The Jewish Vision of Happiness

Happiness is a universal human longing, yet so many people are

unhappy. The Torah teaches that it is a mitzvah to be happy, and
therefore it must be possible to achieve. Judaism has a number of
practical approaches to being genuinely happy. These approaches are
not the hedonism and self-indulgence that are so popular in the West,
but rather they are grounded in an appreciation of the opportunities
within life itself, knowing that each moment can be infused with
meaning and utilized to move closer to building a relationship with God
and realizing our goals in life.

An indication of the importance that Judaism attaches to joy is seen by

the fact that biblical Hebrew contains close to ten synonyms for
happiness.

This class will examine the following questions:

• With all the material wealth people have, why are they
not happier?
• Does Judaism offer anything to add happiness to my life?
• What is the connection between the meaning of life and
happiness?
• Are there practical exercises to help one become happier?
• How can the mitzvot contribute to a person’s happiness?
• How can one avoid obstacles to happiness such as worry
and jealousy?

Class Outline:
Section I. The Longing for Happiness
Part A. We Want Happiness, Yet it is Elusive
Part B. Lack of Formal Training to Achieve Happiness

Section II. Judaism’s Approach to Happiness

Part A. Meaningful Activities and Goals Engender Happiness
Part B. Identifying and Striving for the Greatest Source of
Happiness

Section III. The Joy of Performing Mitzvot – Building a Relationship with

God
Part A. The Mitzvot Connect us to God and Spirituality
Part B. How to Feel the Joy of Mitzvot

Section IV. The Importance of “Family, Friends, and Faith” in Building

Happiness
Part A. Family

1
 Part B. Friends
Part C. Faith

Section V. Obstacles to Happiness and How to Overcome Them

Part A. Focusing on Your Gifts, and Not on What you are
Missing
Part B. Jealousy
Part C. Unrelenting Material Desire
Part D. Worry
Part E. It Requires Effort to Employ the Tools to be Happy
Part F. Being Happy is an Obligation we Have to Others
Section VI. Giving to Others and Sharing Your Happiness
Section I. The Longing for Happiness

Part A. We Want Happiness, Yet it is Elusive

Happiness is a universal longing, yet so many people are unhappy.

1. American Psychological Association, Online: Consumerism

and its Discontents, by Tori DeAngelis – The happiness
promised by advances in material comfort over the last 40
years have not been delivered.
Compared with Americans in 1957, today we own twice as many cars
per person, eat out twice as often and enjoy endless other
commodities that weren’t around then – big-screen TVs, microwave
ovens, SUVs and handheld wireless devices, to name a few.

But are we any happier?

“Compared with their grandparents, today’s young adults have grown

up with much more affluence, slightly less happiness and much greater
risk of depression and assorted social pathology,” notes Hope College
psychologist David G. Myers, PhD. “Our becoming much better off over
the last four decades has not been accompanied by one iota of
increased subjective well-being.”

People with strong materialistic values appear to have goal

orientations that may lead to poorer well-being, adds Knox College
psychologist Tim Kasser, PhD. Kasser describes his and others’
research showing that when people organize their lives around
extrinsic goals such as product acquisition, they report greater
unhappiness in relationships, poorer moods and more psychological
problems.

2
2. Wikepedia.org, Suicide – So desperate is the world for
happiness that more people lose their lives through suicide
than those murdered or killed in war.
A 2006 report by the World Health Organization (WHO) states that
nearly a million people take their own lives every year, more than
those murdered or killed in war. WHO figures show a suicide takes
place somewhere in the world every 40 seconds. In 1998, the World
Health Organization ranked suicide as the twelfth leading cause of
death worldwide.

In most countries the incidence of suicides is higher than the incidence

of intentional homicides.

Approximately 30,000 people die by suicide each year in the United

States. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, suicide
contagion is a serious problem, especially for young people.

3. Rabbi Yerucham Levovitz, Da’as Chochmah U’Mussar, Vol. II,

p. 139 – Many people are needlessly unhappy because they
think that it is normal to be miserable.
People become so used to being unhappy they are unaware of the
needless misery they cause themselves. They imprison themselves by
filling their minds with thoughts of resentment, hatred, envy and
desires. It is amazing how they tolerate such a life! … They mistakenly
think it is impossible for life to be any different.
Part B. Lack of Formal Training to Achieve Happiness

1. David Brooks, Columnist for The New York Times, Advice for
High School Graduates, June 2009 – There is no formal training
for the most critical decisions determining our happiness in
life.
I used to believe life got better as you got older, but now I realize this
is untrue … At the moment, I’m thinking of talking about the chief way
our society is messed up. That is to say, it is structured to distract
people from the decisions that have a huge impact on happiness in
order to focus attention on the decisions that have a marginal impact
on happiness.

The most important decision any of us make is who we marry. Yet

there are no courses on how to choose a spouse. There’s no graduate
department in spouse selection studies. Institutions of higher learning
devote more resources to semiotics than love.

The most important talent any person can possess is the ability to
make and keep friends. And yet here too there is no curriculum for this.

3
The most important skill a person can possess is the ability to control
one’s impulses. Here too, we’re pretty much on our own.

These are all things with a provable relationship to human happiness.

Instead, society is busy preparing us for all the decisions that have a
marginal effect on human happiness. There are guidance offices to
help people in the monumental task of selecting a college. There are
business schools offering lavish career placement services. There is a
vast media apparatus offering minute advice on how to furnish your
home or expand your deck.

To get information on private affairs, you have to go down-market to

Oprah or Dr. Phil. Why are they the ones who have access to
information on meeting life’s vital needs?

Section II. Judaism’s Approach to Happiness

Part A. Meaningful Activities and Goals Engender Happiness

Achieving happiness is viewed in the context of the meaning one

derives from the pursuit of any given activity, goal or experience.

