2020-06-01 Mindful UserUpload Net PDF

MINDFULNESS • Discover Your Inner Peace
JUNE 2020
SHARON mindful.org
SALZBERG
deepen your
love and
compassion
LOVING
KINDNESS
why being kind
matters most of all
Inn timees of unncerttaintyy, Miind thhe Mooment is here,
withh new w offeringgs deesigned esspeeciaally for the public.
Every Tuesday from 8:30 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. ET, and every
Friday from 8:30 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. ET, we’ll be getting our
minds limbered up for the day with short bursts of mindfulness
instruction, followed by mini meditations, all featuring our
team of expert instructors.
We’re calling it our coffee-house in the cloud—

a way to build community, feel connected, and get centered.
For information on how to access this series, visit us at:

harvardpilgrim.org/mindfulness.
And if that timing doesn’t fit your schedule, check out

the back episodes available on our YouTube page.
Looking for even more on demand offerings? Go to our

Soundcloud page for an archive of our guided meditations.
Like what we’re doing? Give us a shout on Facebook. Or drop

us a line at mindthemoment@harvardpilgrim.org.
We’d love to hear about how you’re doing, and keeping up
the feeling of connection with yourself, and others.
mindthemoment@harvardpilgrim.org • www.harvardpilgrim.org/mindfulness
facebook.com/mindthemoment @mind_the_moment soundcloud.com/mindthemoment youtube.com/mindthemoment
The Mind the Moment program was developed and is offered by Harvard Pilgrim Health Care, Inc.
CONTENTS THE LOVING-KINDNESS ISSUE
COVER ILLUSTRATION BY MIKROMAN6 / GETTY IMAGES. PHOTOGRAPH BY ANDREAS WONISCH / STOCKSY
Loving-Kindness
Connects Us All
Life-changing wisdom from meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg
to nourish our essential goodness and compassion.
p.36
June 2020 mindful 3
36
Heart to Heart
Loving-kindness is so much more than
On the Cover
“just” a feel-good practice. It is the
force that can connect, inspire, and 36 LOVING-KINDNESS
motivate us to transform the world. Why being kind matters most
of all, with Sharon Salzberg
62 MINDFULNESS
Discover your inner peace
STORIES
20 Mindful Living
The Gift of
Reading Out Loud
24 Mindful Health
Caring for Your
Amazing Brain
30 Inner Wisdom
How Can I Mend
52
My Broken Heart
PHOTOGRAPHS BY WAYHOME STUDIO / SHUTTERSTOCK, SONG HEMING / STOCKSY. ILLUSTRATION BY EDMON DE HARO
32 Brain Science
The Science
of Self-Insight
What It Means to
Have Clear Vision
How connecting with your purpose
helps you thrive. EVERY ISSUE
6 From the Editor
8 The Mindful Survey
12 Top of Mind
18 Mindful–Mindless
66 Bookmark This
62
72 Point of View
with Barry Boyce
VOLUME EIGHT, NUMBER 2, Mindful (ISSN 2169-5733, USPS 010-500) is

published bimonthly for $29.95 per year USA, $39.95 Canada & $49.95 (US)
international, by The Foundation for a Mindful Society, 228 Park Ave S #91043,
Easy Speed New York, NY 10003-1502 USA. Periodicals postage paid at New York, NY,
and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to
What swimming taught me about Mindful, PO Box 469018, Escondido, CA 92046. Canada Post Publication Mail
Agreement #42704514. CANADIAN POSTMASTER: Send undeliverable copies
self-compassion and letting go. to Mindful, 5765 May St, Halifax, NS B3K 1R6 CANADA. Printed in U.S.A.
© 2020 Foundation for a Mindful Society. All rights reserved.
4 mindful June 2020

from the editor
With Love for All

While we were finalizing this issue—with Mindful staffers
working from home, COVID-19 updates on the news—
what kept running through my mind was the depth of our
interconnectedness.
That’s such a far cry from the rugged individualism
many of us grew up with. In high school, I remember
reading Emerson’s essay “On Self-Reliance” with delight.
Its quintessentially American view on how to live—avoid
conformity, trust your own truth—combined with Bruce
Springsteen’s “Born to Run,” and I was raring to seek
adventures wherever my heart led.
Go west, young man!
And I did.
But now, that bold individualism doesn’t feel so allur-
ing. What’s calling now—individually, collectively—is
banding together to support one another, to bring kind-
ness where there is pain, generosity where there is need,
vulnerability where there is hardness, all softened,
smoothed, and strengthened by love, the loving-kindness
of interconnection.
Indeed, loving-kindness seems so much wiser, like the
grown-up elder who welcomes the young hero from his
or her adventures back into the fold and the mature love
of community. And loving-kindness seems vital to pull us
through this global pandemic. From the heroism of health-
INTRODUCING
care workers, and many others on the front lines; to the
ingenuity of artists, teachers, and innovators finding ways
online to lift spirits and ease fears; to communities, neigh-
bors, and families all pitching in and pulling together.
We are all in this together and together we will find
our way out.
With that in mind, we’ve dedicated space in the issue to
understanding and cultivating loving-kindness with the
luminescently inspiring Sharon Salzberg as our guide. Sha-
ron shares her journey to loving-kindness, defining its rele-
vance, and a beautiful vision: “I believe in the possibility of
a world where our interconnection is a deeply known and
motivating force, where no one is left out…where change
might be hard, but is always seen as possible, however
stuck we might feel in any given moment.”
As COVID-19 encircles the globe, drawing us closer
To help navigate these difficult days, check out
PHOTOGRAPH BY STEPHANIE DIANI
together even as we need to be apart, I hope you too

mindful.org/covid to access a collection of free create—and feel—waves of loving-kindness, supporting,
resources curated to help you tap into community, healing, and carrying you forward.
connection, and love.
With love,
Anne Alexander is a longtime meditator, yogi, and editor.
She is the author of two New York Times best sellers.
6 mindful June 2020

the mindful survey
MOMENTS
of Meaning
5%
33%
From brewing a morning drink to reading a
bedtime story, our personal rituals are like Do you most often do
rituals with others, or
friends, giving us purpose, stability, and by yourself?
flow through the day—even in tumultuous
times. How do rituals show up in your life?
• With others: 5%
62%
• By myself: 62%
• It depends: 33%
How are your everyday rituals
helpful to you right now?
What are some rituals you

“Starting with engage in regularly?
something familiar
helps me cope “FaceTiming with
with the many • “Smelling coffee with any type of
uncertainties of people who are brewing. Walking exercise.”
these times.” the dog. Sitting • “Sewing gifts
@BOARD_2_BOX important to me in meditation.” for friends and
• “Deep breath- family.”
“We play hide-and- fills me up with ing, counting my • “Starting the
seek as a family blessings, and day with a warm
each night. It gives hope each day.” chatting with my water and gin-
us a time to laugh kids.” ger drink.”
and connect.” @MINDFULSKATERGIRL • “Sharing daily • “Stretching in
@VTCONDON appreciations the early morn-
with my hus- ing, then writing
“They’re important band every night my to-do list.”
to measure time.” before we go to • “Family dinner
@JARVEVA “They provide a “They’re definitely sleep.” most nights, my
sense of calm in useful for recon- • “Daily medita- healing group,
“They help me stay the storm.” necting with tion and sweat and exercise.”
on track with self- @MASLOW40 ourselves.”
care, so I can bet- @MINNIE_BLUELOVER
ter support myself “My rituals—I have
and others.” a coffee, go for a “They help me stay
@JOANNAZAKANY run, read my kids on track, continue Does your favorite ritual
stories—give me to improve myself, energize you, or help you
a sense of flow in and get my goals find calm?
the day.” completed.”
@SAWHITE1987 @HEYEIAN
• Energize: 20%
“They help me to • Calm: 80%
be still in tune with
everyday life.”
@MAYASQUILLA
8 mindful June 2020

A NONPROFIT SUPPORTING YOUR
MEDITATION PRACTICE SINCE 1975
MADE IN VERMONT
M E D I TAT I O N C U S H I O N S
IN YOUR WORDS M E D I TAT I O N B E N C H E S

JAPANESE INCENSE
LO J O N G S LO G A N C A R D S
M E D I TAT I O N G O N G S
What ritual connects you
to your inner power?
“Deep breathing and listening to a guided

meditation. And, of course, reading Mindful!”
ANTHONY
KINGSTON, ON
“While getting dressed, I read

three affirmation books. I’ve been
rereading one of the books for over
20 years! Each daily reading gives
me something different each time.”
PATRICIA
BRONX, NY
“I go for a walk on the forest trails and stop

every so often to do part of a sun salutation.
Inhaling and feeling grateful, exhaling feeling
Take your seat.
grounded and connected.”
ELAINE
DENBIGH, ON
“I try to listen and empathize with people I

interact with on a daily basis. It helps me in
realizing there is so much joy, laughter, pain,
and other emotions people are dealing with
from day to day, yet keeping their smile on.”
SHAIFALI
STAMFORD, CT
Next Question…
What always awakens your
feelings of gratitude?
30 CHURCH STREET,
BARNET, VERMONT 05821
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and let us know your answer to this question.
Your response could appear on these pages.
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June 2020 mindful 9

Healthy Mind, Healthy Life
mindful magazine • mindful.org

Welcome to
Founding Editor Chief Executive Officer
Barry Boyce Bryan Welch
Content Director Creative Director
Did you know Mindful is a Anne Alexander Jessica von Handorf
Executive Editor Managing Editor

nonprofit? We are dedicated to Heather Hurlock Stephanie Domet
inspiring and guiding anyone who Associate Editors

Kylee Ross
Associate Art Director
Spencer Creelman
wants to explore mindfulness Amber Tucker
Editors-at-Large
to enjoy better health, more Contributing Editors

Teo Furtado
Hugh Delehanty
Kaitlin Quistgaard
Katherine Griffin
caring relationships, and a more
compassionate society. Director of Operations Consumer Marketing Partner
Amanda Hester Bark Media
By reading Mindful and sharing it with others, you’re
Director of Finance Marketing Coordinator
helping to bring mindfulness practices into the world Terry Rudderham Janice Fuller
where the benefits can be enjoyed by all.
Accountant CPA, CMA Administrative Assistants
Paul Woolaver Sarah Creelman
Thank you! Graphic Designer
Jen Schwartz
Christel LeBlanc
ADVERTISING INQUIRIES
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FREE! Guided meditations & podcasts

THE FOUNDATION FOR A MINDFUL SOCIETY
Mindful is published by the Foundation for a Mindful Society.

The Foundation’s mission is to support mindfulness champions
Mindfulness video courses to increase health, well-being, kindness, and compassion in society.
Chief Executive Officer 228 Park Avenue S #91043

Bryan Welch New York, NY
10003-1502 USA
Visit online at mindful.org Executive Director
James Gimian
Mindfulness in Education
Program Manager
Chris McKenna
Please make a donation to the

Get More Mindful donate foundation today by visiting
mindful.org/donate
10 mindful June 2020

slated to premiere
in North Ameri-
can cinemas, but
screening plans
were scuttled
by the COVID-
19 pandemic.
Undaunted,
Beemer and
team have made
The Mindfulness
Movement avail-
able worldwide
to rent or buy at
themindfulness-
movement.com.
A FRESH TAKE
ON MEDITATION
If you thought
combining
freestyle verse,
rhythmic beats,
and mindful-
TOP OF ness was impos-

sible, prepare to
mind and looks at

the benefits of
meditation. The
documentary film
Mumford, and
more. Each of their
stories sheds light
on why the prac-
because you’re in
pain or because
you want relief
from maybe stress
believe otherwise.
Toni Blackman,
Hip-Hop Cultural
Ambassador to
the US Depart-
ment of State
Keep up with the latest in the
world of mindfulness. features the Mind- tice is spreading or whatever. And and mindfulness
ful staff at work, so quickly and how then as soon as teacher, leads
interviews with the shift toward you start to see Freestyle Union
MEDITATION AT very own home executive produc- mindfulness is the benefits, it’s so Cypher Work-
THE MOVIES theater. Writ- ers Jewel and shaping a happier, easy to share and shops—freestyle
ten and directed Deepak Chopra, healthier society. the desire is there rapping in a group
Mindfulness by Rob Beemer, as well as Sharon “Mindfulness is to share. And it’s setting—that serve
and meditation The Mindful- Salzberg, Dan Har- one of those things just utterly trans- as a therapeutic
can be found ness Movement ris, Congressman that you just want portable. It’s free. way to let people
from schools to explores why a Tim Ryan, Richard to share,” Beemer Everybody can work through
boardrooms to growing number of Davidson, Daniel told Mindful. do it. It’s secular. their emotions
prisons—and now people are practic- Goleman, Diana “Oftentimes you The fact is that it and exchange
streaming in your ing mindfulness, Winston, George enter it perhaps all just makes a ideas. People
better society. I are encour-
PHOTOGRAPH BY DANIEL SCHLUDI
think that it brings aged to express

out the good in so themselves to
many people.” The the rhythm of a
doc also includes beat. Blackman
two opportuni- led a workshop
ties for audiences for Black His-
to practice while tory Month, and
watching. It was has applied the
top of mind
concept to MBA
programs, busi-
ness and non-
ACTS OF
profit teams, and
school faculties.
Blackman’s own
work includes a
hip-hop medi-
tation mixtape
Believe: Medita-
tion Mixtape, fea-
kindness
turing rap tracks
and guided medi-
tations that pro-
mote self-respect “How can I help?”
and assurance. and “How long
Blackman’s forth- does it take to
coming mixtape make a vaccine?”
is titled Clear Your were among the
Mind: A Medita- queries. Prime
tion Mixtape. SUNSHINE Minister Solberg’s
THERAPY main message res-
haven’t developed to improve focus, onates with young
THE ART OF the attention strengthen peer A photo shared by and old alike: “It is
MINDFULNESS skills required relationships, and China Daily—and OK to be scared
of a traditional identify feelings. internationally on when so many
Does your mind- practice. A new social media— things happen at
fulness practice holistic art-based MEDITATION shows a simple the same time.”
include drawing program at Lau- IS HARD! act of kindness in
yourself as a tree rentian University Wuhan, where Dr.
or painting how aims to overcome Ah, Barbie! The Liu Kai wheeled
music makes you that by using visual plastic icon who an 87-year-old
feel? It can be a lot arts to teach kids used to represent man with COVID-
of fun, especially who are dealing little beyond a 19 outside to see
for kids. Teach- with social exclu- passion for fashion the sunset. “The
ing mindfulness sion and circum- is now on a self- elderly man had CELLO,
to children can be stances related to care kick. Mattel been stuck in the NEIGHBOR!
challenging if they poverty strategies released a line of isolation ward for
Wellness Dolls with nearly a month. I Cello-playing
themes of relax- thought the rays siblings Taran,
ation, spa time, fit- of the sun might six, and Calliope,
ness—and medita- cheer him up,” said nine, in Ohio, gave
tion. Breathe With Dr. Liu. neighbor Helen
PHOTOGRAPH BY MATTEL, TINA FLOERSCH / UNSPLASH
Me Barbie comes Schlam a private

in light or dark porch concert,
skin tones, and KID STUFF while 78-year-
she offers calming old Schlam was
phrases such as Norwegian Prime self-isolated due
“Repeat after me: Minister Erna Sol- to COVID-19. The
I am strong. I am berg held a special siblings dressed
loved.” (Stay tuned press conference up for the occa-
for a Mattel–Head- recently, taking sion, and Schlam
space collab on a questions from told CBS the music
meditation playlist kids, and kids only, made her feel “sort
for Barbie’s fans.) about COVID-19. of like a little kid.”
June 2020 mindful 13

top of mind
Research News
by B. GRACE BULLOCK
Research gathered from University of Miami; California

