Happiful February 2021

THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH
FEB 2021
Listen to
8
!
ing
your heart
k
oo
Now we're c
Learn to live life with
'heartfulness' at the core QUICK & EASY
mouth-watering
batch bakes
SHAKE IT OFF
(negative energy, that is) SPEAK EASY
Ditch the drama
by learning how to We decipher the 5
set boundaries love languages &
how to express them
Professor Green gets real with gut health

An in-depth guide to therapeutic writing
Empowering reminders that can be worn everywhere.
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S O U L A N A LY S E .C O M
Changing the way you speak to yourself.

Be your
own BFF
Who’s been there for you since day
one, with you through thick and thin,
by your side no matter what – even if
there are times when you don’t always selves can impact each other, we want
see eye to eye? you to spend some time getting to
know you. Because when you do, you
As we approach Valentine’s Day, a lot allow yourself to thrive – and your
of thoughts will be focused on our external relationships too!
loved ones and relationships with
others, especially when there are so In times when we might feel cut off
many people we miss and can’t be as from the world around us, and believe
physically close to as we used to. that the walls are closing in, being your
own best friend is more important than
Some people might be lucky enough ever. It’s time to really listen to your
to conjure up family members, friends wants and needs, and let that positive
or partners who fit the description energy ripple out.
above. But the truth is the most
important relationship you will ever Brené Brown once said: “Owning our
have is with yourself. story and loving ourselves through that
process is the bravest thing that we’ll
Much like a radio, we can find that the ever do.”
messages our body is trying to tell us
can seem a little fuzzy and distorted. It When you nurture that relationship
could be background noise that we’re with yourself, wonderful things really
not giving our full attention to. But can happen.
there is real power in tuning in to the
right frequency. Happy reading.
 | happiful.com
And that’s our aim with this issue.
 | happifulhq
From helping you understand your
true self with five essential questions,  | @happifulhq
to diving into the gut-brain connection
and how our physical and mental REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR  | @happiful_magazine
49
Find your balance
16 Do you remember?
We explore how memories help
to shape who we are
23 Ask yourself this

Five questions to ask to get
to know yourself better
35 Say it with us
Affirmations for hard times
49 The heart doesn’t lie

We explore the soothing practice
of ‘heartfulness’
Refill your cup

14 What is niksen?
Embrace time doing nothing
26 Down on paper
Writing for wellness Feel-good food True stories
20 Spice it up 37 Daniella: the missing link
32 Me after motherhood Embrace mindful cooking Discovering the mind-body link
Parenthood is life-altering, so how
made everything make sense
can you reconnect with yourself?
40 Cook up a storm
Eight nutritious recipes 67 Philip: finding freedom
53 Your time is yours How an accident gave Philip a
58 In the mood? different view of the world around him
Wellbeing Learn about the surprising culprit
behind bad moods 95 Deepanshi: being open
30 Crystal clear Sharing her OCD struggle was the
Our expert answers questions on 82 Professor Green turning point for Deepanshi
how to get the most out of crystals The rapper and campaigner on
his journey with gut health
64 Bring hygge home
Embrace a dash of Danish cosiness
Culture
71 Bryony Gordon 8 Read all about it
The writer and campaigner on This month’s uplifting news
building personal resilience
13 The wellbeing wrap
30
80 Recover right
How to take care of yourself when 61 Dive in
you’re signed off work for your MH Get lost in these good reads
40
*
Expert review
82
Every issue of Happiful is
reviewed by an accredited
counsellor, to ensure we
deliver the highest quality
Relationships content while handling

topics sensitively.
46 Manage manipulation
Relationships are key to our very
56 First date nerves functioning. But maintaining
32 How to conquer them for good healthy relationships can

sometimes be challenging.
75 Show them you care A healthy relationship with
Small little things that go a long way yourself is the foundation for
having a healthy relationship
with anything external –
76 Set boundaries
others, food, boundaries, etc.
It provides a base that we can
86 Love languages develop and grow from, but
Which one are you speaking?
it does requires attention and
care. Check out p23 for some
91 Pain and shame simple, but extremely helpful,
We look at painful sex and explore
tips on how you can connect
what stops us speaking up
with the self. By focusing on you,
Try this at home

you have the ability to nurture
a love for your true self, which
29 Declutter your mind will be inherently felt by those
around you.
62 Things to do in February
23
RAV SEKHON
BA MA MBACP (Accred)
90 Tight on time? Rav is a counsellor
and psychotherapist
Self-care to suit any schedule
with more than 10
years' experience.
98 The body scan guide
Expert Panel Our team
Meet the team of experts who have come together to deliver EDITORIAL
information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue Rebecca Thair | Editor
Kathryn Wheeler | Head Writer
Chelsea Graham | Editorial Assistant
BIBI JAMIESON GRAEME ORR
MA (Hons) MBACP MBACP (Accred) Reg Ind
Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers
Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer
Bibi is an integrative Graeme is a counsellor
Katie Hoare | Digital Marketing & Content Officer
psychotherapeutic working with both
counsellor. individuals and couples. Grace Victory | Columnist
Lucy Donoughue | Head of Partnerships
Ellen Hoggard | Digital Editor
RACHEL COFFEY AYESHA GISELLE
Janette Owen | Sub-Editor
BA MA NLP Mstr OCN MAC CPHT
Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor
Rachel is a life coach, Ayesha is a life and
encouraging accountability coach ART & DESIGN
confidence. helping clients set goals. Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product
Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead
Rosan Magar | Illustrator
LOUIS OLIVER-BROOKE CHRIS MOUNSHER
BA HDipCT HCertSAL BSc PGDip MBACP Emma Boast | Graphic Designer
Louis is a therapist, Chris is a humanistic COMMUNICATIONS

crystal healer, Reiki counsellor helping clients Alice Greedus | PR Officer
master, and herbalist. break unhealthy patterns. alice.greedus@happiful.com
CONTRIBUTORS
Adamantia Velonis, Katie Conibear, Jenna Farmer,
CHARLOTTE SIMPSON REBECCA CORNEY Michelle Elman, Amber Bryce, Daniella Fagan,
BA MSc PG Dip MBACP BSc MSc PGDip cpsychol AFBPsS Philip Sheridan, Deepanshi Gulati
Charlotte is a couples Rebecca is a SPECIAL THANKS

counsellor and psychologist working Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Jacqueline Denton,
psychosexual therapist. with older adults. Rebecca Corney, Bibi Jamieson, Louis Oliver-Brooke,
Clare Backhouse, Chris Mounsher, Charlotte Simpson,
Ayesha Giselle, Susan Hart, Lucy Sparkes, Nissa
Dewshi, Kirstie Lawton, Michele Scarr, Laurele Mitchell
LAURELE MITCHELL JACQUELINE DENTON
BA (Hons) PgDip MNCS (Snr Accred) BA MSc AMAHDip AMACDip
MANAGEMENT
Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
Laurele is a person-centred Jacqueline is a meditation
Emma White | Director & Co-Founder
counsellor specialising in teacher, passionate about Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
relationship issues. helping her clients heal.
SUBSCRIPTIONS
Our nutritionists
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CONTACT
Susan is a nutrition coach, cook, Kirstie is a registered nutritionist and Happiful, c/o Memiah, Building 3,
and food writer. director of You Nutrition Ltd. Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL
Email us at hello@happiful.com
NISSA DEWSHI MICHELE SCARR
dipNT mBANT rCNHC BA (Hons) Dip Nut
HAPPIFUL FAMILY
Helping you find the help you need.
Nissa is a nutritional therapist specialising Michele is a nutritional therapist, health Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory,
in fatigue and gut health. coach and CNN lecturer. Hypnotherapy Directory, Nutritionist Resource,
Therapy Directory
LUCY SPARKES CLARE BACKHOUSE
BA (Hons) Dip CNM PhD dipION mBANT CNHC
Lucy is a nutritional therapist specialising in Clare is a nutritional therapist specialising

digestive disorders and family nutrition. in energy, mood, and thyroid health.
Find help
Reader offer
CRISIS SUPPORT
If you are in crisis and are concerned for
your own safety, call 999 or go to A&E
Head to
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SUPPORT FOR ALZHEIMER’S
p16 For those living with Alzheimer’s, and for their family, find support and
guidance at alzheimers.org.uk or call their helpline: 0333 150 3456 Visit happiful.com
LEARN MORE ABOUT COMPLEMENTARY THERAPY

p30 Discover therapists practising in your area, and learn about
the many options available to you at therapy-directory.org.uk
INFORMATION ON OCD One undeniable truth is that

p95 Find help and advice from the national charity run by, and finding the right help for each
for, people living with OCD at ocduk.org individual is a journey – what
works for one of us will be
different for someone else. But
don't feel disheartened if you
THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH
Our two-for-one tree commitment is made of two parts. Firstly, haven't found your path yet.
we source all our paper from FSC® certified sources. The FSC® Our Happiful family can help
label guarantees that the trees harvested are replaced, or
FEB 2021
you on your way. Bringing
8
£5.99
Listen to allowed to regenerate naturally. Secondly, we will ensure an

together various arms of
!
ing
your heart additional tree is planted for each one used, by making a suitable
k
oo
Now we're c
support, each of our sister

Learn to live life with
'heartfulness' at the core QUICK & EASY
mouth-watering
donation to a forestry charity. Happiful is a brand of Memiah
batch bakes
Limited. The opinions, views and values expressed in Happiful
are those of the authors of that content and do not necessarily
sites focuses on a different
method of nourishing your
SHAKE IT OFF
SPEAK EASY
represent our opinions, views or values. Nothing in the magazine
(negative energy, that is)
Ditch the drama
by learning how to We decipher the 5
wellbeing – from counselling,

love languages &
constitutes advice on which you should rely. It is provided for
set boundaries
how to express them
general information purposes only. We work hard to achieve the

highest possible editorial standards, however if you would like
to hypnotherapy, nutrition,
to pass on your feedback or have a complaint about Happiful, coaching, and holistic therapy.
please email us at feedback@happiful.com. We do not accept
liability for products and/or services offered by third parties.
Professor Green gets real with gut health
An in-depth guide to therapeutic writing
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ENVIRONMENT
You can now gift

a tree, and even
watch it grow
We’re all trying to be a bit more aware
of the world around us, and the ways
that we’re able to make a difference to
tackle global climate change. That said,
so often we adopt different habits to try to
help out, but we’re not always sure of the
effect that these actions could be having
– until now.
With the aim of helping people
understand how they can help the world
around them, Treedom is a platform
where you can buy a tree remotely, watch
it grow from a sapling to a fully-grown
tree, and see how much CO2 has been
off-set by your contribution.
Supporters are able to pick their own
tree variety – choosing from native
varieties as well as fruit trees, from
mango to avocado, coffee and banana.
The journey is then documented
with images and geo-tags, that allow
supporters to watch while their
contribution flourishes.
And the programme is making a real
difference, with 1.5 million trees planted
across 17 different countries so far.
Beyond that, by working closely with
local NGOs and smallholder farmers,
Treedom’s trees bring both environmental
and social benefits, leading them to
estimate that they have changed the lives
The Uplift
of more than 88,000 farmers.
Kindness doesn’t just grow on trees,
but with a little bit of imagination, and a
dollop of determination, projects like this
are changing the world, one act at a time.
Find out more by visiting treedom.net
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
WELLBEING
Gen Z are
shunning fad diets
Gone are the days when a Pot
Noodle and a beer classed as
dinner, as new research says that
Generation Z – the generation
born between 1997 and 2010 – is
more likely to be taking care of
their health, prioritising sleep, and
turning their backs on fad diets.
New research commissioned
by global wellness brand Swisse
Me revealed that a huge 95% of
18- to 24-year-olds are dedicated
to taking vitamins, with 76%
LGBTQ+ shunning fad diets in favour of
healthy, sustainable practices.
Captain Sir Tom Moore joins the Following a generation that

has a party reputation (the 90s is
rainbow laces campaign known for its rave culture), Gen
Zs are breaking with tradition.
Results reveal that 73% of survey
He’s without a doubt one of the it’s important that anti-LGBTQ+ participants think diet and mental
standout heroes of 2020, and now language and abuse at live health has a direct impact on
Captain Sir Tom Moore – who sporting events is challenged, and health and wellness.
came to national attention after yet despite this 43% of LGBTQ+ And the days of sleepless nights
he raised more than £32 million people think that public sport is and living on a few hours’ kip are
for NHS Charities Together when not welcoming to them. firmly behind us. Half of Gen Z
he walked 100 lengths of his There’s clearly more work report mastering the art of getting
garden – is joining a plethora of to be done before we can get eight hours’ sleep each night.
famous faces for the #AFanIsAFan to a place where sport feels With a look to the future, Gen
campaign. welcoming and accessible to all, Zs confidently believe that they
Organised by LGBTQ+ charity but the #AFanIsAFan campaign, are far healthier than previous
Stonewall, and supported by supported by Captain Sir Tom generations. Growing up in an
Barclays, the rainbow laces Moore, Joe Wicks, Chris Moyles, era of social media and with toxic
campaign is now in its fifth Sara Cox, Vicky McClure, and information at their fingertips,
consecutive year, with close to more, is a rainbow-laced step in the latest research is welcome
one million people buying laces the right direction. news, as we see a collective
and, by wearing them, pledging to Find out more by visiting shift in our mindsets towards
support LGBTQ+ equality in sport. stonewall.org.uk and searching positively rebuffing diet culture,
In a poll, Stonewall found that ‘rainbow laces’. and redefining what good health
65% of British people believe that Writing | Kathryn Wheeler means. Writing | Katie Hoare
happiful.com | February 2021 | 9

WORK
Could working from

bed benefit our
mental health?
It’s something that many might
have flirted with in lockdown, and
a skill students have been honing
for a while, but did you ever stop
to think about how working from
your bed could affect your psyche?
In light of the survey by uSwitch
that found that 25% of Brits had
tried working from their bed,
mattress brand OTTY Sleep has
been investigating whether ‘WFB’
(work from bed) is really as bad
for us as we’ve been warned, and
reached out to counsellor Kerry
Quigley for more insight.
“Working from the comfort
of your bed can feel like a safe
calming space, particularly when
anxiety is an issue,” says Kerry.
“It can eliminate stressors such
as commuting, distractions, and
workplace politics. The removal
of these stressors enables better
time management, increasing
productivity and job satisfaction.”
Of course, it’s important to set
boundaries between your home
and work-life, and your bed might
not have the same ergonomic
qualities as your desk chair – so
make sure you avoid slouching.
But for those who find the comfort
of being in familiar surroundings
soothing for their mental health,
be assured that there’s nothing
wrong with swapping corporate
for cosy every now and then.

Take 5
How d
id
do? Se you
a
'freebi rch
shop.h es' at
Thinking caps at the ready! Carve out some quiet time and appifu
to find l.c
the an om
put your brain to the test with this month’s puzzling fun and m swers,
ore!
Kakuros
Complete the grids below so that the numbers in each row and column add
up to the totals at the edge. You can use the digits one to nine, but remember
each number can only be used once in a sum!
Expert
Beginner
3 41
10 3
9
3
10
10
6 18 9 20
7 16
Intermediate
9 8
11 30 4 12 10
9 10 6
13 21 16
16 13
21 15
18 5
Anagrams 1. Scampi soon

2. Desks inn
Unscramble the letters to
3. Spa ions
reveal the secret words.
4. Ant let
HINT: Qualities more important
than what we look like 5. Free humus soon
The
wellbeing
wrap
Walk it out
It’s well-known that
nature can do wonders
for our wellbeing but, more
specifically, the Mental Health
Tampon tax was Packet in NEED TO FOCUS? Foundation found that 62% of UK
officially (finally) Miley Porritt, a former adults believe taking a walk reduced
THANKS TO A VIRAL
scrapped in the rough sleeper, is making stress caused by Covid-19. Almost
UK on 1 January!
TIKTOK VIDEO, IT’S half of respondents also said that
innovative blankets for BEEN REVEALED
About bloody spending time in green spaces
time. homeless people by THAT THE BEST helped them to cope with
ironing together used anxiety related to the
SONG TO STUDY TO
crisp packets. The foil pandemic. Time to
IS THE MARIO KART
blankets help to preserve lace up?
heat in sleeping bags, SOUNDTRACK. IT’S
Scotland has protecting those facing DESIGNED TO KEEP Swipe right
taken things a the harsh winter outside. YOU ABSORBED IN The dating scene has certainly
step further, as Now that’s a real life ‘Iron THE GAME – GREAT changed a lot in the past year,
the first nation to with those initial online chats more
Man’ hero. FOR YOUR MEMORY.
make sanitary
products free! crucial than ever, and Tinder’s
NERVOUS ABOUT NEEDLES? annual Year in Swipe report has
We have good news. A recent study in the journal provided a glimpse into how the
Emotion suggests smiling or grimacing could language of love has evolved.
reduce pain when receiving an injection. While the Trending topics included the NHS,
two expressions might seem like polar opposites, Black Lives Matter, Megxit, and
the facial muscles involved are similar. Those with TikTok. Plus chat-up lines took a
A record-breaking
genuine smiles (wrinkles around the eyes and the
corners of the mouth rising) and people grimacing very relevant turn with creative
500,000 people amourous attempts such as
signed up for experienced 40% less needle pain, than those with
Veganuary neutral expressions. It seems it’s worth showing “Wash your hands so you can
this year. how you feel, even when facing your fears. hold mine,” and bios focused on
keeping Covid-safe: “If your mask
Fancy a cuppa? is around your chin IDFWU.”
Scientists have finally settled the age-old
debate over how to make a proper brew. WE REALLY SHOULD LET
Research from Loughborough University SLEEPING DOGS LIE - IN
has confirmed the correct way to make a cuppa is by OUR BEDS, THAT IS. RECENT
England and putting the milk in first! This is due to the milk heating RESEARCH FOUND WOOFERS
Brazil confirm unevenly when poured into the hot water, which OFFER MORE SECURITY,
equal pay for results in lost flavour. Of course, if you’re a milk last COMFORT AND LESS
men’s and kind of person, you do you. The main thing is to enjoy DISRUPTION THAN OTHER
women’s national
football teams.
a regular relaxing tea break. And that’s the tea. HUMANS. SNUGGLE UP!
WE MAY WANT TO MAKE A laugh a minute...

