COUNSELING SKILLS

INTRODUCTION

Counseling is a wonderful twentieth-century invention. We live in a complex, busy,

changing world. In this world, there are many different types of experience that are difficult
for people to cope with.

Most of the time, we get on with life, but sometimes we are stopped in our tracks by an event
or situation that we do not, at that moment, have the resources to sort out. Most of the time,
we find ways of dealing with such problems in living by talking to family, friends, neighbors,
priests or our family doctor. But occasionally their advice is not sufficient, or we are too
embarrassed or ashamed to tell them what is bothering us, or we just don’t have an
appropriate person to turn to. Counselling is a really useful option at these moments. In most
places, counselling is available fairly quickly, and costs little or nothing. . The counsellor
does not diagnose or label you, but does his or her best to listen to you and work with you to
find the best ways to understand and resolve your problem.

DEFINITION OF COUNSELING

Counseling is a interactive process characterized by a unique relationship between counselor

and a client that lead to change in the client in one more of the following areas;

1. Behavior (Overt changes in the ways client act, their coping skills, decision making skills,
and relationship skills).

2. Beliefs (Ways of thinking about oneself, others, and the world) or emotional concerns
relating to these perceptions.

3. Level of emotional distress (Uncomfortable feelings or reactivity to environmental stress.)

The term ‘counselling’ includes work with individuals and with relationships which may be
developmental, crisis support, psychotherapeutic, guiding or problem solving . . . The task of
counselling is to give the ‘client’ an opportunity to explore, discover and clarify ways of
living more satisfyingly and resourcefully.

(BAC 1984)
Counselling denotes a professional relationship between a trained counsellor and a client.
This relationship is usually person-to-person, although it may sometimes involve more than
two people. It is designed to help clients to understand and clarify their views of their life
space, and to learn to reach their self-determined goals through meaningful, well-informed
choices and through resolution of problems of an emotional or interpersonal nature.
(Burks and Stefflre 1979: 14)
Counselling is the skilled and principled use of relationships to develop self knowledge,
emotional acceptance and growth, and personal resources. The overall aim is to live more
fully and satisfyingly. Counselling may be concerned with addressing and resolving specific
problems, making decisions, coping with crisis, working through feelings or inner conflict or
improving relationships with others. The counsellor’s role is to facilitate the client’s work in
ways that respect the client’s values, personal resources and capacity for self determination.

GOALS OF COUNSELLING

 Transfer of therapeutic learning to outside situation. Change is made in the real world
of the client. The client acquires adaptability and planning skills in problem areas.
 Awareness and acceptance of self in conflict. The client understands self and
recorders thinking about self.
 Specific symptom removal. There is a focus on personal concerns and a resolution of
psychological symptoms, confused objectives, or specific problems.
 Strengthened ego functioning. Client behaviour becomes more congruent with inner
ego state.
 Awareness of positive inner recourses. The client develops greater feeling of
adequacy, mastery, competency, creativity, and responsibility. Learning to respond to
and control the environment. The client is adapt to or changes conflictual situations in
a self-satisfying manner.
 Awareness of negative thoughts and feelings. The client is better able to accept,
integrate, and change distressing feelings, through re-education and reordered
thinking about negative thoughts and feelings.

CHARECTERISTICS OF COUNSELLING

1.Counseling is a professional service offered by a competent counsellor.

Counselling denotes a professional relationship in which counsellor take the responsibility

for making their efforts aid the client in a positive manner. The counsellor needs to be able to
use effective techniques and skill that have been gained through education and training. Boyd
(1978) indicates that successful counsellor grow personally and professionally and become
increasingly competent through ongoing experience and supervision.

2. Counselling is a process in which the counsellor- client relationship is basic.

Brammer and shostrum (1982) state. “the heart of the therapeutic process is the relationship
established between counsellor and client”. When the counsellor has an authentic caring
relation with a client, that client response to the relationship by becoming fully involved in
the counselling process,
3. Counseling is concerned with decision- making skills and problem resolution.

As Ivey and Simek-Dowing (1980) indicates, “The counsellor task is to generate

alternatives, aid the client in loosening and breaking old patterns, facilitate the decision-
making process, and find viable solution to problems”. Counselling teaches the client skills
that can be applied in new situations. Without the development of decision making tools, the
client will be dependent on the counsellor indefinitely.

4. Counseling involves the client learning new behaviour of formulating new attitudes.

Steffire (1970) stated that “counselling is a learning- teaching process, for the client learn
about his life space...if he is to make meaningful and informed choices, he must know
himself the fact of his present situation , and the possibilities.. as well as the most likely
consequences of the various choices’’. Counselling strategies often focus on client
recognition of behaviours to be changed steps to change them. Client action and behaviour
change are crucial outcomes of the counselling process.

5. Counselling is the mutual enterprise on the part of counsellor and counselee and, as much,
is based on respect for the individual.

Boy and pine (1982) indicate that an effective counselling relationship is one in which the
client and counsellor engage each other as equals. Both the client and counsellor jointly are
involved in the counselling process. Counselling goals are selected and refined by the
counselee as well a by the counsellor.

6. Counselling cannot be specifically defined since it is changing entity, but there are skills
common to all such facilitative relationships.

Belkin (1980) speaks of counselling as ‘’ a growing, evolving, continually changing concept,

responsive to a nexus of interlocking pressures and concerns’’ skills, because of their very
quality, can however be defined in specific terms that may be applied in all counselling
settings. Such counselling skills as attending, listening, responding and behaviour-change
abilities.

