Happiful October 2018

The Magazine Devoted to Mental Health Oct 2018 / £4
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Editor’s Favourites
Choose Yourself
I dare you to read our interview with Chidera Of course, some days will be harder than
Eggerue and not be immediately drawn others, but embracing the small victories –
to this incredibly engaging, articulate and whether that’s making the bed, or just getting
empowering woman. She embodies everything out of it – reminds us that even if it feels slow,
we are focusing on this month in her mantra: or that we’ve taken a step backwards now and
choose yourself. then, we are still progressing.
As we celebrate World Mental Health Day this And as exhausting as mental illness can be
October, we want to encourage you to never sometimes, and as draining as it can often
be ashamed of who you are. Whatever you feel to continuously work on yourself and
might be contending with health-wise, however what you want most from life, as Chidera
difficult that can be, know that neither mental says, choose yourself. It’s the best decision
nor physical illness takes away from you as a you’ll ever make.
person. Not one bit.
We hope you feel inspired to love yourself – all
From Drew recognising how his bipolar disorder parts of yourself – this
has helped him to pursue his dreams, to the two month, and know we’re
Irish sisters behind disability fashion brand Izzy with you every step of
Wheels and their tagline, “If you can’t stand up, the way.
stand out”, we hope to inspire you to accept all
Happy reading,
parts of yourself, and see how you’ve grown as
a person from every experience. Rebecca Thair
You are amazing. Never forget that. Editor
Don’t forget to join us on social media,

we love getting to know you!
happiful.com happifulhq @happifulhq @happiful_magazine

This Month in Happiful
32
84
38
14
62
29
18
Look INSIDE
Features The Uplift READER OFFER

18 Chidera Eggerue 8 In the news Print
Discovering the power of ‘choosing
yourself’ with the woman behind the
#saggyboobsmatter movement 12 The wellbeing wrap
14 What is gatekeeping?
32 Extreme mindfulness Have you ever felt shutdown for not
Finding mindful moments in responding the ‘right’ way?
adrenaline-fuelled activities
62 Izzy Wheels ENTER CODE:

47 Positive affirmations The brand championing freedom and
HAPMAGOCT
The science behind positive statements expression for all
AT THE CHECKOUT
and how they can empower you
84 YoungMinds charity
70 Ella Mills Why you should support the charity by
wearing yellow on 10 October
£57
£40
A candid chat with the founder of For 12 print issues!
Deliciously Ella on love and life lessons
Lifestyle & Pay for 10 months, get 2 free
Life Stories Relationships Happiful delivered to your door

before it hits the shelves
29 Finding the good after evil 38 Bronagh Waugh UK post and packaging included
The actor talks LGBT+ and human rights,
Lili Sinclair-Williams felt traumatised
and finding catharsis in gritty dramas Competitions and prize draws!
following a violent attack. But between
her support network and cognitive
hypnotherapy, she’s feeling like a 50 Self-care corner
stronger person Digital
76 Estée Lalonde
43 Accepting life’s challenges The blogger pens a personal piece on
While managing his bipolar disorder hasn’t learning to thrive on your own
always been easy, Drew Cockton believes
it’s also been a huge factor in him following
his dreams
81 OCD insight
A look into the disorder from a
neurobiological perspective
65 Letting go of perfect
Charlotte Duff has learned to accept the Culture
depression and anxiety that once ruled
her life, and now feels free 41 The secret to sleep
87 Empowered to heal 61 Things to do in October

Abused as a child, Keeley Stephenson is FREE
healing more day by day, and has big plans 68 Happiful reads Completely free online
for her future The story of a little girl losing her sight,
based on the author’s own experiences Same great content as in print
Exclusive offers
Happiful Hacks 90 Unsung hero
The hospice volunteer who’s given more Competitions!
16 Stop a bad day turning into than 4,000 hours of her time
a bad week
Food & Drink OUR PLEDGE
For every tree we use to
26 Talk to kids about MH 54 Lunchbox delights print this magazine, we will
A delicious wrap recipe for all occasions
ensure two are planted
52 Sunday night anxiety or grown.
56 Meridian menus
When it comes to eating for your mind Prices and benefits are correct at the
74 Long-distance friendships and body, the spirit could be key... time of printing. Offer expires 19
November 2018. For full terms and
conditions, please visit happiful.com
Visit happiful.com
EXPERT PANEL OUR TEAM
EDITORIAL
Rebecca Thair | Editor

Introducing the professionals behind Happiful Magazine
Kathryn Wheeler | Editorial Assistant
helping to ensure we deliver the highest quality advice
Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor
Fe Robinson | Expert Advisor
Amy-Jean Burns | Art Director
Charlotte Reynell | Graphic Designer
Rosan Magar | Illustrator
s)
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(h
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Ac BS
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BA MA B
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CONTRIBUTORS
Amie Sparrow, Esteé Lalonde, Kat Nicholls,
RAV SEKHON SONAL SHAH
Maurice Richmond, Fiona Thomas,
Rav is a counsellor with more Sonal is a nutritional therapist, health Bonnie Evie Gifford, Ben Edwards, Ellen Hoggard,
than 10 years’ experience. tutor and director of Synergy Nutrition. Michelle Morley, Lucy Donoughue, Kyle Clarke,
Noel Bell, Lili Sinclair-Williams, Drew Cockton,
Charlotte Duff, Keeley Stephenson
SPECIAL THANKS
Reg Ind
Janette Owen, Joseph Sinclair, Suzie Street,
Alice Theobald, Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Rav Sekhon,
g )
P
(Re
Sonal Shah, Nicola Rae-Wickham, George Hawksworth,

AC
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CP
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(Re
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MUKCP MBA
FE ROBINSON GRAEME ORR COMMUNICATIONS

Lucy Donoughue
Fe is a psychotherapist and clinical Graeme is a counsellor who
Head of Content and Communications
supervisor. Fe advises on specialises in relationships and
lucy.donoughue@happiful.com
our content. advises on our life stories.
Amie Sparrow
PR Manager
amie.sparrow@happiful.com
Maurice Richmond
Media and Communications Officer
KCP
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maurice.richmond@happiful.com
ych
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Ps
M
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AN PG
BA M MA
MANAGEMENT
RACHEL COFFEY NOEL BELL Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
Rachel is a life coach looking Noel is a psychotherapist, focusing Emma White | Director & Co-Founder
to encourage confidence and on relationships, addiction and Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
motivation. encouraging personal growth. Steve White | Finance Director
Happiful
c/o Memiah, Building 3, Riverside Way
Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL
Printed by Pensord
Contact Us
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hello@happiful.com
PP
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BEN EDWARDS NICOLA RAE-WICKHAM

Ben is a self-confidence expert Nicola is a creative mentor and
and relationship coach. NLP practitioner.
FURTHER INFO
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EXTEND KINDNESS TO YOURSELF
“There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves
and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.”
– Brian Andreas
Photography | Gian Cescon
The Uplift
FOOD
Studies find tea

could reduce the
risk of memory
loss and diabetes
It’s the nation’s favourite way to start the day, but
now research shows that your morning cuppa could
reduce the risk of developing age-related diseases
A
fter water, tea is the second also found that EGCG significantly
Pasta Straws | pastastraws.org

most commonly consumed improved insulin resistance – a
beverage in the world, so problem often associated with ageing
research collated by the Tea – with scientists finding that drinking
Advisory Panel (TAP) is good news for one cup of black tea after dinner
many of us. each day can improve blood glucose
An observational study, published control, due to the tea’s major bioactive Could pasta straws
in The American Journal of Clinical compounds. become the quirky
Nutrition, looked at more than 1,000 Speaking on the findings, Dr Tim
Japanese people and found that Bond, TAP’s lead scientist with more alternative to
drinking one cup of green tea each day than 18 years of experience researching plastic?
was associated with a 38% reduction tea, points to the unique ways that
in risk of memory loss and cognitive teas can reduce cognitive decline, due To address the damage that single-
impairment, while two or more cups a to the way that anti-inflammatory use plastic straws are having on
day meant a 54% reduction in risk. compounds can reduce inflammation the environment, Italian fast-food
But that’s not all. Another in brain nerve cells. chain Coco di Mama has launched
study published in The FASEB “These latest study findings, together the “Pastraw” – an eco way to sip
Journal considered the effect of with many other published studies, your drinks. The straws, which
epigallocatechin-3-gallate (EGCG) continue to suggest that Britain’s are made of 100% uncooked egg-
– the major antioxidant and anti- favourite beverage is good for our free pasta, are perfect for use in
inflammatory compound in black and health, including our bones, heart, cold drinks, and can last for three
green tea – on three different diets. vascular system and skin, to name just times longer than paper straws.
Researchers discovered that people a few health and wellbeing benefits, With World Pasta Day being
who consumed EGCG sustained whatever your age,” says Tim. celebrated on 25 October, it’s the
less memory loss than the other So whether you have it green, black, perfect excuse to give them a try.
two groups, and the compound also or with a splash of milk, a good brew So tagliatelle your friends, pasta
reduced cell damage caused by high could be the key to healthy ageing. straws could be an environmental
fat and high fructose diets. The study Kathryn Wheeler gamechanger!
8 • happiful • October 2018

Positive ISSUES
BODY CONFIDENCE
Increase in
demand for
surgery to
look like
filtered selfies
Researchers reveal the impact of social media
filters on our self-esteem and body image An artful solution:
life drawing
A
worrying statistic not looking a certain way in the Artists including Alastair Adams, the
from researchers at real world, and may even act as a former president of the Royal Society
Boston Medical Center, trigger and lead to body dysmorphic of Portrait Painters, say life drawing
Massachusetts, reveals disorder (BDD)”. could help those disillusioned by
that 55% of surgeons BDD causes sufferers to feel they social media filtered selfies.
report seeing patients who want have some sort of “flaw” in their Speaking to The Telegraph, Alastair
surgery to improve their selfies. appearance, and become consumed said: “I would urge people to get
Doctors reported that in the with anxiety surrounding it. This involved in life drawing, which has the
past, photos of celebrities were can lead sufferers to avoid social benefit of allowing people to question
commonplace in the plastic surgery interaction and engage in repetitive what the ‘ideal’ body is.”
consultation room, but now it’s behaviours such as checking Simon Whittle, president of the
more likely for a patient to whip out themselves in the mirror or skin Hesketh Hubbard Art Society agrees
a filtered selfie of themselves. This picking. For some, plastic surgery with Adams.
trend has been dubbed “Snapchat seems like the only solution. “Life drawing is an opportunity
dysmorphia” by surgeons. The researchers say surgery is to study the human form, folds,
“This is an alarming trend because not the right course of treatment blemishes and all – and look
those filtered selfies often present an in these instances, explaining with your own two eyes in the
unattainable look and are blurring that surgery can exacerbate the flesh, not wondering if the image
the line of reality and fantasy for problem. Instead, they recommend you’re obsessing over has been
these patients,” say researchers psychological interventions such as photoshopped.
in a JAMA Facial Plastic Surgery cognitive behavioural therapy, and “I think it’s also crucial for us to
Viewpoint article. for clinicians to approach the patient remember that with people on social
Discussing the effect filtered with empathy. media it’s not just their physical
images can have on self-esteem, Visit counselling-directory.org.uk to appearance that they make out to be
researchers explain how they can find out more about counselling for perfect, it’s their life – and that isn’t
“make one feel inadequate for BDD. Kat Nicholls always the case.”
October 2018 • happiful • 9

The Uplift
NEWS
Is there a link
between sunlight
exposure and OCD?
Researchers in America claim that
living at higher latitudes, where there is
less sunlight, could increase the risk of
developing OCD
S
pecialists at Binghamton clock, or circadian rhythm, being out morning light would be beneficial
University, New York, of line with nature. The study reports to people with OCD, potentially
meticulously read through that this mismatch is easier to realign providing better treatments to address
reports on where patients in sunlight than darkness. OCD symptoms.
with obsessive compulsive Experts added that people with Maurice Richmond
disorder (OCD) were living, and OCD commonly have difficulty in
recorded their locations’ latitudes falling asleep until later than desired.
(their angular distance north or south This can result in oversleeping to Could hot dogs
of the earth’s equator).
They believe those living at higher
compensate for that lost sleep, and the
delayed sleep-wake pattern may have be the cause?
latitudes, where sunlight is vastly adverse effects on OCD symptoms. Scientists have explored how cured
reduced, are at greater risk of an Professor Coles continued: “This meats could be triggering manic
OCD diagnosis. delayed sleep-wake pattern may episodes and bipolar disorder.
Countries recorded at the highest reduce exposure to morning light, People hospitalised for an episode
latitudes are Russia, northern Canada, thereby potentially contributing to a were three times more likely to have
and Greenland. Other countries misalignment between our internal eaten nitrate-cured meats during their
at high latitudes include Norway, biology and the external light-dark lifetime than people without a history
Finland, and Sweden. cycle. of a serious psychiatric disorder.
Reflecting on the results, Meredith “People who live in areas with less Experts at Johns Hopkins University
Coles, professor of psychology at sunlight may have less opportunities School of Medicine, Baltimore, have
Binghamton, said: “The results of to synchronise their circadian clock, identified the chemical preservative
this project are exciting because they leading to increased OCD symptoms.” nitrate, sometimes found in bacon,
provide additional evidence for a new Specialists working on the study say hams, salami, and hot dogs, for
way of thinking about OCD. that while it is too early to introduce triggering the manic episodes.
“Specifically, they show that living in specific treatment plans based on this Testers also fed rats a diet
areas with more sunlight is related to new information, they will be carrying with added nitrates, and
lower rates of OCD.” out more research. reported they had mania-
Researchers say that the science The team will also be exploring like hyperactivity after
behind it could be the body’s internal whether heightened exposure to just a few weeks.

Positive ISSUES
EMOTIONS
Finally! Study confirms dogs can tell

when we are feeling down
Research shows that our canine companions know when we need comforting,
and will try to come to our aid
I
t’s something that many dog
owners already know to be true,
The study included dogs of various
breeds and sizes, including golden
They call it puppy
but research published in the retrievers, pugs and labradors, with love – 54% of people
journal Learning and Behaviour
has confirmed that dogs are able to
researchers noting that dogs who
opened the door did so three times
say their pet is their
identify when their owners are upset, faster when their owners were crying best friend
and will instinctively try to comfort than those who had been humming.
them in their time of distress. In addition, the dogs’ stress levels were A study, commissioned by Freshpet,
In the study, dogs and their owners measured, revealing that those who surveyed more than 2,000 pet
were put on either side of a clear door opened the door showed less stress, owners and found three in 10 people
held shut with magnets. The owners meaning they were upset by the crying say their pet is a better listener
were asked to either hum ‘Twinkle, but still took action, whereas those who than their partner, and 44% prefer
Twinkle Little Star’, or cry. did not open the door showed the most to cuddle their furry friends. In
Inspiration for the experiment came stress, suggesting they were too upset addition, 54% say their pet is their
when co-author Julia Meyers-Mano, by their owner’s crying to do anything. best friend and, when it comes to
assistant professor of psychology at “Dogs have been by the side of choosing who they would rather
Ripon College, Wisconsin, was playing humans for tens of thousands of years spend the rest of their life with, 14%
with her children. They buried her and they’ve learned to read our social would choose their pets.
under pillows and, in play, she called cues,” says Emily Sanford, lead author While Hannah Edwards from
for help. “My husband didn’t come of the study. “Dog owners can tell their Freshpet admits the results are
rescue me, but, within seconds, my dogs sense their feelings. Our findings surprising, she told the Independent:
collie had dug me out of the pillows,” reinforce that idea, and show that, like “What they actually demonstrate is
Julia told EurekAlert. “I knew that we Lassie, dogs who know their people are just how much us Brits love our pets
had to do a study to test that more in trouble might spring into action.” and why they’re such an important
formally.” Kathryn Wheeler part of our families.”

The
wellbeing
From a sign of support for the deaf
community, to the perfect excuse to
watch a scary movie, here’s a brief look
at the fascinating, bizarre, and moving
wrap moments making the news this month
The ‘zombie’ gene Trick or treat?

They say an elephant never forgets, but did
With Halloween fast approaching,
you know elephants also almost never die
from cancer – just 5% of them compared to you may be interested to hear
25% of humans. A recent study published in that watching scary movies
Cell Reports suggests that elephants could actually do you some good!
have what could be called a “zombie” In a study published in the journal
gene, which switches into action Stress, researchers revealed that
when their DNA is damaged, watching films that leave us jumpy
and results in the cell dying
– before it can turn
and scared can trigger our fight-or-flight
cancerous. While this response. This releases adrenaline and increases our
is just a small part levels of white blood cells, which help to fight infection.
of a big picture, So if you’re feeling a little run-down this October,
scientists hope popping on a scary flick could be just the thing to boost
that by studying your immune system.
the animals
and how they’ve
evolved to resist cancer, they can help to
treat humans in the future. Changing gear
From 2019, UK drivers with mental
health problems will be able to apply for
A message of hope disabled parking permits, meaning that

people with non-visible disabilities (e.g.
autism) and less obvious mental health
After nearly taking his own life at a bridge in
Lanark, Scotland, bodybuilder Alastair Wilson is difficulties, will be able to utilise disabled
hoping to save the lives of others. Alastair has created cards parking spaces. Alongside those with
and secured them to the bridge, in partnership with men’s physical disabilities, this new system
mental health charity Brothers in Arms. Messages on the will support those who experience
“considerable
cards include numbers for support helplines, and in Alastair’s
psychological
words, “telling them that no matter what’s happened, they still
distress” when
matter”. Alastair notes: “Even if one resonates and saves one
travelling, struggle
person, mission accomplished.” with the experience
of walking, and those
Have your say where travelling could
risk their own or
A new national public survey, led by the Synergi others’ safety.
Collaborative Centre, to further research into
ethnic inequalities in severe mental illness has
opened online. With black African people and black Caribbean people
being five to six times more likely to be diagnosed with schizophrenia
than the majority of the population, the results will help to launch a campaign looking
to transform health systems in the UK, and address inequalities. To take part, visit
surveymonkey.co.uk/r/synergipublicsurvey before 10 October.