State University; Kennesaw State University; and University
of Copenhagen.
Before the study, and four weeks

professional later, the military
military train- trainer group
ers completed a showed the
12-week MBAT smallest decline
training practi- in attention and
cum and eight memory. They
weeks of training also spent more
PROTECTING to teach MBAT time meditating
SOLDIERS’ to soldiers. on their own,
BRAINS Mindfulness suggesting that
Active-duty sol- trainers who training tailored
diers face mental had not worked to their needs
and emotional with soldiers also may be most
challenges that completed the effective in pre-
diminish atten- practicum. Next, venting stress-
tion and memory. 180 healthy, related cognitive
New research active-duty, male decline.
by Mindfulness- army volunteers
Based Atten- received MBAT
tion Training instruction
(MBAT) codevel- from either a
opers Dr. Amishi military trainer
Jha and Scott or a mindful-
Rogers finds ness trainer, via
that mindfulness weekly two-hour
instruction may instruction and IMPROV-
lessen cogni- daily audio- ING STRESS
tive decline due guided sessions RESILIENCE
to mental and over four weeks, More on the ben-
emotional stress. on themes of con- efits of MBAT: a
MBAT combines centration, body four-week Mind-
mindfulness awareness, open fulness-Based
principles and monitoring, and Attention Train-
practices with connection. Sol- ing program may
skills relevant to diers in a control bolster firefight-
soldiers, aim- group received ers’ attention,
ing to reduce no mindfulness mood, and stress
stress and build training. Both resilience. In a
resilience. at study’s end new study, 121

firefighters were in the MBAT to 90 days.
assigned to an group reported Outdoor spaces
MBAT group, a greater increases ranged from
relaxation train- in psychologi- small gardens to
ing group, or a cal resilience large wilderness
no-treatment than the others. areas.
control group. As Also, the more Results
in the study with time firefighters showed that
soldiers, MBAT spent practicing practicing mind-
participants mindfulness at fulness in natural
received formal home, the more settings generally
mindfulness likely they were yielded positive
instruction on to increase their effects. Programs
concentration, attention and that occurred
body awareness, positive mood. in the wild, and
open monitoring, Results suggest those that used
and connection, that mindfulness informal mind-
along with eight may help first fulness practices
audio-guided responders cope (like open aware-
practices, and with high-intensity ness), tended
were asked to job demands. to be linked to
better outcomes
than those
Being in nature may lessen requiring formal
meditation, as
our mind’s tendency to were those that
wander, allowing us to bet- focused on pro-
ter remain in the present. ducing a mind-
ful state, rather
than building a
mindful disposi-
tion. Authors
complete at least believe “the
one per day. TAKING MIND- experience of the
The relaxation FULNESS natural environ-
program used OUTDOORS ment, which is
guided imag- A new research so fascinating
ery, breathing review finds that it calls for
exercises, and that combining soft attention,
progressive time outdoors thereby allowing
muscle relax- with mindful- disengagement”
ation, plus audio ness may be may explain
practices. Before more beneficial the benefits
and after train- than one or the of practicing
ing, all partici- other. Research- outdoors. They
pants completed ers examined 25 also suggest that
an attention test existing studies being in nature
and answered of nature-based may lessen our
questions about mindfulness mind’s tendency to
their mood and programs. Inter- wander, allowing
psychological ventions ranged us to better remain
resilience. Those from 15 minutes in the present.

top of mind
Mindfully
EVER AFTER
A growing number of books for kids
explore mindfulness themes like focus-
ing on the breath, self-acceptance, and
self-compassion. Here are three new
books worthy of your library.
The Real Me
This picture book, written by a six-
year-old from Blakely, Georgia, is
about accepting yourself, flaws and all.
Br’yonna Sealy wrote it because she
wanted “all the little girls in the world,”
as the book’s dedication has it, to know
that they’re beautiful. Additionally, the
first-grader wanted to help people
living without homes, so a portion of
the proceeds from the book will go to her
local church’s food pantry—and guests
at her book launch were asked to bring
non-perishable goods for donation.
Her Body Can

This book bills itself as the first body-
positive book for kids. Its authors, a pair
of moms from Atlanta, wanted to offer
young readers a book full of true diver-
sity. The illustrations depict kids of all
races, abilities, and sizes, and the book’s
message is that our bodies are amaz-
ing just as they are, no matter what.
The Breathing Book

Chris Willard and Olivia Weisser’s latest
book for kids takes an active, hands-on
approach to mindfulness. The Breath-
ing Book is packed with practices and
activities that bring the book’s mes-
sage to life, inviting young readers to
PHOTOGRAPH BY BRINA BLUM / UNSPLASH
notice sights, sounds, and sensa-

tions that arise as they explore the
practices in its pages.

what to do when
THOUGHTS ARISE
Q A
The essential atti- important thought, I want to
Sometimes when
tude of a meditator remember it. If it’s irrelevant,
I’m meditating
is curiosity. Medita- note that it’s irrelevant. Either
a thought arises
tion gives us an way, very gently bring your
that feels really
opportunity to look at what our attention back to your breath.
important. What should
minds do when we’re paying Gentleness is important here,
I do about important
attention to them. And what because what we practice and
thoughts and ideas that
the mind often does is wander repeat over time becomes
arise when I’m meditat-
off. Try to integrate an attitude a habit. Consider this: What
ing—and what about the
of playfulness into your would the days, weeks, and Elisha Goldstein is a
irrelevant ones? psychologist, cofounder
practice. Your practice doesn’t months ahead be like if you
of the Center for Mindful
need to be rigid and strict— were gentle with yourself? Living in Los Angeles,
there can be spontaneity and What would be different? and creator of the online
flexibility. So, your mind wan- When your mind wanders off mentorship program
“A Course in Mindful
ders. See the thought, touch and you quickly yank it back, Living.” His course “How
it—say here’s the thought, it’s worthwhile to go back and To Meditate” can be
spend a moment with it. If it’s say what was that thought found at mindful.org/
how-to-course
important, note that you want again? Take note of it, and
to come back to it—feel free practice more gently bringing
to say, in your mind, that’s an your attention back.
RESOURCES
PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY ELISHA GOLDSTEIN, ILLUSTRATION BY IRACOSMA / ADOBE STOCK
CONNECT WITH A
MINDFULNESS TEACHER
To help you sort through the ever-expanding
meditation space and find the right mindfulness
teacher for your needs, the Oxford Mindfulness
Centre, in partnership with Mindful, is launching
a directory. The UK team crafted guidelines that
help identify ways mindfulness teachers are cre-
dentialed as well as their areas of expertise. This
new platform aims to connect mindfulness
teachers and students, creating communi-
ties of care across the globe. If you’re a mind-
fulness teacher (or you know a great one) you can
sign up and create a teacher profile so people can
find you and you can help support their practice.
Find the directory at mindful.org/directory

top of mind
MINDFUL OR MINDLESS?
Our take on who’s paying attention and who’s not
by AMBER TUCKER
In Asheville,
NC, news anchor
Justin Hinton was report-
ing via Facebook on the first
big snowfall—but didn’t know
he’d activated “Mystery Mask,” a
series of goofy augmented-reality
filters. He appeared in a Cats
headpiece, a wizard hat, and a
neon-pink moustache, to
name just a few.
MAIL
On her blog
Children’s Happy
Days, Karina invites children
around the world to write to her
about what gives them joy. She
translates and publishes each letter
online as a reminder that happiness
comes from “our family and friends,
enough time, doing the things
you love, and seeing the
magic in this world.”
Germany just got Guardian Media Members of Amazon What’s even less
greener: The country Group announced it Employees for Cli- mindful than texting
is converting 62 of its will no longer accept mate Justice spoke while driving? On
disused military bases into advertising from fossil fuel up, urging the tech giant to social app TikTok, drivers try
nature reserves, expanding extraction companies on any scale back its carbon foot- the popular “cha-cha slide
the European Green Belt and of its web or print publica- print, which rivals that of Swit- challenge”: swerving all over
protecting countless creations. The group is on a roll: zerland or Denmark. Three the road, in time with the D.J.
tures. The total protected Five years ago, GMG was of the workers claim Amazon Casper track.
area will be larger than also the largest fund to divest responded by threatening to Please just don’t. ●
40,000 football fields. from fossil fuels. fire them.
MINDFUL MINDLESS

mindful living
The Gift of Connecting with each other by

READING OUT LOUD reclaiming our roots as storytellers.
Reading used to be a social activity, still “hearing.” When we’re settled into fulness teacher (and regular Mindful
not something we did silently to our favorite book, or armed with our columnist), suggests that to use read-
ourselves. For thousands of years, we paper on the train (indeed, as you’re ing aloud as a kind of mindfulness
shared the news of the day around reading these words to yourself right practice, we should remember that
a crowded dinner table or a bar, and now), auditory processing areas light mindfulness is about awakening to
stories were told aloud after tea and up in our brains. the moment. PHOTOGRAPH BY TARA ROMASANTA PHOTOGRAPHY / STOCKSY
chores. Perhaps now is a good time Today, it’s not unusual to attend a “Mindfulness is about engagement,”
to revive the art of reading aloud as a mindfulness retreat and hear some- says Smookler. If we’re reading but
form of connection and community. one read a passage aloud. Reading not necessarily connecting with the
Interestingly, perhaps because of aloud and listening to someone read other person, or we’re trying to make
the vast span of historical time when aloud can be a great way to tune in ourselves sound a certain way, we can
reading also meant experiencing to the present moment and bring our easily slip into automatic pilot. “But,
sound, even when we are reading mindfulness practice to life. And while if we can courageously stand on the
silently to ourselves it turns out we’re there’s also evidence that reading aloud precipice of opening up a book, take
can improve comprehension and mem- a few breaths, and enter into sharing
ABOUT THE AUTHOR ory, it is simply a wonderful opportuni- with another person—staying close to
Heather Shayne Blakeslee is the
ty to be present with friends and family. the intention of being present—read-
founder of Red Pen Arts and publisher Elaine Smookler, a performer, ing aloud can be a powerful instru-
of Root Quarterly in Philadelphia. singer, psychotherapist, and mind- ment of connection.”
20 mindful June 2020 By Heather Shayne Blakeslee

mindful living
How Reading Aloud Can

Be a Mindfulness Practice
Consider reading aloud an engaging alternative to zoning out
with Netflix. Here are a few ways you can incorporate mindful
reading into your mindfulness practice.
to allow ourselves to be sur-

prised and shaken out of the
routine of our own habits of
mind. “So, if we are engaged,
we might read it one way today
and another way tomorrow.
If we’re reading the same way
Start Small every day then we’ve already
lost track of the intention of
Just as you start meditating mindfulness, which is to be
in shorter bouts that be- present in the moment,”
came longer over time, give says Smookler.
yourself permission here to
do the same. Books of short
fiction, poetry, and essays are
great for reading aloud. You
might start with a two-person
reading practice, one-on-one
with a partner. Depending on
the person, it could be a lovely
nighttime wind-down ritual.
Take turns reading, so that
you can spend time with the
intimate experience of being Play, Don’t
read to as well as the way that
reading the words out loud
makes you feel and see imag-
Rush
es differently. The goal is not to get to the
end of the story but to expe-
rience it fully. Feel the way
your breath shapes the words.
Don’t be afraid to laugh; don’t
be afraid to weep; to stop and
ask questions, and to say,
“Again!” as a child would after
their favorite story ends for yet
another time, only a moment
later to begin anew. Smookler
Surprise suggests that no matter how
you approach it, don’t let it be
Yourself about falling in love with the
sound of your voice, or nega-
Remember that the idea is to tively judging how you sound,
be engaged in the moment, even if it’s a “squeak.” →

mindful living
Encourage
Others
In our modern book clubs,
we all commit to reading the the voice and mind of a
same book together—yet we beloved author, rather than
do the reading part alone. If scrolling through social
you’re already part of a book media feeds. Pick a favor-
club, you might suggest read- ite book, a favorite speech,
ing the first few chapters of monologue, lesson, essay, or
the next book together, even if poem. Can you feel the voice
you meet virtually. Encourage of the author or character as
people to take notes about you read aloud? Does it help
their favorite passages or you connect to them in a
ideas as someone reads, or different way?
to close their eyes and simply
take it in. When the chapter is
over, if you’ve found a particu-
larly beautiful or insightful line,
have someone repeat it and
then have a silent meditation
for two minutes to reflect.
Then share.
Memorize
a Favorite
Poem or Prose
Passage
Read Aloud Embodying a piece of writing,
out loud, without reading,
Alone offers a unique way to connect
with the present moment.
Reading aloud can also be a Once memorized, those words
way to spend some quality will always be with you, just
time alone connecting with like your breath is. ●

mindful health
Caring for Your

AMAZING BRAIN
Making smart lifestyle choices now will support the
health of your brain for years to come.
The human brain is the most dazzlingly complex

entity in the entire known universe: 80 billion
brain cells, with additional neural cells through-
out the body. Each neuron connects across
synaptic gaps to thousands of other neurons,
resulting in trillions of connections responsible
for all of the brain’s internal communications
and processing and all of our external behaviors
and creations. Neuroscientists are beginning to
map those connections, drawing the brain’s neu-
ral “connectome,” much as molecular biologists
have mapped the human genome. There are as
many neuronal connections in a single cubic
centimeter of brain tissue as there are stars in
the Milky Way galaxy. Contemplating the brain
boggles the mind.
Protecting and nurturing the functioning
of your brain is important for your long-term
health and well-being. You can make lifestyle
choices that protect, exercise, and strengthen
the physical brain, which in turn supports the
complexity of all of your emotional, relational,
and cognitive functioning.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Linda Graham, MFT, is a licensed marriage
and family therapist and mindful self-
compassion teacher in the San Francisco
Bay Area. She is also the author of
Resilience: Powerful Practices for Bouncing
Back from Disappointment, Difficulty, and
Even Disaster (New World Library, 2018).
24 mindful June 2020 By Linda Graham

