CHILD'S

HOROSCOP
E

Astrological Interpretation
and Text

LIZ GREENE

Programming

Alois Treindl

Child's
Horoscope
for

Diana of Wales, born 1 July

1961
Nr 21221.62-4i11

Astro*Intelligence PO. Box 4332,

East Gosford, NSW 2250,
Australia.
Tel. 1800 811 360, Fax 02 4384
6027
Internet
http://www.skyboom.com/mystical/

Copyright Liz Greene and Astrodienst

AG. Version 1.12
 Report
List

TABLE OF CONTENTS

I. Introduction

II. The Psychological Type

A child of nature * Outer and inner worlds collide

III. The Characters in the Story

A child of nature * A tendency to self-mythologise * Total

ownership of loved ones * A joyful and self-willed spirit * A child
with magnetism and power * Secret sensitivity and hidden
dreams * Dependency is hidden by pride * Shyness about the
body * A refined spirit waiting in the wings

A deep need to belong * A child who truly likes people * A secret

individualist * Risking the disapproval of others

IV. Emotional needs and * patterns in relationships

Satisfy my curiosity! * Special needs in relationship with

parents *Looking to father for creative inspiration * Recognising
mother's need for freedom

V. Fears and Insecurities

A fear of being worthless * The challenge of self-sufficiency

VI. Looking toward the future

The fascination of others * Development through relating to others

Report
List
Copyright Astrodienst AG 1997. All Rights are reserved. 27-Oct-1997
 I. INTRODUCTION

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot
visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

- Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Most parents long to provide their children with the best they can
offer on every level. But what is "the best"? Less enlightened
parents will see in the child a symbol of all the lost potentials of
their own youth, and will envision not the future toward which the
child is best suited to aspire, but the future which they would have
wished for themselves. More enlightened parents will understand
the wisdom of Kahlil Gibran's words, recognising not only the
magic of the child as a symbol of new life, but also the profound gift
of being caretaker for a developing soul with a unique individuality
and a life journey which cannot be dictated in advance. Children
have their own inherent blueprint for life, independent of external
factors. Within any family, two children - given the same parents
and the same social and economic background - will express from
the first days of life distinctly different personalities and distinctly
different ways of responding to the outside world. Children are not
blank slates upon which the environment writes. If we wish to offer
"the best" for our children, we need to discern first who they are,
and how we can most effectively support them according first and
foremost to the child's, not the parent's, needs.

Much wise information on child-rearing can be obtained from

friends, family members, doctors, child psychologists, and the vast
body of literature available. But no general rules on parenting can
sufficiently honour the unique personality which each individual
child possesses. It is here that astrology can make a profound and
creative contribution to our understanding of our children - and
also to our understanding of the child we ourselves once were. The
birth horoscope of a child is a map of patterns and potentials which
exist in that child from the moment of birth. When an adult explores
his or her birth horoscope, many of these potentials have been
"fleshed out" according to actual life experiences and the choices
that person has made over many years. Time, circumstances and
relationships with others crystallise potentials into set behaviour
patterns and attitudes. In a child, these potentials are so easily
stifled by conflicting family demands, thwarted by inappropriate
circumstances, or simply ignored through lack of recognition.
Encouragement of these potentials in childhood can help a child to
develop greater confidence and hope for a future which is more
authentically his or her own, so that greater happiness and
fulfillment are possible later in life.

Children also possess inner conflicts and insecurities, and it is

healthy and natural for them, like adults, to sometimes feel afraid.
But all human beings have their own individual ways of dealing
with such fears, and some defense mechanisms may not always be
recognised for what they are. We may not understand the language
of our children's fears because we do not suffer the same ones, and
we may mock these anxieties or try to "cure" them in ways which
are inappropriate for the child. The birth horoscope not only reflects
nascent abilities - it also describes the ways in which any individual
will try to protect himself or herself against life's uncertainties.
Understanding the nature of a child's fears can be of enormous help
in encouraging an inner sense of security and resilience. Each child
also has highly individual ways of expressing love, and possesses
emotional needs which are not always the same as those of parents.
One child may need very physically affectionate demonstrations of
love. Another child may be more cerebral, needing a love expressed
through verbal communication and real interest in his or her
thoughts and efforts to learn. Sometimes these differences can lead
to painful misunderstandings between parent and child - each of
whom may feel unloved simply because their ways of loving are so
dissimilar. Insight into a child's unique emotional nature can help us
to build bridges over these divides and relate to our children with
greater love and tolerance.

Children reflect back to us a profound insight into life's continuity

and hope for the future. Rather than trying to be "perfect" parents
or create "perfect" children, we could instead try to honour and
support the child's right to be an individual. A relationship can then
develop which contains mutual respect and recognition, and which
nurtures and heals rather than cramps, suffocates or undermines.
The birth horoscope does not describe a child's "fate", nor can it
provide us with any predictions of what our children will or will not
become in adult life - this depends primarily upon their own future
choices. Nor can a horoscope provide the means for an
unconsciously ambitious parent to attempt to direct the child's
destiny, for a child's individual nature will sooner or later find some
way to express itself - in spite of if not because of upbringing.
Instead, the horoscope faithfully reflects an inner cast of characters
and an inner story which awaits time and choice for its unfoldment.
To explore the birth horoscope of a child is a humbling experience
and a moving opportunity to participate in containing and
honouring a new life.

---

II. THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TYPE

The rich array of individual abilities and potentials portrayed in

Diana's birth horoscope is set against the background of an inherent
temperament bias which may be partly hereditary but is also the
reflection of a mysterious essence which belongs to her alone. We
might call this bias her psychological "type", for it is a typical or
characteristic mode in which Diana is likely to respond to the
situations life brings her - even in infancy. No child begins life
whole or perfect, and all children have certain natural areas of
aptitude which will help them to deal with challenges, conflicts and
problems as life unfolds. Like the muscles of the body, these
inherently strong areas of Diana's personality become stronger the
more they are "worked" as she moves through childhood into
adolescence.