Time to care Pumped for Halloween?
The average person with Did you know that, along with being great for “slime” to creep out
dementia in a care home kids, pumpkin seeds could actually help with our
receives a mere two mental health? Being rich in potassium, eating
minutes of meaningful pumpkin seeds could help reduce stress and
social interaction each day, anxiety symptoms. They are also an excellent
but training staff in patient- source of zinc, which supports brain and nerve
centred care and increasing development. Perhaps ditching the candy in
this to just 10 minutes exchange for some pumpkin seeds isn’t such a
can improve resident scary thought after all?
wellbeing. Professor
Planting ideas
Clive Ballard, who led
the research from the
University of Exeter Medical
School, said: “Imagine life No, unfortunately this isn’t a
with just two minutes of real-life Pokémon… Sun Tianqi,
social interaction each a Chinese roboticist and
day. To accept this is
Sun Tianqi | theverge.com
entrepreneur, has developed a

discrimination against robot that carries a potted plant,
people with dementia. We moving in and out of sunshine as required, and lets you know
urgently need to do better.” the plant needs watering by doing a little dance! The idea is that
Researchers hope to roll while plants are “heliotropic” (they grow towards the light), this
out their training to more little robot can do the hard work for them, ensuring our plants
care homes, to support are as well-tended
the needs of those with as possible.
dementia.
In a galaxy far, far away...
A grande idea Want to know who really lived
happily ever after? Science
Starbucks has announced it will be opening its fiction and fantasy fans
first signing store in Washington, DC, employing apparently. According to a
up to 25 deaf, hard of hearing, and hearing people, where it study published in Psychology
will be a requirement that all staff are able to use American of Aesthetics, Creativity, and
the Arts, those who read sci-fi
Sign Language (ASL). The coffee chain is looking to increase
and fantasy books are great at
employment opportunities for the deaf community, alongside relationships, having scored the
creating a welcoming space for those use ASL. highest in a test on expectations
and misconceptions relating
to romantic partners and
relationships. So if you’re looking
for a prospective partner, may
the force be with you...
How to say “coffee” in ASL

The Uplift | The Explainer
Gatekeeping?
t is
ha
W
‘You say you have depression but you still go to work every day, so how
bad is it really?’, ‘OK, so you often feel anxious, but I saw you went to a
packed-out concert the other day so you can hardly say you have anxiety.’
Do these comments sound familiar? We hope not, but judging someone
else’s experience is called gatekeeping, and we need to close the door on it
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Illustrating | Rosan Magar
G
atekeeping can take
many forms, but
be really helpful. But being met with
gatekeeping comments such as: “You
Gatekeeping
generally refers to the seem to be looking after yourself, ignores the fact
act of limiting a person’s so what’s the problem?”, or “When
access to something, I was going through that I couldn’t that we are all
be it a community, a label or even
a diagnosis, because they don’t live
even get out of bed, so is it really that
bad?”, sets unrealistic and unhelpful susceptible to
up to certain standards set by those
already initiated. Maybe it’s a fan club
standards based on a particular, or
personal, idea of what mental illnesses
mental health
for a band where if you can’t name the should look like. issues, which
drummer’s favourite sandwich filling But what would drive someone who
then you’re not a real fan, or a book experiences mental health problems may not always
club where, unless you’ve read the
entire Booker Prize longlist cover to
themselves to invalidate others’
experiences? Rav Sekhon, a counsellor be a consistent
cover, you can hardly call yourself a
bookworm.
with more than 10 years’ experience,
believes that when it comes to mental
experience
It’s disheartening, not to mention health gatekeeping, there is some “Some people may find satisfaction
infuriating. But when it comes to comfort to be found in vetting others. in being the leader of their diagnosis –
mental health gatekeeping, things “There appears to be a nature of ‘I’m the most unwell.’ It might support
start to get damaging very quickly. ‘outdoing’ others, and posing oneself them in finding some comfort in what
We all know that opening up as a self-acclaimed expert in ‘how can be a very dark and lonely place.”
about a mental health problem is to do this right’,” Rav tells us. “For To some extent, gatekeeping helps
the first step to working through example: ‘You aren’t depressed if you people build a community, or a support
it, and talking to people who are have a good day, as people who are system, of people going through the
experiencing something similar can depressed don’t have that.’” same thing. This is fine for the people

Trending UPDATE
who qualify, but not so much for those correct manner could be very playing your experience because it
who have been excluded. harmful to an individual’s wellbeing does not match their own, this may
Gatekeeping can have a hugely – this is in addition to the difficulties be coming from a place of pain or
damaging effect on someone who is that already come with feeling self-preservation. But if gatekeeping
just coming to terms with a diagnosis, depressed,” says Rav. is affecting you negatively, take a
or who is unsure about whether Rav’s advice for anyone who step away from this person and don’t
they need to seek help. Additionally, experiences gatekeeping when let their comments stop you from
Rav points out that this type of opening up about their mental health seeking help.
gatekeeping ignores the fact that we is simple: disregard it. Stick to your guns, speak to
are all susceptible to mental health There’s no “standard” way to someone who makes you feel heard,
issues, which may not always be a experience mental health and it’s and never feel that your emotions
consistent experience. absolutely not a competition. Sure, are invalid because you experience
“For example, depression may be there may be someone out there them in different ways to others.
felt in many different capacities by who has it worse, but that doesn’t We’re all individuals, and the best
each individual. To be criticised for discount what you’re going through. person to judge whether what you’re
not being depressed in a (suggested) Understand that if someone is down- experiencing is normal for you, is you.

Happiful Hack
How to stop a
55 bad day
GREAT
GOOD
IDEAS turning into a
bad week
T
A few things going wrong need not cast
a dark shadow over everything. Here
are some simple tips to help you turn a
terrible today into a terrific tomorrow
Writing | Fiona Thomas Illustrating | Rosan Magar
O Y
ou’ve probably woken up 1 Don’t call it a bad day
some mornings with a You’ve probably heard of the placebo
horrible feeling that hangs effect, which is when patients are given
overhead like an ominous inert treatment for an ailment, but it
dark cloud, leaving you grumpy and still leads them to experience relief or
irritable before the day has even started. lower levels of pain as a result.
D
This often leads to a day filled with This works in reverse, too. So if
problems and negative interactions, you’re expecting a certain level of
which might leave you wondering: pain, then it’s medically proven that
“What else could possibly go wrong your brain will experience heightened
today?” levels of pain, meaning that your
Whether it’s falling out with your expectations can have a tangible
partner, stubbing your big toe, or impact on your perception of reality.
mistakenly putting deodorant in your So if you wake up on the wrong side
A
hair and dry shampoo under your arms of bed, burn your toast, miss the bus,
(we’ve all been there), just one small and declare it a “bad day”, then you’re
guaranteed to feel worse than if you
thing can set the wheels in motion for a
just brush it off and move on.
day you’d rather forget.
Believe it or not, experts agree that
Tuesday, around midday, is scientifically
Experts agree that
the most stressful time of the week – Tuesday, around
with work and lack of sleep cited as the midday, is the most
Y
biggest contributors to a bad day.
Surveys show that the average UK
stressful time of the
employee experiences eight hours of week – with work and
mental or emotional strain a week, and lack of sleep cited as
23% of people say they’re stressed every
day. But we want to make sure you don’t
the biggest contributors
let this become the norm. to a bad day
TOMORROW
Write down one good thing you have
achieved today, this week, and this year...
you’ll be surprised at all the amazing
things you’ve done!
2 Stop the negative cycle already mentioned, can actually lead Write down one good thing you have
Although negative thoughts are to you being more perceptive to achieved today, this week, and this year
natural, going over and over those negative feelings. so far, and you’ll be surprised at all the
thoughts in your mind is something Take the opportunity to give your amazing things you’ve done!
that scientists call “rumination”, and brain the energy it needs by walking
outside in nature, which is proven
it can lead to increased feelings of
to revitalise you and make you feel 5 Set realistic expectations
depression and anxiety. If your bad day has hit you hard
Learn to hear your negative happier.
Studies show that typical outdoor mentally, then give yourself a little
thoughts, then actively challenge breathing space to recover.
them and question whether they are smells – such as lavender or pine
trees – can reduce stress levels and Take time in the afternoon to
factually correct. acknowledge what you’re feeling, be it
For example, when you burned your increase relaxation, while simply
breathing fresh air can increase sadness, anger, frustration, or whatever
toast this morning, your inner critic emotion has taken over your brain.
probably said something like: “You’re energy in most people.
Then be sure to jump back on the
such an idiot.” horse – but with realistic expectations
Try to listen to that dialogue with an 4 Reflect on what you of what you’re capable of if your mood
outsider’s perspective and ask: “Does have achieved has started to affect your capabilities.
burning a piece of toast really make A bad day can leave you feeling like a For example, if you know you have
me an idiot?” failure if you let it get on top of you. a bad habit of emotional eating, then
The more likely scenario is that you Although there’s nothing wrong with get a few ingredients to make a simple
overslept because you were tired, got moping around for a little while, take but healthy meal at home – and stock
distracted because you were running a few minutes at the end of the day to up on a few treats, like popcorn, fresh
late, and you need to learn to slow reflect on all the great things you’ve strawberries, or dark chocolate, to give
down and take a break. achieved recently. you some comfort.
Our brains naturally focus on our If you need to, cancel any plans and
3 Get outside failings more than our triumphs, so spend an evening taking care of yourself
Sitting inside and overthinking we need to work extra hard to keep instead, enjoying your favourite
how bad your day has been is those wins at the forefront of our self-care activities, such as reading,
counterproductive, and, as we’ve minds. watching a movie, or doing a yoga class.

Shirt | Scotch & Soda, Trousers | American Apparel, Necklace | Stylist’s own
WHAT A
Yourself
TIME TO BE
Award-winning blogger and author of What a Time to Be Alone:

The Slumflower’s Guide to Why You Are Already Enough, Chidera
Eggerue is a modern-day philosopher and self-help advocate.
Known as The Slumflower to her more than 220,000 social

media followers, the Peckham native has inspired women
around the globe to recognise their self-wor th, avoid toxic
relationships, and promotes the power of minding your own
business (‘it’s the new black’).
Chidera strode into the studio for her Happiful cover

shoot braless and cheerful. What followed was an inspiring
conversation about being uncompromisingly true to
yourself, what it really is to ‘choose yourself ’, and why
#saggyboobsmatter
Interview | Amie Sparrow Photography | Joseph Sinclair

Saggy Boobs Matter
Y
ou can never be too I quickly explain away the feeling Reading this, I’m sure there
proud of yourself. – I wasn’t expecting to be affected by are friends and loved ones who
Anybody who those words so much – but Chidera immediately come to mind; those
tries to make you is genuinely touched and thanks me people who always leave you feeling
feel embarrassed for it. I have to ask her: Why does the better than before you spoke. Then,
for being proud of concept of choosing yourself feel so there are others – people who exhaust
yourself wants you intimidating? you and leave you feeling worse
to be smaller. You “When people are told to choose about yourself. It’s an uncomfortable
should never shrink yourself for themselves, they often feel quite scared thought. But, if it’s at the cost of your
anybody,” says Chidera Eggerue. by that idea, because choosing yourself own happiness, it’s a feeling that may
“Whether you’re conscious of it often means disappointing other be worth examining.
or not, your light is so bright and it people,” Chidera muses. “You learn in Once you’ve made that decision to
should not be dimmed at all – because life that if you want to get far, you’re better yourself, often the hardest part
you deserve that,” she adds matter-of- going to have to disappoint people – can be keeping that momentum for
factly. “In a world that tells you that especially people that you love.” change. Chidera’s advice? “Wake up
you don’t even deserve to be here, every day with the intention that your
in a world that tells you that you’re All you can do is try role is to just be better than yesterday.
deserving of love only if you meet You have to believe you are deserving
certain conditions, absolutely take up to be the healthy of that love from yourself. Every
as much space as you want to, be as version of yourself, single choice you’re making right now
loud as you want to, because nobody’s is leading you closer to the person
going to protect you like you can and surround deep down that you want to be.”
protect yourself.” yourself with people Part of Chidera’s own work on
These aren’t just words the Pecknam herself recently includes going to
native has rehearsed; meet the What who will bring out therapy, something that she says helps
a Time to Be Alone author in person the best in you her to feel seen.
and it becomes immediately apparent “If you’re in a position where you can
that there’s something about her. And Evolving into a newer version of afford a monthly Spotify membership,
that something is that she is boldly yourself comes from deciding that you can get your nails done, buy a new
and unapologetically herself – and she you’re worth the effort you’re going pair of trainers, then I think you can
wants you to be boldly you, too. to put into yourself, and to Chidera, afford to put aside money and invest
A common theme throughout that’s definitely something worth in therapy. Everyone deserves therapy,
Chidera’s book and blog is “choose celebrating. and I think it’s important that we put
yourself ” – a statement that seems However, she recognises that that work into ourselves,” she says.
equal parts common sense and becoming a healthier version of “Therapy definitely helps me, but it’s
impossible. I think back to a page ourselves can be difficult, with the risk not there to fix you; it’s there to hold
in What a Time to Be Alone that put that we may leave people behind. And a mirror in front of you, and it’s up to
a lump in my throat, and, as I read it involves a lot of accountability. you to decide what to do with what
it back to her now, and tell her how “It involves you visiting situations you see.”
much her words touched me, I feel where you believed you were right, For some people, counselling is an
that lump coming back again. realising you were wrong, and having expense their bank balance just can’t
It reads both simply and powerfully: to reckon with that,” she says. “Some stretch to. Recognising this, Chidera
“Choose yourself. Over and over people just aren’t ready for that work – says there are a lot of ways to help
again. Even when you’ve let yourself it’s exhausting, and heartbreaking. But yourself for free, like giving yourself
down. Choose yourself. Even when it all you can do is try to be the healthy more room to sit with your emotions.
feels uncomfortable. Choose yourself. version of yourself, and surround Even just going online you can find
Even when you’re tired. Choose yourself with people who will bring support networks and advice.
yourself.” out the best in you.” Continues >>>

Choose YOURSELF
In a world that
tells you that you
don’t even deserve
to be here, in a
world that tells
you that you’re
deserving of love
only if you meet
certain conditions,
absolutely take up
as much space as
you want to
Leotard bodysuit | American Apparel, Shoes | ASOS, Necklace | Stylist’s own

Saggy Boobs Matter
Top | Forever 21, Trousers | Scotch & Soda

Choose YOURSELF
In her continuing efforts to address “You can’t protect yourself without that about her, and I hope to be able
her own needs, Chidera’s priority implementing certain cautionary to embody that kind of spirit.”
with her mental health is focusing measures. Every single person in your As I sit nodding enthusiastically, I
less on being liked and more on life needs to have a boundary, because can’t help but clearly see those same
understanding herself – something love in itself needs conditions. qualities in Chidera, and wonder if
many of us strive for, but find difficult Everything needs conditions for it to she sees them too?
to do. Yet when people put you be healthy, and to serve both parties However, as a child, Chidera felt
down, Chidera has an interesting in a balanced way.” her emotions weren’t listened to, and
perspective: “You’re never a reflection Speaking with Chidera, I’m amazed it was a scenario she saw play out
of how someone views you. People by the deep insight she has about again as an adult – constantly fighting
view you according to what the world herself and the people around her. to be seen by people who said they
around them looks like. And that is But I also wonder what motivates a cared about her. She realised that
shaped by their experiences and how person to not only dig that deep, but she was responsible for letting this
they’ve learnt to deal with them.” to then have such a drive to share it dysfunctional sequence carry on or
Not everyone can recognise their with the world. not, and just because someone else
own behaviours though, let alone “I want as many people as possible doesn’t recognise her feelings, doesn’t
break out of negative ones. But to understand that how they feel, mean they’re not valid.
Chidera is firm in her belief that it’s however wild that feeling is, they’re In acknowledging her own self-
not our job to try to change anyone not crazy and they’re not alone,” worth, Chidera has been able to foster
else – a lesson many of us still need she explains. “I think the more you much healthier relationships. She
to learn. come across people who feel as says: “Remembering that the child
“Every single person who wants chaotic as you do, or as lost, or as in me always deserves to be seen
change has to want that change from misunderstood as you do, the more and heard is what motivates me to
the core. You can’t spend your time comfort you will find existing in this constantly choose to be myself in a
trying to convince someone that they world. So I guess my aim is to provide world that tells me otherwise.”
need to be a better person. All you people with comfort.” And when talking about Chidera
need to spend your time doing is To fulfil this mission, Chidera choosing herself and her passions,
implementing boundaries that will is determined to not just lead by one thing you can’t help but bring
protect you from people who impose example, but to live by example. She up is boobs. For those who are
themselves on you.” believes nobody should have to fight just discovering this inspirational
to be loved, and her aim is woman, Chidera is the mind
You have to believe you are to help people “understand behind the trending movement
that you can’t change your #saggyboobsmatter, which
deserving of that love from past, but you have a whole encourages women, regardless of the
yourself. Every single choice future ahead of you that size or shape of their breasts, to go
you’re curating right now”. without a bra if they want.
you’re making right now is Speaking with someone Having spent time in her teenage
leading you closer to the who holds such strong years picking apart her body, Chidera
self-belief and purpose, I’m was intent on getting a boob job as
person deep down that fascinated to hear where soon as she turned 18. Eventually she
you want to be she gets that inspiration decided to leave her boobs in their
from, and who she looks natural state, but in true Chidera
The thing about boundaries is up to. Without hesitation, Chidera fashion, she didn’t stop there; she
they can be a really hard thing to set, exclaims, “Munroe Bergdorf [British created a movement. The aim of
especially with those closest to us. trans activist and model] – I love #saggyboobsmatter is to empower
But Chidera emphasises that they are her! She moves with tenacity and women not to be ashamed if they
not about building a barrier to keep boldness, and never allows the world don’t have “perfect”, perky boobs, and
people out, but rather they are the key to tell her when to stop talking. She to love their bodies as they are.
to maintaining healthy relationships. decides when everyone’s done. I love Continues >>>

Since last summer, women from light-hearted way, the aim is to give The more you
Denim blazer and jeans | Waven, Shoes | Melissa

all over the world have shared their an insight into a world where you’re
braless pictures using her hashtag, allowed to say no, and you’re allowed come across
with one posting – to Chidera’s
delight – “I haven’t worn a bra since
to ask adults why.”
With the photoshoot about to begin,
people who feel
@theslumflower said it’s OK not to.” I can’t help but think how much as chaotic as you
But what are her plans for the future?
“The boobs are definitely still saggy.
the world needs Chidera – a bright,
positive woman who champions the
do, or as lost, or
But what I intend to do with them, best in all of us. From speaking to as misunderstood
well to do with the conversation
[laughs], is to make it as mainstream
her, I wouldn’t want her to be anyone
other than her authentic self, and it’s
as you do, the
as possible. I don’t want anyone to easy to see that’s what she wants for more comfort you
feel ashamed if they’re not part of the
conversation, but I want to challenge
us, too.
“I want everyone to understand that
will find existing
the idea that having saggy boobs you can have a happy ending, and that in this world
makes you less deserving of love.” the happy ending is not necessarily a
Chidera is all about challenging place; it’s you reaching a state of mind
issues – whether it’s women’s where you understand that you have
relationships with their boobs, or the so much value. People will always
people in their lives – and all it takes decide whether you’re a good or bad
is a look at her social media accounts person according to their own value
to see how many people she has system, and there is absolutely nothing
positively affected. Chidera is a voice you can do to influence that decision.
telling women it’s OK to have saggy All you can do is be yourself.”
boobs, and it’s OK to cut toxic people As Chidera changes into the bold,
from your life. I can’t help but wonder turquoise trousers for the first of
if she considers herself a feminist? our photoshoot looks, and poses up
“Feminism for me is remembering a storm in front of the lens as Tina
that I have agency. I have autonomy, Turner sings out in the background,
and I decide what my life looks like. it’s clear that along with her self-
I don’t have to seek permission from belief, Chidera’s personality is larger
anybody to show up in my entirety. than life. It’s hard to imagine anyone
For me, it looks like living life on my trying to “shrink her”. It’s an image
terms. My feminism is all about me I wish all women could embody –
protecting myself in a world that is imagine what we could accomplish if
never going to do that for me.” we stopped dimming our lights and
This is a message that is important realised we are in charge of our own
to Chidera – so much so that her self-worth. If we chose ourselves. Over
second book in 2018, Scribble Yourself and over again. Even when we’ve let
Feminist, is all about introducing ourselves down. Even when it feels
the concept of feminism to young uncomfortable. Even when we’re tired.
thinkers. The book aims to be similar Choose yourself.
to What a Time to Be Alone, but for a
younger audience. Chidera’s second book, ‘Scribble
“Feminism is a human rights issue, Yourself Feminist’ (Penguin, £7.99) is
and kids deserve to be involved out now. Follow her on Instagram
in that conversation. So through @theslumflower and join the
discussing that in the most fun and movement using #saggyboobsmatter

Book cover | Feed Me Vegan: For All Occasions published by Sphere
Hair and makeup | Alice Theobald

at Joy Goodman using Burt’s Bees,
Barry M, Cosmetics à La Carte,
Beauty BLVD, Dollbaby London
Lashes, and Bouclème
Styling | Suzie Street
September 2018 • happiful • 25

