Hello, today I will talk about the article entitled “what we don’t talk about when we talk

about mental illness”. But, before that let me introduce myself first, my name is listyana
hafsah.

With most people suffering one way or the other, there is greater understanding and
acceptance of mental illness. Still, some important things remain unsaid.

I think 2020 is such an awful year for everyone in the entire planet that this is probably
the first year in my 19 years of having been diagnosed with bipolar disorder that when I
announce that I am going through a depression, the general reaction is: “Don’t we all,
girl?”.

Yet, one good thing about this year is that mental health awareness has become a
trending topic that isn’t going away lately. This is both good news and bad news for
those of us who have mental health conditions and/or illnesses.

The good news is now people are more aware and embracing. We still have a lot more
work to do, but it seems like the general public is beginning to have an understanding of
how important mental health is, and that conditions such as depression and anxiety are
real illnesses.

The bad news is more and more people are self-diagnosing from Google, or worse,
non-professionals are diagnosing their social media followers based on their
experiences and Google. And then, there are also those who are properly and
professionally diagnosed are starting to see that they can use their conditions as a
crutch or excuse for their bad behavior and/or irresponsibility. Instead of working on
getting better, they take full advantage of society’s more accepting and embracing
attitude towards their conditions.

As someone who was diagnosed in the early 00s, when society wasn’t so open and
accepting that I had to hide my condition from even my closest friends for fear of being
rejected, I am really glad that we have come this far. I love that now I can openly reveal
that I am bipolar to my friends without fearing that I would become a pariah. So don’t get
me wrong, I am all for mental health awareness and education. I think the more people
know and understand, the more knowledge they have, the better it is for those of us
who have mental health conditions.

However, sometimes there are some messages that we don’t communicate in our
efforts to boost mental health awareness and to get more and more people to accept
and embrace those with mental illness. It’s not that we don’t want to communicate these
messages, sometimes we just forget to remind people what we think they already know.

So what don’t we talk about when we talk about mental illness?

1. We don’t talk about how the condition of our mental health doesnt define
our moral values and ethics.

I don’t know if you are aware of this, but the hypomanic state of a bipolar
person often involves risky behavior, hypersexuality, grandiosity, euphoria and
some even go so far as psychotic episodes.

Obviously, those things I’ve mentioned above mean that when I’m hypomanic I
can engage in behaviors that are harmful to myself and others. So, yes, I’ve hurt
people and I’ve made bad decisions, but it doesn’t absolve me of my conscience
and the consequences of my actions. I have lost friends. I have broken trusts. I
have had to make amends. And even though I am working to forgive myself, I am
still living with the guilt of my past actions.

You may have depression, or bipolar disorder, or any other mental illness, but
your moral compass remains the same regardless of your condition. Those who
shirk away responsibilities and blame them on their conditions are simply crappy
human beings, regardless of whether or not they have mental illness. Mike Tyson
for example, may have mental illness but he is still a rapist. Having a mental
illness isn’t an excuse for being a violent, abusive person. Having a mental
illness isn’t an excuse for any bad behavior. Your morality has nothing to do with
your condition.

2. We don’t talk about how exhausting it is having to explain ourselves and

our conditions to those “supportive people” especially when we are going
through an episode.

I think it’s truly great that people are more open and embracing of our conditions
now, but, hey, newly woke and supportive people, do us all a favor and just do
your homework. There are so many resources online for you to get information
about mental illness in general. On Instagram alone, you can probably find like
thousands of accounts dedicated to mental health awareness and education.
Have you all heard of Google? Or, maybe take a class in (my) online learning
platform.

Just don’t keep asking your friends who are depressed or having an anxiety
attack to explain what they’re going through. Let them rest. Send them food. Tell
them you’re thinking of them and ready to listen if they want to talk. Be ready to
send them funny memes if need be. Don’t ask them to explain to you what
depression or anxiety is, what it feels like and what they’re going through.
They’re already exhausted from fighting their demons. Help them fight.
3. We don’t talk about how constant it is.

Here’s a pro-tip for you newbies: mental illness is not really like the flu. It’s more
like diabetes. It can last years. It can last decades. Some mental illnesses are
lifelong conditions, so even though it can be managed and people with mental
illness can go on to have rich, productive lives, it doesn’t really go away.

When I’m in my depressive state, it is grueling, and can take weeks even months
before I finally am back to the happy middle. This last episode has lasted for
almost two months and counting. It is no fun to be around me all the time when
I’m like this.

So if you want to be a supportive friend or loved one to anyone with a mental

illness, please understand that no matter what you do sometimes their episode
just keeps going. If you want to be there, you need to be fully prepared. You
need to know what you’re getting yourself into.