THE MOST OF OUR ONE Quite literally. A recent study by OnBuy.com has
OUTDOOR EXERCISE A revealed the funniest British sitcom of all time, and you
DAY, BUT KEEP IT CLEAN! don’t have to “turn it off and on again” to find out the
Two ‘hugging’ SHOWERSTOYOU.CO.UK results. The IT Crowd came out on top with 1 minute 44
widowed
penguins DISCOVERED THAT 31% OF seconds of laughter per hour, followed closely by Peep
enjoying a view PEOPLE WEAR THE SAME Show, and The Inbetweeners. There’s never been a
of Melbourne GYM CLOTHES FOR UP TO time when we’ve needed a good laugh more, so if
won the Best you want a show to binge to cheer you up these
Photo of 2020.
FOUR WORKOUTS BEFORE
WASHING THEM. three British classics could be a great place to start.
What is
Niksen?
We explore the Dutch concept
that embraces the true art of
doing nothing, on purpose...
Writing | Katie Hoare
W
e’re so accustomed to
defining our worth by
how busy we are that
the art of relaxation
has been lost for many of us.
But while this idea of ‘free time’
might not be familiar territory, it’s
essential ground to cover. This is
niksen, the lifestyle concept of doing
nothing, and doing it on purpose.
What is niksen?
The idea of ‘doing nothing’ (the
literal translation of niksen) might
not sound like anything new, but
it’s the intentional part of the act
that’s so important. It’s a way of life
that puts time for, and dedication
to, yourself at the top of the agenda.
And it isn’t just another costly
wellness trend.
“I realised that people were fed up
with wellness trends telling them
they weren’t doing enough, and
should work harder at improving
themselves,” writes Olga Mecking,
author of Niksen: Embracing the
Dutch art of doing nothing. “This
14 | February 2021 | happiful.com

refill your cup
Finding balance
Laurele suggests that one of
the key benefits of niksen is in
Time alone, to press pause and simply let enabling the body to rebalance
into the ‘rest and digest’ phase,
thoughts pass you by, can induce feelings of which can be helpful when
relaxation, creativity, and cognitive clarity recovering from burnout. “By
allowing ourselves to slow
down, to do nothing more than
is actually one of the reasons and letting thoughts come and stare into space and simply be
people relate to the concept. It’s go as they please. Nisken is about for a moment, we afford our
the easiest kind of wellness you rebalancing all areas of your life. frazzled minds and bodies
could possibly imagine.” some much-needed respite
Olga explains that to truly Why should I from the hamster’s wheel of
understand niksen, you have embrace niksen? constantly and unrelentingly
to unpick your perception of In Happiful’s 2020 survey on striving for achievement and
‘nothing’. “It’s time we start stress, 73% of respondents said productivity. Thus allowing our
calling a spade a spade, and they were worried about their parasympathetic nervous system
niksen niksen. If we are browsing mental health and wellbeing, to work its magic, bringing us
Facebook or chilling out with with 68% sharing that they’ve back into balance, and restoring
Netflix, let’s call those what they been extremely stressed since at least a modicum of calm.
are and not say we’re ‘doing September 2020. We know that “Allowing our minds to simply
nothing’.” stress is a driver in many health wander can actually foster
conditions, particularly as we creativity, enhance problem-
Getting started accelerate in the modern world. solving, and boost productivity.
Niksen, at first, is trial and error. “If left unchecked, chronic So it seems that doing nothing is
It takes time to build up your and excessive levels of stress indeed time well spent!”
ability to be comfortable with (which are often work-related) Time alone, to press pause and
doing nothing. You could try can accumulate to the point of simply let thoughts pass you by,
watching the world go by through burnout,” says counsellor Laurele can induce feelings of relaxation,
the window for 10 minutes, Mitchell. “Burnout can be creativity, and cognitive clarity.
lying on your bed staring at the characterised as feeling drained It’s time to do more niks, on
ceiling or, my personal favourite, and exhausted – both physically purpose.
watching your cats play together and emotionally – lacking in
for a few moments. To niks (do motivation, feeling increasingly
nothing) can take any form that negative and overwhelmed,
suits you and for however long and, on occasion, helpless and
you feel comfortable with. hopeless. Having been going at
Once you’ve managed 10 100mph for so long, it’s as if we
minutes, try working up towards abruptly, and often unexpectedly,
an hour. If that’s too much all run out of gas, rendering us
in one go, look for little pockets incapable of keeping up and Laurele Mitchell is a senior accredited
of niksen-time at work. Instead meeting never-ending demands.” person-centred counsellor,
specialising in childhood trauma and
of gulping down a sandwich at You don’t have to accept that
relationship issues. Find out more
your desk, take five minutes on chronic stress is the way of life: and get in touch with Laurele via
a bench outside, simply sitting niksen can be a way of life, too. counselling-directory.org.uk

How R
ecently, I got around to
watching Pixar’s Inside Out,
(and what
memories
an animation depicting the
emotions and inner workings of
happens if the mind of an 11-year-old girl
shape us they go) as her family moves to a new

city. In the film, we see a fun
interpretation of how memories
are formed, charged with
emotion, and stored away, with
What is it that makes us, us? Here we explore the unimportant memories being
role our memories play – and what happens tossed aside by cute, jelly bean-
shaped mind workers.
when they’re taken from us While this representation is
simplified (and sadly there are
Writing | Kat Nicholls no jelly bean workers), it got me

find your balance
What can affect our memory? Trauma is often linked to

To explore this idea it’s helpful memory loss. Lorraine Matthews
to first think about memory didn’t become aware of her
itself, and how it can be affected. missing memories until she had
Unlike in Inside Out, our a flashback during therapy where
memories are not shiny orbs she realised she’d been abused by
that can be stored neatly away, her father.
they are lots of different and “One of the most difficult
distinct recollections, sprawling things was that I didn’t have a
throughout our brain. Our narrative memory to go with the
long-term memories do indeed knowledge,” Lorraine explains.
have a physical presence in the “I still don’t, even though
brain, with similar memories subsequent events have proved
often clumping together. It’s also that I was right.”
generally accepted that emotion For Lorraine, this trauma
has an effect on memory – in formed a crack and she was
some cases, it makes an event diagnosed with dissociative
more memorable, but it can have identity disorder in 2016. This
the opposite effect and lead to has, understandably, made the
memory loss. connection between memory and
Grief, for example, can identity complicated.
disintegrate memories. “My personality is split by the
Studies have shown that those trauma. I have ‘parts’,” Lorraine
experiencing “complicated says. “So, the part I think of
grief” (when feelings of grief most as ‘me’ is an adult part of
don’t ease over time) can find it the personality. The one who
difficult to recall memories that is unaware of the trauma on a
don’t involve the loved one who’s narrative level and is able to cope
passed, while for others the with everyday life.
trauma of the experience plays “Then there are the parts of my
thinking about memories and a role. After her mother died, personality that hold the trauma
how they shape us. A lot of people Callsuma Ali became her father’s memories. Parts that are terrified,
see memory as an important part primary carer for seven years unaware that we are now safe. For
of who we are, with philosopher but, after his death earlier this me, these parts are around all the
John Locke being one of the first year, Callsuma’s memory of this time, but I’m often only aware of
to suggest that memory forms time has faded. them if something triggers me.”
the foundation of our identity. “I only remember the last three Dementia, and especially
And this idea makes sense. After years clearly, as I have pictures Alzheimer’s disease, are other
all, our experiences make us and videos, but the seven years I conditions associated with
who we are, right? Well, as I’ve was at home with him after my memory loss. This can be
discovered, not necessarily. mum passed is a blur,” Callsuma devastating to the person living
If this was truly the case, what says. “I’ve been told I put in with the condition, and those
happens to those who lose their place most of his care, took him around them. The way memories
memory? Does their identity to hospital appointments, and shift and slip depends on the
simply vanish along with the helped manage his dementia, diagnosis, and how progressed
memories? but I really can’t remember.” the disease is. >>>

of art, performance, or lunch
to plan for, and members are
transformed into actors in times
where the identity is located in
the present and the future.”
Laura also notes that our sense
of self relies on our roles and
Some events, regardless of our memory how we relate to others. “We are
all daughters and sons, maybe
of them, can score a deep line in the parents or siblings, pet owners,
book of our lives and friends. These are huge
roles and we could do better to
cultivate them! I now actively look
for other ways that identity can
be developed which don’t rely on
memory, but rather on something
that connects us to the here
Then we have brain injury, feels far removed from who I am and now. Whether this involves
a memory thief that comes now, and who I was before the creating something, or a way of
unannounced and typically injury,” says Claire. “But I believe connecting with someone.”
follows an accident where the it’s impact on my life does form Counselling psychologist
brain has been damaged. Again, a part of my identity. It made Rebecca Corney explains that
the way this affects memory will me a little bit more resourceful, alongside our roles, our moral
differ from person to person, resilient, dependent on God, and traits can also hold significance,
with some people losing past content with less.” with research indicating that
memories, while others are Some events, regardless of our moral identity is of more
unable to form new ones. memory of them, can score a importance than memory in
deep line in the book of our lives. preserving a sense of self in
How does memory loss For some, a helpful approach dementia.
impact identity? is to simply turn the page and “Our moral traits, including
As you may expect, there are no move forward. At Headway East our empathy, compassion, and
clear cut answers here, and the London, a charity supporting our value systems, are relatively
truth is that it will depend on the those with brain injuries, the preserved in Alzheimer’s
person who’s experienced the community has been set up disease, and say more about us
memory loss. When Claire fell to rely less on previous life than our memories.”
off her bike in 2014, she went narratives. Occupational therapist Who we are, then, cannot be
into a coma and experienced at Headway, Laura Jacobs, limited to the memories we
memory loss. She believes we explains: “I have learned to hold. Certain experiences will
are who we are despite absent focus on the other ways in which no doubt affect our identity, but
memories, and that, even when our identities can be formed or it isn’t necessarily the memory
they’re not remembered, events shaped. In Headway, members’ of these events that defines
and emotions can still impact us identities are located in the us, but our reaction to them.
as people. future, rather than their past. Our identity is a tapestry, with
“I don’t remember much of my “There is always something different strands braiding
life when I was rehabilitating – it being created – a project, piece together to make us, us.

I now actively
look for other
ways that identity
can be developed
which don’t rely on
memory, but rather
on something that
connects us to the
here and now
Making adjustments Counselling psychologist before. Surround yourself with

If you’ve experienced memory Rebecca Corney also highlights support, get professional advice,
loss, you may feel a shift in the power of talking therapies. and know that who you are will
your identity, but there are “Psychology has much to offer always run deeper than memory.
adjustments you can make to people living with memory
help you cope. Laura Jacobs, problems, whether this is
from Headway, recommends support for relatives or the
focusing on things that are less person themselves. For people
dependent on your past life living with dementia, there are
narrative to define identity. some interventions available
“This may be creating a new on the NHS, such as cognitive
role – such as an artist, cook, stimulation therapy, to help Rebecca Corney is a counselling
or volunteer, or learning a new maintain and improve cognition psychologist, who specialises in
working with older adults and
skill. Keeping your gaze to the and memory.” their families, as well as offering
current moment rather than A common thread that weaves supervision and training to
the past can also really help itself through any advice in regard colleagues. Learn more
with feeling grounded. I highly to memory loss (whether you’re about Rebecca and find a
recommend meditation or counsellor to support you at
the one affected or someone you
counselling-directory.org.uk
mindfulness activities which love) is to be patient. Understand
bring you back to your body and that things may work differently Read more personal experiences of
the moment.” and may take more time than brain injury at whoareyounow.org

Five benefits of
mindful cooking
Stuck in a food rut, cooking the same old meals over and
over again? Here, mindfulness teacher Adamantia Velonis
explains how to put wellbeing firmly on the menu
Writing | Adamantia Velonis Illustrating | Rosan Magar
Y
ou may have heard It provides a ‘pause’. We have challenges us, or we might make
of ‘mindful eating’ to focus on the task at hand, a favourite meal with a loved
– taking the time to and this can help to shift our one during the week to connect
tune-in to the smells, mindset when we return to the through a shared activity.
flavours, and textures of our problem we are facing later. The
food – but have you considered methodical nature of cooking 3. IT IMPROVES OUR
starting the process before you reminds us of the importance MENTAL FOCUS
plate-up? In ‘mindful cooking’ of breaking tasks down into We are constantly distracted
an awareness of the ‘here and smaller parts, so that they feel by our devices and the digital
now’ is cultivated at all stages less overwhelming. Mindful environment. But, by bringing
of cooking: from selecting cooking gives us the space to see mindfulness to the cooking
ingredients, to preparing a meal, the lessons in the process, so that process, we can train our
and even being deliberate about they can be applied to challenges awareness. We can be deliberate
how you spend your time while outside of the kitchen, too. about creating a calm, distraction-
waiting for various elements free environment before cooking
to be ‘done.’ But, like mindful 2. IT'S AN ACCESSIBLE FORM – leave your phone in the other
eating, mindful cooking can help OF SELF-CARE
us develop a deeper relationship Self-care is any activity that we
with ourselves – here’s how… do to specifically look after our
wellbeing – whether physical,
1. IT CAN HELP YOU MANAGE emotional, or mental. It’s an
DIFFICULT EMOTIONS, SUCH AS activity that we enjoy and can
ANXIETY OR STRESS keep coming back to because it
Cooking is deeply immersive, ‘revitalises’ us. Mindful cooking
as all our senses are stimulated is an easy way to schedule in
simultaneously – from texture, to some essential self-care because
taste, sound, temperature, visual we all need to eat. Over the
cues, and the many aromas. By weekend, we might
distracting us from unproductive block out some alone
thoughts, and providing feelings time in the kitchen
of control or mastery, cooking to try our hand at
can support stress management. a technique that

feel-good food
room, try using physical cookbooks, using. Feeling confident about extend this feeling of warmth
or turning off notifications if you’re knowing when you can improvise to other aspects of our lives.
using an online recipe. Think about in the kitchen can help you to apply Seeing cooking as an opportunity
how you are going to manage your creative problem-solving to to extend your mindfulness
time if it’s a more involved recipe, other areas of your life. practise, can turn cooking from
and develop a ‘game plan’. This will being purely functional to a self-
make it easier to remain focused 5. IT HELPS YOU CONNECT development journey.
once you start, and you will be less WITH LOVED ONES OR YOUR
likely to be interrupted. COMMUNITY Adamantia Velonis is a certified
Cooking ignites the senses, mindfulness teacher and founder of
4. IT HELPS TO DEVELOP especially smell. Interestingly, our marmaladeandkindness.com
PERSONAL CONFIDENCE sense of smell is deeply connected
There is an art to following a recipe to our involuntary memory.
and mastering the fundamentals. This is why we often turn to
But, beyond that, a recipe is merely our favourite comfort
a guide. Taste isn’t objective, and foods, because making
it is deeply linked to our personal a meal that we associate with
memories and early experiences. a positive time in our lives
Mindful cooking helps you to can help us access those
develop an awareness of your palate feelings in the present. Be
and have the confidence to express aware of this emotional aspect
it. Seen in this light, cooking is an of food and prepare recipes
opportunity to be creative in daily that are meaningful to you. For
life, to use our instincts to judge example, a favourite childhood
when something is ‘done’, and to be meal or a dish made as part of
attentive to the ingredients we’re cultural celebrations. Setting a
loving intention before
we cook encourages us to
Head to
p40 for
recipe
inspo

“
Sometimes, the smallest
things take up the most
room in your heart
A A MILNE, WINNIE THE POOH
Photography | Chi Nguyen Phung

find your balance
Reconnect with
your true self
Ever feel disconnected from your true self? Use these five
prompts to evaluate your needs, desires, and the things that
drive you – so that you can take the next step with confidence
T
hroughout our lives, accountability coach. “Your 1. If I had to describe
we inevitably go self-awareness will allow you myself in one word, what
through periods of to understand your abilities, would it be?
feeling a bit lost, strengths, weaknesses, Kind, ambitious, funny,
with a weaker sense your likes and dislikes, your confident, generous,
of who we are and what we boundaries, triggers, and adventurous, intuitive? It may
want. This might be following values – and it will help you to seem like a big challenge to
an important transition in our show up more confidently and sum yourself up in just one
lives – for example, the birth of a authentically, supporting you to word, but getting there will
child, or the start of a new career become a person you like, love, help you discover a key quality
– and it can begin to unsettle our and enjoy.” that you’re able to identify in
relationships with ourselves, as As a new year begins, to yourself.
well as others. help you start a dialogue with If you find the challenge
“Getting to know yourself yourself to evaluate your difficult, whether that’s because
is not easy, but definitely a wants, needs, and values, we’ve you can think of too many
journey full of benefits that collected together five key things, or you find it hard to
are well worth exploring,” questions to ask, so that you can decide the one, reflect on why
says Ayesha Giselle, a life and get to know yourself better. that might be. >>>

You might struggle with your
focus, or maybe you haven’t
stopped to think about your
characteristics like this before.
Whatever you might conclude,
acknowledge the process and
evaluate what it can teach you.
2. Where do I want to be in
one week, one month, and a
year’s time?
A goal of any sort, whether big or
small, can help to set our focus.
And we don’t have to tackle it all
at once. By this time next week, is
there something that you would
like to achieve? Perhaps it’s to
spend an evening dedicated to Our goals are personal to us, 3. What is my happiest
self-care, or to finish reading and so often they exist only in memory?
your book. the abstract. Take some time To look forwards, it can help to
In a month, you might want to out to jot down what you want look back. Think back to a time
have learned a new skill, or spent to achieve, and then take a when you were really happy. It
some time with someone special look over what you have come might be from your childhood,
to you. And then in a year, maybe up with, to see what it can tell or even last month! What was it
you want to be somewhere else you about what you need to about this memory that makes it
in your career, or have finally prioritise, and what might be so happy?
got round to that big experience preventing you from moving Would that same thing make
you’ve been dreaming of. towards these goals. you feel just as happy today –

find your balance
To look forwards, sometimes

it can help to look back
would you still respond in the 5. What really matters to me?

same way? This question can What things make your heart
both show us how our needs sing, or your blood boil?
evolve over time, and remind You might be very passionate
us of our core values, likes, and about a particular cause – if so,
dislikes. take some time to think about
what it is about that cause that
4. What am I like when matters so much to you. It may be
I’m alone? your job, or your friends, or your
Whether it’s in the workplace or family. It could be a hobby, or
at social gatherings, we all have volunteer work. Or it might even
to adapt the way that we present be the dream that you’re still set
ourselves throughout the day. on chasing.
It’s a natural thing to do, and When we understand what’s
it’s part of understanding social driving us forward, it’s easier
situations and getting on with to take the next step with
other people. confidence.
Keen to explore But at the end of the day, when
yourself more? you’re on your own, what are you
like? What’s your focus, or your
Here are some default mood? What activities do
self-awareness activities you find yourself drawn to? What
you could try: music do you listen to, or films
• Reconnect with nature do you watch? Reflect on this
• Mindful meditation question and, if you find it hard to
Ayesha Giselle is a life and
• Breathing exercises answer, perhaps try to schedule accountability coach working with
• Daily journaling in some alone time, so you can change-seekers. Find out more by
concentrate on tuning-in. visiting lifecoach-directory.org.uk

Creative
expression
If voicing your thoughts and emotions out loud feels intimidating, why not
try therapeutic writing, which could do wonders for your mental health?
Writing | Katie Conibear
T
here are many ways to speak out loud. What’s more, Writing down your thoughts is a
that the arts can therapeutic writing can give you way of ordering and organising
guide us through a sense of empowerment and the busyness in our minds and,
difficult times – one control over difficult life events by getting the thinking ‘outside of
of which is through and feelings. your head’, you have effectively
therapeutic writing. You don’t “Writing, in a similar way released some of the pressure.”
need an English degree, to be the to talking to a therapist, can Therapeutic writing can
next Shakespeare, or even be a help when we’re feeling low give meaning to your life
regular writer to try it. The goal is or anxious by enabling us to experiences, and even help
not to have a beautifully written order our thoughts,” counsellor you to view them from a new,
end product. Instead, it’s more and psychotherapist Lucy healthier perspective. It can
about the process, and what you Fuller says, explaining how lead to revelations and insights
get out of it, that’s important. writing can support our mental about yourself and your life,
So what is therapeutic writing? wellbeing. “Our agitated minds which might not have been
It’s essentially putting pen to can focus on one particular possible without setting aside
paper to help the writer deal with area of difficulty, and then introspective writing time.
difficult emotions and events. go in all sorts of directions, This all sounds great, but
The act of writing is a cathartic catastrophising and analysing what do you do when this type
experience, which can help you events and interactions, making of writing brings up difficult
learn to express feelings that you our heads almost burst with a emotions and experiences? I
might not necessarily be able noisy confusion of thoughts. asked Lucy Fuller for her advice.