Happiful Hack
How to talk to kids about 4

mental health
TALKING
TIPS
We wouldn’t hesitate to talk to our kids

about their physical health; it’s time to
make sure we feel just as comfortable
talking to them about mental health
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford Illustrating | Rosan Magar
W
ith more and more Additionally, nearly 25%
people speaking out reported daily negative
about their struggles feelings, with 80%
with mental health, saying they worry
wellbeing, and self-care, we’re about their future.
seeing the trickle-down effect this While mental health
can have for us – and for our kids. education is set to
Having open, honest conversations is become mandatory from
becoming more common, but we’ve 2020, that still leaves a
still got room for improvement. pretty big gap for children
In early 2018, the children’s charity who may not have been
Barnardo’s reported that almost half introduced to discussions around
of children aged between 12 and 16 mental health yet.
feel sad or anxious at least once a By taking the time to talk to
week, with this figure rising to 70% children about how they are
specifically for 16-year-olds. feeling and the pressures they

Life LESSONS
face, we can help them to understand

more about their emotional and
Children can’t always Philip also notes that alongside telling
a story, an exercise that might be
mental wellbeing, and to recognise make sense of helpful is to draw out a weekly “feelings
signs they may be struggling.
Knowing we want to start a
their overwhelming chart” that you can fill in together,
which can help you “understand
conversation, and knowing how to emotions, but giving feelings in a fun, explorative and
actually do it can be two very different collaborative way”.
things. Getting into the habit of their feelings a
having open, honest discussions in name helps them to 4 Put it in context and pick
a relaxed setting can help parents
feel more confident speaking about develop a language the right setting
Jo Loughran, director of Time to
sensitive or complex topics, and
children to feel more comfortable
for emotional and Change, notes that mental wellbeing
asking for help. mental health isn’t about “feeling happy all the time”,
We spoke to three counsellors and and that mental health problems are
common. Her advice?
the director of the mental health
charity Time to Change to discover
2 Help them to recognise “Keep your conversations small and
their top tips for how to talk to kids their feelings informal,” she says. “You don’t have to
about mental health: “Acknowledge and name your child’s set aside hours to chat, and informal
feelings, but don’t necessarily leap to spaces like in the car, over a meal, or
finding a solution to their difficulty,” while you’re watching TV can be great.
“You might find it easier to talk
1 Do an activity together Lucy Fuller, a counsellor and child
and adolescent psychotherapist, about hypothetical situations rather
“It doesn’t matter what the activity is than their direct questions about
recommends. “When your child
as long as it’s something you can both their feelings, such as saying: ‘Exams
is overwhelmed with emotion, for
enjoy and engage in. For example, can be really stressful, can’t they?’ Or
example having a tantrum, feeling sad
baking, walking, or making art,” says chatting about the experiences of a TV
or consumed with frustration, calmly
Nora Allali-Carling, counsellor and character.”
name their feeling and let them know
psychotherapist. “This will give you
that it is OK to feel that way.
both an opportunity to connect, relax, For more information on talking to
“To know that someone is alongside
and may encourage the child to open children about mental health, visit
and ‘gets’ how you feel can have a very
up more.” counselling-directory.org.uk, time-to-
calming effect. Children can’t always
Nora explains that this informal change.org.uk, or happiful.com/tag/kids
make sense of their overwhelming
approach helps to create a non-
emotions, but giving their feelings a
threatening environment for
name helps them to develop a language
conversations to take place. Doing so
for emotions and mental health.”
can result in the opportune moment
to talk about self-care, under the guise Compulsory mental
of finding out what relaxes you, and 3 Try using storytelling health education
doing nice things more often. “Mental health is an important part
of life, and children must be able to From September 2020, all
accept both happy and sad emotions,” schools will teach children
psychotherapist Philip Karahassan about both physical and
explains. “To help them develop, and mental health. Updates
to discuss both their and your feelings to the curriculum will also
in a way they will understand, tell them include advice on staying
a story about why and how you might safe on and offline, along with
be feeling, or why someone might be the importance of healthy
acting in a different way.” relationships.

In Control of My Recovery
TOUCH LIVES THIS OCTOBER

“We’re here for a reason. I believe a bit of the reason is to throw
little torches out to lead people through the dark.”
– Whoopi Goldberg
Photography | Davids Kokainis

Reader warning: please note this story includes
details that some readers may find upsetting.
Lili’s Story
Finding the
good after evil
A violent attack left Lili Sinclair-Williams
traumatised and plagued by vivid flashbacks,
night terrors, and suicidal thoughts. But with the
help of cognitive hypnotherapy, she now sees how
her ordeal has made her a better person
S
aturday 1 August 2015 My friend and I decided to path behind me. I was in such a
was the day my life make a night of it, and went to great mood that I accepted his
changed forever. It was a local bar. The next few hours offer of a cigarette. Although all
a beautiful sunny day as were spent on the dance floor (as I wanted was to be in my bed, I
I flew home from France, after a any good night should). I walked didn’t want to appear rude, so we
glorious two weeks staying with home in the warm night air, briefly chatted while we smoked.
my parents. thinking about seeing my friends After a few of minutes I said I
As I arrived at my flat, I passed at work on Monday, and looking must go as I was exhausted, and
the communal garden where forward to getting into my own it was 2am. What happened next
a party was in full swing. I bed after a long day. I could never have imagined. He
remember feeling a real sense Walking up the drive to my grabbed me and subjected me
of contentment as I dropped off flat, I heard a man’s voice asking to a 20-minute violent attack.
my suitcase, and changed, then for a lighter. I figured he must I tried to fight back, but I was
headed out to a friend’s barbecue live in my block, or be visiting a overpowered by this large-built,
nearby. friend, as he was walking up the 6ft-something man.
Continues >>>

In Control of My Recovery
Lili’s Story
I screamed and kicked and and took me to their house. The police were fantastic and
punched, but it didn’t stop. Suddenly things were very silent, caught the perpetrator after
Suddenly, everything went quiet. and that was the moment I seven days. My parents were a
For a split second I thought: realised nothing in my life would tremendous support, and I felt
“Am I dead?” I frantically looked ever be the same. incredibly lucky to have such
around to see I was alone, The next few weeks were brilliant people around me.
then got up and dashed to my the worst of my life. I suffered Slowly but surely, I started
handbag. Without thinking my flashbacks, night terrors taking baby steps to normality –
fingers were tapping 999, and I ambushed me daily, I couldn’t learning to leave the house again,
ran into my flat. I was screaming, leave the house, food lost its taking public transport, popping
crying and bursting into panic flavour, and I jumped at every back to my office – I was really
attacks every time I caught sight single noise. lucky to have such a supportive
of my bloodied self in the mirror. Each time my parents tried to boss. A few months passed, and
I had to wait 32 minutes for the take me for walks around the I moved back into my flat. This
police and ambulance to arrive – block, my throat seized up and I wasn’t easy, but was something I
a long time when you think your forgot how to breathe. I started thought was imperative if I was
attacker will come back at any counselling, but it didn’t help. to get over what had happened.
moment. The thought of seeing friends Despite these steps, I was still
When they did arrive, they or family made me hide under suffering. I’d been diagnosed with
were wonderfully efficient. My the covers. Every tiny decision post-traumatic stress disorder.
clothes were bagged up, my felt like the toughest job in the The night terrors and flashbacks
mouth swabbed, my fingernails world. I wanted to make it stop, were worse than ever, and I
chopped off. I was taken to I wanted to close my eyes and started getting suicidal thoughts.
hospital, where tests and swabs wake up in five years, when it I was struggling with the simplest
and photographs were taken. My was supposed that “time” would of tasks. I was drinking every
parents rushed back to London have healed me. night, and smoking more than
ever. I couldn’t enjoy anything I’d
previously loved.
My dad, a therapist, was aware
of my decline and arranged
for me to see a cognitive
hypnotherapist. Over the next
five months, in the lead-up to the
trial, she helped me to manage
my emotions.
I knew very little about
cognitive hypnotherapy prior
to this, but it soon became
apparent that it’s very different
to traditional hypnotherapy. The
therapist works to “dehypnotise”
Lili and her family on her wedding day at Winchester Cathedral

True LIFE
Lili and her mum following the attack; Lili’s parents took
her to France to help her heal, away from London
I suddenly knew I had a purpose.

People tell me I was taking responsibility for my
life and my happiness. The attack
I am strong for felt like the shake-up I needed to
going through discover what really matters to me.
I decided to train as a cognitive
what I did and hypnotherapist, and help other
coming out the people discover the fulfilling lives
other side. I don’t they deserve.
Cognitive hypnotherapy is a
see it as strength, short-term therapy with long-term
it was a necessity results. I couldn’t believe the
breakthroughs I made in such a
survive, what it was about life
I loved so much – my family,
the subconscious mind out short time, and experiencing it friends, nature, fun, food, love,
of the problem pattern it has first-hand has made me a better laughter. I promised myself to
developed. therapist. I’m now helping people, be more present, to savour every
Any preconceptions I had of and that is the greatest feeling in gift life brings. I am now grateful
hypnotherapy being mysterious the world. for what happened to me: it
and magical quickly dissipated, The philosopher Epictetus said: shook me awake and made me a
and I soon learnt I was in “It’s not what happens to you, but better person. And if I can help
complete control of my recovery. how you react to it that matters” – others in the same way, that is a
I gradually started to feel pieces and he was entirely right. People gift I will cherish.
of the old me coming back. I was tell me I am strong for going
being rebuilt. By the time my through what I did and coming Lili trained and qualified as a
court date arrived, I felt strong out the other side. I don’t see it as cognitive hypnotherapist and
enough to sit in the witness box strength, it was a necessity. certified NLP practitioner at
and give my evidence. I survived Even in my darkest hours I The Quest Institute, at Regent’s
it, and I felt proud of myself tried to focus on why I wanted to University in London.
for doing so. There was a light
at the end of the tunnel. The
perpetrator was sentenced to 12 Our Expert Says
years in prison. Lili’s story vividly shows the debilitating effects of
Over the three years since, I being traumatised. When our mind-body system is
have noticed a complete shift in overwhelmed, we unfortunately relive the event over and
over again as if it were happening now. It’s great that Lili
my priorities. I started making
was well supported, both by professionals and in her
changes to ensure I was doing personal support network, and that she found a therapy that worked
what I wanted, rather than what effectively for her. Seeking help when the past repeatedly intrudes into
I’d always believed I should do. the present is important, with Lili’s story showing the benefits of taking
I met the love of my life – who action before symptoms become long-lasting.
is now my husband – have quit Fe Robinson | MUCKP (reg) MBACP (reg)
smoking, and put my health first. psychotherapist and clinical supervisor

When flying at 110mph, there is little to no room
for extraneous thoughts as the body produces
adrenaline and sets off endorphins within
EXTREME SPORTS FOR ALL

Each of these activities can be fully
adapted for people with physical
disabilities. For more information, visit:
Indoor skydiving: iflyworld.co.uk
Rock climbing: bendrigg.org.uk
Scuba diving: diveability.org
Paragliding: flyability.org.uk

Adrenaline ACTIVITIES
Finding Mindful Moments

in Extreme Environments
Whether you’re doing it 10 feet under water or 10,000 feet
in the air, how can ‘extreme sports’ keep us grounded?
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
W
hat do you need to do when INDOOR SKYDIVING
you want to find a mindful Why do we dream about flying? Dream MINDFULNESS
moment? Go for a slow stroll? interpreters say it’s all about longing “Mindfulness” refers to a
Meditate? None of these? for a sense of freedom and a desire to way of being where you
Quiet, gentle activities aren’t for escape the pressures of the real world. are fully engaged with
everyone. But that doesn’t mean Indoor skydiving is the closest thing we the present moment. It is
that pockets of peace can’t be found have to flying without wings, and can
elsewhere. There are moments of
achieved by accepting and
give us a taste of that freedom.
mindfulness to be found even in Indoor skydiving takes place within listening to your thoughts,
seemingly extreme situations. Situations a “wind tunnel” which blows at more feelings, bodily sensations,
where our palms are sweaty, our hearts than 100 miles per hour. A step inside and what is going on
are racing and, when against all our exposes you to a floating or flying around you.
primal-instincts, our mind tells our sensation, rather than the free-falling
body to “let go”. feeling of regular skydiving.
Studies have shown that a rush of “When throwing yourself into off endorphins within. It gives us an
adrenaline has the power to kick-start more intense sports, such as indoor all-body workout, helps mental agility,
our psyche, and the discipline required skydiving, your full attention is focused and encourages us to engage with the
to take part in “extreme sports” lead us completely on the present. This can present moment.”
to find peaceful, mindful moments. really help people to enter a natural Indoor skydiving offers a level of risk
Whether you’re tempted by the state of mindfulness,” says Shane Evans, that most of us will be comfortable
weightlessness of scuba diving, the general manager at iFLY, an indoor with, and we can all take part in
exhilaration of indoor skydiving, the skydiving centre in Milton Keynes. regardless of age or physical ability.
pride of rock climbing, or the perspective “When flying at 110mph, there is little Take a step into the wind tunnel and
of paragliding, what can “extreme sports” to no room for extraneous thoughts as leave your troubles behind.
teach us about mindfulness? the body produces adrenaline and sets Continues >>>

Mindful Moments for Everyone
George Hawksworth’s story:
“In October 2015, the doctor told me

I had depression. It just so happened
to be the same time that I started
climbing. At the beginning, I was
plagued with thoughts of suicide, and
so standing on a half meter ledge with
your best mate, 50 metres-plus up, is
an odd feeling. It makes you realise
very quickly that those thoughts are
a poison trying to take over and,
for me anyway, a fast-paced way of
learning what there is worth living
for. You realise your instinct is to
stay alive, and when you have been
contemplating suicide that’s a big
relief. You’re standing on top of a
mountain knowing you've fought the
physical and mental barriers to get
there.”
ROCK CLIMBING have found it can even ease severe citing the way it activates intense
How does it feel to stand at the foot of depression. emotions such as fear, pride and
a rock-face, staring up and mapping In a 2015 study published in BMC determination, along with the need
your way to the top? And what’s it Psychiatry, researchers looked at the to align your body and mind, as a
like to then stand at the top, to look effect climbing had on people with few factors that make rock climbing
over the edge and know that, as your depression. so good for us.
mind and body worked in sync, you Over 16 weeks, half the participants We feel good when we achieve
conquered a seemingly impenetrable climbed regularly, and the other half something measurable, and rock
face of rock? Pretty amazing, served as the non-climbing control climbing offers us this triumph, as
apparently. In fact, this feeling of group. The study concluded that rock well as the opportunity to coordinate
self-efficiency has such an incredible climbing can be used to effectively our minds and bodies, and work to
effect on our psyche that scientists treat depression, with researchers our limits.

SCUBA DIVING
Despite our best efforts, we often
carry the weight of the world on our
shoulders. But as we make our way
through the shallows, or depths,
of water we can experience real
weightlessness.
In many ways, the techniques
of scuba diving reflect those of
mindfulness, such as the need to
be in a state of “open monitoring”
and learning deep, slow breathing
techniques. It’s no wonder then that
research has found that scuba diving
can be a great reliever of stress.
A 2017 study published in Frontiers
in Psychology compared the
perceived levels of stress in a group
of recreational divers to a multisport
control group, before and after a
week-long course. The diving group
showed a significant improvement
in mood and stress levels, which the
researchers attributed to an increase in
mindfulness abilities.
There’s also much wonder and
pleasure to be found in swimming
in open water and interacting with
marine life. Diving offers us the
opportunity to explore hidden depths
and other worlds. And for those who
find movement difficult on dry land,
the weightlessness experienced when
scuba diving can help to return some
mobility. Continues >>>
In many ways, the

techniques of scuba
diving replicate those
of mindfulness, such
as the need to be
in a state of ‘open
monitoring’ and
learning deep, slow
breathing techniques

Mindful Moments for Everyone
Prepare to Impress
So you have an interview, congratulations! Now you need to prepare and give the best
7 common
interview
questions. Tim
e to
scribble down
possible impression of yourself. This is your chance to show who you really are, and let your thoughts
them know why you’re worth hiring. We can’t predict what will happen, but preparation .
is key. Even if you’re nervous, answering with confidence can really make the difference.
t yourself. What is your biggest we

Tell me abou akness?
What is your greatest strength?
Why should we
hire you?
What are your salary expectations?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Do you have any questions for us?
GOOD LUCK!
You can’t prepare for everything.
After all, you don’t know what
will be asked of you. But having a
little time to prepare answers to
common questions, consider your
skills and learn as much as you
can about the company can not
only leave you feeling confident,
For more interview advice and to find a coach
but ready for the challenge.
near you, visit lifecoach-directory.org.uk
Brett Smith’s story:
“Three years ago I was

experiencing depression, and was
diagnosed with PTSD and severe
anxiety disorder. I struggled with
the simplest things like going to
the shops to get food, or even
picking up the phone to call my
doctor – or anyone come to that. I
had a kiting background and had
always fancied paragliding. At
first it was the inspiration to break
free, something to work towards,
a goal. The first few flights – only
feet from the ground – were scary,
PARAGLIDING University of Pennsylvania Medical but once I got over the initial fear
You’ve watched, you’ve trained, and Center, Philadelphia, found that the rewards were astounding.
you’ve prepared, and now you’re adrenaline can have the same effect on Every time my feet left the ground
gliding over fields, working with the the brain as antidepressants. my problems stayed behind, I was
wind to go where you please. With an Paragliding may not be for the free of the restraints that were
uninterrupted 360-degree view, few faint-hearted, and certainly not for the holding me back. It made me feel
experiences offer both the thrill and under-prepared, but for those who are more at one with the earth, feeling
tranquility of paragliding. committed to learning the ropes (or grounded even though I wasn't
This sport is all about balance. All A, B, and C lines, as the experts say), touching it.”
the time you’re gliding, you control there are pockets of peace to be found
the deep postural muscles which not hundreds of feet above the ground.
only build your core strength, but also But remember, if you are tempted
encourage you to focus on the way that MADE-TO-FIT by any of the sports here, make sure
your body balances. Leave behind any preconceptions that you note all of the relevant safety
Though with appropriate training of what mindfulness looks like, and precautions and don’t go about it
paragliding is perfectly safe, this any visions of the kinds of people, alone. Join a club or take classes with
high-risk sport propels you into the and the kinds of bodies, that can an instructor.
moment, and forces you to take in take part in “extreme sports”. The There’s a whole other world out there
your surroundings. And the adrenaline only requirement for taking part for you if you want it, and moments of
left over from a flight can have long- is a willingness to engage with the mindfulness to be found in even the
lasting effects. A 2004 study from the moment. most extreme of environments.
Bronagh Waugh: Complex Characters
humanity
Lessons in
On screen, actor Bronagh Waugh doesn’t shy away

from complex characters. As Sally-Ann Spector, wife
of a serial killer in The Fall, and Jessica Reid, whose
twin sister had gone missing in Unforgotten, Bronagh
celebrates the unique opportunity that these dramas
give us to examine the shared experience of grief,
pain and anger. Off-screen and onto the streets, she
is a fierce campaigner for LGBT+ and human rights.
Here we talk about the catharsis found in gritty
dramas, and how each and every one of us can help
bang the drum for equality
You’ve worked on several gritty

crime dramas, including ITV’s Stand up for the
Unforgotten. What attracts you to
these kinds of roles?
small injustices.
I watched Unforgotten as an audience
member before I heard about the
It’s all part of the
job, and when I read the script I just
loved the character of Jessica – it really
bigger picture
resonated with me. With these kinds Do you think storylines like these
of stories, you often forget that this can help a viewer who has been
family have to live with whatever has through a similar experience?
happened, with all these unanswered That’s the beauty of drama; you can
questions, and life kind of stands still tell stories of people who often don’t
for them. I find that incredibly moving. feel represented. We want people to

