Memo Iles
Memo Iles
0 : )
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that
took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activities.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall ' doesn't
work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
"A Troubled User "
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is
just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run
EVERYTHING !!!
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to
allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child
Support) .
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is
to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
Best of luck,
Tech Support ...
Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy,
excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningtitis, kidney and urine
disea ses, vomiting, gastritis, diarrhoea, piles, diabetes, constipation,
all eye diseases, womb, cancer and menstrual disorders, ear nose and
throat diseases.
METHOD OF TREATMENT
2. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45
minutes
5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to drink 4 glasses of water
at the beginning may commence by
taking little water and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day.
6. The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the sick and
others can enjoy a healthy life.
2. Gastric - 10 days
3. Diabetes - 30 days
4. Constipation - 10 days
6. TB - 90 days
Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment for only 3 days. In
the 1st week to be followed by daily treatment. This treatment method
has no side effects, however at the commencement of treatment you
may have to urinate a few times.
We cannot be together,
But we'll never be apart,
For no matter what life brings us,
You’re always in my heart.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman
wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with
me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women
use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
These are mutual funds that invest in the stock market and give
you a tax benefit under Section 80C.
Let say it is your first job and you want to invest for the long
term. Since you have age and time on your side, the best
investment would be ELSS. Of course, it is advisable to also have
a fixed income instrument in your portfolio.
PPF vs NSC :
Over here, the time frame will be the main consideration. NSC is
only a six-year investment as against 15 years for PPF. So if you
need the money much sooner, then NSC scores. However, if you
are looking at a long-term investment that you can stash away
for retirement, then PPF is the best. If you invest Rs 70,000
every year in PPF for 15 years, you will end up with more than Rs
22 lakh.
If you are looking at the shortest tenure, then you also have
infrastructure bonds (three years onwards) and bank deposits
(five years onwards) to choose from. The interest rate from these
investments should hover around 8 per cent, the same as NSC.
You need not buy your NSCs at one go either. You can buy an
NSC certificate whenever you want.
With PPF, you have the option of 12 deposits in a year. So you
need not invest the limit of Rs 70,000 at one go.
Where bank fixed deposits are concerned, you can open them
during the year at different time frames. Let us say, you decide
to invest Rs 20,000 in a five-year bank deposit. If you have just
Rs 10,000 available to invest at the start of the financial year,
you can still go ahead and open a five-year bank deposit. Six
months later, when you do have surplus cash, you can invest the
balance Rs 10,000.
"In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility,an
English woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to
stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster.
Dear Madam,
The Joy Of
Loving
You
When in love
The dancer's feet are drunk with songs,
They set the air a-throbbing,
And like doves her hands fly upward.
He spoke kindly to me
and said that I was beautiful, that he loved me
and would not forsake me.
We shall be together
when the white wings of death
scatter our days.
We shall be together
even in the silent memory
of God.
O my beloved,
You are God's spirit everywhere,
you are stronger
than the ages.
Let me sleep,
for my soul is intoxicated
with your love.
That deepest thing, that recognition,
that knowledge, that sense of kinship
began the first time I saw you,
and it is the same now—only a thousand times
deeper and tenderer. I shall love you
to eternity.
You probably will have to clean up live ants during the ant-proofing process. When
you need to kill a quantity of ants, use either a sponge soaked with soapy water or a
spray bottle filled with soapy water. The soap helps to kill the ants while you clean
them up so you don’t have to squish them all. When you do locate a string of ants,
take a few moments to study them before you start sending them to their soapy
death. Try to find where they are going and where they are coming in; this way you
can eliminate the sources. Seal up any openings that they are coming in from with
silicone caulk.
• Store food in rubbermaid type plastic containers, jars with lids that have sealing
gaskets, or jars with tight-fitting hinged lids.
• Refrain from storing anything in the open or in bags.
• Jars without sealing gaskets can permit ants to enter through the threads, so
replace any that you find with the above mentioned containers.
• Clean out your toaster or toaster oven after every use.
• Clean (with soap) all of the surfaces in your kitchen at least once a week to remove
crumbs and food residue.
• Sweep or vacuum the kitchen floor weekly.