1. Rabbi Akiva Tatz, Happiness: A Torah Approach, audio class

– Correctly pursuing a meaningful goal, even if it involves
effort, is what generates true happiness.
The real definition of happiness is the response you feel when you are:
1. Moving toward a meaningful destination
Along a correct path
Against resistance, and
You are making progress.

In fact, this is a universal truth amongst all of humanity:

2. John D. Rockefeller, American industrialist and

philanthropist – Happiness is generated by pursuing a goal
with all one’s energy.
The road to happiness lies in two simple principles; find what interests
you and that you can do well, and put your whole soul into it – every bit
of energy and ambition and natural ability you have.

And the opposite – a life without any meaningful goals – can be a

source not only of unhappiness, but also of mental illness:

3. Mishnah, Ketubot 5:4 – Living without any goals breeds

instability.
Idleness leads to mental illness. ‫שהבטלה מביאה לידי שיעמום‬

4
Ideally, a person’s goals in life should be meaningful, and the more
meaningful those goals are, the more happiness their pursuit will
generate:

4. Victor Frankl, The Unheard Cry for Meaning, p. 29 – The

drive for meaning may ultimately be man’s strongest drive.
Man is always reaching out for meaning, always setting out on his
search for meaning; in other words, what I call the “will to meaning” is
even to be regarded as man’s primary concern …

5. Judith Mishell, Beyond Your Ego, pp. 283, 285 – An

unfulfilled drive for meaning can make life not worth living for.
The major activity of human beings is to extract meaning from their
encounters with the world … In his book The Unheard Cry For Meaning,
Frankl quotes a study of sixty students at an American university who
had attempted suicide. The reason given for the suicide attempt of
eighty-five percent of the students was that “life seemed
meaningless.”

Part B. Identifying and Striving for the Greatest Source of

Happiness

Keenly aware of the importance of happiness in life, Judaism’s

perspective on joy is grounded in the spiritual goals for which we are
created. Authentic happiness is that which is connected to the greatest
Source of meaning – the Infinite God.

1. Rabbi Nosson Tzvi Finkel (Slabodka), Ohr HaTzafon, Vol. III,

p.84 – Man was created to derive pleasure from his Creator,
and thus a person’s experiences have the potential to give him
happiness without end.
“Man was created to derive pleasure from the Almighty” (Mesillat
Yesharim, Ch. 1). This pleasure does not refer only to the Next World,
but also to this world. Every person is surrounded by limitless potential
for pleasure and enjoyment. The world and all its details is a source of
pleasure. A person’s experiences in physical and spiritual areas give
him the potential for happiness without end.

2. Rabbi Noach Weinberg, Way #31 Seek the Ultimate Pleasure

(www.aish.com) – Although the pursuit of money, love and
power provide temporary satisfaction, nothing is as satisfying
as pursuing a relationship with the Infinite.
Next to love of God, all other pleasures are insignificant. We can have

5
delicious pizza, lots of money, love, and power. But humans yearn to
transcend the mundane side of daily life. That’s why mystery, magic,
and miracles capture our imaginations.

When all is said and done, no human being can be truly satisfied unless
he reaches out and connects with the infinite transcendent dimension.
We all seek to connect with that which encompasses all pleasures.
Because nothing finite, nothing bound up in this world, can compare to
the infinite.

3. Devarim (Deuteronomy) 6:4-5 – “God is One” means that He

the source of all existence, and that a relationship with Him
can be sought anywhere and at any time.
Hear, O Israel, God, our Lord, God '‫ ְוָאַהְבָּת ֵאת ה‬.‫שָרֵאל ה' ֱאֹלקינּו ה' ֶאָחד‬ ְׂ ‫שַמע ִי‬
ְׁ
is One. And you should love God, .‫ְמֹאֶדָך‬-‫שָך ּוְבָכל‬
ְׁ ‫ַנְפ‬-‫ְלָבְבָך ּוְבָכל‬-‫ֱאלֹקיָך ְּבָכל‬
your Lord with all your heart, with
all your soul, and will your
resources.

4. Divrei HaYamim (Chronicles) I, 16:11 – The search for God

itself is a source of constant joy.
Be glad of heart, you who seek ‫'ישמח לב מבקשי ה‬.
God!

5. Rabbi Yaakov B. Friedman, Shteigen, p. 303 – A clear goal of

self-improvement in order to be closer to God provides a life-
time of meaning and fullness.
Rabbi Yechezkel Levenstein was a legendary figure who spent his
entire life delving into the areas of Torah that stress character
refinement and the assertion of one’s divine soul over his physical
instincts. He was a man who made do with a bare minimum in material
needs while making constant, ceaseless demands on himself and his
students.

The cornerstone of his development was laid when he heard a talk by

Rabbi Yerucham Levovitz who emphasized the need for profound work
on one’s personality in accordance with Torah ideals.

“When I heard that talk,” Rabbi Levenstein later recounted, “I realized

that I was spiritually ill, and had to do something about it.”

“From that moment and onward,” said Rabbi Levenstein, “the road was
always clearly mapped out before me. I have viewed my entire life
since then as a ladder toward self-improvement. I have never had a
moment of sadness, never had a moment without a clear goal, without
a mission. I have never had a moment in which I felt empty. Everything

6
has been alive and full and bright.”

In this section, we took a macro view of the world and saw that moving
toward a meaningful goal, and specifically toward a relationship with
God generates happiness and fulfillment in life. We will now look at the
micro level. What are the building blocks to create a happy individual,
family, community, and even nation?

Section III. The Joy of Performing Mitzvot – Building a

Relationship with God

The performance of each of the 613 mitzvot has the ability to bring us
meaning and happiness by our connecting to God and spirituality.