refill your cup
The goal is not to have a

beautifully written end
product. Instead, it’s more
about the process, and
what you get out of it
“Feeling and experiencing who can support you, and How to get started
the pent up emotions we hold reassure you that it is OK to feel Choose a format that works for
inside our minds and bodies can this way.” you – it could be an online blog,
be very difficult, but in many Therapeutic writing has been or just a classic notebook and
ways this is a necessary part of shown to benefit people living pen. Ensure you allocate time
coming to terms with whatever with mental illnesses, those each day to writing, to get into
is it that’s making us feel this way dealing with grief and loss, with the habit, and find a place where
and, by allowing ourselves to low self-esteem, or people going you feel comfortable and secure,
express them, we are effectively through relationship issues. where you’re able to sit down
alleviating the uncomfortable Writing also has a multitude and focus.
pressure of holding them inside of other benefits, such as Once you’re comfortable with
ourselves. If your emotions are improving your memory, and your surroundings, think about
overwhelming, make sure you helping you relax at the end of what you want to write about and
can get in contact with someone the day. reflect on it by closing your eyes, >>>

taking some deep breaths, and 4. Try writing letters. They can
focusing. Remember that when be to yourself – either you right Staying safe:
you’re ready to write, there’s no now, or your past or future self. • Therapeutic writing can
judgment. Use your own voice, Write letters to people that are bring up difficult emotions.
and write as if no one else will in, or you used to be in, your life. Talking this through with
read it – this will help your Write down everything you’ve someone you trust may help
writing to be more authentic. ever wanted to say, but felt like you deal with these.
And finally, go at your own pace; you couldn’t. • It’s important to find support
it’s fine if you write a few words, if you’re struggling. If
or several pages. you’re very unwell ensure
Staring at a blank page can 5. If there’s an event you’re you speak to your GP or a
feel daunting. So to help you get worried about, try writing about mental health professional.
started, here are a few handy it in the third person. This makes • You may want to try
prompts: it less personal, and you can therapeutic writing with the
detach yourself from it. This can support of a therapist – to
help you see the situation more help guide you through what
1. Make a timeline of events clearly, and hopefully from a you discover.
that have impacted your mental different perspective.
health. This can give you
experiences you can begin to
explore through writing. 6. Use sentence stems – these are never look at it again, or even
the beginnings of a sentence that rip it up and throw it away. Do
act as writing prompts. It could whatever feels right to you!
2. Write about your life right be: “The elephant in the room
now, in this moment. Thinking is…”; “I have trouble sleeping Katie Conibear is a writer who
about your emotions in the when…”; “The thing I am most blogs at stumblingmind.com. Her
here and now can help you anxious about is…” first book, ‘Living at the Speed of
understand yourself better, and Light’, about bipolar disorder, is
what you need. due out in March 2021.
When you’ve finished writing,
it’s important to read and reflect
3. Spend five to 10 minutes on what you’ve written, to truly
writing in a stream of understand your words. This
consciousness. That includes reflection is where you may
writing down whatever comes to discover new insights, have a
mind, without overthinking or better understanding of your
analysing your thoughts. It might thoughts and emotions, and
reveal what’s at the forefront of hopefully move forward from Lucy Fuller is a counsellor and
psychotherapist. You can find
your mind – and what you need difficult experiences. What you out more about her work and
to explore. do with what you’ve written is get in touch with her on
your choice; you could keep it, counselling-directory.org.uk

try this at home
Essential decluttering tips

A good clear-out is often overdue, yet also overwhelming. But thanks to these
five simple tips, you can make the task much more manageable
Put a timer on it Visualise the space Make it mindful

While some people love a Picture how you want your Cleaning up can be much more
session of deep-cleaning, if cluttered room to look. Focus appealing if you change your
you’re not a fan make it more on the furniture, the decorative perspective. Rather than viewing
manageable with small bursts of items, as well as the bits and it as a chore, see it as self-care.
dedicated time. Set a 15-minute pieces that have made their Taking the time to make your
timer, and really commit to the way here but maybe don’t home a comforting space creates
clean – no distractions, and belong. Once you’ve got an a positive environment for your
give it your all. When the alarm idea in mind of how you ideally mental health. Plus, by focusing
sounds, you’re free to stop, job would keep the space, it’s much on each task, and being present
done. Or crack on for another 15 easier to see what you need to in the moment, you can add
if you fancy it. The choice is yours. remove, rehome, or recycle. some mindfulness to your day.
Declutter, with no hang ups...

Want to clear out your wardrobe,
but find it hard to part with clothes
– best to keep it, just in case right?
We’ve all been there, but try this
tip: have your hangers all facing
the same direction. Every time you
wear something, flip the hanger
when it goes back in. After six
months (or whatever time you
decide), have a look through, and
bag up for the charity shop those
clothes not getting your attention.
Focus on five
Short on time? Pick just five
things you need to put away, or
clear out. A little goes a long way,
and if you keep this up every day,
you’ll have achieved a lot by the
end of the week!

Ask the experts
Complementary therapist Louis Oliver-Brooke
answers your questions on crystal healing
Read more about Louis on therapy-directory.org.uk
Q
Each crystal also vibrates including balance, stress, anxiety,
What exactly is
at different frequencies and, depression, aches and pains, and
crystal healing, when used on the body, these other medical conditions, as well
and how it can help? crystals absorb, focus, direct, and as spiritual healing.
diffuse energy as they interact
A Crystal healing is a holistic,

non-invasive, vibrational
energy-based system of healing.
with the electromagnetic forces
and subtle vibrations within
the human or environmental
Top tips for those looking
to start their crystal
It works on the premise that we energy field, restoring the body healing journey:
all vibrate at a certain frequency, to a normal vibration. Crystal
and when the body is out of healing can be a really beneficial Be open to every experience,
balance, this frequency also complementary therapy that no matter how subtle it is.
becomes out of balance. can help with many ailments, There are signs everywhere just
wanting to be seen, and you
have to be open to see them.
Q
and the vibration of the crystal
I’m looking to buy will match, the crystal may tingle Be realistic, you are not
some crystals – in your hand, heat up, or feel going to be able to learn the
which ones would heavy. These are all signs that properties of every single
you recommend for a that crystal is meant for you. crystal in the world. Don’t be
beginner? Crystals such as clear quartz, disheartened if you have to use
amethyst, rose quartz, and a reference book to look up a
A When starting out with

crystal healing, there is no
real definitive answer to which
hematite, are all great crystals
to initially explore. Or, a chakra
crystal set – seven crystals that
particular crystal, it's all part of
the learning.
ones you should start with. See correspond to the seven major Most importantly, follow your
which ones you are drawn to, chakras of the body – would be intuition. It is there to guide
and choose those. When you first a good place to start. If you are you and, if it feels right, then
hold a crystal you will know if it’s drawn to a particular crystal, you chances are it is right.
right for you as your vibration probably need it.
Therapy Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need
wellbeing
Q
I’ve heard you need
to cleanse crystals.
Why is this, and
how can I do it?
A Yes, it is particularly
important to cleanse
crystals both when you first get
them, and after each time you
use them. Crystals absorb the
energy of their surroundings,
and the people who use them
– including negative energy.
Cleansing them will remove
this energy, and restore the
crystal to its original healing
vibration.
There are many ways of
cleansing crystals. You can
run them under water, either
the tap or in a free-flowing
stream. This method is not
for all crystals, as some can
dissolve in water (selenite, for
example).
You can also leave them
outside in the light of the full
moon, pass them through
cleansing incense (such as
dragon’s blood) or, if you are
Reiki practitioner, use Reiki to
cleanse them. Find the way
that’s best suited to you, but
ensure you do it with all new
crystals, and after each use.
5 ways I’ve found
me again since
becoming a mum
Becoming a parent is life-changing in many ways, but with much of your baby’s
first years centred on their development and milestones, some new mums
can lose their own identity in the process. Outside of the nappy changes, baby
classes, and lullabies, how can new mums connect with themselves again?
Writing | Jenna Farmer
I
’ll be honest: the moment as much. But a few months on, hobbies – had gone, and the only
I found out I was with sleep deprivation in full role I had was to be a mother. And
pregnant, I was terrified. swing, my feelings of awe gave don’t get me started on baby brain;
There was no doubt that way to ones of resentment and I thought it was just the punchline
I wanted to become a parent (I’d loneliness. to a joke, but I struggled to get out
even had fertility treatments My husband’s life had seemingly of the house most days without
in the past), but I was petrified gone back to normal after two leaving something behind.
at how life would never be the weeks of paternity leave, but I Don’t get me wrong, it is the most
same again. didn’t even recognise myself in rewarding role of all, but I felt like
My son arrived in May 2019 the mirror. Not only did I look I’d lost the person I was before. I
and, at first, I was so completely physically different, but my life couldn’t remember the last time
wrapped up in bonding with had completely changed, too. I felt I had a conversation that didn’t
him that work, friends, and like everything that had defined revolve around nappies or bottles.
hobbies didn’t seem to matter me – my work, my friends, my Who was I?

refill your cup
Now, 18 months on, I finally

feel as if I’ve worked hard to
find who I am again: both as a
mum, and outside of it. Here are
five things that I found really
beneficial, and I hope might
help you...
1. Learn something new

There’s a temptation to use nap
time to tidy the nursery or tackle
the washing up, but it’s pretty
much the only part of the day
you’re not holding the baby, so
why not use it to do something
for you? At the start of lockdown
in the UK, I set myself a simple
goal of spending 15 minutes a
day learning something new.
There are so many different
online courses, and committing
to just spending a short burst of
time learning about something
that isn’t baby related can be
really helpful and constructive.
2. Get outside and exercise

In those early postpartum days,
I barely moved off the sofa, but
once you are more recovered,
exercise can help you feel as
if you can conquer anything. I
know there are plenty of mum
and baby exercise classes, but
during the summer, I took up
running in the evening, as soon
my husband got home from
work. Those 30 minutes just
for me meant I actually looked
forward to exercise, and it
cleared my head so I could enjoy
my evening. >>>

Support groups for new mums
• Mumsmeetup.com helps mums across the UK connect to
socialise and find support.
• Search ‘Mums Matter’ on mind.org.uk to access perinatal
mental health support developed by mums, for mums.
• Join ‘The Motherload’ Facebook group for non-judgemental
venting and laughter at all aspects of raising kids.
Find more local support groups across the country on
the free Happiful app. group who seemingly has it all
together. Snatching moments to
have conversations about how
you’re feeling is really important,
and even better if it can be done
over Facetime with a glass of
wine while your baby is tucked
up in bed.
It’s also worth noting that
talking to a professional might
help, too. Around one in 10
mums struggle with postnatal
4. Chuck out your depression, so if your feelings
pre-baby clothes persist, talk to your doctor who
Another reason I felt so will be able to recommend
disconnected from myself as support networks, medication, or
a new mum was because I talking therapies that can help. I
physically changed so much struggled with severe postnatal
during pregnancy – even my anxiety after my son was born,
3. Don’t feel guilty if you shoe size got bigger! Not only and was referred for cognitive
want to return to work did much of my wardrobe not behavioural therapy (CBT), which
I returned to work officially after fit, but a lot of my old clothes has helped hugely.
eight months, but also used my just didn’t feel practical with
keeping-in-touch days before that. a baby around. So rather than It might not seem like it now
Much of the decision to return to look at it longingly in my but, one day, I promise you will
work was, of course, financial, wardrobe, I took clothes to the feel yourself again. Being a mum
but I’ll be honest, a lot of it was charity shop. This was a chance is an amazing thing, but don’t
also because I really wanted to to treat myself and find a new forget all the things that make
get back to the job I loved, and style for the new me. you amazing too.
that made me feel like ‘me’ again.
Every mum is different, with
regards to choosing to spend 5. It’s good to talk Jenna Farmer is a freelance
longer at home or wanting to Sometimes you can feel as if journalist who specialises in
return to work sooner. Don’t you’re a bad mother for wanting perinatal mental health and gut
let anyone judge you for the ‘me time’, but lots of your health. She has Crohn’s disease
decisions you make – you have to friends will feel the same way and blogs about her journey at
do what’s right for you. – even that mum at the baby abalencedbelly.co.uk

find your balance
Self-love
affirmations
When you need a pick-me-up,
say these words to yourself
Cut around the lines and place them in a

jar. Pull one out when you need a boost.
I accept myself unconditionally
My thoughts and feelings matter I am enough
I deserve good things I have unique talents
I have so much to offer the world I am kind
I am worthy of love I am trying the best I can
I will rise to challenges I am proud of myself
My body deserves to be treated with respect
I am worthy of kindness and self-compassion
I have the power to create change
I am always learning & growing I am courageous
To d a y I w i l l t r y t o b e t h e b e s t v e r s i o n o f m y s e l f

“
Knowing yourself is the
beginning of all wisdom
ARISTOTLE
Photography | Gemma Chua-Tran

true story
Addressing my emotional world

For years, Daniella experienced unexplained chronic pain. But
when she stumbled across some information on the mind-body
connection, things started to make sense
Writing | Daniella Fagan
A
bout a year ago, I couldn’t sit up in devastated, believing this was going to be my life
a chair, walk more than a couple of forever. I ended up in a wheelchair at times, and
steps, or get a good night’s sleep. I was was utterly broken inside.
in so much pain 24/7 that my head As you can imagine, my mental health suffered
ached from all the tablets I was taking to numb greatly. The more fear I had and the more despair
the agony in my body. The muscles in my back I felt, the worse the symptoms got – which totally
were as hard as rocks – burning hot electric makes sense, now that I understand what was
rocks – and so tight that they twisted me up like happening to me.
a crooked stick. My mental health suffered as I Purely by chance, one day I noticed someone
faced a life of solitude, constant pain, and the posting about their back pain on Facebook, and
isolating depression that came with that. a friend had commented about a book called
I had suffered from headaches a lot previously, Healing Back Pain by Dr John E Sarno. I was
but the back pain that jumped into my life with thoroughly sceptical at the time, but I was also
no warning was brand new. It started gradually in utterly desperate and willing to try anything.
2015 and got progressively worse until I couldn’t Dr Sarno was a pioneer in his field, and spent
go a day without serious pain medication and a his career educating patients and practitioners
lot of rest. It screamed at me like an alarm bell about the mind-body connection. His theory
ringing constantly around my mind. was that repressed emotions and unaddressed
I fought with this debilitating condition for past traumas can cause our nervous systems to
about three years, as I was batted between become stuck in a ‘stress response’ mode called
doctors, traumatologists, surgeons, specialists, fight-or-flight. This is our body’s primitive natural
chiropractors, physical therapists, and defence mechanism that kicks in to help us flee or
osteopaths. Nothing worked. In fact, every fight a predator or threat.
treatment I had – including electrodes, laser By not addressing my feelings properly, and
treatments, and daily steroid injections – made therefore not allowing myself to process traumatic
me worse. The only thing that they could find events or threatening scenarios in my life, I was
was a herniated disc which, despite looking literally toxifying my body with an immense
really scary on MRI, apparently wasn’t bad amount of stress. As a result, a number of physical
enough to be causing me that much pain. I was symptoms had shown up throughout my life. >>>

For more from Daniella visit her
website, mytmsjourney.com
Our mind and our body are the same things,

not separate entities. When we’re nervous, our
Back pain is one of the most common areas for palms sweat and our tummy aches. After a long
mind-body issues to manifest, so it’s no surprise stressful day at work, our heads hurt, our mouths
that back pain is also one of the most frequent are dry, and our bodies feel tense. These are just
complaints in GP practices every year. Other a few examples of the power of the mind-body
common mind-body symptoms are migraines, connection in our day-to-day lives.
chronic fatigue, widespread pain often diagnosed
as fibromyalgia, gut problems such as IBS, skin
conditions like psoriasis and eczema, pelvic
pain, and sciatica. Collectively, these conditions
Journaling peeled back all the
are called tension myositis syndrome (TMS), layers of protection I had built
otherwise known as the mindbody syndrome or up around myself for years,
just ‘stress illness’.
I’m not saying all chronic pain is caused by and allowed me to just sit
suppressed emotion. Neither am I saying that with my real self
my pain was all in my head. The symptoms were
very real, and felt exactly the same as an injury or I went down the rabbit hole of research into
tissue damage of some kind. But my pain was not Dr Sarno’s work and found a successor of his
created by my physical body, it was created by my called Nicole J Sachs, based in Delaware USA. She
brain and was exacerbated by my nervous system worked with him for years as a psychotherapist
being on constant high alert. to his patients, and designed her own form of
My emotional world was like a big simmering expressive writing therapy called JournalSpeak.
pot of water. The pot has a limited capacity, but One of Dr Sarno’s main recovery principles is to
the more emotion and turmoil we suppress, the address the emotions that you’ve successfully
more the pot fills and boils. At some point, if buried for so long in the form of daily journaling.
the volume in the pot isn’t reduced, it’s going to Journaling peeled back all the layers of
overflow and cause problems. protection I had built up around myself for years,

true story
significantly, I decided to write my story into an

online stress-illness survival guide, to help other
people do the same as I did, from home, for free.
When I had recovered enough to restart my
life, I decided to fulfil a lifelong dream I had
fantasised about for years, I went to India to train
and allowed me to just sit with my real selfand to become a yoga teacher. I now teach others
heal her. It sounds ridiculous, believe me, I know in the chronic pain community to overcome
it does, but by releasing these emotions, it was the fear of movement, and settle their nervous
teaching me how to really feel. system out of fight or flight to propel their
The recovery timeline is very different for recovery forwards, just like I did.
everyone, but after about two months of Since recovering, I’ve reinvented my whole life.
consistent practise and more learning along I’ve become much more resilient, courageous,
the way, I started to have pain-free days – whole honest, and protective of the peace this work
days! Then the days turned into weeks and, to cut has given me. I fully accept myself for exactly
a long story short, here I am today, completely who I am these days – something I’ve never been
chronic pain-free, anxiety-free (for the most comfortable with in the past. I can only wish
part!), and no longer living in fear of my body, the same for you. I know this is hard to believe,
convinced that something is broken. but keep an open mind and do some research
Shockingly, I am now grateful for my pain of your own. If you try this approach, and you’re
and what it taught me. Since recovering, and anything like me, you’ll be even more surprised
with Covid-19 changing my day-to-day work life at what you find out about yourself.
OUR EXPERT SAYS

Daniella’s story is a uniquely interesting Although we need a foundation that feels
expression of self-discovery, and how that fits grounded in truth, what’s also true is that we
into the world around us. In a time when we’re make new discoveries every day. If you’ve been
being bombarded with new information, and feeling stuck, maybe it’s time to
trying to navigate our way through, you’ll notice see what’s possible beyond what
just how quickly things can change. What was you thought you knew.
true yesterday may be seen in a different light Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr
tomorrow. Life coach

