Variations of Courtship

In China, young people get to have time to enjoy youth. While much different than western
countries like the US, dating in China is much more conservative.

But what’s interesting is that when it comes to courtship, it’ll have heavy emphasis from parental
efforts. When a young woman or a young man enters her/his 25s, most parents would be
worrying about the marriage of their kids. In China, we have terms for people who are still single
after 25. 大龄剩女 and 大龄剩男 for kind of describing this group of people—older, single, not
having much relationship experience.

And parents would start to help their kids find a partner by introducing from their relatives, their
friends, the kids of their relatives, etc. And young people would get “interrogated”, questioned,
each time they go back home.

It’s actually pretty fun if you look at it that millions of Chinese young people would have
problem going back home just because they have yet to find a partner. Some would even fake a
partner just to escape the “interrogation” from their parents and relatives.

Dating on the other hand, depends heavily on regions. China has economic zones that are
developed far better than the rest of China. In cities of these, you have a much more similar
dating experience like in the western countries, where things go kind of fast and people come
and go.

In other places, dating is very conservative. Men and women get together within a small circle of
theirs and there isn’t something like “two persons go out on a day and have fun together”, the
typical ritual of western dating culture.

Filipino Dating Culture Compared To Other

Asian Countries
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Asian dating culture can be daunting at first for western men. Asian are strongly tied to
traditional beliefs that have lasted for centuries and still continues to persist during these modern
times. It has able to withstand the changes and test of time because it is a simple set of proper
conduct and manner towards others.

The Filipino dating culture was somehow derived from the culture of the Spanish ruler of the
Philippines back in the 17th century. Even though, many beliefs and traditions were inherited
from a western source, the Filipino dating culture still carries the air of Oriental values that Asian
had held on to.

So what are the similarities and difference of the dating culture from different Asian countries?

Dating customs from Japan, Thailand, and Philippines, revolve around one very important aspect
of any relationship, respect. The suitor should give respect to the parents of the woman she is
dating. Proper permission for the date should be asked and the time for the date should be set.
The men are expected to arrive promptly at the given time, and should return the lady at their
house not later than what was permitted.

No physical intimacy is allowed during the courting period. It is the same for the 3 countries.
The Asian women should retain her virginity up to their marriage to a man.

The quality traits of being a gentleman are required of the suitor. The suitor must present himself
in a respectable attire. The suitor is also expected to treat the lady with the utmost care during the
date. The suitor is supposed to drive the conversation and make sure that the woman is always
comfortable, not only the physical level, but also emotional and mental level.

The suitor is expected to shoulder the expenses of the whole date from the start up to the very
end.

But as time changes, these once strict guidelines in dating has just become soft and not followed
by everyone. Now, everyone can do whatever they please when dating. Improper way of dating
in comparison to the traditional customs will only lead to nothing. The whole experience of
dating these days is a mere “shortcut” version of used to be a long process of getting to know
each other.

Although, it is not always the case as women can still keep their virtue when it comes to dating.
The once long process is now made faster and generally has a lesser depth in terms of
experience. Some important parts of dating maybe easily overlooked and deemed not necessary
during these times.

Dating culture may have changed much, but keeping the traditional customs on dating is not a
bad idea at all. It reinforces the relationship that is being formed between the man and the
woman. It is nice to build the foundation of your relationship on something that is solid. By
being able to follow the traditional customs in dating, the man and woman are preparing
themselves better along the road. This is one of the great things about the Asian dating culture.
Following these customs will help you gain not only the respect of the woman, but also the love
that will last a lifetime. It may be hard to please the Filipino women, but once you’ve passed the
challenge that is set by the process of dating, you will get to enjoy the life that any man would
dream of having. It isn’t too bad of an investment for your own future as the rewards clearly
outweighs the initial hardships that a man has to take.