Establishing EQUALITY
be connected and we want it to be

cathartic. I think around particular
topics like mental health and grief, it’s
so important to make stories about it
so we have some mirrors to hold up,
to feel like we’ve got representation.
How do you offload from an

emotional role at the end of
the day?
It’s a difficult one. Physically it’s very
demanding to cry every day. It really
exhausts your body, and I would come
home and want to go straight to sleep
because I’d spent the whole day crying!
I’ve started to do a lot more
meditation and mindfulness, and
I practise pilates and yoga. I think
having those self-care things in your
routine can really help anyone.
In your personal life, you’re very

politically active. When did you
first get into activism?
I think it’s one of those things that has
always been there, and ever since I
was a teenager I felt very engaged in
politics. Politics is about community
and it’s about your community and
taking an active role in making sure
there is fairness and justice, and that
people are being taken care of. That’s
where the change comes from. Stand
up for the small injustices. It’s all part
of the bigger picture.
Your mum came out as gay when

you were young – did that shape
your activism?
I had two strong women, and
my grandmother, raise me – I’m
incredibly lucky! The things that I
lend my voice to and get involved in
are the things that directly affect my
family because there’s not enough
time to try and get involved with
everything! That’s why I campaign for
equal marriage.
Continues >>>

Bronagh Waugh: Complex Characters
How can people be effective

LGBT+ allies?
and yes we’re going to say some vows,
but there’s no legal piece of paper at Listening is so
Listening is so important, and that
goes for any group in our community
the end of it and we’re not protected
in that same way. important, and
which is being marginalised. Money
talks, and if businesses say that they
But what that does is make me
want to campaign even stronger.
that goes for
are in support of something, that
makes a huge difference in terms of
And when the legislation does come
through there will be this amazing
any group in
visibility because when we see brands
that we know and trust supporting
feeling and it will be great to go back
to Northern Ireland and celebrate. I
our community
Pride, it breaks down the stigma and think that when you have principles
it’s important to stick to them, so that’s
which is being
marginalised
the barriers.
what I’m doing.
What can the rest of the UK do
to support the equal marriage
Photography | David Reiss, Stylist | Krishan Parmar, Hair and makeup | Katie Moore
campaign in Northern Ireland?
Many people in the rest of the
UK don’t even realise that it’s still
illegal to marry if you are gay in
Northern Ireland! But one of the
physical things you can do is write
a quick letter to your local MP –
loveequalityni.org has templates – and
ask them to put the pressure on the
government.
You’re currently engaged, but

have decided not to get married
until everyone can. What fuelled
that decision?
My husband-to-be and I had a
conversation and, with all the
campaigning we do for equal
marriage, it felt very hypocritical
for us to go ahead and get married.
Because what you’re doing is using
your privilege to go: “Oh well, I can
do it but you can’t – sorry guys.”
But I think we can often have lessons
in humanity and humility when we
learn empathy, when we learn what
our friends and community are going
through. We’re having a celebration of
love soon, but there’s no piece of paper
at the end of it.
Has that been hard? For more from

Bronagh, follow
Tears have been shed. I’ve been upset her on Twitter and
that, yes we get to have this big party Instagram
in front of our friends and family, @bronaghwaugh

5 Apps for sleep
Fancy A Power 'App? 5
Top
‘Quality over quantity’ – how many times have we heard 4. Digipill

that time-honoured phrase bandied about? But when Described as the app
with “no gimmicks”
it comes to sleep this really is crucial. Here are some and “designed to help
pioneering apps to help you get the most from your 40 real-life issues”, if there’s something
winks, and put poor sleep to bed churning over in your mind that’s
keeping you awake, there’s a good
chance this app can step in to help you.
Writing | Maurice Richmond 2. Pzizz Featuring a whole host of “digipills”
– 30-minute audio tracks covering
W
Probably the one time various topics – the app is designed
akey wakey, it’s time you’d want to download to help those looking for support
to talk about Britain’s an app to “send you with resilience, confidence, or how to
sleeping issue. Research to sleep”. This one has backing from sleep better in general. With 16 “pills”
from the Sleep Council J K Rowling, and here’s the magic available, the developers behind the
suggests a third of us regularly get a behind it – psychoacoustics. It plays app say it is “designed to produce a
bad night’s sleep and, alarmingly, 35% you “dreamscapes”, a mix of music, gentle state of hypnotic relaxation”.
voiceovers and sound effects which
Icons | play.google.com
of us have had sleeping problems for

more than five years – which can make change each night. There's a bitesize
nap option too, with the overall aim 5. Calm – Meditate,
us irritable and stressed. Frankly, we
need some help. being to quieten your mind, send you Sleep, Relax
While it’s true that smartphones just to sleep, and then wake you up. The If meditation and
before bedtime are typically a no-go, developers recommend headphones mindfulness are up
there are apps designed to help sort for optimal results, but your phone’s your street, then this
our sleep – from soothing sounds, speaker will do. could be the perfect app
to addressing the worries keeping us to support you on your
tossing and turning. To save you some sleep quest. Becoming increasingly
time, here’s our pick of the bunch: 3. Sleep Time popular as a tool to support work and
State-of-the-art education, meditation could be worth
algorithms are at play exploring to help you sleep at home.
1. Sleep Cycle here, as Sleep Time Featuring hundreds of programmes
Your standard alarm busily monitors your ranging from three to 25 minutes long,
clock, with a twist. It sleep and movements and each touching on self-esteem,
analyses your sleep, throughout the night. It aims to use forgiveness and deep sleep, the app has
cleverly calling on the microphone to “the natural environment” to give you a lot of bases covered. Calm also has
measure your breathing, all in three some shuteye, with sounds including sleep stories, for those who find a bit of
phases – awake, sleep, deep sleep. You gentle waves and rainforest storms. reading really helps you to drift off.
tell the app a voluntary window to be Having revealed that it takes us more
woken (such as 6am to 6.30am), and than an hour to fully wake up from a
the app gently wakes you when you’re deep sleep, the app aims to pick the
All apps listed
less entrenched in sleep. For the stats- perfect time to bring you out from are available on
minded people, it produces a nifty little your dreams, plus it provides graphs Google Play and
report for you, measuring your time in and charts for analytical data on your the App Store
bed, sleep quality, and heart rate. night’s rest.
Chasing a Dream
£225 EX VAT (RRP £
ICE:
3
R 300
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MONTH HAPPIFUL
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FOR OUR READERS
MENTAL
MHFA AD
HEALTH
FIRST AIDER?
Mental Health First Aider and Champion Training Courses
are now available at a UK venue near you, provided by Happiful
WHY TRAIN AS A MENTAL HEALTH FIRST AIDER?
This two-day course will offer you a chance to:
• Gain a deeper understanding of mental health and the
factors that can affect wellbeing, including your own.
• Enhance practical skills to spot the triggers and signs
of mental health issues.
• Give you the confidence to step in, reassure and support
a person in distress.
WHY TRAIN AS A MENTAL HEALTH CHAMPION?

This one-day course is an opportunity to:
• Gain an awareness and understanding of common mental
health issues.
• Enhance your knowledge and confidence to advocate for
mental health awareness.
Head to events.happiful.com
to book your place on a course
This event is brought to you by Happiful, in partnership with Simpila
Healthy Solutions. Both courses are fully accredited and recognised by
Mental Health First Aid England – see events.happiful.com for more info.
Drew’s Story
Accepting life’s
challenges
Being diagnosed with a mental health condition can be a

scary time for many people, but for Drew Cockton, it helped
him make sense of some of his personality traits – creative
and energetic, with a risk-taking attitude. While managing his
bipolar disorder hasn’t always been easy, he recognises that
these traits have actually helped him to follow his dreams
W
hen I was 23 worst I had ever endured – and, insult when referring to someone
and fresh out at times, I felt suicidal. Within as hot-headed or unpredictable.
of university, I nine months, the business had But in reality, I was neither of
embarked on a closed, with the bailiffs showing those things, and although I have
wildly optimistic venture by up. My mother was extremely the condition, to my knowledge
opening a 13-bedroom hotel concerned, and took me to our nobody has used it against me.
on Manchester’s Canal Street in GP. I was referred to a specialist, I read up about bipolar disorder
the gay quarter. I was working and was diagnosed with bipolar and learnt that far from being
14–15 hour days, and absolutely disorder. a condition where your mood
loving it, but I was too young Before my diagnosis, I changes by the hour, it is an
and totally inexperienced for had only ever associated the illness where you can go from
the challenge. condition with negative things. I long periods of mania to equally
After six months of this my would be a wealthy man if I had long periods of depression. I
body started to pack in, and a pound for every time I’ve heard recognised that much of my
I sank into a depression – the people say “he’s bipolar” as an life had been characterised by
Continues >>>

Chasing a Dream
Drew’s Story
My life would have
periods where I felt on top of the I switched to another
world, usually followed by times medication (Quetiapine) which
probably been 10
when I felt unable to drag myself was better suited to me, and I times easier without
out of bed.
Prescribed antipsychotics, I
started to exercise and watch
what I ate. This did become
bipolar, but I also
piled on weight as a side-effect. slightly obsessive and I would know that it probably
At the same time I lost all of my
hair because of alopecia areata
be hit with feelings of immense
shame and guilt if I missed the
wouldn’t have been
induced by stress. I turned to gym or ate unhealthily. nearly as interesting
drink as a coping mechanism, A year later, in 2011, I felt a
and a way to boost my hundred times better and so This time two years ago, I was
confidence after my appearance began to look for work. I finally a frustrated manager in financial
changed so drastically. felt “normal” and that I was services, dreaming of being able
Eventually, it all became too on track. I even met someone; to channel my creative energy.
much and I moved back home, we fell madly in love, and got As a home-fragrance enthusiast,
to be nursed back to health by engaged – although this was to I started making scented candles
my mother. end three years later, leaving in my kitchen and giving them
In addition to weight gain, me heartbroken. In hindsight, to my friends and family. After
that first medication (Abilify) I think he struggled with some receiving amazing feedback
seemed to numb my senses; I felt aspects of my condition – my about the products, I began
permanently sad. I didn’t find reluctance to go out partying, my selling them at craft fairs and
anything entertaining, and just lethargy and tiredness. through social media.
seemed to exist. I thought that But in 2015, I met my partner It was around Christmas 2016
my life was over and, while I was Mike, and now feel really happy. that demand for my candles
only 24 years old, my best years I was reluctant to tell him about skyrocketed, with friends of
were behind me. my condition when we started friends and even strangers
dating, but after about six weeks calling at my home to buy my
we had a conversation about my products as presents.
illness and, much to my surprise, It was a lot of hard work and
he was absolutely fine with it. late nights, but somehow, I
In fact, Mike said he’d known managed to get everything
for a while, due to me leaving my done alongside my demanding
prescription “all over the house”! job – which included a lot of
He was very understanding and European travel. When the
promised to support me. reality of office drudgery in
While there are, of course, January set in, I decided I
disadvantages to having bipolar, was going to do what made
and I have experienced them, me happy – being artistic and
I’ve also benefited from having creative – and that I would leave
it, which makes me thankful for my position in the company to
being born the way I am. pursue this.
Drew at his graduation in 2009

True LIFE
Drew making his candles

for the business he’s so
passionate about
Behind the scenes, my family The first candle I designed

were worried that I was having was “White Linen & English
a manic episode. It seemed Lavender”, which is packed
incredulous to them that I would with essential lavender oil –
quit my secure job for a life of something I’ve always loved
stress and anxiety, making and because of its soothing properties
selling candles, in an already and the way it promotes quality
saturated market. sleep, which is so important for
With hindsight, perhaps I mental health. For each of these
was having an “episode”. I had candles sold we give a donation
unusually high levels of energy, to the mental health charity
was extremely productive, Mind, which is a cause extremely
creative, and was unable to see close to my heart. Telling my story has been
the enormous, and perhaps While I still have days where a huge thing for me, as I am
foolish, risk I was taking. I feel incredibly low, having typically a very private person.
Often people with bipolar bipolar has given me some of But I hope that it encourages
can be creative and have huge the key attributes to make my people to accept themselves for
amounts of energy, which business succeed – energy, who they are, particularly if they
they are able to constructively creativity, and a risk-taking have just received a diagnosis of
channel, and I saw this as a attitude. bipolar. I wouldn’t change who I
positive. Once I decided I was I know it’s a cliché to be proud am for the world, and know my
going to do my business, I of yourself and not change the life is infinitely richer for having
dedicated myself to it completely, way you were born, but for me, had the condition.
and have been able to take it it couldn’t be more true. My life Throughout October Happiful
from the kitchen table to a large would have probably been 10 readers can use the code MIND10
business in 12 months. times easier without bipolar, but to increase the donation to
Fast-forward 18 months and I also know it wouldn’t have been £2.50. To find out more visit
my business – Owen Drew nearly as interesting. owendrewcandles.com
Candles – is thriving, employing
10 people in Merseyside. My
partner Mike joined me in the Our Expert Says
business six months later, and
our candles are now stocked in Drew’s story is a remarkable one, not only has he
managed to cope with his condition, but he has used it
more than 30 shops nationwide to enable him to thrive and be happy.
and shipped across the globe. Sometimes being diagnosed can be a double-edged
In May, we were crowned best sword – on the one hand it allows us to access support,
start-up business at the Small and on the other it can feel like a label being imposed on us. What
Awards in London, while Vogue Drew came to understand was that he is unique. He isn’t a label, but a
magazine described our candles creative and talented human being. Once we accept ourselves for who
we are, we can use our strengths to find happiness and fulfilment!
as “Simply gorgeous!” We’ve even
gained a fan in Paris Hilton. Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr

Self-care Spotlight
FIND BEAUTY IN EVERYDAY THINGS

“Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.”
– Albert Camus
Photography | Clement M.

Feel EMPOWERED
Why
speak to us
Can saying positive

statements really impact
the way we think and
behave? Here we look
into the science behind
it all, and the steps you
can take if you want
to dip your toe into the
world of affirmations
Writing | Kat Nicholls
I
“ am enough.” “I love myself
exactly as I am.” As I speak these
words to myself in the mirror, I
truly believe them. Yes, I feel a
tiny bit silly, but the important
thing is I believe them. Positive
affirmations have a bad rep, prompting
sceptical eyerolls and disgruntled
sighs. But is there actually something
to them?
I spoke with Nicola Rae-Wickham,
creative mentor and NLP practitioner,
to find out more about affirmations
and how we can use them to actually
create change in our lives.

Self-care Spotlight
What are affirmations? to help us get the results we want. It

According to Nicola, we make is this information that impacts our MAKE AFFIRMATIONS
affirmations all the time, but they’re behaviour.” WORK FOR YOU:
1
usually negative ones like: “I can’t” By repeating positive affirmations,
or “I’m not good enough”. I’m sure we are essentially telling ourselves Make a list of any negative
we can all relate to that voice of our that what we’re saying is important to or limiting beliefs you have
inner critic ringing in our ears. us. “Affirmations present your mind and see if you can spot
In his book, Putting the Power of with an alternative narrative which any themes. Are they centred
Your Subconscious Mind to Work, seeps in on both an unconscious and around your appearance? Your
Dr Joseph Murphy explains that conscious level.” worthiness? Your financial
our subconscious mind processes According to Nicola, this repetition situation? Turn this into
negative thoughts just actually impacts us on a one statement (such as, “I’m
like goals. If we’re physiological level. This is unworthy”) and ask yourself
constantly thinking why you’ll hear people how helpful this statement is.
2
to ourselves “I telling you affirmations
Studies have shown work best if you use Write down a counter
never have
self-affirmation can them repeatedly. statement. This could
enough
money,” help improve problem “There is a myth be as simple as “I am
then our solving under stress, boost that you can simply worthy,” or as elaborate as “I
subconscious wellbeing and increase say an affirmation am worthy of love and all the
will perceive self-compassion and and it will somehow amazing things life has to offer.”
it as a goal pro-social behaviours work its magic, but See which type of statement
to never have affirmations don't work resonates most with you.
3
enough money. unless you do,” Nicola
However, as Nicola emphasises. “You need to Use this as your positive
explains: “Positive repeat the affirmation in your affirmation. Set yourself a
affirmations are statements we repeat mind, out loud or in writing regularly, goal of saying it out loud
that empower and support us.” and you have to try to evoke the to yourself a couple of times a
feeling as you do it.” day. How about in the mirror
This is an important point; as before you brush your teeth
How do they work? powerful as affirmations can be, in the morning and evening?
To understand more about how When you say it, change your
they aren’t magic. If you’re trying to
affirmations work, we must first posture, stand confidently,
change a deep-seated negative belief
look at the way the brain takes in and really try to embody the
like “I’m not worthy of love”, you may
information. “Our minds take in a statement.
need support from a counsellor to
great deal of information all the time,”
4
uproot the belief. When you’ve done
Nicola says. “Millions of pieces of Persevere! It’s likely
this deeper work, you’re more likely
information per second, and it simply that you’ll feel a little
to believe the positive affirmations
cannot handle all that comes its way. uncomfortable at first, but
you’re telling yourself.
So it has a filter system.” if you keep practising, it’ll start
This filter system is called the
reticular activating system (RAS)
There is a myth to come naturally.
and if we didn’t have it, well, let’s that you can If you find it very difficult,
just say our minds would quickly
become overwhelmed. Nicola says
simply say an or feel upset when saying the
positive affirmation, take a step
this system distorts, deletes and affirmation and back and ask yourself if you
generalises the information we
receive through a number of different
it will somehow would benefit from support.
Counsellors and coaches can
ways, including memories, values, work its magic, but work with you to overcome
beliefs and language. Elaborating, she
says: “Language is one of the ways our
affirmations don't stumbling blocks and move past
limiting beliefs.
mind is influenced and we can use it work unless you do
Feel EMPOWERED
The power of props

If you want to build your own
positive affirmation habit,
having some props to hand
can help you get started. This
may mean a set of cards you
can pull from daily, or even
beautifully designed prints.
Nicola explains how these
can fit into daily life: “You
can put them in and around
your work and living spaces,
which means you see them
regularly and they become
reminders of inspiration and
encouragement.”
Here are some of our
favourite cards:
• For an all round
motivational boost, try...
A Life More Inspired cards
and prints (£19.99)
• For those struggling with
anxiety, try… The anxiety
pack from I Can Cards (£10)
• For dads who need that
tiny fist-pump moment,
try… The POPS pack from
Yesmum (£12.75)
Deciding to let affirmations in I see positive is why I’m able to look at myself in the
mirror today and say “I love myself
“I see positive affirmations like mini
decisions – a decision to change the
affirmations like a exactly as I am” without flinching.
way you speak to yourself, a decision decision to change Nicola explains that affirmations
allow you to turn your inner critic
to focus on empowering self-talk, and
a decision to reclaim your self-worth,”
the way you into an inner cheerleader, and I think
Nicola says. speak to yourself, that’s something we can all get on
board with.
This decision can have profound
effects. I remember vividly making
to focus on Find out more about Nicola’s coaching
the same decision several years ago empowering self- services and affirmation cards at
after recovering from anorexia and
self-harm. This decision (along with
talk and to reclaim alifemoreinspired.com. If you feel you
would benefit from counselling, visit
therapy and years of self-exploration) your self-worth counselling-directory.org.uk

