NOVEMBER

2013 PAPER 1 COMMENTARY

The article is about an experience of the taste of a part of Indonesian culture through

the eyes of the author, Eddy Patricelli. It is a type of article for an online travel magazine

called “Islands” which was published on 7th of February 2014. Throughout the article,

the author as a 1st person plays the main role describing his own fascinating escapade

about an eccentric way of playing a common game of ping pong in the island of

Mentawai, Indonesia. The text is the medium he uses to actually inform how unique the

culture of this part of the Indonesian archipelago actually is just through portraying the

way a simple game is perceived and played. It is targeted especially at travellers or

travel enthusiasts who are likely to get interested in knowing facts and information about

different islands around the world. In this essay I will be commenting on way this article

attempts to entertain the reader while also revealing the strangeness of the author’s

experience. In other words reflecting upon how the author used a specific kind of

language to entertain and grab the attention of the readers to pass on the message.

The author tries to take the audience on a life like journey to Mentawai islands giving

them a visualization of Ping Pong -an odd game of reflexes and relief. The text starts off

with an intense scene between the author and one of the inhabitants of the island who

are in between a “Blinding series of attacks” (Line 1). Throughout the piece the author

uses informal but captivating words to introduce the text to the audience with a distinct

touch of metaphorical language. For example in the beginning, while describing the

situations of the incident, he uses strong assault language and words like “orange piece

of ammunition”(Line 4) clearly to appeal directly to the senses of readers, sharpening

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 their imaginations to comprehend what is being communicated to them. Also it offers the

listeners and the readers fresh ways of viewing the displayed idea. At the end of the

article there also happens to be information of the phone number and other contact

details such as address and email ID(Line 60) which assist the readers to connect with

the resort where the author stayed. Along with that, the provision to read it digitally or

print a hardcopy add to the emotions of the readers where they may find it amusing to

get such information about the contact details after reading and get interested in visiting

the place. Besides, the visual element of the text, a small black and white photo of the

game in the top right corner allows the audience to not get distracted and stay focused

on the textual experience of the author. As our real life conversation and narrations of a

certain incident, the sentence length all through the article was short as the author

wanted to give the audience a feeling of true to life senses.

On the other hand, completely contrasting with the usage of a simple picture at the

corner, the author’s use of strong and provocative diction has completely put life into his

exciting sojourn. Firstly he choses to express the game situation by saying some of the

game terminologies as the way the inhabitants of the island say. As for example the use

of “Seero”(Zero) in the text (Lines 7,23,26,30,49) tries to show how the Mentawaian

people pronounce a specific word and its consecutive use proves to be a wise reflection

of onomatopoeia, which tries involving the auditory element to the readers’ mind and

making them feel that they’ve entered the place of incidence. The repetitive use of this

device also emphasizes on the authors attempts to capture the readers’ attention and to

feel associated with the story. As the tale goes on, the author uses some other unique

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 devices to make his piece stand out to be extra ordinarily attractive. In the text (Lines

16-20 and 46-48) it is seen many times from his side to use apostrophe. This device is

specially designed to address a specific group or person or personified abstraction.

Here firstly in the text from a description of the way people behave (Line 12) suddenly

the author takes a turn to his dream where he narrates how he ‘felt’ the Tsunami rolling

over the island and also “Yesterday, a local elder told me …they’re devastating, but ever-

present” (Line 46) showing how this is very much natural here in this area of Mentawai.

This device was applied to maneuver the attention of the audience and help them relate

themselves to the abstract emotions and understand the situation better through

observing them in their natural surroundings. With this view in mind, the author

attempted to give the text an ambiguous tittle of “Travel Tales: Indonesia’s Wild Spin on

Ping-Pong” which is to me open to two different interpretations. First of all this

“wildness” may refer to the area, the location which is prone to natural spins like

Tsunamis and other natural disasters which has made the game so unique and ‘Twisted‘

in sense of having a different or no set of rules at all which “spun” the author. Besides

this can also allude to the part where the inhabitants of this part of Indonesia care about

freedom and joy and like to stay unrestrained and uncontrolled even when they are

playing a very common game of Ping pong. Their wild nature of having fun and not

wanting to remain shackled within the boundaries of rules and regulations was clearly

represented through the tittle of the article.

Lastly to conclude my essay I would say that the author of this article Eddy Patricelli

used intensified language in a very accurate and precise way because the article could

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 convey the message along with the perfect blend of suspense and the fun factor. As the

readers go through the piece, they can instantly feel connected and get fascinated by

the experience even though they were not exactly present at the place of incident. To

me, the article was successful in entertaining the readers as well as giving them a

feeling as if they were a part of all moments of the adventure with the use of very

specific dictions and well- structured language.

A good analysis would

• consider the intended audience as, perhaps, people interested in travelling to island
destinations, possibly the Mentawai islands in Indonesia, or the Kandui Resort OR
perhaps, the kind of traveller or reader more interested in culture than leisure ✔

• consider the purpose of the article, perhaps seeing it as an attempt to entertain or inform
or both ✔

• consider contextual elements such as time, place and content. For example, the way it
depicts an unusual “slice of life” view of the resort threatened by a tsunami after an
earthquake in the region Partly done

• consider the different cultural backgrounds; for example, how the two different cultures
view the game of ping pong or the spirit of competition Partly done, not thoroughly

• identify features of the online magazine: embedded internet sites, ability to purchase a
print or electronic subscription, tweet, comment on article, etc ✔

• consider the layout of the article: varied fonts, the bold title, preface, an accompanying
photo, links by phone or email to the Kandui Resort, etc ✔

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 • discuss the style of the article: first person narrative, use of present tense to convey
immediacy, the way the reader’s curiosity about this weird ping-pong game is aroused
and brought to a climactic conclusion, the embedding of information within the narrative,
use of dialogue, etc ✔ but dialogue

• offer a more detailed analysis of contextual elements in text and photo. For example, give
more careful consideration of the culture depicted: the characterization of the teens (their
appearance, language, families in Padang, aspects of time, place and atmosphere
(hanging out early in the morning, finding relief in the craziness of the game), the
“sculpted paddle”, the words of the “elder”, etc partly done

• explore language, style and format more closely: use of metaphor (for example, terms of
assault) and simile, the short, staccato sentences, alliteration, onomatopoeia, variety of
language (for example, non-standard English, narrative transitions, educated terminology,
use of pauses, etc) and the structure of the article ✔ but structure

• consider more closely the play on words in the title ✔

Very good work and use of language overall. Just find a couple more examples to
support your points so that your arguments are well-documented. Well
done miss!

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