Likewise, all children have certain innate areas of the personality

which may be slower to respond and develop, and which may be a
source of great anxiety during childhood. Diana's psychological
type will not remain static and unchanging through the whole of her
life. There is something within all of us - whether we call it the
unconscious, the Self, or the soul - which strives over a lifetime to
integrate all those qualities which are innately weak, neglected or
undervalued. This mysterious "something" is already at work within
Diana, helping her to develop her personality along the lines which
are healthiest and most natural to her. At the major archetypal
junctures of childhood this central core of her personality, deeper
and wiser even than the wisest parent, will draw Diana into
conflicts which enable her to develop the less adapted areas of her
personality so that she can grow into a more complete person. Life
does this for us all, sooner or later. But one of the greatest joys of
interacting with a child is the pleasure of encouraging a
development pattern which we know can help that child's own inner
self to achieve its goal of a unique but balanced personality which
can cope with the great range of experiences life offers.

A child of nature

Diana is a child with an essentially earthy and solid nature, and from
a very early age she will probably exhibit a lively, sensuous and
well-adapted relationship with the physical world. Yet she also
possesses a powerful imagination, and there is likely to be a certain
tension between these two sides of her developing personality which
would benefit from the support and understanding of those around
her. You may find that this imaginative but unpredictable side of
Diana causes her to suffer from inexplicable anxieties and fantasies.
These she may try to subdue through a more intensive effort to
create external security - such as overdoing school work or domestic
routines, or displaying intense possessiveness about particular
objects or articles of clothing. These anxieties are not "abnormal",
but are the natural result of a nature which contains two very
different gifts. Such a polarity, although it may take some time to get
used to, will help Diana to develop into a sensible and practical child
who also knows how to take her ideas and creative inspirations and
turn them into actualities. It may be helpful to encourage Diana to
express her fears - through painting or drawing if she is reluctant
with words - because however odd or irrational they seem these
fears are really the reflection of a particularly rich imagination
which she finds hard to accommodate to her already very strong
perception of material reality. It is especially important, as she gets
older and begins to perceive herself as an independent entity, to help
her to understand these two sides of her nature. Because her
strengths lie on the concrete side of life, Diana may ignore the gifts
of the imagination and concentrate on physical activities and on
producing good results in the outer world. She will probably respond
with intelligence and patience to the material requirements of life,
accepting the necessity of discipline and learning to cope early with
personal responsibilities. The danger is that this emphasis on
material reality may become a good means of avoiding that very
active but sometimes frightening world of the imagination, which
really needs to be encouraged and expressed. Diana is a secret
dreamer who will probably give the impression of being a much
more active and practical child. Probably she will not really know
which of these personalities is truly her own for a number of years.
With understanding and support from those around her, she will be
able to find both sides of her personality equally rewarding as she
grows.

A rich quality of sensuousness is one of the gifts of Diana's nature.

She will probably be sensitive to beauty and harmony from a very
early age, and it is important that she is able to experience an
environment which contains plenty of order and serenity. She may
show quickness at learning physical skills, because there is an innate
coordination and grace to her body movements. Music and rhythm,
as well as nature, are likely to be a very early source of pleasure and
delight, and Diana would probably greatly enjoy the tactile pleasures
of a pet. Chaos and confusion in the environment may prove
extremely disturbing to her, for she is prone to fearful imaginings
which are easily triggered by any sudden change or disruption.
When she is feeling anxious, Diana needs a restoration of self-
confidence and order through the careful fulfilling of school and
domestic tasks, for it is through her relationship with the physical
world that she renews her sense of confidence, independence and
security. This strong focus on material reality, once developed, can
help her to cope with all the unruly fears and imaginings which are
likely to stir within her from time to time. But the mix needs to be
gentle and balanced - too much discipline too early will make Diana
shut down the inner world, while too little will leave her feeling
uneasy, needy, anxious and unsafe.

Outer and inner worlds collide

Because Diana has an acute sensitivity to everything which is going

on around her, she is likely from a very early age to intuit the
expectations - conscious or unconscious - which are placed upon her
by parents and family members. She has an innately helpful and
conscientious nature, and is therefore likely to be very eager to
please others - a lovely quality which will inevitably earn
appreciation and love, but which may also be taken for granted or
even abused by those who forget that she is not a miniature adult but
a child who needs the time and freedom to play. If Diana has
siblings, she may display an eager willingness to look after them,
showing a wonderfully protective instinct which may also extend to
animals and plants. But this tendency to look after others - even her
parents if she senses they are feeling sad or upset - may conflict with
her equally important need to express the strong imagination at work
within her. If too much maturity and discipline are expected of
Diana too early, she will no doubt try to oblige and provide loved
ones with what is needed. This would have the unfortunate effect of
stifling her creative gifts, which are considerable.

As Diana grows older, creative hobbies are essential to provide an

emotional release and a channel for imaginative self-expression. If
she shows a definite interest in or preference for some particular
type of creative activity, it would be a great help if this were
encouraged. She may show quickness or cleverness with her hands,
or display a pleasing coordination of the body which might reflect
talent at sport or dance. Or she may love the world of nature, and
long to explore it. Because Diana is likely to grow into such a
deeply responsible and essentially caring child, there is not much
likelihood of her taking life and others for granted. But there are real
creative gifts here which should not be overlooked, either by others
or by Diana herself. This is a child with a complex yet fascinating
nature and a rare blend of practical ability and imagination - but as is
so often the case in life, the best things are unlikely to be displayed
in the shop window all at once.

---

III. THE CHARACTERS IN THE STORY

One of the most important insights gained by depth psychology is

the revelation that people are essentially dual in nature - some
aspects of the personality are conscious and other aspects
unconscious. This polarity is already present in childhood in a
nascent form. Although this developing dual self may be influenced,
encouraged or opposed by environmental factors, nevertheless it
belongs to the individual child and will, sooner or later, express
itself in life. The interplay between the conscious and unconscious
sides of the personality is a complex dialogue between two
important inner characters who sometimes agree, sometimes argue,
and sometimes simply ignore each other's existence. These
characters within the individual also change their wardrobes and
show different facets of behaviour and attitude at different stages of
life. It is during childhood that the potential for a creative
interchange between the conscious and unconscious aspects of the
personality is most accessible and most easily encouraged to
develop in life-enhancing rather than divisive ways. The tension
between the main characters in Diana's inner story is the source of
energy which provides the impetus for growth, movement and the
formation of a healthy individuality. And there are other, less
sharply defined characters within Diana as well - supporting
players who sometimes harmonise and sometimes conflict with the
main ones. These too contribute unique elements to a unique human
life. Where they are strongly marked in the horoscope, we have
included a description of them as well.

