My first period: Sweetness in bitterness

My first ‘period’ was the very first time when I realised that ​‘I’m a girl’ ​and being born as a
girl, I have certain limitations. I’ll come on that later. Firstly let's start with the time when I
got my first period.

I remember the bright wintery sun kissing my cheeks while I was learning to cook maggi at
my village home with all my cousins. It was winter vacation and I was in my native village in
Nawada district of Bihar to spend time with my grandparents and cousins. We used to gossip
about school, cook junk foods, try different makeups, do adventurous things, etc. That’s what
teenagers do while meeting cousins after so long. My family and I used to live in Delhi and
we came to the village once a year. I was studying in DAV Public School in Delhi and my
cousins were studying in village school.
So, while we were cooking maggi, I suddenly felt severe pain in my stomach. I had little
stomach ache since morning but it suddenly got worse. I felt that my underwear got moist,
like something was dripping from inside me. I thought that I needed to pee, so I rushed to the
washroom. The location of the washroom was in the corner of the house and despite the
afternoon, it took me a while in the dark (since there was no electricity in my village at that
time) to identify that it was my first menstrual blood and not my urine.
At first, I was taken aback and panicked by seeing so much blood. I got scared. Although, I
knew about periods as my best friend had also started to bleed several months ago and she
had told me about that. She had also told me about the usage of sanitary pads. Still, having
that severe pain in the stomach and blood stained all over my underwear, I really got scared.
Somehow, I called mom and she came. I told everything and she smiled and told me not to
worry. She told me to wait while she is going to bring a sanitary pad for me. When she came
back, she looked worried and told me that she forgot to carry sanitary pads with her while
packing the luggage. She then called one of my cousins, who is about one year older than me
and asked for sanitary pads. She was surprised and asked, ​“yeh sanitary napkin kya hai”​. We
were shocked to hear that. I was younger than my cousin and even I knew about sanitary
pads. My grandmother also got to know about my period and she told my mom that it’s
difficult to get a sanitary pad in the village as everyone uses a piece of cloth and probably
nobody knows about that. To get a sanitary pad, someone has to go to the nearest town
‘Nawada’, which is around 90 kms away from there. My heart was beating so fast and I was
shivering thinking that everyone will see my blood. My grandmother then gave me a piece of
cotton cloth and asked to use it. My mother helped me in using that cloth and changing my
underwear.

As I came out of the washroom, I felt conscious about myself but was a little happy too, that
finally I also had entered that phase of my life, which my best friend had acquired several
months ago, i.e. ‘phase of adulthood’ (for me, I was no longer a kid). But that happiness was
not going to last long as my cousin came to me and said to me, ​“tumhara bhi vo mushkil din
shuru ho gaya” and asked me about the sanitary pad (as she didn’t know about that). My
mind got stuck on her words as they came out like a warning to me. I quickly told her about
sanitary pads and asked her why she mentioned tough days with a devastating face. She told
me that every month I’ll bleed and during these days I have to follow certain rules and
regulations. At the same time my grandmother came and sat next to me. She asked me to just
stay inside my room and go outside only for washroom or to take a bath. She strictly repeated
not to enter the kitchen and (devta ghar)pooja room until my periods are over. She also told
me to not touch pickles. I was not even allowed to play with my younger brother as my touch
will make him impure. I was so shocked by hearing all this. I felt like I’ve been imprisoned
for three-four days. My eyes filled with tears. I talked to my mom about this, but due to
family pressure all she could do was to hug me tightly. She did it and told me to keep
patience as it’s just a matter of three days. I felt so helpless at that time.
Those three days in that room showed me a clear picture of the society and the ancient beliefs
because of which girls were suffering. Menstruation was considered as a taboo. That time I
felt that ​‘I’m a girl’​ and now this was the start of discriminations that I’ll be facing in future.

However, things have changed in today’s era as ‘women empowerment’ can be seen
everywhere. People are becoming aware about ​Menstruation. Women have started fighting
for their rights. Not only in cities, in villages also sanitary pads are easily available. However,
there are still many places in our country where clothes are being used instead of sanitary
pads. But, let’s accept this because things take time to change and gradually things are
changing.

That incident of my first period made me so curious to know more about Menstruation and
sanitary pads. Many thoughts were provoking my mind during that like, why girls of my
village are not accessible to sanitary pads, why anybody doesn’t care about that. After that I
used to ask my cousin regularly if sanitary pads came in the village or not. Everytime, the
answer was the same. When I was in class 11th, I heard from her for the very first time that
she used a sanitary pad but still it was not available in the village and was brought from the
town. I realised the importance of education towards menstruation and menstrual hygiene.
Using clothes is very unhygienic and can lead to many problems and infections. But in our
schools also, neither the teacher talked about menstruation, nor on the changes that our(both
boys and girls) bodies experience during this age. ​Reproduction chapters were also skipped or
taught briefly. I observed girls had been using secret code words for periods like birthday,
war day or how stealthy girls used to carry pads from classrooms to washrooms. We had
made ‘Menstruation’ such an impure thing…...

That time I realized that I should do something to change the perception and wrong beliefs of
the society. Women are more than what people think. I took admission in BA(hons) Social
Work after my 12th, so that I can work for women. This was completely opposite to what my
parents want. They wanted me to be a doctor. But still, I fought and opted for the subject of
my choice. During my field work placements, I got the opportunity to interact with women. I
interacted with them, made them aware and brought little changes in their lives. During
holidays in between my graduation, when I went to my village, I went there as a different
Anushree. I started interacting with girls and making them aware about sanitary pads. Then
they started to order sanitary pads in bulk and started using them. Meanwhile, I came out to
be a topper in my subject in University of Delhi and won a university gold medal.

I witnessed how getting my first period, the most beautiful moment of my teenage life, turned
into such an unholy and impure incident for which I was held like a prisoner in my room.
Using that old cloth was equally uncomfortable and humiliating for me, washing it early
morning, not drying under the sun and what not, every rule pricked my notion of ideal
society. However, now I think that having periods is a precious gift given to me by god to
create, bring and support a new life in my womb someday and that single thought ignites a
flame inside me and gives me strength. On the day I took admission in BSW, I vowed that I
will never be forced or force anybody to follow such illogical set of rules and will celebrate
my every single period just like it is my first time because for me every month when I get my
period ​a new and more confident self is born.

And yes, I’m proud to say that ​‘I’m a girl and I bleed every month’​.

~Anushree