French writing

Exemplar student marked work

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GCSE French Writing autumn 2013

Exemplar student marked work
Contents
Page

Student 1
Candidate Record Form
Students Work
Commentary
Student 1
Task Planning Form (Task 2)
Students Work
Commentary

Student 2
Candidate Record Form
Students Work
Commentary
Student 2
Students Work
Commentary

Student 3
Candidate Record Form
Task 1
Students Work
Commentary
Student 3
Task 2
Students Work
Commentary

Student 4
Candidate Record Form
Task Planning Form (Task 1)
Students Work
Commentary
Student 4
Students Work
Commentary

3
4
5-6
7
8-9
10-11
12

13
14
15-16
17
18-19
20

21
22
23
24-25
26
27
28-29
30

31
32-33
34-35
36-37
38
39-40
41

Student 1

Student 1 Task 1
Am I fit and healthy?
Content
The decision here lies between whether the student communicates a lot or quite a lot of
information clearly. Points of view are expressed and sometimes explained and ideas are
developed. However, there are areas where communication is delayed. Language such as A mon
avis je suis en ass bonne forme sont quilibres, non quilibre manger sainement il faut protines,
jai bois de leau mais je bois du coca mais plus de sucre does not communicate clearly. The
paragraph relating to eating habits does not contain much detail about the students current eating
habits and whether he/she is fit and healthy. In terms of Content, there are more elements of the 79 band but as it is a borderline decision, a mark of 9 seems appropriate here given the fact that
quite a lot rather than a lot of information is clearly communicated.
Range of language
There is a good variety of vocabulary and structure used. There are different tenses, the present,
imperfect, conditional and future tenses and some complex sentences je fais des efforts pour
garder la forme, quand jtais petite je ne mangeais pas beaucoup de fruits ou de legumes et je ne
buvais pas de boissons gazeuses, si je ne fais pas assez dexercice, cest bon pour combattre le
stress are some examples. This places the work in the 7-8 band. There is a bit of repetition in the
fourth paragraph relating to sports parce que cest and there is some inappropriate language;
mon opinion sur le tabagisme je le trouv degoutant, jy peur des hauteurs. It is nearer the mark of
6 so a mark of 7 seems appropriate.
Accuracy
There are omissions; selon mois, le plus grave un drogues parce que gaspillage, mon sport
prfr le VTT and some errors not in attempts at complex sentences; ass, jessaie de mang, le
chocolate, activ, le drogues. The intended meaning is clear and the piece is more accurate than
inaccurate. It fits the criteria for 3 marks.

Marks awarded for this task:

Content

Range of language

Accuracy

Total

19

10

11

Student 1 Task 2
Account of a holiday
It is to be noted that il y a and avons occur on the TPF. This is not an issue in this piece because
the student does not use it. If it was there, it would have to be disregarded.
Content
Some relevant information is conveyed but this is limited; Lanne dernier on a visit en spagne,
ont servi le poisson accompagn dune sauce au citron ctait superbe, lanne dernier jai visite le
spagne avec ma copains, ctait extraordinaire mais ctait effrayant, jai de bons souvenirs de
mon sjour. Simple opinions are expressed cetait relaxant, cetait amusant, jadore me faire
bronzer and there is some development of basic ideas as shown above. It fits the 4-6 band well,
so a mark of 5 is awarded.
Range of language
Apart from the few sentences that communicate clearly there is a great deal here that is
inappropriate. The successful structures are mostly simple and rely mainly on the structure cetait.
The piece fits the 3-4 band as it would not be the case that there is little understanding of
language structure. However, it is nearer the 1-2 band than the 5-6 band so a mark of 3 is
appropriate.
Accuracy
The piece is not more accurate than inaccurate and the intended meaning is not always clear.
Errors do impede communication but as explained above, there is a limited amount of information
that communicates. It does match the criteria for the award of 2 marks.