Batch
made in
heaven!
Take it easy in 2021
with a bunch of simple,
nutritious, and delicious
batch bakes
I
f 2020 has taught me anything,
it’s that being kind to myself
and taking it easy are both
absolutely necessary, and
should be shame-free. We’re so
used to only praising ourselves
when we’ve worked a full
day, completed a workout,
done the washing, and then
cooked a hearty, intricate
meal from scratch. But, this
year, it’s all about simplicity,
nutrition, versatility and, most
importantly, batch baking!
We’ve got eight recipes that
tick those boxes to make your
working weeks a little easier this
time around. Pick a rainy Sunday
afternoon, and fire up the oven...
Meet our nutritionist panel

For more recipes and insight with your diet, visit nutritionist-resource.org.uk
Susan Hart Lucy Sparkes Nissa Dewshi Kirstie Lawton Michele Scarr
MFHT MFNT BA (Hons) Dip CNM dipNT mBANT rCNHC PhD AfN mBANT BA (Hons) Dip Nut

feel-good food
Vegan granola
Serves 7
Ingredients • Melt the coconut oil either in the Susan Hart, nutrition coach,
• 100g coconut oil, melted microwave or on the stove. cook and food writer, says: “Oats
• 200g rolled oats • In a large bowl, combine all are so beneficial to the body,
• 2 tsp cinnamon the ingredients with the melted delivering fibre to keep our
• 50g walnuts, chopped coconut oil, apart from the digestive health on track. As a
• 50g almonds, chopped maple syrup. prebiotic, they help nourish and
• 30g desiccated coconut • Lay out the granola evenly on restore healthy gut bacteria. We
• 20g chia seeds baking trays and drizzle over the also need good fats and protein;
• 50ml maple syrup maple syrup. Bake in the oven for this is where the nuts and chia
approx 20 minutes, turning the seeds are useful. It’s easy to
Method granola over after 10 minutes. adjust the flavour by swapping
• Preheat the oven to 180°C. • Leave to cool before transferring the nuts, and you could add
Line two baking trays with to an airtight container. Eat linseeds, or pumpkin seeds to
parchment and set aside. within two weeks. increase the nutrient diversity.”
Savoury brekkie muffins

Makes 12
Ingredients Method • Divide the mixture evenly

• 12 large eggs • Preheat the oven to 180°C and into 12 muffin cups, and
• 60ml milk grease a muffin tray. place in the oven for
• 1 tsp black pepper • I n a large bowl, whisk the approximately 20 minutes,
• 1 tsp chilli flakes eggs and milk together with or until a toothpick comes
• 150g spinach, chopped the black pepper and chilli out clean.
• 100g cherry tomatoes, sliced flakes. Stir in the spinach, • Let the muffins cool before
• Handful of chives, chopped tomatoes, chives and spring storing them in an airtight
• 2 spring onions, chopped onions. container in the fridge.
Nutritional therapist Lucy Sparkes, who specialises in digestive disorders

and family nutrition, says: “Eggs provide the perfect start to the day,
helping with energy, brain function and satiety levels, and I love the
addition of the spices – well-known for their therapeutic properties.
“Black pepper has anti-inflammatory properties. Inflammation is
associated with many chronic health conditions, so antioxidants are
important inclusions in modern diets. Chilli stimulates metabolism
and helps to burn fat, which some say may help healthy weight
management. Overall a tasty, energising meal to kick-start your day.” >>>

Spicy lentil and squash soup
Serves 4
Ingredients
• 2 tsp olive oil
• 1 red onion, diced
• 2 garlic cloves, chopped
• 2 carrots, peeled and chopped
• 1 butternut squash, peeled
and chopped
• 2 tsp hot paprika
• 3-inch piece fresh ginger,
peeled and chopped
• 1l boiling vegetable stock
• 100g red lentils
• 2 tsp black pepper
• Handful of pumpkin seeds, to
serve (optional)
Method
• Heat the oil in a deep pan on a
medium heat. Add the onions
and garlic, and fry until soft.
• Add the carrot, butternut
squash, paprika and ginger,
and sauté for approx 4
minutes.
• Add the boiling vegetable
stock, lentils and a good grind
of black pepper, and stir gently. “A great source of protein, lentils
• Bring to the boil, then reduce provide a number of nutritional
heat to simmer and cover for benefits: they’re rich in soluble
approx 20 minutes. fibre, which lowers cholesterol
• Check the squash is soft, and helps to balance blood
and then blitz to a soup with sugar levels, providing a slow
a blender stick. If you don’t release of energy,” says Nissa
have a blender, using a potato Dewshi, a nutritional therapist
masher will also work as long specialising in fatigue and
as the veg is very tender. Be gut health. “They also contain
careful as soup stays hot for a insoluble fibre, which bulks up the
long while. Add a few splashes stool, and prevents constipation
of warm water if it’s too thick. and the development of digestive
• Ladle it into a bowl and disorders, such as diverticulitis
serve with a sprinkling of and IBS.”
pumpkin seeds, and a hunk of
wholemeal bread.

feel-good food
Stuffed pepper tacos

Makes 6
Ingredients • Lay them flat on a roasting tray, • Remove from the oven, and
• 3 red peppers, halved drizzle with olive oil, and season serve immediately with a dollop
• 1 tbsp olive oil to taste. Bake for 20 mins. of yoghurt and sprinkle with
• Salt and pepper, to season • While the peppers are roasting, jalapenos (if using).
• 1 red onion, chopped fry the onion, garlic and cherry
• 1 garlic clove, crushed tomatoes for approx 4 minutes. Kirstie Lawton, a registered
• 12g cherry tomatoes, sliced • Remove from heat, and nutritionist and director of You
• 2 pouches Mexican-style rice combine with the rice and Nutrition Ltd, says: “Altogether, a
• 400g can black beans, drained beans. Rice and beans can go delicious, immune-supporting,
and rinsed in the mixture cold, or warm antioxidant-packed meal, this
• 6 chilli-infused cheddar slices through in the microwave/stove recipe is quick and versatile. Both
To serve before adding to the peppers. tomatoes and red peppers are high
• Handful of jalapenos (optional) Remove the peppers from the in immune-boosting antioxidants,
• 1 tbsp of Greek yoghurt (optional) oven and fill each evenly with vitamin C, and beta-carotene. Red
the rice and bean mixture. onions and garlic contain both allium
Method • Lay a slice of cheese on each and prebiotic fibres, which support
• Preheat the oven to 200°C. pepper, and roast in the oven for healthy gut bacteria, and sulfur –
• Cut the peppers in half, deseed approx 10 minutes. essential for liver detoxification.”
and remove any pith.
Avocado penne pasta

Serves 3
Ingredients • Meanwhile, add the spinach,

• 250g wholemeal penne garlic, avocado halves, cashews,
• 100g garden peas pepper, and two tablespoons of
• 150g baby spinach warm water to a blender and
• 2 garlic cloves, chopped pulse until smooth. If the sauce
•2 small avocados, halved and stoned is too thick, gradually add warm
• 30g cashews nuts water until desired consistency.
• 1 tsp cayenne pepper Set aside. “Often overlooked in favour of
• 1 lemon • Drain the pasta, and tip back ‘trendier’ superfoods, humble
• Pinch of black pepper into the pan, combining with garden peas are nutritional
• Handful of pumpkin seeds the peas. Squeeze the lemon powerhouses,” nutritional therapist
• Small bunch of coriander, chopped into the pasta and stir in the Lucy Sparkes says. “Eaten all-
• 30g parmesan (optional) blitzed sauce. Give the sauce a year-round as they retain their
good grind of black pepper, and goodness when frozen, peas
Method warm gently on low heat. are a great source of insoluble
• Cook the pasta in boiling water • Divide the pasta into bowls fibre, and contain a prebiotic to
as per packet instructions. You and sprinkle with pumpkin help maintain good gut bacteria
can add the peas to the same seeds, chopped coriander and residence, which is vital for a
saucepan, or boil separately. parmesan (if using). healthy immune function.” >>>

Courgetti pad Thai
Serves 3
Ingredients Method “This is comfort food in a bowl, and
• 1 tsp sesame oil • Heat the sesame oil in a wok and a great way to boost our immune
• 1 red chilli, chopped add the chilli and ginger. Stir fry system over the winter. Ginger and
• 1 tbsp ginger paste for 3 minutes. chilli not only make this dish really
• 2 spring onions, sliced • Add the spring onions, carrot and tasty but, nutritionally, are anti-
• 1 carrot, peeled pepper, and toss for 3 minutes. inflammatory and immune-boosting
• 1 red pepper, sliced • Move everything to one side of ingredients,” nutrition coach Susan
• 2 eggs the pan, and crack the eggs, using Hart explains. “Using courgette
• 150g peeled, cooked prawns a chopstick or handle of a fork to noodles increases the vegetable
• 2 courgettes, shredded or mix the eggs. count, and therefore the fibre
spiralised • Once the eggs have scrambled, add content, too. Fibre makes you feel
• 50g beansprouts the prawns to the wok and stir fry fuller for longer as well as improving
• Handful of peanuts for approx 4 minutes. your overall digestive health.
• Prepare the courgette noodles “Vegans can enjoy this dish by
For the sauce: using a spiralizer or by shredding, removing the egg and using tofu or
• 1 lime, juiced and add to the pan with the tempeh as the protein source. They
• 2 tbsp low salt soy sauce beansprouts. Stir through. provide iron, fibre and calcium, but
• Pinch of chilli flakes • Combine the sauce ingredients in zero cholesterol.”
• 3 tbsp water a bowl, and add to the wok once
the prawns are piping hot.
For vegans, replace the prawns with • Portion into bowls and garnish
150g of tofu and omit the egg. with peanuts. Serve immediately.
Healthy homemade crisps

Serves 5
Ingredients •W
ash and gently tear any large
• 2 large carrots, peeled kale leaves, and place in a large
• 2 medium beetroots, peeled mixing bowl. Add the sliced
• 100g kale carrots and beetroot to the bowl.
• 1 tbsp olive oil •D
rizzle the olive oil onto the veg “An excellent alternative to the
• 2 tsp garlic powder and add the spices (adjust spices ordinary crisp, this recipe uses little
• 1 tsp cayenne pepper to desired taste). Toss until the oil and lots of spice,” nutritional
• 1 tsp paprika vegetables are evenly coated. therapist and heath coach Michele
•P
lace the veg slices in single Scarr says. “Garlic, AKA Mother
Method layers on the baking trays. Bake Nature’s antibiotic, and paprika and
•P
reheat the oven to 180°C, for 10 mins. Turn and bake for cayenne, containing capsaicin (a
and line two baking trays with a further 10–12 mins until crisp, potent circulation stimulant), make
parchment. and the sides of the carrots curl. this supportive of heart health and the
•T
hinly slice the carrots and •L
eave to cool and enjoy as a control of diabetes. Plus the carrots
beetroot. Start at the widest part healthy alternative to shop- and beetroot are rich in carotenoids,
of the carrot. bought crisps! which are good for vision.”

feel-good food
Tasty tahini flapjacks

Makes 12
Ingredients
1 banana
2 tbsp coconut oil, melted
30g light tahini
1 tbsp runny honey
50g pitted dates
200g rolled oats
30g sunflower seeds
30g chia seeds
1 tsp cinnamon
½ tsp sea salt
Method
• Preheat the oven to 180°C, and
line a baking tin with parchment.
• In a small bowl, mash the
banana with a fork until a paste-
like consistency forms, set aside.
• Melt the coconut oil in a small
pan. Once melted, remove from
the heat and combine with the
tahini and honey, stirring gently.
• In a separate bowl, combine the
dry ingredients, keeping half of
the seeds aside.
• Gradually fold the coconut oil
mixture and mashed banana into
the dry ingredients.
• Spoon the mixture into your tin,
making sure it’s level.
• Sprinkle over the remaining
seeds and bake for 18 mins, or
until golden brown.
• Leave to cool before slicing into
12 pieces. Enjoy!
Michele Scarr, a nutritional therapist, health coach and
CNN lecturer, says: “These tasty, seedy flapjacks keep
energy stores up, but blood pressure down. Chia seeds
are the richest plant source of omega 3 fatty acids and
a complete protein, making them a great option for
vegetarians and vegans, and all that fibre will keep you
fuller for longer – plus they’re great for digestion, too!”

How to deal with
manipulative people
Don’t get caught in a trap, learn how to spot
manipulation in action, and break free for good
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Illustrating | Rosan Magar
T
hroughout our lives, identified the problem, there unconsciously ignore them. So
we’re bound to come are several steps you can take Chris recommends taking a step
into contact with to break free of manipulation, back from the situation.
manipulative people. It and start to create your own “Notice the patterns of
could be in the workplace, in a boundaries again. behaviour. If you’re always told
friendship, or a relationship – it that you aren’t doing enough,
might even be a family member. 1. BE AWARE OF THE PROBLEM no matter how much effort you
Manipulation comes in many “The first step is to notice put in, this might leave you in
different forms, but most of the what’s happening,” says Chris. an anxious place with the other
time it happens on the sly, and “It’s impossible to deal with person holding all the anger.
you may not always realise what’s manipulation if you aren’t aware.” Perhaps this is about more than
going on. We can get used to certain just the task at hand?” Chris says.
But, as counsellor Chris behaviours very quickly, to Often, the best way to spot
Mounsher shares, once you have the extent that we’re able to abusive behaviour is to really

relationships
think about how it makes you the pattern of manipulation and

feel. Has an action made you feel trust in your experience, it will be
guilty, worried, sad, sidelined, or easier to stand up for yourself.” Try to remain as calm as
frustrated? That could be a sign. If you find that your boundaries possible, as it will help
are being challenged a lot,
you to see clearly and
2. TRUST IN YOURSELF perhaps take some time to reflect
“Feeling battered by the torrent on what this can tell you about to navigate this difficult
of another’s manipulative the nature of the relationship, situation as best you can
behaviour can make it hard to and if there are other limits that
trust in your own experiences, you need to set and make clear. allowed to disagree, and to decide
but this is vital,” Chris notes. what is reasonable for yourself,”
Take some time to tune-in. What 4. UNDERSTAND THEIR Chris adds.
behaviour feels right and good to PERSPECTIVE
you? What are your core values “This may seem counter- 5. DON’T BE AFRAID
telling you about the situation? intuitive, but it can help to TO WALK AWAY
“Talk through what has understand the other person’s Keep up the self check-ins, and
happened, either by yourself or perspective, even if you find it stay on top of how you’re feeling
with a trusted friend,” says Chris. completely unreasonable,” Chris so that you’re able to make the
“Make sense of the situation, advises. “To know that the other healthiest choice for you. “There
and judge for yourself what is OK person is struggling, and trying may be times when it causes too
and reasonable, away from the to control their world through much pain to stay engaged with
manipulative behaviour. Hold manipulation, may make you feel the other person,” Chris says. “In
onto this understanding, and less victimised, and may help to this case, you may choose to walk
remember that you deserve to be reduce your frustration.” away, or minimise your contact.”
treated with respect.” Chris points to the examples As Chris explains, it’s not always
of a family member criticising possible to resolve every conflict
3. SET BOUNDARIES you for not returning their calls or undesirable trait. In those
When we set sturdy boundaries, immediately – in that case, it cases, the least painful option
we’re making it clear to others, could be that their manipulative could be to let that person go, and
and ourselves, what we will and behaviour is stemming from a to try to move on. You may find
will not accept. fear of rejection. “However, it’s you’re happier in the long-run.
“Boundaries are there to keep important to use the previous
us safe,” says Chris. steps to connect with your
“If you feel you’re views and remember that you’re
being pushed to
do things that
aren’t acceptable,
say so. Set your
boundaries,
and remember Chris is a humanistic counsellor
that the other with particular experience working
with anxiety, addiction, depression,
person will find low self-esteem and relationship
this hard, but if difficulties. Find out more by visiting
you understand counselling-directory.org.uk

“
To live is the rarest thing in the
world. Most people exist, that is all
OSCAR WILDE
Photography | Vladimir Fedotov

find your balance
Fo l l o w yo u r
heart
We explore the concept of ‘heartfulness’ and discover how the
key to wellness could already be within us, literally
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Illustrating | Rosan Magar
W
hen the world around during mediation (something To her, this means creating an
us is full of noise, to bring your focus back to awareness of the relationship
stress, and pressure, when your mind wanders), or between your emotional state
it makes sense that reflecting on its emotional and and your physical body –
we might want to retreat inside spiritual significance, those noticing your heartbeat, when it
ourselves for moments of solace. who tune-in to heartfulness are accelerates, can take your body
It’s not groundbreaking to point simply using what is readily into flight or fight mode and,
out that our hearts are at the core available to them, to reach equally, noticing what things
of our being, both literally and another level of wellbeing, and make your heart ‘sing’; things
figuratively. But have you ever to create coping mechanisms for like receiving love, laughing with
taken the time to consider how when times get tough. friends, or being in nature.
this vital organ can support your “For me, heartfulness is the On a literal level, you might
wellbeing? process of living life by focusing pay attention to the steady beat
Simply put, ‘heartfulness’ is the on how your life impacts your of your heart to bring your mind
practice of centring mindfulness heart – because the heart is back to the present. Beyond that,
around the literal, emotional, central to your vitality,” says by centring yourself to focus on
and spiritual heart. Meaning to Jacqueline Denton, a meditation that central beat, you can remind
use the heartbeat as an ‘anchor’ teacher and holistic therapist. yourself of where you are. >>>

When our heart (read also: on cards; hearts and love come much better,” says Jacqueline.
spirit, soul, desires, or character) together in culture as they do in “As we develop our emotional
harmonises with our body and heartfulness. Though we’re not intelligence, we become
emotions, we can call it ‘heart talking about red foil balloons increasingly aware of how
coherence’. It’s a state where we are or the ‘heart-eyes’ emoji – but unpleasant it is when we are not
true to ourselves – we’re listening something deeper, something in the love of our hearts.”
to, and understanding, our needs. warm, comforting, and intuitive. Being in the love of our hearts
Here, we have a greater awareness It could be the love that we have is what that ‘heart coherence’
of our bodies, thoughts and feelings, for those who are close to us, the is all about. It means that we’re
and how all of that comes together love invested in our passions and honouring those feelings, and
harmoniously. values, and the love that we have tuning in to the power, wisdom,
As Valentine’s Day approaches, for ourselves, too. and serenity that’s already
we’re inevitably going to see hearts “We are aware, as humans, that beating in our chests – again, ask
popping up in supermarkets and living in love makes us feel so what makes your heart ‘sing’?
Heartfulness
is the process
of living life by
focusing on how
your life impacts
your heart

find your balance
Keep it literal, or delve into

Three steps to heartfulness the spiritual, and next time you
come to a crossroad in your
Jacqueline Denton shares exercises to take you into your heart: life, embark on a unknown
path, or simply start a new day,
1. Enter your heart space take some time to recognise the
First, focus on being in your mind. Now shoot your consciousness strength you have within you,
out the back of your head, in through your shoulder blades, and and do it from the heart.
into your heart. Do this a couple of times. Each time, sense your
energy change when you arrive in your heart.
2. The heart lift

Now, imagine your consciousness is taking a lift down to the
heart. Get in the lift and travel down through the head and neck
to the back of the heart. Now go into the back of your heart. It’s
easy to sense your energy changing to the calmness and peace
of the heart in this exercise. Jacqueline Denton is a meditation
teacher, passionate about helping
3. Enter the state of ‘heart coherence’ her clients heal from their past, so
If you’re really stressed, I’ve got another exercise that will calm that they can go on to flourish.
Find out more by visiting
your brain chatter. Sit and relax in a chair. Stretch out your brow
therapy-directory.org.uk
by lifting your eyebrows and tilting your head back slightly, and
watch how you feel. You will sense the calmness coming down
from your head, rolling gently down like honey until it reaches
the heart. Let it keep going until it reaches your feet. It only takes
a few moments and this will shift your whole energy field so that
you’re much calmer, and enter the state of ‘heart coherence’.
Finish with a sigh and a lovely breath to anchor this
energy in your field.
As with any mindfulness positively affects your

practice, there’s also a very real brain and how it controls
physical effect. When you find the finely-tuned balances
a sense of calm through turning within your hormones,
your focus inwards, your blood water system, muscle
pressure is reduced, and your tension, and much
heartbeat and breathing will more.”
slow down. “This impacts your As Jacqueline sees
gut health and aids the digestive it, a daily practice of
process,” explains Jacqueline. focusing on the heart
“Your nervous system changes will bring about a state
as your fight-or-flight mode of balance, fulfilment,
switches off (perhaps for the first and harmony. And the best
time in years), and the nerves part is it’s there for the taking,
release their tension. All this for all of us, at any time.