• When throwing away food wrappers or containers, rinse out any remaining
organic material first.
• Save all of your organic waste in a sealed container and dispose of it separately.
Either compost it in your garden, or throw it in the trash bag as you take the
garbage out.
• Use trash liners (bags) and ensure your trash can has a tight-fitting lid.
• Rinse out the trash can if it ever gets grime or garbage on it.
Great "Bruce Lee's" Biodata (
Read & Comments this about Mr. Bruce LEE!
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, " See, I told you no-
one would worry
about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
IF TITANIC WAS MADE IN INDIA....
2) There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a white saree and of course singing in the rain!
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body
to
squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves
to
death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached
to
its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human
jumping
the
length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Celebration means......
A winter evening.
Four friends.
One barsaat.
Four glasses of chai.
Celebration means......
Hundred bucks of petrol.
A rusty old bike.
And an open road.
Celebration means......
Maggi noodles.
A hostel room.
4.25 a.m.
Celebration means......
3 old friends.
3 separate cities.
3 coffee mugs.
1 internet messenger.
Celebration means......
Rain on a hot tin roof.
Pakoras deep-frying.
Neighbours dropping in.
A party.
Celebration means......
You and mom.
A summer night.
A bottle of coconut oil.
A head massage.
Gossiping about absent family members.
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The
older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls
so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The
older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls
so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.
I was looking forward to going abroad to complete a doctorate in computer science. I had been
offered scholarships from Universities in the US. I had not thought of taking up a job in India.
One day, while on the way to my hostel from our lecture-hall complex, I saw an advertisement on
the notice board. It was a standard job-requirement notice from the famous automobile company
Telco (now Tata Motors). It stated that the company required young, bright engineers,
hardworking and with an excellent academic background, etc. At the bottom was a small line:
"Lady candidates need not apply."
I read it and was very upset. For the first time in my life I was up against gender discrimination.
Though I was not keen on taking up the job, I saw it as a challenge. I had done extremely well in
academics, better than most of my male peers. Little did I know then that in real life academic
excellence is not enough to be successful. After reading the notice I went fuming to my room. I
decided to inform the topmost person in Telco's management about the injustice the company
was perpetrating. I got a postcard and started to write, but there was a problem: I did not know
who headed Telco I thought it must be one of the Tatas. I knew JRD Tata was the head of the
Tata Group; I had seen his pictures in newspapers (actually, Sumant Moolgaokar was the
company's chairman then) I took the card, addressed it to JRD and started writing. To this day I
remember clearly what I wrote.
"The great Tatas have always been pioneers. They are the people who started the basic
infrastructure industries in India, such as iron and steel, chemicals, textiles and locomotives They
have cared for higher education in India since 1900 and they were responsible for the
establishment of the Indian Institute of Science. Fortunately, I study there. But I am surprised how
a company such as Telco is discriminating on the basis of gender."
I posted the letter and forgot about it. Less than 10 days later, I received a telegram stating that I
had to appear for an interview at Telco's Pune facility at the company's expense. I was taken
aback by the telegram. My hostel mate told me I should use the opportunity to go to Pune free of
cost and buy them the famous Pune saris for cheap! I collected Rs 30 each from everyone who
wanted a sari When I look back, I feel like laughing at the reasons for my going, but back then
they seemed good enough to make the trip.
It was my first visit to Pune and I immediately fell in love with the city.
To this day it remains dear to me. I feel as much at home in Pune as I do in Hubli, my hometown.
The place changed my life in so many ways. As directed, I went to Telco's Pimpri office for the
interview.
There were six people on the panel and I realised then that this was serious business.
"This is the girl who wrote to JRD," I heard somebody whisper as soon as I entered the room. By
then I knew for sure that I would not get the job. The realisation abolished all fear from my mind,
so I was rather cool while the interview was being conducted.
Even before the interview started, I reckoned the panel was biased, so I told them, rather
impolitely, "I hope this is only a technical interview."
They were taken aback by my rudeness, and even today I am ashamed about my attitude. The
panel asked me technical questions and I answered all of them.