A child of nature

No one is as capable of enjoying the good things of life as Diana is.

She deeply savours everything that gives her physical delight. Her
reality - and her security - consist of what she can see, touch, smell,
taste, hear and possess. The simplest of toys can satisfy, and as she
grows older the beauty of nature, the delight of a pet or the joy of a
sunny summer's day can instantly invoke her rare gift of being able
to savour the moment. Although she is not particularly inclined to
give away loved objects or share loved people, nevertheless she can
be extremely caring and loyal to siblings - always providing her own
immediate needs are satisfied. She is more interested in doing than
in learning or articulating, and tends to accept and trust only the
evidence of her physical senses. Therefore abstract arguments about
principles and rules will mean little to her as she grows. But a clear
and honest explanation of why something is sensible and likely to
prove to her advantage will go much further. Diana has a capacity
for real contentment - something many adults never learn - and she
is not by nature fretful or restless. But she can display a sullen and
intractable face if threatened with sudden disruption or with
emotional conflicts in the family which might undermine the safety
of her physical world. Diana is truly a child of nature, sometimes
possessive, stubborn and resistant to change, but deeply affectionate
and immediate in her response to genuine warmth and kindness.

A tendency to self-mythologise

In her fantasy-world, Diana is always a star - a handsome knight on

a white horse or a beautiful princess swathed in silk or the powerful
king of the land. In outer life, some of this self-mythologising
propensity may colour her way of interacting with others, for she
cannot bear to be ignored or reduced to one of many in a family. She
must be special, noticed and loved best of all, with the whole world
at her feet. This tendency to experience herself as the shining sun
around whom others orbit is characteristic of all very young
children. But as Diana gets older, she will retain a powerful need to
draw as much attention as possible to herself through sheer force of
personality. There may be very angry moments when siblings are
elbowed out of the way in a bid for love and attention, and also
when tired or preoccupied parents are forcibly informed of her anger
at being ignored. Yet there is something so appealingly natural and
straightforward about Diana's way of glamourising herself that it
simply needs to be accepted as part of the child's strong-willed,
energetic and expressive personality. Intense emotion is natural to
her, and she may find it difficult to cope with a cooler, more
distanced attitude toward personal needs and feelings. Whatever she
wants, she wants it intensely, and she tends to interpret refusal in a
highly personal and subjective way. Such powerful energies need to
be helped into creative channels where Diana can express the noble
and dramatic role in which she instinctively casts herself. She is a
natural leader and will probably be popular among other children -
not because of any particular adaptability or effort to please, but
because of the sheer power and originality of her personality.

Total ownership of loved ones

When Diana loves, it is an absolute love which tolerates no sharing.

Any sign of attention showed to older siblings or any show of
affection between parents which excludes the child may arouse
some rather explosive reactions. She does not let go easily, and
throughout childhood the issue of jealousy may be a recurrent theme
in all her emotional relationships with others. She can be intense and
sometimes very demanding, and is not averse to resorting to highly
manipulative methods to ensure that she is the best-loved. Because
possession is really synonymous with control, it might also be said
that Diana will try to control any person to whom she is deeply
attached. It may become important as she grows older for parents to
explain the basic right of others to their own emotional space - for
she may have difficulty in recognising that others have any
emotional space save the one they share with her. She wants both
parents absolutely to herself, and she may make covert efforts to
provoke quarrels between them, or between parents and a rival
brother or sister. Diana's need for exclusive love should never be
underestimated, even if on the surface she appears to be indifferent
or unconcerned.

Yet she also has all the gifts of a deep feeling nature - a strong sense
of loyalty, a capacity to remain loving despite the flaws and failings
of the loved one, and an immediate empathy with pain or
unhappiness in others. She is a profoundly caring child, always
ready to defend those she loves. If parents can gently help her to
understand that manipulation is not a way to guarantee love, her
generous heart and deep sense of devotion will always shine
through. But her tendency for absolute attachment should never be
used or exploited for parental gratification. Heavy emotional
undercurrents within the family - particularly sexual power battles
between parents - could be very destructive, for she is already
predisposed toward seeing life as theatre. Emotional honesty and a
clean and direct expression of feeling within the family can help
Diana to learn to share her powerful feelings without resorting to
"jungle law" to obtain the emotional security she needs.

A joyful and self-willed spirit

Not all children embody the joy and magic of archetypal childhood,
but Diana does. She has a quality of sunny expressiveness which
marks her as an intensely individual and creative personality, and as
she grows older this individuality will probably express itself
through artistic originality, a sheen of flair and style, and a strong
and fiery will. Some family members may find it all a little
overwhelming, particularly if they have never developed any
individual gifts of their own. Diana's need to shine and be loved and
appreciated for what she achieves means that she will need a great
deal of attention and interest. Most of all she needs to be believed in,
and to feel that parents and family have confidence in her dreams.
Encouragement of the imagination through creative forms - drawing,
painting, dancing, storytelling, playacting - will always be helpful,
provided this encouragement follows the line of Diana's interests
rather than her parent's unlived talents. She also loves to have fun,
and will rebel against an overdose of discipline and domestic
restrictions. She will probably be naturally gregarious, and may not
always be wildly discriminating about other children so long as they
are fun and exciting to be with. She is high-spirited, joyful and
inventive, and deserves to have her unique gifts encouraged as much
as possible.