TWITTER
The POLL
Self-Care Corner
W
e polled our Twitter followers to
find out the biggest roadblocks
to incorporating self-care into our
daily lives. The response?
For our followers, 44% forget – it’s just
one of those things that slips to the bottom
of our to-do lists. Another 26% are unsure
Whether you’re running around after the kids, how to practise self-care, and in equal third
working 12-hour days, or putting all your energy at 15% each, people found they either don’t
into a passion project, it can be difficult to have enough time, or it isn’t a priority.
Kelly Hannaghan noted: "When your
prioritise that all-important 'me time'. So even if passion and driving force is to look after
it's just for five minutes, we want to make sure the wellbeing of others, so often our own
you have all the tools possible to get involved! wellbeing gets misplaced. It can be a
challenge to correct the balance between
serving others and caring for yourself."
HAPPIFUL COMMUNITY We asked expert life coach Rachel Coffey
what we can do to counter these issues,
A
s a busy mum of two particularly for carers. Her thoughts?
children on the autism "Caring for others is a wonderful thing, but
spectrum, Samantha we can only do it if we have something to
Doe, from Poole, Dorset, knows give – and that means taking time to care
what it’s like to juggle a million for ourselves too!
responsibilities, but she’s found "Self-care is an essential part of being a
that prioritising is key: balanced and happy person. Some 'you
“I now write a to-do list (I write down everything, from time' re-energises us, ready to take on life's
household chores to any appointments) every night before next challenge.
bed so I can fall asleep without worrying about trying to
remember everything,” she says. “I then prioritise what's on Caring for myself is
that list; sometimes things pop up so I can’t get everything
done. But if something has to be put back a day, that’s OK, not self-indulgence,
I don’t beat myself up about it. Even if some days all I do is
make the beds and clean the kitchen, that’s OK.”
it is self-preservation,
Writing a list might not be the typical self-care you see on and that is an act
Instagram, but that’s the thing about self-care – there are no
rules. It’s simply about ensuring you dedicate some time to of political warfare
anything that makes you feel better, whether that’s a minute,
an hour, or a day.
– Audre Lorde
For Sophie Bowerman, from
Farnborough, Hampshire, it’s "If you're particularly busy, block out an
making time to go for a run, hour or two in your diary each week to
no matter how far or fast. She do something you genuinely enjoy. You'll
says: “It’s the alone time with my probably notice a real difference quickly!
thoughts that helps me process People often report feeling calmer, sleeping
my day. Often I don’t take my better, and having more energy – which can
phone, so there are no distractions be spent helping the people you care about.
to putting things into perspective.” Taking time out for some valuable self-care
might end up being the most generous thing
you can do!"
SELF-CARE PLAYLIST
Solitude is where I
place my chaos to
rest and awaken my
inner peace
– Nikki Rowe
Go to:
spoti.fi/2MFd
bHG
to listen on
Spotify
W
hen we hear music we like, our levels Whether you’re doing chores, cooking, exercising
of cortisol (the stress hormone) or have found time for a relaxing bath, pop on our
are reduced, and our brains release Spotify playlist to help you unwind! And if there’s a
dopamine (the feel-good chemical), so we song we’re missing that really boosts your mood, let
literally feel happier. us know what it is and why you love it by emailing
With that in mind, we’ve started a self-care editorial@happiful.com for a chance to be featured.
playlist of all the songs we love when we need
a bit of "me time". Here’s just a taste of our
recommendations: + TRY THIS
Go Your Own Way – Fleetwood Mac
1 Watch your favourite film
Rocket Man – Elton John
2 Make your favourite dinner
Walking On Sunshine – Katrina & the Waves
3 Go for a walk – even just around the block
Mr Brightside – The Killers
4 Lock the bathroom door to have a few minutes
Hooked On a Feeling – Blue Swede of personal space when the kids have a habit of
Fight Song – Rachel Platten following you everywhere!
Glorious – Macklemore
Take a look in our free self-care booklet
This Is Me – The Greatest Showman this month. We have recipes to make your
verybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)
E own face masks and bath bombs, origami
crafting, and mindful colouring exercises!
– Baz Luhrmann
Pencil Full of Lead – Paolo Nutini
Happiful Hack
Sunday night
How to handle
work anxiety
Do you start to get that feeling in the pit of your stomach
when the weekend draws to a close, a growing sense
of dread at the thought of the office on Monday? Has
your weekend been ruined by workplace worries? Don’t
despair, you can beat the back-to-work blues
Writing | Ben Edwards Illustrating | Rosan Magar
5
A
t the end of a relaxing because Sunday is spent wrapped in
weekend spent with negative feelings, already putting a
family and friends, dampener on the week ahead. This
thoughts suddenly turn type of intense emotion on a regular POSITIVE
to the looming Monday basis can have a significant impact, STEPS
morning. At around 4pm, the Sunday resulting in a range of symptoms such
blues kick in, and a cloud of dread as a lack of sleep or depression.
creeps over so many of us. There are a multitude of reasons why
It is not uncommon to feel daunted, you may feel anxious about returning 1 Consider a change
as each new week brings a unique to work on Monday – it could be a If you hate your job, and find it is
set of challenges. A small amount dislike of your position, conflict with a causing you anxiety, then consider
of sadness is normal, in fact, a poll colleague, or general stress stemming moving on. As clichéd as it may
from monster.com found that 62% of from pressure to perform. sound, doing something you love is
workers regularly experience these Jobs are becoming more and more very important for your happiness.
types of feelings. After two days of demanding, with tighter deadlines It has been found that 64% of people
freedom, you’re back behind the desk and greater responsibility, so this would rather take a poorly paid
come the morning, so of course you’ll problem is not going away. job they love, than one which pays
be a little bit displeased. However, as a self-confidence more, but does not make them
However, a problem develops when expert and relationship coach, I happy. Of course, there are financial
these feelings become more than know there are always steps you implications to consider, and making
niggling thoughts. An increasing can take to alleviate stress and get sure you can still make ends meet in a
number of people are experiencing your relaxed Sundays back. Positive job you’re more passionate about. But
severe anxiety each week, which can Monday mornings are possible. Here being in a job you like will help keep
be both overwhelming and difficult are five tips you can follow to make you motivated and looking forward to
to control. Their weekends are ruined this happen: going into work on Mondays.

Life LESSONS
4 Organise your thoughts

The first day of the week can be a bit
busy, and it can be difficult to get back
into the swing of things. We’re often
bombarded with new information,
tasks, and developments before we
can even start to think about what
happened last week. The best way to
overcome this is to plan ahead.
SUN
Understandably, you might not want
to wait around come 5pm on Friday,
but it would be beneficial to take five
minutes to organise your workload
at the end of the week, to prepare
yourself for Monday morning. Have a
recap on what you have achieved and
make a “to-do” list for any outstanding
tasks. This will help refresh your
memory on Monday, so you don’t feel
at a loss.
64% of people would

rather take a poorly
paid job they love,
than one which pays
more, but does not
eke
nd make them happy
w e
5 Get excited for Monday

Mondays are always seen as the day
we must just get through to reach the
fun stuff later in the week. Instead,
you should give yourself something to
look forward to on a Monday, whether
it’s wearing the new outfit you’ve
bought, organising a nice lunch out,
2 Kick the bottle 3 Get more sleep or planning something fun after work.
It is widely believed that alcohol is a You may have blown your busy This will change your mindset, and
good sedative, which leads to many weekend staying out late, or spent give you something positive to think
people self-medicating on a Sunday your nights tossing and turning, about on Sunday night.
night to calm their nerves. However, thinking about work on Monday. This
this is only a short-term solution. lack of sleep will make it more difficult
Alcohol will mask the anxiety at the for your brain to fight negative
time, but when the effects wear off, feelings and keep anxiety at bay. Ben Edwards is a self-confidence expert
negative emotions intensify. Try to Make sure you keep your bedtimes as and relationship coach who works with
limit your alcohol intake on a Sunday regular as possible, develop a healthy clients to overcome a wide variety of
night. You’ll thank yourself come night-time routine, and get plenty of personal difficulties. Find out more on
Monday morning. rest over the weekend. his website, benedwards.com

Hummus and
halloumi wraps
Serves 2
Ingredients
75g halloumi, sliced
2 wholegrain wraps
6 falafels, halved
1 large sweet pepper, sliced
2 handfuls of mixed leafy greens
such as rocket and watercress
2 tbsp hummus
Method
• Lay out the wraps and spread 1
tbsp hummus down the centre
of each. Put aside.
• On a board, slice the halloumi
and sweet pepper into strips.
Slice the falafels in hal, and add
to the wraps – the hummus will
help it stick. Add the pepper
and halloumi strips, and place
a handful of rocket on top. Fold
the top and bottom of the wrap
towards the centre, pull one
side across and roll. Hold
for a moment and slice
in half. For an extra
• Serve immediately, or ki ck and touch
of sweetness, ad
cover and keep in the d
a drizzle of swee
fridge until lunchtime. t
chilli sauce

Healthy LUNCH
Getting
wrapped up
For nutritional
support, visit
nutritionist-
resource.org.uk
Lunchtime doesn’t have to be boring; shake things
up with our hummus and halloumi extravaganza
Writing | Ellen Hoggard
S
o, summer has come to an Our nutritionist
end. As the English sun
dwindles, so does our desire
Sonal Shah says…
for cool, refreshing salads This hummus and halloumi wrap is
and smoothies. Summer snacking is a terrific, well-balanced recipe. The
simple; fruit is ripe and sweet, and you wholegrain wrap is easy to digest and
can make up a holiday-inspired mezze is satiating for most – and gluten free
board at the drop of a hat. But as the wraps are available for those who can't
winter months roll in, our lunchbox tolerate wheat. Carbohydrates enable
options seem limited. No longer do us to feel satisfied; this can help keep
we want to be reminded of the foods us away from those tempting biscuits
we enjoyed on our long weekend and snacks later in the day.
in Europe – we want jumpers and Falafels are typically made from
chocolate and soup. We want warmth. chickpeas, and are a healthy addition
Yet all is not lost. Lunchtime, for – especially if baked, not fried. Falafel
many, can be difficult, but with a bit is a good source of protein and fibre,
of pizzazz and an inventive take on which help keep blood sugar levels
an old favourite, you can recover stable, and B vitamins to boost energy
your midday meal inspiration again. and mood. Halloumi cheese also
contains protein, some fats and is a
Here you’ll find one of my most loved
good source of calcium.
lunchtime recipes: a hummus and
The sweet pepper is high in vitamins
halloumi wrap. It’s suitable all year
C and A, and antioxidant minerals.
round, and totally adaptable – you They also complement the peppery
can swap out ingredients based on taste of the watercress and rocket.
what you fancy that day (because These leafy greens are important
there’s nothing worse than a boring alkalising greens that energise the red
lunch). blood cells, and contain vitamin C,
Plus, did you know that regular magnesium, iron and calcium.
snacks in between our main meals are This wrap contains ingredients
a great way to balance blood sugar, that not only keep you full and
keep energy levels up and, if you’re energise your body, but also promote
like me, keep you happy. healthy vision and bone health, and
Some of my lunchbox favourites support the immune system and
include: a handful of berries cardiovascular health.
(raspberries and blueberries for me),
carrot or mixed vegetable sticks, and Sonal is a nutritional therapist
and health tutor. She has been
our homemade fruit and nut granola the director of Synergy Nutrition
bars – you can find the recipe in our since 2009. To find out more about
August issue! Sonal, visit synergynutrition.co.uk

Food & Drink
Meridian Menus
When it comes to fuelling our bodies, we’re so often told the importance of
a healthy and hearty breakfast to set us up for the day, or not eating certain
foods too late in case they interfere with getting a good night’s sleep.
But Michelle Morley, qualified Reiki master and Touch for Health
consultant (kinesiology), recognised that there could in fact be a spiritual
connection influencing when and how we should be nourishing ourselves.
The concept of Meridian Menus was born, and could be the key to
unlocking a balanced, and harmonious body
Spiritual EATING
THE FIVE ELEMENTS
WOOD
Season: Spring
Colour: Green
Emotion: Anger and resentment.
A
This is a time for new growth, and new
beginnings.
Taste: Sour s the first source of energy This system is comprised of 14
Meridians: Liver (yin), gallbladder (yang) the body receives is through meridians:
nutrition, it's important that • 1 0 organs meridians – liver,
the food choices we make gallbladder, small intestines, heart,
FIRE are able to help support and kidney, bladder, large intestines, lung,
Season: Height of summer
Colour: Red
nourish what some people believe to be stomach and spleen.
Emotion: Love, joy and hate. This our second energy system – our life force • Two meridians that are functions
is a great time to enjoy fun and energy (qi, pronounced chee). This is the – the pericardium (also known
laughter. The fire energy supports energy that flows through each and every as circulation sex and which is
relationships of happiness and love.
Taste: Bitter, as the fruits aren’t
one of us. connected to our hormones and
quite ripe still As a Touch for Health consultant, we reproduction system), and the triple
Meridians: Heart (yin), small look at the body holistically, meaning we warmer (connected to nourishing
intestine (yang), pericardium (yin), see a triangle of health – the connection and protective energy, and which is
triple warmer (yang)
between a person’s mental, emotional responsible for helping to regulate
and physical health. For the body to be in the organs, often associated with the
EARTH balance we need all sides of this triangle thyroid, and controls the body’s heat).
Season: Late summer to be in harmony with each other. •T wo meridians which run up the
Colour: Yellow Our body is continually trying to be front and back of our bodies and
Emotion: Empathy and sympathy. in a state of equilibrium, and we believe
This is a great time for support and
are considered two branches from
understanding as the stomach deals that when this is disrupted it can lead the same source – the governing
with the digestion of both food, and to ailments. Our energy can become vessel meridian (running along our
our emotions. blocked by everyday life, emotionally, back and associated with the spine)
Taste: Sweet as the fruits are ripe. mentally, and physically, and so helping
Meridians: Stomach (yang), spleen (yin)
and the conception vessel meridian
this energy to flow easily can assist with (running along our front and
keeping us healthy. associated with the brain).
METAL By supporting our meridians and eating
What foods are associated with which
Season: Autumn the foods that strengthen this energetic
Colour: White
meridian?
system at their optimal time, we can look
Emotion: Grief, guilt and regret. This According to traditional Chinese
to bring that harmony back between our
is a perfect time to detox, letting go medicine, everything is connected.
of old emotions and move forward, as physical and emotional self.
Therefore meridians fall into one of
the large intestine lets go of waste.
Taste: Pungent as the fruits fall from What are meridians? the five elements (wood, fire, earth,
the trees and decay Stemming from ancient Chinese metal, water). Each element has its
Meridians: Lung (yin), large intestines medicine, the meridian system is own season, emotion, colour, and taste,
(yang) believed to be a pathway of energy that which helps to guide us with what we
flows throughout our bodies. They are should eat to support that meridian.
the most physical of our four energy There are two meridians in each
WATER element – with the exception of the fire
Season: Winter systems, which also consist of chakras,
Colour: Blue auras, and figure eights. The meridians element which has four – and for there
Emotion: Fear and anxiety. This is run inside the body, and are a closed to be balance within the elements there
when we deal with a lot of nervous are both feminine (yin) and masculine
energy system where the energy flows
energy and our fight or flight instinct.
Taste: Salty and feeds every organ and part of the (yang) qualities with each.
Meridians: Kidney (yin), bladder (yang) body. Continues >>>

Food & Drink
SUPERMARKET SWEEP
Shopping for those weekly essentials with Nutritionist Resource
It’s easy to get stuck in week can really help. The

a rut when it comes to following ingredients can FRESH ITEMS
your weekly meals.Yes, you be used for a number  Bananas
may have a list of recipes of recipes, from chilli  Apples
you want to try, but after con carne and spaghetti  Bell peppers
 Red and white on
a busy day, it’s easy to bolognaise, to omelettes, ions
 Spinach
order a takeaway or shove salads, and breakfast  Carrots
something in the microwave. porridge.  Mushrooms
Walking into a supermarket, Of course this will vary  Sweet potato
especially when hungry, can depending on taste, diet and
DAIRY OR ALTE
be a challenge in itself. family size, so take this as a RNATIVE
 Milk
Having a standard shopping guide. We’ll get you started,  Natural yoghurt
list that you refer to each then it’s over to you!  Cheese
MEAT OR ALTE
RNATIVE
 Chicken
 Mince
 Tofu
CUPBOARD ES
For more tips and nutrition advice, speak to a SENTIALS
 Chopped toma
toes
qualified nutrition professional. Not only can  Beans and pulse
s
they answer your food-related questions, but  Pasta and grain
 Bread
s
they can help you understand your body and  Oats
learn what you need to stay healthy. FROZEN ITEMS
 Fruit (raspberrie
s, blueberries)
 Vegetables (bro
Find a nutrition professional ccoli, peas)
near you at:
nutritionist-resource.org.uk

Spiritual EATING
7am
How are meridians and our
Black Pepper Macerated diet connected? 5am 9am
Large intestine
Strawberry Set Custard
ch
Each meridian has
ma
Lu
Meridian: Heart, Triple Warmer an optimal peak
Sto
gn
Peak time to eat: 11am–1pm, energy time, and 3am n 11am
lee
9pm–11pm eating foods best Liv Sp
suited to that er
Serves 2
organ during
3 egg yolks that time helps Heart meridian
peak flow
200g strawberries to support the 1am 1pm
Pinch of ground black pepper meridian. The Gallbladder
Sm
30g coconut sugar peak times all
int
50g caster sugar es
flow into each er tin
e
1 vanilla pod other, following w arm
ple
Tri
x
300ml double cream the 24-hour 11pm 3pm
se
ion
Bla
• Cut the strawberries into quarters clock. Meridians
lat
dd
on the clock work
Kidney
and add to a bowl, mixing
cu
er
Cir
thoroughly with the pepper and in pairs; the meridian 9pm 5pm
coconut sugar. Cover in cling film opposite is at its lowest
7pm
and store in fridge. during its pair’s peak – for
• Mix the egg yolks and sugar example the gallbladder's lowest
stomach meridian. Its peak flow time
thoroughly in a bowl until creamy. time is the heart's peak.
is 7am to 9am, so kick your day off
• Remove seeds from vanilla pod. Add If you focus on your body and how
with a good breakfast then.
these to the cream in a saucepan, and you feel throughout the day, you may
Energy boosting foods for the
bring to boil. Pour this gently, while recognise your own peak and lowest
stomach meridian include green
mixing, into the egg and sugar. Mix times that should align roughly with
pepper, spinach, sweetcorn, basil,
until combined. this clock, as the energy cycle is similar
yoghurt, tuna, and wholegrain oats.
• Pour evenly into two large ramekins in most of us.
These are packed with vitamins B1,
and place into a deep baking tray. B2, B12 and B6, along with vitamin
Add boiling water to the tray until ⅔ What are the benefits of this diet?
By understanding the best time of day C, proteins, potassium, zinc, copper,
of the way up the ramekins. Bake in calcium and dietary fibre, which not
the oven at 140C/120C fan for 30–35 to eat certain foods, we can get more
in sync with our bodies. For example, only help our digestive system but
minutes until set. also strengthen our meridian system.
• Remove from the oven and cool in it's believed that by eating foods in
line with the stomach meridian we can Alternatively, our recipe is great
the fridge. for the heart meridian because
•Spoon the macerated strawberries alleviate stomach problems, abdominal
pain, vomiting, and a sore throat. strawberries are full of vitamins, fibre,
on top of the set custard and garnish and are high in antioxidants. They’re
d with freshly chopped mint. Eating to support the gallbladder
meridian may assist with preventing free from sodium, fat, and cholesterol,
d and so are great for the heart. The egg
migraines, and dizziness, and eating
yolks are high in calcium and contain
on
with the liver meridian can help with

urination problems, pain in the lower the bulk of the eggs’ protein, which is
abdomen and hernias. great energy for the fire element.
Place
An example people may find helpful,
ughly.
as the weather turns colder, is that eating
to support the lung meridian is believed Michelle Morley is a qualified Reiki
m in a
to help with respiratory diseases, a sore master, Touch for Health consultant
(kinesiology), reflexologist, spiritual
ng into
throat, coughs and common colds.