Exercise makes you
1 Move It!
Research in the last 10
smarter. It can help years has made it abun-
dantly clear—we need to
you think more clearly move our bodies not just
for the health of our heart,
well into old age. lungs, muscles, and joints,
but also for the health of
Exercise can even our brain. One of the best
things you can do for your
help reverse memory physical brain is to break a
sweat with aerobic exercise.
decline as you age. Vigorous exercise makes
your brain release brain-
derived neurotropic factor
(BDNF). This is the hor-
monal growth factor that
causes your brain to grow
new neurons, particularly in
the hippocampus, the struc-
ture of the brain that con-
solidates learning from new
experiences into long-term
memory. BDNF also stimu-
lates those new neurons to
increase the length, density,
and complexity of their den-
drites (the extensions of the
neurons that receive input
from other neurons), creat-
ing “thicker,” more complex
networks in the brain. In
addition, BDNF speeds the
maturation of new neu-
rons into fully functioning
brain cells. This protects
related structures, like the
prefrontal cortex, from
brain atrophy and cognitive
decline. Exercise makes
ILLUSTRATION BY ADDICTIVE CREATIVES / STOCKSY
you smarter. It can help

you think more clearly well
into old age. Exercise can
even help reverse memory
decline as you age.
Regular exercise also
stimulates the heart to
pump more blood to the
brain, increasing the flow of
oxygen and glucose in the
brain that fuels all of the
brain’s activity. Further-
more, exercise causes →

mindful health
especially calming effect on

your nervous system while
nourishing your brain.
Exercising with others—
dancing, tennis, basketball,
and volleyball—activates
your social engagement
system, creating a sense
of safety in the brain and
priming its neuroplasticity.
Activities like these also
engage the dopamine path-
way of pleasure and reward
in the lower brain that
keeps you motivated. Mix
it up to keep your exercise
routine interesting. Recruit
a buddy or join a good gym
to expand your options and
enhance your motivation.
2 Aim for
Deep Sleep
the release of essential extends our span of healthy Curiosity can be an
neurotransmitters like life because it acts as an Enough sleep, and deep
serotonin, dopamine, and anti-inflammatory, reduc- important part of sleep, is essential to brain
norepinephrine that stimu- ing the underlying causes and body health. Many of us
late various types of brain of many systemic diseases creativity—following routinely don’t get enough
activity; endorphins that and delaying the onset of sleep; our lives are too busy,
make you feel; and acetyl- degenerative diseases. The one idea, one turn too stressed. Young people
choline, which increases body needs to move for especially don’t get enough
alertness. Because of these about 30 minutes for the in the road after sleep. Teenagers may get
effects, exercise has been brain to release feel-good five to six hours of sleep a
shown to be as effective an endorphins. Three times a another, with open- night at a stage of develop-
antidepressant as Prozac in week is good enough. Five ment when their brains
head-to-head clinical trials. times a week is great. Little minded interest. need eight or nine hours to
Exercise regenerates and often applies here, too: finish growing.
our telomeres, the protec- moderate exercise over Lack of sleep affects your
tive protein sheaths at the several days is more effec- metabolism, immune sys-
ends of our chromosomes, tive (and safer) than a big tem, and genetic health —
likened to the plastic caps workout once a week. and especially brain health.
on the ends of our shoe- Activities like running, If you get only five to six
laces that keep the laces vigorous walking, bicycling, hours of sleep every night
from unraveling. Because swimming, and using the for a week, you likely have
telomeres keep our chro- stair climber at the gym the same level of cognitive
mosomes from unraveling are bilateral movements impairment as if you were
as they replicate, protect- (moving the two sides legally drunk.
ing our telomeres prevents of the body alternately, While you are sleeping,
copying errors in our DNA thus stimulating the two doing “nothing,” the brain
and extends our span of hemispheres of your brain is doing vital tasks:
healthy life. Exercise also alternately) and have an • Consolidating learning

and memories from the day
and storing that learning in 3 Eat a
long-term memory. Sleep
optimizes cognitive func- Mind Diet
tioning, restoring your abil-
ity to process information You truly are what you eat.
and retrieve information Everything that nourishes
quickly when you are awake. the body and the brain
• Restoring the equilibrium comes from the food you eat
of the nervous system. Sleep and drink. The bottom line
absorbs the stress hormone about a diet good for the
cortisol. REM sleep is the brain comes from Michael
only time the brain is clear Pollan, author of In Defense
of norepinephrine (adrena- of Food: “Eat food. Not too
line), processing memories much. Mostly plants.”
of the day but without emo- Researchers have identi-
tional charge. There’s less fied foods that promote
anxiety in the morning. good brain health. The
• Regular housekeeping, MIND diet (standing for
cleaning out dead and atro- Mediterranean Interven-
phied neurons. tion for Neurodegen-
• Allowing the prefrontal erative Delay) is a good
cortex to rest from its execu- example, recommended to
tive functioning and from help prevent, reduce, and
controlling your impulses, reverse cognitive impair-
making it better able to ment from aging and
function again the next day. dementia. It includes lots
Sleep researchers have of vegetables, dark leafy
long known about the brain’s greens, nuts, berries, beans,
two main forms of normal whole grains, fish, poultry,
sleep. The first one, REM and olive oil. The omega-3
(rapid eye movement) sleep, fatty acids found in fish
is a slight activation of the and some nuts and seeds
sympathetic nervous system. are particularly important
We dream during REM nutrients for the brain.
sleep (nightmares result
from too much activation).
The second one, slow-wave 4 Build Your
sleep, is a deeper, nondream
sleep, an activation of the Brain Cell
parasympathetic nervous
Reserve
ILLUSTRATION BY ADDICTIVE CREATIVES / STOCKSY
system. Through imaging

technologies used in sleep
study labs, scientists have The brain learns and
discovered that the brain rewires itself from experi-
has a third form of sleep. If ence all the time. The more
your brain gets overtired complex the experience
during the day, it will shut or the learning, the more
itself down for a fraction of integrated the functioning
a second—a break so short of the brain, because more
you don’t notice it—and then of our senses and regions
turns itself back on so that of our brain are engaged
you keep functioning. in taking in the new →

mindful health
information and processing Laughter is often a

it. That work of integration
and complexity, which har- good way of breaking
nesses the brain’s neuro-
plasticity, is a protection the ice and bonding
against brain atrophy—los-
ing brain cells as we age. with people, and
It’s called building cogni-
tive reserve. You did that bonding with people
when you were younger by
going to college or master- is supergood for
ing a craft. By keeping your
brain active, you have more the brain.
brain cells in the bank, so
to speak, to buffer the loss
of brain cells that comes
naturally with aging.
To create a surplus of
gray matter, try learning:
• to play a musical
instrument and puts the brain in a
• to speak a foreign state of flow. That puts
language new brain cells to good
• to play a complex game use. Curiosity can be an
like chess or go important part of creativ-
• your way around a new city ity—following one idea,
• your way around a new one turn in the road after
relationship another, with open-minded
• your way around a new interest and without pre-
service activity in the conceptions or judgment.
community Curiosity is a great spur to
All of these examples creativity. Children tend to
involve procedural learn- approach their world with
ing: The brain is learning uninhibited curiosity and
how to do something and wonder at the most ordi-
processing that experience, nary rainstorm or bug.
not just memorizing new
facts. The more complicated
the learning, the better. 6 Laugh
Out Loud
5 Get
Creative, Many people think of
laughter as an emotion, or
Be Curious something akin to one. Not
so. Laughter is a physiologi-
cal mechanism that reduces
Any creative endeavor— stress in the body and the
stream-of-consciousness brain. Laughter releases
journaling, process paint- catecholamines, dopamine,
ing, mixing ingredients and norepinephrine—neu-
together without a recipe, rotransmitters that make
making up a new game the brain feel sharper and
with your children—pushes brighter. Laughter is often a
the functioning of the good way of breaking the ice
brain into new territory and bonding with people,

and bonding with people is and marriages, friendships,
supergood for the brain. business partnerships,
Play—encountering or social groups stay intact
creating new situations, and flourish. Sometimes
dropping into the default- shared interests and life
mode network in the brain, paths diverge, and we find
making up new rules, new ourselves drifting out of
characters, or new worlds— touch with people who
gives the brain a good were once close and sig-
workout. Play often also nificant to us. Sometimes
engenders laughter, a sense in our own maturing and
of connection with other healing we are no longer
people or things in our as tolerant as we once
world, and a sense of relax- were of hanging out with
ation and ease. All of those unhealthy brains.
are good for the brain, too.
We can be so busy and
pressured that we forget 8 Turn Off
to laugh and play, and then
we forget how to. If you Technology
experienced a lot of trauma
in your early life, you may Researchers are document-
never have learned how to ing our rapidly escalating
safely laugh and play. This overuse of digital devices
capacity is fully recoverable and identifying the increas-
with practice. ingly serious effects on our
brains, our relationship,
and our resilience—espe-
7 Hang Out cially the effects on young,
with Healthy still-developing brains. In

a world where you brain is
Brains constantly bombarded with
emails, texts, tweets, and
posts, one of the best things
Focus on the power of social you can do for it is to let it
interactions with people, rest. Rest from long peri-
casual as well as intimate, ods of energy-consuming
to foster brain health and focused attention and the
psychological health. We overstimulation of inces-
continue to evolve as we sant incoming messages
mature and move through that can negatively affect
life in new ways. Sometimes several essential capacities
we coevolve with others, of your brain. ●
Excerpted from the book Resilience:

Powerful Practices for Bouncing
Back from Disappointment, Difficulty,
and Even Disaster. Copyright ©2018 by
Linda Graham. Printed with permission
from New World Library.
www.newworldlibrary.com

inner wisdom
How Can I Mend My

BROKEN HEART
When love falls apart, embracing your life as it is,
agony, misfortune, and all, can help you heal.
My heart felt as if it were of all the good things you to feel better. So whadday- away the nasty feelings that
being squeezed through are doing to keep it going, agonnado? are eating you alive like
a meat grinder. I couldn’t love falls apart. And you Sometimes a broken fire ants, or the devastat-
stop sobbing as I drove my fall apart and everything heart can feel as if someone ing feelings that make you
pale blue Volvo through around you seems to fall has taken a baseball bat to think you never want to
the streets of Vancouver, apart. And it feels rotten. it. Maintaining awareness, love again, or the red-faced
wondering, to quote the Even if you have a regular a.k.a. mindfulness, is about foolish feelings that heat up
BeeGees, “How can you mindfulness practice, at staying present to the times shame, is the moment your
mend a broken heart?” this gut-wrenching moment you might want to crawl mindfulness practice can
It is natural to want love. you might not want to focus under the porch like a come to your aid.
But sometimes, in spite on your breath or your body suffering dog, noticing hurt To begin: Gently notice
because it all feels so raw in a particular way, so that the emotional maelstrom
and horrible—and then you you can offer yourself deep and slather yourself with the
ABOUT THE AUTHOR might feel guilty because tenderness and compassion milk of human kindness. Life
Elaine Smookler is a registered you think you should be and embrace your life as it can feel so hard but we don’t
psychotherapist with a 20-year practicing, but you just is—agonies, misfortunes, have to make it harder by
mindfulness practice. She is
can’t or don’t want to. But and all. being harder on ourselves.
also a creativity coach and is
on the faculty of the Centre for meanwhile you are really The very moment that We don’t have to like it
Mindfulness Studies in Toronto. suffering and would like you would prefer to push when sorrow is present, but
30 mindful June 2020 By Elaine Smookler

we can investigate how we Notice the thought-loops in
might stand up to what is be- your head, like questioning
yond our control or choice. ways you could have made
Be aware of which chan- things work out differ-
nel your mental TV is tuned ently. If you’re up for it,
to. No notice how much bring attention to the body
you are drawn to replaying sensations these thought-
painful memories over and loops activate. Thoughts are
over. You might be hoping not usually experienced in a
that this self-torture film neutral way—they set chem-
festival will make you feel ical reactions and urges in
better, but brain science motion. Welcome awareness
suggests that fixating on that gives you permission
the dead bones of anything to intentionally turn toward
only serves to unwittingly love and care for the dear
train the brain to make this one known as you.
painful story your new go- Even if the pain of heart-
to thought-munchie. break is burning you like an
In times of great distress, acid-bath, you may still need
you might approach yourself to go to your job, take care of
as though you were a crea- family, and generally contin-
ture you’ve happened upon ue to function. That’s where
in the wilderness. Pause. our mindfulness practice
Take in the details. Go helps us stay engaged with
slowly. Approach yourself our lives, even when they
with care and friendliness. seem to be falling apart. ●
Heal From Heartache

This three-step A.W.E. practice can help you
lessen suffering and stay engaged with your
precious life, even when you’d rather not.
Allow yourself to feel flight, freeze. Ease often

1 the messy, swirling, accompanies the ability
uncomfortable sensations to have compassion for
that show up. It is natural self and others.
to want to flee from
pain, but turning to face Experience grat-
psychological pain can be 3 itude—the gift that
the very thing that frees keeps on giving. If you can,
us from its overwhelm. If find anything at all about
conditions allow: Feel it to the situation to be thank-
heal it. ful for. Consider anything
you may have learned,
2 Welcome what you

are feeling and notic-
or any growth that was
nurtured. See if holding
ing with tender curiosity. the whole unpleasant
Acceptance can reduce experience with an atti-
agitation and resis- tude of gratitude gives you
tance—chums that often the opportunity to lighten
act as triggers for fight, your load.

brain science
The Science of
SELF-INSIGHT
Just how much should you know about yourself before
it becomes detrimental to your health?
Gabrielle was lonely. A series of who didn’t give her the support and didn’t “need a boyfriend,” she found
short-lived romantic relationships intimacy she craved. herself feeling hurt and rejected when
had left her heart in tatters. Although With just a few pointed questions, the relationships ultimately imploded.
she said she was ambivalent about psychologist Colleen Becket-Daven- By helping Gabbie see how their
pursuing a committed, long-term port got to the bottom of what was unavailability made her feel (“When he
relationship, she reported feeling going on: Gabrielle was choosing men doesn’t respond to my texts, it makes
lonely and continued to fall into who were “all unavailable in some me feel like I don’t matter”), what she
intense relationships with men way,” said Becket-Davenport, who truly wished for (“An emotionally
practices in San Francisco. “They were intimate relationship with someone
already in a committed relationship, who checks in with me and cares how
ABOUT THE AUTHOR they had mental health issues of their I feel”), and why she was choosing
Sharon Begley is senior science own, or lived far away, for instance.” unavailable men (“I don’t think my
writer with STAT, a national health When these men didn’t respond to needs are important”), Becket-Daven-
and medicine publication. She is also
her texts, Gabbie made excuses for port was able to give Gabbie something
author of Train Your Mind, Change
Your Brain and Can’t Just Stop: An them (“He has a lot going on right psychologists have long seen as crucial
Investigation of Compulsions. now”). Despite her insistence that she to well-being: self-insight. →
32 mindful June 2020 By Sharon Begley • Illustrations by Edmon de Haro