A child with magnetism and power

From the earliest age it will be apparent that Diana must have
complete sensual satisfaction and a feeling of physical safety before
she can venture out into the world and develop. Where some
children can use their imaginative powers to overcome physical
limitations or frustrations, Diana cannot. This does not mean that she
needs a family with a lot of money. But she does not cope very well
with a disruptive, unpredictable or chaotic home environment. There
is great natural courage and tenacity in her, and she can weather
many childhood storms through sheer power of personality and a
quality of what in America is called "the right stuff" - grit, resilience
and loyalty to her own inner nature. But if disruption in the
environment is unavoidable, care should be taken to explain to
Diana as clearly as possible what is happening and why, well in
advance. Toys should not be thrown away without warning. A move
of house should only be made after ample preparation. A loved pet
should never be "put down" without prior consultation. And above
all, emotional conflicts between family members need to be clarified
so that Diana does not feel threatened by some invisible catastrophe
which she senses but does not understand.

She is sometimes likely to be touchy and a bit vain, and not always
able to laugh at herself. A little teasing will go a long way - perhaps
too far, because she tends to take her own feelings and needs very
seriously indeed. She may also display an uncomfortably long
memory for hurts and grievances, so if parents are accustomed to
blowing up, saying unpleasant things and then thinking it's all over,
they may need to remember that for Diana such explosions go deep
and leave a lasting impression. When she really erupts she means it,
and the pressure has probably been building up for some time. But
equally she does not forget kindness and affection, and can remain
tenaciously loyal throughout life to those from whom she has
received love. Thus it is a bad idea to manipulate her loyalty by
enlisting her in parental quarrels. Despite her great capacity for
contentment, she does not have a simple nature. Her emotions run
deep and her silences may contain a great many things the family
have not bargained for. Diana has great magnetism and power of
personality, and will eventually get what she wants from life. This
deserves respect rather than a battle of wills initiated by parents who
may sorely need to develop such strength of character themselves.

Secret sensitivity and hidden dreams

In contrast to Diana's essentially earthy and well-grounded nature,

she also possesses great sensitivity and a hidden romanticism which
- out of pride and a desire to be best and first - she may begin to
conceal at quite an early age. She has a secret dream-world to which
she may retreat when her anxieties become too great, but she may be
most reluctant to share this with parents and family because she
fears it will be rejected. Her intense sensitivity sometimes borders
on the psychic, and she is receptive to unspoken thoughts and
feelings in the environment which may confuse and frighten her. She
may also harbour strange secret fantasies - such as a "memory" of
reincarnation, or a conviction of the presence of the supernatural -
which plague her normally forthright and pragmatic perceptions.
Because she is essentially a direct and reliable child, it is likely that
parents and family members will learn to rely on her strength and
self-sufficiency fairly early on, assuming that she will always be
able to cope and giving more attention to siblings' apparently greater
fragility. Thus her secret fears may go overlooked, and she may
increasingly learn to hide them for fear of ridicule. Yet this hidden
receptivity and propensity for fantasy in fact contribute a very
necessary refinement to what otherwise might be a rather pushy
nature. Properly understood and encouraged, these attributes can be
a great asset to her developing personality.

Dependency is hidden by pride

Diana is usually a bold child, fearless in taking on the challenges of

the physical environment and showing great courage, resilience and
cheerfulness even in the face of frustrations and difficulties. Her
independence is striking, and probably she prefers to learn things by
herself rather than relying on parental help. But she experiences
much greater anxiety and dependency than she shows on the surface,
and her need of others' approval and support should not be
underestimated just because she does not openly ask for it. Often she
feels deeply helpless and confused, bewildered by her own
sensitivity and disturbed by the emotions of others which penetrate
her awareness and disturb her normally contented personality. She is
unusually receptive to others' pain and unhappiness, and concealed
misery in family members will find its way into her awareness
instantly - no matter how much they try to cover up the problem.
Thus Diana needs an unusual degree of honesty from family
members, because she is not likely to understand or cope well with
such invisible emotional buffetings. Never mock or ridicule her
fantasies, however strange they may seem, for she needs every
encouragement to learn to trust her rich and rather convoluted
imagination. As Diana grows older it is unlikely that she will ask
freely for help and advice. She may increasingly feel a strange
shame at showing weakness or dependency, so parents may need to
pay particular attention to the covert efforts she makes to express
unhappiness, loneliness or anxiety. In this way she can be
encouraged to treat such "wobbly" states as perfectly human and
acceptable.

Shyness about the body

Diana will probably display a precocious ability to coordinate her

body and master the challenges of the physical environment. But
there are moments when she is subject to a sudden inner collapse of
confidence, and she may then be afflicted by an inexplicable shyness
about her body, her competence, and even her worth. There may be
external reasons for such spells of self-doubt - domestic disruptions
or a particularly challenging situation at school, or even some early
illness or accident which has left a memory of helplessness. More
likely there will be no apparent reason for Diana's sudden bouts of
self-denigration, and she will probably not communicate her feelings
because she wants to be seen by those she loves as strong and self-
reliant. Therefore she may communicate her secret fears through
indirect means, and parents may need to make the effort to be
sensitive to such covert communication. Deep down, Diana has an
ambivalent attitude toward the material world. Most of the time she
is strong and well-adapted and utterly comfortable in her body. But
at other times she feels overwhelmed by challenges which she fears
she will fail to meet. Do not be fooled by her tendency to mask her
anxiety through an excess of competence or an overdeveloped
emphasis on order and security. Encourage her to express her fears
as soon as she is able to, so that she can learn that such fears are
human, healthy and a good balance for what may sometimes be an
overly aggressive or blinkered attitude toward getting what she
wants.

A refined spirit waiting in the wings

Diana is a complex personality, courageous and resilient yet

sometimes much less stable and well-adapted than she seems. There
are unsuspected depths in her - a powerful imagination which
intrudes upon her relationship with the material world, and an
intense need of and dependency on others which sometimes causes
bouts of anxiety and formless fear. Her essentially sunny, sound and
practical nature gives her the gift of enjoying life to the full in the
moment, and she is capable of great contentment and pleasure in
ordinary things. Yet her hidden side - refined, fragile, imaginative,
intensely emotional and idealistic - rounds out the earthiness of her
personality. Parents will hopefully recognise and appreciate these
hidden strengths, rather than trying to shape her into a two-
dimensional creature in the hope that she will be less troublesome.
Diana can sometimes be very troublesome because she is buffeted
by inchoate fears and fantasies which she will fight hard against.
Honesty, empathy and an appreciation of the unseen as well as the
worldly are the best gifts family members can offer to help Diana
integrate this hidden and most valuable dimension of her
personality.