COUNSELLING AND GUIDANCE

Guidance is the process of helping people makes important choices that affect their lives,
such as choosing a preferred life style. While the decision- making aspect of guidance has
long played important role in the counselling process. One distinction between guidance and
counselling is that guidance focus on helping individual chooses what they value most,
whereas counselling focus on helping them making changes. Much of the earlier work in
guidance occurred in school and career centres where an adult would help a student make
decision, such as deciding on a course of study or a vocation.
DIFFRENCE BETWEEN PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSELING

 Psychotherapy is concerned with personality change, whereas counselling is

concerned with helping individuals to utilise their own coping resources. The
former can be seen as reconstructive and the latter as facilitative.
 Psychotherapists work with people who manifest significant emotional
disturbances. Counsellors, however, work with people who are basically
emotionally healthy but who are experiencing temporary problems. These are
associated with events such as stress at work, relationship breakdown or
bereavement.
 Personal analysis is at the heart of much psychotherapy training,(though not
cognitive-behavioural) whereas counselling training places more emphasis upon the
acquisition of specific skills.
 Psychotherapy considers overall patterns, chronic issues, and recurrent feelings.
This requires openness to exploring the past and its impact on the present.
Counselling usually focuses on a specific problem and taking the steps to address or
solve it. Problems are discussed in the present-tense, without too much attention on
the role of past experiences.
 Psychotherapy is a longer-term process of treatment that identifies emotional issues
and the background to problems and difficulties. Counselling is a short-term process
that encourages the change of behaviour

PERSONAL CHARECTERISTICS OF EFFECTIVE COUNSELLOR.

 Effective counsellors have an identity.

 They respect and appreciate themselves.
 They are able to recognize and accept their own power.
 They are open to change.
 They are expanding their awareness of self and others.
 They are willing and able to tolerate ambiguity.
 They are developing their own counselling style.
 They can experience the and know the world of the client, yet their empathy is
nonpossessive.
 They feel alive, and their choices are life-oriented.
 They are authentic, sincere and honest.
 They have sense of humour.
 They make mistakes and are willing to admit them.
 They generally leave in the present.
 They appreciate the influence of culture.
 They are able to reinvent themselves.
 They are making choices that shape their lives.
 They have sincere interest in the welfare of others.
  They become deeply involved in their work and derive meaning from it.
 They are able to maintain healthy boundaries.

Counselling skills development

A growing number of people are undertaking counselling skills training and it is of value to
consider reason for this growth. Perhaps the most significant is that of social change, which is
producing an inevitable increase in recognition of and demand for counselling. The
counselling skills movement owes most to the work of Carl Roger, who describe the quality
of empathy, genuineness, and warmth as essential to the client- centred counselling
relationship and enhance all forms of helping.

A first step in developing an understanding of counselling skills is therefore to help

individuals recognize the ways in which they already help others and to explore the skills
common and unique to each strategy. A further step in this development might then be to
examine the advantages and disadvantages of each strategy for different helping
circumstances. In this way it becomes possible to become a skilled helper, using specific
strategies with awareness and appropriately instead of intuitively.

Relationship- building skills

An essential first step in initiating a therapeutic relationship with a client is to establish

rapport. Rapport building can begin when first meeting the client by using positive non-
verbal messages to assist the client to feel comfortable and know they are being listened to.
As information is processed by visual, auditory, and kinaesthetic actions, how we use our
eyes, as well as what we say and do during an interview will assist in developing rapport with
the client. It is important to utilise attending behaviours to assure the client they are being
listened to. Good visual and kinaesthetic attending skills can be summarised with the
acronym:

SOLER
S → Squarely face the client. Sitting facing the client gives the impression of
attentiveness and involvement.
O → Open posture. An open posture can show that you are available to listen.
It can be gained by sitting with your hands either by your side or resting on
your lap if you are writing things down.
L → Lean towards the client slightly. This indicates that you are involved and paying attention.
E → Eye contact. Maintain appropriate eye contact. It signifies “I’m with you, I want to hear you,
and you are interesting to me”.
R → Relaxed. Try to remain relaxed with the client. Fidgeting (continuously moving about or
looking at the clients’ notes) is distracting for the client and gives the impression that you are not
interested in what they are saying.

These are the essential qualities for developing good relationship with the client.
1. Congruence

Congruence implies that the counsellor is being genuine. That is, they are matching their
external behaviour and expressions with their internal feelings and thoughts. The
counsellor presents them self without pretence, expressing their feelings and attitudes
spontaneously and therapeutically. This does not mean that the counsellor should share all
their feelings and thoughts impulsively, as disclosure should be appropriate to the
therapeutic relationship. A congruent counsellor facilitates honest communication with
the client.

2. Respect and positive regard

Respect and positive regard are defined as the belief in each client innate worth and
potential and the ability to communicate this belief in the helping relationship. This belief
once communicated; provide clients with positive reinforcement relative to their innate
ability to take reasonability for their own growth, change goal determination, decision
making, and eventual problem solution. It is an empowering process that delivers
message to client that they are able to take control of their lives and, with facilitative
assistance from the counsellor, foster change.

3. Empathy
Empathy is shown when the counsellor is able to accurately understand and be sensitive to
the feelings and experiences of the client. That is, to sensitively grasp the subjective world of
the client, by understanding the client’s situation, the choices they have made, and show
consideration for the outcomes that have developed. Empathy creates trust and safety within
the therapeutic relationship and provides a basis for rapport building. It involves listening,
understanding, and communicating that understanding so that the client can comprehend their
situation more fully, thereby facilitating constructive change.
Egan (1994) identified both primary and advanced level of empathetic
understanding. At the primary level, it is the ability to understand, identify and communicate
feelings and meaning that are at the surface level of the client disclosures. At the advanced
level, it is the ability to understand, identify, and communicate feeling and meanings that are
buried, hidden, or beyond the immediate reach of a client. Such feelings and meanings are
more often covert rather than overt client expressions.

