedback that helps the writer improve. My initial forays
into peer editing reaped similar results. Inviting students to peer edit is not
enough. Student writers need specic guidelines that show them what to
look for and how to read and respond to a peers piece.
Guidelines you set for students prior to drafting a piece always provide
items for peer editing. However, do not ask students to peer edit for all the
content and writing convention guidelines youve established with them.
The task is too daunting. Start fourth and fth graders with one to two
content items and one to two writing convention items to peer edit.
Students in grades six through eight can handle more at the start. How
much to ask students to do is your judgment call; it depends on their
experiences and background knowledge.
The peer editing forms on pages 120121 are designed for younger
grades and the forms on pages 122124 are for older students. Adapt them
to your needs. Then develop peer editing forms that relate to the writing
guidelines you and students have negotiated.
Peer Editing Sheet
Name of Peer Editor: ________________________________________________
Name of Author: _____________________________________________________
Title of the Piece You are Editing: __________________________________________________________________
Read the story:
Put a check in the margin next to two places that need more details.
List some details you think might help the author.
Possible Details for First Check:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Possible Details for Second Check:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Use editing symbols to show the following:
Need for capital letter at start of sentences.
Mark places where a new paragraph should start.
120
Dater: _____________________________________________
Peer Editing Sheet
Name of Author: _____________________________________________________
Read the entire piece.
1 Read the topic sentence. Did it state the topic in an interesting way?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
2 Should the author write two to three other topic sentences?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
3 List the information you feel the author should include in the topic sentence:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
4 Did the information in the body relate to and support each topic sentence?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
5 Can you suggest some ideas the author can think about that might improve this part?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
6 Circle words you feel are misspelled.
7 Use editing symbols to show the need for commas in a series.
121
Dater: _____________________________________________
Peer Editing Sheet
Name of Author: _____________________________________________________
Content and Form Checklist:
Look for the following and check if all is in good order.
______ There are three separate paragraphs.
______ The introduction contains the title and author.
______ The introduction contains a general opening sentence and thesis.
______ The introduction ends with a transition sentence to the second paragraph.
______ Paragraph two opens with a general, introductory sentence.
______ There are three specic pieces of support in paragraph two.
______ Ideas are presented in a logical order.
______ Paragraph two makes connections between the support and the thesis.
______ There is a concluding paragraph.
Writing Conventions Checklistuse editing symbols to mark the following:
______ Complete sentences.
______ Used quotes correctly.
______ Used capital letters correctly.
______ Commas placed where they belong.
Offer one to two suggestions that could improve this piece:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
122
Dater: _____________________________________________
Peer Editing Sheet
Name of Author: _____________________________________________________
Read the story once and comment on these items:
1 Does the title t the story? Should the author think of other possible titles?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
2 What is the problem the main character faces?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
3 Name the main character and describe his/her personality by completing the chart:
4 Did the ending t the story? If not, list some ideas the author could consider:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Writing convention checklistuse editing symbols to mark the following:
______ Wrote direct quotations correctly.
______ Used apostrophe with contractions and to show possession.
123
Main Character Personality Trait Part of the Story that
Showed this Trait
Dater: _____________________________________________
Peer Editing Sheet
Name of Author: _____________________________________________________
Read the story:
1 Did the title work for you?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
2 Should the author try writing one to two alternate titles?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
3 Put a check in the margin next to two places that TELL instead of SHOW.
4 List some details you think might help the author.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Possible Showing Details for First Check:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Possible Showing Details for Second Check:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Writing Convention Checklistuse editing symbols to mark the following:
______ The piece has paragraphing
______ Commas are placed correctly for compound sentences and introductory
phrase or clauses.
124
Dater: _____________________________________________
Appendix B
Literary Example Lessons
for the Overhead
PURPOSE: To provide teachers with excerpts from the nest childrens
literature that they can use as models when teaching specic nouns,
adjectives, and strong verbs
Introduction
Again and again, I nd myself sharing selections from ction, nonction,
and poetry. I think of these selections as mentors that can help students gain
deeper insights into the writers craft. The more students observe and talk
about these literary examples, the easier it becomes for them to understand
what theyve learned from reading and thinking and begin to connect it to
their own writing.
The three pages that follow can be transformed into overhead trans-
parencies. If you dont have access to an overhead projector, print some of
the examples on chart paper and share with students.
Involve students in collecting short selections from their reading that
illustrate an authors use of specic nouns,adjectives, and strong verbs, as
well as varying the opening of sentences with prepositional phrases or
clauses. Set aside time for students to share their ndings in groups of three
to ve. Then ask each group to select a top-notch example and record it on a
piece of large chart paper or construction paper.
SPECIFIC NOUNS
The rosebushes of shame on his face became bouquets of love.
(Page 74)
Seventh Grade from Baseball in April by Gary Soto.
That morning dozens of politicians and their wives,
newspapermen, and other spectators drove down from
Washington in buggies and carriages to watch their army defeat
the rebels. They brought along picnic baskets, champagne, and
opera glasses, camped on a hillside, and waited for the action
to begin.
Abraham Lincoln: A Photobiography by Russell Freedman
Using my precious crab money, I went to Kellams and bought a
bottle of Jergens Lotion, emery boards, orange sticks, cuticle
remover, even a bottle of ngernail polish, which though
colorless, seemed a daring purchase. (page 129)
from Jacob Have I Loved by Katherine Paterson
Throngs of people crowd the parking lot
Aroma of mutton stew and fried bread
Mingles with the fragrance
of cotton candy and popcorn
Today the tribal fair begins
Many Faces, Many Stories from NAVAJO: Visions and
Voices Across the Mesa by Shonto Begay
SPECIFIC ADJECTIVES
The fellow look at the foot of his bed. Hes seein two little
pointy ears comin up over the edige of the bed. In another
minute, hes seein two big, scary-red eyeballs lookin straight at
him. (page 119)
The Peculiar Such Thing from The People Could Fly,
by Virginia Hamilton
But then I saw the crumpled Kleenex in Cindys hand, a white
tissue so wadded and worn it was nearly reduced to lint. (page 75)
from Heat by Michael Cadnum
With six small diamonds for his eyes
He walks upon the summer skies,
Drawing from his silken blouse
The lacework of his dwelling house.
from The Spider by Robert P. Tristram Coffin
It [the road] wandered along in curves and easy angles, swayed
off and up in a pleasant tangent to the top of a small hill,
ambled down again between fringes of bee-hung clover, and
then cut sidewise across a meadow.
from Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt
The bathroom had been painted a lemony yellow, which made
the old pink towels look like limp, grimy ags against the
gleaming sunshine. (page 55)
from Praying To A.L. by Judith Caseley
STRONG VERBS
He hunched his shoulders and tried to make himself smaller in
the seat. He wanted to disappear, to fade away, not to exist. He
didnt dare to turn and nd his parents in the crowd. He
couldnt bear to see their faces darkened with shame. (page 58)
from The Giver by Lois Lowry
I could hear a low indistinct murmur of talk from the nest
wagon. A horse gave a muffled whinny. A touch of breeze
rustled the wagon cover for a moment, then moved away.
Somewhere far off a wolf howled. (pages 112-113)
from Bound for Oregon by Jean Van Leeuwen
The two ladies swallowed their disgust and muffled their anger.
from Shes Wearing a Dead Bird on Her Head!
by Kathryn Lasky
Weather is full
of the nicest sounds:
it sings
and rustles
and pings
and pounds
and hums
and tinkles
and strums
and twangs...
from Weather is Full of the Nicest Sounds
by Aileen Fisher

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