Who killed the dog?

While I was sitting on the soft grass in the park, I saw a lot of people around
me. They had a good time in their life that as it can be seen from their happy face and
those unstoppable laughing. I heard the sound of people talking to each other, as well
the sound of crying babies. And I heard the sound of the wind that flew around me
that makes everything around me looked beautiful, still my heart felt empty like I the
only person in this big place. It was a feeling that I cannot deny that everyone hated
me. It made me want to disappear from this place, and the only thing I wanted was to
be alone.
Sia! Wake up or you will be late for school. his mom said, this made him
woke up from his dream.
Ummm, going he respond.
Im preparing myself to go to school, but all of those dreams were still in my
head. It liked that my life was circling back to the same thing over and over again, just
like this dream that came to me every single night.
I climbed down from my room and went to the kitchen while my mom was
busy prepareing breakfast for my dad and me. My dad was sitting and reading
newspaper, and then I walked to sit beside him.
How are you this morning, Sia? Did you have a good night?. Dad asked.
Not really. I answered.
Dad asked more questions
How is your school? Have you chosen the university yet? And how about
your friends at school? I think it might be better if you are not friends with those kids,
they can have a bad impact in your life.

I was so bored with these questions. Dad kept repeating them everyday, but I
have to answered all of them because I didnt want to get into trouble.
I want to study psychology in England, my grades are fine. About the friend
issue, dont worry dad I dont have any. I answered my dad with the same boring
voice before my mom place the food in front of us.
Todays breakfast is your favourite, so don't forget to finish them all, your
lunch box is well prepare in your bag. Im so worried about your school life, so you
need to be very careful about food cleanness and non-nutrient food in cafeteria which
you may be allergic to it, and. Mom kept n her worried.
The long statements of worries were being put in my head. I was never
allowed to do anything beyond the rules that were set by my family, which included
me not playing with other kids in my neighborhood. In addition, I had to do what my
parents wanted but I rather play card games or watch cartoon rather than reading
books for hours. Because of this, I could not be friend with any children around my
age.
Once when I was in a primary school, my mom told my teachers that she does
not allow me to play with anyone. So, I cannot communicate with anyone and no one
wanted to be friend with me. When I went to school, I feel like myself becoming a
robot. Since I have to do everything my parents want and they actually have the total
control of my life, so I never know how to use my heart or my mind to do something.
From that moment I become be a quiet person.
During the school time, I did not talk to anyone and if the teachers asked me
for something I will only nod my head as the answer. I did this every day, so it
becomes my behavior. There is only one person who is willing to be my friend.

Hello, my name is Net and what is your name?. He asked me. I look at him
and wonder why he is talking to me.
Sia. I answer him
What? Louder please I cant hear you. He ask me again
Sia. I answer in the same tone.
Yeah, can I sit on the table beside you?.
Umm... I answer him
I did not smile or show my feeling from my eyes, but my heart beat even
faster and my blood pumped very fast. I feel excited because no one has sat beside
me for a long time! Its like he came to open up my feeling. After that, he talked with
me more often and we became close friends. We always played together, studied
together, and did most of the things together. One day, my mom saw the mail that Net
sent to me, so my mom ripped it and she went to talk with my teacher. The next day, I
had to move to another school and my close friend became a memory. Because of
this, my mom always talked to me about friends. She did not allow me to have any
friends or relationship with other people at the school, she never seem to care about
my feeling. The first time that I had to move to another school, I went crazy about my
mothers decision. I throw everything out of my room and locked myself in the room.
In that moment, I do not want to meet anyone. So, I sit in my room and started to cry.
It had been three days that I locked myself in my room. I did not eat any things except
water and I can not stop crying.
Sia! Sia! Open the door!. Mom call me, but I did not answer any thing.
My mom and dad tried to unlock the door, but I put many things behind the
door to make sure that no one can open it.
Sia please my sweetie open the door please. said Mom as she cried.

I put the pillow on my face, so I didnt have to hear anything. I just wanted to
live alone in my room. Im scared that everyone outside this room would hate me.
This morning I climbed out through the window in my room. I walked around
the neighborhood and stopped at the park. I sat on the grass and lied down. I saw the
cloud moving slowly. The winds was blowing and touching my skin. I closed my eyes
and felt sleep, but I felt something lay down on my body. So, I open my eyes and I
saw a puppy laying on my body.
Boof! Boof!. The dog is barks.
I hold the puppy and put it beside me. The puppy tried to walk away from me,
but it still stayed in the same direction. I stood up and walked to the bench. The puppy
was also following me to the bench. After that, I held it and put it on my lap. I did not
know why I did that, I look down and saw its face. Its eyes shine bright like it was
smiling happily to me. I smiled back to the puppy.
Do you want to live with me uhm? Little puppy. I ask the puppy.
Boof Boof. It barked again like it was saying yes to my question.
Ahaha umm your name is ... ahh your name is Fear! Are you ok with this
name Im giving you, babe?.
Boof. The little puppy barked again
Ok. Lets go home. I tell the puppy and hold it in my arm, and then walk
back to my home. The puppy made me forgot all the bad things. Now, Im standing in
front of the door and confused whether I should open the door or not.
Boof Boof. The little puppy barked again like it was trying to ask me why I
do not open the door. At once my mom open the door and she look to me.
Sia! oh thank God my sweety is here. She said and come hug me