French Dating Culture

According to "France Today," French singles primarily spend time in groups as friends. It's
customary in France for people to get to know each other slowly and allow romance to develop
over time. It is frequently said that people somehow just end up together. Relationships, romantic
or otherwise, are not labeled or defined as stringently as in American dating culture. In fact, it is
considered proper not to tell anyone, even your parents and closest friends, whom you are dating
or interested in. Frenchmen actively pursue women and women don't display interest, not even
eye contact, unless interested.

German Dating Culture

Dating in Germany is still more traditional than in the United States. A man is always expected
to ask a woman for a date, never the reverse. The man pays for the date and if the girl is still
living with her parents, the man brings flowers to her mother. German women do flirt and leave
hints to their men of interest.

Many short-term relationships occur in the twenty-something years of Germans, instead of long-
term American-type relationships with one person. Germans marry at an older age than do most
Americans and German men tend to take younger wives. But young German men do tend to date
older women to gain valuable experience.

British Dating Culture

Most like American dating culture in its approach, the British dating culture has become a
system of strictly evaluating person against person to find the best match for personal
preferences before committing to an exclusive relationship. Speed dating and Internet dating are
both acceptable and practiced in Britain. Men ask women out and vice versa. When in a
relationship, Brits are generally less physically affectionate than their American counterparts.
British social customs veer away from physical touch.

Spanish Dating Culture

Commitment is key in Spain and is based on long-standing relationship and intrinsic value more
so than most other European cultures. Frequently, a Spaniard will marry a childhood friend or
high-school sweetheart. Spaniards are frequently characterized as the most passionate and verbal
of the European dating cultures. Constant communication and interaction are part of the dating
process and fighting is not shied away from. Men are courteous and chivalrous to women they
are genuinely interested in but can be flirty to the point of annoyance to women they do not
know but find attractive. Both men and women ask each other out and splitting the cost of the
date is becoming customary.

Italian Dating Culture

Italians have a reputation of being great lovers and great dressers. The ideal of passion and
romance so frequently portrayed as inherent to all Italians is not the guiding force for dating and
mating in Italy. Women dress well to catch a financially stable mate and men dress to impress to
prove to women they can provide. Generally Italian men have an ongoing relationship with a
woman they plan to marry and provide for while they have adventures in dating before actually
tying the knot. Italian women may also engage in flippant relationships and affairs with men that
are attractive and exciting, but not able to provide.
Courtship has almost become an element of a bygone era. Here’s my
argument:

Today’s Dating:

 People of all ages have plenty of choices. Cities are larger, farm communities have
grown closer together, and schools (for the most part) are significantly larger.
The western United States has a much more significant population than it once
had.
 Kids today text, hang out in groups, and ask one another to school dances with a
huge display of creativity.
 Singles meet and mingle in traditional ways (church, social events, through
friends) and contemporary methods (Internet dating sites, bars and clubs).
 Dating usually doesn’t hold an intrinsic promise that both parties are interested
in marriage. In today’s world, casual dating and even more casual hook-ups are
the norm. The percentage of married adults has declined through the years.

Old West Courtship:

  Courtship required intent. Young men often asked a young lady’s father, brother,
or other male relative for permission to court her. Why? Because in those days,
courtship held an inherent promise that said “we’re spending time together to see
if we desire marriage”. Courtship didn’t always equal engagement, but to some, it
did, and signaled to all others that the lady was spoken for.
 Singles and widows/widowers often had few choices. Population was sparse.
Sometimes young men had just one or two viable options within a day’s ride.
 Singles met in quite limited ways: church, social events (barn raising, corn
husking), school, through their parents (as families went out of their way to
socialize), when single men hired out as day laborers or temporarily relocated for
employment, and when none of this panned out, through drastic means such as
mail order brides. After all, Charles Ingalls had an uncommon wanderlust and
moved his family far more than the average man in the mid 1800’s. Most people
stayed put, living the whole of their lives and never venturing further than a few
miles. Manifest Destiny nudged more than a few out of that traditional mold.
 Young men most often had every intention of marrying. Marriage meant a
helpmeet (someone to do laundry, cook, keep house, help on the farm, tend the
garden, work beside him, rear children, “safe” and readily available sex,
companionship, children to help work the land and heirs to leave it to, and more).
Young women usually wanted marriage, too, but for different reasons: protection,
respectability, support, love, children.
 The activities of courting couples in the Old West hardly resemble contemporary
dating. No movies, few restaurants, no cell phones, saloons weren’t the place for
upstanding women, and no one had a car and an interstate. Few had much cash
money to speak of. Entertainment, in general, rarely resembled the
entertainment of today. Leisure hours were few, and depending upon the season,
could be non-existent.