Part A. The Mitzvot Connect us to God and Spirituality

1. Rabbi Osher Chaim Levene, Set in Stone, p. 31, Targum –

Each mitzvah we fulfill intrinsically connects us with God.
Judaism is not as much a religion as it is a relationship. It is only
through mitzvah observance that man can build a deep, enduring,
and meaningful relationship with
God …

That a mitzvah is the very process of forging the bond [with God] is
contained within the very word ‫מצוה‬, “commandment,” closely
related to the word ‫צוותא‬, meaning a connection or a binding.

2. Ramchal (Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto), Mesillat Yesharim,

Ch. 1 – The ultimate perfection, pleasure, and meaning is
closeness to God. This relationship is achieved through the
performance of mitzvot, and thus every action in life can be
directed at creating an eternal bond with God.
Man was created for the sole ‫האדם לא נברא אלא להתענג על ה' וליהנות מזיו‬
purpose of deriving pleasure from ‫ שזהט התענוג האמיתי והעידון הגדול מכל‬,‫שכינתו‬
closeness to God and enjoying the ‫ומקום העידון הזה באמת‬...‫העידונים שיכולים להמצא‬
splendor of His Presence; for this ...‫הוא העולם הבא‬
is the truest delight and the
greatest pleasure that can be
conceived of … The setting for this
pleasure to be fully actualized is in
the next world … ‫כי רק‬...'‫השלימות האמיתית היא רק הדביקות בו ית‬
‫ וכל זולת זה שיחשבוהו האדם לטוב‬,‫זה הוא הטוב‬
True perfection is only that of ...‫אינו אלא הבל ושוא נתעה‬
being close to God … and only this
is true goodness, while everything

7
else people think is goodness is ‫ ראוי שיעמול‬,‫אמנם לשיזכה האדם לטובה הזאת‬
worthlessness and futility … ‫ שישתדל‬,‫ והיינו‬.‫ראשונה וישתדל ביגיעו לקנותה‬
‫לדבק בו יתברך בכח מעשים שתולדתם זה הענין והם‬
In order for an individual to reach .‫הם המצוות‬
this perfection, it is appropriate
that he earn it through the fruit of
his labors. This means that that he
should make the attempt to cleave
to God through actions which
further that end … These actions
are the mitzvot.

3. Tehillim (Psalms) 100:2 – Serving God and building a

relationship with Him through the performance of mitzvot is a
joyful experience.
Serve the Eternal with gladness; ‫עבדו את ה' בשמחה בואו לפניו ברננה‬.
come before Him with joyous
singing.

4. Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Gateway to Happiness, p. 25 – The

happiness that comes with performing mitzvot is readily
apparent to one who is new to Judaism, like a convert. The
challenge is to maintain this freshness one’s whole life.
A convert to Judaism wrote: “Being Jewish has given me happiness, not
the ephemeral, momentary kind that comes with money and sports
and cars, and which passes swiftly, leaving an empty feeling. The
happiness that comes with Jewish living has to do with serenity of the
soul, wholeness and satisfaction at the deepest level.” (S. bat
Avraham, The Jewish Woman’s Outlook, Vol. II, #1)

Taking joy in serving God is not just a privilege, but it is also an

obligation:

5. Rambam (Maimonides), Hilchot Lulav (The Laws of Lulav)

8:15-16 – One must allow oneself to feel happiness when doing
mitzvot. One who holds back will be held accountable for his
lack of joy.
The happiness that comes from ‫השמחה שישמח אדם בעשיית המצוות ובאהבת האל‬
performing mitzvot, and the love of ‫ עבודה גדולה היא; וכל המונע עצמו‬,‫שציווה בהן‬
God, Who commanded us to do the ‫ אשר‬,‫ שנאמר "תחת‬,‫ ראוי להיפרע ממנו‬,‫משמחה זו‬
mitzvot, are great forms of service ... ."‫ ובטוב לבב‬,‫ בשמחה‬,‫לא עבדת את ה' אלוהיך‬
to God. Anyone who holds himself .'‫ואין הגדולה והכבוד אלא לשמוח לפני ה‬
back from feeling this happiness
over Divine service could be held
accountable, as it is written, “Since

8
you did not serve God, your Master,
with happiness and a good heart,
you will serve your enemies”
Devarim 28:47) … The only real
greatness and honor is that of
being happy in one’s service of
God.

6. Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) 4:2 and Rabbi Ovadiah of

Bartenura ibid. – The happiness that one feels when doing a
mitzvah is itself a mitzvah!
“The reward for a mitzvah is a ‫ שכל מה שאדם‬,‫ פירוש‬- ‫ששכר מצוה מצוה‬
mitzvah” – This means that when a ‫משתכר ומתענג בעשיית המצוה נחשב לו למצוה‬
person finds the performance of a ‫ ונוטל שכר על המצוה שעשה ועל‬,‫בפני עצמה‬
mitzvah rewarding and enjoyable, ‫העונג וההנאה שנהנה בעשייתה‬.
that itself is considered a separate
mitzvah. He will therefore be
rewarded for both the mitzvah as
well as the pleasure he
experienced in doing the mitzvah.
[Thus read it as follows: “The
reward – pleasure – of a mitzvah is
itself a mitzvah.”]

7. Rabbi Elazar Ezkari, Sefer Chareidim, Preface – Happiness in

the performance of a mitzvah can propel a person to the
highest levels of spirituality.
The Ari [Rabbi Yitzchak Luria, the ‫והאריז"ל גילה לאיש סודו שכל מה שהשיג שנפתחו‬
greatest Kabbalist of the past ‫לו שערי חכמה ורוח הקודש היה בשכר שהיה שמח‬
thousand years] revealed to his ‫בעשיית כל מצוה שמחה גדולה לאין תכלית‬.
confidant that everything he
achieved in Torah, all the gates of
wisdom that were opened to him,
and the Divine Inspiration he
received were all in the merit of
the great happiness that he had
when he performed a mitzvah.

