Transactional Analysis: Parent

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS
Transactional Analysis (or TA as it is often called) is a model of people and relationships

that was developed during the 1960s by Dr. Eric Berne. It is based on two notions: first that
we have three parts or 'ego-states' to our 'personality. The other assumption is that these
converse with one another in 'transactions' (hence the name). TA is a very common model
used in therapy and there is a great deal written about it.
Parent, Adult and Child
We each have internal models of parents, children and also adults, and we play these roles
with one another in our relationships. We even do it with ourselves, in our internal
conversations.
PARENT
There are two forms of Parent we can play.

The Nurturing Parent is caring and concerned and often may appear as a mother-figure
(though men can play it too). They seek to keep the Child safe and offer unconditional love,
calming them when they are troubled.
The Controlling (or Critical) Parent, on the other hand, tries to make the Child do as the
parent wants them to do, perhaps transferring values or beliefs or helping the Child to
understand and live in society. They may also have negative intent, using the Child as a
whipping-boy or worse.
ADULT
The Adult in us is the 'grown up' rational person who talks reasonably and assertively,
neither trying to control nor reacting. The Adult is comfortable with themselves and is, for
many of us, our 'ideal self'.
CHILD
There are three types of Child we can play.
The Natural Child is largely un-self-aware and is characterized by the non-speech noises
they make (yahoo, etc.). They like playing and are open and vulnerable.
The cutely-named Little Professor is the curious and exploring Child who is always trying
out new stuff (often much to their Controlling Parent's annoyance). Together with the
Natural Child they make up the Free Child.
The Adaptive Child reacts to the world around them, either changing them to fit in or
rebelling against the forces they feel.
Communications (transactions)
When two people communicate, each exchange is a transaction. Many of our problems
come from transactions which are unsuccessful.
Parents naturally speak to Children, as this is their role as a parent. They can talk with
other Parents and Adults, although the subject still may be about the children.
The Nurturing Parent naturally talks to the Natural Child and the Controlling Parent to the
Adaptive Child. In fact these parts of our personality are evoked by the opposite. Thus if I
act as an Adaptive Child, I will most likely evoke the Controlling Parent in the other person.
We also play many games between these positions, and there are rituals from greetings to
whole conversations (such as the weather) where we take different positions for different
events. These are often 'pre-recorded' as scripts we just play out. They give us a sense of
control and identity and reassure us that all is still well in the world. Other games can be
negative and destructive and we play them more out of sense of habit and addiction than
constructive pleasure.
Conflict
Complementary transactions occur when both people are at the same level. Thus Parent
talking to Parent, etc. Here, both are often thinking in the same way and communication is
easy. Problems usually occur in Crossed transactions, where the other person is at a
different level.
The parent is either nurturing or controlling, and often speaks to the child, who is either
adaptive or ‘natural’ in their response. When both people talk as a Parent to the other’s
Child, their wires get crossed and conflict results.
The ideal line of communication is the mature and rational Adult-Adult relationship.
So what?
Being a Controlling Parent can get the other person into a Child state where they may
conform with your demands. There is also a risk that they will be an Adaptive 'naughty
child' and rebel. They may also take opposing Parent or Adult states.
Be a Nurturing Parent or a talk at the same level as the other person to create trust.
Watch out for crossed wires. This is where conflict arises. When it happens, first go to the
state that the other person is in to talk at the same level.
For rational conversation, move yourself and the other person to the Adult level.

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TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS

Transactional Analysis (or TA as it is often called) is a model of people and relationships

Parent, Adult and Child

There are two forms of Parent we can play.

There are three types of Child we can play.

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