Another important pair of characters

The characters described so far represent Diana's essential inner

dialogue between the main conscious life- orientation and the
hidden unconscious strengths which, if recognised and integrated,
can round out the personality. Besides these figures, there are other
inner characters indicated in the birth chart which are likely to
emerge as Diana develops, and which are described briefly below.

A deep need to belong

Diana was born with the innate awareness that no human being is an
island. She has an instinctive feeling of belonging to a larger human
family, and from childhood to later life she will always turn to others
for a sense of nourishment and support. From the very first weeks of
life she thrives and is happy if there is plenty of company around,
even if she is occupied with her own toys, interests or friends.
Because of this, Diana will be more acutely distressed than many
children if there is an atmosphere of emotional coldness and
distance within the family environment. Whatever the financial or
social circumstances into which she was born, she is by nature
devoid of intolerance and clannishness. Even if family members try
to instill narrower values into her, she will shrug them off as she
grows older and comes in contact with a wider world. She will be
drawn to friends according to her own likes and dislikes rather than
because they are "suitable". It would be most helpful for parents and
family members to trust her naturally friendly attitude toward others.
In this respect many adults might learn a great deal from her.

Diana loves meeting new people in all sorts of situations - on trains

and planes, in shops and restaurants, at school and on holiday. She
may often be caught wandering over to strangers to talk to them.
Anxious or suspicious parents may find such behaviour disturbing,
but as long as common sense is shown Diana's trust in other people
will be well justified. At school she is likely to be a gregarious and
popular person, able to effortlessly attract others because she is so
extremely likeable. She does not invoke enmity or aggression
because she does not really feel it. She is also likely to be popular
among teachers and family friends, because she is inclined to treat
everyone kindly and courteously and only becomes difficult if others
are hurtful or aggressive toward her. Diana is therefore likely to
have many friends throughout childhood, although these friends may
quickly be outgrown and replaced by other friends. But she would
often rather have superficial company than no company at all. She
loves to feel she belongs, and will quickly adapt to the mannerisms,
rules and prevailing attitudes first of the family and then of the
wider circle of her peer group. She is not "pretending" in order to be
liked, but genuinely feels happier and more at home blending
harmoniously with others. Sometimes it may be hard to know just
what Diana really thinks and feels, so adept is she at this gift of
harmonious merging with the group. Yet her gentleness, fairness and
deep sense of the value of others is very real and fundamental to her
outlook on life.

A child who truly likes people

Diana's power to attract others springs from her inherent feeling of

affinity with people. The importance she places on relationships
with others does not reflect a mere need to please, but arises from an
innate instinct that she belongs to a larger human family and that it
is interaction with others that makes life worthwhile. Because of her
adaptability to any collective of which she is a part, Diana may seem
elusive and hard to know. She will rarely express emotions or ideas
which are too individualistic and might alienate others. There will
come a time, as she grows up, when life will challenge her with the
task of defining her real values, and she may periodically be faced
with what is for her the very difficult issue of invoking the
disapproval of the group in order to be true to herself. She is as
capable as the next child of being difficult and rebellious if she feels
angry and cornered. But it should be remembered that such episodes
usually leave a long period of anxiety in their wake, followed by an
increased need for reassurance. Conflict with others arouses all her
deepest fears of isolation. Diana's essential tolerance, decency and
liking for people ensure that she will always try the diplomatic
solution first. Consequently she may well find herself playing the
role of peacemaker and go-between among quarrelling family
members or friends. Individual recognition ultimately means less to
her than the secure and fulfilling experience of being part of the
lives of others, and of discovering that - wherever in the world she
goes as she grows up - there will always be people who welcome her
as a friend.

A secret individualist

Hidden beneath her amiable and gregarious personality, there are

many intensely individualistic qualities which Diana is likely to
suppress from quite a young age in order to preserve her sense of
belonging. This secret side of her personality may show itself in
abrupt outbursts of anger, or in cycles of apparently aggressive or
anti-social behaviour which seem very alien to her usual manner.
Although Diana is usually acutely aware of the needs of others,
secretly she may feel much more special and deserving of the
limelight than she dares to show. As she gets older she may find it
quite difficult to reconcile this hidden individualist with her desire to
accommodate the wishes of those she cares for. Even without any
attempt on the part of parents to restrain these more powerfully self-
centred impulses, Diana will very likely suppress them herself
because of her fear of alienation from loved ones. Yet if she buries
such feelings, she may be subject to bouts of severe restlessness and
anxiety, as well as experiencing deep envy toward those children
who are freer to express themselves. Parents can help by
encouraging her to be more honest about showing what she really
feels and wants, rather than worrying all the time about whether
someone else will be offended. Diana's intensely individualistic
spirit is a great strength which needs to be integrated with her more
gregarious qualities so that she can find the right balance between
self and others. Then she can feel, as she grows up, that she has
something unique and valuable of her own to offer the larger group
on which she depends so much.

Risking the disapproval of others

The hidden side of Diana is far more powerful, individualistic and

self-willed than parents and family members might wish to
acknowledge. These attributes will generally be concealed by her
very genuine friendliness and desire to create harmony around her.
In fact the dichotomy in her personality is a highly creative
combination of ingredients, for Diana possesses not only an
extremely likeable and kind nature but also considerable strength
and courage. This latter may need to be encouraged by parents who
understand her complexity and do not demand a child who is always
100% obedient and placating. Diana is so needful of belonging that
as she grows up she runs the risk of developing a veneer of perpetual
pleasantness which masks some very intense albeit unconscious
feelings of anger, resentment and rebelliousness. This does not mean
that her usually agreeable personality is in any way deliberately
false. But as she gets older she may learn to pull it over her like a
protective cloak when she is afraid her own disruptive feelings
might rise to the surface and alienate others. She really needs to
learn to risk the disapproval of others, and to express her own needs
and values in an honest, clear and straightforward way. Hopefully
she will then discover that those who love her are willing to respond
to her with the same fairness and tolerance that she ordinarily
displays toward them. Diana sometimes needs to be allowed to be
provocative and difficult, giving somebody else the chance to be the
peacemaker for a change.