Part B. How to Feel the Joy of Mitzvot

How can we develop joy and happiness in performing mitzvot?

9
1. Rabbi Menachem Schlanger, The Joy Of Servitude, p. 5 –
Recognize that the mitzvot are designed by God to enhance
our lives.
God’s very first overture to Avraham (Abraham), the father of the
Jewish people, emphasized this point [that the mitzvot are for our
benefit]: “lech lecha” (Bereishit/Genesis 12:1) – literally, “Go for
yourself.” As Rashi explains, this means, “for your own benefit and
good.” Everything that happened to or was done by Avraham is
embedded in the roots of the Jewish people’s journey through history;
thus God’s first words to our forefather are the paradigm of the
relationship He wishes to establish with us, as well. God clearly
considers it very important that we instill within ourselves the
awareness that His mitzvot are specifically designed for our good – so
important that He introduced this concept at the very inception of the
Jewish people.

2. Rabbi Alexander Ziskind, Yesod V’Shoresh Ha’Avodah,

Introduction – Take advantage of the blessing before a mitzvah
to feel the happiness of the special relationship we have with
God.
Whenever you do a mitzvah, you ‫איך מה ראוי לאדם ליתן הודאה עצומה בשמחה‬
should express deep gratitude to ‫בכל עת ובכל‬...‫רבה ולשמוח מאד באלקותו יתברך‬
God for having given you that ‫שעה שמקים איזה מצוה מן המצוות שצוה לו‬
mitzvah. In addition, fulfilling a ‫הבורא ית' כי אות הוא בינו ובין בני ישראל שהם‬
mitzvah is a time to feel great joy ‫ וראו על ככה אנשי כנסת הגדולה לתקן‬.‫עם סגולתו‬
at your relationship with God. This ‫ ברכה‬,‫שכל המצות מברך עליהן עובר לעשייתן‬
is because each mitzvah is a sign of ‫על זה שקידש אותנו בקיום‬...‫ותהלה לבוראנו‬
our covenant with God. This is why ‫מצותיו ובחר בנו להיות לו לעם סגולה‬...
we recite a blessing before
performing a mitzvah, a blessing
that expresses praise to God for
having sanctified us with fulfilling
His commandments, and for having
chosen us to be His special nation
…

3. Rabbi Chaim Vital, Sha’ar HaMitzvot – Each time you perform

a mitzvah imagine that are you are receiving unlimited
payment for it.
When one performs a mitzvah he ‫בעשיית המצוה אל יחוב שהיא עליו כמשא וממהר‬
should not view the mitzvah as a ‫ אבל יחשוב בשכלו כאילו בעשותו‬,‫להסירה מעליו‬
burden which he is rushing to get ‫ ויהיה‬,‫אותה המצוה ירויח אלף אלפים דינרי זהב‬
rid of. Rather, he should imagine ‫שמח בעשותו אותה המצוה בשמחה שאין לה קץ‬
that for performing that mitzvah he ‫ ובחשק גדול כאילו ממש בפועל נותנים‬,‫מלב ונפש‬
would receive millions and millions ‫לו אלף אלפים דינרי זהב אם יעשה אותה מצוה‬.

10
of dollars. He should rejoice with
boundless joy, as if he were literally
receiving millions of dollars for
doing the mitzvah!

4. Ramchal, Mesillat Yesharim, Ch. 7 (adapted) – An external

act of enthusiasm has an effect on our inner feelings of joy.
If a person finds that he lacks inner drive and zeal, a technique that he
can use that will generate this inner feeling is to behave externally in
such a manner as if he already feels enthusiasm. Our external actions
have an effect on our inner feelings. We have more control over our
actions than our emotions, and if we utilize what is in our power, we
will eventually acquire what is not as much in our power. One will then
have an inner joy and a strong will and desire for spiritual growth that
will come from his external enthusiasm.

5. Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, Ma’amarei Yemei HaRatzon p. 242 –

The essential attitude behind all mitzvot: we were created to
derive pleasure from God!
What is the point of contention ‫מהי המחלוקת בינינו לבין העולם החילוני? לכאורה‬
between the world of Torah and the ‫ אנו מקיימים‬,‫שהם אינם מאמינים ואנחנו מאמינים‬
world of secularism? It would seem .‫מצוות והם אינם מקיימים מצוות‬
that the difference is between
belief in God or lack thereof,
observance of the commandments
or lack thereof. ‫אולם בשורש הדבר נראה שהמחלוקת היא בנקודה‬
‫כאן טמונה המחלוקת‬...‫ כיצד ליהנות מהחיים‬:‫אחרת‬
But upon closer inspection, it ‫ אנחנו מדושני‬.‫העיקרית בינינו לבין העולם החילוני‬
seems that the point of divergence ‫ לזאת אנו‬,‫ תפילה‬,‫ שבת‬,‫עונג מהנאות של קדושה‬
is this: How to enjoy life. It is in this ‫שואפים ובחיים של תענוגים אלה אנו רואים את‬
area that we have a quarrel with ‫ והם דולגים בתענוגים והנאות‬.‫צורת העולם והחיים‬
the secular world. We are ...‫של הגוף‬
“saturated with delight” [a phrase
from the Shabbat prayers] from
holiness, from Shabbat, from
prayer. It is pleasure of this sort
that we seek and it is a life of these ‫זה צריך להיות המבט על תורה ועל עבודת‬
pleasures that we see as real life. ‫שהאדם לא נברא אל להתענג על ה' וליהנות‬....'‫ה‬
The secular world, on the other ‫מזיו שכינתו ומבט זה צריך ללוות אותנו בכל‬
hand, looks toward physical ...‫המצוות ובכל מה שאנו עוסקים בתורה הקדושה‬
pleasures as a goal …

So this must be our attitude toward

Torah study and service of God:
that man was created to derive
pleasure from God. This attitude

11
should accompany us in all of our
mitzvah performance, as well as
Torah study.

6. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein – It is beautiful and uplifting to be a

Jew!
During the first half of the twentieth century, many meticulously
observant Jewish immigrants to the United States were greatly
anguished by their children’s choice to abandon mitzvah observance.
They could not understand why their children turned their back on the
heritage they had so desperately attempted to hand down. The truth is
that one of the primary causes was an attitude expressed by a popular
saying during those times: “Es is shver tzu zayn a Yid,” “It is hard to be
Jewish.” This is wrong! We should communicate to our children the true
and proper attitude: “It is beautiful and fulfilling to be Jewish!”

7. Seventh Marriage Blessing, Siddur – A great expression of

happiness is found in the fusing of two lives blessed by ten
descriptions of joy created by God.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King ‫ברוך אתה ה' אלוקינו מלך העולם אשר ברא‬
of the Universe, Who created joy and ‫ששון ושמחה חתן וכלה גילה רנה דיצה וחדוה‬
gladness, groom and bride, mirth, ...‫אהבה ואחוה ושלום ורעות‬
glad song, pleasure, delight, love,
brotherhood, peace and
companionship…

Section IV. The Importance of “Family, Friends, and Faith” in

Building Happiness

Dr. David Pelcovitz, Director of Psychology at North Shore

University Hospital, NYU Medical School (Lecture in Jerusalem,
Jan. 2005) – The three F’s: family, friends, and faith.
Research has shown that happiness is largely determined by the three
F’s: family, friends, and faith.

In this section we will show that the wisdom of the Torah is

substantiated by modern psychological research. Those factors
psychology sees as central to happiness are also emphasized in the
Torah lifestyle:

Part A. Family

1. Rambam, Moreh Nevuchim (Guide for the Perplexed) 3:42 –

Family is an important Jewish value.

12
The Torah greatly encourages ‫ רצוני‬,‫זאת המידה תשמרה ותחזקה זאת התורה מאד‬
showing closeness and kindness to ‫וחכמים‬...‫לומר נשיאת פנים פני הקרובים והטיב להם‬
one’s family members … The ‫ז"ל משבחים מאד מדת האדם שיהיה מקרב את‬
Sages strongly praise one who ‫והיא אחת מכוונות התורה הגדולות‬....‫קרוביו‬...
“shows closeness to his relatives”
… This [strengthening of family
ties] is one of the most important
objectives of the Torah …

2. Rabbi Menachem Schlanger, Ohel Yaakov VeLeah, p. 157 –

Family is a means for a sense of personal and collective
identity.
From the earliest age, a child sees ‫מינקותו רואה הילד את עצמו כחלק ממשפחה‬
himself as a part of a greater ‫ וכשהוא מתגבר הוא מרגיש השתייכות‬,‫מורחבת‬
family. Through this, when he ‫ ההורים צריכים לשייך אותו גם לתוכן‬.‫לעם ישראל‬
matures, he feels a connection to ‫הרוחני המייחד את המשפחה ואת העם‬.
the rest of the Jewish people.
Parents should also involve their
children in the spiritual and ethical
content that distinguishes their
particular family, as well as the
Jewish people in general.

The Torah encourages warm family bonds. Family provides an

emotional, social and spiritual framework in which children are raised
and grow up.

Part B. Friends

1. Pirkei Avot 1:6, Rabbi Ovadia Bartenura, Rabbeinu Yonah

ibid. – A close friend is a necessity for getting advice and
helping one grow.
Acquire a friend for yourself! ‫וקנה לך חבר‬

Rabbi Ovadia Bartenura: [Why do ‫ אפילו אתה צריך לקנותו בדמים יקרים‬:‫רבנו עובדיה‬
the Sages use the word, ‫ולפזר עליו ממון כדי שתקנה אהבתו‬.
“acquire”? To teach that] Even if
you must spend money on him, it
is worth it in order to get yourself
a friend! ‫ לשלשה דברים צריך האדם אל החבר‬:‫רבינו יונה‬
‫השלישי לענין העצה שיקחנו להיות לו מעיר‬...‫הטוב‬
Rabbeinu Yonah: One needs a ‫לעזור לו בכל עניניו ולקחת ממנו עצה טובה ולהיות בן‬
good friend for several purposes ‫סודו‬...
… One benefit is that of receiving
sound advice. When one has a

13
good friend he is able to take
counsel with him and seek
assistance in all areas. A friend
also serves as a confidant …

Part C. Faith

1. Chazon Ish, Emunah U’Bitachon (Faith and Trust) 2:9 – Clear

knowledge of God’s existence generates happiness.
Once a person’s intellect reaches a ,'‫כאשר זכה שכל האדם לראות אמיתת מציאותו ית‬
clear recognition of the truth of ‫מיד נכנס בו שמחת גיל אין קץ‬...
God’s existence, he is immediately
filled with a boundless, ecstatic joy
…

Although the Chazon Ish refers to a high level of intellectual

recognition of God’s existence as the omnipotent and benevolent
Creator, any such level brings a measure of joy with it.

Section V. Obstacles to Happiness and How to Overcome Them

There are a number of obstacles and mistaken ideas that stand in the
way of being happy.

Part A. Focusing on Your Gifts, and Not on What you are

Missing

As the Talmud teaches, “Who is the wealthy person? The one who is
happy with his portion!” (Pirkei Avot 4:1).