Then an elderly gentleman with an affectionate voice told me, "Do you know why we said lady
candidates need not apply? The reason is that we have never employed any ladies on the shop
floor. This is not a co-ed college; this is a factory. When it comes to academics, you are a first
ranker throughout. We appreciate that, but people like you should work in research laboratories. "
I was a young girl from small-town Hubli. My world had been a limited place.
I did not know the ways of large corporate houses and their difficulties, so I answered, "But you
must start somewhere, otherwise no woman will ever be able to work in your factories."
Finally, after a long interview, I was told I had been successful. So this was what the future had in
store for me. Never had I thought I would take up a job in Pune. I met a shy young man from
Karnataka there, we became good friends and we got married.
It was only after joining Telco that I realized who JRD was: the uncrowned king of Indian industry.
Now I was scared, but I did not get to meet him till I was transferred to Bombay. One day I had to
show some reports to Mr Moolgaokar, our chairman, who we all knew as SM. I was in his office
on the first floor of Bombay House (the Tata headquarters) when, suddenly JRD walked in. That
was the first time I saw "appro JRD". Appro means "our" in Gujarati. This was the affectionate
term by which people at Bombay House called him.
I was feeling very nervous, remembering my postcard episode. SM introduced me nicely, "Jeh
(that's what his close associates called him), this young woman is an engineer and that too a
postgraduate.
She is the first woman to work on the Telco shop floor." JRD looked at me. I was praying he
would not ask me any questions about my interview (or the postcard that preceded it). Thankfully,
he didn't. Instead, he remarked. "It is nice that girls are getting into engineering in our country. By
the way, what is your name?"
"When I joined Telco I was Sudha Kulkarni, Sir," I replied. "Now I am Sudha Murthy." He smiled
and kindly smile and started a discussion with SM. As for me, I almost ran out of the room.
After that I used to see JRD on and off. He was the Tata Group chairman and I was merely an
engineer. There was nothing that we had in common. I was in awe of him.
One day I was waiting for Murthy, my husband, to pick me up after office hours. To my surprise I
saw JRD standing next to me. I did not know how to react. Yet again I started worrying about that
postcard. Looking back, I realise JRD had forgotten about it. It must have been a small incident
for him, but not so for me.
"Young lady, why are you here?" he asked. "Office time is over." I said, "Sir, I'm waiting for my
husband to come and pick me up." JRD said, "It is getting dark and there's no one in the corridor.
I was quite used to waiting for Murthy, but having JRD waiting alongside made me extremely
uncomfortable.
I was nervous. Out of the corner of my eye I looked at him. He wore a simple white pant and shirt.
He was old, yet his face was glowing. There wasn't any air of superiority about him. I was
thinking, "Look at this person. He is a chairman, a well-respected man in our country and he is
waiting for the sake of an ordinary employee."
Then I saw Murthy and I rushed out. JRD called and said, "Young lady, tell your husband never to
make his wife wait again."
In 1982 I had to resign from my job at Telco. I was reluctant to go, but I really did not have a
choice. I was coming down the steps of Bombay House after wrapping up my final settlement
when I saw JRD coming up. He was absorbed in thought. I wanted to say goodbye to him, so I
stopped. He saw me and paused.
Gently, he said, "So what are you doing, Mrs Kulkarni?" (That was the way he always addressed
me.) "Sir, I am leaving Telco."
"Where are you going?" he asked. "Pune, Sir. My husband is starting a company called Infosys
and I'm shifting to Pune."
"Sir, I don't know whether we will be successful." "Never start with diffidence," he advised me
"Always start with confidence. When you are successful you must give back to society. Society
gives us so much; we must reciprocate. I wish you all the best."
Then JRD continued walking up the stairs. I stood there for what seemed like a millennium. That
was the last time I saw him alive.
Many years later I met Ratan Tata in the same Bombay House, occupying the chair JRD once
did. I told him of my many sweet memories of working with Telco. Later, he wrote to me, "It was
nice hearing about Jeh from you. The sad part is that he's not alive to see you today."
I consider JRD a great man because, despite being an extremely busy person, he valued one
postcard written by a young girl seeking justice. He must have received thousands of letters
everyday. He could have thrown mine away, but he didn't do that. He respected the intentions of
that unknown girl, who had neither influence nor money, and gave her an opportunity in his
company. He did not merely give her a job; he changed her life and mindset forever.