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refill your cup
your
Portraits| Karolina Bak
T A K I N G
T I M E
Carina Lawson, founder of eco-friendly planner brand Ponderlily,
knows how hard it can be to make time for wellbeing, which is why she’s helping
people create space for meaning and a life of fullness, rather than busyness
Writing | Lucy Donoughue
H
ow many times has health issue, or book to have your would make you personally feel
Sunday evening rolled haircut in the week ahead, only to better or healthier, but you’ve
around, and you’ve find your personal to-dos fall to simply not got around to, or can’t
promised yourself the bottom of your list by Monday find the time for?
you’re going to make a dentist lunchtime? Is there something on If the answer is yes, then you’re
appointment, address an ongoing your list right now that you know part of a huge group of people >>>

I was on a mission to help
women make more empowered
decisions about their time
After cancelling countless else’s needs were more

doctors’ appointments, Carina important than mine.”
became worried by how ill she Shortly after this realisation,
felt and finally sought medical Carina’s feelings of burnout
advice. The suggestion was simply came to a head as she finally
to get more rest, and she carried made her way back to the
on as before. However, the feeling doctors. “I pulled my car over
of tiredness and lack of room for to the side of the road, and I
herself in her own life stayed with ugly cried,” she says. “I just
her, and she began to observe the remember saying to myself ‘this
same in others. is enough’ over and over again.
who unwaveringly meet external “I listened to my colleagues talk I’d had enough, and what I had to
obligations and find time to about what they wished for, like give to others had to be enough
support others, but constantly going for a walk in the middle for everyone else, too.”
de-prioritise themselves to their of the day, or making time for a Carina decided that she wanted
own detriment. yoga class – and they spoke about to create a future where her
Carina Lawson knows this these things like they were a far children would never dismiss
way of living all too well. As a away dream,” she explains. “I their own needs for the sake of
business analyst and mum to realised that while we’re so good others, or be frightened about
young twin girls, in 2014 Carina at our professional and parenting vocalising that they were tired or
had become overwhelmed by roles, most of us find it really ill. “After that, I was on a mission
her obligations and no longer, hard to achieve the simplest of to help women make more
she says, felt like herself. tasks that affect our physiology, empowered decisions about
“I was at a point in my life like making time for lunch, their time. I don’t know what
where I was overscheduled, drinking enough water, or getting happens to us all – the roles that
overextended in terms of fresh air. we play just take over at a certain
commitments, I was very “We ignore our basic needs, point – but it’s really up to us to
successful, and I was sick,” she and I was doing that myself draw that line in the sand and
explains. because I felt that everybody take care of ourselves first.”

refill your cup
Here, Carina shares a few of

the ways she began to prioritise Take back downtime
herself, which could be a starting For a while, bedtime with
point for you, too: my twins would be tough, as
they’d ask me to stay in the
Make time for morning room while they fell asleep.
affirmations So I’d use little pockets of
Flat lay images | Georgia De Lotz
When I was struggling with time to pursue my own

anxiety, I found that a way to thoughts while sitting in Health is everything
cope was to write down an their room, and that’s how I Being a mum to two girls, my
intention or an affirmation started Ponderlily. I’d send health is everything to me
first thing in the morning an email here and there, and now, because I want to be
to help me anchor my day. I little by little I got that time there for them and set a good
would refer back to that over for creativity, and myself. example. Now, those doctor
the following hours to help appointments go in my diary
me – my favourite is: “All will and they are immovable, as
be well.” Don’t be afraid to say “No” is downtime after we launch
It takes so much mental toll new collections. It’s so
to have to orchestrate all the important that you recognise
pieces of your life – family, when you need that time
work and beyond. We put so out, for yourself and those
much pressure on ourselves around you.
to make everything work,
and for it all to be perfect but,
sometimes, it’s not possible to Carina Lawson is the founder of eco-
do everything. I’ve realised it’s friendly productivity and planner
OK to admit that and say no – brand Ponderlily – which we’re big
it’s healthy to do that. fans of at Happiful! Find out more at
ponderlily.com

How to overcome
first-date nerves
The path to finding true love doesn’t come without its challenges, but
don’t let first-date nerves hold you back from taking that initial step
A
racing heart, clammy 1. BE PREPARED 2. BE YOURSELF
hands, and a million When the day comes around, We know, it’s easier said than
and one thoughts you don’t want to be held up done when you’re feeling under
rushing around your worrying over the ‘where’ and pressure. But everything comes
head – first dates are intimidating ‘when’. “Discuss the details of the more naturally when we’re being
things. Whether you’ve met the date, like where you are going true to ourselves. “Relax, breathe,
person before, or this will be the to meet – preferably in a public and try to take the pressure off
first time that you lay eyes on setting so that you both can feel yourself,” Ayesha suggests. “Avoid
them, that initial date can come safe,” Ayesha says. “Confirm the focusing on whether your date
with a whole load of pressure. location and time again on the likes you, instead divert your
But you don’t need to let nerves day of the date. Give yourself focus to enjoying the experience
overshadow your time together. enough time to travel so you and learning about them. Don’t
With help from Ayesha Giselle, can be on time, and have a few hide your quirks – they make you
a life and accountability coach conversational questions to unique and interesting.” You don’t
dedicated to helping people hand so that you won’t be lost for need to give everything away at
develop confidence, we share words.” With all the admin out the once, it takes time to get to know
six tips for dispelling first-date way, you’ll be in a much better a person, but by presenting your
jitters, for good. mindset to enjoy the experience. true self from day one, you’ll

relationships
Remind yourself of all of the things that
make you amazing, likeable, loveable,
irresistible, interesting, unique, and fun
be much more likely to know makes the other person feel attention to those feelings – but
whether your date is a good valued, listened to, and seen.” don’t let unrealistic expectations
match. If you’ve been chatting to get in the way of wonderful, new
the person before the date, experiences.
3. SILENCE YOUR INNER CRITIC you might have picked up
Does your mind become flooded on some topics that they are 6. SET YOUR INTENTION
with negative self-talk when really interested in. By taking “Setting intentions is the act
faced with a new and nerve- the time to listen, you’ll put of stating what you intend to
wracking experience? It’s a your date at ease, leading to accomplish through your actions,
natural thing, but that doesn’t a more comfortable overall while letting go of control,” Ayesha
mean we should give in to it. atmosphere. explains. “This will allow you to
“Give yourself a pep talk and a choose how you show up, how you
confidence boost before you head 5. TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF present yourself – allowing you to
out on your date,” says Ayesha. Try to let go on some of the focus and be mindful of who you
“Remind yourself of all of the expectations that you might are in the moment.”
things that make you amazing, be holding onto. Cultivate an Your intention might be to
likeable, loveable, irresistible, attitude of “everything happens have a calm, relaxing evening,
interesting, unique, and fun. Your for a reason”, so if things don’t or to make a deep connection.
brain cannot hold two conflicting go exactly to plan, you don’t “Setting your intentions can
thoughts at the same time – so, by internalise any fault. help you to relax, feel confident
focusing on the positives, you’ll “A lot of people take dating and self-assured,” Ayesha adds.
silence your inner critic.” too seriously in the beginning “And it could make your date feel
stages, have unrealistic heard, understood, and valued.
4. BE CURIOUS expectations, and a need to Your intentions may be to have
“A good way to be interesting is control the outcome,” Ayesha fun and go with the flow. Or it
to be interested,” says Ayesha. says. “This puts way too could be to just simply enjoy the
“People love to talk about much pressure on the dating experience of getting to know
themselves – so ask curious experience. Release control and someone new.” Whatever your
questions. What’s your most let go of expectation. Allow the intentions and aims may be, do
treasured memory? What’s your date to be light, and flow where them with confidence.
favourite place and why? Who it needs to flow.”
inspires you and what about Of course, if something doesn’t For more articles and support
them is inspiring to you? Asking feel right, or you spot some on finding your confidence visit
questions and being interested red flags, make sure to pay lifecoach-directory.org.uk

THE FOOD–MOOD
CONNECTION
You’ve probably heard the phrase “gut feeling” more than once, and
there’s actually some science to support it. With help from nutritional
therapists Kirstie Lawton and Clare Backhouse, we explore exactly how
the food we eat and our gut bacteria can influence our mood
S
cientists often refer to the don’t eat enough oily fish – rich in may be linked to mental health
gut as the second brain, omega 3 – are more likely to have conditions such as depression
and with more than 95% depression. and anxiety.
of serotonin (the 'happy While 2020 was a tough year
hormone') manufactured by the WHY IS THE GUT for many of us, there was some
gut, it’s no surprise that our “gut SIGNIFICANT? good news which came from it
feelings” are often correct. The gut-brain connection is too, as it could be the year we
The impact our food heavily influenced by the gut revolutionised the importance of
choices have on our mood microbiome (GM) – trillions of gut health for overall wellbeing,
can be profound. After all, bacteria that create a unique with many studies suggesting
neurotransmitters sending ecosystem in our guts. Specific that the health of our gut
messages to the brain travel species of healthy bacteria microbiome is key to positive
along a direct chemical pathway, produce serotonin, which is mental health. So, if your gut
from the gut to the central closely linked to our mood, bacteria is out of balance, you
nervous system. Some studies and it’s been found that low may find you struggle to regulate
even suggest that people who levels of this 'happy hormone' your mood.

ENERGISING EATS
At this time of year, it can be tricky to get going. The buzz of
Christmas is over, we might be feeling a little bit strapped
for cash and, quite frankly, the grey rain is making me want
to hibernate until June! So to kick start your energy reserves,
whip up some scrambled eggs or silken tofu with avocado
and wholemeal bread for brekkie, try a hummus and
edamame bean salad for lunch, and finish the day with
roast turkey, and a side of brown rice and veg.
“Gut health is a critical aspect WHAT FOODS SUPPORT neurotransmitters in positive

of our mental wellbeing. With POSITIVE MENTAL HEALTH? mental health, and Kirstie stresses
95% of our serotonin being In an ideal world, we could just the important roles they perform.
produced in the gut by our eat bowls of food containing “Serotonin and GABA (Gamma
gut bacteria, it’s important serotonin but, unfortunately, this aminobutyric acid) help to keep
to maintain a healthy gut happy hormone is not directly our mood calm and stable,
flora through eating a healthy found in food. Instead you can and dopamine, which is linked
balanced diet, rich in prebiotic prompt this hormone production to pleasure, is essential for
and probiotic foods,” says Dr through exercise or exposure to mental wellbeing. Each of these
Kirstie Lawton, registered bright lights. But it’s also believed requires a range of amino acids
nutritional therapist and that foods containing the amino and micronutrients for their
director of You Nutrition Clinic, acid tryptophan could help to development.”
who specialises in brain health. release serotonin – so you could Kirstie also advocates adopting
Your gut microbiome is fragile try foods such as turkey, salmon, a traditional Mediterranean
and, with modern-day stressors spinach, seeds, and nuts. diet. “Following a nutrient-rich,
and busy lifestyles encroaching Another good option is to Mediterranean-style diet, high in
on our health, sometimes the pay attention to foods that are olives, omega-3 containing foods
gut microbiome can fall out naturally high in B vitamins, such such as fatty fish, nuts, seeds
of equilibrium. But you can as liver, eggs, and leafy greens, and avocado, zinc-rich meat
proactively nurture your gut as Kirstie notes that those who and seafood, and a wide range
health to regain that balance struggle with mild depression, of antioxidant and nutrient-rich
through introducing fermented anxiety or high levels of pain fruits and vegetables (including
foods such as kefir and can find this beneficial. Vitamin cruciferous, dark green and
sauerkraut into your diet. B6 is needed to make the key brightly coloured choices) can >>>

have a positive effect on mood by although it might hit the spot at vegetable and seed oils, and
improving gut health. It provides the time, the aftermath of the chemicals such as pesticides
us with the nutrients and protein sugar hit can send your mood should also be avoided, as they
building blocks (e.g. tryptophan plummeting even further. can negatively impact our brain
and tyrosine) that we require for A nutritional therapist chemistry, and therefore our
neurotransmitter production, specialising in mood and energy, mood.”
reducing inflammation and Clare Backhouse, explains that While there is a growing theory
oxidation, and supporting overall sugar can upset the equilibrium that food can be used as medicine
brain function.” of your mood in three significant (studies certainly show positive
Research also suggests that both ways. “Sugary foods disrupt our results), the jury’s still out on
magnesium and vitamin D can blood glucose levels. We might a definitive answer, and one
kick start the parasympathetic experience an initial, brief size doesn’t fit all. It’s always
nervous system – the rest and boost to our mood, but it will best to consult your nutrition
digest state that enables optimum be followed by an unpleasant professional for guidance and
cognitive function. Kirstie adds slump. Firstly, you eat some sugar further support to make the most
L-theanine (found in green tea) and get a rush of energy as your of what’s on your plate – you can
to the list, as it has shown to help blood glucose spikes. Then, the find a nutritionist near you on
with anxiety. Adaptogenic herbs hormone insulin steps in to get our Happiful app.
are also worth investigating, as the glucose out of your blood and
tulsi, chamomile and turmeric into other cells in your body.
Kirstie Lawton is a
help the body react positively to “The more sugary your food, registered nutritionist
sudden stressors, and support the more insulin is produced, so and director of You
relaxation. that you actually become a bit Nutrition Ltd.
too low in blood glucose after all
– and, therefore, your mood dips. Clare Backhouse is a
You feel so low that you crave a registered nutritional
therapist specialising
If you struggle with quick fix, which generally means
more sugar.”
in thyroid conditions
mild depression, Clare notes that sugar prompts

and mood.
anxiety or high the production of inflammatory

cytokines, which have been
Visit nutritionist-resource.org.uk for
professional support and guidance.
levels of pain, it shown to trigger symptoms
may be helpful of depression, and can have a
significant impact on the delicate
to address your ecosystem of your gut bacteria.
vitamin B levels She says, “We also know that
sugary foods may predispose the
gut to dysbiosis, or an imbalance
UNHELPFUL FOODS FOR of beneficial bacteria.”
LOW MOOD But it’s not just sugar that’s the
If you struggle with low mood, bad guy here. Kirstie suggests
it can be helpful to avoid avoiding inflammatory foods
refined carbohydrates, poor too. “Gluten, alcohol, processed
quality meats and, sadly, sugar. and packaged foods, poor quality
It’s common to turn to sugary
snacks as a form of comfort but,

Happiful reads...
Whether you’re an eco-warrior, baking aficionado, or looking
to unlock your potential, we’ve got four must-read books
to add to your wishlist this month
Writing | Chelsea Graham
C
limate change can provides a practical guide for How to Avoid a Climate
often feel like an issue achieving a global target of Disaster: The Solutions
that’s too big for us as zero emissions, as well as why We Have and the
individuals to solve. this mission is so important, Breakthroughs We Need
But Microsoft co-founder and which Bill makes clear is not a by Bill Gates
philanthropist Bill Gates, with simple task, but is “firmly Out 16 February
the help of leading experts, has within our reach”.
put together a clear explanation Including explanations of climate change, Bill combines
of the major challenges we’re how we should be addressing decades of his own investigatory
facing across the globe, to help chemical, biological, political research and presents it in a simple
us focus the fight. The book also and financial matters that affect and accessible way.
Must reads
National The Best is Yet How to Calm It
Trust Book of to Come by Grace Victory
Baking by Katy Colins Out now
by Sybil Out 18 March As a creator,
Kapoor For most of podcaster, and
Out 15 April her life, things trainee counsellor,
With the just seemed our columnist Grace
nearing of to come Victory is well-equipped to inspire
British spring comes a wealth naturally to readers to discover more about
of growth and colour in fields Izzy – that is until she found the connection between the mind
across the country. Drawing herself struggling under the and body. Including essential tips
on Britain’s baking heritage pressure of parenthood. But for times when you need them
and history, this new edition upon hearing of an elderly most, Grace’s guide is the perfect
of award-winning writer Sybil neighbour in need of a friend, accompaniment for our journey
Kapoor’s classic recipe book she quickly jumps into the of self-love, acceptance, and
shares some of her favourite maternal role. Katy Colins’ understanding. It’s important to make
puddings, savoury treats, and emotional novel is a heart- a conscious effort to value yourself
breads that utilise glorious warming tale filled with love, – mind and body – every day, and
seasonal produce. friendship, and courage. Grace makes this a practical priority.