1. Rabbi Noach Weinberg, Happiness (www.aish.com) – Master

the art of noticing, appreciating and consciously enjoying what
you already have, then you will always be happy.
Happiness is a universal longing, yet so many people are unhappy.
Why?
Western society commonly perceives happiness as the outcome of
what you achieve and acquire.
• “My whole life would improve if I had a new car …”
• “I just need a better job and then I can relax and be happy …”
• “If only I could meet the right girl …”

You get the car and what happens? For a whole week you’re walking
on air. Then you go right back to being unhappy. Sound familiar?

Happiness is not something that happens from the outside. Happiness

14
is a state of mind. You can have everything in the world and still be
miserable. Or you can have relatively little and feel unbounded joy.

The Talmud says: “Who is rich? The one who appreciates what he has.”
(Pirkei Avot 4:1)

That’s why the morning prayers begin with a series of blessings

thanking God for the simple and obvious:
• “Thank you, God, for giving me life.”
• “Thank God, I can see.”
• “Thank God, I can use my hands and feet.”
• “Thank God, I can think.”

Once you master the art of noticing, appreciating and consciously

enjoying what you already have, then you will always be happy.

2. Rabbi Yehudah HaLevi, Sefer HaKuzari 3:11 – It is a mitzvah

to be happy with what we have in life.
There a specific mitzvah that ...‫ שנצטוינו עליה במאמר‬,‫מצות השמחה בחלקו‬
obligates us to rejoice with what ‫ושמחת בכל הטוב אשר נתן לך ה' אלקיך‬...
we have, and that is the verse that
states, “And you shall rejoice with
all of the good that God has given
you” (Devarim 26:11).

3. Rabbi Chaim Vital, Sha’arei Kedushah 1:2 – Rejoicing with

what one has and knowing that God only acts for our benefit is
the medicine against depression.
The fourth category of negative ‫כל המידות הרעות נחלקות לארבעה מינים וזה‬
character traits is that of ... ‫ והפכם‬...‫ מידת העצבות בכל פרטיו‬... ‫פרטם‬
depression and sadness … The ‫ כי כל מאי דעבדין מן‬,‫והשמחה התדירית בחלקו‬
opposite of these is the trait of .‫שמיא לטב‬
rejoicing with what one has,
because everything that God does
is for the good.

The next few sources highlight the importance of developing an

appreciation for the special gifts around us, both large and small, that
help make our world all the more happier.

4. Rabbi Avigdor Miller, Sing You Righteous, pp. 17-18 – Daily

life is filled with uncountable details and aspects to take
pleasure in. Yet most people only realize what they have when
they are about to lose it.
Life is full of intense pleasures which are available to all people, but

15
many fail to appreciate them … the air, water, sunlight, wind, rain,
trees and gardens, the mountains and the seas, the moon and the
stars, fire, heat and cold, the snow and the dew, the use of our limbs,
the ability to see and hear and smell and taste and feel, the faculty of
speech, the faculty of thought and memory, the variety of food of
every taste and color, the marvel of the body’s secretions and all of its
magnificent chemistry …

The universal benefits which all men possess are ignored … It is only
when one is about to leave the world that he looks back with regret,
too late, at all that he possessed but failed to enjoy.

5. Rabbi Yitzchak Berkowitz, Jerusalem – Appreciating the

world’s beauty and the wisdom behind its creation is part of
loving God.
God created a beautiful world, and wants us to appreciate it. Part of
loving God is appreciating the world He created and taking joy from it.

6. Rabbi Yerucham Levovitz, Da’as Chochmah U’Mussar, Vol.

III, p. 67 – Don’t even take your socks for granted!
When putting on your clothes, give thought to all the benefits you gain
from your clothing.

7. Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Gateway to Happiness – Value the very

air you breathe, and don’t let the negativity of others diminish
your appreciation of life’s simple pleasures.
A family member once walked into the home of Rabbi Avigdor Miller in
New York City, and was startled to find the sage standing with his head
submerged in water in the kitchen sink. After Rabbi Miller had finished
his bizarre activity, he was asked to explain, which he promptly did.

“I was walking outside when my companion complained about the air

pollution here in the city. I was concerned that his negativity would put
a damper on my appreciation for the great gift of oxygen and
breathing. As soon as I got home, I dunked my head into water and
went without breathing for a long minute. Now my appreciation for
breathing has returned!”

8. Rabbi Noach Weinberg, Happiness (www.aish.com) – A

practical exercise to help you appreciate what you have and
increase your happiness.
Step 1: Spend one hour writing down everything for which you
are grateful. (For example: fingers, music, water, friends etc.) Most
people fly through the first 15 minutes. The next 15 minutes the pen
moves more slowly. The next 15 minutes get even tougher, but you

16
can pull through if you include your eyebrows and socks … The last 15
minutes are excruciating. Once the list is compiled …

Step 2: Add one new blessing each day. The power of this exercise
is clear: You must be conscious of all your existing blessings, in order
to appreciate a new blessing that comes your way. To really hone your
skills and become an “appreciation expert” …

Step 3: Prioritize your list. Re-write your list ordered from that
which gives you the most pleasure, to that which gives you the least.
Which is more valuable: your hands or your feet? Your eyes or ears?
Your sense of taste or sense of touch? Comparing each pleasure forces
you to qualify the subtle aspects of each pleasure. And to quantify how
much each respective pleasure gives you.

Follow this course and work at it daily. Your gratitude will continue to
grow, building a solid foundation for a lifetime of happiness.

Part B. Jealousy

1. Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler, Michtav M’Eliyahu – Jealousy,

material desire, and status seeking take away our
happiness.
What is the epidemic disease of
world proportions that robs us of all
happiness in life?