Close to 50 per cent of the students in today's engineering colleges are girls. And there are
women on the shop floor in many industry segments. I see these changes and I think of JRD. If at
all time stops and asks me what I want from life, I would say I wish JRD were alive today to see
how the company we started has grown. He would have enjoyed it wholeheartedly.
My love and respect for the House of Tata remains undiminished by the passage of time. I always
looked up to JRD. I saw him as a role model for his simplicity, his generosity, his kindness and
the care he took of his employees. Those blue eyes always reminded me of the sky; they had the
same vastness and magnificence.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------(Sudha Murthy is a widely
published writer and chairperson of the Infosys Foundation involved in a number of social
development initiatives. Infosys chairman Narayana Murthy is her husband.)
*Article sourced from: Lasting Legacies (Tata Review- Special Commemorative Issue 2004),
brought out by the house of Tatas to commemorate the 100th birth anniversary of JRD Tata on
July 29, 2004.*
.
* You arrive one or two hours late to a party, and think it's normal.
* When your parents meet Indian for the first time and
talk for a few minutes, you soon discover they are
your relatives.
jai indians
Hi friends
To See Magic
Plz do the following steps...
TU KAHAN THA
JAB GHAM MERI DHARKAN MERI BATON SE AYYAN THA,
TU KAHAN THA...
JAB CHAARON TARAF DARD KE DARYA KA SAMAAN THA,
TU KAHAN THA...
AB AYA HAI JAB DHAL GAYE HIEN SABHI MOSAM,MERE
HUMDUM...
JAB TERE LIYE MERA HER EHSAAS JAWAN THA,
TU KAHAN THA...
AB SIRF KHAMOSHI HAI MUQADDAR KA SITARA,MERE YAARA...
YAAD
There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in
Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her
address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.
He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory'
following a heart attack.
The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and
friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the
floor.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor,
and saw the computer screen which read:
I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you
then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
Braaaaeeeen Teasers
3. A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one foot apart.
The
bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches
every 15
minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it's highest,
how
many rungs are under water?
4. There is a house with four walls. Each wall faces south. There is a
window in each wall. A bear walks by one of the windows. What color is
the
bear?
6. There is a room. The shutters are blowing in. There is broken glass
on
the floor. There is water on the floor. You find Sloppy dead on the
floor.
Who is Sloppy? How did Sloppy die?
7. How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide that
has
been dug with a square edged shovel?
11. What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?
4. White. If all the walls face south, the house is at the North pole,
and
the bear, therefore, is a polar bear.
6. Sloppy is a (gold)fish. The wind blew the shutters in, which knocked
his
goldfish-bowl off the table, and it broke, killing him.
7. None. No matter how big a hole is, it's still a hole: the absence of
dirt.
10. One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big
stack.
Taurian man
A quiet simple man who can do something unexpected to shock you. Taurus man mostly
medium tall, strong with good health, good strong body. When he talks, he likes to turn
his head to one side on one direction. His body will be quite straight, facial structure tend
to be square shape more than other shape. His eyes sparkle with liveliness. Even when he
is in love, he is still a free wild bird. He is a sand in your palm, the more you want to hold
it, it will slip out. If you stand and hold it still, it will stay that way. Don't set the rules and
draw a line for him, he will not stay. When you are with him, he will think only of you.
But an hour later he could change his mind. He is very patient with other people, but very
impatient with himself. His world always turning and it will not stop just because he
loves you. If he up sets, he will show it right away. If something has gone wrong, he will
blame his own carelessness instead of blaming other people. He sincere to his friends
even to some friends he does not like. He likes to do odd things and surprise other people.