February
HAPPIFUL TOP 10
Wise up this February with our recommendations of experiences and tools to

stimulate your mind, and inspire you to get curious about the world around you
3 4
PUT ON A SHOW LEND US
YOUR EARS
Presentation party
A presentation party ‘Constantly
could be just the thing to get Evolving’
1
you talking. Each person makes Tune-in as iconic rapper Eve
a short slideshow presentation chats with a host of famous
on their chosen topic. But don’t faces, and voices, as they
doze off just yet, the topics could candidly open up about the
be as niche and funny as you lessons they’ve learned and
desire – from ‘best one-liners in the wisdom they can share.
movie history’, to ‘countries with Series one is out now, and
PAGE-TURNERS the weirdest sayings’, or ‘why we features guests including
The Panic Years by Nell Frizzell should all be team Jacob’. At the Paloma Faith, Noëlla
Hailed as the “arm around end of the night, crown a winner. Coursaris Musunka, and
the shoulder of every woman (Make presentations for Henry Holland.
trying to navigate life’s big free with Google Slides) (Listen on BBC Sounds)
decisions”, renowned journalist
5
Nell Frizzell’s guide to the
biggest challenges faced
by women is the honest,
touching, and funny
introduction to the mother of
all questions: should I have a
baby?
(Out 11 February, £14.99, PLUGGED-IN
Bantam Press)
2
Calligraphy by Kiki
The art of calligraphy
OUT AND ABOUT comes with a host of
Historic walks mindful benefits, plus
History is all around us, it’s the perfect skill for
and it’s there for the taking. adding something
Discover historic sites in your area, follow in the footsteps of those special to cards and gifts for
who have come before us, and find a new perspective on what life loved ones. Follow Kiki as she
might have been like in the past. There are thousands of free and shares tips and tricks for
paid historical sites to visit all around the country – and they’re those interested in picking
ripe for exploration. up the pen.
(Find walks and sites by visiting english-heritage.org.uk) Follow @calligraphy.by.kiki
62 | happiful.com
6
9
TECH TIP-OFFS THE CONVERSATION
Vocabulary Builder National Storytelling Week
There’s nothing more satisfying The power of stories cannot be
than finding the perfect word to express underestimated. Tales have the ability to
a thought, feeling, or sentiment. The transport us to other worlds and inspire us
Vocabulary Builder app helps you build to reflect on our own. Spend some time contemplating the
this knowledge, based on the “1,200 most stories that have touched your life, share them with others,
important words”. Work through the levels, and join in with online events and talks hosted by writers
and put your knowledge to the test with and authors. (30 January to 6 February 2021. Sign up for
quizzes and recaps. talks and find resources by visiting sfs.org.uk)
(Available on Android and iOS)
7
SQUARE EYES
The Queen’s Gambit
Based on the 1983 novel of the
same title, The Queen’s Gambit tells the
10 GET GOING
Retroglow
Fitness should be fun, and these
Retroglow | retroglowstudios.com
story of a chess prodigy as she rises to vintage-inspired online fitness

the top, while also combating drug and classes have joy at their core. From
alcohol addictions. This series has been dance experiences to retro-workouts,
quickly binged and added to many step back in time, connect with
people’s to-watch lists since its release your body, and find happiness in
– for a good reason. Beautifully shot movement. Legwarmers optional.
and brilliantly acted, this series is one to (Class prices start at £3.50, visit
get lost in. (Available on Netflix) retroglowstudios.com to book)
8 TREAT YOURSELF
The Crop Club – Mini growing kit
Always been interested in gardening but don’t know where to start? Or struggle to find
WIN!
the time and space? A social enterprise on a mission to help people grow food in small
places, the growing kits from The Crop Club are the perfect thing for green fingers. The
mini kit includes everything you need to get started growing windowsill herbs and edible
flowers, and to bring the joy of growing food into the home. (£14.50, thecropclub.com)
Win a Crop Club mini growing kit

Start your green-fingered journey today. To enter, simply email your answer to the
following question to competitions@happiful.com
Which scent is most commonly associated with sleep and relaxation?
a) Peppermint b) Sandlewood c) Lavender
One winner will be chosen at random. Competition closes 18 February. UK mainland and Northern Ireland only. Good luck!
happiful.com | 63
How to find hygge in your home
As the winter months draw in, what could be more appealing than embracing the
essence of Danish cosiness? Here we share three essential tips for making the most
of what you already have at home – and it doesn’t have to cost you a thing!
Writing | Becky Wright Illustrating | Rosan Magar
S
ince we’re spending more In recent years, hygge The word comes from Denmark,
time inside than usual (pronounced “hoo-gah”) has and is used to acknowledge a
this winter, it really does become a buzzword, with more feeling or moment that is “cosy,
feel like hibernation of us buying fluffy throws and charming or special”. The Danes
season. So, there’s never been candles every winter to have created hygge to help them cope
a better time to embrace the hygge-like homes. But, there’s with long, dark days, so, in its
concept of hygge. more to it than just an interiors simplest form, hygge is about
trend, and a certain aesthetic. creating light and warmth in a
wellbeing
season when light and warmth world by closing your blinds or

WHAT MAKES
feel scarce. It encourages you to curtains, then dim the lights to
A HAPPY HOME?
create a cosy atmosphere and create a warm glow around you.
find happiness in your home. Don’t underestimate the power
Research shows that, often,
And the best news is you don’t of a candle. You don’t need to
when it comes to our homes,
need to buy anything or make completely fill the room with tea
we look for happiness in the
your home look a certain way. lights, even the flickering light from
wrong places.
So, you can remove that gorgeous a single candle is enough to achieve
A common aspiration is to
but eye-wateringly expensive the relaxing and comforting
want a home that is bigger
nordic-looking blanket from your atmosphere of hygge. Watching the
and better. But, according
online shopping basket. Instead, flame provides a mindful moment
to a 2017 study of 1,000 UK
what it requires is a sense of that can help you to declutter your
households by PhD student
mindfulness, and an ability to mind as well.
Chris Foye, size doesn’t
savour a moment. This can benefit you when it
equal happiness. In fact,
Use these simple tips to help comes to bedtime, too. Creating
if the number of rooms
you come back to the original a dark, cosy atmosphere allows
per person goes above
meaning of hygge: your melatonin to work effectively,
four, there’s no increase in
which is needed for deep
housing satisfaction at all.
TAKE YOUR TIME restorative sleep.
And, although there might
The first step to embracing
be an initial increase in
hygge is to slow right down. Give BRING THE OUTSIDE IN
happiness when moving into
yourself the time to be aware of Nature can lift our spirits without us
a larger home, this wears off
the light and warm moments in even noticing. If you can, try to get
by 30% after just three years.
your life. outside every day. Consider going
So, if size isn’t important,
You can start with your morning for a walk on a frosty morning –
perhaps it’s what’s inside
cup of tea or coffee. Don’t gulp it you’ll have even more reason to cosy
that counts?
down while trying to multitask up when you get home.
In a 2019 European survey,
your way through your morning But, even if you can’t get out every
The Happiness Research
routine. Take a couple of minutes day, you can bring the outside in.
Institute asked more than
to be still, and savour each sip. House plants and natural materials
13,000 people to evaluate
such as untreated woods or thick
how happy they are with
RELAX BY CANDLELIGHT wools can bring a more natural
their homes. The findings
Lighting is key for bringing hygge feel into your home, and mean you
revealed that being happy
into your home. In the evening, can be at one with nature while
with where and how we live
shut yourself off from the outside relaxing in the warmth.
isn’t just a question of having
sufficient heating, good
light, and plenty of space. It’s
also about how we feel and
express ourselves through
our homes. Pride is a core
emotion when it comes to
feeling happy at home.

How you love yourself is how
you teach others to love you
“
RUPI KAUR, MILK AND HONEY
Photography | Sincerely Media

true story
A new sense of identity

Following a serious accident, Philip’s life was turned upside down.
But on the road to recovery, he found a new sense of freedom
when he reconnected with the world around him
Writing | Philip Sheridan
I
t was a mild, early autumn day back in 2002 torso, the eventual amputation of my right leg just
when I set out on my Triumph motorbike to below the knee, and the long-term effects of post-
ride the classic winding North Yorkshire roads traumatic stress and depression. To hear that no
to Whitby. But I never arrived. one expects you to live, and then when I did to hear
Not far from the safety of the small harbour that you may never walk again, and then when
town, my bike broke loose from the road and I did learn to walk, to lose my career, home and
I slipped straight under the front wheel of an a few of my friends along the way – let’s just say,
oncoming 25-tonne lorry. It probably doesn’t without too much melodrama, that I have spent
need saying, but it was a catastrophic near-fatal many days in the depths of despair and depression.
accident. Lying on the road, facing the sky, To survive, I had to reach inside and draw on all
unable to feel my right leg, I had no idea what, if my resources, which included learning to reach out
any, future lay ahead of me. But I knew nothing to those around me. As a professional therapist,
would be the same. I knew the emotional impact of limb loss would
Somewhere between the quietness of that prove one of my most difficult challenges. While
remote moorland road and the crucible of still in St James’s Hospital, Leeds, I referred myself
intensive care, my life became unrecognisable. for therapy sessions with a clinical psychologist
For almost a decade, I had been working who specialised in people’s experience of trauma.
long shifts in an emotionally and physically I made sure to involve my family and friends in
demanding job as a children’s therapist within my emotional journey, too. I realised they would
a dedicated therapeutic unit. I enjoyed the also feel the effect of my trauma and limb loss. In
camaraderie of a close-knit team, and had other words, we would all need to dig deep in our
become a team leader and manager. On my days own ways to travel this journey together. In order
off, I restored by immersing myself in the hills to thrive, I needed to not just learn to walk again,
and mountains close to my home on the edge of but to return to the active lifestyle and green spaces
the Yorkshire Dales. At weekends, I danced until that had previously helped restore me, albeit in a
sunrise in the neon nightlife of Leeds. different ways. This is where my years of martial
All of that came to an abrupt end. The arts practice came to serve me.
devastation of the crash had left me with multiple A daily practice of martial arts teaches us that
injuries to my legs, hands, shoulders, head, and progress comes with perseverance, and patience. >>>

To learn more about Philip’s work, visit
www.philip-sheridan.com
Photography (right) | Kate Bamber

To learn to walk again after three months in
hospital and eight significant operations, time
at home to heal was won only through much
blood, sweat, and tears. Sadly, not everyone I met
travelling this arduous journey of recovery made it With the spirit to discover the possible
to the finish line.
Today, I still remain engaged in the study and rather than the impossible, I found
practice of martial arts, only now for different kindness and collaboration
reasons. I started a small business in 2016 called
Discover Tai Chi with my girlfriend, Helen, offer me a healing balm to the trauma I had
teaching Tai Chi for health and wellness. survived but still struggled to understand.
As part of continuing my road to recovery I In 2011, I left my career working with children
sought out a life coach to help me to explore my and families and began teaching part-time as a
new sense of identity, and help me to focus on facilitator, mentor, and patient teacher on the
what I could do rather than on what I couldn’t. five-year MBChB Medicine and Surgery course at
Tentatively, I began to try new activities with a the School of Medicine, University of Leeds. I had
renewed sense of exploration. With the spirit to the pleasure and privilege to receive invitations
discover the possible rather than the impossible, to offer keynote speeches at conferences, guest
I found kindness and collaboration – the keys to lecture around the country to student groups, and
unlocking some of the doors that initially barred contribute to clinical leadership courses too.
my progress. I turned to the vertical dance of One particular moment that stands out for me is
rock climbing and, several years later, to trail when, in 2013, the prosthetics team at NHS Leeds
running with a ‘blade’ running leg. On the slabs nominated me for the Limbless Association
and overhangs of a cliff, or deep in a forest trail Prosthetic and Orthotic Awards. In December
running, I felt free. This period marked a return that same year I had the honour and privilege
to a connection with nature I had always enjoyed to travel down to Westminster, in London, to
before my accident. Only now the green spaces receive the Award for Inspiration. I dedicated the

Photography: Left | Helen Parsons, Right | Kate Bamber
true story
In 2015, I produced and directed a short film of a

spoken word poem written by me and performed
by Patient Carer Community members at the
School of Medicine, University of Leeds. Called
Voices of a Patient, it features the late Dr Kate
Granger MBE, the founder of the #hellomynameis
award to work of the medical teams who saved campaign, whom I had the pleasure of working
my life, and the unstinting love and support with at the School of Medicine. And in September
of my family, friends, and colleagues without 2020, I published my second collection of poetry
whom I could not have taken on the immense called Crossing the River Lethe.
journey of recovery. Looking back, if I could speak with the traumatised
I began to write and collate prose and poetry as and frightened man who lay on the road after
a therapeutic process. Those early pieces acted, such a terrible accident I’d offer, by way of advice,
as one of my therapists said, “as windows that that the crisis of trauma will change your life in
offer other people a view into your life living unimaginable ways. Expect ups and downs, good
with significant trauma”. With the ongoing progress followed by setbacks, but always look for
support and encouragement, I produced my the seed of opportunity within.
first short collection of poetry called Heart On Opportunities lead to new friendships and
The Mountain, which I self-published in 2013. It’s adventures I would never have contemplated had
publication, in many ways, enabled me to draw my life not flipped and turned upside down. Take
a line between the event that changed my life so each day one step at a time, with a sense of hope and
irrevocably to the life I now live and enjoy. openness to what may arrive over the horizon.
OUR EXPERT SAYS

Philip had a good life, but a motorbike accident meaning. Often, when it comes to periods
brought many changes and unexpected of change or endings, we focus on what we
challenges, including having to cope with have lost. But, as Philip’s story shows, it can
the loss of a limb and learning to walk again. be far more beneficial to accept
Rather than feeling defeated, he gradually the support around us, to
accepted his new reality, and the support from help us see the doors that are
friends, family and professionals transformed opening, too.
his life. He found ways of expressing himself
and helping others that gave his life real Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) counsellor

Photography: Joe Wicks | Andrew Burton, Professor Green | Courtesy of Aguulp, Adrienne Herbert | Nathan Gallagher
I am. I have
THE HAPPIFUL PODCAST
BRYONY GORDON
SHAHROO IZADI GRACEJOE WICKS
VICTORY
PROFESSOR GREEN
MEGAN CRABBE ADRIENNE HERBERT
FIONA LAMB
• Listen • Share • Subscribe •

Listen to conversations with Bryony Gordon, Joe Wicks, Profession Green,
Adrienne Herbert, and many others, who share their passions, and
reveal the moments that shaped them.

wellbeing
Normal?
no such
thing...
Founder of Mental Health Mates, writer and podcast host
Bryony Gordon shares her thoughts about working on wellness,
understanding your inner voice, and building personal resilience
Writing | Lucy Donoughue
C
hatting with Bryony why she’s interviewed everyone been the case, as since she’s
Gordon is like picking from Prince Harry to frontline lived with Pure O (a form of
up a conversation you nurses, witnessed their darkest obsessive compulsive disorder
put on hold to answer reflections, and shared their centering around often deeply
the door. It feels familiar, every hopes with millions of listeners frightening, intrusive thoughts)
day, and easy. She has a knack on her podcast ‘Mad World’. since her pre-teens, Bryony
of speaking about some of the If we all have a superpower then spent many of her formative
toughest topics in mental health Bryony’s, I suspect, is being very years suppressing what she was
with a normality that encourages real and honest about what she really thinking, for fear of the
others to open up too, which is believes in. That hasn’t always reaction from others. >>>

"
Through being
very unwell, I
have learnt an
awful lot about
being well
Today, and as a result of much
work on herself, Bryony is one of
the country’s most well-known
mental health advocates, and
has opened up a vast number of
conversations about the need to
smash the stigma that still sadly
exists around mental ill-health.
She’s adamant about her status
within that conversation too;
Bryony maintains she’s a constant
work in progress, learning about
herself as she shares with others
through her podcast, talks and
books, the latest of which is No
Such Thing as Normal.
Here, Bryony shares five
personal insights about living
with mental ill-health, reflections
on the past year, and finding your
inner strength.
The impact of mental

ill-health can be surprising
I’ve had OCD since I was a little
girl, and my first manifestation
was an overwhelming fear of
germs. So when the pandemic
hit, it didn’t trigger me in the way
you might think. I realised that
nothing I could do would change
the situation, and the fact that we
were all locking down together
felt like a walk in the park
compared with the times I’ve had

wellbeing
to lockdown in my head all alone. better short-circuit that” and I Mental illness can build your
I think that perspective might move onto the next thing. The personal resilience
resonate with a lot of people who more we work at our wellness and Through being very unwell, I
have experienced mental illness. learn, the easier it gets. have learnt an awful lot about
"
being well. I’m not saying
Know that your inner voice that mental ill-health is a gift,
isn’t always right because clearly it’s not. I can’t
I imagine my OCD and change it though – my brain,
alcoholism as a figure that’s I can say now that for some reason, has chosen to
invaded my brain, and it has a create some coping mechanisms
voice that’s indistinguishable some of the best that don’t work. So I have to work
from my own, so I think it’s me,
and I have to remind myself that
things in my life with what I have, and through
doing that I’ve realised that I am
it’s not. Sometimes if I want to do have come from actually quite a resilient person
something, I shouldn’t do it, and
if I don’t want to do something, I
some of the worst – I’m quite strong! I can say now
that some of the best things in
should do it! For example, I don’t my life have come from some of
want to get out of bed, I don’t Our life and health evolves the worst.
want to go for a run – but I tell I realised that I was using food
myself to just do it. We really have as a real comfort throughout
to recognise that our brains don’t lockdown, in the same way that
always want the best for us, and lots of people were using alcohol
circumvent that. – but that’s not an option that’s
open to me.
We need to work at wellness I was bulimic for 10 years of my
When I first got sober, the life, and I thought that because
cravings for alcohol were there I wasn’t purging, I was only
every night for months. I was bingeing, it was fine. But I came
physically exhausted from to understand through writing
fighting them and the thought No Such Thing As Normal that I’ve
that it would be easier to give in. been brought quite low through ‘No Such Thing as Normal’ by Bryony
Now, alcohol crosses my mind binge-eating, so now I’m going to Gordon is out now (Headline, £14.99).
You can also listen to Bryony’s
occasionally, but I just think do some work around that. Life thoughts on mental health
“that’s interesting, my brain is is a process, and these things and learning every day on
telling me I should have a drink, happen to us as our lives evolve. Happiful’s podcast, ‘I am. I have’.

