Stress Management

Using Self-Help Techniques for Dealing with Stress

It may seem like there’s nothing you can do

about stress. The bills won’t stop coming, there will never be more hours in the day, and
your work and family responsibilities will always be demanding. But you have a lot more
control than you might think. In fact, the simple realization that you’re in control of your life
is the foundation of managing stress. Stress management is all about taking charge: of your
lifestyle, thoughts, emotions, and the way you deal with problems. No matter how stressful
your life seems, there are steps you can take to relieve the pressure and regain control.

Why is it so important to manage stress?

If you’re living with high levels of stress, you’re putting your entire well-being at risk. Stress
wreaks havoc on your emotional equilibrium, as well as your physical health. It narrows
your ability to think clearly, function effectively, and enjoy life.

Effective stress management, on the other hand, helps you break the hold stress has on your

p|1
life, so you can be happier, healthier, and more productive. The ultimate goal is a balanced
life, with time for work, relationships, relaxation, and fun—and the resilience to hold up
under pressure and meet challenges head on. But stress management is not one-size-fits-all.
That’s why it’s important to experiment and find out what works best for you. The following
stress management tips can help you do that.

Tip 1: Identify the sources of stress in your life

Stress management starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life. This isn’t as
straightforward as it sounds. While it’s easy to identify major stressors such as changing
jobs, moving, or a going through a divorce, pinpointing the sources of chronic stress can be
more complicated. It’s all too easy to overlook how your own thoughts, feelings, and
behaviors contribute to your everyday stress levels. Sure, you may know that you’re
constantly worried about work deadlines, but maybe it’s your procrastination, rather than
the actual job demands, that is causing the stress.

To identify your true sources of stress, look closely at your habits, attitude, and excuses:

Do you explain away stress as temporary (“I just have a million things going on right
now”) even though you can’t remember the last time you took a breather?
Do you define stress as an integral part of your work or home life (“Things are always
crazy around here”) or as a part of your personality (“I have a lot of nervous energy,
that’s all”)?
Do you blame your stress on other people or outside events, or view it as entirely
normal and unexceptional?

Until you accept responsibility for the role you play in creating or maintaining it, your stress
level will remain outside your control.

Start a stress journal

A stress journal can help you identify the regular stressors in your life and the way you deal
with them. Each time you feel stressed, keep track of it in your journal. As you keep a daily
log, you will begin to see patterns and common themes. Write down:

What caused your stress (make a guess if you’re unsure)

How you felt, both physically and emotionally
How you acted in response

p|2
 What you did to make yourself feel better

Tip 2: Practice the 4 A’s of stress management

While stress is an automatic response from your nervous system, some stressors arise at
predictable times: your commute to work, a meeting with your boss, or family gatherings,
for example. When handling such predictable stressors, you can either change the situation
or change your reaction. When deciding which option to choose in any given scenario, it’s
helpful to think of the four A’s: avoid, alter, adapt, or accept.

The four A’s – Avoid, Alter, Adapt & Accept

Avoid unnecessary stress
It’s not healthy to avoid a stressful situation that needs to be addressed, but you may be
surprised by the number of stressors in your life that you can eliminate.
Learn how to say “no.” Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or
professional life, taking on more than you can handle is a surefire recipe for stress.
Distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts” and, when possible, say “no” to taking
on too much.
Avoid people who stress you out. If someone consistently causes stress in your life, limit
the amount of time you spend with that person, or end the relationship.
Take control of your environment. If the evening news makes you anxious, turn off the
TV. If traffic makes you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route. If going to the market
is an unpleasant chore do your grocery shopping online.
Pare down your to-do list. Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If
you’ve got too much on your plate, drop tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom of
the list or eliminate them entirely.
Alter the situation
If you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Often, this involves changing the way
you communicate and operate in your daily life.
Express your feelings instead of bottling them up. If something or someone is
bothering you, be more assertive and communicate your concerns in an open and
respectful way. If you’ve got an exam to study for and your chatty roommate just got home,
say up front that you only have five minutes to talk. If you don’t voice your feelings,
resentment will build and the stress will increase.
Be willing to compromise. When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to
do the same. If you both are willing to bend at least a little, you’ll have a good chance of
finding a happy middle ground.

p|3
The four A’s – Avoid, Alter, Adapt & Accept
Create a balanced schedule. All work and no play is a recipe for burnout. Try to find a
balance between work and family life, social activities and solitary pursuits, daily
responsibilities and downtime.
Adapt to the stressor
If you can’t change the stressor, change yourself. You can adapt to stressful situations and
regain your sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude.
Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective.
Rather than fuming about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup,
listen to your favorite radio station, or enjoy some alone time.
Look at the big picture. Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how
important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth
getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.
Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting
yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and
others, and learn to be okay with “good enough.”
Practice gratitude. When stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the
things you appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and gifts. This
simple strategy can help you keep things in perspective.
Accept the things you can’t change
Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such as the
death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In such cases, the best way
to cope with stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the
long run, it’s easier than railing against a situation you can’t change.
Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control,
particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the
things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.
Look for the upside. When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities
for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on
them and learn from your mistakes.
Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make
mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving
and moving on.
Share your feelings. Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if
there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation. Talk to a trusted friend or make
an appointment with a therapist.

p|4
Tip 3: Get moving

When you’re stressed, the last thing you probably feel like doing is getting up and
exercising. But physical activity is a huge stress reliever—and you don’t have to be an
athlete or spend hours in a gym to experience the benefits. Exercise releases endorphins
that make you feel good, and it can also serve as a valuable distraction from your daily
worries.