He could be fully dress in a nice suit and jump in the pool. He could slap your back so
hard just to make you turn around to see he has flowers in his hand. He never want to get
too close with anyone for he thinks living in reality is living by yourself. He does not care
what people think when he behave weird. He could be walking bare feet and laughing at
people who laugh at him and think they are so narrow minded. He does not likes to
follow conformity, but always want to search for new ventures, new mystery. He will
interest in a life of a millionaire as much as a life of an old man selling newspaper on a
sidewalk vendor. He like to search and analyze people and things. He will analyze his
friends or his girl friend, and once the mystery is gone, he will search for new puzzle to
solve. He can not easily understand thing, so he will gradually learning about you till he
fills up all his questions. He knows so many people, but he has a few friends. He looks
for quality friends than quantity friends. He will be close with some friends shortly and
move on. He always feel lonely even surround by many people. He could create his own
little world, and sometimes no one would understand him. He looks only for future and
he thinks he lives for the future. He may wonder how many people think like he does, but
he does not want to be like the others. A man with a conflict personality. He is a cool,
understanding, able to work well, and very artistic. Taurus man could be an artist. He
could shock you as much as he is able to clam you down when you up set. He is a free
spirit who likes venture, but when he wants to be alone, do not touch him but to let him
be. He won't disappear from the crowds too long, he will be back. He will give you
straight forward opinion or comments, but will never advice what he thinks you should
do. He does not like people to tell him what he should do too. He thinks each individual
dreams and thoughts should be very private. He will use his brain not his body strength,
so he will let other guys compete. He has a certain satisfactory in life and hate to force
himself in competition. He may seems careless, but actually he is a thinker and a
stubborn one. He sees anything in details and not easily trusted people till he thinks he
knows them well. You can just smile and he will think why and what are you smiling
about, and if you are pretending. Once he trust you and accept you as a friend, no one can
says other wise to change that for he will not listen to gossip. He will be honest and
sincere to his friends. He hates lies, so he will not tell you lies. If he finds it is necessary
to lie, he will find other ways not to tell you or avoid telling you anything. If he really has
to lie, you will never be able to tell that he is lying. He can really keep secrets, so you
will hardly know that he is a lonely soul. If you want this kind of guy, you have to be an
interesting person. He has to be curious about you. Hell for him is "No Freedom", so if he
marry you then you should know it is the biggest decision in his life. Always be
interesting, then you could have him beside you.
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts
yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my
dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little
elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells
at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!
''
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home
and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill
the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the
fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We
checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in
keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you
to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.
2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto
Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I
own a scooter at my home.
6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we
tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u
to provide one DOG to kill that cat.
8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing
cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.
9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u
will provide that?
Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a
huge one.
He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *AGAIN*
barefeet!"
She smiled and whispered back,"I love you too". then he whispered, "I love you three."
Three Sardarjis went for a tour to singapore . They searched for rooms everywhere and
finally got one which is in the topmost floor of a 100 floor hotel. After taking rest they
started for a local visit.
While leaving the hotel, the manager informed them that they should reach the hotel
before 10.00pm or else lift will not be available and they have to take the steps for
which they agreed and went out.
After all the entertainment in the city, they reached back late at 10.30.
Since lift was not available, they decided to take the stairways under the condition that
each sardarji has to tell a story that lasts for 33 floors so that they can reach the 100th
floor without much trouble.
After first sardarji finished his story in 33rd floor, the third sardarji said," I have a sad
story to say, but i will tell at the end only". Then second sardarji finished his story and the
third finished his story and finally they reached the 100th floor.
They once again started back to the first floor and this time the second sardarji after
crossing 33 floors from top said," I got a sad story, but I will also say that at the end".
They finally reached the first floor and when asked about the sad story, the second
sardarji said, " The keys were in my pocket only".
With anger and full tired, they once again start from the first floor.
After reaching the 33rd floor, the third sardarji said, " I too have a sad story, but I will say
at the end only". Then they reached the 100th floor and the second one asked the third
sardarji about the sad story, he replied:
....
....
....
....
" This is not our hotel, It is on the other side of road, opposite to this".
On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialled
the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you
IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone .....
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an
E-MAIL to his wife.
However he accidently typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he
sent the message. Meanwhile,
somewhere in mumbai a widow had just returned home from her husband's funrel. The
widow decided to check her mail,
expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she
fainted. The widow's son rushed into
the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now,
and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for
your arrival tommorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position,
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
Before you return from your trip, I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the truck
when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not to bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry
too much about me.
I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the
accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt
when it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry but I know with your kind hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I
love you and care for you my sweet heart.