“
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow
has not yet come. We only
have today. Let us begin
MOTHER TERESA
Photography | John Vicente
74 | happiful.com
relationships
I’ll be there
for you
A kind gesture can go a long
way, so here are four simple
ways you can make a loved
one feel appreciated
Writing | Chelsea Graham
Now we’re cookin’! mean that the next time they want to upcycle a wardrobe, or
Whether it’s an old family recipe, invite you to a game you organise the overflowing shed.
or experimenting with something can impress them with your An extra set of hands could
new, mixing it up in the kitchen observations. Or brushing up on make the chore much more
can be a wonderful way to show the back story to their favourite appealing – that little boost of
someone you’re thinking about show could let you engage in a encouragement and some good
them. Why not surprise a friend fun debate. You could even read company will go a long way!
or family member by leaving a one of their favourite books to
delicious pre-made dish on their surprise them with your own Call me, maybe
doorstep, or drop off ingredients thoughts. Nowadays, we might be more
for their favourite meal and do a familiar with using our mobiles
virtual cook-along? Sounds like Lend a helping hand to online shop, read articles,
the recipe for success! Have you ever had that one or scroll through social media.
task on your to-do list that just But, funnily enough, they
Do your homework never gets ticked off? Don’t do have a few other useful
We all have our own personal worry, we’re all guilty of putting features, too. A simple, but
pursuits, but how much do you things off from time to time, meaningful way to remind
really know about your loved whether it’s just a tedious job, someone that they are in your
ones’ favourite things? Getting or something that induces thoughts is to give them a call.
out of your comfort zone and anxiety. But think how much Receiving an unexpected call or
learning about what makes your you’d appreciate it if someone message from a friend can be
friends, family members, or helped you tackle those dreaded a really wonderful way to start
partner tick can provide a great chores? or finish a day. You don’t need a
way to connect – and show them Listen out for when someone rigid purpose for a chat, simply
how much they mean to you. in your household reveals a hearing your voice could help
Learning the rules of a sport task they’ve been avoiding, and to reduce any stress or anxiety
they’re passionate about will offer to help out. Maybe they they’re feeling.
happiful.com | 75
Ditch the
drama:
how to set
boundaries
Friendship groups can be tricky to navigate, but as life
coach and author Michelle Elman shares, boundaries
can be powerful tools to ensure quality connections
E
ver felt the pain of revolutionarily, friendships could gathered outside Charlotte’s door,
overhearing a friend be simple. It was a long road to because someone saw Nick go in
talking about you behind get to that realisation though... it last night. Half-asleep, you walk
your back? Or maybe Rewind to 2011, and imagine up to the group of people only
the guilt of knowing living in a room off a corridor to be pestered about what you
you revealed a secret that was that connects your entire know because “you always know
shared with you in confidence? friendship group – your very everything”.
Growing up, I always associated large friendship group consisting This was my life a decade ago.
friendships with drama, so of 25 people. You are woken up by Every day I was involved in
imagine my shock when I someone shouting: “Nick got with some new drama. Without the
discovered that this didn’t need Charlotte last night!” You step out qualifications of being the life
to be the case and that, rather of your room to find everyone coach I am now, I was already

relationships
I was the confidant, advice-giver,

and ‘mum’ of the friendship
group. While this was an honour
to be so trusted, as we matured, it
quickly became exhausting
the surrogate life coach of our to the drama? A big old dose of only one who can solve your issue
corridor, which meant I was boundaries. is the person who caused the
the confidant, advice-giver, and Speaking now, with much more issue. When there’s a problem, it
‘mum’ of the friendship group. understanding of the importance can be tempting to get people to
While this was a compliment, of setting and respecting healthy take sides and essentially create
and initially an honour to be boundaries, here are four of my teams within your friendship
so trusted, as we matured, it essential tips to put these in place group. In the situation above,
quickly became exhausting. – and ditch the drama. if you wanted to know about
The constant drama became Nick or Charlotte’s relationship,
annoying, mind-numbingly 1. TALK IT OUT the person to ask would have
repetitive, and I didn’t want any Stop talking about the person and been Nick or Charlotte, so that’s
part of it anymore. The solution start talking to the person. The exactly what I said: “It’s not my >>>

How to know when your boundaries are being crossed:
• Feeling anger or resentment. These emotions are your body's

way of telling you that a boundary has been crossed. When your
A friend is allowed to
self-esteem is low, it’s easy to question whether your anger or have privacy around
resentment is valid, but instead use these emotions as an alert something they are
system to notice when a boundary has been crossed, and needs
to be reinforced.
not ready to share, so
respect that by letting
• Replaying a conversation in your head. Have you ever wished them tell you in their
you had said something that you didn’t say in the moment? own time
Boundaries do not have a time limit, so you can bring up an
old conversation by simply saying: “Hey! Something you said about a third party, than if you
yesterday upset me, and I really want to talk about it.” were to share positive attitudes.
Within a friendship group,
• Interactions leave you feeling bad about yourself. Start to notice this is how toxic dynamics can
how the people in your life make you feel. We don’t always form, because if bitching about
process passive aggressive comments or snide remarks in the a mutual friend means you can
moment, but you may find later that day your mind is filled bond faster, it can be a tempting
with more self-doubt, or your inner critic is louder when you are tactic to use to create closeness.
around a certain person. Even if you can’t put your finger on While the research may show it
exactly why, trust yourself, and believe how you feel is legitimate. is effective, you need to be wary
of the consequences of this. If a
person is willing to speak about
information to share. Ask them.” Similarly if two friends are in an another friend behind their back
To do anything other than that argument, it’s tempting to want to get close to you, they will also
is to break confidence and trust, to mediate between the two, but be willing to get close to someone
and would be disrespecting doing so leads to what is known else by throwing you under the
boundaries. as ‘triangulation’ and creates a bus. It may be faster to make
more complicated relationship friends through mutual hatred,
2. STOP INVOLVING YOURSELF dynamic. Let your friends resolve but it is not a way to build a
IN OTHER PEOPLE’S BUSINESS their own differences, and by quality friendship.
An important boundary to learn doing so means your relationships
is how to say: “That is none of will be simpler, and one party 4. ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED
my business.” Yes, you might be won’t feel like you are taking sides. A lot of people believe that a sign
curious, but standing outside of a good friendship is when your
someone’s door to find out details 3. STOP BONDING OVER HATE friend can predict what you need
about their secret relationship is There is a saying that the enemy without you even vocalising it.
an invasion of privacy – as in my of your enemy is your friend, Spoiler: it isn’t. And testing your
example. A friend is allowed to and research actually supports friendships by assuming they
have privacy around something this. A 2011 study by Weaver need to know all your needs
they are not ready to share, so and Bosson demonstrated without being told, isn’t going to
respect that by letting them tell this by showing that you build help anyone. If you want to see
you whatever it might be in their closeness with a stranger faster your friend more, tell them. If
own time. by sharing negative attitudes they never reply to your texts and

relationships
it upsets you, tell them. A sign of If your friendship was a

good friendship is an ability to contract, and your friend kept
communicate, and being able to breaking the terms of that
be vulnerable enough to vocalise contract (“be supportive of
when your needs aren’t being met. my wins”, “don’t talk about me
What do you do if you set behind my back”), would you
boundaries and people refuse keep renewing it? It’s sad to see
to listen to you? At that point, the end of a friendship and,
you need to make a call on societally, we often take the end
whether this is a friendship you of a friendship to be a sign of
want. When a person repeatedly our own personal failing, but it Michelle Elman is a five-board
ignores what you are asking for, isn’t a failure to insist on being accredited life coach, most known for
and dismisses your boundaries, it respected by those around you. her campaign ‘Scarred Not Scared’.
is a sign of disrespect. Boundaries A good friend is better than an Discover more about the power of
are how you are asking to be old friend. You deserve to have boundaries in Michelle’s new book
‘The Joy of Being Selfish’, which is
treated, and if that is being friends you can trust, and you published 4 February 2021 (Welbeck,
ignored by a friend, is that person know will support you, even £14.99), and is available to
really your friend after all? when you aren’t in the room. pre-order on Amazon now.

How to recover while signed
off work for mental health
Being signed off work for your mental health is the first
step in your recovery. Here, we share some tips to help you
feel better, from someone who’s been there themselves
Writing | Amber Bryce Illustrating | Rosan Magar
W
hen I was signed Whether you’ve been signed off illness is a master at
off work, looming for two months or two weeks, it masking reality, which is
deadlines filled can be difficult to know what to do why it’s so important to
my head while the next. But from someone who has fight back by implementing
prospect of letting colleagues been where you are now, here are daily routines. Set an alarm
down weighed heavily on my some tips on how to best manage every morning. Brush your
already jumbled conscience. this time. teeth, eat three meals a day,
After about two weeks of sleeping and change your clothes. Even
the days away, barely eating, and 1. SWITCH OFF COMPLETELY if you can only do something very
crying in the shower, I realised I First things first, stop feeling small, like splashing cold water on
needed to get better – to untangle guilty about work. Set up an out of your face, it’s still an achievement.
my thoughts and figure out how office on your email, and delete These are the things that make us
I’d reached this point. By taking any work-related apps from your feel human again.
this time off, I was taking action, phone. In fact, put your phone
and I was going to recover. completely out of reach if it tempts 3. BE SOCIAL
If you have recently been you to check things. Once you’ve A common misconception about
signed off work because of informed your employer you’re being signed off work is that you
your mental health, it helps to taking a break, they should know shouldn’t leave the house. My
remember that you’re not alone. to keep their distance, and only doctor actually advised going away
Approximately one in four check-in when appropriate. In somewhere, because staying inside
people in the UK will experience the meantime, concentrate on all day is only going to fuel the
a mental health problem each yourself – and remember that you isolating impact of mental illness.
year, and almost 15% of these are more than just your job. While lockdown may restrict your
are work-related. It’s far better options for the time being, you can
to take the time you need now 2. MAINTAIN STRUCTURE still go out in the fresh air for your
rather than risk feeling worse You may want to climb into bed daily exercise, do the food shop, or
further down the line. and stay there forever. Mental call a friend for a catch-up. Being

wellbeing
A common misconception about
being signed off work is that
you shouldn’t leave
the house
honest about your situation with

others will help you to feel lighter,
as well as offering perspective. 5. SEE YOUR DOCTOR 6. GET OUTSIDE
REGULARLY Try to walk somewhere at
4. ONE THING AT A TIME The most essential step to least once a day, even if it’s just
You don’t need to have recovery is staying in regular down the road for a bottle of
everything figured out by the contact with your doctor. Make milk. Being physically active,
time you return to work. Life is appointments, keep track of especially in green spaces, has
overwhelming, and recovery is your medication, and look been shown to improve self-
a journey, so tackling things bit- into other forms of support perception and self-esteem,
by-bit makes the obstacles along such as counselling – a lot of reduce anxiety, and even help
the way seem more manageable. professionals now offer online those who are depressed to
I did this by writing to-do lists. or over-the-phone sessions, recover. The breeze on your
Every morning I would write too. When you feel ready to skin and the sound of the trees
three things – only three. At the go back, work with your GP rustling overhead brings you
end of each day, I would tick to discuss a phased return to into the present moment,
them off and feel a little boost in ease you back in with reduced making you aware of your
confidence. For example: take hours or days, depending on surroundings and less consumed
medication, do the washing up, your circumstances. Sometimes by your thoughts. The more I
cuddle the cat. As time goes on returning to work can be the best walked, the more alive I felt,
you’ll find yourself tackling more thing, giving your life back the contemplating a future that
challenging things. structure and support it needs. made me hopeful again.

Professor Green:
A gut feeling
Musician, documentary maker, and entrepreneur,
Stephen Manderson – AKA Professor Green – has
never shied away from difficult subjects. In this
candid chat, he opens up about echo chambers,
activism, and his journey with gut health
S
tephen Manderson became a better. We have to get to a point where
Images | Courtesy of Aguulp

prolific voice in the mental health conversations are actions. I saw this when I
conversation when he released his did the child poverty documentary [Living
first documentary in 2015, Suicide in Poverty]. I was literally just sitting in an
and Me. Of course, mental health echo chamber, everyone agreed with my
has always been part of Stephen’s life – both thoughts and feelings on those subjects,
in regards to his own experience and that of and not one single member of government
his close family, including his father, whose showed up. You have to get in the room
suicide is a central topic in the documentary. with people who either think differently, or
Six years on, and Stephen is still as focused who don’t understand.
on bringing mental health into the spotlight “I’ll go into prisons and talk to inmates
as he was in 2015. And, reflecting on the – places where they have to put a face on
progress that both he personally, and the and they’re not allowed to show emotion,
conversation at large, has made since then, because if they show any sign of weakness,
Stephen believes that there is, equally, a lot it can land them in trouble,” Stephen
more work to be done, as well as reasons to continues. “There are a lot of people who
be hopeful. are suffering with their mental health and
“When I was a kid, there was no they’re not aware of what to do, because in
conversation around mental health. our culture it’s not really discussed – you’re
The only time I ever heard ‘mental’ was not allowed to be weak. But owning your
when someone was getting cordoned,” vulnerability makes you a stronger person
he says. “That said, I think it’s a shame than trying to suppress your feelings.
that, statistically, things are not getting Because whenever you try to hold anything

feel-good food
Owning your
vulnerability
makes you a
stronger person
down, it ends up coming to hit
you sideways.”
As well as his ability to clearly
articulate difficult subjects,
one of the main reasons that
Stephen is such a powerful
voice in the mental health
conversation is that he speaks
from his own experience. That
said, I wonder whether, when
talking about mental health
in the public space, there is
a certain pressure to be the
‘after’ photo in a ‘before and
after’ of good mental health?
To have already conquered the
challenges, and be speaking
from the ‘other side’?
“I think that goes back to
always wanting to fix things,
whether it’s in other people
or ourselves,” Stephen says.
“There isn’t really a ‘before’
and ‘after’. Someone asked
me how I got over my
anxiety while being in the
public eye – but I don’t
think I’m cured. I don’t
think my anxiety has
gone away. And I actually
think there have been
points in my life where it’s
probably saved my life –
fight or flight, you know?
We have fight or flight and
it’s for survival, but you
shouldn’t be just surviving. >>>

Aguulp for Brain, Aguulp for Gut,
Aguulp for Immunity, and
Aguulp Gut Test can be purchased
exclusively at aguulp.com
You should be living and enjoying

your life.
“I do believe that the only
way to get through anything is
to keep on going. That’s very
matter of fact, but it’s also true.
And sometimes progression is
not a step forward, just a step
backwards, or it’s a step sideways
– it’s not a straightforward
journey, not about mental health
or gut health, either.”
Gut health and mental health
are intrinsically linked, in ways
many of us are just beginning to
understand. Stephen’s journey
with gut health began as a baby,
when he had to have surgery
to empty his stomach. Then, in
2017, his stomach was partially
paralysed during surgery for a
hernia. Throughout his childhood Stephen was eventually given
and into adulthood, Stephen a diagnosis of irritable bowel
would experience crippling syndrome (IBS), a condition
stomach pain, IBS, and reflux.
It was only later that he realised What I didn’t that a study by the Mayo Clinic
revealed is more likely to be
the physical symptoms he was
experiencing were connected to
realise was that experienced by those who have
the tummy aches

lived through trauma – be this
his mental health. divorce, bereavement, accidents,
“I had an operation when I
was six weeks old, so every
were actually natural disasters, abuse, or any
other kind of trauma.
time I said, ‘Nan, I’ve got a belly anxiety – it took “A lot of people who experience
me until my 20s to
ache,’ it would be straight to the psychological trauma end up
doctor, and from the doctor to with IBS, and a lot of people with
the hospital,” he explains. “They
would do all these investigations,
work that one out IBS suffer psychological trauma,
so it’s a chicken and egg situation,
and would find nothing.” and mine was a combination of

feel-good food
For more from Stephen, tune-in

to our podcast ‘I am. I have’
targeted to support immunity,
brain, and gut health, for better
overall wellbeing.
“They say, ‘you are what you
eat’. Sounds simple, doesn’t
it? But it really does have an
effect,” Stephen says. “My great-
grandmother always said, ‘A little
bit of what you like, won’t hurt
you.’ It’s always been the periods
of excess in my life – I start to
fall into a negative cycle. I wasn’t
sleeping well because I wasn’t
exercising. So my sleep was
disrupted, and then I was eating
crap, and they all went together.”
It’s a trap: lacking the energy
to fuel our bodies correctly,
and then as a result not having
the energy to make a change.
Stephen’s been there, too.
That said, it seems the key is to
find the energy needed to break
both,” he continues. “My dad was With the benefit of hindsight, that cycle, however that may
in and out of my life, my mum and a greater understanding of be. For Stephen, this realisation
was there more consistently, but how the gut and brain interact, came to him after many years
she left home when I was a year Stephen’s latest venture is of pain and confusion. And
old, and I was brought up by dedicated to arming others others will have a similar story,
my grandmother. I was lucky. I with the tools they need to as we are only just beginning to
know it doesn’t sound like a lucky take back a degree of control understand the complex, ongoing
situation, but I genuinely was. over their physical and mental relationship between our bodies
“I was a bright child, but my health. Teaming up with and minds. But by sharing his
school attendance was quite poor, friend and entrepreneur Kevin experiences, Stephen is part of
largely because of my tummy Godlington, and supplement the movement of people that are
aches. And what I didn’t realise manufacturer Nutrivitality, consolidating the experiences
was that the tummy aches were Stephen has released a range of many, and telling you – when
actually anxiety – it took me until of supplements with his new things feel hard and you’re
my 20s to work that one out, and business Aguulp – which offers struggling to work out why – to
to draw any kind of link.” three liquid supplements trust your gut feeling.

L o v e
l a n g u a g e s
NOW YOU’RE TALKING
Learn how to discover you and your partner’s love languages,
and unlock a whole new level of communication
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Artwork | Charlotte Reynell
C
ommunication – we But the good news is you you feel as though you and your
all know it’s one of the don’t have to sign up for night partner know everything there
key factors in a healthy, school to become fluent in these is to know about each other.
happy relationship. But, methods of communication. In But whether you’re still in the
when it comes to expressing love, fact, all it takes is a bit of time, honeymoon phase, or you’re
what happens if you’re speaking understanding, and the question, hurtling towards your ruby
entirely different languages? ‘How can I love you?’ anniversary, taking the time to
The concept of “love languages” “To work out your own love learn each other’s love languages
comes from author Dr Gary language, take some time to can unlock a whole new level of
Chapman in his bestselling reflect on what your partner does intimacy.
book The 5 Love Languages. The that makes you feel special and “We connect more by learning
idea is that everyone gives and loved,” says Bibi Jamieson, an how to speak and receive in our
receives love in different ways integrative psychotherapeutic partner’s language,” says Bibi.
but, for most of us, our primary counsellor and couples therapist. “Where previously, you might
preference can be sorted into “Next, think about, and notice, have felt frustrated, because no
one of five categories: words of what you do that makes your matter how hard you tried, you
affirmation, quality time, gifting, partner light up, and then share just couldn’t please each other
acts of service, and physical your findings with each other.” – or disappointed because your
touch. As Dr Chapman sees it, the How often do we take the time expectations were not met – now
key to relationship bliss is to learn to have ‘relationship check-ins’? it becomes exciting to learn each
to speak yours, and your partner’s, In long-term relationships, it can other’s language. What’s really
languages. be easy to get to the point where lovely is when you realise all

relationships
Quality time the times you have been shown understand why your partner,
love in the past. For example, if who values quality time
“This is the gift of your your partner’s language is acts of together, may not be so keen on
presence,” says Bibi. “Love service, you realise all those cups group outings and double dates.
is expressed by taking the of tea brought to you in bed were Of course, there are some
time to give your partner an ‘I love you’.” pitfalls to watch out for. As
undivided attention.” Of As Bibi sees it, learning how Bibi puts it, even if you and
course, just spending time to speak each other’s love your partner have the same
together doesn’t necessarily languages is about feeling secure, love language, you may speak
equate to quality time, appreciated, and seen. And this different dialects. For example,
you need to really be stretches beyond how we express you both might be into physical
present with each other, love to teach us more about touch, but could still have
without distractions. “If this our preferences and behaviour different preferences on how,
is your love language, put – for example, you might now where, and when. >>>
boundaries around your
dedicated time together, for
example, putting devices
away and making an effort
to be uninterrupted.”