Our Sages have already told us the ,‫דבר זה מפורש הוא בדברי החכמים האמיתיים‬
answer. It says in the Mishnah, ‫ הקנאה והתאוה‬:‫ מפורש הוא המשנה‬.‫חכמי התורה‬
“Jealousy, unrelenting material .‫והכבוד מוציאין את האדם מן העולם‬
desire and status-seeking remove a
person from the world” (Pirkei Avot
4:27). ‫ אלא‬,‫העולם כאשר בראו השי"ת עולם מאושר הוא‬
‫אנו אשר יצאנו מעולם האושר אל עולם הסבל ע"י‬
The world, as God made it, is a ‫ ואם אדם‬.‫שלשת הכחות הללו אשר הוציאונו ממנו‬
happy one. It is we who have ‫ היינו שיגרשם‬-‫יברח מן הקנאה והתאוה והכבוד‬
removed ourselves from the world ‫יתקן את עולמו ויהיה עולם מלא אושר מן‬-‫מלבו‬
of happiness to the world of .‫הקצה אל הקצה‬
suffering with three desires. We
need to run away from jealousy,
material desire and status-seeking
in order to transform the world into
one brimming over with happiness.

2. Rabbi Michel Berenbaum, Sichot Mussar, cited in Gateway to

Happiness, p. 322 – Jealousy robs us of our peace of mind.

17
Jealousy destroys peace of mind and happiness. A jealous person’s life
is full of suffering and resentment. He is never happy with what he
himself has. There are many people who could really enjoy life, but
they have one major problem. When they see that others are wealthier
(happier, more successful, more attractive, more popular, etc.) they
lose their peace of mind.

Apart from the destructive nature of jealousy, the last of the Ten
Commandments warns us to stay away from coveting what belongs to
another (“Do not be envious of your fellow’s house … his wife … his
servant …” (Shemot/Exodus 20:13). There are a number of tools to
avoid jealousy:

3. Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Gateway To Happiness, p. 323 – In the

grand scheme of things it’s a waste of time to be jealous of
another.
Our lives are so fleetingly short that it is not worthwhile to waste our
time feeling envious of anyone else about any matter.

An important tool for overcoming jealousy is the development of true

care and concern for others:

4. Rambam, Hilchot De’ot (The Laws of Conduct) 6:4 – “Loving

your fellow” means being happy over another’s success.
It is incumbent upon each person to ‫מצוה על כל אדם לאהוב את כל אחד ואחד‬
love every member of the Jewish ."‫ שנאמר "ואהבת לריעך כמוך‬,‫מישראל כגופו‬
people as himself, as it written, “You ‫ כמו‬,‫לפיכך צריך שיספר בשבחו ולחוס על ממונו‬
shall love your fellow as yourself” ‫שהוא חס על ממון עצמו ורוצה בכבוד עצמו‬.
(Vayikra/Leviticus 19:18). Therefore,
one should speak favorably about
another person and be careful with
another’s possessions, just as he
would be concerned over his own
possessions and reputation.

5. Rabbi Yitzchak Berkowitz, Jerusalem (heard in person) –

With a creative change of attitude the success of others can
feel like your own success.
One summer our neighbors decided to expand their apartment. Work
began. There was noise from morning to night, everything was a mess,
the workers were all over the place, and my family was at risk of
beginning to become irritated. I realized I had to do something to
protect myself from having a critical eye.

I gathered my family members together and told everyone, “We’re

taking on this project as if it were are own. We are going to approach it

18
as if it were our own addition that was being built. We’re going to get
excited over each new step!”

And do you know what? It worked! None of the kids became resentful,
even when a heavy wooden door came crashing through our window
into the living room (thank goodness no one was in there!). They were
all truly excited for our neighbors.

Part C. Unrelenting Material Desire

1. Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Gateway To Happiness, p. 344 –

Demanding things you cannot obtain will make you miserable.
There is a difference between “needing” and “wanting”
something.
You can only be certain you will always be happy if you give up your
desires for things that you are unable to obtain.

Many people have their own way of making themselves miserable from
time to time by demanding something they are unable to obtain. The
next time you feel irritated or frustrated because you cannot obtain
something, ask yourself if that something is really a necessity.

2. Rabbi Yitzchak Berkowitz, Jerusalem (heard in person) – We

cannot make our happiness dependent on things we don’t
have.
We do not have the right to make our happiness dependent on
anything outside of ourselves. We may not say to ourselves, “I’m only
going to be happy if I get that thing.”

Part D. Worry

1. Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Gateway to Happiness, p. 154 – Just as

you would want to rid yourself of someone who seeks your life,
so too we should rid ourselves of worry, which destroys our
happiness.
Worrying destroys one’s life (Keter Chochmah 12:16). A life filled with
worry is a miserable existence. Regardless of how much good fortune
you have in your life, you will be oblivious to it if you fill your mind with
worrisome thoughts. You would hate someone for trying to destroy
your life. If you constantly worry, you are destroying your own life. Your
top priority is changing your thinking habits, which will benefit you in
many ways.

The most effective tool to fight worry is that of genuine trust in God:

19
2. Chazon Ish, Emunah U’Bitachon (Faith and Trust), Ch. 2 –
Trusting God means knowing that nothing happens by chance.
The concept of trusting in God is ‫ וכל‬,‫ענין הבטחון הוא האמונה כי אין מקרה בעולם‬
the awareness that nothing ‫'הנעשה תחת השמש בהכרזה מאתו ית‬...
happens randomly, and that
everything that happens on earth
is the result of God’s decision.

When man realizes that he is in God’s Hands, his natural anxiety and
fears recede. Prayer is a natural outgrowth of this awareness:

3. Chazon Ish, Letters, 3:151 – Speaking to God about one’s

worries as one speaks to a friend provides relief.
How wonderful is the fact that a ‫ומה נפלא הדבר כי ביכולת האדם להשיח דאגותיו לפני‬
human being can speak about his ‫ותפילה בעת‬...‫ כאשר הוא משיח לרעהו‬,'‫אדון עולם ית‬
worries before the Master of the ‫ היא לו לעזר ותרופה‬,‫צרה שהאדם נצטוה עליה‬
Universe, just as he would speak ‫מתמדת משמחת לב ומאירת עינים‬.
to a friend … Prayer during a
time of difficulty, beside being an
obligation, is man’s helpmate and
constant balm; it gladdens the
heart and gives him direction.