Marks awarded for this task:

Content

Range of language

Accuracy

Total

10

Total for both tasks: 29 marks

12

Student 2

13

14

15

16

Student 2 Task 1
My holidays
Content
The piece clearly is fully relevant and detailed. There is a sound ability to convey information
clearly and ideas and points of view are expressed and explained; la seule chose que je dteste
est le voyage en avion car a me remd malade, jaimais prendre le train parce que je trouvais cela
relaxant are two examples among many. All aspects of the title are developed; detail relating to
general holidays, the importance of holidays, regular and recent holidays, preferences and a future
holiday and the work fits the criteria for the award of marks in the top band 13 15. There are
some areas where communication is delayed, however, on pouvait d au faire ce que voulait, les
vacances moyen un excellent prospose faire un (un not une) pause. This would indicate that a
mark of 14 is appropriate here.
Range of language
There are six tenses used. Present, perfect, imperfect, pluperfect, future conditional and
conditional perfect. There is a good variety of appropriate vocabulary and structures including
successful use of object and subject pronouns y, nous, on, subordinate clauses ce que, que and
connectives. However, vocabulary and structures such as nous pourrions lEurostar, tout le monde
pour passer un bon moments, les vacances ce sont parfaites pour detendre, je suis alle avec mes
amis lItalie faire de la planche voile, nous ne pourrons pas permettre un htel cher, nous
avons aura quil laroport would indicate that complex sentences are mostly successful rather
than handled with confidence. It is borderline, however, and one is tempted by the mark of 9, so a
mark of 8 seems appropriate here.
Accuracy
The work merits a mark of 5. Verbs and tense formations are secure. Errors do occur in attempts
at more complex structures and these have been considered in awarding marks for Content and
Range of Language.

Marks awarded for this task:

Content

14

Range of language

Accuracy

Total

27

17

18

19

Student 2 Task 2
An article about your school
It is to be noted here that the title is more a context/setting and the school/college would be
advised to be producing titles such as My school.
Content
Although the title is An article about your school there are paragraphs relating to an exchange visit
and future aspirations. Examiners are encouraged to take a broad view of this given that it all
relates to the students education and experiences. The piece merits full marks. Communication
never breaks down and the detail and development of ideas and points of view are there in
abundance. Descriptions of the facilities, ideas relating to the school rules, subjects and teachers,
the school exchange visit are all well expressed and detailed.
Range of language
The work definitely merits the award of marks in the 9-10 band. There is a wide variety of
successful tense usage; present, perfect, imperfect, future and conditional tenses. There is a wide
variety of appropriate vocabulary and more complex sentences are handled with confidence.
Examples of this are complex sentences using si and quand, creation of many subordinate
clauses using qui and que and a variety of infinitive constructions. A mark of 10 is awarded,
therefore.
Accuracy
The piece is very accurate. There are some errors qualifications and avec impatiente, Je port, je
dtest and je sera. However, despite these errors, the work is very accurate and it would be true
to say that verb and tense formations are secure. The work therefore merits a mark of 5.

Marks awarded for this task:

Content

15

Range of language

10

Accuracy

Total

30

Total for both tasks: 57 marks

20

Student 3

21

22

23

24

25

Student 3 Task 1
Healthy living
It is to be noted that the title is not clearly stated on the task sheet.
Content
What needs to be considered here is if the work is mostly or generally relevant in terms of the
response to the task. It is always an issue with the title healthy living that students do not always
refer directly to the title. In this piece there is the sentence at the end of the second paragraph, the
fifth paragraph and the last paragraph that refer directly to the title. The references to judo also
work. Examiners are reminded that they should take a broad view of direct adherence to titles.
Ideas and points of view are expressed and explained; je bois un coca parce que jadore a, il faut
faire beaucoup dexercise parce que cest bon pour la sant are two examples. In terms of
whether quite a lot or a lot of information is conveyed clearly, it is true to say that there is some
extended language relating to meals, sports and future plans. The piece is borderline but the work
does just fit the descriptors in the 10-12 band in that a lot of information is clearly communicated so
a mark of 10 is appropriate.
Range of language
There is some variety of vocabulary. There is successful use of present, perfect, imperfect and
immediate future tenses. Longer sentences are attempted. However, complex sentences are
sometimes rather than mostly successful. There are many words from languages other than
French; chocolate, por example, dificil, par que, valet, exercise, studante and these impact on
the success of the complex sentences. The piece therefore fits the 5-6 rather than the 7-8 band. It
is borderline and nearer the 7-8 band so a mark of 6 is awarded.
Accuracy
Errors do not always occur in complex sentences; jetude, au parc avec, des un concours, les
dents noirs, duex seeurs, amisant, il fait for il faut, por jeur. The decision between 3 and 4 marks is
very borderline as verb forms are usually correct but a mark of 3 seems more appropriate.