---

IV. EMOTIONAL NEEDS AND PATTERNS IN

RELATIONSHIPS

The means by which we find happiness and nourishment through

others become more complex, subtle and diverse as we progress
from infancy to adulthood. But our fundamental emotional needs
reflect our individual characters and in essence do not change.
Every child has particular ways in which he or she experiences and
seeks emotional contact with others, and this may not always accord
with other, more dominant personality traits.

Satisfy my curiosity!

Although she is strongly focussed on the practical realities of life,

Diana's greatest need in relation to others is a sense of mutual
respect and mental affinity. She wants her relationships to be
contained within a stable and reliable structure, without excessive
emotional pressure and with an appreciation of her need for privacy
and independence. Diana is extremely inquisitive about people and
may sometimes seem disrespectful of traditional age roles in the
questions she asks them - as though parents and grandparents are
simply other people just like her friends at school. For her, a sense
of happiness in the company of others depends upon finding them
interesting and being found interesting in turn. If she cannot
experience this sense of lively communication and mutual interest,
she may become bored and transfer her attention elsewhere. It may
be disturbing if she acts this way toward siblings or family
members, although it does not mean she no longer loves them. But
she has a remarkable ability to establish a sense of "family"
according to mental affinity rather than simple biology, and may
find it hard to offer undeviating devotion to family members simply
because they are family, if the sense of "like minds" is missing.
Always fair and kind to others, she can nevertheless be terrifyingly
honest in expressing her need for relationships which are as much of
the mind as of the heart.

So deeply important is communication to Diana that she needs it as

much as physical affection. her feelings are tempered by a quality of
reflectiveness which requires subtler forms of interaction than
simple emotional gratification. The surest way to alienate her
affections is to subject her to brooding silences or theatrical
emotional scenes. Although she is quite capable of displaying a very
changeful and explosive temper, it is her way of clearing the air, and
once she has vented her feelings there is no grudge or resentment
left behind. Highly independent, she needs to feel she can retreat
into her inner world or go exploring and know that loved ones trust
her to come back again in her own time. She may sometimes seem
fickle in her feelings because her interest ebbs and flows, but she is
capable of great loyalty - although she may not demonstrate it
effusively or on demand. Above all, a feeling of being understood
matters deeply to Diana, and a free and lively flow of
communication with others is essential to her sense of happiness,
contentment and emotional security. Lively, intelligent and curious,
her inquisitive nature and eagerness to discover everything about
those she loves should never be criticised or repressed. Love which
is expressed only through dutiful self-sacrifice or intense
possessiveness will leave her feeling lonely and burdened. Her
understanding of a safe and supportive relationship is one in which
people care and are sensitive to each other's feelings but also allow
each other breathing space and room to think their own thoughts.
Her emotional needs, however intense, will always be tempered by a
profound sense of fair play and respect for others' differences, and
she quite justifiably expects the same in return.

Special needs in relationship with parents

There are different needs in relation to mother and father - not only
based on the obvious fact of the sexual difference between parents,
but also based on the child's own personality make-up and way of
interacting with each parent as an individual. Just as every child's
character is unique and inherent, so too are that child's feelings and
emotional requirements in relation to parents, siblings and friends.
Gaining some understanding of these requirements can help family
members provide at least some of these fundamental needs, thereby
offering an environment which - to use the words of Winicott - is
"good enough" to allow the child to develop his or her relationships
with greater inner security and trust.

Looking to father for sexual urges

Diana's perception of her father is primarily a sensitive and poetic

one - an image of man as artist, visionary and mystic. Even if her
father feels anything but artistic or mystical, Diana attaches some
sense of romantic mystery to him and a good deal of idealism
colours her love. Whereas some daughters want their fathers to be
heroic and successful, she loves her father for all his human
imperfections and is unusually responsive to any sadness or sense of
failure in life which he might carry. Diana does not want or need a
perfect father, but she needs enough emotional contact to discover
who her father really is and how he feels about life. The sense of
mystery which she feels about him is potentially a highly creative
experience, for it opens up her imagination and allows her to weave
magical stories around him. Even if his life is externally prosaic and
unexciting, Diana secretly believes her father is really somebody
else - a frustrated artist or an unacknowledged visionary. Such
romantic dreams are very valuable. But they also need to be
grounded through a solid emotional relationship which allows her to
experience her father as a real and fallible person rather than a
vanishing figure of mystery and unobtainability - for the absence of
a solid emotional bond would inevitably affect her later expectations
of the men in her life.

Diana longs to share her father's inner world of dreams, and

therefore the quality of the time father and daughter spend together
is extremely important - even if family conflicts or work pressures
necessitate periodic separations. Parental battles should never be
used as a justification for interfering with the very vulnerable but
very deep emotional bond between father and daughter, and it is
most important that Diana's father endeavours to preserve the
continuity of the emotional bond even if external pressures or
conflicts with other family members make this difficult to achieve.
He may also discover much of his own unlived creativity through
exploring the world of the imagination with his daughter - listening
to music together, painting, reading stories, and sharing his own
dreams and feelings. Diana's love of her father is intense and
idealised. This idealisation needs to be balanced by plenty of
ordinary human interaction. But Diana also needs to be able to
journey through mysterious and magical inner landscapes with her
father. Although there are inevitably experiences which no two
people can wholly share, a willingness on the part of her father to
explore the inner world of the imagination with his daughter can
help Diana to develop greater confidence in her own creative
potentials.

