Is anxiety and fear a major problem in your life?

If you answered “yes,” you’re not alone. If you answered “no,” you’re in good company too. But
a “yes” is different than a “no.” If you answered “yes,” then you’re probably suffering in some
way. It’s not that you just have anxiety. You have a problem with anxiety.
You may be suffering from anxiety, fears, panic, unsettling thoughts, painful memories, and
worry. More deeply you may know, with absolute certainty, that anxiety has brought ruin to you
and your life. You may feel frustrated and exhausted. You may feel broken, damaged, and at your
wit’s end. You may think something is wrong with you. And you are looking for a way out. We
can tell you this much: you’re not alone.
All of us experience worry, anxiety, and fear. You, too, can learn to experience anxiety and fear
without it being a problem for you. We’ll show you how in this book.

Anxiety and fear are intense and action-oriented emotions that are hard to control and cope with.
Your experience up to this point tells you as much, and it’s right on. The truth is that anxiety may
never go away entirely. You may never be able to reduce, let alone get rid of, the intense feelings
of panic, the painful thoughts, or the bad memories. In fact, if someone, however well
intentioned, tells you that you can, please don’t buy in to it. There is no magical solution that will
remove anxiety and fear from your life. Why?

Because we are historical creatures. Modern neuroscience tells us as much. Our nervous systems
are additive, not subtractive. This means that what goes in, stays in. Right now, you probably
have a history that creates a good deal of anxiety and fear—and has taught you how to deal with
it. It’s all in the mix. The good news is that you can change the mix. That’s how you’ll get new
outcomes—you create new history.
To change the trajectory, you’ll need to learn how to take control over your life and not let
anxiety
take over and get the in the way of the things you want to do, the things you care about doing.
You can end your suffering. You can get out from under anxiety and fear without having to get
rid of anxiety and fear.
Following is a list of behaviour’s that are sorted into the four sets of DBT skills. Check each
of the following statements that apply to you. If you notice that you have more checks in
certain sections, this will be the set of skills you will want to be especially focused on as you
work your way through this book.

Mindfulness
1. I often say or do things without thinking and later regret my words or actions.
2. I usually feel like I don’t really know who I am, what I like and dislike, and what my
opinions are.
3. I often change my opinion and go along with the opinions of others so that I won’t
feel different.
4. I sometimes feel “bad” or “upset” without knowing exactly what I’m feeling or why.
5. I often judge myself or other people critically.
6. I frequently try to avoid things that make me uncomfortable.
7. I often find myself saying things like “This shouldn’t have happened,” “It’s not fair,”
or “It’s not right.”

Emotion Regulation
1. I try to avoid my emotions by sleeping, partying a lot, immersing myself in video
games, or doing other things that take me away from my feelings.
2. Emotions are scary for me.
3. I try to push them away or get rid of them in other ways.
4. I tend to dwell on the negative parts of my life.
5. I’m not very active and don’t have regular activities that I enjoy.
6. I neglect setting short-or long-term goals for myself; for example, I avoid thinking
about where I’d like to be in a year, in two years, or in five years from now.
7. I often don’t have events or situations coming up in my life to look forward to.

Distress Tolerance
1. I regularly dwell on negative things that have happened to me.
2. I often find myself having painful emotions because I think about things that have
happened in the past or might happen in the future.
3. I tend to ignore my own needs; for example, I don’t usually take the time to do things
that are relaxing or enjoyable for me.
4. When I’m in crisis, I often find myself making the situation worse by drinking or
using drugs, lashing out at others who are trying to help, and so on.
5. I tend to lose friends or the support of my family because they don’t like the things I
do to cope with my emotions.

Interpersonal Effectiveness
1. I feel like I give (or take) more in my relationships rather than having a balance of
give and take.
2. I often feel taken advantage of in relationships.
3. When relationships aren’t going well, I tend to end them without first trying to fix the
problems.
4. I often feel like others end relationships with me before I’m ready for them to end.
5. I tend to be more passive in communicating with others; for example, I don’t stick up
for myself or I go along with the other person all the time.
 6. I tend to be more aggressive in communication with others; for example, I try to force
my opinion on the other person.
7. I tend to get into unhealthy relationships with people who, for example, use drugs or
drink a lot, or who get into a lot of trouble with their parents or even with the police,
or with people who don’t treat me well or who bully me.

Introduction to Mindfulness : Page no 13

Mindfulness is about living in the present moment, paying close attention to what you are
doing at the moment, It is also about accepting and not judging, whether its thoughts,
emotions or whatever that distracts us.
Distractions are part of life, but sometimes they make it harder to get things done; and
sometimes they can get you feeling so overwhelmed that you just can’t control your
emotions.

Mindfulness is a skill that is helpful in many ways. It can help you concentrate better; it can
help you improve your memory; it can help you get to know yourself better as you become
more aware of what you’re thinking and feeling. Mindfulness can help you reduce your stress
level; it can improve your physical health; and it can help you sleep better. Mindfulness is
also really helpful with a lot of emotional problems that people sometimes experience, like
feeling anxious, angry, or depressed.

Mindfulness and Your Thoughts : Page No 13

The idea that you are often not aware of what you’re thinking might seem rather strange, but
consider it for a minute: Have you ever had someone ask what you were thinking about and
realized that you weren’t actually sure? Do you ever suddenly notice when you’re reading a
book or watching television that your attention has drifted and you have no idea what’s going
on in the book or the TV program? The fact is, it isn’t often that we really are paying
attention to what we’re thinking about—usually, we let our minds wander wherever they
want to go without paying much attention to them and without trying to control them. This
can cause problems.

The Consequences of Being Unmindful : Page No 14

This is how most of us live much of our lives—with our minds taking us wherever they want
to go. Our minds tend to control us, instead of the other way around. They flit from the past
to the future; then they might come back to the present for a while before launching back into
thoughts about things other than what we’re doing right now.

The most important consequences for the purpose of this workbook are the emotional ones. If
you’re not thinking about the present, you must be thinking about the past or the future. And
when you’re thinking about the past or the future, you’re likely not thinking about happy
things—instead, the tendency is to think about things that trigger painful emotions. Thinking
about the past, you may notice that you start to feel sad, angry, ashamed, and so on, about
things that have happened, things you’ve done, or things that others have done to you.
Likewise, thinking about the future tends to trigger anxiety. Anxiety is that sense of fear, or
intense worry or nervousness, that often goes along with uncomfortable physical sensations.
For example, you may notice that you get the jitters or butterflies in your stomach, or that
your heart starts to race or flutter while you’re worrying that things might go wrong.

Mindfulness is about living in the present moment, with awareness and with acceptance—
realizing that things are okay just as they are, right now in this moment. In other words, it’s
about focusing on what you’re doing in the here and now, not judging whatever is happening,
and bringing your attention back when your thoughts wander from what you’re doing in the
present.

Story of Jacob….

Mindfulness Intro

Think of your mind as a puppy being trained to sit and stay. When you first start to teach that
puppy, it’s not going to listen to you. Then it will start to catch on and will stay for a few
seconds before straying again; as time goes on, it will get better and better at staying when
you tell it to. Your mind will behave in the same way—it’s never been trained to stay before!
So you might need to bring your attention back again, and again in just one minute, and that’s
okay. You wouldn’t get impatient and angry at the puppy when it doesn’t stay, because you
know it’s just learning, so be patient with yourself as well. Remember to accept whatever you
happen to notice and bring your attention back to the present moment, without judgment.

Mindfulness and Emotions