(Scroll down)
.
(Scroll down)
Deer sur,
I tolded
Yours awfully,
RAMKHILAWAN YADAV
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your
engineering.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try
to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches
really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have
deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
Five year bank deposits are the latest addition to Section 80C.
For those of you who prefer depositing money in the local bank,
this one is a real boon. Do remember, however, that any deposit
with a tenure of less than five years will not be valid for the tax
benefit.
The five-year deposit works like any other bank deposit. Which
means that, if you need some cash urgently, you can take an
overdraft (loan) against it. Generally, the banks will give you
around 75 to 85 per cent of the amount deposited as an
overdraft. Of course, this will not come free.
The interest you pay on this overdraft will be around 1.5 to 2 per
cent higher than what you are earning on that five-year deposit.
So if you are earning 8 per cent on the deposit, the interest
charged on an overdraft will be 9.5 to 10 per cent.
This one has been the darling of the tax-saving instruments for
decades. And not without reason. With an interest rate of 12 per
cent, those who invested in it in the past would have reaped
great returns. It dropped to 11 per cent, then 9.5 per cent and is
now 8 per cent per annum.
It can't get better than this, though it can certainly get worse. In
the future, the taxation
On the face of it, this one is identical to PPF, but with a lower
tenure. While NSC offers the same interest rate of 8 per cent per
annum, it is computed on a half-yearly basis, while PPF is
calculated on an annual basis. On this point, NSC scores.
However, this benefit is nullified when you take the tax benefit of
PPF into account. The interest you earn on NSC is taxed.
Under the current tax regime, the various heads of income are:
i. Salary
ii. Income from house property
iii. Capital gains
iv. Profits and gains from business or profession
v. Income from other sources
The interest you earn from NSC is included under the head
'Income from other sources'.
Infrastructure bonds:
Of course, if you are very risk averse and want your money back
as quickly as possible, this one seems to be the only tax saving
option suited to both those requirements. Provided, of course,
the financial institutions come out with an issue.
Dearest Ms Maya,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of
October (Saturday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at
1500hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be
on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be
made permanent.
Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the jobtraining and
performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The
expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment woul d initially be shared equally
between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the
expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense
account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this
offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take
up this offer.
Yours sincerely,
HR Manager
Hai,
What If you find it very boring in the office? here are some tips.......Try it!
4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else's chair just to irritate him/her.
5. Send mails from ms-mail to your internet mail (and immediately Get to the internet
and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them there, and note down the
time they take to reach there. Then do vice versa....... ...... !!
6. Watch other people changing their facial expressions while Working and try
changing your expressions also.
7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by Asking silly doubts.
18. For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..Then repeat
this process.
19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s) he was 5
years old.
21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and Take a nap.
And if you are still bored-...... ...... ............ . then........ ...... Fwd this mail to everyone u
know !!
MAN FIRED FOR SLEEPING DURING SLEEP STUDY Daniel Ayers of Sioux City
was fired recently from Somnitech, where he worked as a
full-time sleep technician, preparing clients for a sleep study and then monitoring them as
they slept.
He was fired for sleeping on the job on three occasions.
During one incident, a co-worker allegedly used her cell phone to photograph
Ayers sleeping at work.
CAR CRASHES INTO HOUSE: DRIVER LANDS IN BED (Minnesota) - Police say a drunk driver cr
hed into a Duluth hom
, then made himself at home, falling asleep in the homeowners bed. The crash cause
serious damage when
the car ended up in the middle of the home. One person was asleep upstai
s at the time of the crash, but was unhurt. After checking to see what had happened, Ju
Park told police he found th
driver of the car sound asleep in his bed.
"He's crazy," said Park. Police took the driver into custody.
MAN ARRESTED FOR SHOVING ICE CREAM INTO MAILBOX (Japan) - A man who shoved ice crea
into a mailbox has bee
arrested for violating the Mail Law, police said. Yoshiaki Kobayashi, 42, admitted
o the allegations. "
was frustrated because my job was not going well. I wanted to vent my anger," he wa
quoted as telling investigators. In
estigators are grilling Kobayashi over his alleged involvement in four other cases
in which ice cream and liquid soap
were poured into mailboxes near the scene and mail items were damaged. In the speci
ic case for which he was arrested,
obayashi shoved chocolate ice cream into a mailbox in front of Shin-Sayama Station on
the Seibu Shinjuku ine and dirtied mail inside it, local polic
said .