g tray.
e edge
30–35
healer and medium.
Want to give it a try? Find out more in Michelle’s book
ustard
An easy way to try eating with your ‘Meridian Menus’ (£26). Visit
meridians would be by supporting your essentialtimeout.com/books
69

BE PART OF SOMETHING
WONDERFUL
“Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound together.”
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Photography | Ryan Dam

OCTOBER TOP
Go global this month with our October
recommendations. From the
invigorating flavours of the Islamic
10
world, to an authentic German
Oktoberfest in London, and the
secret to being 10% happier, we’ve
The Happiful Seal of Approval

got everything you need to brighten
up those shorter October days
OUT AND ABOUT

S QUA R E
Images | Deepica Mutyala: Instagram @deepica, Monument Valley 2, play.google.com, Mowgli: Warner Bros. Picture, The London Yoga Festival: londonyogafestival.co.uk
THE CONVERSATION London Oktoberfest 2018:

World Mental Health Day: A day for
raising awareness of mental health issues
Experience a slice of Germany in
the centre of London as Millwall
EYES
around the world, reflecting on the things Park and Finsbury Park are
we have achieved, and the distance we transformed for the event. Enjoy
all still have to go to stamp out stigma. food, beer, music and lederhosen,
Follow @WMHDay on Twitter and use the with Sundays reserved for Mowgli: A thriller for the family, and featuring
hashtag #WorldMentalHealthDay to join families to enjoy an Oktoberfest a host of stars including Cate Blanchett,
the conversation. (10 October) lunch. (4–14 October) Benedict Cumberbatch, Andy Serkis and
Christian Bale, Mowgli is the latest adaptation
PUT ON A SHOW PAGE-TURNERS

of The Jungle Book that follows Mowgli as he
comes face-to-face with his human origins.
Leicester Diwali Lights Switch On: Join Feast: Food of the Islamic (In cinemas 19 October)
in the Diwali festivities at the grand light World by Anissa Helou: Chef,
food writer and journalist
GET GOING
switch-on along Belgrave Road, Leicester. An
annual spectacle of light and celebration, the Anissa Helou delves into the
evening will also feature music and dance flavours of the Middle East,
performances that the whole family can get the Mediterranean, and North The London Yoga Festival:
involved in. (28 October, find out more at Africa. Calling upon a lifetime of Pull up your leggings
visitleicester.info) knowledge of traditional recipes, and grab your yoga mat
Feast brings history to life with ready for a weekend of
TECH TIP-OFFS
rich flavours and beautiful travel masterclasses, workshops,
photography. (Bloomsbury, RRP: talks and films with
£45.00. On sale in the UK renowned yoga teachers
Monument Valley 2:
4 October) and scholars. Newbie or
Made it to the end of
another busy day and fully-fledged yogi, this weekend is the perfect
PLUGGED-IN
need to switch off? opportunity to try something new and re-
Monument Valley is onnect your mind and body. (13–14 October,
a puzzle game with Deepica Mutyala: find out more at londonyogafestival.co.uk)
beautiful graphics Deepica is on a mission to
TREAT YOURSELF
and soothing audio. Guide a mother and change beauty standards.
her child as they travel through magical Across her Instagram page
architecture, complete the levels and and YouTube channel, she Owen Drew Candles: Natural,
continue the family’s legacy. posts a mix of stunning shots luxury candles made from vegan
(Available for iOS and Android, £4.99. Visit and cosy candids as well as soy wax and essential oils. This October
monumentvalleygame.com for more) sharing self-embracing beauty Each candle is handmade use the code
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Happy Business
Reclaiming the right to

express yourself
‘If you can’t stand up, stand out’ – this is the tagline of Izzy Wheels, a
brand founded by Irish sisters Ailbhe and Izzy Keane who are making
waves in disability fashion as they reclaim individuality and joy with
their unique range of colourful wheel covers
U
ntil now, wheelchair users reflection of her bright and
have had little to no choice bubbly personality,” says
over the appearance of their Ailbhe.
equipment. Izzy Wheels is The sisters have always
about to change that. With had an eye for colour and
its unique, waterproof wheel covers design, and growing up
Cover design | Kitty McCall, Photography | Ailbhe Keane

that can be made to attach on to any they loved dressing Izzy’s
size wheel, the sisters behind the brand chair for special occasions.
are bringing colour and individualism So when Ailbhe came to
to disability fashion. her final project at the
But what they have created is bigger National College of Art
than just wheelchair accessories. and Design, the topic
It’s a putting a new perspective on seemed obvious.
disability. It’s about giving people the “I designed a range
freedom to express themselves where of stylish wheel covers
previously they were restricted. And for wheelchairs so that
it’s about breaking down stigma, and users could express
reframing wheelchairs as a symbol their individuality,” says
of ability, rather than disability. The Ailbhe. “And I created an
ability to express ourselves as we wish Instagram account showing
shouldn’t be a privilege – it’s a right, off the designs with fun
and Ailbhe and Izzy are the colour- little videos of Izzy dancing
wielding visionaries leading the way. in her new wheels.”
What began as a college project soon feature designs from more than 40
COLOUR COMMENCEMENT became something much bigger when different artists, including Okudart,
Izzy Keane was born with spina bifida, a the Izzy Wheels account started to get Maser, Orla Kiely, Steve Simpson and
spinal defect that means she is paralysed thousands of followers and messages Camille Walala, to name a few.
from the waist down. She used a from people around the world who “The collaborations with these
wheelchair, but was always frustrated wanted to buy the wheel covers. famous designers shine a positive
that there was nothing available to The pair opened their online store, light on disability and inclusion,”
personalise it. and two years and 10 national awards says Ailbhe. “It’s refreshing to have
“Her chair was the first thing that later, the wheel covers are now being wheelchair accessories designed by
people noticed about her, but it wasn’t a sold in 35 different countries, and artists instead of hospitals.”

New WHEELS
I designed a
range of stylish
wheel covers for
wheelchairs so
that users could
express their
individuality
EXPRESS YOURSELF
Today, there are approximately 1.2
million wheelchair users in the
UK, and yet the design and look of
wheelchairs hasn’t changed much
since they were invented. For the
Keane sisters, disability fashion is
a massively underserved area of
design and something they wanted to
address. “My sister has a very positive
relationship with her wheelchair
and she wanted to express that,” says
Cover design | Okudart Bear, Photography | Celeste Sloma
Ailbhe. “She sees it as a symbol of her

ability, not her disability.”
And she should. As Ailbhe points
out, wheelchairs are an incredible
thing. They grant freedom and
autonomy where, without them, lives
would be much more restricted. So
why shouldn’t they be celebrated?
“Self-expression is a human right,”
says Ailbhe. “Until now wheelchair
users have had no choice in the
appearance of their equipment.”
It’s a sentiment that’s shared with Izzy
Wheel’s online following of 42,000
people. For Izzy and Ailbhe, what’s
equally as rewarding as building a
blossoming business, is the discovery
of a huge online community of people
who share this positive relationship
with their mobility equipment, and
who are equally passionate about
disability fashion.
“The proudest and most meaningful
part of what we do is when people
send us photos of themselves wearing
their Izzy Wheels. We call these our
Continues >>>

Happy Business
‘spokespeople’, and each week we have – and becoming the first Irish people to We will achieve equality when the
a ‘spokesperson’ of the week and we take the honour. same opportunities and freedoms are
share their photo and story with our “We grew our entire business on afforded to everyone. The freedom
community. They speak about how the social media,” says Ailbhe. “There are to express yourself is one important
wheel covers have impacted on their a lot of powerful movements across part of this. Izzy Wheels has brought
lives and changed how people engage social media at the moment which colour and style to a device so often
with them in such a positive way.” are inspiring social change. We use stigmatised. We’re all colourful, bright,
our own platform to smash stigmas, individual people, and Ailbhe and
Self-expression empower and educate people.” Izzy Keane are the visionaries leading
the movement to bring fashion, self-
is a human right WHEELS IN THE WILD
“I still get butterflies when I spot
expression, and joy, to all.
people out in the wild wearing their Visit izzywheels.com to learn about
SMART BUSINESS Izzy Wheels,” Ailbhe says. “It’s very the incredible brand, and follow
“We quickly realised that men are emotional for me and it’s why I love my them on Instagram @izzywheels for
also interested in our designs,” says job so much.” inspirational updates.
Ailbhe. “We invite both male and
female designers to work on each of
Cover design | Marijke Buurlage, Photography | Ailbhe Keane

our collections with us, and while, at
the moment, a lot of our designs are
quite feminine, as we grow we will have
more male-focused collections.”
And it’s not just buyers who are
increasing the demand on the sisters.
Hundreds of artists are lining up to ask
whether they can contribute to Izzy
Wheels, all because they believe in
the message of the brand: that artistry,
fashion and self-expression should be
accessible to all.
It’s a vision that everyone can get
behind, but it’s worth remembering
that none of this would have
happened without the smart business
minds of the Keane sisters, who were
both named on Forbes’ 30 Under 30
list this year.
“I founded Izzy Wheels when I
was just 22, and I am proud to be a
young woman and director of my
own company,” says Ailbhe. “Success
can’t happen without hard work, but if
you’re passionate, driven and excited by
what you do, nothing should get in the
way of that. No matter what age you are
we need to support and inspire each
other.”
Age is on Izzy and Ailbhe’s side,
and it was their intuitive use of social
media that, in 2017, landed them on
the official Instagram account story –
reaching more than 226 million people

Charlotte’s Story
Letting go
of perfect
Depression and anxiety drove Charlotte Duff
to nearly end her own life. But after she found
the courage to seek help, she now faces the
future with hope – and the knowledge that she
is not alone
I
t was 5am when I woke. I had been locked in a cycle This was never going to stop.
The sun had just started to of sadness and fear. I worried My old self had died. I was sure
rise. I had a few seconds constantly. I exhausted myself of it. Strewn tissues lay around
of peace until, suddenly, from worrying. No sooner me and my head started to throb
I remembered. Thoughts would I talk myself out of from the tears. I grabbed a full
started rushing through my whatever worry was bothering packet of painkillers from the
mind, making my heart race and me, than another would come bathroom cabinet, and my hands
my breath quicken. in its place. And another. And shook as I opened them.
I got up to go to the bathroom, another. I couldn’t read, sleep, But something deep inside
feeling unsteady on my feet as I or enjoy anything. I wasn’t sure I me pulled me back. Almost
tried to be quiet. was ever going to wake from this mechanically, I put the tissues
I caught sight of myself in the nightmare. in the bin and the pills back into
bathroom mirror and I barely I made sure the bathroom door the medicine cabinet. This was
recognised what was staring was locked and sobbed as quietly not going to be my story. I had to
back. For the past few months, as I could. do something.
Continues >>>

Pulling Myself Back
Charlotte’s Story
I was as honest and as frank as
I could be when I told my family
that I didn’t think I was well and
I could no longer cope. They
were lovely and understanding,
like they always are.
I was preparing to leave home
for university – I was desperate
to go, and had been looking
forward to starting afresh asked me why I had come She passed me a tissue, and
somewhere new and exciting. I to see her. I had rehearsed told me my pulse was racing. She
didn’t want whatever this horrid something while I was walking listened to me, talked to me, and
thing was to follow me. to the surgery. I’d say that I understood me. She told me that
September came and, somehow, was feeling panicky, sad, and I wasn’t well, and I needed help.
I managed to make myself exhausted, and I didn’t know But she also told me this: “You
seem like a normal 19-year-old. why. Instead, I burst into tears will get better. This is nothing to
Freshers’ Week was spent making and told her I didn’t know be ashamed of. You aren’t alone.”
friends, exploring a new city, what to do anymore. I couldn’t I was told I had anxiety and
drinking too much, and living off cope. Everything I had dealt depression, and I could try
takeaways. In photos I have from with for the past few months cognitive behavioural therapy
that time, I look fine. Happy, came pouring out. She looked and medication – or therapy first,
even. For all of the pain going on shocked, and I wondered what and then medication. Whatever
in my own head, I somehow got on earth she thought of me. felt right for me. We agreed
through it. Until, I didn’t. But then, she did something I that I would try both. I was a
The worrying and didn’t expect. She took my hands little apprehensive about taking
overthinking soon reared its in hers and softly began talking antidepressants; I had heard the
ugly head, alongside a bout of to me. stories of why they should be
homesickness. Even though “I honestly would never have avoided.
I was terrified of talking to a thought that this is why you “Anxiety and depression is like
doctor about what was going on had come in. Nothing about any other illness. If you had an
inside my head, that’s exactly you suggests you’d be so unwell. infection or any other physical
what I planned to do. Even the way you knocked on illness, you’d take medication,
A few days later, I sat down the door just now was like you wouldn’t you? That’s all this is,”
with my new doctor and she haven’t got a care in the world.” the doctor told me.
Leaving the surgery that
morning armed with a
prescription, leaflets, and
Instead of trying to keep up the telephone numbers, I felt as if
I could take on the world. This
pretence that everything is fine, I’m ugly, horrid thing was going to
learning to be honest with myself end here.

True LIFE
Seven years on, I still take There’ll be times where all we

antidepressants. I still have panic want to do is curl up and shut
attacks. I still have days where I the world out, but there’ll also
am so sad that I can barely put be times we’ll never want to
one foot in front of the other. forget – swimming in the ocean,
But something I also have now laughing until crying. Life can be
is hope. Hope and knowledge. I bleak and hard, but it can also be
have become a better friend to magic. Always try to remember
myself and am starting to finally that it’s worth living.
understand how all of this works. Mental illness is cruel because
Antidepressants are not magic it is hidden, secret. I always think I have finally accepted that I
“happy pills”. They do not erase of the author Matt Haig’s quote will always struggle with anxiety
sadness and bring euphoria in its in his wonderful book, Reasons and depression, and it’s a part of
place. They simply keep things to Stay Alive: “To other people, it me. Instead of trying to keep up
ticking over, helping to make sometimes seems like nothing at the pretence that everything is
life more bearable. The rest is all. You are walking around with fine, I’m learning to be honest
up to us. Eating well, sleeping your head on fire, and no one with myself. It’s OK to let these
well, talking with a professional, can see the flames.” feelings wash over me: I know
trying mindfulness, self-care, People who suffer with mental they will pass. I’m learning to
exercise. Sometimes, I find that illnesses are often dismissed as carve out my own identity and
just talking to my mum, or my “weak”, but actually, we’re strong live the kind of life that I crave.
best friend, helps. We never need and capable of great things. We I have just finished my master’s
to suffer in silence: there’s always have come through the dark, degree and I’m excited for
someone who will listen. frightening woods and out whatever comes my way next.
I’ve kept a scrap of paper from into the light. We have been I have let go of who I think
seven years ago when the doctor heartbroken and lost. Sad and I should be, and instead I’m
explained anxiety and depression lonely. Terrified and exhausted. learning to just be.
to me, and drew a jagged line. And we have survived. I feel freer than I ever have.
Up and down. Up and down.
“This is how it will be.
Sometimes you’ll be down and
sad and suffering. But, always
Our Expert Says
know this: there’ll be times When Charlotte became ill, she struggled with thoughts
and worries that made her mind race. But, importantly,
where you’ll be up and happy
she recognised that she needed help. Seeking support
and hopeful.” with medication and therapy helped her to manage it,
I cling to that because I know and allowed her to hope and live again. Accepting her
it’s the truth. For every tear shed, anxiety allowed Charlotte to move forwards, and we can all learn from
there will be a smile. For every the simple steps she takes: contact with friends and family, talking
moment of utter despair, I know about our feelings, and knowing that bad times will pass.
there will be moments filled with Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) UKRCP
joy, and love, and laughter. Reg Ind Counsellor

Culture & Lifestyle
Overcoming fear,
maintaining hope,
discovering our Debut
essential happiness
novel!
A heartbreaking testimony of strength and

innocence, Paola Peretti’s debut novel shows
the emotional and physical impacts degenerative
conditions can have on children
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
W
hen is a children’s has, at best, six months before her the ways in which those around her
book more than eyesight will fail completely. An are affected.
just a book for otherwise typical young girl, Mafalda As childhood friendships begin to
children? We all loves her cat, playing football, and wane, new connections are made. We
have stories from being read to by her father. As the discover the little (and big) mistakes
our childhood realisation that her eyesight will only adults around her make while they
that have stuck with us throughout continue to worsen begins to sink in, try to do what is best for her, ways the
the years; that magical mix of the Mafalda fears she will lose all of the system doesn’t quite do enough, along
right topic and the right characters, things she loves. with how kindness, strength, and
speaking to us at that perfect moment. Presented in five parts, each section the no-nonsense attitude of just one
A truly outstanding book can speak marks the deterioration of Mafalda’s person can have a huge impact when
to you not only in that open place in sight. As the story progresses, she uses it feels like everything is changing and
your childhood, but can worm its way the distance from which she can still you don’t know where to turn.
into your heart even as an adult. Paola see the cherry tree as a measure of
Peretti’s debut book, The Distance how quickly her eyesight is starting THE INSIGHT
Between Me and the Cherry Tree does to fade. The Distance Between Me and the
all of this and more. As Mafalda’s eyesight worsens, we Cherry Tree stands out not just because
see both her own emotional journey – of its unique first-person perspective
THE STORY her fears, and the things she wants to of a young person as they face a life-
We follow the journey of nine-year- achieve that she is worried she won’t changing condition, but also because it
old Mafalda, as she discovers she be able to once she’s blind – as well as comes from a place of experience.