4. Unconditional Positive Regard

Unconditional positive regard is a genuine caring for a person that is not bound by
conditions. The counsellor accepts the client without judgement of the client’s feelings,
thoughts or behaviours as being good or bad. The client is accepted for who they are, without
the counsellor stipulating conditions for this acceptance. The client is free to have feelings
and experiences without risking the counsellor’s loss of regard. The client is then able to
explore their issues without the fear of criticism or rejection.
5. Warmth

Warmth is the ability to communicate and demonstrate genuine caring and concern for
client. Using this ability, counsellor conveys their acceptance of clients, their desire for client
well- being, and their sincere interest in finding workable solutions to the problems that
clients present.

6. Cultural awareness

Cultural awareness addresses the counsellor’s openness and motivation to understand more
about one’s own cultural diversity as well as the cultural diversity that client bring to the
helping relationship. Such understanding is the cornerstone on which all the core conditions
rest. This understanding, based up on the both education and life experiences, should enable
culturally aware counsellors to increase their sensitivity to the issues that confront clients. It
should enable them to develop insight into the many variables that affect client and should
enable them to place client issues, problems, and concerns in their proper perspective.

MICRO- SKILLS
Counselling micro- skills can be broadly grouped under the following headings.

I). Observation.

II).Active listening.

III).Responding.

IV).Giving feedback.

V).Use of questions.

VI).Challenging.

VII).Disclosure skills.

VIII).Instructions.

I. Observation

Observation is useful in contributing to the overall assessment of an a individual

presentation. It needed to occur continually, as an ongoing activity during each
counselling session. Observation can provide information about the patient with regard to
 mood, culture, self- esteem, creativity and social influences. Important attributes of the
patient which need to be observed include;

a). General appearance

b). Behaviour

c). Mood and affect

d). Speech and language

a). General appearance

A person general appearance is reflection of the way in which he/she wishes to seen and
gives an indication of how he/she would like to be. It is an outward expression of the internal
attempt to form a personal identity. Counsellor need to be careful about the way in which
they interpret a person’s general appearance. As a counsellor, we all have our own personal
prejudices and stereotypes. Consequently, people’s appearance can seriously influence the
way we feel towards and relate with them. We need to careful that we do not over interpret
and we need to take time to get to know the person so that we understand who he is and what
is happening internally.

b).Behaviour

An individual behaviour can give a counsellor useful information about ways in which to
match and join. For example, consider the case of a client who is really talkative and has poor
boundaries. In this case, it would be inappropriate for a counsellor to respond by being quite
and withdrawn; instead, the counsellor would need to match the conversation style of the
client and in this way to allow joining to occur with ease. Joining requires the counsellor to
match the client behaviour while being congruent and appropriate and by doing so to validate
it and confirm that it is acceptable for the counsellor.

c). Mood and affect

Mood and affect is the another important observation skills. Consider the case of a person
whose parent has died. He may be inwardly experiencing a high level of depression and
sadness, but may outwardly demonstrate hostility and anger. In such a situation, the
counsellor needs to be able to go beneath the presenting affect so that the person is able to
identify, own, and experience the underlying mood. In deal with that fully so that, as a
consequence, the client can move into a deeper level of experiencing with recognition,
acceptance and ownership of the underlying mood of depression and sadness.

A major goal in counselling is to help the client to feel better. This means that in the long
term both affect and mood need to be influenced by the counselling process.

d).Speech and language

When observing the speech and language of the client counsellors need to attend to;
  What is said
 How it is said
 The language used

What is said – The content of what the individual says tells the counsellor what the person is
thinking and gives an indication of her beliefs, ideas and general constructs about his world.
while listening to the client, the counsellor can gain information about the person’s
intellectual function and thought process. This will include information about the individual
ability to remember things accurately, to think logically, to use abstract thinking and to
concentrate. This information is required to enable the counsellor to select suitable strategies.

How it said - The counsellor need to note whether the conversation has some logical
sequence or is totally disjointed with the continual introduction of unrelated ideas. Sometimes
an individual conversation may be disjointed as a consequence of the person being
overwhelmed by current circumstances. In this case, the counsellor may need to help the
individual to structure the conversation so that information is presented more clearly.

The language used- The language used by the client gives an indication of the client’s ability
to be articulate and to be made to express ideas clearly. This information can be helpful in
enabling the counsellor to select counselling strategies to match the client’s intellectual
ability. Counsellors working with young people need to learn the meaning of the jargon
words, so that they can understand and speak the language of the client. Where a counsellor is
unsure of the meaning of the particular word it is best to be honest about this and to ask the
adolescent directly. ‘’ What does that word mean- it’s new to me ?? it might also be useful to
seek clarification of words which can have a variety of meanings in contemporary situation.

II). Active listening

“Active listening intentionally focuses on who you are listening to, whether in a group
Or one-on-one, in order to understand what he or she is saying. As the listener, you
Should then be able to repeat back in your own words what they have said to their
Satisfaction. This does not mean you agree with, but rather understand, what they
Are saying”.

Active listening is designed to help the client to recognize that the counsellor is attending
carefully to what is being said, to help the counsellor join empathically with the client and to
encourage the client to continue talking. By utilising active listening, the counsellor helps the
client feel understood and this encourages the client to disclose information. Active listening
includes the following.

1) Non- verbal responses

2) Encouragers
3) Accenting and amplifying.
4) Reflecting of content and feelings.
5) Matching the client language.
6) Summarizing
7) Noticing what is missing.