Boof Boof. It barked again, but I think this time it just want to say hello to
my mom.
Oh Sia put it down, its dangerous and it will make you sick. Mom said in an
angry voice.
No, mom please I want to lived with Fear. I begged my mom
If you dont let Fear live with me I will go away from you for ever. I
threaten my mom.
AhOk my sweeties come on let go inside. said Mom.
I walked pass my mom and went up to my room. I put Fear on my bed and lay
down beside it. The little puppy, Fear, walked and sit in front of my face. It licking
my nose and nestling my chest. I smiled again and I felt warm. I stayed lay down with
it and fell as sleep.
Five years ago, my mom took me to the doctor and the doctor said that I had
major depressive disorder. My mom worried about it, but for me, I think its normal.
So, I received some medicine from the doctor and it is undeniable that my mom had
more concern about my disease than me. She tried to talk with me often and she tried
many things to make me happy. However, my happiness always comes from my
lovely dog, Fear. Fear is my best friend. I did everything with it. I always play with
Fear every day, eat food with it everyday. We got closer and closer to each other. I
think that is the best relationship I have ever had. Now, I did not have to go to school
because Im home school student. I studied at home because my mom and dad
decided that it the best choice for me. When I asked them why I have to do
homeschool, they said that they dont want me to have friend or face any thing outside
the house. Actually, Im ok with that because I want to live with Fear every time.
The bad dream is coming. I woke up in the morning and called Fear.

Fear hey Fear! Where are you babe?. I yelled

I stood up and started to find where my little friend is. I went to the place
where Fear likes to go, but I still cannot find it. I ran out of my home and asked
everyone. I continued to find it until the sunset. Finally, I walked back to my home. I
opened the door and saw my mom sitting on a sofa watching the television.
Mom do you see Fear I think its lost. I asked her
Hmm I did not see it. mom answered very shorty which made me wonder
since she is a talkative person. I walked pass my mom to the garden at the back of the
house. I smelled something, it smelled very bad. I went out to find where the smell is
comeing from. Suddenly, I saw something laid down under the three, so I walked to
see it.
Oh My God!!!! Fear!!!. I shout out
Noooo!!!. I scream and many feeling flow in my head. It was a torture
feeling like my heart is broken into small pieces. My tears dropped slowly when I saw
Fears body and the blood around it.
Who do like this to you, Fear. I shouted. My hand was shaking, my heart
beat was so fast, and my blood pumped very fast. I held Fear body and walked back
into the house.
Mom... I call her quietly
What? Sweety. mom answered
Did you kill your dog?. I asked her
Why do you think like that?. she still answered me like this is nothing had
happened.
You always worried too much about me!. I yelled at mom

Whatever I dont care if you think that Im killed it just continue thinking like
that. Mom answered and laughed at me.
I had nothing to talk with her. I held Fears body and walked back to the
garden. While I was digging a grave for my dog, I also think about my mom. I
confused whether she killed the dog or not. On one side, I think that she did not kill it
because she is my mom, so she will concern about how I feel. However, I think that
she kill the dog because she always think that the dog will cause some problem to me.
I put Fears body into the grave and bury it. I also putted a small flower above it. I
walk back to the house and go up to my room. I lied down on the bed and think about
this event. Then I fall in sleep.
I wake up into the morning and I wish that is just a dream. So I try to call Fear,
but it did come.
the truth is the truth I have to accept the truth. I talked to myself. For
today I have plan to go to the church to make a merit for my dog. So I go to take a
shower and dress up. I walk out of my house and going to the church. During my
walk to the church, many people look at me and they talk to each other.
Hey look at him look at him. guest said
Why?. another guest said
He kill his dog. guest said
When Im hear that, I try to walk as fast as I can. I dont want to hear
anything. I get very depressed because everyone think that I kill my best friend. No
that is not true, I never ever have the idea to kill it, but I cant change other people
mind. This is happen everyday when I walk out of my house. People around me will
look at me and gossip. They also have the name for me that is The dog killer.
Sasipa Chunharungroj Oil