Book REVIEW
GREAT FOR…
Children to learn about the
challenges others may face.
Parents to understand 15 years ago, author Paola was discovering what is really essential to
a child’s perspective on diagnosed with a rare genetic illness her own happiness.
sensitive issues. called Stargardt disease. Affecting Young readers will identify with
one in 10,000, children often first Mafalda’s inquisitive personality and
Teachers to gain an insight experience symptoms between the understandable fears, while parents
into how disabilities can ages of six and 12. A progressive will fill in the blanks for younger
illness with no cure, Stargardt readers where family problems
affect kids in and outside the
disease eventually causes blindness. are alluded to. We also see a side
classroom.
Paola takes inspiration not only from to Mafalda’s disability that many
her own experiences, but presents readers may not have considered –
the confusing, scary reality children her embarrassment over learning
with a degenerative eye condition to read Braille, as she wants
IF YOU LIKED THIS, can face. nothing more than to fit in with her
YOU’LL LOVE: A painfully authentic, innocent
main character, Mafalda asks simple
classmates.
Wonder | R. J. Palacio questions, such as “How will I be THE TAKEAWAY

Born with a facial able to tell what colour things are No matter what age, readers are
abnormality, when I’m blind?” and “Who will bound to tear up while reading this
Auggie wants to read me stories when I’m left in the beautifully written novel. As Mafalda
be ordinary. Can dark and mum and dad are at work?” shares her deepest fears and hopes,
he convince his that children can relate to, and adults we see some of these come true. With
classmates that will struggle not to tear up over the support of new friends and well-
underneath it while reading. meaning family, we follow Mafalda’s
all, he’s just like last months of sight, taking the
them?
Follow Mafalda’s journey with her into the darkness
that she tries to deny scares her.
Blind | Rachel DeWoskin
last months of sight, The Distance Between Me and the
taking the journey with Cherry Tree is an outstanding story
When an accident
leaves Emma blind, her into the darkness about bravery and independence.
It’s about learning how to tell the
she is determined that she tries to deny difference between what we wish
not to be seen
as the poor blind
scares her could be, and what is essential for
kid. Emma must our happiness, what defines us and
learn to navigate Mafalda’s unlikely friendship can keep us going even through
adolescence with Estella, the school caretaker, the darkness. While we may lose
despite her new embodies the powerful messages things we love on our journey, it’s
disability. behind the book. “To live in fear our strength to carry on that defines
is not to live at all,” she advises us, not our losses. Whether you are
Mafalda, while encouraging her to looking for a book to read together,
Still Alice | Lisa Genova
focus on what she can do, not what something to recommend to a child,
Renowned cognitive she wishes she could do. or a short novel that offers a unique
psychology Unlike many adults, Estella doesn’t perspective, Mafalda’s story will stay
professor Alice try and paint the world in an with you long after you have finished
dismisses
unrealistic light. The world isn’t fair, reading it.
her growing
and Estella doesn’t try and soften
forgetfulness and
this blow; she keeps things honest
disorientation, until
and frank, her sincerity making up The Distance Between Me and the
a tragic diagnosis
changes everything. for her bluntness, as she does her Cherry Tree, Paola Peretti, Hot Key
best to help Mafalda to focus on Books. RRP £6.99

POSITIVELY ELLA
In 2012, Ella Mills began Deliciously Ella, a blog about the lifestyle and dietary
changes she had undertaken after being diagnosed with a debilitating condition.
Six years later, with four cookbooks, a successful deli, app and product line under
her belt, Ella talks openly to Happiful about life lessons, love and gratitude
Writing | Lucy Donoughue

Positively ELLA
I
meet Ella Mills in her deli on epic struggles and lessons behind to mention dealing with cash-flow
London’s Weighhouse Street. It’s the scenes of the business, and the issues and exhaustion.
just a stone’s throw from bustling moments that have tested them. But if you were to simply look at their
Oxford Street, yet the deli is social media, the business appeared
blissfully calm and welcoming.
Ella is sat with a coffee and her laptop,
I’ve struggled with to be hugely successful and the two
of them were having the time of their
smiling broadly, and immediately and anxiety a couple of lives. The reality is, it was hard work,
enthusiastically recommending her
favourite plant-based dishes on the
times in my life, hard lessons and hard knocks – and
some amazing times and memories.
menu – something she’s been sharing and the summer Ella is honest about the limitations
her passion for publicly for more than
six years.
after the book of her knowledge when Deliciously
Ella really exploded in 2015. “I was
Ella’s early career was an accidental launched was one overwhelmed when everything first
and happy surprise, after what was an
incredibly difficult set of circumstances
of those. I really took off. When the blog started it was a
small community, it was contained and
to deal with at a young age. felt vulnerable and personal and when I was doing a class,
When she was just 19, after great
periods of illness, Ella was diagnosed
nervous about what it was 10 people. I was learning step
by step and it was organic, and then
with postural tachycardia syndrome, I should do next the book came out and people were
a condition that meant she was talking about me rather than to me.
bedridden 95% of the time, had These experiences are included in “All of these opportunities suddenly
chronic pain, severe stomach issues and Ella’s new book Deliciously Ella, The came about and I just didn’t know
unbearable headaches, amongst other Plant-Based Cookbook which is in what to do. I’ve struggled with anxiety
Photography | Sophia Spring
issues. an entirely different format to her a couple of times in my life and the
The year after her diagnosis, Ella began previous work. While there are still summer after the book launched was
managing her symptoms through a a huge amount of tasty recipes in it one of those. I really felt vulnerable
plant-based diet after researching its (giant peanut butter cups and mango and nervous about what I should do
benefits online, and found this had an and coconut flapjacks anyone?), next, and at the same time knowing
incredibly positive impact on her health. this book includes diary chapters that people were having opinions
In 2012, she started to share some of exploring episodes from the very about me without knowing me. I
the recipes and information she had beginning of the business, throughout found it hard.” Continues >>>
learned on her blog Deliciously Ella, the growth of Deliciously Ella, and
which became instantly and incredibly the transformational – as well as the
popular. truly terrifying moments – behind the
There was an explosion of interest scenes for Matt and Ella.
in Ella, and over the next six years “This book is probably the biggest
Deliciously Ella grew exponentially. project we’ve ever done,” she says. “I
Following her best-selling cookbook wanted it to be a reflection of who we
in early 2015, there came supper clubs, are now, which meant that we were
delis, widely-stocked product ranges, involved with every aspect of it. And
festivals, events, an app and more. Ella when it came to writing the diary
also met and married Matt Mills, who pages, I really enjoyed doing that. It
is now the CEO of Deliciously Ella (she was really nice to tell our story and
is the creative director), and within two all of the things that have actually
months they brought Austin into their happened – lifting the lid really.”
lives – an adorable chocolate brown and I mention some of the instances in
white Spaniel who she refers to jokingly the diary pages; desperately seeking a
as the “king” of the business. phone signal at Wilderness Festival in
Anyone who follows Deliciously Ella order to sort out supplier issues, while
may already know this from social simultaneously running a pop-up cafe
media. What you may not know are the and event for hundreds of people, not

Behind the Scenes with Ella Mills
I worry that “Absolutely, I think it would be hard

for it not to. I used to panic about the
lot of pressures, and I note that she
has used some of the diary pages
sometimes people future but I’ve learned so much from within the book to respond to a few
Matt’s family about taking each step of her critics.
see so much of what as it comes. That way of being is really “I really did want to address
you do – through a inbuilt in his family’s nature and came
very naturally for his mum. She was a
some of the criticisms. You have to
accept that there will be some, but
picture – that they very grateful person, very appreciative occasionally what is said or written
for everything.” She pauses. “His is just fundamentally wrong. They
can assume that’s all family have been absolutely amazing, haven’t spoken with me, or asked
there is to it and to still being able to be happy together what is happening. So, our accounts
despite everything. That’s taught me have been read and reported wrong,
you. The book a huge lesson. I understand now that or we’ve been accused of treating
there is so much about life and living the business as a hobby.” She laughs,
allowed me to share that you can choose for yourself.” “This is hard work, it’s not a hobby!
our side of the story Ella is determined to channel this So yes, I wanted to write it down in
same grateful and positive attitude. my own words.”
“There are obviously a hundred life Our chat turns to social media
Deciding to bring her now husband events that will come and slap you and its positive impact, but also the
into the business was a pivotal in the face and there are certain days issues around boundaries, or the lack
moment for Ella, and allowed her to when its hard – but Matt and I now of them. “It’s become such a central
gain some control. “When Matt and I work at being happy in the moments part of our lives, but I think some
started to work together it meant that we have.” people can struggle with boundaries
we were working to our vision, and I As well as channelling this upbeat, – knowing what’s on there for ideas
could respond rather than just react.” in-the-moment attitude, Ella uses and inspiration, and what’s real
Ella was first introduced to Matt yoga to keep her centred and relaxed. life,” Ella explains. “I worry that
in 2015 by her dad (which Ella She started practising yoga when she sometimes people see so much of
laughingly refers to as “creepy”). first became ill, and it has become what you do, through a picture on
However, they “really connected”, an integral part of her life. “If I can social media, that they can assume
and Ella consistently mentions the create positive headspace for myself,
support, hard work and direction then I am able to help other people,
Matt has brought to the business, if I stopped doing yoga I know that I
and to her personally. “I’ve learnt wouldn’t have the ability to do that,”
more in the last few years than I’ve she smiles. “It feels like every day you
learnt in the rest of my entire life,” get this little reset button. It helps me
she continues. “And I am so lucky open up physically and mentally.”
to have a partner in it. I wouldn’t Yoga has become so important to
be here without Matt – in terms of Ella that by the time you read this, she
confidence, but also the skills and will have finished her yoga teacher
knowledge that he brings.” training. She tells me that she is really
They are obviously an incredibly looking forward to the training and
strong team who have been through a having the time to focus on learning
lot together, especially in the past 12 and improving just one thing, rather
months. “We’ve had a really difficult than the multitude of tasks she
year,” Ella ventures. “Matt’s mum undertakes every day as creative
[Dame Tessa Jowell] got incredibly director of Deliciously Ella.
sick last year and recently passed I imagine that between running
away. They are such a close family and the business, communicating with
it was a sad, sad time.” her deeply engaged community,
I ask Ella whether the passing of and fending off the occasional
Matt’s mum has impacted her view misconceptions about what she does,
on life? her day-to-day work life can have a

‘Deliciously
that’s all there is to it
Ella, The Plant-
and to you. This book
Based Cookbook’
allowed me to share
our side of the story, features 100 simple
as I know that lots of vegan recipes to make
other people out there every day delicious
will be going through (published by
similar struggles too – Yellow Kite)
and sometimes we’re all just
a bit too nervous to speak out
about them.”
Ella continues to talk openly
about her challenges, and is humble
about the successes of Deliciously
Ella, emphasising that she and Matt
couldn’t have made more mistakes or
encountered stranger hurdles along
the way. I suggest that her honesty
about the bumpy often anxious road
of entrepreneurship is important to
share, to help those who aspire to
start their own ventures too.
Ella agrees: “I think there’s a
whole brilliant movement around
entrepreneurship, but sometimes it
can feel quite glossy. The reality of
starting a business is not glossy. I
appreciate that the Deliciously Ella
journey may look smooth or linear
from the outside, but that’s not the
case and it’s good to share and learn
from those experiences.”
It strikes me that the past six
years have been wonderful, but
also incredibly challenging for Ella.
She’s had a crash course in business
development, witnessed the up and
downsides of public attention, and
experienced great love and also loss.
However, what comes across really
strongly is awareness and gratitude
for her own growth during this
time, and an understanding of the
possibilities open to her and the
person she really is. And that, I
think, is a person who is centred,
kind, forever-learning and positive.
Not just Deliciously Ella. Positively
Ella.
Follow Deliciously Ella on Instagram

@deliciouslyella

Happiful Hack
The key to a calling
long-distance
friendship
Can a close relationship still thrive when you
and your best friend end up living miles apart?
5
We have some amicable advice to ensure that
absence will, indeed, make the heart grow fonder
I
BRIGHT
Writing | Kyle Clark t’s so easy to lose track of your old IDEAS
Illustrating | Rosan Magar friends when you (or they) move
somewhere new, especially when
distance stops the frequent visits, and
time escapes you.
Researchers have found that friendships If you start seeing
can improve our mental health and
wellbeing, making us happier individuals. your friend hang out
In a world dominated by social media, is it
really possible to stop talking to someone?
with new people,
Technically, no; you might give their post then you need to be
a like on Facebook, or comment how cute
their pet is. But that isn’t friendship.
OK with that. If your
A friend is someone you talk to friendship is strong,
about everything, someone
you share stories with and you know that no one
support in times of need. will fill the gap like
Is it possible to keep
this up over a your best friend
distance? Yes!
Here’s how: though we know they wouldn’t be. If
seeing them in person isn’t possible,
the next best thing is a phone call,
1 Call them because you can hear their voice and
While it may be more how they express their words. There’s
convenient to drop your best a sincerity about hearing your friend’s
mate a text, messages can often voice; everything seems more personal
be read the wrong way. Our minds and you enjoy it more. Talking on
can play tricks and make us think the phone allows us to respond and
that our friend is being rude, even connect in real-time.

Life LESSONS
2 Don’t get jealous

Jealousy can destroy your
friendship. If your friend has
moved away, they’ll probably make
new friends. You shouldn’t feel
like your friend is trying
to replace you, they’re
probably just trying to
mingle and relax in
their new home. The
same goes if you’re
the friend who moved
away – if you start
seeing your friend hang
out with new people, then
you need to be OK with
that. If your friendship is
strong, then you know that
no one will fill the gap like
your best friend does.
3 Arrange a meet-up 4 Remember their birthday! 5 Get on with your own life
It might be possible to get together. This one might seem obvious, but it’s Finally, while you’re away from your
By arranging a meet-up, you’re both one that really could shake things if friend, it can be so easy to slip into a
seeing each other in your truest form. you forget it. If it’s not possible to visit state of nothingness because they’re not
It’s not like a text, or even a phone call, your friend on their birthday, make sure around. You have to remember that you
where you might avoid certain topics; you send something (bonus points if it both have lives, and you mustn’t forget
being with your friend means that you arrives on the actual day). about how important you are. If you
can talk about every single thought You don’t have to break the bank don’t continue living your own life, you
that crosses your mind. with an extravagant gift, it needs to be may even come to resent your friend for
If distance really is a problem, you something sentimental. And woo them letting this happen.
should at least try to arrange something with your kind words, painting a picture The worst thing you can do to
annually, and propose it months in of how much you truly miss them. Use your long-distance friend is be
advance so that you can both make this opportunity to wish them well and angry with them for moving away.
plans. When that day finally arrives, let them know that they still have a Change is inevitable, but you are both
you’ll be so excited to talk about special place in your heart, no matter individuals. As friends, you must
everything you haven’t told them. how many miles away they are. support one another, encourage each
The only downside to meeting up If you’re lucky enough to be able to other to live life, but both still be part
is saying “goodbye”. But there is one visit them, why not make it a surprise? of it. If the friendship is strong, staying
thing that can make a “goodbye” Get planning with the people they’re close won’t be too difficult.
easier – make future plans! Before you close to, and make sure they’re going
part, you could set a date for your next to be somewhere specific when Kyle is a freelance writer for several
meet-up, that way it won’t be all doom you arrive. The look on their face is publications where he curates
and gloom, because you know you’ll something you’ll both remember for informative articles on mental health,
see them again. years to come. sexuality, and university life.

LEARNING TO BE
By M y s e l f
After being born and raised in Canada, lifestyle and beauty blogger
Estée Lalonde followed her heart to London in 2010. But after a recent
break-up, Estée found herself living alone for the first time in her life.
Here, she reflects on the challenges she’s not only faced, but risen to since
embracing singledom, and how some time getting to really know herself
has been incredibly well-spent
Writing | Esteé Lalonde
THE BEGINNING and perseverance would be two It was dark and my body was
I have always lived with someone. My things I would require for this new exhausted, but my mind had other
family, my boyfriend; someone was phase in my life. ideas. I lay there, wondering why I
always there for me to bounce ideas The physical move went well and didn’t take the time to hang up some
off, comfort me, wake up to. But now, I threw myself into unpacking my blinds. The city lights poured in
at the age of 28, I have found myself things. I didn’t want company. I and I listened to one solo heartbeat
in a position where I don’t have that wanted to carefully unpack my pounding away and the tears came
soft place to fall. Although I was life, taking time to absorb my past down. It was confusing. I was
looking forward to the independence, and how it was going to fit into my yearning for space, but I had so much
a big part of me was terrified. Could I future. I was unwaveringly dedicated of it I could hardly move.
actually do this? to putting things in their rightful Like my apartment, with its naked
Going through a break-up comes place so I could wake up to familiar windows, I had never felt so exposed.
with its own challenges. The surroundings. Items that I had, in a The loneliness and sadness was
heartache, leaving behind a life I had past life, thoughtfully chosen to help overwhelming. It was something
known, understanding that I wouldn’t uncover my new, future self. that I hadn’t felt before. Reluctantly, I
see my beloved greyhound, Reggie, At 3am, exhausted and satisfied called my mom. I didn’t want to wake
everyday… But I was determined to with my progress, I prepared for bed. her, but I needed someone to tell me
make my new life worthwhile, and I I turned the music off (Fleetwood that it was going to be OK. We all
was going to take on the good, and the Mac, obviously) and crawled onto my need a cheerleader; someone on our
not so good, with a new energy. mattress on the floor, under my fresh side, to lift us up. It was, and still is,
If trying to find a flat and arrange sheets that still smelt of that new, comforting to know I have someone
utilities was any indication to go by, plastic smell from their packaging, like that in my life.
I was starting to realise that patience and waited to doze off. Continues >>>
Lifestyle & Relationships
“I’ve carved out a life for my

dog Reggie and me, and I think
that he and I can both agree,
we are happy. Mostly.”
Humour really is
the best medicine,
and little things, like
tending my plants
or making a home-
cooked meal, matter
to me so much more

Estée LALONDE
Polaroids | @devblaskovich
BUILD YOUR SANCTUARY

After that call, and about a week starting to feel the ground below my me that feels more like reconnecting
into the move, I started choosing feet slowly come back, and sometimes, with my roots and core. I have learned
furniture and items I wanted to when I passed a mirror, I recognised so much about myself. It has been
fill my apartment with. I tried to my confident, happy self in that such a trying and beautiful journey to
visualise in my mind how I wanted reflection. I was starting to feel joy experience.
my life to look. once again. I’m learning to go easier on myself.
Am I a modern, cool girl, with There are still lonely moments of Going through this has taught me that
clean lines and pastel colours? Or course, but they’re fewer and far there is something within me – a fight, a
perhaps super laid-back surrounded between. Last week, a note was slipped desire to succeed, not just during tough
by vintage furniture and modern under my door; my neighbour asking times. That life is good. And I am so
lighting? In the end, all I wanted that I come to her door as soon as I thankful for this experience. I’ve carved
to do with the space was to make had a minute. It appeared that Reggie out a life for my dog Reggie and me, and
it feel like home. A place where I had exceeded our balcony boundary I think that he and I can both agree, we
could turn the key and let the day and had “watered” one of her flower are happy. Mostly.
wash away. My happiness seemed pots. She insisted that I come in and I highly recommend living alone at
to depend on it, and I spent my take a look so she could figuratively least once in your life. Get to know who
down-time making lists. It was such rub my nose in it. you really are. Realise that you’re tough
a great distraction and led me to Of course I apologised and offered and fearless and vulnerable and scared,
some standout pieces, including my to replace her plant, and left with my but that this is what makes us all better
camel-coloured leather couch, and tail between my legs, but months have people. Get to know you. It will serve
decorative pillows for my bed (they passed and I realise now that this is you well.
do serve a purpose, damn it!). life, my life, and it doesn’t have to
As the days passed, I had organised be so serious (take that, neighbour). ‘On the Line with Estée Lalonde’ is
my physical space, and began to hit Humour really is the best medicine, available on all major podcasting
my stride. Rather than retreating in and little things, like tending my
platforms from 14 September; the
fear, I made a decision to keep up plants or making a home-cooked
Estée Lalonde for Daisy London
with the day-to-day routines that meal, matter to me so much more.
would ground me. I threw myself Learning to live alone has been jewellery range is available exclusively
into my work, attended regular yoga truly transformative. It has forced me from daisyjewellery.com from 19
classes, took baths and found relief to look deeper inside myself. It has October. Follow @EsteeLalonde on
in new friendships and family. I was facilitated growth and change within social media.