Again, do your homework. If you can’t be there don’t promise to. If you can’t stay
for the long haul, don’t say “I will always be here for you” in an effort to be a good
friend. Trust me we all know this isn’t for everyone. You don’t need to over-
promise.

4. We don’t talk (enough) about how strong and brave mental health survivors

are, and how they are not to be pitied.

It’s great that we as a society are now more understanding of mental illness, but
sometimes it does lead us to pity those who are struggling with it. It’s so sad,
we’d say, oh you poor soul. Just… no.

Those of us who have mental illness don’t want your pity. If you want to show
your support, don’t pity us. Instead, remind us that we are strong and we are
brave and we have fought this battle before and won, so we will win again. Don’t
baby us. Don’t try to shield us from the harsh truths of life. Life is hard, and it is
even harder for us with this condition.

I, for one, believe that if I am given this condition then, that means Someone Up
There knows I have enough strength to make it through to the other side. Instead
of feeling sorry for us, tell us we can make it. Because we can. We just need
help.

As someone with a lifelong mental illness, I am encouraged by the progress

we’ve made in mental health awareness, especially this year when the world
collectively has a mental breakdown. But as these conversations on mental
health start to catch on, let’s remember to talk about the things that we don’t
normally talk about, because these conversations we neglect to have are
sometimes the most important ones.
Hello, today I will talk about the article entitled “5 Simple Ways to Approach People With
Mental Health Problems”. But, before that let me introduce myself first, my name is
listyana hafsah.

Often we don't know how to approach people with mental health problems. But here
are some simple things you can do that may help them.

I just realized that it has been a year since I took antidepressant. Yes, I have a mental
health problem, which is not something you admit openly in Indonesia, where people
equate mental health problems with being crazy. But mental health problems span
across a spectrum, from mild to severe conditions with a variety of symptoms.
 
When I tell people of my condition, their responses can be irritating.  
 
“I think you don’t pray enough, so God punishes you” is one of the ones I hate the
most. 
 
“You need to have more fun” is another.  
 
“Just take it easy, you’ll be fine” doesn’t help either.

If you have never suffered from a mental illness, you may think there is nothing wrong
with these responses. But not only do they undermine the illness, thoughtless responses
can exacerbate the problem too, maybe even lead to suicidal action.
 
I am aware that it can be difficult to approach people with mental health issues. Most
people would not know the first thing to do or say to someone with the problem. But
here are some tips based on my own positive experience on how to approach and help
a person with mental health issues:

1. Approach them personally

As an introverted person, I always find it difficult to talk about myself especially my
feelings in a big group gathering. I also have trust issues with new people. This makes
me feel uncomfortable to be in many social activities. Whenever I was in a depressed
state, I often lock myself in my room and will not talk to anyone. All I do is cry in my
room.
 
You may think that it’s my own fault. I should’ve not just stayed in my room. But it
doesn’t work like that. Whenever I am in a depressed state, I will cry, no matter where I
am, whether in a very serious meeting, on public transport, at a social event, or in a
crowd. Leaving my room is no guarantee that I will not be depressed.
 
One day when I was in a depressed state, my dorm mate texted me: “Hi there! I haven’t
seen you in a while. How are you? Just to let you know that I’m around whenever you
want a company or just a cup of tea J.”
 
I did not immediately respond to the text, but deep down it made me smile. There is
someone out there who cares for me. I now know there is someone I can talk to.

2. Show them small acts of kindness 

It had been a very depressing week and I hardly spoke to anyone. When I opened my
cupboard, I found a cupcake with the note: “Good luck with everything. It seems to be a
tough week for you. Here is a small treat to cheer you up! J”
 
I burst into tears again, but this time because I was so happy to have found the little
present. Knowing that someone cares about me matters a lot.

3. Listen more (without judgement)

it was late at night and I could not stop crying, my head filled with the thoughts of
ending my life. When I managed to escape from the suicidal thoughts, I ran straight
away to my friend’s room. In tears I knocked on her door and she let me in .
 
“You want to talk about something? I can’t promise that I’ll help you solve the problem,
but I definitely can listen to you,” she said.
 
I told her of my weird thoughts then I apologize for bothering her with my problems:
“You must think I’m so weird.”
 
“You’re not weird,” she replied. “It’s okay to feel low. I’m sorry I can’t help much, but at
least now you don’t have to keep it all to yourself.”
 
Then she gave me a friendly hug.
4. Your gestures and body language matter
It was during a social event where everybody was standing, but I was not in a good
mood, so I sat in the corner. A stranger came over and sat next to me. She started
talking to me, and at first I wasn’t interested, but she had engaging gestures and an
hour later I realised how much I had enjoyed talking with her.