1).Non- verbal responses – the counsellor’s non- verbal responses are likely to give a client
an indication that the counsellor is listening, an indicating of the counsellor’s level of interest
in what is being said, and information about the counsellor’s attitude to them. Non- verbal
response include making appropriate eye contact, acknowledging what has been said by
nodding or by using appropriate facial expressions, and matching the individual body
postures and movements.

By accurately observing non-verbal behaviour, a counsellor can gauge the affect her/hiswords
and actions have upon the client. A counsellor can also gauge the effectiveness of their words
by carefully observing the facial expression and eye contact of a client. If a counsellor asks a
question that the client may find embarrassing to answer, the client may lower their eyes, or
their head, or look away. This will tell the counsellor that the client might be uncomfortable
with that statement or question. There are three sources of information about an individual’s
feeling sand thoughts in the visual channel: facial expression, eye accessing cues, posture and
gestures.

1.1) Facial Expressions & Eye Accessing Cues-

Facial expression is considered most prominent source of information about emotions by
many researchers and scientists. Eye signals are one of the most ‘eloquent’ forms of facial
expression. The presence of eye contact normally determines whether a person is interested in
a certain conversation. If the individual stares uneasily to his or her interlocutors, it he or she
may be intimidated; whilst a ‘direct stare’ is commonly associated with aggression and/or a
challenging stance. Brain research has also enabled scientists to directly associate certain
facial movements with thinking processes. Eye accessing cues are an example of those.
Following are six distinguishable cues (applied to a normally organised right-handed person):
 Looking left and up: visual recall (recalling a visual memory)
 Looking left and centrally: auditory recall (recalling a noise or sound)
 Looking left and down: auditory internal dialogue
 Looking right and up: visual construction (imagining an image, not factual)
 Looking right and centrally: auditory construction (imaging a sound, not factual)
 Looking right and down: kinaesthetic (imaging a kinaesthetic sensation, not factual)
1.2). Posture and Gestures - Posture and gestures provide several cues to an individual
Personality. A person’s posture often indicates his or her disposition in a conversation.
When people are uninterested during communication, they often demonstrate that by
crossing their arms or legs or pointing their body away from the interlocutor.

2).Encouragers

The counsellor is listening and to encourage the client to continue talking counsellors can
use a range of minimal responses or encouragers, encouragers can be either verbal or
nonverbal responses that affirm that the counsellor is actually listening to what is being
said. An example of a non-verbal minimal encourager includes:
 • a head nod
• a raised eyebrow
• a smile.
Minimal encouragers also include appropriate silences. Clients often need time to process
what has been said, and will often do this in a brief period of silence. Clients will usually
regain eye contact with you when they have finished thinking. Examples of verbal minimal
encouragers such as ‘mm- hm’, ‘yes’, ‘right’, ‘really’ and ‘ok’. It need to be recognized that
these response not only indicate that the counsellor is listening attentively, but also carry
meaning. They may convey indications of counsellor’s attitude, including approval and
disapproval there are also a number of short response such as ‘tell me more’, ‘I see’, i
understand’, ‘is that so’ and ‘go on’ which can be used non-responding to the client, the
counsellor’s tone of voice and speed and volume of talking need to match the client’s style
and energy. The timing of minimal encouragers is important, as over use can be disruptive
and intrusive. They need to be inserted at regular intervals and spaced appropriately.

3). Accenting and amplifying

Accenting and amplifying involves a combination of verbal and non-verbal messages to feed
back and emphasize what the client has said. The counsellor can do this verbally and also by
using gesture, facial expression and voice intensity so that what the client has said is
intensified and made news worthy. By doing this the counsellor demonstrates positive
support for what the patient is saying and encourages the patient to continue.

Accenting and amplifying are particularly important skills to use when counselling
adolescent and should be used more than when counselling adults. This is because these skills
enable the counsellor to validate what the adolescent is saying and also to join pro-actively
with enthusiasm in the conversation, paralleling typical adolescent communication.

4). Reflecting of content and feelings

Reflection of content and feelings were skills identified by Rogers (1955), as being
important in counselling. Reflection of content involves reflection back the content of what
the client has just said. For example, if a person has been talking about the way in which he/
she has been in conflict with his brother recently, a reflection of content might be ‘your
brother and you have been fighting recently’ or you have told me that ‘your brother and you
have been fighting recently’ or ‘so, your brother and you have been fighting recently. When
counselling, counsellors do not repeat what the client has said, but pick up the most important
content information and, using their own words, feeds this back to the client.

Reflection of feelings involves reflecting the client’s basic feelings. The reflection may be
as a result of things which the client has directly told the counsellor or may be the result of
things which the client has directly told the counsellor or may be the result of non- verbal
behaviour by the client. For example, the counsellor may have noticed tears tears or a change
in tone of voice. Example of reflection of feeling are’’you feel sad’’ or’’ you ‘re sad’’.
Sometimes, reflection of content and feelings are combined, as in the statement; ‘you are sad
because you have lost your best friend’.
4).Matching the client language

There are three ways in which counsellor need to match client use of language: the use of
vocabulary, representational style, and metaphor.

4.1).Use of client vocabulary

Some individual make use of word from culture- specific vocabularies. They also may
attribute meanings to words which are different from commonly accepted meanings. If
counsellors wish to join effectively with these young people and to communicate effectively
with them, they need to understand, and perhaps use, language which is familiar, natural and
comfortable for them. Counsellor may therefore need to learn from their client so that they
are able to understand and communicate with them with them using words which gave
meaning for them.