There are also a number of mistaken ideas that prevent a person from
being happy. The first mistaken idea is that being happy does not
require any effort:

Part E. It Requires Effort to Employ the Tools to be Happy

1. Rabbi Noach Weinberg, Happiness (www.aish.com) – It

requires effort to practice the techniques to be happy and to
change one’s habits.
Misconception: “Once I know the tools for being happy, then it will work
like magic.”

Don’t expect the results to come automatically. It is possible to

intellectually understand how to attain happiness, yet not put it into
practice.

In fact, many people might actually prefer to be comfortable and

unhappy, rather than endure the discomfort of changing their habits.

Just as learning any new skill requires effort, you have to be willing to
invest serious effort to achieve real happiness.

20
2. Rabbi Ze’ev Leff, Rabbi of Matityahu, Israel – The
expectation of quick and easy results from our hi-tech
generation is not applicable to achieving happiness.
Achieving happiness is not like Googling for data. This works for a
person until they reach around five or six years old; and then they are
informed it’s a mitzvah to wait six hours after eating meat until the ice
cream. Anything of value in life takes great patience and hard work.

Part F. Being Happy is an Obligation we Have to Others

1. Rabbi Noach Weinberg, Happiness (www.aish.com). – Being

happy is part of being considerate to others, and therefore not
optional.
Misconception: “Happiness is optional. If I want to be depressed, that’s
my own prerogative.”

A beautiful Sunday afternoon. You’re at the park having a picnic with

your friends.

Suddenly the air is pierced by one person complaining: “Who forgot the
forks? It’s too hot for volleyball. I want to go home already.”

You have an obligation to be happy when your mood is negatively

affecting others. Don’t spoil the fun. We all try to put on a happy face
when we’re at a party. But what about when we are at home, with our
kids? Or when we trudge into the office on Monday morning?

Like an open pit in the middle of the road, a sour puss is a public
menace. Being happy is part of being considerate to people around us.

Section VI. Giving to Others and Sharing Your Happiness

Finally, we conclude with the obvious – helping others generates

happiness and is one of the ways of emulating God.

1. Rabbi Binyomin Pruzansky, Stories for the Jewish Heart:

Book 2, p. 118 (adapted) – By giving of himself to others even
while he was sick, Rabbi Pam was able to regain his happiness.
In the last days of his life, Rav Avraham Pam lay ill in his hospital bed,
isolated from his beloved Yeshivah Torah Vodaas in New York.

Despite the effort to remove Rav Pam from the day-to-day cares of his
yeshivah and his fellow Jews, his advice was still sorely needed. One
day, the principal of Torah Vodaas, Rabbi Sekula, arrived at the

21
hospital bearing a list of pressing issues he needed to discuss with the
Rosh Yeshivah. He turned to leave because a sign on the door informed
visitors they would not be admitted, but Rebbtzin Pam emerged from
the room with a hopeful smile on her face. “Please come inside and see
if you can perhaps cheer up Rav Pam. He’s been down and withdrawn
for the past few days. He’s just not himself.”

As Rav Sekula launched into his agenda, a remarkable reawakening

occurred before his eyes. Little by little, the color returned to Rav
Pam’s face.

His eyes became expressive; his voice became clearer and stronger.
He offered his advice on all the issues that Rav Sekula raised. Then the
two men exchanged brief words of Torah study, much to the obvious
delight of both. Finally, after about a half-hour the meeting was
finished.

Rav Pam then commented, “People think that I can’t have visitors
because I am feeling weak. But the opposite is true. It is because I
don’t have visitors that I am feeling so weak. As long as a person is
alive in this world, he has a purpose.

“Here I am sitting in the hospital and no one is coming to me for advice

or for blessings, or anything! From now on, let visitors come in so that I
can help them. This is the only thing that will make me happy!”

2. Talmud Bavli, Ketubot 111b – A smile gives more to a person

than a glass of milk.
Rabbi Yochanan said: One who ‫אמר ר' יוחנן טוב המלבין שינים לחבירו יותר‬
shows the white of his teeth [in a ‫ממשקהו חלב שנאמר ולבן שנים מחלב אל תקרי לבן‬
smile] to another is better than ‫שינים אלא לבון שינים‬.
one who gives him a glass of milk.

3. Likutei Eitzot, Simchah, # 38 – Our happiness can bring

another person “back to life.”
When a person is happy he can ‫ על ידי זה הוא יכול להחיות אדם‬,‫על ידי שאדם שמח‬
bring life to other people. Most ‫ כי‬,‫אחר שהוא דבר גדול מאד לשמח לבב בני ישראל‬
people are full of worries and ‫וכשבא‬...‫רוב בני אדם מלאים יסורים ודאגות וצרות‬
troubles … and when someone ‫אדם עם פנים שוחקות יכול להחיות אותם ממש והוא‬
comes along with a beaming ‫דבר גדול מאד‬.
countenance he can literally
revive him, and this is a very
great thing.

22
4. Rabbi Yisroel Besser, Reb Shlomo: The Life and Legacy of
Rabbi Shlomo Freifeld, p. 85 – Lifting another’s spirits is a way
to be like God.
The Torah commands us to emulate God’s actions. About God it is
written, “And you give life to every living creature” (Nechemiah 9:6).
We have a mandate to emulate His ways. We can do that by
attempting to use our words to inject life into everyone whom we
encounter.

23