Relationship Advice

Do You Know the 5 Secrets to Creating a
Lasting Love?
Developing the secure, fulfilling bond you deserve with your partner is
hard work, but it is not impossible. Below are five characteristics of
every strong bond and what you can do to help create a deep, loving
connection.
1. You And Your Partner Must Truly Become Best Friends
But what is a best friend? A best friend is likely someone you have
known for a long time. You probably know them better than anyone. You
had an initial connection based on common interests and enjoyment of
each other’s company that grew into a solid, trustworthy, caring
relationship. From this history, you have established a level of comfort
so great that you can take risks and allow yourself to be vulnerable
around your best friend. You can talk to your best friend without
judgment or fear. This is a person you really love.
This kind of connection cannot be rushed and it cannot be forced.
Friendship often blooms from exciting but low-pressure situations. It
strengthens through communication and developing trust. Take the time
to first just have fun with your partner. Learn all you can about what
they like and dislike, have adventures and make each other laugh. Know
that this is a person you really like being around.
More at YourTango.com: Am I In Love? The Difference Between Love,
Lust & Infatuation
When you enjoy someone’s company, it becomes easy and even normal
to open up. If you can share the best of times, you likely feel
comfortable sharing the not-so-great thoughts and feelings we all
experience. Open up to your partner and encourage them to share with
you from a place of friendship: like a best friend would, withhold
judgment unless they ask for your opinion. Always support them and
comfort them. A best friend is a fellow team member, not a rival. Every
truly bonded relationship begins with a team of supportive best friends.
2. Believe In The Power Of Your Love
Love has the ability to transform people. Even when it seems far-
fetched, it’s important to keep believing the love that drew you and your
partner together will continue to better both of your lives. Allow yourself
to feel deserving and strong because of your relationship. Dream and
fantasize about how beautiful it can really make both of you! Believe
that together, you can conquer anything. This will increase your
dedication and your trust with each other, making you closer and
happier.
You must also believe in the continued presence of romance! Never
forget to keep expressing your love. Dates, cards, flowers, emails and
sticky-notes on the bathroom mirror — even the smallest gesture will
bring joy to your partner. Those simple reminders and reassurances are
vital to developing a deep bond.
Especially when it comes to anniversaries, birthdays and holidays, it’s
very important to remember to remind your partner that you care. We
have so much technology now to keep track of times and dates that there
is no excuse for forgetting!
But there is no reason to wait for a certain day to show your partner you
care. Whenever you think of expressing your love, do it! These
expressions will help you be vulnerable and sensitive to what your
partner needs. Even when things aren’t going so well, acknowledging
you believe in your romantic relationship will help strengthen your
connection and build that strong, loving bond.
3. Never Stop Courting Your Partner
While those late nights you had while dating — staying up till 2 A.M.
talking, feeling too excited to sleep — don’t last forever, the idea of
courting your partner should never totally disappear. When we first meet
people, we are very observant. We go out of our way to do small things
to show them that we care. We learn all we can about them and
continually try to make a good impression.
Eventually, especially once we feel established in a relationship, we
sometimes forget to make our partner a priority. We get caught up in our
own lives again and have to go back to “reality”. But that initial love and
attention was not some fantasy world — you can maintain that
connection by remembering to return to those courting behaviors.
Remember your partner’s likes and interests might change, and there is
always more to learn about them. Remind yourself that you should keep
trying to impress your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together.
To really establish and maintain a close connection, make your courtship
last forever.
More at YourTango.com: 7 Ways Love Transforms Your Brain
4. Be Emotionally Available And Vulnerable With Your Partner
The most important thing you can give to your partner is the knowledge
they can come to you with anything. This requires an opening up on both
sides. When one of you expresses your feelings, the other one must give
support and provide comfort. Being present is extremely important in
showing your partner you care.
“Are you there for me?” is often the most important question a partner
needs to be able to answer. Being there for someone involves three
characteristics:
Accessibility: Your partner must feel like you will open up to them, even
if one of you has had a bad day. They must know that you will drop
everything to be with them.
Responsiveness: Your partner must know you will come when they call.
They must know you will be responsive when you are present.
Engagement: Your partner must know you will open up to them and
share with them, as well.
Being there for your partner also requires an appreciation of the little
things in your relationship. Even if some actions seem so mundane that
you forget about them. Maybe your partner makes your lunch every day,
fills your tank with gas for you or makes the bed every morning — try to
take some time to acknowledge these actions. Ask yourself: What if
these things disappeared? They may take on a different meaning and
importance. Receiving thanks for the little things will make your partner
feel good about doing them, and it will show that you’re aware of all
they do for you.
Awareness of the little things paves the way for a closer, more trusting
relationship. When larger issues arise, the sense of appreciation your
partner feels from you can help keep everything in perspective. When
your partner comes to you in need of serious support, knowing that you
are already able to acknowledge the little things is helpful and
comforting.
Being able to acknowledge, address and listen to those bigger concerns
is obviously just as important. When fears and insecurities creep in, your
partner must know you will support them. They must know and believe
that they are the most important person in your life, and vice versa. The
deepest bonds come from really knowing that you can count on each
other.
5. Have Fun Together
In a close, loving, bonded relationship, both people have to feel that their
connection is about fun and laughter — you can’t take each other too
seriously. If the first four steps are fulfilled, having fun with each other
isn’t too difficult. When you feel a close bond, you know what the other
person cares about, you know how to be there for them and you also
know how to make them laugh and how to bring them joy. Even when
things are stressful, a closely bonded couple will feel strongly enough
about each other that they can just let go and enjoy each other’s
company.
So make time to laugh! Bring up old stories or jokes you’ve forgotten
about. Be playful and silly again. Having fun with each other will help
you and your partner develop a strong, exciting, positive bond.
In order for these five steps to really work, each partner has to take
responsibility for their own role and contributions to the relationship. If
you are both on the same page and both willing to put in the effort, you
should be able to more closely and happily connect with your partner.
If you are having trouble creating these bonds, especially if you feel like
there are blockages when it comes to expressing vulnerability or taking
risks, professional counseling is highly recommended. Counseling can
provide you with a safe space and a neutral facilitator to help you
uncover the source of any fear or hesitancy. Counseling also gives you
useful tools to better understand the needs of both yourself and others,
which will allow you to work toward developing the strong, loving
connection you deserve.

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Do You Know the 5 Secrets to Creating a

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