Recognising mother's need for freedom

Diana has an image of her mother as a free spirit longing to fly, and
will look to her mother for the courage to transcend or transform
rigid social and sexual roles. This mythic image of a free feminine
spirit reflects Diana's own longing to be a whole and independent
woman when she grows up. Even if her mother feels tired, stressed
and anything but free and courageous, to Diana she is not merely
"mother" - she is a fascinating individual in her own right,
unpredictable and exciting, with gifts and potentials perhaps unlived
but real nonetheless. At the core of this relationship is a highly
creative mental bond. Diana has the same emotional and physical
needs as any other child. But on the most profound level she seeks a
true friend who can offer mental companionship and inspiration - a
relationship of individuals who genuinely like each other and find
each other interesting apart from any ties of blood or instinctual
need. Fanatical adherence to the collective role of "mother" may not
suit Diana any more than it suits her mother. Her mother may need
to find the courage to be truly herself, for it is this independent spirit
which her daughter most loves, admires and needs as a model for
her own developing sense of individuality.

It would benefit Diana if her mother can share her own goals and
aspirations beyond immediate domestic responsibilities. The girl
finds her mother truly interesting as a person and will be inspired by
hearing about her mother's interests, ideas and experiences of life
and people. If Diana's mother has a hobby, creative pursuit or
working life apart from family responsibilities, all the better - for the
broader her mother's outlook on life, the more Diana will enjoy and
appreciate her company. Potential problems might arise not if
Diana's mother is able to have a varied and fulfilling life, but rather
if she is trapped within a rigid conventional role which leaves her
frustrated, anxious and irritable. Then her daughter will recognise
her frustration and experience her mother's anxiety as her own. If
such a domestic situation is extreme, the daughter may eventually
develop a fear of family commitments because she is so attuned to
her mother's sense of unhappiness. Diana can offer her mother great
scope to be a whole person, for her needs depend as much on mental
and spiritual companionship as on the earthier facets of everyday
life. This is a gift to any mother, for it is rare and special to have a
daughter who can see her mother as a true friend. Honesty,
openmindedness and a willingness to move beyond the more archaic
rules of family interaction will help Diana on her way into life with
a sense that an individual woman's need for self-expression is not
mutually exclusive of loving relationships.

---

V. FEARS AND INSECURITIES

Every child, like every adult, experiences fear - fear of objects and
situations that belong to "real" life, and fear of inchoate things
which loom in the night and seem absurd or strange in the bright
light of day. Fear is a powerful motivator in all human beings. It
can work negatively, making us defensive and closed to life, and it
can work positively, making us develop strengths and talents which
begin as a means of self- protection and end as important assets of
the personality. A child's fears have not yet crystallised into those
rigid defense mechanisms which cause so many adults to block off
important dimensions of their natures. Responding to a child's panic
with insight may save many years of the child become adult
struggling with an entrenched defensive pattern. Moreover, a child's
fears can point toward profound archetypal issues which, dealt with
in a spirit of understanding and compassion, reveal the wellsprings
of nascent values, creative potential and individual identity. Just as
one man's meat is another's poison, one child's fears are another's
playground. Yet every child experiences personal fears as real,
objective and threatening - whether they belong to the outer world
or the inner. Calling such fears silly is not only unhelpful - it is
downright destructive. To the child they are not silly at all and may
reflect not only important personality issues but also unconscious
conflicts in the family psyche which the adults are not in touch with
but which the child perceives all too clearly. Listening to a child's
fears with an open mind and heart can, at a formative period of life,
provide what every human being most needs - a sense that his or her
reality, full of unpredictability and menace as well as beauty, joy
and meaning, is taken seriously. Fear is always far less frightening
when shared than when it is confronted alone.

A fear of being worthless

In keeping with her well-developed adaptation to external reality,

Diana has a deep need to be self-sufficient in the physical world.
She instinctively knows that she, in common with all other human
beings, can ultimately rely on no one but himself. Yet she is also
very frightened by the daunting complexity of the material world,
from the earliest task of coordinating her body to the later challenges
of earning a living and achieving her worldly goals. She sometimes
feels very unsure of her worth and her capacity to meet these
challenges, despite her deep urge toward self-reliance. Consequently
her developing relationship with the material environment may be
slow and punctuated with difficulties in certain areas of life, despite
any competence she may show in a more general way. She may
strongly resist efforts to teach her basic disciplines, and may display
inexplicable fear when asked to perform particular physical tasks.
Idiosyncrasies of personal hygiene or diet may reveal her unease
with her body. As she gets older she may exhibit intense feelings
toward particular toys or personal possessions, becoming
ferociously attached to some and apparently oblivious or even
destructive to others. Because she equates her inner sense of self-
worth with her physical reality - body, food, material objects and
environment -, anxiety about the former will be symbolically
reflected in an erratic relationship with the latter.

Understanding and responding sensitively to Diana's apprehensions

about the physical world can make a big difference in helping her to
acquire greater confidence. If, for example, she suddenly begins to
react to certain foods or displays erratic behaviour in her eating
habits, disturbance in the domestic environment might be an
important factor. She is acutely sensitive to any sudden physical
change or disruption and may express her anxiety through the
symbol of food as a source of safety and nourishment. Trying to
provide as reliable and consistent an environment as possible will
help her to feel more secure and confident, for she is frightened of
everything suddenly being moved or taken away just when she is
beginning to feel she can master it. Sharing of possessions may also
cause difficulties between Diana and her siblings. But an overly
intense attachment to a particular toy or article of clothing does not
mean she is selfish or greedy - it means the toy or garment
symbolises something safe and permanent, and her undisputed
ownership of it needs honouring. She may go through a phase of
hoarding things - food, toys, allowance money, old and outgrown
clothes which would ordinarily be thrown away but which she clings
to because they hold some special meaning for her. As she gradually
feels more secure, the extreme manifestations of her fear will quietly
and naturally fade away.