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brain science
How much self-knowledge

is too much?
“Most therapy is going to aim to
increase self-insight in some way,”
said Becket-Davenport. “This may
mean gaining insight into your less
conscious motivations, understanding
how your thoughts influence your
behavior, or simply developing better
emotional awareness.”
If you don’t look too deeply, it’s
hard to argue with the ancient
Greeks’ counsel: “Know thyself.” To
understand one’s motivations (Why
do you procrastinate? treat a certain
family member or “friend” like dirt?
act like a doormat in relationship after
relationship?) is to take the first step
toward being mindful about behavior
that messes up your work, relation-
ships, and life in general. In my own
case, I finally understood that much
of what I do—from working com-
pulsively to obsessively checking on
my children to periodically blowing
through my apartment like a Category
5 hurricane to cull unneeded pos-
sessions—arises from anxiety. That
insight enabled me to set priorities
and behave more thoughtfully.
The assumed value and benefits
of self-insight in all its forms, from self-delusion about one’s abilities rife
a clear-eyed assessment of your (more on this in a minute), but we
strengths and weaknesses to a hard- stink at seeing our own personality If self-insight
won understanding of why you behave states. As a 2019 study reported, peo-
and interact as you do, has schol- ple can mostly tell when they exhibit is so beneficial,
arly backup. In a 1937 textbook that extraversion or conscientiousness, but why aren’t
launched the science of personality, are clueless about their own agree-
Gordon Allport called “an impartial ableness, neuroticism, and openness more people
and objective attitude toward oneself” to new ideas.
a “primary virtue.” If any personality Given how rare self-insight is,
better at it?
trait is unambiguously desirable, he researchers are asking whether
continued, “it is the disposition and self-insight in general, and into one’s
ability to see oneself in perspective.” abilities in particular, is necessarily
More than 60 years later, leading beneficial, and whether a drive for
psychologists warned, “People who self-insight is, as long assumed, a
do not see themselves accurately are human universal. If any of those were
likely to bungle their lives.” so, we should have more of it.
Science, of course, is about ques- The conventional view is that
tioning what seems obvious, and people are motivated to achieve
the value of accurate self-assess- self-insight because its value is obvi-
ment—a.k.a. self-insight—has been in ous. “Effectiveness in life depends
its crosshairs recently. One reason: If on knowing one’s strengths and
self-insight is so beneficial, why aren’t weaknesses and in having an accu-
more people better at it? Not only is rate assessment of one’s personal

characteristics,” leading psycholo- “Thinking you’re better than you
gists wrote in the book Selfhood. That are might lead you to feel content,
knowledge allows us to focus on what [and] think that your life, career, and
we need to improve or, conversely, to relationships are going well,” said He.
leverage our true strengths. Indi- “We do not find that self-insight led
viduals with stellar abilities will be Progressing along to [better] adjustment,” as so many
more motivated to pursue relation- the road to self- experts assert.
ships, ambitious projects, and other How can having the self-insight
challenges—success in which boost insight can feel of a rock bring greater contentment
well-being—if their self-insight is than a clear-eyed assessment of
accurate. If they don’t realize their more like being strengths and weaknesses? For one
strengths they may never reach for pushed into a thing, ability does not necessarily
the stars. translate into success. (Insert your
Clearly, however, self-insight can deep, muddy ditch. favorite horror stories of incompe-
backfire. Gaining 20-20 vision into tents climbing the career ladder, or
your mediocre abilities or character of the emotionally clueless attracting
flaws—seeing that you’re not, say, the hordes of friends...or at least aco-
creative baker or the sympathetic per- lytes.) Instead, someone who acts
son you thought—can sap confidence with confidence, from proud pos-
and even obliviate the will to strive in ture to self-promotion, is generally
any realm of life, including relation- The connection between perceived as both more competent
ships and career. That’s especially contentment and self-insight and more desirable (as a friend or
true if this self-insight comes cour- more) than someone who does not;
tesy of the “honest feedback” beloved An influential 2019 study was the through an emperor’s-new-clothes
in academia and the workplace. No latest to cast doubt on the value effect, that perception translates into
wonder progressing along the road to of self-insight. Researchers at the “higher status and adjustment,” Côté
self-insight can feel more like being University of Toronto had 1,044 and He wrote.
pushed into a deep, muddy ditch. volunteers complete tests of cogni- Another factor may be in play.
Scores of studies have tried to tive and emotional abilities and then The researchers measured people’s
answer whether the benefits of estimate how many items they got subjective well-being, He cautioned,
self-insight outweigh its potential right. The gap between actual and not “more objective indices, like job
harms. I am sorry to say that when estimated scores served as a proxy for performance and income.” Those
it comes to the best-studied form self-insight into those abilities. Next, might tell a different story. But even if
of self-insight, assessment of one’s for a week, participants filled out a they do, self-enhancement carries the
abilities, the results aren’t clear-cut. daily diary whose questions aimed to day: Poor self-insight extends to not
“There is much work out there that capture their satisfaction with work, realizing that, objectively, things are
shows overconfidence to be costly relationships, and life overall. not going well.
and work that shows it is beneficial,” In a result that would appall the At least for a while. Eventually,
said psychologist David Dunning of ancient Greeks, people with poor reality has a nasty habit of catching
the University of Michigan, a co-dis- self-insight were more satisfied with up to self-delusion, and an exagger-
coverer of the Dunning-Kruger effect their lives than those who saw them- ated self-image crashes and burns on
(people overestimate their abilities selves clearly. Those who most overes- the shoals of a sputtering career and
and virtues). timated their abilities were the most unfulfilling relationships.
One reason for the discrepancies is content with their work, relation- And that’s where self-insight of
that the benefits and costs of accurate ships, and overall life. Of two people the sort Becket-Davenport and other
self-assessment vary by circumstance. with equal ability, “the one with the therapists help people achieve comes
“When people face extreme chal- highest self-views is the more highly in. For insight, of course, can go well
lenges, being unrealistic about your adjusted,” Toronto’s Joyce He and beyond “How good am I at X?” as He
abilities can be beneficial,” Dunning Stéphane Côté wrote. Poor self-in- measured, to an understanding of
said. “Overconfidence is also helpful sight into emotional abilities—that is, motivations and reasons for choices
as a social device when you want to be overestimating them—was specifically and behaviors. Joyce He calls this
persuasive.” But if it leads you to take associated with greater career con- form of self-insight “introspection,
on challenges where you’re guaran- tentment, while poor self-insight into self-reflection, or even mindfulness.
teed to fail it can be ruinous (think cognitive abilities was associated with I think those forms of self-insight are
of an overconfident gambler or stock greater contentment in both work and fundamentally quite different. So I
trader, Dunning said). relationships. don’t think our results would apply.” ●

heart TO heart
PHOTOGRAPHS BY WAYHOME STUDIO / SHUTTERSTOCK, KRAKENIMAGES.COM / SHUTTERSTOCK
The LOVING-KINDNESS issue
Loving-kindness is so much more than “just” a feel-good

practice. It is the force that can connect, inspire, and
motivate us to transform the world. Here world-renowned
mindfulness teacher, Sharon Salzberg, one of the foremost
teachers of loving-kindness, helps to pave the way.

The
LOVING
KINDNESS
issue
Founding editor Barry Boyce

talks with his dear friend BARRY BOYCE: You’ve In fact, I had a lot of
been practicing mindful- trouble paying attention to
Sharon Salzberg about ness for quite some time even one breath without my
and I’ve heard you talk mind going off into many,
attention, resilience, anger, and about how meditation and many thoughts. I found
kindness are inseparably myself having thoughts like
the transformative power of linked. Can you explain? why there are roundabouts
on highways. Who came up
loving-kindness. SHARON SALZBERG: with that idea? What? Why
Let me start with a little am I having such thoughts
background. Nowadays, if at all? I’m not a traffic engi-
you want to practice medi- neer. It was pretty hum-
tation, there are meditation bling to see just how hard it
centers and studios all over was to simply pay attention,
the place. Or you could take and how the thoughts
a course online. You can go came tumbling down like a
on Amazon and find 50 or waterfall.
100 books on meditation. That’s where kindness
When I started, in the needed to kick in.
early ’70s, lots of us went to I quickly discovered that
Asia. I chose India. if I was going to keep going
When I traveled there as with meditation, I would
an 18-year-old to meet need to go much easier on
great meditation teachers, myself. I would need to
I felt like I knew a lot. I accept the inevitability of
had read plenty of Eastern these thoughts and have
philosophy and was pretty some faith that my atten-
Sharon Salzberg is sure I had gained a good tion could indeed find its
a world-renowned understanding. I was in for way back.
PHOTOGRAPHS BY CHRISTINE ALICINO, KRAKENIMAGES.COM / SHUTTERSTOCK

meditation teacher
and is the New York
a bit of a surprise. The first
Times best-selling thing I was taught when I When people don’t have
author of Real Love went on my first meditation faith that their attention
and Real Happiness,
retreat was to pay attention will find its way back, do
as well as Real Change:
Mindfulness to Heal to my breath. you find that they will
Ourselves and the “What,” I thought, “this think they simply can’t
World (scheduled for is it? Pay attention to my meditate?
September 2020).
breath? I could have done
Barry Boyce is the that back in Buffalo.” In Oh yes. The experience
founding editor of Buffalo, I could even see of being overwhelmed by
Mindful magazine.
An avid meditator
my breath on many days. I thoughts is hardly unique
for over 40 years, he figured I would be able to to me. Anyone who begins
is also author of The follow many breaths, maybe meditating will find this
Mindfulness Revolution,
hundreds at a sitting. Why very thing happening to
an anthology of
applied mindfulness not? What’s the big deal? them. Feeling inadequate.
instructions from I soon came to find out So many thoughts! So little
leading teachers that it was not so easy attention on the breath.
and experts.
as that. I cannot meditate. Other

people can do it. I cannot.
And this kind of thought
loop may happen again and
again, and each time we can
be kind to ourselves about
being human beings who
have thoughts.
Sometimes when people
are introduced to mind-
fulness meditation, they
come to think of it as a dry,
technical exercise, a kind of
hard work or mental strug-
gle. In fact, for meditation
to take hold, early on, we
“We are all interconnected. need some warmth and
kindness toward ourselves.
This is the truth of how things are.” It’s not a dry exercise at
all. It’s learning how to be
Sharon Salzberg with ourselves, and when
we are with ourselves in
this very simple way, the
attention and the kindness
go together, hand in hand.
Some self-compassion must
arise if we are to keep going.
What else is essential to

keep going?
Frequently in instructing
meditation, we say “rest”
your attention on the breath.
It’s a quality of resting and
settling right from the start,
a gentle act, not a labored
struggle. And as a result of
the practice, we develop
increased concentration, yes.
That is a key factor.
But we also develop
greater awareness of what’s
going on with ourselves,
what’s happening with our
emotions, and when we see
a thought, we don’t push it
away. We notice it. We see →

The
LOVING
KINDNESS
issue
it for what it is. That’s how being able to fix every-

we begin to get to know thing—we can go forward
ourselves better, and by in a balanced way. We’re
extension experience what’s not indifferent to the needs
happening with others and challenges surround-
more. We feel our connec- ing us, the pain others are
tion to them more. Paying going through. But rather
attention is one of the kind- than trying to simply fit
est things we can do—for into others’ expectations
ourselves, for others. of what we ought to do in
response, we can pay atten-
How is it possible to rest, tion and look and listen for
to develop awareness and opportunities to help that
concentration, in the midst accord with our capabilities
of turmoil and anxiety? and circumstances. We can
respond to what calls out to
With coronavirus circling us when we allow ourselves
the globe; schoolchildren, to be open.
churchgoers, protesters,
and concertgoers being shot You’re suggesting that we
in public; immigrant chil- use mindfulness to lead us
dren separated from their to what practical steps we
parents; signs of resurgent can take to seek change?
racism appearing; and a
deep political divide taking Yes, I am, and in addition to
hold in so many places, practical steps like volun-
many people these days teering, donating, voting,
feel deeply anxious, and and connecting with oth-
despairing in fact. ers, there is also something
These are indeed tough very significant we can do,
times, but we don’t need starting in our own hearts.
to feel powerless. It’s an We can gradually learn to
illusion to think that we be present with the pain,
are without any agency in anxiety, fear, and vulnera-
our lives, any ability to act. bility we feel, rather than
It’s also illusory to think push those feelings away.
that we can control events When we feel pain and
that are, at present, beyond yet we can go on, that’s how
our control. we build resilience.
We clearly don’t have Mindfulness practice
control over everything, but doesn’t stop at relaxation
there are things we can do. and concentration. The
It’s always been that way. relaxation and concentra-
That hasn’t changed. It is tion allow us to stay with
not our universe to control. the feelings that emerge,
Knowing and acknowledg- no matter what is going on
ing that is a key aspect of in life. It also allows us to
developing wisdom. savor the moments of joy in
When we know that life, rather than overlook
in our hearts—and stop them because of all the
berating ourselves for not dark clouds.