Marks awarded for this task:

Content

10

Range of language

Accuracy

Total

19

26

27

28

29

Student 3 Task 2
Where I live
Content
There is a lot rather than quite a lot of information clearly communicated here. Ideas and
opinions are expressed and explained; A mon avis ma maison et super parce que il y a un beau
salon, il y a beacoup de circulation et a fait de bruit il faut utiliser le transport en commun
However, there are areas where there is some delay; jai achet une este noure, jai regarde un
film et javais peur le weekend je vais faire mes devoirs. The piece conveys a lot of information
about the bedroom, and there is detail relating to the house and garden, although this is really only
one sentence. There is some development of ideas relating to local area, weekend activities and
environmental issues. It just matches the criteria for award of marks in the 10 12 band, so a mark
of 10 seems appropriate. A little more detail in some of the areas mentioned above would have
attracted higher marks.
Range of language
There is a variety of appropriate vocabulary here and there are 4 tenses present, perfect,
imperfect and immediate future. There are also attempts at more complex structures; a mon avis,
parce que, aussi, mais quelquefois, le meilleur chose est quil y a, ca fait de bruit, il faut utiliser le
transport en commun. This would place the work in the 7-8 band for range. However, there is also
some inappropriate vocabulary; je vais parler de jhabite, modern, problems avec les drogs It is
nearer the mark of 6 than 9 so a mark of 7 is appropriate.
Accuracy
Verb forms and tense formations are sometimes unsuccessful; ma maison et super, je jouer PS3,
je jamais lire, there are omissions; il y a petit lit, armoire pour mes vtements, ce weekend vais
aller and some errors not in complex sentences ; m cuisine, duex salles, me piste de tel, la
semaine dernier, les chose. The piece fits the criteria for the award of 3 rather than 4 marks.

Marks awarded for this task:

Content

10

Range of language

Accuracy

Total

20

Total for both tasks: 39 marks

30

Student 4

31

32

33

37

38

34

35

Student 4 Task 1
My health and fitness am I fit and healthy
Content
The work clearly communicates well. It fits the top band of marks as it is fully relevant and detailed
and ideas and points of view are expressed and explained, for example les ptes parce que ce
sont sains, je ne suis pas trs doue pour le sport alors je ne fais pas de sport. There is detail
relating to eating habits, lifestyle choices and sports. It does not score 15 because there are some
parts when communication is not clear; De temps en temps je suis enruhume alors je pense que
je suis en bonne forme et sant en gnral, je ne mangeais pas de lgumes parce que ils taient
trop sains. In addition, the way the fourth paragraph is punctuated causes some delay in
comprehension. It therefore merits the mark of 14.
Range of Language
This fits the top band of marks. There is a wide variety of language complex sentences are there
including good use of connectives et, mais, parce que, alors, si. A variety of tenses is used
effectively; present, perfect, future, immediate future, imperfect and future perfect. However, there
are some areas where there is some inappropriate language; jai pris ce poisson et frites, jai un
panini and the use of ce sont rather than ils sont twice in the second paragraph. A mark of 9,
therefore, seems appropriate here.
Accuracy
The piece has elements of 3 and 4. Not all errors occur in attempts at complex sentences; oeufes,
protiens, de fruit de legumes, des bon bons, de temps de temps, cest idiots. However, verb and
tense formations are usually correct so the piece fits the criteria for a mark of 4.

Marks awarded for this task:

Content

14

Range of language

Accuracy

Total

27

38

39

40

Student 4 Task 2
My holidays
Content
This piece merits 15 marks for Content. It is fully relevant and detailed. It describes in detail the
journey, the accommodation, activities undertaken, a meal and future plans. It expresses and
explains ideas and points of view very well; jaime aller au bord de la mer parce que jadore me
relaxer, je me suis beaucoup amuse ce que jaime le plus cetait le soleil are two examples. A
sound ability to convey information clearly is well demonstrated. There is no delay in
communication anywhere in the piece.
Range of Language
There is a wide variety of language. Complex structures and various tenses are used effectively;
soit en Europe soit aux Etats-Unis, qui etait, nous avons pass la journe nager, ctait quand,
ce que jaime le plus, ctait.., si javais le choix, jirais Five verb tenses are used
successfully; present, perfect, imperfect, future and conditional. This work merits the top mark of
10.
Accuracy
The piece fits the descriptors for the mark of 4 rather than 5. There are far too many errors, albeit
mainly minor, for the piece to be awarded full marks. Omitted accents and errors such as
normalment, lanne dernier, huit heure, jetaits, saplait, picine, resturant, chosi prevent the work
from achieving the top mark of 5. Therefore a mark of 4 is awarded here.

Marks awarded for this task:

Content

15

Range of language

10

Accuracy

Total

29

Total for both tasks: 56 marks

41