4.2). Matching representational style-

Counsellors need to match the representational style which each individual client uses
to think and communicate. As described in neuro-linguistic programming, people typically
think by using. one of three different representational modes (Grinder andBandler, 1976).
Some people tend to think visually and conceptualize pictorially, others think verbally and
frame their thoughts in terms of things which they hear, and a third group think mainly in a
sensory, kinaesthetic or feeling modes. ‘Someone who thinks in a visual mode might say ‘I
have difficulty seeing myself apologizing to Fred’, whereas a person who thinks in an
auditory mode might say ‘I really can’t hear myself saying sorry to Fred’ Another person
might use a kinaesthetic or feeling mode, and might say ‘I’d feel uncomfortable apologizing
to Fred. It is helpful if counsellors can join with their clients by using the modes of
expression which they use.
4.3). Use of metaphor-
For example, a person might say ‘A black cloud seems to be over my head wherever
I go.’ In this case the metaphor of a black cloud might be being used to describe feelings of
despair and depression. Where the client uses a metaphor, it is useful if the counsellor
continues to use the client’s metaphor. In the example quoted, the counsellor might explore
the young person’s feelings towards the cloud or might explore what the client believes
would need to happen for them to be able to move from under the cloud into the sun. The
counsellor might also refer back to the cloud at a later stage of the counselling process,
thereby continuing the use of the.
5).Summarizing
As with reflection of content and feelings, summarizing was identified as useful by Rogers
(1955, 1965). Summarizing is very similar to reflection. When summarizing, counselor’s
feedback, in their own words, a brief and concise summary of what the client has said. This
summary does not cover all the details of those things that the client has discussed, but picks
out only the most salient features. Summarizing lets the client know that the counsellor has
heard and understood, and also enables the client to clarify thoughts, identifying what is most
important.
There are a number of reasons why a counsellor might want to summarise such as:

 To provide concise, accurate, and timely overviews of the client’s statements and help
organise their thoughts
 To help the client review what they have said in the interview
 To stimulate a thorough exploration of themes which are important to the client
 To provide organisation for an interview
 To let the client know that they have been heard.

When to summarise
It is useful for the counsellor to summarise:

 When a client’s comments are lengthy or confused

 When a client presents a number of unrelated ideas

 To add direction and coherence to the interview

 When the counsellor doesn’t know what to say next

 To conclude an interview

 When the client has finished describing a particular event or situation and before they
go on to the next issue

 To clarify what the client has just told you

 At the beginning of a session to review what was discussed last session.

6).Noticing what is missing

It is not sufficient just to notice what the client has said; it is also important to notice
what is missing. The counsellor needs to look for gaps and unfilled spaces in the client’s
story, and for evidence of conflicting information and hidden meanings. By sensitively, and
without intrusion, inviting the client to explore these gaps or unfilled spaces, useful
information may emerge. Through this process the client may find alternatives and
opportunities which are being missed. Noticing what is being missed is a concept which
comes from narrative therapy (White and Epston, 1990).
III).GIVING FEEDBACK
Counsellors make use of reflection to feed back information which the client has provided.
This is one form of feedback. There are a number of other ways in which feedback can be
given to clients.

1) Giving compliments
This technique is that, the counselling situation can provide an opportunity to give people
positive feedback to help them to feel OK about themselves. It is appropriate for counsellors
to compliment client on their behaviour during the counselling process where such feedback
is likely to be useful. They can also be complimented for decisions which they have made or
actions they have taken which demonstrate their personal growth.
Compliments need to be used sensibly or they may be seen as patronising. Appropriately
given compliments enable the client to feel OK and to continue developing with confidence.
Compliments given as feedback may also indicate that the counsellor has heard and
understood the client story.

2). Giving affirmations

Affirmations acknowledge and reinforce a personal truth which has been discovered by the
client and shared with the counsellor. For example, an client may have, in conversation,
recognized that he/she is managing to achieve good results in a situation which is difficult for
her. The counsellor might offer the affirmation ‘You are obviously coping extremely well
under difficult circumstances.’ Notice that in this affirmation the counsellor did not say ‘You
believe that you are coping very well in difficult circumstances’, but said ‘You are coping
very well.’ This is the difference between affirmation and reflection.

3). Cheer leading

Cheer leading is a skill which comes from solution-focused therapy (Walter and Peller,
1992). Counsellors engage in cheer leading when they show enthusiastic reactions of
emotional support when clients relate that they have used new behaviors which are positive
and different from behaviors which they have used before. Cheer leading is based on the
assumption that the client has taken control and is responsible for the changes that have
occurred.
Cheer leading uses both questions and statements to encourage the client to continue to
describe the changing process. For example, the counsellor might ask, or say, with
enthusiastic interest:
‘How did you do that?’
‘How did you manage to make that decision?’
‘Well done. That must have been really difficult to do. How did you do it? ‘That sounds
good!’
‘That’s amazing!’
Such counsellor responses help the person to take responsibility for, and feel proud of, him
success in achieving some change. Additionally, the client is encouraged to continue
exploring the change and the process of change. This reinforces the idea that he / she can take
responsibility for, and control, their behaviour. Such positive reinforcement is likely to assist
the person to continue to take responsibility and control in their life.