“When we’re trying so hard, and so
focused on our meditation achievement,
we often overlook what’s right in front of us:
the need to be kind to ourselves.”
Sharon Salzberg
We hear a lot these days What about when that but not act on it. The way
about separation, isolation, ignorance and aggression forward may emerge from
and loneliness. The British we are subjected to make allowing that little bit of a
have even instituted a Min- us lose our temper? gap between thought and
ister for Loneliness. Some action, especially with
of this isolation seems to Wrong views and actions anger.
come from how our devices may naturally cause us to
and our ways of working get pretty angry. Anger Meditation can help us see
can wall us off from others, can clearly be a state that that gap more often, but it
and some of it undoubtedly causes us great distress and sure seems hard sometimes.
comes from the fact that that can cloud our minds
when we’re anxious and and cause harm when we Often people will say to me,
afraid, we may retreat from act based on it. It’s a poison “Oh, I know meditation can
community with other peo- that can consume us. I’m be really valuable, but I just
ple. If we think that others very interested, though, in can’t do it, but my partner
PHOTOGRAPHS BY KRAKENIMAGES.COM / SHUTTERSTOCK, JIHAN NAFIAA ZAHRI / SHUTTERSTOCK
are so different from us, anger as the precipitating sure could use some!”
we may hesitate to engage event for bringing about It’s very common for us
with them. change, which it definitely to think we can’t meditate.
We are all intercon- can be. Sometimes it’s the A big part of that comes
nected. This is the truth of angry person in the room from trying really hard to
how things are. When we who points out the thing have a particular kind of
separate ourselves off, we others wish to ignore. experience. Perhaps we
are fighting that reality, How do we keep the part think that the sign that
including if we decide to of anger, the spark, that meditation is working is
hate someone because of has intelligence, without having a major transfor-
their views. getting caught up in the mational experience, so
We never need to hate, destructive part? That’s a we struggle really hard to
but we can be very clear valuable inquiry to take up, obtain that, and meditation
about something that is to contemplate, as part of ends up being just that:
wrong, that represents a mindfulness practice. a big struggle. We miss
wrong view, that demon- With mindfulness, we the part about resting our
strates gross ignorance can develop the ability to attention. We’ve become
and aggression. We need experience the full dimen- too focused on ourselves
to work against ignorance sion of thoughts as they and our big meditation
and wrong views, and yes, arise. We don’t need to experience, rather than
hate, without falling into it act on every thought that letting ourselves simply
ourselves. comes up. We can see it, be there. →

The
LOVING
KINDNESS
issue
PRACTICE
I’m reminded of what

one Asian teacher said after
itself seem somewhat
removed from day-to-day CONNECT
WITH KINDNESS
observing a lot of us: “You life. It might seem precious,
are rowing and rowing in the negative sense of the
and rowing, but you’re not word, gooey and soft, with-
untying the boat from the out strength or wisdom.
shore.” When we’re trying Just a mush ball. By Sharon Salzberg
so hard, and so focused Nonetheless, some peo-
on us and our meditation ple have suggested we just
achievement, we often call it “love” and be done
overlook what’s right in with it, but love is a com- 1
front of us: the need to be plicated term. It can mean
kind to ourselves and to something very superficial,
those around us. like “I love vanilla yogurt,” Begin by • May you live in
When we’re trying to or it can be a medium of thinking about safety.
develop a regular practice exchange, like “I will love someone who • May you
for ourselves, something you, so long as the follow- has helped you; have mental
integrated into our regular ing fifteen conditions are maybe they’ve happiness
life, having friends to help met.” That’s not quite it. been directly (peace, joy).
us along, a community of The Pali term for lov- generous or • May you
fellow travelers, is a great ing-kindness, metta, trans- kind, or have have physical
support. It’s heartening to lates simply as friendship, inspired you happiness
know that you are not the but that to me can merely though you’ve (health, freedom
only one who may have sat connote companionship, never met them. from pain).
through a whole meditation doing things together, going When you think of • May you live
session and noticed maybe to the movies, going out to them, they make with ease.
one breath. You can laugh at eat, or just hanging out via you smile. Bring
yourself, along with others. Zoom in this new world an image of the Don’t struggle to
of social distancing. The person to mind, or fabricate a feeling
What makes it possible to word that I think gets to feel their presence or sentiment.
laugh at ourselves? the essence of it perhaps as if they’re right If your mind
the most is connection. in front of you. wanders, simply
It comes back to this thing When I refer to cultivating Say their name begin again.
we call loving-kindness loving-kindness, I’m talking to yourself, and
that I’ve written a book about a bone-deep sense of silently offer these
about and taught about so connection. phrases to them,
often. Unfortunately, it’s a focusing on one
bit of an odd term, because What are we connecting to? phrase at a time.
it sounds kind of arcane or
removed from day-to-day First off, we’re connecting
life. If you go to a café for a to ourselves, not floating off
cup of tea, you’re not likely in the ether somewhere, but
to hear the conversation at being right here, experi-
the next table being about encing our whole heart
loving-kindness, unless and mind. Then, we’re
maybe the café is down the connecting to one another,
street from the Mindful which is not the same as
offices! liking somebody. It is rather
My concern is that an knowing deeply that our
unusual term like this lives have something to
might make the quality do with another, that the

This classic loving-kindness meditation can help you to
awaken to how connected we all are. You don’t have to like
everybody, or agree with everything they do—but you can
open up to the possibility of caring for them, because our
lives are inextricably linked.
constructs of self and other,

us and them, are useful
constructs but they are just
2 3 4 5 constructs.
At a certain intimate
level of reality, it is all about
After a few Offer loving- Offer loving- Finish by “we.” That’s just how it is.
minutes, move kindness kindness toward offering loving- We are all in this together.
on to a friend. to a neutral a person with kindness to I was driving with a
Start with a friend person who whom you have anyone who friend and we were caught
who’s doing you don’t feel difficulty. Start comes to mind: in this terrible, hideous
well right now, a strong liking with someone people, animals, traffic, complaining about
then switch to or disliking for: mildly difficult, those you like, it bitterly the whole while.
someone who a cashier at the and slowly work those you don’t, And then at one point my
is experiencing supermarket, a toward someone in an adventurous friend said, “You know,
difficulty, bank teller, a dry who has hurt you expansion of your we’re the traffic, too.”
loss, pain, or cleaner. When more grievously. own power of And all of a sudden I
unhappiness. you offer loving- It’s common to kindness. realized, oh! There it is.
kindness to a feel resentment It’s that sense of privilege,
neutral person, and anger, and of centrality, that we cling
you are offering it’s important not to. These are my roads and
m it to them simply
because they
exist—you are
to judge yourself
for that. Rather,
recognize that
these people are in my way
and where are they going
anyway on my Saturday?
not indebted to anger burns within Go away!
AUDIO or challenged by your heart and What happens when
Practice them. causes suffering, that sense of it all revolving
so out of the around us drops away for a
Connect with greatest respect bit? We might realize these
Kindness online and compassion other folks in the traffic jam
as Sharon for yourself, are saying the same thing
Salzberg guides practice letting about us. We’re all the
you through go and offering traffic.
this classic loving-kindness. Think of all the times
loving-kindness we’ve figured out who’s in
practice. the center and who’s at the
margin and let that shape
mindful.org/ our worldview. What hap-
salzberg- pens when that worldview
lovingkindness loosens up, when that sense
of centrality falls away, and
it’s just us? That’s love, and
it’s not weak and mushy. It’s
just true. ●

PHOTOGRAPH BY RIALTO IMAGES / STOCKSY
The
LOVING
KINDNESS
issue
when
like
In her forthcoming book, Real Change,
Sharon Salzberg explores how compassion and
loving-kindness are the forces of change that can
both soften and strengthen us.

When I want to summon
strength and power in the
midst of awfulness and hate,
I contemplate water.

The
LOVING
KINDNESS
issue
M
ost of us are table. How to have inspiration, they the crucial fact that I am not alone. I
familiar with the ask, when the only game in town feels believe in the healing power of love.
description of rigged? There’s a cognitive disso- Helplessness no longer feels natural,
the fight-or-flight nance that goes along with that kind the way things are meant to be, but a
response to stress of trapped feeling. It’s a form of daily distortion I can address and do address.
or trauma: our common tendency to moral injury, what journalist Diane
perceive a situation as an imminent Silver described as a “soul wound that
threat, and react either by gearing pierces a person’s identity, sense of
up (physiologically, hormonally, and morality and relationship to society.” Soft and Strong
emotionally) to fight for survival or As I’ve traveled around the world
alternatively gearing up to run away teaching, I’ve gotten a sense of the When I want to summon strength and
as fast as we can. prevalence and depth of the moral power in the midst of awfulness and
I felt gratified when stress experts injury resulting from world events. hate, I contemplate water. Our ideas of
expanded these familiar descriptions In the political climate of the United strength so often surround images of
to include another common, ready States in early 2018, I myself encoun- things that are hard—like rock or even
reaction: freezing. It made sense to tered near at hand the very ingre- a clenched fist. Perhaps that’s why we
me as soon as I heard it. We each dients I needed to feel triggered: think love doesn’t include strength,
engage in all three of these reactions, deception from authority figures, just softness. We are thinking in only
of course, but it seems that each of us shifting narratives not in accord with one dimension. That’s why I think of
has a tendency to gravitate toward one objective reality, one’s own perception water, in all its manifestations. Look
of these more than the others, based of the truth continually undermined. at the many ways we experience
on our individual conditioning. I’ll lay My childhood had been shaped by water: It trickles, spurts, floods, pours,
claim to freezing as my most frequent people who I believe cared deeply streams, soaks, and shows itself in
automatic reaction, rather than get- about me. Yet, they thought the best many more modes. All these convey
ting ready to bolt or starting to attack. way to express that caring was by evanescence, release, flow. They are all
The reactions of fight, flight, or never mentioning my mother after she about not being stuck.
freeze appear to be more of a chronic died when I was nine. They thought it Water is flexible, taking the shape
state that is starting to rule our pat- best to describe my father’s overdose of whatever vessel it flows into. It’s
terns of consumption and communi- of sleeping pills when I was eleven as always interacting, changing, in
cation, our media, our use of technol- accidental—never explaining how a motion, yet revealing continual pat-
ogy, our relationships, the dimensions mere accident led to the rest of his life terns of connection. Water can be so
of our generosity, and the limits of our being spent in one psychiatric facility expressive, a signal of our most heart-
imagination. We are more afraid, and or another. It was painful to figure out felt feelings. We cry tears of sorrow,
we are isolating ourselves more: Not when I was away at college: “Oh, that tears of outrage, tears of gratitude,
surprisingly, the number of people kind of pattern speaks more of suicidal and tears of joy. Water can be puz-
describing themselves as quite lonely intention than of an accident.” Feeling zling, seeming weak or ineffectual,
is shooting up, as reported in the something to be true right down to yielding too much, not holding firm.
United States, in England, in Japan. the cells of your body while having And yet over time water will carve its
It’s no wonder we’re fearful and that truth affirmed exactly nowhere own pathway, even through rock. And
despairing, since it can feel like we’re outside, in fact denied, can make you yes, water freezes. But it also melts.
being hit with an avalanche of sad feel just crazy. That was the flavor of Human beings have always found
PHOTOGRAPH BY TODD BELTZ / STOCKSY
news on many days, while we so my childhood. uplift and inspiration in metaphors,

rarely hear inspiring visions of the But now, unlike in my childhood, I like water, but we also take inspi-
future. Many people, particularly have tools I’ve learned in meditation ration from other people, and their
young people, feel trapped. They say practice. I have values that serve as a strength and resiliency in the face of
that they find themselves participat- North Star in my life, such as a respect difficult circumstances—the ways in
ing in, and therefore perpetuating, for myself and others and a commit- which they unfreeze themselves and
a system they did not create, that ment to balance. I have insight into make change. Not just in one way, but
does not reflect their values, and is ways of fostering resilience, and can in as many ways as water flows. I have
destructive of the planet and inequi- remind myself, with genuineness, of been so moved by people I know →

The
LOVING
KINDNESS
issue
Love is not soft and mushy. It is strong and
resilient. It springs from the truth of our
interconnectedness, and is powerful because
it is aligned with what is true.
who act in ways that seek change and from what it looked like right then, and that we have available to give,
who also tap into an inner strength—a even if repainted or tidied up. In my is a healing force. Love is not soft
way of being as well as a way of acting. mind, it was forever dilapidated, for- and mushy. It is strong and resil-
I want to lift up exemplary human lorn, and in disrepair. ient. It springs from the truth of our
qualities wherever I see them emerge, They didn’t listen to me at all. interconnectedness, and is powerful
however people get there, because it is I realized the vision of what was because it is aligned with what is true.
in recognizing those qualities that we possible had already been formed in I believe in the possibility of a
remember what’s possible for us. each of their minds. Their visions world where our interconnection
may not have been identical, but each is a deeply known and motivating
was bold and, importantly, realizable. force, where no one is left out, where
They weren’t overly idealistic visions the innate dignity of every person
Envisioning bound to be doomed by impossible is acknowledged, and where hatred
fundraising shortfalls or the prospect and fear and greed can be tempered.
What Is Possible of too much work—except in my mind. I believe in a world where change
I realized they were actually hold- might be hard, but is always seen as
This journey of envisioning what’s ing the vision of what it was and the possible, however stuck we might feel
possible in a very large sense is about vision of what it could be simultane- in any given moment. I believe in a
agency. It’s about how we marry ously. Change would take resources— world where we can have wisdom to
empowerment to our love for the time, effort, community, money—but guide us, we can have love to propel
world, what matters to us, what the spark that would get things us, and we can have the support of
wrongs we want to right and what started was to believe that the vision one another to try to accomplish a
collective dreams we hope to realize. was possible in the first place. vision of inclusion and care. I also
Whether that’s resolving conflicts believe in justice, in a world where
with a crotchety neighbor or combat- actions have consequences, where
ing global warming, certain funda- people are held accountable even as
mental principles and practices of The Truth of Our we try to take care of one another.
mindfulness can lead to the clarity And I believe in a world where
and confidence that let us take that Interconnectedness the fluidity and softness of love—like
next step. water—might superficially seem like
I remember going to see an old I’m not skilled at seeing the seeds of the weakest thing of all, but lo and
farmhouse for sale down the road longed-for transformation in a build- behold, it is indomitable. It can even
from the Insight Meditation Society ing. I’m better at seeing it in people. wear away rock.
in Barre, Massachusetts, which I I’ve looked many times at a friend What kind of world do you most
cofounded in 1976 with Joseph Gold- in the throes of a terrible divorce or deeply believe in? ●
stein and Jack Kornfield. I went with other devastating loss and been able
Joseph and a friend, Sarah Doering. to picture their healing and expansive
The farmhouse, as far as I could tell, happiness. I can see it in front of me,
PHOTOGRAPH BY JAVIER PARDINA / STOCKSY
was simply falling apart. Joseph and like a faint but discernible silhouette
Sarah chatted happily. “Well, we could amid the chaos and pain of their cur- Excerpted from Real
try to move this wall, or at least open rent situation. And I’ve been right. Change, © 2020 by
up that passageway… Underneath this And when I am in touch with the Sharon Salzberg,
with permission
wrecked floor might well lie hidden perspective and sense of openness
from Flatiron Books.
beauty… What if we built a small addi- that my meditation practice has Available for pre-
tion onto that door for a porch?” strengthened in me, I very much see order now.
Finally I broke in with, “Please, let’s the healing we are capable of—in com-
not buy it.” I just couldn’t imagine it munities, in cultures, in this world.
looking like anything much different I believe that the love we crave,