5. Make them laugh 

I was feeling blue when I met my friend. She knew that I was in a depressed state.
Without asking any questions she told me, “Do you want to hear a funny story?” And
then she proceeded to tell a story that did make me laugh. It really made my day.
 
These may not be for everyone, but to me and a few friends I know who also suffer from
mental health problems, these approaches have been helpful. The most important thing
is to show more empathy. Mental health problems are real, so never assume they are
linked to a person’s faith or personality. And even if you don’t agree with me, at least
now you know how to help other people.

Most importantly, seek professional help for yourself, if necessary. The recovery
process can be stressful and your well-being is just as important as your friend or loved
one.

Although they can be scary, it is important to remember that brain and behavior
disorders are treatable. Individuals with these conditions can live full and healthy lives,
especially if they seek treatment as needed. Now more than ever, it is important to
reduce stigma and encourage people not to suffer in silence, but to seek help. Always
remember that with help, there is hope.

Thank you
 How to Support Someone with Mental Illness

1 in 5 of us lives with a mental illness.

This means every one of us has a family member or loved one affected by mental
illness. Like any other health problem, someone with a mental illness needs all of your
love and support.

Many people often ask, “How do I know when to help?” Some signs that a friend or
family member may have a mental illness and could need your help are:

 They suddenly no longer have interest in things they used to enjoy

 They seem angry or sad for little or no reason
 They don’t seem to enjoy anything anymore
 They have told you about or seem to be hearing voices or having unsettling
thoughts
 They seem emotionally numb, like they don’t feel anything anymore
 They eat a lot more or less than they used to
 Their sleep patterns have changed
 They seem to be anxious or terrified about situations or objects in life that seem
normal to you and to others
 They’ve been missing more and more time from work or school
 They’ve been drinking heavily and/or using drugs to cope
 They are avoiding their close friends and family members.
 They are talking about taking their life or feeling hopeless

Support from family and friends is a key part of helping someone who is living with
mental illness. This support provides a network of practical and emotional help. These
networks can be made up of parents, children, siblings, spouses or partners, extended
families, close friends, coworkers, coaches, teachers, and religious leaders.

Caring for anyone living with illness can be challenging. In order to best do so, here are
a few tips to help you support someone living with mental illness.

1. Learn about the illness and its signs and symptoms. Also, learn more about how
treatments work so that you know what side effects and improvements you may
see.
 2. Encourage treatment. Offer to help make those first appointments with a doctor
to find out what’s wrong or accompany the person to the doctor-these first steps
can be hard. If you do accompany the person, write down any notes or questions
either of you have in advance so that you cover all the major points.
3. Help set specific goals that are realistic and can be approached one step at a
time.
4. Don’t assume you know what the person needs. Ask how you can help. Listen
carefully to the response.
5. Provide emotional support. You can play an important role in helping someone
who’s not feeling well feel less alone and ashamed. They are not to blame for
their illness, but they may feel that they are. Help encourage hope.

Although ultimate responsibility lies with the person living with the illness, you can play
an active role in your friend or loved one’s treatment.

Psychiatrists, psychologists, and other mental health professionals are increasingly

recommending couple- and family-based treatment programs. Families and friends can
be important advocates to help loved ones get through those hard, early stages of
having a mental illness. They can help their loved one find out what treatment is best for
them. They can also be key in letting professionals know what’s going on, filling in parts
of the picture that the person who’s ill may not be well enough to describe on their own.
This might also include helping a partner adhere to a treatment plan developed with the
therapist to control anxiety responses in situations when the therapist is not present.

For someone with OCD, this plan might limit how often the patient may engage in a
ritual. The partner helps discourage the patient from repeatedly performing the ritual
and positively reinforces ritual-free periods of time.

When helping someone with their own recovery, it is important to remember that it is
extremely important for you to take care of yourself and maintain your own support
system. Having friends and family to confide in — as well as assist you when your loved
one cannot — is vital. Don’t give up your own life and interests. Engage in your outside
interests and hobbies for a break from the stresses of daily life. Make sure to set
boundaries, decide what your limits are, and inform your friend or loved one. These
might be emotional, financial, or physical.

When helping someone with their own recovery, it is important to remember that it is
extremely important for you to take care of yourself and maintain your own support
system. Don’t give up your own life and interests. Engage in your outside interests and
hobbies for a break from the stresses of daily life. Make sure to set boundaries, decide
what your limits are, and inform your friend or loved one. These might be emotional,
financial, or physical.