MAN STOPPED FOR HAIRCUT IN MIDDLE OF POLICE CHASE (Canada) - A Thunder Bay man who
topped for a haircut while police were chasing him was handed a three-year penit
ntiary term for numerous charges in Ontario Court. Judge F.A. Sargent gave Nathan Cli
ford Myles, 25, one y
ar for dangerous driving, one year consecutive for failing to stop for police a
d six months consecutive for
ach of two charges of obstructing a peace officer. The incident involving Myl
s began wh
n a uniformed officer in an unmarked car attempted to pull over a driver behind the wh
el of a Chevro
et Cavalier. The officer noticed the vehicle being driven in an erratic manner. Myles ref
sed to stop an
continued into the parking lot of a grocery store where he slammed into several s
oppin
carts. He then abandoned the car and fled on foot along James Street. He couldn't hav
been in too much of a rush, as he
took the time to have a haircut in a nearby salon. His hair shorn, he tried to get into a
taxi when he was arre
ted near the corner of Arthur and Madison streets. A search of the Cavalier turned u
a handgun and a rifle. While Myle
was getting his haircut, more than 1,500 students and staff were locked down in thei
schools over the lunch hour be
ause a gun magazine found in the car led police to
believe a firearm could be involved.
DAUGHTER SHUT AWAY FOR THREE DECADES IN BATHROOM (Italy) - A 73-year-old woman
being investi
ated for "kidnapping and maltreating a family member" after allegedly keeping her men
ally disturbed daughter locked
n a darkened bathroom for 30 years. Police said that Annina Gentilezza kept her daughter,
Giuseppina, now 52, a prison
r in the top-floor council flat at Pescara, on the Adriatic coast. They raided the flat aft
r being tipped off by
ignora Gentilezza's daughter-in- law. They found Giuseppina curled in a ball in a tiled
oom measuring seven foot by nine
oot containing a lavatory, bidet, sink and washing machine. Police said that instea
of being washed Giuseppina was "h
sed down" on the balcony. Psychiatrists at a local hospital where Giuseppina has been
taken said that she was begin
ing to talk. "Sh doesn't want to go back home," a hospital s p
kesman said. BLIND WOMAN RECOVERS SIGHT AFTER HEART ATTACK (England, AFP) - A
74-year-old woman who had been blin
for 25 years awoke in a British hospital after suffering a heart attack and could s
e again. The Daily Telegraph newspaper reports she told her husband, "You've got
lder." Doctors were at a loss to
explain how Joyce Urch, who lived in a world of shadows and near darkness since 1979,
ad recovered her sight af
er the heart attack 16 months ago. Urch, who was treated at
Walgrave Hospital in Coventry, where doctors spent three days battling to save her life,
called it a "miracle."
TEACHER MISTAKES BOY'S INSULIN PUMP FOR PHONE, RIPS IT OUT (Florida) - A substitut
her in Lake County, Flo
ida, was terminated and banned from teaching in the county after he ripped out a stud
nt's insulin pump du
ing class apparently thinking it was a ringing cell phone. Officials said a ninth-grade
tudent at East Ridge High Sc
ool, a Type I diabetic, was in class when his insulin pump began to beep, indicatin
he was low on insulin. Witness
s said the teacher, Richard Maline, asked the student what the beeping was. School offi
ials said Maline then grabbed th
device, thinking it was a cell phone beeping and detached the tube that connects th
insulin pump to the student's le
. The student went to the school's clinic and had the tube reinserted. Lake Count
Jokes
Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a
conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the
second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful,
how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first. "It's very
uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains
in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's very calm
way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if
you're sleeping.
How did you die?" says the second. "I had a heart attack",
says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on
me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up
to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to
the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the
second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as
fast as I could to the attic, and as soon as I got there, I had a
massive heart attack and died."
The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic" he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man "If you had only
stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."