PRACTICE
GATHERING OUR ENERGY

By Sharon Salzberg
This foundational attention practice is designed

to strengthen the force of concentration. If you
Notice what
arises. And if
go of the distrac-
tion and begin
m
consider how scattered, how distracted, how images or sounds, again, bringing
out of the moment we may ordinarily be, you can emotions, sen- your attention AUDIO
see the benefit of gathering our attention and sations arise, but back to the breath. Practice
our energy. All of that energy could be available they’re not strong If you have to let
to us but usually isn’t because we throw it away enough to actually go and begin Practice online
into distraction. We gather all of that attention take you away again thousands with Sharon
and energy to become integrated, to have a from the feeling of of times, it’s fine, Salzberg as
center, to not be so fragmented and torn apart, the breath, just let that’s the practice. she guides you
to be empowered. them flow on by. through this
In this system, the breath we focus on is the You don’t have to You may notice meditation
normal flow of the in-and-out breath. We don’t follow after them, the rhythm of for gathering
try to make the breath deeper or different; we you don’t have your breath energy, focus,
simply encounter it however it’s appearing, and to attack them; changing in and awareness.
however it’s changing. you’re breathing. the course of
It’s like seeing a this meditation mindful.org/
friend in a crowd— session. You salzberg-
you don’t have to can just allow it to energy
To begin with, See if you can shove everyone be however it is.
you can sit feel just one else aside or make Whatever arises,
comfortably breath, from them go away, but you can shepherd
and relax. You the beginning your enthusiasm, your attention
don’t have to feel through the your interest, is back to the feeling
self-conscious, middle, to the going toward your of the breath.
as though you end. If you’re with friend: “Oh, there’s
are about to do the breath at the my friend. There’s Remember that
something special nostrils, it may be the breath.” in letting go of
or weird. Just be tingling, vibration, distraction the
at ease. It helps if warmth, coolness. Notice when important word
your back can be If at the abdomen, you’re dis- is gentle. We can
straight, without it may be move- tracted. When gently let go, we
being strained or ment, pressure, something can forgive our-
overarched. You stretching, release. arises—sensa- selves for having
can close your You don’t have to tions, emotions, wandered, and
eyes or not, how- name them, but thoughts, what- with great kind-
ever you feel com- feel them. It’s just ever it might ness to ourselves,
fortable. Notice one breath. be—that’s strong we can begin
where the feeling enough to take again.
of the breath is your attention
most predomi- away from the feel- When you feel
nant—at the nos- ing of the breath, ready, you can
trils, at the chest, or if you’ve fallen open your eyes.
or at the abdomen. asleep, or if you See if you can
Rest your attention get lost in some bring this aware-
lightly, in just incredible fantasy, ness of breath
that area. see if you can let periodically into
your day.
The
LOVING
KINDNESS
issue
PHOTOGRAPH BY ANDREAS WONISCH / STOCKSY

REFLECTION
Bring to Mind
a Circle of Love
Visualize yourself in the center of a circle
composed of those who have been kind to
you, or have inspired you because of their
love. Perhaps you’ve met them, or read
about them; perhaps they live now, or have
existed historically or even mythically. That
is the circle. As you visualize yourself in
the center of it, experience yourself as the
recipient of their love and attention. Gently
repeat the phrases of loving-kindness for
yourself: May I be safe, may I be happy,
may I live with ease.
SHARON SALZBERG

insight
WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE
CLEAR
VISION
How connecting with your
purpose helps you thrive
By Rich Fernandez • Illustrations by Edmon de Haro
You know those moments when things can recognize when you’re about to stray from
don’t go as planned—the job, the relation- your path and find your way back on course.
ship, your health—and you feel unmoored and And, equally important, being clear can help
unsure of your next steps? Or, when things are you acknowledge those moments where your
going so well that there’s a sense of opportunity path and your purpose are aligned so you can
right at your fingertips? Those are the moments celebrate them with gratitude.
when having a clear sense of purpose can both Getting clear about your purpose is an inter-
anchor and guide you; it can also help you nav- nal practice of connecting with the sources of
igate the tricky in-between stages when your meaning, joy, and inspiration that reside deeply
life feels a lot less clear, offering a sense of ease within you. The work of defining purpose is the
and skill and, dare I say, grace. work of becoming fully conscious of what you
Uncovering your purpose is a process. In fact, love and what is most alive within you and then
I like to define purpose as an ongoing process (and this can be the hard part) acting accord-
of developing a clear understanding of what ingly. This work takes time, practice, imagina-
is most meaningful to you, and aligning your tion, compassion, curiosity, and kind awareness.
actions and behaviors in the world to be consis- It’s an evolving process, a beautiful and some-
tent with those qualities. It’s the skill of being times painful one, that you can be in relation-
in tune with your mind, heart, and body, so you ship with over the arc of your whole life. →

insight
How I connected to my purpose

About nine years ago, I began experiencing a resented the culmination of many years of hard
vague sense that I was misaligned in my work. work. I felt grateful and very lucky to have such
I found myself dreading work, rather than a job—yet I couldn’t escape the feeling that my
feeling excited or engaged by it. Bad work habits work was hurting me, physically and mentally. I
began creeping in—I would heavily procrasti- was feeling depleted. My heart, mind, and body
nate on projects, not be responsive to emails. were saying “Focus more on your meditation
The quality of my work began to suffer as well. practice, go deeper, see what’s possible,” but
And the most troubling sign of all—my attitude my logical mind couldn’t imagine quitting a
and personality also began changing. I was no job at Google. It took a lot of time to clarify my
longer energetic and excited about work, instead purpose and work up the courage and resolve
a dullness took over and I became more and to flip the script and take the big career- and
more stressed. This was especially problematic life-changing step that I was considering next.
because I managed a team of people and my Eventually I chose to leave Google and
mood changes became increasingly apparent cofound a workplace wellness and mindfulness
and affected some of them in negative ways. company called WisdomLabs. It was a tough
I had spent years successfully building my decision to leave, both because it meant a career
career as an organizational psychologist work- transition and because it had real financial
ing with some very interesting companies. My consequences for me and my family. But from
work was fulfilling for me personally and also the moment I stepped into this new role, I felt a
provided me and my family security and stabil- sense of fulfillment that I had never experienced
ity. So I was feeling very confused about what to before. And over time the company began to
do next. make good on the vision of bringing mindfulness
Thankfully, I had been practicing meditation and wellness solutions to organizations around
since college. I knew that I needed to take time the world. Following my calling to offer mindful-
to sit in quiet reflection with all that was arising ness solutions to organizations continues to be a
for me. As I did so over the course of the year, I source of deep fulfillment for me to this day.
came to realize that what I most wanted to do I eventually moved on to my current role lead-
was focus full time on sharing the practice of ing the global nonprofit Search Inside Yourself
mindfulness and meditation in organizations. Leadership Institute, which offers science-based
It was so alive for me. But this was way before mindfulness and emotional intelligence skills
mindfulness was mainstream. And the thought development solutions to communities and
of building a career teaching mindfulness in organizations around the world. Uncovering my
organizations sounded a little crazy. purpose—which is to live and work toward the
Yet I couldn’t ignore what I was feeling. full integration of mindfulness in all domains of
At the time, I had an exciting job at Google, my life—and then acting on my discovery is how
where I was responsible for providing leader- I created my reality today.
ship development programs for senior leaders The journey to live your purpose is in a sense
across the company. It was a great role and rep- nothing less than a process of connecting with
the aspects of your life and work that are most
meaningful to you, and living and working in a
congruent way. Importantly, this is a practice,
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
a process, not a once-and-done.
Rich Fernandez is cofounder of Wisdom Labs, That means it’s essential to check in regularly
which focuses on science and data to promote
mindfulness, resilience, and purpose-driven
so you’re in tune with your current purpose and
performance. He is currently the CEO of Search aware when changes naturally begin to crop up
Inside Yourself Leadership Institute. Rich has and require you to change course.
held positions in executive education and I’d like to share the practices that helped me
leadership development at Google, eBay, Bank
of America, and JP Morgan Chase. He lives with
create clarity about my purpose and my ongoing
his family in San Francisco. commitment to align my life with my discovery.

SELF-INQUIRY
Are You Misaligned with

Your Purpose? By Rich Fernandez
Three key ways to assess if you are aligned with your purpose—or not.
When you find yourself feeling

drained or unhappy in your work, it’s
important to ask yourself whether
1 2 3
you’re experiencing the normal
growing pains of career growth or if Distinguish Keep an Recognize
your discomfort is actually revealing between energy journal when you are
something deeper.
As you move towards greater
learning disconnected
alignment with your purpose, it’s and undue Track the expe- from your
important to remember that this is suffering rience of being values
an ongoing process and that moving drained versus
through difficult experiences is part being energized.
of the journey. Be kind to yourself. Be There is no doubt If your work or Simply stated,
patient. Take some time to explore that it is import- life situation your values are the
these three clarifying ways to help ant to experience leaves you feeling qualities in life that
shed some light on the path to living challenges and predominantly you consider most
your purpose. overcome strug- drained with little important to you.
gles in order to to no experience If your situation
learn. The great of enjoyment, takes you further
social reformer inspiration or away from rather
and writer Fredrick positive energy, than closer to your
Douglass famously that may be a clear values, that is a
said, “if there is sign that you are sure sign you are
no struggle, there misaligned. Are misaligned. Have
is no progress.” you consistently you ever wrtten
Be clear, however, very stressed? Are down what’s most
when a challenge you predominantly important to you?
causes excessive in a bad state of Take some time to
or undue suffering mind or nega- think about that
that no longer tive-feeling state so you can activly
promotes learning. when engaged seek congruence
Some suffering in your life or between your
is to be expected work activities? values and your
during challenging Consider what everyday life. In
times. Ongoing actions it would this way you can
suffering may indi- take to move from begin to ensure
cate that you may being drained to you are living and
need to move on. being energized working true to
and experiencing your purpose.
vibrancy in your
situation.
insight
THE FOUR
PILLARS
1 AWARENESS
HOW TO PRACTICE
OF PURPOSE
Connecting with What’s Alive for You
There are four research-backed qualities
that lead to a strong sense of purpose: Awareness simply means exercise awareness. Be kind
awareness, values, aspirations, and paying attention to the to yourself as you bring curi-
experience you are having osity to these large questions
congruent behaviors. The good news is
as you are having it. You of purpose. We’re all unfold-
that these qualities can be nurtured with can practice awareness of ing. Life is a process. The fact
simple mindfulness practices designed your own sense of purpose that you’re interested in
through quiet meditation, tak- aligning your life with your
to activate these four “pillars of purpose.” ing the time to simply notice purpose means that you’re
Those practices are: awareness, to connect the thoughts, emotions, and already halfway there.
physical sensations that arise Reflecting on purpose helps
with what’s alive within you; intention,
when you consider your life you gain insight into your
to visualize your best life; alignment, to and what purpose means own lived experiences and,
match your actions with your values; and to you. By observing your when necessary, into how to
thoughts, emotions, ideas, respond appropriately and
resilience, to unhook from rigidity.
sensations, discomfort, and effectively to opportunities as
anything else that arises, with they present themselves.
kindness and curiosity, you In both the formal medita-
can begin the process of dis- tion and integrated practices
covery that can lead to insight of developing awareness of
into your purpose. purpose, the most important
WHAT DO YOU NOTICE AS YOU MOVE

THROUGH YOUR DAY, OR AS YOU
ENGAGE IN TASKS, MEETINGS, OR
OTHER FORMS OF WORK?
You can also integrate the consideration is whether
practice of awareness into your life or work situation is
your everyday life. Ask your- contributing to a sense of
self: What do you notice as aliveness for you. Perhaps
you move through your day, or more than anything, focusing
as you engage in tasks, meet- on what makes you feel alive
ings, or other forms of work? and energized is a key indica-
Is your life and work situation tor of what is good and true
energizing? Draining? Does and worthwhile to consider in
it sometimes bring feelings terms of purpose. Aliveness
of joy or well being, or the can take many forms: joy,
opposite? absorption, meaningfulness.
Remember that aware- I find that this concept of a
ness practice is a process search for what is most alive
and that each phase, stage, in one’s life is not only pro-
and chapter of your life is a found and beautiful but also
stepping-stone and a learning very practical. You know it
experience in which you can when you see, feel, or sense it!

2 INTENTION
HOW TO PRACTICE
Imagining Your Best Life
Intention is your innate those goals. Then your brain Setting intentions isn’t
capacity to harness and becomes wired to act in ways reserved only for things
direct your energy and consistent with those expecta- relating to your purpose with
effort at will. It seems tions. “According to neurosci- a capital “P.” Living a life of
simple enough, but it takes a ence,” says Pally, “even before purpose means investing
lot of practice to harness your events happen, the brain has everyday moments with
innate ability to direct your already made a prediction intention—which is why
attention at will. And it’s also about what is most likely to another key element in prac-
a critical skill for the journey happen, and sets in motion the ticing intention is love. Having
toward realizing your purpose. perceptions, behaviors, emo- our intentions informed by
Setting a clear and strong tions, physiologic responses, love emphasizes the quality of
intention toward realizing pur- and interpersonal ways of how we are being in the world,
pose helps you to create the relating that best fit with what rather than what we are doing.
conditions for that purpose to is predicted.” In many ways, Bringing love to the mundane
arise. Some call this serendip- setting the intention to live activities of everyday life is an
ity but there may be a more with purpose is an act of invitation for each of us to live
scientific explanation linking imagining an ideal future, every day as our best selves.
our thoughts and intentions and then living and work- No matter what, intention
with our behaviors. Neurosci- ing toward the realization imbued with love can bring us
entist Regina Pally describes of that vision. closer to a sense of congru-
how setting intentions (or ence and alignment between
goals) for yourself causes what we value and how we act
your brain to nonconsciously in the world.
predict what is most likely to
happen in order to achieve