Words of affirmation
“If this is your love
language, written and
verbal expressions of love
light you up,” Bibi says.
Words of affirmation
include compliments,
encouragement, expressions
of gratitude, and other
reminders of your feelings.
As Bibi explains, this
could include leaving an
encouraging sticky-note in
your partner’s lunchbox, an
“I love you” text or email,
or just regular reminders
of how you feel. However,
Bibi has a word of warning:
with this love language,
words are powerful, and
so harsh words, sarcasm,
and criticism may be taken
to heart, and not easily
forgotten.
Acts of service
“A helping hand is an act of love. Asking, ‘What can I do to help?” is
your way of saying ‘I love you’,” Bibi says. Acts of service could be
anything from helping out with chores, to doing practical things to To work out your own love
make your partner’s life easier. “Actions speak louder than words
language, take some time
here, so if you say you’ll do it – do it,” Bibi warns. “Likewise, these
people need affirmation when they do something for you. Say: ‘I
to reflect on what your
see you changed the sheets today. Thank you.’” partner does that makes
you feel special and loved
“Another important point affirmation as an indulgence, extravagant presents may upset
to make is that our historical such a person might either crave someone who believes presents
and cultural beliefs may value these words of affirmation or, only come on special occasions.
or devalue one language over conversely, really struggle to This is why it’s really important to
another,” Bibi adds. “For example, actually give words of affirmation. check-in regularly with each other,
if one partner comes from Likewise with gift-giving – to make sure you’re speaking the
a culture that sees words of someone who believes in giving right dialect of love to each other.”

relationships
While love languages for, and find love in whatever Gifting

are a really great tool for language your loved one speaks. This one comes with some
understanding ourselves And that is a beautiful thing.” misconceptions, and
and others, it’s important to As with anything new, love Bibi’s quick to point out it
remember that human beings languages can take time and isn’t about materialism.
rarely fit well into boxes, and you patience to master, but the payoff “Thoughtful and
may actually find that your own could be huge – and not just for meaningful gifts are visual
language is a slight deviation on your relationship. “It might be representations of love that
the big five, or that you identify time to start speaking these five have emotional value to
with more than one. love languages to ourselves, to the receiver,” she explains.
“In fact most people have love ourselves the way we want to “Gifts can be free, expensive
at least two primary love be loved,” considers Bibi. “Let’s or inexpensive, and they
languages,” adds Bibi. “The make me-time important, being express that you care, pay
more languages you speak, the present with our feelings, buying attention, and take time to
more open you are to giving and ourselves little gifts, encouraging think about your partner.”
receiving love. and affirming ourselves, and give If this is your partner’s love
“Imagine having a bank ourselves a pat on the back or a language, Bibi recommends
account where you can only warm hug that says: ‘I see you, I taking note of the things
pay in cash over the counter, love you, I accept you.’” that they like, and being
and then imagine one where For yourself or for your sure to show excitement
you can pay in cash, cheques, relationship, the truth is every and enthusiasm when both
bank transfers, and in different time we discover something new giving and receiving gifts.
currencies. There would be fewer about ourselves, and the things
barriers for people to pay you, that we want and need to make us
wouldn’t there? Likewise with happy, navigating the challenges
love languages, your love tank that we face becomes a little bit
will be more accessible and easily easier – and that’s something that
filled. You can express love, look speaks to the heart.
Physical Touch
This one is about more than just sex. “Body language and the right
touch can express concern, care, understanding, or joy,” says Bibi. “If Bibi is an integrative
this is your partner’s love language, ask them, ‘How do you like to be psychotherapeutic counsellor and
couples therapist. She also volunteers
touched? When? Where? How?’ A massage, a hug, a foot rub, a kiss
at mental health charity Headstrong,
on the forehead, a hand on the small of your back, hand-holding, and as a couples pre-marital guide
kisses, hair stroking, are all various ways to say ‘I love you’.” at HTB church. Find out more by
visiting counselling-directory.org.uk

try this at home
Self-care activities
Whether you’ve got five minutes or an hour,
there’s always something you can do to support
and nourish yourself. You deserve it
one minute 20 minutes

• Close your eyes and • Go old-school with pen
breathe deeply. and paper, and write a
letter to a loved one.
• Drink a glass of water.
• Try meditating.
• Light a candle.
• Do an exercise video.
• Think of three things you are
truly grateful for today. • Go through one of your
• Say an affirmation that
social channels, and unfollow all-day activities
accounts that aren’t good for
is meaningful to you. • Go phone-free for a day.
your self-esteem.
• Look outside at the world Ease the pressure of always
• Pick up that book you’ve being on-call, and have a
going by and allow yourself
been wanting to start. day to yourself.
to be in the moment.
• Check-in with your emotions. • Try a DIY home spa. Essential
• Smile.
Recognise your feelings oils, facemasks, and time to
without judgment. relax. Idyllic.
five minutes • Call a friend. • Do something that makes you
feel warm inside – it could be
• Use hand lotion and take your
watching a movie from your
time to massage it in.
one hour childhood, or visiting a place
• Clear out one messy drawer. that makes you feel nostalgic.
• Go for a walk and take it all in.
• Put on your favourite outfit. • Set a notification to get up
• Unplug from technology. every hour and move around. It
• Watch a funny video online.
• Get crafty and make could be walking to the kitchen
• Make yourself a fancy coffee. something – try origami, to make a cup of tea, or around
• Book that appointment with knitting, or sketching. the block, but it’s good to get
your GP, dentist, therapist or that blood pumping.
• Get an early night if you can.
whoever you need right now. • Donate some time to
• Clear out your wardrobe, and
• Try some gentle stretches for volunteering.
see what you can donate
your body. to charity. • Binge-watch a new show.
• Help someone – it could be as • Create a vision board. • Learn something new – start
simple as holding open a door a language course, learn how
or picking up groceries for your • Get a massage.
to flower arrange, or explore
neighbour. • Listen to a podcast. photography.

relationships
Painful sex:
it’s time to speak up
What’s more painful, gritting our teeth during an intimate

moment or opening up emotionally?
Writing | Kat Nicholls
F
or women, discussions I decided to go to the doctor. symptoms, including itching
about painful sex start Our relationship was quickly and burning.
early. The fear of our first deteriorating, and I hoped that “Thinking sex was the
time hurting can be enough sorting out our sex life would pinnacle of a relationship (it’s
to put us off. The promise of it keep us together. not), I opted for painful and
getting better, however, spurs us After various tests, scans and excruciating sex over none at
on. But what if, for some people, it hospital appointments, I was all,” Zoe explains. “This wasn’t
never gets better? diagnosed with vestibulodynia, a wise and caused me more harm
I remember feeling intense condition that causes pain when than good, but it’s hard to think
shame when this happened to the inner vulva/vagina is touched. clearly when a chronic illness
me. At first I wondered if sex While the relationship wasn’t jumps into your life.”
was painful for everyone, and we salvageable in the end, I was After being misdiagnosed
were all just acting to keep our relieved to have a diagnosis. It with thrush, eventually Zoe was
partners happy. But then I came gave me something to work with. referred to the gynaecology
to the conclusion that I was in fact My story doesn’t stand alone. department at the hospital
the odd one out, and there was In a 2017 study published in the where she was diagnosed with
something wrong with me. International Journal of Obstetrics vulvodynia, which is pain of the
The idea of telling anyone that and Gynaecology, it was revealed vulva (even without touch).
sex hurt (let alone a partner) that nearly one in 10 British “Interestingly, many GPs
felt incomprehensible. It wasn’t women find sex painful. still aren’t familiar with this
until I finally bit the bullet and Zoe Hinchcliffe was 17 when term when I visit the doctors,”
told a long-term boyfriend that she started getting unusual Zoe adds. “This is why it’s so >>>

be painful, as well as phimosis,
where the foreskin is too tight.
“Chronic prostatitis can cause
pain on ejaculation, and men
with post-orgasmic illness
syndrome often report feeling
unwell after ejaculation,”
Charlotte says. “Coital headache
is also a problem for some
individuals, where headaches
occur due to sexual arousal.”
So it’s safe to say, there are a lot
of reasons sex may not feel as
good as advertised for all of us.
I opted for painful and What can we do about it?
excruciating sex over This is the million-dollar
question, isn’t it? To start
none at all with, Charlotte highlights the
importance of visiting your GP if
you have been experiencing pain
during sex.
“It’s important to consult a GP
as it could be due to a number of
infections or conditions, such as
thrush, trichomoniasis, genital
herpes or conditions such as
important to get increased endometriosis, IBS, fibroids, and
publicity and funding on these pelvic inflammatory disease.”
issues, so misdiagnosis doesn’t Your doctor will also be able
happen and better solutions can to refer you to hospital for
be found for women.” further testing and diagnosis
Raising awareness of the if required. Being persistent
various pain issues both women here is key. As uncomfortable
and men can experience is as it may feel talking about your
key. As well as vestibulodynia sex life to a stranger, if you’re
and vulvodynia, women can continuing to feel pain during
experience pain through sex it’s important to keep telling
lack of arousal/lubrication, your doctor until you get an
after childbirth, and due to accurate diagnosis, and can start
vaginismus – a condition that treatment.
causes the vagina muscles to The treatment you’re offered
involuntarily clench. will depend on your diagnosis,
For men, psychosexual therapist and will often use a multi-
Charlotte Simpson explains that pronged approach.
conditions such as Peyronie’s “If the issue has psychological
disease can cause erections to causes, it may be treated

relationships
with help from a qualified to how it feels. If it doesn’t feel

psychosexual therapist,” good, I stop.” Find support
Charlotte explains. “If the Zoe says this was somewhat Learning more about your
causes are physical, your GP of a revelation for her, noting condition and talking to others
may be able to help or refer you that as hetrosexual women, who are experiencing similar
to a specialist. A combination sexual enjoyment isn’t always problems can be helpful:
of psychological therapy and painted equally. Realising that
medical treatment can also be Visit the vulvalpainsociety.org
by not expressing her needs, she
very effective.” for information and support
was harming herself, changed
Elaborating on how groups for those experiencing
everything.
psychosexual therapy can vulval pain.
help, Charlotte says it gives us If you have Peyronie’s disease,
the opportunity to understand visit peyroniesforum.net
how our bodies respond,
This new-found for online support.
identify what turns us on and ability to curate Visit facebook.com/groups/
off, and work out what makes vulvodyniauk for support from
it feel better including various a pain-free sex
others experiencing vulval pain.
sexual positions/activities since life gave me a
“penetrative intercourse is not
the gold standard of sex”! huge sense of
The treatment itself, just like empowerment As Charlotte notes, when
sex, isn’t always straightforward. someone experiences painful
After being put on nerve “For my own benefit, I’m sex it can cause them to avoid it
suppressants, using anaesthetic now willing to, and capable of, and lose their sexual desire, but
gels and dilators, which didn’t navigate around the pain so I “talking about it, understanding
help, Zoe said she was finally can still have fun,” Zoe says. “It it, making changes and
offered a women’s counsellor. gave me an insight into how compromises can lead to a
“However, at that time I wasn’t sex doesn’t always have to be happy, fulfilling sex life”.
really open to talking about it, as penetrative to be exciting. This It’s time to shrug off the shame,
I just couldn’t comprehend the new-found ability to curate a speak up, and improve our sex
chronicity of the diagnosis, and pain-free sex life gave me a huge lives. We deserve it.
how I would ever cope with it. I sense of empowerment.”
stopped all treatment that wasn’t Hearing that communication
working for me, and just had to was key for Zoe resonates with
accept my condition and hope me. After the relationship I was
that things would change in the in ended, I buried my issues
future.” until I met my current partner.
When asked what did help, Zoe I knew that being honest with
explains it was as simple, and him was the only way we would
difficult, as talking about it with navigate it, and that’s exactly
her respective partner. what’s happened. I would
“Unlike before where during sex be lying if I said things were Charlotte Simpson is an accredited
I would just grit my teeth, bear it perfect, but we’re working on couples counsellor and psychosexual
therapist. You can learn more
and then suffer afterwards, now I it, and while we haven’t yet about her work and find a
own my emotions and I am more explored psychosexual therapy, psychosexual therapist at
honest with the other person as we know it’s an option. counselling-directory.org.uk

“
If everything around you seems dark,
look again, you may be the light
RUMI
Photography | Jackson David

true story
Sitting with the silence

Anxious thoughts haunted Deepanshi when her OCD became
overwhelming. But opening up to her parents was the catalyst for her
creating a mental health support group for others, too
Writing | Deepanshi Gulati
I
remember one particular night in 2018, when with me back then but, honestly, I didn’t mind
it was four in the morning, and I was turning at all. My grandparents taught me things like
in my bed. The thought of someone behind reading, stitching, and making perfectly round
me, watching me sleep, kept haunting me. I naan bread. I am grateful to have been able to
was too scared to close my eyes. A whisper in my make those fun memories with them.
head kept prompting me to check the door was Overall, my childhood was good. I had a
shut, and that no shadows were lurking outside fantastic set of friends at school, although being
my room. a dark, chubby girl with glasses meant that I was
The silence of the night meant that I could bullied a lot. People would steal my glasses, pull
hear the voice even louder. I kept praying for my hair, and call me ugly. I think one of the most
my parents to wake up, so I could safely go to vivid memories I have is of a boy trying to strangle
sleep. I knew that these obsessive thoughts me, and push me off a balcony.
were not real. However, in the moment, the A real, pivotal age for me was when I was nine.
overwhelming sensation of anxiety always My parents decided we were moving to the UK,
made me give in to everything that the voice and told me just two weeks before we were flew
whispered to me. out. After spending most of my days with my
I have fought my demons every night for the grandparents, the idea of suddenly being apart
past 10 years. I still battle them today, but what’s from them was really traumatising for me. I
changed is that now I don’t give in. I talk back. remember being filled with anger and resentment
And on most days, I win. towards my parents. But, eventually, I understood
I was born in New Delhi, India. We lived in a that they were only trying to give my brother and
big house, along with my grandparents, uncle me a better chance at life.
and aunt. Every person in my family is a doctor In the UK, I was the new girl in a private girls’
of some kind, and so understandably, when my school. I could feel all eyes on me, watching
parents were still starting out in their careers me, judging me. I just wanted to fit in and make
they were working most of the time. But I was new friends, but, sadly, having a “fresh off the
never left alone. I spent the first five years of my boat” Indian accent did not make that easy. I felt
life mostly with my grandparents. My parents isolated. Everyone made fun of me. So, I changed
still feel guilty about not spending enough time myself from a tomboy to a complete girly girl. >>>

Deepanshi’s family
By the age of 14, I was unrecognisable. I

never went out without heavy make-up and a
mini-skirt. I was looking for attention in the
wrong places, and didn’t care who I got it from.
My self-esteem was at rock bottom, and I did
anything I had to in order to feel validated and
beautiful. I started disrespecting my parents,
and ignored any advice they gave me. I believed I have fought my demons every
they could never understand what I was going night for the past 10 years. I still
through. Even I didn’t understand myself at
the time. This was also when my panic attacks battle them today, but what’s
started. Even the slightest bit of tension triggered
changed is that now I don’t give in. I
me. I would scream and cry uncontrollably if my
parents tried to comfort me. I was so confused. talk back. And on most days, I win
At 15, I was sleeping with loud music every
night, which was the only way I knew how to worse. I remember some nights where only my
fall asleep. I was terrified of the silence. I got a mum’s voice over the phone would calm me.
security alarm attached next to my bed, just in After graduating, I moved back home to live
case. Upon reflection, I know it was probably with my family. It was 2017, and I’d say this
feeding my obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). was the year where it started going drastically
I met my boyfriend just after I turned 18. downhill for me. The voice in my head just got
He gave me a sort of confidence I’d never had louder and louder. My demons started following
before. He made me realise that I’m beautiful, me during the day, too, even while I was with
regardless of what clothes I wear or how much other people. I can’t count how many times
makeup I put on. I’ve skipped a train because that voice told me
Then, when I was 19 years old, I moved out for something horrid was going to happen and I
university, and for the first time I was away from should take the next one. I started feeling like
my parents. I suddenly had to learn to sleep in there was something really wrong with me, and
a new, unknown room. On the nights when my I shouldn’t be thinking like this. I prayed to God,
boyfriend was around, I felt safe enough to close hoping he would forgive my morbid thoughts.
my eyes and fall asleep, but otherwise, it was But it was that one particular night in 2018
the usual – eyes watching me, demons creeping where I decided enough was enough. It was
in the darkness. My panic attacks started to get the first time I spoke openly about what was

true story
Deepanshi started
Rain On Me in 2018
The brave people who attend the support

group inspire me to keep going. From
listening to their stories, and with my family’s
unconditional support, I can now proudly
say that I ‘live’ with my anxiety and no longer
‘struggle’ with it. I have accepted anxiety as a
happening to me with my parents. Although they part of my life, but I don’t let it consume my
couldn’t completely comprehend the complexity whole life anymore. I practise meditation daily,
of it, they did everything in their power to provide learning to listen to the silence and not be afraid
me with the support I needed. I then met with a of it. I also officially became a Mental Health
psychiatrist, and was officially diagnosed with First Aider, so that I could also help others to
anxiety and OCD. overcome panic attacks.
Growing up around doctors my whole life, I If you have someone in your life who’s
wasn’t very interested in having therapy or going struggling with their mental health, reach out
on medication. I’d had one-off counselling sessions to them. You don’t have to be a mental health
in the past, and from my personal experience, expert. All you have to do is be there and listen.
they always wanted to give me advice, but I simply It seriously helps. To anyone who is struggling,
wanted someone to listen to me. So, a few months it’s OK to ask for help; it only shows that you
after my diagnosis, I started ‘Rain On Me’ – a safe want to keep fighting, and that takes courage.
space, in the form of a support group, for those When your anxiety gets too overwhelming, keep
needing to vent about daily struggles and stresses holding on. I promise you, you will get to the
affecting their mental health. other side, and become a much stronger person.
OUR EXPERT SAYS

Deepanshi’s heartwarming story evidences was able to get the help she needed.
the real challenges that can be experienced Over time, her struggle has now
when living with OCD and anxiety. The become her source of strength,
added complexity of adapting culturally can proudly supporting others who
been very difficult for some, too, and will no also face difficulty.
doubt have made things harder. Deepanshi
persevered and, with the support of her Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred)
loving family and her support network, she Counsellor and psychotherapist

try this at home
1
Lie on your back, with your
feet slightly apart, and your The full body scan
palms facing up. Closing your
eyes can be helpful, but it’s
Try this mindfulness technique to
not absolutely necessary. tune-in with yourself
2
For all the following steps,
take as much time as you
need to want on each one –
there’s no rush here.
Start paying real 4

attention to your
3 breath. Notice the
As you inhale, allow your mind to centre
on a particular part of your body. You
rhythm as you inhale
may want to do this systematically,
and exhale.
starting from the top of your head down,
or go with the flow and wherever the
sensations and your mind takes you.
5
Consider all the sensations in the area
your mind is focusing on. Really pay
6
attention to how it is feeling – tight, sore,
heavy or light, hot or cold? Think about If your mind wanders
how your clothes or the surface you’re away, that’s OK! Just be
on feels against your skin. It’s also OK if aware of this, and gently
you don’t feel anything in a particular bring yourself back to the
area, just notice that too. moment and your body.
7
Once you feel you’ve explored
your body and the sensations
8 enough, bring your focus back
to your breathing and body as a
whole for a few moments.
When you’re ready, gently
open your eyes if they are closed,
and enjoy the benefits of this
mindful moment.
Join The
Revolution!
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THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH

Professor Green gets real with gut health

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Changing the way you speak to yourself.

23 Ask yourself this

49 The heart doesn’t lie

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Lucy is a nutritional therapist specialising in Clare is a nutritional therapist specialising

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INFORMATION ON OCD One undeniable truth is that

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Captain Sir Tom Moore joins the Following a generation that

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Could working from

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Anagrams 1. Scampi soon

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Writing | Katie Hoare

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shape us they go) as her family moves to a new

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What can affect our memory? Trauma is often linked to

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Making adjustments Counselling psychologist before. Surround yourself with

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To look forwards, sometimes

would you still respond in the 5. What really matters to me?

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The goal is not to have a

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Essential decluttering tips

Put a timer on it Visualise the space Make it mindful

Declutter, with no hang ups...

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Read more about Louis on therapy-directory.org.uk

A Crystal healing is a holistic,

A When starting out with

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Now, 18 months on, I finally

1. Learn something new

Ingredients Method • Divide the mixture evenly

Ingredients • Meanwhile, add the spinach,