While you’ll get the most benefit from regularly exercising for 30 minutes or more, it’s okay
to build up your fitness level gradually. Even very small activities can add up over the
course of a day. The first step is to get yourself up and moving. Here are some easy ways to
incorporate exercise into your daily schedule:

Put on some music and dance around

Take your dog for a walk
Walk or cycle to the grocery store

p|5
 Use the stairs at home or work rather than an elevator
Park your car in the farthest spot in the lot and walk the rest of the way
Pair up with an exercise partner and encourage each other as you work out
Play ping-pong or an activity-based video game with your kids

The stress-busting magic of mindful rhythmic exercise

While just about any form of physical activity can help burn away tension and stress,
rhythmic activities are especially effective. Good choices include walking, running,
swimming, dancing, cycling, tai chi, and aerobics. But whatever you choose, make sure it’s
something you enjoy so you’re more likely to stick with it.

While you’re exercising, make a conscious effort to pay attention to your body and the
physical (and sometimes emotional) sensations you experience as you’re moving. Focus on
coordinating your breathing with your movements, for example, or notice how the air or
sunlight feels on your skin. Adding this mindfulness element will help you break out of the
cycle of negative thoughts that often accompanies overwhelming stress.

Tip 4: Connect to others

There is nothing more calming than spending quality time with another human being who
makes you feel safe and understood. In fact, face-to-face interaction triggers a cascade of
hormones that counteracts the body’s defensive “fight-or-flight” response. It’s nature’s
natural stress reliever (as an added bonus, it also helps stave off depression and anxiety). So
make it a point to connect regularly—and in person—with family and friends.

Keep in mind that the people you talk to don’t have to be able to fix your stress. They simply
need to be good listeners. And try not to let worries about looking weak or being a burden
keep you from opening up. The people who care about you will be flattered by your trust. It
will only strengthen your bond.

Of course, it’s not always realistic to have a pal close by to lean on when you feel
overwhelmed by stress, but by building and maintaining a network of close friends you can
improve your resiliency to life’s stressors.

Tips for building relationships

1. Reach out to a colleague at work

p|6
 2. Help someone else by volunteering
3. Have lunch or coffee with a friend
4. Ask a loved one to check in with you regularly
5. Accompany someone to the movies or a concert
6. Call or email an old friend
7. Go for a walk with a workout buddy
8. Schedule a weekly dinner date
9. Meet new people by taking a class or joining a club
10. Confide in a clergy member, teacher, or sports coach

Tip 5: Make time for fun and relaxation

Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by
carving out “me” time. Don’t get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget
to take care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury. If you

p|7
regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you’ll be in a better place to handle life’s
stressors.

Set aside leisure time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow
other obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and
recharge your batteries.

Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy,
whether it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.

Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of
laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.

Take up a relaxation practice. Relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation, and deep
breathing activate the body’s relaxation response, a state of restfulness that is the opposite
of the fight or flight or mobilization stress response. As you learn and practice these
techniques, your stress levels will decrease and your mind and body will become calm and
centered.

Tip 6: Manage your time better

Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When you’re stretched too thin and
running behind, it’s hard to stay calm and focused. Plus, you’ll be tempted to avoid or cut
back on all the healthy things you should be doing to keep stress in check, like socializing
and getting enough sleep. The good news: there are things you can do to achieve a healthier
work-life balance.

Don’t over-commit yourself. Avoid scheduling things back-to-back or trying to fit too
much into one day. All too often, we underestimate how long things will take.

Prioritize tasks. Make a list of tasks you have to do, and tackle them in order of
importance. Do the high-priority items first. If you have something particularly unpleasant
or stressful to do, get it over with early. The rest of your day will be more pleasant as a
result.

Break projects into small steps. If a large project seems overwhelming, make a step-by-
step plan. Focus on one manageable step at a time, rather than taking on everything at
once.

p|8
Delegate responsibility. You don’t have to do it all yourself, whether at home, school, or
on the job. If other people can take care of the task, why not let them? Let go of the desire
to control or oversee every little step. You’ll be letting go of unnecessary stress in the
process.

Tip 7: Maintain balance with a healthy lifestyle

In addition to regular exercise, there are other healthy lifestyle choices that can increase
your resistance to stress.

Eat a healthy diet. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be
mindful of what you eat. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and
your mind clear with balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day.

Reduce caffeine and sugar. The temporary “highs” caffeine and sugar provide often end
in with a crash in mood and energy. By reducing the amount of coffee, soft drinks,

p|9
chocolate, and sugar snacks in your diet, you’ll feel more relaxed and you’ll sleep better.

Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may provide
an easy escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Don’t avoid or mask the issue at
hand; deal with problems head on and with a clear mind.

Get enough sleep. Adequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired will
increase your stress because it may cause you to think irrationally.

Tip 8: Learn to relieve stress in the moment

When you’re frazzled by your morning commute, stuck in a stressful meeting at work, or
fried from another argument with your spouse, you need a way to manage your stress levels
right now. That’s where quick stress relief comes in.

The fastest way to reduce stress is by taking a deep breath and using your senses—what you
see, hear, taste, and touch—or through a soothing movement. By viewing a favorite photo,
smelling a specific scent, listening to a favorite piece of music, tasting a piece of gum, or
hugging a pet, for example, you can quickly relax and focus yourself. Of course, not
everyone responds to each sensory experience in the same way. The key to quick stress
relief is to experiment and discover the unique sensory experiences that work best for you.

Recommended video

Tai Chi Video (Mayo Clinic)

Other resources

Lower Stress: How does stress affect the body? Small changes that can make a big
difference to your stress levels. (American Heart Association)

Meditation: A simple, fast way to reduce stress (Mayo Clinic)

p | 10
Exercise Fuels the Brain’s Stress Buffers – How regular exercise helps reduce and manage
stress. (American Psychological Association)

Authors: Lawrence Robinson, Melinda Smith, M.A., and Robert Segal, M.A. Last
updated: June 2019.

p | 11