insight
3 ALIGNMENT
HOW TO PRACTICE
A Mindful
Journaling Practice
When Your Actions Match
Your Values This is a practice Invite some
I call The Three reflection about
Gates of Aligned your life situation.
After you do the hard work actions you take eventually Action. To practice You may reflect
of uncovering what’s alive help you better understand this, you’ll want on some specific
for you, and setting the what alignment means to find a comfort- questions:
intention to direct your to you. The very act of able place to sit
energy to incorporating recognizing that you feel where you can 1
those things in your life misaligned is the absolute enjoy silence and What is good in
more, the next step is necessary beginning point stillness for a few your life?
aligning your actions. It can on the path to full align- moments. Please
be hard work: acting in a way ment with your purpose. read through the 2
that aligns with your values. So, how do you know if you practice and then What do you
It is sometimes all too easy are living and working in an journal about your know to be true?
to lose sight of what’s most aligned way? In the simplest findings.
important to you when you’re sense, it is about congruence. 3
in the middle of the slings and “Look closely at the pres- Settle in. Begin What actions
arrows of everyday life. It is ent you are constructing; it by connecting and behaviors
very easy to succumb to the should look like the future you with a felt sense can you under-
“busy-ness trap,” or prioritize are dreaming,” suggests Alice of your body. take to be of
the needs of others over your Walker, the renowned Ameri- most service?
own—to lose the forest for the can writer and activist. Connect with
trees. The days, months, and How do you know when you the sensations of Note whatever
years pass by and there can be are on course to this “future breathing and if arises with an
the surreal feeling or realiza- you are dreaming”? I’d like you like, enjoy a few open and curious
tion of “How did I get here? to offer the following inqui- deeper breaths. mind. Continue to
Where did my time go?” ry-based practice focused on Allow the mind to reflect on these
It’s helpful to consider the three “gates” that lead to settle and stabilize. three questions,
that all of the decisions and aligned action. The Three Gates
Allow yourself of Aligned Action.
to be met by any
thoughts, feelings,
or sensations with
a kind and gentle
touch. With-
out judgement,
observe what
arises for a few
moments.
“LOOK CLOSELY AT
THE PRESENT YOU
ARE CONSTRUCTING;
IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE
THE FUTURE YOU ARE
DREAMING.”
Alice Walker
4 RESILIENCE
HOW TO PRACTICE
Unhooking from Rigidity
Resilience is the learned

capacity to bounce back
*
from adversity, adapt, and
thrive, according to world-
renowned resilience expert
Linda Graham. (See her A Mindfulness Practice
article “Caring for Your for Building Resilience
Amazing Brain” on page 24.) Your purpose is not some
Learning resilience is critically elusive hidden treasure that
important to realizing your This practice, Reflect. Breathe. reveals itself all at once in a
purpose because it allows you called the response Practice focused blaze of euphoria. Contem-
to gracefully and effectively flexibility prac- attention on the plating your purpose and
navigate the challenges you tice, allows you to breath. Label sen- taking aligned action is a pro-
will certainly meet along the put some space sations, thoughts, cess, a sometimes scary and
way. Challenges and setbacks between a poten- and emotions as painful process that unfolds
are inevitable. I’d go as far tially activating they arise. Give over time. Sometimes long
as to say they are necessary: situation (a snarky them a name. (e.g., periods of time. Perhaps even
They force you to redefine and coworker, an “Anger,” “Frustra- the arc of a lifetime. As you
connect with your purpose in underinformed tion,” “Sadness,” live your way into a deeper
an even more meaningful way. family member) “Worry.”) understanding of what is true
That’s why the final pillar of and your reaction. and good and meaningful
realizing purpose is the ability It’s very simple: Respond. for you, no matter how on
to harness resilience to come Skillfully prob- or off course you might feel
back to your sense of purpose Pause. Stop for a lem-solve rather right now, you will gain the
when you lose your way. moment and allow than react. capability to acknowledge
The good news is that some space for and invite new possibilities to
more than five decades of contemplation. This practice will live and work with awareness,
research show that resil- help you meet intention and aligned action.
ience is highly trainable. A Notice. If you and navigate the Developing your purpose
mindfulness practice called have been strong thoughts is ultimately an exercise in
response flexibility underpins activated, notice and emotions that imagination and creativity,
the core research-backed how that shows arise especially because as the beloved Brazil-
resilience factors of optimism, up for you in the when meeting ian philosopher and educator
balanced management of moment. (Are adversity. Remem- Rubem Alves noted, “The fron-
strong or difficult emotions, a you experiencing ber it’s never tiers of the possible are not
sense of safety, and a strong strong emotions? about “canceling determined by the limits of the
social support system. Tension in your out” difficulties, actual.” What, then, is possible
According to Graham, body? Sensations but rather meeting for you? Developing a sense of
response flexibility is “the such as heat or them with mindful- purpose for all that is possible
ability to pause, step back, a high energetic ness, wisdom, and (and not only what is actual)
reflect, shift perspectives, charge?) wise action. means listening deeply to your
create options and choose inner voice and connecting
wisely,” especially when we with what is most alive, true,
are met with adversity. and good in your life. ●

Q&A
RICH FERNANDEZ
WHAT’S ALIVE FOR

YOU RIGHT NOW?
Rich Fernandez, CEO of the Search Inside Yourself Leadership
Institute, talks about how he leaned on his mindfulness practice
to turn his career into a calling.
INTERVIEW BY VICTORIA DAWSON
The thread that runs through Rich Fernandez’s It’s interesting that your ask someone, “What do you
life—unifying his undergraduate degree in literature; life’s work—career and do for work?” You ask, “Ano
his pursuit of mindfulness practices and martial arts; calling—has revolved ang hanapbuhay mo?” What
his master’s in organizational psychology, and doctoral around the subject of is your search for life? It’s a
work in counseling psychology; his years with corpo- work. beautiful way to talk about
rate giants like JPMorgan Chase, eBay, and Google; work. It’s not just your liveli-
and his eventual shift to the nonprofit sector—is a Most of our productive hood. It’s how you make life.
simple question: What makes us thrive? How, Fernan- time, energy, and attention It’s what makes you feel fully
dez, asks, can humans flourish at work and extend that is spent at work. We spend alive and allows you to bring
flourishing to other realms of their lives? To that end, about 40% of our waking the best of your gifts forward.
in 2013, he cofounded Wisdom Labs, whose mission life working—90,000 hours
is to provide workplace wellness and mindfulness via across a lifetime. For me, the I’m curious if, elsewhere in
digital platforms. In 2017, Fernandez took the helm of essential question is how can your youth, there are hints
the Google-born Search Inside Yourself Leadership work be transformational? of your eventual dedication
Institute (SIYLI), a nonprofit global initiative whose How can it benefit people to mindfulness and other
face-to-face programs include mindfulness and emo- and the planet? awareness practices?
tional intelligence training for individuals and orga-
nizations. He lives in San Francisco with his wife and Can you identify any I went to a parochial school
their teenage son. sources of inspiration for about three blocks from my
that optimistic view? apartment in Manhattan. In
middle school, I started going
My mother grew up in the to church for ten or fifteen
Philippines. She came to the minutes, before school, to just
United States when she was sit there. It was the only place
“WORK IS NOT JUST YOUR twenty and she had me in her I found quiet and stillness. My
LIVELIHOOD. IT’S HOW mid-twenties. A year later, mom wanted to know why I
her marriage dissolved, and was leaving early for school.
YOU MAKE LIFE. IT’S WHAT I moved to the Philippines “Well, I’m going to church,” I’d
MAKES YOU FEEL FULLY for three years to live with my say. She was very suspicious:
ALIVE AND ALLOWS YOU TO maternal grandmother and “There’s no Mass now, why are
BRING THE BEST OF YOUR aunt. After I returned to New you really going? What are you
GIFTS FORWARD.” York City, we continued to doing there?” I’m just sitting.
visit the Philippines often, and
the culture and language are
still very much alive for me.
There is an expression in
the Filipino language, Taga-
log, that has guided my own
work. In Tagalog, you don’t

Rich Fernandez sharing his passion for purpose
during a keynote address on the science of mindful
leadership, given at the 2018 APEX Leadership
Symposium in Ottawa.
After you earned your PhD

you had a successful run
It’s not unusual for the in the corporate world,
path to mindfulness to from Bank of America to
begin with a personal eBay—the latter move
crisis. But that wasn’t the occurring in the throes of
case for you, was it? the financial crisis.
In my freshman year of col- As a retail business, eBay

lege, a dorm-mate invited me was severely affected. People
to a tai chi class. Neither of us around me were freaking out.
had tried it before, and I didn’t I was worried, but I like to
know anything about tai chi. think I’m fairly grounded—and
But in that first session, I felt I practice, right? Some of
a real shift, an opening up of my colleagues were curious.
m consciousness. I didn’t have

the words to name it, but it
was a kind of embodied mind-
“We’re facing a crisis, how
come you’re so chill?” I told
them that I find my ground
fulness experience. At the end every day. “How?” they asked.
VIDEO Were you in particular of class, I asked the instructor, I told them that medita-
Find Your need of quiet? “What were we doing?” She tion helps, and they asked,
Life’s Purpose said, “Meditation in motion.” “What’s meditation?” I started
My mother had remarried, I asked, “What’s meditation?” holding sits for about five of
A four-part and I shared a bedroom with my colleagues, teaching them
video course my baby sister. So, there I And that was it? to cultivate awareness using
with Rich was, a middle school boy with their breath. Before I knew it,
Fernandez an infant waking up every It was a “wow” moment. 20 people were showing up.
to help you three hours and crying. We The instructor recommended
uncover were this blended family books by Thich Nhat Hanh, The arc of your life seems
meaning, set starting to come together, in Stephen Levine, Lao Tzu, striking for the absence of
intentions, and a small apartment. It was a bit Zhuang Zhou, Alan Watts— bad career decisions.
PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY OF RICH FERNANDEZ
more. tumultuous. So, church was and I read them. From that
an island of calm and repose class onward, meditation— My practice has been an
mindful.org/ and peace. I didn’t use those mindfulness—became a for- anchor point for me. Each
rich-fernandez words at the time. All I knew mal pursuit. Suddenly, there step of the way, my convic-
was that I liked to go. The was a model to follow. I came tions have been informed by
sacredness of the space itself to mindfulness through a an underlying sense of what
connected me to something gravitation toward the innate my life is about. I feel very
beyond myself. goodness of life that, through fortunate that I’ve managed
formal practice, I could to find my way, to live and do
finally access. what I love. ●

voices
Easy Speed
What swimming taught me about
self-compassion and letting go.
By Kelly Barron
PHOTOGRAPH BY SONG HEMING / STOCKSY

voices
a solid flip turn, and kept Healing the wound

pace to finish strongly.
Dan was waiting at the
of overachieving
water’s edge. My friend had
I’m
told me that no matter how And yet, there in the pool
good a swimmer I thought my striving was laid bare.
I was, Dan would offer cor- Swimming, like many
no Diana Nyad. rections. Of course; that’s sports, can be an embodied
But I’m a capable why I was taking a lesson. metaphor for how we relate
swimmer. Dur- But what Dan said sur- to life. I’ve long equated
ing the summer prised me. effort with excellence.
months, I regularly “Wow, you’re like a More often than not, I’ve
swim a half-mile in the wind-up toy in the water,” made it happen, rather than
Pacific Ocean, churning he joked. Taking a more let it happen. Sometimes
through waves and unpre- serious tone, he told me: there’s merit in that hard-
dictable tides with the self- “Relax. Slow down.” Then, nosed approach. It’s made
assurance of a Los Angeles Dan relayed the kind of me successful. But it’s also
lifeguard. wisdom that transcends made me stressed and, at
So when a gym pal sport: “We only have so times, woefully unhappy.
encouraged me to improve many starry nights left.” Like many people who
my strokes by taking a The nervous tightness begin and then develop a
lesson with Dan Halladay, in my chest blossomed. I lifelong meditation prac-
a retired UCLA women’s felt both embarrassed and tice, I began meditating as
swim team coach, I was profoundly seen by Dan’s a way to unwind my tightly
game. I liked the idea of seemingly obvious observa- wound nervous system.
refining my freestyle, tion of my Type A tenden- It’s worked. Even in times
polishing my flip turns, cies. The harsh voice of of great difficulty, I’m so
and getting in some intense self-criticism rang in my much less stressed than I
swim workouts. ears: “Why are you trying ever have been. The way I
As I headed to the pool so hard? You’re not training muscled myself from one
for my first lesson, I was for the Olympics!” end of the pool to the other,
surprised to feel a pang Then, as it often does though, told me that the
of nervous tightness in when I need it most, my wound of overachieving was
my chest. I met Dan, a fit mindfulness practice still open. It also told me
68-year-old with a genuine showed up. I took a deep that by taking swim lessons
smile, at the far end of a breath and softened my I might have the opportu-
lane reserved for lessons. body. In the space I cre- nity to further heal it.
Dan got down to business ated between my critical Dan was more than a
quickly, explaining that thoughts, waves of self- worthy teacher. In his
he’d film my first 50 yards compassion arose. Pema decades of coaching, he’d
on his iPhone and then get Chödrön’s sweet refrain of trained some of the best
in the water to instruct. self-acceptance—“allow, collegiate swimmers in the
I pulled on my orange allow, allow”—floated into country, teaching them
swim cap, squared my my mind. Reframing my how to efficiently glide
goggles over my nose, and reactivity with kindness, I through the water at maxi-
slipped into the chlorine- thought how normal it was mum speed.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
scented water. Taking off for me and for all of us to Swimming, it turns out, is
Kelly Barron is a freelance with purpose, I whirled return to our habitual set highly paradoxical. Slicing
writer and mindfulness teacher
my arms and kicked my points when we try some- through the water quickly
in Los Angeles. When she’s not
meditating or swimming, she feet at a fast clip. I hit the thing new, feel stressed, or while preserving precious
loves to play table tennis. wall, reversing course with just get a bad night’s sleep. energy requires the perfect

during meditation or pool. I missed my thrashing
flow while writing—that and the illusion of control
the feeling couldn’t be striving bestows.
forced. But it could be felt, But when I finished my
acknowledged, and trained. lap, Dan enthusiastically
A look of recognition said: “You won’t believe how
must have registered on my fast you were motoring.”
face. Dan smiled. He then
explained that instead of
ripping and tearing at the Staying loose in the
water, I needed to extend
my arms from my shoulders
face of resistance
and reach toward an imagi-
nary pole in front of me In the swim lessons since
that could pull me ahead my first, Dan has upped
one stroke at a time. the ante, tethering me to a
I made a few fumbling bungee cord and forcing me
attempts. Dan told me to to create easy speed against
soften my hands and loosen resistance. Life, like swim-
my fingers, spreading them ming, doesn’t always go
like Japanese fans. Loose smoothly or as we plan. So I
hands meant water could saw the wisdom of training
slide more readily past me. easy speed in the face of
The lesson continued difficulty.
with Dan making numerous And, in fact, the feeling
corrections and me making of easy speed has returned
numerous bids to embody to me on dry land. It has
Dan relayed the kind them. My head was too appeared at times as a
high in the water. I dropped welcome companion amid
of wisdom that transcends my right hand before my uncertainty, preventing me
left hand reached out in from regressing into well-
sport: “We only have so many front of me. It would be worn, stressful habits. My
better if I rotated my torso striving nature will likely
starry nights left.” more, and so on. always be a part of me. I’ve
Dan, though, had me become far more accepting
at starry nights. Midway of it. At times, I even appre-
through my lesson, I held ciate it. It’s what drove me
my hand up and with the to take a swim lesson in
kind of confidence only a the first place. But maybe,
muscular balance between shallow end. He grabbed recovering overachiever sometime in the near
PHOTOGRAPH BY URS SIEDENTOP & CO / STOCKSY
laxity and tension. Swim my hands and stretched can muster, I told him: “I future, striving won’t be
with too much effort and my arms out in front of me, think I’ve got it.” what propels me forward.
you’ll be gassed before the lightly moving them in a I swam the length of Easy speed will be my new
race is over. Make too little rhythmic freestyle motion the pool, letting my body set point. ●
effort and you’ll wallow in so I could feel easy speed in fall into a state of dynamic
the water. my body. relaxation as I concentrated
Dan called this razor’s It was a mix of pres- on one or two of Dan’s tech-
edge of effort “easy speed.” ence, physical ease, and nical notes. It felt as though
After our brief chat, Dan mental relaxation. I knew I was swimming through
jumped into the water and from other experiences— peanut butter, barely mak-
stood in front of me in the absorbed concentration ing headway across the