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Expert
Article
A closer look at OCD

With OCD Awareness Week taking place this month, psychotherapist
Noel Bell asks if there is a neurobiological basis for understanding OCD,
which can help to provide greater insight for those with the condition
Writing | Noel Bell
O
bsessive compulsive While researchers have sought putamen, which act as a form of
disorder (OCD) is a to explain the mechanism of OCD gear shift allowing us to forget about
common mental health through scientific inquiry, it is something)
condition, whereby an difficult to find a consensus amongst 4. Globus pallidus and thalamus (i.e.
individual engages in neuroscientists about exact causes. cortico-striato-thalamic pathways)
obsessive thoughts and compulsive Functional brain imaging studies 5. And looping back again
behaviours. The condition can lead have, however, produced a model for
Essentially, this shows that the
to punishing rituals, and can have a the pathophysiology of OCD, which
thought process that causes OCD is a
negative impact on life functioning. involves hyperactivity in certain
journey where we sense trouble, feel
Knowledge of what is happening subcortical and cortical regions.
uncomfortable when we sense that
in the brain can help sufferers to The following description might
something isn’t right, and the point of
better cope with the condition, so sound very technical, but stay with
moving on from that feeling is looping
what is the neurobiological basis for me. It is possible to see the cause of
round again and again.
understanding OCD? OCD stemming from communication
Brain scans have shown that these
difficulties between the following
areas become hyperactive in OCD
The science behind OCD brain areas:
patients, as well as showing that
Research into the neurobiology of 1. A neuronal loop running from the the cingulate gyrus and caudate
OCD tends to be divided into how the orbital frontal cortex (where we get nucleus are permanently on – what
repetition of thoughts occurs (which a sense that something is wrong) Dr Jeffrey Schwartz, an American
might be termed the mechanism of psychiatrist and researcher in the field
OCD), and the content of OCD-related 2. To the cingulate gyrus (a sense of of neuroplasticity and its application to
thoughts (for example worries about unease until a mistake is corrected) OCD, calls “brain lock”.
contamination or harm to others). 3. Striatum (caudate nucleus and Continues >>>

Understanding the “brain lock”

Brain lock refers to the main areas
of the brain that are overstimulated
in OCD patients. While it is worth
remembering that research is ongoing
in this field, nevertheless, researchers
believe that an imbalance within
the pathways that connect these
areas involved in both the starting
and stopping of behaviour may
cause people with OCD to get stuck
in repetitive loops of thought and
behaviour. What experts are still
debating is the cause of this brain lock
– whether it is the caudate nucleus
not acting as an automatic transition,
not acting as a filter, or whether it is
actually the orbital cortex overheating.
Brain lock refers to

the main areas of
the brain that are
overstimulated in
OCD patients
Research published in Nature
Neuropsychopharmacology in 2014
suggests that the pathophysiology
of OCD might expand beyond the
cortico-striato-thalamic loops. The
study focused on how white matter
tracts in the brain might be affected
in those with OCD. The findings
appear to reinforce the view that OCD
is a disorder that results from faulty
communication between multiple
brain areas.
The research discovered that
widespread abnormalities in the QUICK FACTS
white matter of OCD patients had An estimated 750,000 people in the UK are living with
been reported, and this differed in OCD at any one time – roughly 1.2% of the population.
the non-OCD group. Differences
OCD typically begins to impact men during late
were most pronounced in tracts
adolescence, and in the early 20s for women –
comprised of the corpus callosum
although the condition can affect people of any age.
(a large fibre bundle that connects
the left and right hemispheres of the A quarter of OCD cases are diagnosed by age 14.
brain) and the cingulum (a group of
fibres connecting different structures
of the limbic system). The researchers

Happiful EXPERT
Anecdotal evidence focusing on your body and how it feels

in that moment.
would also suggest
What support is available if you
that mindfulness have OCD?
can help sufferers Understanding the neurobiology of
OCD could ultimately empower you
to calm the parts to better cope with the potentially
of their brain that debilitating symptoms. If you are
worried that you might have OCD,
have become speaking with your GP to discuss
overheated your concerns, as well as options
for medication, is a good first step.
They may refer you to a consultant
found that some of the abnormalities psychiatrist for further assessment.
were connected to the cortico- There is some evidence that supports
striato-thalamic pathways typically the view that selective serotonin
associated with OCD, but there were reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can be
also published reports of anomalies helpful in treating OCD. This has
beyond these. led some to suggest that a lack of
serotonin may play an important
role in the disorder. Research has
What is the significance of the supported the view that clomipramine,
content of OCD thoughts? which inhibits both serotonin and
In contrast to scientific research norepinephrine reuptake, relieved
into how the repetitive behaviour symptoms, whereas noradrenergic
occurs, the content of OCD thoughts reuptake inhibitors did not.
is best understood by conventional Cortico-striato-thalamic pathways,
counselling and psychotherapy, in however, also utilise dopamine,
which people with OCD discuss their so some have suggested that an
backgrounds, fears and beliefs with imbalance between serotonin and
therapists to resolve their problems. dopamine levels may be at the root
Evidence does suggest, however, of the disorder. Another view is that
that facing fears seems to work better SSRIs boost the rates of neurogenesis
than talking about them, so exposure (the process through which neurons
therapy could be beneficial. This is are produced), and it is this boost
a form of treatment where you are that alleviates symptoms of OCD.
gradually introduced to the fear within Opponents of the serotonin deficiency
a safe environment, with the aim of theory would argue that it would
reducing the fear over time. be ultimately more healthy to boost
Anecdotal evidence also suggests rates of neurogenesis organically and
that mindfulness can help people holistically rather than relying on
with OCD to calm the parts of their pills, through therapy or pracising
brain that have become overheated, mindfulness.
or where there has been brain lock.
This is where you focus on the present To learn more about OCD and find
moment, as a form of meditation, fully support, visit ocduk.org or nhs.uk
aware of your surroundings and your Noel Bell is a psychotherapist, focusing
behaviour within them – it could be on relationships, addiction, and
as simple as really paying attention encouraging personal growth. Visit
to your breathing, or sitting still and noelbell.net for more.

Charity of the Month
Photography | Scope
YoungMinds:
Fighting for future generations

For 25 years, YoungMinds has been batting brilliantly on behalf of young people’s
mental health, as an innovative, inquisitive charity instigating wellbeing reform
in both schools and society. As it is such a vital advocate for mental wellbeing,
Happiful finds out what the charity has planned going forwards
S
Writing | Maurice Richmond
ince 1993, are champions of supporting and needed reforms, as it is picking up

YoungMinds has empowering the young people the phone to a worried parent –
made it its mission to of today, as they contend with and shows no signs of letting up in
not just join, but to societal pressure that has grown to its advocacy. Today, 25 years on,
lead the conversation unprecedented levels. YoungMinds continues to launch
on how to better The charity is equally at home groundbreaking campaigns, signpost
support youth mental health. They lobbying Westminster for urgently support, and heighten awareness.

YoungMINDS
EARLY DAYS charities to work alongside the Duke “and with so much pressure put on
In 1993, YoungMinds’ initial aim and Duchess of Cambridge and schools to perform too, this often
was to help direct people to support the Duke and Duchess of Sussex means that students’ mental health
in their area, and to raise awareness to change the conversation when it can take a back seat.
of children and young people’s comes to mental health in the UK. “What we need is for all schools
mental health. A second service “We’re here to make sure that to be supported to prioritise mental
was a phone line, which offered all YoungMinds are supported health and wellbeing across the
parents a safe space to talk openly and empowered, whatever the whole school, through increased
with professionals; now each year challenges,” Tom explains. “More resources and greater recognition
YoungMinds trains around 10,000 children and young people than ever within the Ofsted inspection
professionals, helping them to before are reaching out for help with framework.”
promote good mental health. their mental health. But for those
Tom Madders, director of who take that brave step, help is FORWARD THINKING
campaigns, says: “With further much too hard to find.” If 2017 was a year where awareness
funding, the parents service went peaked, 2018 could well be
on to establish itself nationally, BACK TO SCHOOL the year of strategy. The
taking an increasing number of One in four THE MINDS government, which has
calls and providing a wider range of children show pledged to increase
BEHIND THE CHARITY
information. evidence of NHS funding over
“In 2000, we changed the name of mental ill- Founded: 1993 the next five years,
the service to the ‘Parents Helpline’ health and, Full-time staff: 64 has asked the NHS to
– its name today, which now takes worryingly, Volunteers: 14 publish a new 10-year
around 13,000 calls per year from three in four Money fundraised: plan later this year.
parents and carers who are worried children with £1,429,000 NHS providers are
about their children’s mental health.” a diagnosable pleading caution.
Today, YoungMinds is recognised condition are not With a vast amount of
as one of the UK’s leading charities getting the support and ground to cover, YoungMinds
fighting for children and young help they need. With statistics like is adamant that children’s services
people’s mental health. Due to its that, we could all learn a thing or should be a vital cog in the mental
influence, YoungMinds was selected two about how to address this. health machine.
by Heads Together, led by the This prompted YoungMinds to Academically speaking, August and
Royal Foundation, as one of eight carry out its mental health survey September are also crucial times for
in schools, which falls under its schools receiving results, and Tom
Wise Up to Wellbeing in Schools believes school life to be at the heart
One in four campaign. of the issue.
children show An open letter to the Prime “Young people’s mental health crisis
Minister urging her to rebalance the is real, and it is urgent,” says Tom. “An
evidence of mental education system, placing greater estimated one in 10 children have a
ill-health and, emphasis on wellbeing, attracted
10,000 signatures and support from
diagnosable mental health problem,
while many more go through times
worryingly, three 40 MPs and members of the House where they struggle to cope.
of Lords. Its recommendations have “The causes of mental health
in four children featured regularly in government problems are multiple and
with a diagnosable reports, and most notably the recent complex, but we know that
Green Paper – the government’s difficult experiences in childhood,
condition are not vision for children’s mental health. like growing up in poverty or
getting the support “At the moment, young people are
under a huge amount of pressure
experiencing neglect or abuse, can
have a huge impact on someone’s
and help they need to get good results,” says Tom, mental health.
Continues

Charity of the Month
Tom Madders, director of

campaigns at YoungMinds
WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY

On 10 October, say #HelloYellow and
support YoungMinds’ campaign for
“Young people are also under a (CAMHS) to adult children and young people’s mental
huge amount of pressure, including services, looking to health on WMHD. To get involved, visit
the need to achieve academically improve this experience
at school, bullying, concerns about for young people. youngminds.org.uk/helloyellow
body image, as well as worries for the Their YoungMinds
future.” Welcome project sees them support “Lots of young people who struggle
To compound matters, the mental health needs of child with their mental health feel lonely
YoungMinds’ #FightingFor survey asylum seekers and refugees, through or isolated, and #HelloYellow day
found that only 9% of young people training professionals on how best is a chance for schools, families,
found it easy to get support. The to help these children, particularly communities, and offices to get
charity also reported that parents in relation to trauma they may have together, put on some yellow clothes,
and young people faced “barriers experienced. and show those young people that
at every step of the way”, whether Alongside resilience and trauma they’re not alone,” says Tom.
this was receiving support, getting campaigns, they also have their No “Alongside great fundraising ideas
referred, getting assessed, or waiting Harm Done project, which endeavors and lesson plans for schools, last
for treatment. to “reassure those affected by self- year we asked people to share their
The charity believes that despite harm that things can, and do, get positive mental health messages,
welcome extra investment in better”. With between one in 12 and we were overwhelmed with the
children’s mental health services and one in 15 children and young response – with almost 35,000 posts
from 2015–2020, by the end of this people in the UK self-harming, the on social media during the day.
period, the NHS will only be able to charity has created resources for the “In 2017, we had support from
help one in three young people who individuals themselves, parents or YouTuber Daniel Howell, children’s
need mental health support. carers, and professionals. character, Horrid Henry, and local
businesses – and we’ve got some
CARRY ON CAMPAIGNING #HELLOYELLOW exciting things to come this year
To address the issues facing young The #HelloYellow is YoungMinds’ too!”
people’s mental health, YoungMinds flagship day, where its potential to
has a range of projects to deliver raise funds – and awareness – is at its To discover more about the charity
much needed help and support peak. and get involved with their campaigns,
for the youth of today. These It falls on World Mental Health Day visit youngminds.org.uk
include their survey for feedback (10 October) and is calling on us to For advice and support with your
on transitioning from Child and embrace our “yellow side”, and has child’s mental health, call YoungMinds’
Adolescent Mental Health Services done so for the past three years. helpline on 0808 802 5544

Reader warning: please note this story includes detail
of abuse that some readers may find upsetting.
Keeley’s Story
In the process
of recovering
Growing up in an abusive household made Keeley
Stephenson fear for her own life, until a social worker took
her to a safe place, and ensured her mum received help to
manage her schizophrenia. Now, Keeley is on her road to
recovery, and while it will take sometime to heal, she wants
to support other young people who’ve been abused
T
he smells, voices and that I can’t trust anyone, and that months until my mother could
traumatic scenes of my my future is far from bright. But I get back on her feet. She has
past still haunt me. I know that it’s a lie. schizophrenia and was trying to
hold 23 years worth of It all began when I was a overcome this affecting her life
experience in the world of pain. newborn, just days old, when by taking her daily medication.
It’s my responsibility now to try my mother abandoned me in a However, it’s when I finally
and overcome what’s happened, supermarket and was nowhere in went back into her care that it all
and what is still happening every sight. If you’re wondering where began to spiral. Living with her
single day. my father was, well I’ve only was really a gamble; there would
Although I’ve said goodbye to witnessed his existence through be some days you think you’d
the rejection and fear, they still pictures. survive, and some where you
try to creep their way back in, As a result of this incident, I literally thought life was going to
causing me to feel anxious, and was taken to foster care for a few be over. Continues >>>

Feeling Empowered to Heal
Keeley’s Story
Keeley was relieved when a social worker took her to
safety, where she was able to be a child again
Due to the battling thoughts cannot help but think that there
that went through her mind – the is a way out from this.
paranoia and false illusions she As time went on, I understood
had about the people around more about what was happening,
her – I felt the impact of it. She and the shame eroded in me –
would calling me ugly, stupid, most often when I was leaving
good for nothing and worthless, school.
alongside physically abusing me. Going home was always a
She would treat me as if I was battle; we would always walk
less than human; she once used no matter what the weather was
my face as an ashtray to put out like. I hated it because she’d try
her cigarette. She chased me up to push me in the road, shouting
the stairs with a knife, tried to that she didn’t want me anymore
shut my head in the window, and and that it would be better if I The next day we received a
continuously beat me. got run over. My heart felt as if knock at the door. This was a
It was a living hell, but I always it was going to come out of my shock because my mum had
believed there was someone who chest as I gripped the bollards cut ties with the majority of
could take my pain away and or gates – the only way that I our friends and family, so we
help my mum with the mental could maintain my safety, while practically had no one coming
illness that caused her to hurt me longing for the intervention of a to see us. But the visitor
– and that person was God. At passerby. turned out to be someone very
that age I didn’t know anything Don’t get me wrong, when she necessary; someone who had
about religion, or that there was took her medication it wasn’t all the power to remove me from
somebody who could perhaps bad. She’d take me to the park this mess, so that I could play,
help me. I guess when you’re in a and buy me something nice to breathe, and enjoy life as an
place of complete darkness, you eat, while smiling with the other 11-year-old child again.
parents. But when things got bad, It was a social worker, who
they were bad. explained that her reason for the
Luckily, one day a neighbour visit was due to an anonymous
My mother smiled, witnessed my mother’s abuse
in our garden. My mother
call about a disturbance at this
address. I was excited and scared
taking me inside began punching me so much at the same time; excited because
as if nothing that I screamed. I then saw my
neighbour open the door and
it meant my pain would end,
but scared because I knew that
happened. I could the shock on his face. My mother if I was left in my mother’s care
now see the guilt looked over and smiled, taking
me inside as if nothing happened.
another day, I could potentially
die. Luckily, staying with her
on her face for She petted me and asked if I was was no longer an option,
what she knew hurt, and I could now see the
guilt on her face for what she
and my social worker came
prepared, ready to remove me
she’d done knew she’d done. immediately.

True LIFE
I blossomed like never before, and began to feel as

if I was a real individual – one that had meaning, a
I could finally sleep at night,
knowing that my mother
sense of value and hope attached to her
was getting the treatment It all began to transform for mum, the answer is no. A few
she deserved while speaking me when I received what I weeks ago I saw her at the same
my mind without the fear of would call “spiritual healing”. road crossing as me, but she
judgement, being a real child My foster carer taking me didn’t recognise me. I spoke
again, and somehow learning to to church was the big game to her mental health nurse last
trust again. Although this was changer; I felt loved, accepted like year, with the hope of planning
going to take some time, I was never before and experienced a supervised contact, but she
ready to become the real me. But personal relationship with God. explained that my mother is
in trying to do so, I came into My outlook on life changed, adamant she doesn’t have any
contact with many hurdles. providing me with an escape family. They believed it would
Trusting people was one of from my past to the purpose I be better to leave her to access
them; I believed that if my believe God had for me. treatment until improvements
own mother could hurt me I blossomed like never before, are made.
the way that she had, then and began to feel as if I was a As a result of this, I have
nobody else owed me anything. real individual – one that had managed to move on with my
I had immense anxiety, and meaning, a sense of value and life. I’m on my way to completing
experienced suicidal thoughts, hope attached to her. I’m glad a three-year degree – which has
believing that my life was such a that I’ve experienced life at taken me eight years to do. I am
mess that ending it and keeping its worst, because I can now a project manager for a Youth
it to myself it would be the better appreciate life at its best! Violence Forum, a lifestyle
option for me. However, I chose Although I’m still in the process blogger, and in the near future
to deal with these experiences of recovering, I’m a million times I plan to have my own charity
myself and use poetry as an better than I was 12 years ago. that empowers young people
outlet to express what I was If you’re wondering whether who have gone through similar
going through. I still keep in contact with my experiences to me.
Our Expert Says

Keeley’s story is a sobering account of the difficulties
that schizophrenia can cause when treatment is not in
place. No child should suffer the experiences that she
lived through. Her neighbour’s intervention reminds
us all of our responsibility to be aware and speak up
when we have safeguarding concerns. Keeley’s experience of spiritual
practice reminds us of how finding a connection beyond ourselves
can support healing. What Keeley has already achieved shows her
resilience, strength, and resourcefulness, and I wish her well.
Fe Robinson | MUKCP (reg) MBACP (reg)
psychotherapist and clinical supervisor

Happiful Hero
4,000 Hours:
Supporting people during the
most difficult time of their lives
Nominated by City Hospice’s volunteer officer Alex Fagan,
Edith Clarke is the outstanding volunteer giving up her time to help others
T
he diagnosis of a life- to bereavement support; originally
limiting illness can be scary providing telephone support to
and often overwhelming. patients and family members, before
But local services and running a group for recently bereaved
hospices can be an incredible source people to come together to share
of support and comfort. Offering experiences and make new friends – a
expert care and counselling for version of which is still running today.
patients and their families, City Today, Edith works with a team of
Hospice can be a light in dark times qualified counsellors, providing them
for those living in Cardiff. with general administrative support.
Strained funding and pressure In recent years the hospice has seen a
on the services mean that significant increase in the number of
volunteers are the lifeblood of referrals to counsellors, but through
these organisations. And all the changes and challenges
one such wonderful Edith has been there. According to Edith has been volunteerin
woman supporting her colleagues, Edith’s “warm and g at the City
Hospice for 22 years
Do you the City Hospice sympathetic manner is sure to have
know an as a truly unique
and outstanding
brought them support at the most
difficult time in their lives”. “She’s an extraordinary lady who
unsung volunteer is Although Edith’s mobility is not personifies the ethos of volunteering;
hero? 85-year-old Edith what it once was, she travels to and she’s committed, caring, and
Clarke. from the hospice each week via compassionate in everything she
Send your
Edith joined City taxi, at her own expense. “Edith’s does in support of patients and
nominations to
hello@happiful.com Hospice in 1996, our unsung hero as she turns up families in Cardiff,” Alex continues.
and her colleagues whatever the weather, and does “Everyone at City Hospice is thrilled
estimate that since whatever needs doing without that her years of hard work are
then she has completed quibble or question because she being recognised as we think she’s
an astounding 4,000 hours of knows the support she gives is brilliant!”
voluntary service. invaluable to people in need of
Throughout her 22 years at the counselling and bereavement To find out more about City Hospice,
hospice, Edith has given her time support,” says Alex. or to donate, visit cityhospice.org.uk

THE TIME IS NOW
“The secret to getting ahead is getting started.”
– Mark Twain
Photography | Garrett Sears
June 2018 • happiful • 91

Find the help
you deserve.
Speak with one of our
counsellors today.
Search for Counselling Directory
Self care isn’t selfish

counselling-directory.org.uk

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