The challenge of self-sufficiency

Diana may develop particular defensive habits in order to protect

herself from the threat of the material world and the fear that she
will not be able to cope with it. She may seek to assuage her fear by
striving for physical excellence, and through persistent effort may in
fact develop great skill at sport, crafts or practical tasks. But she
may confuse her external achievements with an internal sense of
self-worth, becoming increasingly dependent on mundane success as
a validation of her worth. Thus as she grows up she may express
intense ambition, determined that she will be "rich" or "successful"
or "famous" because she believes this will guarantee safety and the
permanent love and loyalty of others. As she gets older she may be
preoccupied with her physical appearance and highly critical of her
face, body and clothes unless everything is exactly right and in
accord with some real or imagined collective definition of
attractiveness. Intense concern with bodily perfection may become a
painful issue as she approaches puberty, for during this changeful
time of life she will once again equate physical reality with her
value as an individual.

Behind her very personal defence mechanisms there lies a

fundamental human challenge - the individual's capacity to survive
and make a real contribution in a difficult world. Diana is not
"neurotic" or afflicted with some unusual problem. Her striving
toward self-sufficiency, and her fear of failure, spring from the
instinctive awareness that one gets what one works for from life, and
that a feeling of real security cannot be guaranteed except through
confidence in one's own inner resilience and resources. As she grows
up she will find a solid and lasting sense of worth through creating
something tangible with her talents, in whatever direction they
might lie. So important is this issue for her future development that
she is already frightened she will not be able to reach her goal - even
though the goal has not yet been formulated. She would find it
harder to develop self-confidence in an environment where too
much importance is placed on material achievement and too little on
who she actually is. For regardless of her emotional, imaginal or
intellectual gifts Diana tends, on the deepest level, to define her
value to others in physical terms. If she can be helped to understand
the difference between external success and an inner sense of worth
and solidity, she will be well equipped to meet this fundamental
human challenge.

---

VI. LOOKING TOWARD THE FUTURE

Every child has a unique fund of potentials which can best be

encouraged through an individual educational approach. However,
most children must "make do" with what is available to them
through local schools. In Western countries education, in accord
with our present world-view, primarily consists of the acquisition of
practical skills and specialised knowledge. Regardless of whether
this particular approach is suited to every child, or even "right" in
the broader philosophical or moral sense, children must to a great
extent adapt their own individual abilities to the prevailing trend.
Some can achieve this easily, some do so only by denying their own
natures, and others accomplish little because they simply cannot
make themselves into what they are not. Educational facilities may
be found which place greater emphasis on a more holistic world-
view, or on the imaginative and creative dimensions of a child's
development. But the cost of such facilities may be beyond many
parents' reach. Nevertheless, so immense is the power of innate
individuality that whatever limits may exist in the educational
environment, any child - given sufficient parental understanding and
encouragement of natural aptitudes - can find the confidence to
discover his or her appropriate path in life.

The fascination of others

Diana is realistic and appreciative of her immediate environment,
but the whole wide world is a place of interest and everything in it a
subject worthy of study. Other people are likely to be especially
interesting, and she needs plenty of contact and opportunities to
share thoughts and ideas from quite a young age. Her inquisitiveness
and desire for a broad perspective of life are likely to make her an
energetic and lively student at school, and her need to communicate
her ideas to other people suits her to classes which allow room for
discussion and debate. Learning should be an extremely positive
experience for her, with one possible drawback - she may find many
subjects and teachers too narrow in nature, and may find it hard to
accept well-worn ideas which are collectively acceptable but past
their prime. But although the world seems to her a fascinating place,
her ability to do well at school depends in large part on her
sympathetic relationship with individual teachers. Highly intuitive
and sensitive to the feelings of others, she will only come fully alive
if the teacher is really interested too. Subjects which involve the
study of human beings, their history, motives and behaviour, are
likely to fascinate her. If she seems to be doing badly in her
schoolwork, ask her about the teacher, for her progress in learning is
directly linked to her feeling of being appreciated and understood.

The highly receptive quality of Diana's mind ensures that her feeling
of personal affinity with teachers will strongly affect her
performance at school. A huge, amorphous educational
establishment would not suit her, for her innate love of learning is
highly influenced by the quality of the individuals offering that
learning. Therefore a smaller school where personal attention and
interest can be offered would be preferable to one with high
academic standards but where she vanishes amidst the throng. Most
importantly, the inclusive and progressive qualities of her mind need
to be recognised and supported. She can work comfortably with
logical concepts but needs room for speculative thinking. The wider
the curriculum, and the more flexible the individual teachers, the
happier she is likely to be at school. Outside activities which
encourage learning - clubs, societies, additional classes - may also
prove helpful, and travel and exposure to other cultures and
languages would be an inspiration to her curiosity about life and
people. Most helpful of all would be an active mental life within the
family, where learning and the exploration of ideas are treated with
as much respect as the more practical aspects of life.
Development through relating to others

Within Diana lies a profound sense of the mutual dependency of

people and the impossibility of forming an individual personality
without the reflecting mirror of relationship. It is relationships which
are likely to dominate her future - not only the family, friends and
partners through whom she discovers her own nature and needs, but
the whole complex realm of human relationship as a field worthy of
study and a vocation which could provide meaning and fulfillment.
Her deep sensitivity to the hidden channels of the human heart
ensures that she will always remain in contact with the reality of a
greater human family. All her future relationships are thus likely to
be coloured by a growing sense of compassion and insight. In
adulthood she is likely to involve herself increasingly with the
welfare of others, not only through her devotion to loved ones but
through her instinctive concern with all those lost or hurt souls who
need her help, support and guidance. Most importantly, it is
relationships which will provide both the major stepping stones of
Diana's life and also her hardest lessons. In many ways she will not
truly emerge as herself until she is able to move away from the
emotional fusion of childhood into the more equalised interaction of
adulthood. Then recognition of her essential separateness will
eventually bring out her greatest gifts, resources and sense of
commitment to a vocation involving working with others. This
passage into life may require more than one crisis or rupture in
partnerships, friendships or group involvements. She will need to
explore the whole spectrum of human encounters to discover who
she is and what she wants from life. As she grows up parents will
hopefully encourage her to learn from her experiences rather than
censuring her for what may prove to be a rather unconventional
approach to personal relationships. Her guiding spirit, consciously
or unconsciously, will strive toward a knowledge of self through the
mirror of others, so that she will one day emerge as an adult truly
wise in the ways of all the myriad levels of human interaction.