Bookmark This
read…listen…stream
MINDFUL MOVEMENT STRANGE SITUATION

IN PSYCHOTHERAPY A Mother’s Journey into
Paul Salmon • Guilford Press the Science of Attachment
Bethany Saltman • Ballantine
How many movies or TV series have you seen Research has shown that our Attachment parenting is now
depicting psychotherapy? Every time it’s the very earliest relationships de rigeur, she writes, but is
same scene. The therapist in a comfortable chair, affect everything we do later often contradicted by the sci-
their hands nested beneath their chin, listening in life—”how we love, work, ence of attachment, which she
intently or speaking wisely. Across from them sits marry, create, lead, pray, scroll, dives into headfirst with this
the client on a chair or couch, usually a little more drink, eat, study, sleep, have moving memoir. Her journey
anxious. Salmon, a clinical psychologist teach- sex,” writes Bethany Saltman. explores the witnessing of
ing in the department of psychological and brain As a new parent, troubled by sadness, hurt, and anger, and
sciences at the University of Louisville, asks us: Is the shadows of her emotion- the universal desire to be seen.
anything missing from this picture? ally neglected childhood, Salt- Attachment, she discovers,
No movement. Because movement is, he says, man sought to come to grips isn’t only about mothering —
traditionally “viewed as outside the realm of ‘talk with what “good” attachment it’s available to any of us who
therapy.’” Salmon—who is also a certified exercise is, how we can heal from the truly delight in those dear to
physiologist, registered yoga teacher, personal “bad” kind, and her own self. our hearts.
trainer, and mindfulness teacher—encourages
clinicians to consider incorporating “purposeful,
mindful movement” in their interventions. He is
not talking simply about exercise but about move-
ment infused with awareness of what’s going on KEEP CALM AND LOG ON
in body and mind, which can “provide a way to Your Handbook for Surviving
rekindle appreciation for our ability to move and the Digital Revolution
be physically active.” Moving, he emphasizes, Gillian “Gus” Andrews, EdD •
is baked into our DNA, but our lifestyles have The MIT Press
greatly reduced it. Physical activity itself can cre-
ate tangible experience that helps us be more than
sedentary bodies with overactive brains, provid- This handbook is crammed at” technology, addicted to
ing “an anchor to moment-to-moment reality.” with practical information, it, or at a loss for how best to
Salmon leads off by offering five progres- from understanding bias to navigate a world dominated by
sively more engaged ways to bring movement figuring out who owns a partic- it. She addresses FAQs around
into therapy. He then defines mindful movement ular website. Andrews points privacy, online etiquette, criti-
and makes a case for it, as well as reviewing how out that the digital revolution— cal thinking, intimate online
mindful movement is used in existing clinical pro- with its promise of connecting relationships, and more. Work-
grams. From there,Salmon offers practical appli- us all, extending access, and sheets, practices, advice, and
cations, first in a general way, and then for various generally spreading more resources for further reading
kinds of conditions, such as anxiety, depression, fun—often makes us feel more make this guide valuable for
PTSD, eating disorders, and addiction. There are disconnected and proliferates anyone who wants to better
also 29 audio guided practices that purchasers of disinformation. Her book is understand one of the defining
the book can use personally or with clients. for those of us who feel “bad revolutions of our time.

Meditation
Made Simple
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advice & helpful guidance found in every issue of Mindful magazine.
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TUNE IN TO
Mindful
WELL NOURISHED
Mindful Practices to Heal Your Visit mindful.org for featured meditations from
Relationship with Food, Heal Your Hugh Byrne, Kristin Neff, and JG Larochette
Whole Self, and End Overeating
Andrea Lieberstein, MPH, RDN •
Fair Winds
FIND YOUR WAY THROUGH ANXIETY
A 23-Minute Anxiety Practice to Calm Body and Mind

This step-wise approach each of those bodies—with 1
from Hugh Byrne
to healing our relationships research-based informa-
with food offers worksheets, tion about the importance of
charts, graphs, prompts, each to our well-being, along When we’re anxious, caught up in fearful or worried
and practices to lead readers with tools for tapping into thinking about what might happen, these difficult
through an inventory of how, awareness, setting inten- feelings will often lead us into acting in habitual
what, and why we eat and tions, and making changes ways. Using mindfulness, we can allow ourselves to
overeat. Lieberstein outlines to better nourish each of our experience the feelings and then choose whether
what she calls our “eight bodies. Well Nourished is a we act on them. Explore this practice to lay the
bodies”: physical, emotional, practical, compassionate, basis for more healthy and beneficial responses to
psychological, spiritual, customizable approach to an your anxious impulses.
social, intellectual, and cre- issue that can feel insur-
ative. A lack of nourishment mountable—we have to eat to
of one or more of those bod- survive, but failing to address
ies may lead us to overeat, our relationship with food
A 20-Minute Meditation to Cultivate Compassion
Lieberstein writes. Subse- and overeating can stunt our 2
from Kristin Neff
quent chapters focus on ability to thrive and live fully.
During loving-kindness meditation, the meditator

thinks of a particular person, visualizes them,
and silently repeats a series of phrases to invoke
friendly wishes or good intentions. The best part:
LONGER Research shows that loving-kindness meditation
Michael Blumlein • Tor is “dose-dependent”—the more you do, the more
powerful the effects. Work with this compassion
practice to create more supportive self-talk and
uplifted moods.
A 6-Minute Breathing Practice to Stay in the Moment

A San Francisco medical pharmacology, one is able to 3
from JG Larochette
doctor who is also an award- safely add more “lives” twice
winning science fiction and (which is still not enough for
fantasy author, Blumlein some). Dream come true, Resting attention on the breath is the foundational
passed away in the fall of right? Well…maybe. The fact practice of mindfulness. Breath may be a little
2019 after a long illness. Lon- that Blumlein himself was shallow or a little deeper, at different times, but
ger is the work he produced facing his own death while the breath is always here for us right here, right
during his final year and its composing the novel gives it now. This gentle practice, which is also a great way
principal theme is mortality. power and palpability that is for children to explore mindfulness, helps us to
He presents a world where the mark of the best kind of practice drawing our awareness back to the breath,
it’s possible to “juve,” to add science fiction. Ironically, this time and again, training our attention so that we
another life span. With current is a book brimming with life. can focus in each moment.

THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE
to having honest conversations
PODCAST about divisive issues from
Reviews three professional mediators.
EMOTIONAL BADASS
Episode: Managing Our Feelings
Through the Coronavirus Crisis
As much as the world during a crisis. That having

of podcasts offers safe boundaries is a strength
entertainment, education, we can and must practice:
and news, it also provides “Sometimes saying no when
valuable tools for mental we want to say yes is the
and emotional support, in most loving thing that we can
the very real and human do.” That financial worry is
moments when we need valid, and yet isn’t bigger than
reassurance. In this episode our ability to find a way. And
of Emotional Badass, that bearing witness to our
psychotherapist Nicki storm of emotions creates
Eisenhauer calls on the life space for loving-kindness,
lessons she learned through rather than blowing us over.
surviving Hurricane Katrina. Dr. Eisenhauer ends with a
With both confidence and 10-minute guided meditation
compassion, she voices that powerfully affirms our
the quiet inner truths we own capability, strength, and
need to be reminded of right resilience. Particularly worth
now: That our basic needs remembering is her note
of food, shelter, and rest are that “Fear is not equal to how
top priority, even (especially) much you care.”
THE 180 PODCAST

Episode: Coronavirus: Keeping our Children
and Ourselves Safe, with Pamela Cantor, M.D.
Pamela Cantor, MD, enlisting [children and

discusses how to address teens] in helping others, and “A potent gift that can transform our
the fear, stress, and understanding that others are approach to difficult conversations
disruption children and being impacted even more
about the things that matter.
A
teenagers will likely than them.” For their emotional
experience during the health? Truth and authenticity ”
pandemic. This hour-long matter, says Dr. Cantor. Talk
.
episode discusses both to your kids proactively,
physical and emotional and answer their questions
—OREN JAY SOFER ,
safety—e.g., how we can patiently. Parents should also
encourage new practices, model habits of well-being,
author of Say What You Mean
like more frequent as best they can: “Taking
handwashing and strict care of yourself, including
physical distancing. Helping using reflective practices like
them shift their behavior, meditation, will help you care
without stressing them for others.” This episode is
out more than necessary, wonderfully well-rounded,
means “patient persistence, grounded, and practical. ●
June 2020 mindful 69 Enlighten your inbox | shambhala.com/email

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point of view
IT’S NOT ONE

AND DONE
by BARRY BOYCE, FOUNDING EDITOR
In season 1, episode 4, of the hit annoying. The whole thing just feels just that. They exist as peaks. When
television series Fleabag, the title char- like a crock of shit. mountain climbers reach the summit,
acter (a hot mess who runs a tiny strug- It can be very amusing to see the they don’t stay very long. They can’t.
gling café in London and who struggles movement (or field or fad, if you The air up there is too thin.
with just about everything) and her prefer) you’re part of—and part of pro- When mindfulness really starts to
sister Claire (a very tightly wound moting—so mercilessly sent up. I have make a difference is when it can be
business executive who also struggles to admit that it also made me grimace brought to ground and integrated into
with just about everything) receive the a bit. Do I do that? Is this really what everyday life. The practices are not
gift of a mindfulness retreat from their we’re putting out there? magic talismans that transform you
dad. It seems like, 1, he’s trying to get In fact, though, the show has upon touch. They are ingredients that
his trying daughters out of his hair for picked an easy target: the cliché get added to all the other parts of our
a while, and 2, he’s hoping they will
return as completely different people.
Hilarity ensues. The cliché is that mindfulness is an experience we have,
This scenario becomes the pretext something to get and collect. It’s the ultimate trip to Paris.
for a full-blown satire of the mind-
fulness revolution. The retreat takes And thereafter, you’ll always have Paris.
place in a posh estate surrounded by
lush, manicured grounds. The woman
leading the retreat speaks softly but version of the mindfulness world. And life. And one of the nice things about
wields a big passive-aggressive emo- to be fair, every cliché reflects some mindfulness is that in bringing atten-
tional stick that is thinly concealed. truth. There is plenty of crappy and tion to details and to changes within
She’s better, calmer, more aware, and creepy stuff out there parading as us and around us, it complements so
more woke than mindfulness. Caveat meditator. many other habits and disciplines in
m
the messed-up At the heart of the cliché depicted our lives, such as nutrition, exercise,
women (it’s a in the show is that mindfulness is an relationships, gardening, art, craft,
women-only experience we have, something to get and all kinds of skills we learn in order
event) who wash and collect. What the two sisters were to thrive within our lives, like listen-
up on her shore. sent to seek was a peak experience ing and learning to be a better leader.
PODCAST
And speaking of that would change them forever. They The two sisters were served up
Point of View
washing, partici- were expecting to travel to Mindful- mindfulness as an airy-fairy one-stop
Founding editor pants are made to ness-ville, as if it were a special place experience, delivered from the mouth
Barry Boyce do lots of clean- you visited, pure and rarified and free of a soft-talking expert. The differ-
and managing ing chores, and from the pain and drudgery of life, a ence between that and sustainable
editor Stephanie they are paying place that also leaves an indelible mark. mindfulness is the difference between
Domet dig for the privilege. It’s the ultimate trip to Paris. And cotton candy and an apple. At its best,
deeper into Silence is not gen- thereafter, you’ll always have Paris. mindfulness is a lifelong path that
these ideas on tly encouraged. But as meditation teacher Jack takes us straight to the center of our
the Point of View It’s enforced with Kornfield famously pointed out in a heart, where we can keep finding a
ILLUSTRATION BY TOM BACHTELL
podcast. prison-guard-like classic book, after the ecstasy comes compass that can guide us through
mindful.org/ scorn. the laundry. When we practice mind- the unavoidable challenges of living
pov Needless to fulness, awareness, kindness, and down here on the ground. ●
say, Claire and compassion, we may very likely have
Barry Boyce is the founding editor of Mindful
Fleabag find the life-changing experiences. No problem
and Mindful.org and author of The Mindfulness
whole experience having them, or wanting them for that Revolution. He has been an avid mindfulness
disappointing and matter. Peak experiences, though, are practitioner for over 40 years.

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MINDFULNESS • Discover Your Inner Peace

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8 The Mindful Survey

VOLUME EIGHT, NUMBER 2, Mindful (ISSN 2169-5733, USPS 010-500) is

4 mindful June 2020

With Love for All

together even as we need to be apart, I hope you too

6 mindful June 2020

What are some rituals you

8 mindful June 2020

IN YOUR WORDS M E D I TAT I O N B E N C H E S

“Deep breathing and listening to a guided

“While getting dressed, I read

“I go for a walk on the forest trails and stop

“I try to listen and empathize with people I

June 2020 mindful 9

mindful magazine • mindful.org

Content Director Creative Director

Did you know Mindful is a Anne Alexander Jessica von Handorf

Executive Editor Managing Editor

inspiring and guiding anyone who Associate Editors

to enjoy better health, more Contributing Editors

Advertising Director Advertising Account Representative

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Mindful is published by the Foundation for a Mindful Society.

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10 mindful June 2020

TOP OF ness was impos-

mind and looks at

think that it brings aged to express

Me Barbie comes Schlam a private

June 2020 mindful 13

Research gathered from University of Miami; California

Before the study, and four weeks

14 mindful June 2020

June 2020 mindful 15

Her Body Can

The Breathing Book

notice sights, sounds, and sensa-

16 mindful June 2020

Find the directory at mindful.org/directory

June 2020 mindful 17

18 mindful June 2020

The Gift of Connecting with each other by

20 mindful June 2020 By Heather Shayne Blakeslee

How Reading Aloud Can

to allow ourselves to be sur-

June 2020 mindful 21

22 mindful June 2020

Caring for Your

The human brain is the most dazzlingly complex

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

24 mindful June 2020 By Linda Graham