4). Normalizing
All people are in a changing world. As a consequence, they frequently become troubled by
their emotions, responses and behaviors. Often these troubling emotions, responses and
behaviors will be normal for the situation. Even so, at times, people may believe that they are
starting to ‘go crazy’, because they are experiencing high levels of emotional feelings which
they have not previously experienced. In situations such as these it can be helpful for
counsellors to tell the individual that what they are experiencing is normal for the situation, if
that is genuinely the case.
Sometimes individual may react in ways which are disappointing for them, and they may
have expectations of themselves which are unrealistic. Once again, it can be useful to
normalize such responses and behaviors. Clearly, normalizing needs to be done in cases
where unacceptable responses and behaviors are not minimized

5).Reframing
Individuals interpret the world around them from their personal experiences and life
circumstances. Events can be interpreted in many ways such as positive or negative,
enlightening or unhelpful, challenging or frustrating, depending on the particular viewpoint
or outlook of the individual. It is not uncommon for a client to come to counselling with low
self esteem, which may influence the way in which they perceive a particular situation.
Reframing helps the client to look at a situation or experience in a different light or with a
new perspective. By reframing, the counsellor offers a new meaning or interpretation by
recasting the client’s message in a light that is more likely to be helpful or supportive of
change. Reframing often utilises a positive perspective, and may enable the client to perceive
their situation differently and more constructively
Reframing examples:
Client: My wife is always nagging me about my drinking. That’s all she ever talks to me
about these days.
Counsellor: It sounds like your wife really cares about you, and she is concerned about your
health. I guess she expresses it in a way which angers or frustrates you. Perhaps you can
encourage her to tell you that she is worried about you in a different way.
Client: I use the pills because I can’t seem to relax around my son. The minute I turn my
back he’s up to something.
Counsellor: I get the impression that you are really important to your son and that he wants
lots of attention from you.
Client: If I don’t use speed at work, I can’t get the job done.
Counsellor: I’m impressed with your work ethic. Not all people would be as concerned as
you are to complete work tasks.
IV). USE OF QUESTION

Questions during the counselling session can help to open up new areas for
discussion. They can assist to pinpoint an issue and they can assist to clarify information that
at first may seem ambiguous to the counsellor. Questions that invite clients to think or recall
information can aid in a client’s journey of self-exploration. Counsellors should be
knowledgeable about the different types of questioning techniques, including the appropriate
use of them and likely results. It is also important to be aware and cautious of over-
questioning. Asking too many questions sends a message to the client that the counsellor is in
control and may even set up a situation in which the client feels the counsellor has all the
answers. In determining effective questioning techniques it is important to consider the nature
of the client, their ongoing relationship with the counsellor and the issue/s at hand. There are
main types of questions are
1).Closed questions and open questions
Questions can be divided into two types: closed questions and open questions. Closed
questions demand a specific response which may be very limited. An example of a closed
question is ‘Do you use drugs?’ This question is likely to lead to the answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and
little else.
An open question is one which elicits a wide range of descriptive answers. For example,
instead of asking the closed question ‘Do you take drugs?’, the counsellor might ask the
question ‘What do you think about taking drugs?’ This requires the person being questioned
to think about possible answers and to describe an attitude or belief. It is more likely to result
in an open discussion than a single-word answer.
Both types of question are useful, although generally the open question is more helpful in
counselling because it encourages a conversational response and makes self-disclosure more
likely. At times, closed questions can be useful, particularly when specific information is
required. For example, when enquiring about a patient intent to suicide, answers to closed
questions may enable the counsellor to make decisions about the ongoing safety and
protection of the young person.
2).General information-seeking questions
We commonly use the general information-seeking question in everyday conversation. We
ask these questions in order to get information, these questions are prefaced with words that
indicate the counsellor’s genuine curiosity and interest, the client is likely to feel important as
a source of information. For example, the counsellor might say ‘I’m curious about your
interest in collecting comics. What kind do you enjoy the most?’

3).Questions to heighten the client’s awareness

These questions are commonly used in Gestalt therapy (Clarkson, 1989). The aim of these
questions is to help person to become more fully aware of what is happening within them,
either somatically or emotionally, so that they can intensify those bodily or emotional
feelings, deal with them, and move on to discussing associated thoughts. Typical questions in
this category are:
‘What are you feeling emotionally right now?’
‘Where in your body do you experience that emotional feeling?’ ‘Can you tell me what’s
happening inside you right now?’‘What’s happening inside you right now?’

This may enable the person to verbalize thoughts related to the internal experience. By doing
this, these thoughts can be processed, the counsellor is aware of them, and can achieve
empathic joining and help the client move ahead. Similarly, if a person seems to be stuck and
unable to speak, the counsellor might ask ‘Can you tell me what is happening inside you right
now? What are you experiencing internally?’

4).Circular questions
Circular questions come from the Milan model of family therapy (Palazzoli et al., 1980). A
circular question is a non-threatening way of getting information from the person. Instead of
asking the individual directly about how he feels or what he thinks, or what his attitude is, the
counsellor asks the individual how someone else feels or thinks or asks what his or her
attitude might be. For example, a counsellor might ask ‘If your father were here, what do you
think he would say about you needing to come for counselling?’ By asking circular questions
such as these, the counsellor effectively invites the individual to talk about someone else.
This is less threatening than asking the individual to talk about himself. Often, having
answered a circular question, the client will continue by talking about his own feelings,
beliefs or thoughts because he wants to make it clear whether he agrees or disagrees with the
person who Was mentioned in the circular question.

5).Choice questions

Choice questions have their origin in reality therapy (Glasser and Wubbolding, 1995). These
questions imply that the person has choice about the way she thinks and behaves. Examples
of choice questions are:
‘What would have been a better choice for you to have made at that time?’‘What would you
like to do now? Would you like to continue talking about this issue or would you like to leave
it there for now?’ ‘If the same situation arises during the coming weeks what do you think
you will do? (Will you do this, or will you do that?)’
Such questions about the past, present or future enable the individual to look at the likely
consequences of different behaviours. By exploring choices and consequences, the person is
better prepared for future situations.