What did Old West courting couples do?

Picture your most favored romance novels set in the historic American West. Authors,
after all, have keen imaginations, (generally) a superb comprehension of the era in
which they write, and craft tales where a couple meets, falls in love, and commits. What
brought the couple together (and how did they court) in the book(s) you’ve read and
enjoyed?

An Incomplete List of Courtship Rituals:

 Visits at the woman’s home with another adult family member present. (“May I
call on you?”) Think parlor conversation. Or enjoying a pleasant summer’s eve on
the porch swing.
 Meals taken in the woman’s home with her parents and family. (“Won’t you join
us for Sunday supper?”)
 ‘Walking out’ together. Strict Victorian-era standards may have been more
relaxed on the frontier, but young ladies still had a reputation to protect and
parents will be parents, regardless of the time. Going for a walk meant the
 courting couple could be in the public eye (usually) and therefore could dispense
with the idea of a chaperon.
 Riding. Usually on their own mounts. Even in the Wild West, reasons for a
woman to ride double with a man she wasn’t married to were few and far
between.
 Buggy ride or sleigh ride.
 Dining out. Towns and cities did spring up, and most had at least one dining
establishment. Men of means often did ask the object of his affections to dine out
with him. Same customary acceptance as ‘walking out’–as a public place, the
activity was seen as fit for an unmarried couple.
 Attending social events: Founder’s Day parades, barn dances, church picnics,
barn raising, etc. Consider the work this would take: a man might ride plenty far
just to ask his best gal to attend some event, ride into town to reserve a rented rig,
then retrace his mileage into town to rent the rig, collect the lady at her home,
take her to town (or whatever homestead) for the event, then cover all those miles
once again in reverse. [See a specific story related here, sixth paragraph from the
end.]
 Parlor games.
 Reading aloud. Books were scarce but not that scarce. Young men enjoyed
hearing the object of their affection read to them.
 Picnics in a scenic spot.
 Opening doors for her (even in her own home).
 Standing whenever she entered the room.
 Small but personal gifts: he might bring a bunch of wildflowers or roses trimmed
from his mother’s garden. She might offer a favored suitor a lock of her hair tied
with a ribbon and carrying her perfume’s fragrance. Handmade Valentine cards.
A handkerchief she embroidered especially for him.
 Love letters.
 Sitting in church together.
 Holding hands (for the engaged, seriously courting, fully committed).
 Combining work with courtship. If a suitor had little daylight to burn courting,
he’d do his best to attend to his lady while accomplishing necessary tasks… and
no doubt proving his worth as a provider and mettle as a hard worker. Picture the
time spent visiting while driving miles into town for a stop at the mercantile
(“Allow me to lift that heavy purchase for you.”), collecting a farm implement
repaired by the town blacksmith, and enjoying the extra benefit of competitors
seeing him at her side. The idea of combining work with courtship isn’t limited to
away-from-home outings. It’s easy to believe a young man would be eager to
spend time at his lady’s home, working alongside her father and brothers, not
only coming to know them, but proving his worth to her family members.
 Kissing, often called “sparking” back in the day. [Note that sparking also simply
meant “to engage in courtship”.] Again, the American West was much less fussy
about social conduct and limitations than were east coast cities and the southern
genteel.