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My Life Had Stood

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My Life Had Stood a Loaded Gun

Emily Dickinson, one of Americas famous poets, was born in


Amherst to a prominent family. She often included poetry with her letters
to friends. Her friends encouraged her to publish, but after an attempt to
do so in 1860, Emily did not appear to try again.
Composed during the period when Dickinson had reached the
height of her poetic prowess, My Life Had Stood represents the poets
most extreme attempt to characterize the Vesuvian nature of the power
or art which she believed was hers. Speaking through the voice of gun,
Dickinson presents herself in this poem as everything woman is not :
cruel not pleasant, hard not soft, emphatic not weak, one who kills not
one who nurtures.
In the first instance, the speaker/ Gun compares her smile to the
aftermath of a volcanic eruption. Her smile is not like the volcanos fire or
threat but like its completed act: when she smiles it is as if a volcano had
erupted. The past perfect verb is more chilling than the present tense
would be because it signals completion, even in the midst of a
speculative (as if) comparison; her smile has the cordiality of ash,of
accomplished violence or death, not just of present.Both uses of the
perfect tense in this poem distance the speaker from humanity, perhaps
as any skewed analogy would. Yet by allying herself with catastrophic
power rather than sexual intimacy, she may also be indicating that the
former seems more possible or safer to her; even the power of
volcanoes may be known. The change in tense alerts the reader to the
peculiarity and importance of the comparisons.
Here the poet sees herself as split, not between anything so simple
as masculine and feminine identify but between the hunter, admittedly
masculine, but also a human person, an active, willing being, and the
gunan object, condemned to remain inactive until the hunterthe
ownerstakes possession of it.
In the psychological context of this archetypal struggle Emily
Dickinson joins in the killing of the doe without a murmur of pity or regret;
she wants the independence of will and the power of mind which her
allegiance with the woodsman makes possible. Specifically, engagement
with the animus unlocks her artistic creativity; through his inspiration and
mastery she becomes a poet
To begin with, for a woman like Dickinson, choosing to be an artist
could seem to require denying essential aspects of herself and
relinquishing experience as lover, wife and mother. From other poems we

know Dickinsons painfully, sometimes excruciatingly divided attitude


toward her womanhood, but here under the spell of the animus muse
she does not waver in the sacrifice.

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