6).The guru question

Guru questions have their origin in Gestalt therapy (Clarkson, 1989). When using this type of
question, the counsellor first invites the client to stand aside and look at himself from a
distance, and to give himself some advice. For example, the counsellor might say ‘Imagine
for a minute that you were a guru and that you could give advice to someone just like you.
What advice would you give them?’
7).Career questions
Career questions are questions which exaggerate and extrapolate beyond the person’s present
behaviour. They help the person to recognize that she has choice about the direction in which
she is heading and that this choice might lead to extremes of lifestyle. An example of a career
question is: ‘What would it be like for you to make a career out of being an extremely high
achiever who set an example for everybody else by giving up everything except study?’ This
question raises the person awareness of a path or journey along which she can progress, if she
wishes. It enhances her ability to make choices to bring about change, at the current point in
time, which might have long-term consequences for her.
Career questions have a level of paradoxical intent, in that, it is hoped, ensuing discussion
will result in satisfying behaviours which are not extreme. We need to be careful to use these
questions with discretion or they may become self-fulfilling prophecies. Consider the
question: ‘Would you like to continue your shop-lifting behaviour, take more risks, and move
on to becoming a career criminal?’ This question would be useful for some adolescents, but
for others might encourage them to follow the ‘suggested’ career.

8).Externalizing questions
These questions have their origins in narrative therapy (White and Epston, 1990). What
externalizing questions do is to separate the problem, or central issue, from the person. By
doing this, the client is able to feel that she can control her problem, or central issue, if she
wishes, because it is something external to her which can be controlled, rather than something
inherent ‘n her which cannot be controlled.
A good example of the use of an externalizing question relates to anger control where a
counsellor might externalize the anger from the person by saying: ‘My impression is that
your anger has control of you rather than you having control of it. How does your anger
manage to trick you into letting it control you?’ Externalizing questions often lead to
discussion about issues of control. Control issues are important for person who are struggling
with the desire to have more control of their lives but may be reluctant to accept
responsibility for controlling their own behavior. Externalizing questions are often followed
up with exception- oriented questions in order to assist with the promotion of change.

9).Exception-oriented questions
A number of useful types of question have their origin in brief solution focused therapy.
Exception-oriented questions aim to promote change by drawing attention to times or
situations where an undesirable behavior does not occur. Examples of exception-oriented
questions are:
‘When do you ever not get angry?’ -
‘When do you not get into arguments with your father?’
‘In what situations do you have control of your impatience?’
Exception-oriented questions aim to help the individual to discover that there are times and/or
situations where they behave differently, and to recognize what it is that enables them to
behave differently. Gaining understanding in this way enables the person to recognize that he
can take more control of his behaviour and/or his environment. By recognizing this, he may
be able to make choices to bring about positive change.
10).Questions which exaggerates consequences Examples of this kind of question are:
‘How come things aren’t worse, ’‘How did you avoid falling apart?’
These questions can be used to help a person recognize that he/ she has coped extremely well
under adverse situations. They are aimed at encouraging the client to view thier behaviour in
a positive light and discover unrecognized strengths. Such questions can be extremely useful
for person who is unsure about how well they are coping with life.

11).Miracle questions

Miracle questions are used to help the client begin to find hypothetical solutions to the
problems they are experiencing. Typical miracle questions are:
‘If a miracle happened and the problem was solved what would you be doing differently?’
‘If things u-hanged miraculously, what would life be like?’
This sort of question appeals to the person because it lets them use their imagination to
explore what would be different if their situation changed for the better. As a result of
thinking about ways in which things might change, they are likely to explore new ideas which
might be useful in helping them to make changes.

12).Goal-oriented questions

Goal-oriented questions are direct questions and are similar in some ways to exception-
oriented questions because they invite exploration of ways in which things could be different.
This type questions help individual to identify broad changes which they might like to make.
In exploring how things could be different, goal-oriented questions invite the client to look
ahead to the future. Examples of goal-oriented questions are:
‘What do you think your life would be like if you didn’t get angry?’
‘How would you know that you had resolved this problem?
‘When you think about . . . can you identify any particular goals?’
Other goal-oriented questions identify perceived restraints, which in the young person’s mind
interfere with his ability to achieve particular goals. They help the client to identify ways to
overcome these restraints. Examples are:
‘What stops you from achieving your goal?’
‘What would you need to do to achieve your goal?’

13).Scaling questions
Scaling questions have their origin in brief solution focused therapy. Scaling questions often
lead into goal-oriented questions as they are related to goals. They help the individual to be
specific when identifying and discussing goals. Example of scaling questions are:
‘On a scale of 1—10, 1 being hopelessly incompetent and 10 being really
competent, where do you think you fit right now?’
‘On the scale of 1—10, where would you like to be in the future?’
‘If 1 corresponded to being an honest and upright citizen, and 10corresponded to being a
hardened criminal, where would you like tobe?’
Scaling questions lead into goal-oriented questions. For example, the
Counsellor might ask: ‘What will you need to do to reach this point on theScale?’

14). Questions which presuppose change

An example of a question which presupposes change is: ‘What has been different or better
since you last saw me?’ This question presupposes that some change has occurred and may
help adolescents to identify things which have improved, so that they can feel good. Quite
often, positive change goes unnoticed. For example, although there may have been fewer
arguments during the week, the adolescent might not have recognized this. By using a
question which presupposes change, the counsellor can bring the change which has occurred
into focus and make small changes newsworthy, so that there is a recognition that
improvement has begun. Once improvement has been identified, there is an incentive to make
further improvement so that significant change can occur.

V). CHALLENGING

There are a number of situations where counsellors need to challenge clients.

Challenging needs to be done in a way which does not offend them but invites them to
question what they have said, what they believe or what they are doing. Counsellors need to
be direct, but in a way which is not threatening to the individual ego. Situations in which
challenging might need to occur are as follows:
 Where the client has been talking about things in a way that is confusing because
what she is saying is inconsistent or contradictory.
 Where the client is engaging in behaviour which is inevitably self- destructive, but he
is not recognizing this.
 When the client is avoiding a basic issue which appears to be troubling her.
 Where a client is excessively and inappropriately locked into talking about the past or
the future and is unable to focus on the present.
 When a client is going around in circles by repeating the same story over and over
again.
 When the person’s non-verbal behaviour does not match his verbal behaviour.
 Where undesirable processes are occurring in the relationship between the client and
counsellor; for example, where dependency or transference is occurring or where a
client withdraws or shows hostility, anger or some other emotion towards the
counsellor.
 Where the client is failing to recognize possible serious consequences of her
behaviour.
 When the client is out of touch with reality with regard to a specific situation, but is
not exhibiting a mental health problem.

Examples of challenging responses are:

‘You have just told me that . . . but I’m puzzled because I’ve noticed that several times you
have briefly talked about your relationship with your sister and then have started to talk about
something quite different.’
‘You have talked about your relationship with your mother. However I’m confused; you’ve
told me that you care very much about your mother, but you have also said that you are
planning deliberately to try to hurt her.’
In situations such as these counsellors may challenge their clients by sharing what they feel
or are observing. A good way to challenge is to:
1. Reflect or give a brief summary of what the client has said so that the client feels
heard and understood.
2. Possibly include a statement of the counsellor’s own feelings at the time.
3. Make a concrete statement of what the counsellor has noticed ‘or observed. This
needs to be given without interpretation.

VI). DISCLOSURE SKILLS

Appropriate counsellor self-disclosure enables client to feel understood and will

encourage them to continue to self-disclose. Sharing personal information allows client to
relate to the counsellor, seeing him as a real person who has feelings and experiences which
may have some similarity with their own.
Counsellor self-disclosure needs to be limited so that it does not lead to undesirable closeness
with the client and over involvement by the counsellor. Generally, counsellor self-disclosure
should not involve talking about the counsellor’s own past or present problems, unless these
are minor but useful for joining or are directly related to demonstrating a depth of
understanding of the adolescent’s situation. For example, if an client is discussing her
response to a recent parental separation, and the pain involved in that experience, and if the
counsellor has suffered a similar experience, then disclosure might be appropriate. Such
disclosure should only occur if the counsellor’s own issues relating to the relevant events
have been fully resolved by the counsellor, in counselling for themselves, or in supervision.
Otherwise, the counselling session might be inappropriately used to enable the counsellor to
work through his own problems. The focus must always be on the client’s problems. Self
disclosure by a counsellor may help an adolescent to gain a sense c confidence, believing that
it should be possible for her to come to terms with, work through and continue on her
developmental journey to success just as the counsellor has done.
Generally, when self-disclosing, counsellors should not describe it complete process of their
experience around any significant event. It is helpful to provide only a ‘summary which is
sufficient to enable the client to recognize some similarities. Additionally, counsellors need to
own, and let their young clients know, that there will inevitably be differences between the
client’s experiences and responses and their own. If the differences are not acknowledged,
then the adolescent may believe that the counsellor is pretending to understand fully, whereas
full understanding is impossible because two people’s experiences will never be identical.
This needs to be acknowledged. In addition, adolescents may be tempted to match their own
responses inappropriately-to those of the counsellor in an attempt to normalize their
experience.
The benefits or advantages of self-disclosure include: helping the client to not feel alone,
decreasing client anxiety, improving the client's awareness to different viewpoints, and
increasing counsellor genuineness.
Some disadvantages of applying self-disclosure include: moving focus from the client, taking
too much counselling time (and thus reducing client disclosure), creating role confusion (who
is helping who?), possibly trivialising the client's issue by implying everyone goes through it,
and interfering with transference.
Guidelines for use of self-disclosure - According to Gladding (2006) there are some
guidelines which can help counsellors to effectively implement self-disclosure strategies.
Such guidelines are basically communication skills which can be used to avoid common
pitfalls of this process, such as losing rapport or focus in the situation.
Primarily, the counsellor should be direct, brief, focused and relevant. This will ensure the
self-disclosure process does not lead to time wastage and loss of focus in the client's
situation. Self-disclosure should also not be used frequently (more self-disclosure is not
necessarily better) and should not add to the client's problems and negative outcomes in a
situation.
In essence, the purpose of self-disclosure should be clear to both counsellor and client and
the process should only be used after considering other options, envisaging that there is a
risk of miscommunication and an effect on the balance of power.

The use of humour

Humour can be used to lighten the conversation when working with patient. It is important
for counsellors to be able to get in touch with their own internal client .Humour can be used
directly to influence change as well as to create an easier climate.
In using humour to promote change, we can make use of paradoxical interventions.
Paradoxical interventions have their origins in strategic family therapy (Madanes, 1981,
1984). Frankl (1973) described paradoxical intervention as a technique to enable the client to
develop a sense of detachment from his neurosis by laughing at it. By suggesting what is
ridiculous, an client may be encouraged to think creatively about new or alternative solutions
to problems.
Humour in counselling should never be hostile or derogatory. Adolescents themselves use
humour by teasing, mimicking or acting-out. These are clearly not suitable counsellor
behaviours. The successful use of humour in counselling depends on sensible choice of
content, and timing, with the counsellor being sensitive to the vulnerability of the young
client. What may be amusing to one individual may not be humorous to another.